Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2010 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We cut to sofa central where Cole and Coach sit in matching Anglemania football jerseys. The area is decorated with Anglemania banners and posters, all designed to hype up the upcoming super bowl of the OAOAST COLE Folks we are fresh off the Nerdly Spectacular and only weeks away from the most anticipated event of the year Anglemania! I'm Michael Cole joined as always by Johnathan Coachman. And, Coach, what a show we have tonight? COACH Three title matches! Count em, three! OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE MORGAN NERDLY VS LINDSAY GONZALEZ OAOAST TAG TEAM TITLES LDC MONEYGANG VS THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS IN THE MAINEVENT OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS VINNY VALENTINE TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT COLE Its going to be one heck of a show! Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer COLE And it starts with The Human Hard On! Britney Spears smash hit play to grand reception from the sold out Montreal audience. Entrance doors split apart to reveal the chaps wearing, cowboy hatted bad boy of the OAOAST Mister Dick with a brand new look…. MISTER DICK! Behind him, wearing jeans and a white t-shirt is his old partner Baron Windells. At his side is Tim Cash, clothed in black slacks and a red dress shirt. In cute daisy duke shorts, Melody follows them closely. COLE The number one contender to the OAOAST title making his way to the ring with Citizen Soldiers! COACH I don’t like this, Mikey. Mister Dick threw Baron through a window! Windels is just biding his time till he turns on Jock, and you can’t trust that goody-goody Cash either. Mister Dick and his crew enter the ring to another large ovation from the standing audience. The Human Hard On is given a microphone and he smiles over the promo about to flow from his mouth. MISTER DICK Reject, boy, you done stepped over every line there is! I gotta keep laying down new lines so ya got something to step over. You must’ve been born out your mama’s backside, because yer as stupid as shit. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans scream, encouraged by Melody. MISTER DICK Ain’t nobody but nobody gonna do what you did to me at Nerdly Spectacular and get away without me fixin to put the beats on their scrawny little ass. I know why you did it, though. I ain’t even gonna get that mad, ‘cause I understand ya, boy, I understand ya boy. You kicked me out the Deadly Alliance not because of no disrespect or nothin’, but ‘cause ya knew I was the blue ribbon pig in the group. Boy, the minute you saw I won the Lethal Rumble, you turned yellow. You turned yellower than a damn canary! ‘Cause ya knew, you knew, boy, that I was gonna march into Anglemania stomp your ass into the Vegas dirt, and march right back on out with the rest of Deadly Alliance following me behind. The audience applauds as Melody mouths the word “FATALITY!” MISTER DICK Cause ThunderKid, Melissa, Sandman and even that weird Russian son of a bitch you got a man crush on, woulda seen that I can out do you in the ring, I can out do ya on the mic, and I can damn sure out do you between the sheets. Ask Malaysia AND Melissa about that one, boy! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK I’m 12 inches of solid man, and yer 4 inches of solid pussy! You wanna kick me out the Deadly Alliance and think yer gonna get away with it? Uh-uh, I was already motivated to take the title from ya. I was just gonna snatch that belt from yer waist and leave it at that. But, son, you done made this a personal war, and I’m madder than a chained dog next to a bitch in a heat. Boy, now I’m gonna make sure I leave yer ass a bloody mess in the center of that Anglemania ring! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK Just like a good threesome with Malaysia, Mister Dick couldn’t take you Deadly Alliance fools by himself, he had to have help. We ain’t always seen eye to eye, but boy, Baron Windells is family, and I thank Tim Cash for his help to. I don’t always get his nice guy act, but if that act saved me an ass whipping, he’s better than a prized winning heffer about to be a juicy hamburger. Mister Dick passes the mic to Baron. BARON Jock, you got the key word in there. Family. We may have our arguments and our differences, but in this world where alliances come and go in a flash, we’re always going to be family. We can feud, and we can fight, but I’m always going to be here for you, brother. Always. The audience claps for Baron’s show of kindness. He then passes the microphone to Tim Cash. CASH Mister Dick, or Jock if you prefer. Belated congratulations are in order for your advancing to Anglemania to challenge for the world title. It’s a heck of an opportunity and I think we all know you’ll make the most of it. Even though we come from two different worlds with two different schools of thought, it was an honor to stand behind you as you courageously signed the contract to face Reject at Angleamnia. Citizen Soldiers were in your corner at the Nerdly Spectacular, and we will have your back at Anglemania. “YEAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as Cash and Mister Dick shake hands. MISTER DICK Thank, you gentlemen, I’d ride the water with ya any day of the week. I can trust ya, and after what those bastards did me to this past week, trust ain’t easy to come by. There should be a third person out here, tellin’ me they got me covered, but she ain’t no where to be seen. And I’m as nervous as a 12 year old about to touch his first tit, because she might have some Deadly hooks set in on her. Malaysia, if yer listening come on out, baby! To a mixed reaction, Malaysia makes her way to the ring. The dangerous beauty where’s bikini bottoms and a black corset. MISTER DICK Here it is the moment of truth, you ain’t gotta worry about things getting violent, although I know ya like that, with Cash sayin’ ya shouldn’t hit a woman. I ain’t gonna hurt ya, I ain’t gonna get mad at ya. I, and Montreal, need an answer, who ya with? Are ya stayin’ with those Benedict Arnold sons of bitches and throwin’ away two years of the best sex in yer life. Or are ya doin’ the right thing and stayin’ with the well hung, well built, future champion of the OAOAST? Do you bleed Deadly Alliance or am I the only man for you? CASH Malaysia, we know you’ll make the proper decision, and I personally support any choice you make. MISTER DICK How’s it gonna be, baby? Malaysia takes several seconds to mull it over, as the audience anticipates her answer. It comes abruptly as Mister Dick recives a low blow from his (former?) girlfriend. CASH, BARON, AND THE FANS MISTER DICK (doubled over but laughing) Why ya’ll wearin’ that shocked face? Comin’ from a dominatrix, that’s better than a kiss! Welcome home, baby, we goin’ to Anglemania! Malaysia leaps into Mister Dick’s arms and all is well as a confused audience, and equally befuddled Citizen Soldiers clap over Malyasia’s choice. Suddenly a wealth of boos spring from the stands. These jeers are all focused on the world champion Reject, wearing his psychedelic wrestling tights with his title wrapped around his waist. Flanking him are ThunderKid and Melissa. REJECT Bad choice. Not just you Malaysia but for all of you. Windels, Cash, I thought you had common sense. I guess I misjudged you when I figured you were smart. You don’t have a brain cell between you. Especially you, Baron Windels. Jock jizzed on you! He jerked off on you. And he wrote a song about it! A freakin’ song! And here you are calling him your brother? Man, he came on you! Is this life? Is this reality? And Malaysia, the Deadly Alliance has been so good to you. We’ve given you a place and purpose while Jock would rather have you relegated to being his love slave. But you chose him over us? MELISSA I’m your sister and you’re turning your back on me for a man! And not much of a man at that, “OOOOOOOOOH!” REJECT I don’t understand any of you people. Jock, I’m the dumb one? No its anyone who stands with you that’s stupid. “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” REJECT Not as much as the Canadiens “BOOOOOOOOOO!” COACH Ha! The world champ is in classic form. REJECT Jock, anyone who stands with you, stands against the Deadly Alliance. You should know better than anyone that going up against us is a very bad thing to do. If you actually gave a damn about anyone in that ring, you’d tell them to go about their way and keep their noses out of Alliance business. The Deadly Alliance doesn’t play games, and we don’t show mercy. If you oppose us, then we’ll take you down. The audience blasts Reject with heat over his comments. Mister Dick invites him into the ring “to settle the score” but Reject and his partners merely wave him off and depart through the entrance doors. Man, I hope those things never get jammed otherwise we’re out a show! COMING UP NEXT OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE LINDSAY GONZALEZ VS MORGAN NERDLY NEXT COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2010 As we return from break we're taken for a fly over of the Montreal area, in the background the HeldDOWN~! theme song is heard Independent Woman plays to a decidedly negative response from the fanbase. Pink strobe lights swing across the entrance way highlighting the challenger to the women’s title as she steps onto the entrance stage. Full of bravado and confidence, The Latina Bitch announces to the crowd her intentions on capturing Morgan’s title. