SNL Review featuring my trip report, Elijah Wood/Jet Options

[bob_barron]

Sorry this review is so late- I did standby this
weekend which meant I didn't sleep at all on Friday or
Saturday. Sunday I went to Long Island to meet Bill
O'Reilly and then I saw Armageddon so I'm writing it
now. I hope it doesn't suck.

Sports Report-

The 2003 Stanley Cup Champion Devils- They had a big
win over Philly on Saturday and have been playing the
usual excellent defensive style Devils hockey. Brodeur
is seriously the greatest goalie ever. The Eastern
Conference is really competitive and I hope they can
keep it up.

Leafs- The media was all over them (as usual) and they
had games like the 7-1 drubbing against Philly. But
they won 8 in a row and have points in their last 10
games. Something special is truly going on up there
and I hope they can keep this up and don't falter in
the playoffs.

Canucks- 4 games with a point makes me a happy Canuck
fan. I just hope they can hang on to the Northeast
division since I don't want Colorado to come closer to
breaking the Braves record.

Nets- They lost to the freaking Memphis Grizzlies by
47 points. That's bogus and sad. Yes I know they won 4
in a row but you don't lose 47 pts to Memphis. I
thought things we would be turned around now that
every player has 2 working kidneys.

The Saints- I think what Joe Horn did was hilarious
and it's quite said that Sportscenter was spending the
first 15 minutes of the show talking about it. Oh and
they won as well- that's good.

Mailbag!!!!!!!-

Well no one wrote anything so there's no mailbag.
That's kinda funny.

Wanna be in the mailbag???? Email me at
philhartmanrip@yahoo.com


And now the review.....

Cold Opening
Cast- Darrell Hammond, Amy Poehler, Chris Parnell,
Kenan Thompson
Thoughts- Always good to see Hardball as I was very
dissapointed that they cut this from the Sharpton
show. While this was very very funny it was not as
good as previous Hardballs as some jokes (especially
Amy's Hillary) seemed to fall flat. Kenan was
hilarious as Carol Mosely Braun and I always enjoy
Parnell's Lieberman. A fun Hardball although a bit
below what I expected. ***1/2

Monologue
Cast- Chris Kattan, Elijah Wood
Thoughts- Chris Kattan just won't go away will he? I
don't mind his Gollum but damn- does anyone actually
leave the show? I loved the thing on Gollum's show as
I was a huge Perfect Strangers mark and I enjoy being
reminded of Balki's adventures of trying to fit in
with Cousin Larry. The Tina Fey mention was also quite
funny. In dress Elijah seemed very nervous but I'm
glad to see he loosened up. ***

Who is the Highest?
Cast- Wood, Jimmy Fallon, Will Forte, Thompson
Thoughts- All these guys were awesome here. Will Forte
is just a funny guy and he was used to perfection. I
enjoyed Jimmy and he was able to keep himself together
for the most part. Elijah was great and even Kenan got
himself a few laughs. The stuff with the gum, nailing
him in the groin- all great stuff. Good to see SNL
playing to people's strengths and letting them go out
there and be funny. ****1/2

Queer Eye for the Straight Guy
Cast- Wood, Parnell, Seth Meyers, Fallon, Horatio
Sanz, Rachel Dratch, Fred Armisen
Thoughts- I haven't seen Queer Eye... so I admit that
a lot of the humour of the skit was probably lost on
me. I didn't find it to be very funny- Seth was not
very good at playing a gay guy. The stuff at the end
with Santa showing off was kinda funny as were some of
the Queer Eye lines. I guess maybe I need to see the
show but a lot of the humour fell flat with me. *1/2

Fun with Real Audio
Thoughts- Great to see Robert Smigel back even though
this wasn't one of his efforts. Give us an Ambigously
Gay Duo or SOMETHING Robert. The part with Bush in
Africa was hilarious and was one of the funniest
things of the show. The rest was the usual lame Fun
with Real Audio stuff. But man- I loved Bush in
Africa. **1/2

Wake Up Wakefield
Cast- Wood, Maya Rudolph, Dratch, Sanz
Thoughts- I really don't get why they still continue
to do this. Whatever happened to Randy Goldman? The
Clay Aiken thing wasn't really funny and it made the
skit drag on like it usually does. Elijah Wood and
Sanz were funny here but Wake Up Wakefield is just not
very funny. The characters are not funny, the concept
is not funny- Wake Up Wakefield is just not a
humourous concept. **1/4

