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Guest Big Poppa Popick

School's Out 2003

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Guest Big Poppa Popick

Somewhere, Sometime, Someplace

 

Outside shot of a mammoth missionary, thousands of years old, located on top of a hill. The dark gloomy night gives the place a sinister feeling.

 

Inside we see a TORTURE CHAMBER, where the "great prophet" Stephen Joseph, wearing a hooded black trenchcoat-like outfit, sits on a lavish, gothic chair, smiling as his most loyal and trusted followers Los Infernales beat up scum -- materialistic people -- with chains, chairs, whips, electric-shock, etc.

 

STEPHEN JOSEPH

Sports cars, makeup, electronics, even sex toys...this list goes on and on. Do these things make you happy? If so, WHY?! Today's world is going straight to the depths of hell because of people, like Zack Malibu, who prefer the material things in life, like the items mentioned. Look at the world around else: crime, wars, world hunger, etc. If you people didn't take the materialistic things in life so seriously, we wouldn't have those problems.

 

Zack, tonight -- even though you and the sheep of this sad, cruel world will think otherwise, I'm going to save you...your soul...your life.

 

Stephen lowers his head.

 

Wideshot shows a mass of "followers" running towards Stephen, Los Infernales keep this at bay.

 

A "symbol" with a picture of Zack taped on a replica of the OAOAST Championship rises behind Stephen Joseph. The "followers" get on their knees and shout "PRAISE TRINITY!"

 

Stephen stands up, pulls his hood back -- tight-shot of his face -- stares at the camera and rolls his eyes back.

 

BOOM!

 

The "symbol" goes up in flames. We fade out with a close up of the burning "symbol" and Stephen Joseph giving a sinister last line in the background.

 

"Purity Through Pain"

 

Is this a sign? Will there be a new OAOAST Champion crowned? Find out next...

 

schoolsout.jpg

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Cole: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to OaOasT School's Out. We begin right now with the HeldDown X-Title Championship!

 

Coach: That's Right. After causing the quittings of several superstars, the Purist looks to end Amazing Rando's lackluster career here tonight

 

Cole: It's all about tradition and a plucky rookie!

 

 

RING ANNOUNCER

The following contest is set for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST X-Title!

 

COLE

What a minute. I understand something is going on backstage.

 

We cut backstage and see The Purist attacking the Amazing Rando. The two men exchange punches as they fight, heading to the ring.

 

COLE

These two have already started their match...backstage.

 

COACH

For somebody who preaches the way wrestling has become, The Purist is sure tossing that aside.

 

OAOAST officials break the two men apart, then escort each of them to the ring.

 

* DING DING DING *

 

After that brief brawl, the match starts off with a collar-and-elbow tie up. Purist goes behind Rando and applies a waist-lock. Rando tries to counter with a elbow to the head, but The Purist has his head in a position where Rando can't connect. Drop-toe hold by Rando into a head-lock now has the defending X-title holder struggling to break free. The Purist slams the mat in anger.

 

COLE

Obviously the Purist didn't expect Rando to use mat wrestling holds.

 

Unable to break free The Purist rises to his feet delivers forearm shots to the ribcage of Rando before sending him into the ropes. Rando ducks a clothesline, then connects with a CROSSBODY BLOCK...

 

1....

 

2....

 

NO! Kickout at 2.

 

COACH

I don't think The Purist or his manager James E. Cornette expected Rando to come off this strong.

 

The Purist quickly exits the ring for a time out, to regroup. Jim Cornette goes over to him, the cameras pick up the following comments: "It's alright. We didn't expect this. Just take it one move at a time. Don't worry."

 

Cornette notices the camera, puts his hand over the lense.

 

CORNETTE

Get that camera outta my face! What's wrong with ya!

 

Purist gets back into the ring, locks eyes with Rando. Collar-and-elbow tie up, knee to the gut by The Purist. Double axe handle to the back sends Rando down. Knees to the small of the back make Rando scream in pain. Elbow to the back, then The Purist applies a CAMEL-CLUTCH. Outside the ring, Cornette shouts "You're not amazing now, are ya?"

 

COLE

Cornette is lashing out at Rando.

 

COACH

He feels as though his man is in total control.

 

COLE

Remember fans, The Purist can't win by submission, but he can use the holds.

 

Purist then modifies the camel-clutch by drilling his knee into the lower back and pulling back on the neck of Rando. Finally, Rando reaches the ropes. The Purist kicks Rando outside, then distracts the referee, allowing Jim Cornette to blast Rando in the back with his tennis racket. Cornette adds a few kicks for good measure before the ref turns around and warns Cornette to back off. The Purist sends Rando back into the ring.

 

COACH

Back to the ring they go. The Purist is in total control of the match.

 

As The Purist re-enters the ring Rando hits a RUNNING ENZIGURI! Both men are down. The referee starts to count them both out...

 

1...

 

2...

 

3...

 

4...

 

5...

 

6...

 

The Purist gets up, charges towards Rando, leg sweep sends Purist down -- STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS!

 

1...

 

2...

 

NO! Kick out!

 

Rando whips Purist into the turnbuckle, the impact sends The Purist back towards Rando who back bodydrops the champion. Dropkick, another dropkick, running spin wheel kick...

 

1....

 

2...

 

NO!

 

COLE

Oh, I thought for sure Rando had it.

 

Cornette looks like he's going to faint.

 

Rando whips Purist towards the ropes; leapfrog by Rando who then tries a crossbody block but Purist ducks, sending the Amazing Rando straight into the ropes. The Purist quickly goes for the pin...

 

1...

 

2...

 

FOOT ON THE ROPE!

 

Purist brings Rando back into the middle of the ring, then applies THE BOSTON CRAB!

 

COLE

Remember fans The Purist can ONLY win by pinfall, but he's using them to weaken the Amazing Rando.

 

Sensing Rando is weaken enough The Purist goes for the pin...

 

1...

 

KICK OUT!

 

Cornette calls for the Purification piledriver. The Purist tries to hit the move but Rando counters the move into a SMALL PACKAGE...

 

1...

 

2...

 

NO!

 

The Purist quickly gets up and kicks Rando in the stomach, then whips him towards the turnbuckle. The Purist runs towards Rando who quickly climbs to the top and nails a HURRICARANA! The Purist is down as the crowd goes crazy. Jim Cornette gets on the ring apron but Rando dropkicks him off. Rando to the top...PHEONIX SPLASH!!!

 

1...

 

2...

 

3!

 

* DING DING DING DING *

 

COLE

OH MY!

 

COACH

Incredible!

 

COLE

The Amazing Rando is the NEW X-Title holder.

 

RING ANNOUNCER

The winner of the match, and NEW X-champion...the Amazing Rando.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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JR: And now to show you what IntenseZone is all about!

 

Jesse: That's right JR! NEW Talent...New Angles...New Attitude!

 

JR: And up first we have a grudge match

 

Jesse: Correct sir! You gotta respect Vitamin X's focus, not to mention his t-shirt is the hottest selling item on OaOasT.com!

 

JR: Quite an accomplishment for the young lad no doubt, but what of Sonic Youth

 

Jesse: If he'd stop acting like the ladies he's always hanging around with, especially if he sent them to me, then he'd be a hot seller too.

 

JR: That's all you ever think about isn't it. Yourself?

 

Jesse: With a Mind and Body like this, how could I not? And here go the arena lights...Here comes our next match!

 

Presented as Sounds of the Ring Special Feature!

 

 

G.R.U.D.G.E. Match

Sonic Youth vs. Vitamin X

 

The arena lights go out as "Come Out and Play" begins. Spotlights splash over the ramp as Sonic walks down the ramp, high fiving his fans along the way before sliding in beneath the bottom rope. Sonic climbs onto the second turnbuckle and spreads his arms out to a solid pop.

 

"Sober" hits to loud boos as white lights flash over the ramp as if following a heartbeat. Vitamin X walks down towards the ring and climbs in before hopping onto a turnbuckle and raising his arms in an X, all the while staring down Sonic.

 

~Sonic and Vitamin X walk up to each and quickly get into each other's faces. They begin jawing as Sonic shoves Vitamin hard. Vitamin shoves Sonic back as Sonic swings but Vitamin ducks it, lifting up Sonic for an atomic drop however Sonic flips out, shoves Vitamin off the ropes and rolls him up. 1.....2....kick out by X.~

 

~Sonic charges at Vitamin with a lariat in mind however Vitamin reverses it with an ARMBAR~! Vitamin wrenches on it as Sonic makes the ropes, causing Vitamin to break the hold. Sonic tries to shake off the pain as Vitamin cracks a sneer to heat. They lock up again with Vitamin forcing Sonic into the corner. Vitamin goes for a hard chop but Sonic ducks it, slams Vitamin into the turnbuckle back first and delivers a jabs. Sonic turns and raises both arms in the air as Vitamin stumbles out of the corner. Sonic snap mares Vitamin to the ground as Sonic backs up against the ropes before hitting a running somersault neck whip.~

 

~Sonic smiles and gets up. Sonic turns, lifts up Vitamin and grabs him in a gut wrench position. Sonic lifts up Vitamin for a gut wrench power bomb however Vitamin rolls over Sonic into a Sunset Flip. 1.....2....kick out by Youth. Vitamin gets up as does Youth and they begin having a slugfest in the middle of the ring. Vitamin nails Sonic with a hard kick in the stomach and follows up with a few more kicks for good measure.~

 

~Vitamin slings Sonics arm over his shoulder and hits a snap suplex before rolling into a cross arm breaker on Sonics injured arm. Sonic is yelling in pain as Vitamin wrenches with might. Sonic desperately grabs for the ropes however Vitamin's got Sonic in the middle of the ring. Sonic begins to inch his way towards the ropes and manages to drop a boot on the bottom rope, barely.~

 

~Vitamin breaks the hold. Vitamin lifts up a limp Sonic and whips him to the ropes, catching him with a dropkick to the face. Vitamin lifts up Sonic and throws him hard, shoulder first into the post as Sonic falls outside. Vitamin climbs out and slams Sonic shoulder first into the ring a few times before rolling him into the ring.~

 

~Vitamin climbs in and lifts up Sonic, hitting a couple hard chops leaving Sonic doubled over. Vitamin X does his signature head bang before attempting the X spot! Sonic moves and nails Vitamin in the gut-flipping Vitamin onto the mat. Sonic climbs onto the top turnbuckle, gingerly using his arm as he waits for Vitamin X to get up. Vitamin does as Sonic flies off with a moonsault, nailing Vitamin however Vitamin X rolls through it! 1.....2......3...no, kick out by Youth at the last second!~

 

~Sonic gets up, blocks a chop and nails Vitamin X with a sharp jab to the face. Sonic tries to kick Vitamin in the mid-section but X catches the foot, no, enziguiri! Vitamin X falls to the outside of the ring, there’s Sonic and he nails a beautiful slingshot somersault plancha to a huge pop! Sonic is lying in pain as is Vitamin X. Sonic gets up first and rolls Vitamin X into the ring.~

 

~Sonic sets himself up and connects with a springboard dropkick to the chest of Vitamin X. Sonic with the cover…1…..2…kick out. Sonic whips Vitamin into the ropes, tilt-a-whirl but Vitamin lands on his feet and decapitates Sonic with a lariat. Vitamin smiles and picks up Sonic. Vitamin nails a forearm shot to Sonic’s face as Sonic falls to the mat. Vitamin sets Sonic and there’s the Lethal Injection! Vitamin cranks hard as Sonic desperately claws for the ropes. Sonic begins to inch forward but Vitamin pulls harder, causing Sonic to scream in pain and claw at Vitamin’s hands. Vitamin’s screaming “Tap Out!” as Sonic continues to reach for the ropes.~

 

~Sonic finally is close enough to grab the ropes with his pinky finger as Vitamin X releases the hold in disgust. Vitamin X lets Sonic get to his feet gingerly before trying for a chop but Sonic ducks, backslide! 1…..2….kick out by Vitamin X. Vitamin nails Sonic with a couple hard kicks to the shin and stomach before Vitamin hits a 2nd snap suplex to loud jeers. Cocky cover now. 1….2….2 3/4ths there.~

 

~Vitamin lifts up Sonic and attempts the Overdose however Sonic nails Vitamin with a hard headbutt before nailing Vitamin with a dragon screw leg whip. Vitamin clutches at his leg as Sonic picks up Vitamin and hits a solid hanging vertical suplex, shades of the British Bulldog there.~

 

~Sonic tries for a la magistral and rolls up Vitamin! 1….2…another kick out by X. Sonic stomps away at Vitamin and lifts him up. Sonic kicks Vitamin in the gut, there’s a dragon suplex!! 1….2…kick out by Vitamin! Sonic can’t believe it. Sonic whips Vitamin X into the ropes, no Vitamin reverses and Vitamin nails Sonic with a lariat. Vitamin lifts up Youth for a snap suplex yet again but Youth somehow flips over, Flowing DDT!~

 

~Youth makes the cover, hooking the leg as the crowd counts along. 1…..2…..no! Sonic climbs onto the apron. He attempts a springboard dropkick but Vitamin sidesteps it as Sonic hits with a thud onto the mat. Vitamin grins and kicks Sonic hard in the ribs soccer style repeatedly, all the while taunting him to get up.~

 

~Vitamin lifts up Youth and whips him into the corner hard. Vitamin places Sonic onto the top rope and tries for a superplex but Sonic resists. Vitamin nails Sonic with a hard forearm to the face and tries, superplex! Vitamin drapes an arm across Sonic’s chest. 1….2….kickout by Youth~

 

~Vitamin grabs Youth and whips him into the ropes, Youth telegraphs the backdrop and nails a dropkick to the face. Russian Legsweep!! Youth with the cover, 1….2…3..no, Vitamin X barely gets a shoulder up.~

 

~Sonic bounces off the ropes and leaps up into the air for a hurricanranna, but Vitamin X plants him with a fold over powerbomb. 1…..2….no, kickout at 2 ½. Vitamin does the head band again and hits the Overdose!!! There’s the cover….1…..2….Lauren appeared out of nowhere and placed Sonics foot on the bottom rope!~

 

~Vitamin X gets up and yells at Lauren. Sonic is up now, rollup! 1…..2…..kickout! Sonic now with a small cradle!! 1……2…….another kickout by Vitamin X. Sonic off the ropes, sunset flip, no, Vitamin X rolls through it! 1………………………2…………………..3…no, the referee signals that Vitamin got his shoulder up at 2 9/10ths~

 

~Sonic is growing a little frustrated. Sonic picks up Vitamin X and goes for a suplex, however Vitamin slides out and backslide! 1………2………..3! No, shoulder up! Vitamin glances at the ropes, there he goes and X SPOT!!!

 

1……

2……

3!!

 

No, Sonic gets his arm on the ropes! Vitamin X is irate!~

 

~Vitamin X is screaming at the referee. He turns around, right into a Flowing DDT!! There it is, Sonic’s locked on the TWILIGHT!!! Vitamin X is screaming in agony! Vitamin’s crawling towards the ropes, and Sonic gets up and pulls Vitamin to the center of the ring! Vitamin desperate is reaching for the ropes! Vitamin’s once again crawling closer…his fingers are outstretched…..almost there….YES! Vitamin grabs the bottom rope with his index, middle and ring fingers!!!!!~

 

~Sonic is lying on the mat, exhausted as is Vitamin X also in pain. Both men manage to get back to there feet and there’s a slugfest! Sonic whips Vitamin X into the ropes, leapfrog and Vitamin telegraphs the backdrop with a sunset flip of his own! 1…….2……and Sonic reverses by rolling forward..1………2…..and Vitamin is bridging out of it and now he’s attempting a piledriver. Sonic reverses with a backdrop but Vitamin holds on with a rollup. 1……….2…………..kickout!~

 

~Vitamin slaps the mat in frustration and climbs onto the top rope. Vitamin leaps off with a front dropkick, Sonic catches the legs and there’s the TWILIGHT again! Vitamin X is screaming in agony. He’s almost to the ropes but Sonic pulls him back! Vitamin TAPS OUT!!! Sonic releases the hold and falls to the mat in sheer exhaustion as the crowd is roaring!~

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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JR: Wow...what effort.

 

Jesse: Hey, the kid stopped acting like a girl there! Ohh speaking of girls there JR.

 

JR: What? Another sexist comment.

 

Jesse: I don't know about that, but here is as-late Stephen Joseph's bitch Jay Boring...He's standing by for a promo or something. Not like it matters...Hyland's my hero...he's gonna win.

 

JR: Show some respect!

 

Jesse: I did, I showed respect to Hyland. Now cut this promo...time's a wasting.

 

Kevin Kelly: "I'm with the number 1 contender to the OAOAST North American title, "Shooter" Jay Darring. Jay, in mere moments you finally get you shot at the biggest prize on IntenseZone, on Pay Per View. That's a lot of pressure".

 

Jay: "You know, I can already feel the butterflies; I felt those same butterflies right before my inferno match with Stephen Joseph. But rest assured Kevin, regardless of distractions by the Trinity, I'm more that well prepared, and I've got some crazy new moves planned for tonight that I know will bring me the title, and one step closer to mainstream superstardom. I've been put through the fire since Day 1 here in OAOAST and thrived. Puerto Rican title match my first night in? I owned PRL's ass. Two matches at Living Angleously? 2 and 0, baby. Two matches with the number one contender to Malibu's title? I had him beat both times."

 

"Andrew Hyland is a stellar competitor, no doubt- some might say the greatest North American Champion ever. But tonight, Andrew Hyland is going to discover that his best will never be good enough against OAOAST's new Mister Pay Per View, and the next North American Champion, Jay Darring. THAT's Harsh Reality."

 

JR: Got a rebuttal for that?

 

Jesse: Wait for the match...I know why I put money on Andrew, and not Jay

 

JR: Oh really.

 

Jesse: Yeah, Jay's such a girl's name

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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::Andre the Midget is seen Backstage with Pedro Roma::

 

ATM: Hey pedro have you see Jimmy Beard tonight? Is he here?

 

Roma: Stop worrying Andre, even if he is we know what to do with that SOB twice now we have destroyed him and if he crosses us we will destroy him again.

 

ATM: yeah your right, I am the next small thing and I will not be intimidated by someone who calls himself the beard.

 

Suddenly there is a big crash from down the corridor

 

ATM: what the hell was that?

 

Andre becomes increasingly agitated by the previous sounds

 

ATM: I¡¯m gonna take a look, just to be on the safe side

 

Andre goes to the scene of the disturbance and realises that nobody is there, he turns around and heads back to Pedro Roma but by the time he gets there Pedro is nowhere to be seen!

 

ATM: Pedro where are you, stop playing games come back

 

Andre begins to pace backward becoming more and more nervous

 

ATM: Pedro come back, I¡¯m warning you this isn¡¯t funny

 

In the background noises and a scuffle is heard, Andre makes his way into the next room where once again he is met by no one.

 

ATM: who the hell is in here, Jimmy Beard get your ass out and show yourself

 

Andre begins to sweat

 

ATM: I ain¡¯t afraid of you and your games

 

Suddenly The Beard enters the room from behind andre

 

Beard: looking for me

 

Andre jumps forwards at the sound of the beard, and regains his composure

 

ATM: what have you done with pedro you SOB

 

Beard: pedro is in good hands andre, but its not about pedro its about me and you andre

 

ATM: Nothings about you Beard you¡¯re a nobody, tell me where Pedro is

 

The titantron then shows Pedro Gagged and tied up inside a safeway trolley, The crowd goes ballistic at this sight

 

ATM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO what are you doing to pedro

 

Andre runs to the back of the arena and out into the car park where he sees pedro in the trolley with nobody about, but the trolley is suspending itself ontop of a steep hill, at the bottom lies a container.

 

Cole: oh my god coach did you see that container, it looked like it was laced with something yellow

 

Coach: sure did cole, looks like the Beard is paying some revenge back for his toilet beating the other week.

 

Andre is seen running towards pedro and the trolley but is met by a thunderous hit around the head with a shooping basket by The Dwarf from the North.

 

Cole: oh my god again, it¡¯s the Beards side kick The Dwarf

 

Coach: looks like business is about to pick up

 

The beard is seen entering the car park, where the Dwarf has already gagged and tied up andre, The Beard helps the dwarf by lifting andre into the same trolley

 

Cole: looks like andre is coming around

 

ATM: what have you done to me, where am I

 

Beard: I ain¡¯t gonna let you go until you meet my demands!

 

ATM: ok ok, just let me go

 

Beard: I want a match at the Great angle Bash

 

ATM: I would love too

 

Beard: good because the stipulation will be a Urinal potty match

 

Cole: a what match?

 

Beard and the dwarf then out of nowhere push Pedro and Andre down the hill where they hit the container and are covered in hot fresh urine.

 

Coach: I don't think anyone will be the same after that match.

 

 

Elsewhere...

 

 

 

Cloaked in black hoods, Stephen Joseph's two disciples stand behind, hidden in their darkness. Stephen is sitting in a high-backed chair, lit by two torches, one on each side.

 

Stephen Joseph, book laying in his lap, flips a few pages and finds what he was looking for. He begins:

 

"The first woe is past; two other woes are yet to come. A Revelation in Revelations...More...More to Come."

 

He murmurs some, the continues.

 

"During those days mean will seek death, but they will not find it; they will long to die, but death will elude them. Zack, I know this is how you feel."

 

"Come, let me free you"

 

Stephen Joseph closes the book, stands up from his chair, and departs from the room with his two acolytes, the infernales. As the camera darkens, a door on the other side opens, and in walks El DANDY~! and Spiderpoet, munching on burgers.

 

Dandy: Whoa...Popick's doing his freaky thing again. Oh sorry Poe, I know you're religious too...but...

 

Poet: He scares me too buddy. But remember what he did for us. We're all he has now...We've nothing to be afraid of.

 

Dandy: That's good.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Jesse: Well, how about that...Doesn't Stephen seem focused?

 

JR: I'd say he better watch out for some holy retribution!

 

Jesse: But he is holy JR...

 

JR: Holy my ass!

 

Jesse: What else is holey JR, besides your boxers?

 

JR: They are...

 

Jesse: Haha, just pulling your chain. But, the Dream Machines seem to have rather large holes in ...

 

Coach: Dammit Jesse...Shut you fat mouth ego up and let us call our own damn wrestlers and shows!

 

Cole: ::Gulps in amazement::

 

Crowd: Coach! Coach! Coach!

 

Jesse: Why I oughtta...

 

Coach: What? Impeach me? Go blow some of your own wrestlers...This is our time. Cole? Cole?

 

Cole: ::Snaps out of it, in awe of Coach:: Wha?

 

Coach: We have next a great match right?

 

Cole: Oh yeah...WHATAMATCH!!! But first, a bit of ongoings backstage with the Dream Machines...Premier HeldDown Talent!

 

Coach: Unlike those Ottther guys, our gimmicks entertain!

 

(The Dream Machines are seen in their locker room bandaged up from their trip through the window this past HeldDOWN! Parka is leaning against the wall with his arms folded while the other two sit down)

 

PARKA

Words cannot describe how much I hate Totally Endorsed.

 

EDDY

Now Leroy we shouldn't use the word hate (looks at his cuts and bruises) Then again...

 

PK

A whole night of washing off blood and picking glass out of your hair sure puts things in perspective.

 

(Parka pulls a folded up piece of cloth from his bag and opens it up to reveal pieces of glass)

 

EDDY

Why do you have those?

 

PARKA

Eddy you've taught me something. You taught me to turn my anger around and use it for positive results. Each piece of glass assures me of how positive I am that we're gonna kill Totally Endorsed.

 

EDDY

Parka you need to be focused for the match. That kind of anger is only going to mess you up.

 

PARKA

Anger? Who said I was angry? Going through that glass made me think. Violence in that ring is my therapy. When we're good...I feel good. The more you push me the more I'll give you and TE just pushed a little harder than usual. Tonight will be the happiest night of my life because tonight I will take out my frustrations on Calvin and Colvid.

 

PK

Let's go...it's time.

 

(As the Machines leave their locker room the camera cuts to Totally Endorsed who are all decked out in the new summer fashions and drinking Powerade from the cool Matrix bottles. All the members of TE walk to the ring with smiles on their faces thinking that they have broken the spirit of the Dream Machines)

 

COLE

Totally Endorsed seem proud of themselves for sending The Dream Machines through a window this past Thrusday.

 

COACH

When do they not seem proud of themselves?

 

CUE: I Ran (From Grand Theft Auto: Vice City, now on PC)

 

(Totally Endorsed comes out handing out samples of Pepsi Twist, which one fan takes a sip of, spits it out, and throws the sample back at TE. Terry Simmons gets smacked in the head with the sample and goes to attack the fan, but Colvid grabs him and calms him down. Once they get to ringside Calvin grabs a mic)

 

CALVIN

Welcome everyone to School's Out brought to you by....

 

CUE: California Love REMIX~!!

 

COLE

Dream Machines interrupt Calvin and he's livid!

 

(Calvin looks pissed about being cut off. The El Camino pulls up beside the stage and bounces for a bit before coming to a rest. The door opens and out steps Eddy Kalm...but no one else. Totally Endorsed looks on with confusion as Eddy waves to them. Out of nowhere PK and Parka come running into the ring from behind and attack Calvin and Colvid, who are in the ring)

 

*DING DING DING*

 

PK and Parka waste no time in clotheslining Colvid over the top rope and then picking up Calvin and hitting an Awakening!

 

COLE

Dream Machines attack from behind and hit a Hart Attack on Calvin!

 

COACH

That's the Awakening Cole! We haven't seen them use that move in awhile! Cover by Parka! 1...No! Only a one count.

 

Parka picks Calvin up and whips him to the ropes. Calvin ducks a clothesline and comes back with one of his own that knocks Parka down. Calvin picks him up for a Vertical Suplex brought to you by Pepsi! Calvin walks over and tags in Colvid. They whip Parka to the ropes and hit a Double Shoulder Block brought to you by Enter the Matrix now on X-Box, PS2, and Gamecube!

 

COLE

How do TE get all their moves sponsored?

 

COACH

I don't know, but maybe we should be sponsored?

 

COLE

Who would sponsor us?

 

Colvid grabs Parka and goes for a German Suplex, but Parka elbows his way out and Snapmares him over. Parka runs to the ropes and hits a Short Dropkick to the back of Colvid's head! Parka then tags in PK.

