Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 EARLIER TONIGHT Outside in the early evening air of Pheonix, Arizona we find ourselves in the parking lot. There, Megan Skye walks alongside a distinctly glum looking Landon Maddix who drags his feet, hands deep in the pockets of his designer jeans. With Landon so glum, Megan seems pretty tired of her man's mood as well and stops him before he can skulk into the arena. MEGAN Okay, look. We go in, you hold your head high. MADDIX I swear, if Moneymaker says one wor... MEGAN Head high. Okay? Trust me, you're not the only one who Krista's embarrassed around here. Strangely, that doesn't do anything to placate Landon. Wonder why. MEGAN Not that she embarrassed you, I just mean... look, you've got nothing to be ashamed of, I keep telling you this. Nothing's going to happen. It's just a regular night. No fuss, no nothing. MADDIX No big deal. MEGAN No big deal. With those assurances, Landon takes a deep breath and summons the cocky Cucaracha smile as he enters the arena... ...to a one-man welcoming party. BLONDE LANDON! Oh man I'm so glad to see you! Blonde hugs his mentor, who's cocky attitude drains away in a split second. MADDIX No big deal, huh? BLONDE What? Oh, nevermind that, welcome back! How are you? How are you feeling? You feeling good? You're looking good, that's a nice shirt, take it from somebody who knows. MADDIX I've felt better. Look, can we carry this little reunion on somewhere else. In our dressing room maybe? BLONDE Why? Look, if you're worried about what people are going to say about AngleSlam, forget it. You don't need to listen to anyone. You're still the only man to win both the OAOAST and SWF World Championships, no matter who beats you! Even if you never win another match again in your life you'll always have that! And Krista'll never be able to say that. I mean, I know you're booking her for Genesis and all so if you keep booking her there's a chance she'll end up winning your title... but, she's not a man, so my point stands. She's just a woman. MADDIX Just a woman, huh? Well, that's a relief. BLONDE Well you know what I mean. She's nothing compared to La Cucaracha. You're a true success story in professional wrestling. You don't need the fame and fortune she's got! MADDIX Look, I'll level with you J, you keep digging at this hole you're creating much more and you'll end up in China. Quit while you're behind, okay? I got beat by a girl and lost out on money, on a World Title shot, on a better future for my company. Everything. I get it. I'm embarrassed. Right now, I just want to keep my head down and get on with things. But Krista'll be dealt with in time. BLONDE Gee, are you sure that's a good idea? She kinda beats everybody she wrestles, you know. Landon scowls at his annoying understudy. MADDIX Really? I hadn't noticed. BLONDE Well, she does, you only have to loo... MEGAN (desperately interrupting) What Landon means, James, is that there's ways of dealing with her and gaining some measure of revenge. Besides facing her one on one again. Like, for example, me being on opposite sides of a match with her daughter tonight. We send a message to Krista through her. No risk of anyone losing to Krista at all that way. Landon now scowls at Megan, incredulously. BLONDE Listen, I've got just the thing to cheer you up. I've got a match tonight with that English Eminem, Jamie O'Hara and I'm going to dedicate my victory tonight to you. To you! We're going to get Cucaracha Internacional back on track, starting tonight! MADDIX Where've I heard that before? MEGAN That's a nice gesture James, just ignore him. Continuing to grumble under his breath, Landon heads off with his head down and Megan in tow. Leaving JB in limbo, The Trendsetter giving Landon a thumbs up as he exits which goes unacknowledged. NOT INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES I SAW U PLAYIN POKEMON JOSH, U CAN GET GOT SON! PRESENTED IN HD Millions upon millions upon millions of viewers gather around the television set for HeldDOWN, as Ultimate Victory welcomes to the zaniest, funniest, and most offensive two hours on television! From the logo we scan through the Orpheum Theatre, usually home to classic opera or avant garde theatre, now its home to classically avant garde wrestling, though there's very little to indicate that besides a wrestling ring on the stage and a HeldDOWN~! banner draped across the balcony. At the side of the ring, as always in sofa central, is Double C. COACH Is this the real life- Is this just fantasy- Caught in a landslide- No escape from reality- Open your eyes Look up to the skies and see- Im just a poor boy,i need no sympathy- Because Im easy come,easy go, A little high,little low, Anyway the wind blows,doesnt really matter to me, To me COLE What are you doing? COACH We're in a theatre that hosts oprea so I'm operating. The verb form of opera. Operating. Doesn't your dumb ass read books? Doesn't your dumb ass watch PBS? I don't take too kindly to niggas that don't watch member supported public television. COLE I don't have time to be guilt tripped by you, that's why I have a mother who I've never given any grandchildren to. Folks we have one heck of a show tonight, with the women's champion Jade Rodez-Duncan in tag team action with Melody, Jade's mother in a posedown with Mister Dick, Baron Windells competing against Ned Blanchard, and in the mainevent Alfdogg facing Colombian Heat for the United States title... COACH The who and the what now? COLE The United States title. COACH I ain't familiar with that, son. Is that the nigga in the kilt? COLE No that's Scotish Scott or Danny Boy COACH Is it that little pale dude with the funny voice? COLE No, that's Jamie O'Hara. The United States Title is a belt. A belt! It is not a person. It is worn by a person. COACH Man, quit making shit up. If you spent more time making money and less time making crazy shit up, you'd be a rich ass dude. "Getting Away With Murder" hits for the first time in a few weeks on HeldDOWN~!, and the unexpected sound of Papa Roach's anthem brings the fans to their feet, for they know what it means! COLE Here he comes! The OAOAST's favorite son returns here tonight on HeldDOWN~!, and it's great to see Zack back! Amidst the cheers, ZACK MALIBU heads out from the back, all dressed up with some place to go...namely down to the ring! The leader of The In Crowd heads to the squared circle, slapping some hands along the way, as the ratings are surely rising for the appearance of the former World Champion. After obtaining the mic, Malibu steps up into the ring and poses briefly for his fans, then starts to say what's on his mind. MALIBU I know that most of you are wondering where I've been since Angleslam. I know that The Enterprise would like to spin things in their favor and think that they've broken me down and run me off, but as you can see by me standing here in this ring that is far from the case. The reason for my absence from OAOAST television was simply due to a family situation. As you all know, I've got a beautiful baby daughter at home who fell victim to illness last week, and I rushed out on the first flight I could find to be by her side. While it was nothing serious, even the slightest hint of sickness will take its toll on a young child, as any parent here in the crowd can attest to. I might be new at this dad thing and might worry a little too much sometimes, but my family takes precident over my wrestling, and I'm sure everyone can agree with me on that. The crowd applauds Zack's noble gesture, and he nods in thanks before getting back to business. MALIBU NOW, since I am back here on HeldDOWN~!, let's talk about a few things, shall we? Let's talk about Angleslam, and The Enterprise, and the fact that I, for one, am growing SICK AND TIRED of Theodore Moneymaker pulling strings, swaying things in his favor, and claiming that I'm the biggest fraud this company has ever seen! Well, Moneymaker, congratulations. You've succeeded in drawing my ire, because I'm going to make you eat those words. You've got yourself surrounded by your little empire, your Enterprise...people who are quick to do your bidding for a quick buck, no matter the cost or consequence. Meanwhile, I stand in this ring as your polar opposite, the leader of a group of individuals more talented and more dedicated than maybe anyone I've come across, past or present. You come out here and bring up the past, incidents that I may not necessarily be proud of, but they happened. I can't take them back, but I will damn sure not let you use them to manipulate your way through this company. The blood and sweat that this company was built on is thicker and means more to everyone in that locker room than any currency you can flash around, so instead of peeling off $100 bills and bribing your way through life, take a page out of my book. Be a MAN, Theodore, and face your challenge head on. Be a man, be the elitist you pride yourself on being, and stand face to face, nose to nose, with ME! Don't just tell me what you think...SHOW ME. Show me here, in this ring! The crowd roars, as Malibu's grandstand challenge has been thrown out. Surely enough, it's only moments before a response is heard, by a voice booming over a microphone even before the person speaking has stepped through the curtain. "Zack, Zack, Zack..." Stepping out onto the ramp is THEODORE MONEYMAKER, the object of Zack's ire, but he's certainly not dressed for a fight in that dapper ensemble. MONEYMAKER Look at you, Zachary. So full of piss and vinegar, so eager to be the conquering hero once again. Well, sadly, not tonight. You, for once, are not on my agenda. The crowd boos loudly at the cowardice, although Moneymaker would have you believe it's for another reason. MONEYMAKER Now I've listened to you tonight, Zack, and you do make some sense. I think it is about time that I showed you what I think of you. Unfortunately for you, it's not just what I think of you, Zack. Do you think I'm acting on my own opinions when I talk about your checkered past? Do you think I do it just to goad you into a fight, to lure you into a trap? Zack Malibu, when you look in the mirror every day, you are staring at your own worst enemy! The hell that has been brought down on you numerous times is of no one's fault but YOUR OWN! You are so desperate to save face, Zack...so desperate to remain accepted by these peons that you will have them eat out of the palm of your hand when the truth is the only person you care about is YOURSELF! You lose at one of our major PPV's and vanish into thin air, because of a family emergency? Then you come back and proudly proclaim how you've been home being Father Of The Year? Come clean Zack...your family is just as much of a lie as your heroism is! Zack's face drops, as Moneymaker is crossing the line. MONEYMAKER Struck a nerve, have I? Let's think about this one...the OAOAST's Franchise, the living, breathing superhero. A role model to people all over this world...had a child out of wedlock and not ONCE has even hinted that his girlfriend, the mother of his child, might just be the woman he wants to spend his life with. This same man travels the world, bloodies people, verbally abuses people including WOMEN, hangs out with a former junkie and a former porn star, and yet is supposed to be revered?!?! Personally, to me, that is UNACCEPTABLE! You do not DESERVE to be applauded, Zachary. You do not deserve the cheers of these people. I myself do not give a DAMN what they think about me, but you are simply the Pied Piper, leading all of these blind mice along with your charade. So now, Zack, that being said...I'm going to grant you what you've asked. I am going to step into an OAOAST ring, and I'm going to tell you...nay Zack, I'm going to show you the error of your ways. I'm challenging you to show up at Zero Hour, Zack, and step into that ring... MALIBU You're on! You don't even have to finish that sentence, Moneymaker, because at Zero Hour, I will be more than happy to kick your ass across this ring! The crowd roars at Malibu's proud proclamation, but Moneymaker simply chuckles. MONEYMAKER There you go, getting ahead of yourself again, Zack. See, at Zero Hour, we will be in that ring staring each other down...but we aren't having a match. The crowd boos, and now Malibu claims, off mic, that Moneymaker is a coward. MONEYMAKER I'll be there, Zack, but not to wrestle. I'll be standing in that ring watching you turn pale, watching as your eyes lower, because at Zero Hour, I'm challenging you to face the one thing that you fear more than anything. The one thing that you don't want anyone to remember...not these fans, not your so called family at home, not your friends in the locker room. At Zero Hour, Zack Malibu, I am challenging you to come face to face with YOUR PAST. Moneymaker, looking more stern and determined at this point, stares at Malibu, who looks more confused than ever. Moneymaker then cackles and walks off, leaving a bewildered Zack Malibu alone in the ring. COLE Zack Malibu returned with a vengeance here tonight, but Theodore Moneymaker has threatened to have Zack face his past at Zero Hour. What do you think that means, Coach? COACH Well, short of Moneymaker showing up with a DeLorean for Zack to go back in time, I don't know! COLE We know THAT'S not happening. COACH Do you even realize how much money that guy has? He probably drives one now just for fun! COLE You really believe that, don't you? COACH I do because I've ridden in it, and had tea and scones with the late Winston Chruchill. COLE No you haven't. TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT UNITED STATES TITLE ALFDOGG VS COLOMBIAN HEAT TONIGHT COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 For no apparent reason, we go on location to a nearby mall. The cameraman walks into the arcade, and focuses on a four-player driving game, which has a group of kids gathered around watching the action. KID Go, go! ANOTHER KID Aw, he's gonna pass him! After about 30 more seconds of this, the group starts cheering, then Waldo hops out of his seat. WALDO Yeeeeah, I just whooped that as AGAIN, son! Luther then steps out of his seat next to Waldo, followed by Mariano and Quincy. WALDO Three times in a ROW, son! LUTHER (slaps Waldo's finger from his face) Fuck off me, wit' yo punk ass. QUINCY Yo, I'm bout ta shoot some fuckin' cowboys n' shit! LUTHER Aw, snap! Quincy and Luther grab the guns and begin to shoot at the arcade console, while Waldo shoves a teenager away from a Tekken console. WALDO Get yo wack ass outta here! Fuck you know about Tekken? Shit. Mariano joins him, and the two begin to fight, as the camera pans over to Vinny Valentine and Tony Tourettes walking into the arcade. TONY HOLY SHIT! The arcade grows silent, as Tony rushes over to the pool table, grabbing a cue and tossing it at an unsuspecting Vinny, hitting him in the side of the face. TONY RACK 'EM UP, BITCH! As Vinny sets up the rack, Tony spots Luther focused on his shooting game, and uses the pool cue to push his elbow, throwing him off. He then turns and looks up at the ceiling as Luther looks over at him. LUTHER Motha fucka! Here you jus standin' there, starin' at da ceiling, and people comin' along hittin' my arms n' shit! You gotta watch my back, dog! Tony then pulls a beer out of his pocket, and begins drinking it. He then shoves Tony out of the way as he's lining up his shot. TONY GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY! I BREAK! As Tony sets up to break, Luther walks over and shoves the back of his arm with his foot. TONY SHIT! ASSHOLE! (takes a drink) GET YOUR PENIS BREATH OUT OF MY FACE, PENIS BREATH! An employee walks up. EMPLOYEE You can't have alcohol in here, sir. TONY FUCK YOU! EMPLOYEE Give me the drink, or I'll have to call security. TONY FUCK THOSE RENT-A-COP FAGGOTS, TOO! I'LL EAT ALL THEIR FUCKIN' DONUTS! The employee then tries to take the beer from Tony. Wrong move, as Tony picks the employee up in a fireman's carry and drops him forward onto the pool table. Waldo, seeing the skirmish, abandons his DDR game and jumps, literally, on top of the pile. The rest of the Burrough Boys and several teenaged/young adult onlookers get involved, and a big brawl breaks out. Vinny stands and watches as Tony suddenly emerges from the heap, having re-attained his beer along the way. He takes a drink. TONY FUCK THIS PLACE! Let's get out of here! Tony then tosses the beer can right onto the head of the employee, which is sticking out of the pile, then Vinny and Biff exit the arcade. Back on HeldDOWN and back to the ring, with "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship kicking up. And to typical boos out breezes James Blonde, in a black hooded jacket, short sleeved on the left side and totally cut open down the seam on the right. Pulling his personal share of the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Title belts from the open half of his jacket, Blonde raises it over his head as he walks to the ring. As he approaches the camera-man filming in front of him, Blonde takes a second to send his boss Landon Maddix a quick shout-out before sliding into the ring. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, he hails from Vancouver, British Colombia... weighing in at two hundred, eight pounds. Representing Cucaracha Internacional, he is one third of the reigning OAOAST World 6-Man Tag Team Champions... "THE TRENDSETTER"... JJJJJAAAAAMMMMMEEEESSSS... BBLLLLLOOOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Taking great care with his expensive and above all trendsetting jacket, Blonde gives the lowly stagehands some strict instructions of how and where to take it, warning him that it's a 'one of a kind original'. And speaking of one of a kind originals (if you don't count Jack Evans!), it's a slight change of pace as "Witness (1 Hope)" by Roots Manuva plays Jamie O'Hara to the ring. Tagging a few hands, O'Hara mouths off at Blonde all the way down the aisleway. BUFFER And his opponent. From Birmingham, England... he weighs one hundred, seventy six pounds. "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJJAAAAAAAAMMMMIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOOO'HHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAA!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" O'Hara vaults into the ring over the top and invites Blonde to come and take a shot, to which Blonde politely declines and leaves the ring. COLE Singles action, stemming from action we saw this past weekend on OAOAST Syndicated... OAOAST BACKTRACKER With no end in sight to the punishment, help is at hand as JAMIE O'HARA suddenly runs to the ring! As he tries to convince the referee to let him replace the injured MARV, Blonde gets distracted from the match and pie-faced O'Hara off the apron. That fires the Brit up and he leaps to the apron, pulling off his tanktop and springboarding to the top... ...but he gets sent crashing back to the arena floor from a Faqu barge in mid-air!! SCHIAVONE Oh, down goes O'Hara! VENTURA Good, get him out of here! He's got no business at ringside. The match is Blonde and Faqu versus The Christ Air Express, no ifs or buts, if there's an injury it's at the referee's discretion to stop the match, not pause it so we can get a replacement. SCHIAVONE O'Hara's just trying to help out his friend Jesse, it's clear Blonde and Faqu are just toying with MEL at this point. ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Smug at his victory, Blonde raises Faqu's hand in victory... but their victory party is crashed, literally, as Jamie O'Hara returns to the air and catches Faqu with a Springboard Dropkick, knocking him right into Blonde! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Now what!? SCHIAVONE Jamie O'Hara is looking for a little measure of revenge! VENTURA For what, a little shove in the face? O'Hara goes to work on Faqu with forearms, then baits him into missing a charge and pulling the top rope down on him! With Faqu out of the way, O'Hara knocks Blonde down with a spinning back kick to the jaw. O'Hara then drags JB into position and heads up top. SCHIAVONE The SuperJay is gonna is fly. Getting his footing, O'Hara comes tumbling off to deliver the 630 Splash!! Blonde convulses and rolls himself out of the ring in pain, as O'Hara and a recovering MEL stand tall in the ring. COACH And from that cheap attack, a wrestling match grows. COLE That's one way of looking at things I suppose. In any event, James Blonde already dedicating this match tonight to Landon Maddix, who is here and in a stinker of a mood from his defeat at AngleSlam. Puts a little pressure on himself, don't you think Coach? COACH Not really. Everything James does is dedicated to his main man Landon and it hasn't done him much harm so far. Blonde continues to walk around the ring, biding his time. Getting sick of waiting O'Hara sees an opening as Blonde stops to get into an arguement with a section of the crowd. And he vaults himself over the top rope to the floor, running up behind Blonde and sending him face-first into the steel barricade! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH Another cheapshot! I guess that's how they do things on the streets of England? *DINGDINGDING!* Staying on the attack O'Hara lays into Blonde with right hands up against the barricade. O'Hara then looks for an irish whip across ringside. A reversal sends the Englishman heading towards the ringpost, but O'Hara is able to block a collision with the steel... and then sidesteps as Blonde charges him, causing him to collide shoulder-first with the post! Blonde staggers away until O'Hara catches up with him and throws him inside. COLE That was a rash move from Blonde there. And it could be costly early. As Blonde picks himself up, O'Hara springboards to the top and connects with a Dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... No! O'Hara hits the ropes and as Blonde gets to his feet, an instinctive duck of the head leaves him open for a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Backing into a corner, Blonde baits Jamie in and goes to the eyes! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE There's something he learned from Landon. COACH Did it pretty well too. COLE Oh yeah I'm sure it'll earn him some precious brownie points. With O'Hara temporarily blinded it allows Blonde to turn him into a corner and land a knee. Running out of the corner, Blonde turns on his heels in the middle of the ring to deliver another knee. Blonde then delivers a snap suplex out of the corner before jumping back to his feet theatrically. When that's greeted with boos he takes even more theatre in hopping up to the middle turnbuckle, kissing his fist and delivering the Marty Jannetty Fistdrop... into the canvas! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" BLONDE OOOWWWW! Blonde tries to shake the pain out of his hand and deliver a punch with it, but O'Hara blocks and lands a forearm. Another block and another forearm. O'Hara then delivers a boot, coming off the ropes behind Blonde and hits a dropkick. Sent lurching forward Blonde falls into the ring ropes and staggers backwards off them, as O'Hara bypasses him. O'Hara throws himself off the ropes looking for the Busaiku knee strike, but Blonde sidesteps. Snaring O'Hara on the way past Blonde turns behind in a waistlock and throws him backwards with a German Suplex, folding him up on impact! COLE Oh, big suplex! A great counter move from Blonde. Turning O'Hara over Blonde covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Using the ropes to pull himself up Jamie is caught with a knee, then elbowed in the back of the head. Irish whip sends O'Hara across the ring and Blonde cuts him down with a clothesline, covering again... 1... 2... No! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" Blonde stomps O'Hara a couple of times, then sets him down to deliver a Double Stomp. With his opponent winded The Trendsetter leaves the ring and heads up top. COLE Blonde taking his sweet time going up. COACH He's just giving the people a chance to take a look at those mind-blowing gold shoes. Rumour has it since he wore them a couple of weeks ago, sales rocketed across North America. I even got me some! COLE Those are just a pair of sandles spraypainted gold. COACH I know, sweet ain't they? By the time Blonde reaches the top O'Hara is back up and he stops Blonde's progress with a punch to the gut. And a second. O'Hara springs to the middle rope to join Blonde, a slugfest ensuing on the turnbuckles. After a couple of shots Blonde is able to push O'Hara off the ropes, only for the Brit to land on his feet and leap right back up in The Trendsetter's face. Blonde has an ace up his sleeve though. With O'Hara punching, Blonde gives him another shove, this time aiming him towards the ring ropes. O'Hara lands throat-first across the top rope and falls backwards. Getting his footing, Blonde waits for O'Hara to get back up, leaping with the Brit doubled over hurt and coming down with his knee right across the side of O'Hara's head!! COACH Nice! COLE Blonde connecting, eventually, on that high-flying move. The knee doesn't put O'Hara down, but it does leave him stunned long enough for Blonde to wrap him up and deliver an Inverted DDT! COLE And that's a Fashion Statement by James Blonde. Hook of the leg... 1... 2... No! Blonde despairs at the kickout and complains to the referee about it. COLE Maybe Blonde is starting to feel the pressure a little? COACH Nah. My boy stays cool like... uh... well, uh, something that... you know... is cold. Like a freezer or something? Pulling O'Hara roughly up by his baggy vesttop Blonde forces him into a bent-double position again and hooks his leg over the back of his neck. Calling for the end he forces forward looking to hit the Guilt Trip... but O'Hara spins out of it! Irish whip attempt out of it is reversed though sending J-OH off the ropes, Blonde scooping him up on the rebound for a slam. Before he can execute it O'Hara kicks his feet to force himself over the back, shoving Blonde forward into the ropes finally. Blonde comes off the ropes with a clothesline, but O'Hara ducks underneath, hitting the ropes himself and cracking JB upside the jaw with a Busaiku Knee Kick!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAHHHH!" COLE Caught him with that one! 'Your boy' might need some ice from that freezer when he gets backstage! Blonde staggers to his feet and walks into a Side (Black) Russian Legsweep. Rolling right through on impact O'Hara positions himself at Blonde's side and takes off with a Standing Tornado Moonsault... 1... 2... NO! Irish whip sends Blonde into a corner. Jamie encourages some noise from the crowd before he follows in looking for a monkey flip, but a shove in the chest leaves him empty handed. COACH Nuh-uh, too smart. Undaunted, O'Hara rolls through and tries again. Blonde is able to shove him off again though... ...except this time, J-OH backflips to land on his feet and dropkicks Blonde up against the turnbuckles! COLE There's smart and then there's too smart for your own good. O'Hara catches Blonde with a Spinning Back Kick to the jaw and knocks him down, in perfect position it would seem as the crowd rise to their feet. Letting them know he hears it, Jamie nods his head and quickly heads up top. COLE Here we go! Reaching the top, O'Hara calls out, for the 63... ...NO! Blonde rolls out of the way! Luckily for O'Hara he manages to bail out early enough to land on his feet after just 360, although a stumble puts him on the backfoot for a second. Blonde quickly capitalises, grabbing hold of O'Hara's baggy clothing and pulling him face-first into the top turnbuckle pad! COLE Now I don't know if that should be allowed. COACH Why not? If this goof wore clothes that fit him he wouldn't have that problem in the first place. As O'Hara staggers off the buckle Blonde snares him and applies the cobra clutch. Before he hits the move however, he feels compelled to dedicate it to Landon loud enough so that the cameras can pick it up. Unfortunately, they also pick up O'Hara kicking off the turnbuckles and landing on Blonde's chest, then rolling back to force his shoulders down... 1... 2... COACH Wait! 3!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH No! *DINGDINGDING!* Blonde releases the cobra clutch too late and realising he's been caught by one of the oldest tricks in the book his mouth hangs open in shock. Rolling out of the ring O'Hara boasts at the win as his hand is raised, putting Blonde into further shock. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... JJJAAAAMMMMIIIEEEE OOO'HHHHHAAAAARRRRAAAAA!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" BLONDE NO NO NO NO NO!! The Trendsetter throws a mini-tantrum in the ring as he realises just what he's done, before sitting up on his knees and holding his head in his hands. The mocking from the crowd doesn't make things any better for him, leaving him on the verge of tears. COLE I guess this is a valuable lesson for James Blonde not to count your chickens before they've hatched. Or your Cucarachas, as it were. And if Landon wasn't in a bad mood already, how do you think he feels now? COACH Oh, don't. Just... just don't. Picking himself up and ashamed looking Blonde rolls out of the ring, dreading the embarrassment he's sure to face when he comes face to face with Landon again. He shoos away the cameras trying to film him as we fade into LATER TONIGHT HeldDOWN~! PoseDOWN~! MISTER DICK Vs KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN TONIGHT COMING UP NEXT JOSH MATTHEWS SPEAKS WITH THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER ALFDOGG NEXT! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 (edited) The skyline of Phoenix greets us along with the dance sounds of Armin Van Burren's The Sound of goodbye We return from break to Josh Matthews is standing backstage with Alfdogg and Sandman9000. JOSH Standing with me right now, the Heartland champion, Sandman9000, as well, as the man who will attempt to take the United States title right here tonight, the leader of the Deadly Alliance, Alfdogg! Now, last week, the Deadly Alliance committed one of the most heinous acts I've ever seen in wrestling, they way they hospitalized Colombian Heat! Alf then comes out from under the ring with a WEED WHACKER~! COLE Oh, God, this is going too far! Get somebody out here! Alf slides into the ring with the weed whacker, but is confronted by the referee, which prompts him to clothesline the referee in the chest with the weapon! COLE And now assaulting officials! Alf whispers something to TK, who exits the ring and heads to the back. VENTURA Now where's TK going? COLE Who knows. Reject turns PRL over onto his stomach, as Alf fires up the weed whacker. However, Heat crawls over slowly, and shields PRL from the attack. Alf looks down at Heat, as TK arrives with a big bucket. COLE TK out here with a bucket, and God only knows what's in that thing! Alf then looks up at Sandman, and passes the weed whacker over to him. Without much hesitation, Sandman starts it up, and USES IT ON THE BACK OF COLOMBIAN HEAT! VENTURA COLE Sandman9000 using that weed whacker on the back of Colombian Heat! I can't believe this! Get help out there, NOW! Heat screams in pain, as Sandman finally lifts it up, and the camera zooms in on the lacerations on his back. VENTURA This is gruesome, Michael Cole. Look at that back! COLE This is heinous on the part of Sandman9000 and the Deadly Alliance! TK pushes the bucket into the ring, then rolls inside and picks it up. Reject sticks his finger inside, and immediately pulls it back, shaking it like crazy. VENTURA Well, whatever that substance is must be very hot! Alf stomps PRL, as TK grabs a candle out of his pocket, and dunks it into the bucket. COLE Jesse, I...I think that's candle wax that's in that bucket! TK hands the bucket off to Sandman, then drips a small amount of the wax into one of the wounds on the back of Heat! COLE And putting it in the opened flesh of Colombian Heat! Officials finally arive, as Alf holds them off with the weed whacker, while Reject drops down and grabs Heat in a front facelock, as Sandman DUMPS THE CONTENTS OF THE BUCKET ONTO HEAT'S WOUNDED BACK! COLE/VENTURA Heat quivers on the mat, as Alf drops the weed whacker, and all four Deadly Alliance members stand around Heat, looking down on him and smiling. COLE Four sick, disgusting individuals in that ring right now. JOSH Now, I've been told Colombian Heat's back is still in excruciating pain, but he insisted that he compete and defend his title here tonight! However, who knows what the extent of his injuries are, he's obviously far from 100%, Alf. ALF Oh, will you cut it out, you're starting to sound like the Phoenix Suns with all these excuses! *crowd boos* ALF Look, little man, I'll admit that it's quite admirable of Colombian Heat to come out here injured, and try to prove me wrong for all his "Badd Boy nation" out here. *crowd cheers* ALF And let me tell you something else, Bill Laimbeer was probably hunched over his toilet PUKING when he heard those two clowns announced as the "Badd Boyz". I got news for you two; raiding your grandmother's panty drawer does not make you a Bad Boy. And Heat, you say you "invented this "ish""? I suggest you brush up on your OAOAST history, kiddo. Nobody is better at being BAD than the Deadly Alliance. We've been proving it since the beginning, we proved it last week, and I'll prove it tonight, when I take your United States title, and finally show this loser city what a championship team looks like, in the Deadly Alliance. *crowd boos* ALF (looks to Sandman) But don't worry...I'll leave plenty for you at Zero Hour. Alf walks off the set. JOSH Well, there you have it, Micha... Alf pops back in. ALF And one more thing...I hope Theodore Moneymaker has been watching this unfold. If you really wanted that windbag Krista taken out, you didn't have to hold some rum-dum tournament with bounties thrown out there, brother! We showed you the necessary measures for that last week. Yeah, you're making some progress with the whole steam-in-the-face trick, but let's be honest, what good does that do besides clearing up his acne for him? You should have sprayed it on his back! If you want to get the hang of this heel stable thing, do us a favor, quit the silly money games, and take some notes from the master. Alf walks off, this time for real. IN TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT THE UNITED STATES TITLE ALFDOGG VS COLOMBIAN HEAT TONIGHT! COMING UP SOON NED BLANCHARD VS BARON WINDELLS SOON! Edited September 19, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 (edited) -We fade in from commercial to none other than... OMG!~! JOSIE BAKER!~! OMG!~!~ The fans erupt as Josie leans back in her chair, her ever present cigarette hanging loosely from her lips. Sitting slightly behind her is Sophie Grey, who is reading over something on her clipboard. Suddenly, there's a knock at the door. Sophie jumps slightly; she is obviously still traumatized from her attack a few weeks ago. Josie, on the other hand, lifts her head slowly. JOSIE Come in. -The door opens slowly, and in walks... "CASH MONEY" CURTIS BLACK!! The fans erupt at Curtis' new look. He smiles wide at Josie, who smiles right back. CURTIS What it do, Jo? JOSIE Welcome back, Curtis! How was Japan? CURTIS Ah, shit, Jo...you know how i' is. Plenty of fine ass little Japanese grrls and e'ythang. Plen'y a wres'lin and shit. Me and Nine done good, baby boo. JOSIE (smirking) I have no doubt. Speaking of 9-Mill... -Josie shrugs and does the "where?" hand motions. Curtis now has a solemn look on his face, almost as if he just lost a family member. CURTIS Yeeah, I wan'ed ta talk wich ya about that, Jo. See...shit, grrl...this shit is hard to say... JOSIE ...He's not dead, is he? CURTIS ...What? Nah...Nah, fuck nah. Truf uh the matter iz, that fool stayin' in Japan. He re'lized that he dug the Japan way-a life betta, ya feel me? -Josie hangs her head as Sophie shakes hers softly. JOSIE Yeah, I feel ya. I take it, Curtis...that he's not coming back. CURTIS That's real. JOSIE (quietly) Fuck. Well... CURTIS Jo? JOSIE Yes, Curtis. CURTIS You still got me, grrl. You still got me. -Josie has to smile at this as she raises her head. JOSIE Yes, I do, hon. -Another knock raps at the door, causing Curtis to turn his head, fists clenched. Once again, Sophie jumps a little, but relaxes due to Curtis' presence in the room. JOSIE Um...Come In. -The door opens slightly, and in walks He glances around the room while Curtis stares him down. The man smiles slightly at him. MAN 'Ello. CURTIS What it do, blood? -The man slowly walks past him, making a bee-line for Josie, who keeps her completely stoic look. JOSIE May I help you, sir? MAN (with a thick BBC English accent) Yes, my name is Giles Quincy Buckingham. I was told to meet with Josie Baker. JOSIE That's me. What can I do for you, Mr. Buckingham? CURTIS ...Giles Quincy Buckingham? Shiiiit, I'd be pissed if that was my name, dawg. Shit's a lil fairy. -Giles smiles slightly, not even turning his head towards Curtis. GILES It's a family name, my friend. It was my father's name, and my grandfathers before him. What's your fathers name? -Giles chuckles softly to himself and shrugs. GILES ...or do you not know who he even is? -The fans OOOOOO at this comment as Curtis steps forward, mean muggin' towards Giles, who simply smiles. JOSIE ...Excuse me, who told you to meet with me? -Giles smirks. GILES Colin Maguire, Sr. -The fans erupt in a chorus of boos as Josie droops her head. She raises it again, smiling slightly. JOSIE Did he now? GILES He did. He also said that because of the...situation...between you two, I should expect for this meeting to not go in my favor, and that I should expect to have to prove myself. JOSIE Did he? -Giles nods, cracking his neck slightly. GILES So...what do you say, Mrs. Baker? -Josie stares at Giles, then glances over at Curtis. Her eyes then go back to Giles, who stands before her desk, his arrogant smile ever present. Josie leans back, causing Sophie to lean forward. Josie whispers something into her cousins ear, causing her to nod. Josie leans forward, smiling her patented smile. JOSIE Miiiiiiister Buckingham...Now, should I be mean to you, or should I be uncharacteristically nice? GILES That's why you're the boss, ma'am. Those decisions are yours to make. -Josie chuckles a bit, then nods. JOSIE You know your place. I like that. -Josie glances at Curtis, who continues to mean mug. JOSIE ...All right...since you happened to piss off my buddy Curtis, and since you are so anxious to prove yourself...Tonight. You, Mr. Buckingham, will be facing "Cash Money" Curtis Black. -The fans erupt at this! Curtis nods, still mean-muggin', while GQ nods as well. JOSIE In a No Disqualification match. -The cheers grow insane! GQ smiles a cocky smile as Curtis looks toward Josie, smiling straight through his platinum grill. CURTIS THA'S REAL! GILES I'm all for it. -Josie smirks, cocking her head to the side. JOSIE You better be, gorgeous. -GQ smiles wide, buttoning his jacket. He glances back at Curtis and smirks. GILES See you out there, sunshine. CURTIS Fo sho...bitch. -GQ's smirk remains on his face as he calmly opens the door and walks out, leaving Three of the five members of Affirmative Action. Josie shakes her head as Curtis nods. Sophie's jaw is as wide as her eyes. SOPHIE 'E was byootifull! -The fans laugh as Sophie shakes her head slowly. Josie chuckles as she looks over a few charts, letting the scene fade to... ANOTHER member of Affirmative Action!!! A man with long, greasy black hair, clothed in a jet black Italian leather jacket over a brown t-shirt. His trademark skin-tight, jet black pants over Beatle boots fill out the rest of the outfit. And the kicker? The ever present cigarette hanging from his mouth. It can be no other. It's Austin "Ragdoll" Baker!! The fans erupt!! Their long-time hero is once again where he belongs, in the OAOAST! Ragdoll struts confidently through the back, puffing away at his cig. Suddenly, his left shoulder connects with a rather large man's right shoulder. Ragdoll stops where he is and smirks, turning slowly towards the man, who just happens to be his opponent at Zero Hour... Mickey Gillpatrick. The fans erupt in boos as Mickey steps toward Ragdoll, getting within inches of his face. Ragdoll, however, does not move, and continues smoking his cigarette. MICKEY ...Is there a prahblem 'ere, Bakah? -Ragdoll remains silent, still smoking his cigarette. A tiny smile creeps onto his face, but is quickly replaced with a stoic look. Mickey rubs his jaw and backs up a step. MICKEY I take it yer the silen' type, eh? Naht muchta say? Well, that's perfect fer me, cos I got a shite ton tuh say. Now, ya might think that just b'cause you were in some brutal matches, and that yer considered the best wrestlah to nevah wear the belt, that yer pretty damn tough. Well let me let you in on a lil' secret: That don't mean SHIT! Yer the best wrestler to nevah wear the belt? There's no such fockin' thing! If you WERE that good, you woulda been the champ, am I right? But no, you seem to like jus' floatin' by with second place. Well, here's a riddle for ya...What floats by, and is Number Two? -Mickey stares at Ragdoll, who continues to puff on his cigarette. Ragdoll shrugs slightly, causing Mickey to smile a bit. MICKEY It's shit, mate...and that's what you are...Shit. -The fans OOOOOOO as Mickey smirks, getting the verbal one-up on Ragdoll, who simply stares. After a few moments of silence, Ragdoll slowly takes the cigarette out of his mouth and points at Mickey. RAGDOLL ...I'm sorry...who are you? -Mickey chuckles as he steps back, taking off his leather jacket. He throws it on the floor as he rolls up his shirt sleeves. MICKEY Funny...really fockin' funny, mate...Ya know what else is funny? RAGDOLL 30 Rock? MICKEY Nah...it's the fact that yer not even gonna make it tuh our match at Zero Houah. Yer brains are gon'a be all ovah this arena. -Ragdoll smirks and flicks his cigarette away. He slowly cracks his neck as Mickey puts up his fists. RAGDOLL I don't get it, ya fat fuck. Yer gonna have to explain the joke to me. MICKEY With pleasure! -Mickey advances!! But a hand slaps against his chest, stopping him in his tracks! Mickey looks over at the source, causing the camera to pan over as well. The boos rise as the screen presents a grinning... Colin Maguire, Sr! His smile grows as Mickey drops his fists. MAGUIRE (staring at Ragdoll) Now now, Mickey...we don' wanna waste any energy that could be used at Zero Houah, now do we? MICKEY (staring at Ragdoll) Nah, Colin...we don't. MAGUIRE ...Cos then we wouldn't be able to give the propah beatin' to our little friend from Vegas, would we? It'd be 'alf-assed...am I wrong? -Mickey smirks, never letting his eyes leave Ragdoll MICKEY Nah, Colin...yer nawt wrong. It WOULD be half-ahssed. -Ragdoll smirks, pulling out another cigarette. RAGDOLL I appreciate it, fellas. MAGUIRE Oh, no mind at all, Mr. Bakah...It's all our pleasure...Now, Mickey. We must be going. Let's let Mr. Bakah enjoy his cigahrette in peace. -Mickey nods and picks up his leather jacket. He flings it over his shoulder as Maguire walks past Ragdoll, whose eyes never once leave Mickey. MICKEY I'll be seein' ya, Bakah. -Ragdoll does a nonchalant salute as Mickey struts by. The camera fades out as Ragdoll grins wide, watching the two walk away COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN AND MELODY NERDLY VS MEGAN SKYE AND HOLLY MANN NEXT Edited September 19, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 As we return to the arena/opera house/whatever, the unusual sight of Megan Skye walking to the ring alone greets us. Not leading anyone tonight, she walks with her head held high over the abuse of the crowd, climbing up the ring steps and into the ring with a calm focus on the task at hand. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following women's division tag team contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Providence, Rhode Island... the brains behind Cucaracha Internacional... MMMEEEEEGGAAAAAAAANN... SSSSSSSSSSKKYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Megan's gotta be looking forward to this. A little chance at some revenge on the Duncan family, extended hide them at the back of the room at family reunions kinda family though it may be. COLE I'm sure Megan's just glad to be away from Landon for a few minutes, the mood he's in. As Megan stretches out in the ring, "Another Body Murdered" blares through the arena and Holly Mann marches out with a scowl on her face. Wearing a black cropped hoodie with skull and crossbones scattered all over, Holly angrily pulls her hand out of reach as foolish fans look for hand-tags. BUFFER And her partner. From Las Vegas, Nevada... the lead guitarist of the greatest rock n' wrestling band in all of professional wrestling, The Heavenly Rockers... she is "THE ANGEL OF DEATH"... HHHOOOOOOLLLLLLYYYYYYYY... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNN!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Holly stomps into the ring, barely acknowledging her tag team partner as she heads to the ropes to direct some abuse at the fans. COLE Holly in anti-social form as usual. Off comes the hoodie, chucked at a lowly stagehand. Holly and Megan keep their own distances, as the modern day cover version of "Beat It" by Fallout Boy brings out modern technology's #1 pin-up girl, Melody Nerdly. Melody rocks out in the entrance way and dives into the arms of the fans lining the aisle who soon get over being burned by Holly. BUFFER And the opponents, first, from The Fortress Of Nerdlytude! She is the 2007 OAOAST Manager Of The Year... MMMMEEEEELLLLLLOOOOOOOOODDYYYYYYY... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The Fortress Of Nerdlytude of course, better known as a 19 bedroom property in Edmonton. COACH You know what's ironic, Melody spent most of high school in her own fortress of solitude. Her bedroom. Because she was a geek. Didn't get out much. COLE Yeah yeah we get it. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits, to a BIG reaction. And the reaction gets even bigger as with pure exuberance, Jade Rodez-Duncan bounds out onto the stage pumping his fists in the air! Jade unstraps the Women's Championship belt from around her waist and raises it over her head, dedicating it to the fans with points out across the arena before she skips to the ring. No though of any dance moves though in all the excitement, which surely won't go down well with certain members of the immediate family. BUFFER And finally, she now resides in Los Angeles, California! The second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the BRAND NEW OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" Slapping hands Jade looks a little overwhelmed by the reaction and walks on air all the way up the ring steps. She enters demurely through the middle and bottom ropes before climbing the turnbuckles, again raising the belt with what looks like a combination of about a dozen emotions. Joy, shock, gratitude, a little embarrasment at the fuss she's causing. "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" As the festivities begin to die down Jade and Melody share a bestest-best pals hug. Jade still seems a little caught up in the reaction from the Pheonix crowd and as they continue to cheer for her, she beams from ear to ear. COLE Isn't it just great to see that beautiful smile on that young lady's face after all she's been through in recent months? COACH Oh give it up man, you don't stand a chance with her. Not sharing in the excitement though are Megan or Holly. Megan leaves the ring unimpressed. But Holly takes it a step further and yells at the crowd, then points a threatening finger Jade's way as she stands on the ring apron. It won't be her starting though, as Melody has already elected to start and Jade is too kind to argue that she might want to start now. *DINGDINGDING* As the two starters circle Melody shadow-boxes a little, which doesn't intimidate Holly one bit. COLE Absolutely no love lost between these two ladies. Actually about a year ago since Holly suckered Melody into believing they were best pals, only to lead her into a cruel Heavenly Rocker attack. Still waters still run deep it seems, as Melody proves her shadow-boxing wasn't just a threat and pops Holly in the mouth with a jab as she approaches! Holly looks shocked, but before she can complain Melody rushes her, into a neutral corner where she throws wild shots at her old enemy. Holly covers up under the wild attack, getting hit at least a dozen times before Melody relents. Fired up, Melody whips Holly across the ring. She then charges, but runs right into a raised knee in the corner! Quickly Holly grabs Melody by top and tails and throws her to the floor with contempt. Holly then turns her attentions to the Women's Champ again. Jade isn't drawn in by the arguement, but Holly does enough to keep the referee distracted while Megan targets Melody on the outside and rams her back into the steel ringpost! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE And there's a cheapshot. I guess now we know where Landon Maddix gets it from. Or vice versa. As Megan retreats, Holly reaches through the turnbuckles for Melody's hair, pulling her back up to the apron. Holly takes Melody's head and rams it against the turnbuckle on the outside. Hooking her up, she then brings Melody back inside with a vertical suplex and floats over... 1... 2... No! Pulling Melody back up, again with a hefty handful of hair, Holly badmouths her before throwing her back to the canvas face-first. Despite the protests of referee Mike Chioda, she repeats the move again. Holly soon grows bored though and gives Megan a tag. As Melody tries to take advantage of the switch by getting to her corner, Megan pulls her back, turning her over to drop an elbow before covering... 1... 2... No! Megan waits for Melody to get going again, catching her in the ribs with a kick as she reaches one knee. COLE We don't see Megan in the ring too often, but we do know she can kick. COACH Well usually Megan's had other commitments, managerial commitments. But let's face it, with a lame-duck Champion, what better time to put yourself back in the women's division? After another kick to the body Megan hooks up Melody, delivering a vertical suplex. COLE Nice move by Megan and from what we're seeing, it's a little bit of a surprise we haven't seen more of her. Good to see the women's division coming back into prominence with the likes of Megan and Melody throwing their hats and themselves into the ring recently. COACH And yet when Malaysia was Champ, nobody wanted to know. Jade wins the belt, they're all at it. Coincidence? You tell me. COLE I'm actually trying my best to ignore you. Megan comes off the ropes looking for a big knee, but finds nobody home! Melody is able to roll out of the way and gets the tag to bring the new Women's Champion in, to a big cheer from the crowd. Around hobbles Megan, as Jade comes in and instantly dives at her with a Thesz Press! Jade mounts Megan and rams the back of her head into the mat a couple of times before leaping to her feet, encouraging her opponent back up. COLE She doesn't like too lame of a duck right now Coach! COACH Give it time. Off the ropes, Jade knocks Megan down with a clothesline. And a second. And a third, feeding off the energy of the crowd as they get behind her. They suddenly have to alert her of danger as Holly tries a cheapshot, Jade able to spot her coming, duck a clothesline and deliver a dropkick to send her crashing out of the ring! Jade then rushes Megan, shooting her off the ropes and delivering a dropkick to her as well! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Jade is cooking here! Defeating Malaysia could well be the making if this young woman, she's never lacked heart but she's been lacking in self-confidence for so long, maybe things have now changed. As Megan gets back up, Jade paws her with an open left hand. Then paws her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360 and knocks Megan down with a big clothesline! As she hits this, we hear a slight thud on the announce table, as a newspaper lands on it. COLE The hell? Michael picks up the paper and reads the front page headline aloud. COLE Exclusive: Rich Little Blonde Girl Kicks Ass! Courtesy of the... LA Swag? Michael turns around, to see ALIX MARIA SPEZIA behind him, dressed in a sexed-up paper-carrier uniform. ALIX EXTRA, EXTRA! SPREAD THE NEWS! **GETTING HOT IN HERE LYRICS** COLE This place just gets weirder by the second. Back in the ring the tag is made between Jade and Melody. Jade holds Megan in place while Melody navigates her way up the turnbuckles, coming off the top with a DEVESTATING~! tomahawk chop to the top of the head. Melody then delivers another tomahawk to the head from a standing position, reminiscent of Austin Powers' judo chop. Megan shrugs off the minor nuisance and delivers a knee to the gut to double Melody up, setting her for a whip. Melody is able to reverse coming off the ropes however, wrapping her legs around Megan's body and executing a wheelbarrow bulldog! COLE That's the Revenge Of The Nerdly. COACH Did you get that from this newspaper presumably printed up at some carnival too? COLE No, stupid. I got it straight from the source, Melody's MySpace page. Melody hooks the leg on Megan... 1... 2... Holly breaks the count. As Melody complains to the referee about Holly's interference, her lack of ring experience leaves her with her back turned to her opponent for far too long, allowing Megan time to recover and catch her with a forearm as she turns around. Megan quickly tags out to Holly, who runs in and uses the hair to whiplash Melody back across her knee with a modified backbreaker! COLE Ooh! That looked nasty. Holly wraps Melody up... 1... 2... Kickout! Backing Melody into a corner, Holly delivers some hard punches before driving a shoulder to the midsection where Melody puts up a defensive guard. As Melody doubles over, she takes a nasty looking kick upside the head which sends her lurching backwards, falling over the middle rope backwards and left hanging out to dry. Holly nonchalantly climbs over her onto the turnbuckles and raises her arms. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" After dragging Melody off the rope, Holly lands a hard elbow strike, then comes off the ropes to put even more momentum behind a second. Melody is left seeing stars and reaches out in vain for a tag despite being nowhere near her corner. COLE Melody is on dream street right now. COACH I don't see much of that Duncan confidence on Jade's face now, do you? I think she's realising, with her partner hurt and Alix running around delivering fake newspapers, she's in deep trouble if she gets tagged. A stomp to the back of the head further scrambles Melody's brains. Kneeling down, Holly then applies a chinlock, pinning Melody down with her knee at the same time. As Holly cranks back on the neck of the Manager Of The Year, the screen splits to show Malaysia Nerdly watching on backstage, absent mindedly oiling the chest of Mr. Dick who is spread across a leather recliner as she does so. COLE The former Women's Champion with her eyes on this one as she prepares Mr Dick for his PoseDOWN~! later tonight. "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" "MEL - O - DY!" With Jade playing cheerleader, only fitting considering she's in a cheerleader's outfit for crying out loud, the Pheonix fans start to get behind Melody. The geek chic Nerdly fights to a slightly better position, on her knees but still in the chinlock. Holly simply lets her go though, striking her in the back. And again. Holly then comes off the ropes, looking for a clothesline. With a deft sidestep, Melody counters and looks for a crucifix. But despite her best efforts to bring Holly down, The Angel Of Death is able to hold herself up and sit out, driving Melody into the mat with a Samoan Drop! Reaching back, Holly casually hooks a leg... 1... 2... No! COLE Melody staying in this match, but she really needs to get the Women's Champion in. Holly paintbrushes Melody a couple of times before landing a more solid boot to the face. Tag is made, bringing Megan in. She doesn't enter the ring though, heading straight to the top. The fans and her partner try to warn Molly of what's coming as she gets back up looking lost. And as Melody turns her way, Megan goes for a Skye Dive... ...but Melody ducks and Megan crashes and burns!!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHH!" With the support of the crowd, Melody is able to scramble past Megan on hands and knees, to her corner where she makes the tag! COLE There we go! Jade rushes into the ring, coming to a sudden stop as she misjudges Megan getting up. After a couple of steps back, she runs in again and looks for a crossbody of her own... and much like Megan, she crashes and burns as Megan hits the deck! COACH Ha! I still can't believe this second-generation embarrassment was able to beat Malaysia at AngleSlam. COLE It just goes to show that dreams can and do come true, if you work hard and have a great attitude... COACH *gags* COLE Oh you know what, fuck you. COACH As Jade gets up, she turns around into a boot and a quick DDT! Cover... 1... 2... No! Megan sets herself and aims high with the Chick Kick... too high, as Jade ducks, snaring Megan in a surprise schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! A knee cuts Jade off as both ladies get to their feet. Megan delivers a forearm to the face, then whips Jade into her team's corner. Right away Holly grabs hold of Little Miss California's arm, keeping her penned in as Megan runs in with a clothesline. As Megan backs across the ring Holly continues to hold Jade back. But Jade manages to fight her off and just in time, dragging Holly over across the top turnbuckle avoiding a charge from Megan, sending her crashing into Holly's ribs! COLE Jade making fools of her opponents on that exchange, who does that remind you of? Jade armdrags Megan out of the corner, then delivers a not-too graceful front dropkick to follow. In runs Melody, knocking Holly off the top to the floor and following out to go on the attack. Leaving Jade alone with Megan, giving the signal for the end. COLE Not exactly to her Mom's standards, but Jade calling for the finish all the same. As Megan gets back to her feet, the Women's Champion waits behind her and reaches out with both hands to grasp the chin. But Megan has her scouted and drops to one knee, delivering a backfist to the midsection! COACH Megan way too smart for that though. By the way, FU right back man. COLE Snappy comeback. From one knee Megan elevates Jade off the mat in a fireman's carry in an impressive show of strength. She carries the Women's Champion around the ring. Jade manages to escape though, shoving Megan off into the ropes. Megan ducks underneath a clothesline on her way back and grabs Jade in a waistlock. A switch puts Jade behind Megan, but Megan switches herself right back into position and shoves her forward, right into the referee. Luckily Jade is able to slow herself down before impact and Chioda just ends up on his BUTT with a hurt ankle. That doesn't stop Jade from apologising profusely and insisting on checking he's okay. Jade even goes so far as to help Chioda to his feet despite his insistance that he's not hurt. Once she's absolutely sure she hasn't accidently done him any damage, Jade then refocuses on the match... ...and gets laid out with a Chick Kick from the waiting Megan! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The kick right to the head, that could do it. Megan quickly goes for the cover, hooking both legs to put Jade high on her shoulders... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And it does! Megan pins the Women's Champion! *DINGDINGDING!