The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA - July 16, 2003, July 22nd, 2003
The Dames' Diatribe on NWA:TNA - July 16, 2003, July 22nd, 2003
Oct 22 2003, 07:11 AM
Once again, I’m sure you’re wondering why this is being put up late instead of last week. Well, to make a long story short, I was informed on Thursday (when I usually do these reviews) that my position at my place of employment was being eliminated, which blindsided me completely. That night was also the birthday of a friend of mine and I proceeded to imbibe alcoholic beverages all through the night. I’m sure you didn’t want a drunken Diatribe, right? Oh yeah, my birthday is on Friday. What a way to celebrate, huh.
From there, I went upstate to visit a good friend of mine for some cheering up and now I’m back in the city, ready to review for all of you.
Before I do that, I’d just like to take the time to say that I have been overwhelmed on the positive response that I have received for my “Dames Explains All” column on TSM on Kane’s character and how it actually CAN make sense. I received one negative comment amongst about 40 or 45 e-mails, which was only negative in nature because of the fantasy booking portion of the column. For those of you who have yet to read it, take the time to sit down and go through it and let me know what you think.
Now, let’s finally get us back into the groove…
Last week, Vince Russo and Joe Legend impersonated and beat up Jeff Jarrett, leaving him laying with “internal injuries” at the hands of a baseball bat. D’Lo Brown faced AJ Styles for the NWA World Title (with Russo in a cage) and lost due to the interference of Sonny Siaki and Trinity, who now seem to be aligned with Russo as well. A video package reminds us of all of this…
The show starts and Jeff Jarrett and Legend are already brawling in the middle of the ramp! Security is quick to get to ringside, but are unsuccessful in pulling them apart. Don West tries to sell this is a big time feud where both men hate each other, but what is Legend’s motivation for all this, really? He’s just doing Russo’s bidding, so where does HIS hate stem from? Boy, those insta-feuds are really everywhere aren’t they? It reminds me of the recent Triple H/Kevin Nash feud where a shot to the nads lead to a feud where according to King and J.R., “THEY HATE EACH OTHER!” (insert Scott Hall’s Spooky Fingers)…although Nash could barely emote any anger in his interviews leading up to the matches whatsoever.
After these two men stop HATING EACH OTHER long enough for security to finally get them apart, we go to Tenay and West who run down the card and give an incentive to purchase next week’s (this Wednesday’s) show. It will be a rematch between AJ Styles vs. D’Lo Brown for the NWA Title in a two out of three falls contest, but it will be similar to the 3 Stages of Hell that we’ve gotten accustomed to in WWE recently. The first match will be decided by pinfall only, the second fall to be decided by submission only and the third, if needed (read: there WILL be one) will be a ladder match with the NWA Title hanging above the ring.
The challenger for the NWA Title next week, D’Lo Brown, comes to the ring with a mic. He gets on THE STICK~! as a “D’Lo” chant starts up and starts talking about the now named “Triple Feature” match that’ll take place next week with AJ Styles. D’Lo says that he’ll definitely beat AJ Styles in two straight falls, because now it will definitely be one on one. I don’t see his point there. Honestly, what is to stop someone from interfering? Anyway…
D’Lo then turns his attention to Sonny Siaki for costing him the match last week. According to the NWA, should D’Lo beat Sonny Siaki tonight, he’ll get 5 minutes alone with Vince Russo. You know, call me jaded, but when was the last time that someone’s manager was alone for 5 minutes in the ring and there were NO shenanigans pulled? He calls out Sonny Siaki to have this match RIGHT NOW….
D’Lo Brown vs. Sonny Siaki (w/Trinity)
Match Background: This isn’t the first time that these two men have had issues with each other, although they don’t HATE EACH OTHER like we would suspect by now. Back in Week 35 (March 13, 2003), D’Lo Brown made his NWA:TNA debut and was initially confronted by Sonny Siaki, then a prominent member of S.E.X., who offered him a spot in the organization. D’Lo turned them down and got into a minor scuffle with him. Last week, Sonny Siaki interfered in D’Lo’s World Title match with AJ Styles and lead to Styles getting the pinfall, setting up tonight’s match.
