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Zack Malibu

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 12/18/03

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OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

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December 18, 2003

 

We're one week away from Christmas Night, but the HeldDOWN~! stars are already in the holiday spirit, as General Manager Northstar has dedicated this episode to the female memebers of the hD~! roster. Normally this would be a way for him to get into someone's pants, but since he and Alix already do the pantsless shimmy, we'll say he's being festive and call it a day.

 

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MONDAY NITRO IS ON THE AIR~!...no, wait...that's just our PYRO~!

 

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Our hosts, as per usual, are too men who are ladykillers in their own right, say hello to Michael Cole and DA COACH~!

 

COACH

What's up, world! Welcome to the First Annual HeldDOWN~! Ladies Night, right here on HeldDOWN~! Joining me is a man who should feel right at home at tonight's event, everyone's favorite little bitch, Michael Cole!

 

COLE

Only ten seconds in and you needed to start, right?

 

COACH

Aw c'mon, I'm just playin', playa. Besides, if you lost that goatee you'd resemble a teenage girl.

 

COLE

And if I keep it I resemble your sister, so what's your problem?

 

COACH

Oooh, all right, I give, I surrender. What's on tap for tonight, MC?

 

COLE

Actually, we've got a great show lined up for you. In accordance with tonight's theme, Northstar has signed some matchups involving the female stars of HeldDOWN~! We know that Candie will take on Northstar's own stepsister, Hollywood, and that Crystal, our very own Female Phenom, will take on The Superstar for the 24/7 Title!

 

COACH

A title she has held in the past!

 

COLE

Correct. Speaking of titles, the Tag Team gold is on the line tonight as well, as TNT take on the winners of last week's Gauntlet Challenge, the upstart team of Jacob Lyne and Leon Rodez.

 

COACH

Lyne defected from The Underground, and found a suitable cohort in Rodez. They've been on quite a roll here as of late, and they may be able to translate that into a big win here tonight.

 

COLE

We've also got another OAOAST first, which is the X-Mas X-Division Twice As Nice Invitational. Two teams, three men on each, doing battle until only one is left. The winner of that matchup will recieve an X Title shot here next week on Christmas Night, with a stipulation to be picked by the spin of a wheel!

 

COACH

Man, could you imagine a Christmas Cage match? Think of it! Fifteen foot high cage, adorned in Christmas lights...

 

COLE

You've been watching too much Queer Eye. You're a commentator, not an interior decorator.

 

COACH

You're just hatin' again.

 

COLE

Yep, hating being here next to you...which is why we need to get underway, starting NOW~!

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“Three-two-one, I’M THE BOMB~!”

 

The music of World Champion Calvin Szechstein hits, and the Totally Endorsed member steps out through the curtain, grinning widely. The OAOAST title is slung over his left shoulder, and he wastes no time in getting to the ring and sliding in, no disregard for his brand-new Bud Selig jersey, or his expensive Armani dress pants. He grabs a mic, not stopping to put the belt down before beginning to speak.

 

CALVIN

Ladies and gentlemen… and for one night only, especially the ladies…

 

The females in the crowd let out a huge cheer, as Calvin grins before continuing.

 

CALVIN

…welcome, one and all, to the OAOAST HeldDown Ladies Night! Tonight, we get to see Candie v. Hollywood! We get to see Atomic Kitten!… I know I’m not alone when I say I prefer Superchic[k]. But tonight, people, Bloody, Battered, and Beaten takes on a whole new meaning.

 

The crowd is tense as Calvin continues speaking, knowing full well that all the attention is on him.

 

CALVIN

You see, last week, I was challenged to a Hell in a Cell match…

 

The crowd now ROARS, but Calvin pauses before shaking his head abruptly.

 

CALVIN

Somehow, I can’t see that happening.

 

The boos of a let-down crowd resonate throughout the Fresno Civic Center, but Calvin is not going to make them fully upset.

 

CALVIN

However, Ragdoll, I was listening to you speak, and you do have a title shot that you’re allowed to cash in on… and I was thinking, what better place to settle it than BLOODY, BATTERED, AND BEATEN?

 

The crowd pops madly, but Calvin hushes them once more, prattling on.

 

CALVIN

I know you’re unclean, Ragdoll, and I know what the drugs do to the mind of a youngin’ like yourself. I know that there’s many people who would just as soon see you waste away, into a pathetic shell of a man, as the drugs take over your system…

 

The crowd anticipates Calvin’s next line with bated breath, and he gives it to them.

 

CALVIN

…but Ragdoll, I’m not one of those people. I’ve never had a friend who did drugs, Ragsy, I’m not going to lie to you. I have no motive for challenging you to this match, and this match, to me, is just another day at the office. But for you, Ragdoll… this match is everything, isn’t it? This match could make you a LEGEND, Ragdoll, this match could spawn a whole new era for someone like yourself…

 

Calvin grins cockily.

 

CALVIN

Of course, you’ve got to beat me. And we all know how difficult that is to do.

 

The crowd boos a little bit, but a portion of the crowd begins cheering, obviously enjoying the champion’s schtick.

 

CALVIN

Ragdoll, you said I wasn’t there for you in the Chamber. And you’re absolutely right – I wasn’t there for you in the Chamber, and I’m not going to be there for you now… except, my friend, to make you bloody, battered, and beaten. And for those of you that don’t believe me…

 

Calvin, again, lets loose a condescending laugh.

 

CALVIN

… ask all the wrestlers I’ve made my bitches.

 

“I’m The Bomb” starts up once more, and Calvin drops the mic, exiting the ring.

 

COLE

Calvin doesn’t pull any punches with Ragdoll, Coach, he just lays it straight out – Ragdoll means nothing to him, but Calvin means everything to Ragdoll!

 

COACH

Might the Champ underestimate Ragdoll, Cole? We’re going to have to wait and see!

 

COLE

Stick around, folks, we have more of Ladies’ Night, live from Fresno, coming up next!

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Fade in from commerical break to outside of a lockerroom. It has a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the handle, and "RAGDOLL" written in what look like lipstick. The fans boo as they see the door, but the boos grow louder as we see TJ Burns and Tyler Bridges, TNT!~, walk up to it. Tyler knocks.

 

TYLER

Hey! Austin! We need ta talk t'yah, bloke.

 

TJ

Yeah, pry yerself away from whatev'r hook'r ya got and come out here. We need to talk t'yah about our match tuhnight.

 

The two step back slightly and wait a bit for a response. About ten seconds later, the door flies open. The boos grow insanely loud as Ragdoll, wearing only his unbuttoned pants, steps out, slamming the door behind him.

 

RAGDOLL

What? Can't you two fucking see the sign? What do you want?

 

TYLER

...Yah weren't shooting up, were yah?

 

RAGDOLL

No, but the past few days have been fucking hell...I've been fighting back the withdrawals almost every second.

 

TJ

Yer goin' cold turk'y, then?

 

RAGDOLL

Yeah, that's the way men do it...I'd rather die from withdrawals than be caught dead in the Betty Ford Center.

 

TJ

Yah got anyone helpin' yah, or are yah doin' it by yerself?

 

RAGDOLL

I got someone to help...in fact she just got through helping me.

 

Tyler nudges Ragdoll, who is looking might nervous. TJ smiles wide as he positions his title belt on his shoulder.

 

TJ

She a looker?

 

RAGDOLL

Uh...yeah...yeah she is...Look, you guys gotta go prepare...

 

TJ

Can we see 'er?

 

RAGDOLL

No, you guys gotta go...

 

The door suddenly opens again, and a beautiful girl suddenly steps out. TJ's eyes go wide as Ragdoll slaps his head. Tyler chuckles nervously.

 

GIRL

Hi, TJ...

 

TJ

JASMINE?!

 

TJ suddenly turns his attention to Ragdoll, who just shakes his head.

 

TJ

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YAH DOIN' WITH ME SISTER, BAKER?!

 

JASMINE

TJ...settle down...

 

TJ

Oh my god...I can't believe it...

 

JASMINE

Don't tell Ma, TJ...Promise me yah won't!

 

TJ

...Austin...can I see you over here for a moment?

 

Ragdoll nods slightly as he follows TJ. They go a good ten feet away from Tyler and Jasmine before TJ's thick Irish accent is heard.

 

TJ

...Baker...

 

RAGDOLL

Look, Teej...

 

TJ

No...shut up fer a minute...Look...as fucked up as t'is entire situation is...I'm givin' yeh me blessing simply becuz i want to see me baby sister happy.

 

RAGDOLL

Uh-huh.

 

TJ

But if yeh slip-up ONCE...if yeh do ANYTHING t' make her cry...if yah get her hooked on that shit that yeh do...I will not hesitate to put a bullet in yer brain...Yell at 'er once...and I will kill yah...Cheat on 'er once...I will castrate THEN kill yah...and if yeh even think about hitt'n 'er...I'll beat th' shit outta yah, castrate yah, THEN kill yah...d'you un'erstand?

 

RAGDOLL

Loud and Clear.

 

TJ

Good...don't fuck wit' 'er...and we'll still b' mates.

 

TJ slaps Ragdoll's back hard and walks off towards Tyler, not before giving his sister a hug.

 

TJ

It's good ta' have yeh here, Jazzy. I won' tell Ma.

 

JASMINE

T'ank yah, Teej...I love yah.

 

TJ

Love yah too, poppet. Be sure and watch me match tuhnight, all right?

 

Jasmine nods as TJ and Tyler walk off. Ragdoll walks up beside Jasmine and puts his arm around her as the cameras cut back over to Sofa Central.

 

COLE

Interesting development there, as it seems TNT are a little reluctant to have TJ Burns' sister on the arm of Ragdoll.

 

COACH

Cole, not only that, but do you think Ragdoll was even paying attention to Calvin Szechstein a few minutes ago? Calvin said it himself, Ragdoll could make history at the PPV coming up, but we didn't hear a word about it! Ragdoll is a bit too unstable, and I hope to God we don't have him representing this company in the state he's in.

 

COLE

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, Coach. Right now, let's take it backstage yet again, with Sly Sommers.

 

(We cut backstage, where Sly Sommers is walking around, already in his ring gear, and wearing his X Title belt, when he runs into former WCW enhancement talent Bob Cook.)

 

SLY: Dude! You’re Bob Cook!

 

BOB: Umm...uh...no, I’m not.

 

SLY: Yeah, you are!

 

BOB: Fine, but, uh, keep it down, will you? I don’t want it getting out.

 

SLY: Fine. Dude, remember that one time when you lost to Sting? Or the other time, where Terry...I mean, uh, Terrence Taylor hit you in the head with Alexandra York’s computer? How about that one time when PN News beat you in, like, 23 seconds with the Rapmaster Splash?

 

BOB: So I lost a lot? So what?

 

SLY: Are you kidding? Sir, I idolized you growing up. What is the legendary Bob Cook doing at this show?

 

BOB: I dunno.

 

SLY: Okay....anyway, have you seen a girl around here, about this tall (puts hand up to shoulder)....

 

(All of a sudden, Janet comes up and taps Sly on the shoulder, and Sly turns around.)

 

SLY: Hey! I’ve been looking all over for you. Listen, I just wanted to say that St. Andrew dude is a total liar. I’m not what he said last week...

 

JANET: Yeah, I got your fifteen phone messages, and all of those offline messages you sent me on Yahoo, and the letters....I told you before, I believe you.

 

SLY: Cool...um, I guess. So, what’s up?

 

JANET: Well, um, can I tell you something? You gotta promise to keep it secret.

 

SLY: (starts gleaming a little) Sure thing.

 

(Janet whispers something in Sly’s ear.)

 

SLY: Uh, what? You have a crush on Scotty Static?

 

JANET: Shhh! Don’t yell it like that!

 

SLY: Fine. But, I gotta ask, what in the hell do you see in him?

 

JANET: Well, there’s his hair, and his gorgeous blue eyes; I swear I could get lost in them; then there’s his sense of humor, and he’s got the biggest....

 

SLY: That’s enough!

 

JANET: Listen, could you maybe, like, say something to him for me? I’m sort of shy in these types of situations.

 

SLY: Sure. Whatever you want.

 

JANET: Thanks! You’re a lifesaver! (Janet hugs Sly and runs off)

 

SLY: Ugh....(sits down, with his chin resting on his folded hands)...”Hey, Sly, can you ask Scotty Static out for me?” “Hey, Sly, will you tell Scotty Static how hot I think he is?” Forget that goof. Man.....(Bob Cook tries patting Sly on the back to console him, but Sly swats his hand away.)

 

(FADE TO BLACK)

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(Cut to the Totally Endorsed locker room; Sly is on his cell phone with someone.)

 

SLY: Hey, is Scotty there?......Hey, man. Listen, I was told to ask you something, but man, I’d be screwed if Colvid or Calvin caught me talking to you....listen, you know that Janet girl that’s been backstage the past couple of weeks?.....Okay, I was told to ask you if you’d be interested in possibly going out with her after the show....Okay, that sounds cool. Thanks, dude. Bye. (in nasally, upset, mocking manner) “Would you go out with Janet after the show? Thanks dude.” Thanks dude?!?!?! Geez, she wants some other dude and I’m STILL whipped!

 

(Suddenly, Calvin enters the room.)

