Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 6, 2009 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We swing into the OAOAST arena COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole, sitting alongside ESPN and OAOAST star Johnathan Coachman! What a wild night we had at Angleslam with our controversial world title ending and a mainevent so wild it hasn't even been seen by a single soul! And right now we'd like to thank all of our great fans in Puerto Rico for coming out and joining us at AngleSlam. We had a great time in the sunny surroundings of San Juan and will be back for live arena dates in January 2009, more information on tickets available at OAOAST.com. And the OAOAST television cameras will be back in... hang on, what? Cole's shilling is brought to an end, as LEON RODEZ appears walking past the side of the ring. COLE Oh great. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Making his way over to the timekeeper's table, The Fallen Idol motions for somebody to give him a microphone. After staring down Cole and Coach and making sure he's got complete quiet, Leon stands scowling into the camera, LEON I'm sure you're all expecting me to come out here tonight and beg, plead for another shot at the OAOAST World Title. Infact that's probably what you're hoping for. To see me humbled and denigrated? "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" LEON Well you're going to have to find some other lab rat to draw your sick pleasure from. Because as it turns out, I don't need to beg. And I don't need to plead. Your World Champion has already done that for me. Seems she wants another match with me. The champion desperate to face her challenger. What a novel concept. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" Shouted down by the chants, Leon is forced to pause, looking out of the corner of his eye at the fans. LEON As someone who's spent years of his life living as a glutton for punishment, I know your pain Krista. Unfortunately, it's not the pain I want you to feel. It's not the pain you deserve to feel. The pain your deserve to feel was the pain you felt when I took that steel chair... Reaching out, Leon unfolds a chair, holding it up with a hand. LEON ...and I jammed the edge right into your esophagus. That was the pain of all of your words and all of your insults you've dished out over the years clogging up your throat, leaving you gasping for every last waste of breath you consume. See, Sunday night, I only got half of what I wanted. I didn't get back what you stole from me. But I gave you a taste of my pain. So if you want another match with me so bad, so badly want 'revenge', a lopsided honour system if I ever saw one. If that's what you want, you've got it. But it'll be on my terms. Leon puts the chair aside. LEON You see, all these weeks since my eyes finally opened to the world around me, I've been called a lot of things. Mainly by people who's eyes I was opened too. I've been called 'troubled'. 'Changed'. 'A loner'. Apparantly, my view on the world isn't popular. Unshared. But this? I'm FAR from the only one who feels the way I do at this moment, Krista. Sometimes, we all reap what we sow in this life. Those who are victims are so because they bring it on themselves by letting it happen. Those who are successful bring it on themselves, by stepping on people too stupid to realise they're victims. Like I used to be. And those who are hated are hated for a reason. All these years of domination, Krista. All these years of stepping on people. You've got a lot to show for it. Money. Fame. Accolades. A beautiful house... two beautiful daughters... a beautiful partner... and behind those curtains, a slew of enemies. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" LEON We all have enemies in this business. Every person in that locker room is hunting you down because you're the World Champion. But I'm not talking about that. There's so many people who simply want to see you suffer for the damage you've caused to their lives and their careers. These fans might love you. But behind those cheers, you are despised by so many. And you've brought it all on yourself. Years and years of "being Krista". That sooner or later was always going to catch up on you. Leon's eyes narrow, almost able to manage a smile. LEON Krista, I want you to think. Think of all the people you've hurt in your career. Think of all the times you've embarrassed someone. Think of all