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Raw from JHawk's Beak

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Raw from JHawk's Beak (12/16/2002)

by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

 

The End is Here: And the last pay-per-view event for WWE this year in the books. Dames has your full recap here, but allow me to give you my quick 'n' dirty on the show.

 

The Dudley Boyz vs. Lance Storm/William Regal vs. Booker T/Goldust vs. Chris Jericho/Christian: I agree with Dames that the first two teams didn't need to be there. That said, the right team went over, the crowd was hot for it, and it was a pretty good way to open the show. **1/2

 

A-Train vs. Edge: Better than expected, but a copout finish. "We want to push Albert, but we don't want to make Edge look weak, so let's book a DQ." Realistically, that's probably a good call. I'm less anti-Albert than many of you, but how I'm expected to believe he can beat Edge when he struggles against a local TV jobber on Velocity is beyond me. *1/2

 

Chris Benoit vs. Eddie Guerrero: Match of the night by far. I think Eddie should have gone over since he hasn't really gotten a singles victory in a while, but there were some great counters and some even better subtleties that made this one worthwhile. ****

 

Torrie and Dawn sitting in a tree...: What a waste of time. Either end the "engagement" or marry them off and be done with it already.

 

Kane vs. Batista: About as expected, including the finish. Nothing else to really say there. DUD

 

Victoria vs. Trish Stratus vs. Jacqueline: Again, about as expected and even less noteworthy than Kane-Batista. 1/2*

 

Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show: I'm still expecting to find out that I dreamed this result up and the finish didn't happen. Angle got over huge as the babyface here without even trying. A bit of an overbooked mess, but everybody seemed presently surprised that Angle gets the important title, so three cheers for smart booking. *

 

Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels: Dames, I think you were a bit generous with your rating, but that's most likely because I simply couldn't get into it knowing there was no way HBK was going over. There were simpy too many minor things that bothered me (like HBK refusing to cover or leave the cage about four times when he had opportunities in the second fall). I'd call this about **1/2 for some of the spots and some decent psychology, but this had several looooooooooooooooooong stretches of boredom.

 

And they still don't listen: If you believe the Pro Wrestling Torch, we're looking at Scott Steiner-Triple H for the Raw title at WrestleMania. And Shawn Michaels-Kevin Nash. Where's RVD in their WrestleMania plans? ("RV-Who?") Exactly. Steiner's gotten good reactions so far, but he hasn't had a TV match yet and therefore should merely be an option for the Mania title match and not necessarily the go-to guy. If he comes out and gives good matches, then fine. But I remember one guy who hadn't had a singles match on TV after returning from a long layoff last year around Royal Rumble time...Triple H. Who has had exactly one good match in 11 months. And look at how the ratings have been going.

 

Anyway, we have a show tonight (and I believe it's the last live Raw this year). Who will be in line for Triple H's title? Who steps up for the World Tag Team Title? Will RVD be given somebody higher on the card than Rico to work with? And is anybody but me even watching? These answers and more TONIGHT!

 

By the way, for the betting people out there, the over/under on the HHHater Clock is 35 minutes tonight. I say if he wrestles tonight, he tops 40.

 

Segment 1

 

Wow! The opening! I haven't seen that in a while.

 

Live from the TD Waterhouse Center in Orlando, Florida!

 

Intergender tag team match scheduled for one fall: Trish the Cheating Bitch (w/music from hell) and Test (w/My Future Wife) vs. Victoria (Women's Champion) and Big Stevie Cool

 

When did Test turn face? Stevie takes a tumble early and the women are legal. Victory roll by Trish for 2. Stevie gets a cheap shot to Trish's back and tags in. Suplex and a tag to Victoria. Victoria with a vicious looking Texas cloverleaf variation and the tag to Stevie. Side slam gets 2. Stevie taunts Trish, who fights back, but a facerake stops the comeback. Powerslam attempted, but Trish slips behind and gets a roll up got 2. Stevie with a knee to the midsection and up top, but Trish crotches him and gets the handstand headscissors. Tag to Test (to a surprisingly nice pop), and he's in control. Series of counters leads to Test getting a pumphandle slam. Victoria from behind, Test goes for a powerslam, blocked by Stevie. Double clothesline by Test. Stevie uses Charles Robinson as a shield. Stevie goes for a finish, but Stacy shows some very nice ass for the distraction, and when Stevie regains his focus, he walks into Test's big boot for the pin at 4:08. Way to open the show, guys. ::rolls eyes:: DUD

