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OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 4/22
Patty O'Green
post Apr 22 2010, 05:04 PM
Post #1


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Group: OAOAST Mods
Posts: 4,157
Joined: 3-September 02
Member No.: 2,593



-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-
-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-
-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-



The show opens with TIM CASH frantically pacing backstage.

CASH
Where could they be?

Cash exit’s the picture.

COLE
Where could WHO be?!?

COACH
Parts Unknown or maybe Reno, Nevada. *mimics rimshot*

Cole sighs as we cut away to Miley.



We cut live to Sofa Central where Michael Cole and Da Coach await to call all the red hot OAOAST action.

COLE
We are just one week away from the Motor City Spectacular! Welcome to Baltimore for OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole, alongside the Coach, and Coach, I ask you once again who could Tim Cash be searching for?

COACH
Who the hell cares? Shut the fuck up, and I hope your mom dies.

COLE
(IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/sad.gif)

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down
(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now
(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs
(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long


Entrance doors slide apart and onto a stage shrouded in gold and green lights arrive Lorelei DeCenzo, in a strapless yellow gown, and Christian Wright, in black slacks. The two Enterprise members join hands and raise their arms into the air to signal a bursting of green and gold pyro. The disliked duo then hook arms and head for the ring.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Lorelei DeCenzo, he resides in Washington DC, weighing in at 8 1/3 bars of gold, he is THE CENTENINAL MAN….CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIIIIIGHTTTTTTTTTT!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COLE
Christian Wright all set to attempt to extend his unbeaten streak as he faces Shayne Brave of D*LUX

COACH
What do you mean attempt? The dude deserves the benefit of the doubt, he’s now officially a winner until proven otherwise.

WELL ITS MIDNIGHT
AND ITS COLDER
PULL YOU CLOSER
I CAN SEE THROUGH
WHEN ITS SUNSHINE
AND ITS SOLAR
AND ITS OVER
GUESS ITS ME AND YOU

BLOOD. BY. SUN. LIGHT.


Lupe Fiasco’s Solar Midnite brings out the too cute managerial team of Jade Rodez-Duncan and Maya Duncan-Blanchard. The sisters stand with their arms towards the door, and smiles on their faces, heralding the arrival of Shayne Brave! Showtime fires up the audience, as the teenage girls in the audience proceed to have their hearts melted.

BUFFER
And the opponent....from Detroit, Michigan....SHOWTIME SHAYNE BRAVVVVEEEEEEE!

Maya and Jade hold the ropes open for Shayne, polite and courteous unlike their surly mother. However their can be no prematch theatrics as CW greets the trio with a wave of the hand.

WRIGHT
Dear Squire, I represent the house of The Enterprise but do not draw thy tool! For amity is my intent.

LORELEI
We have an offer for you.

MAYA
What type of offer?

WRIGHT
An offer, fair maiden, that only a common fool would be apt to reprobate!

LORELEI
As you all know Christian Wright is on a bit of a tear here in the OAOAST, men are getting hurt! Bones are being broken! Bodies are being mangled! And it would be a shame, such a shame, were anything to happen to dear sweet Shayne.

SHAYNE
I’m tougher than I look!

JADE
That’s right, after mom threw him out the window for sniffing her bras and he only needed ten stitches.

LORELEI
Give this man a purple heart! But seriously, folks, why waste such a handsome face. Why not take five thousand dollars of Theodore Moneymaker’s money and go buy yourselves some Abercromibe or something nice like that.

JADE
What happens to the match? Is Christian going to wrestle Sue Richards?

MAYA
A comic book joke? Jade, stop hanging around with Melody. For your own sake.

WRIGHT
A fine dubiety, my dear lass, nay, I shall perform athletic combat against no member of the Fantastic Four, instead I shall stake my name onto a forfeit victory.

LORELEI
What do you say, Shayne?

SHAYNE
No way!

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

The audience is enthused and gleeful but Wright certainly is not. Assuming he had the night off, The God Child becomes enraged and lunges for Shayne. He strikes the teenyboppin wrestler right in the eye with the microphone! Shayne sinks down to the canvas, and is brutalized with more attacks from CW’s microphone.