the times that you've lead all of these sick sheep in one of your little witchhunts, pitchforks in hand, laughing and goading and spitting on somebody and only stopping when you've completely broken their spirit!! Think about them! Because at Zero Hour, when you defend your World Title against me again, that ring is going to be surrounded by all of those people who you've made enemies of. All those people who want to see you broken, just like I do. They're all going to be there. Because if you really want another match with me, it's going to be a Lumberjack Match. And I'm going to handpick all the lumberjacks. And I'll only chose those who have the same need and desire to watch your career and your hold over these fans DIE in front of our very eyes. Only those who hate you the most are going to be waiting for you if you step so much as a foot out of that ring. And I'll bet there's going to be a LONG queue of people lined up to be there. Because at Zero Hour, I will take your title. I will inflict my pain. And then the time will come for you to answer for all the wrongs you've commited. I don't believe in a heaven anymore... but I believe in a hell... because I'm going to drag you there and watch you burn myself! Dropping the microphone, Leon looks around at the booing crowd, before stalking off. COLE Wow. We thought we hadn't seen the last of Leon and Krista... and how right we were. But after hearing that, Krista's days as the Krista we've come to know may well be numbered. Backstage we find Leon's companion Morgan Nerdly leaning against a wall and watching Leon's promo. Suddenly a young boy and a young girl come up and approach her. B Miss, miss, can we have your autograph? MORGAN My autograph? Yeah…I guess so. Are you going to use it to commit credit card fraud? GIRL No. MORGAN Well you should. Morgan quickly scribbles her name down on the papers. MORGAN So, how did two little kids sneak backstage? GIRL We didn’t sneak! BOY Our dad’s a maintenance man. MORGAN Oooooooh. Um, maybe I can ask you two a question. What if you were playing in the playground in the sandbox with a toy truck. And then another kid steals your truck right out your hands. Would you try to get it back? BOY Sure! MORGAN Okay. Then what if there was another girl who didn’t like you, and tried to help the girl that stole your truck. Is it wrong to try and stop her? GIRL Hmmmm. MORGAN What if you hurt her, and then the teacher comes. You’re afraid of her, so you kick her in the shin. Then more teachers come and a recesses lady comes, and they all mean to hurt you. Then the principal comes, and you’re freaking out, you don’t know what she’s going to do? She loves the other girl more than she’d ever like you, and she wants to see you hurt. Now you’ve got another enemey after waves and waves came at you, and they all wanted to hurt you. You’d attack the principal, you’d protect yourself. Its not even about the truck anymore, its about saving yourself. Did do you do something….wrong like everyone says you did? BOY Daddy says to keep our hands to herself. GIRL I would say sorry, because if I didn’t I’d go a week without desert. MORGAN I can’t go without my Cookies and Cream Ice Cream. The kids' share a laugh. But their merriment is brought to a halt by VICE walking in on the conversation. BOSLEY Scram, runts! Fearful of the AMOG, the kids make a speed retreat. CPA What are you gonna do? MORGAN I don’t know. CPA Did you ask Leon? MORGAN I did but he….he…its not important. CPA Figures. MORGAN I just....I wanna be left alone right now. Not getting the obvious hint, Bosley prepares another of one of his outlandish diatribe BOSLEY What you did wasn’t nothing. I'm used to shit like this, used to the haters, son. Been holding down the block with my 18 inch biceps cut like diamonds since I was 16. Not only are my muscles big but they've got more layers of fibras n shit than other peoples. Just the other day my man J-Bomb thought he was cokcy shit since hes pretty damn jacked too put he aint got shit on me. We set up some weights in my backyard, topless in this weather, real man shit here son, no time for pussy assed health spas, I schooled his ass, should have seen his eyes, couldnyt believe the kinda shit I was lifting. Boy got mad and huffed off like a homo, and I say fuck him more beer for me. Half n hour later he comes back with some black dudes, no dis to you Chris, and some fuckin cholos fresh from the border. I didn’t even wait for an invite. I brought the heat to him, with my dexterous marital art discipline Bosjitsu. I was like out the Matrix, ducking, dodgig, throwin lethal weapons left and right. 