Raw from JHawk's Beak (5/27/2002)

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Raw from JHawk's Beak (5/27/2002)

by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

 

This week in wrestling history: On May 27, 1984, Vincent J. McMahon, the father of current WWE owner/chairman/whatever Vincent K. McMahon, passed away. You know how some of the old-timers think Vince Jr.'s the devil because he tore down the boundaries of the territories and went national? Well, Vince Sr. tried it nearly 20 years before Vince Jr. ever did. Yet everybody pretty much praises Vince Sr. for being honorable and decent while chastising Vince Jr. for being the spawn of Satan. Well, if Vince Jr.'s the spawn of Satan and his father was doing the same thing, does that mean Vince Sr. was the devil himself?

 

I caught the debuts of Velocity and Confidential this weekend, and I have mixed feelings. Velocity is essentially the TNN version of Jakked, with three or four matches of varying quality and a lot of SmackDown recaps. Or to put it another way, Heat with the SmackDown roster. If they can put in a match like that Billy Kidman-Tajiri match on every week it could become must-see TV. That match featured some solid psychology (Tajiri targets the arm after it hits the ringpost), and, more importantly, it went more than 10 minutes without boring the hell out of me, unlike the last couple of pay-per-view main events. As far as Confidential, I liked the Shawn Michaels/Montreal segment because we actually learned something new, and I liked the tour of Trish Stratus' house (by the way, I want that house, and Trish is welcome to stay if she likes), but most of it struck me as filler. Ivory ranting about breast implants? On the bright side, it is original, and it seems to be catered to the smark fan, so unless they completely screw it up, it could be good.

 

On with the show.

 

Segment 1

 

We are LIVE from the Skyreach Centre in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada! It's Memorial Day in the USA, just another Monday in Canada, and tonight, Eddie Guerrero defends the Intercontinental Title against Rob Van Dam in a ladder match! Brock Lesnar meets Bubba Ray Dudley!

 

And we're in Chris Benoit's hometown, so out he comes even though he's on the SmackDown! roster and has not been medically cleared to wrestle yet. Huge ovation for "The Canadian Crippler"! He's bigger than Gretzky in Edmonton, says JR. We're talking a Hogan in Montreal type ovation for Benoit here! Benoit with the mic, and it sure as hell feels good to be back. Benoit was drafted for SmackDown (boo!), but there is absolutely no way the WWE is in his hometown with no Benoit appearance. Benoit's going to explain why he's there, but he's being interrupted by Eddy Guerrero. Eddy says it's great to see him and he missed him and stuff (aww, how sweet). He missed Benoit's jealousy of Latino Heat most of all. Apparently Eddy's the one in the Radicalz with talent and charisma, and I'll give him half of that. He's also the only one with Latino Heat. Since he's the only Latino, that fits. Guerrero claims Benoit tried to hold him back. Eddy's accomplished a lot since Benoit left. Winning the Intercontinental Title, getting his job back, you know the drill. And last week, he did what Benoit couldn't...lay out Steve Austin. Benoit congratulates Eddy on his Intercontinental Title, and although he can't change that, RVD can in the ladder match. But as far as being the better wrestler goes, we'll find out tonight if Eddy can have a better ladder match than Benoit. As for Austin, "It takes a real tough man to hit somebody from behind and then run." Eddy says he wants a reenactment, off goes Benoit's shirt, but out comes The Man (WHOO!) and the owner of Raw. Flair asks Benoit why he can't do anything civilized, and that draws an "Asshole" chant. Flair allowed Benoit to come out on his show and kiss his hometown fans' asses, and he started a fight. Flair: "Typical Canadian". The crowd wants to see Benoit vs. Guerrero tonight, and they want to see Steve Austin walk that long immortal aisle, but they're not getting either. Austin has a "family emergency", and even if he shows up, there's a special welcoming committee waiting for him. As for Benoit, he isn't benched, but he's a SmackDown guy, so unless he has a ticket, he has to leave the ring right now. Benoit gets a shot in on Eddy, and Flair calls out security. This might be more effective if security actually came into the ring to get him instead of standing on the floor waiting for him. Benoit hesitates, but leaves peacefully.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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It is great to see Benoit on TV again, and even better to hear the ovation he got, but where do you go from here? Without a trade, we're not going to get Eddy vs. Benoit anytime soon, so this segment essentially became 15 minutes of nothing. Austin is loosely involved in that segment, so this turned into an excuse to get the Flair-Austin feud over rather than pushing Eddy and/or Benoit. That being said, if they keep the overbooking and run-ins to a minimum, this could be one of the greatest ladder matches ever tonight. Ever. However, I'm anticipating either Austin and/or The Undertaker to get involved.