 

COLE

PK has been tagged in for the first time this match!

 

As Colvid is getting up PK hits a big boot that sends him back down. PK grabs him up and hits a Snake Eyes into the corner on him. As Colvid stumbles back PK hits a Full Nelson Slam!

 

COLE

Great move by PK! Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

No!!

 

PK waits for Colvid to get up and then clotheslines him back down. As PK follows through, he ends up near the ropes. Calvin reaches over and punches PK in the face, which only angers PK who leaves the ring to chase Calvin. As PK rounds the corner of the ring, Terry Simmons Shoulder Blocks PK down.

 

COLE

Oh come on ref! This isn't fair!

 

COACH

Termmehre Swimones wiff a greeg shomer bwock!

 

COLE

What!? (Notices Coach has a big wad of gum in his mouth that Candie gave him) Will you quit chewing gum on the job!

 

The ref leans out of the ring to yell at Calvin to come back. While the ref isn't looking Colvid lays Parka out with a chairshot that knocks him off the apron.

 

CANDIE

I would like to take this time to tell you about New Mountain Dew Livewire! Only around for the summer, because something this intense cannot last forever!

 

COACH

I gotta get me some of that!

 

COLE

Coach!! Don't talk about a young lady that way!

 

COACH

I was talking about the Mountain Dew!

 

Calvin high fives Candie for the great product placement and then rolls PK into the ring. Cover by Colvid who was waiting inside.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thr...No!!

 

Colvid picks up PK and sets him up for a Volume Spiker! PK struggles to get out of it so Colvid plants a couple of forearm shots to the back of PK. He goes for it again, but PK Back Body Drops Colvid. Colvid gets up and ducks a PK clothesline. Colvid quickly grabs PK from behind and hits a German Suplex with a bridge.

 

COLE

Beautiful move! Cover 1...2...No! PK kicks out!

 

Colvid picks him up and hits a Scoop Slam followed by an Elbow Drop. A quick cover gets only a 2 count. Colvid picks him up and hits a Brainbuster for another 2 count. Colvid tags in Calvin and the two of them hit a Double Team Backdrop Suplex.

 

COLE

Great teamwork by Calvin and Colvid.

 

COACH

Kind of like us Cole!

 

COLE (Under his breath)

I do most of the work.

 

 

Calvin quickly runs to the ropes and hits an Elbow Drop on PK. As PK gets up Calvin hits a beautiful DDT brought to you by Snickers Cruncher - Crunch This. Calvin then tags Colvid back in. Colvid comes off the top rope with a Leg Drop and goes for a cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

No!!

 

COLE

TE have "totally" cut off PK from his partner.

 

COACH

How long did it take you to come up with that?

 

Colvid whips PK to the ropes and hits a Spinebuster, but instead of covering he picks him up and whips him to the ropes again. This time he hits a Powerslam on PK. Colvid tags Calvin back in. Calvin waits for him to get up and then hits a Springboard Moonsault DDT brought to you by XXX now on DVD.

 

COLE

What an amazing move!

 

COACH

Bah it wasn't that good of a movie.

 

COLE

I said move not movie! Clean the wax out of your ears!

 

Calvin asks for a Pepsi to be tossed to him. He opens it up and drinks it Steve Austin style, while pinning PK with one foot.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thre....No!!

 

Calvin does a spit-take with his Pepsi as PK kicks out. PK starts to pull himself up by grabbing onto Calvin. Calvin swings back with the Pepsi can as if he were going to hit PK with it. The ref grabs Calvin's hand as he tries to swing it, causing Pepsi to fly into the ref's eyes. While the ref is blinded, PK hits a low blow on Calvin, which pops the crowd. PK takes a sip of the Pepsi, spits it in Calvin's eyes and whacks him in the head with the can. PK then takes the opportunity to tag in Parka, but the ref wasn't able to see it and cuts Parka off before he can do anything. The crowd boos the decision as Calvin grabs PK and hits a Reverse DDT brought to you by DELL Computers...Dude you're getting a DELL!

 

COACH

I'm getting a Dell!? Woo Hoo!

 

COLE

...Calvin with a cover 1...2...3.NO!! Only 2!

 

Calvin tags in Colvid and whips him to the ropes!? Calvin then Back Body Drops Colvid towards PK, but on his way up Colvid sees Parka pull PK out of the way and adjusts so he lands on his feet. Colvid runs over and hits a Forearm Shot to Parka that sends him to the outside. Colvid sees PK coming at him from behind and kicks back hitting PK below the belt. He then turns around and hits a Belly to Belly Suplex on PK. Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

Broken up by Parka!

 

COLE

Parka in to make the save!

 

COACH

PK really needs to tag out!

 

Colvid tosses PK into his corner and then spits in Parka's face. Parka tries to come into the ring, but the ref stops him. During the distraction Calvin chokes PK with the tag rope. PK throws some elbows at Calvin's head causing him to let go. As Colvid turns back to PK he is hit by a massive Clothesline. PK is down, but begins to crawl to his corner. The crowd stands as PK reaches out for a tag. Colvid leaps at PK to stop the tag, but he's too late. Parka comes in and Dropkicks Calvin off the ring apron. As Colvid comes charging in Parka hits a Drop Toe Hold, sending Colvid face first into the bottom turnbuckle. Colvid busted open his lip upon impact and decides to roll to the outside for a break. Calvin and Colvid huddle up with Candie and Simmons on the outside. Candie hands out little cups of Powerade to both men to cool them off. Parka sneaks in and Candie hands him a cup too without noticing who it was. Simmons goes to Shoulderblock Parka, but he moves and Simmons barrels through Candie, knocking her out. Parka downs the Powerade and Clotheslines Simmons over the guardrail. Colvid kicks him in the gut and goes for a DDT on the outside, but Parka reverses it into a Release Northern Lights Suplex on the outside! Calvin tries to attack Parka, but PK comes in, grabs him, and sends him into the ring post. Parka rolls Colvid back in and hits a Slingshot Legdrop back in. Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thre..No!

 

COLE

I thought for sure that Parka had him there.

 

COACH

Almost only counts in Horseshoes and Handgrenades Cole!

 

Parka picks him up and signals for the Supercharger! One Suplex...two...three..., but Colvid rakes the eyes to keep from getting the Michinoku Driver. Colvid hits an Inverted Atomic Drop on Parka and tags in Calvin. Colvid plants Parka with a Scoop Slam and then whips Calvin to the ropes. Colvid tosses Calvin over for the Back Body Drop Senton Splash in memory of Dave Thomas!

 

COLE

What a move! Colvid used his own partner as a projectile weapon agains Parka!

 

COACH

Shhh Cole I was taking a moment of silence for Dave Thomas!

 

COLE

Cover! 1...2...PK makes the save!

 

Colvid goes to pick Parka up, but PK pulls Colvid out of the ring by his feet. PK then sends him to the ring steps and goes to kick his head into the steps for even more damage. Colvid moves at the last second and PK kicks the steps sending the top portion flying. The ref comes outside and stands between PK and Colvid. He tells PK to get back to his corner as Colvid rolls back in. Parka Legdrops Colvid right as he comes in the ring. He grabs Colvid and hits a Half Nelson Suplex with a bridge! Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thr...No!!

 

COLE

Wow! He bridged a Half Nelson Suplex! I can't believe that!

 

COACH

You don't watch much wrestling outside the OAOAST and WWE do you Cole?

 

Parka then grabs Colvid and hits a Fisherman's Buster. Parka shakes his head to say he's not done yet. He picks Colvid back up and hits a Tiger Driver! Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thre...No! Calvin breaks up the count!

 

COLE

Parka is trying to knock Colvid out cold!

 

Parka picks up Colvid and tosses him head first into Calvin, who is standing on the apron. Calvin is knocked to the floor and Parka gives Colvid a Russian Leg Sweep! Parka bounces off the ropes and hits a Leg Drop. He then climbs to the second turnbuckle and comes off with an Elbow Drop. Parka gives the crowd a big grin as he leaps into the air and comes crashing down with a Jumping Fist Drop! Parka signals that's it and sets Colvid up for a Day of the Dead. Calvin jumps back up on the apron and pulls Colvid off Parka's back. Calvin tags in and comes running at Parka, but Parka Drop Toe Holds him to the mat. Parka tags in PK and then sets Calvin up for a Powerbomb. As Parka lifts him up PK gets into position and grabs a Neckbreaker on the way down, completing the Deep Sleep! Parka exits the ring as PK goes for a cover. Colvid comes in and pulls PK off and pushes him into the ref. As the ref is distracted Colvid pulls Calvin back to his corner and waits to tag back in. As order is restored the ref sees Colvid tag back in.

 

COLE

What was that!? TE are using all the dirty tricks!

 

COACH

He saw that his partner wasn't doing too well and tagged out Cole!

 

Colvid walks right into PK's arms and PK hits a Knight Roll! Two Vertical Suplexes and a Falcon Arrow finish off the Knight Roll. PK wastes no time in pulling him back up and placing him on his shoulders for The Knightmare! PK hits the move and goes for a cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thre...No Calvin breaks up the count again!

 

PK picks Colvid up and goes for another Knightmare! Calvin runs back in and pulls Colvid off PK's shoulders. The ref yells at Calvin to get out of the ring. PK grabs Calvin and sends him flying over the top rope. Candie is finally up and gets in PK's face. Candie starts yelling at PK and even slaps him in the face. Colvid sneaks up from behind and rolls PK up.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thr...No!!

 

COLE

The distraction allowed Colvid to sneak in!

 

COACH

It's hard to concentrate when the beautiful Candie is around...trust me...I hardly ever can....

 

COLE

Can what?

 

COACH

Huh?

 

Colvid goes to Clothesline PK, but PK ducks. As Colvid comes back PK hits a Hot Shot on him and then tags in Parka. Knight lifts Colvid onto his shoulders as Parka goes up top. Parka leaps off and gives Colvid a Hurricanerana off PK's shoulders for the Dream Catcher!

 

COLE

Dream Catcher!! We haven't seen that in awhile!

 

COACH

That's it! This match has to be over!

 

COLE

Cover! 1...2...What the Hell!?

 

Calvin comes in and shatters a framed pane of glass over Parka's head!!

 

REF

Ring the bell!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

CALVIN (With a mic in hand)

This glass pane was brought to you by Empire Glass! Located at 2121 South 10th Street in Hoboken, NJ! Hahahahaha! (Calvin laughs as Parka lies bleeding)

 

COLE

OH MY GOD!! Calvin just shattered that glass over Parka's head! He's sick!

 

YOUR WINNERS BY DISQUALIFICATION IN 22:45 - THE DREAM MACHINES

 

(Totally Endorsed towards the back Calvin holds his arm in the air as he continues laughing)

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Coach: BACK to you Jesse ::white-cracka...::

 

Jesse: You say something you ...?!

 

JR:Look! The IZ GM is in the ring. Let's see what he has to say.

 

Jesse: Don't distract me!

 

 

Damian Gonzalez

As GM of Intense Zone, one of my purposes is to bring you, the fans, the best matches and competitors in the world. You already know we have the best matches as shown by the card you will see tonight. And you all know we have the greatest competitors in the world. Well, tonight IZ upgrades itself in the competitor category. We have not one, but two debuts here tonight. (crowd errupts) Let me say it is an honor and a privilege to introduce to you this great superstar. While he may only be familiar to those who subscribe to Pro Wrestling Illustrated or have a Puroresu tape dealer, he will soon be a household name here in North America. All the way from the Orient, I give to you:

 

 

DANGEROUS A!!!!!!!!

 

 

Lights go completly out in the building.

 

A spotlight shines on the entraceway. The opening riffs to "Mr Brownstone" blare over the arena speakers.

 

Dangerous A appears at the entraceway! The crowd showers him with raucous cheers! DA is wearing sunglasses and a long leather duster. He has dyed blonde hair. The spotlight follows him as he makes his way into the ring.

 

JR: Wow, what an aquisition! Dangerous A is here in the OAOAST!! IZ's summer forecast just got hotter!!

 

Jesse: Who the hell is this guy, JR? I thought this was gonna be someone else's debut.

 

JR: This guy is an immediate impact player. He's dominated in Japan, as well as Europe. If you aren't familiar with him now, you soon will be.

 

Once in the ring, DA hits all four corners and raises his fists to the crowd. After that, he gets in the center of the ring where he shakes hands with Damian Gonzalez and they both bow their heads to each other in respect. (crowd applauds this) Damian hands DA the mic and steps over to the side.

 

 

DA

 

First off, I want to say thank you to all of you for giving me such a warm welcome. It comforts me to know that respect is still a virtue here in the US and all over North America. (crowd claps and sighs relief that he speaks perfect English) For those of you who are not aware of me, I AM DANGEROUS A!!! (crowd breaks out in cheers because they like when he yells) For many years, I've wrestled in some of the greatest places around the world and have competed at the highest levels.

 

The one place I haven't been able to compete as of yet is the OAOAST. The OAOAST is very popular amongst the Japanese. We have access to tapes and with the exception of one or two native promotions, it is extremely popular. Witness the sellout at the famed Tokyo Dome for Anglemania II!! I was there in the front row witnessing the great action your superstars presented and was blown away. It was from that event that I decided that I should bring my love and competitive spirit here to the US and North America. And with the graciousness of Damian Gonzalez, I am now a part of the OAOAST!!! (crowd errupts and the mention of their beloved promtion) I look forward to competing very shortly and bringing my own flavor of wrestling as well as sharing my passion for this business with all of you. (crowd applauds politely)

 

"Walk on the Wild Side by Lou Reed" suddenly starts to play. Dangerous A looks over towards the entrance way and watches as Banky slowly slithers from behind the curtain.

 

He has his jet black hair slicked back with a rough beard showing through. He is wearing tight black pants, a black t-shirt that says BANKYWOOD, and cowboy boots. Dangerous A has a confused look on his face as he points over to the entrance way. Banky continues to walk slowly until he finally makes his way to the ring. He looks over to Dangerous A and signals for him to move aside. The crowd is booing fiercly as this is the first time they have seen the 'Country Music Primadonna' in the flesh.

 

Jesse: We are witnessing history folks...the first cross over star in OAOAST history...

 

JR: He's a pompous jackass...

 

Jesse: He is a TALENTED pompous jackass...

 

Banky: Hey DA, aren't you happy to see me...friend?

 

Dangerous A shrugs his shoulders

 

Banky: Oh come on, you remember me, don't you? Yea, continue to play the innocent role in all of this. Let the truth be known, the Dangerous One is the reason why I am here today. He is the reason why Banky settled on signing with the OAOAST. I could have wrestled anywhere in the world, anywhere I wanted. But I chose this hellhole. Don't get too comfortable fans, it'll be a short stay. So now you may ask, why are you here? To be blunt, I am here to destroy this sonuvabitch!!

 

DA: Wha...

 

Banky: Shut up!! You've done enough talking. Sucking up to all of these fans, kissing their asses. Talking about respect....what do YOU know about respect? Ha-ha, not a goddamn thing! I'll teach you the meaning of fucking respect!

 

JR: Whats he talking about?

 

Jesse: Sssshhhh!!

 

Banky: Details are in the past. Those will stay behind closed doors. But the future...well the future will be front paged news on all of the dirt sheets. Entertainment Tonight, MSNBC, TRL - they'll all cover this major story. And these fans here, and watching worldwide will be apart of something beautiful. They are witnessing the seads of a revolution...and THE REVOLUTION WILL BE TELEVISED!!

 

Dangerous A walks over to Banky and gets in his face. Banky lifts up his right arm with the microphone in his hand and puts it up to his mouth.

 

Banky: Yah, do something tough guy. Or do you respect me too much?

 

JR: What is going on?

 

Jesse: What is the history behind all of this?

 

JR: I haven't a clue

 

Banky: I am giving you 5 seconds to get up off of my space, bitch.

 

1

 

2

 

Dangerous A isn't budging

 

3

 

4

 

Dangerous A stays

 

4 and a half

 

5

 

Dangerous A is staring coldly into Banky's eyes. The Country Music Primadonna looks timidly around the ring. The fans are buzzing in anticipation. Damian Gonzalez attempts to get in between the two men.

 

Damian: Why are you here right now? I have alotted you time on this show for lat....

 

Banky shoves the GM to the ground in disgust.

 

Banky: Shut the fuck up, this is none of your goddamn business! (returns attention to DA) If I didn't have a concert tommorrow, I'd break my hand on your face.

 

DA smirks to himself. The fans begining to laugh.

 

Banky: But your family? They're a different beast altogether.

 

DA isn't fazed by Banky's comment. Banky looks up to the rafters.

 

Banky: Hector, shine the light.

 

A spotlight shines down to the front row where a man in Riot Gear with BANKYWOOD spraypainted across the chest of his gear is standing over a young teenage boy.

 

Dangerous A looks over to see that the boy is his son. Suddenly, Banky pulls out a pair of brass knuckles and cracks DA across the face. The fans are booing. Banky stands over Dangerous A, watching him desperately try to crawl to his son.

 

Banky: Chainsaw, back off!

 

The man in the Riot Gear turns around like a robot and walks back through the crowd into the unkown. Banky stands over DA

 

Banky: Do you take me seriously now? Huh? Do you? Do...

 

DA whips his foot upwards in the air and drills Banky in the teeth. The momentum of the kick sends Banky directly to the mat. DA gingerly makes his way to his feet as Banky runs out of the ring down the isle.

 

Mr Brownstone plays over the PA as DA races over to his son. He gives him a big hug as the fans go crazy. Damian Gonzalez goes over to apologize to DA for the rude interruption.

 

JR: Dangerous A is a stand up family man. He is a rare breed in the wrestling business...

 

Jesse: But what about Banky? He has the resources to make DA's life a living hell. The guy is a bottom-less money pit.

 

JR: What caused this hatred? We'll have to wait and see. But these guys are on course to meet up in a violent way.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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JR: Folks, we just got word that another shake-up has happened on iZ!

 

Jesse: What, they finally fired Dames?

 

JR: No...but they did fire Kevin Kelly!

 

Jesse: Wow...I'm shocked. He always was a bit fat.

 

JR: We prefer horizontally astute there Jesse. Anywho, making his debut, the new iZ Backstage interviewer!

 

::New Backstage Reporter Teddy Long is standing by to get a word with Reject on his upcoming 3 way match with Jailbait and Orion::

 

Teddy: (Chasing down Reject) "Hey playa, lemme holla at ya for a second."

 

Reject: (Surprised) "Teddy! Hey whats up, what can I do for you?"

 

Teddy: "Well, I wanted to axe you a question bout tonight's match. How is it that a natural and spectacular athlete as yourself gets put into a match where he has to face two of his most hated rivals. What's the deal-o playa?"

 

Reject: "Hey, with what I bring to the table in the ring, the only way the OaOast could hold me back was to put two opponets in the ring for me to beat on all day. They know that Reject equals BUYRATES, so you and me in a way can relate. You talk about the man holding ya back, and I always have the OaOast offcials tugging at my sack. So, tonight, ill show everyone that the Reject is in and that the real reason we order the PPV is about to begin. (Waves someone in) Come on kid, let's rock this joint."

 

::The camera swoops to the right and it NAS!!!!::

 

Teddy: "PLAYA, PLAYA, LEMME HOLLA!!!"

 

::Nas continues to walk with Reject::

 

Teddy: "Ah man, don't be haterizing, stop drinking that Haterade!"

 

JR: "Well, that was certainly a surprise for all of us. Jesse, NAS is here!"

Jesse: "Who? Who in the hell is Nas? I know who he shouldv'e gotten, how bout some Def Leppard babay!!!"

JR: "Jesse, your dating yourself there, your really showing your age."

Jesse: "Well, how bout some Limp Bizk......"

JR: "Oh Hell NO!!! Don't say that, they might actually show up...."

 

:: "How I Could Just Kill A Man" hits, but its not Rage Against The Machine blaring through the speakers....its....its...OH GOD!::

 

JR: "Good god, Jesse, I told you not to say anything, dammit to hell."

Jesse: "Yeah, Limb Bizkit is here!"

 

::Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst plays Jailbait to the ring. Jailbait is wearing a black hoodie that is covering his entire head, almost Rey Jr. mask style::

 

JR: "This is a new look for Jailbait, and no better way then to unveil it at an OaOast Pay Per View!"

 

::Fred is continuing to rap and it is going on in excess of 5 minutes. Jailbait tries to grab Fred and tell him to wrap it up, but Fred pulls away and continues to dance.::

 

JR: "These perfomances are hard to come by you know."

 

Jesse: "Yeah, but the tension is beginning to build already in Jailbaits eyes."

 

::Durst finally finishes and the lights go back down::

 

JR: "Oh man, what is gonna happen next!"

 

::The lights come up and a a spotlight is on Nas!! The song "Hate Me Now" begins and Nas raps Reject to the ring::

 

JR: "Now here is a real Hip-Hop artist Jesse!"

Jesse: "What chu talkin bout dawg!?"

 

::The crowd is on their feet as Reject makes his spectacular entrance. The New York wrestling icon is far jumps far ahead of Nas and begins to pose in the ring.

 

All of a sudden, Orion runs wildly to attack Nas. He hits him repeatedly with a chair and Reject runs out after him! Nas is carried out the arena in a strecher!::

 

JR: "Orion has attacked Nas. Orion has put down a vicious attack on Rap star Nas, what is gonna happen next!"

 

Jesse: "That kind of stuff needs to stay out of the arena of play, why is he paying for the beef between these two?"

 

::The bell rings as the action begins with Orion and Reject battiling on the outside. Reject goes for a series of kicks, but Orion catches the final one in the chest and gives Reject a capture suplex on the arena floor. Jailbait watches cautiously inside the ring.::

 

JR: "My god, that suplex folded Reject in half, as Orion makes his way to the ring. Reject is badly hurt on the outside and Jailbait takes a wild suicide dive to the outside!! That was an amazing dive by Jailbait!"

Jesse: "That move was a risk that paid in full for Jailbait, you gotta remember that this match also is proving ground for Jailbait as well as he wants to prove to many that he belongs here in OaOast."

 

::Jailbait sends Orion in and gives him a HIGH~! backbody drop followed up by a DEEP~! armdrag. Jailbait seemingly wants to slow this one down and work on the mat. As they both trade takedown's, Reject flies over the top rope with a double mssile dropkick!"

 

JR: "That Kick was spectacular as well, what extention on that one"

 

::Reject takes both men and sticks them both in the corner and attempts to give them both avalanches but misses. Jailbait and Orion continue to pound away on each other in the corner and Jailbait begins to work on Orion's leg with repeated kicks. He takes him down witha dragon screw leg whip into a leg lace and wrenches back on it. As they both are locked up on the mat, Reject comes of the top rope again with a FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH! Unbelieveable!::

 

JR: "Reject is becoming like a thorn on the side of both these men as he is interuppting the submission holds of both men."

Jesse: "Well, he's in this match two, he is just getting pummeled in there though."

 

::Reject begins to graze both men with rapid kicks and continues where Jailbait left off with working on Orion's leg. Orion is beggining to hurt badly from these moves directed at his legs here and is visably limping.::

 

JR: "The first man to get a good hold on Orion's leg is going to get this victory no doubt about it."

Jesse: "Its obvious analysis like that that makes you the best play by play man in this business, JR."

JR: "Shutup and call the match."

 

::Orion is thrown to the outside and Reject and Jailbait go eye to eye. Jailbait slaps him in the face and begins to pound on him the corner. Reject quikcly reverses and chops him red. Jailbait removes his mask and spears Reject down to the ground. The streetfight like brawl erupts as they begin to just wail on each other with no regard for their themselves.::

 

JR: "This has degenerated into nothing but a street fight between these two men. Jailbait swings wildly and misses! Reject nails the Enzugiri! Jailbait is down and Reject climbs the buckle and hits a split legged moonsault! Jailbait is reeling here, he has got to get out of this or he is gonna lose this match."

Jesse: "Jailbait is reeling and if Reject hits this Tripe Play~! then its all over!"

 

::Reject moves in for the Triple Play and Hits! Jailbait is completley out.

 

1............2..............Orion breaks it up as the last second!

 

Reject nails Orion in the thigh and Orion crumbles down. Reject goes to the outside and grabs a chair. He has revenge on his mind for Nas! He holds it high, but Jailbait dropkicks it back into his face!::

 

JR: "Jailbait is on his last legs here, he barely got all of that dropkick. Reject rolls out of the ring and Orion takes Jailbait down with a belly to belly suplex, but cannot capitalize because of the badly injured leg."

 

::Jailbait gets to his feet first, but a spinkick to the beack of his head takes him down courtestry of Reject. Reject grabs Orion and sets him up for the Lethal Rejection. Reject lifts and hits it!!

 

1..............2.................kickout at 2!

 

Reject is frustrated and goes to the top rope with Orion with him. Good god its Instant Replay!!!!

 

1...............2................kickout at 2 again!

 

Jailbait gets back in and hits the No Mas on Reject and and goes for the cover

 

1...............2................Kickout at 2!

 

Orion grabs Jailbait and nails a fisherman's suplex

 

1..............2............Kickout

 

Reject gets up and hits Pitch Black on Orion and heads up top. FIVE STAR FROG SPLASH ON ORION'S LEG!::

 

JR: "My god, he shattered his leg, that has got to be it! 1, 2, ahhhh broken up by Jailbait at the last second. My god, what a bout!"

 

Jesse: "There laying it all on the line tonight JR!"

 

:: Jailbait grabs Orion's leg and goes for the figure four but Orion rolls him up

 

1.............2..................3!!! Orion wins!!::

 

Winner: Orion @ 12:15 via rollup

 

JR: "That was a hell of a match from three of the young star of OaOast, Jesse!"

Jesse: "Orion is being attacked after the match by Reject JR. Thats what I love to see, cripple him!"

 

::Reject takes Orion's leg and wraps it across the post as Jailbait hold his arms. It seems the mutal respect between Reject and Jailbait has finally come to pass, at the expense of one Orion.::

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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The lights dim.

 

CUE: "Simply Ravishing"

 

JESSE "THE BODY" VENTURA (VOICE-OVER)

From this very arena, it's The Body Shop with Tony "The Body!"

 

Tonight's guest...

