The TSM Weekend Newsflash!, November 11, 2002
The TSM Weekend Newsflash!, November 11, 2002
Dec 19 2002, 01:02 AM
What’s goin’ on, freaks? I know ya’ll missed me, but due to some serious family emergency(and a late night trip to the hospital), I had neither the time nor the inclination to do the news last week, so I apologize for that. Also, before I get into anything else, it was brought to my attention that a certain word I used in my last update was a racial slur and I would like to apologize if it offended anyone by my ignorant use of it. I already had a chat with the person who caught it and he wasn’t pissed off or even mad at all, thank God, but I still feel the need to set the record straight about it. Oh, and don’t think that I’m getting soft because of all this apologizing I’m doing now(I’m looking at YOU, Adam, you SILLY~! RVD fan).
That out of the way, I must first praise my beloved Jacksonville Jaguars for their heinous punking of the Washington Foreskins(trademark Dr. Tom). While we’re still below .500, with how godawful the rest of the AFC South is, I’m willing to bet that we’ll make either first or second place depending on if we can stay healthy the rest of the season. On another note, we saw our first tie game in the NFL since 1997 with Pittsburgh and Atlanta deadlocked at 34, quite possibly one of the shitiest endings ever due to the jacked up rule that states all games end after the first overtime. What horseshit. This is one of the things that pisses me off about the NFL. I mean, the NCAA has the PERFECT rule for overtime games, yet the National Football League is still in the fucking Dark Ages due to Tagliabue and the owners ignorance. I know it’s a real minor detail, but dammit, tie games belong in hockey, not fucking pro football! Sigh… at least New England came back and beat Chicago or else I would being seeing red now…
Speaking of red(or crimson for that matter), I must give thanks for the Crimson Tide for thoroughly pasting Mississippi State into goo on Saturday. Next up for the #11 Tide is LSU and I can’t wait to see my boys kick some Tiger ass in preparation for the always interesting Iron Bowl game coming up. And, with both teams looking pretty damn good, QB issues aside, obviously, it should be a GREAT game. Oh, before I move on, I gotta get this out of my system…
A quick bit on the indy scene: If you drop by 1popup.com and check the latest JAPW results(near the bottom of the headlines), my good buddy Tony Lazaro gets praised for pulling off one of the oldest tricks in the book in the TV Title triple threat match, the broken ankle spot. It was actually called the spot of the night and from a couple of people that attended(and Tony himself), EVERYONE in the crowd fell for it! Ahhhh…. Gullible wrestling crowds, gotta love ‘em. I know it probably doesn’t mean a whole lot to some of you, but I couldn’t resist giving my homeboy some props for pulling that spot off perfectly, so hats off to Tony.
Now… ON WITH THE NEWS!
The TSM WEEKEND NEWSFLASH!
Oh, I forgot to mention this, but we’re going to be doing a format change because, quite frankly, the Top 5 thing wasn’t clicking all that well with my style, ya know? Also, to save myself some time(and wear ‘n’ tear doing those damn HTML codes), all news comes from Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer.
CNN SNUBS VINCE, FILM AT ELEVEN!
Well, it was BOUND to happen sooner or later… Obviously, the CNN special featuring WWE superstars that was to air Saturday didn’t. As of right now, the show is postponed, but no one knows if it’s going to be rescheduled or not. Amazingly, I’m shocked that they waited THIS long to seemingly cancel it, but it was probably going to be nothing more than the anchor asking everyone what they ‘really’ thought of the necro angle. Hell, I can just picture RVD answering right now…
CNN Anchor: Mr. Van Dam, the WWE recently ran a storyline where one of your fellow wrestlers had intercourse with a dead person, what are your thoughts?
RVD: Duuuuuuude… Everything’s cool when you’re R…V…D!
Okay, so that wasn’t all that funny, but I’m tired, so screw it.
SMACKDOWN WHOOPS RAW
While it will probably never register in Vince’s brain due to the ego, Smackdown beat RAW in the ratings with a 3.6, which was up from last week’s Halloween-influenced numbers. Maybe it was the “awesome” freestylin’ displays of Notorious ‘Kish and Vanilla Cena that drew in all those aspiring Eminem-wannabes…
WWE ACTUALLY TRADES WRESTLERS?