* Sliding into the ring too late, Melody curses herself as Megan's hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of HOLLY MANN and MEGAN SSSKKYYYYEEEE!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Melody kneels at Jade's side, the Women's Champ holding the side of her head in pain as the effects of the kick sink in. Standing over her Megan cracks a bit of a smile for the first time. Chioda raises her hand in victory again before joining in on checking on Jade. COACH See, what did I tell you. One victory doesn't change a thing, Jade didn't suddenly become a great wrestler overnight. She's still the same Jade. Sucky. COLE That's typically harsh. And wrong. Jade got caught up with the referee, thanks to Megan pushing her into him. COACH And instead of making a smart-alec quip and giving him a high-heel in the rectum for getting in the way like her mother would, she had to play 'Florence Jadeinggale' and help him up. And it cost her, didn't it? COLE That it did. With Holly still scowling at the shots she took, she and Megan back up the aisle with their victory. Megan seems much the more satisfied of the two as she smirks back at Jade, sat up with Melody's help but still holding at her aching head. COACH I ain't even trynna throw stones at the Duncan name. If we had Maya in there, this match would've ended ten minutes ago, and she coulda showed us her show n tell and maybe taught us a little bit about American history. We're entertained and we're educated. Can you ask for more from a show featuring a four hundred pound rapist? COLE Well, Jade is still the women's champion, and I think that's what's important. Fans, stay tuned because we have more coming up including Jade's mother Krista Isadora Duncan and Mister Dick in a posedown and Colombian Heat with his toughest title defense yet against Alfdogg! COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT PATTY DOESN'T NEED A DICTIONARY BECAUSE I AM SMART. YOU ARE STUPID SO YOU WILL NEED ONE CHRISTIAN WRIGHT SPEAKS ON BOHEMOTH! NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 (edited) We're back from break with our focus on sofa central. COLE Right now, let's go over to T-Bod! The camera cuts to the old-school interview stage positioned besides the fans to the left of the stage. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Tony Brannigan... "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Tony waits for the cheers to decide. BRANNIGAN ...and at this moment, I'd like to read a pre-prepared statement. (Brannigan produces a piece of paper) At AngleSlam, in my hometown of San Antonio, I officiated the Match Made In Corporate Greed, between The Usual Suspects and members of The Enterprise. At the conclusion of that match, as things began to get out of control and fueled by the atmosphere around me, I attacked a contracted OAOAST competitor in Abdullah Abir Nerdly. In doing so, I overstepped the mark. I am a contracted OAOAST journalist and I realise the conflict of interest my actions could possibly cause and it is for that reason I would like to issue a public apology for my conduct. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Brannigan, having read the statement with a very deadpan voice, folds the piece of paper back up and tucks it in his pocket. COLE Something tells me that 'apology' had someone else's fingerprints on it. COACH Let me guess, you're suggesting Josie forced Brannigan into it. COLE I'm not saying that. I'm just saying, from the tone in Tony's voice, I doubt it was an idea entirely of his own volition. BRANNIGAN With that in mind, my guest at this time, along with Mackenzie DeCenzo, he is "The Natural" CHRISTIAN WRIGHT. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The Pheonix crowd direct their anger towards the stage as "Sharp Dressed Man" hits, bringing out CW fully suited up and in possession of his trusty briefcase. On his other arm, still looking disheveled, is Mackenzie who clings to Christian's arm for support. He leads her to the interview stage where there's a frosty atmosphere between he and Tony, despite the 'public apology' that he just issued. COLE Christian's not had the best of weeks, all things considered. Being a Financial Analyst isn't the easiest of jobs right now. COACH I can tell you one thing, he's had a better week than Bohemoth's had. BRANNIGAN Okay Christian, I'm not gonna beat around the bush. Last week, you and your buddies beat down Bohemoth in what seemed like a pretty well planned attack. I think we just wanna know, Why? WRIGHT Why? Mister Brannigan, I would assume even those of the lowest intellect amongst our national TV audience would be able to understand my motives. One week previous to tonight, Bohemoth once more displayed his true personality. That being, the personality of an unstable human being. His ravenous appetite for sadism knows no bounds of gender or punishment. For last week, the direction of his bloodlust was yours truly. Not as previous a helpless, innocent young lady, rather an innocent young gentleman. BRANNIGAN As I remember it, you came to the ring and blasted him with a chair. WRIGHT For which I have no regrets. This 'Monster' as he is monickered, he must be controlled. For a considerable length of time, I was pursued through the corridors of the arena, hunted like a lone elk by a savage predator. Cowardise is not in my nature as I'm sure you are well aware. However, with that predator stalking me with god only knows what masochistic intentions, I feared for my very life. Because I know what this man, this professed 'Monster', is truly capable of! He must be controlled and he must be neutered before he commits further acts of carnal sin. Christian looks to Mackenzie who shaking with fear reaches out for the microphone. MACKENZIE Bohemoth... had it coming, Tony. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MACKENZIE Nobody should feel any sympathy for that man. Not after what he's done. Nobody! WRIGHT It's okay, stay calm. MACKENZIE Bohemoth had this coming. And I know that most people are too scared of what he might do to deliver what he had coming. And I can't really blame them. But Christian... my knight in shining armour... he showed true bravery in the face of pure evil to do what was right! You see, that night, when... when... Mackenzie's voice begins to waiver and Christian takes a second to calm her down. MACKENZIE That night. Bohemoth stalked me just like he did Christian. He stalked after me into that exact same place. He tried to force me into the boiler room... he said it would be... quiet in there. More... steamy. I... tried to fight him off, and... and... I'm sorry. Poor Mackenzie breaks down again and buries her face into Christian's shoulders, to absolutely zero sympathy from the crowd. COLE Boiler room!? What happened to the story about playing pinball!? COACH She was clearly misquoted. COLE Oh, right, sure. BRANNIGAN So basically you're admitting that you set Bohemoth up? WRIGHT I prefer to say we provided karma a helping hand. Infact, you might well say it was a case of needs must. You may pour scorn on our methodology, but it was merely to serve a greater good. You cannot wrestle forever with morals when it comes time, To Catch A Predator. For these predators the ilk of Bohemoth or Anglesault have no morals. They have no remorse. No conscience. Luckily, The Enterprise is providing the OAOAST with a stable conscience, to combat predators such as these. No, myself and the V.I.C.E squad's attack within the confines of that boiler room, they were no mere coincidence. They were karmic justice for the tiny conscience of my former bodyguard. And the acrid stream which spewed forth from those pipes and into those sadistic eyes, that too was karma. Bohemoth, as you felt that steam sting at your eyes, you felt the sting of humiliation you forever inflicted on this once strong, indipendent woman. As the temperature of your orbital fluid rose, you felt the pain you have scarred into her soul. Every tear that flowed from your bloodshot eyes was a tear which this young lady has shed in torment since that night! Mackenzie manages a little bit of a smile now. WRIGHT And Bohemoth, your time of retribution has not yet passed. Your rehabilition is not yet complete. For at Zero Hour, yourself and I will enter that Boiler Room once more, the sight of your darkest crime, the sight of your impending downfall. Ms. Josie Baker has graciously given me the chance to issue your true karma in ten days time. And with the full knowledge of what you did in my mind, I will destroy you. I shall tame the mythical 'Monster'... Christian wraps a comforting arm around Mackenzie. WRIGHT ...and I will unshackle the chains of torment from this damsel in distress in the process. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The jeers continue to wash over CW and Mackenzie as he leads her carefully from the stage, the broken woman's plight still not enough to stop the boos. COACH Boy, how about that? COLE That was... something. From the sounds of it, a Boiler Room Brawl now added to Zero Hour, between Bohemoth and Christian Wright. And I have to say, that's a pretty gutsy move from Wright to be willing to be locked in a room with Bohemoth, no matter how large that room might be, all alone. Assuming of course he will be all alone. COACH What is with you? You doubt Christian's a man of his word, you keep trying to make Mackenzie seem like she's not a woman of her word, even after all she's been through. You're a cynical man. Why can't you understand, people like Christian are to be admired, trying to rid the OAOAST of scum like Anglesault and Bohemoth and make it a better place for people like us... well, some of us. COMING UP NEXT HeldDOWN PoseDOWN KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK NEXT COMMERCIAL Edited September 19, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by... ENTER $45.99 TO WATCH SEPTEMBER 29TH CLEVELAND, OHIO We're taken back to the stage floor, where a beautiful cursive HeldDOWN PoseDOWN is written in pink lettering on the rear curtain. Inside the ring are several romantic candles and roses along with a bed adorned with soft silk sheets. Also present is our MC, Melissa Nerdly. MELISSA Hello OAOAST! I hope everyone has enjoyed themselves tonight, and if you haven't, well, what's wrong with you, this show has been amazing! We've had action, we've had brawls, we've had stars, and now we've gonna have some sizzle! That's right, its time for the HeldDOWN PoseDOWN! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience begins chanting for the OAOAST's favorite lady. Though I prefer Molly Nerdly! MELISSA If you think you're excited, I was all set to cover a marriage between Canada's oldest cow and its smartest blind one legged Moose before the OAOAST offered me this position. Let's get this hot party going! Get your camera's ready, get ready to scream, and get ready to pick your jaws up off the floor! We're bringing out our smoking hot contestants for a three round posedown that also has the money in the bank contract and cash prize on the line! My dick locked in a cage, right Your dick suffer from stage fright My dick: so hot its stolen Your shit look like Gary Coleman My dick pink and big Your dick stinks like shit My dick got a Caesar do Your dick needs a tweezer dude Phoenix has both terrible taste in wrestlers and excellent lyrics, as they boo the arrival of Mister Dick. The hateful audience is covered in yellow and red spotlights as golden pyro fountain up to ceiling from the proscenium arches on the rear of the balcony as well as on the stone archway overlooking the stage from its side. Sans Malaysia, Mister Dick saunters om to stage in a yellow robe and black cowboy hot. He twirls beneath the yellow penis shaped spotlight that trails him before sliding into the ring. MELISSA Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm Phoenix sized welcome to a former OAOAST world tag team champion, THE HUMAN HARD ON, SAN ANTONIO'S OWN, MISTER DICK! “BOOOOOO!” scream the fans as Mister Dick stands with one foot on the first rope, the other on the second and throws his index finger high into the air. COLE Krista might not be in the greatest of mood with Jade having lost to Megan Skye and Holly Mann earlier tonight. That does not bode will for Mister Dick's self esteem. Fortunately, Mister Dick has a lot of self esteem to spare. CUE: KRISTA'S UNAMED ENTRANCE MUSIC BECAUSE I HATE ELECTRIC FEEL NOW! Huge cheers and applause welcome Krista Isadora Duncan onto stage, as these roaring fans imagine what type of scintillating outfit she has beneath her white robe. Leaving nothing to the imagination is Alix's skimpy news girl outfit from earlier, and she and her lack of clothing happily skip to sofa central. MELISSA And his opponent! She is the queen of Los Angeles, the queen of fitness, the queen of motherhood, the queen of the walk of fame, the queen of VH1 reality, and the queen of the entertainment industry, she is MISS CALIFORNIA AND MISS MONEY IN THE BANK KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! “GFQWFQWIYAHAAAH!” that is my interpretation of the noise the fans make when they cheer really loud! ALIX EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA! EXTRA! COACH Mami, you lookin good, but word of advice, you can't just say extra a whole lot of times, you gotta have some news to follow up! ALIX EXTRA! EXTRA! KRISTA BETTER PROPOSE TO ME SOON! COLE This HeldDOWN PoseDOWN came about because Mister Dick became jealous that Krista Isadora Duncan has gotten so many accolades for her looks from not only the OAOAST but the mainstream media as well. He says he's the sexiest man on earth, and he's going to prove it, and he also put in a caveat that if he wins he gets Krista's money in the bank title shot and money! ALIX Yeah, yeah, that's your version of story, but like, lemme give you mine and stuff. Mine doesn't have anyone named Krista, because we're on our honeymoon, or Mister Dick because he's dead, but its got a dude named Ninjitsu Jones. Does Ninjitsu Jones got bitches? Damn right he got bitches! Does Ninjitsu Jones got Bentley Couples? Damn right he got Bentley coupes! Does Ninjitsu Jones get money and pussy at the same time? Damn right Ninjitsu Jones get money and pussy at the same time! MELISSA There's a lot of hotness out here, and there's about to be a whole lot of skin, but there's also a bit of mystery thanks to you Mister Dick. You have handpicked the judges for this three round event yourself and you haven't told anyone who they are. But, let's meet them right now! "IT'S RAININ' MEN! Hallejulah IT'S RAININ' MEN! Amen" COLE This can't be! The usual decent cheer that greets Los Diablos arrival is now substituted by a murmur of amazement and frustration from an audience that knows all to well what this means. Krista, is noticebally less concerned and only informs Mister Dick he still has zero chance of winning. The funky pink clad luchadores take their seat behind a judges table, and wave giddily at Mister Dick who waves back with loads of enthusiasm. COACH