The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 45, May 23, 2003
The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA Week 45, May 23, 2003
Jun 23 2003, 12:10 AM
Once again, the bastards over at Cablevision have refused to air TNA and according to rumors, they’ve apparently dropped it due to low buyrates. However, thanks to BOB~!, I’m still providing you with TNA coverage…at least until September when he heads back to Toronto to get his learn on. What happens after that…who knows. I’ll try and find a way.
Speaking of wrestling coverage, I’m looking for two new TV recappers for my site, TheSmartMarks.com. The details are included in the beginning of my Diatribe on last Sunday’s WWE Judgment Day 2003, so you should check that out. Hell, check it out even if you don’t want a position with TSM and just want my take on things and let me know what you think.
Also, before we get right to it, my Tuesday night ritual of watching Buffy, 24 and Smallville is now over. Buffy’s done, Smallville is moving to another night and we won’t get 24 until October, like always. Their season finales (and series finally in Buffy’s case) were all great and left me wanting more. There’s discussion on the forums on the season finales of all three shows and more, such as deciphering The Architect’s speech in The Matrix Reloaded over at the TSM Forums, so come check that out as well.
Time for this week’s TNA Diatribe.
The PPV apparently started with a Raven interview, which Jarrett interrupted and a brawl began. This was cut off of the tape due to the wonders of BOB~!, but hey…what can you do, right? Judging on the past couple of weeks, I don’t understand why Jarrett would get involved with Raven again, seeing as how he pretty much ended the Raven onslaught, took everything he had and came out on top.
We go to the right for our first match…and it looks to be a doozy.
CM Punk vs. Kid Romeo vs. Jason Cross vs. Paul London in an elimination match for a shot at the X-Division Title
Match Background: Three of the competitors in this match haven’t been in TNA rings in quite some time and all are definitely in the lower tier of the X-Division and are looking to climb the ranks in TNA. We last saw Paul London in Week 32 when he faced Kid Kash for the X-Division title. He ended up being the runner up to Jerry Lynn in an 8 man elimination match for a shot at the title the week prior and got the shot after Lynn had to bow out. We haven’t seen Kid Romeo in a LONG time, ever since the former ½ of the 1st ever WCW Cruiserweight Tag Team Champions competed in a 6 man elimination match back in Week 4. CM Punk is another talent who has made a lot of waves in the indy scene in the past couple of years, putting on good matches with another indy wrestler, Colt Cabana. His last time in TNA was in the Tag Team Gauntlet for the Gold back in Week 12. Jason Cross has been a semi-regular in TNA and is just starting to make more frequent appearances after disappearing for a few months time.
The Match: Before the match starts, all 4 men get on the turnbuckles and try to hype up the crowd. The only one of these men playing the heel tonight is Kid Romeo as he flips off the crowd and then tells all three men in the center of the ring that he is the man. He swivels his hips and flips them off…pissing CM Punk off, who nails him with a right hand as the match gets underway. All three men get their licks in on Romeo until Cross hits a NICE BRAINBUSTER~! on him and he rolls to the outside. Now the three men in the ring try to roll each other up and London ends up being elevated up and over the top and landing on Romeo on the floor. Cross tosses Punk over the top, but he skins the cat to try and get back in. Jason Cross is there, however, and swings him back towards the outside of the ring where both London and Romeo pull on his legs and Punk goes SPLAT onto the outside! DAMN! Romeo comes flying into the ring with a flying clothesline on Cross and follows it up with an enziguiri before Paul London comes flying in with a frog style cross body on Romeo for two. Romeo gets on the second rope and swivels his hips for the crowd as London sets him up from behind for a Black Tiger Bomb. It doesn’t go in his favor though as Romeo ranas out of it and nails him with a hard clothesline. Romeo gets a wheelbarrow bulldog for two as well as the other two competitors are STILL on the outside. CM Punk trips Romeo up as he bounces off the ropes and throws him into the steel guard rail. Cross and Punk come back into the ring now with London and Paul goes for a German Suplex on CM, but Punk flips out of it. He uses London as a springboard to nail Cross with a running knee to the side of the head, which I’m SURE there’s a name for in the land of Puroresu. It looked like a variation of the Shining Wizard. London lands on his feet off a Punk monkey flip and heads to the top, but gets shoved off into the guard rail and Romeo sneaks up from behind on CM Punk. CM gets a tilt a whirl backbreaker, followed by a unique STO for two before Cross comes back in and gets a nice enziguiri for two as well. Punk hooks Cross up with a hammerlock and DDT’s him in a move he calls the Devil Lock DDT…now known as…the DEVIL LOCK DDT~! Cross actually kicks out of it, giving me visions of Jason Cross hatred and he sets up CM Punk for a Tornado DDT, but it’s blocked. CrossOver neckbreaker onto CM Punk…ONE…TWO…THREE! CM Punk is gone.