 

CALVIN: Sly Sommers, just the man I’m looking for. Listen, dude, something’s wrong with you. You haven’t really been spending a ton of time around us ever since you won that belt, though I don’t think that’s what’s wrong. It’s this chick, isn’t it?

 

SLY: Uh, no!

 

CALVIN: And man, you almost stopped someone from cheating? I don’t really care what that St. Andrew guy’s done to you, but man, cheating to a Totally Endorsed member is like water. You’re going soft. I don’t know if it’s because St. Andrew’s getting in your head, or this chick’s making you think with the wrong head, or what, but I’m giving you one last shot. You go out there, you prove that you’re still Totally Endorsed through-and-through, and I’ll let you stay in. But if you go out there, pussy-whipped and un-motivated, your ass is gone! You got it?

 

SLY: Yeah, sure, man.

 

CALVIN: Now leave! You got a match next!

 

(Sly and Calvin share an uncomfortable stare as Sly walks out of the room.)

 

COACH

"Man, Calvin's just dishin' out all the pep talks he can lately."

 

COLE

"I'm growing used to that. How about Sly Sommers being forced to play matchmaker for Janet and Scotty Static of the Global Party Exchange? That's got to be something that's not sitting well with the X Division Champion!"

 

COACH

"Man, there's plenty o' ladies to go around. I'll hook Sly up no problem if this Janet doesn't feel for him."

 

COLE

"Oh brother."

 

COACH

"Suck it up, married man."

 

 

COLE

"Well up next Coach on this action packed edition of HeldDOWN, the Tag Team Championships are on the line. The unbeaten bluechippers of the HeldDOWN brand cashing in on their number one contendership, taking on the champions TNT."

 

COACH

"This should be a great one. At first glance TNT look like Ethnic Mismatch #462, but..."

 

COLE

"Simpsons references? We really are scraping the bottom of the barrel Coach."

 

COACH

"If you'd let me finish, I would have said how TNT are the rightful champions...a solid mix of technical and high flying wrestling styles, and those two feisty 'valets' Tiffany and Becky at ringside certainly help too. But then, there's my main man Leon Rodez and the "Role Model" Jacob Lyne. Plus, it's ladies night, so Rodez is obviously in his element...this is a tough one to call Micheal, it could go either way. But I've gotta lean towards the champs tonight."

 

COLE

"It does look an even match on paper...the champs with the experience advantage, but the challengers on a wave of momentum. Let's get this one underway, and send it up to the unmistakeable Micheal Buffer."

 

 

The camera cuts to the ring, Buffer waiting in the ring as the crowd are buzzing...possibly because half of them are drunk young women.

 

MICHEAL BUFFER

"Uh-ladies and gentlemen, the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall...and is for the OAOAST WOOORRRLLLD TAAAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!!!"

 

 

.:CUE "Nitro (Youth Energy) by The Offspring:.

 

A fired up Leon and Lyne step out from the back, to the vocal screams of the many females in attendance.

 

BUFFER

"Intorducing first the challengers. Weighing in tonight at a total combined weight of four hundred, twenty five pounds...LLLEON ROOODEEEZ...and "The Role Model...JAAACCCOOOB LLLYYYNNNEEE!!!

 

Lyne and Rodez roll into the ring, and pose on adjacent turnbuckles, as amongst the crowd a number of women are crazily(read: drunkenly) cheering the duo.

 

.:CUE "TNT" by AC/DC:.

 

The arena starts to fill with boos, as Tiffany and Becky steps out from the back...leading the way for the champs. Around the four red, gold and green pyro explodes, ending before the four walk on down the aisle.

 

BUFFER

"And...accompanied by Tiffany, and by Becky. Weighing in at a total combined weight of three hundred and eighty eight pounds. They are the reigning and defending OAOAST...WORLD...TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS! Tyler Bridges, TJ Burns...T...N...T!!!"

 

The crowd boo once more, as the champs slowly make their way to the ring, Rodez and Lyne watching on from the ring.

 

COLE

"The crowd here very much behind the challengers, and it's not surprising. Two very popular young stars..."

 

COACH

"Kinda like you and me, eh Micheal?"

 

COLE

"Kinda, yeah."

 

 

TNT enter the ring, TJ removing his Irish influenced "Paddy" hat and jacket, whilst across the ring Rodez removes his sparkling gold robe...getting a few screams from the crowd as he does.

 

*DING DING*

 

The bell rings to start the match, as Becky and Tiffany leave the ring...giving their respective man a kiss on their way out. Rodez looks to start the match, and as Lyne leaves the ring Rodez jokingly goes to kiss him...Lyne jokingly pushing him away, into an un-joking TJ Burns clothesline! Burns stomps away on Rodez, as Lyne angrily leaves the ring.

 

COLE

"Well, the joking from the challengers has given TNT a quick advantage..."

 

COACH

"There's no joking around with the Tag Team Titles on the line. These rookies unfortunately didn't seem to know that."

 

Burns drags Leon away from his corner, and continues stomping away in the centre of the ring. Stopping for a moment, Burns smiles over at Lyne sarcastically, before hitting another boot. Burns turns and tags in Bridges, who nails Leon with a quick boot. Leon hits a right hand, and goes for a second...Bridges catches it though, and locks in a standing armbar. Quickly Leon punches Bridges in the gut, prompting him to tighten the armbar up even more. Another quick tag by the champs brings Burns back in, and he drives an elbow into Leon's shoulder.

 

COLE

"The focus is on the shoulder, ready for Bridges' Crippler Crossface."

 

Burns quickly locks on the armbar himself, as Rodez tries to find the ropes. Reaching out Rodez gets close, but is instantly armdragged away, and locked back into the armbar. Wrenching away on the arm, Burns drives an elbow into the shoulder at the same time to add to the pressure. Rodez tries to fight back to his feet, as TJ puts more pressure on to try and stop him. From the apron Lyne shouts on in encouragement, as Rodez eventually gets to his feet. A right hand to the gut connects, as do a second and third. Rodez then twists out of the armbar, and hits a side russian legsweep!

 

COLE

"Nice counter by Leon there..."

 

COACH

"Yeah, and it also gives Rodez a chance to tag out."

 

Leon gets to his feet, and dives across the ring to tag in Lyne. Coming in like the now proverbial HOUSE...EN..FEUGO~!, Lyne hits a series of clotheslines on Burns, every time the Irishman makes it to his feet he's met with another clothesline. Eventually Bridges comes in as well, and recieves a clothesline too.

 

COLE

"Lyne is on FIRE here! TNT didn't want this to happen, especially so early."

 

Burns manages to hit Lyne from behind to stop him, and irish whip him to the ropes. Burns misses with a jumping clothesline, and turns around into a boot from Lyne...and a lightning quick, snap DDT! Quickly Lyne scrambles into a cover...

 

 

...1

 

 

...2

 

 

...kickout at two!

 

Lyne pulls TJ back up, and hits a snap suplex as back in rolls Bridges. He charges at Lyne, but is cut off by a left handed clothesline from Rodez. Into the corner go Rodez and Tyler, as Lyne pulls TJ up, and they brawl to the opposite corner. Both pairs exchange right hands in the corners, the challengers getting the advantage before stereo irish whipping the champs. Before they collide, both manage to put the breaks on, and as the challengers charge forwards, both champs connect with stereo superkicks!

 

COLE

"The champs showing great team-work, go figure, and just when they needed it too."

 

COACH

"That's why they're the champs partner. They broke in together, they know what each other is about to do...and the result is great tag team work like that."

 

Bridges is shepherded from the ring, as TJ drops into a cover on Lyne...

 

 

...1

 

 

 

...2

 

...Leon breaks the pin up.

 

Rodez is next to be removed from the ring, as Burns pulls Lyne back up and throws him into the TNT corner. A tag is made, as Bridges comes in stomping. Bridges then strolls across the ring, and gives Leon a reason to come into the ring...this distracting the referee, and allowing TJ to hook an arm around Lyne's throat, choking him in the corner! The crowd start screaming blue murder at the referee, but by the time he turns around, Burns is stood looking as innocent as possible. Bridges meanwhile charges into the corner, clotheslining Lyne before making a quick tag.

 

COLE

"Again, smart teamwork from the champs...the reason why TNT are in control right now."

 

Burns comes in, and together the two hit a double suplex...Bridges quickly exiting the ring, but TJ deciding not to go for the cover. Instead he gets back up, and begins to ascend to the top rope. Lyne staggers up to his feet, as Burns gets to the top. Diving forwards, Burns wipes out Lyne with a HIGH crossbody, and hooks the legs up for a cover...

 

 

...1

 

 

 

...2

 

 

 

...two count.

 

Quickly Burns gets back up, and stomps Lyne in the head before tagging back out to Bridges. The technical master steps into the ring, and grabs a hold of Lyne's arm. Lyne quickly drops to the mat though, armdragging Bridges across the ring. Seeing his chance Lyne scrambles over towards his corner...

 

 

...but is cut off from the tag at the last second, as Tyler sprints over and bundles him to the outside. Rodez suddenly steps into the ring, and is kept at bay by the referee as meanwhile Burns jumps from the ring apron. Making his way around the ring, Burns slams Lyne head first into the ring apron to boos from the crowd. Quickly he retreats before the ref can spot him. Meanwhile, Lyne rolls weakly into the ring, and is met with a quick elbow drop from Bridges. Tyler then drags up Lyne, and irish whip him into the corner. Tyler follows in looking for a clothesline, but Lyne sidesteps sending Tyler crashing into the turnbuckles!

 

COLE

“A miscue from Tyler, and can Lyne capitalize!?!”

 

The mass crowd start clapping in encouragement, as Lyne stumbles across the ring. Before he can make a tag, Tyler however grabs his leg. Lyne hops up on one leg, and goes for an enziguri, by Tyler ducks…and quickly locks in an STF! Lyne quickly reaches out for the ropes, but needn’t do so, as Rodez steps in and stomps Bridges off Lyne. At which point, Bridges rolls to the corner, and tags out to Burns. Quickly Burns comes in, and pulls Lyne to his feet hitting a knee to the gut. A couple more follow, before Burns uses the middle rope as a springboard…

 

…looking for a moonsault, which Lyne sidesteps. Burns lands on his feet, but gets SMACKED in the jaw with a crescent kick by Lyne…

 

 

…who immediately tags out to Rodez!

 

COACH

“Hot tag!”

 

COLE

“Err…right.”

 

Rodez leaps into the ring, meeting Bridges running in with a diving leg lariat! Tyler retreats holding his jaw in pain, as Burns is up from behind, catching Rodez in the back with a forearm. Quickly TJ hops up onto Leon’s shoulders from behind, but before he can do anything Rodez falls forward, dropping TJ throat first across the top rope!

 

COLE

“Diving electric chair drop, with Burns left across that top rope…and here comes Lyne!”

 

Lyne is already on the run, as Rodez quickly lifts TJ’s legs up in the air. Hopping over Leon, Lyne crashes down across the back of the helpless Burns, crushing his lower back! Tyler is back up, quickly shoving Rodez out of the ring, before trading punches with Lyne.

 

COACH

“This one keeps turning into a brawl. As soon as control is restored, chaos seems to break back out.”

 

COLE

“With the Tag Team Titles one the line, what do you expect?”

 

Lyne gets the advantage with the right hands, and goes for an irish whip. However, Bridges manages to reverse though, and he then pulls Lyne forwards…INTO THE CRIPPLER CROSSFACE~!!! Lyne is trapped in the Crossface, as meanwhile TJ is keeping Rodez at bay on the outside.

 

COLE

“CROSSFACE!”

 

COACH

“Lyne isn’t the legal man though. Neither is Bridges!”

 

 

Lyne still struggles to escape, the pain on his shoulder seemingly unbearable. Suddenly, on the outside Rodez manages to send Burns crashing into the steel barricade, before scrambling back into the ring. With a flurry of punches, Rodez forces Tyler to break the Crossface, before hopping up and running to the ropes. Leon swings with a clothesline, but Bridges expertly ducks away from it, and manages to catch LEON in the Crossface!!! Quickly, Lyne is able to break the hold, luckily for Rodez who otherwise would have been trapped.

 

Bridges gets back to his feet, and hits a right hand on Lyne…who hits back with a right of his own, before clotheslining Bridges up and over the top rope, to the floor. Burns meanwhile rolls back into the ring, as Lyne charges to the ropes. Burns is waiting, but Lyne manages to duck an attempted spinning lariat, and launch himself over the ropes…

 

 

COACH

“CORKSCREW PLANCHAAA!!!”

 

 

“JACOB! JACOB! JACOB!”

 

In the background, the crowd are going nuts, as both Lyne and Bridges lay hurt on the mat. Meanwhile back into the ring, Rodez is up favouring his shoulder. Slowly he turns around, into a boot from Burns…who then attempts a hurricanrana. Stubbornly Rodez tries to make himself as heavy as possible, blocking the hurricanrana and leaving TJ hanging upside down. With a couple of step-overs across TJ’s arms, Rodez calls out to the fans…before dropping backwards, hitting the Sitdown Sunset Bomb. Both Burns’ shoulders are down, as the ref dives over for the count…

 

 

 

…1

 

 

 

 

 

 

…2

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!! Kickout by Burns!

 

COLE

“Only two! We were just a second away from crowning new Tag Team Champions!”