 

Easy E is leaving Triple H's dressing room and runs into Chief Morley. Now that Hunter's the new champion, Bischoff is going to introduce Triple H Appreciation Night. We get a celebration instead of a match in the main event. BUT...Morley promised the main event spot to Scott Steiner so they can celebrate his signing with Raw. There's gonna be a rumble.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Hey guys, way to drum up those ratings. Guarantee that there's no match in the main event. Good one. They're banking on the "star power" to bring this one over the top. I'd be flipping to Monday Night Football now if I wasn't recapping the show.

 

The match itself...eh. It's very hard to get into these intergender matches, particularly when I don't remember Test ever turning face or tweener or anything. The only person I care about was the manager on the "face" side. Although she did make my night worthwhile.

 

Segment 2

 

Tonight! Booker T vs. Chris Jericho!

 

And backstage, Booker T is at the water cooler when he is met by Goldy Claus. Goldust: "Would you like to touch my sack?" Goldust has a present...the tag team title belt. Goldust thanks Booker for believing in him, and Booker says the belts made it all worth it. In comes ChrisTIAN to remind them that the former champions are exercising their rematch clause next week. Goldust has a gift for Christian--new and improved ass cream. Goldust: "With 35% more ass!" Christian denies using it...then cradles the container as he walks off.

 

One fall: Maven vs. Christopher Nowinski

 

Is this the blowoff? Your hosts are Good Ol' JR and The Pharaoh, who pitch Kingfish's book. Meanwhile, the match begins with Chris begging off from Maven and getting a cheap shot. Armdrags by Maven into an armbar. Whip into a corner, but Nowinski with an elbow, then a cradle with the ropes for leverage for 2. Boot choke in the corner. Nowinski with forearms and a suplex for 2. Huge "Let's go Maven" chant. Maven with elbows and a roll up for 2. Nowinski quickly gets a clothesline for his own 2 count. Backbreaker for 2 and into a chinlock. Damn, this is a hot crowd! HUGE spinebuster for 2, and Nowinski is getting frustrated. Maven gets in his dropkick. Maven with punches, and a high backdrop. Series of clotheslines and a flapjack. Oklahoma roll for 2. Maven with a count along punching, but he gets caught with an inverted atomic drop and the Honor Roll for...2? What the hell? Series of punches. Nowinski sets up for a superplex, but Maven shoves him off. Flying sunset flip, but Nowinski rolls through into a cradle, hooks the tights, and gets the win at 4:58. Pretty good for what it was, but why kick out of the finisher here? *1/2

 

Up next, HBK speaks. Here's the final spot of the third fall.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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I'm sure some other recappers without a sense of humor are going to disagree, but that was quite the funny segment with the champs and Christian. And it actually helps further the feud between the champions and their challengers at the same time. When they accomplish that, all is good.

 

And I must admit to being presently surprised by that match. Nowinski continues to improve with every outing, and even Maven actually looked pretty sharp. If these two continue to improve, they could end up being champions at some point. Well, let me rephrase that. Credible champions. David Arquette was a champion after all.

 

Segment 3

 

WWE Armageddon's webcast is in demand this week.

 

And here comes the Holy Bible Kid, and for a guy that they're hyping as nearly killing himself, he's dancing quite a bit, isn't he? And he's got the stick! Respectful "HBK" chants. Last week, Ric Flair said Shawn didn't have it anymore. And he says that about six different ways. Get to the point! The truth is, "The Heartbreak Kid is alive and well." OK, so he's not wearing the belt. But last night, HBK stole the show (in his opinion). He goes through all the high spots and says he went down in a blaze of glory. Somewhere Jon Bon Jovi is smiling. And Shawn wants to go three out of five right now. Shawn wants a chance to beat "The Man". But instead, he gets Y2J+2, which is probably a better match anyway. JR: "This is not Triple H." Thank God. Jericho takes the microphone out of Shawn's hands. He says everybody's in the arena to see the King of the World. Jericho's more athletic, more charismatic, and he's better looking. "Behold the true Sexy Boy." This is the basis of a feud now? "Asshole" chants. But seriously, Jericho was happy to see HBK return to the ring. Jericho puts over HBK's performance, but even though it was awesome, it was also very sad. Because the HBK of old would have defied the odds and won the match. But instead, he's a loser. Jericho says HBK's the main reason he wanted to be a WWE superstar. "Shawn, you were my hero." But Shawn is finished. "For you, now, the show is over. You're damaged goods. You're so vulnerable right now, it's pathetic." Jericho says he should kick Shawn's ass right now, but he won't waste his time with the "Hasbeen Kid". And there's Sweet Chin Music! Wow!