COLE
Oh come on!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

MAYA
No fair!

LORELEI
Life isn’t fair.

MAYA
Oh a cliché, I’m hurt!

The three bickering girls are ushered out the ring by referee Andrew Thomas, who then calls for the bell.

DING DING DING DING

With blood oozing out his eye, Shayne slowly finds his way upright. Unfortunatley for him he’s quickly sent crashing back down with a snap powerslam from The God Child. Thomas drops into position to score the pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!

Brave lifts his shoulder off the canvas, to the cheers of the Baltimore audience. Taking their support as his strength, he makes another labored trek to his feet. But he’s immediately struck down by a powerful lariat from CW.

COACH
My man clobbered him with that one! Just straight took his shit and turned it all inside out.

Brave shows great fighting spirit, and works his way back to his feet. However, his hopes of victory are once again dashed when CW lariats him over the top rope! Brave crashes into the ring mats in front of Lorelei, causing the Money Honey to welcome him with a kick to the stomach.

COLE
This just isn’t right, Shayne was cheapshoted, hit in the eye and now he’s got Lorelei pouncing on him. This just isn’t right.

COACH
But it sure is entertaining! This dude takes a good ass kicking, props to him for that.

Brave is finally released from Lorelei’s torture and head back towards the ring. He slogs his way onto the ring apron, where Wright waits to greet him. The God Child grabs onto Shayne’s shaggy cut, but Showtime slams his shoulder into Wright’s midsection. This backs Wright away and gives Brave passage into the ring. There he takes aim at Wright’s chin with speedy jabs.

“LET’S GO SHAYNE! LET’S GO SHAYNE!” the audience sings, encouraged by Jade and Maya.

COLE
The fans are getting behind Shayne, but I’m afraid he has an uphill battle to fight after being hit in the eye with a microphone.

With Wright staggered, Brave takes a chance to the run the ropes. But as he returns he’s brought into the sky and slammed downwards with the Wright Off (sky high)! Thomas gets into position to count the fall…

ONE!


TWO!

Brave pushes himself out the pinfall!

“YEAAAAAAAAA!”

COLE
What a strong young man this Shayne Brave is, fighting through an apparent eye injury.

An irish whip sends Shayne across the ring into the ropes. But Wright lowers his head, and Brave takes advantage by kicking him directly in the chest. Shayne then shreds apart Wright’s chest. Fearful of the destruction these attacks bring, Wright desperately jams his thumb into Shayne’s wounded eyes.

COLE
Now that is heinous!

COACH
Its hilarious! This dude is the Eddie Murphy of getting yo ass beat! This nigga like the beatdown Richard Pryor.

Brave stumbles about the ring, as his managers urge him to get back into the fight. However, all he can do is entangle himself into a front facelock from The God Child. CW raises him high into the skies, before quickly ushering him to the canvas with the Stockmarket Crash (Gordbuster)

COACH
Damn, that’s satisifying!

Wright makes what he assumes will be match ending pinfall…

ONE!


TWO!


THREE!

DING DING DING

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of a pinfall….CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIIGHTTTT!

As Maya and Jade move to check on Brave, Lorelei enters the ring to pass Christian Wright a microphone.

WRIGHT
From this day forth, I defiantly vow... no man, woman nor beast shall commit thine self to defeat!

“BOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

COACH
Dang, Christian Wright just straight sonned that dude to oblivion!

COLE
Could that be because he jammed a microphone into his eye? Do you think that might have something to do with it?

COMMERCIAL
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Patty O'Green
post Apr 22 2010, 05:05 PM
Post #2


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Group: OAOAST Mods
Posts: 4,157
Joined: 3-September 02
Member No.: 2,593



Hey hey hey, look who's using the interview lounge while Patty ain't lookin!

(IMG:http://www.purethenightclub.com/venue/main4.jpg)

Unfortunately, two of the people in the lounge look like they'd rather be anywhere else in the world. Stood either side of OAOAST correspondent guy Tony Brannigan are Colin Maguire Jr. and Spencer Reiger, the LDC Moneygang. And, yes, they're still dressed against their will in their embarrassing women's clothing. Spencer's Hello Kitty top clearly put on in quite a rage, all wrinkled and not even on straight. Poor Colin still in his schoolgirl's outfit.

