Dr. Tom's Smackdown! Report

[Guest TSMAdmin]

WWE SMACKDOWN! 9/19/02

 

Last Thursday, the commitment ceremony went horribly awry.

 

On tape from the World Arena (seating capacity: 6,200,000,000) in Colorado Springs, this is WWE Smackdown! for 9/19/02. Your hosts are Michael Cole and Taz(z).

 

Mixed Tag Match: Torrie Wilson and Rey Mysterio vs. Jamie Noble and Nidia. May I just say that Torrie is FINE~! Nidia and Torrie start with a brief catfight, which ends with Torrie laying in the chops. She gets a neckbreaker for 2, but misses a charge that allows Nidia to suplex her for 2. The menfolk come in, and Rey springboards into a leap at Noble. He headscissors Noble into the buckle over a corner reversal. Noble comes back with a military press for 2. Rey gets a very unique handspring bulldog for 2, as Nidia saves. He does some things that are difficult to describe. Rey chases Nidia, and you know what happens. Torrie saves back in the ring, so Noble menaces her. Rey plays White Knight with a dropkick. Torrie clotheslines Nidia in the corner and does a Bronco Buster. Noble climbs in and insists on taking a Torrie Bronco Buster, too. Hey, I’ll fight to be at the front of the line if she’s giving them out. Rey gives him one instead, and follows that with the 619. Noble ducks the West Coast Pop, but Rey turns what started as a victory roll into a sunset flip powerbomb for the win at 4:13. He flipped Noble over completely on that one, too – another impressive move by Rey that I don’t have a name for and probably can’t do justice to with my description. Fun match, made much more watchable by the derring-do of a certain masked man. 4/10

 

Meanwhile, The Reverend D’Von Damn Dudley and Stephanie McMahon argue over Batista’s employment. Paul E. Dangerously comes in next and informs Steph that he’s hired security for Brock Lesnarberg. Steph uses the latest happenings in the ridiculous pregnancy angle to say that’s a good idea.

 

Stephanie hits the ring and reminds us that screwing with a McMahon earns you a kick in the junk. Well, no wonder Vince put all his competition out of business. She airs the footage of Easy Eric Bischoff getting dismantled on Monday. The stipulations for the Island Boys vs. Billy and Chuck match are next on the clip parade. Anyone who thinks Stephanie’s going to do a little “experimenting” in the ring just hasn’t been watching long enough. Steph brings Billy and Chuck out, and Billy leads off with some boring questions about which of two ways his future will go. You can fill in the double entendres, I’m sure. Who wrote this promo, a seventh-grader? Billy finally breaks out the two words that got him over in the first place, which causes Kurt Angle to come out. Angle tells them how bad their publicity stunt was compared to his gold-medal performance. Chuck reminds Angle what the crowd shouts at him, but Angle says he’s not gay. Gay people love him, in fact, because he’s adorable. Well, that’s a little more than I needed to know. Angle lays down the challenge, so we get Billy and Chuck vs. Angle and Chris Benoit later. Angle objects, and has more problems with innuendo in his speech again. At least he’s not talking about twelve year-olds this week.

 

Meanwhile, Paul and Brock discover the security team won’t take him to the ring.

 

Nontitle Match: Brock Lesnarberg vs. John Cena. Brock tosses Cena around and pounds him down. Belly-to-belly sets up more exciting pounding. Brock hits the half-hour suplex, then grabs a bearhug on the mat from behind. Cena finally makes the ropes, after about half the crowd falls asleep, so Brock drags him back to center and slaps it on again. There goes the rest of the crowd. Man, I sure am tired all of a sudden ... Cena tries to elbow out, only to take a back suplex for his troubles. Brock gutbusters him twice, but Cena rallies with a little bit of jobber offense. He goes for a crucifix, but Brock pulls him into the F5 to mercy-kill this cure for insomnia at 5:52. Three minutes of bear hugging is almost three minutes too long. Very boring squash, and definitely a step backwards after Brock’s recent outings. 1/10

 

Rikishi’s segment from “Confidential” airs in brief.

 

The Undertaker gets a new “Desire” video.

 

Meanwhile, Eddy and Chavo Guerrero discuss the benefits of showering, and teaching respect to uppity Canadians.

 

Tag Match: Edge and Rikishi vs. La Familia Guerrero. Rikishi and Chavo start. Rikishi beats on both Guerreros before Edge tags in and clotheslines Chavo. He backdrops Chavo and faceplants him, but gets tossed. Eddie misses a chairshot on the floor, but Chavo’s baseball slide allows Eddy to beat on Edge outside. Back in, Chavo stomps away on Edge in the corner, then draws the ref away with him so Eddy can choke out Edge. The ref makes Eddy grab the tag rope, which is the first time I’ve seen them used in ages. I always liked the idea of the tag ropes. Rikishi’s holding his, too, in case you were curious. Chavo suplexes Edge, and Eddy slingshots in for 2. Edge gets a powerslam out of nowhere, but is quickly double-teamed. Eddy goes for a tornado DDT, but Edge throws him off, setting up tags all around. Rikishi cleans house, destroying the Guerreros with a double clothesline and a double suplex. He does the fatass splash to both, and selects Chavo as the “lucky” recipient of a Stinkface. Chavo grabs a video camera after he bails. Edge takes Eddy out, and Chavo pastes Rikishi with the camera for the win at 5:34. Cheat to win, baby! Thoroughly average match, but good enough for government work. 4/10. After the bell, Edge spears Chavo, only to turn around into a chairshot from Eddy. Edge adds a respectable bladejob.