 

Rodez gets up, a little disbelieving, and hops up to the middle rope. He stops for a moment to build the crowd, as TJ staggers over, into a tornado DDT position. Spinning off, Rodez gets MEGA spin on the DDT…

 

 

…only for TJ to block, and counter with a sitout spinebuster! Rodez clutches his spine from the impact, as TJ desperately hooks the leg…

 

 

 

…1

 

 

 

 

 

…2

 

 

 

 

 

 

…TWOOO!

 

 

 

COACH

“So close AGAIN! Can this referee count to three?”

 

COLE

“I doubt he’d have a job if he couldn’t.”

 

COACH

“Well…you do alright.”

 

 

TJ gets back to his feet, quickly ascending to the top rope. Rodez seems hurt, as Burns gets to the top rope and steadies himself…before going for the 450 Leaf Clover…

 

 

…RODEZ MOVES!!!

 

Burns BOUNCES off the canvas, as back in rolls Jacob Lyne. Together Lyne and Leon pull TJ up off the mat, and Lyne sets up TJ in the Lyne Driver position. As he drives Burns down to the mat, Rodez adds to the pain with a powerbomb, as the crowd explode with cheers!

 

COLE

“A powerbomb and Lyne Driver combo!?! That MUST be it!”

 

 

Lyne quickly makes the cover, as Rodez holds his hands aloft…

 

 

 

 

…1

 

 

 

 

 

 

…2

 

 

 

COLE

“NEW CHAMPIO…”

 

 

…BRIDGES PULLS LYNE OUT!!!

 

COLE

“NO! That’s not fair!”

 

COACH

“Of course it is, Lyne isn’t even the legal man!”

 

The ref looks up confused, to see Lyne and Bridges doing battle on the outside. Meanwhile Rodez seizes the advantage, and makes a cover himself…

 

 

 

…1

 

 

 

 

 

…2

 

 

 

 

 

…KICKOUT!

 

Leon gets back up frustrated, pulling Burns up with him. Irish whipping the Irishman to the ropes, Rodez charges in following. However, TJ manages to leap to the middle rope on his way, and spring back with an elbow to the jaw of Rodez! Slow to get up, Burns doesn’t seem to be happy yet…deciding to climb back up to the top rope once more. Slowly Leon begins to pull himself up, as Burns dives off the ropes…

 

…INTO A DROPKICK FROM RODEZ!

 

Quick cover…

 

 

 

 

…1

 

 

 

 

 

 

…2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…NOOOOO!!!

 

Not wanting to waste anymore time Rodez hauls Burns up by the hair, and locks in a front facelock. He calls for something…but doesn’t get very far…before getting SMACKED with a Koppu Kick to the back of the head by Tyler Bridges!

 

COLE

“Bridges from behind! The referee needs to gain some control here!”

 

Rodez slumps to the mat in a groggy heap, as Bridges exits the ring…to get nailed with a stiff clothesline by Lyne. Meanwhile, TJ drags the dead weight of Rodez up to a vertical base, before hitting a boot to the gut. Already doubled over anyway, Rodez is in perfect position to have his arms hooked up, and to be hoisted in the air…

 

 

FOR THE ST PATRICKS DAY MASSACRE!!!

 

 

The crowd “OOOHHH!” in shock, as Rodez’s neck gets folded up like a proverbial accordion. Quickly TJ flips Rodez’s motionless body over, and makes a cover…

 

 

 

…1

 

 

 

…Lyne tries to roll in…

 

 

 

…but his leg is grabbed by Bridges

 

 

 

…2

 

 

 

 

…Lyne can’t get in…

 

 

 

 

 

 

…3!!!

 

 

 

“BOOOOO!!!”

 

 

 

.:RE-CUE TNT by AC/DC:.

 

BUFFER

“Here are your winners…and still OAOAST Tag Team Champions…T…N……T!!!”

 

Bridges releases Lyne in relief, as Burns rolls from the ring, helped out by his wife Becky. Quickly the OAOAST Tag Belts are passed along to TNT, as meanwhile Lyne kneels by Rodez’s side in the ring, checking on his condition.

 

 

COLE

“Well, all hell broke loose in that one…and eventually, the experience of TNT paid off.”

 

COACH

“That’s right. That St Patrick’s Day Massacre is a DEADLY move. No way was Leon getting up after that.”

 

COLE

“Especially after the interference by Bridges!”

 

COACH

“Now now Mickey, let us not cast aspersions. A great win for TNT here…”

 

COLE

“Yeah, but Leon and Lyne could have had the match won themselves. TNT had it far from easy here tonight. The champs knew they were in a fight here!”

 

TNT and their ‘ladies’ slowly make their way up the aisle and backstage, making it a successful ‘ladies night’ for them. Rodez meanwhile lays holding his neck in the ring, as HeldDOWN~! goes to a commercial break.

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We return from break, with HeldDOWN~! Ring Announcer Extraordinaire Michael Buffer, standing in the ring.

 

Michael Buffer: Ladies and Gentlemen, international pop super group.........ATOMIC KITTEN!!!

 

(The house lights go out, and are replaced by soft purple spot lights that shine on the three members of Atomic Kitten. They're flanked by a group of backup singers and dancers, all dressed in the brand new OAOAST HeldDOWN violet tank tops and daisy dukes, with large dark purple boots. The crowd starts to murmur but goes silent when the group starts to sing.)

 

Atomic Kitten:Ooh oh yeah yeah, Oh what a night

It's ladies night

 

This is your night tonight,

Everything is going to be alright

This is your night tonight,

C'mon girls

 

Fresno, we've all got one

A night that's special everywhere

From Oakland to Hollywood

It's ladies night and girl

The feeling's good

 

(The ladies night hostess, Alix Spezia and Holly-wood come out from the back. They start to gyrate their hips and dance with the backup singers and dancers. )

 

Atomic Kitten: Oh yes, it's ladies night

And the feeling's right

Oh yes, it's ladies night

Oh what a night (oh what a night)

 

Oh yes, it's ladies night

And the feeling's right

Oh yes, it's ladies night

Oh what a night (oh what a night)

 

This is your night tonight, everything' s gonna be alright

This is your night tonight, everything' s gonna be alright

 

Romantic lady, ooh oh yeah, single baby

Mm sophisticated mama (woooooh)

Come on you disco baby, yeah, yeah

Stay with me tonight

 

If you hear any noise

It ain't the boys, it's ladies night, shhh, uh huh

Come on girls

 

Gonna step out ladies night

Steppin' out ladies night

 

Gonna step out ladies night

Steppin' out ladies night

 

(Holly-wood is handed a microphone and she joins in the singing!)

 

Holly-wood:Oh yes, it's ladies night

And the feeling's right

Oh yes, it's ladies night

Oh what a night (oh what a night)

 

On disco lights your name will be seen

You can fulfill all your dreams

Party here, party there, everywhere

This is our night, ladies

You got to be there

 

This is your night tonight,

Everything is going to be alright!!!!!!!

 

(Fire works go off as the group takes a much deserved bow)

 

Alix: Give it up for Atomic Kitten, Fresno!

 

(The crowd gives Atomic Kitten a round of applause)

 

Holly-wood: Aww come on! I know Fresno, party capital of the United States can be a little louder than that! Make some noise!

 

(The crowd gets on their mother fucking feet and gives Atomic Kitten an ovation so loud it would make Benoit's at the Royal Rumble look like sixth grade piano recital)

 

Holly-wood: Much better.

 

Alix: What's up Fresnooooo?

 

(The crowd, like the god damn monkeys that they are cheer the mention of their city name)

 

Alix: Are you having fun?

 

Crowd: Yeaaaaaah!

 

Alix: Great, because if you weren't having fun, I'd be very sad. And you wouldn't want to make me sad. By the way, I'm Alix.

 

Holly: I'm Holly-wood.

 

Alix & Holly: And we're your hosts for the first ever OAOAST HeldDOWN "Ladies night!"

 

Crowd: OAO! OAO OAO!

 

Holly: Now, I can see most you are taking advantage of our very generous free drink specials, but please don't forget to head over to the nearest merchandise stand.

 

Alix: That's right! Girls, you're getting sixty percent off any T-shirt of your choice. And guys, just because we can't live without ya, if you bring any girl with you to the merchandise stands you're going to get twenty-five percent off any T-shirt!

 

Cole: Coach? Are you putting on lipstick?

 

Coach: Shut up and get me a fake vagina, a wig and some tissue paper. I need to go get that brand new Crystal shirt. I hear she personally wore every one....braless.

 

Holly-wood: People, who don't live in Fresno. Well, it sucks to be you. But that's okay, because if you head over to the OAOAST shopzone before the show's over, you'll get a ten percent discount on the sizzling and titillating, "OAOAST Divas in Vegas". All your favorite divas like Me, Alix and that trailer park tramp, Candie hit the city of sin in ways you never thought possible.

 

Coach: Oh yeah baby! Daddy like! I heard Alix has a nipple slip on that DVD. Coachie loves da nipple slips. Sweet puffy nourishing nipples.

 

Cole: Yeah, you're doing a bang up job of attracting that female demographic.

 

Alix: Holly, tell our wonderful audience what kind of matches we have planned for the first ever ladies night.

 

Holly-wood: Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Crystal takes on Superstar for the 24/7 title. Yea! We have the Twice As Nice invitational coming up, and I, Holly-wood, will be in hot ladies night action against that hoochie mama Candie!

 

Alix: So, don't sit back, don't relax. Stand up and get rowdy, because ladies night is going to be AWESOME! See-ya! (Alix blows a kiss to the crowd)

 

(Alix and Holly-wood leave the ring to the sounds of "More to life" by Stacie Orrico)

 

Coach: My favorite part of the nipple is the milk.

 

Cole: I'd think of a witty way to relate that to our sponsors, but the dairy people didn't want advertisting time. So, before you reveal any more of your fetishes to the world, let's take a quick break, and come back with Hollywood vs. Candie!

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We cut to a shot of the inside of the locker room, where various female wrestlers (and Crystal) are frantically covering themselves up. Calvin grins at them, speaking.

 

CALVIN

Ladies, you knew about this meeting when the Ladies’ Night shtick was announced. You shouldn’t be surprised by this.

 

CRYSTAL (hastily putting on a “The Firm” shirt)

Who said anything about surprised? I never want to see your damn face again.

 

CALVIN

And that’s a shame, dear, because we’d make a wonderful team. But no matter – we have business to attend to, don’t we? Tonight, girls, is your night…

 

A red-headed girl enters the room, rushing madly.

 

CALVIN

Late, I see? And your name…?

 

GIRL

Jasmine, Mr. Szechstein.

 

CALVIN

Oh, Ragdoll’s new vixen. Well, tell him I said hi, and between us I’m staying at the Holiday Inn… ask for the President’s suite.

 

Calvin grins, winking at Jasmine, who blushes badly. Calvin turns back to the women.

 

CALVIN

Tonight, girls, is your chance to make a legacy for women everywhere! Tonight is your chance to succeed at making women and men everywhere take notice of the female movement on heldDown! Tonight, one of you would be the one to succeed where Crystal has failed in dethroning me…

 

The ladies, and the crowd, let out a collective gasp, but Calvin merely grins and shakes his head.

 

CALVIN

… if I was feeling generous. As it stands, folks, it’s your time to make yourselves look good… I wanna see you girls get… AH!

 

Crystal, out of nowhere, clubs Calvin in the jaw with a huge right hand! Calvin falls over, knocked out cold, and Crystal looks down at him, grinning savagely. All the women cheer as Crystal drives a heel into his chest.

 

CRYSTAL

I just got what I wanted.

 

Crystal grins still wider.

 

CRYSTAL

Bitch.

 

(Cut back to Sofa Central, where Coach is pouting.)

 

COACH

How come he gets to go in there!?

 

COLE

It's not like he was supposed to.

 

COACH

The hell with that noise. Next week, I'm going in there, one way or another.

 

COLE

You realize you'll get maimed, right?

 

COACH

It'll all be worth it if I get to see some booty.

 

Stacie Orrico's "More To Life" cues up, as the lovely yet lethal Hollywood, one of the Acolytes of Northstar, makes her way to the ring.

 

COLE

Here we have another match in conjunction with our Ladies Night theme tonight. It will be Hollywood of the Acolytes of Northstar taking on Zack Malibu's main squeeze, Candie!

 

COACH

This ain't McDonalds, but I'm lovin' it, Cole. Ladies Night was such a great idea! I might even make a song about it.

 

COLE

It's been done, Coach.

 

COACH

Yeah, but the music industry is all about the remixes these days.

 

COLE

There's been one of those too.

 

COACH

Well smell you with the music biz 411. You just can't handle the thought of me on the radio.

 

COLE

I think I speak for many when I say that I certainly wouldn't be able to handle you on the radio.

 

COACH

See...wait, that was an insult, wasn't it?

 

Hollywood struts around the ring, hands on her hips, looking like a true California snob. Her music fades out, and the "I Want Candy" remix starts up, creating an overwhelming response as Candie comes running out to the stage!

 

COLE

Here she comes!

 

Candie jogs down the aisle, sliding right into the ring and then looking around her, posing for all the fans. Candie circles the ring, with Hollywood leaning in a corner and shooting her a dirty look, as the crowd showers Candie with adulation.

 

COACH

They love her here, Michael.