BRANNIGAN
As you can see we're back here in the interview lounge. And guys, before we get started, I just want to ask one thing... even though you're dressed for it, no Coyote Ugly routines tonight, please. This isn't that kind of bar.

Spencer fumes at the cheapshot and tries to put a lid on it.

SPENCER
Let me tell you something Brannigan, you're lucky we like you or else you'd soon regret making wisecracks.

Clearly not bothered about annoyed the Moneygang, T-Bod chuckles to himself and lets Spencer take the microphone.

SPENCER
You see, me and Colin, we're just about at the ends of our tether here. We've had to put up with wannabee comedians like you for damn near 30 days now, making fun of us. Do you realise what a miserable month this has been!? Do you!? Let me tell you what a miserable month it's been. Let me talk about how Krista and Alix somehow managed to make sure this stupid stipulation of theirs is enforced 24 hours a day!!

Brannigan stifles a laugh.

SPENCER
Oh yeah! Twenty four hours a day, Brannigan! The OAOAST trot us out on TV to cut a promo with your washed-up ass, or sends us out to the ring to wrestle a match, dressed up like a couple of cheap whores. Everyone gets a cheap laugh. But no, that's not enough. We walk around backstage and guys are wolf-whistling us, they're making smart-ass remarks. I got goosed three times! That ain't enough of a humiliation for the LDC Moneygang! Let me explain it for everyone. We've had to go to the gym dressed like this. If we wanted to do grocery shopping? We have to dress like this. Do you realise how embarrassing it is to go and fill up with gas while the wind's up if you're wearing a skirt!? Because I do! Me and Colin have been laughed at in the street. Everywhere we go, there's assholes with camera phones trying to take a picture of us. If I get re-tweeted one more picture of me in this damn skirt I'm gonna scream! We've been made practically house-ridden because we're too ashamed to go out in public. I live in NEW YORK CITY for crying out loud! This has been the worst 30 days of my life!

BRANNIGAN
I can imagine. Now, Britney, anything to add to that?

Colin just stares at Brannigan contemptfully, almost too embarrassed to even move for fear of showing off more flesh than he wants.

COLIN
We've had enough. April 30th, we get tah take this gahbage off for good. Krista and Alix... they did this to us. They made us look like jackasses. Well come May, there's hell to pay. We're gonna take 30 days of frustration out on the OAOAST. Don't matter who it is. And somewhere down the line, we're gonna take it out on Krista and Alix, bet yer ass on that Brannigan.

BRANNIGAN
Well, that'll be next week and I'm sure the fans will be very sympathetic towards you guys when you return. One more thing before you two go off and powder your noses... where's Lorelei at? And Moneymaker? Seems like ever since this whole forfeit happened, they haven't been at your side. Don't tell me they're embarrassed to be seen beside you two.

Still seething, Spencer looks like he'd love nothing more than to punch Brannigan right in the mouth, but also realises he's wearing a skirt and a Hello Kitty top and looks ridiculous.

SPENCER
Grrgh.

Spencer groans to himself and just walks off, defeated, with Colin not far behind.

BRANNIGAN
Hey Colin, nice panties.

Hurriedly pulling his skirt down Colin storms off and Brannigan has a good laugh to himself.

COACH
What a professional.

COLE
Ah, come on. If you can't laugh at that, what can you laugh at?

COMMERCIAL
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Patty O'Green
post Apr 22 2010, 05:06 PM
Post #3


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Group: OAOAST Mods
Posts: 4,157
Joined: 3-September 02
Member No.: 2,593



COLE
Let's send it back to Josh Matthews with Josie Baker, for a big announcement.


Ready and waiting in her office, Josie stands behind her desk with clipboard in hand. Josh, obediently there with microphone in hand.

JOSH
Ms Baker, we understand you've got some big news in regards to next week's big event in Detroit.