Jet
Thoughts- I had never heard of these guys before SNL-
I just remember people kept mentioning an IPod
commercial. This song was very good and was a lot of
fun to listen to live. ***1/4

Weekend Update
Cast- Tina Fey, Fallon, Rudolph, Thompson, Finesse
Mitchell
Thoughts- A fantastic addition of Weekend Update. Only
a couple of low points and most of the jokes were
awesome. They also cut out a lot of the bad jokes
which is always good. I thought Holiday Wishes with
John Mayer was very funny. While Tina's rant was a bit
stupid, she explained why she did it in dress (the
Mayer thing) so that's okay. Jimmy Fallon Explains
What You Did was a lot better in dress then in the
live show- it just seemed to fall flat in the live
version. The Whitney Houston thing just went on for
too long but Kenan was hilarious. The dragging on of
the Whitney thing was probably the one thing I didn't
like from Update. This was a top notch addition
otherwise. ****1/2

Versace
Cast- Wood, Rudolph, Sanz
Thoughts- Everytime I do standby they always do
Versace- I swear. This was the usual Versace crap but
I thought Elijah Wood was hilarious as Boy George- He
looked exactly like Boy George and was funny to boot.
Horatio as Rosie O'Donnell was amusing even though I
don't get why so many people like it. Watching Versace
is like having too many vaginal blood farts. And
that's not good. *3/4

Gore and Dean
Cast- Hammond, Jeff Richards
Thoughts- Good to see them giving Jeff Howard Dean as
this should give him a lot of airtime with an
impression that so far I like. It was nice seeing
Darrell's Gore as I thought it was funny. This skit
started out slowly and it took a little long to get
going. But once it going it was hilarious. Tons of
good lines from both characters made this great. SNL
is always good at political humour so I look forward
to seeing how they handle the 2004 election. ***1/2


Buddy Mills
Cast- Kattan, Wood, Fey, Poehler, Dratch, Rudolph,
Armisen
Thoughts- Dean Edwards has to return next time- just
has to! Buddy Mills was growing on me last year but
this didn't really do it for me. Fred Armisen was his
usual awesome self but that was about it. Wood looked
too much like Kirk Cameron for my tastes and his bit
with Kattan wasn't all that good. At least Kattan did
this and not crap like Mango but I just don't like
them letting all these former cast members hog
airtime. *1/4

Jet
Thoughts- I didn't enjoy this song as much as I did
the first one. It was just too slowish and dull for me
to get into. **

The Bottom Line- Avg. skit was **.8 making this a
thumbs up show. There were two ****1/2 skits which is
always good and a lot of consistent good funny skits.
It's a shame they cut out a lot of good stuff since
this good episode could've been a great one. Elijah
was an excellent host and I would love to see him
back. Overall it was a really good show and I hope SNL
keeps up the momentum next year.

Thumbs Up

Midgets, Felonies and Fred Armisen-

When we last left me at the standby line- I did
standby while really sick and almost died, experienced
the grunting power of John Goodman and tried to
convince Al Roker to lose weight.

I arrived at the standby line and found that my #1
streak was broken and I was #3. I was very excited
about being back at standby since something always
happens. To ensure this I made sure to bring something
that would pass the time: A porno magazine from 5
years ago. I learned that people will look at you if
you open a porn mag on a busy street. I also learned
even more people will look at you if you show little
kids your porno mag. I wonder if this stuff happens at
the MAD TV standby line. I also learned that parents
don't like when you tell their kid that you killed
Santa Clause. Who knew?

I went inside and saw Rachel Dratch walk in. Please
hold your applause- everyone else did. My friend and I
were discussing the impact Adam Walsh's kidnapping on
our life when John Walsh! came in. I shook Walsh's
hand and said hello as my two friends looked on in
starstruck awe. I met Julia Roberts on Thursday but
for some reason meeting John Walsh is so much cooler.

We soon saw Max Weinberg and he bumped into a guard-
good ole clumsy perverted Max. Lenny Pickett walked
by. Amy Poehler walked by the standby line- I was the
only one who recognised her and said hello. I went
inside and met Finesse Mitchell. He was a nice guy
even though I don't think he liked me asking if he was
having trouble filling Dean's shoes. Still- Finesse
was a cool guy. Then I went in and out of NBC and ran
into....