 

ANGLESAULT

 

And Tony delivers another installment of BODY LANGUAGE!

 

Here's your host...TONY "THE BODY!"

 

Pryo shoots off on the stage, spotlight hits Tony "The Body," sitting at his desk.

 

THE SET: The same set (i.e., TONIGHT SHOW style, ice scpulture head of Tony, etc.) used at AM II, only change is an addititon of a "golden mic" on top of the desk.

 

TONY

Welcome to The Body Shop. I'm your host, and the key to your heart, Tony "The Body."

 

Crowd boos.

 

TONY

Right back at ya. Lots of chaos going in within the OAOAST, much like the Democrats trying to find somebody who won't get runned over by Bush in 2004.

 

A laugh track is played over the loud speakers after every "joke."

 

TONY

Here's a hint for you: QUIT! It worked for past OAOAST "stars."

 

TONY

How about the Detriot Tigers? Man, oh man; many believe the team will break the record for most losses in a season, which I think is 125 or over 130. I didn't know Angle-Plex managed the team. Although we should of known as the entire "Quit Squad" play for the Tigers.

 

What's with the city of Detriot having shitty sports team? Without the Red Wings and Pistons, they're a city full of losers. The only cool things to come out of Detriot: Robocop and Axel Foley. That's why they don't call the movie "Detriot City Cop."

 

Congrats go out to our very own Paul Stanley for the birth of his son this month.

 

Tony leads the crowd in a round of applause.

 

TONY

You have to wonder if he's really the father, you know, Gene's boinked soooooo many women he might be the father of half the children of the world.

 

Tony wipes his foreheard.

 

TONY

That one sucked.

 

Crowd laughs.

 

TONY

This past Tuesday marked the end of the television series "Buffy the Vampire Slayer." Buffy as I call her, decided to move on. Yep. After Scooby-Doo 3, Gellar will star in the revamped ABC reality series "My Movie Career is Going Nowhere! Put Me Back on TV!"

 

Laugh, dammit!

 

TONY

Also this week the U.S. government raised the terror-threat level to orange -- which means high. The OAOAST is also doing its part in keeping America safe by raising the "boring meter" to the highest level possible -- Hosslike -- for the Mister Warrior/Caboose match later toight.

 

Hahahahahaha!

 

TONY

Major, major debate within the OAOAST offices, concerning our next pay-per-view event the "Great Angle Bash". Yeah. It appears the name of the event was nearly changed to the "Great ANAL Bash," after current OAOAST Champ Zack Malibu receives the gift of hurtin' by OAOAST execs to keep his title awhile longer.

 

QUICK HITS

 

TONY

What do you call RAW? Answer: A bad Kevin Smith movie.

 

What do you call a Democrat in the oval office in 2004? Answer: No chance in hell!

 

What do you do to long-time OAOAST members? Answer: You fire them.

 

What do you call my opening monologue? Answer: Lame because the censors cut my best -- and most likely offensive -- joke.

 

Hear that sizzle? That's my monologue on fire! Before we get to our guest, let me address something. A few weeks ago Caboose said I can't take responsibility for the problems the OAOAST experienced. Well Caboose, how the hell is it my problem when I didn't do shit?! Just because I had a title that said I was the "Executive Producer," doesn't mean I ran everything. You want to know who's to blame...? CWM & BPP. So smoke that, bitch...! or as you kids say, beeyotch!

 

Anyway, what a show we have for you tonight. The real OAOAST champion Anglesault is up next after this word from myself.

 

BODY LANGUAGE

 

THE ECONOMY

 

Tony walks down a run down street.

 

TONY

People ask how can we boost the economy. Well my poor, stupid friends -- I'm here to tell you.

 

Tony stands in the middle of the "street."

 

TONY

You see this street?

 

The street looks like hell; runned down buildings, homeless people almost everywhere, hookers -- ugly hookers -- all around.

 

TONY

A dark gloomy night in this poor town. Bums on the streets waiting for the producers of "Bum Fights" to appear and have them fight over money. You see, they're waiting for a cruel world. Now look at MY street.

 

Tony walks across the "street," which is clearly a set, to show a high-class city, full of manisons and big business.

 

TONY

No worries here. Now, look at my street on drugs.

 

Nake women everywhere; booze all over the place, orgies.

 

TONY

Orgies, parties, living life to its fullest. Now you're street on drugs.

 

The place is dead.

 

TONY

Get the picture. To boost the economy, buy drugs, have wild orgies, bang hookers, but just live life to it's fullest. Oh, if the cops or high-ranking officials try to bust you -- hint: they consider all of my "Keys to Success" illegal -- just say "I'm helping the economy."

Later, poor souls.

 

TONY

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, the REAL OAOAST champion...Anglesault!

 

KISS YO ASS GOODBYE~!

Dream On his and Anglesault walks down the ring, doing a full spin along the way ala Ric Flair. The crowd is split 50/50 on the former and only two-time OAOAST champion. Anglesault makes his way to the ring, takes off his robe and greets Tony with a handshake and hug-something that would never happen just three months ago.

 

TONY

'Sault, welcome.

 

ANGLESAULT

It's my pleasure Tony. And I'd like to add, it's been WAY too long since we've last talked.

 

TONY

I agree, long time comin'. Although it's great to see you again, especially after all the bad advice from team OAOAST, like the fake OAOAST champion Zack Malibu. But we're not hear to talk about Mr. Morris -- before we talk about your opponent -- well, more like your next win...

 

Crowd boos.

 

TONY (CONT'D)

What a lot of people don't know is, you're the Executive Producer of the OAOAST, a title I held for nearly a year but politics from moron labor groups forced me to resign, but you took over, and I gotta say, there's nobody else who can do a better job than you. What's it been like running the show, if you will?

 

The crowd is caught kind of offguard with that revelation.

 

ANGLESAULT

What's this? Oh, you sons of bitches didn't know that, I'm, as I like to say, the boss? Hey, Tony, they had NO CLUE that everytime they buy anything OAOAST related, they line MY fucking pockets, one way or another!

 

AS and Tony laugh, crowd is livid.

 

ANGLESAULT (CONT'D)

Well, Tony, aside from the obvious financial perks, it's a fucking pain in the ass. I have to deal with these God damned people everyday. And believe you me, eight hours a day everyday dealing with some of these assholes is like being forced to watch Treble Cleft's greatest hits. I swear, sometimes I think the money is the only thing keeping me going. I'm sure you can relate.

 

TONY

Absolutely. With all the critics trying to pretend they know how to run a now Fortune 500 company, it's great seeing da money flow in. That's why Roger Ebert bitches about most blockbuster films: he can never be in one! Just look at the guy.

 

Speaking of money, what about that K-Money kid?

 

Crowd pops.

 

TONY (CONT'D)

I know he beat you--

 

AS looks at Tony with a

stun-look on his face.

 

TONY (CONT'D)

in a clear fluke. He cheated by sling-shotting you into the post -- and the rule states ramming anybody's head into the steel ring post is illegal, but the crooked board of directors and commissioner of HeldDown hate you, namely Bill Watts and Johnny Mosley or whatever that comissioner's name is -- who got his job based on contacts within the company, NOT because he was the best person for the job. What about that chump K-Money?

 

ANGLESAULT

That little son of a bitch better keep his ass away from me. Because I know and he damn sure knows that if he presses his luck with me again, bad things will happen to him. Bad things tend to happen to people who FUCK with me, wouldn't you agree?

 

TONY

100%. I know first-hand. Switching subjects now, what about your 2 out of 3 falls match against Some Guy -- who's my biggest fan?

 

ANGLESAULT

Is there even a question? I mean for Christ sakes, I'm a TWO TIME World champion. His most influential moment was when he QUIT. Hey Some Guy, you want to complain about me always making you my lackie? Well guess fucking what, buddy, that's all you were GOOD for. You think I don't know what someone has to offer? Well NEWS FUCKING FLASH: The OAOAST is my personal chessboard. I move people around at will based on their skill. And I knew you'd never be anything more than a footnote. Now, normally I would cast you aside. But I needed a lackie. And let's face it Some Guy, you were like a dog. Loyal, stupid and inferior.

 

TONY

What's your take on Some Guy's apparent friendships with the OAOAST champion Zack Malibu, and fellow "Quit Squad" member Caboose?

 

ANGLESAULT

Heh heh. Well, whoever said that birds of a feather flock together certainly had a point. I mean, really, let's look at the two guys Some Guy has allied himself. Caboose? This man quit more often than he won. Some reliable back up there. And Zack. Does anyone really think Zack values friendship? This is a man who stole his best friend's girlfriend. The lowest form of lowlife. What Some Guy doesn't realize, is that when he becomes a burden to Zack, Zack will drop him like an old fad.

 

But don't think Some Guy is on a moral highground here. Oh fuck no. We're dealing with a bitter, slightly demented human being. The guy blames everyone else for his problems. Of course, that isn't exactly strange behavior for a compulsive alcoholic. But to the rest of us who can actually put the damn bottle down, it's a negative trait.

 

CUE: "Sexy Boy"

 

AS & Tony give each other a WTF look, and quickly stand up and get behind the desk. Despite the fact they look somewhat worried, they're not hiding. Seriously...they're not. They're just protecting SG from a massive beating.

 

SG makes his way to the set and he's not dancing. He grabs the golden mic on Tony's desk.

 

TONY

Welcome old pal, friend, brother, my favorite OAOAST superstar. Mi casa es your casa.

 

Tony's lips shake as he

smiles.

 

TONY

(to cameraman; under breathe)

Did I say that right?

 

SOME GUY

"First off there's nothing wrong with indulging in a little alcohol here and there."

 

Crowd pops.

 

SOME GUY

Look at you hero Stephen Tyler, who by the way is from Boston. It's kind of ironic that an arrogant, spoiled Long Island boy would worship someone from my hometown, don't you think 'Sault?

 

AS just stands there, looking at SG.

 

SOME GUY

You come out here with your BUTT buddy Tony and try to run me down and say that I'm not good enough to be anything but your lackey.

Well you chose Superstar as you lackey and I beat him. You chose Brock as your lackey and I kicked his ass. There's no one from your little crew left to feel my wrath but you, son.

 

AS, you think you're the man around here. Your a two time champ, whatever. I never got a shot at the belt because I was too busy keeping it around your waist.

 

OOOOOOh from the crowd.

 

SOME GUY

You want to act like you're "living on the edge" and your so "amazing" because your a producer here and you hang around with this...

 

SG points to Tony.

 

SOME GUY (CONT'D)

"Dude" who "looke like a lady."

 

Tony looks at the crowd, with an upset-look on his face.

 

SOME GUY

Tonight I'm going to toss you around like a "rag doll" and leave you "cryin'" if you think you can stop me "dream on" and after the match I'll go find your woman and give here my "big ten inch record" and let her feel my "sweet emotion", hell maybe I'll tape it for you. All you have to do "just push play" and watch her go "crazy" but if you want to give it a go all you have to do is "walk this way."

 

SG motions for AS to "Just Bring It."

 

AS heads right for SG, the two men go nose-to-nose.

 

TONY

Make love, not war. Wait a minute, Guy, I think you supported the war on Iraq, as did me and AS -- I think. Go to war, gentlemen! Go to War! If there's one thing all of mankind enjoys, it's total carnage.

 

ANGLESAULT

First of all, buddy you have no business quoting Aerosmith. It's just not your forte. I hear Hole is easier. You might want to try it.

 

And you beat Superstar. You beat Brock. Good for you. You still haven't beaten ME. And that's all that matters, "son."

 

You want to know why you never got a title shot? You never earned one. You never impressed me. You SUCKED!

 

Tony SMASHES the ice scpulture of his head over SG's head. AS stomps away on the fallen Some Guy, who has blood dripping from his forehead.

 

TONY

He made a terrorist threat! I'm just doing what's right for my country. God bless America!

 

As Tony stands straight, a giant American flag drops in the background ala the movie "Patton" and Tony salutes the crowd.

 

AS leaves the stage to grab something. Meanwhile, Tony gets a few licks of his own by pounding SG's bloody forehead with right hands. Happy with the damage done Tony adjusts his tie and steps aside, no doubt waiting for Anglesault's main attack.

Camera pans over the outraged crowd.

 

AS has a STEEL CHAIR and BASHES it on SG's knee, then stabs the ankle with the tip of the chair before applying the SCREAMS OF NO REPLY! Some Guy screams in pain.

 

TONY

Don't worry, folks. The only pain Some Guy is feeling is a HEAD-ache! Damn I'm funny. Hahahahaha

 

The already hostile crowd nearly riots as THE TRINITY run onto the stage and kick SG, who is still locked in the SoNR. AS let's go of the hold, points at the Trinity, then SG; Dandy holds up SG allowing SpiderPoet to SPIDERKICK him. Stephen Joseph grabs the steel chair AS was using eariler and repeatedly SMACKS it over SG's back. AS reapplies the SCREAMS OF NO REPLY, and Stephen once again proceeds to BASH the STEEL CHAIR over and over again on SG's back.

 

The crowd roars as the OAOAST champion Zack Malibu, with steel chair in hand, and Caboose, with cricket bat, run out to chase away the thugs who attacked SG. Tony and AngleSault stand their ground in the ring, allowing Zack and Caboose to pull Some Guy out with the Trinity disappearing through the crowd. The Trio of HeldDown slowly back up away from the ring, towards the arena ramp...Caboose and Zack leery of any more suprises, constantly checking out their 6.

 

And then, the lights went off.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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The crowd lets out a giant roar. Security and official scramble, attempting to ensure that anarchy does not break out. Men in suits with walkie-talkies run around on the floor, desperately attempting to get the lights back on.

 

JR: “Dammit, this always happens during our PPVs. We apologize for the power outage folks.”

 

Jesse: “Someone better not take my wallet. I’ve got lots of money in my wallet!”

 

JR: “You’ve got three tokens to Chuck E. Cheese, and that’s it!”

 

Jesse: “How dare you make such false accusations! I am insulted!”

 

JR: “It’s the truth, because they were my tokens that you took! You were complaining that your wallOH MY GOD!”

 

The crowd erupts as the man appears, standing on the desk. Both Tony and Anglesault have complete looks of shock on their faces, like they literally have seen a ghost. The man stands on the desk, dressed with heavy black boots, black jeans, a black t-shirt with an X across the chest, a long black leather trenchcoat, and a black bandana covering the top of his head. The only things abnormal about the man is a large white X covering his face, as well as a lighttube in his left hand, while his right hand, housed by a black glove, is held high in the air, shaped like a fist. The man stares into nothingness, a picture of defiance.

 

The crowd knows exactly who the man is, and they respond by chanting his name.

 

SANDMAN! SANDMAN! SANDMAN! SANDMAN!

 

The man stands on the desk, having finally lowered his right hand. Tony appears to have recovered from his shock, and picks the microphone back up.

 

Tony: “San, Sa, Sand, Sandman, what the h…”

 

The man bends over and grabs the microphone from Tony, who still appears to be too shell-shocked to even form any means of defense.

 

“I don’t know why you people are chanting that, and why you appear to be addressing me as such. That is not my name.”

 

The crowd stops the chant and becomes confused. Of course Sandman is his name. Sandman9000. What the hell is he talking about?

 

“Two months ago, on the biggest show this company has ever run, on what was supposed to be the biggest night of my career, I left. I walked out on this company without telling anyone what I was doing. Two months ago, I swore I would never return to this place.”

 

The man pauses, to gauge the reaction of the crowd. As predicted, they are still stunned. He continues.

 

“I decided I needed time to evaluate what was going on in my life. To try and figure out exactly what was wrong with me; that would cause me to walk away from what would have been the biggest moment of my life. And after two months of soul searching, I came to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with me. What is wrong is people like you ::he points at Tony::, people like you ::points at Anglesault::, and people like you ::he points into the crowd::. What you people had been doing for the past year, what you had been doing to me, was that you people had been killing me.”

 

Still confused, the crowd attempts to figure out exactly what has happened to Sandman.

 

“For one year, I competed in the most disturbing, heinous, painful matches known to mankind. And they have taken their toll on my body. I can’t sleep on my back anymore, because of all of the scars, and all of the spinal problems I have. I don’t wear this bandana because I want to look cool, I wear it because my forehead is so covered in scars, people stop in the street to point and stare. And I let my foolish need to entertain you people by killing myself bring me away from my path of righteousness.”

 

The crowd boos at that last comment, realizing that Sandman is the same asshole that he was when he left.

 

“I became so wrapped up in entertaining you people that I forgot what my purpose here is. My purpose on this earth is to show people the light. That the way of life I have chosen to live is the way all people on earth should live. That I have discovered that living the straight and clean life is the only way to live your life.”

 

Sandman crosses his arms across his chest, while the crowd boos even more feverishly. Tony and Anglesault have backed away from the desk, with looks of disgust on their faces.

 

“I know this is hard for some of you to realize, but hear me out. Why do you have the need to poison your body with toxic chemicals? Why do you have the need to destroy yourself? Why do you have the need to worsen yourself through foolish and ignorant actions? I ask you these questions not out of hatred, but out of love. I want to save you people. Save you from your own self-destruction behavior. Because you cannot be trusted to save yourself.”

 

Even more booing from the crowd now, as they have completely pulled a 180 from their actions minutes before.

 

“This place, however, the OAOAST. There is no salvation for this place. While my inner feelings tell me that even the heathens in this place should be saved, my knowledge of this place demands justice. For this is the place that nearly destroyed me. This is the place that drove me away from my path of righteousness. And for that, there is no chance of being saved. That is why I have returned. I am not here to save the OAOAST. I am here to DESTROY IT.”

 

Tony finally decides he has had enough, and approaches the desk, only for Sandman to turn and swing his lighttube into the air. Tony keeps his distance, knowing that Sandman will swing that tube at a moment’s notice.

 

“That is why, on the date of the next pay per view, I shall turn this company’s corruption against them. I am issuing an open challenge to every person in this company, regardless of position. For on the next pay per view, I do not care who I have to face, or how many people answer my challenge. I shall stand in the middle of that ring, surrounded by 200 lighttubes.”

 

Tony decides to take a dive for the microphone, but Sandman sees it coming and turns his body away from Tony’s outstretched arm. Oddly enough, Sandman does not hit Tony with the lighttube.

 

“While I do not wish to return to the actions which led me away from my path of righteousness, I do not return so out of ignorance and stupidity, I return out of a need for vengeance. For I shall not be removed from my path again. I shall not let anyone stop me in my quest for salvation. I will not let anyone stop me from destroying this evil place.”

 

Sandman tosses the microphone to Tony and hops off the desk, turning to leave.

 

Tony: “Wait, Sandman, why are you doing this?”

 

Sandman turns back and grabs the microphone from Tony again, getting directly into Tony’s face.

 

“As I just said moments ago, that is not my name. And if you cannot understand what I am doing after I just explained it, maybe you need to be the first person to go. As for my name, my name is Jacob.”

 

Jacob rears back and smashes the lighttube over Tony’s head. Stephen Joseph re-appears and grabs the headset away from JR

 

SJ: And NOW you know the REST of the Story!

 

Jesse: Ghack! ::Evenflow DDT comes from behind with a sitting reverse DDT!

 

Sandman...err...acknowledges with a nod the two men now replacing the iZ announce crew.

 

Sandman: They know. I am JACOB X

 

“Jacob X.”? ::The crowd murmurs

 

Jacob X crosses his arms over his chest, starting a hole into Anglesault while he backs away from the set. Tony is bleeding from the cuts in his head as EMT’s rush to the set to attend to him. The shot cuts back to the new announcers.

 

Stephen Joseph: Well, the bastards got what they deserved. They're both fallen men

 

Evenflow: Materialist fools. I think they understand now.

 

Stephen: Right. For all you fans ::Stephen gets on top of the announce desk. ::

 

THIS IS YOUR SALVATION!

 

Evenflow: Feels...like a rush...Cmon Popick, we got a match to get ready for...and two problems to solve.

 

Joseph: Piece of Cake.

 

The two leave the announce table, meeting up with "Jacob X" on the ramp.

 

The Trinity has been revealed.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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JR: Well, that sucks...I can't believe

 

Jesse: Shut up and commentate the next match. Serves everyone right

 

JR: How can you approve of those men?

 

Jesse: Because right now they have power JR. AND I LIKE MY JOB!

 

 

"Little Crazy" by Fight is already playing as J.O.B. Squad makes his way to the ring.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Ring Annoucer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest, is scheldued for one fall. And is a FATAL FOUR-WAY ELIMINATION MATCH for #1 Contendership for the OAOAST North American Championship. First, already in the ring at this time, weighing in at 195lbs. From Subarban Maryland, J.O.B. Squad!!!

 

J.O.B. Squad raises his fists in the air as he is met with a mixed reaction. He just stands there looking lost as "Little Crazy" dies down.

 

JR

J.O.B. Squad getting a mixed reaction from the crowd.

 

JESSE

I know that JR the narrator just said that!

 

The lights go out. The fans cheer as Blurricane jumps up from the entrance stage and onto it while pyro goes off and does a Hurricane-like pose. "Rock You Like A Hurricane" by Scorpions starts up as the crowd cheers. Blurricane comes running down the ramp with his arms extended as if he were flying.

 

Ring Annoucer: And now coming down the aisle, weighing in at 191lbs THE BLURRICANE!!!

 

JR

That Blurricane is goofier than a pet...

 

JESSE

We get it already!

 

The fans greet The Blurricane with cheers as he enters the ring and takes off his cape and twirls it around. J.O.B. Squad is laying in a different corner than Blurricane, who poses on the turnbuckle. He throws his cape ringside.

 

Suddenly, a lightning bolt hits the entrance stage.

 

JESSE

Whoa that almost made me spill my beer!

 

JR

Where did you get a beer?

 

Smoke covers the stage as the crowd boos viciously. Pyro shoots off and on the AngleTron, a Puerto Rican Flag is shown waving with the word "LIGHTNING" overlapping it in big blocky letters. "Bulls on Parade" by Rage Against The Machine starts as the crowd continues booing. Fog fills the entrance and from the fog, out comes Puerto Rican Lightning, Mr. Boricua, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. PRL stops at the entrance and sneers at the crowd while holding his Puerto Rican Championship over his left shoulder. He does the Curt Henning gum swat and begins walking down to the ring cool and cocky with a grin on his face.

 

Ring Annoucer: And accompanying to the ring by his bodyguard, Mr. Boricua, and manager, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, weighing in at 223lbs. From San Juan, Puerto Rico, he is the self-proclaimed Puerto Rican Champion, PUERTO RICCCAAAANNNNNN LIGHTTNNNNINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG!!!!

 

The crowd continues booing PRL but Lightning just ignores it and sneers at the fans before entering the ring. Blurricane and J.O.B. Squad clear the ring as Puerto Rican Lightning does the HBK pose while an elaborate display of fireworks go off behind him. The crowd begins chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" as P.R.L. poses with the Puerto Rican Championship. He then goes to the outside to jaw with the fans as "Bulls on Parade" dies down.

 

JESSE

These fans should show respect to an international legend!

 

JR

I didn't know we had an international legend coming tonight?

 

"Let Me Clear My Throat (Old School Mix)" by DJ Kool hits and the crowd immediatley pops from the first beat. Once the song begins, the crowd begins a chant of "Go Cap-pa! Go Cap-pa! Go Cap-pa! Go Cap-pa!" as The Mad Cappa comes out through the curtain dancing all the way through. He is clearly feeding off the crowd's love of him and is smiling all the way to the ring.

 

Ring Annoucer: And the last challenger, from Washington D.C., weighing in at 185lbs. The MADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD CAPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

 

JESSE

What is Cappa so mad about anyway?

 

JR

Maybe he heard you were commentating tonight.

 

The lights flicker on and off as a spotlight centers on Cappa. Puerto Rican Lightning is on the outside and has a cold stare into Cappa's eyes. He sneers at him and talks stratgety with The Lightning Crew. Cappa removes his hat and sunglasses as Blurricane and J.O.B. Squad make their way back into the ring. Everyone except PRL.

 

The music dies down and the bell sounds.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

JESSE

Here we go JR!

 

JR

This ought to be a slobber....

 

JESSE

I swear if you say that again I'll knock you out!

 

PRL hesitantly makes his way into the ring. The crowd is hot and begin chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" with TMC encouraging it. Lightning stares at Cappa.

 

JR

It looks like J.O.B. Squad and PRL will start off the match.

 

PRL and JOB circle each other for a second and lock up. PRL pushes JOB back to the corner and lays in some chops getting a "whoo!" from the crowd. PRL whips him to the opposite corner and charges in for a splash, but JOB moves. PRL manages to grab hold of the top rope and land with his feet on the turnbuckle to keep from smashing into the corner. He points to his head telling the crowd how smart he is. He then leaps off with a Crossbody onto a charging JOB, but JOB uses PRL's momentum to roll through it into a pin.

 

JR

What a reversal by JOB! He's got a cover!

 

One

 

Kickout!

 

PRL quickly moves to his corner and gets a kiss on the cheek from Lindsay.

 

JESSE

Alright! Kisses for everyone...except you JR! Women don't like BBQ Sauce Breath.

 

PRL stands and locks up with JOB. He whips JOB to the ropes and leapfrogs him. As JOB comes bouncing back PRL leapfrogs him again and pulls him down with an Armdrag, which he holds onto for an Armlock. JOB manages to stand up as PRL still holds onto his arm. JOB tries to punch his way out, but PRL throws a knee to his gut and Hip Tosses him. He Shoulderblocks JOB back down as he tries to get up and then bounces off the rope for an elbow drop. Cover.

 

JR

Cover by PRL!

 

One

 

Two

 

No!

 

JESSE

PRL showing me why he's one of my favorites!

 

JR

His lying, cheating, and cheapness has nothing to do with that?

 

JESSE

Those are just icing on the cake JR!

 

PRL picks him up, whips him to the ropes, and hits a dropkick. He waits for JOB to get back up, bounces off the ropes, and hits a Spinning Wheel Kick. Once again he waits for JOB to get back up and hits a clothesline this time. Cover.

 

JR

Another cover by PRL!

 

One

 

Two

 

No!

 

PRL goes to the apron, climbs to the top, and goes for a Missle Dropkick, but JOB sidesteps and PRL hits the mat hard. JOB picks him up and slams him down with a Body Slam. He runs to the ropes and hits a Legdrop on PRL. Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

No!

