IGNWF Storm (March 1/2002)

March 2, 2002

[The sound of a cold wind whistles through a darkened arena.

Suddenly several medium sized white pyros explode in the centre of the stage as a rain of blue sparks cascades down to the stage in front of the SWF-tron.

After a few seconds the lights return, scan an excited audience then zoom in on the announcer's table...]

Curry - It's time for yet another action-packed edition of IGN...er, SWF Storm!

NTD - The new era begins!

Curry - Don't be so over-dramatic. That's my job.

NTD - NTD does what NTD wants!

Curry - Uh huh, anyways on with the show!

March 2, 2002

NO-DQ NON-TITLE SINGLES MATCH

The Boston Strangler vs. The Prophet

- Though neither group are fan favourites, the Enlightenment and Clan are hardly friends. Strangler and the Prophet have had some minor run-ins in the past and will face each other on Storm…

Match Description – Regular DQ and count-out rules are not in effect. Pinfalls, submissions and knockouts must take place within the ring.

Word Limit: 4000 words.

Send to: BA_Baracus

NON-TITLE SINGLES MATCH

Fallout vs. Longdogger Pete

- On the most recent edition of Storm, Longdogger Pete teamed with El Luchadore Magnifico and took on his enemy the Boston Strangler (and Fallout). Longdogger managed to pin Fallout with help from Magnifico. Being upset by a rookie like that really made Fallout mad and as a result Stubby has booked this match.

Word Limit: 4000 words

Send to: outcast11

US TITLE MATCH

Sacred © vs. Xstasy

- Sacred attacked Xstasy with a steel chair near the end of the Thugg/Stevens title match and shortly afterward, became the 3rd member of Da Pound. Now superface Xstasy gets a shot at revenge, and Sacred’s US title (which he has held for quite some time…)

Word Limit: 4500 words

Send to: BA_Baracus

TAG TEAM MATCH

Hville Thugg and Jay Dawg vs. Mark Stevens and Edwin MacPhisto

- Jay Dawg recently joined the Hville Thugg lead stable “Da Pound” and was partially responsible for Thugg’s title win over Mark Stevens. Now Stevens has rounded up fellow carnie, Edwin MacPhisto to face Thugg and Dawg in a tag match!

Word Limit: 5000 words

Send to: outcast11

March 2, 2002

The Tuscon Convention Center explodes as the SWF logo appears on the SmarkTron™. The fans go crazy, waving signs everywhere as the brand new lights and pyro continue to go off, before coming to a massive climax. As the noise recedes, and the thick haze spreads over the arena, the lights continue to zoom around the arena at an epileptic pace. As a person dressed completely in black, and wearing a replica Clan robe, waves a sign reading “GO CARNIES!”, and a person with a Phoenix Suns jersey holds up a sign reading “JD in the main event? WUZUPWITDAT?”, the voices of Curry and NTD come through the speakers.

“Welcome to SWF Storm! Alongside NTD, I’m Curry, and…”

“WHOA! Hold on! SWF? What the hell is that?”

“That’s our new name, NTD. Remember?”

“The last couple of weeks have been a blur. I remember something about a burning house, a chicken coop, and Neilsen doing the macarena. Hey, remember the macarena?”

“Um…no. Anyway, tonight we have one hell of a show for you! We’ll see….”

“HEEEEEEEEEEY MACARENA!”

“I hate retro crazes. Anyway, as I was saying, tonight’s main event features three of the top superstars in the SWF today! That, and Jay Dawg, one of Thugg’s newest lackeys! Thugg, the new SWF Champion, and JD of the newly reformed Da Pound take on Edwin MacPhisto and the man Thugg took the title from, Grand Slam Mark Stevens, of the Midnight Carnival.”

“Curry, who wants to see that match? I mean, the Carnival is in that! But THIS match is looking a LOT better! Fallout of the Clan is taking on that rookie, LDP! I can’t wait to see LDP get picked apart by Fallout, who has held his Light Heavyweight title for over 100 days!”

“But to start things off tonight, we have the man who picked apart Fallout, the Prophet, taking on Fallout’s fellow Clan member, the Boston Strangler! Strangler was present when the Prophet, later revealed to be Tyler McClelland, better known as Outcast, beat Fallout! In fact, NTD, the Enlightenment laid a pretty good beating on Strangler as well! I get the feeling that Strangler will be looking for some revenge of his own tonight!”

As the final words leave Curry’s mouth, and NTD goes back to doing the Macarena, the arena lights drop out and the arena begins to chill... a fine mist begins bellowing out of the stage area, lit from behind by a blood red spotlight... then, out of nowhere, an awfully familiar voice comes out of the loudspeaker...

"The Enlightenment is Here..."

All of a sudden, a MASSIVE explosion engulfs the arena and multiple shades of red kick up around the stage area and "By Myself", by Linkin Park, kicks up over the loudspeakers! The crowd instantly rises to their feet and boos the radicals that are soon to enter the ring... Then, the music seems to mellow...

"I can't hold on... (to what I want when I'm stretched so thin...)"

"It's all too much to take in..."

"I can't hold on... (to anything watching everything spin...)"

"With thoughts of failure sinking in...

All of a sudden, The Prophet emerges from the backstage and the crowd spews a chorus of boos at him!

“This match is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 162 p…”

Funyon abruptly stops as the Prophet, still at the top of the ramp, drops to the steel stage as the Boston Strangler, with a metal chair in his hand, stalks out onto the stage. The crowd throws a round of boos at Strangler as well, although his heat is decidedly less venomous than the Prophet’s, even with some cheers mixed in. Strangler sends his huge black boot smashing into the Prophet’s side as the surprised McClelland rolls away, doing his best to recover from the sneak attack by the chair-wielding Clannie.

“NTD, Strangler just laid out Prophet with his steel chair! And everything goes in this match, which is No-DQ!”

“Does that mean that Strangler could knock the Prophet out, and do the Macarena with his unconscious body?”

“Um…well, Strangler isn’t a freak like you are, NTD, but yes. Yes he could.”

“YES! Strangler, you know what to do!”

Strangler continues to stomp away on the downed Prophet, who is moving around on the ramp, trying to pull himself up. Strangler cockily looks at the referee, who has made his way up the ramp, and says something to the man. As Strangler begins to spin around, the Prophet hops to his feet in a heartbeat, and sends a lightning-quick fist flying straight toward Strangler’s skull. Strangler freezes as the fist goes flying by his ear, missing Strangler’s temple by about two inches. Strangler, whose eyes are wide open with shock, merely stares at the Prophet, who allows a quick smile before sending his left fist smashing straight into Strangler’s stomach with a vicious left jab. Strangler doubles over and exhales sharply, leaving himself completely open to Prophet. McClelland snaps his right foot into the air, and sends it on a collision course with Strangler’s face, which is still facing the ground. The doubled-over Strangler goes shooting up as Prophet’s boot smashes into the bridge of his nose. Strangler falls backwards, and begins rolling down the ramp, nearly taking out the referee in the process, as the Prophet removes his robe, tosses it on the stage, and starts walking briskly down the ramp after the dazed Strangler.

“Curry, I don’t know who to root for here! It’s the guy that screwed McWeed against a Clan member! That’s like making me choose between Brad Pitt and a young Sean Connery!”

“OK, that’s just disturbing! And as much as I hate the Clan, they’ve helped the Commissioner of the SWF, Stubby McWeed, and they didn’t kidnap anyone.”

“Good points, good points…you’re right! Go Prophet!”

“Sigh…I don’t even know why I bother sometimes…”

Strangler finally reaches the bottom of the ramp, and rolls another two feet or so before coming to a stop, just a few feet away from the ring. Strangler claws for the crowd barrier, and starts to pull himself up, but a swift kick from the Prophet into Strangler’s ribcage sends the Bostonian dropping back to the padded floor, and rolling toward the ring once again. Strangler rolls to a stop, then starts crawling on all fours as the Prophet goes back on the attack, sending a series of sharp kicks into Strangler’s right side. Strangler reaches out, trying to grab the Prophet’s foot, but instead feels the size 10 foot go crashing into his shoulder, sending Strangler toppling onto his side once again.

“Strangler isn’t fast enough to keep up with the Prophet, NTD! Things aren’t looking good for the Bostonian from the get go!”

“Meh…maybe Strangler can’t beat this guy. I mean, Strangler’s still new to the league, and Tyler McClelland has been around the block a few times.”

“NTD, you may be right, but when it comes to backup, which is perfectly legal in this match, Strangler’s got a MUCH bigger force on his side! I wonder if the Clan will make their presence felt tonight?”

“Curry, if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s how to do the Macarena! But if there are TWO things I’ve learned, it’s the Macarena, and the fact that the Clan ALWAYS makes their presence felt.”

Strangler props himself up on his side, and looks around for the Prophet, who has vanished from Strangler’s line of sight. Strangler pushes himself to his feet, still looking for the vanished Prophet. Strangler does a 180, and finally finds the Prophet preparing to fly from the top rope. Strangler stares for a second, then starts to move to his right, but not before the Prophet smashes into Strangler with a missile dropkick to the outside. Strangler goes flying backwards head over heels before colliding with the bottom of the steep ramp, and coming to a screeching halt. Prophet picks himself off the ground a little gingerly, and then scuttles over to the downed Strangler, who is clutching his ribcage. Prophet reaches down, and pulls the confused Strangler to his feet. Strangler offers no resistance, and is led to the edge of the ring by the Prophet, who then rolls Strangler in under the top rope. As the Prophet hops up onto the ring apron with a quick burst of energy, the ring bell sounds, marking the official start of the match.

DING DING DING!

“Well, it’s about time, isn’t it, NTD? Damage has been done to both men so far, but Strangler has definitely gotten the worst of things so far!”

“And I don’t think things are gonna get any easier soon, Curry. Prophet is WAY too fast for Strangler to do anything against!”

Strangler rolls over to the ropes, and starts to pull himself as the Prophet slowly saunters across the ring, looking amused at his helpless opponent. Strangler scurries up to his feet, and, while still leaning against the ropes, turns to look at the Prophet, who is standing in the center of the ring. Strangler’s face clenches up in a look of pure anger, and the big man charges toward Prophet as fast as he can. Prophet merely sidesteps the charging Strangler, and watches as Strangler continues on past him, hits the ropes, and comes charging back toward the speedy Prophet. Strangler extends his right arm, looking for a clothesline, but before he makes contact with Prophet, Prophet makes contact with him, sending a superkick straight into Strangler’s jaw. Strangler immediately drops to the mat, and lies there, unmoving, as Prophet casually drops to the mat, and makes the cover on Strangler.

“Here we go, NTD! This could be all!”

ONE!

TWO!!

TH…

“And Strangler kicks out! McClelland may have dominated so far, but it hasn’t been enough to put Strangler away!”

“Curry, you can’t help but think that it’s only a matter of time until Strangler is pinned! I kinda like him, but he’s just no match for the Enlightened Prophet!”