HHHAHA. You that dude Mister Dick! You that dude Mister Dick! You outsmarted Krista! Ain't nobody ever done that, but you done did it. There ain't no way you gonna lose now. You the man, Mister Dick. I love a chick, but I love a dick. No homo. COLE Alix, I smell a rat. ALIX Uh-oh Mister Peepers, I said if anyone smelled you, you have to go back home! Sorry little guy! Alix pulls a RAT out of her shirt and sets it on the ground for it to go free. Or bite Vinny Valentine. Probably bite Vinny Valentine. ALIX Awww, now who's going to suck on my nipples? COLE Coach, keep quiet. MELISSA Mister Dick, I suppose you might make me regret saying this, but why don't you go first. MISTER DICK I was gonna go first no matter what you done said, donkey titties! I call this pose somebody set them donkey ditties on fire! No, I'm kidding, I call this pose the Rembrandt. After the legendary bastion of the beautiful brushstroke, Rembrandt. Observe! KRISTA Honey, refresh my memory cells, what did Rembrandt paint? MISTER DICK Well...now...I ain't too familiar with the praticulars or nothing, but I do believe there were some dogs playin some type of card game, perhaps Go Fish or Old Maid. KRISTA Uh-huh. Let the jury of your peers note that you also named your pose after guy who of died of anal hemorrhaging? Okay. MISTER DICK I got my fancy book learnin and almost got my Associates Degree in air condition and theromast stat maintenace and I know Rembrandt ain't died of no anal hoo-ha, devil woman. KRISTA Honey, syphoning gas with your mouth from your dad's tractor does not count as book learning, unless you're from Alaska. In which case all you need is a vagina, a pregnant teenage daughter and a few favorite verses from the bible, and hey, you're the vice president! Dickie-Doo, ol Krista's got her book learnin and her two master degrees, and she say that he did die. In a charity bikini carwash with Leonardo Da Vinci to benefit Pope Augustine's defense fund after he killed a Gypsy hooker. MISTER DICK Well, I was not aware of that at the time of naming selection. I wanna make a change. KRISTA Too late. MISTER DICK Who the hell are you? KRISTA I'm someone who has more money and is more famous than you. Therefore I am more likely to be let off for a crime you could serve 10-15 years for, more likely to get out a speeding ticket that would bankrupt you, more likely to be linked to a sex tape with Anne Heche, and more likely to be right in besmirching classic historical and religious figures. MELISSIA Mister Dick, we can debate neo-classical history on the next show, could you just perform your pose please? Mister Dicks offers a nod of assent, as his face tightens in an annoyance that's furthered by the groaning of the theater crowd. As Pussycat Doll's Buttons is cued up the lights lower to a romantic, sensuous and tempting shade of red and blue. The mural of the sky changes from a blue to a picturesque fantasy like sunset. The Human Hard On's annoyance slowly evaporates as he becomes seduced by the mood, and a thrill of anticipation courses through his slim body. ALIX Oh no! This is the part where I distract the referee! COLE Alix, this isn't a match, there's no referee to distract. ALIX Thank god, 'cause without a rodent carrying several flesh eating bacteria I thought I was gonna have to adlib or something. Do you think rats can write wedding vows? I wonder if they oppose gay marriages? What jerks rats are! I never knew! Mister Dick rips off his golden robe to showcase a golden body where a lean swimmer's chest pushes out a tanktop, solid muscles and veins snake from his broad shoulders to his wrist, and an all muscle lower body shines in white briefs and white chaps with gaudy sparking tassels of every color in the rainbow. The Cocky Prick struts towards the edge of the ring, closest to appreciating eyes of Mariachi and Moracca. The luchadores devour the image of his bulging member straining with all its manly might to bust out his underwear. Their faces blaze with electricity singularly locked onto his meat packed trunks as they straddle the middle ropes. MD grinds himself into the cables, with grunting that sings to Los Diablos in primal animal lust. Spent from his erotic showcase, he falls backwards on the ropes, and eyes down the Mexicans as if to beg that them to pleasure him as a fill in for the ropes. Their cries of an enthused yes etch a smile onto his face, as he dismounts the rope. His dastardly smile burns a hole into Krista while Los Diablos lusting eyes burn a hole into muscled behind. Melissa does her best to not look totally repulsed, but its hard not to completely abhor The Cocky Prick. MELISSA Mister Dick, everyone, with the pose not titled Rembrandt! The boos are plentiful, echoing loudly of the fine theater aucostics. MD couldn't find it within him to care less, he's delighted at sending Los Diablos to seventh heaven. COACH That body is an institution of Americana! They should make a movie out of it. COLE Sell it to Universal they'll buy anything. ALIX Uh-uh! Remember that movie I made? There were like these pirates and stuff and they had like a ship full of monkeys who they were gonna sell into slavery, but then the monkeys like revolted and stuff and killed the pirates and they sailed around the world solving mysteries and stuff, and sometimes the monkeys would find like time portals and go into our time and they'd be all confused and stuff, because they're like ancient monkeys and their monkeys and how do they know how to work computers and mircowaves? And at the end of movie you'd see a Monkey in the jungle typing, like he wrote the story, and he just finished it, and he was all proud and then a lion would eat him and then crap him out on his story! But, they didn't buy it. MC, you were in it, remember? COLE I played Mister Mortimer, the Chimp with a stern, harsh tongue but a heart as soft as butter. It was the worst experience of my life. My family wouldn't even talk to me after they saw it. I didn't want to act anymore. I just wanted to die. I wanted to go outside and have something fall on me and kill me instantly. If not then at least hit me hard enough to erase all memories of “ARGH ME MONKEYS” a film by Alix Maria Spezia. I am consumed daily by the hatred I feel for you for having ever conceived such a terrible film. MELISSIA Next up is everyone's favorite...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! “YEAAAAA!” sing the audience, their cheer met with a sharp scowl from Mister Dick. KRISTA Thank you, my darlings, may you blessed by being transported to another country where half the voting public isn't a gun toting, Nascar loving, Jesus worshipping, soldier sniffing, racist homophobe who thinks the fact that you can see Russia out your window qualifies to be next in line to be commander in chief should the president die. Hey, I can see black people mowing my lawn out my window, make me president of the NAACP! Regardless, I have entitled this pose, “My reaction after Mister Dick foolishly transferred his entire life savings into AIG on the the advice of television commentators who got their jobs strictly on their ability to be white, old, and republican, and really loud. Only for AIG to nearly collapse, and Mister Dick now realizing the twilight years of his horrid life will be spent in those same assless chaps grinding a strip club pole before HIV thankfully, hopefully, claims his woebegotten life.” I shall begin. KRISTA MISTER DICK ALIX Hehehe Mister Dick! Maybe now you'll know the only safe currency to deal in is the most valuable currency of all. Human Souls. Coach, can I have your soul? COACH No! ALIX I'll give you a half chewed stick of double mint gum! Double your pleasure double your fun! COACH Well when you put in a catchy slogan from my childhood....okay! MELISSIA Mister Dick, there's nothing to worry about, Malaysia is actually a nice girl, I bet she'll let you sleep on top of one of her spare spanking benches. If you could please do your second pose. KRISTA Wait! I barely got my vomit bag ready! Mister Dick grumbles his annoyance, but his cruel words are overpowered by “Buttons” return to the venue. The audience is already is booing him, which does little to lighten his aggravated mood. However, MD does his best to encase himself in a sexual aura in the face of such opposing hatred. Facing his lone admirers in Los Diablos, MD ventures his hands to his tight shirt and ever so slowly removes them from his breifs. The luchadores tingle in an anticipation that's throughly satisfied when Mister Dick whisks his top away with little pretense. Delighted and wowed they giggle breathlessly at the sight of Mister Dick rubbing his hard hairless chest. He moans slightly pushes his pecs into his hands, drawing hungering stares from the judges. With his strong manly fingers he squeezes the firm muscles, lightly pinching the tips of his nipples, and stroking the mass of muscle, sending erotic waves through his body. KRISTA Mister Dick, honey, don't you worry, that's not the sound of five thousand people booing. No, that's a sound of angel committing suicide. Well done, sir! MELISSA Krista, please let Mister Dick, continue this pose. MISTER DICK I don't want to! I'm done, she done ruined the pose, and I hope ya'll judges take that into account! Over there heein and hawin some god damn nonsense, Melissa Nerdly, how'd you like it if you was up here trynna strut your stuff and look all good, and she starts talkin about the AIG bailout means you ain't got any money to get yer saggy breastses done up? MELISSA I'm going to ignore you from here on out. Your negative energy will not disrupt my postive chi. MISTER DICK Your breasts are disrupting my ability to maintain an erection. MELISSA Krista, that means its your turn. The audience is in dire need of a pick me up, and they certainly get a reason to stand up at attention, as the leggy blond tosses aside her robe. With the unwelcome, constraining cloth casted away, the fans satisfy their carnal desires with more than fantastic image of her long legs and tight tush fully revealed by a sparkling white thong, and her luscious chest bursting through a white top tied up to reveal her rock hard tummy. KRISTA I call this, “Terry hurry your ass up, my legs are freezing, which makes no sense because we're in a god damn desert!” A cumbersome name to be sure but it does bring out Terry Taylor in The Cock a doodle dobile, a white Cadillac with giant fake red feathers on the top. He honks the horn, which sounds like a rooster crowing, and it brings out several stage hands with buckets of water. And so Krista springs into action, exiting the ring and grabbing onto a bucket to wash down the cock a doodle dobile. That is a terrible name. Just terrible in everyway. Anyway, Krista crouches by the side as if using Angela crouched by the side of the car, and gently rubs her ass against the bodywork as if using her but floss to buff the paint. The view from inside is incredible, and hey, I have a gif that will save me typing power! Yay! Finally Krista finishes by dousing Terry's enflamed passion with a heaping of freezing cold water. The audience roars their enormous approval for Krista's showing, and she rewards them with a view of her glistening soapy BUTT as it bounces and flexes on her way back to the ring. Mister Dick is outright irate at the reaction Krista has generated and yells for the audience to show him the same respect. MELISSA Krista Isadora Duncan, once again ladies and gentlemen! Mister Dick, you're up for your third and final pose! COACH Alix, you gotta admit, Krista looked damn good but those clothes on Mister Dick are the finest threads you'll ever see. ALIX Yeah, I guess, if I only ever went to S&M leather bars. But I also like to go to soup kitchens and dump homeless people's head in the soup. That way when the recover from the near death drowning they can appreciate life again, and maybe just maybe the paramedics who will treat their third degree burn. Without a moment of hesitation or buildup, Mister Dick's tall and lean figure dives headfirst into the bed. Just his very presence in such a place, floods Los Diablos' mind with vivid fantasies and images. These are humiliating dreams Mister Dick works to bring to life by furiously thrusting himself into the bed, his pursed lips begging Los Diablos to come join him. Mister Dick reverses position facing away from the judges, showing off a hard muscle, defined, and hairless body. His back flowed down to his jeans, where his muscle ass jutted out. Briefs stretched tight against his firm ass, he pumps it and shakes it in the direction of the hooting and hollering Los Diablos. Eyes focused solely on his rump shaking, they fail to see him turn in their direction and lick his lips. With loud applause from his satisfied (and only) fans Mister Dicks dismounts the bed to bow towards an apathetic audience. COACH Look at that bod, chiseled out of granite. ALIX I wish it was chiseled out of cookie dough. Then I could eat it! And kill him at the same time! MELISSA Krista, this your last chance to seal the deal and remain Miss Money In The Bank. Krista, like Mister Dick, heads directly to bed. However, it seems as though she's gone to go to sleep as she slides underneath the covers totally shrouding herself in them. The fans buzz with confusion, unsure of what to make of her disapperance. They are definitley sure of what to make of the appearance of her top as it flies from the bed, along with her thong. COACH Oh boy! Coach's cheer is well worth it as this image appears on screen obv not in B&W! From the shot of a roaring, approving audience, we cut backstage to the collected locker room of the CAE, D*LUX, Melody, Jamie O'Hara, and Baron Windells. All widened heavily aroused eyes are glued to the set, except for D*LUX who are caught up in an unwelcome and frustrating conversation on the season premier of Ugly Betty with a visiting Jumbo. MARV Dudes, dudes, dudes, get yer asses over here! Krista is naked! She's naked! MEL Hurry up, you lame ass dicks. You're talking about Ugly Betty and she's got bouncing betties! Politeness be damned! Shayne and Tyler rush past an oblivious Jumbo to see their queen and goodness in all her splendor only for the TV to go black before they get even a glimpse. MELODY Sorry, gents, I need this TV for Rock Band 2. SHAYNE AND TYLER Bu...bu...bu...bu...but MELODY BACK TO STAGE FLOOR MELISSA Oh wow! Um, well done. Very well done. Very, very, well done! There you have it judges, the three very hot poses from our Posedown competitors. Please take a moment or two and decide the winners. As if they were decide a supreme court verdict, and damn it this is just as important as one, Los Diablos come together, yes homo, to decide on who should win this monumental battle of the nice booties. COLE This is pointless! We know who they're going to pick! COACH Shut up, Mikey, the judges deserve solitude and solemnity to confer. COLE Are you being sarcastic? ALIX No, silly, he's Coach! Who's this sarcasm dude? One