 

COLE

And how can you not! She's done wonders for herself here on HeldDOWN~!, especially after breaking away from Totally Endorsed, and aligning with Zack.

 

The music stops, and the bell rings. Hollywood, looking like she'd rather be anywhere else but here, comes out of the corner and prepares to lock up with Candie. They circle each other for a minute before locking up, and Candie quickly grabs a headlock. Hollywood immediately shoves Candie off of her, then turns to the ref, making the motion that Candie grabbed her hair. Candie tells the referee that it's not true, and he tells them to get on with the match, reminding Candie that hair-pulling isn't allowed.

 

The girls lock up again, and Candie again grabs a headlock, with the same result. Hollywood breaks the grip and complains that Candie pulled her by her hair. The referee talks to Candie, asking her about it, when Hollywood lunges over the ref's back with a cheap slap to get Candie's attention! Stunned, Candie pushes the referee aside, and SPEARS Hollywood out of her boots to the delight of the crowd! Candie doesn't stop there, and picks Hollywood up, then rams her face first into the top turnbuckle! With the stepsister of Northstar in a daze, Candie spins her around, leaning her in the corner, and then hits a chop, the impact of which causes Hollywood to sink down to a seated position in the corner!

 

COLE

Looks like Hollywood is paying her dues here tonight.

 

COACH

True 'dat, playa. Just because your related to someone in power doesn't mean that the world will revolve around you here in the OAOAST.

 

Candie picks Hollywood up out of the corner, then hooks her arm under Hollywood's and biels her out of it, sending her flying across the ring! Hollywood rolls to the floor, while Candie stays in the ring, playing to the crowd for a moment while Hollywood is taking a breather. Suddenly, the cheers turn to jeers as Alix Spezia, Northstar's honey, heads down to the ring to check on her cohort in throwing this "Ladies Night", Hollywood.

 

COLE

I have a bad feeling this is about to become a handicap match?

 

COACH

Yeah? Maybe I better go on up there and help even the odds!

 

COLE

Coach, try thinking with the head attatched to your neck and not your pelvis for once.

 

Alix helps Hollywood, who is light headed, up to her feet, and shouts at both the referee and Candie. Alix helps get Hollywood back on the apron, and Candie comes over, hooking her in a facelock while she's on the apron, and suplexes her back in...NO! Alix quickly reaches out and grabs Candie's foot, taking her off balance and letting Hollywood come crashing down on top of her! The referee slides to the canvas for the count, but Candie is able to kick Alix away and escape defeat!

 

COLE

That was too close of a call. Can we get her out of there?

 

COACH

You actually think Northstar is going to think that's a valid complaint? Hell, he's probably the one who sent Alix out here!

 

Candie gets up, but is met with a kick to the ribs by Hollywood, and then several forearm shots. Holly sends her into the ropes and ducks for a backdrop, but Candie comes off and floats over her back, landing on her feet behind her! Hollywood turns around and sees Candie waiting on her, so she charges, but Candie tucks her head and backdrops Hollywood over the top rope, and down onto her potential future step-sister-in-law Alix!

 

COACH

Air Hollywood!

 

COLE

Did you just come up with that now, or having you been saving that ingenious quote up for some time?

 

Northstar's chicas get to their feet, completely offended by the way they're being tossed around like ragdolls (not to be confused with Ragdoll). They stand up and help each other "brush off", not noticing Candie perched on the top rope, waiting on them. Alix finally looks, and tries to hide behind Hollywood, but Candie soars through the air, down to the floor and takes them both out!

 

COACH

YO~!

 

COLE

Haha! Special Delivery Candie-Gram for Hollywood and Alix!

 

COACH

...and yet you say MY jokes are lame?

 

The crowd pops huge, and some eager young men seated by ringside are trying to rally the crowd in a Candie chant. She tosses Hollywood into the ring, under the bottom rope, but as she climbs back up on the apron, Alix reaches up and pulls her down by her foot, causing Candie to smash her face on the apron! With Candie stunned, Alix clotheslines her down, and Hollywood distracts the ref, buying herself time as Alix gets her licks in on the popular starlet!

 

Alix picks Candie up and rolls her into the ring, and then tells Hollywood to finish her off. Hollywood drags Candie over by the corner, and then starts to climb the turnbuckles, facing out to the crowd. Hollywood gets up to the top...

 

COLE

What is she doing up there?

 

COACH

Getting a good view. What do you think, Michael, she's obviously...

 

...Hollywood MOONSAULTS off the top rope (cutting off Cole's tirade) and WHIFFS, as Candie rolls out of the way!

 

COACH

Ouch! She got SMACKED by the mat!

 

Alix has a conniption on the floor, as Candie gets up to her feet. Hollywood stands up on spaghetti legs, but Candie comes running, grabbing her head and twisting around with a jump swinging DDT, drilling Hollywood's head into the canvas! Candie hooks a leg, and the referee makes the count...

 

1!

 

2!!

 

3!!!

 

WINNER: Candie

 

"I Want Candy" starts up, as Candie has her hand raised. Alix enters the ring to tend to Hollywood, while Candie just shoots her a smile. Zack's significant other ducks out of the ring and heads up the ramp, slapping hands along the way, while Alix slaps Hollywood's face, trying to revive her, as we fade out.

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A car pulls up to a run down looking gym somewhere in Peoria. Mad Matt and Jeremy Red exit the car. We are informed that this footage is taped last weekend.

 

Matt:Okay, Jeremy. I am dropping you off right here. I really got to dash because for some reason my doctor is wanting to check up on my leg. I will also be gone and I will pick you up on Thursday.

 

Red:Uh why I am like here and stuff.

 

Matt:To learn how to wrestle, of course.

 

Red:But I like have a contract and stuff, so why do I need to know.

 

Matt:I think you may become a liability, if you don't know some basic wrestling techiques. They could come in handy to defend yourself. They could use you to lure me into a trap and...

 

A van that says the "Peoria Mental Institution" pulls up across the street.

 

Matt:Aw shit. I have to run. They are still looking for me. I am going to the doctor's at a location a cannot reveal on TV for legal reason and then I am going to lie low somewhere before going to the HeldDown show this Thursday. I swear when I get my hands on the person who snitched on me, they will be in for a fate worse then death. Got to dash.

 

Mad Matt quickly gets into his car and speeds off.

 

Red:But Matt...where am I supposed to stay the night.

 

Red looks shocked and he backs off and trips over his own feet. It was due to Jeremy Red's own incomptence that the footage of Mad Matt's daring escape wasn't shown. He managed to accidentally lose the footage.

 

Voice:So, kid, you want to be a wrestler.

 

(Fade Out)

 

COLE

Oh man, Jeremy Red looks to be in for a world of hurt.

 

COACH

So are our eyes, if we ever have to watch him wrestle again!

 

Michael Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall!

 

Currently in the ring...hailing from Atlanta...

 

Familiar Voice: HOLD ON! HOLD ON! HOLD...ON!

 

*The crowd boos in the background as Rick Heyross steps out from the locker room and heads down the aisle towards ringside with a mic in hand.*

 

Cole: What the hell is this, Coach!

 

Coach: What chu mean what the hell is this?! That's Rick Heyross!! Good Ol' EC'Dub!

 

Cole: Well we're scheduled to have Panther in action here...I don't like this, Coach!

 

*Heyross climbs up the ring stairs, steps through the ropes and walks towards the center of the ring, where the ring announcer and the confused and unnamed wrestler look on. Suddenly, Heyross reaches into his pocket, pulls out a huge wad of money, and hands it over to the wrestler*

 

Heyross: Here ya go, kid! Buy yourself something nice!

 

*Overjoyed, the wrestler hops up and down, slides out of the ring and hops into the crowd to go on a spending spree. Meanwhile, the crowd begins to chant "Heyross sucks" as he stands with a sinister smile on his face. He turns towards the main camera, raises the mic to his lips and continues*

 

Heyross: Now I bet you're all wondering why I'm out here! I bet you're wondering just what Good Ol' EC'Dub has on his mind, huh? (Chuckles) Well wait no further...

 

*clears throat*

 

PANTHER!!!!!!!!!!

 

*The crowd pops at the mention of his name*

 

Panther...you gutless coward! Get your ass out here RIGHT NOW, because I'm gonna give you a piece of my mind!

 

Cole: Oh my...Rick Heyross is calling out Panther!

 

Coach: We heard him, dawg! He heard him!

 

Cole: I can't believe...what is Heyross thinking!

 

*Suddenly, the arena fades to black, and "State Prop (You Know Us)" hits the PA system. Then, after a brief moment...

 

*BOOM*

 

...a HUGE pyro blast goes off by the entrance, and flashing red and white spotlights swarm the arena, roaming the crowd for a few moments before converging on entrance, where Panther appears in a thick cloud of smoke. Clad in his black and red wrestling gear, he glares into the crowd for a moment, soaking up the cheers before raising his arms into the air, holding the pose for a moment as bright white lights illuminate the entrance behind him, then suddenly snapping them down as the lights disperse about the arena. Panther then starts down to the ring, taking the time to tag the hands of a few ringside fans, but not once taking his eyes off of Heyross. When he reaches ringside, Panther climbs upon the apron, steps through the ropes and walks out to the center of the ring, where he goes face to face with Heyross. Heyross mouths off to Panther, jamming his right index finger into his chest. Panther smiles as the lights return to normal, the music dies down, and mild chants of "Panther, Panther" echo throughout the arena. Panther continues to smile at Heyross as he raises the mic to his lips and continues*

 

Heyross: You know Panther...it wasn't too long ago that I came out here and told you and the whole damn world the god honest truth! I told them that you're a gutless, no good, COWARD! (Crowd boos) Yeah...I told the whole world that you weren't a real man! And what did you do, Panther?! Huh? You right out and proved my point.

 

*Heyross begins to pace the ring before continuing*

 

Heyross: Now for the past month...Brock Ausstin...the Current Big Thing has wanted a piece of you Panther! He's wanted to get you in the ring once again so that he can end your career once and for all! (Crowd boos) Oh...no need to boo! See...that hasn't happened yet, and the way things are going, it probably won't happen, and do you know why?! It's because PANTHER FEARS BROCK AUSSTIN! (Crowd boos again) Oh...but it's true! You see, he's been dodging Brock every step of the way! He knows that he can't stand up to Brock in a match! He knows that he can't beat Panther in a fight, so he's been running, folks! Panther has been running from Brock Ausstin...

 

Cole: That's bullshit!

 

Coach: I dunno. A LOT of people fear Brock Ausstin. I wouldn't blame Panther if he was scared.

 

Heyross: Now Panther, we've been doing everything in our power to get you in the ring with Brock! We've beat you up! We've busted your ribs...we took out your girlfriend...how is ol' Tina, by the way? (Blows kisses into the camera)

 

Cole: He's sick!

 

Heyross: Anyway, we've done all of that hard work...we've given you all the motivation in the world to step up and fight...but no! You have been ducking and dodging Brock Ausstin every step of the way! Admit it, you son of a bitch! You know it's true!

 

*Heyross holds the mic up to Panther's mouth, as the crowd starts to chant "Fuck him up, Pan-ther, fuck him up *CLAP, CLAP*" Panther then opens his mouth as if he's about to speak, but Heyross quickly snatches the mic away, drawing boos from the crowd*

 

Heyross: (chuckles) Oh...I'm not done! Because you see...the fact that you're dodging Brock...that's not the worst part of it! The bad thing is that rather than face the man in the ring...rather than fight him like a man...you've stooped as low as to try and sabotage the man's professional career!

 

*Panther rolls his eyes as the crowd boos*

 

Heyross: You've tried to sabotage the Current Big Thing! You might as well admit it! Let's just look at the facts, Panther! It was just a few weeks back that Brock Ausstin...it was a 4-way match for the chance to get a shot at any belt on HeldDown~! Brock had the damn match won! He had Ragdoll beat, when here you come with a chair, and cost my man the chance to be a champion...(crowd pops) Yeah! You people liked that?! You people would cheer! But that's not all! Because it was just last week...4-way tag match for a shot at the tag titles! You and Brock were on the same team, and ONCE AGAIN! Once again it was YOU that cost Brock Ausstin a chance at gold!

 

Cole: Oh...this is getting ridiculous!

 

Heyross: Tsk, Tsk...and you call yourself the Champion of Champions. Well ya know what I call ya, Panther...PATHETIC! Absolutely pathetic! Ya know...I don't even know how you're even able to look at yourself in the mirror everyday! How do you even sleep at night?! Huh?!

 

*Panther turns his back towards Heyross and looks into the crowd. Rick seems to be irking him at this point*

 

Heyross: How do you sleep...oh! And what about Tina? Huh?! I bet she's real proud of you, Panther! I mean, she comes out here, takes the beating of her life, and her own boyfriend won't even stand up for her! What kinda man are you?! (Deep breath) You know something Panther...you make me sick! You make me absolutely...

 

*Suddenly, Panther turns and nails Heyross with a right hand, knocking the mic out of his hand. Initially stunned by the blow, Rick looks up at Panther in shock before scurrying over to the far corner to get away. Panther then reaches down and picks up the mic*

 

Panther: Now listen, you piece of shit! The next time you see Brock...he wants to fight me so bad, well you tell him I'll fight him anytime, anyplace! Any match he wants--

 

Cole: OH WAIT!

 

Coach: THAT'S AUSSTIN!