In one of those things that can only happen in wrestling, the WWE reached an agreement wear they sent ring luminaries Perry Saturn and the Godfather to the WWA to work their tour of Europe in order to ensure that recent signee, Scott Steiner, didn’t go. While it’s not really a big issue or anything, I’m just shocked that the WWA would settle for Perry “Mop-fucker” Saturn and the Shitfather. Hell, if I was them, I’d have held Vince up for someone who’d have at least been on TV in the past 4 months. I mean, fuck… hold out for William Regal or some midcard face like Rey Mysterio, Kidman, or Tajiri, not a couple of heatless jobbers who have been MIA since the spring. Who the fuck is running that promotion? Sigh…
THE PANDAS ARE COMING! THE PANDAS ARE COMING!
In some REALLY sad news, The World Wildlife Fund has pitched another hissy fit and now wants the WWE to pay them some cold, hard cash. I know the WWE isn’t exactly wrestling utopia and all that, but seriously, this is fucking BULLSHIT. The Panda Fuckers already won their damn case before when the WWE changed it’s name, so there’s no other reason for them to be crying now unless they just want to be anal retentive, inbred fuckwads and score some easy money. What a fucking joke. It’s so sad when charity foundations pull this crap just because they hope the bleeding heart buttfuckers of the world kiss their almighty buttocks and suck them off. Fucking twats…
WWE HANDS OUT TOP MATCHES ON NEXT RAW
Well, the RAW brand continues it’s downward spiral as WWE.com announced the following matches signed for the show, I’ll even call the finishes ahead of time:
Triple H vs. Booker T(non-title)
Finish: Booker wins after the Army Special Forces, Navy SEALs, and Delta Force all run-in. Obviously, this means that Trips goes over Book clean at the PPV with the Pedigree, sigh…
Chris Jericho/Christian vs RVD/Kane(tag title match)
Finish: Christian gets the pin after everybody in the arena and watching RAW all fall asleep due to his new finisher, the Seven Minute Chinlock!
Shawn Micheals is also scheduled to make a live appearance to further ensure that the only guys that actually matter in the Survivor Series RAW main event are he and Hunter(duh!).
Boy, am I depressed now.
NWA: TNA CARD SWITCH-UP
Apparently, there were a few fuck-ups in the announcing of this week’s TNA show. Here’s the supposed line-up for the show:
Jimmy Yang vs. Amazing Red
E.Z. Money (debut) vs. Tony Mamaluke
Syxx-Pac vs. Jeff Jarrett in the NWA title contenders tournament
Jorge Estrada & Priscilla vs. Brian Lawler & April
Jose & Joel Maximo vs. Cassidy O'Reilly & Chase Stevens vs. Ron & Don Harris vs. Lenny & Bruce to determine the following week's tag title contenders
Chris Harris & James Storm defending NWA tag titles against Slash & Brian Lee
Jerry Lynn vs. Kid Kash for the X title
The card looks decent enough on paper, but Lord knows they’ve proved me wrong on that account. Oh, and I’m calling it now: The mixed tag will be the worst match of the year, seriously. Estrada and Lawler are just that bad. Oh, and let’s not forget that oh-so talented team of the Harris brothers, who will more than likely be America’s Most Wanted’s next feud… God, take me now, dammit! Big Show and the Harris Boys getting pushed = me jumping off a cliff. Damn hosses… at least Hickshaw’s gone for the moment.
Well, folks… that’s it from me for another week. Be sure to tune in next week when I bash RVD, the Auburn Hickboys, and more stupid people! As always, be sure to check out RAW from JHawk’s Beak on Monday after the show as that poor bastard Jared suffers through another potentially pathetic episode of RAW without hopefully slicing his arteries in frustration. I feel for ya, bro. Also, be sure to peep the hardest-working guy on this damn site, Dr. Tom, as he hits you back-to-back on Wednesday and Thursday with The Weekend News and The Smackdown Report. And finally, check out Patrick Spoon as he drops in with his weekly Tough Enough 3 recap and Dames’ NWA:TNA Recap whenever he gets the sumabitch up(just messin’ with ya, man).
Okay, shameless pimping aside, I’m outta this beeyotch! Catch ya next week!
E-mail me at: [email protected](remember to remove the spam-killing x’s)
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