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televisied time limit of twenty minutes and it is for the OAOAST Women’s Championship….now making her way to the ring the challenger….THE LATINA BITCH LINDSAY GONZALEZZZZZZ! Lindsay saunters across the ring apron, laughing at the fans who jeer her so harshly. While they continue to boo her, she ascends to the top turnbuckle and outstretches her arms as a maniacal laughter surges from her mouth. COLE That is one evil woman. COACH And one hot one to! We’re looking at the new OAOAST Women’s Champion and the sexiest one ever. GO! To un-explain the unforgivable, Drain all the blood and give the kids a show. By streetlight this dark night, A séance down below. There are things that I have done, You never should ever know! And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. And without you is how I disappear, And live my life alone forever now. Suddenly the smile disappears from Lindsay’s face, replaced by look of trepidation as This is How I Disappear thrashes and booms into the arena. Bolts of electricity smash against the dark blue entrance stage while the video screens scream with electrical current. Once the final commanding charge of electricity bombs across the entry way, the entrance doors fly apart. Stepping onto the stage wearing a pinstriped booty shorted romper is the Women’s champion Morgan Nerdly. BUFFER And, her opponent. From Edmonton, Alberta, Canada... she is the current reigning and defending OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION and 2010 FEMALE CHARACTER OF THE YEAR!! Prepare for SHOCK and awe from MMMOOOOOOORRRRRGGAAAAAAANN... NNEEEERRRRRDDLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" the raucous cheers drown out any boos that the still heel Morgan may receive from more kayfabe inclined fans. The littlest Nerdly girl enters the ring very slowly, keeping a nervous eye locked on her sneering foe. COLE The tiny terror of Edmonton comes to Montreal to face one tough challenger! Morgan fidgest awkwardly, chewing on her hair in order to try and calm her worried and fearful mind. DING DING DING Morgan rampages across the ring to spear Lindsay to the ground! COLE Woah! “YEAAAAAAAA!” the fans rejoice with Lindsay trying to cope with the agony. She stomachs the pain quickly enough to get towards her feet. But as she rises, Morgan catches hold of her inside a side headlock and whips her to the canvas. Rather than hold onto the basic manuveur, Morgan frees Lindsay in order to rain punches across her face. With each passing blow the fans cheer louder and louder, pleased to see Lindsay get her comeuppance. Concerned over the closed fist, referee Earl Hebner separates Morgan from Lindsay. The Latina Bitch is able to breathe easy, but shoots a vile stare at Morgan in response to the beating. Morgan only stares back fearfully, performing a nervous chewing of her hair. “BOOOOOOOO!” COLE I think these fans wanted to see Morgan get a little more of Lindsay. COACH Savages, Mikey, all of them are savages. Lindsay grabs onto Morgan’s arm and hurls the petite Nerdly girl into the ropes. Lindsay expects to strike with a deadly shoulder. But Morgan stuns her and some of the audience by diving forward with a lariat! Lindsay is floored by the attack, but is rather quickly back to her feet. Unfortunately for The Cana-Rican cupcake Morgan’s platform heels slash into her with a dropkick! COLE Look at the little girl fly! Morgan throws herself against the ropes and bounces back towards a grounded Lindsay. The Toronto native attempts to trip her up, but the champion merely leaps over her extended body. Morgan takes another run of the ropes, but returns to Lindsay making an attempt to hiptoss her. Morgan blocks the attack by firmly planting her heels into the ground. This stuns Lindsay and allows Morgan to easily clothesline her to the canvas! Morgan makes an attempt to smile over her impressive display as the audience cheers Lindsay’s downfall. A pinfall is then made… ONE! The Latina Bitch throws her shoulder off the canvas. COLE I’m surprised Lindsay even kickedout before the two because she got rocked. The attractive Canadian comes back to her feet, but finds herself tangled in a side headlock. Morgan wrenches on the hold, as she whips her head back to keep her hair out her baby blue eyes. Lindsay places her hands on the rear end of Morgan’s booty shorted romper and attempts to push her into the ring ropes. Morgan, however, holds firm, dropping to a knee to prevent the push. COLE Lindsay has got to able to use her size against Morgan. COACH Are you calling her fat? COLE No! I’m saying Morgan is so small that her opponents would be wise to use that to their advantage. Lindsay wraps her arms around Morgan’s thin waist and raises her into the air in hopes of executing a back suplex. But with her grip still around Lindsay’s head, Morgan is able to shoot her body forward and bulldog her foe! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Morgan springs to her feet and shies away from the fans’ cheers, unsure how to handle them. Her preoccupation with the OAOAST Galaxy comes at a price as Lindsay begins slugging her in her stomach. Red welts appear on the exposed section of her stomach, evidence of Lindsay’s power. With Morgan wobbling through her dizziniess, Lindsay takes a step backwards and plays to the hostile audience. “WE HATE CRACKWHORES! WE HATE CRACKWHORES! WE HATE CRACKWHORES!” COACH Mikey, they shouldn’t make fun of your mother like that. COLE Shut up. Using her anger with the audience to fuel her fire, Lindsay surges forward with the Maple Leaf Makeover(superkick)! But Morgan ducks bellow the deadly signature strike and succeeds in hauling Lindsay onto her shoulders! “OOOOOOOOH!” the fans ready themselves for the pain inducing attack known as the Shock and Awe. However, the fans expectations were a bit premature; Lindsay wiggles tight well muscled bodyand finds her way behind Morgan. Without wasting a single second, The Latina Bitch drives Morgan backwards with a side Russian leg sweep. She then hooks onto Morgan’s bare legs and demands Hebner make a count… ONE! TWO! Morgan throws her shoulder off the canvas with mere seconds until defeat. Frustrated with the failed pin, Lindsay lays her black boots into Morgan’s skull. This draws boos from the audience, though Lindsay quickly shushes them. The mega hot Canadian then grabs onto Morgan’s legs and slingshots the little lady into the corner. With Morgan pressed against the turnbuckle posts, Lindsay charges forward to crush her with a body splash. Morgan whimpers as the pain spreads through her back. COACH No fat jokes, you lying jerk. COLE I never called her fat! Morgan stumbles out the corner, clutching her back and paying very minimal attention to Lindsay. For this reason, The Latina Bitch climbs to the second rope where she plays to the sold-out audience. Their response is less than pleasurable to the challenger, who offers them a fierce sneer. Once the audience is taken care of, Lindsay flies off the top rope with an axe handle smash. But Morgan ducks bellow the attack, causing Lindsay to errantly teeter forward. Her movement is put to a sudden halt with Morgan clamping down on her with a rear waistlock. The tiny Nerdly girl’s intention is on executing a German Suplex. However, she fails in that effort, as Lindsay breaks free of the hold to whip around to Morgan’s backside. Now its Lindsay who holds the rear waistlock, and Morgan is instantly put into panic mode. Her fears are well founded, as Lindsay bridges backwards and German Suplexes the champion into the turnbuckles. The pain settles in immediately forcing a defeated shriek through the champ’s thin lips. COACH Damn, girl. Lindsay is as deadly as she is sexy. Lookin’ good and whuppin’ good. Lindsay lays in several stomps purely out of anger and disdain for her opponent. With Morgan seemingly battered beyond repair, Lindsay places her index finger on her chest for a cocky pin… ONE! TWO Morgan finds a way to kickout! COLE Lindsay’s arrogance just came back to bite her in the BUTT. COACH And what a fine BUTT it is! Lindsay pulls Morgan to her feet, taunting her with the cruelest of insults. As she continues to mock poor Morgan, she throws her foe’s head into the turnbuckle. Repeated efforts escape a warning from the referee. Its only when Lindsay grows tired of the tactic does Morgan get a brief reprieve. With Morgan hobbled over and hindered by a throbbing headache, Lindsay retreats to the ropes. When she returns she finds that Morgan isn’t as week as she suspected; the champion takes her out with a dropkick! COLE Lindsay wasn’t expecting that one! Morgan runs her hands through her hair and nervously nods to herself. This bout of anxiety affords Lindsay with the time needed to head to her feet. She offers a pair of jabs to Morgan, but the cute Nerdly girl swats them away. This sets Lindsay off balance, and as she struggles to regain her center Morgan swings behind her. A waistlock causes a look of panic to grip Lindsay’s face. From that hold, Morgan charges Lindsay into the ropes expecting to be able to roll her up. But Lindsay grabs onto the top cables, and Morgan awkwardly falls back to the canvas. In celebration of her ring “smarts” Lindsay raises her arms to the French Canadian fanbase. “Demi-mondaine! Demi-mondaine! Demi-mondaine!” Uncertain as to the meaning of the audience’s chants (even I forgot what it means!) , Lindsay merely assumes they’re in her favor and happily resumes her title hunt. She rips Morgan off the canvas by her thick golden hair and shoots her into the ropes. Morgan ducks a lariat on the rebound and leaps onto the third rope. As Lindsay turns around she’s crashed into by Morgan’s small body and brought down in a heap to the canvas. Morgan then hooks the leg for the all important pinfall… ONE! TWO! Lindsay kicksout before Hebner can reach three. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Scowling over her near defeat, Lindsay hastily hurries upright. She’s met with a pair of elbow strikes, but easily shrugs those aside to damage Morgan with a knife edge chop. She then hooks Morgan into a front facelock and from there falls backwards to crash her skull into the canvas with a DDT. Morgan’s head screams with anguish after the move. Lindsay is quite content with this and makes another casual cover… ONE! TWO! Morgan makes her way out of another pinfall! COLE You’d think the so called “manager of champions” would know by now to at least hook the leg for a pinfall. COACH Spoken like a true homo. COLE COACH Only homos hook legs, ol juicy juice ass nigga. Lindsay leads Morgan off the canvas all while softening her up with elbows to her svelte midsection. Morgan is thrown inside another facelock, as Lindsay signals to her one fan in the audience. “YEAH LINDSAY!” the one fan shouts “EAT A DONKEY DICK, CRACKER!” another replies, silencing the lone Lindsay mark. With Lindsay distracted by the odd exchange, Morgan is able to summon all her strength and run Lindsay into the far corner. With the fans cheering her on, Morgan attempts to shoulder Lindsay in the stomach. But The Latina Bitch is resourceful and sneaky and rolls up Morgan into a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Morgan pops out the pinfall. This finds itself frustrating Lindsay, who kicks at the turnbuckle posts in response. Calming herself down somewhat, Lindsay drags Morgan up by the seat of booty shorted romper. She stuns Morgan with a pair of cruel slaps, before running to the ropes. As she comes back she nails Morgan in the face with a dangerous elbow that sends the champion tumbling through the middle ropes. Morgan has a hard landing on the ring apron, and whimpers as she tries to battle back against the pain. COLE What great strength and courage shown by Morgan tonight. COACH What a great body shown by Lindsay! COLE Morgan is very cute herself. No hetero. Morgan finds the strength and will needed to drag herself upright. But the moment she does so she’s taken hold into a front facelock. Within seconds Lindsay is bringing her into the air for a vertical suplex. But Morgan shifts her body and comes down across Lindsay’s chest with a lateral press. As the audience cheers the potentially match ending move, Hebner makes a pinfall count. ONE! TWO! Lindsay throws Morgan off her, showcasing impressive strength. COLE These two ladies fighting for the right to go to Anglemania as women’s champion! COACH Except one, the blond one, is fighting a losing battle. Morgan brings herself off the canvas, breathing heavily and glancing fearfully at her surroundings. Lindsay picks up on this fear and begins battering her in the back with forearms. Morgan lurches forward in pain, crying out to the arena air. Her problems continue to mount as Lindsay begins setting her up for the The Latina Bitch Jam (stratusfaction). She runs forward to the ropes, leaping onto the third cable. But as she spins around, Morgan captures control and throws her off! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” Morgan sags back against the ropes, her mouth held agape in weariness and her body trembling nervously. COACH Mikey, I thought we were going to see a title change. COLE Here in the province of Quebec Morgan is fighting with all the strength in her little body! Frustrated beyond control, Lindsay shoves referee Hebner aside to get to Morgan. She fires off a series of forearm smashes that weaken Morgan. From there The Latina Bitch begins situating Morgan into the setup for the Bitchslap (The Stroke) LINDSAY Someone’s about to get smacked up! That someone isn’t Morgan, however, as the champion suddenly breaks free of Lindsay’s grip in order to haul her onto her shoulders. “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” COLE Shock and Awe? But a furious Lindsay shifts her body to begin setting up for the Lindsay-Carana! “BOOOOOOOO!” However, Morgan out muscles her, shocking Lindsay as she’s taken into a standing fireman’s carry. The fans leap to their feet as the lethal hold known as the Shock and Awe (F-U) is executed! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Morgan hooks Lindsay’s leg with Montreal counting along… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” BUFFER Your winner as a result of pinfall and still Women’s champion…MORGAN NERDLYYYYYYYY! The fans delight once more as the champion’s hand is raised in glorious victory. COLE Morgan has done it! Morgan has done it! COACH I don’t know how. Everything was going Lindsay’s way. Everything! Morgan gathers up her women’s title, taking it quickly yet carefully as though it were a wounded animal. She clutches it tightly to her chest, gazing wide eyed at the audience that applauds her tremendous accomplishment. Yet all is not right in the land of the OAOAST, all thanks to Josie Baker’s appearance on stage. JOSIE Well, well, you actually did it. You beat Lindsay Gonzalez. Clean. 1-2-3. Impressive to most of you, but very unfortunate for you Morgan. Had you done the right thing, and played ball, dropping the title you could’ve escaped the OAOAST with what little dignity you have left. Now? Now things are different. Now you get to come face to face with your destroyer. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” JOSIE Now you can meet the person that will spell your doom, and the end of your unfortunate OAOAST existence. There’s a long drawn out pause that only increases the anxiety and angst presence within this capacity crowd. Diamonds are forever They won't leave in the night I've no fear that they might Desert me [Chorus] Diamonds are forever (forever, forever) Throw your diamonds in the sky if you feel the vibe Diamonds are forever (forever, forever, forever) The Roc is still alive every time I rhyme. Forever ever? Forever ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever?...... COLE Could it be? Could it be? A sparkling crystal cocoon lowers from the ceiling, wowing the audience in its resplendent majesty. Morgan isn’t impressed by the fanciful pageantry, rather she shifts nervously, wanting to be anywhere but Montreal. COLE This is amazing. The cocoon touches down shimmering with a dazzling heavenliness that draws out gasps of amazement from the still standing audience. Morgan’s hands tremble, her lips tremor, and her hands clutch her title as though it were the very source of her life blood. JOSIE Open it! Let her meet her end! The cocoon begins splintering apart, revealing past its shimmering shell as figured clad in black huddled up. Moments stretch out to seem like minutes as this figure remains hidden from the curious view of the audience. JOSIE Show yourself! Right on command the figure springs to its feet showing them to be long lost OAOAST superstar…CRYSTAL “OOOOOOOOOOOOOH!” the fans react, scarcely able to believe the sight that lies before them. Crystal stares down Morgan with cutthroat rage burning through her blue eyes. Morgan can’t call upon the strength or might to face down this OAOAST legend and meekly backs away. Morgan’s fear draws a simple and small smile across the former world champion’s face. JOSIE Well, Morgan, it seems you have your opponent for Anglemania! “OOOOOOOOOOOH!” COLE Wow! COACH Wow is right! The scene fades to black with Crystal’s gaze continuing to fill Morgan with a hollow fear. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2010 BIFF I'm not sure about this. Not sure about this, Biff Atlas is walking. Not under his own power. But being pushed, by Molly Nerdly. Being lead by the shoulders, Biff is walked into a locker room by Molly and basically dropped off, like a child being left at the door of kindergarten. MOLLY I've done all I can for you Biff. You'll get the help you need here. KNOCK KNOCK! MELODY (deep voice) Who dares to enter my domain? BIFF Uhm... Biff. Spinning around in her awesome gaming chair, Melody turns away from her computer screen and suddenly drops the deep imperious voice. BIFF Molly sent me. She said you could help with my... powers. MELODY Oh em gee, yes! You totally should have come to me sooner. Look, don't be nervous about telling me all the details. I know it's hard for you to be open and honest cause you're worried about getting locked up and put in a cage and having all needles stuck in you and being tested by scientists and stuff, but I'm totally on the side of the mutants man! I ain't gonna sell you out to the paper company. Stick with me and everything's gonna be awesome. BIFF Yeah. The thing is... I'm not sure I really do have powers or not anymore. MELODY Oh. Well, the easiest way to figure out if you do or not is to take an online personality test. That'll tell you everything you need to know. Flipping out her internet phone, Melody taps away. MELODY Okay, Question 1. Do you feel like you have superpowers? BIFF Yes. MELODY Beep beep beep, we've got a superhero! BIFF Are you sure? That certainly didn't seem like a very thorough examination. MELODY That's because I didn't actually give you a test, I was just Twittering to let everyone in the world know what we're up to. Ooh, second thoughts, maybe that wasn't a great idea. Damn you Twitter and your lack of an Undo function! Anyway, I've got the answer to your problems right here. Take this. Reaching into her pocket, Melody pulls out a ring and slips it onto Biff's finger. MELODY This ring will give you the powers you crave Biff. Biff nods his head, looking at the ring in amazement MELODY This ring will make you a monster. BIFF YES! MELODY You will never shake again. You will never cower again. With this ring, you will become the biggest star that this business has ever seen! This ring will ma... BIFF Hang on... this ring is just made of candy. Sighing, Melody slips the ring back off of Biff's finger, puts it back on hers and has a few licks. MELODY Yeah. Duh! But didn't you feel more powerful when I told you it was making you more powerful? BIFF Kinda. MELODY