 

Mattitude vs. The Hurricane. Matt talks down to Hurricane before the match, as the crowd chants for Jeff. Well, there’s just no accounting for taste. I’m not really a fan of either Hardy (though I do like Matt’s new gimmick so far), but I’d rather watch Matt 100 times before I see Jeff once. For the latest example, I submit the Raw main event this past Monday. Matt tosses Helms down and poses. Hurricane rolls up Matt off a hiptoss try for 2. Helms tries to work in a pose, but Matt shows his superhero envy by slugging him down. Helms takes Matt down and pounds him, then comes down with a crossbody for 2. Matt elbows out of the Hurri-chokeslam and hits a neckbreaker for 2. Matt pounds Hurricane in the corner, only to catch a bodyblock off the ropes. Matt hangs Hurricane and goes for the Twist of Fate, but Helms shoves out and hits a neckbreaker. Both men are down, and Helms is the first to get back on the offense. Clothesline sets up the second-rope neckbreaker for 2. Matt boots Hurricane on a charge, but he misses the second-rope legdrop. Hurricane gets the Shining Wizard, but only for 2, since we’re on the wrong side of the Pacific. Side Effect gets 2 for Matt, and Helms counters with the Eye of the Hurricane for 2. He goes up for an axehandle,but Matt decks him on the way down. Hurricane goes for a backslide, but Matt lowblows him and finishes with the Twist of Fate at 5:55. Pretty energetic match that picked up the pace a notch near the end. 6/10

 

Chris Benoit gets the “Desire” treatment.

 

After the break, Paul convinces Brock to leave, then outsmarts himself into staying.

 

Meanwhile, Angle and Benoit bicker before the main event.

 

Main Event, Tag Match: Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit vs. Billy and Chuck. Benoit and Chuck start. Benoit throws a few knees before Chuck takes him down with an overhead suplex. Angle laughs about it on the apron, so Benoit gives him a nice, hard tag across the chest. Chuck hiptosses Angle, but eats an elbow off the ropes. Billy comes in and clothesline Angle, setting up a Tilt-a-Whirl slam for 2. Billy dumps Angle out, only to run into a Benoit clothesline on the floor. Angle puts the boots to Billy in the ring, and suplexes him for 2. Benoit comes in and hits the trio of Germans. Billy looks like deadweight after the first one; he’s barely cooperating enough to get in position for the next 2. Angle comes in and hits his own trio of Germans, and covers for 2. One-upsmanship rules. Billy fights out of a facelock, only to take a belly-to-belly throw. Kurt goes for the Olympic Slam, but Billy counters it with the One And Only, leaving them both down. Both men tag out, and Chuck goes into house afire mode on Benoit. He powerslams Benoit, but Angle takes him down with an Olympic Slam. Billy hits the Fameasser on Angle, then takes a German from Benoit. Chuck takes Benoit down with the overhead belly-to-belly. Chuck goes to kick Angle, but Kurt turns it into an Anglelock. Benoit punks him out, though, and slaps on the Crossface. Billy makes the save and tosses Angle. He whips Benoit into a Jungle Kick from Chuck, and that gets the pin at 6:57. A little brief for a main event, but this was certainly a solid match. Billy and Chuck haven’t looked so good in the ring in a while, which should be no surprise, considering their opposition. 6/10. After the bell, Angle gives Benoit the Olympic Slam and applies an Anglelock. The refs break it up, but Angle puts it on again. Benoit rolls thru it, though, and turns it into a Crippler Crossface. GREAT counter, but I wish they would have saved something like that for the PPV. It’s not like the Angle-Benoit match won’t steal the show, but a nifty move like that should be unveiled when it’s actually important.

 

Meanwhile, The Undertaker has arrived. Since it’s only 9:50, it’s obvious the main event is getting trumped for PPV hype.

 

Taker (with no bike) makes his way to the ring. He makes sure everyone knows it’s personal before calling Brock out. Here comes Brock, despite the protests of Heyman. Brock finally shoves Heyman down and climbs into the ring. Brock rams UT into the corner, but UT is all like, "No POBO!" (thanks, Kotzen) and answers with a flurry of body blows. Heyman waves for Matt Hardy, who goes right after UT, to disastrous results. Brock and Heyman beat a hasty retreat. Taker follows them backstage, only to be held at bay by the “security police” until Brock and Paul flee in a police car. Taker looks severely frustrated as we fade to black.

 

The breakdown:

 

The Good: Every match except Brock/Cena was at least average. Matt Hardy and Hurricane had a fun match, and even the mixed tag match was a pretty solid and fun affair.

 

The Bad: I will always hold the paltry total of five matches against a show, though. They can all be world-beaters, but if you can’t get at least six matches into a two-hour block of time, you’d better get some time-management skills and look at the segments that are shoving the matches aside. Do we really need three “Desire” videos in one night? Do the GMs really have to waste time bickering at each other, just to accept a set of stipulations we all knew would be accepted anyway? As much as I liked the wrestling on the whole, I disliked the rest of the show for spinning its wheels and wasting my time.

 

The Ugly: Nothing here, really.

 

Overall: What if they gave a PPV, and nobody watched? There was very little hard selling for Unforgiven this week, on either show. Maybe they’re expecting it to tank, but not hyping it well certainly won’t help anything. As for tonight, too much talking and too many throwaway segments ruined what was a decent night of wrestling, and what could have been a good episode of Smackdown! 4/10

 

Dr. Tom

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