Romeo comes into the ring now and puts a Gory Special on Cross…and Paul London superkicks the EVERLOVING SHIT out of Jason Cross’s HEAD! Romeo drops him with it…and Cross kicks out! Bastard. London sets up Romeo for a head scissors, but Romeo just drops him on his face and clotheslines him over the top. Romeo starts choking Jason Cross…and he SHOULD, but then ends up flying over the top with a cross body onto Paul London. Cross then gets up and hits his awesome twisting tope con hilo! He throws Romeo back in and he slingshots into the ring with a head scissors for a close two count! Romeo comes back with a spinning leg lariat and signals for the end! He goes up top, but London crotches him! Cross dropkicks London down and gets up top for a top rope rana onto Romeo…but he’s hit with a low blow! Romeo sets him up for the KISS GOODNIGHT~! (Kryptonite Krunch) OFF THE TOP AND HITS IT! ONE…TWO…THREE!
London and Romeo are the last two in now and London gets a few spin kicks on Romeo. Romeo shoves the ref into the ropes as London heads to the top, crotching London. Romeo heads up top…and brings London down with a wheelbarrow rana! WOW! ONE…TWO…NO! London gets up and gets an inside cradle on Romeo for two. London gets up and blocks a Romeo kick and nails an enziguiri for another two count. Romeo gets up and hits a jawbreaker on London before giving him a torture rack neckbreaker. He goes for the pinfall, but gets off after two, to be cocky. Romeo heads up top and misses a frogsplash, allowing London to get a sit out version of Jazz’s Bitch Slam before heading up top for the LONDON CALLING (Shooting Star Press)~! He NAILS it and he gets the pinfall and the title shot!
Winner: Paul London
My Opinion: CM Punk’s finisher (or at least it looked like it) is killed and then he’s pinned by one of Cross’ mid match moves? Boo. Romeo was a complete heel and I loved every second of it. London was his usual great self and CM Punk impressed me in the first showing that I’ve seen of him as I never saw Week 12. The match was a bit spotty at times and with a heel champion and Romeo’s cockiness, it was obvious that London was going to win though. Still, great effort by all of those involved. **1/2.
Mike Tenay and Don West welcome us to the program as well as the Aussies tonight. Tenay runs down the card for us and West tells us about the tournament that will be taking place tonight. It’s called the Asylum Alliance, which is a tournament of 8 teams, 7 of which are hand picked. The other team will be decided in a qualifying match of AJ Styles & D’Lo Brown vs. Americas Most Wanted. The 7 hand picked teams will be members of different factions such as the New Church, S.E.X., and the Extreme Revolution mixed together and forced to team up, BattleBowl style. The winning team gets a shot at the tag titles.
Apparently, there’s been a crackdown on the out of control nature of TNA and this is why this tournament was made. They’ve also installed cameras all over the Asylum to see what’s going on and Tenay says that we’re going to make use of one of them right now.
Sonny Siaki is in the back with Goldylocks and he says that as Ace in the Hole, he’s in charge tonight. Especially since Glen “Gilberneti” isn’t here, as Siaki says. He tries to get the rest of S.E.X.’s attention in order to get someone to fetch Raven for him in order to talk to him about a match he’s involved in later on, but no one is listening but David Young. He says that he can’t go because he’s teaming up with a girl, probably Desire tonight and Siaki questions their relationship. Young says that there’s nothing going on and Siaki tells Goldylocks that he’ll find Raven himself.
We head to the back and Raven is there with The Gathering. For the record, Raven has since signed a long term deal with TNA. He gets up and throws Julio against a wall for “betraying” him last week. He shoves Alexis into a chair and tells her to open her mouth against her protests. She begs for forgiveness as he opens up a bottle of bleach and says that he’s going to “wash the betrayal out of her”. He stops and tells them that if they ever betray him again, neither one of them will have a destiny…
Triple X (Chris Daniels & Elix Skipper) vs. Justin Credible & Red & Slash
Match Background: This match is a handicap match, 3 on 2 because Low-Ki suffered a dislocated shoulder last week wrestling in England. The opposition are from 3 different factions and Justin Credible faced off against Slash a few weeks ago on TNA in a heated contest. Red has never been involved with his tag team partners, but know his opponents quite well as he defeated them along with Jerry Lynn for the Tag Titles, only to lose them back last week. Slash has also faced Triple X before as he and Brian Lee teamed up to face them in a match that saw the titles held up to a double pin.
