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UWC TV Taping On-Site Report (9/16/2003), Septemeber 17, 2003
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post Sep 21 2003, 04:11 PM
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UWC Ripped On-Site Report (9/16/2003)
by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins

Another Tuesday night, and another taping of UWC Ripped from the Shamrock Nite Club in Barberton, Ohio. What's that? No rant about the Cleveland Browns? Nope. I had to work and decided that, after the Colts game, that taping it shouldn't be an option. I have to to say that I've never been happier to miss a football game in my life. And I won't bother taping this week's game either, because if they lose to the Ravens by 20 points, then how the bloody hell are they supposed to even have a decent game with the 49ers? If they lose to the Bengals (a game I'm attending) I'll be highly pissed!

Anyway, as always, this is a spoiler-laden report, so read at your own risk. You have been warned.

In homage on NWATNA's Heel Section, I have decided to call my table at the Shamrock the "heel table". I had a sign and everything. Everybody who actually got the joke liked it with the exception of Justin Dreams, who told me I should boos the heels anyway. I guess fans can't have gimmicks.

Dark Match: "Happy" Mike Smiley vs. Kid Lightning

Too short to be worth writing home about, but I will say that this is Mike Smiley's best performance so far. However, Lightning gets the victory at 2:03 with a swinging DDT.

Dark Match: "Mardi Gras" Mike Hercum vs. Rip Cripple

Another match that was really too short to mean anything. A tip for Mardi Gras: Ricky Williams is playing in Miami now, so you might want to update the jersey. Well, unless you're playing the heel in New Orleans. Eh, I kid. Cripple gets the pin with a Hamilton Elbow at 1:47.

Dark Match: Josh Prohibition and D.O. Salvador vs. Raymond Wright and Tyson Bishop

Now this is more like it. This was a terrific 1980s style tag team match, featuring a solid mix of comedy spots with some really solid wrestling and the usual tag team formula. Prohibition pins Bishop with a double underhook piledriver at 9:04 to win the match of the night, and sadly, less than 50 people will ever see it.

Dark Match: The Go Go Boy vs. M-Dogg 20

Another pretty decent matchup. Each man tries to use high flying moves despite the low ceiling. Can you say "Flying bodypress off the bottom rope?" It still looked pretty good. M-Dogg wins with something that wasn't really a Death Valley driver but not really a Northern Lights bomb in 4:05. And no, that doesn't mean "botched spot", that means "I have no idea what to call it."

It's time to tape TV, and we begin with the weekly interview segment from Hollywood, who is interviewing assistant president Eugene Kim. Kim says that due to financial difficulties within the UWC, tickets for Extreme Halloween on November will be $40 for ringside and $25 for general admission. That brings out president Bo Smirnow, who is upset at Kim going over his head and states that ticket prices are the usual $10 and $15 and will be available at all the usual outlets. Next week: Eugene Kim calls Bo Smirnow a "big meaniehead".

Kano vs. "The Russian Butcher" Sirob Draga

Kano hurls an obscenity at me when he sees my heel table sign. At least he got the joke. OK for a TV squash, as Kano gets some offense in before Draga hits his Gore, now dubbed "From Russia With Hate", for the pin at 2:33. Draga uses Victoria's Widow's Peak on Kano following the match.

Non-Title Match: Super Sydal and Psycho vs. The Shadows of Darkness (UWC Tag Team Champions--w/Sex Symbol Keith Young/Selena)

Psycho lost the gimmick vs. gimmick match last week to drop the Hidden Dragon gimmick, and he has Insane Clown Posse-like orange facepaint on. I still prefer the Eddie Insane gimmick. This one was much along the lines of the TV opener, with the champions dominating for the most part but their opponents getting in some offense. The finish comes when Psycho runs into the ropes, Unknown hits him in the back with a chair, and Darkstar takes him down with a side kick and covers for the pin at 3:50.

