On the box: Cookery programs
In the player: Best of Confidential
Heavy rotation: CKY
Sore thumbs: Legends of Wrestling 2
So, the missus was sick last week, thus I stayed home to look after her. I call up my buddy and say “Yo, what’s up fool, how’s it hanging?” and he says, “Man, you crazy.” Well, nobody actually said any of that, but anyway. I said I’d be driving back up on Sunday night, and he basically called me a twat, because this week is a reading week (i.e. everyone goes home). Oh shit, I thought, I was gonna go see my tutor on Monday, but I’ll be damned if I’m sitting on my ass doing nothing for the rest of the week. So I borrowed a car and made the hour and a half drive to Wales to see this guy.
I get there, and it’s like 9am, so I know he ain’t doing shit, because he tells everyone he’s not there until 11. So I knock, and in I go. “Yo muthafucka, I’m here for my meeting with you!” Well, I didn’t, but y’know. “Right… but I can’t see you today.” WTF?! “Yo fool, I just drove my punk ass an hour and a half to come see your punk ass. What the dilly yo?” “I’m busy today, you’ll have to come back and see me next week.” So basically, I got up way fucking early, found a car to take, filled the fucking thing with gas, had to pay five fucking quid on the bridge, and go all that fucking way to see the little prick and he’s like, shit homie, you wasted your time.
So I kept my cool and made an appointment for next week. Then, as I was walking out, he had the fucking balls to ask “So, have you brought me any more work?”
FUCK NO MUTHAFUCKA, YOU CAN STICK YOUR WORK TIGHT UP YOUR ASS AND ROUND THE CORNER, BITCH.
So that’s how my week started. Still, it gave me a chance to pick up my Q, since my Action Replay is ready for some action. For those not in the know, it's a combined GameShark (same device, different name) and Universal Converter for the GameCube, so cheating bastards and would-be importers alike rejoice. I'll be giving the thing a complete test drive over the next few days, and a review will be up towards the end of the week. I’m also getting HOPELESSLY addicted to eBay every day, I cut and paste about ten auction addresses into my email and send it to myself so I can have rapid-fire access to things I want to buy. It starts off innocently enough "Hey, I've got to make sure the Replay works properly, so I'll buy a cheap PAL game" but it soon deteriorates into "Holy shit! I can buy a bunch of shit I don’t even want, but it’s STILL WRAPPED AND BRAND NEW CONDITION A REAL COLLECTOR’S ITEM so fuck me, I better buy it!"
eBay and PayPal are the work of Satan, and I am his lapdog. Oh well…
WHAT’S HOT THIS WEEK
Ooh, a good week for a change.
The coolest thing this week has got to be the first season boxset of Deep Space Nine. I kind of fell in and out of the series over the years, so this is a good chance to pick up each series and catch them all in order. The set is virtually identical in presentation and extras to the Next Generation sets, so if you likes those, you’ll love these.
I never saw Road To Perdition, mainly because I have a bizarre Tom Hanks hate thing going on that spoils every film of his except for Toy Story. Nonetheless, the DVD of Perdition is out this week, and by all accounts, it’s very good indeed. Jackie Chan’s The Tuxedo also hits shelves today, although I’m not a huge fan of his US stuff, but I would still fuck Jennifer Love Hewitt.
Amazon are offering a "Limited Edition Collector's Set" of Amadeus, which includes both discs, the soundtrack, a poster and a film cell in a nice boxset. Both Superman and the Clooney remake of Ocean’s Eleven are presented in similar sets with the price ranging from $44-$60, so they’re definitely worth checking out.
There’s DVDs of Beyblade and Dragon Ball for those of you with little brothers, another George Carlin disc for those of you without morals, and there’s Excel Saga which may or may not be a documentary about spreadsheets. Joni Mitchell and Norah Jones discs have materialised to cash in on the recent interest in those two, and we’ve got a shitload of TV product in the form of Queer as Folk Season 2, seasons one and two of Red Dwarf (which look like they include all the same extras as their Region 2 counterparts), Fireball XL-5 The Complete Series, and OH MY GOD! RoboCop: Dark Justice. YESSSSSSS! I PROMISE, before the summer’s out, I will review the RoboCop: Prime Directives series, because it’s just so fucking terrible.
Daddy of the Week Digital Versatile Dick
Honestly, there wasn’t a whole load of shit to choose from this week. I’d try and make jokes about American Bullfighter 1& 2 and Death Train, but I’m busy bidding on stuff at eBay.
