n00b Report Card

[Guest CED Ordonez]

I just want a general critique from the veterans of the JL and WF of how well us n00bs are coming along. Let the hazing begin!

[Guest Shawn]

Ced, in that match with you vs. MVS and me as the ref, you said you didn't think you ever on the level (plus that you couldn't write anyways). At the time I didn't know how good you were becuase I haven't seen any of your matches, but man, you're there. Maybe it doesn't sound to special comming from another n00b but it's true.

 

About that match, you also said that you winning would kinda screw over the feud (which it would) and that pretty much justified your no-showing. I'd just like to say that if my match is posted and I retain, I'd love to work with you sometime down the road...like say when my feud with MVS is over.

 

Z' match was a good laugh but I'd only be echoing what Edwin told him if I started to ramble.

 

Flesher rocks!!! I love the character and his Magnum TOKYO (that's him, right?) avatar rocks. His RP/Promo rocked and his match was good too. The all commentary thing is nice for a different taste but I do like some actions written.

 

Deathwish is good too. I liked his match. I'd ramble on but I've already numbed his ears... or eyes...

 

Cutthroat... well... um... no.

 

Any comments for moi? Anything and I'll be happy. Oh and saying my matches are good makes me happy too...

 

How are you all liking my MVS feud? If you do, stay tuned because it's only gettin better!

[Guest ErekT2k]

Okay, I'll do this in rankings! Yes, because I am *that* crraaaaazzzzzyyyyyy......

 

Yeah, shut up.

 

Alrighty, let's get started on this dead board report card.

 

(1) Brody: TV Champ in 2 or 3 matches? I don't know, I lost track. Making a big name for yourself, buddy, and since you joined The Clan, that could only mean that you're real good. You kick a**! Just not mine.....

 

(2) Ced Ordenez: 4 and 1, am I correct? Me and Ash have talked about you and IMO, you remind me of the great El Luchador Magnifico. Be proud Ced!

 

(3) Tom Flesher: Great opening but are you gonna be another Mafia? Or are you gonna dominate like K-Os? One match won't tell us much so let's just wait a while.

 

(4) Z: You're funny!!! Hehehehehe!

 

(5) Danny Williams: Good try! Nice promos!

 

(6) Cutthroat: STOP SPAMMING!

[Guest]

I'm spamming? Oh really...WHERE!? Sertantly not here, not on anything ON THIS BOARD. If you wan to see spamming look at someone elses spam! Erek, how about a REAL ranking and comment, eh?

[Guest Thoth]

Cutthroat, you silly goof!  You'll never learn!

 

/me conceals a butterfly knife under his sleeve...

[Guest Ace309]

Add some descriptions. Gotcha.

 

Was my psych as bad as it seemed in the other thread?

[Guest Shawn]

They were saying that you used a lot of big-ish moves But I excuse that since you're NJPW style. But still... if you watch most matches, they only use like 5 big moves.

[Guest Edwin MacPhisto]

Flesher, your psych wasn't really bad at all.  You sold the moves within the context of the match--some people write in a style where a brainbuster will end the match, and some people write it as just a strong mid-match momentum shifter.  The way you were looking at it worked.

 

The one suggestion I'd make for you: switch away from the all commentary style.  Really, after the first sentence or two of each of your commentary switches, your description changes to a pretty general style.  You could probably break into paragraphs right there and adopt a more traditional block style, change very little, but make your matches much easier to read.

 

Yeah, you guys are a pretty exceptional cluster of new guys.  Applause is due.

[Guest Chaos]

It's late, I've got nothing to do cause iunno what I'm writing for my match yet, so the angel on my shoulder says "Hey man, it'd be cool of you to help the n00bs and offer advice."

 

Then, lil' devil appears and says "Why the heaven would you do that, have you turned all wimpy bitch on me?  Go and type mean, EVIL comments, and make those n00bs cry!"

 

Then the lil' angel gave the lil' devil a Hell Helix straight down into the bowels of Hell.  Still doesn't seem right, but meh..........  SO HERE I AM!!!

 

(Y) = You are cool.  Multiply by how many you have to determine your coolnessosity!

 

 

Brody: I'm biased.  He's my brother in blood.  But it makes it somewhat less rigged when he writes great matches.  Well-defined character, even after worrying about being the hardcore high-spot machine.  Got in a feud quick, very respectable.  The matches are good, but small tidbits of wisdom.  Seperate the commentary and action, for ease of use.  Plus, personally, I like to add a bit more to Axis and Edwin than just calling the match.  However, that's a style thing, take it or leave it.  You got the belt for a reason bro.