The Match: As Siaki walks down the ramp with Trinity, D’Lo goes FLYING over the top to the floor with a Suicide Dive and knocks down the Ace in the Hole. He throws Siaki back into the ring and D’Lo re-enters as well with a Eddie Guerrero-like slingshot senton, only with more weight on it, for a two count. D’Lo connects with the Shaky Shaky Legdrop and heads to the top, but Trinity tries to hold onto his foot. D’Lo is able to fight her and Sonny off, but Trinity recovers quickly and kicks him in the back of the leg, crotching Brown and sending him crashing down into the corner. Siaki gets a nice neckbreaker for two and begins pounding onto D’Lo with some right hands. D’Lo tries to come back with a few right hands of his own ,but Siaki reverses it into a pumphandle suplex for another two count. Siaki gets another pair of two counts off a snap suplex before D’Lo is able to counter an irish whip and connect with an elevated Diamond Cutter. Both men get up at the same time and D’Lo gets the advantage with a calf kick for two. Brown gets a Thesz press and a Farrooq-ish spinebuster for another two count. They begin a slugfest towards one of the corners and Trinity gets on the top, looking to interfere. A Siaki right hand turns D’Lo all the way around and is able to see Trinity before she makes her leap. He ducks the flying valet, who hits a cross body on Siaki and D’Lo bridges up on Siaki and gets the pinfall.
Winner: D’Lo Brown
After the match, D’Lo gets on the mic again and talks about his 5 minutes with Vince Russo.
My Opinion: Oh, come on. Do you REALLY think that D’Lo Brown is going to get 5 minutes 100% alone with Vince Russo? I’m expecting him to get out of this somehow. As for the match, it was very quick and it seemed to be spot after spot after spot with very little transitions for the most part. I shall give it a *. There you go. Enjoy.
We now go to a video package with pre-recorded comments by both Justin Credible and Jerry Lynn on their Last Man Standing match tonight. Credible says that while most people think this will be the end of their feud (and I hope that it is), it’s only the beginning. Jerry Lynn says that Justin Credible will be “bludgeoned by deformity” after facing him tonight. Personally, I just want this damn thing over. Justin Credible then brings back his “that’s not just the coolest…” catchphrase that was NEVER over, even in ECW.
Justin Credible vs. Jerry Lynn in a Last Man Standing Match
Match Background: Justin Credible and Jerry Lynn were tag team partners in the Asylum Alliance tournament and had a long pullapart brawl after they lost to Chris Harris and Chris Sabin. Jerry Lynn had Sabin set up for the Cradle Piledriver, but Credible was the legal man and let him know, so Lynn stepped aside, only for Sabin to reverse That’s Incredible into a roll up for the pin. In last week’s Interrogation segment, Jerry Lynn claimed that the only reason why Justin Credible was so successful in ECW, was because of his relationship with Paul Heyman. That lead to another brawl and a match during the One Year Anniversary Show. The match was VERY disappointing as it seemed to end just as it was getting ready to start with Justin Credible using the ropes to pin Jerry Lynn in about two minutes. They brawled after the match, letting the fans know that it wasn’t over by a long shot. They then had a “Lights Out” match, which Lynn won, but Credible attacked Lynn after the bell and nailed him in the face with a steel chair, busting him open. Lynn then made a challenge for a Russian Chain Match, which Lynn also won. Credible then interfered in a match that Lynn had with Kid Kash last week and cost him the match, leading to tonight’s Last Man Standing Match. And remember…they HATE EACH OTHER!
The Match: Lynn rushes into the ring and Lynn goes to work on Credible in the corner with stomps and right hands. Lynn crotches Credible on the top rope and dropkicks him down and heads to the apron himself. Credible makes the usual mistake everyone makes against Lynn by trying a shoulder block to the outside and pays for it with a legdrop to the back of the head. Lynn drags Credible to the outside now, but ends up tasting the guard rail himself after an irish whip reversal. Credible charges and EATS BOOT, but is able to counter act with a drop toe hold into the stairs! Lynn is busted open and Credible goes after the wound at ringside before throwing him into the ring and working him over in the corner. Credible gets a sit out powerbomb for two…and now I’m confused as to the rules of this match. Tenay doesn’t help much with his explanation as Justin Credible sets up a table at the bottom of the ramp. Lynn runs off the ring apron, connects on Credible and ends up catapulting him into the ring post, resulting in big time blood loss for Justin. Back in the ring now, Lynn whips Credible into the ropes and puts his head down early, allowing Credible to use his horrible DDT that gets a two count. A HARD chop in the corner by Credible starts a chopping WAR between the two and Credible does the Flair Flip over the turnbuckle. He runs to the far side and tries to go up top, but just like Flair, he gets stopped by Lynn who superplexes him down to a pop. This only gets a two count as well and Lynn goes to set up the table at ringside a different way. Credible attacks Lynn from behind and places him on the table, opting to go up top himself, but Lynn pops up and ranas him off the top through the table at ringside! That gets a replay as Lynn rolls him back into the ring and gets a two count out of that. Lynn goes for the Cradle Piledriver, but Credible is able to take down Lynn’s legs and kick him RIGHT in the crotch. Credible then measures Lynn and connects with a superkick. Credible hits THAT’S INCREDIBLE~! and pins Lynn, but Lynn now has to get up before the count of 10 or else he’ll lose this match. I really wish the announcers had explained that before hand.
