The Midweek News

[Guest TSMAdmin]

THE MIDWEEK NEWS

 

The World Series is in the books, friends, and despite dreadful TV ratings, it was a good one. I called the Angels in seven before the Series started, but I would have been happy with either team winning, really. The Angels were the sentimental choice because they'd never even made it to the Series before, but on the other hand, I actually like Barry Bonds, so I wanted to see him get a ring. It'll be a while before I see another player that good, and who cares if he's surly with the media? Hell, I'd be surly with them, too, since they have a habit of being right up in a body's grill asking dumb questions at inopportune times.

 

It's another wild ride here at the best damn rasslin' news column on the whole wide internet. For those unfamiliar, I'm your host, Dr. Tom, and while I do cover the news of the squared circle, I always have to opine about (real) sports and other neat pop culture things first. Scroll down to the bold print if you just want the wrestling stuff.

 

And speaking of neat things, we here at TSM were blessed with some free publicity recently. Over at Online Onslaught, a recent "Smarkies" column took our forum to task for its negativity. For those expecting me to froth at the mouth and tear into whatever infidel hath dared speak out against this magnificent website . . . uh, the guy's right. To a point. There is a lot of negativity in the WWE folder at our forums, but it's the same everywhere I've been. People are disenchanted with the current product, and when that happens, they congregate on internet message boards and bitch about it semi-anonymously. Of course, there are plenty of other folders in our forums where that negative attitude isn't so prevalent, and I think we cover the WWE product fairly on the site itself. When a show is good, we say it's good. But when it sucks, we say it sucks, and we say why it sucked. Sometimes, we even offer ways to make it better, but it's hard to fault someone for complaining that a product he enjoys is getting flushed down the shitter before his very eyes each week. Dames and I have both talked to Kyle Maxwell, who wrote the article, and we had a very pleasant exchange with him. So spare him the hate mail, because he's a good fellow, and even promised to re-examine our site and forums in his next article. No, there won't be a site feud, but I think we got some press out of this one. There's no such thing as bad publicity, after all. And since I'm mentioning here, I guess we're giving OO a little pub, too.

 

Since other sites have been touting their standings on Alexa, I figured I'd do the same. We're not the biggest of the bunch, but we are growing, and we are improving. The numbers probably change daily, so here's the Alexa page that will show you how dominant we are for such a young site. So you know, 411 is a good ways ahead of us, as are Rajah, the Torch, 1bob, and WWE itself. We're gaining on them, though, which is the important part. PH34R our PROGRESS~!

 

Congratulations are in order for Emmitt Smith, who broke Walter Payton's all-time rushing record this past Sunday. Smith, while lacking the knee-buckling moves or blazing speed some of his contemporaries boasted, has always been a quick, strong runner, and BUBBA TOUGH, BAH GAWD. Remember the NFC Championship game against the Giants, when he separated his shoulder early and still racked up over 160 yards against a tough defense? Game in, game out, Smith was always grinding out the yards for his team, and he always came up big in the clutch.

 

BUT, is he the best running back ever? I'd have to say no. It's hard to argue against Jim Brown, but I'm going to tip my cap to Barry Sanders as the best running back of all time. Following him are Jim Brown, Marshall Faulk, and Walter Payton, with Emmitt rounding out the top five. Yes, Marshall Faulk. Give him a couple more years and tell me he doesn't deserve that spot.

 

Last bit of non-wrestling stuff, I promise: last week, I talked about how football, with its constant motion and hitting, was more exciting than baseball, which features a lot of standing around and waiting. I conducted a decidedly unscientific survey on our forums about which is truly America's national pastime. Baseball has held that distinction forever, but football has usurped it in popularity the last 20 years. Results show football ahead by a 4-to-1 margin. One answer was that baseball is the national pastime, while football is the national sport, and I think that sums it up quite nicely.

 

With that, I will now put my soapbox away and dive into the wrestling news.

 

Wrestling Fans Unite In A Show Of Good Taste

 

The Raw rating fell again. Monday's show pulled in a 3.4 rating, off individual hours of 3.4 and 3.5. (The overall rating has also been reported as 3.5, but 3.4 looks more credible right now.) Let's follow this three-week trend for a moment: 3.8, 3.7, and 3.5. The first week is when the "Kane, you're a murderer-uh!" angle began. Raw lost 0.1 off its rating going into the next week, which featured the now-infamous simulated necrophilia. This week, another 0.3 was whittled away. Of course, having HHH mock the fans who didn't like the angle in his uber-boring opening promo probably isn't the way to win back an uncertain fanbase.

 

Maybe this will convince Vince McMahon that the fans DON'T like having their intelligence insulted in such a crass and ridiculous fashion. No, I didn't find the article "offensive;" I simply found it mind-numbingly STUPID and an insult to my act of sitting down to be entertained. It's good to see that about 350,000 of you have felt the same way so far.

