IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

14 Pages V  « < 12 13 14  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
Next saturday, I'm gonna do it!!!
Guest_Midnight Express83_*
post Mar 28 2003, 10:37 PM
Post #391





Guests






One and Only Establishment thread.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_MarvinisaLunatic_*
post Mar 29 2003, 01:57 AM
Post #392





Guests






This thread scares me..but whatever.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_hardyz1_*
post Mar 29 2003, 01:19 PM
Post #393





Guests






I always wondered where the "...Better Than Sex" quote came from.

I'm not sure if I'm glad that I know now.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_JangoFett4Hire_*
post Apr 4 2003, 02:43 PM
Post #394





Guests






QUOTE(MentallyNormal @ Aug 12 2002, 08:46 PM)
I have stolen Top Secret Documents from Shelby's Diary. (IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif) . I believe Josh is suppose to be Oj but not sure.


----
Dear Diary,

Today I met a boy at school his name was Josh. He is a cuteboy. His eyes are brown an so sexy. Well today i was at my locker an he bumped into me. He asked me if i wanted to get some pizza after school. Of course i had to say yes because he was so hot.
We went to the pizza bin later that day. We ate an joked about things. He made me laugh he has a good sense of humor.

When we were finished he walked me home. An at the door step he Kissed me. My very first kiss. It was like i was a bride at a wedding. I'll never forget that day.

Ps: I want Josh to be my first because he has a big bulge

---
Dear Diary,

The next day Josh came over to my house to use my computer. We were researching about Animal Mating for our Science class. We giggled after seeing pics of animals mating like they do on the discovery channel. I was messing with him like ha that's me an you.
He blushed and giggled.
I think that excited him. I noticed movement in his man area.
Well after that we started making out. But my dad knocks on the door.
He said in a joking fashion. Hey leave the door open I don't want you two having sex.
I was like Dad stop it that's not funny.
But Josh laughed so i laughed too.
All of us laughed about us not having sex.
It was hilarious. Well he finished the paper and gave me a goodnight kiss. Man I love that boy.

Ps: Damn Dad I was gonna lose my virginity. Well I'll get him next time. Hehe what a cutey. Girl Power!

hehe I'm a little school girl hehehe
My heart pounds for him. I'm turning into a vibrant women. But Pms is a bitch though. I get all horny when i stick tampons in their.

Shelby+Josh Forever(IMG:http://members.cox.net/dirtysock/heart.gif)
------------

Dear Diary,
It has been several days since I last wrote in you. I have been having bad menstrual cramps. My Mom says it’s normal for a growing woman like me. Well anyway I talked to Josh the other day on the phone. We talked about normal school stuff an junk.

But later on asked him what you doing?
He replied oh just watching TV.
What’s on?
Oh just some sex chat phone line commercial.
I giggled ha I bet you popped a boner huh?
He said nah.
But I knew he had because he was such a shy bashful guy. So I started messing around with him I bet you called one before.
He said no way Jose.
Then Being the vibrant young woman I was. I said how about you pretend your calling one an I'll be the phone sex girl.
He was like WTF?? Are you serious?
Yes silly it's just for fun don't be shy.
Umm umm nah.
Please Please come on now we are young horny mature teens. It's natural for us to do this.
Okay but don't tell anyone about it.
I won't I love you.
Call me back well start.
Ring Ring
So I pick up the phone an start talking dirty too him. So what's your name?
Josh.
Josh what a sexy name. How may i help you?
Umm umm
So your a shy boy I see. Let me take over so. What you wearing Josh?
Pants and a Sublime t-shirt.
How about you take off your shirt and pants so you can be more comfortable Josh.
Huh? Come on Shelby this is getting weird.
Who's Shelby? Take off the fucking pants now bad boy. Let me hear the sound of you slapping your luscious cock around. I want to hear the cum spewing forth on your bed. Hmmm Hmmmm Cumtastic. Oh Yes Yes Josh.
Click he hangs up.

Ha I think I went too far maybe he really did jizz all over his bed. Well I called him back an Apologized to him. He said he was embarrassed and felt dirty. I told him It's normal human reaction Josh. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Then I said Josh let me suck your cock. Just kidding ha ha.
He was cracking up so was I.
Only if he knew I was being serious. This boy will be mine all mine someday.
Man what a night off to Bed Diary.

Ps:I have to ask mom about Dildo's. Yes I know it will be embarrassing but I saw in her drawer she had one. I just wanted to talk to her about dildo and the pleasure factor also safety. Eww I'm really gross. Hehehe because I'm a Nasty Girl Diary. My hand hurts from writing diary damn you.

