Heavy Metal VS. The Dragon! |
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Heavy Metal VS. The Dragon! |
 Dec 15 2004, 08:03 PM
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#1
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- Group: Members Posts: 7,949 Joined: 31-January 02 From: The Republic Of Alberta Member No.: 62  |
This is the situation: there's a beautiful princess trapped in a castle watched by a dragon. Here's the end of the story with different styles of metalheads as knights.
POWER METAL: The protagonist arrives riding a white unicorn, escapes from the dragon, saves the princess and makes love to her in an enchanted forest. TRASH METAL: The protagonist arrives, fights the dragon, saves the princes and fucks her. HEAVY METAL: The protagonist arrives on a harley, kills the dragon, drinks a few beers and fucks the princess. FOLK METAL: The protagonist arrives with some friends playing acordions, violins, flutes and many more weird instruments, the dragon falls sleep (because of all the dancing). Then all leave....without the princess. VIKING METAL: The protagonist arrives in a ship, kills the dragon with his mighty axe, skins the dragon and eats it, rapes the princess to death, steals her belongings and burns the castle before leaving. DEATH METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon, fucks the princess and kills her, then leaves. BLACK METAL: The protagonist arrives at midnight, kills the dragon and impales it in front of the castle. Then he sodomises the princess, drinks her blood in a ritual before killing her. Then he impales the princess next to the dragon. GORE METAL: The protagonist arrives, kills the dragon and spreads his guts in front of the castle, fucks the princess and kills her. Then he fucks the dead body again, slashes her belly and eats her guts. Then he fucks the carcass for the third time, burns the corpse and fucks it for the last time. DOOM METAL: The protagonist arrives, sees the size of the dragon and thinks he could never beat him, then he gets depressed and commits suicide. The dragon eats his body and the princess as dessert. That's the end of the sad story. PROGRESIVE METAL: The protagonist arrives with a guitar and plays a solo of 26 minutes. The dragon kills himself out of boredom. The protagonist arrives to the princess' bedroom, plays another solo with all the techniques and tunes he learned in the last year of the conservatory. The princess escapes looking for the "HEAVY METAL" protagonist. GLAM METAL: The protagonist arrives, the dragon laughs at the guy's appearance and lets him enter. He steals the princess' make-up and tries to paint the castle in a beautiful pink color. NU METAL: The protagonist arrives in a run-down Honda Civic and attempts to fight the dragon but he burns to death when his moronic baggy clothes catch fire. |
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Dec 15 2004, 08:29 PM
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#2
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Group: Members Posts: 562 Joined: 16-November 03 Member No.: 4,341 |
But, what about Sludge Metal?
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Dec 15 2004, 08:31 PM
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#3
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FLAIR FLOP~! Group: Members Posts: 453 Joined: 26-June 03 From: Providence, Rhode Island Member No.: 3,779 |
Don't forget alternative-metal and punk-metal and hardcore and metalcore and rap-metal...
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Dec 15 2004, 09:01 PM
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#4
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- Group: Members Posts: 7,949 Joined: 31-January 02 From: The Republic Of Alberta Member No.: 62 |
The Sludge Metal Protagonist is still 2 days travel away from the castle, because he stops in every village trying to score 8 balls.
QUOTE Don't forget alternative-metal and punk-metal and hardcore and metalcore and rap-metal... 1. Doesn't exist 2. punk metal is hardcore 3. The Hardcore Protagonist protests outside the castle about The Dragon using too many fossil fuels to heat the place 4. Same as Nu Metal. |
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Dec 15 2004, 09:01 PM
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#5
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Screw Your Problem, I'm Talking About Me! Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 22-February 02 From: La Belle Province Member No.: 1,389 |
and Mathcore, Industrial-metal, swamp-metal, etc...
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Dec 15 2004, 09:06 PM
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#6
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Group: Members Posts: 14,388 Joined: 27-September 03 From: Wichita, Kansas Member No.: 4,136 |
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Dec 15 2004, 09:14 PM
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#7
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Screw Your Problem, I'm Talking About Me! Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 22-February 02 From: La Belle Province Member No.: 1,389 |
I hope the dragon wins that one.
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Dec 15 2004, 09:15 PM
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#8
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Screw Your Problem, I'm Talking About Me! Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 22-February 02 From: La Belle Province Member No.: 1,389 |
I'm sure Dio would have no trouble at all against the dragon.
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Dec 15 2004, 09:16 PM
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#9
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Group: Members Posts: 14,388 Joined: 27-September 03 From: Wichita, Kansas Member No.: 4,136 |
Dio made a whole CD about killing the dragon
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Dec 15 2004, 09:22 PM
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#10
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Screw Your Problem, I'm Talking About Me! Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 22-February 02 From: La Belle Province Member No.: 1,389 |
QUOTE(Slayer @ Dec 15 2004, 10:16 PM) Dio made a whole CD about killing the dragon CD or his entire collection? |
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Dec 15 2004, 09:24 PM
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#11
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Screw Your Problem, I'm Talking About Me! Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 22-February 02 From: La Belle Province Member No.: 1,389 |
QUOTE(Slayer @ Dec 15 2004, 10:16 PM) Dio made a whole CD about killing the dragon CD or his entire collection? |
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Dec 15 2004, 09:32 PM
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#12
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- Group: Members Posts: 7,949 Joined: 31-January 02 From: The Republic Of Alberta Member No.: 62 |
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Dec 15 2004, 09:37 PM
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#13
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Group: Members Posts: 562 Joined: 16-November 03 Member No.: 4,341 |
How bout' Grindcore
The Dragon has no chance against ~MANOWAR~ (IMG:http://www.zonicweb.net/badalbmcvrs/manowar.jpg) |
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Dec 15 2004, 09:49 PM
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#14
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Group: Members Posts: 14,388 Joined: 27-September 03 From: Wichita, Kansas Member No.: 4,136 |
Rhapsody joins in the battle!