2 minutes later my grass was stained red from all the blood I shed. I didn't give a shit. I went inside had me some pancakes called over the hoes and did it all night long while those pussies lied near dead in the grass. The AMOG slaps CPA on the back and lets out a hearty roar for his inane and insane tale. MORGAN I guess I’m on my own. Like always. 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Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 6, 2009 Happy boys and happy girls, will be We are the happy boys and girls Happy boys and happy girls, will be So happy, yeah! so, so happy, yeah! Images of All The Queens men dubious antics flare onto the video screens as Aqua's "Happy Boys and Happy Girls" welcome out The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. Uprising is the only thing to welcome the threesome as the audience dumps a heaping of hatred on the group. Nothing can stop Queen Esther’s joy, however, as she curtsies to the crowd in her gawdy bejeweled white gown. Rico De Janerio is attired in a green and yellow fur coat that is every bit as ugly as it sounds. Much like Esther he doesn’t care about the fans’ anger, and merely strokes his pornstache for good luck. Lucius Soul, holding a white mask in one hand, pats Rico on the back and psyches him up with promises of a grand victory. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of fifteen minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Rio De Janerio, Brazil, he weighes in at 228 pounds, he is The White Knight….RICO DE JANERIO! Upon reaching the ring, Rico takes the mask from Soul and places it over his face. COLE What the heck? Giggling with a girlish glee all her own, Queen Esther slides into a seat at sofa central. Cole is the one most bothered by her arrival as her large, flowing gown threatens to force him out his seat. QUEEN ESTHER Hi all! Greetings! COLE Don’t you have video tapes to burn, mother Russia? QUEEN ESTHER Not today, because the good guys are winning! BUFFER And the opponent, from the Everglades he weighs in at 246 pounds he is Outhouse Jack! Jack waves a hunting knife at near by children and foams uncontrollably at the mouth. Good man that Outhouse Jack, good man, indeed. DING DING DING Immediately the two rather hairy gentlemen step into each other for a lockup. They tussle and struggle over the hold until Outhouse is able to surprise Rico with an arm drag. Rico quickly gets back to his feet, but rather than engage in the fight he begs off the sloppy wrestler. COLE A bit of a yellow tail on your knight, Queen? QUEEN ESTHER I don’t see any tail! What tail? Has he been a victim of witchcraft?! Rico hangs back in the corner, rubbing his hands against his thick white mask in order to make sure its properly secured. COLE Why is he wearing that thing anyway? QUEEN ESTHER To protect his handsome chiseled and manly features! COLE He’s not even that handsome! We’re talking Rico here, not Tyler Bryant or Spencer Reiger. Rico! QUEEN ESTHER Oh no! I think you might be the one infected from witchcraft, that’s why you’re always grumpy and mean and you have no friends. COLE I have my teddy bear Mister Fubsy. “Come awwwwwwn, hoss!” Outhouse Jack shouts at Rico. Not especially thrilled with being yelled at by a simple hillbilly Rico runs forward and plants his knee into Jack’s flabby stomach. The redneck foolishly tries to fight back by slugging Rico in the face, but only does damage to his hand when it meets the hard mask. COACH Outhouse is as stupid as he looks! COLE Aren’t you going to yell at Coach for being mean? QUEEN ESTHER No, because he is as stupid as he looks! Rico torments Outhouse Jack with European uppercuts that get excited cheers from Soul. He then shoves the blubbery jobber into a corner and proceeds to blast him in the face with stiff elbow strikes. QUEEN ESTHER I’ve decided to donate my half of the winner’s pot to my favorite children’s charity, Lucius Soul’s little wonders. COLE You fell for that?! Lucius Soul doesn’t have a charity, Lucius Soul doesn’t even have a soul! QUEEN ESTHER There goes old grumpy bear, grumping it up with his evil spirit. Rico pulls Outhouse away from the corner and attempts an irish whip. But Outhouse reverses it and brings Rico in close for a short armed belly bump! Rico becomes the