On The Box: Jonathon fucking Ross
In The Player: ECW Crossing The Line Again
Heavy Rotation: Blade Runner bootleg OST
Sore Thumbs: Mario Golf
I was up at 9 fucking am this morning to go to Cardiff and spend money. Forbidden Planet, HMV, Virgin, every fucking place I went to, could I spend any? Could I fuck. I don’t know eBay just seems to have taken over as my retailer of choice. Fuck Virgin anyway anyone in the UK thinking of buying a DVD from them really shouldn’t, as their prices are literally double and treble what they should be. Take their current “2 for £20! (or £15.99 each)” deal all those DVDs are between £4.99 and £7.99 individually. That means at best, they’re only ripping you off by a few quid, at worst, it’s nearly TWENTY QUID. Shit, they’re selling HKL discs for £19.99 a pop, but they’re all £7.99 at Play! That’s just fucking criminal. Mother fucking Richard Branson.
And here’s some other shit that happened in Virgin. I’m in there, checking out the extortionate DVD prices, just minding my own fucking business. I’m in my biker leathers, I’ve got my long fucking hair down, and it was raining outside so I’d taken my glasses off and I was squinting like shit to see, but it always looks like I’m just scowling. To put it short, I wasn’t exactly looking like a model fucking citizen. Anyway, this fucking dickface with a clipboard comes up and starts talking to me, and I know he’s gonna try and sell me shit, but it’s early and I can’t really be arsed to fob him off to be honest, I’m amazed that he’s picked me of all people, dressed the way I was, to come and try and make money off. It was actually a lot more fucking amazing, because he was trying to sign me up for a credit card, and greasy-looking bikers don’t generally have the best credit. So anyway, he starts telling me all about this wonderful fucking card, and I’m all like “U-huh”, then he says “We’re only taking applicants 23 and older.” So I’m lucky, cause I get to turn him down without even being rude. “Sorry dude, I’m 22.” “Oh,” he says, “when will you be 23?” “Next January.” Ha! Now leave me to my fucking browsing, dickwad. But oh no: “Well… we COULD still accept you. Tell me, are you working at the moment?” I couldn’t be fucking arsed explaining how freelance works, so I just said “Well, I’m at university.”
YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN HIS FUCKING FACE.
"You’re a STUDENT? Oh. Well. I’m afraid you don’t qualify I’m not able to accept you.” Then the fucker turned his fucking back and walked away. WHAT THE FUCK? You fucking fuck, I was minding my own fucking business, I didn’t want a shitty fucking card in the first place I’ve already got three! You’re the mother fucker that begged me to sign up for your fucking card, and now you’re telling me “Oh, well you’re not fucking worthy?” Fucking three bucks an hour dipshit. That was so fucking insulting, but I was overcome with fucking laughter. Shit, there’s a swarthy-looking dude hanging around the budget DVDs at 10am on a Tuesday morning. He’s either gonna be unemployed or a student, and you’re gonna ask them how their credit is? Dumb fuck.
Speaking of assholes, I take back everything positive I’ve said recently about Another World being a great importer those mother fuckers have dicked me out of a Zelda bonus disc. I was happy to pay £65 for Takuto and Ocarina for the simple convenience of getting it all together, but they’ve suddenly decided not to honour their promise of including the discs, and on top of that, they didn’t even bother ringing to tell people who had sent them their £65. Fuckers. So I went back to my trusty pal in snowy Canada who hooked me up for £33 score for the canucks! Still no bonus disc, but fuck, I’ve already got the fucker on the N64, and maybe playing the Japanese bonus disc is a good incentive for learning another language.
The missus has been looking at investment and pension plans lately, trying to figure out what to do with our money. I’m telling her to chill the fuck out, and she’s going “I’m already 24 time’s running out!” Holy shit, only 25 years of saving? What will we do?!?! She does have a point, I guess. The earlier you start, the more you end up with, the sooner you can retire. I want to go back to fucking LA anyway, so hopefully with her lawyer’s salary (because trust me, a writer’s salary couldn’t move us to Eastern Europe), we’ll be able to settle down nicely. Unless I keep spending the way I have been on eBay...
Anyway, there’s not much to report, but nonetheless, ON WITH THE CONTENT~!
WHAT’S HOT THIS WEEK
Not really much worth checking out this week by my reckoning anyway. And shit knows I’ve been wrong before.
Below is a submarine movie I know nothing about, but am continually being told to see. So, um, if you dig a bunch of dudes breathing stale air in a big phallic underwater boat, I’d guess you’ll love this. I Spy is, from what I can gather, crap, although I’ve long given up on watching Eddie Murphy movies. Well, except Shrek, but I don’t think that really counts.
Army of Darkness Boomstick Edition looks pretty much identical to the AoD disc that’s been out in Region 2 for aaaaaages, and I’m sure it’s out in the US too the only new thing I can see is an “8-page collector’s booklet with liner notes by Bruce Campbell”. Riveting. You’ll have to forgive me if I’m overlooking something REALLY obvious, because I couldn’t give a crap about Sam Raimi, boomsticks, give me some sugar, or any of that shit especially that Brisco County mother fucker. In any case, commentary, deleted scenes, director’s and theatrical cuts (with 15 minutes between them), and a featurette should be enough to get this into your collection. Similarly, there’s a Special Edition of Assault on Precinct 13 that I’m sure is the same as the one already available. Director’s commentary, yadda yadda it looks good, anyway, so if you haven’t already got it, now’s your chance.