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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What a segment! This is the kind of promo that sells tickets and PPV buys. This was Jericho's best interview in a long time, for the sole purpose that he wasn't really on being the normal smartass Chris Jericho. He had such a serious tone with this interview that you couldn't help but get into it, and I was starting to buy into it a little bit. Excellent job. And if this sets up a match with Jericho against Michaels (particularly one that puts Jericho over), all the better.

 

Segment 4

 

Another Rock movie set dealie on Confidential. WE ALREADY SAW THIS CRAP! I mean jeez, Montreal didn't get this much coverage on that show.

 

Moments ago, Jericho got a face full of shoe. That even looked good in slow motion.

 

One fall: Goldust (World Tag Team Champion) vs. ChrisTIAN

 

Shoves before the bell. Headlock by Goldust, off the ropes, shoulderblock. Bulldog headlock for 2. That would have worked in 1991. Christian gets the edge with a thumb to the eye, then rams Goldust's shoulder into the ringpost and works on the left arm. Goldust punches out of the armbar, but Christian with a single-arm DDT and a cover for 2. Series of punches to the shoulder. Goldust fights back, getting a side slam (sort of) as Christian comes off the middle rope and covers for 2. Clothesline. Right hand. Lariat. Neckbreaker for 2. Christian misses a dropkick, and Goldust gets a double-leg cradle for 2. Powerslam for 2. Christian comes back with an inverted DDT for 2. Another one is set up, but Goldust sends him into the corner. Shattered Dreams, but the referee stops it, so Christian catches Goldust coming in. Rolling cradle by Goldust, but Christian reverses it, grabs the ropes, and gets the pin at 3:45. They never really got a groove going, but not bad. *

 

Bisch goes into the dressing room to kiss the ass of Hungry Hungry Hippos, and Bisch tries to convince him to have his ceremony early. Hunter refuses and asks who'd get the slot. Bisch tells him that Scott might sign his contract in the slot, and Hunter starts bitching. So if Bisch is even thinking about it, think again, because if he does, "I will pull a Stone Cold Steve Austin on you." And he'll take the belt with him. Fine with me, not like it means anything anyway.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Another decent match. That's three matches, two of which didn't totally suck. I'm liking the odds. Well, I'd rather the matches be good, but it's a start. Plus, this builds nicely to next week's title match, as one of the challengers has beaten one of the champions, so now you've got the doubt in your mind as to whether or not the champions will retain the titles.

 

HHHater Clock: One segment, 2:17. They're builiding the Hunter-Steiner conflict well so far, but they might end up shooting themselves in the foot, because the fans may not be willing to wait beyond the Royal Rumble to see the match.

 

Segment 5

 

We are live in O-Town. Tonight, RVD and Kane vs. Three Minute Warning and Batista in a 2 on 3 handicap match. Moments ago, The Man WHOO! wants Don't Call Me Dave Batista to be the leader, so Three Minute Warning just needs to follow his lead so they can par-tay!

 

Morley asks Someone Feed Terri to have Scott Steiner find him when he gets there.

 

Coach is with Kane and Rob...Van...Dam. The point...Kane is pissed off, and calm RVD interprets for him. This is getting a good pop. Kane stares at him and thinks RVD's mocking him. RVD says "We're cool", but calm down. "Release your inner Kane." It's like finding your inner child. Coach tries to interpret by using "It's a Small World." Kane chokes him to a nice pop. Kane: "It's a painful, ugly world!" RVD asks Coach, "It's a Small World? Dude, what have YOU been smoking?"