The Match: Triple X complain about the 3 on 2 situation to Tenay & West and they completely laugh at them for it. Skipper and Red start the match off with Red getting the quick advantage with the Bicycle Kick in the corner and an enziguiri. Daniels comes in and gets taken down with a drop toe hold and tags Slash in. Slash comes in now and goes to work with Daniels in the corner. Daniels tries a float over in the other corner, but Slash reverses it into the Eye of the Hurricane before tagging in Credible. Justin Credible and Slash actually work together to put the boots to Daniels before he tags out to Skipper. Elix comes in and Credible goes to work on him in the corner with chops and right hands before clotheslining him over the top. Credible hits a pescado on Skipper and Daniels goes flying through the ropes with a suicide dive and ends up hitting Skipper! Slash comes over with a tope and Red follows it up by flying onto the pile on the outside. Back in the ring now, Slash sets Daniels up for the Whirly Bird and gets a two count out of it before Elix pulls down the top rope, causing Slash to fall to the outside. Elix levels him on the outside with a chair and throws him back into the ring for Daniels, who tags out to Elix. He blows a twisting fireman’s carry slam and ends up tagging out to Daniels for a quick double team. Skipper goes to WORK on Slash until he’s able to tag Red, who comes flying in with a splash and then the RED STAR PRESS~! for two. CODE RED~! is blocked by Elix and Daniels clotheslines Red off of Elix’s back! Daniels comes in and clotheslines Red so hard, he flips 360 degrees! The fans are definitely behind Red as Skipper comes in and nails a butterfly suplex and a gut wrench suplex before going to work on him in the corner. Daniels comes in and hits a gutbuster onto Red INTO a backbreaker! The fans chant “Go Red Go” as Daniels drapes Red over the top rope for a Skipper legdrop for a broken up two! Triple X get one of their favorite double teams off for another two count but Red counters the second with a double dropkick! He tries to get to his corner, but gets caught and kicks his way out! He makes a tag to Credible who is a HOUSE…EN…FUEGO~! Credible gets a pin attempt on Elix as Daniels goes to ringside and gets one of the tag belts. Credible comes off the ropes, but gets nailed in the back by Daniels, allowing Skipper to get a broken two! Slash comes in now and takes on both men and places Daniels on top for a rana. Skipper hits him from behind and Slash crotches himself on the top rope. Elix jumps off of Daniels back and kicks Slash to the floor before doing the same to Credible. The tag champs are alone with Red now and they get a suplex/cross body block combo for a close two. They throw him over the top, but he’s caught by his partners, who place him back on the apron and allow him to shoulder block Daniels! He springboards onto Elix with a twisting DDT as his partners take Daniels to the outside! ONE…TWO…THREE!
Winners: Red & Justin Credible & Slash
My Opinion: Pretty decent tag match as Elix and Daniels showed a clear example of a tag that makes quick tags. Their team work was crisp and heelish and I can’t say enough about those two. Red played the underdog very well and although his offense is spotty, was able to really gel with Triple X again, unlike Credible. Slash has become a decent enough worker that he can put on a good match with Triple X, but I’m disappointed that there was never an in-ring issue between he and Credible. **1/2
After the match, Raven immediately runs in and hits the Raven Effect on Red! He grabs THE STICK~! as a “Raven” chant breaks out. He directs his comments on Jeff Jarrett and says that he’s now declared WAR on him for putting his hands on him in the back. Until JJ steps into the ring to face him one on one, he will sacrifice innocent victims like Red week after week, without mercy or compassion. Just an awesome promo.
We now go to a taped vignette where Goldylocks goes into a cell phone dealership and complains that her cell phone isn’t working at all. This is supposed to be a Candid Camera/Jackass type segment. She wants a new phone and when the service guy refuses to help, she begins to threaten him. This is just laughingly bad. She tries SO HARD to sound overly intimidating before smashing the phone on the ground as the guy asks her to leave. She starts breaking stuff and throwing phone parts at the guy before leaving the store.
My Two Cents: Um…what in the WORLD was the point of that!? Are they trying to put over Goldylocks some more? The girl isn’t a worker and barely does a good job of playing off of the wrestlers to begin with. Seeing as this was a skit done by TNA, they probably paid for all the stuff that she broke, which is so WCW-like as they’re wasting money on angles that don’t lead to anything.