Strangler pushes the Prophet off of him, and starts to scramble to his feet as the Prophet nonchalantly lifts himself off the mat with ease, and stands there, with his hands on his hips, waiting for the fatigued Strangler to climb back to his feet. Strangler finally totters to his feet, looking completely beaten, and then begins to slink toward the Prophet, the look on his face regaining its edge from before the match. Strangler lunges, his right fist outstretched, at Prophet, who manages to dart out of the way. Strangler’s hand grazes the side of the Prophet’s chest, and Strangler lurches forward, caught off balance. Strangler looks at the Prophet, who springs into action after seeing the mistake by Strangler. Prophet snaps his right hand forward, and scores with a quick jab to Strangler’s gut. The Clannie recoils backwards, and Prophet remains on the offensive, sending his other hand snaking into Strangler’s partially exposed chest once again. Strangler stumbles backwards once again, and bends over slightly while holding his rib cage. As Strangler falters back toward the corner, Prophet leaps forward, grabs Strangler’s head with both his hands, and charges toward the corner. A helpless Strangler goes tagging along as Prophet makes it to the corner, then leaps onto the middle turnbuckle, and begins to climb toward the top. Strangler feels Prophet spring forward off of the top turnbuckle, and the pressure on Strangler’s neck and back to break under the pressure of Prophet begins to intensify. Prophet strains forward, but is suddenly snatched backwards, as Strangler’s hand closes around Prophet’s neck. In one swift motion, Strangler’s hand closes around Prophet’s neck, and then forces Prophet down. Prophet’s arms release Strangler’s head, and start flailing away as he tries to break free. Strangler refuses to release the move, however, and Strangler drops to both knees on the ground as Prophet goes crashing to the mat at the hands of Strangler’s vicious chokeslam. Prophet hits the mat, and bounces off the canvas a few inches as the crowd gives Strangler a small pop for the impressive reversal, and the powerful move.

“NTD, look at that! Strangler just pulled a page out of Prophet’s book, and reversed the acid drop attempt into a BIG chokeslam that might just turn this match around!”

“But Strangler has to make the cover, Curry! And both men are down…wait, Strangler’s inching toward the Prophet!”

Strangler crawls along the ground, inching closer and closer to McClelland. Strangler, with the crowd mixing boos and cheers, finally gets close enough to reach out as far as he can, and with a final stretch, drape his arm across Prophet’s motionless body. The waiting referee quickly drops into position, and starts the count.

“Could it be? Strangler looking for the upset!”

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!

“NO! Prophet got his shoulder up at the VERY last second! Strangler can’t believe his luck, NTD!”

Strangler slams his open hand into the canvas, and turns to the referee, with a look of disappointment in his eyes. He barks a question at the ref, prompting the ref to back away, holding two fingers aloft. Strangler reaches down, and grabs the Prophet by his black shirt, pulling the speedster to his feet. Strangler, keeping a grip on the Prophet with both hands, forces McClelland into a corner, where Strangler rams his shoulder into the smaller man. Prophet groans as Strangler sends his shoulder thrusting into the middle of Prophet’s ribcage again, and then again.

“NTD, Strangler seems to have settled upon a game plan that actually has a chance of success: Low risk moves, keeping as much of his bulk on Prophet at all times, and never letting up!”

“It’s one thing to have a game plan, Curry. It’s another thing to execute it, especially against someone who has a knack for taking anything you throw at him, and turning it around on you in a second. And that’s what Prophet does best!”

Strangler finally releases his grip on Prophet, allowing the cruiserweight to slump back into the corner against the turnbuckle. Strangler pauses for a moment, and puts his hands on his knees. Strangler takes a few deep breaths, and then stands back up, ready to go back on the offensive. Strangler goes flying into Prophet with a knife-edge chop, but Strangler’s hand meets nothing but air, as Prophet rolls out of the turnbuckle and along the ropes. Strangler twirls around to face Prophet, but is met with a sweeping roundhouse kick that connects squarely with Strangler’s jaw. The shocked Strangler lurches backwards as Prophet steps forward, and sends a right uppercut swinging toward Strangler’s face. The blow connects, and Strangler almost collapses under the force. Strangler falls back against the ropes, and then comes springing forward off the ropes straight into Prophet’s waiting hands. Prophet wraps his arm around Strangler’s head, pulls it down to his waist, and then spikes Strangler’s head into the ground with a sharp DDT. Strangler goes bouncing off to the side of the ring, and comes to a stop two or three feet from the ropes as Prophet steps back up to his feet, slightly favoring his right shoulder.

“And Strangler made a big mental error, Curry. He let up for JUST a moment, and he’s now on the receiving end of some of the deadliest martial arts skills that I’ve ever seen.”

“Strangler’s down, but he may not be out…although against Prophet, you can be put out at almost any moment!”

Strangler gets yanked roughly to his feet by Prophet, who is looking INCREDIBLY serious. Strangler feels Prophet’s foot smash into his stomach again, and the Bostonian doubles over in a lot of pain as Prophet, with a smirk, backs up. He then sends a fist smashing straight into Strangler’s temple, and follows it up with a leaping scissors kick, dropping Stranlger onto the mat like a sack of wet cement. Prophet then runs to the ropes, leaps onto the middle rope, and comes springing backwards, flipping through the air with a moonsault. He crashes into Strangler, who manages to get his knees up at the last second. Strangler’s knees clip the left side of Prophet’s body, and the cruiserweight barks out in pain as he partially slams into Strangler’s exposed chest. Strangler moans under the force of the impact as well, and turns onto his side as Prophet curls up into a ball in the dead center of the ring.

“And Strangler managed to get JUST enough resistance up for that move to neutralize Prophet! Now the two men are both down, and looking to take an advantage!”

“Curry, whoever gets to their feet first will be at a TREMENDOUS advantage. However, Prophet’s taken a lot less offense than Strangler, which is yet another bad sign for the Clannie.”

Strangler starts to reach for the ropes, looking to pull himself up, as Prophet sighs as his lungs suck in more air, trying to regain his composure after having the wind knocked out of him. Strangler slowly but surely gets to his feet, staring off towards the roof of the building. Prophet, still down on the mat, cautiously rolls onto his back. As Strangler begins to hoist himself up off the mat, Prophet suddenly leaps up, and stands there, waiting for Strangler once again.

“Wow! What resiliency by Prophet, huh Curry?”

“Just a stupid showoff…”

Prophet stalks over besides Strangler, who is now standing, but still holding onto the ropes and staring off into the crowd. He turns, looking to determine Prophet’s position, and is met with a MASSIVE roundhouse kick to the temple. Strangler goes flying back against the ropes, completely dazed, as Prophet makes a beeline for the corner. Strangler pushes himself off the ropes, and staggers around the ring, looking like a drunkard. Prophet quickly scales the turnbuckles, and readies himself before flying off the turnbuckle, flipping forward with one foot outstretched. The boot collides with Strangler’s skull, knocking Strangler straight backward to the mat, just as a loud boo, accompanied by a few cheers, rises up from the crowd.

“That may be the most impressive combo by Prophet yet, NTD! That Wind Kick of his knocked Strangler for a loop, and then he follows it up with the Category 5! Strangler is completely gone!”

“Curry, Prophet is back up, and he’s heading for the corner! I think he’s gonna be looking for the Sacrifice to finish off Strangler once and for all! Here he go…wait, what the hell is that?”

“NTD, it’s Thoth! Thoth is out here, and I get the feeling he’s going for Prophet!”

“Why thank you, Curry! I never, EVER, would have guessed that!”

Thoth comes hopping out of the crowd, steel chair in hand, and slides into the ring. Prophet turns, and walks straight into Thoth’s chair. Prophet wavers, then tilts forward into Thoth’s waiting arms. As the referee yells, despite the no-DQ stip, Thoth lifts Prophet into position, and sends McClelland spiking into the mat, nailing the Riot of the Blood. Thoth quickly hops up, and amidst a turmoil of cheers and boos, drags a partially awake Strangler over toward Thoth, and drapes him on top of the lifeless Prophet. The referee, with a perturbed look on his face, reluctantly drops to the mat at Thoth’s insistence, and begins to count.

“NTD, Prophet WON’T be getting back up! Not after the Riot of the Blood!”

“Damn Thoth! It was such a great match!”

ONE!

TWO!!

THREE!!!

DING DING DING!

“Your winner, THE BOSTON…..STRRRRRRRRRANGLER!”

“And Strangler, with a BIG assist from his stablemate Thoth, takes the match!”

“Prophet was screwed, Curry! You know he was!”

“It was no-DQ, and Strangler played by the rules, I suppose. But it was an exciting match while it lasted…hey, NTD, look in the ring!”

“What? Are the Clannies doing the Macarena?”

“NO! NO MACARENA! Strangler’s back on his feet, and he looks quite upset at Thoth!”

Sure enough, Strangler has gotten up, and has begun to bark at Thoth. Strangler begins to raise his voice even louder, as Thoth merely shrugs, and motions to the still-downed Prophet. Strangler kicks the motionless body of the Prophet for effect, and then jabs Thoth squarely in the chest with his finger. Thoth looks at the finger, still stuck at his chest, and brushes it aside before brusquely telling Strangler to hurry up. Thoth turns to leave, but is pulled back by Strangler, drawing a decent pop from the crowd. Thoth turns, confused, and looks at Strangler, who unleashes a tirade on Thoth, screaming at the man for interfering. Thoth’s calm mask gradually turns to one of anger, then rage as Strangler refuses to stop screaming, yelling at Thoth at the top of his lungs. Suddenly, Thoth reaches out, grabs Strangler, and throws him to the mat, before rolling out the other side of the ring, and quickly walking up the entrance ramp.

“Thoth just attacked Strangler! Trouble is a’brewin in the Clan, NTD!”

“You’re telling me, Curry! Things aren’t going well at all! So says NTD!”

“HI-larious, NTD. You’re a one-man wrecking crew. Anyway, stay tuned, because our main event is sure to be one of epic proportions! Stay tuned!”

As the cameras begin to fade out to commercial, Strangler is seen perched at the ropes nearest to the ropes, staring at Thoth vanish behind the curtain, with his face twisted into a mask of rage as the Prophet is beginning to stir on the mat behind him.

March 2, 2002

SWF Storm's inaugural episode returns from a commercial break, and the audience at the Tucson Convention Center couldn't be more thrilled, cheering wildly as cameras pan across their massive numbers. The SWF announce team of Curry Man and NTD are on hand to call the action from ringside.

Curry: Welcome back to the premiere of SWF Storm! Curry Man alongside NTD here in Tucson, Arizona, and if you're just joining us, we just saw SWF Hardcore champ, the Boston Strangler, tangle with Tyler McClelland, aka the Prophet!

NTD: And after that, the Suicide King battled Neilsen of the Jungle in an epic hardcore war!

Curry: Correct, Pantless One! But up next, there's more Clan action as Light-Heavyweight champion Fallout takes on Longdogger Pete in a non-title match!

NTD: What, the newbie? He's not eligible for the Light-Heavyweight title!