 

Segment 2

 

During the break, Chris Benoit was escorted out of the building.

 

Mixed Tag Team Contest scheduled for one fall for the WWE European Championship and the WWE Women's Championship: Trish Stratus (Women's Champion) and Little Spike Dudley vs. Pure and Wholesome Molly Holly and William Regal (European Champion)

 

Molly is worried since it's the first time she and Spike have been together since she left him for The Hurricane, and he tried to get to second base with her once. The horror! Second base is what, the tongue? I know it varies from state to state. I'm rather impressed with the continuity. Regal tells her to relax and "remember what I taught you". Sign in crowd: "Molly's no virgin. Trust us." I could say the same about my one ex-- Anyway, Spike and Regal start, and he gets in a series of dropkicks, then goes up top with...um...a flying groin block...for 2. Lawler and JR won't stop talking about "second base", but JR asked what second base is these days. A cradle gets 2, and Molly tags in, and Spike's supposed to tag out and eventually does. Trish gets in a flying clothesline for two, and a martial arts kick also gets 2. Trish into the ropes, and Regal grabs her hair to bring her down. Molly with the cover for 2. Lawler implies she'd be the first virgin women's champion. Faceslam by Molly. Series of elbowdrops and a hair pull slam. Trish gets in the backslide out of nowhere for the pin at 3:04. Regal gives a pair of brass knuckles to Molly, and they both hit their respective opponents in the back of the head. JR: "Regal reached into his tights, because God knows Molly would never do it..." She actually caught Trish with more of a forearm than a punch, but oh well. The idea here is Regal taught Molly the secret to "the power of the punch".

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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A pin off of a backslide? I can remember the last time I saw that finish. May 6, 1984, when Kerry Von Erich pinned Ric Flair for the NWA World Title. Still, as sudden as that was, I actually kind of liked the finish. If moves besides finishers and run-ins are leading to pins, the crowd is more likely to get into a match earlier on. I really wish they'd stop putting two titles on the line in these mixed tag team matches though, because they could have had two interesting singles matches instead. This will be forgiven if Eddy and RVD are given 15 minutes with no run-ins tonight though.

 

Segment 3

 

During the break, Trish was carried into the back for medical attention, and I'd like to play doctor with her.

 

Terri interviews Hardcore Stevie Richards, and Jazz apparently has captured his heart, because he thinks she's cute and cuddly. Jacqueline objects to hearing this and starts a Hardcore Title Match, which means Shawn Stasiak and The Bossman get involved. They go off camera, and Terri covers (and shows her panties) to win the Hardcore Title at :25. She celebrates, but Richards gets a roll up (and another Terri panty shot) to regain the title in :03 and takes off.

 

Backstage, here's the nWo. Big Show is on his own against Bradshaw. X-Pac and Booker T are on their own against The Hardy Boyz. Losers are out of the nWo, and they'll also get their asses kicked by Kevin Nash. Booker T wants to come out to his normal music, and Nash says if he wins they'll come up with a remix. They leave, and Goldust peeks out of a hottub after eavesdropping on the conversation.

 

The Coach outside the arena waiting for Steve Austin.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Can you say, "Booker T gets pinned when Goldust interferes?" I knew you could. Booker T got a hell of a pop for shouting out "SUCKA!" And JR gets off the line of the night so far: "I think Richards won the title back, but I wasn't looking at her shoulders." They need to drop this 24/7 rule though, because the WWE is technically barely three weeks old and Richards is already a 74-time hardcore champion.

