the mighty WWE SMACKDOWN WORKRATE REPORT-4/22/04!

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

I was at the New Canton on Midlothian Turnpike toning my fat with copious amounts of KUNG POW chicken. My wife had the tofu. She followed the Dead for a while so all your questions are now answered. My kids had the Chinese chicken. We all had the pu pu platter! PU PU! It's CALLED PU PU! We laufed and laufed and laufed. Anywayz, I missed the first half hour. I'll never get drunk now. I'll do what I can. The Baron barfight will have to wait a week. WILL BARON AND SUSAN GET IT ON? WILL BILLY GET HIS KNIFE OUT? WILL BILL GET BACK IN TIME TO SEE RICK CAMP PITCH?!?! NEXT WEEK ON... The Secret Adventures of Al Wilson.

 

WHAT WORKED-

 

- I arrive just in time to see Rico sexually assault Scotty2Hotty! BONGO BUTT! Haas is diverted by is own sexual insecurity and eats a batch of armdrags. Scotty racks Haas and Rico wants to massage Charlie's lil fellas. DO THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WANT RATINGS? DO THEY WANT TO SELL ADVERTISING TIME? Then don't be pussies! Let Rico massage the little fellas. God, is it that hard to understand? Rikishi sez, "MY ASS IS THE ONLY HOMOEROTIC THING ON EARTH!" Rico is GOD-LIKE begging for the stinkface. Rikishi is uncomfortable about his ass supplying pleasure- as opposed to pain. The finish is just motherfucking GOLD. AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME! GREATEST TAG TEAM EVER! Haas can't bring himself over to the Winning Team..... yet. Motherfucking GREAT.

 

- Reneah DewPrix hosts his cafe. He demands a moment of silence. These people are so unrefined. Rene is here bring class and style and HIS WANG! to Smackdown. Torrie shows up and 34 year old virgins blow a fetid congealed load over their HR Geiger ("PRONOUNCED GHEE-GHER, SIMPLETON!") Alien Collector's Edition Portfolio onto the 1/16 scale Doctor Doom bust. Torrie is lying like a filthy liar! Of course, she was laughing at Big Show! Renee is in soooo deep because he has to try to cover for Torrie Wilson attempting to ACT~! Renee is sick to his stomach. Torrie is selfish! She relies on men for everything! FIFI ISn'T THE ONLY BITCH IN THE RING! Rene realizes that Torrie is ruining his big debut by having the acting skills on par with a downloadable episode of SundaySchoolUpskirts.com and he FREAKS OUT! Cena comes in and beats some sense into the faux surrender monkey. Dupreee didn't understand the American law that if you pose completely naked, you don't have to act anymore. It's the eternal thespianic mulligan. Unless you're Carmen Electra.

 

- Chavo Junior eats a batch of armdrags early. Junior is a great wrestler. He's not Senior and await anxiously the tag in. Cena throws punches that cannot be edited enough for some reason. Sr puts the boots to technico boy and it's a quick tag out? Jr with the uppercuts. Sr with the kicks and RUDO BEYOND RUDO cowering in the corner! AWESOME! Cena Spinebuster for a comeback. Cena's fistdrop was good this week. Sr with the save on the FU! Jr throwing Cena to the floor! Rene Dupre crushes his back and Team Guerrerro get the duke! All is right in the world. Postmatch- Heyman is upset about Renee Dupree's unkind actions against Torrie! NEXT WEEK! Torrie vs Rene! CAN THE WANG BE CONTANGED?!?!

 

- "MicroTouch removes unsightly ear hair with just a touch!" Look. The REASON you get married is so that your wife can yank out your ear hair while you are trying to drive. It is an $80 value! But where is the romance?

 

- Rico on the stick is fucking GOLD. Charlie Haas is confused about Rico always having his hands on his BUTT. I'm just glad that they actually pushed Haas so effectively when I was convinced that he was going to be the new Barry Horowitz, pushwise.

 

- Eddy has the fucking RULING- what is that? A Falcon? He is wrestling a Dudley. I am going to get another beer. They go to a commercial and I think about CRZ's pretty pretty hair. Mmmmmmmm yucca..... Dudleys do hijinx to give D-Von the edge. Eddy sells a bunch. D-Von bumps mechanically to the floor. He bumps big into the steps. They have a countout and Heyman restarts it and for some reason Cole is pissed off. We go to a commercial. Join me. We'll think about CRZ's hair. Looong. preeettty. Smells like henna...... Eddy with a side suplex. Eddy with the elbow in the corner and then a Toprope Frankensteiner. I await JBH to run in. I mean- it's the fucking DUDLEYS. What else would be the point of this match? Toprope neckbreaker by D-Von. Regular neckbreaker into a sleeper. This is perfectly fine. Eddy sells the Sleeper like D-Von is Johnny Weaver. Bubba is great riling up the crowd. Nice flying elbow by D-Von. This is approaching good. Back to the Sleeper. The Sleeper garners heat with the crowd and I'm GLAD to be a wrestling fan again. Eddy Atomic Drops to TRANSITION~! and hits the Lariat. D-Von misses the Elbow Drop and goes up top but D-Von catches him and hits the SUPERPLEX FOR TWO! This is good. Eddy is GOD. D-Von misses the Diving Headbutt. Eddy goes hogwild and hits the Triple Vertical Suplex. D-Von CHEATS TO WIN! JBL runs in. What the fuck? This would Good Match, Bad Booking. Yes, Eddy looks like shit when this is done. Jesus, that's a bad taste in your mouth.