In the back, she’s with MIKE SANDERS~! She asks about what happened with Mike Awesome and why he considers himself a Giant Killer. Sanders cuts a HILARIOUS promo as says that back in ’98, when he broke in, he beat guys like Andre, Sid, The Undertaker, anyone 6’6 and above! She then asks about the upcoming Hard 10 (Hardcore Tournament) and Sanders says that he was unaware people were spreading rumors about him in the locker room. He says that Hard 10 is a stretch…by about a half an inch and then talks about the girls he’s got all over the country. Goldy reels him back in and he talks about his qualifying match like Brian Lee. He says that he’s beaten The Undertaker, so he can beat The UnderFaker. He gives her a HEY~!! for NO REASON and just leaves! I LOVE IT!!!!
Tenay now runs down the scoring system for the Hardcore matches in TNA, which are eerily reminiscent of the Dupp Cupp rules. 1 point is earned for every shot with a “strategically placed weapon”, 5 points if your opponent goes through a table. The first person to reach 10 points wins, but you must win by at least 2.
Mike Sanders vs. Brian Lee in a Hard 10 Tournament Match
Match Background: Sanders has never faced Brian Lee in TNA, but this is a natural progression of the New Church/Sanders & Harris’ feud as Sanders defeated Mike Awesome last week in a tables match.
The Match: Some of the fans have weapons as one of the rules are that the wrestlers can not bring weapons with them to the ring. Sanders immediately heads to the crowd and gets a trash can lid as Lee gets a cookie sheet and head back into the ring. Sanders drops back to the floor before he’s hit and Lee goes to the outside and gets some more. Sanders comes back in first and puts the boots to him, but Lee gets a pair of clothesline and a trashcan shot for 1 point. Lee then gets a 2 by 4 and nails him with it on the outside for a second point. Another shot with a weapon gets him three before throwing him back into the ring. Lee puts a few more weapons in, but Sanders heads to the outside. He tries to get a weapon from a fan, but the fan won’t budge and gives it to Lee, who nails him for a 4th point. Lee slaps hands with the fan before going back into the ring and he places a trash can lid between the top and middle turnbuckles. He tries to whip Sanders in, but Sanders head scissors him into it for 1 point and follows it up with a second shot for two. Two shots with a cookie sheet ties it up at 4-4. Sanders clotheslines Lee to the floor and nails him over the head with a trash can lid to make it 5-4. He places Lee on the table and goes for a running elbow off the apron, but Lee gets up and nails Sanders with a lid to the face. It’s now tied at 5-5 and Lee has the advantage back in the ring. Lee nails Sanders two more times with a weapon to make it 7-5 Lee. Lee puts the table in the ring. He nails him one more time to make it 8-5 Lee and he puts Sanders on the top to put him through the table. Naturally, Sanders gets up and Lee crashes through for 5 point and Sanders wins it 10-8.
Winner: Mike Sanders
My Opinion: Pretty bad match with ZERO wrestling done and puts the emphasis on scoring points instead of trying to incapacitate your opponent. I really didn’t like it when the Dupp’s used it and I don’t like this version either. The only thing that I liked about this match is the fact that Mike Sanders won clean, but not just because I’m a Sanders fan, but because Lee is in a tag team and hasn’t done anything to deserve a singles push. DUD.
In the back, Siaki is with Raven, who’s sitting by Siaki’s feet. Sonny tells him to stand up when he’s talking…so Raven drills a hole into his face with his eyes. Sonny then smiles and shakes Raven’s hand and tells him that S.E.X. recruited him from day one. However, Raven started hanging out with his ECW buddies and tonight, he’s got the Sandman in a “Clockwork Orange House of Pancakes” match. Yeah, insult the match the guy created to get him on your side, Siaki. He blatantly says that he expects Raven to call everything HIS way or else he’ll feel the Siakalypse NOW. Siaki walks away as Raven puts a scowl on his face…
In the back, Goldylocks is looking on as Shark boy is playing… CANDY LAND with NEW JACK!? New Jack says that Shark Boy has to go back to the Plumtree…but they think he’s cheating. He starts making up his own rules and walks out when they don’t go along with them. Pretty funny because it’s just so un-New Jack-ish, but in the long run, doesn’t accomplish anything.