Curry: That's why it's non-title, NTD. Last week on Storm, in his debut match, LDP shocked the SWF by pinning Fallout in a tag team matchup. That's impressive when you consider that Fallout hasn't been pinned by ANYONE in six weeks!

NTD: Except for his unsanctioned street fight against the Prophet...

Curry: Right. So tonight, the SWF's longest reigning champion will take on the Miami Menace in a good old fashioned grudge match!

The speakers come alive with the voice of Gavin Rossdale...

"You will get yours...

You will get yours...

YOU WILL GET YOURS!"

There is a white pyrotechnic explosion on the stage, and then the entrance begins to fill with smoke as "Cold Contagious" by Bush continues to play through the speakers. As the first competitor emerges from the smoke, the ring announcer, Funyon, makes his presence known.

Funyon: The following non-title contest is scheduled for ONE fall! Making his way to the ring, from Miami, Florida, weighing in at 272 pounds... LOOOOOONGDOGGERRRRR PEEEEEETE!

The audience pops for LDP, a little bit more than they did for his last appearance. Pete raises an arm in triumph as he briskly walks down the ramp and "Cold Contagious" keeps playing. As usual, Pete wears a floral print Hawaiian shirt, half unbuttoned, with tattered jean shorts and dark sunglasses. He removes the sunglasses as he slides into the ring, handing them to a puzzled Funyon. Pete stands in the center of the ring, and again raises his arm in the air, prompting another wave of applause from the sold out Tucson crowd.

Curry: Longdogger Pete looks primed and ready. Will his momentum carry over into tonight?

The lights go out as "Cold Contagious" fades away. Instead, "Scum of the Earth" by Rob Zombie takes its place, and a pyrotechnic explosion lights up the entrance. Faint green lights emanate throughout the arena as Fallout emerges on stage. The Clan member is clad in his black Clan robe, obscuring most of his appearance. Fallout begins walking down the ramp toward the ring, eyes locked with Pete's as the Miami Menace stares him down from the center of the ring.

Funyon: And his opponent, representing The Clan, from Phoenix, Arizona, weighing in at 185 pounds... he is the SWF Light-Heavyweight Champion... FALLLLLLOUT!

The crowd heavily jeers the longtime Light-Heavyweight champion and Clan member. Fallout ignores the crowd, climbing into the ring instead. Pete slides out of the ring to allow Fallout to complete his entrance. Fallout carefully removes the black Clan robe, revealing the golden SWF Light-Heavyweight title belt around his waist. He removes the belt, setting it on the mat, and then lifts his arms toward the sky. A green explosion erupts from the ring posts, and then the lights return to normal. Funyon quickly scoops up the Clan robe and title belt and gets out of dodge as Pete re-enters the ring to allow the match to begin. At the timekeeper's table, an SWF official hits the ring bell, and the match officially begins!

Curry: Here we go, NTD!

NTD: Oh, good. Wake me when it's over.

Almost immediately, Longdogger Pete gets into gear, coming at Fallout with a hard right overhand punch, followed by another, and another! Pete pummels Fallout, staggering the smaller man back into the corner, but Pete doesn't let up, and the crowd goes crazy, cheering with every punch!

Curry: The One Man Wrecking Crew's already going to work on Fallout!

The referee quickly gets involved, trying to put a halt on the excessive turnbuckle violence. After a quick count to four, the referee pushes Pete away, interposing himself between Pete and Fallout. An angry Pete reluctantly takes two steps back, and Fallout steps forward, causing the referee to duck as the Clan member takes a wide swing, missing by a mile. The referee moves away, and Pete steps forward again, grabbing Fallout's arm for an Irish whip. Fallout reverses the whip, sending Pete hurtling toward the opposite turnbuckle. Pete crashes into the corner, his back against the ropes, momentarily vulnerable, and Fallout makes good use of the opportunity, running toward the turnbuckle at full speed and leaping into the air to score a high missile dropkick on Pete! Pete slumps down to the mat, still leaning against the turnbuckle as Fallout lands in front. Fallout props Pete back up against the second rope, and connects with a fearsome knife-edge chop across Pete's chest!

Crowd: WHOOOOOOO!

Fallout smiles with sadistic pleasure at the grimace on Pete's face, and performs the chop again!

Crowd: WHOOOOOOO!

Red welts begin to form, visible across the exposed portion of Pete's chest. Fallout pours on the intensity, grabbing Pete's right leg and flipping him to the mat with a dragon screw leg whip. Fallout drops to the mat himself, and locks in a cover attempt on LDP! The referee gets down on his knees to make the first count of the match!

ONE!

TWO!

TH--NO! Pete quickly gets his shoulder up to avoid the pinfall. Pete launches his right arm upward, grabbing Fallout around the throat and lifting the smaller man up as Pete begins to get up himself. Pete adjusts Fallout's weight, wrapping his arms around Fallout's waist with Fallout's back turned toward Pete as he gets to a standing position. Pete suddenly heaves Fallout backward over his head, dropping Fallout down on the mat, straight on his head, in a stunning German suplex! The crowd coos in delight over the well planned technical move. Pete doesn't release the light heavyweight; instead, he keeps Fallout tightly locked into place, gets back to his feet, and performs one more German suplex, this time in the opposite direction and with a quick release that sends Fallout sprawling out on the mat.

Curry: Nice technical direction from LDP, and Fallout seems to be losing steam!

NTD: Fallout lose steam? Not likely.

Pete grabs Fallout's leg and maneuvers the smaller man into a potentially devastating figure four leg lock submission. Fallout suddenly shouts in pain from the submission hold threatening to tear at his leg. Suddenly, Fallout reaches his arms out, stretching as far as he can, and sure enough, manages to wrap his fingers around the nearest rope! The referee motions at Pete, and Pete breaks the hold, reluctant but thoughtful, already starting to plan a new strategy. Pete pulls Fallout a short distance away from the ropes, and turns him over instead, rolling him into an inside cradle!

ONE!

TWO!

THR-NO! Fallout quickly reverses the cradle, rolling around onto the mat and taking advantage with a cradle of his own!

ONE!

TWO!

THR--NO! Pete quickly maneuvers out of the cover attempt. Both men get back up, and a standing Longdogger Pete tries for a scissor kick on Fallout, but the light heavyweight is too quick for Pete, leaping backward out of the way of the kick. Fallout jumps into the air again, wrapping his powerful legs around Pete's neck and forcibly pulling the big man down to the mat in a standing hurricanrana!

NTD: WHOA!

Curry: Impressive!

The audience pops for the hurricanrana, an exciting display of talent even if it is coming from the hated Clan member. Fallout then decides to go one better, to up the ante with an even more daring move. Fallout leaves LDP where he is, and instead ascends the nearest turnbuckle. After scrambing up the ropes, Fallout leaps away from the top rope, soaring high into the air in a beautiful top turnbuckle moonsault! Fallout soars toward LDP, but a split second before landing, Pete starts to sit up! Caught off guard by Pete's sudden action, Fallout lands the move 'wrong,' colliding a bit too roughly into Pete. Pete and Fallout each roll a couple of feet in opposite directions before stopping motionless on the mat.

Curry: Uh oh... we could have a little problem here. Looks like a hang up...

The referee stands near both men, looking them over, but for several seconds, neither competitor moves, and the audience is hushed, fearing that one or both men may have been seriously injured by the botched moonsault. The referee shrugs and has no choice but to begin counting his way toward a count out.

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

At this point, one man in the ring begins to stir... Fallout! The Clan member twitches just a bit, but nowhere near enough activity to get the referee to stop counting.

FIVE!

SIX!

Fallout moves a bit more now. Instead of trying to get up, he makes a labored effort to close the few feet of distance between himself and Longdogger Pete. Inch by agonizing inch he crawls across the mat as the referee keeps counting.

SEVEN!

EIGHT!

Finally Fallout makes it the rest of the way, and collapses in exhaustion, but not before draping an arm over Pete. The referee immediately stops his count out and drops to the mat to make a different kind of count, this one for a pinfall!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE--NO! Pete gets his shoulder up! Pete was still conscious!

Curry: Looks like Pete narrowly avoided defeat there!

NTD: Not much fight left in him though.

Fallout feels some of his strength returning to him, and he picks up Longdogger Pete as he gets back up to his feet himself. Fallout Irish whips Pete toward the ropes, and Pete helplessly bounces off the ropes and hurtles back toward his opponent. Fallout goes for a clothesline, but Pete ducks! Pete stops himself and spins around just in time to kick Fallout in the chest, causing him to double forward. Pete then grabs Fallout by the shoulders, all set up for the Longdogger Clogger, but Fallout violently shoves Pete out of the way, countering Pete's finishing move! Fallout instead tries to connect with a spinning heel kick, but Pete catches Fallout's leg to hamper that idea. Undaunted, Fallout comes around with the other leg for an enziguri, but to Fallout's shock, Pete catches that leg too! Without a leg to stand on, Fallout has nowhere to go but down, and Pete is more than happy to help Fallout make that transition, slamming the Clan member down to the mat!

Curry: Longdogger Denial! Sweet counter by LDP!

Pete drops down to the mat and hooks Fallout's leg for a cover!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

NO! NO! Fallout just barely got his shoulder up! The match is still on! Fallout shoves Pete out of the way and gets back to his feet! Pete gets up as well, but Fallout manhandles the larger LDP with a swift kick to the midsection. Pete buckles forward in pain, and Fallout capitalizes, leaping into the air with an oversized Impaler DDT!

NTD: Meltdown! It's about time Fallout showed LDP who's really running things around here.

Pete is weakened from Fallout's finisher, and it's all the momentum Fallout needs for a possible match-winning pinfall! Fallout drops down and covers Pete, and the referee gets down to make the count!

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

NO! NO! NO! Out of nowhere, LDP placed his foot up on the ropes! The referee saw it just in time! Fallout is fuming, angrily pounding the mat with his hands! Pete starts to get back up, but Fallout grabs him and weakens him further with an arm wrench, then tosses him aside with an Irish whip. However, LDP reverses the whip and sends Fallout running for the ring ropes instead! Fallout bounces against the ropes and races back toward the One Man Wrecking Crew, who bends his knees and receives Fallout readily, lifting him high into the air, horizontally over his head!

Curry: Military press! And that means...!

NTD: NO! Not again...!

After a moment's hesitation, Pete drops Fallout from that great height, and the entire mat shakes with the full force of the damaging Musclehead Slam! Fallout lies motionless in the center of the ring, flat on his back, and as the audience cheers wildly, chanting the Miami native's name, Longdogger Pete is all too happy to cover Fallout!

ONE!

TWO!

THRE--!!! WAIT! SUDDENLY LONGDOGGER PETE IS STRUCK FROM BEHIND BY A GOLD TITLE BELT!!

Curry: What the HELL?!

NTD: It's the BOSTON STRANGLER!!

The SWF Hardcore Gamers Champion, the Boston Strangler, apparently having entered through the audience, has suddenly slid into the ring and clubbed Pete over the head with the SWF Hardcore title belt! Pete is laid out, falling backwards, flat on his back, knocked almost cold by the force of the blow! The referee calls for the bell, and the ring announcer declares the results of the contest.