 

WHAT DIDN'T WORK-

 

- Mordechai doesn't have a Southern accent. How can I POSSIBLY take him seriously as an avenging angel of the lord?

 

- Paul Heyman is back for some reason. JBL is a dick! El Gran Luchadore? El Hijo del Pierroth Jr? It's a Pierroth mask. My guess- OVW guy who can speak Spanish. Bradshaw rudos like a... aw well, I he tries to rudo. Bradshaw pulls him up on the two count and I and you and the world awaits Eddy to come out and cheat for the Mexican win. Bradshaw does the ABSOLUTELY awesome Brian Pillman selfpin two-count spot. Lariat is actually from hell this week. Eddy DOESN'T show up? What was the point of that?

 

- My wife spent nine bux on a sixpack. She thought she was buying Victory Hop Devil. Instead she bought Victory GOLDEN MONKEY! I heard stories about how horrible it is. I was gearing up for something hideous but- sorry folks- it tastes like a perfectly fine Belgian approximation. It's not as bad as Smutty Nose's Belgian. Hell, at 9.5% alcohol, I got no problem with the Golden Monkey. It's definately worth 9 bux a six, but not the shittiest thing I've ever tasted- as I was lead to believe. This doesn't work because for nine bux a six, sweet baby has to get big daddy the Victory Storm King Imperial Stout.

 

- I probably don't want that NOW THAT'S MUSIC cd. This Sarah Connor lives while the poor woman with the toy firtruck in the driveway gets shot in her doorway. Stupid terminator.

 

- Cena DOESn'T have a throwback on this week and I'm late so I can't figure out where they are wrestling. Chavos Guerrerros come out and it's a handicapped match. Chavo Senior wrestles and it goes up yonder for the rest.

 

- Booker T is a big star! Suldog's wife coined Spineroonie and I want you to remember. Suldog was the funniest recapper that ever lived. Booker cuts the shittiest promo in Smeckdurn history and it summons the Undertaker.

 

- There was nothing odd in my terlit this week. AT FIRST.

 

THERE YOU HAVE IT.

 

DEAN RASMUSSEN.

[Steviekick 0]

. I'm just glad that they actually pushed Haas so effectively when I was convinced that he was going to be the new Barry Horowitz, pushwise.

 

Craziness. Greatest quote of the day.

[Steviekick 0]

Why was this thread moved to the FB&C folder?

[Guest FrigidSoul]

Its his mini-column on Smackdown. Thus it fits into the Columns section. Think of it this way, if everybody wrote their views on Smackdown in a different thread dissecting the show and placed it in the WWE Forum wouldn't it be cluttered?

 

It wasn't moved to discourage the thread, just to place it where it belongs. I got the ok before moving it so enjoy this person's thoughts on the show and discuss.

[Steviekick 0]

Its his mini-column on Smackdown. Thus it fits into the Columns section. Think of it this way, if everybody wrote their views on Smackdown in a different thread dissecting the show and placed it in the WWE Forum wouldn't it be cluttered?

 

It wasn't moved to discourage the thread, just to place it where it belongs. I got the ok before moving it so enjoy this person's thoughts on the show and discuss.

Nevermind. Now I know

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

But it's DEAN and he has been doing this well-over a year and nothing like it has sprung up before. The precident was set A LONG time ago and it has been allowed by all the other mods and admin. DEAN is an asset to this board, despite only posting this column, and should be treated as an exception.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

I'm sorry RR...I don't know where my head is at. I hadn't realised it was *that* DEAN. I only hope I can be forgiven...I'm not ready to have these powers. I'm going to go have a glass of milk and try to come to terms with the fact I let you, the board members down. If you'll excuse me now...*runs off crying*

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Well, as long as it isn't Soy Milk, you're forgiven.

[chaosrage 0]

this is a crime against humanity

 

petition to ban frigid again starting here

-----

 

signed

[Steviekick 0]

I wouldn't call for Frigid's banning just yet. He should consider this a friendly confrontation...

[Lightning Flik 0]

What I wanna know is, how the fuck did FS get to be a mod?

[chaosrage 0]

And not just a mod but an evil red mod.

[Guest ManKinnd]

Good thing this was moved. It was causing a lot of unrest in the WWE folder.