of the dudes from 98 degrees? Is he the fat one who was only there to make Nick Lachey look hotter? Los Diablos continue to debate and discuss their selection, looking decidedly serious. As serious one can be in pink mask and devil horns. None the less their lack of a quick judgment makes Mister Dick slightly uneasy, and he shifts in nervous fear. Finally, he's able to calm himself somewhat as Los Diablos stand up to announce him the winner of the competition and the money in the bank briefcase. MARIACHI We have reached winner! MISTER DICK Tell the world, tell the world that The Human Hard On is the one that turns them on! MORCCA AND MARIACHI The winner of HeldDOWN POSEdown is......KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! SMILE! ALIX Yippie! I did it! COACH What did you do? ALIX I didn't pull out my vibrator a single time while I was out here. Very lady like. At the first the audience is stunned, unable to believe what they've just heard. Once that initiation shock passes, a wave of cheers comes flooding from the seats crashing into Mister Dick and drenching him in embarrassment. Embarrassment becomes anger, anger becomes rage, and soon the posedown looks like it may turn into a beatdown. MISTER DICK You pink little midget bastards! How the hell could ya do this to me? You're gay men! G-A-Y! You as gay as monkey shit is stinky, so how in the sam hill could ya'll have voted against me? MARIACHI Mister Dick, you are Cocky Prick! MORACCA And we hate cocky pricks! The audience loudly applauds Los Diablos amazing choice of personality over appearance. Although one could argue Krista's pretty cocky. But she's never masturbated over anyone. Plus she's famous. Thus, Krista=TEH WINNAH! COLE How bout that? Los Diablos are so disgusted with Mister Dick's personality they didn't want to name him the winner! How's that for a twist in a beauty contest? Krista, who apparently never feared losing her MITB briefcase and its half a million dollars, only applauds lightly with “told ya so” smirk. What she lacks in emotions, Mister Dick more than makes up for. He stomps around the ring, face reddened, nostrils flaring, eyes narrowed in a wild animal rage. MISTER DICK (leaning over the ropes) Ya two timin little Mexican jumpin bean snakes! I trusted ya'll ta do the right thing, do the smart thing and do the gay thing, and ya screwed me damn well and good! Screw you, ya damn daffy bastards! Ya'll ain't nothing but..but..but..some..some...faggots! “OOOOOOOH!” ALIX (standing) Yo, I know this whiteboy didn't! Los Diablos, do ya'll niggas bust yo gun? “Hell yeah we bust our gun!” they reply, and then surprise Mister Dick by latching onto his cowboy boots and dragging him out the ring. His, hot muscle stud ass belongs to them and they, and the audience, couldn't possibly be more excited. Chilling screams come from the top of Mister Dick's lungs, but his fears of sexual molestation are but wondrous song to the fans and his attackers. And a wondrous feeling to Los Diablos is there body pressed against his smooth baby oiled chiseled physique from the... ALIX (reading a notecard) GOMIES JUG! COLE That's uh..homies hug. ALIX You're handwriting is like super sucky, dude. BIFF (OFF SCREEN) Parada! Parada! Parada! All eyes, even that of Los Diablos, turn towards the stage area, to watch Biff Atlas hastily scurry onto the scene. The distraction provided by the annoying safety nut is wholly welcomed by Mister Dick, who uses it to keep his anal virginity (persumed) intact and scampers away from his would be sexual molestors. ALIX Look! Its Borf Arlus! COLE That's Biff Atlas. ALIX Okay, dude, I'm like really sorry and stuff, but you're handwriting is crappy! I think you should just be beheaded in front of school children who refuse to practice proper penmenship, let the youth benefit from your bloody death, dude. BIFF Parada! Parada! That means stop in Spanish, in case you were wondering. I find it useful to learn a new language. Many countries only have safety signs in one language, which I think should be changed ASAP, because you have no idea how many people have died because they couldn't read the signs warning them about lose electrical wries, rabid poisonous flying squirrels, EBOLA, or religious warfare. If you're interested in this topic please feel free to pick up my newsletter on your way out. Atlas on Atlas, laminated so as to minimize the risk of paper cuts. LOS DIABLOS Hi, Biffy! BIFF You! You creatures better stay away from me! I'm not here for you people. You're kind has done enough to me! KRISTA Honies, don't be offended, he doesn't mean gays, he means Mexicans. BIFF You're exactly, who I'm here for Miss Krista Isadora Duncan! Biff enters the ring to several boos and jeers from the theater goers. BIFF We've had our runs in the past I know. KRISTA That's odd, I don't remember any of them. BIFF I was part of an utterly insane and foolish match that destroyed half your house? KRISTA Honey, that's every Passover, when my Grandmother forgets which one of Uncle Larry's mistress has fathered which illegitimate black child. BIFF You flashed me once? KRISTA Honey, I got naked in a beauty contest judged by two men so gay they make John Waters look like Mitt Romney at a Klan rally, I've flashed a lot of people. BIFF That brings me right to my point! I like big mammaries, and glutes as much as the next American male, don't mistake me on that! But I consider it my duty above all other desires and pleasure to ask, no, demand that you put your clothes on right this very instant! “BOOOOOO!” BIFF Do not boo me! Do not boo me until you've walked a mile in my shoes! I have to share a locker room with this woman. Now, she may dress in her own trailer that's guarded by heavily armed security guards, but what happens if one of those security guards were to enter the arena, or what happens when she enters the arena for her match? Or wrestles a match? Nothing typically, because she is usually fully clothed, negating herself from exposure to the elements which in turn lead to colds, which in turn leads to the flu, which in turn leads to death! My death! But now she's nude! She's naked! And the end is at hand! Oh lord, the end is at hand! Why me? Why Biff? Why not someone else? The germs and viruses have a five foot tench body to feast on, and after they build their little germ settlements, with little germ towns, and little germ mayors, and little germ churches, they're going to look to expand. Where do you think they'll go? Right to me! Infiltrating my immune system, infecting me with the flu, and killing me! Kiiiiilllinnnnngggg meeeeeeee! AHHHHHHHH! NOOOOO! STOP! STOP! STOP! Because Krista wanted to get naked! Put some clothes on! Do it now! The audience is of course rather displeased with Biff's orders, but Krista remains strangely not in a position emasculate Biff. KRISTA Gee, Biff, you make a lot of sense, and I shouldn't have expected any less for a guy who made is OAOAST debut by snorting the dandruff off Josh Matthew's hair. I'll put my clothes on faster than you can spell hypochondriac. If you can spell hypochondriac. It wasn't my intention to have a go at your illiteracy, good sir, let me make everything up to you with a hug. BIFF A hug? A HOMIES HUG! Everyone in attendance is immensely satisfied to see Biff become a repeat victim of Los Diablos' crazy ways as the south of border queens ensare him in their trademark double bear hug. Atlas weeps and whines demanding to be let free, but his cries just provoke his aggressors to increase the furor behind their horrible, horrible, molestation. ALIX SPARTANS, TONIGHT WE DINE IN HELL! And with that movie quote, Alix rips Biff from Los Diablos hands, throws him over the ropes, and causes him to go crashing through the judges table. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” ALIX Was that overkill? KRISTA When is throwing someone threw a table ever not necessary? ALIX I love you. KRISTA I love me to! As Krista's entrance music blasts through the speakers, the rainbow collation (get it they're all gay!) raise their triumphant hands to a rousing ovation from the fans. MELISSA The winner of the HeldDOWN PoseDOWN The GLAADiator...KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Congratulations! COLE Mister Dick has been foiled, and Biff Atlas has as usual suffered great humiliation. The Human Hard On's scheme to prove he's the hottest thing going and get his hands on a guaranteed title shot looked perfect, but its been done in by Los Diablos. COACH That was gay. Well, it wasn't gay gay, but it was still pretty gay. But, The Cocky Prick has got a chance to make history at Zero Hour by being the first person to ever take down Krista in a one on one match! Baron Windells couldn't do something as raw as that! COLE And neither can Mister Dick, so I don't even think its worth discussing! COACH I'ma bet you ten thousand dollars that Mister Dick is gonna be the one to take Krista down. COLE That's better be cash, you're paying me. No checks, the only thing I want bouncing around here is a basketball. COMING UP NEXT NED BLANCHARD VS BARON WINDELLS NEXT! COMMERCIAL Edited September 19, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 “Sympathy for the Devil” hits and Theodore Moneymaker is carried in on a THRONE by random musclemen under the supervision of V.I.C.E. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chief Executive Officer of the Enterprise… THEODORE MMMMMMONEYYYYYYYYYYYYMAKERRRRRR!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Seated ringside on his throne, Moneymaker lights up his smoking pipe with a $100 bill and laughs. COLE Last week it was a robe and diamond ring. This week it’s a chair fitting of a king. What’s next, a golden statue of himself? COACH We cannot honor our messiah enough, Mikey. He saved an entire company and therefore our jobs by his efforts and those of his legions of supporters. COLE If you weren’t already brown I’d say you had a spot on your nose! “Superstar” by Lupe Fiasco replaces Theodore’s music and the Beverly Hills Blonds walk the red carpet filmed by their #1 fan Molly Nerdly. The trio is taken by surprise when they’re not allowed up the ring steps by V.I.C.E. COACH What’s going on here? A glance at Moneymaker reveals the reason. Pipe in mouth and head turned, the Billion Dollar Heir casually points to his $ shaped diamond ring. SIMON/NED/MOLLY Caught off-guard and somewhat embarrassed, the BHB and Molly kiss the ring. MONEYMAKER COLE (disgusted) Oh, how degrading. COACH We all must kiss the ring, Cole. Nobody’s superior to Theodore Moneymaker. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Wrestling fans, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing… Buffer has the microphone ripped out of his hands by Simon. SIMON We’ll handle things from here, sport. Go have a seat and enjoy the show Ned Blanchard’s about to put on for your entertainment. NED You damn right, son. In just a few moments we’re gonna learn whether a generic brand like Baron Windels matches up to a brand name like Ned Blanchard. After last week I got a receipt with your name on it, Windels. Tonight I’m gonna return the ass kicking! “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy cues and Baron Windels emerges to an ENORMOUS pop. Well, not really (not everybody can get the 1980s Hogan pop), but it’s a respectable one nonetheless! BUFFER His opponent, hailing from San Antonio, Texas, weighing 265 pounds... “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BAAAAAROOOOOOONNNNNNNN WINDELS!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Baron flings his shirt at the BHB and they hightail out of the squared circle. It’s not until the crowd’s died down a little that Ned returns inside. COACH How smart is Ned, Cole? Very subtle thing he did there, letting the crowd wear itself out. COLE Ned Blanchard a seasoned pro. He knows what he’s doing, no question. * DINGDINGDING * Both men lockup as the bell sounds and Baron Windels gets snapped over in an arm drag. So proud of himself is Ned, he takes a bow to a chorus of boos. Ned doesn’t let the haters bother him and locks back up with Baron, throwing a kick to the gut…but Windels blocks the cheap shot and scores with an ATOMIC DROP. Blanchard’s momentum springs him off the ropes and into a BIG BOOT, knocking the Handsome Hustler out through the ropes! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Simon rushes to his partner’s aid and helps him up. Ned in no mood to be filmed after what transpired, shielding his face from the camera. Then it’s back to business with a SLAP to Baron’s face. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” Blanchard’s the only person in the house who doesn’t realize what a bad move that was. He learns the hard way though, dropped to the seat of his pants with a single punch! COACH That ought to be a disqualification. Baron just punched Ned with a closed fist right in front of the damn referee. Whatever argument Coach has is lost when Ned responds in kind. A slugfest ensues and Ned Blanchard receives the worst of it. He grabs a headlock out of desperation and is shoved off into the ropes, the victim of a dropkick on the rebound. Blanchard begs off in the corner, luring Baron into a false sense of security that allows him to land a back elbow to the temple! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Planted mid-ring courtesy of a back suplex, Baron manages to avoid a knee drop and hook Ned for the FIGURE-4. Luckily for Ned, Simon hops on the apron…and eats a roundhouse! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Awaiting Baron when he turns back around is Ned Blanchard and a back elbow that sends the Lone Star Gunslinger tumbling over the top! COLE The referee needs to keep a close eye on Simon here. COACH Like he’d do anything to break the rules. Simon does as Ned distracts the ref, whipping Baron into the guardrail and seeking Theodore Moneymaker’s approval after. A simple nod from the OAOAST Messiah bringing a smile to his face. Meanwhile, Baron pulls himself on the apron and Ned suplexes him inside. POINTY~! ELBOW off the ropes…but nobody’s home! Baron shakes the cobwebs and wrings Ned’s arm. The Handsome Hustler goes to the eyes to break free, then fires BW across. Windels ducks a clotheslines and levels Blanchard on the rebound with his patent RUNNING BUTT BUMP! COLE Bite My Shiny Metal Ass! The cover. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Blanchard is set on the top for the SUPERPLEX, but Simon grabs Baron’s leg as he lifts Ned in the air and the Handsome Hustler falls on top! COLE Simon’s got the leg! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! BARON * DINGDINGDINGDING * "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Another incredible win for the Beverly Hills Blonds! Err, I mean Ned! COLE No, you had it right the first time. Simon and Ned have stolen another one. Theodore Moneymaker leaves his throne and is welcomed inside by Simon and Ned. But that’s as much communication they have with the man who signs their checks as Theodore heads straight for the referee. COACH What do we have here? After some words the ref WAVES OFF THE PIN and RESTARTS the match. "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SIMON/NED COLE You’ve got to be kidding me!? The BHB look to Teddy for answers but he’s none to eager to provide them. Backs turned, BW BULLDOGS the BHB and covers Ned! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! MOLLY * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of the match… BAAAAAROOOOOOONNNNNNNN WINDELS!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Hands on hips, Moneymaker shakes his head in disappointment while the BHB are still seeing stars following the bulldog. Baron Windels, meanwhile, celebrates his win by going around ringside slapping hands until he bumps into V.I.C.E. COACH Uh-oh. There’s no love lost here, Mikey Cole. Fist clinched, BW stands tall. Noticeably impressed with how Baron handled the situation, Theodore orders CPA and Detective Bosley to let him pass. The Gunslinger cautious as he goes by. COLE I don’t know what to make of this, fans. So let’s go to break or somewhere. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 Back from break the camera cuts to a close-up of a hideously scarred back. The camera pulls back to reveal that the back belongs to Colombian Heat. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat puts on his orange T-shirt, a serious expression on his face. The OAOAST United States Championship belt sits on a tan sofa behind Heat. Heat goes to put on his yellow basketball jersey, when Tha Puerto Rican walks into the room. Tha Puerto Rican is wearing his Puerto Rican flag bandana, an earring in his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, a white dress shirt, black tie, black sports jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants with a leather belt, and black dress shoes. Tha Puerto Rican has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. THA PUERTO RICAN Heat, you sure you wanna do this? You can back out right now, if you want to. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yo, P, bro, don't worry. I gots dis. You understand? I ain't neva gonna back down cuz of somethin' some punk bitch did to me! THA PUERTO RICAN You're not exactly 100%, man. The Deadly Alliance really did a number on you last Thursday. HEAT Chill, B. I've been in worse situations. The scars will heal. And besides, chicks dig scars, you know what I'm sayin'? You know what I'm sayin'? HA! HA! THA PUERTO RICAN I'm just checking on ya. Alfdogg is looking to send a message tonight to me two weeks before Zero Hour. HEAT P.R., the only one dat is gonna be sendin' a message tonight is me! Think of it as me representin' you in the ring tonight. What I do to Alfdogg, I KNOW dat you're going to do 10 times worse to him at Zero Hour! Jigga thinks he can get away with scarring mah back! HA! Fool got another thing comin' if he thinks he can just do dat and walk away scot free! I am fixing to give him an All-American ASS WHOOPING! I WILL LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN ON HIS CANDY ASS TONIGHT! The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat puts on his yellow basketball jersey over his orange T-shirt. The OAOAST United States Champion looks at his best friend and OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, who has a worried look on his face. Heat adjusts the yellow basketball jersey and then takes a deep breath. HEAT A'ight. I'm ready. THA PUERTO RICAN Hey. Be careful. I'll be watching the match. If you need any help, holla. HEAT Thanks, P.R., but I's dat think I can take care of dis on mah own. But yeah, I know you've got mah back always. THA PUERTO RICAN Damn right. Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican both throw up the "Killa B's", and then bump "Killa B's" together. HEAT Now if you excuse me, I got a Title to defend. After wot Alfdogg and his crew did to me, I am READY to dish out an ASS-WHOOPING TO THE HIGHEST DEGREE! BADD BOYZ STYLE! YESSIR! And then you will go ahead and finish off Alfie in two weeks at Zero Hour like I KNOW you will! A'ight, I gotta go. I'll be back in a few minutes, STILL having the OAOAST United States Championship belt around mah waist! A'ight, later. THA PUERTO RICAN See you later, Heat. The Badd Boyz high five each other. Colombian Heat dusts his right shoulder off and then says, "He ain't nothin' but dirt off mah shoulder!" PRL chuckles. Heat grins and nods his head. Colombian Heat grabs the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his right hand. He opens the door to the lockerroom, waves goodbye to Tha Puerto Rican, throws up a "Killa B" which PRL responds to in kind, and then nods his head again. Colombian Heat exits the lockerroom, closing the door behind him. THA PUERTO RICAN I'm so nervous for him! Tha Puerto Rican covers his face with his right hand and lets out a sigh. Tha Puerto Rican has a worried look on his face as the segment ends. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 We briefly return to sofa central where Coach and Cole are still cooling off from the posedown, from entirely different things of course... COLE Right now, let's take you backstage where our newest broadcast colleague Melissa Nerdly is standing by with Leon Rodez. COACH Is that wise? COLE Shut up. Take it Melissa. Not his usual jovial self, Leon Rodez stands with hands on hips against the HeldDOWN~! interview backdrop. Much chirpier is Melissa who wears a big TV smile on her face. MELISSA Hey everybody, Melissa Nerdly still filling in for my sis and here with her knight in gleaming armour, Mister Leon Rodez. Leon, first off, how is Mags doing? LEON Well I think it's pretty obvious from the fact you're still filling in that she's not doing so well Melissa. Obviously you know that. But for the benefit of the people, Maggie's still feeling the effects of what happened. Physical and mental. We all are. See, Maggie might be a former Women's Champion and she might have some small idea of the rigours of the ring. But taking a neckbreaker from a 240, 250 pound guy is a completely different matter. Let alone being damn near bent in half the way spines aren't meant to bend. So, right now, she's in a bad way physically. Mentally? Who even knows, Melissa? She got attacked doing her job, surrounded by the rest of the Deadly Alliance. Had to watch people get beaten down trying to save her in the process. I don't know what state of mind she's in right now, except that she's scared. She's scared like every other female in the company is. MELISSA It is kinda scary, I know. I mean, Reject hasn't just attacked my poor sister. LEON Right now, Reject's a loose cannon. He's unpredictable and that's what worries me. See this whole situation between me and your sister has gone too far when innocent people are being hurt by extension. People like Megan Skye. Like one of your other sisters, Molly. Getting caught up in all this. Colatteral damage. All of which rests on what happened between me and Maggie. MELISSA And Melody. Leon glances at Melissa a little angrily, only to realise she's right. LEON Because of all that happened, Reject's suddenly lost it, going around attacking innocent people. Seems like there's a lot of that going on around here recently. Well, sooner or later it has to stop. And I guess it's got to be down to me to stop it. If all these attacks are on my head, I'd rather risk my neck than someone else's. Whether it's my niece's, my friend's, my girlfriend's, you, anyone. So Reject, trust me, the buck stops with me. There's no law around the OAOAST anymore. So I'm going to have to take it into my own hands to deal with you. I'm going to have to make a stand against people like The Deadly Alliance, The Enterprise, all the In Crowd are going to have to, before this company implodes into complete anarchy. And Reject, it starts with you. And with that, Leon heads off. MELISSA The lovely Leon, not in such a lovely mood. Stay tuned our feature mainevent is coming up after this commercial break. COMING UP NEXT UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH ALFDOGG VS COLOMBIAN HEAT NEXT COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 Back from the commercial Magnum Opus hits, as the lights go out and the crowd begins to boo. The lights come back on after a brief period, and Alfdogg walks through the curtains. COLE And here comes Alfdogg, looking to take advantage of an injured Colombian Heat, and take his United States title! Let's go to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST United States championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger, weighing in at 237 pounds...he is the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORLD...ALFDOGG!!!!! Alf steps into the ring, and does his pose, as the pyro goes off behind him. COLE And once again, we all saw earlier what the Deadly Alliance did to United States champion last week, and only time will tell just what kind of condition he's in! Alf looks off into the aisle, as Gasolina hits, and Colombian Heat gingerly walks through the curtains, never taking his eyes off Alf as his pyro goes off behind him. BUFFER His opponent...from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 180 pounds...he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST United States champion...COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLOMBIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA NNNNNN HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAT!!!!! Heat slowly removes his shirts and slams them to the floor halfway through the aisle, and fans gasp upon seeing his back, heavily scarred and ready to bleed again upon impact. COLE Oh wow, look at that. COACH I got a feeling this is gonna get real ugly, real quick, Cole. Heat rolls into the ring, and Alf pounces immediately. *DING DING DING* Alf stomps away on Heat, then picks him up and drags him into a corner. Alf delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then whips Heat hard across the ring, as Heat yells out in pain upon hitting the buckles, dropping to one knee, then popping up long enough for Alf to knock him right off his feet with another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COACH And already, Heat even struggling to force a shoulder up off the canvas! Alf picks up Heat, and delivers a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COLE And look at Heat, he's not going to go down without a fight! He wants to prove Alf wrong! He wants to prove that he is a worthy titleholder! Alf whips Heat into another corner, then stops to taunt the crowd. He charges...but Heat slips out of the way! COLE And look at this! Heat actually forming a comeback here! Heat shoves Alf back into the corner, and peppers him with chops and punches! As Alf staggers out of the corner, Heat slowly climbs to the second rope behind him, then catches him with a BULLDOG~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat then backs Alf into the ropes, and delivers the SHAKY LEGS KNEEDROP~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat then picks up Alf, and sets up an Irish whip. Alf reverses, however, then drops down, and catches Heat coming back with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COACH Oh, that's got to be it! Alf then gets to his feet, holding onto Heat's legs, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Sharpshooter applied, and Heat is making no progress towards those ropes! Heat screams in pain, but continues to shake his head no. COLE Imagine the pain that must be going through Heat right now, but he will not give up! Heat's head and hands slowly start to slump to the mat, and he becomes glassy-eyed, then unresponsive. The referee asks him one last time, and no response. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...and the third lift... ...THE ARM DROPS! COLE ...and that's it, we have a new U.S. champion. *DING DING DING* COACH Oh come on, get excited, Cole, we just saw a major title change hands right here on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! BUFFER The winner of the match, by way of submission...and NEWWWWWWWW OAOAST United States champion...AAAAAAAAAAAAaLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COLE Well folks, in the record books it will say submission, but let us make clear that Colombian Heat did NOT in fact give up in this match! Alf raises his hand, while still keeping the hold. COLE And look at this, come on, ref, get him off! After the referee counts, Alf finally releases the hold, and takes the belt from the referee, raising it in the air. COLE Yeah, Alf should be really proud of himself, beating a badly injured man for his title! COACH And you know what this means, Cole, all of the Deadly Alliance members bear gold now! Sandman the Heartland champion, the tag champs Thunderkid and Reject, and now Alf, the new U.S. champion! COLE And Alf could be in possession of two belts after Zero Hour, when he challenges Tha Puerto Rican for the OAOAST World championship! As referees help Heat to the back, the remaining Deadly Alliance members join Alf in the ring, stand side-by-side, and all raise their belts with their right hands. COLE Are we looking at the premier organization in the business today? The results don't lie, look at all the gold held by the Deadly Alliance, it's a tough argument! These guys are on fire! Right now, let's go to Josie Baker, with a very big announcement! Cut backstage to Josie's office. JOSIE Thank you, Michael. Yes indeed, the Deadly Alliance has much reason to celebrate right now, and congratulations to Alfdogg for adding yet another championship to his resume. *crowd boos* JOSIE However, I am here because I have another very big announcement which is of importance to the Deadly Alliance. You see, Alfdogg is challenging for the World heavyweight title, and Sandman9000 will be defending his Heartland title. So, where does that leave the World tag team champions? *crowd cheers* JOSIE Well, I had a meeting with the two of them this morning, and they agreed that they would defend the World tag team titles, at Zero Hour, against Team Heyross! *crowd cheers* COLE All right! JOSIE However, there were conditions added. Thunderkid has used his favor on this match, to add a stipulation. And that stipulation says that if Team Heyross fails to take the tag team titles from Thunderkid and Reject, they will not receive another shot at the belts as long as Thunderkid and Reject remain the champions. *crowd boos* JOSIE I then added another condition on top of this, which states that if Thunderkid and Reject are disqualified or counted out in this match, then Team Heyross will be the new tag team champions! *crowd cheers* JOSIE So there you have it, another big title match announced for Zero Hour. Thank you, Michael, and good night, OAOAST. FADE OUT! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 19, 2008 CREDITZ EWC ALF KC DR.Z 149 ZACK PATTY O Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