 

(Credit: Nielsen Media Research)

 

Raw: The Cliff Notes

 

Might as well kill two birds with the same stone here at the beginning. As always, JHawk has your detailed report of Raw ready to go. I have spoken to some people in the Church (I have contacts everywhere) about beginning the beatification process for JHawk. Watching the last three weeks of Raw without either slitting your wrists or developing a drinking problem has to qualify as a miracle, and that should get him in the door right there. Mr. Hawkins, your Papal Decree awaits.

 

-- Storm/Regal vs. RVD/Dreamer: How the mighty have fallen. Work a program with HHH, and you'll go from main eventing the show-uh to jerking the curtain . . . after HHH has killed the crowd with the opening-uh promo, of course. The heels pick up the win in a spectacularly forgettable opener. 2/10

 

-- Goldust vs. Test: Witness two and a half minutes that felt like ten. A boring, lame match that Test wins because of Stacy's interference. DUD

 

-- Christian/Jericho vs. Bubba/Jeff Hardy: For the Raw tag straps, of course. The Dudleys v2.0 were supposed to be the challengers, but The Island Boys destroyed Spike before the match, so Bubba found Jeff to replace him. This one went over 15:00, not counting the commercial, and the heels retained after a beltshot. A good exercise in pulling off the successful tag match formula, but this one felt like they really wanted it to go 15:00+, you know? 6.5/10

 

-- Booker vs. Harvard: Another DQ loss for young Mr. Nowkinksi, as Al Snow interjected himself into the match again. I have no problem with the Snow/Nowinski program, but why waste Booker in a match like this? 1/10

 

-- Trish vs. Molly vs. Jackie: A brief outing for the girls this week. Trish retains. Not bad considering the little bit of time involved. 2/10

 

-- HHHGH vs. Kane: Since this was a casket match, is this the final nail in the coffin for the feud over Katie Vick and the sanctity of her postmortem virginity? Pretty plodding affair that the crowd snored thru until Shawn Michaels popped out of the casket and superkicked HHH. It was non-title, so of course Kane wins. Not a bad match, but definitely on the slow side. 4/10

 

Other Developments: Easy Eric told Jamal and Rosie to make an impact, so they went out and killed Spike Dudley. I guess that was good enough. GTV made its return as "F-View," which isn't quite as clever a name as it wants to be, and Bischoff implied that the camera operator is the talent he received in the Big Show trade. I'd say getting a decent cameraman for a tub like Show was a pretty good deal on Easy E's part. Keeping with the Bischoff theme, he announced something about the Elimination chamber match for Survivor Series: it will feature HHH, Jericho, Booker, Kane, RVD, and HBK, and be for the Big Gold Belt. It's going to be part Royal Rumble, part SurSer, and part Wargames. That means it could be really good, or it could be a clusterfuck. I'm hoping for the former, obviously. And for the six of you wondering how HHH made it out of the limo trunk, he's enough of a cerebral assassin to use a child safety lock. Why such a feature would be found on the trunk of a car escapes me, since most people don't transport their kids in the trunk, but whatever. Hurricane interrupted him again, airing a video of "HHH" -- played by some guy in a paper mask -- at the hospital getting a bunch of objects removed from his rectum. There was a different mask expression for each anal probing, but that was the height of the humor for this skit. Everything else was the nadir. It was too long, too unfunny, and just as silly as fake necrophilia. On the bright side, HHH did beat up the mannequin of Katie Vick after seeing the video. Word is the mannequin was offered a developmental deal, since it sold better than HHH or Kane did in their No Mercy match.

 

Quick, Someone Call Butterbean!

 

Word from Lennox Lewis' camp about the rumors of his involvement with WWE is that Lewis might be brought in as some kind of enforcer, a la Mike Tyson. However, sources within the boxing industry have reported that Vince McMahon contacted the Nevada State Athletic Commission to set up two allegedly legit fights: Brock Lesnar vs. Lewis, and Kurt Angle vs. Michael Moorer. This would ostensibly be part of some hybrid PPV, with Lesnar-Lewis as the main event, and Angle-Moorer the undercard.

 

There are a few problems with this that make themselves apparent quickly:

 

1. Vince McMahon is involved, so everyone will think it's fake even if it's the most real event in history.

2. The careers of two legitimate wrestlers are being risked in meaningless exhibition matches.

3. Both men would need to train with real shootfighters to prepare for this match. (Word is that Don Frye and Ken Shamrock have already been approached.)

 

An article can be found on boxinginsider.com that goes into greater detail. With what I've seen so far, this has BAD IDEA written all over it from WWE's end.

