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UWC TV Taping On-Site Report (8/5/2003), August 6, 2003
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post Sep 21 2003, 03:46 PM
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UWC TV Taping On-Site Report (8/5/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

It's me again, smart marks (and not-so-smart marks, if any of you are reading this. You know who you are). For those of you who have e-mailed me over the last couple of days and haven't gotten a reply...well, my computer's a slow piece of garbage, so anything I type that's more about 20 lines long has been timing out when I try to send it, while the shorter replies seem to be going out no problem. My apologies.

Anyway, Tuesday nights mean the United Wrestling Council is doing another TV taping at the Shamrock Nite Club in Barberton, Ohio, and that means another night of drinking and watching people beat the crap out of each other. George Carlin would say it's not a sport even if it wasn't predetermined, but that doesn't make it any less fun.

As always, those of you who watch the show on channels 29 and 35 in the Cleveland/Akron areas might want to hit the back button, as there will be spoilers aplenty here.

No pre-taping dark matches this week, as we go right to the ring as Hollywood interviews Tim Shady with Feature Presentation. Shady is threatening a lawsuit against the UWC, because he apparently signed a contract under the pretense that he would be managing the Tag Team Champions. He demands a title shot for his team tonight, but out comes UWC President Bo Smirnow. Smirnow says that Unknown and Virus are both injured after Feature Presentation's sneak attack last week, but tonight's TV main event will see Feature Presentation taking on Darkstar and Bret Myers. Upon finding out the match is non-title, Shady throws a temper tantrum in the ring.

One fall: Super Sydal vs. Jason Thunder (w/"Sex Symbol" Keith Young and Selena)

Super Sydal has been pushed in the UWC previously. Apparently this is a "bring your own weapon match", as Sydal carries a chair and Thunder carries a kendo stick. Thunder at one point low blows Sydal, which a fan complains about...and yet they're using kendo sticks and chairs for no apparent reason. The match is somewhat back and forth, but as Sydal tries to reenter the ring, Thunder kicks him in the head, then falls on top of him with a falling splash for the win at 2:26. That was...odd. Postmatch, Young calls out Chef Meeker, who promptly comes out for a rebuttal. Meeker agrees to defend the Hardcore Extreme Title against Thunder on September 6 at Akron's North High School, but makes the mistake of saying "Bring anybody you want," and I smell run-ins aplenty in that one.

Out comes Wilbur Whitlock for a promo, and he's getting incredible heat for an awesome promo as he questions how he could defend the TV Title on behalf of Justin Dreams two weeks ago and not even be on the show last week. However, he started while the announcers were recapping the previous segment, and rather than the announcers ad libbing so we can keep one hell of a take, they make him start over. The promo isn't as good the second time around, but he does issue an open challenge...which brings out Justin Diaz, who carries a men's room sign. Even the gay character gets to bring a weapon to the ring tonight. After insinuating that Whitlock has a sheep fetish, it's on.

Wilbur Whitlock vs. Justin Diaz

This is actually a pretty decent TV match, with a lot of back and forth action and several false finishes. After the referee goes down, Whitlock tries to use the sign Diaz brought into the ring, but Diaz avoids it and takes Whitlock down with a faceslam onto the sign for the pin at 4:37. Good stuff that I hope comes off well on TV.

Promo time again, as TV Champion Justin Dreams brings out his fan mail. He has a letter from little Timmy, who asks for some advice, as he's down on his luck. We never find out what Timmy wants though, as the crowd starts a huge "Justin Asshole" chant that prevents Dreams from reading too much of the letter. But have no fear, as Phattie Dattie comes out through the crowd and levels Dreams with his own mailbox.

One fall: "Happy" Mike Smiley vs. Timebomb Fred Potok

Smiley comes to the ring and tosses a smiley face frisbee to a fan...and promptly gets it tossed back at him. That wasn't very nice. The match is basically a squash, which Potok wins via the Time Bomb Claw. Immediately after the match, "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb runs into the ring and takes Timebomb down with a silver platter. He tries to continue the beatdown, but out comes The Purple Hooter to make the save, and he choke slams Lieb to the canvas before checking on Timebomb.

