Piper vs. Valentine (Dog Collar Match, Starrcade)

[Guest TSMAdmin]

I want to address a situation I've seen pop up on the forums recently. Because the current WWE product has been not as entertaining as it once was, there has been a sharp divide among the internet smark community. There are those who are upset with a lot of the product, but still give it the benefit of the doubt. And then there are those who have nothing positive towards WWE and can't understand anyone liking anything in it.

 

I'm not nearly as critical as some on the current product. Am I happy with it. No, not really. I see a lot of wasted opportunity. And I really don't care about politics, all I know is the end result isn't that great. What I can't understand is why so many online, people who've never met each other are getting into heated, sometimes nasty arguements over how bad the product is.

 

Yeah I'm gonna play Rodney King here and ask can't we all just get along. Guys quit harassing people for their opinions. After all even if some guy likes what you consider absolute crap today, it's not his fault it's on the TV. After all shouldn't we focus our complaints towards the guys in charge. Send a thousand letters of complaint every week to Vince's office. Maybe he'll get so pissed off he'll make changes just to get people to stop sending them.

 

Okay off the soapbox now, let's get to our Main Event...

 

"Rowdy" Roddy Piper vs Greg "The Hammer" Valentine (Dog Collar Match, Starrcade 1983)

 

Length: 15:15

 

Winner: Roddy Piper

 

Rating: ****

 

Analysis: I saw a shocking sight tonight. Watching Smackdown I saw Roddy Piper in his match against Rikishi. And I almost cried. He's completely out of shape. He makes Ric Flair look like Mr. Universe. He's pale, wrinkly, flabby. You see, when I first got into wrestling, Piper was one of my favorites. The first wrestling event I ever attended had a main event of Piper vs Ric Rude in a steel cage. I don't want to remember Piper looking like what I saw tonight.

 

And thanks to the wonders of videotape, I don't. There's a certain two tape set that is a Holy Grail among internet wrestling fans. It's called Best of Starrcade 83-87 and it has all the big matches from the first 5 years of Starrcade. And I was lucky enough to find a copy at a local Blockbuster years ago.

 

And the first match on that tape features Piper. Most people agree that Piper's best match came at Wrestlemania VIII against Bret Hart and I won't argue. But nearly a decade earlier he had his 2nd best match with Greg Valentine.

 

Going on what I have gathered from PWI and internet sites this was the fued: Piper was U.S. Champion. Valentine beat him for the title and in the process did severe damage to his left ear. It messed up his equilibrium and gave him hearing loss. So when it came time for the rematch Piper said "screw the title I just want his ass." So the two men were connected by two dog collars and a steel chain. And they settled the score at the first Starrcade.

 

As I said in my last commentary, there were bloody brawls in wrestling since the beginning. And this is one of the best. There's no technical wrestling here, just two guys tearing into each other. You know both men were thinking, "I don't want to hurt you but once that bell rings I'm just gonna whip your ass."

 

Naturally the chain was used as a weapon, and very effectively I might add. There's this moment where Valentine wraps the chain around Piper's head and I swear I though Piper's eyes were gonna buldge out. And both men bleed, of course. Valentine gets busted on his head, but Piper's a different story.

 

I don't know if it was hardway or not (it probably had to be, I can't think of how it could've been a bladejob) but Piper bleeds from his ear. This is great old school psychology, as Valentine attacks his ear like it's the only body part available. It's just a sick image to see Piper on one knee with his entire left ear and face covered in blood.

 

Piper's victory is a moral one, of course. For all the critics of wrestling, sometime the damn thing actually has morals to teach (sure it does so by showing men settling their differences through brutal combat, but it can't be Perfect, unless your name was Curt Hennig). Piper wanted to make Valentine feel the pain he felt, he didn't care about the title. This was good old fashioned revenge and it's missing in today's stuff.

 

I mean, I don't care about Nash having torn feelings between HHH and Michaels. He should just came out and said "Look Hunter, you never won that damn belt. You're a disgrace. I'm gonna beat you and show you what a real champion is." In fact the ending of RAW this week was a step in the right direction, with Hunter showing Nash all he cared about was the belt. Now Nash should be hellbent on doing everything to take that belt from him (yeah I know it's the wrong guys, but if it's gonna be them at least give them a better reason to fight).

 

Anyway I got off track. Piper vs Valentine is a classic brawl, definetely worthy of **** in my opinion. It tells a simple, effective story. And it showcases the Roddy Piper I want to remember.

 

Other highlights: What is with Gordon Solie always calling a suplex a "suplay"? God bless the guy, but that always sticks out for me. Oh and I love the moment where Piper wraps the chain around the corner post to hang Valentine. If you ever have a chain match and don't do a hanging spot, you're not doing it right.

 

Keep the responses coming, I'm always on the lookout for suggestions. Until next time...

 

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