Lynn starts to move around 5 and with the help of the ropes, Lynn gets up by the count of 8. Credible connects with some more HARD chops in the corner, but Lynn gets some of his own. Credible then attempts a second That’s Incredible, but Lynn rolls out and hits the CRADLE PILEDRIVER~! instead! That naturally gets the pinfall and now it’s time for Justin Credible to face the 10 count.
Credible gets up at 6, which makes sense, seeing as how he hasn’t taken nearly the amount of damage that Lynn had when he was pinned. Lynn then sets up Credible for a Tor-NADO DDT, but Credible is able to spin and place Lynn on the top rope again. They battle for positioning on the top and Credible wins out, hitting a TOP ROPE THAT’S INCREDIBLE~! and getting the pin!
Lynn gets to his feet at 9 and collapses immediately, so the match continues. Credible goes to ringside and places a piece of the broken table into the ring. Credible goes to plant Lynn on it, but Lynn is able to counter it with a DDT onto the table piece and then puts Credible in position for a Tombstone Piledriver (That’s Incredible). They counter each other several times until Lynn gets the advantage again and hits a CRADLE TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER~! and gets the pinfall! That’s how Jerry Lynn defeated Justin Credible for the ECW World Title for Lynn’s one and only reign as champion. Lynn stops the ref’s count for the some reason and hits the CRADLE PILEDRIVER~! on Lynn near the table piece and it results in a double pin somehow. Now both men are laying as the ref is counting to 10. Both men start to move and get up, but Lynn pulls Credible back down to the canvas at 9 and is declared the winner of the match.
Winner: Jerry Lynn
My Opinion: The finish to that match was terrible. Everything was going well and I would have bought almost any of the other decisive Piledriver finishes, but the fact is that Credible was on his feet longer than Lynn was during the last 10 count and shouldn’t have been counted out for it. I’m glad to see this feud is over seeing as how they ran the gamut of gimmick matches and they were almost all disappointing, short contests. It was good to see them get more than enough time in this match to end it all, but this feud never seemed to be leading towards something that NEEDED a legitimate big time blow off match like a Last Man Standing Match. All they ever told us was that they HATE EACH OTHER, as they exchanged wins week after week. The victim in all this is Jerry Lynn, who should have been in the upper midcard/main event scene now that AJ Styles and his ilk are in the Heavyweight Division. Instead, he was in a feud with Justin Credible that no one really cared about in matches that seemed to go nowhere. **1/2.
Konnan, B.G. James and The Truth, now known as 3 Live Crew, are in yet another vignette where they “search for the meaning of life at the Nashville Stockyard”. They interview a woman from Nashville in a segment that isn’t funny in the least and move to The Truth talking to a few kids, asking where the fine women are at, which he has fake teeth in. Konnan talks slang to a Nashville youngster and confuses the hell out of him in the highlight of the piece. This was truly the worst of the 3 Live Crew skits and they are STILL not leading anywhere. Basically, this was just a huge waste of time.
We head to the back where Jarrett and Legend are brawling at ringside again, you know…because they HATE EACH OTHER and all that. Eventually, security is able to separate the two once again.
Chris Sabin vs. Frankie Kazarian for the X Division Championship
Match Background: A couple of weeks ago, Frankie Kazarian faced Chris Sabin in a GREAT non-title X Division match up which saw Kazarian defeat Sabin clean with the Flux Capacitor. Believing that he deserved a shot at the X Division Title and rightfully so, Kazarian lobbied with TNA Officials, but before they were able to grant him a shot, NWA Champion AJ Styles offered him a shot at HIS title instead. Sabin interfered in that match up, which lead to the dreaded STYLES CLASH ‘03~! and Kazarian was definitely feeling the effects of it in his next match. That match was a 6 man elimination match for the #1 contendership to the X Division Title, which Kazarian won, but Sabin decided that he would give him his title shot right then and there. Sabin was easily able to defeat the exhausted, injured Kazarian and retain his title, but this week, it’s straight up one on one and Kazarian has fully recovered from his neck crunching experience.
On a side note, Sabin said in an interview prior to last week’s events that Kazarian should have to build his way up the X Division ladder again, but is now receiving two X Division Title shots in a row. I honestly believe that TNA should have stretched this out a lot more, giving Sabin some more decisive victories over other X Division wrestlers while Kazarian really did climb the ranks. Unfortunately, the X Division has gotten pretty thin and past Kazarian and Sabin, there really isn’t anyone left that hasn’t moved up to the heavys.
The Match: We get boxing style intros by Jeremy Borash for the X title match tonight, which he dubs the “Battle of the Futures”. Sabin has really stepped up his heel mannerisms as of late, adding an extra touch of heelishness during his introduction, which is a nice touch.