receiving end for several punches from the rotund grappler. Leaving Rico stunned, Outhouse runs to the ropes. He lumbers back at The Brazilian but is left laying by a lariat. “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!” QUEEN ESTHER Humming song, humming song, I’m singing the humming song, so I can’t hear you when you talk, humming song, humming song, gosh I love the humming song. Rico stomps away at Outhouse Jack with his black leather boots. He then grabs him off the canvas and shoots him into the ropes. As Outhouse Jack returns, Rico puts him on the ground with a raised boot. The South American celebrates by raising his arms and tipping his hand to Lucius. “Yo, you got this one, baby, put this ass muppet away!” Lucius shouts. COLE Ass muppet? And he owns a children’s charity? QUEEN ESTHER I hear its wonderful! They have scavenger hunts, egg painting, and they ride camels also. COLE Camel riding? In New Orleans? Rico throws himself to the ropes and comes back to strike Outhouse under the chin with The Hand Of God! Outhouse Jack tumbles to the canvas, landing with a thud that rocks the ring right down to its very core. COLE What an uppercut! COACH It’s the hand of god, baby. A pin is made…. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING DING DING Rico celebrates with a removal of his mask, in order to show off his legendary pornstache to the booing audience. Queen Esther immediately runs to Soul and hugs him with exuberance and delight. BUFFER The winner as a result of a pinfall….RICO DE JANERIO! COLE A fine outing for the now unmasked Rico, and he didn’t harm a hair on his pretty widdle head. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 6, 2009 Returning from break we find OAOAST Women's Champion Morgan Nerdly in the ring holding a microphone. She looks nervous and unsure, as if she could run away from this situation at any moment. MORGAN Hello, is this on? Oh I guess it is. Ummmmm….a few days ago I did something that I thought was right. I was only trying to protect myself, but I guess I took it too far, because that’s what everyone keeps saying. They mostly say it behind my back, they get quiet when I walk by, but they don’t know I can hear them. They call me a childlike sociopath. Some of them say they don’t feel safe with me around. What they don’t know is that I was protecting myself from people like them. But, I apparently hurt some people. A lot of people. COLE She’s quite correct. MORGAN I don’t know what to say, but I guess sorry is a good start. I’m just getting used to being around people. To the people I hurt, I’m sorry. I think I am. Just, please don’t try and hurt me again. I can’t promise you I won’t do it all over again. Sorry. One person I want to say sorry to the most is Lorelei DeCenzo. "BOOOOOOOOOOO!" MORGAN Lorelei was my friend, and I hurt her. I've hurt her twice and I don't know if I won't hurt her again. But I'm sorry. I'm sorry to everyone. I'm supposed to be sorry, aren't I? That's the "right" thing to be. I...I...want to do what's right. JOSIE (OS) Oh no, oh no, oh no. You’re not getting off that easy, girl! Morgan's eyes now burn with anger as she sees Josie appear on the entrance stage. MORGAN What do you want? Josie power walks down the entrance ramp, pointing an accusatory finger at Morgan. JOSIE What I want is your resignation on my desk by the end of the show! But my bet is you won’t grant me that pleasure. In exchange I’ll take your title. The fans are puzzled and so is Morgan as she watches Josie enter the OAOAST ring. COLE Is Josie challenging Morgan for the women’s title? JOSIE I don’t believe a word of what you just said. MORGAN I guess that's your right bu I’m being serious. JOSIE Even if you were, sorry just doesn’t do it for me. Nope. Your words are wasted on me so save em. These people might think an apology is sufficient, but I sure as hell don’t. And as far as your concerned my belief is the only thing that matters. You left referee after referee laying in misery. I have complaints from the referee's union flooding my phone lines. You put that shit on me? Unbelievable! You owe me more than an apology you owe me the time I've been chewed out and yelled at by angry referees and enraged union officials. But, that's just the least of my problems with you, child. More importantly you gave me a Shock and Awe. COACH We knew it would come down to that. MORGAN I said sorry! JOSIE I said I don’t care, you little witch. You hear me? I