Funyon: The winner of this match, as a result of a disqualification... LOOOOONGDOGGERRRRRRR PEEEEEETE!

Curry: That's unfair! The Clan would rather lose by DQ than see Fallout pinned on two consecutive matches! Totally uncalled for!

And now that the match is over, there is nothing stopping Fallout and the Boston Strangler from furiously double teaming Longdogger Pete, barraging him with a series of stomps and kicks.

NTD: I hate to say it, Curry, but LDP had this coming! This is what happens when you try to take on the Clan all by yourself! I'm afraid it isn't pretty!

Fallout stands up LDP and holds him steady as Strangler attacks from Pete's back side, scoring with a hard reverse DDT drop known as the Last Breath! A shattered LDP crumbles back down to the mat as the shocked audience jeers loudly at the two Clan members.

The bell keeps ringing, and then, a group of referees come racing down the ramp to clear out the ring. Fallout and Strangler quickly vacate the ring, leaving the battered and broken Longdogger Pete lying in the center as "You Were" by DJ Foxx, the theme of the Clan, begins playing through the arena's speaker system.

Curry: Well, folks, score it as another win in the record books for Longdogger Pete, but the Miami Menace sure doesn't look like a winner tonight. Folks, we've got to go to a break, but we'll be right back with an SWF United States title match, as defending champion Sacred takes on none other than the Perfect Drug... Xstasy! Don't go away!

The screen fades to black so another round of commercials can begin on Smarks TV.

March 2, 2002

>Curry “This is it, finally a showdown between the two impressive superstars that have rocked this fed to its foundation countless times!”

>NTD “You’re right about that, Spicy! We’ve got all the Joy of X vs. all the… well… the sacredness of… Sacred? I think that’s right!”

>Curry “No one can deny the influence of these two young men, NTD X has had the fans in his pocket since he declared his own independence from The H-Ville Thugg on Clusterf*ck! Not to mention that this was AFTER he participated in the sixteen man rumble as number ONE!”

>NTD “Yeah, but look at Sacred. The former RXer has held that US Title for over a gazillion days. Not to mention the fact that he is perhaps the most successful competitor in recent times, besides maybe the H-Ville Thugg and Fallout!”

>Curry “Well sure, if your idea of most successful includes complete disregard for the rules!”

>NTD “That it does, my friend.”

>Curry “Aye caramba! Nevertheless, Sacred got his defense at From the Fire, and X defeated Jay Dawg previously- even AFTER someone dropped a huge wooden crate on his head!”

>NTD “I wonder how that investigation is going…”

>Curry “To be honest… after his behavior on the last show, Sacred NAILING X in the head with a steel chair, I think it might have been our US Champion!”

>NTD “NO! He’s innocent… but I’m pretty sure he’s at one with the pound at this point…”

>Curry “Which makes him a prime suspect! And I’d hate to be in his shoes when the Joy of X hits…”

“… and I want you…”

Immediately the crowd ERUPTS into cheering and Curry Man has to shout to be heard over the sheer volume of the XSSSSSSSSSTATIC FANS!

>Curry “And speaking of which…”

>NTD “You must be telepathic!”

>Curry “… it’s all in the timing…”

“… and I want you…”

The darkened arena now flashes with gold and blue, enveloping the arena in short floods of color and light! The SmarkTron also flashes single colors, and shows a silhouette walking amidst the light that sends the decibel level even higher!

“… and I want you…”

>Curry “Here it comes !”

>NTD “I hate this part!”

That Pantless Favorite covers his ears as golden sparks shower down from the entryway!

“… and I WANT YOU!!!”

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

“YOU ARE THE PERFECT DRUG, THE PERFECT DRUG, THE PERFECT DRUG!!”

The men holler, the women scream, the arena explodes, and the Joy… the Joy steps onto the entry stage, where his silhouette is projected into the arena in picture perfect clarity! He meanders onto the ramp, stepping through the falling sparks and swings his hair, smiling charmingly at the fans to either side of him!

>NTD “There he is, the sexiest man in all of… well… The Known Universe!”

>Curry “Hey, I dunno about that, I’m a pretty sexy specimen myself!”

NTD laughs mockingly as the festivities reach the first stage… the introductions!

DING DING DING

>Funyon “The following contest is scheduled for one fall… and it is for the Smarks Wrestling Federation UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP! Introducing first, the challenger, from the Nation’s Capital, weighing in at 211 pounds… XSSSSSSSSSSSSTASY!!”

X walks down the ramp, winking at Xstatic females and basically keeping up his devil-may-care attitude… when deep inside, he is a raging pool of fire waiting to explode! He takes to the turnbuckles, displaying the sign of the X, before dropping down to sit on the mat and prop his arms up on the bottom ropes in mock sleep! His sunglasses mask his eyes, but his body is the sign of slumber!

>Curry “X looks to be in good shape, its great that the brutal attack on him last night didn’t do any permanent or serious damage, but I still don’t know how he did that!”

>NTD “Well, you’re always talking about how much determination X has, and the size of his heart and all that!”

>Curry “True, X definitely has a lot of drive, despite his hardships of late!”

>NTD “Personally, I don’t much care about the size of his heart… I’m more interested in the size of his…”

Thankfully, Slayer’s “Seasons in the Abyss” comes blasting over the PA, allowing boos to overwhelm NTD enough to interrupt his train of speech! While Curry Man furrows his brow in disgust, red and gold spotlights encircle the arena, and Sacred comes out onto the stage, clutching the SWF US Title to his chest as if it were his lifeline!

>Curry “What the hell is wrong with you, NTD?”

>NTD “HAIR! I was gonna say: the size of his HAIR!!!”

>Curry “You belong in the WWF… with Billy and Chuck!”

>Funyon “And his opponent… from Adelaide, Australia, weighing in at 231 pounds… he IS the SWF United States Champion…SAAAAA-CREDDDDDD!!!”

The Paranoid Pound member makes it down to the apron, and slides in, keeping his title in close proximity. He looks with a snarl at X, and takes to the adjacent turnbuckle, scowling at the crowd before finally dropping back to the mat! The referee approaches, and reaches for the title… only to get his hand pushed away by Sacred! The crowd chuckles as he opens his mouth, and gnashes his teeth in the ref’s direction, causing him to back up.

>Curry “Ummm… did the most successful US Champ ever just… well… try to BITE the referee?”

>NTD “We know how much he LOVES that title, Curry. He even calls it his precious!”

Curry sighs in agreement…

>Curry “Welcome to the SWF, where everyone takes gimmicks a little too far…”

>NTD “What are you talking about! When you’ve held a title for that long, it becomes a part of you!”

>Curry “How would you know… have you ever been able to hold a title for more than a week or two?”

>NTD “Have YOU?”

>Curry “Well at least I have pants to wrestle in…”

NTD mumbles under his breath… something about spicy hot wings and bah ba cue sawce… but nobody can hear it! The ref slowly approaches Sacred, who very reluctantly hands the title to the ref, who snatches it up as if out of a crocodile’s jaws! Sacred begins to stalk the title stealing ref, but is suddenly disoriented by a million cheers at once! Not even having time to turn, he finds the back of his head grabbed, and his face smashed into the canvas- WHAMMM!!

DING DING DING

>Curry “X just nailed that Bulldog out of nowhere, and has started this match with a clear advantage!”

>NTD “No sportsmanship from Sextasy! But it was a good looking move!”

Immediately, X drops down, and shouts-

>X “This is for that Crate, beeyatch!!”

He grabs the back of Sacred’s head again, and begins ramming him into the mat face first- REPEATEDLY! The crowd counts along with the smashes!

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE…

But before X can get a tenth off, Sacred elbows him in the gut! X falls backwards onto his rear, giving Sacred enough time to gain his bearings, check his nose and head for blood, and rise!

>Curry “X looks pretty brutal out there, but Sacred able to even the field once again.”

They stand, and Sacred rears back- WHACK!!!

>Crowd “OOOOOH!!!”

>Curry “Knife-edge from Sacred!”

WHACKKKK!!!!

>Crowd “OOOOOOOOOOH!!!”

>NTD “OUCH!! Ridgehand from X!”

WHACK!!! Another Knife-edge! WHACK!!!! Another Ridgehand! Sacred fires off another chop… and X immediately drops down and grabs the extended arm, taking Sacred down in a Fireman’s Carry- complete with cartwheel that makes the crowd go crazy! But Sacred rises immediately, and X’s celebration is short lived! Sacred grabs him in a waistlock and takes him over… WHAMMMM!!!

>NTD “German Suplex!”

>Curry “Technical skills from Sacred, and I think he has the momentum here!”

Sacred stands X up, and whips him to the ropes, where he charges in and gets a Flying Forearm Smash! X drops like a potato sack, as Sacred goes to the adjacent ropes and bounces off, hopping over X one way, and rebounding off of the second ropes just as X leaps up into the air and brings both feet around! Xstasy plants his soles into Sacred’s chest and sends him to the mat!!

>Curry “Powerful Double footed Wheel Kick there, and the shifts in control have been fast tonight!”

X immediately scales the near turnbuckle and wastes no time leaping off in a backflipping moonsault- and it CONNECTS!!! The people POP like crazy as X hooks the leg!

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Kickout!

>NTD “Looks like more than that is needed to take down our US Champion!”

>Curry “And I don’t think X has any problem with that!!”

X pulls Sacred up, and tries to whip him to the turnbuckle, reversed! Sacred charges in, but X slings himself up and over, doing a little backflip for panache, and then running in, right into a SUPERKICK!! X staggers backwards, and Sacred shoots forward with a rolling clutch pin!

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But X rolls through, and pins Sacred’s shoulders to the canvas!

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Kickout!! Both Superstars rise, and it is Sacred that gets the best positioning, landing right hands to X’s dome!

>Curry “Great exchange there, both of these men are swift and have great technical know how!”

>NTD “Nah, X’s techniques only work… IN BED!!”

>Curry “You wouldn’t know…”

>NTD “But… but I… ah never mind…”

Sacred immediately goes for the whip, and X bounces off of the turnbuckle, trying to launch a whipback kick, but misses as Sacred grabs him by his dreads in mid air, jumps up, and brings X down FACE FIRST onto his knee! BAM!!!

>NTD “RX Facebuster! Sacred is on a roll now!”

>Curry “Cover to retain!”

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>Curry “X just getting that shoulder up… brutal move by Sacred there!!

A few stomps later, and Sacred has X up again, whipping him to the turnbuckle! X bounces off of his chest, and Sacred immediately gets the roll up!

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>Curry “Wait… X is reversing…”

And X wraps his legs around the hooking arm, pushes forward, out of the pin, and rolls on top of Sacred! He immediately links his hands around Sacred’s head, and rears back, stretching the neck and shoulders as Sacred contorts his face in pain!

>NTD “WHOA!”