Goldylocks is in the back AGAIN with Ron “The Truth” Killings and she asks about the fact that he’s teaming up with Don Harris tonight. He talks some smack about him (flubbing a few lines in the process) and says that they don’t know anything about “the pen” that they talked about a few weeks ago…but he’ll make sure they toss his salad. He’s been learning from Konnan, I see, who isn’t in the building tonight according to Killings.. When Harris’ Attack Part 5 comes on as they beat up on Truth before they walk away…and New Jack then attacks! They brawl towards the ring as Shark Boy and New Jack head towards the ring.
The Truth & Don Harris vs. New Jack & Shark Boy
Match Background: Other than the fact that Truth & Konnan have been feuding with the Harris’ and now Truth has to team with one, there isn’t much else to this match. New Jack & SB have never teamed up and neither have ever faced The Truth in TNA.
The Match: It doesn’t look like Don Harris is going to be with The Truth tonight as New Jack and Shark Boy throw Truth into the ring. Truth fights back and hits the split, but the combo isn’t completed as Shark Boy cuts him off with a dropkick. Jack gets a headbutt and some right hands but Truth comes back with punches of his own, only to fall victim to a belly to belly by NEW JACK!? He tags in Shark Boy, who comes off the top with a NICE missile dropkick for two! SB gets a neckbreaker and heads towards the top, only to get crotched by Killings. He heads up top and gets his middle rope fallaway slam and both men are down. New Jack: “Come on Fish, get yo’ ass up!” New Jack nails Truth in the back with a knee to the back, allowing Shark Boy to get a facebuster in, but the Harris’ come in to beat up the Truth some more and H-Bomb New Jack! Truth flips out of the H-Bomb, hits the split/leg lariat on one Harris and dropkicks the other. Shark Boy comes off the top to surprise Truth, but is surprised himself as he’s on the opposite end of a powerslam for the pin!
Winners: The Truth & Don Harris
After the match, the Truth is able to escape from the Harris’.
My Opinion: That was certainly odd. First off, New Jack did a wrestling move for the first time in years and then the referee doesn’t disqualify Truth & Don Harris due to Ron Harris’ interference. I can understand that it’s confusing, since the Harris’ also attacked The Truth and Don was tagging with him, but there was an extra man in the ring when there shouldn’t have been. ½*
In the back, Sandman is with Raven. Sandman tells him that he’s never liked Raven and he doesn’t trust him. Raven: “Have I ever screwed you before?” Sandman: “You took my wife from me! You took my kid from me? What do you mean ‘Have I ever screwed you before’!?!?” Raven says that he set up Siaki and that he’s Extreme all the way…and drinks a beer with Sandman. Sandman: “Alright, bitch, we’re on”. Sandman hits Raven in the head before we cut back to Tenay and West. That was just…weird.
In the back, Goldylocks is with Kid Kash and Trinity, who isn’t happy about the fact that he’s forced to her tonight. He says that it’s going to be 3 on 1 tonight, but he doesn’t care because he’s going to take care of David Young, that “Ben Gay ball rubbin bitch, Tracy”, but he’ll also take care of Trinity. Kash walks away as Goldylocks asks Trinity on her thoughts on the situation, but Kash comes back, grabs her and says “Excuse me…I forgot something” before heading out.
Eric Watts then walks into the frame, talking on his cell phone. A “Watts” chant actually breaks out by the crowd and I have to agree with them…Eric Watts has become entertaining. He once again mentions that “Eric, who used to be in WCW” is coming…and Goldylocks asks if it’s the same one who’s currently employed “elsewhere”. Watts avoids the question and says that now she owes him TWO favors as the first one was that he give her back the shoes underneath his bed. This causes another “Watts” chant to break out as Goldylocks actually plays along and Watts leaves…
Kid Kash & Trinity vs. David Young (w/Desire) & Tracy
Match Background: For the past month or so, the “feud” between Kid Kash and Trinity has really heated up. First, Kid Kash beats the hell out of her, but loses due to interference. Then, he smacks her up and drags her to the back, taking her out of a qualifying match. Finally, last week, he lent her out to S.E.X. in order not be put on their “list” and has just been treating her like dirt and risen as one of the biggest heels in TNA. In the Anarchy in the Asylum match, Kid Kash being the misogynist that he is, allowed no one else to touch Tracy and gave her the Money Maker to put her out of the match. She got her revenge last week though as she tricked him into a false sense of security…before rubbing Ben Gay on his genitals. David Young has been faithfully supporting Sonny Siaki and his valet Desire lately, showing even more concern for her than Siaki has as of late. Young tried to help Desire defeat Tracy in the aforementioned qualifying match, but ended up nailing Desire instead and helped her to the back. DY has faced Kid Kash a number of times in TNA rings, but mostly in elimination matches.