 

(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)

 

Ced: With the flood of n00bs, some of the flashier ones have gotten the majority of the praise.  Ced is the hard-working one in the background.  Solid, solid matches; is evolving nicely; has a good mix of commentary and action, and makes the other guy look good in the process.  One problem, and a minor one at that, is that for the matches I've seen, the shift between action and talking from the table happens to much.  Good commentary every 4 lines cuts up all the pace in a match, just as one honking paragraph gets cluttered.  Still, one of my faves in the bunch.

 

(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)

 

Cutthroat:  Read other matches.  Scan any and every match you can get your hands on.  You've shown that you care about this league, cause you're damn well everywhere.  Use that motivation, see how others who've been here forever do it, and do that.  DO NOT plagerise, but realize how to pace, to commentate, what tense/style do and don't work.  Your motivation is your greatest asset, anyone who asks for advice, usually becomes better over time.  Plus, show respect for the people here before you, or else suffer the consequences.  That's not a threat, that's advice from one who learned the hard way........ damn lacking Gund knowledge.

 

(Y)

 

Danny:  Like others mentioned, there's too much A to B.  If you slow down the match, and get more descriptive though, I see you picking up a lot of victorys.  The moves and the match itself looked great, but the delivery needs to be changed.  A technical match can be a beautiful, beautiful thing, but if its monotone in the commentary or in the descriptions of whats happening, it dulls the beauty.  For a first match though...... better than most.  Don't get angry cause Flesher adapted to the writing style faster, work harder and become better than him, plus anyone else, cause it's obvious you can.

 

(Y)(Y)

 

Flesher:  Good first match, and shows some real prospect.  Like previously said by others, adopt the action being seperate from commentary style.  It makes it easier for everybody to skim over the match.  No disrespect, everybody does it to everybody else's matches, don't deny it.  Plus, it might be beneficial to slow down your matches.  While fast paced action allows a lot more back and forth, it takes away from the realism.  Hell, in my match there were 400 odd words for the Flunk-Down with the belt.  

 

(Y)(Y)(Y)

 

Z: Not only is your match well written, the match itself is great.  The greatest factor to a good match in my eyes, is if I can picture everything that is happening mentally.  You've stumbled upon a GREAT character, and I can see it running a fine course in the JL.  Good pacing, some grammatical tiffs, smooth sailing all the way.  Granted, you'll need to evolve Z sooner or later, but for now I see good things.  And I also see you cowering beneath the table on Metal.

 

(Y)(Y)(Y)(Y)

[Guest Suicide King]

I am truly pleased with our latest batch of n00bs.  Overall I see this as being the strongest, soundest influx of JLers since, say, the Edwin through Thoth period.  I am pleased with Fleisher, Brody, Z, and Williams in particular, but the rest of the crop doesn't exactly suck either.  Ced is my pick for breakout star.

[Guest midnight_burn]

It definately is quite a strong collection of newcomers that have arrived, all of them showing good signs.

 

They've also picked an opportune time to arrive, as with Renegade and Flexxx retiring, and the two winners of the Contract tourney being bumped, some of them (particularly Brody and Ced right now) should be able to move up the card to at least Euro title contention and the upper-midcard/lower main event level. And they definately have the talent to be competitive at that level.

 

All in all, the current new arrivals have great potential, and success is no doubt in their future.

[Guest crusen86]

Alrighty. Everything said on this and the comments thread is good stuff. But, when you have me as your marker, there are a couple of things I look for. Make sure you pass, and you'll be competitive.

 

1. BUILD MATCHES. I love the near falls stuff. It really adds to matches. Though, it's not always achieveable with short limits. But this is always good if you can.

 

2. As Edwin said somewhere, one long sentence is better than one crap one.

 

"Johnny gets up. He punches Zutroy in the face. He whips Zutroy into the ropes, hard."

 

It could be better...

 

"Johnny gets back to his feet, cracking Zutroy across the face with a sterling right hand, before sending him hurtling into the ropes."

 

Heck, while I'm at it, use adjectives where you can. What's better - a punch in the face or a cracking punch in the face? Try not to over do it though.

 

3. The match is the focus, not the entrance. A 1000 word intro in a 3000 word matches is stupid, yo. Unless it's a really good match.

 

4. This is essential. Proof read. If I have to reread over matches because I don't understand something, I frown upon the match.

 

Just some basic stuff to guide ya'll.