 

JR

He kicked out! JOB just couldn't keep him down.

 

JESSE

Of course not. You think Puerto Rican Lightning would let a guy with the name J.O.B. Squad pin him?

 

JOB picks him up, whips him to the ropes, and clotheslines him down. PRL gets back up and is clotheslined down again. JOB tells him to get up, but instead PRL rolls to the outside. He goes over to Lindsay and puts his head on her chest for comfort when all of the sudden Cappa runs up, grabs PRL, and throws him back into the ring. PRL turns around to yell at Cappa when JOB comes up behind him and drops him with a Backdrop Suplex. JOB holds on to a leg and flips him over. He then locks in a Surfboard Stretch on PRL. JOB leans back with it, but the ref sees that his shoulders are down.

 

JR

JOB's shoulders are down on the mat!

 

One

 

Two

 

No!

 

JOB sits up and locks PRL's head in a Dragon Sleeper position with the legs still locked for a Romero Special! Lindsay starts pounding on the mat to get PRL back into the fight. The Ref grabs PRL's arm and let's go. The arm drops.

 

Once

 

Twice

 

His arm stays up on the third time. Lindsay jumps up on the apron and argues with the ref. As the ref is distracted Mr. Boricua runs up behind JOB, reaches through the ropes and hits JOB in the head with the heel of one of his nice dress shoes. JOB falls back and lets go of the hold. PRL then crawls away from him to regain his composure.

 

JR

Dammit! What the hell is that Mr. Boricua even doing out here?

 

JESSE

Emotional support! All the greats have to be emotionally ready JR!

 

JR

You call hitting JOB in the head with a shoe emotional support?

 

JESSE

There was a fly buzzing around in there. That can distract you. It's not Boricua's fault that it landed on JOB's head.

 

PRL pulls himself up with the ropes and sneers at the crowd. He goes over and picks JOB up and whips him to the ropes. PRL goes for a clothesline, but in a last ditch effort JOB goes for his own clothesline. The two men meet with a double clothesline and are layed out.

 

JR

Double clothesline!! These two men are out!

 

JESSE

Oh good I'll have time for a beer.

 

JR

Will you stop?

 

JESSE

Hey! You can't say that line!

 

One

 

Two

 

Three

 

Four

 

Five

 

Six

 

Seven

 

Eight...JOB starts to get up

 

Nine...JOB starts to crawl towards Cappa for a tag

 

PRL grabs JOB by the foot and pulls him down. JOB tries with all his might to reach Cappa as PRL pulls on his leg to keep him away from the corner. PRL makes it to his feet, still holding on to JOB's leg. PRL pulls JOB up and looks to go for a Dragon Screw, but JOB kicks his other leg forward knocking PRL down. With a quick lunge JOB tags Cappa causing the whole crowd to pop! PRL sees Cappa coming and hurries across the ring on his knees to The Blurricane and tags him in causing the crowd to boo him for ducking Cappa.

 

JR

PRL is ducking Cappa! He doesn't want any part of Cappa cause he's scared!

 

JESSE

He's not scared JR. He's conserving energy so he and Cappa can blow the roof off this joint.

 

Blurricane comes in and locks up with Cappa. The two jockey for position and end up in the corner. The two make a clean break and shake hands. Blurricane even gives Cappa a *hokey thumbs up* that pops the crowd. The two lock up again and this time Blurricane sends Cappa to the ropes, but as Cappa hits PRL knees him in the back. Cappa takes a swing at him, but PRL drops down to the floor and grins at Cappa. Blurricane grabs Cappa from behind, gives the thumbs up, and goes for an Eye of the Hurricane. Before Blurricane can twist around Cappa spins around, grabs Blurricane, and hits a Spinebuster. Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

No!

 

JR

Blurricane kicks out! You can't keep this young man down!

 

JESSE

Well he is a superhero you know! At least that's what he says.

 

Cappa picks him up and goes for a Vertical Suplex, but Blurricane drops down behind him pushes him to the ropes for a roll up. Cappa holds on to the rope and Blurricane rolls back. Blurricane pops up to his feet and does a cheesy Superman-like pose. Cappa can't help but laugh. Blurricane grabs him, whips him to the ropes and hits a Flying Clothesline on Cappa. Blurricane then runs up to the second turnbuckle and hits a Second Rope Legdrop on Cappa. Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

No!

 

JR

These two young men are giving it their all. There's no other place to see action like this.

 

JESSE

Certainly not at your house.

 

Blurricane stands ready for Cappa to get up and runs in for a Shining Black! Blurricane stands up from the move right in front of PRL who tags himself in.

 

JR

Look at this! That damn PRL is sure happy to get in the ring when Cappa is down!

 

JESSE

He's ready JR! He just needed time to go over strategy!

 

PRL goes straight to Cappa and sets him up for a PR Nightmare, but Blurricane Superkicks PRL off Cappa. Cappa slowly drapes an arm over PRL.

 

JESSE

What a cheap shot from the Blurricane! I thought this man stood for justice!?

 

JR

Cover!

 

One

 

Two

 

No!!

 

PRL tries to scurry to a corner to tag someone, but Cappa grabs him by the foot causing the crowd to come to their feet. Cappa snaps PRL back towards him and takes him over in a Capture Suplex! Wasting no time, Cappa grabs PRL for a Cappa Bomb! As Cappa lifts him up PRL reverses it into a Hurricanerana Pin.

 

One

 

Two

 

No!!

 

JR

It will take a whole helluva lot more to put Cappa away than that! A helluva lot more!

 

JESSE

How much more??

 

PRL retreats to the outside where he grabs a chair. Side Swinging Moonsault to the outside on PRL, but PRL puts the chair up as Cappa comes down and Cappa collides with it. The impact knocked PRL down, but Cappa took quite a blow. Mr. Boricua helps PRL to his feet and holds Cappa in place for PRL to attack as Lindsay distracts the ref. PRL takes the edge of the chair and slams it into Cappa's gut. PRL throws the chair down and looks to Piledrive Cappa on it.

 

JR

No dammit! Damn you PRL you could end this poor kid's career!!

 

JESSE

Cappa knew what he was getting into!

 

He then gets a better idea and double underhooks the arms for a Annexation of Puerto Rico on the chair!

 

JR

Bah Gawd! This is gone to far!

 

Before he can lift him, Cappa low blows him and tosses him over the guardrail.

 

JESSE

Another cheapshot! Why is everyone picking on PRL tonight!?

 

The fans cheer and pat Cappa on the back as he hops the guardrail and picks PRL up by the head. Cappa tells the fans to move back as he slams PRL's head down on a chair. A fan hands Cappa a beer that he downs Steve Austin style and then smashes the can against PRL's head. Cappa turns and poses for the fans. PRL takes the opportunity to charge at Cappa, but Cappa Drop Toe Holds PRL head first into the steps that lead to the exit.

 

JR

Wake up ref! Quit gettin your jollies and get out there!

 

JESSE

Yeah get out there and see all the cheating that The Mad Cappa is doing! However I don't blame the ref...just look at Lindsay!

 

The whole time this is going on Blurricane and JOB watch on in amazement. Blurricane finally realizing that it has gotten out of hand goes to Lindsay to stop her from distracting the ref. Lindsay sees the Blurricane and starts to do a striptease.

 

JESSE

Why does Blurricane get all the fun?

 

Blurricane's eyes grow big and he puts his hand over his eyes to keep from looking, but he keeps peeking through his fingers. Finally Blurricane calls for his cape and when he's handed it he goes to cover Lindsay. The crowd shows their displeasure and even Cappa starts chanting, "Take it off!" Blurricane throws down the cape and as Lindsay turns to show her thong, Blurricane smacks her on the ass! Lindsay's eyes grow big as a look of shock comes over her face. Mr. Boricua jumps up on the apron to yell at Blurricane. Blurricane takes off across the ring, bounces off the second turnbuckle and hits a Shining Black on Mr. Boricua. The impact on the back of his head actually knocks him over the top rope and into the ring. Cappa throws a now bleeding PRL back over the guardrail and comes back to ringside. PRL's forehead had caught the edge of the steps to cause the cut. Cappa sees the chair still laying on the ground and points to it, looking for the crowd's approval.

 

JESSE

Aren't you going to rant and rave about Cappa now JR?

 

JR

Didn't PRL know what he was getting into?

 

The crowd says yes and Cappa sets PRL up for a Cappa Bomb on the chair. The ref is to busy in the ring trying to get JOB and Blurricane to quit giving Mr. Boricua a wedgie! As Cappa goes for it Lindsay comes up and rakes the back of Cappa. Her sharp fingernails leave welts on his back. As he turns around Lindsay slaps his face. Cappa looks pissed and grabs her by the hair. Without hesitation he plants a big kiss on her and even grabs her BUTT. She goes to slap him again, but he pushes her into PRL and they both fall to the ground. The ref finally gets Boricua out of the ring and sends JOB and Blurricane to their corners. PRL pushes Lindsay off of him and slides into the ring to get away from Cappa. PRL moves as fast as he can to JOB and tags him in. JOB gets in the ring and walks right into a Slingshot Shoulder Block from Cappa from the outside into the ring.

 

JR

What a helluva move! Cover!

 

One

 

Two

 

No!!

 

Cappa whips him to the ropes and hits The IMPACT~! Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thre...No!!

 

JR

Cappa wants to blast right through JOB and get to PRL! PRL doesn't realize what's comin' for him!

 

JESSE

PRL is more than ready for Cappa. But putting away JOB Squad won't be easy!

 

As JOB starts to get up Cappa grabs his head for an X-Factor, but JOB breaks free and fires off some punches on Cappa. Cappa goes to kick JOB, but JOB catches his foot and hits a Dragon Screw, but he doesn't let go. He stands up and hits another Dragon Screw. He holds onto the leg and puts a Half Crab on Cappa.

 

JR

Incredible submission wrestling from JOB Squad.

 

Cappa fights for the ropes, but PRL grabs the bottom rope and pulls back on it so Cappa can't reach it. PRL points a finger in Cappa's face. So Cappa grabs PRL's arm and pulls forward until he's to the ropes and plants a punch to PRL's head for good measure. JOB releases the hold and pulls Cappa up for a Backdrop Suplex, but Cappa flips over JOB's back and lands behind him. Cappa goes for a German Suplex, but JOB flips around back of him and goes for one of his own. As JOB lifts Cappa up Cappa hooks his legs behind JOB's thighs and rolls down and under JOB's legs, grabbing them on the way down for a Victory Roll!

 

JESSE

Did you see that? He's pulling tights!

 

JR

He is not!

 

One

 

Two

 

Thre..No!!

 

JESSE

No that's not it! Cappa didn't get the three!

 

JR

Cappa is pulling out all the stops to get to PRL!

 

As Cappa gets up JOB charges in and gets a boot to the gut from Cappa. Cappa then hits an X-Factor on JOB! Instead of going for a pin Cappa goes to the top rope. He moves a little slower than usual because of the work JOB did on his leg. As Cappa stands on the top rope PRL runs up and shoves Cappa off, but as Cappa leaves the turnbuckle he twists into a Side Swinging Moonsault that connects with JOB! Cover!

 

JR

Good Gawd Almighty! Cappa just changed directions in mid air!

 

One

 

Two

 

Three!!

 

JESSE

So long JOB Squad!

 

YOUR FIRST ELIMINATION IN 17:26 - J.O.B. Squad

 

The crowd boos J.O.B. Squad's elimination. Squad is shocked but relizes he's lost and so gets up, still feeling the effects of Cappa's Side Swinging Moonsault, slowly out of the ring.

 

As J.O.B. Squad leaves, PRL, Blurricane, and Cappa are all resting in different turnbuckles. They all stare at each other each slowly moving not sure what the other one plans on doing.

 

The crowd is hot and begins chanting "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!". PRL covers his ears to drown out the noise but when that doesn't work, he slaps his forehead 4 times. He yells SHUT UP to the fans. Meanwhile, The Mad Cappa and The Blurricane are standing side by side.

 

JESSE

Someone needs to get in the ring.

 

The crowd is still hot as TMC and Blurricane stand side by side and look ready to fight Puerto Rican Lightning together! PRL is not scared and dares them to bring it. They do and the fight is on.

 

The Mad Cappa and Blurricane lay lefts and rights to Puerto Rican Lightning. The crowd is roaring with approval as Blurricane and TMC now lay boots on the fallen Lightning.

 

JESSE

This isn't fair!! They're double teaming PRL!

 

JR

This is everyman for himself. Cappa and Blurricane just decided to work together. It's good strategy!

 

The Mad Cappa heads to the top rope....legdrop. Cover. 1...2...Kickout!

 

Now Blurricane heads to the top rope and waits for PRL to get up. When he does, he hits a Diving Sunset Flip off the top rope. 1..2..Kick out.

 

JESSE

Ref!! Get control of this match!!

 

Blurricane covers again.

1..2..Kick out.

Mad Cappa covers.

1..2..Kick out.

Blurricane covers again.

1..2..Kick out.

Mad Cappa covers.

1..2..Kick out.

 

JR

Both men are taking turns pinning him! Bah Gawd this match isn't looking good for PRL!

 

JESSE

That's the understatement of the year JR!! Cappa and Blurricane should be disqualified!!

 

The fans are frustrated that PRL hasn't been eliminated and begin booing. TMC and Blurricane grab PRL and whip him to the ropes...they come back with a flapjack. TMC directs Blurricane to pick up Lighting. They whip him to the ropes again and do a double backdrop. Blurricane waits for PRL to get up...Shining Enziguri. He goes for the cover.

 

1..2...Kick out.

 

Cappa heads to the top rope again....missle dropkick. He then holds onto PRL's legs....Walls of Cappa! Cappa has PRL in the Walls of Cappa.

 

JESSE

Get to the ropes!!

 

JR

Hey you're supposed to be impartial!

 

JESSE

Hey kettle, this is pot calling to tell you that you are black!

 

The crowd is going crazy as Lightning screams in pain.

 

Lightning starts going for the ropes but Cappa holds on. He tries again and makes it to the ropes. However, when Lightning gets up, Cappa hits him with the X-Factor. He picks him up again Reverse DDT. He goes for the cover.

 

1...2...Kick out.

 

JESSE

I almost had a heart attack! You can do it PRL! Show these cheaters who's boss!

 

JR

I thought you liked cheating?

 

TMC becomes frustrated with not being able to pin PRL. He then applies a sleeperhold as the crowd chants "Mad Cappa! Mad Cappa! Mad Cappa! Mad Cappa!"

 

Lightning is slowly getting knocked out. Cappa continues holding on as the referee checks his arm. He holds it and it falls down. He holds it again and it falls down once more. Finally, with the crowd on their feet, the ref grabs Lightning's arm, and it doesn't fall.

 

JR

This could be the end of PRL!

 

JESSE

No he's still in it! He's not done!!

 

Lightning begins to get up. He elbows Cappa in the gut and heads for the ropes. He goes for a clothesline but Cappa ducks...The Fall From Grace. Blurricane goes for the cover.

 

1...2...Kick out.

 

Cappa goes for a roll-up.

 

1..2..Kick out.

 

JESSE

My heart can't take this much longer!

 

Cappa and Blurricane do a double vertical suplex. Blurricane grabs Lightning and Irish Whips him to the ropes. PRL ducks a Blurricane clothesline and comes back with a spinning wheel kick. He waits for Blurricane to get up and hits a dropkick. He goes for the cover.

 

1..2..Kick out.

 

Lightning grabs Blurricane and goes for a vertical suplex, but Blurricane holds on and hits his own vertical suplex. He then does one of his superhero poses and climbs the top rope. He waits for PRL to get up...and goes for a flying crossbody. Cover.

 

1..2..Kick out.

 

JESSE

Why are there still three men in the ring! Can't this ref get control?

 

Lightning immediatley gets up and arm drags Blurricane and Cappa several times. He dropkicks Cappa and then goes for the P.R. Nightmare on Blurricane. However, Blurricane pushes out....and into a Cappabomb! TMC goes for the cover.

 

1...2...Mr. Boricua gets up on the ring apron.

 

JR

Dammit why is Boricua on the apron!

 

JESSE

He's sick of all the cheating too!!

 

The referee stops his count to confront Mr. Boricua. While this is going on, Cappa waits for PRL to get up...BUST A CAP! BUST A CAP! The crowd goes crazy as Puerto Rican Lightning does a Rock oversell of the move. The Mad Cappa goes for the cover but the referee is still being distracted by Mr. Boricua.

 

JR

Bust a Cap!! Bust a Cap!! Bust a Cap!!

 

JESSE

Careful JR you could get shot saying that so loud. This isn't over anyway so calm down!

 

Cappa sees this and goes to confront Mr. Boricua.

 

Meanwhile, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez grabs something from her leather jacket. It's a can of mace and she slips it into PRL's right hand. He slowly gets up and...sprays Mad Cappa with the mace while Mr. Boricua continues to distract the referee.

 

The Mad Cappa is in serious pain from the mace and lies on the mat. PRL takes this time to cover Cappa. Mr. Boricua gets off the ring apron and all the referee sees is PRL covering Mad Cappa.

 

1.....

 

2.....

 

3!

 

YOUR SECOND ELIMINATION IN 24:23-THE MAD CAPPA

 

JR

Godamnsumabitch damn him to hell!! Gagmwhahaghruffajg!!

 

JESSE

What?? Have you gone mad JR?? Turnabout is fair play! Cappa and Blurricane have been cheating for the last 15 minutes!

 

The crowd is in shock. Puerto Rican Lightning laughs evily as chants of "P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks! P.R. Sucks!" fill the arena. Cappa is still on the mat from the mace so Lightning lays boots on him. Blurricane is resting and is horrified at what he saw. Lightning gets up as the referee goes to check on Cappa.

 

Cappa walks with some medical staff to the back.

 

PRL laughs.

 

JR

Yeah laugh it up! You'll burn in hell you damn (someone unplugs JR's headset)

 

JESSE

Oops! (Grins and plugs it back in when JR is a little more calm)

 

PRL immediately takes the fight to Blurricane. He whips him to the ropes and hits a Spinning Wheel Kick. PRL waits for him to get up and hits a Forearm Smash. Blurricane gets back up and is taken down again with another Forearm Smash. PRL goes for a third Forearm Smash, but Blurricane grabs him by the throat and hits a Chokeslam!

 

JR

Blurricane cuts off PRL's forearm smash with a chokeslam!

 

JESSE

He was choking him JR!

 

JR

Well no duh! It's a chokeslam! Cover! 1...2...No!

 

Blurricane picks him up, whips him to the ropes, and hits a Jumping Clothesline. He waits for PRL to stand again and hits another Jumping Clothesline. As PRL starts to get up, Blurricane goes for a Shining Black, but PRL catches him and hits a Powerbomb! Cover.

 

One

 

Two

 

No!!

 

JR

Bah Gawd what a move! PRL caught him!

 

JESSE

That just goes to show you how smart PRL is!

 

PRL grabs Blurricane and hits a German Suplex, but he holds on and does Rolling Germans! After three German Suplexes PRL goes up top. He then jumps off with a Diving Headbutt, but Blurricane rolls out of the way! PRL bounces off the mat hard! Blurricane makes his way to the top and waits for PRL to stand. Blurricane dives off for a Blurred Reality, but PRL ducks down and Blurricane lands hard on the mat.

 

JR

Both men have missed their finishers! Neither man is willing to lose this match!

 

JESSE

PRL won't lose this match.

 

JR

What makes you so sure?

 

PRL lets Blurricane stand up and then takes him down with a Forearm Smash...and another one...and another...and one last Forearm Smash. He then goes to the corner and starts warming up the band by stomping his foot. Blurricane gets up and PRL charges in for Superkick. With a burst of energy Blurricane leaps at the charging PRL and takes him down with a Neckbreaker Takedown. Both men are down and the ref begins his count.

 

JR

Both men are out!

 

1

 

2

 

3

 

4

 

5

 

6

 

7...Blurricane starts to stir

 

8...PRL starts to stir

 

9...Blurricane gets up

 

Blurricane catches PRL with a Shining Black as he starts to get up. He then goes to the top and waits for PRL to stand. When he does, Blurricane leaps off with a Sunset Flip off the top. PRL rolls through and stands up. He then grabs Blurricane's legs and flips over for a Bridge Pin.

 

One

 

Two

 

Thr...No!!

 

JR

Bah Gawd PRL used momentum to roll through the pin!

 

JESSE

Why are you still surprised JR? I'm tellin' ya PRL is smart!

 

PRL grabs Blurricane and whips him to the corner, but Blurricane runs up the turnbuckles and comes off with a Corkscrew Attack, but PRL sees it coming and sidesteps so that Blurricane hits the mat.

 

JESSE

What did I tell you?

 

PRL climbs to the top, pulls off his elbow pad, throws it, gives the crowd the FU gesture and dives off with the FU Elbow Drop. Instead of going for a cover he picks Blurricane up and hits a PR Nightmare and then motions that it's all over.

 

JR

PR Nightmare and Bah Gawd the kid is broken in half!

 

JESSE

It's all over now!

 

Puerto Rican Lightning goes for the cover.

 

1...2...And PRL picks him up.

 

JR

What the hell!? What does this sonofabitch have to prove?

 

JESSE

This is great JR!

 

The crowd boos but PRL smiles as he picks him up again and gives him another P.R. Nightmare. He goes for the cover.

 

JR

Fast count him ref! Just let this carnage be over!!

 

JESSE

JR are you advocating cheating by the ref!?

 

1...2...And PRL picks him up again.

 

JR

....

 

JESSE

Oh my God! JR is silent!

 

The boos get louder as the "P.R. Sucks!" chants start up again. Lightning smiles as he stands up and mocks one of Blurricane's superhero poses. He stands over the fallen Blurricane and kicks his head and dares him to get up.

 

PRL kicks Blurricane in the stomach several times. He jaws with the fans as the crowd boos him. The "P.R. Sucks!" chants get louder as Lightning jaws with the fans while Blurricane lies on the mat.

 

Suddenly, the boos turn to cheers as The Mad Cappa runs to the ring.

 

JESSE

Get him out of here! He doesn't belong out here!

 

Puerto Rican's smile turns into a angry frown as Cappa gets up on the ring apron and dares PRL to attack him. Lightning talks trash at Cappa....which gives Blurricane enough time and strenght to grab P.R. by his tights for a roll-up.

 

1....2....3!!!!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

YOUR LAST ELIMINATION IN 30:02-PUERTO RICAN LIGHTNING

 

[/i]JR

MAH GAWD, MAH GAWD!! Blurricane has won the match!!!

 

JESSE

He was pulling the tights!! PRL was robbed!![/i]

 

PRL is absolutely shocked and furious. The crowd is going crazy and Blurricane celebrates. The Mad Cappa talks trash to Lightning who is furious.

 

Ring Annoucer: Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this contest.... THE BLURRICANE!!!

 

JESSE

This is a travesty!!

 

JR

Blurricane is the number one contender to the NA Title bah gawd!!

 

"Rock You Like A Hurricane" by Scorpions begins as Blurricane runs out of the ring to and slaps hands with the fans at ringside.

 

Lightning is still in the ring and furious while Cappa shakes hands with Blurricane and raises his hands. The crowd cheers and they leave.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning is still upset. He starts throwing a temper tantrum but Mr. Boricua and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez calm him down. He is frustrated.

 

(A replay of the ending is shown on the Angletron which makes PRL even more mad)

 

JESSE

Who authorized that replay!? Ref look at the screen! He was pulling tights!

 

Lightning grabs the Puerto Rican Championship and walks angrily to the dressing room as the fans cheer.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Guest Big Poppa Popick

Backstage!

 

(Cut to a hallway, where a camera is following Crystal as she walks. She comes to the women's locker room, and knocks on the door. BLACK WIDOW pulls it open and smiles as she sees Crystal standing there. She steps out of the room and pulls the door shut behind her. The two women eye each other for a very long moment)

 

Widow

Heya kid.

 

Crystal

(Gives a heartfelt smile) I don't want to bother you . . . but look . . . given what happened a couple days ago on heldDOWN, if you don't want to compete tonight, I'll take a rain check.

 

Widow

(Shakes her head) No.

 

Crystal

Are you sure? I mean, you were almost burned alive . . . maybe you need some time off.

 

Widow

No . . . I need this. I need to be in the ring tonight. I need to know that I'm not a helpless victim, that I'm worth something, damn it.

 

Crystal

(Smiles) Okay. I can respect that . . . I'll see you out there.

 

Widow

Let's give 'em their money's worth, kid.

 

(Crystal smiles and nods before walking away, leaving us with a shot of Widow, a half smile on her face, but trouble softening her eyes)

 

COLE

Looks like Widow's determined not to let this stalker keep her down.

 

COACH

She's a fighter, Michael!

 

COLE

I think both of them are planning to give this THEIR ALL.

 

Cue: "I'm Just a Girl" by No Doubt

 

CRYSTAL~! makes her way out from the backstage area, and the fans POP! She makes her way down towards the ring with a big smile and gives high-fives on the way. She slides into the ring and htis the turnbuckle and throws a fist into the air much to the delight of the fans.

 

Cue: "Imaginary" by Evanescence

 

BLACK WIDOW~! emerges from the back to a FACE POP~! OMG! She smiles warmly at the reception, and makes her way down to the ring, even pausing to take a picture with one lucky stud in the crowd! Widow hits the ring and climbs to the top rope in the middle, throwing both hands up in the air and delicately balancing herself. She sprinboards back into the ring.

 

The bell rings are WE . . . ARE . . . ON~!

 

The two ladies circle each other and work out the kinks before lunging to the middle for a tie-up. Test of POWER for a few moments before Crystal gets the early advantage and knees Widow in the gut. Setup for a snap sulex but Widow BLOCKS and tries to roll through for a quick pin but Crystal ROLLS THROUGH and ESCAPES! Both on their feet and we've got another tie-up. Widow gets Crystal in the headlock and makes for the corner for something but Crystal pushes her away and Widow CRASHES into the CORNER! Stunned she backs right into a FULL NELSON SLAM from Crystal! Crystal goes for the quick cover -

 

1

 

KICKOUT and both ladies get to their feet with the quickness. Spring for the tie-up but Crystal ducks it, whirls and gets the waistlock. German attempt but Widow blocks and SNAPMARES Crystal! Crystal lands on her arse and is sitting up. Widow lunges back and springs off the ropes - DROPKICK TO CRYSTAL'S SPINE! Cover!