 

*Suddenly, Brock Ausstin hits the ring and nails Panther from behind with vicious chairshot, knocking him to his knees. As Panther tries to gather himself on the mat, Brock walks over to him, raises the chair a second time, and brings it down onto the back of his head...a third shot floors Panther, and the crowd boos loudly in the background as Rick Heyross leaps back to his feet and begins to assault the fallen wrestler.*

 

Cole: I can't believe this! Brock Ausstin has assaulted Panther from behind...and he has the nerve to call Panther a coward!

 

Coach: I think Panther needs some help out here...OOOH!

 

*Another vicious shot to the head of Panther...two more chairshots to the ribs. Brock continues to work Panther over with the chair, then turns it upside down and jams the edge of the chair into Panther's throat. Officials rush out from the locker room to try and stop the attack, but Brock quickly swats them away with the chair and they all go flying out to ringside. Meanwhile, Heyross has laid Panther spread-eagle in the middle of the ring, and motions for Brock to finish Panther off*

 

Heyross: This one's for you, Tina!

 

Cole: "This one's for you"?! What's that mean? What are these...what are they up to?

 

*Brock walks over to Panther's prone body and stands perpendicular to him with the steel chair. He then raises it high into the air, and is prepared to bring it down...

 

 

...when STURGIS rushes out from the locker room with a chair of his own! He hits the ring, shoves Brock into the ropes, and away from Panther as the crowd cheers in the background. Brock starts to go after Sturgis, but is stopped dead in his tracks when Sturgis raises his chair to him. The crowd clamors in the background, as the two engage in an intense staredown. Suddenly, Sturgis tosses down his chair and motions for Brock to "Bring it"*

 

Coach: Uh oh!

 

Cole: Yeah! Now let's see how tough Brock Ausstin is! Let's see how much of a real man Brock is!

 

*Sturgis again motions for Brock to fight him. Suddenly, Brock tosses his chair down, walks over to Sturgis and the two men go face to face. The crowd again pops in the background*

 

Coach: We've got a situation here...

 

Cole: Brock and Sturgis are going face to face! What's gonna happen here?! Coach...oh my goodness, can you feel this tension?

 

*As the two men continue to stare one another down, the crowd in the background begins clapping and stomping in the background. Sturgis urges Brock to hit him, pointing at his jaw with his right hand. Brock rears back to swing, but Heyross catches his hand and pulls him aside. The crowd boos in the background as Heyross whispers something in Brock's ear.

 

Brock nods approvingly to whatever Heyross told him, and then walks back out to face off with Sturgis, getting a huge pop from the crowd. The two go face to face...eye to eye...nose to nose...and...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...and...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...and Brock shoves him aside and exits the ring. The crowd boos wildly in the background as Heyross attempts to usher Brock (who's glaring intensely at Sturgis) back to the dressing room. Sturgis then walks over to the ropes, and points in Brock's direction as he and Heyross disappear back into the locker room. Meanwhile, Panther tries to recover on the canvas*

 

Cole: Man...what an intense situation that was. Brock Ausstin and Sturgis...thank God Sturgis was able to arrive before any more damage was done to Panther...

 

Coach: But why?! Why would Sturgis wanna help Panther?

 

Cole: I'm not all that sure...but I've got a feeling that we haven't seen the last of these two.

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A short while after the last vignette, a scared looking Jeremy Red is sitting on a bench.

 

Voice:I am Rupert Cruel. Owner of Cruel's Wrestling Bootcamp. So you want to be a wrestler.

 

Red:Actually I am already like a wrestler, I just want to uh learn how to wrestle.

 

Cruel:WHAT!!!! They let you in without you knowing how to wrestle.

 

Red:My friend got me a contract....

 

Cruel:See if you have the right connections these days, anyone can get a job back in wrestling. Back in my day, we had to wrestle 360 nights a year, sometimes twice in one night. We were paid five cents for every match but we liked it. We wouldn't have it any other way. At smoky pool halls filled with maybe only 15 people. No flashing arena stadiums, TV Shows, you want to see wrestling, you had to pay for hard earned dime. By gawd back in my day we got our money's worth.....

 

The camera fades out with Cruel still rambling on.

 

Backstage at HeldDOWN~!, Zack Malibu and Candie are shown walking. The fans pop as Malibu turns to Candie.

 

ZACK

"Wait here for a second, I'm gonna grab some water."

 

Candie nods and leans against the wall as Zack heads to the water cooler. Suddenly, the cheers of the fans turn to boos as Hoff saunters up to Candie, who backs away uneasily at his approach.

 

HOFF

"Hey, sweet cheeks, how ya doin?"

 

CANDIE

"Get away from me, you jerk."

 

HOFF

"Is that any way to talk to me? You don't even KNOW me. All you know is that chump boyfriend of yours. Face it, baby, he's a loser."

 

CANDIE

"Zack isn't a loser...YOU'RE a loser."

 

Candie stands up off the wall assertively, and Hoff backs away mockingly with a smirk on his face.

 

HOFF

"Whoa, whoa, easy there, girlie. I didn't mean to get your hot little panties in a twist." Candie blushes. "All I'm saying is that maybe it's time you had a real man."

 

Hoff steps forward as Candie shrinks away from him. Hoff leans in, looking to lock lips with Candie, when suddenly Zack grabs him by the jacket and pulls him away! The fans cheer as Zack stares into Hoff's eyes!

 

ZACK

"What the hell do you want?"

 

HOFF

"Easy, preppie. I'm not concerned with you tonight. The fact is, it's ladies night" -- Hoff, smiling, does a little shake of the hips -- "and I was just trying to show your lady a good time." Hoff turns his head back toward Candie. Zack pushes Hoff back, and catches his eyes. Zack's face is intense.

 

ZACK

"Listen, you slimeball son of a bitch, you and I aren't through, do you hear me?"

 

The smirk fades from Hoff's face.

 

"Don't think I've forgotten that match you cost me. And don't think for one second that I'm going to let you, CWM, and your running buddies off the hook for what you've done. You think you can come in here and run the show? Well I'm gonna make you pay. Each and every one of you. I'm gonna--

 

Zack is cut off by a scream from Candie. Zack turns around...and catches a tire iron to the face! The camera pans over to show CWM standing over the fallen Zack Malibu. The fans jeer loudly as CWM pulls Malibu up.

 

CWM

"Make US pay?!?"

 

CWM hits Zack in the stomach with the tire iron, doubling him over, before whacking him again across the back of the neck. Zack falls to the ground as the fans boo louder and louder. Candie runs towards CWM, but is held back by Hoff, the smirk returned to his face. Hoff throws Candie into a wall as CWM starts stomping at Zack, screaming "you think you can beat me?" and other obscenities. Zack fights back to his feet, though, and punches CWM off of him. CWM winds up and swings the tire iron -- but Zack catches his wrist! Zack grabs the tire iron out of CWM's hand!!! Zack rakes the eys of CWM as the boos turn to cheers!! Zack winds up for a shot of his own, but HIS hand is caught from behind! He turns around, and catches a boot to the gut from Hoff! Zack doubles over, and Hoff spins him around -- then drives him backfirst into the wall! CWM and Hoff stomp away at Zack as the fans chant "bullshit." Hoff nods at CWM, and pulls Zack off the floor. CWM hooks him in the 3/4 facelock, for a Pollycutter -- but no, as Northstar and Charlie Hoss walk by! Hoss pulls Zack out of the fray as Northstar looks around, shaking his head at the carnage. Northstar looks CWM in the eye...

 

NORTHSTAR

"Save it, dearie. Save it for the pay-per-view, or you're going to have to deal with me."

 

CWM just smirks as he and Hoff walk off. Zack,gets to his feet, holding his neck, as Hoss escorts Candie back to Zack's side. Zack stares down the hall, in the direction CWM and Hoff left from.

 

ZACK

"I swear it, CWM...I promise. You will pay."

 

The cameras cut back to Sofa Central.

 

COLE

"Wow, Coach. These underground guys will just stop at nothing, will they?"

 

COACH

"I don't know what you mean, Mikey. Hoff was just trying to get his groove on. I mean, he might be slime, but hey, it's ladies' night!"

 

COLE

"Come on, Coach! That was a damn setup and you know it."

 

COACH

"Well, I wouldn't put it past CWM. He's one bad dude. But, come on, MC -- IT'S LADIES NIGHT!"

 

Coach dances in his chair as Michael Cole just sighs.

 

COLE

"Well, one thing is for sure. We heard it straight from the mouth of Zack Malibu; he is going to make CWM, and the entire Underground, pay."

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Cole: Folks we're being joined by Damaramu.

 

Coach: What are you doing out here?

 

Damaramu: I'm scouting and I'm here for my own amusement. Watching Crystal get torched by Superstar would be hilarious to me. Her losing this match would be an early Christmas present.

 

Cole: That may not happen.

 

Coach: May not? It won't happen! This is ladies night, all right. The stars are in perfect alignment for my girl, Crystal. Fate has willed it so that she'll win the 24/7 title from Superstar tonight.

 

Damaramu: We'll see.

 

Cole: Coach is confident that Crystal will win., and I'm sure Crystal is confident that she can win. But Superstar isn't going to be so quick to relinquish his title. He doesn't care if it's ladies night, or boys night, or transsexual night, the 24/7 title is his and he won't give it up so easily.

 

Damaramu: Shut up and get to the match.

 

"I'm Just a girl" hits and the crowd goes absolutley wild at the sight of HeldDOWN's first lady, Crystal!

 

Buffer: The following match is scheduled for one fall, with a time limit of thirty minutes and it is for the prestigious 24/7 title. Now making her way to the ring from Coquitlam, British Columbia, Canada, she is the female phenom of the OAOAST, the first lady of HeldDOWN, weighing 128 pounds............CRYSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL!

 

Crystal hits the ring and climbs to the top! She points at the crowd and makes the motion of strapping a belt around her waist. When she notices her archival she drops down from the top turnbuckle. She leans over the ropes and makes threats at Damaramu

 

Damaramu: That's right. Keep digging your grave deeper, little girl.

 

*Cue "Dance of Eternity"*

 

The crowd showers poor Superstar with boos. Superstar ingores their hatered and instead focueses on his purty and shiny 24/7 title.

 

Buffer: And the 24/7champion, he is the first ever X champion and the man who retired Tony the Body, from Tuscon, Arizona, weighing in at a fearsome 246 pounds....... the legendary SUPERSTAAAAAAAAAR!

 

Superstar gets into the ring. He kisses his title before handing it off to the ref.

 

(Special guest time keeper Shelly Long, rings the bell)

 

Lock up to start. Superstar goes behind Crystal. He gets her into a German Suplex but Crystal reverses it into a roll up! Back into a lockup. Superstar hits a headlock. Crystal shoves him into the ropes and catches him with a flap jack on the rebound! Superstar crashes into the mat face first!

 

Cole: Damaramu, what makes you think that you have what it takes to hang with Crystal? She's a world title contender.

 

Dama: More like world title pretender. Don't believe the hype. She's failed at every chance to win the world title and she'll fail to win the 24/7 title. I assure you.

 

Superstar fires off a series of foreams to Crystal's neck. He goes behind her and lifts her into an electric chair drop.....reversed into a victory roll by Crystal! Superstar kicks out before the ref can make a one count. Crystal lifts Superstar to his feet. She goes for an enziguri but it gets ducked. He grabs Crystal by her long flowing locks and tosses her out of the ring!

 

Coach: Get up girlfriend!

 

Damaramu: You're pathetic. I'm sure she'd never give you the time of day. Maybe, you can visit her in the hospital when I break her face.

 

Superstar runs to the top ropes and springboards off with a moonsault to the outside on Crystal! Crystal moves! Crystal moves! Superstar hits the outside padding hard. Crystal grabs the Dazed and Confused~~~~! 24/7 champion and throws him head first into steel ring post!

 

Crowd: Crystal! Crystal! Crystal!

 

Crystal heads back into the ring and soaks in the crowd's love. Superstar climbs onto the ring apron. Crystal brings him into the ring with a stalling vertical suplex! Crystal points to the ropes and heads up top! DIVING HEADBUTT BY CRYSTAL! SUPERSTAR MOVES!!!!!

 

Cole: I have a feeling SS was just playing possum. He was waiting for Crystal try a high risk maneuver and he capitalized on her mistake.

 

Superstar pounds on Crystal for bit before he whips her into the corner. He nails her with a dozen flesh searing chops, then leads her to center of the ring. Tiger driver by Superstar! He angrily stomps away at Crystal. For reason's known only to him, he heads to the ring apron. Crystal quickly gets back to her feet. She runs to the ropes and nails the champ with a spring board dropkick!

 

Crowd: Let's go Crystal! Let's go Crystal! Let's go Crystal!

 

Crystal gets onto the ring apron and flys at Superstar with an asai moonsault! Superstar catches her and hits her with a Michonoku driver!

 

Damaramu: Imbecile! Her time is coming to an end.

 

Superstar climbs back into the ring. He plays to the crowd but stops when he notices Crystal has made her way onto the apron. He goes for a vertical suplex but she's able to block it. She goes a vertical suplex of her own but Superstar blocks that. Finally, Superstar vertical suplexes Crystal into the ring, but Crystal slips out of it. She runs to the ropes, bounces off and hits Superstar with a spinning head scissors!