>Curry “That’s a Crossface!!! Crossface on Sacred! X is gonna make Sacred tap out here!”

>NTD “Sacred NEVER taps!”

>Curry “But look at that move! Look at the pure pain and frustration on Sacred’s face!”

Sure enough, the US champ is both frustrated, AND in pain, as he flails for the ropes! He pushes himself forwards with his legs, inching towards the ropes as the referee asks him about tapping! X applies more pressure, and the crowd rallys to his cause, but it is to no avail! Sacred surges forward, and grips the ropes tightly, causing an immediate break from X!

>NTD “I think he damaged that shoulder pretty good! But Sacred ain’t going down like dat!”

>Curry “What are you, a hood rat now?”

>NTD “I’m just keepin’ it real for my homies in Da Pound! One Love!”

>Curry “I’ll never understand these white boys…”

X lays into Sacred with stomps, and gets him up! Now the Perfect Drug begins to go postal, hitting hard jabs all over Sacred’s body! The US Champion battles back with a few rights of his own, but Xstasy shoots out with a roundhouse… ducked!! Sacred stumbles forward, and hooks his arm over X’s shoulder! But as he is about to lift up, Xstasy hooks his own arm over Sacred’s opposite shoulder!

>Curry “They’re both going for similar moves… Sacred the Spanish Inquisition, and X the Sambo Slam!”

>NTD “But who will get it first!”

They both make efforts to lift each other! Xstasy hits a hard left to Sacred’s ribs, and the former RXer returns the favor! Soon, both of them are punching the ribs in an effort to get the upper hand, until finally, the stronger Sacred wins out! X drops his arm, and Sacred lifts him, planting him into the canvas with the Spanish Inquisiton!

>NTD “SACRED! This one is all over!”

>Curry “Pinfall!”

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>Curry “LAST SECOND KICKOUT!! Where does X get all of this drive?”

>NTD “I’d imagine from his car? But that’s just a play on words!”

>Curry “You’re just not funny, pantless…”

Sacred lifts X, grabbing his wrist, and pulling him forward. Immediately he spins the Drug, wrapping his arm around… until X completes the spin and is AGAIN facing Sacred! The US Champ gasps, then is doubled over by a knee to the gut!

>NTD “NO WAY!!”

Yes way. X gets the lock, the spin, the fall… WHAMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!

>Curry “XCEPTION! XCEPTION OUT OF NOWHERE!!!”

The entire audience ROARS like a thousand crashing waves as both superstars fall to the mat, Sacred rolling over twice! The crowd begins to clap and stomp as the ref makes his mandatory KO count!

One… Two… Three…

>Curry “No one knows where the hell that came from! If X covers, he’ll have this one in the bag! We could have a new champion!”

>NTD “This anticipation is exciting! I’m gonna wet my Skivvies!”

X begins to crawl over to the fallen Sacred as the Ref reaches five! He lunges forward, using just about every once of strength left, and drapes an arm over Sacred!

>Curry “We have a winner!!”

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>NTD “I can’t believe it!”

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>Crowd “RRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!”

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NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

>NTD “OH MY GOD!!!!”

>Curry “IS THAT POSSIBLE??”

>NTD “SACRED GOT THE SHOULDER UP!!! LIKE A TIMEX WATCH- HE JUST KEEPS ON TICKING!!!”

X’s failure to hook the leg cost him the pin, and he realizes it! Putting his head down, he rests as the ref circles them!

>Curry “I can’t believe that! Sacred just kicked out of the Xception!! What an incredible competitor!”

X rises to a knee, then to both feet, and sighs! He rolls his shoulder, shaking off his weariness, and then looks to the near turnbuckle! The crowd pops as he smiles cockily, and walks over to it, scaling it and displaying the sign of the X to the crowd!

>Curry “Here it comes!”

It takes a second for X to LEAP off of the top rope backwards, and flip FORWARDS!! He dives hard on his back as the crowd hushes! WHAMMM!!!

>Curry “XSTATIC!!! Did you see the height on that one?”

>NTD “Yeah. Too bad Sacred ROLLED OUT OF THE WAY!!!”

Sure enough, Sacred has moved! X hit nothing but canvas as the ref now makes another KO count, but Sacred is using the ropes to pull himself to his feet! A split second later, he lifts X up, both groggy. Then, with more function than form, the US Champ gets the lock, jumps backwards, and RAMS X’s face into the canvas! WHAMMMM!!!!

>NTD “CRUEL FATE!!!”

>Curry “It’s finisher Central in there! And this one is finally over!!!”

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NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

The ref stops just above the mat, and points to X’s foot… which is draped on the bottom rope!!! And the people just about EXPLODE!!!!

>Curry “He hit too close! X’s foot is on the rope! After that succession of finishers, neither of these men have it!”

Sacred rises, more upset than ever, and nearly looses his balance! Both men are disoriented, but Sacred is the fresher of the two, and he gets a corner whip!

>NTD “Jeez, I guess they’ll just keep going!”

>Curry “With competitors like these, there’s always a surprise!”

X sticks in the corner, but has seconds of safety before Mr. Paranoia charges like a bull! From a third of the ring away, Sacred launches himself into the air, and flies like a rocket towards the unsuspecting X… but then again… is X ever unsuspecting?

WHAM!!

>Curry “He moved!!! Xstasy ACTUALLY moved out of the way, and Sacred just ate ring post with that Kamikaze!”

>NTD “Well, they don’t call it that for nothing…”

X leans on the ropes while Sacred rises! After a few extra seconds of rest, the Challenger whips Sacred to the far ropes! On the rebound, the Drug grabs him by the arms, backrolls, and uses a leg to push him up- up- and AWAY! Sacred goes over the ropes, and lands on the outside!

>Curry “Flip Suplex by X! This one might spill outside!”

And as usual, Curry Man is right! X takes to the top buckle, awaits Sacred’s rise, and then LEAPS off! He catches air, and lands in a cross body on top of Sacred, who crumples to the ground with a SMACK! X stands groggily, shaking off the impact, and picks Sacred up by the head!

>NTD “That one must have hurt… hey, here they come!”

>Curry “Oh, I was getting attatched to this table!”

WHAM!!

Sacred’s forehead is rammed into the protective barrier and bounces off cleanly! Driven by that deadly combination of anger and adrenaline, X looks at his opponent, and seeing no blood, rams him again… WHAM!!!

>Curry “X simply wants to kill Sacred for his stunt on the last show!”

>NTD “He has NO PROOF!! Poor Sacred shouldn’t have to suffer!”

But he’s gonna have to, NTD! WHAMM!!!! Still no broken skin, so X tries another tactic, he backs up, and begins stinging Sacred with jab after jab, shot after shot, right in the face! The ref is outside, telling them to take it back in, by this time his count has reached about four, and they show no sign of stopping! Suddenly, Sacred fires back with a shot of his own! Taking X off balance, he grabs the arm and whips him towards the ring steps, then shouts in horror as X spins, and reverses the whip!!! CLANGGGGG!!!

>Crowd “RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

>Curry “Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you… perhaps the only time you will ever see a 211 pounder reverse an irish whip!”

>NTD “X is just too furious! He needs to take some anger management classes!”

The ref’s count reaches five, as X walks over to Sacred, grabs him by the head, and rams his head AGAIN- this time into the steel steps at ringside! CLANK!! CLANK!!! CLANK!!!!

>Curry “This crowd is going wild for the Perfect Drug, and he’s just irate… wait… look at Sacred!

X peels the former RXer’s face off of the ringside steps, and sure enough, his opponent is…

>NTD “Busted wide open!!! That’s gonna leave a mark!”

>Curry “Sacred is bloody! I never knew X could be this sadistic, I think he’s enjoying it…”

Always nonchalant, the Drug smiles in Sacred’s face, before turning out to the crowd and chuckling… until the interruption…

“THEY DON’T KNOW… WHO WE BEEEEEEEEEE!!!”

>Crowd “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!”

>NTD “THUGGIEEEEEEEE!!!”

>Curry “The H-Ville Thugg, what the hell is he doing here?”

Thugg stands at the top of the ramp, his arms crossed over his chest, his face is the only face he knows how to make, and that is a face of pure raw angry black man! But as soon as X hears the music, he looks up, slides into the ring, and goes to the rampside ropes! The ref begins yelling at Thugg to stay away, but X shouts even louder!

>X “NO! Bump that! Get your ass down to this ring RIGHT NOW!!!”

The crowd explodes as X motions for HVT to come down, and turns up the heat when Thugg begins to stalk down the ramp! On the outside, Sacred stumbles over to the timkeeper, his bloody face, bloodshot eyes, and darkly circled eyelids making him look crazier than ever! He pushes the timekeeper away, grabs his chair, and staggers towards the ring with it!

>NTD “Sacred’s got a plan…”

>Curry “And it doesn’t look legal! Ref, stop him!”

Unfortunately, the ref is too busy trying to keep X away from HVT, who is near the apron! X nods, and motions for the big man to come in, just as Sacred slides into the ring! A drop of blood from his face hits the canvas as he stands behind X! Thugg immediately climbs onto the apron and X gets right in his face, as the ref tries to separate the two! But…

>Curry “HERE COMES SACRED!!!”

The newest member of the pound charges in, chair raised high! He brings it down HUGE and hard, in a wide arc, and the people boo loudly…

WHACKKKK!!!!

>NTD “NOOO!!!”

And then… they CHEER with reckless abandon!!!

>Curry “X just dropped down into a split! Sacred caught HVT in the head with that chair!!!”

X heard Sacred’s clodding from a mile away, and smiles as he puts phase two into motion! Reaching up, the just swung chair is still within arms reach of the Perfect Drug, and he grabs both sides of the chair, still in Sacred’s arms, and pulls down hard! The chair is cradled by the ropes, and when X suddenly lets go, it SHOOTS upwards, catching Sacred in the face with a loud SMACKKK!!! The people go absolutely bonkers, and Sacred reels!

>Curry “It hit Sacred!! X using Sacred’s own weapon against him, in his own hands, and he’s not gonna be DQed for it!”

>NTD “What a sneaky devil!”

The chair drops to the canvas, and in one smooth motion, the Drug backrolls, hooking his legs over Sacreds body and grabbing his feet from under him as he falls!

>Curry “X has got the rollup!!”

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>Curry “IT’S OVER!!! NEW CHAMPION!!! NEW CHAMPION!!!

The bell can barely be heard over the roar of the people (and NTD’s sighing), as Funyon grabs the microphone and “The Perfect Drug” BLASTS over the speakers!!

>Funyon “Here is your winner… and the NEW SWF United States Champion… XSSSSSSSSSTASY!!!!!!!!”

>Curry “I can’t believe it! Sacred put up an incredible fight, but X came out on top out of sheer rage! And the X-Capades might be closer than ever to completion!”

>NTD “Ummm… Curry…”

>Curry “That chairshot, the rollup… it happened so fast…”

>NTD “Umm… Curry…”

>Curry “This could be the year of the X!”

>NTD “Curry!!”

>Curry “WHAT?”