JOSIE
That's right Josh and I'd like to take this opportunity to remind all our fans who aren't lucky enough to be able to join us live from Detroit, to watch it as it happens, live on TSM. Now, for our fans who will be in Detroit, there is some good news and some... well, sort of good news. I guess. First, the good news. I've had Lorelei DeCenzo and Theodore Moneymaker pestering me, complaining about the disrespect that they think the LDC Moneygang have been put through as of late. Which, as far as I'm concerned, is their own fault. If they dislike wearing women's clothing so much, perhaps they shouldn't have accepted the stipulation from Chicks Over Dicks. But, I digress. The Enterprise want the OAOAST to compensate them for, what they claim is, "irreperable damage to their marketing image". Well, the OAOAST are happy to pay The Enterprise... and, give them a chance to repair some of the damage done to their credibility. And they have been given the option to do it in Detroit by showing up and wrestling Detroit's own, D*LUX. Unfortunately, Spencer is refusing to compete again until after his 30 days are up. So, Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker will be filling in for him.

Seemingly impressed, Josh nods.

JOSH
Okay, so Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker versus D*LUX next week. What about the... uh, 'not so great' news?

JOSIE
Well, that would involve another of Michigan's "finest". Leon Rodez.

Bitter at the very name Josie scowls down at her clipboard a little.

JOSIE
Seems like there's a whole queue of people lined up at more door lately, all waiting to be the next to cause me trouble. And Leon is right at the front of the queue. See Leon has essentially stolen from me, he's stolen from the OAOAST. And now he's trying to hold me to ransom, in order to keep that stolen property. It's not going to work. I could easily go through the proper legal channels to make sure that if Leon doesn't uncuff that briefcase from his wrist and hand it over as he has been asked, he'll never get within 100 feet of a wrestling ring to even cash his little contract in....

JOSH
But, you're not going to?

A little annoyed at being called on this, Josie gives Josh a sharp look.

JOSIE
I could. But, I have a better idea in mind. You see, the OAOAST weren't responsible for Leon not having a match at AngleMania. Leon was the one who walked out. If he had wanted that Money In The Bank briefcase so badly, perhaps instead of sulking and running away, he could have fought for it. Not once did I try and keep him out of that match. My problem isn't with Leon Rodez holding the Money In The Bank briefcase, no matter what conspiracy theory he's dreamt up in his mind. My problem and the OAOAST's problem is that he didn't earn it. However, we can solve that. If Leon wants to keep the briefcase... all he has to do is win it.

Josie smiles to herself. And, presumably, to Leon, assuming he's watching.

JOSIE
And all he has to do to win it is to beat the man who's hands he stole that briefcase out of at AngleMania, the real "victim" in this sorry mess, Baron Windels. One on one, in Detroit.

Satisfied with her work, Josie sets the clipboard down.

JOSH
Uh, before we go Josie, do you have any comment about the current situation regarding the backstage turmoil between Anglesault and Za...

Josie quickly sticks a hand up and cuts Josh off.

JOSIE
I will have no comment to make on that situation and there will be no comment of it on my show. Now, please see yourself out.

Realising he's overstepped his mark, Josh quickly skulks off.
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Patty O'Green
post Apr 22 2010, 05:08 PM
Post #4


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Group: OAOAST Mods
Posts: 4,157
Joined: 3-September 02
Member No.: 2,593



COLE
In case you’ve joined us late, earlier tonight we saw Tim Cash worried as can be. We now understand it’s because his partners in tonight’s 6-man tag title match, One & Only World tag team champions the Lone Star Gunslingers, have yet to arrive at the arena. For more on that we send it to our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan.

Backstage we go where Brannigan is with Tim Cash.

BRANNIGAN
All right, thank you very much. As you can see, I’m here with Tim Cash, who’s been told by OAOAST management to begin searching for new partners in the event Baron Windels and World Heavyweight Champion Mr. Dick don’t arrive before bell time or else forfeit the match.

CASH
Soldiers don’t quit, Tony. I’d rather enter the battlefield alone than forfeit. But I won’t have to because I know Baron and Jock will make it. Obviously they had some kind of transportation problem. But they’ll here. I promise you.