don’t care! I'm not one of your sisters you can terrorize. I'm the boss, second behind only Anglesault. I've got the power and I'm not to be messed with! You laid your hands on me and you sealed your fate. You’re going to be paying for that mistake for a long time to come, Nerdly, a long time to come. You can start your first payment with your OAOAST Women’s title. MORGAN What do you mean? JOSIE As if you don’t know exactly what I mean. You’re a smart girl, figure it out. MORGAN I’m being stripped of my title? No fair! I just won it…after you did everything you could to try and stop me from hurting your precious Sophie. JOSIE I don’t care if you walked on water and parted the red seas, your belt is no longer your belt. Got that? The women's title is mine all the way up to Zero Hour. On that night the people in Pittsburgh, official home of the OAOAST, will see a six woman scramble match- COLE Big announcement! JOSIE Whoever walks out of that ring after twenty minutes are up, well, they’ll have the pleasure of wearing your belt. Morgan grumbles to herself JOSIE Now if you’re lucky I could be persuaded to possibly allow you entry. We’ll see how your behavior is. But my guess is you're going to be on the outside looking for a very long time. Heehehehe. MORGAN No fair! You can’t do this! JOSIE I can do whatever I damn well please. Maybe you’ve forgotten, but here’s a quick reminder that I’m one dishing out the paychecks. I’m the one making the matches, I’m the one in control and your crazy ass better learn that sooner than later. MORGAN (to herself) Oh boy. JOSIE Oh boy what? Your act is growing tired. I’m not going to tolerate any of this psycho babble shit for much longer. If you continue the way you have been it won’t be long before you find yourself heading back to Edmonton with a pink slip in hand. I bet there will be a great bidding war between all the mental hospitals to sign you up. COLE Now that wasn't called for. MORGAN You’re making a big mistake. Josie frowns and stares Morgan dead in her cold blue eyes. JOSIE The only mistake I know of is standing right in front of me. SHOCK AND AWE (FU) on Josie ! “OHHHHHHHH” COLE Oh my! Oh my! Morgan looks down with a typically empty and unfeeling expression aimed towards the fallen HeldDOWN boss. MORGAN A big mistake. "This Is How I Disappear" fires back up, escorting Morgan from a ring that paramedics flood into. COLE For the second OAOAST show in a row Morgan has decimated Josie Baker with the Shock and Awe! COACH Once again Josie had it coming. I don't care who you are, if you say the things Josie said to someone, you gonna get that ass beat. Ain't no human just gonna let you pop off like that without some mean consequences. COLE I will agree Josie let her emotions and rage take it too far, but it may be Morgan paying the steepest price of all. COACH Now we see why Morgan is the way she is. She tries to apologize, says she wants to do the right thing and all she gets back is shit in return. COLE For once I believe we're in agreement, but Josie Baker may have other ideas. Folks, we'll return with The Last Kings of Scotland in action! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 6, 2009 CUE: “Living in America” by James Brown BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, from the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave… LIBERTY and FREEDOM… THE ALL-AMERICAN BOYS!! The guys wave miniature American flags. COLE Always great to see the All-American Boys, two men you’d like your kids to look up to. COACH That sounds a little creepy coming from you, Cole. COLE Let’s not beat that dead horse. COACH Luckily for you, I’m not into that kind of thing. CUE: “Protect Your Mind (2009)” by DJ Sakin & Friends BUFFER And their opponents, led down the aisle by QUEEN ESTHER… Europe’s finest athletes, at a total combine weight of 430 pounds… DANNY BOY and SCOTTISH SCOTT… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Queen Esther back again, in a very good mood now that she doesn't have tapes to confiscate for no reason with Rico's win over Outhouse Jack. The Last Kings complete the Bushwhackers march around ringside, then beat the piss out of the All-American Boys. * DINGDINGDING * Scott hammers Liberty and Freedom with THE SCOTTISH CLUB, a double axe handle blow to the chest. COLE I’m being told there’s a commotion backstage. We’ll keep you updated on that. Meanwhile, the Last Kings of Scotland are dominating the All-American Boys. Danny Boy delivers a PUMPHANDLE FALLAWAY SLAM on Liberty, then he and Scott squash Freedom with THE HIGHLAND FAREWELL!! COACH You can put this one in the books, Cole. It’s over. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners… SCOTTISH SCOTT and DANNY BOY… THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Believing the cheers are for her and the Last Kings, Queen Esther waves to the people only to find out the ovation is really for SIMON SINGLETON and NED BLANCHARD, THE ORANGE COUNTY COBRAS!!! QUEEN ESTHER COACH Simon and Ned must’ve been the cause of that commotion backstage, Cole. COLE And we know why. Simon and Ned haven’t forgotten about what the Last Kings of Scotland did to them a few weeks ago. Simon and Ned get a few licks in before the Last Kings hightail it. COLE I’m sure we haven’t heard the last of this. THIS WEEK ON SYNDICATED (hopefully) LOGAN MANN Vs TYLER BRYANT BOHEMOTH IN ACTION THUNDERKID DEFENDS HIS US TITLE! THIS WEEK! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 6, 2009 ANGLESLAM: THE ENCORE PRESENTATION SHILL BRANNIGAN Hi again, everyone. This hastily put together ANGLESLAM SHILL is brought to you by the encore presentation available all this weekend on pay-per-view. And what a night it was this past Sunday night in San Juan, Puerto Rico. Quite possibly the greatest Angleslam event in OAOAST history. One of the reasons why: the tag title match between the LDC Moneygang/Team Heyross. Like their AngleMania encounter, it was all-time classic only it came with some controversy. Here now comments from the LDC Moneygang recorded minutes after their match. OAOAST cameras follow the LDCMG inside THE ENTERPRISE dressing room. REIGER Did you see that?! Theodore Moneymaker rises from his seat, a CELLPHONE in hand. MONEYMAKER I’m on the phone with our lawyers. CMJ Tell em ta find a way ta get the belts 'round ah *BEEP* waists, eh Theo. *BEEP* referees, those chowda heads are full of crahp REIGER Yeah, they should be ours right now. I had Moss pinned 1-2-3. What’s that senile old fool Clem Buzzlefoxer doing looking at my shoulders anyway? Is he some kind of pervert? LORELEI That man needs an appointment with Dr. Conrad Murray. CMJ (spots cameraman) Are ya still fahllowing us? Get the * BLEEP * outta here! CMJ shoves the cameraman out and slams the door as we cut back to Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Whether the Enterprise likes it or not, senior official Clem Buzzlefoxer got the call right. A call they almost benefited from had Buzzlefoxer not seen the shoulders of Spencer Reiger were down. I would not be surprised if OAOAST officials sign a rematch in the near future. But folks, be sure to catch the encore presentation of Angleslam this week on pay-per-view. If you’ve seen it once, see it again! If you haven’t seen it yet, do so! ANGLESLAM THE ENCORE PRESENTATION ALL THIS WEEKEND ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 6, 2009 Pussycat Doll's "Top of the world" brings out massive cheers from the sold out audience as well as the beloved OAOAST World Champion. The fitness queen, clad in a white miniskirt and a black tank top shows off her shiny title belt. COLE Here comes the world champion, no doubt with something to say to Leon Rodez! Krista enters the ring, giving the crowd a nice view of her ten million dollar legs in the process. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" KRISTA Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! Leon Rodez, Leon Rodez. In the words of timeless poet, patriot, man of god, and wise elder of our tribe Flavor Flav “That Bitch Stupid like Hell”. “YEAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA I don’t quite know how to address our good friend's speech from earlier, of all the classes I took in college, “Interpersonal Relationship Conversation with deluded rambling psychopath” was not one of them. They’ll teach you useless crap like economics and math of all things, but they won’t teach you useless stuff like conversing with someone with the intelligence of a bum carrying around a jar of urine. What I would like to do with that metaphoric jar of urine, is un metaphor it smash it over Leon’s head, freeze the spilled contents and perform swan lake with his lungs as my ice skates on top of said frozen urine. Maybe you have other ideas of far fetched ways to torture Captain Insaneo, I don’t know. From what I’m able to decipher from Leon’s possibly crack influenced speech from