After the break, Hooter gets interview time, and I still can't believe he's getting over. Someone even brought a "Purple Hooter kicks ass" sign! Anyway, Hooter gets his strength from his "purple juice". Hollywood asks if he can try some of it as Lieb comes out to chastise Hooter and challenge him for a match next week.

It is now time for the official contract signing for "The Champ" John Potok's shot at Tack and the UWC Heavyweight Title for September 6. After President Bo Smirnow brings them both to the ring, Tack wastes no time in signing. Potok hesitates and does sign it, which is when Smirnow informs the crowd that the match will be under TLC rules. Potok is furious, but Smirnow says he should have read the contract first. Of course, no contract signing in wrestling is complete without a brawl, but Tack is waiting on Potok's cheap shot and sends him out of the ring.

TV Main Event: Feature Presentation (w/Tim Shady) vs. Darkstar (w/Keith Young and Selena) and "High Impact" Bret Myers

A face and a heel against two tweeners. I wonder what's going to happen? Darkstar takes control early, then tags out to Myers, who eventually becomes face-in-peril. The managers interact with each other periodically as Atlantis and Mikey Showtime take turns beating on Myers. Eventually Myers "tags" Darkstar (missing by nearly a foot), and Darkstar clears the ring of the Feature Presentation...then kicks Myers and leaves him for dead. Atlantis simply climbs back into the ring and covers Myers to pin his former partner at 5:19. Postmatch, Shady brags about the victory and says his team will be the next champions as the crowd chants "Shut the hell up."

That's the end of the taping, but as always, we have dark matches afterwards...and they even have the intros for them this week!

Biker Hate vs. The Hidden Dragons

A decent tag team match, although the referee at one point clearly counted three (even saying "three") but claiming it was a two count and continuing the match. I actually missed the finish because I was BSing, but the Dragons win at 8:04 of a decent matchup. Postmatch, a fan gets off the line of the night, telling the masked Dragon "I loved you in Mortal Kombat!"

Super Sydal vs. Phattie Dattie

I'd actually like to see these two in some sort of hardcore match. Dattie is introduced as being from "Super Sydal's Momma's House". The match never really gets started, as after a short match, Dattie heads up to the top rope (a mistake with the low ceiling at Shamrock Nite Club) but somehow manages to hit a swanton bomb for the pin at 2:23. Credit Dattie for somehow pulling that move off in that building.

T. Diddy (from christhebrain.com) vs. "The Champ" John Potok

T. Diddy, you may recall, helped keep the crowd into the first taping while they were fixing the ring. Basically a squash, as Potok wins with a pedigree at 3:15 with his opponent getting very little offense in.

Kenny Courageous vs. Lones Oaks

Courageous is the one who has been listed as The Suicide Kid the last couple of reports. Kenny does some very athletic moves and does as close to solid high flying stuff as you're going to get in this building, but Oaks puts him away with a spear at 3:15.

The Red Spyder vs. Rip Cripple

Cripple takes control early on in the match and sends him out to the floor, where Ric Lieb is waiting to give Spyder two shots with his trademark silver platters. He tosses Spyder into the ring, and Cripple finishes Spyder off with the Hamilton Elbow (a rolling thunder into a People's Elbow) at 3:16.

That's due to be the end of the show, but as Lieb heads to the locker room, Tack grabs a mic and stops Lieb. They do some dueling mic work, with Lieb busting out into a hilarious parody of The Brady Bunch theme that compares the people of Barberton to the Clampetts before they struck oil. They have to do that on TV one of these days. Comic gold! Lieb also asks the crowd how many live in a trailer park, then asks the ones who said no, "It's because you live in an RV, right?" Great stuff, and damn near worth the price of admission on its own.

Overall, I like the basic formula they've gotten themselves into. A good TV main event that is usually backed up by a decent TV undercard match, with most of the angles and storylines making sense. I'd always like to see more wrestling, but they're doing a good job of building up to this September 6 show, which is the plan all along. Hell, if WWE did this much planning before a pay-per-view, maybe the buyrates would go back up.

I'm back tomorrow night with SmackDown, and sometime early this week with a Ring of Honor on-site report. Until then, you've got the [email=jhawkthesmartmarks.com]feedback address[/email] and the archives are always available.
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