The Match: Trinity and Kid Kash come in through opposite ends of the stage and meet up in the ramp. Kash tells Trinity to hold the ropes open for him…and she does, begrudgingly, only for him to jump over them. I can’t believe how much I like Kid Kash now. Tenay says that JJ will be defending the NWA Title against WWA Champion Sting on PPV…but that’s for the guys in Australia. Trust me, they deserve it. They get screwed over a lot more than we do. Young and Kash lock up in the middle of the ring and they counter hammerlocks before taking it to the mat. They work the hammerlock VERY well on the mat with nice reversals and transitions and Kash ends it with a sunset flip on Young for two. Kash throws a few armbars on Young…and POSES for the crowd! No Indy Applause Stance by Kash! YES~! Trinity wants in the match and Kash gives her the finger…only to eat a clothesline from David Young. Young gets his swinging sideslam for two before whipping him into the turnbuckle ribs first. Kash comes back with a rana and a DDT and heeling on the crowd! Young crawls to his corner and tags in Tracy…who’s hesitant at first. Kash brings her in forcefully and she slaps the hell out of him. She looks ready to fight…but backs down the moment Kash wants to. He tags out to Trinity, but gets right in her face and throws her into Tracy. Trinity actually gets a cross armbreaker out of that, but Tracy stops her right in her tracks with a knee. Trinity gets up with a clothesline, tosses her around with an armdrag and a botched headscissors and Tracy tags out to DY. He comes in and takes advantage of the fact that she’s arguing with Kash with some chops, but Kash actually causes Trinity to get on DY for a pinfall attempt. DY throws her off and then spears the ESTROGEN out of her for ONE…TWO…NO! Trinity and DY collide (must have been a blown spot) and then Trinity hits a NICE Swinging Rana the likes I’ve NEVER seen before! She bounces off the ropes and Kash pulls her down to the mat and tags himself in…going right after Tracy. He throws her into the corner and CHOPS THE TITS OFF OF HER! DAMN!! He clotheslines her before following it up with a slingshot suplex. He sets her up for the Money Maker and the lights dim…
All of a sudden, a voice booms. The mystery luchador is shown on the Tron and the voice is distorted, ala the Black Scorpion. “Kid Kash, the first time, shame on me. The second time, shame on you. Next week, the mystery will be revealed. Because next week, it’s down to you and me.” Kash turns around…and Tracy hits him with a chair shot! Kash runs into DY…SNAP SPINEBUSTER WITH SOME STANK ON IT~! ONE…TWO….THREE!
Winners: David Young and Tracy
After the match, David Young hugs Desire…and Tracy, still selling the hardest chop I’ve EVER seen or heard, runs away as Kid Kash locks his eyes on her.
My Opinion: I’ve NEVER been a fan of mixed tag matches. I’ve never been a fan of the BattleBowl mix and match concept. Somehow, I liked this match, even though the wrestling wasn’t that great. Kid Kash was a complete dick again, David Young brought the awesome power moves and Trinity was able to hit most of her spots. Tracy took a chop that made me cringe and one that she’ll be feeling for a few days, at least. I really don’t care for the mystery luchador angle, but even though Trinity was in the ring when it happened, don’t count her out as a suspect. That could have been taped. *1/4.
In the back, Goldylocks is with AJ Styles and D’Lo Brown. D’Lo says that the biggest difference between TNA and WWE is that here, he’s able to take a live mic and talk about who ever he wants, when he wants. He says he doesn’t want to talk about AMW…he wants to talk about Jeff Jarrett. He says that they’re being thrown together as a tag team…but they haven’t taken their eyes off the main prize. AJ COMPLETELY flubs every single line in his 5 seconds of mic time and they just head out to the ring.
However, Raven is in the ring and he’s calling out Jeff Jarrett. He hands the mic back to Jeremy Borash…but then grabs him and Raven Effect DDT’s him! Oh, you just KNOW he’ll mention that in his “From the Inside” report. I need another shout out up in there! The crowd actually cheers Raven for this….but that’s probably THE SECTION~!
Tenay and West actually ask for Mortimer Plumtree to come out and ring announce! He looks MIGHTY hesistant to do so…but does it anyway.
Americas Most Wanted vs. D’Lo Brown & AJ Styles
Match Background: D’Lo Brown once defeated Chris Harris…that’s about it. This is just a match up of TNA’s two best tag teams and with AMW having problems getting along lately, I say that AJ & D’Lo will take this.