Interview time, as it's Dan Mason hosting his new segment, "A Tastin' of the Mason". I'm assuming the spy camera stuff that was promised last week will be added during post-production. Mason's guest this week is Bo Smirnow, who announces the main event for Extreme Halloween. It will be The Shadows of Darkness vs. Feature Presentation vs. Bret Myers and Virus for the UWC Tag Team Titles, but to insure there will be a winner, it will be a Suicide Freefall Match. Anything goes, pinfalls can only be garnered if a table, ladder, or chair is used as part of the move getting the pin, and hanging above the ring is a certificate for a free fall--meaning the team that collects that needs to lose twice to be eliminated. Sounds like a Vince Russo match, quite honestly. Out come "The Champ" John Potok and Feature Presentation to complain, because they did win the top contenders match and shouldn't have to deal with the third team. Potok threatens harm to Smirnow, but isn't stupid enough to touch him...but he lets Mikey Showtime and Atlantis do the dirty work before getting in a baseball bat shot. A real bat, too. Not the wiffle bat Russo uses. It looks like Eugene Kim's in charge for a while.

Handicap Match for the UWC Extreme Hardore Championship: "Your Rolemodel" Ric Lieb and "The Black Superman" Vinn Wilder vs. The Purple Hooter (champion)

Before the match, Lieb tells us that he considered moving to Barberton because he heard that pigs have 30-minute orgasms, but then he remembered what people in Barberton looked like and decided 30-minute orgasms just aren't worth it. Ouch. This was set up last week, when the Four Henchmen's interference cost Hooter the TV Title against Justin Dreams, but not the hardcore title despite the 24/7 rule. And despite the hardcore title being on the line, this was really pretty tame. A few chokeholds and low blows, and of course several shots with the trademark platters, but more like a Raw main event than a hardcore match. After Lieb, Wilder, and Rip Cripple do a number on Hooter outside, they roll him back in and celebrate. Hooter drinks his Purple Juice and plays possum. Lieb comes in and is immediately chokeslammed, but Wilder takes Hooter down with the Black Kryptonite to get the win and the title at 9:41. I liked the finish, but I'm not sure they should have taken the belt off of Hooter so soon, and Hooter definitely needed to have more offense if this was getting in the ten minute range.

Another interview, as Chris the Brain interviews Tack. Tack strained an ACL in the TLC match at Off the Hook and is on a crutch, but he's all tough and stuff and doesn't want to use the crutch anymore. This was used to push Tack as a tough guy more than anything else.

Keith Kennedy, despite being about 17-15 so far in asking the Barberton crowd for football picks, asks us again anyway, promising free drinks for everybody if he wins.

Justin Dreams makes his way to the ring, but no fan mail this week. He wanted to give Phattie Dattie a rematch for the TV Title, but he's not here. So Dreams asks for people from random cities if they want to fight him (and ignores at least three challengers) before Phattie Dattie does show up.

For the UWC Television Title: Justin Dreams (champion) vs. Phattie Dattie

This TV main event is sponsored by Memorie's Flea Market and Car Wash. No, I'm not making that up, and even ring announcer Paul "Kovedogg" Kover can't keep a straight face when he says it. A pretty solid TV main event, and without a ref bump. Somebody's learning. Dattie hits the flapjack, then locks Dreams into a magistral cradle for the pin and the title at 6:04. Good match, but not as good as their match at Off the Hook.

No postshow dark matches this week.

Overall, an entertaining show, although some cracks are beginning to show in the booking. I question ending The Purple Hooter's title reign so soon, but it does make sense given the handicap match. I really question the Eugene Kim-Bo Smirnow angle, as it looks way too much like something off of Raw (although it makes a lot more sense so far). Other than that, I really have no problems whatsoever with this show, as it's better than Raw more often than not.

I'm back at www.thesmartmarks.com with SmackDown tomorrow night, but in the meantime, JHawk likes his feedback.
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