 

Segment 4

 

One fall tag team match with nWo membership on the line: X-Pac and Booker T vs. The Hardy Boyz (without Nancy Drew)

 

Booker T gets his usual music despite the previous segment implying he wouldn't. X-Pac and Matt start off, and X-Pac gets a quick armdrag. Wrestling sequence, ending with Matt getting a roll up for 2. X-Pac gets the advantage with chops, forearms, and martial arts kicks. Matt regains the advantage and hits the second rope legdrop for 2. Jeff and Booker T legal, and Jeff catches Booker T with a corkscrew bodyblock for 2. Matt back in, but he gets caught with a Hotshot by Booker and X-Pac is tagged in. Double team, but Matt hits a double clothesline. Jeff tags in and works on both members of the nWo. Poetry in motion on Booker! Poetry in motion on X-Pac! Whip, countered by a Booker T leg lariat, and he goes back for the scissors kick, but X-Pac tagged him when he came off the ropes. Booker hits the scissors kick and wants the Spinnaroonie, but X-Pac hits the X-Factor and pins Matt at 3:43. Booker grabs the mic and says he wants to give the fans what they want, so he wants his music, and there's the Spinnaroonie!

 

Backstage, Paul Heyman is on his way to see Trish in the medical unit and runs into Tony Garea, who says Trish is conscious. He enters the room, but he walks right into Bubba Ray Dudley. Heyman tries to sweet talk his way in, but Bubba grabs him by the collar and chokes him out, all the while yelling "I've been waiting eight years to do this!" He tells Paul to stay away from Trish, and to tell Brock "I've got your next big thing right over here!"

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Well, I now remember why we didn't care if the Hardy Boyz split up or not. That match wasn't pretty, and I can't blame Booker T or X-Pac. Well, maybe X-Pac out of principle, but not Booker. The whole focus is on whether Booker can play his music or not? Does his music affect a shampoo commercial or something? Why does Booker get all these stupid damn storylines?

 

Segment 5

 

We're live in Edmonton and awaiting the arrival of Steve Austin, plus a ladder match and Brock vs. Bubba, and Tommy Dreamer is in the ring with a mic and an "I'll do it 'till I'm Raw" t-shirt." Tommy asks a man if he's going to finish his hot dogs, and they fall on the floor. So Tommy picks one up and eats it. Tommy hands it to someone else and that person eats it. Tommy reenters the ring and tries to cut his promo without laughing (and does a poor job), and he's interrupted by The Undertaker, who apparently feels disrespected about not being in segment 5. Anyway, he tells normal average guy Dreamer that he's the Undisputed WWE Champion and now Dreamer is on his time. He asks Dreamer to leave, and Dreamer is all dejected, so Taker yells at him some more, noting that even Hogan didn't take up his time. Dreamer finally starts to leave, but Taker offers Dreamer a title match. Dreamer accepts, but Taker says he won't get one because he's not worthy. But nobody else back there is worthy either. But since Taker's a nice guy, and since Dreamer likes to entertain people by doing disgusting things, he wants to be entertained by Dreamer drinking out of his spit cup. This is too disgusting even for Dreamer, but Taker says "no" is not an option, and if Dreamer doesn't do it he'll be drinking his dinners through a tube. Taker pits his chew into it for good measure, and even I'm disgusted by this. Either way you're going to die Tommy, so go ahead. He does it, and even Taker looks disgusted. He likes it! Tommy likes it! Taker cheap shots him. Taker dominates Dreamer, and Dreamer is bumping as if ECW might somehow come back in business if he does. Taker puts Dreamer's head in a chair a la Pillman's ankle and rams him into the ringpost. People actually chant "Taker" as Taker tells Dreamer, "THAT's disgusting."

 

Backstage, Heyman gives Brock Lesnar a pep talk, saying Bubba was seeing Lesnar while he was kicking Heyman's ass. In Bubba's mind, that was like punking Lesnar out. "Are you going to let Bubba Ray Dudley manhandle you in the ring right now?" It's NEXT!