 

Damaramu: This is unacceptable.

 

Coach: I'm finding it very acceptable.

 

Damaramu: I'm finding you very annoying.

 

Crystal goes for a lion sault but Superstar ducks it. Crystal hits the mat knee first! Superstar locks on a figure four leg lock!! He orders Crystal to tap out. The first lady of HeldDOWN just won't give up and she makes the ropes.

 

Damaramu: Damn it! Damn it!

 

Crowd: Superstar sucks! Superstar sucks! Superstar sucks!

 

Superstar goes for a back body drop but Crystal flips out. Release German suplex by Crystal! Crystal grabs Superstar into a vertical suplex postion and sets him onto the top turnbuckle. She climbs to the top and hits a lethal injection (top rope enziguri) on the champion! Superstar flips through the air like a punted football, then hits the mat back first with a thud!

 

Pin attempt by Crystal 1.....2.......kick out!

 

Crystal whips Superstar into the ropes. Her clothesline is ducked. Superstar goes for a tornado ddt but gets shruged off by Crystal. Crystal hits a northern lights suplex with a bridge 1....2....kick out!

 

Damaramu: She'll never put away Superstar. Just like she'll never put me away. I need to put her out of my miserey.

 

Crystal once again sets Superstar onto the top rope. She climbs up top and goes for a top rope hurricanrana......REVERESED INTO A POWERBOMB IN MID AIR BY SUPERSTAR!!!!

 

Pin attempt 1.....2......3!

 

Buffer: Your winner and still 24/7 champion of the world......SUPERSTAAAAAAR!

 

Cole: Such a letdown for Crystal, who was looking to regain the gold she once proudly held...

 

Damaramu: Because of me, Michael Cole! You think that she can stay focused on anything else except me, the one who is about to end her career so soon from now?

 

Coach: Hold up, playa. I KNOW you ain't threatening my girl right in front of me. I'm just not havin' it!

 

Damaramu: What are you going to do about it?

 

Coach: I...I...uh...

 

Cole: Coach, go change your pants. Fans, we'll be right back.

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*We are shown a scene of the backstage area next to the curtain where the wrestlers walk through. the usual commotion is going on as Crystal steps through the curtain after her match.*

 

Coach: Cole...Damaramu just ran out of here rather quickly.

 

Cole: What? Uh-oh...

 

*She grabs a towl and begins to wipe the sweat from her forehead when suddenly the crowd around Crystal begins to yell. Crystal turns to catch Dama coming through the curtain behind her delivering a running lariat from behind sending Crystal spilling to the concrete.*

 

Dama: Nice match. You know what else was nice? You barely escaping me last week.....well not this week!

 

*Dama kicks Crystal in the back as she starts to get to her feet and then begins delivering forearms to her back as she sits up on her knees. Dama grabs her by the hair and throws her through the curtain. Crystal comes spilling out onto the ramp as Dama follows after her. She stands as Dama rushes forward and she ducks! Back body drop!*

 

Cole: Well Dama and Crystal are going to have at it right here and right now! And it looks like she's taken the advantage!

 

*Dama holds his back as rage sweeps over Crystal's face and she turns and begins laying the boots to him. Dama rolls the rest of the way down the ramp as Crystal follows. They make it to the bottom and Dama slumps up against the stairs. Crystal runs in and delivers a drop kick to his face! Banging the back of his head against the stairs!*

 

Coach: And my girl is taking it to him! She's obviously angry over that time limit from last week. She wanted to pin Damaramu!

 

*Dama tries pulling himself to his feet but Crystal is still unloading with lefts and rights as he slumps over the railing. Crystal is punching away but Dama manages to elbow her in the ribs. Crystal keeps punching as Dama delivers elbow after elbow till she stops. Crystal steps back holding her ribs and Dama spins around with a rolling elbow straight to the face! Crystal falls back as Dama grabs her by the hair and pulls her around to where she's facing him.*

 

Dama: Don't you ever! EVER! Think that you can beat me again! You are nothing! You are just a stupid little idealistic girl! I know the harsh reality of this world! I know what is out there! And you are exactly what I hate! I WILL BREAK YOU!

 

*Dama picks then yanks her forward into position for the DDT! HE DOES! HE DROPS HER STRAIGHT ONTO HER HEAD!*

 

Coach: That bastard! Thank god the protective mats were there this time!

 

*Dama picks her up into bodyslam position and then drops her across the railing...snake eyes! Crystal rolls over and grabs her throat as blood begins to dribble out of her mouth. Dama smiles and grabs the steel steps!*

 

Cole: NO! HE'S NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

 

*Dama rushes forward towards Crystal and HITS HER FLUSH IN THE FACE WITH THE STEPS! Crystal falls backwards and hits the ground looking like she's out cold. Blood streams down her face as Dama stands there laughing straight from his cold black heart!*

 

Coach: He's opened her up! There is blood everywhere! He got her good Cole! I think that her outfit is turning red!

 

*Crystal is indeed bleeding profusely. The whole top of her white outfit is beginning to be stained with blood. A host of officials pour out of the locker room and get in between Dama and Crystal. They begin backing Dama towards the ramp as they help Crystal to her feet. She lays over the ring while the blood drips everywhere as we cut to a shot of Dama standing at the base of the ramp pointing towards himself and laughing. Suddenly the fans turn alive and Dama's face contorts with anger and surprise! Crystal is alive and well! Crystal like a bull charges straight through the officials and jumps over the ones in front of Dama straight onto his head! Both go down as Crystal begins punching the shit out of his face. Dama tries to cover but Crystal has lost it! The officials pull her off as Dama makes it back to his feet. He rushes forward and they're both going at it! Both are punching and clawing as the officials try to get in between them!*

 

Coach: OH SHIT! IT'S ON NOW! GO CRYSTAL!

 

Cole: Folks this is just incredible! We thought Crystal was out but now her and Dama are tearing at each other with about 20 officials trying to pull them apart!

 

*Both continue to unload as blood is now dripping down Dama's face coming from the side of his forehead! Finally the officials are able to seperate them. They begin backing Dama up the ramp while they hold Crystal against the apron. Both stare at each other with wild looks in there eyes as they both sport the crimson mask. Crystal screams to the officials to back off and then slides into the ring.*

 

Crystal: GIVE ME THAT FUCKING MIC!

 

*the time keeper obliges*

 

Crystal: DAMARAMU! THAT IS IT! I HAVE HAD IT! YOU HAVE ATTACKED ME FOR THE LAST TIME! Last week didn't solve anything because we were restricted. But look at my face! Look at your face! You obviously want to turn this into a blood feud! Well that's fine with me! You want to leave me laying? You want to drop me on my head and try to make me not walk ever again? Well that's fine! Because you are the one that will be left laying at Bloody, Battered, and Beaten......DAMARAMU! I AM CHALLENGING YOU TO A LAST PERSON STANDING MATCH!

 

Cole: WHOA! What a challenge!

 

*Dama begins to nod his head yes in agreement and he suddenly rips his shirt off and tosses it into the ring.*

 

Dama(yelling towards the ring): That's fine! That's just fucking great! You're on! BREAK YOU!

 

Crystal: Well it looks like you agree! WELL THEN IT'S ON AT BLOODY BATTERED AND BEATEN! I look forward to it!

 

*Crystal continues to stand in the ring with the blood pouring down her face while Dama stands at the top of the ramp staring right back. This is eerily reminiscent of what happened last week. Neither competitor getting the adavantage...and both just staring in a bloody, brutal stalemate. We fade to black as we stare into the fire that burns in Crystal's eyes.*

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We return to HeldDOWN~!, and an update on the Jeremy Red situation. Many hours later (according to the time on the camera this was filmed on), Cruel is still rambling on and on...

 

Cruel:...no pryos, no flippy floppy crap. Just pure and honest wrestling. 60 minutes. 70 minutes. We didn't have any five minute tv matches because we were MEN. That's what I hate about wrestling these days. A bunch of young hooligans thinking because they know a few fancy flips off the ropes, thinking they are such hot shit. Well, sonny jim, that is what will be the death of wrestling.

 

We see Jeremy Red asleep on the bench.

 

Cruel:GET UP BOY!!!

 

Red jolts up.

 

Cruel:Boy, your first lesson is how to do a clothesline. At least a non-wrestler like you could do that.

 

Red:Uh what's a clothesline, uh sir.

 

Cruel:WHAT'S A CLOTHESLINE. JESUS H CHRIST. The questions these freaking uniformed little pukes ask these days. I tell you. Back in my day, we knew how to wrestle. Listen, sonny jim. A clothesline is where you extend your arm and smack someone in the chest with it. Give it your best shot, boy.

 

Red staggers up and runs at Cruel but trips and falls facefirst onto the canvas.

 

Cruel:Not bad....IF YOU WERE AN INFANT TAKING HIS FIRST STEPS. Put some muscle into it boy.

 

Cruel picks up Red and clotheslines him. Red looks dead.

 

Cruel:Now THAT was a clothesline. Get up and try it, boy.

 

Red is not moving.

 

Cruel:Come on boy, get up. You are just being a sissy. Fine, you sissy boy. We will resume this lesson tommorow.

 

 

Back live once again, we see Calvin, standing in the locker room of Northstar with an ice pack on his jaw and an angry smile on his face.

 

CALVIN

So you’re punishing Crystal, right?

 

NORTHSTAR

No can do, sugar, she’s Damaramu’s now. I can give you next week off, though.

 

CALVIN

Excellent, excellent. Could you also look into suspending this ‘Firm’ debacle?

 

NORTHSTAR

I’d love to, dear, but there’s just too much good that could come out of it. Think of the endorsement deals, honey – Calvin Szechstein, starring in the new NBC show Pals. You’re gonna be a superstar, sugar! Zack Malibu, eat your heart out!

 

CALVIN

…I’m already a goddamn superstar, Northstar.

 

NORTHSTAR

Oooh, I like the way that flows.. seriously, darling, I know how good you are, and you know how good you are, but our peanut galleria… well, baby, they simply don’t see you for what you are.

 

CALVIN

…and how, pray tell, do I change that?

 

NORTHSTAR

Do what you do, sugar. You’ve turned more heads than anybody, even Michelle Branch, and you just keep on doin’ it, baby, and people are gonna see how good your groove thang is.

 

CALVIN

I’ll give them a goddamn groove thang up the ass… thanks, Northstar. I think.

 

NORTHSTAR

Anytime, Calvin.

 

Calvin goes to leave, but he’s stopped by Northstar.

 

NORTHSTAR

Actually, champ, wait a moment.

 

Calvin pauses, turning to face Northstar, who grins.

 

NORTHSTAR

Your match with Ragdoll? Yeah, dear, we’re going to do something nobody’s ever seen before…

 

Calvin pauses as Northstar does.

 

CALVIN

…so what is it?

 

Northstar grins.

 

NORTHSTAR

Next week, Calvin… the whole world finds out.

 

Calvin shrugs, and turns to leave, as we fade to black…

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HeldDOWN~! returns, with Northstar lighting up a Cuban cigar in his office.

 

NORTHSTAR

Ah, tonight wasn't so bad...

 

Suddenly, the door swings open. Stepping into the office is a bruised up Zack Malibu.

 

NORTHSTAR

...God hates me.

 

MALIBU

I want to talk to you.

 

NORTHSTAR

Well, obviously, however you could have knocked. What would the franchise player like now? New car? All expenses paid trip to the unpronounceable island of your choice?

 

MALIBU

Don't mock me, Northstar, I'm in no mood. I need to talk to you about the Pay Per View. About CWM and I.

 

NORTHSTAR

Ah, yes, you guys are scheduled to go at it once more, right? You know Zack, I should talk to you about that too. I had a great idea for the match.

 

MALIBU

Then we might be thinking along the same lines for once.

 

NORTHSTAR

Really? OK then, it's done. I'm cancelling the match.

 

MALIBU

Wait...what?

 

NORTHSTAR

C'mon, Zack, you know that I'm watching out for you. Obviously after tonight you've realized how dangerous CWM is, so what I'm going to do is cancel the match, and put a restraining order on him so...

 

Zack slams his hands down on Northstar's desk, angered by the odd bit of favortism.

 

MALIBU

You don't get it. I know you're not watching out for me. You're watching out for yourself, for your ratings, and for those nice little cash bonuses you get for doing such a good job.

 

NORTHSTAR

Zack, you think I'm THAT shallow?

 

Zack just stares at Northstar.

 

NORTHSTAR

I was expecting flattery, but nonetheless, what was your bright idea, Mr. Star?

 

MALIBU

I want a stipulation added to the match. If you do this, I guarantee it'll be the last time CWM and I do battle in the ring.

 

NORTHSTAR

The last time? Like, as in, no more matches, EVER?

 

MALIBU

Not unless you think it'll make you money.

 

NORTHSTAR

Zack, NOW you're playing my game! You've always been mi amigo deep down.

 

MALIBU

Look, are we gonna set this up or what?

 

NORTHSTAR

Indeed we are! Now, let's see (rummages through desk)...ah, here we go. Bloody, Battered and Beaten lineup. Zack Malibu vs. CWM will now be the final match between the two, with an added stipulation, which is...uh...what is it?

 

MALIBU

Ambulance match.

 

Northstar freezes, then looks up, and slowly begins to crack a smile and laugh.