They lock up and Sabin takes Kazarian down and circles around him, amateur style and the crowd chants “Hail Sabin”, but without the feverishness of the Heel Section, which is still missing from the TNA Asylum. They go at it again with Kazarian getting the upper hand and trying to one up Sabin with the same amateur style takedown.
Sabin takes advantage with a kick to the side of the midsection and connects with running knee lifts into the corner, but Kazarian returns with a dropkick and a neckbreaker for two. Sabin whips Kazarian into the corner and charges, but Kazarian slips out to the apron and avoids another Sabin charge to set him up for an Asai moonsault, but Sabin catches Kazarian and yanks him down face first onto the apron. Sabin punches Kazarian in the ribs several times, which Kazarian sells and Sabin comes flying off the apron to knock Kazarian down again. Back in the ring now, Kazarian takes advantage and attempts a suplex, but Sabin rolls him up for a two count. Kazarian attempts a tilt a whirl, but Sabin counters THAT into a submission hold which seems mighty familiar to me, but I’m not sure what it is. Kazarian gets to the ropes and Sabin breaks and Kazarian gets a pair of roll ups for two. Kazarian bounces off the ropes for a springboard back elbow, but Sabin counters with a front dropkick TO THE ASS! Now THAT is something you don’t see every day.
The announcers play it up as Sabin working the lower back and ribs, which I guess would work and Sabin then nails a backbreaker and puts on a sitting ab stretch to work it even more. Sabin then puts Kazarian in the Tree of Woe and charges…but Kazarian sits up and catches Sabin in a Diamond Cutter position and pushes himself off the Tree of Woe to hit it! WOW!
Kazarian, selling the ribs, goes after Sabin with flying forearms and gets a close two count. Kazarian gets a twisting neckbreaker into a face buster for another two count. Sabin recovers with a knee to the midsection and goes for an Awesome Bomb, but Kazarian flips out of it and connects with Back to the Future! ONE…TWO…NO! Kazarian places Sabin on the top and attempts the Flux Capacitor, but Sabin tosses him off and goes for a missile dropkick. Kazarian ducks and the ref EATS IT and the ref is down! Kazarian goes for a superkick, but Sabin ducks and hits an A-Train-like kneeling backbreaker! Sabin notices that the ref is down and heads to ringside to grab his title. He goes to waffle Kazarian with it, but Kazarian ducks and NAILS the Wave of the Future ON THE TITLE! The ref has recovered and goes for the pin…ONE…TWO…THREE!
Winner and NEW X Division Champion: Frankie Kazarian
But WAIT! All of a sudden, referee Rudy Charles comes in to tell the ref that administered the three count about the X Title being used to win the match and insists that Sabin is the X Division Champion!
Winner and STILL X Division Champion via Reversed Decision: Chris Sabin!
My Opinion: Well, that’s one way to elongate this rivalry, although I’m not fond of it in the least. They desperately need more wrestlers in the X Division and it shows. The next time that Kazarian and Sabin meet, most likely, Kazarian will win the title…and then where do you go? The match was good, but wasn’t nearly as good as their first encounter. **3/4.
In the back, Scott Hudson is in the back with New Jack and Shark Boy. New Jack once again cuts a colorful promo, comparing themselves destroying the Harris Brothers to a fat kid eating his own boogers…but he’s interrupted by Shark Boy. Shark Boy (without saying a word) convinces New Jack to wear a shark mask tonight. New Jack agrees to it and says “I’d be over wearing a mini skirt and some flip flops”. Wow…this match will be the pits, but I have a feeling that it’ll be mighty entertaining.
The Harris Brothers vs. New Jack & Shark Boy
Match Background: For weeks now, New Jack and Shark Boy have gotten close. Ever since they teamed up in the Asylum Alliance tournament, Shark Boy has persuaded New Jack to play all sorts of board games with him and they’ve bonded in the most elementary sense possible. The Harris Brothers were given a mission by Glenn Gilberti a couple of weeks ago, to unmask Shark Boy, but were unable to as Shark Boy has always been one step ahead. New Jack wasn’t in the arena last week as he was still recovering from the Hard 10 finals, but now that he IS here this week, he’ll be teaming up with Shark Boy, for only the second time, to take on the Harris Brothers.