Cash wanders off.

BRANNIGAN
Tim Cash, quite the optimist. Back to you.
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Patty O'Green
post Apr 22 2010, 05:08 PM
Post #5


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Group: OAOAST Mods
Posts: 4,157
Joined: 3-September 02
Member No.: 2,593



We’re taken backs to the interview lounge, where Josh Matthews stands with Queen Esther and her Mardi Gras Hellfire Club.

QUEEN ESTHER
My! I do declare this will make a most marvelous throne room! We may put the jesters near the bar top, the lion tamers front and center, and the trumpeters against the wall.

JOSH
I hate to burst your bubble but this isn’t your throne room this an interview lounge.

QUEEN ESTHER
Good heavens! It’s a tiny man talking into a stick! Or is that a magic wand, and are you some sort of sorcerer? Identitfy yourself!

JOSH
I already did, I’m Josh Matthews and this is a microphone, how can you have been in this company a full year and have no clue what a microphone is? How can you even exist in life and not know what it is?

QUEEN ESTHER
I believe your wand has magical properties after all! Its given you the confidence to talk to me so rudely.

JOSH
Sorry, I got carried away. I wanted to ask you three about your match at Motor City Spectacular to determine the number one contenders for the tag team titles against Chicks Over Dicks.

QUEEN ESTHER
Oh heavens, those three words make me faint! I need to sit down at once! They are the ones who started this whole brouhaha with a victory over The Last Kings of Scotland. Those horrible heathens let the entire kingdom down with a loss to those harlots and I fear I’m still recovering.

JOSH
Rico and Lucius, you have a horrible record of zero wins and five losses against Chicks Over Dicks.

SOUL
Yo, Josh, get that hatin attitude out your mouth! That was The Mardi Gras Homewrecing Crew lookin’ so jive and unfly against COD.

RICO
Yeah, mang, get it right, mang. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, they the losers, mang, not us. We’re the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club.

JOSH
What’s the difference?

SOUL
The difference, baby, is Landon Maddix. He’s one cool cat from the low down. The old days, maaaaaaaaan, we woulda been screwed going against Alix and Krista. Those honies would’ve stolen our lunch and shove it down our throats, feel me. They woulda set our careers back to the OAOVW days.

RICO
But now, mang, Lucius and Rico got no worry, mang, no worry. Landon, he, tell us how to win. He give us winner mentality, mang.

JOSH
Landon has zero wins and three losses against Krista and Alix, what advice could he give you that could help you?

SOUL
I thought I told you to stop hatin’ and start lovin’. Landon Maddix dropped good advice on us, told us to keep our eyes locked on the prize, holmes. We got to ignore the tricks and insults of them skeezers, and keep it focused on what we really want.

JOSH
The One and Only World Tag Team Titles?

RICO
You got it, mang, you got it.

SOUL
Homegirls can shake their asses and jiggle their breasts all they want, but ain’t nothing coming between us and our date with The Lonestar Gunslingers. We got this match on lock. And the tag team titles are destined to be ours! Its gonna be a major setback for COD, but the Cucaracha Kingdom has an opening for some big booty hoes, and they fit the bill!

JOSH
Let's send it back to ringside for our mainevent!
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Patty O'Green
post Apr 22 2010, 05:09 PM
Post #6


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Group: OAOAST Mods
Posts: 4,157
Joined: 3-September 02
Member No.: 2,593



* DING * DING * DING * DING *

BUFFER
This is your HeldDOWN main event! Sanctioned by the OAOAST, it’s for THE OAOAST 6-MAN TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Are you ready?

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

BUFFER
OAOAST Galaxy, ARE… YOU… READY?

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

BUFFER
Then for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world… Ladies and gentlemen… LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

"Parade of the Charioteers" blares through the speakers as King Landon and Queen Esther walk to the ring arm in arm, James Blonde and Faqu right behind.

BUFFER
Introducing first, at a total combined weight of 717 pounds… the reigning and defending OAOAST 6-man tag team champions... the team of "THE TRENDSETTER" JAMES BLONDE... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FAQU... and accompanied to the ring by QUEEN ESTHER, the 2010 King of the Ring... KING LANDON MADDIX! Presenting THE CUCARACHA KINGDOM!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Queen Esther holds the ropes open for King Landon who spins inside theatrically.