And at long fucking last, the Crying Freeman animé FINALLY makes it onto English-language DVD. Crying Freeman: Portrait Killer Vol. 1 is the first instalment of my favourite animé ever (sue me). I have no idea what the specs are like, but I seem to recall the R2 French-language release being pretty stacked with features (they’re here and here if anyone can be arsed to look, and you’ll need this to translate them) that have hopefully made it across. That said, the live action movie (which actually wasn’t too bad) got a totally barebones DVD release, exceot in France where those fuckers got extensive extras and featurettes, so no promises. If anyone picks up the disc though, please drop me a line and let me know.
Lots of stuff for the kiddies, with Inspector Gadget 2, Bob the Builder, The Care Bears, Dragon Ball Z and Sesame Street. Hey, how come Care Bears toys are being re-released right now are they revamping the series like He-Man or what? The missus wants to know, not me, so help get me laid. And I’m assuming that Far From Home The Adventures of Yellow Dog is a children’s movie as opposed to a chronicle of late eighties WCW Brian Pillman and his attempts to wrestle unofficially under a yellow mask while suspended. Actually, that would make a pretty wicked movie…
And here’s one Sasquatch. I was reading through the WrestleCrap mailbag and I’ve got a feeling that Andre or Jorge “Giant/El Gigante” Gonzalez played a Sasquatch, so could this be the movie? I’m pretty sure this is the link, if you want to go check it out.
Digital Versatile Dick
Dude, there was precious little in the way of GOOD flicks, and even less in the way of bad ones. That said, Wife to be Sacrificed sounds like a keeper, but the real daddy has got to be Winston Churchill The Wilderness Years. I have visions of Skinner and Outback Jack vignettes, with Churchill wearing a bowler hat all the while. Too good
EXCLUSIVE! WRESTLING WITH VIN -- UH, SHADOWS
Another Jay Spree exclusive, my smart mark friends. You may have seen my post in the new-and-improved-ultra-swanky-super-duper-forums, but if not, brace yourself: WRESTLING WITH SHADOWS IS COMING TO DVD. SOON.
I recently spoke to the director of the film, Paul Jay, and he told me that they were looking for a DVD release “within the next few months.” That’s all kinds of fucking awesome.
He said nothing about the specs, although I did mention the sort of stuff that would be of interest to fans (note that NONE OF THIS IS CONFIRMED it’s just me telling the dude what I want). I said that the Beyond The Mat DVD would be a good template to start from, since Blaustein put some cool stuff on that DVD. I suggested a director’s commentary, Bret Hart commentary, deleted scenes/extra footage (and trust me, he’s got a SHITLOAD of extensive interviews with a lot of the talent from the time, evidenced by the mountain of footage in his Owen Hart documentary), and maybe even a Bret Hart retrospective. In the “so-cool-that-it’ll-never-fucking-happen” category, there’s either a Vince McMahon interview or, preferably, a Vinny Mac commentary.
I can only hope that Paul doesn’t run into the same problem that Blaustein did when Beyond The Mat was released on video and DVD (Vince doing his best to get everyone to boycott it), because this is one that we’ve all been waiting for. All we need now is The Thing That Shouldn’t Be I wanna see the clique fuck people over…
Well, Columbia finally announced the release date for the three-disc Black Hawk Down Deluxe Edition as June 3rd. You know what really pisses me off? Everybody who lists Ridley Scott’s films as “Ridley Scott’s…”: Ridley Scott’s Alien, Ridley Scott’s Blade Runner, Ridley Scott’s Black Hawk Down... ARRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHH! That’s just so fucking annoying. Anyway, the set looks pretty sweet, unlike the “regular two-disc set with an extra National Geographic documentary” package that I’d envisioned. Anyway, since I’m lazy, I’m just gonna use the wonders of CUT & PASTE to bring you the full specs as reported by finer websites everywhere:
- Widescreen Presentation
- Commentary: Jerry Bruckheimer (Producer) & Ridley Scott (Director)
- Commentary: Mark Bowden (Author) & Ken Nolan (Screenwriter)
- Commentary: U.S. Special Forces Veterans ('93)
- Digitally Mastered Audio & Anamorphic Video
- Audio: English, French, & Spanish 5.1 (Dolby Digital)
- Subtitles: English, French, Spanish, Chinese, Thai
- Animated Menus
- Scene Selections
- The Essense of Combat: Making Black Hawk Down
- -1. Getting It Right
- -2. Crash Course
- -3. Battlefield: Morocco
- -4. Hymn to the Fallen
- -5. Digital Warriors
- -6. After Action Report
- Eight Deleted & Alternate Scenes with Optional Commentary
- Production Design Archive
- Storyboards with Optional Commentary
- Ridleygrams with Optional Commentary
- Jerry Bruckheimer's Black Hawk Down Photo Album
- Opening Title Explorations
- Photo Galleries
- The History Channel Presents: The True Story of Black Hawk Down
- PBS Presents: Frontline: Ambush in Mogadishu
- Interactive Mission Map/Timeline
- Target Building Insertion - Multi-Angle Sequence with Optional Commentary
- Question & Answer Forums, BAFTA - Ridley Scott, Jerry Bruckheimer, Josh Hartnett, Ewen McGregor, Jason Isaaca, Mark Bowden & Tom Matthews
- Motion Pictures Editor's Guild - Pietro Scalia,
- American Cinematheque - Jerry Bruckheimer & Ridley Scott
- "Gortoz A Ran - J'Attends" Music Video performed by Denez Prigent & Lisa Gerrard
- Theatrical Poster Explorations
- Theatrical Trailers
Wicked. Thanks to… um, I think it was IGN.
And that, tragically, is it. I told you there wasn’t much going on this week. Oh well, gives me more time to buy shit on eBay.
Take it easy folks, and remember:
I’D TAKE THE FUCKING TAZER~!