[Art Sandusky 0]

I... still don't "get" Dean.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

But you dont't "get" a lot of things.

[Guest JMA]

*Nevermind*

[UseTheSledgehammerUh 0]

Unbelievable that this was moved.

 

It's one of the few decent threads I see started anymore.

 

Back to reading "major breaking news" about Bret's WWE return, I guess.

[Guest Nater]

Stick Mordechai with a pitchfork and call him done. Undertaker must be mighty hungry since Wrestlemania.

 

Haas is in the limbo world of hurt, oh what a topsy-turvy word it is when that feather-boa'ed lass is ignoring the prettiest boy at the dance!!!

[Guest FrigidSoul]

Unbelievable that this was moved.

 

It's one of the few decent threads I see started anymore.

You act as if it was deleted. It was merely moved to the proper place. The only real problem I've seen and stated about the WWE folder is that people treat it like an old garage throwing everything in there. This is a column within a post, so it got moved to the Columns portion of the board. No big deal.

[chaosrage 0]

Unbelievable that this was moved.

 

It's one of the few decent threads I see started anymore.

You act as if it was deleted. It was merely moved to the proper place. The only real problem I've seen and stated about the WWE folder is that people treat it like an old garage throwing everything in there. This is a column within a post, so it got moved to the Columns portion of the board. No big deal.

Dean is not Ib. You just don't move his posts.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

I... still don't "get" Dean.

I'm like the wind, daddy!

 

(And this is Dames and his mods board. They can move anything they want and it's perfectly fine with me.)

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Dames was perfectly fine with it before (or else he would have moved it), your post doesn't belong here - it belongs where it can be seen by the most people (the WWE Folder). You offer a different - and much needed - perspective on wrestling, DEAN, and even though they don't welcome you over at TOA, you should be welcomed here dammit. We don't need no Frigidank Soulett gettin in the way. But if you are fine with it and will continue to post it here, that's cool.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

Its really not a huge deal. I just put the column in the columns folder. He can be the king of your Columns forum. Either way I need to go change the Hardcore Discussion urinal cakes *lumbers off*

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

Dames was perfectly fine with it before (or else he would have moved it), your post doesn't belong here - it belongs where it can be seen by the most people (the WWE Folder). You offer a different - and much needed - perspective on wrestling, DEAN, and even though they don't welcome you over at TOA, you should be welcomed here dammit. We don't need no Frigidank Soulett gettin in the way. But if you are fine with it and will continue to post it here, that's cool.

It'll be here from now on. It's absolutely fine with me. It's probably better that less people experience my bizarre obsession with the burgeoning Rico/Charlie Haas relationship and the built-in ratings bonanza therein.

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

I think it is a pretty big deal (relatively speaking, of course). I'm a FS-fan and all, but your job -at least as I see it, and you can correct me if I am wrong -isn't to move threads like this. It has nothing to do with content, in fact. There are people who have been specifically chosen to do that - 3 of them, actually. And they have chosen not to move the Smackdown Workrate Report. Your job is to get rid of useless accounts, not to govern the board. It is a technical job, and should be treated as such. I don't see other Admin doing things like that because the mods do. Those two areas should be kept separate - you each make the board run smoothly in your own ways, and they shouldn't cross each other. It sets up a nasty precident.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

*blushes as RRR says he's an FS fan* Oh you <3

 

When they give me the Admin/Mod title I'm basically a big'ol janitor. I've still gotta go through things to see what other gimmik/dead accounts should be purged but that's another area.

 

I asked if this thread should be moved over to the Columns thing and was told to go ahead, since its a column. I then went ahead and did so. Just to tidy things up and get everything where they should be. Quite frankly if they had more writers like Dean placing his stuff in this folder it would liven it up. You don't want to see dead forums because then you can't really justify having them on the site the way I see things.

 

Not to mention I'm sure the staff will now be reading this forum more often to see who's doing what for writing since they want to once again have the writers involved. This in turn could lead to fresh writers for the site, and who knows...maybe Dean would get put up there.

 

In a way his resume was put on the manager's desk instead of getting lost in the shuffle of the TPS reports(I'm an Office Space mark...what can I say?)

 

I would never overstep my bounds though when trusted with the keys. Its nice to know I'm trusted and I wouldn't go about doing anything negative to burn the bridges I've created with the staff here(since a good portion of them I consider friends).

[RavishingRickRudo 0]

Aight, as long as you asked first before doing... unless you asked Dr. Tom...

 

*marks for TPS report reference*

[Guest wildpegasus]

Keep Dean in the WWE folder. He's a good guy, that Dean.

[Guest FrigidSoul]

*goes off with RRR and LotC to a vacant field and proceeds to destroy the TSM Fax Machine*

[Sass 0]

Everything is fixed folks.

 

FS is now going to be dipped head first into acid as we speak.

 

::prepares drop rope::