COLE
As longtime viewers know, the champion or champions are usually introduced last. Clearly the OAOAST is buying Tim Cash a bit more time for Baron Windels and OAOAST World Champion Mr. Dick, both of whom have yet to make it back from San Francisco where they were promoting the upcoming HeldDOWN~! scheduled for the first week of May earlier in the day.

COACH
It’s not like Baron Windels to miss a flight or Mr. Dick to pass up a shot at championship gold, so they likely ran into transportation problems.

COLE
Couldn’t they have called or sent a text to let everybody know what’s going on?

COACH
Maybe they’re with Jesse Ventura in Mexico. He’s got no TV down there. I’d go crazy without TV, phone or internet!

“Citizen Soldier” by 3 Doors Down cues and Tim Cash emerges solo, a look of concern on his face.

BUFFER
And their opponent… from Peoria, Illinois... weighing 220 pounds… wrestling's last real good guy... "GENTLEMAN" TTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM CCAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

Cash peaks over his shoulder on the way down the aisle in hopes BW and MD will be there behind him, but no. His back turned Cash is blindsided by Faqu.

* DINGDINGDING *

Faqu tosses Cash inside and gets met by a series of forearm smashes that have little effect. So Cash STOMPS Faqu’s foot and sprints off the ropes… but right into a SAMOAN DROP!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Faqu whips Cash to the buckle and roars at the top of his lungs. Luckily for Cash, he avoids a corner avalanche and executes a SCHOOL BOY!

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

Cash ducks a clothesline and scores with a BACKBRAIN WHEELKICK, and then a MISSLE DROPKICK!!

COLE
You go boyfriend!

COACH
(IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/huh.gif)

James Blonde runs in and gets hip tossed for his trouble. Blonde reverses a whip but Cash slides through his legs, leapfrogs him on the rebound and Blonde collides with Faqu!

COACH
I think I’d rather be in a car wreck than crash into Faqu.

COLE
He’s built Ford tough alright. And we’ll be in the home of the Ford motor company next week, Detroit, for the Motor City Spectacular live on TSM and The Pit in Canada.

Cash gives Blonde and Faqu a DOUBLE COCONUT, but it doesn’t faze the Samoan Wrecking Ball one bit. Quick thrust kick levels Cash and King Landon immediately demands the tag.

COLE
Oh yeah, only once his team’s in firm control does King Landon want in. What a glory whore he is.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

In no mood to break a sweat tonight, King Landon tags out. Up top goes James Blonde, but Cash moves and Blonde smacks his knee on the canvas!

COACH
The lights were on but nobody was home there.

Cash hooks the legs and just about has Blonde turned over in THE MIDWEST SLING when Faqu breaks it up with a HEADBUTT.

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

COLE
With Cash all by his lonesome we can expect plenty of that.

Cash isn’t alone for long, however. THE ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS take their place in his corner, much to the horror of the King and Queen.

COACH
What are those idiots doing?

COLE
I think Tim Cash just found him a couple of partners.

Decked out in their street clothes, Simon and Ned rally the crowd behind Cash. But it’s not enough to prevent the corner clothesline/bulldog combo delivered by Blonde.

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Simon makes the save!

COACH
Don’t tell me the referee is gonna allow the Orange County Cobras to participate in the match. That should be a DQ.

Blonde whips Cash to the corner and tags King Landon. After a barrage of forearm strikes King Landon snaps Cash over and repeatedly kicks him in the face.

COLE
Tim Cash being forced to Kiss the Royal Feet of King Landon. Insulting as it is painful.

King Landon follows a jawbreaker with a nonchalant cover.

ONE!

TWO!

SAVE BY NED!

The Handsome Hustler doesn’t stop there, though. He stomps a mud hole in the King’s ass and walks it dry!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

COACH
Go in there and save your King, you fools.