(IMG:http://www.truemetal.org/powermetal/rhapsody.jpg) The dragon is no match for Fabio Lione's charm (IMG:http://vetri.gamersrevolt.it/rhapsody_symphony_fabio.jpg) "The dragon is no match for my charm! Not to mention my good looks." (IMG:http://www.truemetal.org/powermetal/symphony_cover.jpg) And the two fly away to spread power meal goodness over the world |
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| Guest_Failed Mascot_* |
Dec 15 2004, 09:49 PM
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#15
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Guests |
Danzig would act tough infront of the Dragon and then get punched in the jaw.
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Dec 15 2004, 10:09 PM
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#16
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- Group: Members Posts: 7,949 Joined: 31-January 02 From: The Republic Of Alberta Member No.: 62 |
QUOTE How bout' Grindcore The protagonist smokes a bowl with the dragon, and then causes him to flee in terror by playing 26 guitar scales in a 51 second song. He tries to impress the princess by showing off his minute long inhaled screams, but she just walks off with his grass. |
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Dec 15 2004, 10:11 PM
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#17
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Screw Your Problem, I'm Talking About Me! Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 22-February 02 From: La Belle Province Member No.: 1,389 |
what about Ozzy vs The Dragon
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Dec 15 2004, 10:18 PM
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#18
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I ain't got time to juice. Group: Members Posts: 27,860 Joined: 20-February 02 From: Mini Soda Member No.: 1,347 |
The protagonist of hair metal would use cans of Aqua Net to make the castle explode then rescue the princess with a power ballad.
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Dec 15 2004, 10:23 PM
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#19
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Screw Your Problem, I'm Talking About Me! Group: Members Posts: 11,547 Joined: 22-February 02 From: La Belle Province Member No.: 1,389 |
Dio has rocked for a long long time.
Now It's time for him to pass the torch He has songs of wilderbeasts and dangers He has soared on the wings of a demon. |
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Dec 15 2004, 10:44 PM
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#20
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Group: Members Posts: 562 Joined: 16-November 03 Member No.: 4,341 |
QUOTE(redbaron51 @ Dec 16 2004, 12:23 AM) Dio has rocked for a long long time. Now It's time for him to pass the torch He has songs of wilderbeasts and dangers He has soared on the wings of a demon. (IMG:http://www.bighairmetal.com/dio.JPG) The Power Of Dio is way too much for The Dragon to handle, but wait It's King Diamond here to fight (IMG:http://www.totallyla.com/Interviews/KingDiamond/Graphics/kdpic.jpg) |
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Dec 15 2004, 11:34 PM
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#21
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Look that up in your Funk and Wagnalls. Group: Members Posts: 305 Joined: 25-May 03 From: Evansville, IN Member No.: 3,625 |
QUOTE(Brocklock @ Dec 15 2004, 10:37 PM) How bout' Grindcore Seth Putnam shows up screeching about how the dragon is gay. Then he drinks forty beers, goes upstairs, and beats the shit out of the princess. |
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| Guest_Agent of Oblivion_* |
Dec 16 2004, 05:49 AM
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#22
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Guests |
You lamers haven't used Dragonlord yet.
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Dec 16 2004, 08:34 AM
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#23
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Group: Members Posts: 14,388 Joined: 27-September 03 From: Wichita, Kansas Member No.: 4,136 |
Given that there are about 30 different bands named Dragon(something), I figured that was too easy
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Dec 16 2004, 08:57 AM
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#24
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Vanessa who...? Ashley what...? Group: Members Posts: 13,800 Joined: 12-February 02 From: Omaha, NE Member No.: 623 |
I had to explain to coworkers why I was laughing looking at my computer screen since internet usage isn't exactly smiled upon here...please do not post anymore Manowar album covers! (IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) I tried to play my laugh off as a cough but they weren't buyin it!
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Dec 16 2004, 09:34 AM
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#25
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Group: Members Posts: 14,388 Joined: 27-September 03 From: Wichita, Kansas Member No.: 4,136 |
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Dec 16 2004, 09:39 AM
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#26
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Vanessa who...? Ashley what...? Group: Members Posts: 13,800 Joined: 12-February 02 From: Omaha, NE Member No.: 623 |
Slayer you bastard!
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Dec 16 2004, 11:13 PM
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#27
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Helpless in the water, we're a human buffet Group: Members Posts: 9,940 Joined: 2-February 02 From: Franklin, MA Member No.: 220 |
BLOW YOUR SPEAKERS!!!!!!
Also...is Metalcore's fighting of the dragon the same as Nu-Metal's, or Rap-Metal's fighting of the dragon the same as Nu-Metal's? Because the Metalcore protagonist would show up in a 1978 Volvo station wagon blasting a mix they made of God Forbid, Killswitch Engage, Pro-Pain, Bleeding Through, and Shadows Fall, and then whip the dragon with his dreadlocks until the dragon finally bites his fucking head off. Then the princess laughs, and snorts a speedball with the Glam Metal protagonist. |
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| Lo-Fi Version | Time is now: 9th February 2010 - 03:53 PM |
