WWE Confidential August 24, 2002

[Guest TSMAdmin]

WWE Confidential August 24, 2002

 

Highest Rating: 1.5 (May 25, 2002)

Lowest Rating: 0.5 (June 29, 2002- Rerun of May 22, 2002 @ 8:00PM)

 

Last Week's Rating: 0.8 (Thanks to Mark4Steamboat)

 

OK, here’s the deal. I was actually going to have the review done in a timely fashion this week, BUT (there’s always a but) the floppy disk I had it on became corrupt and deleted majority of the review. Therefore, I had to retype practically the whole thing this morning. They really ought to be paying me to put up with all this shit.

 

Another week has gone by, so here we are with yet another edition of...CONFIDENTAIL! Gene hypes a TLC segment coming up a little later. There is also going to be a ::sighs:: history of the Stink Face segment. The show starts with Brock Lesnar.

 

Cover Story

Why is a "Before They Were SuperStars" segment the Cover Story this week? Brock Lesnar grew up on a farm in South Dakota. I didn't know people actually lived there, nonetheless a future WWE Superstar. Brock takes a walk to the barbershop, where we meet Tony the barber. Tony lets us know that if he was there live at SmackDown! two weeks ago, he would have helped Hulk Hogan. Brock, "I never trusted too many barbers, but I like Tony." I don't think Brock resides in South Dakota anymore, so we can't hold Tony responsible for the abomination on Lesnar's head. Although judging by the old pictures, Brock has always been sporting that strange cut. Must be a South Dakota thing. Tony starts singing about a boy in Arkansas. Brock strolls around the farm he grew up on. Brock was 9lbs. 9oz. at birth and was dubbed Pork Chop. He was aggressive and out-doorsy as a kid. Justin Gaikowski, Brock's best friend, remembers calling him Broccoli. He would then string together mean sentiments like, "Hey Broccoli, you got bad tastes." Justin, your last name is nothing to ride home about either. Justin seriously thinks that Brock was afraid of him back in the day. Brock was always an exercise freak. At age 5 he started wrestling. Brock lost a lot of his matches. He couldn't lose weight easily, so his coach kept feeding him that way he could wrestle as a big man. In high school, Brock started to win more matches, but he never became a State Champion. This is what motivated him to wrestle for the University of Minnesota, where he went on to win the NCAA Finals. Brock concludes by saying that he gets the same high wrestling for the WWE as he did wrestling in college.

 

Segment 1: .5/1

 

WWE Rewind>>SummerSlam 1992, where the British Bulldog beat Bret Hart for the Intercontinental Title. What the hell was Diana thinking wearing that nasty looking jacket on a PPV?

 

We look back at one of the greatest SummerSlam matches of all-time, TLC from 2000. None of the six guys were afraid going into the match. They just wanted to top the WrestleMania 2000 match and give the fans their moneys worth. A montage of clips recaps the beginning and middle of the match. Edge, "It is kind of weird to be sandwiched in a ladder and see a 280 pound body flying at you." The first HOLY SHIT spot in the match was when Jeff came off the top of a ladder with a swanton. Bubba moved off the table causing Jeff to crash through it. Jeff, "I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't know he moved." The next big spot would be Bubba climbing the ladder in the ring and Edge and Christian pushing it over. Bubba flies out of the ring through FOUR tables. Bubba, "Somebody upstairs made sure I went through the center of all four tables and I came out unscathed. Without a scratch." Now it's Matt Hardy's turn. Once he gets about 2/3 of the way up the ladder, D-Von pushes it over and Matt falls backwards through two tables on the floor. I think this next spot is the most famous one in the match. Both D-Von and Jeff are climbing the ladder. Once they both grab on to the belts, Edge pulls the ladder out from underneath them. So both guys are hanging about 15-20 feet in the air. Bubba, "He doesn't like to be high up. I'd watch him climb a ladder, he would get to the third rung and I would see a tear go down the side of his face." D-Von falls first and makes a hell of a sound when he hit the mat. D-Von, "The whole thing was scary." Bubba, "Ahhh...it wasn't scary." Jeff's fall wasn't as spectacular because he practically landed on his feet. Edge and Christian are the only two left standing. They climb the ladder and retain their titles. They all had a nice group hug in the back after the match. JR, "It was SLOBBER-KNOCKER level. That's as high as I can take it." That in itself is an accomplishment. There aren't many official slobber-knockers out there that don't feature any hosses or 350 pounders.