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Does that count as Pillmanizing Dreamer's neck, or do we need to make Dreamer's name synonymous with that move? The move looked sweet. The segment itself dragged on and didn't further anything. The Undertaker's a badass who can beat up people with a chair, we get it. Since I doubt highly that Dreamer is WWE Title material when he was only granted about 15 minutes with the ECW Title after carrying the company on his broken back for 7 years, this was completely pointless.

 

Segment 6

 

One fall: Brock Lesnar (w/Your God and Mine Paul E. Heyman) vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

 

Did you know Brock has never lost by pinfall or submission despite all those house shows before he showed up on television? Lockup to start, and Dudley gets the jab in. Brock gets Bubba in the corner and unleashes the shoulderblocks. Shoulderblocks in the opposite corner now. Bubba comes back with punches and chops. Out on the floor, and Bubba actually maintains the advantage. Back in, and the crowd wants tables. Flip flop and Fly, followed by a neckbreaker for 2. Bubba goes for the Bubba Bomb, but Brock simply powers out of it and is in control. Nice suplex by Lesnar. Lesnar with a bearhug from the side. I haven't seen that in a long time. Bubba tries to elbow out of it, but Lesnar picks him up and maintains control. The arm falls twice, but not three times, and Bubba elbows out of it, but Brock hits a belly-to-belly for 2. Bubba eventually uses a release German, and Charles Robinson has to use his ten count. Both men up. Bubba with chops, a flapjack, and a sidewalk slam for 2. This time he gets the Bubba Bomb, but Robinson is distracted by Heyman, and Bubba chases him. He catches him, Brock charges, but misses and hits Heyman. Release German for a very near fall, and Brock gets holds of Bubba and takes him down with the fireman's carry into whatever for the pin at 5:50. JR wants to see the rematch, and quite honestly, I wouldn't bitch.

 

Later tonight, RVD vs. Eddie Guerrero in a ladder match!

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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I am very surprised that match was as good as it was. Good back and forth action, and I actually thought that second release German was going to be the finish. It's becoming very apparent that Brock is not going to get a Goldberg-esque winning streak, but if you think anybody except Austin, Taker, or possibly RVD is getting that first pin over him, then you have issues. And I think RVD might even be a stretch for that spot.

 

Segment 7

 

Coach is pissed because there's no Austin yet, but he's found Raven, who says Austin can hide his pain no longer, and apparently when he looks into a mirror, he sees a troubled soul. The point of that being this is an old school Raven promo, which didn't work post-1998 in WCW.

 

One fall with nWo membership on the line: The Too Damn Big Show vs. Bradshaw

 

Remember in WCW when The Big Show's gimmick was he was getting fat? He looked thinner then than he does tonight. Bradshaw gets an advantage to start, but Show stops that with a short clothesline. Chops and punches in the corner, and he takes Bradshaw down with a Beell throw. There's his only non-choke slam move, the headbutt. And again. He charges, but Bradshaw gets the foot up. Series of punches, followed by the Big Boot, and the Clothesline from Hell barely budges Show. Show quickly catches Bradshaw with the Choke Slam to Hell, and that's the pin in 1:58. You mean we won't see Kevin Nash in action?

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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If there was any doubt that Bradshaw's push is over, it should be erased now. They just rendered his finish ineffective, albeit against a man who's gimmick is he's so big he doesn't have to sell. Plus, this looked like a Wrestling Challenge squash involving Andre the Giant against, say, Scott Casey. You know the Texan is probably a better wrestler, but the big guy's going to win and win quick. I know, Bradshaw? A better wrestler than anybody? All I'll say about the Raven promo is "Why didn't they mention that he quit on Heat?"

 

Segment 8

 

Backstage, the nWo is celebrating because they went 2-0. They back! Goldust comes in, with black and white facepaint and nWo shirt, and Booker says he looks like a freaky Oreo cookie. X-Pac is going to tattle on Dustin to Kevin Nash.

 

Inside the World, and Al Snow is with Jackie, Kenny, Jake, and Linda for the final Tough Enough 2 physical challenge...arm wrestling. Jake beats Kenny rather handily. Linda defeats Jackie rather handily, and if that means Linda wins the contract, shoot me now. The season finale is after SmackDown this week.