 

1

 

KICKOUT and Crystal rolls back and wraps her legs around Widow's ribs and flips her sideways onto her back. Crystal grabs the arm for the ARMBAR and rocks it back! Widow sells like a pro and tries to swing her free arm around to crack Crystal one good time to make her let go, but can't quite get there. The ref vultures down to check for a resignation but Widow says NO~! He asks again and gets a HELL NO~! and Widow starts squirming for the ropes. Crystal just rocks it back even harder and shakes her head. The ref asks Widow again and Widow says, SCREW YOU I'M ON THE ROPES and she snags the bottom rope. Crystal lets the hold go and gets back to her feet while Widow tries to haul herself up on the ropes with her good arm, drawing her aching arm in close. Crystal charges but Widow spots it and drops in low to FLIP CRYSTAL UP AND OVER TO THE OUTSIDE!

 

Crystal lands hard and Widow sprints for the opposite side of the ring. Rebound hard from the ropes and Widow TORPEDOES Crystal on the outside! BOTH ladies are DOWN and the crowd is LOVING it! The ref leans on the ropes and starts his count.

 

1

 

2

 

3

 

4

 

5 - Crystal begins to stir while Widow shakes her head and rolls to her hands and knees

 

6

 

7 - Both ladies are on one knee

 

8 - Both are up and they DIVE for the ring. Once inside, they both get to their feet and meet in the middle for the STAREDOWN with SMILES. The two exchange a little GIRL TALK~!, so to speak, and Crystal lands a RIGHT HAND! It's A BRAWL, people. Widow and Crystal trade punches back and forth for a minute before Widow BLOCKS and kicks Crystal in the Gut - DDT! SHE PLANTED HER! COVER!

 

1

 

2

 

KICKOUT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

DARKNESS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SPWM.jpg

 

 

 

 

White lights flash as if lightning is in the arena. The figure in black, as if pure evil has finally overtaken SPIDERPOET, rises from his kneeling position where he suddenly appeared in the ring during the darkness. He turns to face Widow and Crystal, Widow helping Crystal get to her feet, their match apparently crashed. The two look at one another, set their jaws, and stare straight at this intruder angrily. They're not running. The black figure looks back over his shoulder at them and turns, and begins walking towards them. Sensing danger, the referee approaches him, but the figure lashes out and chops the poor man in the throat, never missing a step. Widow and Crystal charge him, but he swats Crystal away before wrapping his fingers around Widow's throat. He catches her arteries and windpipe just right, and she can do nothing but dangle as he lifts her up and squeezes her innards.

 

Security jumps the railing and referees come scrambling from the back, and crowd the ring, trying to stop this insanity. SpiderPoet, apparently, tosses Widow down and turns to his attackers. Each guard or ref that gets near him is deftly taken care of with one or two well places hits, and within moments the ring is littered with men in fetal positions. Poet observes the damage and turns back to Widow, who is coughing up blood as she lies in the corner. He begins moving towards her, but CRYSTAL~! leaps up ONTO HIS BACK and tries her hardest to beat him down. Poet stops and looks back towards her, before twisting and throwing her off. Crystal lands on her feet and lunges back at him, but he swings a nasty roundhouse and catches her right in the jaw. Crystal's head snaps around and she drops to the mat.

 

The Black Poet turns his attentions back to Widow and stops over her. He drops to he knees, pinning her arms down, and he wraps BOTH hands around her neck, again trying to choke the life out of her.

 

COLE

We've got to break the silence here Coach!

 

COACH

When the only sounds of the ring are the choking last words of Black Widow, we can't just . . . just sit her!

 

COLE

Somebody's got to do something!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cue: By_Myslf

 

There's no theatrical waiting for the lyrics to kick in. None other than SPIDERPOET emerges from the back, BOOKING IT DOWN TO THE RING! THE CROWD IS GOING INSANE!

 

COLE

Wait - but that's . . . and in the ring! IT'S NOT SPIDEY IN THE RING!

 

COACH

Not yet anyway. Looks like there's another Spider in the OAOAST.

 

COLE

I thought SP had disowned Widow . . .

 

COACH

I think this is more complicated now . . .

 

SPIDER F'N POET slides into the ring, and the Black Poet is on his feet, forgetting about Widow for the moment. The two face off. Equal height, equal build, equal weight. One chooses black and white while the other wears red and blue. Both masks stare at one another for a brief moment. Poet having recently returned to wearing his. The Black Poet backs slowly towards the ropes on the ramp side, and flashes a three-fingers sign before backflipping over the top rope and backing up the ramp, ignoring the medical workers helping the security guards and refs that were taken out. SpiderPoet stands in the ring, watching, while Crystal gets to her feet beside him, lip busted open. She goes over to Widow, who is slowly recovering her breath, despite the slightly swolen imprints of fingers around her throat. Crystal helps her get to her feet and the two gaze at Poet darkly.

 

SP backs slowly away and leaves the ring, turning away from Widow and fixing his eyes on the twisted mirror image of himself standing on the stage. SP BOLTS towards the Black Poet! The fans pop huge as the dark one holds his hands out in a "Come on" gesture towards the charging SpiderPoet. Just as SP nears the stage, the lights frazzle out again. When they return a moment later, the Dark Poet is gone. SP stands on the stage, looking around in the spot that his doppleganger occupied a moment before.

 

Back in the ring Crystal and Widow are talking heatedly. Finally, they both nod to one another, and Widow goes for a mic. Her voice is rasped and her breath is short.

 

WIDOW

Is there a healthy ref?

 

One of the refs walking back up the ramp stops and turns.

 

WIDOW

This is a best of . . . of three series, dammit. (She looks up at Poet, who is watching from the stage) . . . thank you. (She looks at the waiting ref) But we've got a match to finish. Crystal and I are requesting that the match CONTINUE!

 

COLE

Oh My Gosh! Coach! They want to go on!

 

COACH

I'm not sure how smart that is . . . her throat could be hurt seriously! Crystal might have a hurt jaw!

 

The ref heads back towards the ring and slides in. He has a brief word with Crystal and Widow, probably voicing the same concerns that Coach and Cole just did. The two respond and he shrugs and looks at the timekeeper and signals.

 

DING DING!

 

Widow and Crystal slowly circle the ring, Widow rubbing her throat and Crystal wiping away the blood running down her chin. After a moment, the TIE UP and WE ARE BACK ON! The crowd is BUZZING, IMPRESSED by this! Struggle for power and Crystal wins this one, but Widow pushes her off into the ropes. Widow throws a knee up and sends Crystal flipping over, clutching her ribs as she crashes to the mat. Widow backs to the ropes and comes back and drops an elbow. COVER!

 

1

 

2

 

CRYSTAL KICKS OUT! Emotional and physical fatigue getting to them, both women are sluggish in getting to their feet. Widow goes for a right hand but Crystal blocks and lands one of her own. Widow goes for another and Crystal blocks again, but Widow blocks Crystal return attempt. Finally Widow quickly shoots Crystal into the ropes, but Crystal ducks the clothesline attempt and whirls. Waistlock - GERMAN SUPLEX! Crystal HOLDS IT - SECOND GERMAN SUPLEX! Crystal holds it and goes for the third, but Widow hooks the leg and blocks it, and elbows her way out. Widow moves around and wraps her arms around CRYSTAL'S WAIST - GERMAN SUPLEX TO CRYSTAL! SECOND GERMAN SUPLEX! WIDOW HIT'S THE THIRD!

 

COVER!

 

1

 

2

 

2 1/2 KICKOUT! CRYSTAL IS MADE OF STEEL! The two ladies slowly get to their feet, and Crystal swings a roundhouse - WIDOW BLOCKS! RIGHT HAND TO CRYSTAL! Crystal staggers back and Widow hits a boot to the stomach - MISSES TILDEBANG! HOLY CRAP! COVER!

 

1

 

2

 

FOOT ON THE ROPES! CRYSTAL GOT HER FOOT ON THE ROPES! THE CROWD IS GOING NUTS! Widow, unbelieving, rises to her knees and tries to catch her breath. Widow looks to the turnbuckle and pushes herself to her feet, making her way to the corner. She climbs tothe top turnbuckle and crouches, steeling herself - SPIDAHSAULT! SPIDAHSAULT!

 

 

 

 

CRYSTAL GETS THE KNEES UP! Widow crashes and bounces back, clutching her ribs. Crystal rolls to her stomach and pushes herself up, slowly getting to her feet. Widow doing the same, stumbling as her ribs send pain racing through her body. The two face off and Widow musters up the energy to charge, but Crystal reverses - and Widow reverses the reverse and sends Crystal to the corner! Crystal turns and lands with her back to the turnbuckles. Widow tries to make her way to her but pauses in a coughing fit, small bits of blood escaping her lips. She shakes it off and continues on towards Crystal, who is pulling herself up to a sitting position on the top rope. Widow climbs to the second and tries to land a punch on Crystal, but Crystal lazily blocks and kicks Widow in the ribs. Widow buckles and Crystal reaches over and pulls her in -- SIT-DOWN POWERBOMB FROM THE TOP ROPE! They land with a thud and CRYSTAL PINS HER ARMS DOWN WITH HER LEGS FOR THE PIN!

 

1

 

 

2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!

 

Cue: "I'm Just a Girl"

 

Your winner, Crystal!

 

Crystal gets away from Widow and gets to her feet. The ref is there to raise her hand but she shakes her head and tears away from him, instead kneeling beside Widow to help her up. Blood drools out of Widow's mouth as she kneels on all fours, clutching her ribs and rubbing her neck. It falls and pools on the mat, but when Crystal puts her arm around her, Widow nods and the two get to their feet. Widow wipes the blood away from her mouth and nods at the younger woman. The two embrace warmly, and Widow holds Crystal's hand up in respect.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Guest Big Poppa Popick

JR: Fans, next is the selection of the match in the SPIN THE WHEEL MAKE THE DEAL~!

Jesse: I hope that wheel is loaded, Jim Ross.

 

Mystery Eskimo and JINGUS stand before the OAOAST Wheel. A huge mass of security guards seperate them. Standing next to the wheel is Cowboy Bill Watts. A graphic flashes the 12 possible matches up on screen:

 

Arctic in a Cell~!

Spiked Casket Match

10,000 Lightbulbs

Last Man Standing

Quadruple tables Match

Barbed Wire Strap Match

30 minute Ironman with TLC

Electrified Cage

Inferno Match

Stun guns and night sticks

Thumbtacks, panes of glass and razor blades

Judy Bagwell on a pole

 

JR: These choices were voted for by fans on OAOAST.com!

 

Jesse: You sick bastards! Let Judy live her life with dignity!

 

JR: We have to assume an Artic in a Cell match would give Eskimo the advantage, although we have no idea what it is!

 

Jesse: I know what it is JR, don't worry.

 

JR: You do not! Let's go down to Bill Watts who will spin the wheel.

 

Watts: Now gentleman, the wheel will be spun once and once only, and there will be no disputing the result. Are you both ready?

 

:: Eskimo and JINGUS nod, staring holes in each other ::

 

Watts: Then...Lets SPIN THE WHEEL, MAKE US A DEAL!

 

:: Watts spins the Wheel hard, and the crowd POPS. The Wheel slows, ticking past Judy Bagwell...past Artic in a cell...and comes to rest...::

 

JR: Bah gawd! Thats exactly between two matches!

 

Jesse: Great wheel design guys!

 

:: Bill Watts looks at the Wheel and scratches his head. Then, a

decision ::

 

Watts: Ladies and Gentleman, the wheel has come down exactly between two matches. Therefore, we shall combine those two into one match, and bring you Iron Man TLC, with our competitors bound by a Barbed wire strap!

 

JR: Mah gawd! This is going to be crazy! What kind of match are these two in for? 30 minutes of TLC, with points for pinfalls and submissions, but if that isnt enought, they're going to be bound together by a 10 foot strap coated in barbed wire!

 

Jesse: Over gimmicked, Jim Ross. It should have been the Judy Bagwell match!

 

JR: You just said to leave her alone!

 

Jesse: Meh, she looked at me funny. Look,she's still on the forklift!

 

JR: Fans, we'll see this highly unusual match right now!.

It's going to be crazy.

 

SPIN THE WHEEL MAKE THE DEAL

30 minute Iron Man, Tables Ladders and Chairs in play

Competitors bound by Barbed Wire Strap

 

Mystery Eskimo vs JINGUS

 

JR: And now we come to what promises to be one hell of a match! Earlier tonight, the wheel was spun and destiny has brought us this bizarre, twisted event!

 

Jesse: It didn't really matter what match came out. Mystery Eskimo

CANNOT beat JINGUS. The Devilman has had the best of him at every turn.

 

JR: Well there's no denying that Eskimo has taken some hellacious

beatings at the hands of JINGUS. Some of our newer viewers - including you, Jess- may not remember an Inferno match almost a year ago, in which Eskimo made JINGUS quit!

 

Jesse: Aww, I don't care about that.

 

JR: The mutual respect forged in that Inferno match led to the

formation of the Miracle Weirdness Connection, a legendary tag team in the OAOAST.

 

Jesse: What is this Jim Ross, a history lesson?

 

JR: Jess, the point is that these two men used to be best friends!

Can't you understand the level of emotion that will be in this match?

 

Jesse: All that matters is that JINGUS pounds Eskimo into the mat and

goes on to take his rightful place at the top of the OAOAST.

 

JR: Lets go over to our special guest announcer, the FINK~!

 

Fink: Ladies and Gentleman, the following is the SPIN THE WHEEL, MAKE THE DEAL MATCH! TLC, Barbed wire strap, Pinfalls and submissions count ANYWHERE!

 

:: Crowd pops! ::

 

Fink: Introducing first, from HELL, weighing 350lbs...the Devilman,

JINGUS!

 

:: Verdi's "Reqeuim" plays as a shower of boos for the evil mutant hoss that is JINGUS. He strides down the ailse, picking up a pair of chairs in one massive paw and throws them into the ring. A table goes in too.

::

 

Fink: And...his opponent...from the Depths of the Artic, weighing

240lbs....and accompanied by DEREK THE FISH~!, Mystery ESK-I-MO~!

 

:: The crowd goes wild for the return of Derek the Fish! ::

 

Jesse: Oh no, what the hell is that thing doing here!

 

JR: Bah gawd! Bah gawd! Derek! Derek The Fish! Bah gawd! Derek the Fish! Fish! Fish! Fish! Derek! Derek! The! Fish! Fishy! Derek! Fish! Mah gawd! Mah Gawd! Fish!

 

Jesse: ...

 

JR: Derek the Fish is back Jesse Ventura!

 

::Derek leads Eskimo to the ring, dancing and playing to the crowd::

 

JR: Derek has been away for a long time, and the OAOAST has changed a lot since his last appearance on OAOMEF Breakout!

 

Jesse: He sucks!

 

:: Derek pulls out a full bottle of vodka, and chugs the whole thing ::

 

Jesse: Hey! Well maybe he's not so bad...is there any of that

backstage?

 

Eskimo slides into the ring and he and JINGUS square up to each other, the referee carefully grabbing the barbed wire strap and starting to attach it to the left hand of JINGUS, the right of Eskimo.

 

Jesse: That's not fair! Eskimo has the strap in his stronger hand!

 

JR: JINGUS is left handed, Jess.

 

Our referee completes attaching the strap and somehow separates the two men.

 

JR: This is it, Jess. The war between these two has been bitter and brutal. This could be the final battle here tonight.

 

::Derek the Fish leads the crowd in a chant of ESK-I-MO! ESK-I-MO!::

 

DING DING DING

 

JR: The 30 minutes has begun.

 

0-5 mins:

 

JINGUS and Eskimo stare at each other and circle the ring. In such an unusual match, neither is entirely sure how to procede. Suddenly, JINGUS starts to move. He grabs the strap, seemingly oblivious to the pain of the barbs, and starts to pull Eskimo towards him. Eskimo thinks about resisting, but then just goes with it, charging forwards and nailing JINGUS with a flying forearm that takes the big man off his feet. Eskimo wraps some of the strap around his fist and starts to punch JINGUS square in the face! The Devilman's mask keeps out some of the blows, but JINGUS is busted open already, blood starting to show round the edges of

the mask.

 

JR: What a shot! Blood already! JINGUS is in trouble in the opening

moments!

 

Eskimo throws a few more punches and covers, 1...2....JINGUS powers Eskimo off him and gets up. Eskimo turns around but walks straight into a lariat. JINGUS takes his turn with the strap, wrapping it round his massive hand and pummeling the face of Eskimo. He covers, 1, 2, Eskimo just gets a shoulder up.

 

Jesse: Hah! Eskimo got what he deserved for that cheap attack.

 

JINGUS sets up a table, and looks to CLAWSLAM Eskimo through, but Eskimo snaps the strap across the chest of JINGUS until he releases our icy hero. JINGUS moves in with a forearm shot, but Eskimo ducks and nails JINGUS with a beautiful dropkick that sends him down. Eskimo grabs a chair and as JINGUS climbs back up strikes him hard across the back. JINGUS goes down on one knee, and Eskimo hits him again with the chair, then follows with a couple of whips with the strap.

 

JR: Eskimo really stepping up his intensity here in an effort to take

it to the big man.

 

Eskimo wraps the strap around the throat of JINGUS and starts to try and choke him out! The crowd cheers Eskimo on as JINGUS starts to lose air and go down to the mat.

 

Jesse: That's a choke! Disqualify him!

JR: There's no DQ in TLC Jesse!

 

JINGUS is flat on his back and the referee covers..1...2..kick out!

Eskimo shakes his head and covers again, but the kick out is more emphatic this time and JINGUS starts to get back up. Eskimo tries to get the strap back round his neck, but JINGUS just grabs him with both hands and lifts him up...into a Baldo Bomb through the table!

 

JR: Mah gawd! What a move! Eskimo has got to be broken in half!

 

JINGUS covers in the wreckage of the table- 1...2....3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, JINGUS!

 

Jesse: YES! This is going to be so easy, Jim Ross.

 

Outside the ring Derek the Fish watches, worried. JINGUS turns to him as he extracts himself from the mess of table, strap and Eskimo, and growls horribly. Derek yelps and runs round to the other side of the ring. JINGUS begins to stalk after him, remembering occasions of kidnapping and fish abuse long ago.

 

Jesse: If he kills him, I'll take his alcohol.

 

5-10mins:

 

JINGUS is halfway out of the ring when he's stopped in his tracks- he turns and sees Mystery Eskimo holding onto the strap and shouting in pain. JINGUS abandons his fish hunt and grabs for Eskimo, but the Inuit kicks Big J square in the face and kips up. A Penguin Kick connects, but J doesnt go down. Eskimo swings behind him with a waistlock, and nails a German suplex! Eski holds the lock and delivers another! A third, this time directly onto one of the chairs JINGUS threw into the ring! The cover, 1, 2, Kick out!

 

JR: Eskimo is going to find it very hard to come from behind in this

situation. He'll have to practically kill JINGUS just for one pinfall!

 

Eskimo goes for the FROSTBITE FACELOCK out of the cover, but JINGUS shrugs him off powerfully and climbs up. They lock up, jockying for position in the middle of the ring. JINGUS predictably wins the battle and shoves Eskimo in the corner, and starts to whip him viciously with the strap. Cuts are opened up on the body and arms of Eskimo as he tries to cover his face. JINGUS, satisfied, drops the strap and selcts a chair instead. Eskimo is down on one knee and takes a shot unprotected to the back of the head. He goes straight down. The cover, 1, 2, Eskimo somehow kicks out!

 

Jesse: Dammit! That was 3! Come on referee!

 

JINGUS looks as unimpressed as Jesse, and starts to choke Eskimo out, before going for another cover, 1, 2, Eskimo kicks out at 2.9. JINGUS pauses for a few seconds before grabbing him up and nailing a shoulderbreaker into the center of the ring. The cover gets 2 again. JINGUS nails a belly to back suplex, and slides out under the bottom rope, the strap giving enough distance to grab a pair of tables from the stack at ringside and set them up, one on top of the other. JINGUS wraps the strap round the ring post and pulls, using the post to take some of the friction.

 

JR: A good move by JINGUS.

Jesse: He's smart, Jim Ross. That's why he's going to hold on to his

lead.

 

Eskimo is dragged out of the ring onto the floor, where JINGUS sets up for a DEVILBOMB through both tables! Eskimo uses the strap to escape once more, however, quickly wrapping it round the ankles of JINGUS as he is in position for the Devilbomb. JINGUS stumbles, and Eskimo goes down too. The two bitter rivals slowly untangle themselves, and its Eskimo who regains the advantage with a flurry of chops and an Igloo DDT onto the floor. Eskimo turns around and pulls down a LADDER from the stack of implements at ringside!

 

10-15mins:

 

Eskimo sets up the ladder next to the fallen JINGUS but the Devilman gets quickly up and grabs Eskimo, trying to irish whip him into the tables, but Eskimo, showing a burst of strength, won't go, and instead whips JINGUS into the ladder! The ladder crashes down but JINGUS doesnt. He turns and Eskimo hits a belly to belly suplex. The cover gets 2.

 

Eskimo wraps the strap around the body of JINGUS, and gives him another belly to belly! The barbed wire digs into both men, but Eskimo gets the cover for 2 more. Eskimo grabs the ladder, throws it and JINGUS into the ring and follows. Eski sets up the ladder in the corner, puts a chair onto the head of JINGUS, and slowly climbs up, the crowd popping as he gets to the top, the strap tight and waving in the air.

 

JR: Bah gawd! What's this!

Jesse: No! That's insane!

 

Eskimo salutes the crowd, before leaping off with a flying headbutt,

connecting and driving head and chair into JINGUS!

 

JR: MAH GAWD! WHAT IMPACT!

 

Eskimo looks to have taken at least as much damage as JINGUS, lying prone next to the Devilman on the mat...but suddenly, with a burst, Eskimo rolls over and drapes an arm for the cover!

 

1...2....3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, Mystery ESK-I-MO~!

 

JR: Thats 1-1 Jesse! Its level!

Jesse: That was a fluke. Eskimo got lucky.

 

Eskimo rolls off JINGUS, but realises he has another chance and rolls back. The cover, 1, 2, JINGUS kicks out. Both men lie prone as the crowd encourage Eskimo to get up.

 

15-20mins:

 

Eskimo and JINGUS start to crawl up, but its JINGUS up first. Eskimo

stumbles over KICK WHAM DEVILBOMB! 1, 2, 3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, JINGUS~!

 

Jesse: Ha! Eskimo was level for barely a few minutes! JINGUS showed his resilience!

JR: Well, I can't argue there. 2-1 to JINGUS and Eskimo is back behind.

 

JINGUS tries for another cover, but Eskimo kicks out at 2 1/2. JINGUS grabs a table and looks to suplex Eski through it, but Eskimo slips out and lands feet first onto the table! Eskimo kicks JINGUS in the head a couple of times, grabs the strap between two hands and leaps off, using the strap as a clothesline which connects with JINGUS! Eskimo covers, 1, 2, THR-no, JINGUS gets a shoulder up. Eskimo brings the Devilman up, and hooks in a full nelson- KILLERWHALEPLEX! and ANOTHER! Eskimo holds

the nelson again for a third KWPLEX, and holds the bridge..1..2..NO!

 

JINGUS kicks out again!

 

JR: Mah gawd! What punishment JINGUS is absorbing!

 

Eskimo sets up a chair, and whips JINGUS into the ropes. A droptoe hold sends JINGUS crashing onto the chair! The cover, 1, 2 NO! JINGUS kicks out and then sits up! Eskimo recoils in shock as JINGUS gets to his feet. JINGUS grabs the chair and throws it at Eskimo, who stupidly catches it and eats a BIG BOOT into chair and face. Cover, 1, 2, NO! It's Eskimo's turn to kick out, and the crowd was sure that was 3!

 

Jesse: C'mon. this ref is biased! That was 3!

 

JINGUS shakes his head. He grabs the ladder used a little earlier which lies in one corner and leans it in the corner, before sending Eskimo hard across the ring, crashing directly into the ladder. Eskimo staggers back, and gets a slice of luck as his legs collapse just as JINGUS swings a massive punch to the back of his head. J misses, and Eskimo rolls away, but JINGUS is back after him. The ladder has been knocked to the mat, and JINGUS calmly suplexes Eskimo directly onto it!

 

Eskimo shouts in pain and JINGUS covers..1, 2, NO! Eskimo still kicks

out! JINGUS drops a LEGDROP FROM HELL across the exposed neck of Eskimo as he lies still on the ladder! 1, 2, NO!

 

JR: What heart from Eskimo! How is he doing this?!

Jesse: He's paid the referee, Jim Ross!

 

JINGUS screams in anger, and lifts up the ladder with Eskimo still on

it!

 

JR: BAH GAWD WHAT STRENGTH!

 

JINGUS lifts the ladder and Eskimo above his head, and then slams them to the mat! Eskimo bounces off the ladder hard, but the impact snaps the strap, and JINGUS is thrown forwards, hitting his head on the ladder hard! The crowd is a little unsure how to react to that spot, but start to get behind Eskimo again, with the help of Derek. Both men pull themselves up.

 

20-25mins:

 

JINGUS slams Eski, and drops a knee for 2. The Devilman goes out and grabs another table, but Eskimo is up and gives him a basement dropkick to the head as he slides back in! Eskimo grabs the arms of JINGUS and brings him over with the TIGERSHARK SUPLEX, holding the bridge for 2. Eskimo tries for a belly to back suplex but his strength is running low and JINGUS elbows out and headbutts Eskimo down.

 

JR: Time running out now for Eskimo, and still 2-1 behind.

 

JINGUS moves in but Eskimo gets a cradle, and the strap is caught

around the leg of JINGUS, giving extra leverage, 1, 2, 3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, Mystery ESK-I-MO~!

 

Jesse: Plain luck, Jim Ross.

JR: You make your own luck in an environment such as this. Eskimo

deserves a fall for not having died so far!