Exactly! You want to know why you can't use your powers? It's because you don't believe in them! All you need is the belief. If you believe you've got superpowers, then guess what, you can use your superpowers! It's all about belief. And I can tell, you ain't got none. You want to be like a superhero, you've got to think like a superhero. BIFF And you can help me do that? MELODY Are you kidding!? I once spent 6 days convinced I was Silver Sable. Then I got silver poisoning. That was an awesome summer holiday. BIFF MELODY Anyway, the point is, I know exactly what you need to do to embrace your powers. Biff looks intrigued, and a little worried, as Melody sends out another tweet. COLE Alix and Krista will be attending the Oscar's this weekend in their hometown of Los Angeles, but before those awards are handed out the trend setting duo won a prize of their own the 2010 Anderson Cup championship! Terry Taylor caught up with them at Nerdly Spectacular after their big victory. Nerdly Spectacular (Patty's note, I wrote this b4 Tony wrote the announcement of the tag title ruling on Syndicated. I thought he was going to do that on HD, so rather than let the segment go to waste I post it here) TERRY Girls, it is my pleasure to say you are the 2010 Anderson Cup champions! How does it feel? ALIX It feels great; we're really enjoying the moment. KRISTA Yeah, its awesome to make history, and become the first females to win the cup. Plus we get to be Anderson Cup champions to some great teams like The Heavenly Rockers, GPX and more. So, yeah, it's a big honor for the both of us. TERRY ALIX Dude, are you okay? TERRY Uh...yes, um...what do you think about your opponents...the Christ Air Express? ALIX Oh, dude, we think they're great. Its such a cool team to be able to face. We really love them lots and lots! TERRY Um..... KRISTA That's right, they're a great bunch of guys and hopefully we can look forward to a great competition at Anglemania. I think we're going to tear the house down and steal the show. TERRY Uh… ALIX Seriously, dude, are you okay? TERRY Yeah....I think. KRISTA Well, anyway, The Christ Air Express did an amazing thing at the Nerdly Spectacular and we couldn't be more proud of them. Good job, boys! We were all rooting for you, and you really pulled through with the big win. TERRY Okay that's it! That's it! KRISTA That's what? TERRY What the hell is this? This...this....this crap! This c-r-a-p! This god damn crap! ALIX Woah! TERRY Where is this "oh its an honor to be Anderson cup champions, oh the express boys are so cool, oh we’re so proud of them and everything in the OAOAST is just ejaculating sunshine!" ...where is this coming from?! Krista where's you saying you'll keep the Anderson Cup trophy next to the septic tank where the rest of the shit goes, and where's Alix saying that's where you guys keep my dignity? Where's you girls bragging about going to the Oscars while Landon Maddix is parading his cheap plastic crown around a bingo hall in North Dakota? What about saying the Nerdly twins share a lot of things, the same hair, the same tights, and the same sexually transmitted diseases? Where's Alix saying you hope beating up the Nerdly twins doesn't piss off their sisters, because how are you supposed to have a post AM orgy without them? KRISTA ALIX An orgy? Good god, man, I'm a devout Catholic I'd never think something so sinful! TERRY This is insane! Insane! I'll kill you if that's what it takes! I'll kill the whole world if you don't start acting normal! Insult me! Slap me! Talk about the time you told me an April fools joke that my mother died, and didn't say April fools until April the 7th! ALIX Terry, we're, like, super diverse parody e-fed performers. KRISTA We have character development, and multi layered personalities. Our characters don't conform to any Chicks Over Dicks rule set you may have concocted in your mind. Don't try to put us in a box. ALIX Buuuuuuut if we were in a box....I bet it rocks. KRISTA I bet it rocks for a jock. It rocks for a fox ALIX It rocks blocking shots on guys with dreadlocks! Suddenly Maya, Jade, Tyler and Shayne appear on the scene! MAYA What comes in this box this box that rocks? ALIX A cheesy gorditia to crunch and munch! JADE And we all scream burrito supreme! TYLER A crunchy taco and cinnamon twists? ALIX Both on the list and wait let me think? An ice cold drink. SHAYNE That is lots and lots for just one box KRISTA And its only five bucks and that's why it rocks. CELEBRATORY DISCO DANCE! KRISTA Terry as hard as it is to believe given the countless hours I've drunkenly berated the lesser sex, and the numerous penises I've threatened and succeeded in "chopping off" we kind of li...li...li...lik...li...ke.....don't totally despise MARV and MEL. And a COD promo can have, some, well negative effects on someone's career. We're sort of like air conditioning; we'll kill your heat. ALIX And, if we emasculate 'em too much their sisters will get pissed, and how are ever gonna have the post AM orgy with them! Think about the orgy, Terry! The importance of the orgy! KRISTA Yeah, Terry, think about the orgy, you'll probably be watching form an unnoticed peep hole from the next room. TERRY Ah all is right in the world. LIVE ACTION RETURNS OAOAST TAG TEAM TITLES LDC MONEYGANG VS THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS NEXT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2010 Live action returns with another picturesque view of Montreal We head back to ringside Michael Buffer positioned inside the squared circle. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following return match is scheduled for one fall and is for the ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! “Like the Angel” by Rise Against cues and two pyro rockets shoot into the air as identical twin sensations MARV and MEL high-five onstage. BUFFER Introducing first, the challengers… from Edmonton, Alberta Canada… total combined weight 370 pounds... the team of MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MARV and MEL swing into the air and pump their fists. COLE In many people’s minds we are looking at the uncrowned tag team champions, Coach. COACH But was the ruling not correct? COLE Indeed it was. The footage aired on OAOAST Syndicated proved that. COACH Then everybody ought to quit whining. “The World is Mine” by David Guetta is piped through the speakers and down the green and gold lit stage the World tag team champions and Theodore Moneymaker walk. BUFFER And their opponents, accompanied by the Chief Executive Officer of THE ENTERPRISE, THEODORE MONEYMAKER! Total combine weight 420 pounds, THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… COLIN MAGUIRE, JR., SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As Moneymaker readies his men for action, the referee converses with ring announcer Michael Buffer. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just been informed Theodore Moneymaker has until the count of 10 to leave ringside or not only will the LDC Moneygang lose the match…but also the One & Only World tag team championship! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MONEYMAKER Moneymaker throws a fit, as do the LDCMG. COLE The match hasn’t even begun and we already have fireworks. Theodore Moneymaker’s been ejected! COACH I’ve heard of make-up calls in sports, but this is way out of line, Cole. Teddy didn’t do anything wrong. COLE Obviously the OAOAST is trying to level the playing field. COACH By covering up for their referees? Why that’s the smartest thing you’ve said in a long time. They’re stacking the deck against the LDC Moneygang due to public opinion. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! After a final word with the LDCMG, Moneymaker leaves to a familiar tune. “NA NA NA NA, NA NA NA NA, HEY HEY…GOODBYE!” MONEYMAKER Spencer calls for the microphone. REIGER Wait a minute. Before we get it on let’s first try to get along. And what brings people together? Money! So I’ve gotten the okay to offer you guys $100,000... CMJ 50,000 a piece! REIGER …to walk away and forget this whole thing ever happened. CMJ Yeah. Sorry for the inconvenience. The CAE think the offer over and nod their heads. REIGER (laughs) I think we have a deal. Both team shake hands, and then the CAE deck the LDCMG! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" * DINGDINGDING * The CAE stay on the offensive, whipping the champs in for BAAAAAACK body drops. DOUBLE KICKFLIPS knock the LDCMG to the floor, then MEL uses MARV as a springboard to perform a SHOOTING STAR SUICIDA! COLE & COACH MEL dumps Reiger back in and the CAE send him to THE PEARLY GATES! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! MARV removes the tag belt around Reiger’s waist and holds it high to the crowd’s delight. Nick Patrick yanks it from MARV and goes to hand it to Buffer as Reiger reverses a whip and CMJ smacks MARV across the back with the other tag belt! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Don’t tell me it’s gonna end like this. COACH It is! The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE He kicked out! The kid kicked out! Reiger rams MARV into the buckle and tags CMJ, who immediately unloads a series of Irish uppercuts. MARV ducks a back elbow and delivers a RUNNING DDT on the rebound! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY REIGER! The LDCMG work MARV over and send him in for the ride, but MARV puts on the brakes and takes both Enterprise members down with THE JAWJACKER! COLE MARV must collect coupons because he just got 2 for the price of 1. COACH With that kind of material you’re a shoo-in to host next years Oscars. The CAE tag and MEL enters a house afire slamming and dropkicking both LDCMG members. DOUBLE COCONUT sends them their separate ways. MEL whips CMJ in for a FLYING CORNER CLOTHESLINE, then slams him down and climbs up top. COLE Are we gonna see a second Shooting Star? The answer is yes, but CMJ moves and MEL lands on his feet. CMJ hooks the arm and executes a RELEASE OVERHEAD CHICKEN-WING SUPLEX THAT DROPS MEL STOMACH-FIRST ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE!! COACH DAYUM~! Reiger yanks MEL down from the apron as CMJ delivers his ultra rare ONE MAN SPANISH FLY!!! COLE Boondock Saint! COACH Where’s the damn referee?!? We learn trying to pull apart Reiger and MEL. CMJ taps Nick Patrick on the shoulder to grab his attention. Meanwhile, the CAE pull off another SECRET SWITCH~! COACH Oh no, not this again. Suddenly MEL kips up and fires away on CMJ. MEL wrings the arm and gives CMJ a NOSEPLANT! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY REIGER! MEL and Reiger trade blows until Reiger rakes the eyes, but MEL reverses and telegraphs a backdrop, allowing the LDCMG to hit THE SPIKE REIGER COUNTER!! COLE Spike Reiger Counter out of nowhere! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The winners of the match and STILL your One & Only World tag team champions… COLIN MAGUIRE, JR., SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Nick Patrick awards the tag titles to the LDCMG, who proceed to mock the CAE with a leaping high-five of their own. COLE Heck of an effort by the Christ Air Express, but one mistake cost them dearly. COACH Justice was served if you ask me. The CAE again tried to get away with an illegal switch and got punished for it. The celebration is on backstage as Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright and Lorelei DeCenzo shower the LDCMG with champagne. In the background a CHILI STAND AND BAKE SALE set up by MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD to help the earthquake victims in Chile and raise a little money for her school the Beverly Vista School (smart girl, OAOAST superstars are handsomely paid). Eating quite a bit of Maya's goods is the hungriest man in the OAOAST, Jumbo. MAYA Uh, I appreciate you spending enough to field a small army, but haven't you had enough? JUMBO I'll tell you when I've had enough! I am not a food addict! Food does not eat me, I eat food! My stomach does not control me, I can stop eating anytime! Anytime I want! Can I have five more bags of jelly beans please? MAYA CMJ (pushing Jumbo aside) Shove off fatso. WRIGHT Yes, begone bestial fiend! Your girth offends us. REGIER (singing) We are the champions my friends, dun dun dun! MONEYMAKER (singing) And we'll keep on fighting to the end! REIGER AND MONEYMAKER We are the champions, we are the champions, no time for losers because we are the champions...of the world! MAYA Oh hi! Would you like to commemorate your victory with some delicious chili? Or maybe a yummy sugar cookie? I promised Aunt Alix hasn't loaded any of them with her um...special herbs, at least not since the DEA came sniffing around last week. CMJ Aren’t you gonna congratulate the champs on their big win, little girl? MAYA No, but I appreciate you guys keeping the belts warm for my mom and Alix at AngleMania. MONEYMAKER LORELEI Smart mouthed and rude, just like your mother. REIGER Ah, to be young and naïve again. Let me to bring you back to reality, kid. We are the One & Only World tag team champions. It’s your hope for a title change at AngleMania. But as the real world’s shown, hope and change isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be. A lesson we’ll remind your mom and Alix and all their Hollywood friends at AngleMania. CMJ What’s with the stand? MAYA Uh, hello? (points to sign above stand) “Chili for Chile.” and a bakesale for my school, the Beverly Vista School Moneymaker dips his finger in a bowl of Chili. MAYA Hey! MONEYMAKER (tastes chili, spits it out) This stuff tastes like shit. People could get sick eating from it. CMJ Eh, you're just too picky, Ted, lemme try one of those cookies....shit I chipped a fhakin tooth! What are these made out of? Concrete and ass? JUMBO Mighty fine ass at that! CMJ (grimacing from the pain( Shaddup, tons of fun. MONEYMAKER Boys, do as any good food critic would do. While CMJ tries to cope with the outstanding pain in his mouth, Spencer Reiger tips the entire table over sending Maya's precious food scattering everywhere. MAYA REIGER Oops, my fault. MONEYMAKER REIGER (shouting over his shoulder) Tell your mother to get me Julia Roberts autograph when she goes to the Oscars. My mom loves her. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2010 We cut to a dressing room, where... COLOMBIAN HEAT and... MAGGIE NERDLY are standing by. The crowd cheers. Colombian Heat is in his wrestling attire and is pacing back and forth. Maggie, wearing a black Minor Threat T-shirt, necklace, purple bracelets, purple nail polish, a gold watch on her right wrist, a black wrist band on her left wrist, a purple ruffled skirt, black knee high socks with purple stripes and black Converse sneakers, is sitting on a table. Maggie is whistling when the door opens, and... THA PUERTO RICAN appears to the crowd's delight. THA PUERTO RICAN Hey guys. MAGGIE NERDLY Hey babe! PRL and Maggie give each other a hug and a kiss. COLOMBIAN HEAT Sup, bro? Colombian Heat high fives his longtime best friend and then pulls him in for a hug. THA PUERTO RICAN Nothin' much. So, looks like we all had an interesting night last Thursday! HEAT Yo, man, I's had it! I's had Landon right where I's wanted him! But I's made one mistake! ONE mistake! And that cost me, dawg! Man, I's could have been King! I's could have been da King of da Ring! I'd would have been da illest King EVER! But I done messed up, and now, I's got nothin'. PRL Hey, don't sweat it, man. You got me. You got us! As much as it pains me to know that you lost to freakin' Landon Maddix, and that Landon is now the...ugh...King Of The Ring...at least I can go to sleep at night knowing that he didn't pull any B.S. on you, and that, no matter how hard he tries, the crown will never AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NEVER make him look good. Plus, the crown won't be able to hide his stupid haircut. So, at least there's that. All Hail King Dork! HEAT HAIL KING DORK! HA! HA! HA! HA! PRL, Maggie and Heat all share a laugh along with the crowd before P.R. continues talking. THA PUERTO RICAN Yes. Well, I did a pretty damn good job sending James Riggs back to obscurity last week. Not too hard. Quite easy, really. No sweat off my back. But, I think we can all agree that you, little missy, had the most interesting night of us all! Maggie blushes as the crowd hoots and hollers, remembering the very exciting and very stimulating Evening Gown Pillow Fight from seven days prior. MAGGIE Oh, well, hehe, it was no big deal. I had fun. It certainly wasn't something that I do all the time! THA PUERTO RICAN I would hope not! Swinging pillows at my ex-fiancée while in your bra and panties. That better not be business as usual! Although, I can't help but find that strangely erotic at the same time. Are you sure you and Lindsay don't have secret meetings where all you do is have pillow fights in your underwear? And can I come to the next meeting? MAGGIE Hahahahahaha! P.R., no! Last Thursday night was the last time I ever wanted to interact with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez. Trust me on that one! Unless she wins the OAOAST Women's Title again, of course! HEAT Yo, Maggie, as a close friend and confidant, I gotta say tha following, but I say dis wit da utmost respek: DAMN GIRL, YOU WERE LOOKING GOOD OUT THERE LAST THURSDAY! SHAWTI GOT BACK, YO! SHAWTI GOT BACK! Maggie giggles while PRL gives his best friend The People's Eyebrow. PRL Yo, bro, easy with that. Remember who you're talking to! HEAT I know. I know. She's your girl. Just dat, I's see a fine lady with barely anything on, and I go nuts, you know what I'm sayin'? PRL Hey, I don't blame you! I'm pretty damn sure that you weren't the only one who enjoyed that match! MAGGIE The match that I won, by the way! Don't forget that! PRL Yes, but I could have done without having the entire OAOAST Galaxy see you in your underwear. "YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Tha Puerto Rican looks up to the ceiling. THA PUERTO RICAN Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I heard that! Don't think I didn't hear that cheer, Lightning Bolts! You know that I love you guys, but watch it! I'm not gonna share her with ANYBODY! She be mine! Colombian Heat and Maggie Nerdly just watch as Tha Puerto Rican talks to the ceiling. The fans, who have all clearly heard PRL, just laugh and chant his name. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh well. At least you were partly covered. At least you weren't bucky ball naked. MAGGIE ...until later that night. THA PUERTO RICAN And that was in front of an audience of one. PRL and Maggie both nod and giggle. PRL licks his lips while Maggie winks at her boyfriend. The crowd hoots and hollers as PRL and Maggie embrace and lock eyes with each other, both of them smiling a wide smile. The two lovebirds give each other Eskimo kisses while Colombian Heat plays the role of the third wheel. COLOMBIAN HEAT Ugh. Get a room, yo. THA PUERTO RICAN Already got the room key! COLOMBIAN HEAT MAGGIE So, what's going on for tonight? You told us that you had a surprise. That someone else was in the car with you. COLOMBIAN HEAT Yeah, man. I haven't seen you dis excited in a long time. You didn't come with me or Maggie to tha arena cuz you were pickin' dis person up at the airport. Who is it? PRL There indeed was somewhere else with me. Someone you guys might recognize. HEAT Daddy Yankee? THA PUERTO RICAN No. MAGGIE Richard Marx? PRL No. HEAT The dude that played Harry Potter? PRL Nope. MAGGIE Barry Horowitz? PRL Eh...close. He's definitely a wrestler. But he's most certainly a better wrestler than Barry Horowitz! I have been trying and trying to get him into the OAOAST for the longest time, but it wasn't until last week that he finally signed his contract! So, now, we can proudly welcome him into the One And Only AngleSault Thread! Tha Puerto Rican opens the door to the dressing room. THA PUERTO RICAN You can come in now! A handsome young man who is a couple of inches shorter than Tha Puerto Rican enters the room. He is slimmer than PRL and has spiky black hair, brown eyes and a black goatee. He is wearing an earring in his right ear, a white T-shirt with a red buttoned down dress shirt over it, a leather jacket, a gold watch on his right wrist, a silver ring on his right hand, a silver chain around his neck, black dress pants with a leather belt and black dress shoes. He removes his aviator sunglasses and takes a good look at Heat and Maggie. The crowd is wondering who this man is, but Heat and Maggie clearly recognize him. THA PUERTO RICAN Guys, you remember my brother: Victor Perez Quagmire! HEAT Victor! Sup, holmes!? VICTOR PEREZ QUAGMIRE Sup, Heat! How you been? Heat and Victor high five each other and then Victor pulls Heat in for a hug. HEAT Nothin' much. Same as always. Just hustlin', workin' on mah grind, tryin' to keep mah head above water. You know how we do! VICTOR Right. Right. I feel ya, Heat. HEAT Yeah boy! Victor turns his attention to Maggie and gives her a warm hug, a hug that you give someone that you haven't seen in a long time. VICTOR Hey Maggie! I missed ya! MAGGIE Hey Victor! Good to see you again! VICTOR You treating my brother right? MAGGIE Haha. You know I am! You know I can't keep my hands off of him! VICTOR I know. He truly cares about you. He never shuts up about you! MAGGIE Awww, really? VICTOR Nope. Just kidding. Of course! He's crazy about you! MAGGIE Awwwww! Maggie glances at her boyfriend and smiles. PRL looks lovingly at his girlfriend before remembering what he was going to say. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh yeah. So, anyway, Victor just signed a contract with the OAOAST. As of right now, he is an official member of the One And Only AngleSault Thread roster! MAGGIE That's great! HEAT Way to go! MAGGIE Congratulations! VICTOR Thanks, guys. It's great to finally have my dream come true. I have been wanting to be a professional wrestler my whole life! Tha Puerto Rican, Edward, he's been my guardian since the day that I was born. I looked up to him. I wanted to follow in his footsteps. He's not just my older brother, he's my role model. I wanted to be just like him so badly, and now, in a way, I can. I'm going to continue what he's started. I am going to live up to his expectations, to my family's expectations, to my expectations. The Quagmires are going to become one of professional wrestling's most powerful families! It started with Tha Puerto Rican, and it will continue on with me: "Virgin Island Thunder" Victor Perez! THA PUERTO RICAN "Virgin Island Thunder"! I like it! VICTOR Thanks. It took me all night to come up with that one! Tha Puerto Rican puts his right arm around his little brother's shoulders. THA PUERTO RICAN This is only the beginning for you, little brother! Soon, we will become the first brothers to BOTH be OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Who knows? You might even win the Lethal Rumble before I do! I wouldn't mind it! You can do it! Go right ahead! The possibilities are endless! I'm so glad that you're finally here! And I know that Mom is just so happy right now! I'm pretty sure that she was crying, crying tears of joy obviously, when I talked to her earlier. VICTOR Dad was too. PRL Wow. Something finally caused him to crack. Amazing. VICTOR Yeah, wasn't it? THA PUERTO RICAN You know, being here, in this room. With my brother. My best friend. My girl. The three people in the OAOAST I care about the most. With The Lightning Bolts watching our every move. It just doesn't get any better than this! VICTOR Yeah. HEAT Yeah. MAGGIE Yeah. PRL, Victor, Maggie and Colombian Heat all stand around and reflect on what Tha Puerto Rican just said. They all have smiles on their faces. There is an awkward silence for a couple of seconds as everyone stops reflecting. COLOMBIAN HEAT Sooooo...do we sing "We Are The World" now? MAGGIE The original or the remake? HEAT Does it matter? PRL Yeah, you're right, this is getting a little bit *too* mushy for my tastes. Who's up for some beers? HEAT ME! VICTOR Fine by me! MAGGIE I'm down. VICTOR You're 19-years-old. MAGGIE I'm legal in Canada. VICTOR Eh, close enough. MAGGIE We don't all say 'Eh'. THA PUERTO RICAN Beers it is! And beers are on me! MAGGIE, VICTOR & HEAT YEA! THA PUERTO RICAN And we're off! Tha Puerto Rican opens the door and exits the dressing room. "Virgin Island Thunder" Victor Perez follows. Colombian Heat follows Victor. Maggie Nerdly follows Heat and closes the dressing room door. The crowd cheers loudly and chants, "BEER! BEER! BEER! BEER!" (Cut to Sofa Central) COACH Tha Puerto Rican's BROTHER is in the OAOAST now!? COLE Yep. And hopefully, despising Da Coach runs in the family. COACH Damnit! Now I gotta go hide TWICE a show now! COLE You should be hiding all of the time. But I digress. Fans, as you just heard, Tha Puerto Rican's very own brother, "Virgin Island Thunder" Victor Perez, has joined the OAOAST! I have heard a lot about this young man. Apparently, he is a very talented up and coming high flyer who can soar through the air with the best of them! I cannot wait to see Victor Perez in action in an OAOAST ring hopefully very soon! But, we've still got more to come on tonight's HeldDOWN~! In our main event, we'll see if Vinny Valentine can upset Alix for the US Title! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2010 A soft purple hue hangs over the ring as we return to find the King Of The Ring ceremony ready to be conducted. A large, regal throne sits in the middle of the red carpetted ring. Hanging from gold stands are the robe, hate and scepter to annoint the new King. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your 2010 OAOAST KING OF THE RING... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The triumphant trumpetting of "Parade Of The Charioteers" plays through the arena and the crowd rise to their foot to boo their new King! Beaming with pride, Landon emerges through the entrance with arms outstretched, lording it over the crowd. Following him out, no surprise, are the rest of Cucaracha Internacional. However, what is a bit of a surprise is who follows them... Queen Esther and All The Queen's Men! COLE Isn't this fitting. The new King and the woman responsible for his victory, out here to celebrate together. COACH "Responsible" nothing. The only man responsible for greatness is the man himself. He beat seven men to be crowned King, that deserves your respect whether you like it or not. COLE Are you kidding? He beat two men, Coach. He got a bye in the semi-finals and he only beat Denzel Spencer in the Finals thanks to a little assist from Queen Esther who was watching the match from ringside. As the 10-strong party all enter the ring Landon looks at the throne with great joy. He looks around like a child on Christmas, looking for some sort of signal that he can infact actually sit in the seat and try it out. And at the first signal he scampers forward and gets himself comfortable in the plush red pillowed seat. The crowd are not impressed and boo loudly, threatening to ruin the coronation with chants of "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COACH Look how happy he is Michael! How proud he is to be King! Practically giddy with delight Landon watches as two important looking suited figures enter the ring. Not important enough to be named or introduced though. They are apparantly in charge of the proceedings though, as they lift the large purple and gold robe from it's stand. Queen Esther looks on with great joy as Landon stands up and allows himself to be fitted with the robe. Taking his scepter, Landon then sits back down as the two suited men lift up the crown. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, once again, your KING OF THE RING... LANDON MADDIX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! The crown is lowered onto Landon's head, his eyes wide in delight. COACH What a moment! What a great moment! COLE If Landon gets any more excited, his brain is going to explode. With their duties done, the unnamed suits exit the ring, leaving Landon to address his crowd. LANDON Ladies and gentlemen... hang on, hang on. Sorry, I'm still getting the hang of this. My loyal subjects... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" LANDON Today is a brave new day in the OAOAST! Today, I, Landon Maddix, have been appointed your King. And it is with great pleasure that I accept this crown, this robe and this really cool wand here. COLE Scepter. COACH Whatever. LANDON As some of you may know my roots are very rich. My family were from a gifted country, Spain, a country steeped in royal tradition. I look from this point on to continue that fine tradition of Spanish royalty. And just as Juan Carlos, current King Of Spain, oversaw Spain's transition from dictatorship to democracy, I, Landon Maddix, King Of The Ring, will lead the OAOAST forward as a true leader of men. Not just a King for one country, but a King with international reach. Infact, you might say... I'M THE KING OF THE WORLD! "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COLE That might have been the smartest thing Landon has ever said... you know, until the Titanic quote. Queen Esther can hold herself back no longer and takes the microphone, gushing with pride. QUEEN ESTHER Oh great joy and great salutations on this day, King Landon. You truly bring nobility and royalty to the OAOAST today. As I watched you last week I knew it was you and only you worthy of this crowd. And I simply had to take action. Heavens, it pained my heart to toy with the strings of fate. But I must. Must, I say! COACH See, she apologised. COLE Oh, yeah, sure. LANDON Thank you Esther. Your grace and beauty is an inspiration to me. That's why, as my first official proclaimation as King, I am announcing the MERGER of Cucaracha Internacional and All The Queen's Men, to form my Cucaracha Kingdom!! However, this is one drawback. You see, any Kingdom... it needs it's Knights. Men who are willing to fight for their monarchy. But, in this Kingdom... there is only room for one King. Landon's head turns towards The Last Kings Of Scotland, who look surprised to have apparantly been singled out. LANDON Especially when those Kings have already let their Queen down once before. Queen Esther's heart craved the Anderson Cup trophy to be mounted upon her wall. And you two let her down. You are unkempt. You are thuggish. And there is no room for you in this Kingdom. Danny Boy and Scottish Scott protest their case, but Landon quiets them down. LANDON I'm sorry. Queen's orders. Suddenly, RICO AND LUCIUS BLAST SCOTTISH SCOTT FROM BEHIND!! Danny Boy tries to fight them off but is overwhelmed by the attack. Cucaracha Internacional just stand back and watch, Landon overseeing this from his throne, as Rico and Lucius beat down the unprepared Scots. The right hands of Rico bust open the forehead of Scottish Scott from the mount position, while Lucius stomps the hell out of Danny Boy with his hard dress shoes. COLE I can't believe what I'm seeing! The Last Kings Of Scotland, being thrown out of the Kingdom, by men who were their own partners just a few days ago! And Queen Esther is just standing back and watching without a care in the world! COACH Those are not noble men. How Queen Esther put up with those brutes for so long, I don't know. The beating is swift and brutal and The Last Kings Of Scotland are thrown from the ring. With that out of the way Landon smiles and attempts to move on. Megan, Black and Blonde all watch this with a little confusion on their faces. Referees come out from the back and help Scottish Scott to the back, with Danny Boy not wanting any help but being escorted out as well. LANDON With that unpleasantness behind us forever, we move onwards and upwards. A new day with the Cucaracha Kingdom reigning over the OAOAST! And together, we will rule over all who oppose us and all who worship us equally. And if you thought my leadership was powerful before, just imagine what great feats can be achieved now that I have a Queen by my side! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Queen Esther blushes and fans herself, embarrassed by the compliment. However, she's not the only one. Looking thoroughly fed up of all of this ceremony, Megan Skye walks around the back of the throne and starts to get into an arguement with Queen Esther! COLE Uh oh. LANDON Ladies... ladies, please! Megan and Esther's confrontation continues, despite Landon's pleas for them to stop. And it starts to get ugly, as Esther informs Megan that "there's only room for one Queen as well". Megan doesn't take kindly to this and scowls at Esther, before losing her temper and SHOVING THE QUEEN ONTO HER BUTT!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" QUEEN ESTHER COLE OH MY~! I don't think Megan is taking too kindly to having Queen Esther muscle in on her territory! Landon leaps from his throne and attends to Queen Esther, as do Blonde and The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. Shocked, Queen Esther looks mortified at having been embarrassed. Landon is horrified, trying to make sure his Queen is okay. Then, with a furious look on his face, Landon turns to Megan, who is understandably taken aback to see her man glaring at her. LANDON Nobody... but NOBODY... puts their hands on my Queen! Surprised at being yelled at like this, Megan backs away. Landon remains furious, as he motions to Rico and Lucius. LANDON Knights... ...OFF WITH HER HEAD! COLE WHAT!? Given their orders, Rico and Lucius turn their attentions to Megan ready to attack! COLE What the HELL is this!? Landon is sticking his cronies on Megan!? Has he lost his mind!? Megan backs away and cowers in the corner as the Hellfire Club close in on her, completely helpless. She tries to plead for some mercy, but Rico and Lucius aren't backing up, as Landon looks on with no signs of remorse for what is about to happen to his closest confidant. But before Rico and Lucius can lay a finger on Megan, there's help from an unlikely source, as NATHANIEL BLACK STEPS IN FRONT OF HER!! "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" BLACK IF YOU WANT 'ER, YER GONNA 'AVE TO GO THROUGH ME FIRST! Surprised by this, Rico and Lucius stop, Black not backing down from the two! Angered by this Landon makes another signal. And Faqu is ordered in to take care of this situation, which he does, BY JUMPING NATHANIEL!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Megan sees Black go down and quickly gets out of the ring to safety, as Faqu, Rico and Lucius all put the boots to Nathaniel Black! The three on one is too much for Black and he's quickly overwhelmed. Once he's sure Black is down Landon walks over, watching the beatdown occur before stepping in. He moves Rico aside enough to hover over Black, screaming "TRAITOR! TRAITOR!" at the Englishman, before giving him a kick in the ribs. That angers Black enough to reach out and grab at Landon, but before he can reach, the stomps wear him down again. COLE This is ridiculous! Nathaniel Black stepped up and did the right thing and this is what he gets? COACH He betrayed the King's wishes! He's been a problem for Landon for months now. And he let him down one too many times, so now, the Kingdom has to deal with him, just like they did with Scottish Scott and Danny Boy. With Black stomped until he's unable to defend himself, Landon finally calls a halt to the beating. Adjusting his robe he scowls down at the Englishman before turning his back to the 'traitor' and extending his arms to the booing crowd, trying to put all eyes back on him as "Parade Of The Charioteers" plays again. The applause of Blonde and Queen Esther is in stark contrast to the reaction of the fans and that of Megan, who stands on the outside, looking on shocked at the motionless Black. COLE If this "coronation" has proven anything, it's this. Landon Maddix has officially gone mad with power. COACH That's King Landon. The boos continue to rain down on the Cucaracha Kingdom as they leave the ring. Landon holding the ropes for Queen Esther, Blonde holding the ropes for Landon. Rico and Lucius keep an eye on Black incase he comes back for more while Faqu screams into the camera lens in Samoan. And despite the chaos that he's just caused, Landon seems intent on enjoying his status as King as he walks, head high, back up the aisle. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
King Cucaracha 0 Report post Posted March 6, 2010 We come back to ringside with Michael Buffer standing inside a spotlight in the OAOAST ring. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen this contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes and it is for the United States Championship! “Rock Your Baby” plays to an extremely sour reception from the Quebecois in attendance. Perhaps oblivious to the negative reaction he’s garnered, Vinny Valentine struts onto stage. He performs a funky disco dance which also does little to endear him to the OAOAST Galaxy. BUFFER Introducing the challenger…. from Brooklyn, New York... weighing two hundred, twenty eight pounds... he is "THE DISCO DUCK"... VVVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNYYYYYYY... VVVAAAAAAAALLLLLLLEEEENNTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNEEEEEE!!! “BOOOOOOOO!” COLE Vinny Valentine earning this match under very dubious circumstances. He tricked the referee into thinking Simon Singleton low blowed him when it was simply a shot to the stomach. This resulted in him getting a DQ victory and advancing to face Alix for the United States title match here in Montreal. COACH Sometimes you gotta get down and dirty, especially when it comes to title matches. Singleton would’ve done the same thing if he had thought of it first. Those Cobras are sneaky. Vinny gets funky inside the ring, still unaware of the fact that his disco love is repulsing the audience. Thankfully he calls his dancing to an end in order to stretch for the upcoming contest. COLE This could be the most important match in Vinny’s career and it couldn’t come against a tougher opponent. She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood hoe I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful The way that booty movin I can't take no more Have to stop what i'm doin so I can pull up close I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful Akon’s “Sexy Bitch” comes to life, meeting with a massive ovation from the now standing audience. Rising onto the side of the entrance stage is a bar setting complete with patrons, and a neon pink sign that says “ALIX’S!” On top of the bar counter, attired in white booty shorts, and a white tube top is Miss Speiza herself. She wows the audience and the bar flys with some dirty dancing. She then hops off the bar and blows a kiss to the camera, leading super imposed red lips to appear on the screen. BUFFER And the champion, she is one half of the 2010 Anderson Cup champions, from Los Angeles, California….ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAAA! COLE Alix has to put what happened to Maya earlier tonight out of her mind and focus on Vinny Valentine. Or else she might be in for a major upset. Alix merrily skips down the entrance ramp, blowing kisses to all the cute girls and waving to the not so cute ones. Upon entering the ring, she reaches the top rope and flashes the peace sign to the cheering onlookers. She then does a graceful and gorgeous backflip, that results in her bowing to the wowed fans. DING DING DING ALIX Paaaaaar-taaaaaaaaaay! With that proclamation Alix zips across the ring and leaps into Vinny Valentine’s arms and plants a kiss on his forehead. VINNY Alix’s love for Vinny is short lasted as she rushes towards referee Earl Hebner. She jumps into his arms and peppers him with kisses as well. VINNY What are you doing? ALIX I’m just so happy! I wanna kiss everyone! I wanna kiss the world! VINNY Hey, baby, V-Squared has got something real special you can kiss. Come over and take a look. Expecting Vinny to have some kind of cute animal, Alix runs over to his location. Vinny holds his pants out so that Alix may peer downwards and find his buried treasure. ALIX I don’t see anything. VINNY Growing more angered than sad Vinny lunges at Alix with a lariat. But the Hollywood Bad Girl ducks beneath the attack. Vinny quickly whirls around only to get quite the fright as Alix screams “BOO!” Realizing that he’s been embarrassed once again, Vinny makes another mad dash for Alix. This time the California cutie drops to the ground and traps her foe with a drop toe hold. COLE Nice move by Alix who is really having her way tonight with Vinny Valentine. Double V realizes he’s rapidly approaching defeat, and attempts to make a drastic change. He leaps forward in hopes of snaring her into a lockup. But Alix ducks behind him and grabs him into a rear waistlock. ALIX Who’s ticklish? Who’s ticklish? Hopefully Vinny is as Alix begins hitting his ticklish spots. VINNY Less enjoyable to V-Squared is Alix whipping him into the corner. The US champion chases him down and springs into a body splash. However, Vinny slides himself out the way at the last possible moment. Thankfully, Alix is able to gain a position on the second rope rather than crash into the posts. She quickly checks over her shoulder to get a read on Vinny. Once he’s where she wants him, the spunky brunette flips backwards with a moonsault press. However, Vinny rolls forward to avoid the attack. Once again Alix is able to counter his counter, this time by landing on her furry white boots. Vinny is less than delighted to see her avoid doom once more. Thus its with an enraged heart that he lobs a lariat at her. Alix merely grabs onto his arm, and then swings around to connect with a tornado single arm ddt. ALIX AH AH AH AH STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYIN AAAAAAAAALIIIIIIIIIIVE! “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Vinny is understandably perturbed with being mocked, and quickly hops to his feet inflict damage upon Alix. The Hollywood Bad Girl quickly pounces upon him with quick kicks that hobble him. With Vinny weakened by her strikes, Ally Cat runs to the ropes. But as she returns Vinny shoots to sudden life and dumps her over to the canvas with a powerslam. VINNY Count it, daddy! Hebner does exactly that… ONE! The brunette babe makes an easy kickout, even smiling as she does so. Her cute grin is quickly erased however as Vinny roughly hauls her upright by her chocolate colored hair. He tags her with several forearms to weaken her before he puts himself off the ropes. He returns with shoulder lowered, ready to trample her down. But the resourceful champion jumps into the air, leapfrogging her way over the attack. Unfortunately, Vinny was able to call his run to a halt, and Alix lands with back towards him. This proves to be a painful miscalculation on her part, as V-Squared is able to bring her down with a side Russian leg sweep. He then quickly scurries on top of her for a pinfall… ONE! Alix makes another effortless kickout. However, Vinny is not dissuaded and hooks both her legs for the pinfall… ONE! Alix encounters little trouble in popping out the pinfall. Frustrated and downcast, Vinny wears a sour expression as he brings Alix to her feet. Eager to end Vinny’s brief bit of dominance, Alix employs a tiny smidgen of flattery… ALIX Vinny, I can tell by the way you use your walk that you’re a woman’s man, no time to talk. VINNY Got that right, kitty cat! ALIX Your music is loud and your woman warm, you been kicked around since you were born. VINNY Truth. ALIX And now it's all right. It's OK. And you may look the other way. We can try to understand the New York Times' effect on man. Whether you're a brother or whether you're a mother…. VINNY Don’t do it! Don’t you dare do it again! ALIX STAAAAAAAAAAYYIIIIIN AAAAAAAALIIIIIIIIIVE! For some odd reason the person named the Disco Duck is angry that someone quoted a disco song to him. Furious, he throws a furious fist at Alix. But she swats it away with a flick of her furry boot, and uses the other one to swing around and crack him in the skull with a leaping heel kick. Springboard off the ropes sees her attempt a lionsault, but Vinny rolls out the way. Yet once again Alix evades certain doom by touching down on her unorthodox boots. She holds her arms into the air and wears a perfect smile as though she were a gymnast performing a majestic routine. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Vinny builds up steam on the ropes and comes charging towards ready to hit a standing version of his Boogie Shoes (shining wizard). But Alix is well prepared for this move; when he leaps into the air, Alix catches him beneath the chin with a devastating superkick! ALIX Whoo-hooo! I love the superkick, and ya wanna know why? Because its super! Although dazed, Vinny manages to make his way to his feet. Out the corner of his eye he catches Alix throwing herself against the ropes. Thanks to his timely vision he’s able to grab her into a sidewalk slam! As soon as Alix hits the canvas, V-Squared attempts a pinfall… ONE! Alix makes another easy escape. Wildly annoyed by Alix’s continued foiling of his title dreams, Vinny unleashes a barrage of strange 70’s slang that no one can quite understand. COLE I don’t understand how this man can represent a decade he wasn’t alive to see! COACH Disco lives, baby, and its staaaaaaayin aaaaaaliiiiiive COLE Don’t you start! Vinny grabs Alix into a front facelock, and latches onto her booty shorts to begin lifting her into the air for a vertical suplex. But at the height of the move, Alix adds to his frustration by falling backwards and spiking his head into the canvas with a DDT~! “YEAAAAAAAAAA!” “Not cool, not cool!” Vinny whines as he nurses his sore head. Clutching onto his forehead, Vinny makes an unsteady rise. His situation continues to become more problematic as Alix hooks him into a rear waistlock. However the wrestling gods smile on him, as he’s somehow able to sitout and nail Alix with a stunner. COLE Ouch! Alix caught a tough one there! Alix stays upright, but moans in pain that fills her mouth. With Ally hurting, Vinny regains a little bit of his “mojo” and swaggers over to her. VINNY Night Fever! Night Fever! I know how to do it! “BOOOOOOOO!” the fans deride Vinny’s calling out of is finisher. Ignoring their cruel words, Vinny busies himself with lifting Alix onto his thin shoulders. But that’s as far as his finisher will get on this night, as Alix rolls downwards and traps him inside a pinfall! Hebner drops to his knees to make the count… ONE! TWO! Vinny makes a last second kickout that earns jeers from the Montreal audience. Alix peps them up quite a bit by hiking up her already teenie tiny tights and giving her self a wedgie that reduces the crowd into drooling horndogs. ALIX Booty time! “YEAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer in delight for Alix’s Latina honey buns. The Hollywood Bad Girl puts that cute ass into effect using it to double over Vinny with a shot to the stomach. While Vinny remains incapacitated, Alix scampers up to the top rope. She gives the lust filled audience a little wiggle of her tight tush and then flies off to squash Vinny’s head with a BUTT-assisted fameasser! COLE That put the ass in fameasser! After giving herself a cute little spanking, Alix hooks onto Vinny’s legs for the pinfall.. ONE! TWO! Vinny makes the kickout, earning himself another round of boos from the OAOAST Marks. As they continue to berate him, the Disco Duck climbs back to his feet. Now upright he’s thrown under fire from knife edge chops that shear through his chest. Desperate to stop the anguish,V-Squared rakes Alix’s green eyes. “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Vinny taunts the hostile audience with a funky dance before turning his attention to Alix. He lifts her back across his shoulders in set up for the Night Fever (Alabama Slam). But once again Alix foils his quest for victory, this time by whipping backwards coming down in front of The Disco Duck. Vinny rushes forward expecting to be able to drop her with his shoulder. But Alix stabs him in the stomach with her boot, hobbling him over. Stuck in that position, Vinny’s easily grabbed into a side facelock! From there Alix flips forward and strikes him with the Confessions of Kristaholic ( Somersault neckbreakr)! As the fans express their exuberant joy, Alix leans on top of Vinny for a pinfall… CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” BUFFER Your winner as a result of pinfall, and still United States Champion…ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAA! Alix heaps further humiliation onto Vinny by busting out a Saturday Night Fever dance over his fallen corpse. COLE Alix Maria Spezia with an easy victory, whose outcome was never in doubt. But she and Krista Isadora Duncan face a much tougher foe in the LDC Moneygang at Anglemania. COACH COD's dreams of a 5th tag team title run are just like Maya's bake sale....over! Ha! FADE OUT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