 

Terri is with Rob Van Dam, who congratulates her on her Hardcore Title victory. Tonight, RVD gets a chance to regain the Intercontinental Title in a ladder match, and a ladder match is dangerous but worth it if the title's at stake. He's going to get the title, because when it comes to climbing the ladder of success, nobody climbs higher than RVD.

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Maybe we will see Kevin Nash in action after all. Once again, the Goldust segments are comic gold, and all it takes is the slightest look from Goldust or some comment from Booker T to keep me in stitches. Oh yeah, did you know Tough Enough 2 was ongoing? Because I forgot from 5 minutes ago. I guess they win contracts and everything, it's kinda neat.

 

Segment 9

 

Coach is still waiting for Austin, and here comes a black pickup truck, but instead of Austin, it's Howard Finkel. Howard is freaking out because he thinks Flair might fire him for being late and he explains how he got dropped off by some guy named "Phil" in Red Deer.

 

Crash vs. Goldust

 

No word as to whether a Goldust win gains him entry in the nWo. Goldust starts it off with a series of armdrags. Eyerake, uppercut, more punches. Crash with an inside cradle out of nowhere for 2. Crash with a brief flurry, but he ducks his head after a whip. Goldust with the baseball slide uppercut and the Curtain Call for the win in 1:03. And here comes Kevin Nash. I'd mark out if Crash became the newest member of the nWo. Goldust bails, so Nash beats the hell out of Crash. Goldust flashes the sign of the Wolfpac, but Nash just glares back at him.

 

Eddy Guerrero comes into Flair's office, and apparently he's afraid of getting hurt. He's more worried about Austin, and Flair says if he's stupid enough to interfere, he has the welcoming committee in place, thus assuring Austin will interfere. That match is NEXT!

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Well, what can I say about that match? Another squash that adds to the Goldust-nWo storyline--I guess--and does nothing for Crash, who used to be the Houdini of Hardcore and is now the Steve Lombardi of Squashes. I'm assuming Booker eventually turns face and we get that X-Pac/Big Show vs. Booker/Goldust feud we've been clamoring for for months, but that would be somewhat logical.

 

It's 10:40 and the ladder match is next? I anticipate a commercial before the match actually starts, and if I were a betting man, I'd put money on Austin showing up and costing Eddy the title. I kinda want Eddy to win though, because if RVD wins that will effectively take RVD out of the Undisputed Title picture. 3-2 odds on Taker showing up as well.

 

Segment 10

 

Ladder Match for the WWE Intercontinental Championship: Eddy Guerrero (champion) vs. Rob...Van...Dam

 

There's the bell, and it's 10:45 Eastern, so we have about 20 minutes for it. Sequence of attempts, counters, and reversals ends with a spin kick from RVD, but RVD gets caught going after Eddy on the floor. RVD with control, and the spinning legdrop across the guardrail. RVD with the whip, but it's reversed and Eddy whips RVD into the ladder. The ladder stays up. Suplex on the floor by Eddy, and he dumps the ladder on top of RVD. Eddy slams the ladder against RVD, and RVD telegraphs it by covering up well before Eddy's ready. Back in the ring, and Eddy with the whip followed by an elbow. Eddy works on RVD with elbows as the "Eddy sucks" chant starts. And smart strategy by the champion, as he drags RVD to the ringpost and wraps RVD's knee around it, theoretically preventing RVD from climbing the ladder. Back suplex by Eddy, although JR claims RVD was going for the headlock. RVD gains the advantage, and they nearly blow the monkey flip but it's salvaged nicely. JR says RVD doesn't have the leg strength to use the monkey flip after having the knee worked on. Eddy comes right back with the power bomb, then goes outside and pulls a second ladder from under the ring. He tries to bring it in, but RVD baseball slides into the ladder, and then the Asai moonsault onto Eddy and the ladder. Cut to the crowd, where out comes Benoit through the crowd, and apparently somebody gave him a ticket even though the show's sold out. The match continues NEXT!