Shelby+Josh Forever(IMG:http://members.cox.net/dirtysock/heart.gif)
-----------------
Dear Diary,

I finally got around talking to my Mom about dildos today as I mentioned in my last entry. When I asked her she wasn't shocked at all. Because she knew that young women of today participate in self pleasure.

So my Mom and I sit down on her bed. She told me about the miracles of masturbation an sexual pleasuring aids. It was kind of weird to talk to my mom about this stuff though.
But she knew what she was talking about.

She explained several techniques I could do to achieve maximum pleasure. There was one technique she mentioned that has been in our family for several years. It involved a frozen hotdog.
My Mom said it had to be frozen because if not it would break off.
So I tried it while my mom gave instructions.
I inserted the frozen hotdog into my womanhood and began to twist, turn and wobble the frozen hotdog as if it was Josh’s cock.

I felt the cold hotdog water seeping into my crevasse of delight. Oh Yes Oh yes it felt so f'n great. I was doing this for couple minutes an the hotdog was beginning to melt.
My Mom yells at me take it out!! Take it out!!
So I grabbed hold and yanked it out which sent the hotdog flying threw my bedroom window.

My Mom and I looked outside to see where it went. There was no sight of the hotdog. Then I heard the doorbell ring.

Put my clothes back on to see who it was.
It was the Love of my Life Josh. Hehe man he was looking so cute that day.
He was about to say something to me but a hotdog came out of nowhere an hit him in the face.
He was mad and yelling out who threw that fucking hotdog!! Who throws a fucking hotdog now really? Fuck them.

I started Cracking up like a wild hyena.
He was hey that's not Funny Shelby!
Oh yes it is Josh
No it’s not fuck those people!
Never mind it's an inside joke. Ha Ha eww it's kind of gross when I think of it hehe.

An that was the end of my Day with my Mom and learning the family dildo technique

Ps: I never told Josh were that hotdog had been. He never had a clue. Maybe someday I'll have his hotdog in my bun. Hmm I wonder what his hot mustard tastes like.
I need more ink or shorten my entries sorry Diary but I love you. Hehehe I'm talking to a Diary hehe. I'm one crazy gal crazy for Josh that is.

Shelby+Josh Forever(IMG:http://members.cox.net/dirtysock/heart.gif)
--
I need help please.

(IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

Why did this get no sold? Funniest post in the thread, IMO...
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
The Dames
post Apr 4 2003, 02:52 PM
Post #395


The Unfuckwithable Past Owner of TSM.


Group: Members
Posts: 7,055
Joined: 22-August 02
Member No.: 2,526



HOLY SHIT. I never read that before....FUNNY SHIT.

Dames
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_JangoFett4Hire_*
post Apr 4 2003, 03:00 PM
Post #396





Guests






That passage about the hot dog is worth the price of admission alone!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Kotzenjunge_*
post Apr 4 2003, 03:07 PM
Post #397





Guests






Ehh, there's funnier in this thread.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_converge241_*
post Apr 4 2003, 03:24 PM
Post #398





Guests






the thread that will not die
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_JangoFett4Hire_*
post Apr 4 2003, 03:30 PM
Post #399





Guests






Ehh, there isn't though.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_snuffbox_*
post Apr 4 2003, 05:35 PM
Post #400





Guests






Im gonna DO IT!
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_The Czech Republic_*
post Apr 4 2003, 07:56 PM
Post #401





Guests






I think the part where he gets excited about how he's gonna knock her up really really hard and everyone just says something along the lines of "what the fuck?" is the best part. That diary is really funny too.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Flyboy_*
post Apr 4 2003, 08:02 PM
Post #402





Guests






QUOTE(hardyz1 @ Mar 29 2003, 01:06 PM)
I always wondered where the "...Better Than Sex" quote came from.

Me.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_cynicalprofit_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:15 PM
Post #403





Guests






Dear fucking god, can't we just retire this thread yet?
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Midnight Express83_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:15 PM
Post #404





Guests






QUOTE
bob_barron Posted: Aug 11 2002, 09:25 PM 

(Yo', man) Yo'
(Listen up,man) What happened?
(I just posted it) You posted that?
(I felt like I had to look cool) Um okay?
(I fucked a girl dude) Man
(I don't know how to though) Call her on a cell phone
(Alright)

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Posting on the ole smarks board
Picture this, I pretended to be butt naked
Bangin' on the hot tub floor

How could I forget that
I would look like a massive fag
All this time everyone read it
They all were laughing at me

How you can let your idiot post this
Everyone thinks you're a massive tool
You better watch your back before she soon find out
I mean you only known her for five whole weeks
To be a true player you have to have a cell phone
If you don't, then your completely gay
Never admit to the board that you're gonna have sex
And call on the cell phone