Here’s some good news for non-US DVD fans.
Last year, BMW produced a series of short films (featuring the latest BMW motors, naturally) directed by some of Hollywood’s big name directors, and starring talents such as Gary Oldman and James Brown. After a run on the BMW Films website, the films were ultimately released on a promotional DVD entitled The Drive, which was available either at BMW dealers or directly from the Zim Zimma website. Unfortunately, the DVD was not available to consumers outside the US.
Obviously influenced by the attention the films received (and no doubt by the appearance of the DVDs on eBay), BMW have shaped up and are now offering the discs worldwide. So, if you want to see some cool short flicks featuring BMW’s shiniest cars and directed by luminaries like John Woo and Tony Scott, head on over to the website and claim your FREE (except for shipping) DVD.
A very big thank you to the DVD Times.
WARNING! DO NOT BUY THIS DVD!
Those wacky gangsters at Columbia Tristar have announced the John Woo/Chow Yun Fat classic Once A Thief for an April 22nd release. Which is good news, for HK fans, right?
Those mother fuckers are simply pumping out a pathetic barebones version with a couple of trailers. It will have an anamorphic transfer, but shit, what doesn’t these days.
Instead, I would suggest you hold on to your grandmother nice and tight, and wait for Hong Kong Legends to do their thing. They’ve got the rights to the Region 2 release, and smart money says that they’ll get round to it sooner or later, and when they do, it’ll be… well, as awesome as all their other DVDs. Seriously, if you’re a fan of this film, I would strongly recommend waiting it out. I just hate seeing people get double-dipped is all.
Thanks for the heads up, Times.
WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU’RE LISTENING
It’s here! It’s here! IT’S RIGHT HERE YOU MOTHER FUCKERS!
What a glorious day for DVD, what a glorious and triumphant day. It is absolutely official, and we have specs to prove it: Cheers and Frasier will hit DVD on May 20th. Thank you, Mountain People!
Cheers: The Complete First Season includes all 22 episodes across four discs, in addition to a number of featurettes that are in all likelihood going to be fluff pieces, but given that the series hasn’t been available even on VHS for so many years, I doubt that’ll matter too much. Look out for 'Setting The Bar: A Conversation With Ted Danson', 'Love At First Sight: Opposites Distract', 'Coach Ernie Pantusso’s Rules if the Game', 'I’ll Drink To That: Stormin’ Norm-isms', and the 'It’s A Little Known Fact…' trivia game. PUCKA.
Frasier: The Complete First Season is likewise a four-discer, but this time with 24 episodes. This set is a little lighter on featurettes, but has an audio commentary on the pilot episode by the shows producer-creators Peter Casey and David Lee (as I’m sure everyone is aware, David Angel was sadly a victim of the September 11th attacks). I’ve seen a lot of interview footage with these guys when they were a threesome, and they were very entertaining and talkative to listen to, so hopefully the set will sell well and they will do more commentaries for the next set. Of course, one wonder why they didn’t also do a commentary for Cheers, but hey. The two featurettes 'Behind The Couch: The Making Of Frasier' and 'Frasier Crane’s Apartment' are also included, as is a Claven-less trivia game.
Of course, being the Cheers mark that I am, I am of course going to shill the shit out of these sets and recommend that everyone pick them up. But in all seriousness, Cheers and Frasier are two of Paramount’s most prominent TV properties. They’ve saved their DVD release for their 90th Anniversary celebration, and I would certainly expect they are looking for high sales on them. If anyone’s hoping to see Paramount’s other TV products on DVD, they really should consider helping the cause by picking up these sets.
Big, mad crazy props to DVDFile for the knowledge.
BOOGIE DOWN, LITTLE DAWGIE
In what looks to be a Canada-only release (for now, at least), MGM have announced the 2-disc release of Dances With Wolves Special Edition on May 20th for $35 Canadian.
Contrary to earlier reports, the set will NOT include both the theatrical and extended cut of the film, only the extended version (running 236 minutes) in anamorphic with a 5.1 track. It will include two commentaries one with Costner and the film’s producer, and another with the editor and director of photography. Also on the set is what looks to be a very substantial retrospective documentary, 'The Creation Of An Epic', comprised of six detailed featurettes for a fuller rundown on the retrospective, check out the Times' full story. There’s a John Barry music video, the "original theatrical 'Making Of Dances With Wolves' featurette", photo montage with introduction from photographer Ben Glass, poster gallery, trailers, and "many Easter Eggs".