 

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COMMERCIAL BREAK

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Well, I hate mid-match commercial breaks, but we're at seven minutes plus as we go to the break, and while the match is disappointing so far, bear in mind that we've got a good story going (can RVD's knee withstand the punishment for him to climb the ladder?) plus a handful of back stories, like whether either Benoit or Austin will interfere at any point of the contest.

 

Segment 11

 

The Intercontinental Title Ladder Match continues...

 

...and Eddy rams the ladder into RVD's face on the floor. Eddy is back in, and for the first time somebody goes for the belt, but RVD missile dropkicks the ladder with one foot to break it up. RVD with kicks and forearms, then he whips Eddy into the ropes and catches him with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, followed by a rolling thunder onto the ladder. RVD climbing the ladder, Eddy climbing the other side, and Eddy with the sunset power bomb off the ladder to a huge thud and a loud pop. Eddy sets up RVD and climbs the ladder. In comes a fan, who pushes the ladder over. That was not a plant, I don't think. Do you want proof RVD needs to main event? Fans are hopping the guardrail to cost his opponents matches. There you go. Now we're going to try this spot again. Eddy to the top of the ladder...and the somersault senton onto RVD. Had the fan not interfered, that would have been even sweeter, but still a cool spot. Eddy leaves the ring, grabs a chair, reenters the ring, and starts waylaying RVD with the chair. Eddy tries to ram RVD's face into the chair, but RVD reverses it. Baseball slide with the chair against the turnbuckle. Corkscrew legdrop, then he places the ladder on top of Eddy and hits the split-legged moonsault. I don't understand the point of hurting yourself to do a move like that. RVD is going for the belt, but Eddy pulls the legs and RVD hits the ladder face first. Eddy with the suplex into the ladder. He sets up the ladder in the corner, and after pounding away at RVD, goes to whip him into the ladder. RVD reverses it, Eddy hits the ladder. RVD monkey flips Eddy into the ladder. RVD lays the ladder on top of Eddy again, and there's the rolling thunder. Again, RVD hurts himself with the move, so why do it? RVD tries to set up the ladder, but there's the dropkick into the knee. Eddy has the chair, but RVD with the Van Daminator! RVD sets up the ladder near the corner, and he apparently wanted the Five Star off the top of the ladder, but the ladder gives away before RVD can get his footing. Eddy to the top rope, but RVD knocks him off and Eddy hits the guardrail. RVD's going for the win, but the ladder barely gets set up without completely falling over. RVD rights himself and the ladder grabs the belt just as Eddy tries to save his title reign, and we have a NEW Intercontinental Champion at 20:26. But Eddy grabs the ladder and nails the new champion from behind into the lower back. There's the sound of glass breaking, and here comes Stone Cold! Stone Cold is being all impressive by beating the shit out of a man who nearly killed himself for 20 minutes, and here come Ric Flair and Arn Anderson. The ring is cleared, Benoit hops the guardrail, takes off the shirt, and enters the ring...and the cheap shot from behind! YES YES YES YES YES! Series of shots from Benoit, and Eddy is on the top rope...FROG SPLASH! This crowd has no idea how to react to this, but I do. Kick Austin's ass some more! Keep going! Flair is laughing, Benoit holds up Eddy Guerrero's arm in victory, and we're out.

 

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END OF SHOW

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What a great match, with a clean finish, no run-ins unless you count the drunk fan running in, and an angle that came out of left field for me. Once Benoit took the shirt off on the floor and slid in with Austin, I kinda saw it coming, but before that I had no idea. See, that is solid booking at its most effective. All the little unanswered questions are answered in one shot. Why was Benoit allowed there in the first place? How did he get a ringside seat to a sold out show? Realistically, I should have seen that coming when Flair talked about the "welcoming committee" for Austin, but with the backstory that had been established last week, they had me thinking in another direction. That's exactly the point. The match, however, was a classic, although it will probably be forgotten within a week because of the postmatch angle. Does this mean the long-rumored return of the Four Horsemen is on its way?

 

Until next week, remember. Diamonds are forever, and so are great matches like that when you take advantage of the VCR's "record button".

 

 

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