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News to Us!, June 15, 2002
Guest_TSMAdmin_*
post Oct 3 2002, 11:16 AM
Post #1





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Old people, bitchy brothers, and a lame ass job sure puts a week in perspective, doesn’t it? To explain, I got fucking blindsided yesterday by an old woman driving a big ass Caddy and it left a goddamn 16-inch long gully in the side of my Malibu, BUT to further compound my fucking agony, the bitch(yes, I know it’s wrong, but FUCK THAT, it’s MY goddamn update) decides to tell the police that I instigated the entire ordeal when SHE was the one who rammed me. Needless to say, many f-words were abused and many old people feelings were hurt(I don’t care, the bitch shouldn’t have been fucking driving), so it’s a very, VERY pissed off Byron FINALLY getting to work and having the boss attempt to ream my ass out because I was an hour late, DESPITE the fact that I had a legit excuse!

After getting through 8 hours of hell and finally going home to end the day, I come to find out that my brothers are hungry and want food NOW! I actually put a hole in one of our walls and dented the beam behind it when I punched it to vent my frustrations(no, it didn’t work in case you wanted or cared to know). Well, now I’m out in traffic again and having to deal with a stuck-up cashier at McDonalds furthers my already boiling-over-the-pot rage. Boy, I sure do love brothers… don’t you? And people say the backstage atmosphere of the WWE is something…


Well, I’m good and pissed, so let’s get on with the fucking news already…


SMACKDOWN RATINGS, BABY!



Hey, Crapdown got a 3.6 this week. Guess geezers and cripples still draw, don’t they? Argh, I fucking HATE nostalgia. Man, with as bad as it’s been lately, I hope Kurt Angle and Chris Jericho NEVER main event again. Or at least until Hulk Hogan limps off into the sunset with his cane while dragging Undertaker with him…

Please credit Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer and Neilson Media Research



ROSS SAYS AUSTIN’S WWE CAREER IS FINISHED



In a surprising bit, Good Ol’ JR, The HOSS~! Lover, stated in his new Ross Report that the WWE career of Steve Austin is basically over at this point. As far as where I stand on the matter: Austin shouldn’t have walked out, plain and simple. I agree with the Austin detractors on that alone. As far as what he walked out for, I’m in total agreement with Steve. An Austin job to Brockberg wouldn’t have done jackshit for Lesnar because he neither A) over and B) been built up enough to warrant something like that. I’m sorry Lesnar fans, but getting “Goldturd” chants doesn’t mean you’re over. It means you’re a joke. So GET OVER IT.

As far as whether this is all a work or a shoot, I really couldn’t give high flying fuck right now because it just means RAW gets that much shittier and my favorite formerly active wrestler is now gone, so don’t expect me to exactly be parroting the WWE’s cause here because they fucked themselves over and have been doing so since WrestleMania X-7.

Please credit Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer and Jim Ross of WWE.com



ROCKY’S GONE AND IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE HE’S COMIN’ BACK



Apparently, The Rock has gotten another movie to film after he’s done with Helldorado and this one seems to deal with the legendary King Kamehameha(goddamn, that was a bitch to type). And since Helldorado is being filmed in September, don’t expect to see The Rock anytime soon in a wrestling ring. Honestly, I hope Rock just stays away because this ratfuck business couldn’t hope to DREAM to pay him as much as Hollywood can. As much as I like Rock, I’d recommend that he stay away for good because nothing good can come out of coming back with how shitty the WWE has been lately and will be for a long time.

Please credit Dave Scherer of 1wrestling.com



AUSTINMANIA STRIKES BYTE THIS!



Like the title says, WWE.com’s Byte This! was basically about the entire Austin situation as they took some callers on the entire matter(obviously) and asked the two guests on this week’s show, Edge and Chris Benoit, about the situation and how it affected them. Here’s the clips as taken from 1wrestling.com:

Edge: On Austin: If WWE and Austin can’t agree, they should part ways for a while. Raw will need a trade to replace that star power.

Chris Benoit: On Austin: “it sucks” but he doesn’t know the facts to the whole story because he was on the shelf. He can not compare Austin leaving WWE to him leaving WCW. He doesn’t know Steve well enough to call him but hopes he comes back.

On his gut reaction with Steve leaving: It hurt his morale and he went through similar “crap” in WCW and doesn’t want to see it again.


The only other thing I could to this is that it’s getting scary when the actual talent can compare the current state of the WWE to the backstage shitstorm that was WCW. This is gonna get VERRRY interesting in the next couple of weeks…

Please credit Jon Wright and 1wrestling.com



NWA:TNA DEBUTS BULLSHIT TITLE



In the latest marketing brilliance of the new NWA group headed by Jarrett and Son, they will be debuting a new belt called the “X Title”(stop laughing). The official line of horseshit from the Jarretts is that the belt is not restricted to a certain weight class, but instead will be used to feature “the high-flying, daredevil, death-defying action that fans can expect to see anytime the “X Title” is on the line."

Allow me to ask this… WHO THE FUCK DO THEY THINK THEY’RE KIDDING? Who the hell brainstormed this idea? Vince Russo? I mean, did Jerry and Jeff chill out in the office, snort a line of crack, and then tried thinking up even more creative ways to tank this show? “Aw gee, pops, we got all these here lil’ guys and they ain’t got no belt to fight fer, what should we do?” Jerry: “I know what, son!”, ::::snorts three lines :::: “Let’s make ‘em a lightweight belt, but don’t call it a cruiserweight or whatever the hell else because that juss makes ‘em feel tiny, I tell ya.”

I think I lost the original point somewhere in there, but the name STILL sounds fucking retarded. Hell, I think I saw a damned porno about wrestling that had a title just like that, but then again… that’s just me. ;-)

Please credit Dave Higgins of 1wrestling.com and NWA-TNA.com



And to wrap up this week’s news…

PRIDE FINALLY ANNOUNCES MAIN EVENT



Well, Pride finally got off their asses and booked the main event for the Saitama Super Arena show on 6/23(It’ll be airing on tape delay on 6/30 for all us Americans) and it shall be Don Frye vs. Yoshihiro Takayama, which apparently pissed off some of the Pride fanboys because they wanted a better fighter in the main event. And they say that Japan is different from the US… Hell, it’s basically like Hogan main eventing two PPVs this year just because he got a bullshit nostalgia pop and Vince felt that he’d sellout all the arenas(HA!). That being said, since I really don’t follow MMA at all, I’m sure our resident expert, Dave Dymond, can sort through the BS and lead you all in the right direction.

Please credit Dave Meltzer of The Wrestling Observer



Ahhh… I feel SO much better after venting a bit, so I may not kill my brothers just yet, don’t know about the old lady, though… Anyways, I again must apologize for the lack of an update on Tuesday, but we were going to try something different for the news and had some apparent communication problems, so that’s why it still looks the same so far, BUT expect everything to be running on all cylinders come next week(damn, how many times have I promised THAT and never delivered?) and check out Damian “Lil’ Bitch” Gonzalez for all the weekend shit and Retro Rob for the Confidential report. Damn… for all the fucking plugging I’m doing, I should be getting’ paid…

Later, bitches!


Byron Vester
TheSmartMarks.com
E-mail: [email protected]
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