Looks like a pretty loaded set to me, although there seems to be a general sense of disappointment that, with two discs, the theatrical cut has not been included as well. Hey, at least this has GOT a two-disc set I’m still waiting for some Untouchables goodness.
VERY SNEAKY, MR. BOND
Here’s something interesting: MGM have sent out a press release to revise the list of special features it had previously announced (as reported here last week).
While the list looks pretty much the same, the interesting thing is that MGM made a point of stating that deleted scenes will not be included on any Region whatsoever. Which is kinda odd, because I don’t remember seeing anywhere that there were supposed to be deleted scenes on there, but maybe because the Region 2 discs have an extra documentary, someone reasoned that they must have deleted scenes as well.
Anyway, MGM pre-empted any further revising of the extras by stating that the specifications are very much a work in progress, so if any of this is of any interest to any of you, any whatsoever, then head over to the story and find out more. Any.
BACK FROM THE FUTURE TO FIX SHODDY DVDs
Those rat bastard scumbags at Universal the ones who knowingly chose to ship defective DVD product before Christmas in an attempt not to harm their holiday sales profits have announced how consumers can spot the corrected versions of the Back to the Future DVDs.
"The new packaging will have a ‘V2’ printed near the bottom of the screen format/bar code sticker. This will indicate that the set contains the remastered versions of BTTF II and BTTF III. The same ‘V2’ will also appear on the new discs after the copyright language line."
What is interesting about this is the fact that the indication we consumers have to look for in order to spot the non-defective product is almost hidden from view. WE HAVE TO LOOK AT THE SMALL PRINT UNDER THE BARCODE? Surely, if they have to reprint the covers in order to put a tiny “V2” under the barcode, they could also have reprinted the covers with a red border on the top of the front of the box saying “THE NOT FUCKED-UP VERSION”, but no they are attempting to fleece even more unknowing consumers by hiding the only indicator that there was a defective product as best they can. What they have done is made it impossible for a consumer not aware of the problems with the original discs to be aware that he may be buying a defective product. Retailers can (and will) go on selling the defective versions, because 90% of moms who might pick up the discs as a gift won’t know to look for the little “V2” hidden away on the box, and even if they do miraculously notice it, they won’t know what the hell it means.
Universal are nothing short of criminals. They screwed us before Christmas, and they’re screwing us now. And THIS is just where effort is concerned about notifying the consumer about faulty product how can we have any hope of them educating the masses about, say, the ills of pan & scan if they won’t even do this? Here’s what I’m gonna do I’m only going to buy pirated Universal product from now on, which should nicely compliment my pirate-only Lucasfilm collection. Shit, I’ve got a DVD burner, and I’m pretty fucking slick with Photoshop. All these criminal DVD companies can kiss my ass honest companies who produce quality DVDs like HKL and New Line will get my hard earned money, and anyone else will have their bottom-line eaten away by piracy. And they’ve no-one to blame but themselves.
MORE SOUTH PARK. YAY.
South Park: The Complete Second Season has been confirmed by Super Warner Bros for a June 2nd release at $50.
Now here’s the kicker: while the three-discer includes a documentary, “interactive menus” (THIS IS NOT A SPECIAL FEATURE), a music video and a TV spot, there is an ominous and telling lack of mention of commentary tracks. Why? Because they’re pussies and they’re too scared to leave them on.
It’s unclear at the moment whether Comedy Central will offer separate audio commentary CDs like they did wit the first set. According to fellow SmartMark Bran "The Man" Truitt, there was such a demand for the CDs that Comedy Central ran out of them, and to this day people are still waiting to receive their orders. A quick glimpse at eBay shows a lot of people selling the CDs on their own, which would indicate that... well, lots of people are copying the CDs and then selling them on, so at leats you can still get them. I still can't help but think the pussies should just have left them on the DVDs in the first place, because as it is the discs themselves are so barebones that you may as well just stick with your VHS copies and buy the CDs to go with THEM, instead of shelling out another $50. More rat bastard DVD companies. If I was the Honky Tonk Man, I’d put them all on my “ass whipping list”. But then, if I was the Honky Tonk Man, I’d also be a shit wrestler and out of work. And I'd be an asshole.
Thanks to the Digital Bits homeboys.
Well I’m about done it’s early and there are bids to be placed.
Hopefully the Action Replay review will be up in a couple days, so until then true believers:
HE’S MADE… ENTIRELY… OF… CHOC-O-LATE~!