The Match: New Jack comes to the ring wearing a Shark mask…and is mighty over for it. The Harris’ immediately knock New Jack to the floor and go to work on Shark Boy. Jack comes back in and double clotheslines them and goes to work on Ron Harris. A “New Jack” chant starts and New Jack just looks WEIRD with that mask on. Jack grabs a chair and runs off the apron onto Don Harris with an UGLY chair shot. New Jack unmasks quickly to taunt Don, but puts it back on before he gets into the ring. Shark Boy comes in and the Harris’ completely no sell all of his offense. They hit the corner to corner clotheslines and then suplex the shit out of him. Don Harris connects with a legdrop across the face of Shark Boy and picks him up again. He goes to elevate him, but Shark Boy connects with a front dropkick. Shark Boy goes for a cross body and gets caught and the Harris Brothers ACTUALLY do a cool double team. Ron comes off the ropes with a big boot to the back of the head of Shark Boy as he’s held by Don, who then performs a spinning Rock Bottom to the mat. Instead of going for the pin, they go to the outside and toss the Shark into the guard rail.
Back in the ring now, New Jack tosses Shark Boy a chair, but it goes over his head and Don Harris nails da Shark with a chair shot in FULL VIEW OF THE REF. The ref reacts to it like it’s a headlock and proceeds to do his business. Is this thing no DQ? Come on!
Shark Boy recovers and gets a neckbreaker…and tags in New Jack. The crowd doesn’t care AT ALL and New Jack takes on both men. Shark Boy and Don Harris battle on the outside as New Jack drops a legdrop with a chair onto Ron. New Jack then climbs the ropes with another chair, to leap onto the downed Ron Harris, but Don Harris is ready and waiting and smashes New Jack with a chair of his own on the way down. They H-Bomb New Jack and the match is over…
Winners: The Harris Brothers
After the match, the Harris Brothers successfully unmask Shark Boy, but while they’re celebrating, New Jack puts HIS mask on Shark Boy, who is able to escape again! They start to beat on New Jack in response…but Shark Boy comes running back down with Hulk Hands! He connects with punches on both men and they scatter, leaving Shark Boy to pose with the Hulk Hands and save his partner.
My Opinion: Well, the match was shitty, just like I expected, but the post match antics were cute enough that I’m able to just leave it alone. It was a DUD alright, but the Sports Entertainment cheesiness was enough to put a smile on my face.
We now go to a sit down interview between Mike Tenay and Kid Kash and Abyss, who is pacing around the chairs. Tenay asks Kash why he’s so disrespectful, which starts Kash on a rant about his experience and goes through a ton of names of who he’s beaten and says that he’s earned the right to be disrespectful to whoever he wants. Tenay asks why Kash disrespects people who aren’t even wrestlers, such as announcers and refs, so Kash responds in kind by stating that until they’ve done what he has for as long as he has, they don’t deserve any respect.
Tenay then asks Kash about his lack of respect for women. Kash basically calls them groupies and moves on.
Tenay says that Kash can hide behind Abyss now that he’s got him in his corner…so Kash flexes his control over Abyss and the big man lunges at Tenay, frightening him. As Tenay has a VERY serious look on his face, Kash gets in his face and tells him that “it can happen to you”…so he better start respecting Kid Kash.
We now go to a video package for Erik Watts. He says that Watts’ weakness is women…just ask Goldy.
We’re now in the back as Scott Hudson is with Erik Watts and Goldylocks. That’s interesting. I thought Hudson was subbing for Goldy. He’s a better interviewer anyway.
Scott Hudson asks Watts about the “Eric” that he has been claming for months that worked with everyone in WCW. He wants to know when “Eric” will arrive…and Watts’ says that he’ll be here next week. For the record, it is NOT Eric Bischoff. TNA wants people to think that. You have no idea how many people e-mail me to tell me that it is.
Goldylocks then speaks up and tells Watts that when “Eric” gets here, she wants her job back! (Whoever this Eric is, please don’t listen to her.) Watts tells her not to “get her panties in a wad”, to which she responds…”Erik, you know I don’t wear panties”.
TNA begins focusing on the TNA girls dancing, when all of a sudden, Nurse Veronica and an unknown woman dressed in a cheerleaders’ outfit pulls out one of the girls. Lollipop then rushes over and starts a catfight and all I want to know is WHERE IS TRACY! Security separates them as the announcers speculate the identity of the cheerleader.
We get another AWESOME Fallen Angel promo for Christopher Daniels. PUSH HIM TO THE TOP, I SAY! I follow the Gospel!
Elix Skipper comes to the ring for a match now, holding a scale to demonstrate that he is “pound for pound, the best wrestler in the world today”. He grabs THE STICK~! and says that not only is he the best wrestler, but the best athlete in the world as well. He calls some people out like Kobe Bryant and Roy Jones Jr. “Pound for pound, I’m the best athlete in the Universe!”
He’s interrupted by the return of the Amazing Red!
Elix Skipper vs. The Amazing Red
Match Background: Amazing Red is making his return after nearly a two month absence. The last time Red was in TNA, he attacked Raven at the end of the show in return for a Raven Effect DDT that he had received during the show. WAY back in Week 14, Elix and Red tangled up for the first time as Elix made Red feel his wrath after one of Red’s matches. Elix was distraught about being left out of a match and took it out on Red, who was in the ring during Skipper’s commentary. They then met several times in a few elimination matches and more recently, were on opposite sides in a war for the tag team titles. Amazingly enough, I believe this is the first time these men have met one on one in TNA rings.