The Match: Plumtree announces AJ Styles and I’m surprised that they don’t play up their TNA history. Storm starts the match out with Styles and reverse a bunch of moves…and they end up in a respectful stalemate that is 100 times better than the damned Indy Applause Stance. AJ gets the advantage and tags out to D’Lo. They miss a double team and Storm tags out to Harris, who ends up left arm lariating him after a few counters. D’Lo reverse a suplex attempt with a suplex into a stunner for two and tags out to AJ. He hiptosses AJ onto Harris for a two count before AJ hits a GORGEOUS flipping dropkick. Storm gets a blind tag, but it does no good as AJ nails him first. I’ve never seen that before. Storm and AJ go back and forth with reversals again, but this time, AJ is superkicked for two. Harris comes in and Styles ends up taking a HUGE back body drop! AMW actually pull out a heelish tag maneuver as Harris distracts the ref so Storm can lay into Styles in their corner. Storm comes in and gets a swinging neckbreaker, followed by a STIFF kick for dos. AMW double team ends up with AJ being bulldogged by Harris for two. AMW get a double clothesline on the former X Champ and Harris stays in with AJ. He goes for the Catatonic, but AJ uses the extra momentum to swing around further and get a crucifix for two! AJ gets up and nails a spinning wheel kick and both men are down! D’Lo comes in and he’s a HOUSE…EN…FUEGO~! Calf kick for Storm and a Shaky Shaky Legdrop for a broken up two. Styles and Harris end up battling on the outside as Storm and Brown duke it out in the ring. Storm with the Swinging Noose on D’Lo for ONE…TWO…NO! Styles comes in for a sequence with Harris and goes for his quebrada/DDT combo…but gets speared in mid air! SOUNDS impressive, sure, but the move was so blown that the crowd actually got a bit deflated. All 4 men are in the ring now and D’Lo gets taken down by Harris. Harris goes over to help Storm deal with AJ as AJ ducks an enziguiri and Harris takes it! He falls out of the ring and Styles picks up Storm for the STYLES CLASH~! AJ can’t go for a cover as David Young and Triple X come down and begin brawling with Harris and D’Lo! D’Lo gets the Lo’ Down on Storm while this is going on, but Triple X actually come into the ring and he has to fend them off! They end up doubleteaming D’Lo…IN FRONT OF THE REF, but D’Lo gets rolled up by Storm anyway for the pinfall.
Winners: Americas Most Wanted
My Opinion: The match was going just fine for quite a while, although they blew certain spots. The ending was pretty bad as was the interference and by the end of the match, the crowd was no longer with it. I’m not taking anything away from the workers, but it just didn’t seem like they clicked tonight. **1/4.
We go to a pre-taped segment with Glen Gilberti, ala the segment that they had with Jeff Jarrett last week.
TNA now has decided that his name is Glenn Gilberti, with the extra N and I just wish they’d make up their minds sometimes.
On the NWA: He says that the words National Wrestling Alliance are the most damaging words spoken on TNA because tradition is dead.
On wrestling politics: He’s learned from the greats. He doesn’t consider himself one. He’s passionate for a good product.
How he’d change TNA: The first thing he’d do is take NWA out of the title. He’d make it S.E.X. presents TNA.
On Raven: He’s a star. Was never given a real chance to main event. He overestimates his intelligence. He’s lost a bit of his edge…but he’s a great performer.
On Vince Russo: He doesn’t think that Russo knows where wrestling should be, but he does.
On Jeff Jarrett: There’s personal issues. He does give a shit about him, but he won’t put food on the table. He’s a great wrestler, but that’s all he is. No star power.
West and Tenay pimp the One Year Anniversary show on June 18th. Next week, more Hard 10 matches and Asylum Alliance matches. Greaaat.
The Sandman vs. Sonny Siaki in a Clockwork Orange House of Fun Match with Raven as the Special Guest Ref
Match Background: Last week, Glen Gilberti set a trap for The Sandman as he asked for a sit down match. Sandman showed up to the meeting, but Siaki was in Gilberti’s place. Things seemed civil for a moment, but Young ended up trying to ambush Sandman, unsuccessfully and Sandman brawled with Siaki for a few minutes. Personally, this match is the first one after the initial “feud” started and therefore doesn’t deserve a gimmick match like this. This is Sandman’s second House of Fun match. Sandman was defeated by Raven in the first one. Sonny Siaki has yet to be in a match like this.
The Match: Raven wants to be known as the Promoter of Violence for this match. Sandman does his usual entrance, taking forever and spits beer at the crowd.