 

NORTHSTAR

Oh Zack, you almost had me. C'mon now, what do you want.

 

MALIBU

What don't you understand? You can try to pass yourself off as this easygoing, free spirit, but you're not fooling me. You've used me up to get your ratings, your sponsorship deals, now you're going to do something for me. You sign that match, or I'll start pulling strings around here.

 

NORTHSTAR

Oh really, such as what?

 

MALIBU

Let's just say you'd be seeing me on Tuesdays a lot more than you would on Thursdays.

 

NORTHSTAR

You wouldn't.

 

MALIBU

Gonna sign the match?

 

NORTHSTAR

Argh...FINE! I'll do it, Zack, but if it starts to get out of line, I will stop the damn match, don't put it past me! This is it, this is your Christmas present from Uncle Northy, so you'd better appreciate it.

 

MALIBU

You have no idea how much I do.

 

NORTHSTAR

This is it though, Zack. This is the last time you guys are going at it. You lose to CWM, and that's it, no coming back for revenge, nothing. I'm trying to shape this roster up after Tim did such a "bangup" job, and I need you.

 

MALIBU

Don't worry, you've signed the match, I'm not going anywhere. I just think you better start recruiting someone to fill CWM's spot.

 

NORTHSTAR

Well...WHAT? ZACK, COME BACK HERE!?

 

Northstar, shocked by Zack's stern final words, hollers to the former champion, but it falls on deaf ears. Northstar puts his head in his hands, unsure if what's he's just done is good for business.

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Jeremy Red update. Again. Many days and many attempts later.

 

Cruel:Boy, you are making a bit of progress. Not much, I would like to move onto drop toeholds by now, but that would be brain surgery for you. You almost made contact with that last one. Now hit me with your best shot, boy.

 

Red backs off and runs at Cruel. Red hits a clothesline to Cruel. Cruel looks unimpressed.

 

Cruel:You actually connected this time. I would have expected you to CONNECT on the first time. Put some power into it. My granddaughter can hit harder then that, sonny jim. One more try and you may go for today.

 

Red bounces off the ropes and pats his arm. Red goes for Cruel and Red hits a clothesline. Cruel staggers backwards.

 

Cruel:I do believe that is as far as we are going to get on the clothesline. My next lesson is a drop toehold and a side headlock. Possibly an armdrag depending on how much progress you make. Then I think a final exam on December 28th to close out your training. You self learn the other moves as you wrestle. NO FLIPPY FLOPPY THROUGH.

 

Red nods as we fade out.

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MC: We are back here, on HeldDOWN~!, and we’ve got action already about to take place. We've also got a special guest, as Northstar has allowed a true ladies man to act as guest ring announcer for the rest of the show...HOWARD FINKEL! Take it, Fink!

 

FINKEL: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is a non-title contest! Introducing first, already in the ring, from Wakayama, Japan, weighing in at 174 pounds....Samurai Akiro! And his opponent....

 

(the music starts up, and out comes Sly Sommers, with a serious, mean demenor on his face.)

 

FINKEL: From Bayside, California, weighing in tonight at 205 pounds, he is the current HeldDOWN~! X-Division Champion of the WOOOORLD, representing Totally Endorsed, Sly “The Sly” Sommers!

 

COACH: The way our World Champion was talking, Sly might not be representing Totally Endorsed for long, if he doesn’t show Calvin Szechstein that he still has what it takes to cut it as a member of Totally Endorsed tonight!

 

Sly enters the ring, and Akiro offers his hand to shake in sportsmanship. But, Sly chooses to slap his hand away, and pieface-shove Akiro down.

 

COACH: Not much is known about this X-Division competitor that Northstar’s flown in from Japan for one night only to wrestle Sly Sommers, other than that Sly just shoved him down!

 

Akiro rolls back onto his feet, and he locks up with Sly, collar-and-elbow style. Sly uses that to whip Akiro into the corner, and nails the Screeching Halt! Sly makes it to his feet, and catches Akiro as he’s stumbling around from the impact. Sly gets behind Akiro, and nails a brutal USA High Angle Backdrop! Sly then pulls Akiro up, and reverts back to some of his old, pure comedic stylings, yelling, "Mr. Belding won't get me on this Cut Day!" He then puts Akiro on his shoulders, and drops Samurai Akiro with a sick Cut Day! Sly goes for the cover.....1......2....3!

 

COACH: If that doesn’t show Calvin Szechstein that he has an ace in the hole in Sly Sommers, I don’t know what will!

 

MC: Definately an amazing performance by our X-Division Champion, absolutely decimating an international talent in under thirty seconds!

 

COACH: That guy didn’t even get any offense in!

 

MC: Speak of the devil....(Sly Sommers sits down to do commentary)

 

SLY: Calvin says he wants me to prove myself...is that good enough? I’m staying seated right here, MC Toy Hammer and Coachboy, because I wanna see personally who I have to waste my Christmas night destroying!

 

MC: Are we...no, we’re not! No commercial break; the X-Mas X-Division Twice As Nice Invitational starts NOW!

 

(Cut to the ring, and Howard Finkel.)

 

FINKEL: The following contest is the X-Mas X-Division Twice As Nice Invitational. Here are the rules: the match will start as a six-man tag team contest. But, with each fall that goes by, a man will be eliminated from both the winning and losing teams. In order to be eliminated, you must have either taken a fall, or have been voted off by your teammates after a winning fall. The man who scores the pinfall victory in the final stage, with one man from one team facing one man from the other team, will be the winner, and will move on to Christmas night right here on HeldDOWN~!, where he will get a X-Division Title match with Sly Sommers, with the stipulations being chosen by a spin of a wheel following this contest! Without further ado, here are the competitors!

 

(“Pompeii” starts up, and St. Andrew leads his minions to the ring....)

 

FINKEL: Weighing in tonight at a combined weight of 638 pounds, from St. Andrew’s Catherdral, the team of St. Andrew, and the Minions of Mayhem, Nathaniel and Michael, The Unholy Communion!

 

SLY: So what? they got a spooky entrance and Andrew thinks he can read minds. Big flipping deal. Who does he think he is, Miss Cleo?!?!

 

(“Make Her Say” by O-Town starts up, and The Global Party Exchange dance their way, half-way down the ramp, stalling so that they don’t get jumped before the bell.)

 

FINKEL: Weighing in at a combined weight of 407 pounds, the team of Scotty Static and Johnny “Jam” Jackson, the Global Party Exchange!

 

(“Higher” comes on, and Mad Matt limps his way to the ring. The GPE walk with him, and the Communion scatter to the outside.)

 

FINKEL: And their partner, weighing in at 211 pounds, from Peoria, Illinois, he is a former X-Division Champion, Mad Matt!

 

SLY: So you got the Gay God Squad going up against a looney tune, and a couple of fruits who want to have sex with Justin Timberlake. Color me unimpressed.

 

COACH: Look at you! You came in here, worshipping anything Peter Engel, and you’re the X-Division Champion!

 

SLY: Sure, that was my past. But, unlike these jerk-offs, I evolutionized. These guys are all fluff, but no stuff.

 

MC: Whatever you say, champ. We’ve got a match to call.

 

Minion Nathaniel starts off against Scotty Static, who claps his hands above his head to get a rhythmic clap in support of him and his team. Collar-and-elbow lock up in the center of the ring, and Nathaniel whips Static to the ropes. Static leapfrogs over Nathaniel, and comes off the other end. Nathaniel ducks a clothesline from Static, and Static springboards to the second rope. He backflips over Nathaniel, and lands on his feet behind him. Nathaniel turns around, and runs right into an armdrag. Both men pop back up, and Nathaniel runs into a hiptoss. Again, both men pop up, and Scotty nails a HIGH dropkick, connecting with Nathaniel’s face. Scotty grabs Nathaniel by the head, and drags him to his corner. Scotty tags in Johnny “Jam” Jackson, who he assists in slingshooting him over the top rope, and connecting with a senton on Nathaniel. Johnny motions to the crowd to “get up”, and he goes for the early cover...1...2...early kickout.

 

SLY: As these rookies will understand in due time, going for the pin this early in a match NEVER WORKS...unless you’re like me and totally annihilated some so-called Japanese superstar!

 

Johnny pulls Nathaniel up, and whips him to the ropes. Nathaniel reverses the Irish whip, but Johnny comes back with a lightning-quick flying headscissors that sends Nathaniel to the floor! Johnny runs to the other end to attempt some sort of running dive, but, when he hits the ropes, St. Andrew grabs his hair, and pulls him down to the mat. Johnson gets back up, but makes the mistake of turning his attentions to Andrew. Nathaniel sneaks back into the ring, and forearms Johnny in the back of the head. Nathaniel whips Johnny to the ropes, but Johnny makes the blind tag when he comes off of the ropes. Johnny ducks a clothesline, and slides out of the ring. Scotty Static then springboards to the top rope, and nails a great springboard missile dropkick to Nathaniel’s face!

 

SLY: I will give the rookies credit for being this exciting, but flips won’t win you belts.

 

Scotty pulls Nathaniel up, and whips him to the ropes. Scotty bends over for a backdrop, but Nathaniel changes directions while hopping in mid-air, rolls over Scotty’s back, and falls back into a tag to his partner, Michael. Michael runs in, and nails a Shining Enziguri on Static. Michael pulls Scotty up, and shoves him into a neutral corner. He connects with two left, front roundhouse kicks, and then steps up on the top rope with his left foot, and kicks Scotty in the back of the head with his right foot. Scotty stumbles forward a few steps, and Michael comes off the ropes backwards with a Pele kick to the back of Scotty’s head.

 

MC: Sly, even you have to be impressed with the domination of Michael thus far, literally kicking the hell out of Scotty Static!

 

SLY: Well, I must admit, I am really digging someone beating the crap out of that little punk, Scotty Static!

 

Michael then pulls Scotty up, and snapmares him. Michael follows up by dropkicking Scotty in the back of the head. Michael goes for the cover.....1.....2....kickout. Michael forearms Scotty in the face to keep him down. Then, Michael gets up, comes off the ropes, and nails a snap legdrop. Michael gets up, runs the ropes, and nails another snap legdrop. Michael gets up, runs the ropes yet again, and nails a flip legdrop. Michael goes for another cover....1....2...kickout.

 

SLY: Again, these guys MUST learn that you cannot get pins off of such basic moves nowadays.

 

COACH: I definately agree with you there. That move might have taken someone out fifteen, ten, or even five years ago, but today, with the evolution of the modern athlete as it is, you must do way more than that.

 

Michael pulls Scotty up, and shoves him into the Communion’s corner. Michael then distracts the referee as Andrew and Nathaniel enter the ring illegally. They go to the second rope, on opposite sides of Scotty, hook him with one arm apiece, fall backwards, and nail a double inverted flatliner, before exiting the ring quickly. Michael then goes back to work, slingshotting himself off of the top rope for an Arabian press. Michael teases going for the cover, but then slaps Scotty in the face. Michael pulls Scotty over to where his face is within a foot of the bottom rope. Michael then walks up the bottom and middle ropes, and jumps back for a legdrop. Michael stays in his landing position, almost choking Scotty with his thigh. The referee starts counting down, and Michael gets off of Scotty’s throat at the count of four. Michael pulls Scotty up by the hair, reaches out, and tags in Nathaniel. Both Minions then shoot Scotty off to the ropes, and attempt the Touch of Light. However, when they lift him up for the assisted flip, Scotty flips himself out of reach, and lands on his feet. Nathaniel and Michael turn around, and he clotheslines them both. All three men are down.

 

MC: This could be Scotty’s big chance to get out before he’s too damaged to do much of anything!

 

Scotty crawls towards his corner, but both Minions reach out and grab an ankle, respectively. They get to their feet while holding Scotty back from his partner, lift him up by the ankles, and slam him down on his face. Michael leaves the ring, as Nathaniel goes for the cover...1.....2...kickout. Nathaniel pulls Scotty up to his feet by the hair, and connects with a left hook, sending Scotty flying back to the corner of the Communion. Nathaniel distracts the referee, as Andrew and Michael work together to choke Scotty with their tag ropes. They let go at the split second that Nathaniel can no longer keep the referee’s attention, and Nathaniel immediately tags in Michael. They whip Scotty to the ropes, and both Minions give him a knee to the stomach. They follow up with Nathaniel going to one knee, and Michael giving Scotty an STO, but with Scotty’s neck being forcefully grounded onto Nathaniel’s knee. Nathaniel leaves the ring as Michael again goes for the cover on Scotty....1....2....again, Scotty’s able to make a kickout!

 

COACH: Even you, Sly, have to admit that this Scotty Static’s showing a lot of resilency for someone so inexperienced!

 

SLY: I don’t have to admit to anything!

 

Michael starts yelling at the referee in frustration. This gives Scotty enough time to build up a little bit of a wind. Michael turns around to pull Scotty up, and whips him to the ropes. But, Scotty reverses, and sends Michael to the ropes. But, they both have the same idea, as they connect with stiff, stiff forearms to each other’s jaws at the same time. Both men go down, and are crawling towards their corners....after about ten seconds of crawling, Michael gets the tag to his leader, St. Andrew, but, however, Scotty reaches out and makes the tag. However, it’s not to his partner, Johnny Jackson, as he looked like he wanted, but to Mad Matt, who reached out almost uncontrollably selfishly in front of Johnny, and swiped the tag. As both GPE members look on confused, Matt limps into the ring as Andrew begs off. However, it’s just a ploy, as Andrew then gets a single-leg takedown on Matt’s bad right leg, and locks in a single leg-lock. But, Matt rolls the move over immediately, showing that he has been learning from the past month’s worth of people working over his leg, and gets up on his left foot. He then twists around, and punches Andrew angrily in the back in the head, with both hands, until Andrew lets go of the hold!