The Match: Red charges into the ring and attacks Skipper with a ton of punches and kicks to the crowd’s delight. Skipper gets up and goes for a German suplex, but Red flips out of it. Skipper then attempts a vertical suplex, but Red turns that into an inside cradle for a two count. Skipper then charges at Red, but ends up hitting the turnbuckle face first and being on the opposite end of Red’s Liu Kang like bicycle kick. Don West is going crazy as Red goes for Code Red, but Elix escapes and heads to the floor. Red tries a baseball slide, but Elix is able to stop him, grab his feet, twist him around and DDT him to the floor! This starts the loudest “TNA” chant of the night as Elix throws him back into the ring for a two count. Elix grinds the elbow into Red’s face as the crowd chants “Let’s Go Red”, like they usually do. NICE Butterfly suplex by Elix also earns a two count as goes a twisting legdrop in the corner. Elix whips Red towards the ropes and ends up on the receiving end of a DDT after a tilt a whirl attempt as the fans go crazy for the young babyface. Red then comes off the top with a spinning Downward Spiral for a two count before attempting a rana on Skipper. Elix hangs on, but Red is able to use all of his momentum to drive him down with it for a two count that Skipper “Matrixes” out of. Skipper then retaliates with a wheel kick that flips Red inside out! Elix then goes to the outside and grabs a chair…and brings it into the ring. The ref takes it away as Red is getting to his feet and rolls up Skipper for two. As the ref goes to put the chair away, Elix grabs his scale from the corner and hits Red with it and tosses it to the ground. He makes the cover and Elix picks up the victory.
Winner: Elix Skipper.
My Opinion: For someone as popular as Amazing Red, they should have announced his return last week. Elix is in the midst of a singles push, so I can understand why they’d job Red out, but that’s a match that most people would get excited about if they were to have announced it ahead of time. Even so, the match wasn’t nearly long enough to get a good bout out of it anyway. *3/4. Now bring on Daniels and Low-Ki’s singles pushes!
We now go to part 3 of the Sting interview.
Tenay asks him Sting what he felt like when he was crowned the NWA World Champion for the first time. Sting remembers it fondly as he says that Ric Flair made him look like a million bucks even though he was coming back from reconstructive knee surgery. Tenay asks him his thoughts on WCW and what that was like for him. He says that he always felt like WCW was a long shot, second banana to the WWF (which they were for quite some time) and then talks about the rise of Nitro. “There were no hidden agendas at the time.”
Tenay then asks Sting about propelling from the rafters. You’d THINK that Sting would mention Owen Hart in some way, but he avoided it completely and said that he had fun doing it and he’d do it again, but he’d be nervous as hell.
Next Week: Sting talks about the thing that saved his life and marriage. For those of you who don’t know what he’s talking about, Sting is a Born Again Christian.
This week’s Behind the Paint was even shorter and LESS informative, if that was even possible. So far, I’d be highly disappointed if I spend 10 bucks to hear was Sting had to say.
Don Callis now comes down the aisle with Edward Chastian (former NWA Wildside champion Iceberg), holding the Hard 10 cup in his hand as TNA replays how they obtained said cup by attacking the Sandman last week.
Callis gets on THE STICK~! and says that Chastain destroyed the Sandman. He introduces himself as Don Callis, M.B.A., which allows him to be a management consultant and make changes in the company. The Sandman was the first person to be “downsized” and so will Hardcore wrestling. As he continues his tirade, music begins to play and Norman Smiley makes his return to TNA.
Edward Chastain vs. Norman Smiley
Match Background: This is Edward Chastain’s first match in NWA:TNA and Norman Smiley is making his return to the company. He hasn’t wrestled in a one on one match since WAY back in Week 16 (October 16, 2002). Smiley is a former Hardcore champion in WCW and became one of the staples of the hardcore division then, which Callis and Chastain are trying to destroy.