 

JINGUS is furious and immediately CLAWSLAMS Eskimo onto the table he brought in which is still flat on the floor. JINGUS doesn't cover however, to the surprise of the fans, but starts to wrap the strap around the body of Eskimo and the table, so that the Inuit is pinned to it! JINGUS then covers! 1, 2, 3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, JINGUS~!

 

Jesse: Great thinking by the Devilman! Eskimo is tied to that table!

 

JR: But JINGUS can't move!

 

Jesse: Does he need to?

 

JINGUS covers again, 1, 2, 3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, JINGUS~!

 

JR: BAH GAWD! That's 4-2! This one is over!

 

JINGUS tries for the cover again, 1, 2, Eskimo kicks out!

 

JR: That strap had been loosened enough for Eskimo to escape.

 

JINGUS tries to tighten the strap, but Eskimo gets his hands free and starts to punch at JINGUS. Blood is soaking the body of Eskimo from being tied with the strap, but he has enough strength to force the Devilman off him, the strap releasing both men. Eskimo drags himself up as JINGUS comes back, but drags out a Penguin Kick that takes JINGUS down. Eskimo drags the table onto JINGUS, and pins that down with the ladder! The ref counts it! 1, 2, 3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, Mystery ESK-I-MO~!

 

Jesse: That's cheating! He wasn't even touching him!

JR: It doesn't matter, it's all legal! 4-3 to JINGUS!

 

25-30mins:

 

JINGUS pushes both ladder and table off with a roar, and SMASHES Eskimo with a lariat. JINGUS picks Eskimo up and drives him down again with a HELLBUSTER~!

 

JINGUS poses to the crowd over the fallen body of Eskimo, before

picking up the ladder. Big J sets it up and starts to CLIMB!

 

Jesse: JINGUS! What are you doing! You're not a high flyer and you're ahead!

 

The crowd pops in surprise as JINGUS climbs to the top of the

ladder...but Eskimo is up! Eskimo pulls on the strap, trying to get the Devilman off the ladder! JINGUS pulls back and they struggle for a few seconds, before the unstable ladder starts to overbalance! Eskimo helps it on its way..the ladder falls...throwing JINGUS over the top rope...and crashing through the two tables set on top of each other, from the start ofthe match! The tables are smashed everywhere and JINGUS takes a terrible bump on the floor. Eskimo slides out quickly, and covers...1...2...3!

 

Fink: The winner of the fall, Mystery ESK-I-MO~!

 

Jesse: Dammit! Dammit to hell! That's 4-4!

JR: A terrible mistake from JINGUS! And now anything could happen with just 2 mintues to go!

 

Eskimo tries another cover, but JINGUS kicks out!Eskimo moves in but JINGUS cradles him in the table wreckage, 1, 2, 3!

NO! Eskimo kicks out!

 

JR: 90 seconds remaining!

 

Both men are up and KICK WHAM DEVILBOMB! NO! Eskimo lowblows JINGUS to escape! The Devilman howls and topples back, and Eskimo brings him down with FROSTBITE FACELOCK~! And Eskimo uses the strap for extra leverage, holding it between his two hands, blood streaming down them as they cut in, but it's cutting into JINGUS too, and Eskimo wrenches back on the

head of JINGUS!

 

JR: 30 seconds remaining!

 

Jesse: Don't tap JINGUS! Hold on! He's not tapping JR!

 

JR: His hand is wavering!

 

20 seconds!

 

Eskimo and JINGUS are both screaming as the ref checks on JINGUS....

 

10 seconds!

 

The arm of JINGUS drops. The ref lifts it up. It drops! Lifts it up! It

drops!

 

5 seconds!

 

The referee lifts the arm a third time!

 

Jesse: Nooooooooooooo!

 

It drops!

 

DING DING DING DING DING

 

JR: The match is over! Time limit expired!

 

Jesse: YES! JINGUS didnt tap! It's a draw.A LUCKY draw for Eskimo!

 

JR: Wait a minute, let's here the official verdict!

 

The referee is talking to the Fink.

 

Fink: Ladies and Gentleman...before the time limit expired, our referee raised the arm of JINGUS three times, and it fell each time! Therefore, Mystery Eskimo scores a point for KNOCKOUT, and the final score is 5-4, the winner of this match, MYSTERY ESK-I-MOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

Jesse: NO! THATS BULLSHIT!

 

JR: What a performance by Eskimo!

 

"Too Cold" rocks the house as Eskimo is helped up by Derek the Fish and a team of medics! He salutes the crowd, getting a huge pop of approval, before collapsing into the arms of the medics, drained by bloodloss.

 

The medics struggle to get the huge JINGUS onto a stretcher, as the crowd applauds both men for their efforts!

 

JR: That was a hellacious match! Both men put it all on the line for

their pride and standing in the OAOAST! Who knows what will be next for these two STUDS!

 

Jesse: Woh, easy there JR. Now, where did that fish go?

 

JR: Stay there, Jess, I'll get you a soft drink. We'll be back, right

after this!

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Cole: Next up is the 'Duchess of WARRIORhood' match between Caboose and MISTER WARRIOR, let's see how these two came together...

 

:: Video Package to the sound of 'Knife Party' by The Deftones.

Scene 1: Caboose returns and helps Zack out against the Trinity.

Scene 2: Caboose makes his do or die speech about the OAOAST.

Scene 3: Caboose runs in MISTER WARRIOR and their past history is revealed.

Scene 4: MISTER WARRIOR burns Caboose's father's picture.

Scene 5: MISTER WARRIOR destroys Dick Blair and then Caboose on HeldDown.

Scene 6: Various clips of both men beating others and each other.

Scene 7: MISTER WARRIOR Shoulderblocking Caboose and leaving him a bloody mess on HeldDown::

 

Fink: The following match is the 'Duchess of WARRIORhood' match. In this match there will be 4 rounds each three minutes long. At the end of the match, the winner will be the first to acquire a pin fall in any of the rounds except the fourth round which will be a steel cage, and escape will be the only means of victory in that round. In all other rounds there is no disqualification, but the pin fall must be in the ring.

 

Coach: You got all that?

 

Cole: I think.

 

Fink: One final rule, MISTER WARRIOR is allowed to make up any rule whenever and however he wants...

 

Cole: What the hell? Talk about stacking the deck!

 

Coach: MISTER WARRIOR wants to test Caboose's WARRIORhood, as it were.

 

Fink:...however the rule must be approved by the Duchess of WARRIOR land herself!

 

Cole: Who the hell is that?!

 

The theme tune to Xena: Warrior Princess starts up and Xena herself, is carried out on a thrown. The crowd cheer loudly.

 

Cole: This is bizarre.

 

Coach: Xena is hot!

 

Xena is sat down at ringside next to the announcer's desk, as the crowd chant 'Puppies!'.

 

Finally lights go out and the crowd rises to its feet in anticipation.

 

'Cochise' by Audioslave starts up and strobe lights spiral around the arena.

 

Finally they settle on a single figure up the rafters and the crowd roars!

 

Caboose descends from the rafters and touches down on the entrance stage just as the lights return and 'CABOOSE' flashes on the AngleTron.

 

Fink: Introducing first, from Derby, England. Weighing in at 220lbs, CABOOSE!

 

The crowd cheer hysterically as Caboose starts his determined walk towards the ring. Caboose steps onto the apron, climbs to the second rope and glares around the arena, before lifting his left arm in the air which is brandishing his patented Cricket Bat, and raising more cheers from the crowd.

 

The AngleTron turns pink, and a yellow Warrior signal is projected onto the ring as 'Everybody Dance Now" by C and C Music Factory starts up.

 

Fink: And introducing next, his opponent from The Heavens, weighing in at 259lbs, MISTER WARRIOR!

 

Like HeldDown, half the crowd cheers, while the other half boo as MISTER WARRIOR comes running down the stage. With his right arm continually pumping the air. MISTER WARRIOR leaps onto the apron, grabs the top rope with both arms and he starts to wildly shake the ropes!

 

MISTER WARRIOR steps between the ropes, climbs into the ring and starts running around in a circle, while again pumping the air with his right fist. Caboose stands in the middle of the ring, and stares at MISTER WARRIOR who continuously circles him.

 

MISTER WARRIOR's music stops and he steps into the middle of the ring, facing Caboose.

 

The bell rings, and a clock appears at the bottom of the screen and is already counting down from 3 minutes.

 

The crowd starts to gradually get louder the longer the two face up to each other. Caboose shoves MISTER WARRIOR, who pushes Caboose back. Caboose looks at the crowd, turns back and spears MISTER WARRIOR! Caboose sits in the mounted position and starts throwing furious lefts and rights at MISTER WARRIOR's face! Caboose steps off and stands a few feet back from MISTER WARRIOR who quickly pulls himself to his feet.

 

Caboose waits for MISTER WARRIOR to turn around and face him before kicking MISTER WARRIOR in the gut and throwing him over his shoulder for the Emerald Fusion!...

 

The crowd roars!

 

Cole: Emerald Fusion!

 

...But MISTER WARRIOR wriggles out of the Emerald Fusion, and pushes Caboose into the ropes! Caboose bounces off the ropes and is met with a big boot to the face! MISTER WARRIOR starts to pump the air again, bounces off the ropes and goes to drop yet another SUPER-MANIAC-ALDROSTENE-&-DESTRUICITY-ENHANCED-LEG-DROP-OF-DOOM~! Onto Caboose!...

 

Coach: This is just like HeldDown, it's surreal!

 

...However this time Caboose rolls out of the way and all MISTER WARRIOR leg drops is canvas. Caboose gets up turns around and sees MISTER WARRIOR already standing. Caboose throws a right hand and MISTER WARRIOR no-sells. Caboose throws a second right hand, and MISTER WARRIOR no-sells it again. Caboose looks around wondering what to do before winding up his right arm cartoon style, then kicking MISTER WARRIOR in the junk instead! MISTER WARRIOR drops to his knees and Caboose bounces of the ropes and drop kicks MISTER WARRIOR in the face! MISTER WARRIOR's torso falls backwards before sitting back up in what looks like slow motion!

 

Caboose looks bemused about his inability to hurt MISTER WARRIOR before bouncing of the ropes again and this time delivering a straight kick to MISTER WARRIOR's face! This time MISTER WARRIOR merely flinches before pushing Caboose away and getting to his feet.

 

Caboose kicks MISTER WARRIOR in the gut to no apparent reaction, Caboose kicks again and MISTER WARRIOR doesn't react yet again. Caboose backs up on the ropes and comes back with a drop kick to MISTER WARRIOR's knee, which finally knocks MISTER WARRIOR down face first. Caboose follows up with several elbow drops to the back of MISTER WARRIOR, before attempting a pin¡­

 

¡­MISTER WARRIOR kickouts at one, and Caboose looks around for an answer to his problem. MISTER WARRIOR already standing, simply laughs at Caboose's failed attempts of wearing him down. Caboose grabs MISTER WARRIOR's arm and tries to whip him into the corner, but MISTER WARRIOR stands still and continues to laugh. Caboose tries another whip but again MISTER WARRIOR will not move. Caboose tries a third whip attempt, but MISTER WARRIOR instead short whips Caboose into a huge clothesline! Caboose goes down and MISTER WARRIOR places a foot on Caboose's chest¡­

 

1!¡­

 

2!!¡­

 

¡­Caboose kickouts as the clock hits 1:00!

 

MISTER WARRIOR looks undaunted and picks Caboose up. He throws Caboose over his shoulder, licks his left index finger, checking the air direction, and goes to lawn dart Caboose into the crowd! Caboose slips out and pushes MISTER WARRIOR into the ropes from behind. MISTER WARRIOR bounces back into a waist lock from Caboose who attempts a German Suplex! MISTER WARRIOR simply elbows out of the waist lock and as Caboose turns around dazed, he is met with a right hand from MISTER WARRIOR!

 

Cole: Caboose just can't get any decent offence in!

 

Coach: And even if he does, MISTER WARRIOR doesn't even seem phased by it!

 

MISTER WARRIOR delivers three quick dropping head butts to Caboose who seems almost lifeless. MISTER WARRIOR picks up Caboose and signals for the Body Press! MISTER WARRIOR Press Drops Caboose in the centre of the ring and follows up with a body splash to Caboose's back! MISTER WARRIOR rolls Caboose over and covers him by kneeling on Caboose's chest!¡­

 

1!¡­

 

2!!¡­

 

KICKOUT!

 

MISTER WARRIOR looks slightly surprised by Caboose's resilience and goes to pick Caboose up but is met with a desperation jawbreaker from Caboose as the bell rings for the end of the round!

 

Caboose uses the ropes to pull himself up, as MISTER WARRIOR quickly rolls out of the ring, grabs a microphone and approaches Xena. MISTER WARRIOR whispers in Xena's ear and Xena nods approvingly.

 

Cole: What a round! MISTER WARRIOR just totally made Caboose look like a little boy!

 

Coach: I guess Caboose isn't good enough to be a MISTER WARRIOR! What the hell?! MISTER WARRIOR is going to speak¡­

 

MISTER WARRIOR: As approved by the Duchess of WARRIORhood, the next round will be a Weapons match Caboose!

 

MISTER WARRIOR looks under the ring and pulls out a bag and it are all sorts of strange medieval looking weapons. MISTER WARRIOR throws the bag into the ring and slides back into the ring himself. MISTER reaches into the bag and pulls out a clumsy looking club, he tosses it to Caboose who catches it and swings it around in an impressive ninja manner. MISTER WARRIOR himself pulls out a Klingon death lance!

 

Xena calls for the bell, which sounds, and instantly MISTER WARRIOR launches at Caboose with his weapon! Caboose blocks MISTER WARRIOR with his own weapon and nails a drop toehold on MISTER WARRIOR! Caboose follows with a string of hits to MISTER WARRIOR's back with the club. MISTER WARRIOR rolls onto his back and blocks an attempted club shot with his weapon! MISTER WARRIOR pushes Caboose into the turnbuckle and tries to follow up with a blow to the back of Caboose's head! Caboose steps out of the way, and strikes MISTER WARRIOR in the back again causing MISTER WARRIOR to drop his weapon!

 

Caboose throws down his club and props MISTER WARRIOR on the top turnbuckle, and climb to the top himself. Caboose hooks MISTER WARRIOR up and looks for a Top Rope Suplex! MISTER WARRIOR counters and throws Caboose down to the canvas onto Caboose's club! MISTER WARRIOR stand perched on the top rope and comes of it attempting a body splash!

 

Caboose gets his knees up and MISTER WARRIOR lands squarely on them! Caboose gets up and approaches MISTER WARRIOR who quickly sweeps Caboose from a lying position!

 

Cole: MISTER WARRIOR just won't stay down!

 

Coach: He is a hoss well and truly!

 

MISTER WARRIOR reaches into his bag of weapons and pulls out a Kendo stick, he then picks up Caboose whips him into the ropes and strikes Caboose in the gut when Caboose come back off the ropes! Caboose falls to kneeling position and MISTER WARRIOR follows up with a strike to Caboose's face with the Kendo Stick! Caboose falls back and MISTER WARRIOR makes the cover as the crowd gasps in horror!¡­

 

1!¡­

 

2!¡­

 

3!¡­ NO!

 

Caboose kicks out!

 

MISTER WARRIOR looks slightly annoyed and picks up Caboose, who has been busted open by the kendo shot, in the lawn dart position! MISTER WARRIOR doesn't check the wind this time and simply throws Caboose over the ropes and into the crowd! MISTER WARRIOR climbs the to the top ropes, stands up, and swan dives from the ring onto Caboose in the crowd as the clock reads one minute to go!

 

Cole: Oh my god!

 

Coach: I didn't know MISTER WARRIOR could fly!

 

MISTER WARRIOR regains his sense and goes to cover Caboose!

 

Cole: The pin fall has to occur in the ring!

 

Coach: MISTER WARRIOR can't remember his own rules¡­

 

Xena gets a microphone¡­

 

Xena: In a weapons round of a 'Duchess of WARRIORhood' match, pins can be achieved outside the ring!

 

The referee makes the count¡­

 

1!

 

2!

 

Caboose kick outs!

 

MISTER WARRIOR looks perturbed and throws Caboose back over the railing and into the ringside area. MISTER WARRIOR goes to pick up Caboose, but Caboose delivers a desperation head BUTT to MISTER WARRIOR's groin area! Caboose springs to his feet and delivers a quick Diamond Cutter to the lurching MISTER WARRIOR! As the crowd erupts, Caboose makes the cover!

 

1!

 

2!

 

3!

 

Caboose wins and the crowd goes insane!

 

Fink: The winner of the match Cabo­

 

Xena: Pin falls can occur in the ring and in the crowd, but not in the ringside area.

 

Cole: Dammit! Caboose is being screwed.

 

Coach: Rules are rules I guess?!

 

Caboose looks pissed and grabs Xena! MISTER WARRIOR makes the save by nailing Caboose from behind with a chair!

 

The bell rings for the end off the round as MISTER WARRIOR rolls the bloody Caboose back into the ring. MISTER WARRIOR converses with Xena and the duchess speaks again¡­

 

Xena: The third round of this match will be contested under 'Dildo on a pole' rules. The object is to sodomise your opponent after acquiring the dildo that is hanging from that pole!

 

The ring crew attaches a pole to the corner of the ring, and of course there is a dildo hanging from the top.

 

MISTER WARRIOR smiles perversely before sliding into the ring and picking Caboose up as the bell rings for the start of the third round.

 

MISTER WARRIOR hooks Caboose up, and then lifts Caboose up into the suplex position before dropping Caboose on his head with a brainbuster! MISTER WARRIOR climbs the turnbuckles and grabs the dildo from its lofty perch.

 

Cole: MISTER WARRIOR has already got the dildo!

 

Coach: Caboose isn't going to enjoy this!

 

Cole: I would!

 

Coach: Uh, okay, I'm happy for you.

 

Coach slides his chair a bit further away from Cole.

 

MISTER WARRIOR holds the dildo in his hands and his eyes light up due to its silver shine. MISTER WARRIOR walks over to Caboose, and stands over his motionless body, and starts to laugh maniacally! MISTER WARRIOR bends down to pick up Caboose, but Caboose kicks MISTER WARRIOR from the floor, which send MISTER WARRIOR headfirst into the turnbuckles. Caboose picks up the dildo that MISTER WARRIOR dropped and smells it. Caboose grimaces at the tangy smell and turns to look at Xena who knowingly winks!

 

With MISTER WARRIOR open to attack, Caboose pulls down MISTER WARRIOR's tights, revealing a small heart tattoo on MISTER WARRIOR's left BUTT cheek, and goes to sodomise him! But as Caboose brings the dildo closer with his hand, Caboose stops, throws the dildo at Xena, and steps back for delivering a vicious pick to MISTER WARRIOR's ass! MISTER WARRIOR grabs his ass in pain, and draws laughs from the crowd and Caboose himself! MISTER WARRIOR pulls himself up and pulls his tights up, as Caboose readies himself. MISTER WARRIOR turns into a Rock Bottom from Caboose who kips up and stands at MISTER WARRIOR's shoulders!¡­

 

Cole: Here it comes!¡­

 

Coach: The most embarrassing move in E-Feds today! The Rafter's Elbow!

 

Caboose swings his arms about a bit, runs to his left, bounces off the ropes, runs over MISTER WARRIOR's body, bounces off the opposite ropes before delivering an elbow drop, which barely grazes MISTER WARRIOR's right shoulder! Caboose goes for the cover!¡

 

1!¡­

 

2!¡­

 

MISTER WARRIOR kicks out with authority and goes into his SuperManiacComeback as the clock hits one minute to go!

 

Half the crowd boos MISTER WARRIOR's over the top antics, but the other half roars their approval off MISTER WARRIOR totally old-school style no-sell!

 

Caboose looks shocked and throws a punch, which MISTER WARRIOR blocks and follows with his own explosive right hand, which knocks Caboose on his ass straight away!

 

Cole: What a right hand! Did you see that right hand!

 

Coach: Uh-oh! Here go again!

 

MISTER WARRIOR starts to pump the air with his fist again, and knee-high jog on the spot as Caboose slowly pulls himself up. MISTER WARRIOR runs toward the ropes as Caboose tries to simply maintain his balance! MISTER WARRIOR bounces off the ropes and delivers a clothesline to Caboose!

 

MISTER WARRIOR cris-crosses as Caboose pulls himself up again, but is met with yet another clothesline! MISTER WARRIOR continues to run the ropes as Caboose picks himself up again only to be met with a third devastating clothesline!

 

Cole: Caboose is in trouble now!

 

Coach: MISTER WARRIOR is unstoppable!

 

MISTER WARRIOR stands over Caboose's body and starts to lift his arms up and down in a body press motion. MISTER WARRIOR picks up Caboose, presses him overhead before dropping Caboose onto the canvas! MISTER WARRIOR bounces off the ropes and nails a running body splash to the back of Caboose!

 

Cole: MISTER WARRIOR has his chance to sodomise Caboose

 

Coach: But MISTER WARRIOR is in his SuperManiacComeback! I think he has lost his senses!

 

MISTER WARRIOR flips Caboose over and runs at the ropes again¡­

 

Cole: What the hell is he doing now?

 

MISTER WARRIOR keeps on cris-crossing until Caboose pulls himself up to his feet. MISTER WARRIOR then bounces off the ropes one last time before delivering an explosive SHOULDERBLOCK!

 

Cole: By god caboose just got Shoulderblocked!

 

Coach: Someone stop the damn match!

 

Caboose lies completely still, sprawled out on the canvas as MISTER WARRIOR starts pumping the air and the entire crowd boo as they finally get sick of the running joke.

 

MISTER WARRIOR looks for the dildo, which Xena throws to him. MISTER WARRIOR turns to sodomise Caboose, but Caboose has got to his feet and delivers a SuperKick to MISTER WARRIOR as the bell rings and the round ends!

 

Cole: Caboose is just managing to hold at this point!

 

Coach: How did he recover from the Shoulderblock so quickly?

 

Cole: Fear of sodomisation can give anyone super human recovery skills!

 

The cage lowers around the ring as the fans start to chant 'Caboose' to try and give him some support.

 

The ring crew check the cage before the bell rings for the start of the final round!

 

MISTER WARRIOR gets to his feet first and looks around at the cage. Caboose is still down and out on the floor as MISTER WARRIOR walks over to him and picks him up. MISTER WARRIOR whips Caboose into the ropes and as Caboose bounces back off the ropes, MISTER WARRIOR delivers the big boot to Caboose's face!

 

Cole: Oh no! Her comes the leg drop!

 

Coach: Caboose is finished!

 

MISTER WARRIOR pumps the air and bounces off the ropes before nailing SUPER-MANIAC-ALDROSTENE-&-DESTRUICITY-ENHANCED-LEG-DROP-OF-DOOM~! onto Caboose!

 

Caboose's entire body jerks in devastation! MISTER WARRIOR gets up and walks his way over to the cage. MISTER WARRIOR climbs to the top of the cage as the crowd boo MISTER WARRIOR and start to chant 'Caboose'. MISTER WARRIOR stands atop the cage, but instead of climbing down to victory, he licks his right index finger and dives off the top of the cage with an elbow drop!¡­

 

¡­Caboose rolls out of the way and and MISTER WARRIOR hits the canvas! Caboose pulls himself up, beats his chest and roars!

 

Cole: What the hell?!

 

Coach: Caboose must have just achieved desturicity!

 

Caboose picks up MISTER WARRIOR and throws him into the cage wall! MISTER WARRIOR bounces off the cage and Caboose rams MISTER WARRIOR into the opposite cage wall! MISTER WARRIOR picks himself up and throws a right at Caboose who blocks it and delivers his own right haymaker! MISTER WARRIOR throws a left hand, which Caboose ducks and then nails the EndOfTheLine on MISTER WARRIOR!

 

Cole: Caboose has got his second wind!

 

Coach: No he hasn't! Caboose has simply achieved WARRIORhood!

 

MISTER WARRIOR slowly gets up and turns to get a kick in the gut, Caboose then throws MISTER WARRIOR over his shoulder and signals to the crowd that it's time! The crowd roar in approval!

 

Cole: Do it Caboose! Nail that retard!

 

Coach: MISTER WARRIOR won't be able to no-sell this!

 

Caboose nods his head in accordance with the crowds cheers and nails the Emerald Fusion to MISTER WARRIOR!

 

Finally MISTER WARRIOR lays out cold on the canvas as Caboose climbs over the cage and escapes to victory!

 

The bell rings as Caboose's feet touch the floor and the crowd goes insane when his music plays!

 

Fink: The winner of the match Caboose!

 

Cole: Caboose did it, he defeated that roided-up freak!

 

Coach: I can't believe it!

 

Caboose blows a kiss towards Xena who looks shocked as Caboose walks up the ramp to loud cheers. Caboose raises his right arm in acknowledgment to the fans and disappears behind the curtain!

 

Back in the ring, MISTER WARRIOR pulls himself up and is littered with rubbish by the crowd, who chant 'steroids' in his direction! MISTER WARRIOR looks defeated and embarrassed, before starting to shaker the tope rope violently! MISTER WARRIOR's shakes continue to accelerate until they reach a Super Human frequency and the cage starts to vibrate rapidly. Eventually the cage collapses inwards on itself burying MISTER WARRIOR underneath!

 

Cole: Oh my word!

 

Coach: MISTER WARRIOR is insane!

 

The ring crew pulls all the pieces of the cage away to help MISTER WARRIOR, but once the cage has been removed, there is no sign of MISTER WARRIOR!

 

Cole: MISTER WARRIOR has disappeared!

 

Coach: This is just strange!

 

Fade to Black

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Cole: And here we go with another great match!

 

Coach: The battle between Totally Endorsed and the Dream Machines continues!

 

 

Slacker Vs Shattered Dreams

 

"Back up" by 12 stones plays as a pyro waterfall rains down from the ceiling. The Slacker makes his way towards the ring. The crowd greets him with boos, but he doesn't seem to notice or care.

 

Announcer: Making his way to the ring from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, weighing in at uh....over 100 lbs, he represents Totally Endorsed......The Slacker

 

Cole: This is going to be a fierce match between The Slacker and the grizzled veteran, Shattered Dreams.

 

Cole: Wha?? Grizzled? He's twenty years old! He can't even drink! In some states he can't buy porn! And you want to call him grizzled? Bitch, please.