>NTD “Not if Thugg has anything to say about it…”

HVT has already gotten back onto the apron, and steps over the ropes! Xstasy rises, sees Thugg, and charges just as Thugg raises his foot in…

>NTD “A BIG BOOT!!!”

>Curry “This match is over, The Pound should be going back and licking their wounds like the dogs they are!”

But HVT is no would licker! He is a big, ugly, angry son of a gun! And right now, he wants to take it out on the rising X! X charges in after the boot, only to be Lou Thesz Pressed to the ground and choked out!!!

>NTD “I think X will be licking his wounds tonight!”

>Curry “How can you treat a new champion like that??!!”

As HVT stands up, Sacred begins to rise to a knee! The crowd boos like crazy, noticing that HVT still has a hand wrapped around X’s neck! From the ground, Thugg lifts X one handed up into the air! He looks to the side, sees Sacred’s fallen weapon, and smiles like a sadistic coyote! Then, he spins 450 degrees, and brings X down to the mat with an audible CRUNCH!!!

>Curry “OWWW!!!”

>Crowd “BOOOOOOOO!!!”

>NTD “UNTAMED!! The UNTAMED Chokeslam!”

>Curry “Right onto that Steel CHAIR!!! Is Thugg trying to put Xstasy out for good?!!”

X cries out in pain and holds his back, probably in need of some medical attention, as the ref stands apart from the group, holding the belt limply in his hand, his mouth agape with fear! Sacred staggers over, and snatches the belt from him with a growl as HVT opens his hand and catches the microphone thrown to him by the fearful Funyon!

>HVT “Yo, I’m sayin’ cuz, how you gonna play Sacred like that! That little crate that was dropped on your head… you think he did that? ‘Cause for real… I did that sh*t dogg!”

>Crowd “BOOOOOOOOO!!!”

>Curry “No way! It was Thugg all along? How the hell did he get his fat ass up on that SmarkTron anyway?”

>NTD “He’s very agile for a big man!”

>Curry “If I hear that phrase one more time… so help me GOD!!”

>HVT “This was just a warning, dogg… it only gets worse! A lesson you could never learn about loyalty, young’n! If you EVA mess wit me or my ni**as again… I will straight WRECK… YO… SH*T!!!”

He drops the microphone, as X arches his back in serious pain! Thugg looks at Sacred, who caresses his former US Title like a lamb!

>Curry “Look at this twisted picture! Xstasy was just destroyed! Thugg shouldn’t even be here! And Sacred is treating that title like a newborn baby!”

>NTD “Hmmm… I wonder if it gets to suckle his bosom…”

>Curry “And in other news… we are now hiring for a new color commentator, preferably one without a fascination with man breasts…”

>NTD “Well, you said a newborn baby, I personally think that title belt is pretty lucky!”

Curry buries his face into his hands and cries out “WHY ME GOD? WHY???” as Thugg shakes his head at Sacred, and whispers something to him! The crowd boos, as Sacred nods, looks at his title one last time, and then drops it on top of X! Then, he and Thugg exit as “My Ni**as” booms over the speakers, Sacred with a heartbroken look on his bloody face, and HVT with a look of pride!

>Curry “I don’t know what that was all about, but I think Thugg might have promised Sacred something better than the US Title coming his way!”

>NTD “It would make sense, but what is X gonna do about this attack! That’s three times the Pound has gotten the best of him, without retaliation! If you ask me, the Perfect Drug, is Perfectly Scared of Thugg and Company!”

>Curry “Those cowards never face him man to man, they always need a gang to take care of the X! And if his attitude today is any indication, those idiots are gonna get their payback VERY soon!!”

>NTD “Here come the EMTs, and that’s our commercial cue! Coming up- our main event! The Carnies vs. The Pound, who are already 1 and 0 for this show!”

>Curry “What a Travesty!”

The Victoruous Pound stands at the top of the entryway as a swarm of paramedics tend to the broken-in-half Xstasy as “My Ni**as” takes us out to commercial!”

March 2, 2002

As a commercial for the brand new SWF Friday Night Storm Video Game for the PS2 ends, the camera focuses in on a door in the locker room, on which is a placard bearing the emblem of the ever-entertaining Midnight Carnival. Within seconds, the door swings open. Edwin and Grand Slam step into the hallway, dressed in ring gear. They are talking quietly, discussing strategy in the match and who should start. As they turn a corner into the actual backstage area, a voice calls out from a darkened corner...

Voice: Well, Mark, how does it feel to lose the World Title twice?

The two men stop and Grand Slam spins around quickly, eyes lit up in anger.

GSMS: Not now King. I have a match. Don't start this now.

The Suicide King steps out of the shadows. He is covered in sweat from his match that just ended, but his ever-present lopsided "all is right in a world clever enough to contain me" smile is plastered on his face.

SK: Start what? I am just asking a simple question. How does it feel? Does it feel good? Does it feel good to cheat me out of the title, then get cheated out of it a week later? I hope it does. I hope it makes you feel so good inside to know that you managed to hold me back again. I hope it keeps you warm at night while Lynn is miles away...

Grand Slam steps forward, but Edwin holds him back.

Edwin: Don't Mark, not now. We have business to attend to in the ring...

SK: Don't you mean, "We have a job to do?" That's more accurate isn't it? The Carnival hasn't managed anything after I left. There you are, floating through petty little fight after petty fight, win a match, lose a match, win a title... (with real venom in his voice) lose it a week later...

GSMS: At least I'm still a part of something bigger than me. What happened to all of your friends King? What happened to the IGNWO? They left you high and dry.

SK: They were cowards. And so are you. You lean on this stable like a crutch, and you boast about it, thinking it makes you better than me somehow. Well Mark, it doesn't. There isn't anything noble about what you are doing. It is stupid, plain and simple, stupid. (long pause) And you know it.

Grand Slam starts forward again, only to be stopped by Edwin stepping in front of him and pushing him back.

Edwin: Not tonight Mark. You'll have your chance, I promise, but not now, we have something more important waiting for us.

Mark lets out a deep, held breath and relents, stepping back towards the curtains. King starts to laugh, but not before Edwin spins around and socks him right in the mouth!! King staggers back, looking at the Leader of the Carnies with mouth agape.

Edwin: You of all people should know what we are both capable of if you push too hard. And you are pushing, King. Don't dance with the devil if you can't pay the price.

With that, the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache turns on his heel and follows Grand Slam into the staging area. The camera turns and catches King, blood on his teeth, smiling a very demonic smile...

March 2, 2002

And as we come away from the promo, we hit the Tucson Convention Center and a roaring capacity crowd! There are, as always, a horde of signs in the audience. "Incredible + Charismatic + Terrific + Valiant = Edwin!!!" reads one. Two others echo the sentiments of many in attendance: "IGN sucks!!!" and "Grand Slam wuz Robbed!!!" Finally, the shot settles onto our smiling commentators!

Curry: What a confrontation in the back, NTD!! The issues between the Carnies and the Suicide King seem to be coming to a head!!

NTD: It looks that way!! The King has an intensity I haven't seen in him since the JL/ML Split way back when!!

Curry: I could say the same about the Carnival and the Stables Title Days!! This could be good!!

NTD: But what could be better is what we have now: The Carnies and Da Pound. There’s a lot of bad blood between these two teams and most of it centers around Monday night!!

The arena lights fade as a soft female voice whispers, "Midnight Carnival." The SWFTron flashes blazing white in time with the opening beats of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Love Rollercoaster," revealing with each flash thin black lettering that reads "Step Right Up." As the guitar part drops in, three blue laser lights trace the arena, all stemming from the same point in the middle of the entrance ramp. The words "rollercoaster of love" echo through the arena, and the lights flare out into a blue haze across the entrance ramp as Grand Slam and Edwin MacPhisto enter!

Funyon: Ladies and Gentlemen, this tag-team match is scheduled for one fall!! Introducing first, at a combined weight of 519 pounds, they are "Grand Slam" Mark Stevens and YOUR ICTV Champion, Edwin MacPhisto, THE MIDNIGHT CARNIVAL!!!!

The crowd goes wild as the refrain arrives for the first time and the arena plunges back into darkness just as purple strobe lights tear through the house and the blue laser lights spiral wildly, illuminating the former Tag Team Champions in funky, staccato bursts. They make their way to the ring and climb in. With a grand gesture, Edwin asks for, and receives the ring mic.

NTD: Oh Lord, spare me the agony!!

Edwin: Well HEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

The crowd responds with a massive "HELLO!!!"

Edwin (a huge smile on his face): Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, step right up, step right up, STEP RIGHT UP!!! Cause the Carnival is in the HIZZZOUSE!!!!! That's right!! So bust out the cards, the poker chips, the liquor and all the pretty women 'cause after we teach the Pound a little lesson about what happens when you cheat at the Carnival, we're going to toss up that big tent and have a party that will be talked about until the day the giant ants arrive to be our slavelords!!! So all you good Carnies and Marks, Eddies and Heavy Hitters, devils and angels, give me a huge cheer to let us know you are a part of the 24 / 7 madness that is, was, and forever shall be, mayhem without end... THE MIDNIGHT CARNIVAL!!!!!

The crowd lets out a cheer that threatens to rip the roof right off the arena!!! Edwin lets loose a huge smile and nudges Grand Slam with his elbow. Through all of this, the Heavy Hitter has been staring at the entrance ramp, waiting for his chance to get a little payback. When Edwin alerts him top the shenanigans going on, he smiles a fast smile, whips off his baseball caps and throws it out to the adoring fans, causing another massive cheer to escape the capacity crowd!!!

Curry: There is only one Midnight Carnival, and the crowd is giving it up for them, showing some appreciation of the show they put on show in and show out!!

NTD: Thank God there is only one! Can you imagine having, like, eight of these goobers running around? Yeesh! I’m kinda glad they’ll be here to defend us against the giant ants, though…

Suddenly, the lights in the arena black out, covering all crevices of the place with a cloud of complete and utter darkness. A silence comes over the entire arena as a line on the floor in front of the entrance way begins glow a bright orange-red. A man laughing is heard through the speakers, and suddenly, the glowing line on the floor blasts upward into a wall of fire, causing everyone in attendance to jump back. While the fire illuminates the area of the stage in front of it, two men stand shadowed behind the fire with their heads focused on the ground.

"They don't know..."

"Who we be."

"They don't know..."

"Who we be."

"What they don't know is..."

{Bass drop}

"The bullsh*t..."

"The drama..."

"The guns..."

"The armor..."

With DMX's "Who We Be" blasting through the speakers, the men behind the fire seemingly walk through the flame, which immediately disappears once they are beyond it. They stand atop the ramp, still shadowed, as the house lights return revealing the HVille Thugg and Jay Dawg standing large and angry atop the ramp. Thugg has the World Title thrown haphazardly over his left shoulder.

Funyon: And their opponents, weighing in at a combined 700 pounds, they are Jay Dawg and the SWF World Heavyweight Champion, H-Ville Thugg, DA POUND!!!