The Match: The crowd is solidly behind Smiley as they lock up and Chastain simply muscles Smiley into the corner. Smiley tries a waist lock, but can hardly put his arms around him. Chastain knocks Smiley down with a shoulder block and goes for a slam of some sort, but Smiley slides out of it and goes for the Big Wiggle. Callis gets on the apron and Smiley says “not yet” and attempts an irish whip out of the corner. Chastain won’t budge, so Smiley steps on his foot and send him to the opposite corner and tries a sunset flip. Chastain doesn’t budge again and tries to sit on Smiley, but he gets out of the way and falls victim to a Chastain back elbow. Smiley tries a cross body, but is caught and dropped by Chastain. The big man attempts a clothesline, but Smiley catches it and goes for an armbar of some sort, but we’ll never know what it was supposed to be as he’s sidewalk slammed instead. Chastain goes for a cover, but Norman gets his foot on the rope. Smiley gets a number of clotheslines, but Chastain won’t move. Smiley then clubs him in the back and performs the Big Wiggle…with an extra big time hump at the end that makes me question why Smiley is popular again. Smiley goes after Chastain with a tackle of some sort…but simply collapses after connecting as Chastain just doesn’t move. Chastain comes running out of the corner with a splash (Ground Zero Splash) and that’s the pinfall.
Winner: Edward Chastain
My Opinion: This was nothing more than a glorified Chastain squash with Smiley getting some of his signature spots in for comic relief. Chastain doesn’t look THAT agile, compared to what I’ve heard. He just looks massive. DUD.
We now go to an Interrogation segment between Tenay & West and Americas Most Wanted.
Tenay: June 25, 2003
Harris: Cage Match, greatest night of our careers
West: Chris Daniels
Storm: The single – one of the greatest wrestlers I’ve stepped in the ring with.
Tenay: Elix Skipper
Harris: Extraordinary athlete, but the cage just wasn’t his house.
West: Eastwood or Wayne
Tenay: Death Sentence off the top of the cage
Harris: Adrenaline played a huge factor in that, but in one word: Insane.
West: Riding bulls or busting broncos
Storm: Neither one, Roping Rats baby! (Harris gives him a weird look. If you don’t get it…nevermind.)
Tenay: Glenn Gilberti
West: Bret Hart
Storm: Simply the best there ever will be.
Tenay: R&R Express or Midnight Express
Harris: R&R. Best babyface tag team of all time.
West: Jack Daniels or Jim Bean.
Storm: Jack Daniels.
West: Eight Second Ride or the Catatonic.
Storm: Eight Second Ride all the way. I’ve seen people get up from the Catatonic!
Harris: I got up from the Eight Second Ride!
Storm: Oh ok.
Tenay: NWA Tag Team Titles.
Harris; Tradition…and where they’re supposed to be.
Back in the ring now, Glenn Gilberti asks Jeremy Borash to come into the ring. Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger are with him (YES~!) and Gilberti says that they’d like to ask Borash some questions. Borash enters the ring hesitantly and Swinger takes THE STICK~! from him. He says that they were supposed to get a fair shot at the tag titles last week (which they did) and are blaming Borash for some reason. Diamond then tells Borash that it’s obvious that the NWA plays favorites when it comes to AMW.
Gilberti then whips out a copy of Jeremy Borash’s “From the Inside” column, posted on nwatna.com and begins reading a passage where he praises AMW. He should have read the part where he calls me the best TNA reviewer on the net. Diamond says that they should make him eat his words…literally, so Gilberti shoves the page into Borash’s mouth. Borash then slaps Gilberti, to a pop, and gets held by Simon and Swinger as Gilberti takes his jacket off. This is pretty amusing, considering they’re announce partners for the WWA PPV’s. A real man would have thrown a punch anyway. That’s right, I said it Borash! Put me in your column again, I dare ya!
Of course, AMW come to the rescue and take out all three men. I’m ALL about an AMW/ Diamond & Swinger feud. After AMW nails Swinger with the Hart Attack, Diamond connects with a MEAN chair shot on James Storm! Swinger is able to then nail Harris as well and Gilberti gets back in and says that they’re not leaving the ring until someone from the NWA sanctions a tag title match right now.
All of a sudden, Raven’s music starts up and Raven makes his way to the ring through the crowd! He attacks Simon and Swinger and takes them BOTH out to a pop! AMW go out to the floor with them, brawling all over the place as Gilberti runs away!
Raven gets on THE STICK~! and calls out Father James Mitchell and Shane Douglas. Raven calls them both out, hits the catchphrase and awaits…
Douglas and Mitchell appear at the top of the ramp, but before Mitchell can say anything of significance, Raven comes charging and gets into a brawl with Douglas! They make their way into the ring and Raven goes for the Raven Effect….but his feet are held by the returning Disciples of the New Church! Slash and Brian Lee come into the ring and Raven takes care of them (with a phantom superkick on Lee), but Douglas connects with a low blow and it becomes a 3 on 1 beatdown. Mitchell throws in a chair to Douglas, who sets it up for a drop toe hold ala Raven. They hit the move on him several times as Mitchell laughs on, watching Raven bleed. Mitchell then asks Raven if he’s had enough…to which Raven responds “Go to HELLLLL”, so they do it again. Mitchell then says “Our past has caught up with you. I won’t go to Hell, Raven. I’ve brought Hell…to YOU.”