earlier is that I’m a mean and nasty girl, and I treat people as though they were Christian Wright aka dog shit. Well, honey, of course I do, I have big boobs and a nice ass, I can do anything I damn well please in this country. “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” KRISTA Leonardo infers that I have quite a few enemies….enemies beyond Kelly Ripa, if you don’t want me to grab your ass don’t bend over in front of me when I’ve had six margaritas! I digress, as always. He says these enemies extend beyond Evangelical Christians, Devout Muslims, the KKK, the Nazi Youth Leauge, the Republican Party, my dad’s side of the family, and my entire third grade class, long story lots of lawsuits and a few lost eyeballs. He says my enemies go straight into there! Krista points to the back. KRISTA Not the videoscreen, its just a jumbled entanglement of wires and mircochips, that would be absurd if it was an enemy. No these enemies are right in the OAOAST Locker Room. “BOOOOOOOOO!” KRISTA Funny that’s the first thing I say when I come to work here. What Leon fails to tell you about good ol Auntie Krista is that she’s never ever in her life attacked someone who didn’t so richly deserve a new career of begging for change on the overpass. And speaking of if you do drive by Christian Wright out there throw him a ten cent piece or something. These so called innocent victims of my life altering character assassinating rampages have always, always provoked me somehow someway. A lot of people say I destroyed GPX’s career. Damn right I destroyed their career and I was happy to do so. You’d be pretty overjoyed to send them packing for wrestling for retards and base heads in community centers around the county if they attacked your girlfriend and left her for dead. Same with the Sooner Bruisers. I’m not the one who trapped Alix in a closet and proceeded to brutally beat on her. They did that, not me! Christian Wright? Again I’m not the one who started the whole thing, by publicly declaring me an “uncontrollable hooligan draped in Marylin Monroe's clothing” and unruly, disrespectful, flamboyant, and loud. And for that I highly recommend they, “like any woman who does not know her station, be slapped and smacked until the shroud of silence falls over them.” I wasn’t the one who insulted my youngest daughter and then attacked me with cutting shears, and tried to cut my head off. The Heavenly Rockers? Again, it wasn’t my idea to be hounded into becoming someone not named Jessica Alba’s sex slave. Theodore Moneymaker? Jesus just go buy the Moneymaker Vs Krista DVD if you wanna know the story of that novella. Bottom line is every life I have ruined, every career I have brought to crashing halt, is a result of someone trying to do the exact same to me! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” KRISTA For every life I bring down the Krista brand wrecking ball upon I bring a little touch of magic and I save a life. Here’s an example. Krista pulls out a letter. KRISTA “Dear Krista, my name is Tom and I’m 45 years old and from Topeka, Kansas. Your fitness videos have been a god send. Before I began watching them my life was a wreck, and my health was in shambles. You saved me. With my large weight gains my wife had begun to find me unattractive and repulsive. Then I found your videos and my life was changed. I no longer needed my wife. I had you. I’ve seen you in the sexiest white sports bra I’ve . I feel myself harden just looking at the DVD case. I imagine that sports bra comes off and I get to start kissing and licking your bar breasts…..” And that got creepy real fast, didn’t it. Krista shurgs her shoulders and tosses the letter overhead. KRISTA But, I don’t want to humiliate Leon. Nah, been there done that starred in that movie and wrote the sequel. Like, our precious Leon said, Miss Krista only wants revenge. After you jammed that chair into my neck, I got to thinking about all the things I’d love to shove into your throat. A switchblade, scissors, a machete, a kitchen knife, a steak knife, a saw, a chainsaw, an axe, steel rod of some sort, you get the point. But the only thing I need to shove is my world title in your face. And that is what will happen at Zero Hour no matter what miserable subhuman creatures you bring back from my past. Count on it. Krista pats her title on her shoulders and soaks up the applause of the crowd as we.... FADE OUT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