Upon hearing the announcement, Da Pound begins their slow descent to the ring amongst a sea of boos. Reaching the ring, HVT holds onto the top rope and uses it to pull himself up to the apron, where he proceeds to step over the top rope and into the ring. JD steps in between the ropes beside him and goes to a corner, mocking the fans...

…For about a second before Edwin and Grand Slam attack!!! Grand Slam is delivering blow after blow to Thugg as Edwin pulls JD off the buckle and chops him into oblivion!!! The crowd explodes as fans in the front rows leap up and pump their fists, cheering wildly as the Carnival takes the fight to the angry black man and his smaller white friend!

Curry: And here comes the Carnival, straight out the gate and running! The Suicide King is on their back, The Clan has invaded the JL and further gotten into Edwin’s life, but tonight is a night for Da Pound, and that means revenge!

Caught amongst the brawling, Funyon books it out of the ring, calling for the bell as he dives for safety. With a resounding “ding ding ding,” the match is officially underway, but the referee has absolutely no control over it! Grand Slam has Thugg up against the ropes and is pulverizing the wind out of him with a series of knees to the gut, and Edwin’s moved on to friskily slapping JD across the face! The ref moves in to protest, to try and get the tag rules in effect, but his path is blocked as Thugg suddenly powers off the ropes, snags Grand Slam by the neck, and launches him halfway across the ring with a choke toss!

Curry: And Thugg changes the tide of this opening exchange in a flash! Grand Slam landed hard on that one…and Edwin had better get his head in the game, because he’s got an angry black man on his tail!

As Edwin continues to juke, jive, and slap JD silly, he begins to notice a rather imposing shadow falling over the Canadian before him. He spins, finds himself face to face with the SWF World Champion, and then finds himself reaching new heights as Thugg scoops him up in a military press! Thugg thrusts his arms upward and then pulls them out from under Edwin, leaving the Mac Daddy on a ten-foot face-first downward dive! The ICTV champion hits and hits hard, and with a cold smirk, Thugg, slaps JD on the back and pulls the Canadian out of the corner. Thugg steps over the ropes to the apron, a winded Grand Slam staggers towards the Carnival corner, and the match seems to be officially calming down as JD walks toward the downed Edwin and lays in the boots!

Curry: Hot start for the Carnival, but now Da Pound seems to be taking control, as JD and Edwin pair up for the first exchange of the match. I’ll tell you, for a jobber, JD has been looking pretty wicked lately…

NTD: Don’t let him hear you say that! He’ll bust your knee with the power of hell!

Curry: You know, he could have just left it the Dawg Trap. That wasn’t half as ridiculous.

With a shrug, NTD acknowledges this, and turns his attention back to the ring. JD stomps at Edwin’s knee, and the Mac Daddy weakly tries to push himself up after every strike, to no avail. Jay Dawg hammers at Edwin’s left knee, then backs off, only to step forward and drop a knee of his own down over Edwin’s! The crowd winces at the beginning of JD’s systematic destruction, and trust me, Edwin winces too.

Curry: JD’s living up to expectations and doing what he does best, and that’s work over the knee. Edwin’s going to have to get out of there fast if he doesn’t want to be crippled the whole match…

Edwin starts to crawl away, but JD stops in his tracks, pulling that left leg out from under him and wrenching it up into the air, torquing at it with a spinning toehold. JD spins with another, and Edwin thrashes, trying to escape the inevitable!

NTD: A few more and JD’ll top it off with a whiplash powerbomb! I’ll tell you, this kid is systematic, cute, and evil—I like it!

JD wrenches around one more time, and now the crowd starts up a chant, trying to pull an advantage for their hero, the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache.

“JOBBBBBBBBBBB-ERRRRRRRRRRRRRR! JOBBBBBBBBBBB-ERRRRRRRRRRR!”

JD loses his focus a bit, snarling at the crowd…

“JOBBBBBBBBBBB-ERRRRRRRRRRRRRR! JOBBBBBBBBBBB-ERRRRRRRRRRR!”

And he loses it, throwing Edwin’s leg aside and charging to the ropes to jawjack the fans! In the Pound corner, Thugg buries his face in his hands and sighs a very large, angry, black sigh, realizing that he’s still got some things to teach his Canuck protégé. JD points at a particularly ugly woman in the front row, shouting some choice words that make the production staff grateful for a 5-second tape delay. The distraction gives Edwin a chance to recover, and he darts up behind JD, laces his arm through his legs, and rolls backwards, tying him up in a small package!

Curry: Quick cover! This could be over right away!

ONE!

TWO—and JD aggressively powers out, thrashing away and surging back to his feet. Irate, he bolts toward a rising Edwin, but the cunning MacPhisto stays low and rockets forward with a clothesline to the lower abdomen! JD tumbles backward and Edwin rolls with him as they near the ropes. Once again, JD scrambles to his feet, but now Edwin shoves him into the ropes and laces his legs once more, dropping into a back roll and using JD’s own momentum to flip him into a tight cradle!

Curry: Another trick from Edwin—the crowd’s loving these snappy maneuvers!

ONE!

TWO—and JD bursts out again! Grand Slam claps his encouragement from the Carnival corner, and Edwin takes it in stride, getting back to his feet and pulling the Jobber King along with him. Holding JD’s arm tight, Edwin checks his six and then hops backwards, landing on the second rope, bounding towards the center of the ring, and arm dragging JD with him! They land, and Edwin quickly wraps the arm across JD’s chest and cradles him with a la magistral pin!

Curry: ANOTHER pinning combination!

ONE!

T—JD kicks out quickly and shoves Edwin off, storming away and shouting more profanities as Rupert and Jim up in the sound booth desperately hammer at fader knobs and bleep buttons.

NTD: What does that Carnie loon think he’s doing? He can’t expect to pin Jay Dawg just like that!

Curry: I don’t think that’s the point, NTD. Remember, Edwin’s a smart guy, and he knows how irritable JD can be. I think the strategy here is to get the technical master as strung out as possible, and take advantage when he starts to get sloppy!

NTD: Pah! Sounds like a con game to me! I’ll take ass-whoopin’ over ass-thinking any day of the week!

In the Pound corner, Thugg stares on impassively, as he is wont to do, perhaps waiting for a chance to make his presence felt, or perhaps just thinking how ridiculously great that blunt was last night. He meets JD’s wandering, angry gaze, as if to silently say “Yo, chill—don’t f**k my ish up,” but before JD can translate the look into meaning, he’s taking a boot to the gut and a rear waistlock, courtesy one intervening Crown Prince of Flash and Panache! Edwin takes JD up, holds him high for three seconds, and with a slight flourish then falls backwards, completing the delayed German suplex! Edwin doesn’t bother with a bridge as JD is already thrashing and climbing back to his feet, so the Mac Daddy rises and launches a snap kick to Dawg’s jaw! It catches him hard and pushes him against the ropes, but not to be outdone, JD rockets out and spins with a Muy Thai Roundhouse kick!

Curry: Call the dentist, it’s a Sweet-Tooth Loosening!

But the doctor is out, as Edwin ducks the telegraphed maneuver! As JD’s leg streaks overhead, Edwin throws his arms up and snags it, quickly kicking his feet off the ground and spiraling out to bring JD back down with an aerial legwhip! The Dawg hits the mat hard, and Edwin pulls his fazed form up into an Irish whip. JD hits the ropes, rebounds, and leaps right into a wicked running dropkick from MacPhisto! Edwin dives in for a quick pin, but JD is up off the mat with a firm right hook, fighting through the dropkick’s impact and powering back to his feet, Edwin in tow in a waistlock!

Curry: Whoa! I bet Edwin didn’t expect that!

NTD: JD’s one bad mutha, Curry. If you get him to snap, yeah, he’ll get sloppy, but he’ll also get mean!

To drive the point home, JD tightens the waistlock, and with a burst of aggression, yanks Edwin up and spikes him down back-first courtesy a stiff belly-to-belly suplex. Without any regard for his victim, JD gets up, stumbles and strides towards his corner and tags in the Hville Thugg!

Curry: Edwin’s plan looks to have backfired! An irate JD just tagged in the SWF World Heavyweight Champion, and the ICTV champion doesn’t even realize it yet!

Edwin stumbles back to his feet, shaking off the impact of the suplex, expecting to go right into a lock-up with JD.

That plan, however, goes horribly awry, when he realizes that he hasn’t locked up with JD. He’s locked up with Thugg.

Or rather, just Thugg’s shoulder. God-damn, is he huge. Edwin realizes his predicament and breaks off, dashing towards his eager partner, but Thugg stops him short, catching MacPhisto’s hair with his thick hands and dragging him back! Edwin tries to fight back, but Thugg’s reach is too much—Edwin can’t reach! Thugg reels Edwin in, the swarthy fisherman to his wounded tuna, and pulls him up next to his body, then crashes down with an earthshaking sideslam! Edwin’s lungs most likely decompress as Thugg pulls his haphazard form back to a shaky standstill, then slowly lumbers forward and whips him towards the Pound corner! JD promptly catches Edwin in a reverse choke and slides his grip down to secure the Mac Daddy’s arms, and then the World Champion starts to barrel ahead.

Curry: Oh lord, I can’t watch…

NTD: I’ll do enough watching for the both of us!

NTD grins expectantly and at the last moment JD releases Edwin and bails to the outside, prepping for the huge impact…and Thugg doesn’t disappoint, splashing into Edwin and crushing him like a bunny under an anvil.

Curry: Huge hit from the HVille Thugg, and Da Pound has taken control. No one can go toe-to-toe with the Thugg, plain and simple—Edwin’s got to keep moving or get a tag, or he’s toast!

Perhaps thinking Edwin adequately toasted to begin with, Thugg rips him out of the corner and drags his corpselike mass back to the center of the ring. Grand Slam climbs onto the second rope, reaching out eagerly as Edwin tries to push ahead, but a cold stare, a tight yank, and a shake of the head from Thugg deny Edwin any hope of reaching his partner. Isolated and dominant, Thugg sets Edwin up for an inverted DDT, and the crowd sits down, assuming the foregone conclusion…

NTD: Woo-eee! Gimme some of dat Thugg Paaaassion, baby!

Curry: Edwin’s going for the ride!

Thugg scoops Edwin up by his waistline, hefting him high into the air. The Mac Daddy’s ears pop from the sudden change in altitude, but as he soars upward, he gets a better glimpse of his eager partner, and thinks something along the lines of “oh, what the hell.” Thugg reaches the top, and the crowd moans, children dropping their candy to cover their eyes, and suddenly Edwin’s legs shoot backwards into Thugg’s chest! The big man staggers a little, but maintains his grip…

Curry: He’s trying to fight out of it! Edwin’s trying to break out of the Thugg Passion! The Carnival might still be in this!

NTD: Right, and I might be wearing trousers…

Fighting on faith, Edwin throws back another pair of feet, and this time his boots catch Thugg right in the face! Even for the no-selling beast, the slam of two ladder-laced Doc Martens to the face is enough for a quick daze, and as Thugg loosens his grip, Edwin follows through on the push and goes flying out of Thugg’s arms, straight for the corner! The crowd is on their feet as Edwin falls…

…and, in mid-air, makes the tag to Grand Slam! The arena explodes as Grand Slam charges through the ropes and Edwin crashes into the mat!