SETH!~

Our favourite Boston Red Sox fan was actually at Game
7 of the ALCS- that's gotta SUCK. All Grady had to do
was TAKE HIM OUT. I complained about his lack of
WU-ness and hinted that I was not a Sanz Update fan.

We got moved to the 49th st side which was good cause
I got to meet ROBIN WILLIAMS!~!~!~~~~!~! He shook my
hand and was really cool and totally nice.

One person who wasn't nice was a midget. We were
laughing at stuff as this midget walked by and he
thought we were laughing at him. He called me a prick
and threatened to kick me in the face. I was shocked-
I thought he would try to bite my ankles. You would
think midgets would be nice but I guess they really
take that midget thing personally.

Amy Poehler came out and she talked to everyone for a
good bit. I learned that uttering the words 'John' and
'Ritter' will depress a group of people and kill any
good mood that a group of people are in. In all
fairness we were talking about the movie North. Amy
was really nice to everyone which is always good to
see.

Darrell Hammond came down and said he hopes George
Bush wins the election for his impression sake. After
hearing that I was thinking of voting for John
Edwards. Darrell said that the show was 'pretty good'
which worried me since well pretty good probably means
pretty bad for the people who don't work on the show.

Jimmy Fallon came down and as usual he was totally
awesome. He talked to me and my friend despite getting
mobbed and harrassed by tons and tons of fans. Jeff
Richards came down and told me they were doing
O'Reilly tomorrow and he did some of his impression
for me. Caution, caution.

Chris Kattan came down and shook my hand despite the
fact that I hate him so. Elijah Wood came down and was
really awesome. He was really tired yet he signed and
took pictures with everyone. He told me thinks Return
of the King is the best in the trilogy. Elijah Wood
was a really cool down to earth guy.

Lorne Michaels came down and I asked him if he was
really tired and he said yes. So I let him pass. I
also ran into my girl Sue Simmons who was her usual a
awesome self.

Then something magical happened. For the first time
since September 29th, 2001- I saw Tina Fey come out on
Saturday morning. Tina was talking to someone so I
didn't want to bother her and we just exchanged
hellos.

I spent the next 4 hrs trying to keep warm. Wearing
shorts, freezing weather and sitting outside is not a
great combination- but the porn magazine really helped
standby morale.

They give out the tickets at 6:45 am and I was #3 for
dress rehearsal. Woo-hoo.

Later that afternoon I was taking the subway and I saw
Fred Armisen. I went up to him and we were talking for
a long time. He told me he likes dress rehearsal a lot
more then live because of all the great skits you'll
see that will never make it to air. I asked him why
they cut some awesome stuff and he basically said they
cut skits for the dumbest reasons and he doesn't even
understand why. He promised me a great show but then
conceded he laughs at everything. A common theme was
how good Elijah Wood was. Darrell, Amy and Fred all
praised him and said he was a great guy. After meeting
him I have to agree with them. Fred was a cool guy and
made a mundane boring train ride a lot more fun.

I went back to SNL later that night having gotten a
grand total of 45 minutes of sleep. Not to worry- I
had all my superstitions ready and was ready to find
out whether I got in. Oh who am I kidding- the musical
guest was freaking Jet- of course I got in.

THE DRESS REHEARSAL-

Jimmy did the warmup. He played 'Snowball' and 'Merry
Christmas- let's not fight' by the Ramones. Fred
Armisen played the drums for the second one and did a
good job. Jimmy was quite funny in the warmup and he
in fact- warmed me up quite well.

Here's What Got Cut-

Celeb Poker Showdown-

Seth was Carrot Top, Elijah was Jack Osbourne, Parnell
was the host, Darrell was Kevin Pollack, Horatio was
Gene Shalit and Tina was Megan Mullany.