 

Cole: Slacker broke Shattered Dreams' nose!

 

Coach: The hell? You ignored my point, as always. Just admit when you're wrong. I already knew his nose was broken.

 

Cole: Well the people at home may not know that.

 

Coach: Huh? If someone orders this PPV, I'm pretty sure they know what's happened in the past few weeks. They don't need a recap of what they saw two weeks ago. Does someone actually pay you for this?? Does your brain operate on a fourth grade level?

 

Cole: Coach, I apologized. I didn't know he was your brother. Don't do this to me. Not here John. Please. I need this.

 

Coach rips off his headset and goes to sit next to the time keeper

 

The Slacker grabs the microphone and prepares to address the crowd

 

Crowd: You suck! You suck!

 

Slacker: No. I don't suck, but I'll tell you what does. Local FM and AM radio stations. How many times have you had to sit through a 10 minute commercial break, just to hear the same damn song you heard a half hour ago? Well, my friends, with XM radio, commercial breaks and overplayed songs are a thing of the past. With over 100 stations, 35 of them commercial free, XM radio is revolutionizing the way we hear music. XM radio. Are you tuned in?

 

Cole: This guy is a jerk! Just like a certain JC.

 

"Fighter" by Christina Aguilera comes on and the crowd pops huge! Shattered Dreams rushes through the crowd and into the ring. He spears the Slacker and starts to punch him. The two men roll around on the mat exchanging hard right hands. Finally they both roll out of the ring.

 

Cole: Shattered Dreams' favorite movie is "How to lose a guy in 10 days." Coach and I saw that on a rainy Friday afternoon in San Jose. After the movie we had ice cream and root beer. We talked about our dreams and our aspirations. Oh, woe is me.

 

The two men trade flesh searing chops. Slacker gets the upper hand with an eye rake. Dreams responds by kicking Slacker in the balls. Dreams rolls Slacker back into the ring and proceeds to choke him. Pin attempt by Dreams 1...KICK OUT! He goes for another pin, but doesn't even get a one count. More choking by Dreams. He lifts Slacker up and tries to irish whip him but Slacker blocks it and hits a spine buster!

 

Cole: Slacker is from Edmonton. One time in Edmonton, Coach locked me out of our hotel room. He said he had a booty call, but he was really just watching "Waiting to Exhale. "

 

Slacker lifts Dreams up and tries to apply a sleeper hold, but Dreams blocks it. He goes behind Slacker and takes him down with a release full nelson suplex. CHINLOCK! CHINLOCK! CHINLOCK! Dreams has the chinlock LOCKED on The Slacker. The crowd screams for Slacker to submit but he won't give up to the lethal power of the chinlock! Dreams breaks the hold and kicks Slacker in the back. Slacker slowly rises to his feet. The two men exchange a flurry of punches. Dreams knees Slacker in the stomach and irish whips him into the corner. Slacker springboards off the second turnbuckle and takes Dreams out with a Sloppy Takedown!!!

 

Cole: The Slacker looks like a rock star!

 

Pin attempt by Slacker 1....2....KICK OUT. A frustrated Slacker rolls out of the ring and marches towards Coach and the timekeeper.

 

Cole: What's he doing? What does he want? Oh no. Coach run. Coach run!

 

He tries to get a chair but Coach won't let him. Slacker attempts to push Coach out of the way, but the announcer ends up slapping him! SLACKER PUNCHES COACH! COACH IS DOWN! COACH IS DOWN! COACH IS BLEEDING! CALL A MEDIC!! Slacker starts to do the electric slide as the crowd showers him with jeers and beer cups filled with bong water!

 

Cole: Oh...my...god. Stay cool Mikey. Stay Cool Mikey. You're on live TV. He'll be okay. He'll be okay. Please Jesus, let him be ok!

 

Slacker walks towards Cole. He rips off Cole's headset and his shirt. Cole starts to cry and tries to run away, but Slacker grabs onto his arm. Slacker slaps the play by play man in the face and tries to force him into the ring, however both men are greeted by a top rope MOONSAULT to the outside by Shattered Dreams.

 

Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit!

 

Dreams tosses Slacker back into the ring. The Totally endorsed member begs for mercy but only gets a slap in the face. Dreams tries a powerbomb but Slacker hits a low blow. He superkicks Dreams and sends him crashing to the mat. Slacker capitalizes on his new found advantage and applies the LION TAMER! AHHHH! ARGHHHH!!

 

Crowd: Dreams! Dreams! Dreams!

 

Dreams almost makes the ropes but Slacker pulls him back towards the center of the ring. The crowd begins to murmur as Welsh Lolita makes her way down the aisle. Slacker notices her presence and breaks the hold. He tries to go outside and confront her but Dreams gets a roll up pin 1....2....kick out. Both men to their feet. Dreams ducks a clothesline and the referee gets knocked out. Slacker knees Dreams in the stomach and tosses him out of the ring. He lands ON TOP of Michael Cole causing Slacker to burst out laughing!

 

Slacker stops laughing when the crowd starts do a laugh of their own. Confused, Slacker slowly turns around and is NAILED with a steel chair by JONATHAN COACHMAN!!! SLACKER IS DOWN! Coach tosses the chair to the outside and gives Slacker the finger before exiting. Dreams rushes into the ring and locks on the MEGA MAGICAL SHARPSHOOTER!!!!!!!!! Slacker doesn't have the strength to howl in pain.

 

Crowd: Slacker sucks! Slacker sucks!

 

The ref gets to his feet just in time to see Slacker SUBMIT! He calls for the bell!

 

Announcer: Your winner....Shattered Dreams!

 

Dreams kicks Slacker in the nose and then spits on his face. He gets out of the ring and helps Michael Cole to his feet. He shakes hands with The Coach and kisses a girl in the front row on the cheek before exiting through the crowd

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Cut to the backstage area. Kevin Kelly is standing backstage.

 

Kevin Kelly: JR. Jesse. What a match we have just seen. The Blurricane getting the upset win over Puerto Rican Lightning and becoming #1 Contender for the North American Title. I am now waiting to get an interview with....

 

::Suddenly, you hear Puerto Rican Lightning yelling. He is absolutely furious. His face is red and sweating as he drags the Puerto Rican Championship on the floor. He is followed by Mr. Boricua and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, who is now wearing her clothes, who are also furious.::

 

Kevin Kelly: Puerto Rican Lightning. Puerto Rican Lightning. Can we get a word with you?

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: What is it?!!!

 

::Kevin Kelly is a little nervous.::

 

Kevin Kelly: Lightning, how are you feeling right now after losing your shot at the North American Title?

 

Puerto Rican Lightning(Yelling Furiously): How do I feel? HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?!!!! MAD CAPPA COST ME THE MATCH!!! THAT STUPID SONOFABITCH HAS BEEN A THORN ON MY SIDE SINCE THE DAY I GOT HERE!!! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF HIM RUINING MYSELF AND NOW I AM GOING TO END IT!!!! THE MAD CAPPA, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, I AM CHALLENGING YOU TO A MATCH THIS WEEK ON INTENSEZONE, ONE-ON-ONE, FOR THE PUERTO RICAN CHAMPIONSHIP!!!

 

::The crowd pops.::

 

Puerto Rican Lightning: You want a shot at this (points to the Puerto Rican Championship) You got it!!! I have had enough of you and if you got the guts to face me, you will come to the ring on IntenseZone and fight me! I will never forgive or forget. I AM DAMN SICK AND TIRED OF WATCHING YOU WALK AROUND LIKE YOU OWN THIS PLACE!!! THE OAOAST IS NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR THE BOTH OF US!!! And by the time IntenseZone is finished....only one of us will survive. Me. You. Puerto Rican Championship.

 

Finally, the Lightning will strike....YOU!!! Cappa, I am going to make your life a living hell! (Looking sadicstly into the camera) I *gurantee* it.

 

Puerto Rican Lightning, Mr. Boricua, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez leave.

 

Kevin Kelly: Back to you Jesse and JR. Hey wha?

 

Security #1: Kevin Kelly...You were fired earlier today and told to leave the building.

 

Kevin Kelly: NO i Wasn't That was Kevin Kline...the stagehand on section 3.

 

Security #2: Does he think we're dumb...There is no Kevin Kline on Section 3

 

Security #1: Out you go!

 

::Security throws Kelly outside the arena::

 

Security #2: Silly bastard.

 

Security #1: Yeah, section 3 is Kevin Cline...

 

Security #2: ::chuckles

 

Cut to the annoucing table where JR and Jesse are shocked at what they just heard.

 

JR: Did I just hear what I just heard.

Jesse: You defintley did Jim Ross. PRL is finally giving Mad Cappa his title shot this week on IntenseZone!

JR: A match 3 months in the making. I have been waiting for this! We are going to have a hell of an IntenseZone this week!

Jesse: Cappa won't make it out of this week's IntenseZone alive!

JR: Will you stop? This is a match you won't soon forget. Puerto Rican Lightning vs. The Mad Cappa for the Puerto Rican Championship this week on IntenseZone!

Jesse: And no move Kevin Kelly!!!

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Jesse: Know what time it is JR?

 

JR: The pride and joy on IntenseZone, the North American championship division! The title is on the line, right now on School's Out!

 

RING ANNOUNCER: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, with a sixty minute time limit, and is for the OAOAST NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first...

 

("Theme from 2001" blares throughout the arena, the pyro goes off, and the champ, Andrew "Your Hero" Hyland, walks down that aisle.)

 

RA: From Toronto Canada, weighing in at 235 pounds, he is the OAOAST North American Champion, ANDREW, YOUR HERO, HYLAND!

 

JR: The champ looks confident tonight Jesse!

 

Jesse: The greatest North American champion of all time, JR, say it!

 

(The lights die down, the blue spotlights hit and Lostprophets' "The Fake Sound of Progress" fires up over the PA.)

 

RA: And the challenger, weighing in at 173 pounds, from Boston, Massachusetts, "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING!

 

JR: Since his debut in the OAOAST, Jay Darring has claimed that he is the company's new prime time player, can he prove it tonight on the big stage at School's Out?

 

Jesse: No!

 

Jay is walking to the ring, with two chairs in his hands. He enters the ring and grabs the microphone from the ring announcers. The champ looks perplexed.

 

"Hey Hyland, if you really want to prove that you're man enough to hold that title, how about we make this match, NO HOLDS BARRED!"

 

JR: Jay Darring has developed a hardcore streak in him, since his brutal series of matches with Stephen Joseph!

 

Jesse: I think Stephen Joseph knocked a screw loose in his head.

 

Hyland is indignant that his worthiness as a champion is being questioned and accepts! Jay tosses a chair to Hyland. "Here, this is yours!" The bell sounds, and Jay takes a swing at Hyland, Hyland blocks with his chair, he tries a chairshot, but that's blocked by Jay with his chair!

 

JR: These two going at it like two gladiators in ancient Rome.

 

Jesse: It's like a Star Wars lightsaber fight, but with steel chairs!

 

Jay takes another swing at Hyland, but he ducks, Jay goes for another chairshot, pulls back as Hyland ducks again, and cracks the champ across the back with a chairshot! Another one! Hyland drops his chair, he's unprotected- STIFF CHAIRSHOT TO THE HEAD BY JAY!

 

Jesse: That may be concussion city for Andrew Hyland.

 

Jay grabs more chairs from the crowd, sets up a chair bridge in the corner of the ring, and lays the prone North American champion across them. Jay heads to the top rope, looking to put the champ through those chairs- CUT OFF BY ANDREW HYLAND! Hyland looks for a superplex, blocked. Jay tries for a sitout facebuster from the top, HYLAND REVERSES TO A DDT IN MID-AIR, JAY GOES HEADFIRST INTO THE CHAIRS! Jay is grabbing his head and shaking in pain!

 

Jesse: Cover him Hyland, cover him!

 

Cover- 1, 2,.......2.999

 

JR: What a close near-fall that was! Hyland almost took the challenger out early!

 

Andrew Hyland tosses Jay over the top rope to the outside. He follows Jay out of the ring, and tosses him into the crowd. Hyland climbs up onto the apron, -SPRINGBOARD MOONSAULT PLANCHA TO THE OUTSIDE ON JAY DARRING! The crowd is going nuts! "Holy shit! Holy shit!"

 

Jesse: WOW!

 

JR: Can you believe the distance Andrew Hyland cleared, I've NEVER seen him do that!

 

Still in the crowd, Hyland charges at Jay, but he gets tripped up on a chair. Jay takes advantage with a TORNADO DDT ON THE FLOOR!

 

Jesse: That'll give you Excedrin Headache Number 9!

 

Jay tosses Hyland back into the ring, sets him up for a suplex, Hyland slips out- kick to the balls. He grabs one of the chairs still in the ring and throws it at Jay, Jay catches it- VAN DAMINATOR BY ANDREW HYLAND!

 

Jesse: Oh my lord, what a move!

 

JR: Andrew Hyland pulling out everything in the book to beat Jay Darring- moves he's never tried before!

 

Hyland heads to the top rope, Jay isn't moving- HEROSAULT CONNECTS!

 

JR: IT'S GOTTA BE OVER.

 

1

 

2

 

 

3- NO! Jay got the shoulder up right before the ref counted three!

 

Jesse: How the hell did he kick out of that!

 

JR: I can't believe it either! Jay Darring just has this insane will to win! Hyland is in shock!

 

Visibly frustrated. Hyland goes outside the ring, and brings a TABLE in from under the apron! Hyland props the table up in the corner...

 

Jesse: Andrew Hyland is out to prove that not only is he a better wrestler than Jay Darring, he's a better hardcore brawler too!

 

Andrew Hyland picks up Jay, tries for a dragon suplex through the table. Jay reverses into a victory roll! 1,2, no. Jay tries to whip Hyland into the table, reversed into the opposite corner. Jay vaults over the top rope, blocks a punch from Andrew Hyland, flips over behind the champ. Jay picks him up- RUNNING BLUE THUNDER DRIVER THROUGH THE TABLE, BREAKING IT IN HALF!

 

JR: MY GAWD WHAT IMPACT! COVER HIM JAY!

 

1...

 

2...

 

 

2.9999!

 

Jesse: That's why he's your hero ladies and gentlemen- never say die!

 

Jay is calling for the Afterthought, Hyland blocks, throws him into the corner turnbuckle, and off the rebound catches him with a Dragon Suplex! Hyland looking to finish, heads to the top for another HeroSault, Jay is back up and cuts him off! FRANKENSTEINER BY JAY!

 

JR: THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE, I'VE NEVER SEEN THAT FROM JAY!

 

Jesse: It's the the big dance, Pay Per View, both competitors will do ANYTHING to win!

 

Jay places a chair over Hyland's face, runs to the corner, and springs off with the 2nd rope Tumbleweed! Cover!

 

1....

 

 

2....

 

 

 

3- NO! ONLY A 2 COUNT!

 

JR: MY GAWD, WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR ONE MAN TO GET THE WIN?!

 

Jay immediately picks Hyland up- AFTERTHOUGHT!

 

JR: NOBODY KICKS OUT OF THAT!

 

1....

 

 

 

2....

 

 

 

SHOULDER UP!

 

JR: I DON'T BELIEVE IT! ANDREW HYLAND IS THE FIRST PERSON EVER TO KICK OUT OF THE AFTERTHOUGHT! JAY IS BESIDE HIMSELF.

 

Jay pounds the mat in frustration. Hyland is getting up- Yakuza Kick- blocked by Hyland! Spins him around, boot to the gut- HERO DRIVER!

 

Jesse: That's it! Your winner and still North American champion...

 

 

1.....

 

 

 

2....

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

Jesse: WHAT?!

 

JR: JAY DARRING WILL NOT BE DENIED TONIGHT!

 

Hyland picks Jay up, signalling for another Hero Driver, Jay slips out! AFTERTHOUGHT NUMBER 2!

 

JR: He can't survive this!

 

 

1....

 

 

2....

 

 

 

3- WAIT, ANOTHER KICKOUT BY HYLAND BEFORE THE 3!

 

Jesse: I can't believe it! Not one, but 2 Afterthoughts and Hyland survived! He has to be the toughest North American champion in history!

 

Jay, instead of frustration, has a mask of pure focus on his face right now. He claps his hands together, and the crowd claps along, getting behind the challenger! Hyland gets to his feet, Jay tries for a roaring elbow, ducked by Hyland! Clothesline by Hyland- blocked! Jay picks him up in a fireman's carry- DEATH VALLEY CRADLE BY JAY DARRING!

 

JR: THAT'S THE KT DRILLER! THAT'S THE KT DRILLER! JAY HASN'T USED THAT MOVE IN YEARS!

 

1.....

 

 

2....

 

 

 

3!!!!!!

 

 

Ring Announcer: Your winner of the match, and NEEEEWW OAOAST NORTH AMERICAN CHAMPION, "SHOOTER" JAY DARRING!

 

JR: WHAT A MOMENT, WHAT A MATCH FOR THE AGES, ONE OF THE GREATEST IN THE HISTORY OF THE NORTH AMERICAN TITLE, AND WE'VE GOT A NEW CHAMPION, JAY DARRING, RIGHT HERE AT SCHOOL'S OUT!

 

Jesse: Both men gave it their all tonight, and on this occassion Jay was the better man. If you booked this match ten times, you'd have 10 different outcomes.

 

JR: Congratulations to Jay Darring, he earned that gold, and I'm now proud to call him champ!

 

Jay slowly gets up, clearly exhausted, but that exhaustion turns to exhilaration as the referee raises his hand and awards him the North American title. Jay drops to his knees, tears welling up, and he kisses his wrist tape and points skyward, as the crowd cheers in appreciation for the title change, and the efforts of both men. The triumphant new champion slings the belt over his shoulder, and exits the ring, pointing to the sky one more time as he disappears behind the curtain.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Clips of the "15 minutes from Hell" HHH/Kevin Nash "brawl" from RAW three weeks ago.

 

NARRATOR (Voice-Over)

What happens when friends explode? What happens when the only thing you ever wanted to taken from you? It develops BAD BLOOD!

 

TRIPLE H...

 

KEVIN NASH...

 

WALKING CRIPPLE MATCH II...

 

FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP

 

WWE BAD BLOOD -- presented by the Bischoff/Austin RAW brand.

 

Tape rewinds.

 

VOICE-OVER

Don't watch that crap! Instead watch the 2nd annunal GREAT ANGLE BASH!

 

Their politics may be better than ours, but our shows are actually entertaining and worth watching!

 

Last year's GAB was criticially acclaimed, how will it be topped this year? Find out June 29th.

 

THE GREAT ANGLE BASH

JUNE 29th 2003

LIVE! ONLY ON TSM PAY-PER-VIEW

 

gabfinal.jpg

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Cole: This is it! The final remnants of the legend of the aWo are about to get it on! Two out of three falls!

 

Coach: Yeah BABY! Angle-plex is gone, CWM is gone, Big is gone, these are the last two.

 

"Dream On" pumps though the speakers and the crowds jumps to their feet and the boos and jeers rain down as Anglesault steps through the curtain.

 

Anglesault confidently strides to the ring with his robe flowing and pyro exploding behind him.

 

Cole: Here comes the two-time OAOAST champion, the man who orchestrated an attack on his opponent earlier and there's no telling how injured he might be.

 

Ring Announcer: Making his way to the ring from NY, NY weighing in at 225 pounds Anglesault!

 

Anglesault climbs into the ring and soaks up the crowd's venom towards him.

 

"Sexy Boy" this and the crowd goes crazy!

 

Coach: Here he comes! Some Guy is on his way!

 

The music continues and SG still hasn't come out. The music stops and the crowd has a concerned look about them.

 

Cole: Oh my God! SG isn't coming out, I only pray that he isn't seriously injured.

 

Coach: I've just gotten word form the back that Some Guy is getting some last minute treatment as a result of that attack. They're still taping up his ankle.

 

"Sexy Boy" hits again and the crowd explodes as Some Guy limps through the curtains and down to the ring.

 

Coach: He doesn't look too good right now, Cole.

 

Cole: No he doesn't. I think AS, Tony, and The Trinity may have gotten the job done. He was hit with an ice sculpture, a SPIDAHkick, chair shots and had The Screams of No Reply put on him for a long time. How is Some Guy going to beat a two-time World Champion once in this condition, much less twice?

 

Coach: Let's not forget what else happene there

 

Ring Announcer: Now making his way to the ring hailing from Boston, Mass and weighing in at 225 pounds Some Guy!

 

SG slides in the ring and starts to do his pose but can't because of his injured left ankle.

 

Both men stand in the ring as the referee gives the instructions.

 

The bell rings and SG ignores the pain and charges at AS and hits a Thesz Press to take him down. SG starts slamming AS' head off the mat repeatedly and cursing him out.

 

Cole: Good strategy from SG to go right at AS after the way AS avoided him on heldDOWN a few weeks ago.

SG gets up and stomps AS on the back of the neck twice and drops a leg on him and then picks him up and whips AS into the turnbuckles. SG follows in with a clothesline, kicks AS in the gut and nails him with a pile driver.

 

Coach: SG has come out on fire!

 

SG goes for the pin.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

AS kicks out.

 

Cole: SG is obviously trying to end this quickly by going for a pinfall this early in the match.

 

SG picks AS and lays in a few punches and some chops. AS is reeling back. SG whips him into the ropes and goes for a clothesline but AS ducks hits the ropes and comes back with a flying forearm. SG sidesteps him and AS crashes to the mat face first.

 

SG moves to the corner and climbs the turnbuckles. He comes off the top with a big elbow drop to the back of 'Sault's neck. SG grabs his ankle in pain and AS is lying motionless.

 

Some Guy gets up and grabs AS by the legs and cinches him up. AG picks him up and nails him with a Wheelbarrow Someplex, and another, and another, a fourth connects so hard that AS flips over on to his stomach. SG floats over and gets a full nelson camel clutch.

 

Cole: SG has the Somemission locked in; we saw this move on heldDOWN! Thursday!

 

AS tries to fight out the move but SG won't let go. SG lets out a primal scream and pulls back as hard as he can forcing Anglesault to tap out.

 

The crowd erupts.

 

Coach: Anglesault tapped out! Some Guy is 1/2 way there.

 

Cole: Yeah, but can he keep up this intensity level for another fall?

 

Ring Announcer: The winner of the first fall at 6 minute 39 seconds by submission Some Guy!

 

Crowds pops

 

The referee tries to make SG break the hold but he refuses. Finally the ref threatens to disqualify SG if he doesn't let go and he relinquishes the hold. SG is clearly in pain and exhausted and AS is lying on the mat barely moving.

 

SG slowly picks AS up. AS hits a low blow that buckles SG's knees and then whips SG into the ropes without giving him anytime to recover. SG springs back off the ropes and gets caught with an overhead belly-to-belly suplex.

 

Coach: AS just hit SG with Sweet Emotion!

 

AS gets up slowly, just before SG and nails him with a hard clothesline and lays in a few stomps to the head and body. AS plays to the crowd and then kicks SG again. AS picks SG up by his hair and hits a backdrop suplex that bounces SG's head off the mat. SG isn't moving.

 

AS goes for the cover.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

SG kicks out!

 

'Sault takes a short breather and allows SG to get to his feet. AS nails SG with a hard right hand, followed by three more that leave SG slumping in the corner. AS grabs SG and heaves him half way across the ring with a belly-to-belly suplex. AS scales the turnbuckles on the inside, leaps off backwards and comes crashing down on SG's ribs with a moonsault.

 

Coach: Anglesault hit the Saltsault, the match is gonna be tied now!

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Thr…

 

Cole: Some Guy kicked out and AS can't believe it!

 

AS is pissed and immediately starts stomping the hell out of SG. AS drops an elbow, and another, and a third. He goes for the cover.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Thr…

 

SG kicks out. AS hooks a leg and goes for another cover but SG kicks out at 2 again.

 

Coach: SG is showing a lot of heart here, but AS isn't letting up.

 

AS picks SG up, he tries to whip him into the ropes but SG reverses it and sends AS in. SG hits the opposite ropes as AS is coming off and goes for another Thesz press. AS catches him, hooks his head and leg and hammers Some Guy with a Fisherman's Buster.

 

Cole: Salt Shaker on SG! What a move by Anglesault!

 

AS hooks the leg and the ref starts to count.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Three.

 

Crowd boos heavily

 

Cole: AS got him. The match is even at one fall apiece! But it looks like it might as well be over. Some Guy isn't even moving.

 

Ring Announcer: The winner of the second fall at 13 minutes 24 seconds Anglesault!

 

Crowds boos

 

AS goes to cover SG again.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Thre.

 

SG kicks out.

 

Cole: He kicked out! He kicked out! He's not done yet!

 

AS pulls SG to his feet, sends him into the ropes, and ducks his head for a back drop but SG sunset flips over him and gets a cover!

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Th.

 

AS claps his legs around SG's head to break the cover. AS gets up and goes for an elbow but SG moves, AS goes for another and SG moves again. SG gets to his feet, ducks a wild clothesline from AS which cause 'Sault to spin around. SG grabs him by the armpits, lifts him high and spears into AS taking him down hard to the canvas.

 

Coach: Somebomb! Somebomb! How the hell did SG do that?

SG covers AS and the ref counts.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Thr…

 

AS gets his shoulder up just before the count of three.

 

Cole: Some Guy almost pulled the win out of nowhere!

 

Some Guy slowly moves to the corner and climbs the turnbuckles.

 

Cole: What the hell is he doing? SG must be crazy to go to the top rope in his condition.

 

Coach: he told me that he was going to pull put all the stops to beat his former boss and I think he might be going for the Someton Bomb!

 

Just as SG is getting to the top AS springs to his feet, runs to the corner, up the turnbuckles and belly-to-belly superplexes SG. SG hits the mat with a loud thud forcing all the air out of his body.

 

Cole: Top rope Sweet Emotion! AS is going for the cover.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Thre…

 

SG just barely kicks out.

 

Cole: The hatred SG has for AS must be fueling him to kick out.

 

AS is in complete shock and pounds on the mat out of frustration. AS starts to pick SG up but gets hit with a desperation low blow. AS falls to the mat holding his testicles.

 

Cole: SG just got a little payback from earlier in the match.

 

Coach: I bet AS doesn't think that was just a "little payback."