 

COACH: Very unorthodox defense, from a very, very unorthodox man!

 

Both men are back up, and Andrew runs at Matt for a clothesline. But, Andrew misses, bounces off the ropes chest-first, flies backwards, and falls right into a schoolboy from Matt....1....2...Andrew squirms out! Andrew then literally hops on his knees to his corner, where he tags Michael back in. Matt tries to get to his feet to run at Michael, but his right leg refuses to be useful. Michael seizes the opening, and goes for a spinning toe hold, ala the former NWA World Champion Dory Funk, Jr. uses to this day. However, upon the fourth twisting of the knee, Matt pushes himself upward, grabs onto Michael, and locks in a small package....1.....2....3!

 

MC: Minion Michael has been the first man eliminated from the Triathelon section of the X-Mas X-Division Twice as Nice Invitational!

 

COACH: But now, the other team has to get rid of a member too.

 

SLY: I hope they get rid of that ratty ring gear, myself.

 

Scotty Static then calls the referee to their corner, and the GPE tell the referee their decision. The referee then tells ring announcer Howard Finkel the decision.

 

FINKEL: The two men who have been eliminated from this stage of the X-Division X-Mas Twice as Nice Invitational are....Minion Michael and Mad Matt!

 

MC: WHOA!

 

COACH: That’s a blockbuster! They’ve just eliminated the only guy in this match who not only isn’t a rookie, but hasn’t debuted in, say, the last twenty-one days!

 

SLY: But, hey, as big of poopheads as they are, Scotty and Johnny aren’t idiots. Matt’s got a bad wheel, and he’s not going to be able to do crap with a bad leg!

 

MC: As the Global Party Exchange and Mad Matt argue over this rather controversial decision, we’ve got to go to a commercial break!

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MC: We are back, and we’re already in the second stage of this exciting Triathelon match, as it’s now the Global Party Exchange vs. St. Andrew and one-half of his following, Nathaniel.

 

COACH: Before the commercial break, the Global Party Exchange made the controversial decision of basically voting off their partner Mad Matt due to the fact that his right leg was still giving him problems, even though he scored the winning pinfall in the first stage!

 

SLY: You know how size doesn’t matter when you can’t walk and are flat out on your back? Neither does experience, and the GPE learned that rather early!

 

Nathaniel and Johnny are in the ring, and Johnny runs the ropes. Nathaniel shoves him off, and Johnny comes back from the other end. Johnny slides underneath Nathaniel’s legs, and Nathaniel goes running. Nathaniel goes a flying headscissors, but Johnny throws him off. However, Nathaniel lands on his feet. Johnny runs to the ropes, and nails his own flying headscissors, sending Nathaniel out to the floor! Johnny then goes to the other end, bounces off of the ropes, and nails a spectacular tope suicida hilo (flip dive from in between the top and middle ropes) onto Nathaniel! Andrew and Scotty then enter the ring, and Scotty runs at Andrew. Andrew grabs Scotty’s arm as he comes at him, expecting to send Scotty running faster the other way, but Scotty reverses the whip, and sends Andrew to the ropes on the other end. But, when Andrew runs back towards Scotty, Scotty leapfrogs over Andrew, and Andrew, running so close to the ropes, ends up having no choice but to perform a tope suicida of his own, onto both Jackson and his own partner, Nathaniel. That leaves Scotty in the ring alone. When all three guys on the floor get to their feet, Scotty runs to the other end, runs back, and nails an incredible no-touch, twisting moonsault tope onto Johnny, Andrew, and Nathaniel!

 

MC: That was incredible!

 

COACH: Marvelous agility by the youngster, Scotty Static!

 

SLY: He’s a dipwad.

 

Scotty gets up, grabs Nathaniel, and shoves him back into the ring. Scotty goes up top, and nails a great guillotine legdrop. He goes for the cover....1.....2...kickout. As Scotty gets up off of Nathaniel, Andrew throws Johnny Jackson into the ringpost head-first. Andrew then slides into the ring, and runs at Scotty. However, Scotty nails him with a beautiful spinning wheel kick. Both men back up, and Scotty lets loose with a bevy of chops, which send Andrew flying back into a corner. Scotty then climbs to the second rope, and goes for a set of ten punches. 1...2....3....4....5...6...7.....8.....9...10! Scotty then jumps to the top rope, jumps up, and falls into a great hurricanrana on Andrew. Scotty goes for another cover....1.....2...Nathaniel breaks it up. Nathaniel then nails Scotty with two forearms to the back of the head. Nathaniel pulls Scotty up, as Andrew gets up under his own power, and Johnny crawls up to the apron. Both members of the Communion whip Scotty to the ropes, but he slides out of the ring, at the same split second that Jackson, in one fluid movement, gets to his feet, springboards to the top rope, and flips onto both Nathaniel and Andrew!

 

MC: Living up to their name, this match has been quite the party for Scotty and Johnny!

 

SLY: It won’t be much of a party in a second!

 

COACH: What are you talking about?

 

SLY: Just watch.

 

Scotty slides back into the ring, and goes after Andrew, as Johnny works over Nathaniel with punches after getting him standing, in the corner. Scotty shoves Andrew into the corner across the ring from the other two. Scotty props Andrew on the top turnbuckle, and Johnny does the same with Nathaniel. They then nail stereo top rope hurricanranas on the Communion, who end up hitting heads in mid-ring. Scotty and Johnny then go to the top rope on the sides that they were on. They point at each other to signal, then come off the top rope with incredible stereo Flying Squirrels! (top rope splash with all limbs extended outward) Andrew and Nathaniel then roll out of the ring, to safety. When they get to their feet, Scotty and Johnny run at the ropes on their side, and nail stereo tope con hilos!

 

COACH: Another incredible acrobatic display by the Global Party Exchange!

 

MC: Indeed.

 

SLY: Well, boys, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go do something.

 

COACH: What’s going on?

 

SLY: Trust me...you’ll dig it.

 

MC: Uh...okay?

 

Sly Sommers leaves the commentary booth with belt in hand, as Johnny throws Nathaniel into the ring, and starts working him over in the corner with a series of kicks. While the referee distracted by that, Scotty gets to his feet. Sly spins him around, and knocks him out cold with a belt shot to the jaw. He rolls Scotty back into the ring, followed by Andrew, and then lays down on his stomach so the referee cannot see him. Andrew then covers Scotty....1......2.....3! Thanks to Sly Sommers’ intereference, Scotty Static’s gotten eliminated very abruptly from this contest!

 

MC: What was the meaning of that?

 

COACH: Well, I thought Sly might have turned a new leaf after the past couple of weeks, but that right there, for no conceivable reason, is uncalled for!

 

Sly quietly leaves the ringside area, as Nathaniel voluntarily leaves his team.

 

FINKEL: In the second stage of this contest, Scotty Static and Minion Nathaniel have been eliminated!

 

MC: It’s now down to Johnny Jackson and St. Andrew. One of these men will receive a shot at Sly Sommers next week, for the X Division Title!

 

COACH: It’ll either be Jackson, who would be going for not only the belt, but for revenge for his partner, who just got jumped and eliminated by Sly unjustly, or Andrew, who feels as if he needs the X Title to use as a grail for his word, whatever it might be.

 

They run mid-ring, and start throwing punches. Jackson ends up dominating, and then whips Andrew to the ropes. Johnny connects with a standing elbow to the jaw. He then nails a jumping fistdrop, and goes for the cover.....1.....2....kickout. Johnny pulls Andrew up, and shoves him into a corner. He then lights Andrew up with a few chops. Andrew then pokes Johnny in the eye, and switches positions. Andrew nails a few chops, but Johnny doesn’t feel them as much. Andrew then goes for a punch, but Johnny blocks it. Johnny then throws a punch of his own, and Andrew goes down. Andrew pops back up, and Johnny flings him into the corner. Johnny grabs his hand, jumps, springs off of the top rope Arabian press-style, and nails a great armdrag. Both men back up, and Jackson nails Andrew with a great dropkick. Andrew goes for the cover.....1.....2.....kickout. Jackson then pulls Andrew up, and whips him off to the ropes. Andrew ducks a clothesline, and comes back with a killer STO takedown.

 

MC: Can’t discredit the evil minister for not having ability in the ring.

 

COACH: But, so far, Jackson’s been bringing the fight!

 

Andrew goes for the cover......1......2.....kickout. Andrew then chokes Jackson, until the referee starts counting Andrew down. Andrew then goes to the second turnbuckle, and comes down with a stinging front elbow drop. He covers again....1......2.....kickout. Andrew then puts his shin over Jackson’s throat, but the referee catches onto the choke early. He makes Andrew break it at the count of four. Andrew pulls Johnny up, and whips him off to the ropes. Andrew then nails a big superkick, square to Johnny’s jaw. Andrew goes for the cover yet again.....1.....2....kickout. Andrew gets up, bounces off of the ropes, and nails a kneedrop across the throat. Andrew then locks in a front cravate. After keeping it cinched in for over fifteen seconds, Johnny starts pumping his fist to get the crowd to clap in unison. They get louder and louder, as Jackson starts moving upwards. He somehow gets to one knee, and then elbows Andrew in the stomach twice in order to get him off. Johnny runs to the ropes, and nails a flying clothesline that sends Andrew down. He then signals for something.

 

MC: This could be big!

 

He pulls Andrew up, and whips him to the ropes. He ducks a punch from Andrew, locks both arms behind Andrew’s head, and brings him down hard with a full nelson slam! He goes for the cover....1.....2...kickout! Jackson cannot believe it! Johnny pulls Andrew up, and locks him in a pump-handle position.

 

COACH: This could be the Beat Drop!

 

MC: That’d be all she wrote!

 

He picks Andrew up, but the momentum sends Andrew over Johnny’s head. Andrew lands on his feet, and thinks fast enough to hook Johnny’s head. He picks him up in the reverse DDT position....and nails The End! He goes for the cover....1...2.....kickout!

 

MC: What the....?

 

COACH: Whoa!

 

Andrew’s upset, but he pulls Johnny up again. He locks him in The End, and pulls him up. However, Johnny lands on his feet behind Andrew, and shoves him to the ropes. Andrew ducks a clothesline, and hooks in a waistlock. He then nails a German suplex, dropping Johnny on the top of his head. He pops up, and jumps behind Johnny, as he’s on his knees from the impact of the suplex, and locks The End in again. He picks Johnny up, and drops him on his head with it! Andrew goes for the cover....1....2....3! Andrew had to drop Johnny on his head three times, twice with his finisher, but he’s done it! St. Andrew pinned both members of the Global Party Exchange, albeit the first under dubious terms, to get a title shot on Christmas night against Sly Sommers!

 

MC: I wonder now, what type of match will it be?

 

COACH: After this match tonight, I don’t care what type of match it’ll be, it’ll be hard-fought!

 

(All of a sudden, Sly Sommers wheels a gigantic wheel to the top of the ramp. He’s got his belt around his waist, and is holding the mic.)

 

SLY: Hey, Andrew! Northstar said I could let you in on what match we’re having next week if I wanted to, and, guess what? I want to! So, just to let you wait more in anticipation, here’s the match choices (spins the wheel with each choice as he goes): we got a Cage match, there’s the I Quit match, the Parental Indiscresion match, which I guess we can find out later, the Iron Man match, I see a Sweet Valley High Street Fight, and finally, the Lumberjack match. And now I spin.....

 

COACH: What will it be?

 

MC: Those are some great choices, I might add, from our great OAOAST fans....(the wheel stops)

 

SLY: And look at that...it’s a Parental Indiscresion match. From what I’ve heard, it’s definately the first of its kind. MC, Coach, could you explain the fine rules of this contest as we go to the commercial break? I know the secretary sent the fax to you guys just now! I gotta go, see ya on Christmas, Scrooge!

 

(Sly leaves, and we pan over to the commentators.)

 

COACH: Well, according to this fax that’s coming up on our teleprompters, here’s how the Parental Indiscresion match will work: there will be various weapons of destruction around the ring that both men will be encouraged to construct various manifestations of mayhem with, and somehow use their opponent’s body to destroy them. Tables, chairs, ladders, you name it. Note that this is NOT a ladder match, but ladders will be involved. The first man to be knocked so senseless that he can no longer go on, which will be measured by the referee in the match in any way he sees fit, is the loser. But, the referee won’t be allowed out of the dressing room until the first ten minutes is up. That’s why it’s called parental indiscresion; the so-called parent of this match, the referee, cannot use his discresion until after the two “children” wreck the toys and each other, much like Christmas morning!

 

MC: Sounds like as soon as Santa goes away Christmas night, the violence will come into play!

 

COACH: It’ll unmatched insanity, on Christmas night, only here on your number one wrestling stop, HeldDOWN~! We will see you next week on our special Holiday Edition, so until then, this is The Coach for my main man Michael Cole, saying see ya next time, here on hD~!

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