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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I might be in the minority there, but I liked it! Kane is being intense and going all crazy, and RVD is pretty much the complete opposite. They actually complement each other pretty well as a result. And it's always entertaining to see Coach look like a jackass. Now we'll see if their in-ring styles complement each other as well in tag team action.

 

Segment 6

 

3 on 2 Handicap Match: Rob...Van...Dam and Kane vs. Three Minute Warning (w/o Rico) and Don't Call Me Dave Batista (w/The Man WHOO!)

 

Raw taping in Oklahoma City this Saturday! Where's Rico though? Kane immediately starts to chase Flair, and as a result Batista is able to attack RVD from behind. Into the turnbuckle. Grinding the forearm into the face as the "RVD" chant starts. RVD's comeback is stalled by Batista's clothesline, which gets a count of 2. Hard into the corner, and the tag to Jamal. Jamal telegraphs a backdrop, but comes right back with a clothesline and covers for 2. RVD avoids a dropkick, but instead of tagging, he hits Rolling Thunder. He finally goes for the tag, but Jamal catches him with a double axhandle. Tag to Rosey as Lawler says Rico's got the flu. RVD avoids an avalanche and gets a springboard side kick. Again Rosey prevents a tag, and there's the tag to Jamal. Batista is now pissed that he hasn't been tagged, so Flair calls for him to walk out. RVD finally tags out, and Kane hits Jamal with a flying clothesline. In comes Rosey, and Kane DDTs him. Clothesline to Jamal, and one for Rosey. Bodyslam to Rosey. Kane wants a choke slam, but Rosey clotheslines him. RVD off the top, and he takes out Rosey. RVD with a spinning kick to Jamal, who staggers into Kane's choke slam. Kane covers for the pin at 4:50. This match was not good though. 1/2* RVD wants Kane to do the thumb pointing, but Kane does the pyro thing instead.

 

Big Poppa Steroid Pump has arrived!

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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The match might not have been all that special, but I'm kind of interested in where they're going with Batista. He leaves because he wasn't being tagged in. Interesting. But where do you go from there? I doubt you'll be able to turn 3MW face off of it, nobody wants to see Kane vs. Batista again, and nobody wants to take the risk that RVD will have to do a job for Batista. But there are still some different directions it could go, so the next couple of weeks for it could be interesting.

 

Segment 7

 

Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall: Lance Storm and William Regal vs. The Reunited Damn Dudley Boyz

 

And we waste no time going into a four way brawl. Both Dudleys are the only two who remain in the ring. Regal in, and he begs off from Bubba. Side slam gets 2. Into the turnbuckle. HUGE "We want tables" chant that gets stopped when Storm takes down Bubba and Regal clotheslines him. Storm with some forearms in the corner. Snap mare into a reverse chinlock. Bubba elbows out of it, but Storm takes him down. Tag to Regal. Kneelift combo for the multiple pin spot as the table chant resumes. Tag to Storm. Double backdrop, and Storm covers for 2. Back into the reverse chinlock. Bubba armdrags out of it, but Storm tags Regal and Regal prevents the tag. Snap mare gets 2. Bubba with a kick and the HOT TAG to D-Von. D-Von works over both men. Powerslam to Regal, and Storm makes the save. Wuzzup headbutt to Storm. Reverse "3D" to Regal for 2. Regal reaches for the knuckles and levels D-Von with them for the pin at 5:16. The Power of the Punch makes it eight straight wins on Raw! *

 

Triple H and Scott Steiner are main eventing...and they're not even wrestling!

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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This is normally the spot where I'd make mention of how Regal and Storm don't get enough time to do their thing, but they've still got the longest match of the night so far. But this team of Regal and Storm has looked very good during this winning streak, especially the last two or three weeks. And I love them pushing the winning streak. It's like they're actually trying to make who wins and who loses mean something for a change! And when you have a crowd that's actively into a Regal/Storm match...now THAT is a hot crowd! If only the match had been better.

 

Segment 8

 

Raw Retro: Mick Foley wins his first WW{blur} Title (1/4/1999). That still gives me goose bumps.