 

SG and AS both get to their feet very slowly. SG throws a wild punch connecting with AS' jaw, AS returns with one of his own. They start slugging it out. Punch after punch after punch connects and both men collapse to the mat. The referee surveys the situation and starts counting both men down.

 

1, 2, 3,

 

Cole: Who's going to get up first?

 

4, 5, 6,

 

Coach: Someone better get up now or this match will be over and a draw.

 

7,

 

AS starts to get up.

 

8,

 

SG starts to get up

 

9,

 

AS gets to his feet and breaks the count. SG gets up just after.

 

Both men stumble into one another and AS grabs SG in a bear hug. AS tries to suplex him over but SG blocks it, AS tries again and SG blocks. SG somehow lifts AS onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry position and drives AS' head down between SG's leg to the mat.

 

Cole: SG got the Somedriver. I don't know where he's getting this strength from but it's amazing!

 

SG is so exhausted that he can't cover AS right away. Finally SG lays an arm across AS' chest and the red starts to count.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Thre…

 

AS just manages to twitch his shoulder off the mat.

 

Coach: Unbelievable! Neither one of these guys will quit!

 

Cole: Hatred will do that to a man. These men refuse to lose to one another.

SG gets to his feet first, limps to the corner and starts tuning up the band!

 

Cole: If SG hits the Somekick this match will be over!

 

AS gets up and is very groggy. SG goes for the Somekick but his left ankle give out on him and he falls to the mat.

 

Cole: The ankle injury from The Body Shop has caught up to Some Guy. He couldn't hit his big move and now AS is getting his head back together.

 

AS sees the fallen Some Guy holding his left ankle and seizes the opportunity to go to work on it. AS stomps the ankle and then picks it up and drops an elbow down across it. SG screams in pain. AS drags SG to the ropes and puts his ankle across the bottom strand. AS jumps up and then crashes down BUTT first on SG's leg, then again, and a third time.

 

Cole: SG is big trouble now. AS is starting to take his already injured ankle apart.

 

AS drags SG to the center of the ring and put him in a half Boston crab. SG screams in pain as AS cinches the move in. The ref asks SG if he wants to quit and he yells out, "HELL NO!"

 

SG tries to power out but it is to no avail, he just doesn't have the strength. After being in the hold for over 30 seconds SG reaches back and grabs AS' foot and pulls as hard he can. AS loses his balance and falls on his face.

 

Cole: SG escaped the hold. I don't believe it!

 

AS grabs SG by his legs and flings him over his head with a Wheelbarrow suplex. AS hits another.

 

Coach: 'Salt is using Some Guy's move!

 

AS picks him up for a third but instead of bringing him over his head his pancakes SG down on his face and locks in the anklelock!

 

Cole: Screams of No Reply! SG has no choice but to tap out now.

 

SG yells out in agony as the hold is tightened. But he refuses to quit. SG starts the long slow crawl to the ropes only to be pulled back to the middle of the ring by AS. SG tries to get to the ropes again and is pulled back once more. SG starts to inch to the ropes for a third time and just as 'Sault starts to pull shim back SG kicks him in the gut and grabs the ropes. AS won't break the hold. The ref counts 1, 2, 3, 4, AS breaks before being DQ'ed on 5.

 

AS picks SG up, puts him in front face lock, grabs his left leg and picks him up for another Salt Shaker. SG shifts his weight and counters the move into a small package roll up.

 

One…

 

Two…

 

Thre…

 

AS kicks out and SG rolls to his back.

 

Out of nowhere SG kips ups on one foot and the crowd goes nuts. SG hops over to AS and hits him with three of the hardest punches he can muster. This staggers AS as Some Guy starts to tune up the band again!

 

SG goes for a left footed Somekick but AS grabs SG's foot, jerks him to the mat, and locks in The Screams of No Reply!

 

Coach: AS has him in the anklelock again! No way can SG get out of this.

 

SG is screaming in pain as Anglesault cranks on his ankle. SG makes a vain attempt at getting to the ropes but AS pulls him back and drops down to grapevine SG's legs with his own. AS twists SG's ankle as hard as he can and Some Guy finally taps out!

 

The bell rings and "Dream On" blares over the PA system.

 

Cole: What a match, SG tapped out but you have to wonder if the outcome would have been different had he not been attacked earlier.

 

Coach: Whoa BABBEE!

 

Ring Announcer: The winner of the third fall and the winner of the match at 29 minutes 48 seconds by submission Anglesault!

 

AS lets the hold go and raises one arm in victory while lying on the mat. SG is lying motionless face down on the mat.

 

Cole: I think we need help out here in the ring for Some Guy!

 

Coach: Maybe for Anglesault too. He doesn't look great right now either.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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OAOAST World Championship

Zack Malibu vs. Stephen Joseph

 

JR: And it all comes down to this match right here

 

Jesse: After what that bastard did...I can't believe I haven't cheered him enough! Joseph's got all the momentum coming into this match.

 

JR: But Zack will have the crowd on his side.

 

Jesse: But Stephen is in Zack's head JR. That might be costly.

 

The arena becomes cloaked in darkness, as the sampled beat of Led Zepplin's "Kashmere" is recognized as P. Diddy's "Come With Me". Stepping out onto the stage is the former Big Poppa Popick, Stephen Joseph, looking focused and intense. Welcomed by boos, the religious zealot strikes a crucifix pose, tilting his head back and letting the jeers soak in, almost pleasingly. Stephen walks to the ring, his head never even turning the slightest to acknowledge the fans.

 

Again, all the lights shut down, leaving the arena pitch black.

 

"How can you see into my eyes, like open doors..."

 

Fans start cheering, and then again hush, as the opening lines of "Bring Me To Life" play...

 

(BOOM!)

 

"Wake me up"

 

"Wake me up inside"

 

Blue and gold pyro shoot off on either side of the ramp, as Zack Malibu comes walking through the sparkling rain. Having left Alison in the back tonight, Zack knows this is more than a match. This is something personal. He walks down the aisle, slapping hands but at the same time never taking his eyes off of Stephen Joseph, who stands in the ring, glaring at him.

 

Zack walks up the stairs, Stephen Joseph looking at him with a frown of disgust, as he enters the ring. Zack unstraps the World Title from his waist and jumps up on the second turnbuckle, raising it up high for the fans to see. As he lowers himself back to the mat, Stephen comes up behind him, spinning him around and swiping the belt from his grip! SJ starts badgering Zack, pointing to the belt and how it is a greater evil, then throws it down and inches even closer to Zack, only to be sent backwards with a right hand by the champion! Zack keeps at him, firing off a few more rights until Stephen is backed against the ropes. Zack pulls him off, and goes to Irish Whip him, but Stephen turns it around, reversing it and nailing Zack with a short arm clothesline! SJ picks him up off the mat, then simply yet effectively drills a knee into the side of Zack's head! He starts stomping Zack as he's down, kicking him towards the ropes and pushing him to the floor, under the bottom rope.

 

Jesse:"It didn't take long for this one to break down, JR!"

 

Zack gets up quickly, but is sent face first to the floor again, as Stephen nails him with a clothesline from behind! He picks Zack up, and then tosses him by the head, so that Zack is sent careening back first into the ring stairs!

 

JR:"You knew the ring couldn't contain this rivalry, Jess."

 

Zack grunts in pain, as SJ pulls him up, and rolls him into the ring, finally taking the battle to where it belongs. Zack starts to walk on all fours, but just as he is about to get up, Stephen drops an elbow on his lower back, sprawling him out on the mat.

 

SJ picks Zack up, stunning him with a few chops, and then grabbing his arm, sending him into the corner, only to have Zack reverse, and SJ hits hard! He comes staggering forward, and Zack grabs him, then drops him across his knee with a backbreaker! Zack picks SJ up, and takes him over to the turnbuckles, where he rams his head into the top one! With Stephen leaning against the corner, Zack grabs the middle ropes, and starts lunging forward with shoulderblocks into his lower back! After pounding on the lower back of SJ, Zack walks to the other corner, then gets a full head of steam and charges, diving into the corner and splashing SJ, Stinger style!

 

Stephen gets pulled up out of the corner, and Zack snapmares him over, then goes for a quick cover. The referee's arm comes down once, but SJ kicks out before it can hit a second time.

 

Jesse:"What a coward, going for the pin this early!"

 

JR:"How does that make him a coward?"

 

Jesse:"Because he can't work well under pressure, he's trying to get out of there as soon as he can. You know that the longer this goes on, the more focus Zack will lose."

 

JR:"I'm not so sure about that. I think Stephen Joseph must've slipped you some Kool Aid."

 

Jesse:"Nonsense, the only person who spikes punch around here is me."

 

Zack picks SJ up, but as he readies him for a suplex, he gets backdropped over by his former ally. Zack quickly gets up, but just as he stands on two feet, SJ turns and kicks him in the side of the head, bringing him back to the mat. Stephen then goes and picks him up, setting him for a reverse DDT, but Zack spins out of it so that he's facing SJ, and shoves him back first into the corner! SJ reels, his back already having taken more than enough shots, but he gets a foot up as Zack comes charging, and then runs out of the corner and drills him with a facebuster!

 

Jesse:"It's going to be hard to be conceited after a broken nose."

 

Rather than go for the cover, Stephen Joseph rolls Zack over, and grabs his legs in a wishbone position, threatening to stomp him low. The referee warns SJ to back off, and...he obliges?

 

JR:"Guess it's a sin to hit another man in the nuts now."

 

SJ backs off, and as Zack gets up, he runs forward and kicks him hard in the midsection, causing Zack to crumple to the mat!

 

Jesse:"Haha! I LOVE it JR. Classic strategy."

 

JR:"Yeah, Stephen's a thinking man's wrestler, the next Ric Flair..."

 

SJ scoop slams Zack to the mat, then stands above him, and falls forward, dropping an elbow down onto Zack's chest. He pulls him up and drapes him across his shoulders for a Samoan Drop, but Zack counters into a crucifix! SJ rolls through himself, escaping a pinning predicament, and charges Zack, only to get arm dragged over. He stands up, but Zack quickly takes him off his feet with a sweep kick, sending him crashing back first to the mat! Zack hits the ropes, and hops over the fallen SJ, then comes off the other ropes, back towards him. SJ meets him, catching him with a hiptoss, but Zack lands on his feet, kicks Stephen in the gut, and sets him up for a powerbomb...NO! SJ rolls over with a sunset flip, but Zack, rather than fall back with the move, somersaults FORWARD, springing to his feet and running to the ropes, jumping up on the middle rope and launching himself backward with a Cross Body Lionsault! Malibu hooks a leg as the crowd is in AWE, but only gets a 2!

 

JR:"Oh, so close! What a near fall that was!"

 

Zack picks him up off the mat, and slams two forearms across his back to stun him. He takes him over, flooring him with a snap suplex, then grabbing his arm, locking his legs around it and sitting back.

 

JR:"Malibu now, going to wear Stephen Joseph down here, possible submission hold."

 

Jesse:"Get your facts right, JR. It IS a submission hold. Stephen giving in is an entirely different story."

 

Despite the pressure, SJ will not give in, and he tells the ref so, grabbing him by the collar and spitting in his face! Zack breaks the arm bar, and with the ref taken aback by SJ's actions, Stephen hits Zack with a nutshot, then stands up and plants Zack into the mat with a double arm DDT! Stephen Joseph goes for his first cover of the match...and Zack is up right at 2!

 

Agitated with Malibu's resilience, SJ grabs him and throws him through the middle rope and to the floor, giving himself a moment or two to regain his composure. Zack lands semi-facefirst with a thud, as the ref admonished Stephen. He pays no mind, and after pacing the ring for a moment, steps through the ropes to the apron. Zack is just about up, leaning against the railing for support, and Stephen comes over, scraping his back to evoke a scream of pain from Zack. As he inches away from BPP, reeling from the uncomfortable manuever, BPP grabs him and throws him forward, sending Zack careening into the ringpost!

 

JR:"Such methodical offense by this man tonight."

 

Joseph continues to stalk Zack around ringside, as the dazed champion's pristine face is dripping with blood. Joseph stops along the way, grabbing a ringside chair, and readies to bring it slamming down on Zack's back, but Malibu turns at just the right moment, and dodges the blow! Zack responds with a double leg takedown, sending the chair sliding across the floor, and he mounts SJ, firing away with lefts and rights! Stephen is in shock, and Zack picks him up and sends him HARD into the guardrail, bruising his already worked-over back! With him leaning against the guardrail, Zack jumps up onto the apron, and runs forward, soaring off with a flying clothesline that bends SJ's back against the metal barrier and sends Zack landing in the front row!

 

JR:"BAH GAWD! SHADES OF JT SMITH AND MIKE AWESOME IN ECW!"

 

Jesse:"He could have snapped his spine! Did you see him nearly bend in half!"

 

The fans go nuts, and many of those in the close proximity of the shot start up a Zack chant that becomes contagious throughout the arena. SJ is laying face first at ringside, crying out loud and reaaching his arm to his back, visibly showcasing he's wounded. Zack pulls himself up, and looks out to his fans, raising his arms and showing those wild, frenzied eyes. MALIBU IS RECHARGED~!

 

He jumps over the railing, and grabs SJ, holding him in a bearhug type hold and ramming him back first into the ring apron! Stephen yells in pain, and Zack responds to his calls by doing it again! SJ slumps down at the feet of Malibu, and Zack looks down at him with no sympathy, then picks him up and rolls him into the ring. Stephen rolls onto his back to block any more intented damage, so Zack slingshots over the top rope with a legdrop across his throat! Zack covers, but Stephen throws his left foot on the bottom rope just at the count of 2!

 

The referee tells Zack about it, and Zack doesn't even bother to argue, instead staying on offense. He hooks both of SJ's arms, pedigree style, but before he can follow up with anything, Stephen breaks free, and grabs both of Zack's legs, catapulting him over the top rope and...ZACK SKINS THE CAT! Stephen is well aware of this counter, and goes to grab Zack, but Malibu shoots his legs up, locking them around SJ's head! Zack lets go of the top rope, and headscissors SJ...NO! SJ THREW ZACK OUTWARDS PANCAKE STYLE! ZACK WHACKS THE MAT FACE FIRST! Stephen Joseph goes for a cover...Kickout at 2~!

 

SJ gets up, bringing Zack with him, and trying a Russian Legsweep...NO! Zack elbows him right in the jaw! Standing toe to toe now, Zack fires off another elbow that dazes him, then spins around for a ROARING ELBOW...DUCKED BY SJ, countered with a BLUE THUNDER BOMB! The referee dives in for the cover...MALIBU GETS A SHOULDER UP!

 

A scowl comes over SJ's face, and he immediately gets up and grabs Zack in a facelock, and looks out to the crowd. He lifts him up suplex style...FINALITY...NO! Zack shifts his weight back down, and counters with an STO! Stephen's head bounces off the mat, as Zack rolls over and then KIPS UP~!

 

JR:"That could have been the end right there!"

 

Zack steps out to the apron, and climbs up to the top rope, then flies through the air, as cameras everywhere are shot off while he comes down with a Guillotine Legdrop...THAT MISSES! Stephen rolls out of the way, and then grabs Zack head under his right arm, using a dragon sleeperhold that Zack made famous as the California Dream!

 

Jesse:"Insult to injury JR! He's going to beat the man with his own hold!"

 

Zack struggles, but slowly begins to fade, as SJ clenches the hold, nearly simulating a strangling. Zack falls into a seated position, as SJ locks the hold in, continuing to put pressure on Zack. The referee, fearing that it's all Zack can take, comes over and raises his arm once, only to see it fall by his side.

 

JR:"No, c'mon Zack, fight it off!"

 

The referee again raises Zack's arm up, only to see it lifelessly flop.

 

Jesse:"Break out the champagne, or in this case the holy water!"

 

The referee raises Zack's arm again...AND IT STAYS!

 

Zack pushes himself up off the mat into a standing position, while Stephen tries desperately to not have the hold broken. Zack slowly loosens the grip, twisting so that's he facing SJ, and shoves him hard, back first into the corner! The impact rebounds SJ off the turnbuckles, and he walks forward, right into a Rock Bottom that is dropped ACROSS ZACK'S KNEE!

 

JR:"A Rock Bottom Backbreaker! What a move by Zack Malibu!"

 

Zack is still drained from being locked in a sleeper, and he crawls over to SJ. Realizing he's too close to the ropes to get a pin on him, Zack picks him up in a facelock, and calls for the POP DROP~!

 

JR:"This is IT! This is...awww!"

 

SJ QUICKLY shoves Zack away and then slides back out to ringside, under the bottom rope. His eyes are widened, showing a look of concern. Zack stares him down, letting him know he means business. SJ tries complaining, but the referee reminds him that it's a legal manuever. Stephen slowly gets up on the apron, and Zack quickens the pace by coming over and pulling him back in over the top rope! Before SJ can even stand up straight, Zack comes at him with a flurry of punches, sending him back a few inches with every blow. To break up the onslaught, Stephen gets a knee into Zack's exposed ribs, and then Irish Whips him into the corner. He charges, but Zack moves out of the way just in the nick of time! Malibu rams a shoulder into SJ's back, and then picks him up, setting him up on the top rope facing the crowd. Zack climbs up to the second rope, and lifts Stephen Joseph off the top...BACK SUPLEX FROM THE...NO! STEPHEN SHIFTS HIS WEIGHT AND LANDS ON ZACK! COVER!

 

1!

 

2!!

 

2 3/4!! KICKOUT BY ZACK! KICKOUT!

 

The ire of Stephen Joseph is nearing it's boiling point, as the determination of the champion has gotten under his skin. He quickly pulls Zack up, locking him in a facelock and lifting him for the FALLEN ANGEL~! NO! Zack falls behind Stephen! SJ turns around, and throws his arm at Zack with a STIFF lariat, but Zack dodges with the MATRIX DUCK~! He comes up and runs to the ropes, coming off with a flying forearm that flattens the challenger! The crowd is rabid as Zack paces the ring, and points to Stephen, then down to his right foot.

 

JR:"School is about to be out, here at School's Out!"

 

Zack waits on SJ to recover, and fires his right leg out for his patented version of the Superkick, but Stephen grabs his foot, blocking the move. In a flash, he throws Zack's leg down, kicks him in the gut, and sends him crashing to the mat with the FALLEN ANGEL!

 

Jesse:"Yeah, School's Out, and someone else is gonna be running the halls tomorrow!"

 

SJ hooks the leg, and the referee makes the count...2 7/8 COUNT! ZACK GOT A SHOULDER UP! ZACK KICKED OUT!

 

JR:"YES!"

 

Stephen Joseph's eyes are widened, partly in shock and partly due to the madness in his head. He again pulls Zack up right away, and this time, he readies him for a POP DROP!?

 

Jesse:"He's gonna beat him with his own move, JR! That same move that..."

 

Before Jesse can finish speaking, Zack counters by rolling Stephen Joseph up in a small package!

 

1!

 

2!!

 

NO! KICKOUT BY STEPHEN!

 

JR:"Good lord, what a match!"

 

Both men get back up, albeit wearily, to a standing position. Zack kicks Stephen in the gut, and readies for a POP DROP~! of his own, but SJ, in a last act of desperation, shoves him backwards, and Zack catches the referee inadvertently with his elbow, knocking him down!

 

JR:"Aw no!"

 

Zack turns to the fallen official, and looks up just in time to be clipped in the forehead by a running elbow from Stephen! Stephen grabs him, and again drills him into the mat with a Fallen Angel! With no official to count, Stephen stands above Zack, staring down at him menacingly, then walks to the ropes and exits the ring.

 

Jesse:"He's giving him too much time, JR."

 

Stephen grabs the OAOAST World Title belt and stares at it, losing himself in the glare of the gold. He then snaps back to reality and grabs the microphone from the announcer, shoving the poor man over in his seat. Stephen Joseph enters the ring, where both champion and official are down on the mat.

 

SJ:"I will cleanse you now, Zack. I will cleanse you of the evil this material possession has brought over you. I..."

 

As he stands over Zack, SJ leaves himself wide open for a LOW BLOW~! He drops the mic and hobbles away, still clutching the World Title. Zack wipes the sweat from his brow, and then with all his strength, KIPS UP~! back to his feet, drawing a huge pop from his fans!

 

Stephen Joseph's look of pain turns to a growl, and he turns and takes a swing at Malibu with his right hand, the left holding the title belt! Zack ducks the shot, and Stephen turns back around, right into SCHOOL'S OUT~! The title goes flying from his grasp, as Zack catches it and watches him fall!

 

JR:"He's out! Cover him Zack, cover him!"

 

Jesse:"There's no ref, dumbass!"

 

Instead, Zack leans in the corner, catching his breath. He sees Stephen rolling on the mat, feeling his jaw after taking the brunt of Zack's trademark kick. Slowly but surely, he rises to his feet, and Zack comes barging out of the corner, and smashing the World Title into Stephen's face! The Bible-thumper goes down, blood now gushing from his nose. Zack stands above him, and suddenly..

 

DING! DING! DING!

Winner, by DQ, Stephen Joseph

 

JR:"What the..."

 

Jesse:"The ref saw it!"

 

Yes, though laying on the mat recovering, the referee raised his head just in time to see Zack nailing Stephen Joseph in the face with the belt. Zack looks oblivious to this, as he picks Stephen Joseph up and stands him upright, then sends the belt crashing into his face again!

 

JR:"Why is Zack doing this? He's better than this dammit!."

 

Jesse:"NO JR. He's a damn cheater!?"

 

JR:"Stephen Joseph went to hit him with it...Why does that make it right for Joseph and wrong for Zack?"

 

Jesse: "Because Stephen was trying to teach Zack something, and Zack is just doing it out of pure jealously, envy JR!

 

Jesse climbs up on top of the announce desk with his microphone.

 

Jesse: Zack, HOW COULD YOU?

 

Zack Malibu falls to his knees, cradling the big gold belt in his arms, the audience in stunned silence after both Zack's actions as Jesse's query resounds and echoes across the arena.

 

Then, the lights drop off to blackness

 

"Purity through Pain" spoken by James Earl Jones, picks up echoing where Jesse's statement ends. The crowd buzzes

 

A flashbulb goes off here...then another there...The lightbulbs pop off and on, a frenzy act of fans curious.

 

James Earl Jones continues.

 

"Once was lost, but now am found. Was blind but now we see"

 

"We are the Trinity"

 

And the lights come on

 

And there are two more in the ring.

 

But they are not the Infernales ...

 

They are...

 

JR: It CAN'T be! They weren't kidding earlier

 

Jesse: We're witnessing THE true revelation here!

 

JR: What has Zack done to himself, to us? These three men, togother?

 

Jesse: He's hurt us all... ::Jesse, standing with the microphone:: You've brought this onto yourself Mr. Malibu. CAUSE and EFFECT, and you're the cause of our misery you hypocrite!

 

JR: Could I have been so wrong?

 

Jesse: Can you believe it...Those two men...together with Stephen Joseph!

 

JR: How can it be?

 

Jesse: Face it JR. Tonight, Stephen Joseph WON JR. Stephen Joseph WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!

 

JR: Zack, why?

 

Zack Malibu looks up, eyes drenching in tears, surrounded on three sides...

 

The speakers sound once again with Mr. Jones

 

"Separate the sinner from us all"

 

Jesse: ::Voice Fading:: Stephen Joseph was RIGHT! ::echo::

 

END SHOW

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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Guest Big Poppa Popick

A WE'D WISH THE OAOAST WAS REAL PRODUCTION

 

BECAUSE TONY TOOK THE MONTH OFF:

Big Poppa Popick

RECIPE TO SUCCESS:

 

1. 1/2 CUP OF KNOW SOMEBODY WITH POWER

 

2. FULL CUP OF LIE, CHEAT AND STEAL

 

3. HARDWORK GETS YOU NOWHERE, ASS-KISSING DOES...ASK ZACK!

 

4. USE FOR REST OF YOUR LIFE

 

ANGLESAULT FUN FACT: HE CONSIDERS YOU THE CHILDREN HE DOESN'T WANT

 

WE WROTE THIS CRAP

Some Guy

Anglesault

Tony149

Zack Malibu

Big Poppa Popick

Shattered Dreams

Dangerous A

Banky

Sonic Youth

ShooterJay

Masked Mystery Eskimo

 

More to come, but first this word from our sponsors!

 

-------------------------------------------------------------

Totally Endorsed! (sponsored by:)

RENTED BY OAOAST.COM! VISIT TODAY

OAT TOAST!

MANLY UNSMOOTH LEGS!

TREBLE CHARGER WORLD TOUR (Okay, just Canada)

--------------------------------------------------------------

 

ANOTHER FACT: TONY DOES NOT LIKE YOU EITHER!

 

SpiderPoet

More Random People

LaParkaYourCar

Bob Ucker

The Artist Now Known As JACOB X

Some Guy named SomeGuy

Popcorn-Vendor Man!

Jailbait

 

THIS MONTH'S BEEF WITH BIG POPPA POPICK: HE'S TOO SMART

NEXT MONTH'S BEEF WITH BIG POPPA POPICK: HE'S TOO SEXY

 

WATCHED TRADING SPACES

SpiderPoet

Big Poppa Popick

 

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: BEING APART OF THE OAOAST PRODUCTION STAFF CAUSES ANIMOSITY BETWEEN THE OFFICE AND LABOR WORKERS

 

BATHE IN POWER (AND THE MAIN EVENT)

Zack Malibu

Big Poppa Popick

 

THIS WEEKS WINNING PICK 3 NUMBERS: 01, 08, 17

 

THE YES-MEN

Kotzenjunge

SpiderPoet

Jingus (when he's here)

Mystery Eskimo

 

DOESN'T LIKE REJECTION

Tony149

 

GOD HIMSELF

Anglesault

 

SLACKER EXTRAORDINAIRE!

Caboose!

 

NOTE TO SELF: I SUCK!

 

© 2003

OAOAST ENTERTAINMENT

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

 

AND ITS OOOOVVVERRRRR!!!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What, you thought I'd say something witty? Bite me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still scrolling? Expecting the full long ass credits and a preview trailer for GAB?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Nope...still nothing

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still nothing...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It's the weekend, go out and enjoy it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay fine...I'm a nerd.

Edited by Big Poppa Popick

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