 

Segment 2: 1.5/2

 

More Shawn Michaels stuff this week. Shawn's mom remembers that Shawn used to dress SO BADLY. If she didn't love him she wouldn't have been seen dead or alive with him. The current WWE Costume Designers, Julie Youngberg-Drozdov (Droz's wife) and Terry Anderson, first got their jobs in 1989 after making a numerous costumes for the Rockers. Julie became Shawn's official seamstress. The first outfit Julie made for the HBK character was the infamous "I'm too sexy for this crowd" vest that he wore for WrestleMania VIII. Julie went on to make EVERYTHING that Shawn has worn since then. Julie, "Shawn was great to make costumes for. There will probably never be another Shawn Michaels for me because he gave me complete control of everything." Shawn's WrestleMania XII outfit was made up of tens of thousands pieces of plastic. Since then, the ladies have made costumes for the Undertaker, Edge, Kane, the Rock, Doink, Razor Ramon, Trish, Diesel, and Stephanie McMahon. I'm just amazed that someone actually handmade all of Shawn's wrestling attire. That stuff was pretty damn detailed. Seeing all the old vests was very cool.

 

Segment 3: 2/3

 

Brock Lesnar WORKS OUT! His routine is much more interesting than the Rock’s, but they have already aired all this stuff during the regular WWE programs. I still can't imagine what it is like to take an ice bath though. I can barely get into pools.

 

Segment 4: 2/4

 

Now what up have all been waiting for...THE STINK FACE!! Rikishi, "My BUTT was showing, how could I do something to get the people to laugh with me, not at me?" Well, I personally don't think the Stink Face is funny...more homoerotic than funny. Thanks to some old lady at a house show yelling, "Rikishi, STICK YOUR BUTT IN HIS FACE," we have been subjected to this crap for two and a half agonizing years. Rikishi takes us through the motion of the Stink Face. His most memorable Stink Face was given to Trish Stratus. Her face went so far up his ass that all you could see was blond hair. I think I'll ask her about that experience. It could be an addendum to the original interview. My personal favorite Stink Face is coming up. After giving it to Booker T, the Book VOMITS ON MICHAEL COLE!! I could watch that on a constant loop for the rest of my life. Rikishi, "I must have the easiest job in the world. I mean who gets paid to sit on people's faces and rub their BUTT in people's faces?" I'm not going to comment on that one.

 

DOUBLE WHAMMY this segment, as we go with Booker T to Minute Maid Stadium, where he will be throwing out the first pitch. Booker's pitch was aaaaa...little high. At least the catcher caught it. Otherwise that would have been very embarrassing. Now Booker teaches some kids how to do the Spinaroonie. They all try it and fail miserably. "This is the future of the Spinaroonie." That line made me laugh because he said it so seriously.

 

Segment 5: 2.5/5

 

We end the show with some of the WWE Superstars worst jobs. Mean Gene kicks it off by mentioning this job he had in Atlanta. William Regal used to ring out sponges for a one-armed window cleaner named Arthur. Molly, always the optimist, worked as a "sandwich artist" at Subway. The new chick, Victoria, used to remove parts of corpses for transplantation. Rico was Batman at Six Flags. A few of those were interesting.

 

Gene hypes the Pledge to Participate thing in NYC on Monday.

 

Segment 6: 3/6

 

THIS IS IT

 

Blah show this week. If it weren’t for Booker vomiting on Cole this show would have been pretty bad. I wonder if the WWE notices that ONCE AGAIN the Book has salvaged an otherwise mediocre show.

 

Retro Rob