 

One fall: Mr. Extreme vs. D'Lo Brown

 

This is a rematch from last night's Heat, where Hardy won with a handful of tights (and D'Lo's shoulder up). So D'Lo gets to lose on the main show this week. D'Lo charges and Jeff punches away. Whip, reversal, Hardy with a botched anklescissors takedown to the floor, followed by a botched guardrail run. Back in, and D'Lo's got the advantage. Kneelifts and punches. Snap mare into a reverse chinlock. Jeff elbows out, but D'lo takes him down with an old school gourdbuster and covers a tad late for 2. Shaky Shaky Legdrop (heel version) for 2. Hardy counters a D'Lo taunt with a jawbreaker. Up top...nice looking Whisper in the Wind. Double legdrop cradle for 2. Dropkick, and the referee ducks to avoid D'Lo, who tumbles to the floor. Hardy uses the ref as a springboard to botch a dive, and then it's a Swanton Bomb...and D'Lo has a foot on the rope during the pin at 3:28. 1/2*

 

Steiner is pumping iron in the hallway, and Ric Flair says he doesn't care what Steiner was promised, because Hunter's the champ so he gets his way. So NYAH! Steiner yells at Flair and tells him Hunter better get used to Steiner being around.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Don't fret, D'Lo. One more loss to Jeff and you'll be traded to SmackDown so you can go over Kurt Angle within four weeks. Who's the heel here, anyway? JR acts like D'Lo is Satan because he teamed with Chris Nowinski twice, but Hardy's the one who won't tag into tag team matches and cheats to win? Not to mention we got the typical sloppy Jeff Hardy match out of this.

 

Again, we're building to Steiner and HHH well, but I'm not sure this is worthy of a three month build.

 

Segment 9

 

Chad Patten comes into D'Lo Brown's locker room to apologize for blowing the call, but D'Lo says he doesn't care because he doesn't get the W or the money. D'Lo plays the race card because that worked so well in 1997.

 

Stacy! She just got Test a commercial shoot for Bod deodorant spray. Rah. And Raven stares them down as they walk off.

 

Royal Rumble tickets go on sale Saturday at the Fleet Center box office and all Ticketmaster outlets.

 

One fall: Y2J+2 vs. Booker T

 

This is probably the true main event because I don't consider an in-ring promo to be a main event. Before the match, Jericho has the microphone. Jericho throws a temper tantrum about the superkick so we cut to break.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Oh yay, D'Lo plays the race card. Am I the only one who remembers the Nation of Domination bombing? These racism angles very rarely work. What's next? He's on Heat four straight weeks and starts to use affirmative action to get onto Raw?

 

I really don't care if Test has a commercial or not, particularly when it's an excuse for a testicle joke, but what is Raven doing on Raw? Is getting back to Raw part of his masterpiece?

 

And why is Jericho the only guy who gets cut off when he's doing a promo? First since rendition of New York New York at MSG and now this? Better to interrupt a promo than a match though.

 

Segment 10

 

One fall: Y2J+2 vs. Booker T (we mean it this time)

 

Jericho talked during the entire break. Jericho catches Booker coming in and stomps away. Series of chops. Whip into the corner, but Booker coming back with a clothesline. Bodyslam and a cover for 2. Knees to the midsection, followed by a side slam. Up to the top rope, but Jericho shoves Earl Hebner into the ropes to crotch Booker T. Right hands and forearms by Jericho, and a superplex! Jericho covers for 2. Jericho kicking away now, and then a series of punches to the head. Huge "Booker T" chant. Jericho Juke and Jive with punches, but Booker catches Jericho with a leg lariat. Jericho is up first though and drops an elbow. Into a chinlock. Booker elbows out of it and whips Jericho, but he telegraphs a backdrop. Jericho rolls up Booker and tries to roll into the Walls of Jericho, but Booker with an inside cradle for 2. Booker with a leg lariat for 2. Jericho reverses a whip to the corner and hits a facecrusher. Booker comes back with a spinebuster for 2. Booker with chops. Brisco sunset flip, but Jericho sits down for 2. Forearms by Booker, and a Book End is attempted. Jericho out of it, but Booker hits it and covers...and Jericho gets a foot on the ropes. Flapjack, look at the hand, SPINNAROONIE TONY! In comes Christian, and Booker takes care of him, and here comes Goldust. Jericho is backdropped to the floor onto Christian, and Hebner raises Booker's hand. Apparently a DQ, no final bell, call it 6:12. Highly disappointing for what these two are capable of. **