My Opinion: Siaki starts the match by nailing Sandman in the FACE as he finishes his entrance ritual. Siaki throws him in and there’s Raven, just sitting there watching in the corner. Sandman pulls Siaki into a piece of a steel cage that’s in the ring and Siaki falls to the outside. Sandman follows to continue the beating and tosses the piece of cage onto him. Sandman gets a bunch of steel chairs from the crowd, puts them into the ring and getting his other weapons ready as Siaki bleeds. Siaki is able to reverse an irish whip and Sandman goes into the steel cage piece. Sonny nails him with a few trashcan lids before nailing him with a hard right hand. He places a lid onto Sandman’s crotch and then whacks it with a 2 x 4. Siaki puts Sandman in the Tree of Woe…and does the Tommy Dreamer “step on your nuts” spot. More shots with a trashcan lid and both men are fatigued already. Sandman gets up and hits Siaki with repeated chair shots…and hooks Siaki in the Tree of Woe. He places a chair in front of his face and dropkicks a trashcan into the chair. Sandman gets his kendo stick as Raven continues to look on from the corner. Siaki kicks Sandman and gets his kendo stick and nails him in the head with it three times! Siaki goes for the pin…but Raven doesn’t budge. Siaki gets in Raven’s face…and Sandman rolls him up. Raven, once again doesn’t budge. Sandman gets upset now and Siaki ends up knocking him down. Sandman opens up a chair, but Siaki ends up using Raven’s drop toe hold into a chair spot on him. Sandman gets up first…and makes a makeshift table by putting a piece of cage and placing it on 4 open chairs. He places Siaki on it…and the whole damn thing just collapses. Sandman came off the top with a flip…and lands on the cage as Siaki moves. Sonny gets up and nails him in the midsection with a chair a few times…but Sandman WAFFLES Siaki in the head with a garbage can! He gets the cane and gets the White Russian Legsweep! Raven finally moves…ONE…TWO…
Raven stops counting, picks up Sandman and Raven Effect DDT’s him! He then DDT’s Siaki! Raven walks away as the Extreme Revolution come in to battle incoming S.E.X. guys.
Winner: No Contest
My Opinion: Pretty bad match, only cemented by the uncooperative props. Siaki really tried his best, but the brawling seemed quite generic and boring for the most part. ¾*
Raven walks out to the parking lot, looking for Jeff Jarrett…and Amazing Red comes out of NO WHERE with a flying head scissors! Red lays into him with a few punches and end up going back to the arena with him! They get into the ring and Red gives Raven a DDT out of a twisting head scissors! The crowd is going INSANE for Red! He goes up top, but Julio comes down and tosses him off the top. Julio whips Red into the ropes…but he 718’s Raven, who was leaning on said ropes! Alexis is setting up a table at ringside as Red hits CODE RED~! on Julio! Julio crawl into the corner and Alexis charges Red from behind! Red with a drop toe hold and Alexis falls head first into Julio’s crotch! Red puts Raven on the table at ringside…and swanton bombs him off the top…but the table doesn’t break! Red goes over to Raven and pretty much calls the spot on camera.
Red goes back up top and does it again with more force, putting Raven through the table as the PPV ends!
Overall: Well, that was certainly a surprise, although a welcome one. Red is VERY over in the Asylum (dare I say more over than Jeff Jarrett) and plays the underdog quite well, but I don’t know if he’d be credible as a main event guy going up against the likes of Raven.
Tonight was just an odd show. After the first half hour, TNA put on some of the worst TV they’ve ever done. The skit with Goldylocks at the cell phone place was just stupid and served absolutely no purpose. Then, the Hardcore division is restarted with rules that make the contests more about how many times you can hit someone with it than the pain they can endure. Anyone can swing a chair or trashcan lid 10 times, you know. The main event was very poor, as were some of the tag team matches and after the first 2 matches, nothing was even close to ** besides the AJ/D’Lo vs. AMW match. With all of the tag team mixing and weird booking tonight, it was almost as if TNA pressed the reset button and just forgot what they were doing. What happened to S.E.X. taking over last week? This week it was just factions fighting instead of getting together to battle them. Why is Raven battling Jeff Jarrett again? What happened to Sabu?
This was probably one of their worst shows in recent memory.
Speaking of another really bad show, don’t forget to check out my Judgment Day Diatribe over at TheSmartMarks.com
‘Til next time,
The Dames, Damian Gonzalez
Any questions, comments, move clarifications, hate mail, fan mail, ANYTHING…send it all to [email protected].
|Lo-Fi Version||Time is now: 26th March 2017 - 06:48 PM|