As if he heard Coach, Blonde jumps in and eats a clothesline. Meanwhile, a tag is made and Faqu decks Ned with an open-handed thrust. Faqu next turns his attention to Cash, splashing him in the corner. Cash drops to the seat of his pants and Faqu delivers his trademark RUNNING BUTT SMASH~!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

NO!

Faqu lifts Cash off the mat and gives him a HIGH ANGLE BACKDROP SUPLEX!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

THR-- NO!!

Faqu again lifts Cash’s shoulders off the mat. Laid out mid-ring, Cash is helpless as Faqu scales the buckles.

COACH
Faqu’s gonna turn Tim Cash into a human pancake, Cole.

COLE
More importantly, the match will be over if he connects.

Suddenly Faqu loses his balance thanks to the O.C. Cobras shaking the top rope and CROTCHES himself!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

FAQU
(IMG:http://forums.thesmartmarks.com/style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif)

Ned receives the tag and with Faqu stranded on the top rope easily performs THE SLINGSHOT SUPLEX!

COACH
Talk about luck. No way Ned gets Faqu up if he were still on his feet.

COLE
You need a little luck in life sometimes.

Rather than go for the cover Ned tags Simon and the O.C. Cobras drop THE ATOMIC BLOND~!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT… AND WITH AUTHORITY!

Simon quickly delivers a DDT, but Faqu pops right back up.

COACH
(laughs)
You know what they say about blonds, Cole. Simon just forgot Faqu is Samoan.

Faqu lets out a mighty roar, which turns into a painful cry after Simon thumbs him in the eye!

COLE
Smarter than your average blond is Simon Singleton. What a counter there.

The O.C. Cobras tag and then whip Faqu in for THE DOUBLE FEATURE FLAPJACK. Unbeknownst to them, however, was a blind tag by King Landon who sneaks in as the ref escorts Simon to the corner and executes a LUNGBLOWER on Ned!

The cover.

ONE!

TWO!

KICKOUT!

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

King Landon slaps the mat in frustration, then attempts to make Ned GO 2 SLEEP… but the Handsome Hustler floats over and delivers a PILEDRIVER!

The cover.

COLE
We’re gonna have new champions!

The count.

ONE!

TWO!

SAVE BY BLONDE!

Bedlam ensues as Simon jumps on Blonde, then Faqu on Simon, followed by Cash on Faqu. Simon dumps Blonde outside and the O.C. Cobras assist Cash against Faqu. Amazingly, Faqu still puts up a tough fight. He flings Simon over the top and floors Ned. If things couldn’t get any wilder, “Motherfucker of the Year” by Motley Crue blasts over the loud speakers.

COACH
Oh, shit.

The crowd erupts as OAOAST World Champion/tag title co-holder MISTER DICK and fellow tag champion BARON WINDELS charge the ring.

COLE
They’re here! The Lone Star Gunslingers are here!

No longer officially part of the match, BW is restrained by the official. That doesn’t stop MD, though. Unafraid to break the rules he sneaks in and gives CASH A STIFF KICK JUST MILLISECONDS AFTER CASH DECKS KING LANDON!!

COLE
Oh… my!

MD stands around in utter disbelief before going to BW’s aid outside. The tag champs brawl with Blonde and Faqu as King Landon covers Cash.

COLE
He's not the legal man, ref!

The count.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!!!

* DINGDINGDING *

COLE
Like thieves in the night, the Cucaracha Kingdom steal one.

BUFFER
The winners of the match… and still 6-man tag team champions… "THE TRENDSETTER" JAMES BLONDE... "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FAQU... and KING LANDON MADDIX… THE CUCARACHA KINGDOM!!!

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

Queen Esther celebrates with her King and his men. Meanwhile, BW and the O.C. Cobras tend to Cash while MD shakes his head in disgust.

COACH
All hail King Landon and his Cucaracha Kingdom. They just defeated 5 men, Cole.

COLE
The look on Mr. Dick’s face says it all, ladies and gentlemen. You can tell his sick to his stomach over the events that lead to the Cucaracha Kingdom retaining here tonight. And folks, we are running low on time. We thank you for joining us tonight and hope to see you again next week for the Motor City Spectacular. Until then, have a goodnight!
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