Curry: I can’t believe it! Who but the Crown Prince of Flash and Panache could have pulled off that tag?

NTD: Rey Misterio, Jr., maybe?

Curry: Uh…shh.

As the commentators banter, Grand Slam rushes the Thugg! Thugg drops his head and moves to grab the Heavy Hitter, but Stevens is fresh and ready—he dodges to the side, leaps, and snags Thugg with a front-facelock—WHAM!

Curry: Stevens connects with a running DDT—great move to stall the otherwise impervious Thu—and here comes JD!

Thugg’s partner comes crashing through the ropes to assault the rising Stevens, but Grand Slam ducks a clothesline, toe kicks JD on the return, and takes him up and back with a Northern Lights Suplex! On a roll, Stevens kips up back to his feet and the crowd eats it up, cheering, egged on by a recovering Edwin who claps in the corner! Stevens quickly focuses on the rising Thugg, connecting with a body blow, but Thugg walks right through it. The big man swings a huge fist of his own, and his punch drills Stevens hard in the sternum!

Curry: Thugg’s hurling his hamhocks like there’s no tomorrow!

NTD: Hamhocks?

Curry: I’m enhancing my vocabulary!

NTD: You’re enhancing my hatred of you…

The shot fazes Grand Slam, and as the ref ushers and angry JD back to his corner, Thugg lifts Stevens up for an effortless powerslam, crunching the Heavy Hitter down. Edwin winces, and Thugg goes for his first cover of the day, laterally pressing Stevens.

Curry: Can Stevens get up from that huge hit?

ONE!

TWO!

T—yes, Stevens can and does get the shoulder up! Stern and unemotional, Thugg pulls Mark up, and Edwin takes action! Climbing up on the second rope, Edwin gestures with his arms, looking not unlike a redhead Vanilla Ice as he spouts ghetto-rhetoric in the direction of the Thugg!

Edwin: Fo sheezy, my neezy, yo, your hair is off the heezy! Lose some weight…uh…dog! Yeaaaah! Who’s house? Edwin’s house! Who’s house? Edwin’s—yuaaaaaagh!

Edwin lets forth a desperate “yuaaaaaagh” (as if you couldn’t tell) as an angry Thugg drops Stevens and grabs Edwin by the neck, pulling him clear over the ropes and into the ring, maintaining the chokehold the whole time!

Curry: Edwin bought Stevens some time, but at what cost?

NTD: I’m hoping an expensive one! Eee hee hee, blood and spleens!

MacPhisto kicks ass Thugg hoists him high, locking both fists over his throat, but before he can drop Edwin with a choke bomb, Stevens is up and scurrying through Thugg’s legs! The Thugg looks down briefly and sees Mark’s boots passing under him, and inside that big black head, he thinks “Yo. Word. Huh?” Suddenly, the crowd is roaring, and as Edwin continues to fight for even a breath, Stevens locks Thugg’s arms and wrenches them back, forcing him to release Edwin! The Mac Daddy falls harmlessly and rolls out of the ring, and Stevens locks a full nelson on Thugg!

Curry: What an escape! Thugg’s slowed down the pace of this match to his advantage, but the Carnival’s looking to speed things up!

Stevens fights to maintain the hold, stabbing at Thugg’s legs with sharps kicks as the beasts bucks and tries to throw him off.

NTD: Why the hell is Stevens waiting? What a moron!

The crowd roars, and suddenly Curry sees!

Curry: That’s why!

On the top turnbuckle stands a posing Edwin MacPhisto, and with a nod to his partner, Stevens hooks Thugg’s leg and presses forward, bringing him down with a full-nelson slam as Edwin leaps off the top rope, doubling the impact with a perfectly timed guillotine legdrop!

Curry: And the Carnival double team brings the Thugg down—that’s teamwork! Here’s the cover!

The crowd is on edge as Stevens presses Thugg…

ONE!

TWO—and the champ powers out, hurling Stevens up and away! Mark gets back to his feet fast and stays on the defensive, waiting and watching as Thugg steps forward, crossing the distance between them in just two strides. Thugg abruptly lunges forward and catches Stevens in a lock-up, and Grand Slam has no choice but to oblige.

NTD: In a test of strength, no one beats the Thugg, not even Grand Ham!

Knowing this, Stevens tries to fight out of the attack—and does, spinning out an inverted facelock! He goes for the neckbreaker, but Thugg won’t go down! He rolls out of the facelock and sends Stevens flying with a whip. Mark bounces back and, to his dismay, feasts on Timberland as Thugg raises his leg and lands a mighty big boot, dropping the Heavy Hitter like a sack full of rocks! Thugg falls for a cover…

ONE!

TWO!

TH—and Stevens kicks out in the nick of time as an audible gasp of relief comes from the crowd. Thugg pulls him back up, but Stevens ducks to the side and lands a big knee-lift to Thugg’s gut, almost budging him! Thugg coughs, and Stevens lands another! And another! And another!

Curry: He’s slowly bowling the Thugg over!

Stevens hits a fifth knee, and Thugg starts to stumble! Suddenly a flash of movement registers in the corner of Mark’s eye, a figure charging out of the Pound corner! He turns his head to meet him, but suddenly another figure blasts the first out of sight!

Curry: And Edwin lands a huge spear on JD! There’s no way he’s letting the Pound double team Mark—Edwin’s been there, and he don’t like it!

Rolling and hammering at each other, JD and Edwin fall into a series of mounted punches, as the referee can’t decide who to deal with—the legal men, or the illegal ones! JD’s distraction gives Thugg the chance to rise back up, but Stevens is quick, laying in a short-arm kneelift, and then three more knee strikes! He’s doing whatever he can to bring Thugg back down, and…it’s working! As Edwin and JD tussle and the ref begins to direct his attention to them, Mark backs away from the stumbling Thugg. The big man lunges forward, going for Mark’s throat, but the Heavy Hitter’s baiting brings Thugg right where he wants him—right into a monstrous toe kick to the gut! Taken by surprise, Thugg doubles over, sputtering, and walks right into a standing headscissors!

Curry: Yes! Yes! Walk-Off! Could the Carnies pull the upset?

NTD: No! No! No Walk-Off!

JD chokes Edwin out as the ref tries to bust him loose as Stevens singles to the bleachers, and the crowd explodes—and suddenly erupts in boos as a slight but fast moving figure comes charging into the ring, chair in hand!

Curry: No! No! It’s Sacred!

NTD: Yes! Yes! It’s Sacred! Come to back up his bruthas in Da Pound!

As the newest member of Thugg’s team charges into the ring and swings the chair, Stevens has no choice but to break off the headscissors! Sacred swings…and Stevens ducks, then boots him in the gut! The chair clatters away behind Stevens and he gets the headscissors on Sacred!

Curry: That’s what you get for cheating, you little Aussie punk!

And suddenly, Stevens is pulled off Sacred by one huge Thugg hand on the back of his neck! Roaring, Thugg rolls his grip around to the front of Steven’s throat and starts to spin!

NTD: UNTAMED! UNTAMED! Chew on that, baseball-boy! Thugg’s going to put him down right over that steel chair!

Catching his breath, Sacred looks up with evil glee as Thugg spins! The crowd is breathless—and then there’s a huge roar! Sacred turns to see JD laid-out behind him, and then the blinding flash of red and silver hits him, barreling him backwards in a heap!

Curry: And it’s Edwin! The Carnival Leader lands a huge spear on the interloper!

The bodies of Sacred and Edwin, intertwined in a mess, fly straight towards Thugg, and the mass of over 450 pounds clips his legs out from under him! Stevens falls away from the champ’s grasp, barely missing the chair, and Thugg collapses right on top of a thrashing MacPhisto and Sacred mess! The ref doesn’t know what to make of everything as he checks on a downed JD!

Curry: This is chaos—Edwin takes out Sacred, the heap takes out Thugg, and now Grand Slam is the only one—NO! The Hville Thugg, the unstoppable monster, is on his way up!

Thugg rises back up, and a breathless Stevens panics. Edwin and Sacred are barely there, Thugg is on the return…

…and there is a steel chair laying in front of him.

Thugg stands to his full height…and suddenly Stevens, wrath and confidence etched across his face, launches forward and lands huge toe kick to Thugg’s gut, knocking him back down…and INTO A STANDING HEADSCISSORS, STANDING RIGHT ABOVE THE CHAIR!

NTD: NO! NO WAY!

Knowing how brief his window of opportunity is, Stevens doesn’t even signal for the home run—he quickly locks Thugg’s arms, and as the crowd explodes, hops backwards and down, crushing the Thugg’s head against the chair with a monstrous Walk-Off! The crowd goes BERSERK!!!

Curry: WALK-OFF! WALK-OFF ONTO THE CHAIR—THE COVER! HERE COMES THE REF!

Grand Slam hooks Thugg’s monstrous leg tight, and from the pile, Edwin puts his hands up to support the monster’s weight as he tries to kick out!

ONE!

“STE-VENS!”

TWO!

“STE-VENS!”

THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Curry: THE CARNIVAL DOES IT! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

The bell rings, and “Love Rollercoaster” begins to pump as Thugg thrashes away from the cover, only moments too late!

Funyon: YOUR WINNERS, BY PINFALL: THE MIDNIGHT CAAAAAAAARNIVAL!

NTD: Dirty! Rotten! Cheaters! They used a chair—

Curry: --that Sacred brought into the match! What goes around comes around, and justice came around for Da Pound tonight!

The ref moves to raise the Carnival’s arms, but the Carnies quickly break away as Da Pound scrambles up to their collective! Dashing through the ring ropes, Edwin grabs his coat and belt, Stevens charges with him, and both men leap the guardrails and dive into the fans!

Curry: And a grand exit for the winners tonight! The Carnival wins tonight, but is this over? Will Stevens get another shot at the title that was stolen from him? The only place to find the answers is on our new Monday SWF show, so tune into the Smarks Network! For the whole crew, this is Curry Man, signing off!

We fade to black as the Carnival escapes through the crowd, slapping hands and grinning wildly, as the surly members of Da Pound stand in Da ring…and think of revenge.

March 2, 2002

NO-DQ NON-TITLE SINGLES MATCH

The Boston Strangler vs. The Prophet

- The Strangler gets the win with some un-wanted help from Thoth!

NON-TITLE SINGLES MATCH

Fallout vs. Longdogger Pete

- The rookie scores a big win over Fallout!

US TITLE MATCH

- Your winner and new SWF US champ, Xstasy!

TAG TEAM MATCH

Hville Thugg and Jay Dawg vs. Mark Stevens and Edwin MacPhisto

- Stevens and MacPhisto after some interference from Sacred goes wrong. Was Sacred involved in every single match tonight?

Sign In

IGNWF Storm (March 1/2002)

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