But they read it in the folder(It wasn't me)
Heard me bangin' in the hot tub (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the bathroom (It wasn't me)
While updating the smarks board(It wasn't me)

Bob Barron called me a faggot (It wasn't me)
Superstar called me a moron(It wasn't me)
My girlfriend started screaming (It wasn't me)
She said to come to the hot tub

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Posting on the ole smarks board
Picture this, I pretended to be butt naked
Bangin' on the hot tub floor


I had tried to keep her
From what she was about to see
Why should she believe me
When I told her it wasn't me

Make sure she thinks you were joking and not a loser
Whenever you should see her call her Dawn Marie
As funny you thought you were, you really werent
Seein is believin so you better change your screen name
You know no one is gonna believe you when talk banging on the hot tub
We'll all laugh at you and go to something else
Wait for the replies: then read them over
But if Mattdotcom makes fun of you, you better laugh your ass off

But they read it in the folder(It wasn't me)
Heard me bangin' in the hot tub (It wasn't me)
I even had her in the bathroom (It wasn't me)
While updating the smarks board(It wasn't me)


Bob Barron called me a faggot (It wasn't me)
Flyboy called me a moron(It wasn't me)
My girlfriend started screaming (It wasn't me)
She said to come to the hot tub

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Posting on the ole smarks board
Picture this, I pretended to be butt naked
Bangin' on the hot tub floor

How could I forget that
I would look like a massive fag
All this time everyone read it
They all were laughing at me


Gonna call her on her cell phone
To be pretend to be cool
I've been listenin to the responses
No one likes me at all
We should go into the bathroom
And try to have wild sex
I think that I am all that
But I actually seriously suck
That's why I sing

Honey came in and she caught me red-handed
Posting on the ole smarks board
Picture this, I pretended to be butt naked
Bangin' on the hot tub floor

How could I forget that
I would look like a massive fag
All this time everyone read it
They all were laughing at me 


This is the best part of this whole series of threads.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Incandenza_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:16 PM
Post #405





Guests






I never thought this thread was all that funny.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_The Czech Republic_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:25 PM
Post #406





Guests






QUOTE(cynicalprofit @ Apr 4 2003, 10:02 PM)
Dear fucking god, can't we just retire this thread yet?

I'm still waiting for the retirement ceremony.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Flyboy_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:30 PM
Post #407





Guests






QUOTE(Incandenza @ Apr 4 2003, 09:03 PM)
I never thought this thread was all that funny.

You would.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Incandenza_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:42 PM
Post #408





Guests






QUOTE(Flyboy @ Apr 4 2003, 10:17 PM)
QUOTE(Incandenza @ Apr 4 2003, 09:03 PM)
I never thought this thread was all that funny.

You would.

You see right through me, Flyboy. Right through me.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Flyboy_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:43 PM
Post #409





Guests






That's an Alanis Morrissette song, for your information.

EDIT: Well... it's "Right Through You", actually, but still.

This post has been edited by Flyboy: Apr 4 2003, 09:44 PM
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Incandenza_*
post Apr 4 2003, 09:45 PM
Post #410





Guests






Oh, hush.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_DerangedHermit_*
post Apr 6 2003, 05:51 PM
Post #411





Guests






This thread is like a certain red and yellow clothed person: it just won't leave for good.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Mattdotcom_*
post Apr 6 2003, 07:21 PM
Post #412





Guests






And you're like a red and yellow clothed fan. You won't shut up, and thus the red and yellow person stays on top.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_The Czech Republic_*
post Apr 6 2003, 07:50 PM
Post #413





Guests






And like the red and yellow fellow, this should be forced into retirement.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Kotzenjunge_*
post Apr 6 2003, 08:25 PM
Post #414





Guests






"I See Right Through To You" is also a DJ Encore song. It 0wns the Alanis song.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_MrRant_*
post Apr 6 2003, 08:27 PM
Post #415





Guests






Lock this thread.... please.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_Midnight Express83_*
post Apr 6 2003, 08:31 PM
Post #416





Guests






Keep posting in here keeps it alive. If you want it dead. Stop posting in it.
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post
Guest_The Czech Republic_*
post Apr 6 2003, 09:55 PM
Post #417





Guests






Yeah, but once again like Mr. Ketchup & Mustard, we detest it yet adore it.

O.J. Hart = Hulk Hogan

His foreplay was the Fingerpoke of Doom
Go to the top of the page
 
+Quote Post

14 Pages V  « < 12 13 14
Fast ReplyReply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 25th September 2017 - 03:52 AM
IPS Driver Error

IPS Driver Error

There appears to be an error with the database.
You can try to refresh the page by clicking here