 

(Credit: 1wrestling.com, boxinginsider.com)

 

Late update on this, from the Torch newsletter: the fight is tentatively scheduled to take place in the fall of 2003, after Lewis' June title defense against Mike Tyson. Some of the preliminary rules have already been agreed upon: Lesnar will not wear gloves or be allowed to punch, while Lewis will be able to do both. There will be both stand-up and mat-based periods to the match, but no determination has been made with respect to time limits or match length. The Angle-Moorer undercard match would likely be fought under very similar rules.

 

Rebellion Results

 

Byron told you the matches in his Monday news update. Now it's my job to spoil the suspense and tell you who won. If for some strange reason, you don't want to read about the results of WWE's UK-only PPV (which is basically a big bone-throwing to the Brits), scroll down until you see bold print again.

 

Booker T def. Matt Hardy with the axe kick.

Kidman and Torrie def. Cena and Dawn Marie.

(Ok, I'll stop with the Bold now)

Funaki def. Crash via rollup.

Jamie Noble def. Tajiri and Rey-Rey. It came down to Noble and Rey, and was an excellent match based on the accounts I read.

D-Von and Ron Simmons def. Valbowski and Chuck Palumbo.

Rikishi def. Albert in a kiss-my-ass match. Ah, that WWE . . . always turning out the class everywhere it goes.

Angle and Benoit def. La Familia Guerrero in another good match. Apparently, Eddy sustained a brief injury, but finished the match and appeared to be OK.

Brock Lesnar and Paul Heyman def. Edge.

 

It was a Smackdown-only show, with Booker T filling in for Undertaker. These things always come out on DVD within a few months, and if you're interested, you know where to look. It sounds like it was a solid show, but we've come to expect that from the Smackdown crew.

 

Maybe HHH Isn't The Only One Who Needs His Head Removed From His Ass

 

I know you're going to be as surprised as I was to read this, but word is that Vince McMahon is "shocked" by the low rating Raw posted Monday night. He was convinced that the new, more supposedly shocking and daring direction would draw more viewers. Instead, it has had the opposite effect. The McMahons are really the only major players supporting the new direction of Raw, so the prevailing wish is that it be scrapped in favor of a more traditional show.

 

See, this is what happens when you ignore the hardcore fans. Casual fans might get lured in by bad soap opera writing, but the hardcore fans are the ones who change the channel and don't come back. Then, when the casual fan finds a better way to occupy his Monday nights, the hardcore fans aren't there to keep the ratings up. WWE might hate the internet right now (as they always seem to when the product is slumping), but we are the voice of the fanbase, and we're disappointed, we're pissed, and we're tired of having our intelligence insulted. And, as recent numbers indicate, quite a few of us have decided that we're not going to take it anymore.

 

The message has been sent, but has it been received?

 

(Credit: 1wrestling.com)

 

A Lot Of The Fans Are Dressed Up As Empty Seats

 

As many of you have no doubt noticed, the past few TV shows have played before less than full houses. Raw Monday night reminded me of a Nitro arena, since half of it was empty and dark. This trend is unfortunately continuing with Survivor Series. Despite wwe.com's claims that it sold out in just four days, tickets are still available.

 

It's one thing when your TV shows don't sell out. But when a major PPV like Survivor Series doesn't sell out quickly, that's the sign of a problem.

 

(Credit: Wrestlingobserver.com)

 

Quick Hits, Notes, and Sundry Asides

 

According to the Torch, there are locker room rumblings that Brock Lesnar's ego is becoming out of control. However, this could also be jealousy over Brock's big push and success early in his career.

 

Scott Steiner will be in Stamford today to shoot the promotional videos that will trumpet his impending arrival.

 

Weekend ratings: Velocity 0.6, Confidential 0.5, and Heat 1.1. Give it up for the Nielsen folks.

 

From the Torch newsletter, Kevin Nash is making a big deal about a Royal Rumble return so he can position himself for WrestleMania. Realistically, a Rumble return is very unlikely, and even WrestleMania isn't certain. However, WM is traditionally the biggest payday of the year, and Nash wants his piece of the pie. How long before he says it's all about the fans?

 

NWA: TNA goes off again tonight, with Ron "The Truth" Killings vs. Scott Hall for the title headlining the show. Syxx-Pac, the erstwhile X-Pac, is expected to miss the show with a hip injury suffered last week. Credit TNA itself, and 1bob.

---

That's a wrap for this week's edition of the Midweek News. We're on a content binge this week, so check back frequently for new stuff. News junkies among you can look to Byron for your fix on Sunday or Monday, and I'll return with Smackdown tomorrow night. Ave atque vale, and Happy Hallowe'en.

 

Dr. Tom

Send me feedback or I will shut myself in a Lincoln's trunk!

(Remove the leading X from each field to holler at me)