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Guest Goodear

Road Trip!

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Guest Goodear

"Where the hell are we, Kivell?" asks Ejiro Fasaki as a rented Geo Metro goes clunking down the road of a rather run down section of an unknown town. The European champion sits in the passanger seat of the Metro and, as always, is wearing that grey suit all the kids are going to be wearing next fall.

 

"You're the one with the map there, chief, you tell me" answers the long time SJL referee and jobber to the stars as he continues to just motor right along.

 

"But its a map you got off of Yahoo, it's borderline useless and you know it! Stupid search engine match makes me want to puke up my jello. I just want you to know, Kivell, that your European Champion is not happy."

 

"I guess its a good thing we're not in Europe. And therefore, you're not my champion," answers Kivell as though they have had this conversation a number of times before.

 

"But I bet you have European ancestors! I'm guessing... DUTCH!" shouts out Fasaki with a annoying warble in his voice.

 

"Uhm, actually yeah. How did you know?"

 

"I saw your clogs in your bag while I was rifling through it. You know that letter from your wife in there? I blew my nose on it. HAHA! I am such the great ribber."

 

"Oh yeah, haha." Matt curses as he takes a swig of Mountain Dew, "So, we're lost?"

 

"Yes, Matt, we're lost. Why the heck are we being booked in the Generic Dome anyway?"

 

The veteren offical speaks wisely, "Got to branch out to new territories, Ejiro. Fans in these remote portions of the world get really pumped up for the shows. Why do you think WWE goes to England and Australlia?"

 

"Oh, come on, its WWE. I think they go places like that just so Steph and Triple H can do it in whole new places. They've sort of used up all the usual places. Or so I hear."

 

"Well," answers Kivell, "why don't you ask this guy?"

 

"The guy in tie dye? It doesn't look like he can find a bathtub. Oh, okay then."

 

The Geo Metro pulls up to the side of the road as Ejiro starts to roll down his window. Trying to get the man's attention, Ejiro yells at him.

 

"Hey you, dimwit! Where in the hell are we?"

 

Kivell wisely takes over the negotiations, "Excuse me, Mister.....?"

 

"Dudley."

 

"Uhhh, hi Mr. Dudley. Uhm, we're a little lost, could you give us a hand?"

 

"Sure, luckily for you I'm Directions Dudley. I can get you anywhere you need to go."

 

"Directions Dudley? What kind of retarded crap is this?" questions the always diplomatic Fasaki.

 

But Kivell continues on, "So, you would happen to know the way to Plainsville?"

 

"Oh sure, head strait through Dudleyville and take a left into The Outer Reaches of Your Mind. Head strait until you reach Parts Unknown, take a left into The Depths of Hell and that will take you right into Plainsville."

 

"Allright, thanks man."

 

"Sure thing."

 

Ejiro isn't finished with his insults yet though, "Hey Directions... do you know how to get to your sister's special..."

 

Kivell drives away from the poor man as Ejiro completes his insult. Ejiro laughs at his own little joke, "Boy Matt, driving off there was perfect. Man, I'm glad I'm riding with you tonight."

 

"Hey, Ejiro?"

 

"Yeah, Matt?"

 

"What are you doing traveling with a referee in a crappy Geo Metro? Like shouldn't you be with the other wrestlers?"

 

"Well, to be honest, Kivell, I tried. But damn ... what a bunch of psychos."

 

"What do you mean by that?"

 

"Well, Judge Mental just keeps having these weird flashbacks. You'll start talking to him about cheese, and all of a sudden he starts talking in italics about some sandwich he had ten years ago. And Johnny Dangerous keeps trying to live his gimmick like all the time. 'Oh, I have to go to Russia real quick, I'll be right back." Eesh. And don't even get me started on WildChild. I mean, how much polka can one guy listen to?"

 

"So, you'd rather ride with me?"

 

"Sure, I can push you around pretty easily."

 

"Well I guess I am rather spineless," grumbles Kivell as Ejiro chuckles to himself.

 

"There you go... hey. Here we are, Matthew! Whooo! Good thing I was along or you never would have found your way here. Since you're so stupid and everything. Ha! I'm just ribbing you, sport. Get my bags and I'll meet you inside, okay stupid?"

 

Ejiro hops out of the car and starts making his way into the arena as Kivell pulls his bag out of the trunk. Kivell looks around for a bit to see if the cost is clear before he starts muibling to himself, "Son of a bitch, lets see how he likes this in his bag?" Kivell unzips the bag and pours his soda into the contents.

 

"Hurry up Toerag!"

 

"I'm coming you son of a bitch."

 

"What?"

 

"I'm coming, oh I wish."

 

"You're one sick bastard, Kivell."

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That was like so damn hilarious.

 

Ejiro your promos get better with each and every one. Espically when you mention Johnny Dangerous in there. (Y) as well as talking about Judge talking in italics.

 

Good work, my man!

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Guest realitycheck

Plainsville: 4th turnoff on I666, right after Parts Unknown, Racoon City, and Peoria. The Generic Dome's right across the street from The Ultimate Used Car Lot. ("Honest Descrucity At A Distinguished Price.")

 

Can't miss it.

 

Seriously, absolutely fucking hilarious promo. Marvelous, marvelous work. I nearly died reading this line...

 

Well, Judge Mental just keeps having these weird flashbacks. You'll start talking to him about cheese, and all of a sudden he starts talking in italics about some sandwich he had ten years ago.

Bhaha! Fuckin' A! You own, keep it up.

 

-Z

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Guest Powerplay

Damn, you, Ejiro! How dare you dismiss my flashbacks as....

 

.... Simple theatrical devices used to impress the masses, wrote Powerplay on another message board. Damn you, he thought, angry as the young boy tried to uncover him as a fraud. And furthermore.....

 

...I take it as a personal insult to my character someone like you would come around and assume that....

 

.... Charlie was close. Powerplay gripped his M-16 as he followed the overgrown trail through the jungles of Vietnam. He called to his sergeant for orders, to which the reply was "Just stand-AHHH!" A bullet rips through the back of the sergeant and comes out through his belly, and the whole squad hits the ground. Powerplay ducks under a bush, and thinks.....

 

.... that I deserve better treatment around here than that. Jeez, you people.

 

P.S. I changed my title because of you, Mister Smart....

 

.... Aleck.

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