Tina was showing MEGA cleavage so this was awesome.
Steve Higgins was the writer. This skit was hilarious
with all the impressions being funny with Seth's
Carrot Top being the best. ****1/4

Al Gore-
Al Gore goes around New York City telling people why
he's endorsing Dean. Usual funny Gore stuff. ***

Bad Soundsystem
Elijah Wood is trying to give a speech but the
microphone keeps fucking up. Fred is the sound guy
trying to fix it all. Rachel is Reba McEntire. Not
funny. *

Dinner
Elijah brings home his new girlfriend, played by
Rachel Dratch, and she is quite crazy. Hilarity (well
not) ensues. Fred Armisen was funny as an old man.
3/4*

The New Channukah
Parnell tells people his newest ideas to hip up
Channukah. It started out slow but got really really
funny. ***

Christmas Carol
Scrooge (Seth) goes to visit Bob Cratchett (Parny) and
finds out that he's not as poor as he thought he was.
Some amusing lines and moments. *1/2

O'Reilly Factor
Bill O'Reilly interviews Ann Coulter, Geraldo Rivera
and a 6 year old boy about Christmas. Jeff's O'Reilly
was awesome as usual even though it got no response. I
was laughing my ass off trying to get it on the air.
This was hilarious and it's a shame that it got cut.
****


Well that's the report from another SNL trip. Standby
is a lot of fun and it sounds like it's getting really
easy to get in so I recomend everyone give it a shot.

Just don't piss off the midgets.

[Guest_Mindless_Aggression_*]

I shall just state the obvious...Memphis is better than New Jersey.

But yes, continuos good work, I salute you.

[bob_barron]

Well Memphis never signed players with unworking kidneys. The Nets did

[Guest_JMA_*]

This was one of the better SNL shows of the new season.

[Guest_Mindless_Aggression_*]

Yes, true, but Memphis also just has a lot more talent. The Nets have the overall better player out of the the 2 teams (Kidd) but Memphis is shockingly deep when you look at their roster.

[bob_barron]

Yea- It's right up there with the first two shows of the seasons.

Jennifer Aniston should be a really good show- She's really good at comedy and was great the last time she hosted.

[Mole]

Where did you meet Bill in Long Island?

[Vern Gagne]

Any reason why Celebrity Poker or O'Reilly was cut?

[bob_barron]

Bill was at Cosco's in Westbury. He's on Conan on Friday if you want to meet him.


I'm surprised Poker was cut. Steven Higgins wrote it (He was the guy in the Timberlake monologue) and he's 3rd in the writer chain of command so you would think he'd have some pull. But like Fred Armisen said: Things get cut for the dumbest reasons. Maybe they couldnt fit it in, Elijah didnt like it, Tina showed too much cleavage- who knows.

O'Reilly was probably cut since I was the only one who laughed my ass off at it.

[Mecha Mummy]

I thought O'Reilly was cut because both Hardball and O'Reilly in one night seems like a bit much, but your reason could be right too.

[Spaceman Spiff]

One person who wasn't nice was a midget. We were laughing at stuff as this midget walked by and he thought we were laughing at him. He called me a prick and threatened to kick me in the face. I was shocked- I thought he would try to bite my ankles. You would think midgets would be nice but I guess they really take that midget thing personally.

Must...resist...making...Dames...joke...

Jimmy was quite funny in the warmup and he in fact- warmed me up quite well.

Awww, Bob's got a crush (IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Tina was showing MEGA cleavage so this was awesome.

I demand pictures!

[bob_barron]

They also had another political themed skit with Gore and Dean and a cut skit with Al Gore

[bob_barron]

I would've taken a picture but then 5 NBC guards would've beat the hell out of me and taken my camera- so it wasn't worth it.

It reminded me of the skit they cut where Amy Poehler was a stripper... good times.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Well, then you're left w/ no other choice but to convince Tina to get into the same costume the next time you're there in order to get a pic.

[Chazz]

Hey Bob, how close did you and The Midget come to exchanging blows? Now that would've been worth the wait,IMO. (IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[bob_barron]

He just kept yelling at me- I had my back turned so he wouldnt see that I was laughing at him. I just kept telling him that I wasn't laughing at him and waited for him to finally leave

[Guest_TheZsaszHorsemen_*]

Bob: You keep saying "addition" when you mean "edition." Other then that; you're golden.

Oh and how come the "All That" kid is consistantly the funniest guy on SNL? Don't get me wrong, he wins me over more and more, but could anyone picture this a year ago?

Kenan Thompson > All of the people SNL are pushing (Maya, Parnell, Sanz etc.)

[MDH257]

This was a good episode. Nothing as great, but nothing was horrible either either. I'd say it was the second best show of the season, after Timberlake.

Hearing about Celebrity Poker makes me wish they hadn't cut it.