Damn, I just adore cheesy dialogue like that. Nothing beats Test’s “I’m gonna make you my WHORE!” line though. Nothing.
Scott Hudson is in the back with Joe Legend. Legend says that he’s a Canadian athlete who came to TNA to destroy Jeff Jarrett, an American folk hero. I’m too tired for jokes, you guys can fill that one in, alright?
Legend actually gets his own video package, which basically states his name simply as Legend. Jeff Jarrett attacks as Legend is on the rampway, kick starting the match up.
Legend vs. Jeff Jarrett
Match Background: Two weeks ago, Legend made his debut by attacking Jeff Jarrett in defense of Vince Russo. They attacked him with a baseball bat and injured the ribs of the former NWA World Champion and left him laying. Last week, Jarrett wanted a piece of revenge and went after both Legend and Russo during a skit where they impersonated Jarrett, but was once again the victim of a baseball bat attack. This week, they face off as this is Legend’s first match in TNA. Oh…and they HATE EACH OTHER~!
The Match: The match starts off with Jarrett elevating Legend up and over the top rope to the floor and going to the outside to brawl. Jarrett’s ribs are taped up from the “injuries” from last week as they brawl into the crowd. Jarrett nails Legend in the head with a couple of chair shots, but gets into an argument with the ref over it. The ref tries to take the chairs away, so Jarrett shoves him back a few rows and security comes in. Jarrett nails them with chair shots and goes after Legend again. Back at ringside, security is too scared to interfere and they head back into the ring. Jarrett comes off the top with a chair shot on Legend as the ref is still pleading with Jarrett to stop. Russo comes running in with his bat and swings it at Jarrett’s chair…but when its bat vs. chair, the bat loses. Russo drops the bat and Jarrett tries to go after Russo, but is held back by the ref. Legend gets up and nails Jarrett in the back with the bat and Jarrett goes down AGAIN.
Legend goes for the cover and gets the simple three count on Jarrett.
My Opinion: I REALLY hate the fact that DQ’s seem to exist only when the booking deems in necessary. This was never promoted as a No DQ match, yet there were more chair shots and interference than there were wrestling moves performed! Anyway, it seems that TNA is high on Legend as he pinned the infallible one in his FIRST match with the promotion and it seems as if this war will continue raging on. As for the star rating, I’ll give them some when they actually do something of merit besides chair shots. DUD.
We now go to Tenay and West to run down next week’s card. AMW vs. Simon and Swinger. Raven, CM Punk & Julio vs. Douglas and the Disciples of the New Church. D’Lo Brown vs. AJ Styles 2 out of 3 falls.
Scott Hudson is in the back with Vince Russo…who’s wearing his Hockey helmet again. Russo says that Jarrett is now out of the title picture for losing to Legend and now has to work his way from the bottom. He says that “Wrestlers are Stupid” and walks away…
D’Lo Brown is in the ring and has the cage with him. He calls out Vince Russo, who slowly walks down the ramp. Russo turns around midway, but a referee stops him from leaving the arena and turns him around. Russo: “I ain’t no wrestler!” THEN GET OFF MY TV!
Russo is hesitant to get in the ring, but eventually does so and hides behind the cage. AJ Styles then gets in the ring to sneak up behind D’Lo, but Brown turns around and catches AJ red handed. D’Lo goes after him and connects with a big back body drop…and then locks AJ in the cage! Siaki then attacks Brown from behind, who then pulls out a pair of handcuffs and goes to cuff D’Lo to the cage. In a cool moment, Brown ends up cuffing Siaki and seems to finally have the upper hand! Trinity then runs in and nails D’Lo from behind…who’s barely affected by the shot and Sky Highs her! Legend then attacks D’Lo from behind, but D’Lo fights back and tosses Legend into the cage door. D’Lo FINALLY goes after Russo, but AJ busts out of the cage door that was weakened by Legend and Siaki getgs uncuffed as well as they beat down D’Lo.
Russo gets on the mic and tells AJ to finish him. A STYLES CLASH finishes it…and Trinity counts a mock cover. AJ then puts Brown in a MUTA LOCK~! as he softens him up for next week. Russo and his crew then put him in the cage as the show comes to an end…
Overall: If that came as a surprise for you, you haven’t been watching wrestling long enough. I do like the fact that they’re focusing on D’Lo Brown at the end of the show, it puts him over as a main eventer.
The rest of the show was decent, but it seems like TNA just doesn’t have enough people in certain divisions to make each one stand out.
Well…there you have it.
‘Til next time,
The Dames, Damian Gonzalez
Any questions, comments, hate mail, fan mail, anything, send it all to [email protected].
THEY HATE EACH OTHER~!
|Lo-Fi Version||Time is now: 26th March 2017 - 06:49 PM|