 

Backstage, Chief Morley runs after Steiner and admits he made a mistake and apologizes for it. Morley assures Steiner he's a main event prospect, so hold the contract off for a week. He hands Steiner the contract. Steiner throws a fit...but says "no problem". Morley thanks him...and Steiner says Triple H will have a moment he'll never forget.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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As I said, a highly disappointing match between those two, but the point is to build to Saturday's taping, so mission accomplished. They don't have to work too hard to get me to want to see that one, but it's nice to see we're building to some episodic TV.

 

And now what the WWE wants to call the "main event": Triple H using airtime to do something besides wrestle. I know he's the champ and he should finish the show, but the last segment should always be a match.

 

Segment 11

 

Bisch and Morley have made their way to the ring, and we've been waiting for Triple H Appreciation Night. Let's kiss his ass and introduce him. Start the HHHater Clock. JR wants us to give him credit "whether you like him or you don't, and a lot of you don't." And Bisch has a very special video tribute to the tune of his song on the Forceable Entry CD. Somebody pull a Mick Foley and show this with nothing but clips where Hunter screws up. Laughs for us all! Boos for the video package. "Everybody on your feet!" And most are simply because they can't see. And Hunter gets the ego trip going and says he should be humble, but it's hard to be humble when you're the best. I dunno, Flair has some humulity. Name one guy who Hunter hasn't beaten. Um...he's going to interfere here in a minute, but keep rattling off those names anyway. And didn't every one of these guys beat Hunter at least once? Hunter even takes credit for Rocky being in Hollywood instead of in WWE. And Hunter has killed the crowd, because Scott Steiner's entrance gets a much lower pop than this crowd's given all night. And Steiner's carrying his contract. Scott stares Hunter down and grabs a mic. He says Hunter can't beat Steiner. Steiner tells Bisch to add a title shot to that contract or he's gone. Hunter asks if he thinks he deserves a shot for simply walking to the ring, and for once he's got a point. "Here, you EARN your shot..." Like you did, Hunter? Hunter refuses to give Scott the title shot, and Scott says he didn't come here to start at the bottom. And now that they're face to face, Hunter's scared. "You call yourself The Game? I say you're the game with no balls!" Hunter agrees to the World Title match, "but it's your funeral." And before he can sign the contract, Hunter has to talk some more. Hunter more or less says "Hurry up and sign it so I can bury you," and Steiner signs the contract. Didn't we already do that last week on SmackDown? And the title match is officially at the Royal Rumble...and Hunter is pissed! You agreed to it, you moron. Steiner: "You say I'm a big fish in a small pond? Unless you think the world is a small pond, I don't know what the hell you're talking about?" And he doesn't want to wait for his title shot, but it's already 11:06. And Steiner offers Hunter the first punch. Off comes Hunter's jacket. There's the staredown. But Hunter smirks and backs off...and Steiner moves forward. HHH backs off, Steiner moves in. And HHH leaves the ring to a round of boos. Steiner tells Hunter he's going to kick his ass. Cue the catch phrase and we're out at 11:09!

 

Next week, the World Tag Team Championship Match!

 

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END OF SHOW

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HHHater Clock: Two segments, 17:36. None of it being wrestling time, but I was expecting a lot more ego stroking than we got. Very rare for me to say, but that was a pretty good Hunter segment too. You could pretty much feel the tension throughout the entire segment, and if that' all the buildup they give it, I might be there. However, from the traditionalist standpoint, what did Steiner do to deserve the title shot? Pose? Even Hunter had to spit some water first.

 

Overall, actually a pretty decent show. Decent matches, and although the last segment was the focus and not the wrestling, they did a pretty nice job building to things for not only next week, but for the Rumble as well. This show has been much improved since they got off the necrophilia stuff, and now they just need to keep the momentum going.

 

Agree? Disagree? Want to buy me a beer? Wanna send me Christmas presents? You know the drill.

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