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King Cucaracha

HD: Cucaracha Kingdom segment

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COLE
Now, we've been passed some reports in the minutes leading up to this show that a number of fans have spotted Leon Rodez, outside the Scottrade Center. Apparantly he was just seen wandering around outside the arena. Now, we haven't seen Leon Rodez since Anglepalooza, where he failed to win the Lethal Rumble of course and we're told that nobody backstage has reported seeing Leon inside the building. So we hope to follow up on that development during the course of this show. In the meantime, let's take you backstage to Josh Matthews. Josh?


In accordance with their new name and line-up, the Cucaracha Internacional locker room has been transformed into the Cucaracha Kingdom castle! A plush purple carpet lines the room, a deep red wallpaper scheme with lots of gold ornaments and design features around the room. And overlooking all of this, two regal thrones. One seating Queen Esther, next to her new King, Landon Maddix. Landon wears his purple robe but has the crown sat next to him for now. Stood on either side of the thrones are Faqu and James Blonde, and the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club.

MATTHEWS
Ladies and gentlemen, joining me at this time, Landon Maddix...

BLONDE
King Landon! King! Say it!

MATTHEWS
Sorry. [i]King[/i] Landon and Queen Esther.

Landon gets a smug look on his face and gazes off into the distance.

MATTHEWS
Last week was the big coronation ceremony to crown you as 2010 King Of The Ring and quite frankly, it turned into complete chaos. And most of it seemed to be your doing Landon.

BLONDE
King Landon!

MATTHEWS
...King Landon.

KING LANDON
Joshua, all that happened last week was a glorious occassion. Great celebration. I finally arose to my throne, to rule over the OAOAST. That is all that really matters. Now, granted, a couple of ungrateful, unworthy, unloyal subjects tried to ruin my big moment and they almost achieved it. But in the end, the Cucaracha Kingdom is stronger for having overcome that setback. Last week myself and Queen Esther announced our coming together as an alliance. And we've sorted the nobility from the disability, to create the impossible... the IMPOSSIBLE!... a unit even STRONGER than Cucaracha Internacional were.

MATTHEWS
A unit which doesn't involve The Last Kings Of Scotland.

QUEEN ESTHER
Brutes! Heathens! Oh, how at ease I feel not being in the presence of those boarish thuggards anymore! With their shocking haircuts, their foul mouths, their terrible table manners. They way they would throth at the mouth like wild dogs. It would make my face red with shame. Why, they are nothing more than beasts! And a Queen should not be surrounded by beasts!

In the background, Faqu snorts.

KING LANDON
A lady with such beauty and such a fine heart like Queen Esther should never have been associated with people like that. So we rid our Kingdom of them. And we are better for it.

MATTHEWS
And what about Nathaniel Black? And Megan Skye, who'd been at your side for about 5 years.

Landon sighs and shakes his head, gripping Queen Esther's hand for support.

KING LANDON
Megan has helped me a lot in the past. I don't deny this. But, I always felt that she was becoming self-absorbed.

MATTHEWS
Excuse me?

KING LANDON
I expect complete loyalty from my men and my women, Joshua. Loyalty to my cause. Loyalty to my vision! Megan couldn't handle her place in my Kingdom. She looked at my new Queen with envious eyes. And that was bad enough. Then, she laid her hands on my Queen. And that was simply unacceptable. She betrayed the King. And when you betray the King, when you commit treason in the Cucaracha Kingdom, you have to pay the price. Now as far as Nathaniel Black is concerned... he's had the envious eyes for years now. Envy of me. He's just like Megan. He couldn't handle the fact that somebody else was better than him, he couldn't take orders. He thought he knew best. And he committed high treason by attempting to stand up to me. Well, he's got what he wants now. He's going to be forced to forage for himself. To make his own existance, no more handouts from me. But he is now an enemy of the Kingdom.

Motioning to Blonde, Landon is handed the OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Title belts. The three of them. But no sign of his makeshift fourth.

KING LANDON
The weak link of our unit has been dealt with. As of this moment, I am officially proclaiming that he has been stripped of his championship standing. Nathaniel Black no longer has any connection to me, or my Kingdom. And that myself, James Blonde and Faqu shall reign officially from this point on as OAOAST 6-Man Tag Team Champions.

MATTHEWS
Can you do that?

KING LANDON
Of course I can. I'm the King of the OAOAST. King Of The Ring! King Of Spain! I can do whatever I want. And my Kingdom, my structured Kingdom, can reign over the OAOAST as an unstoppable force. My beautiful Queen, Queen Esther...

Esther begins to blush at the compliment.

KING LANDON
My Knights, The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. My Regal Wrecking Ball, Faqu. My Prince, James Blonde. And myself, as King. We are an all-powerful Kingdom. And heaven forbid anyone who dares to fight the Kingdom.


We go back to Sofa Central, with Coach and a sceptical looking Michael Cole.

COLE
When did Landon get the dictionary?

COACH
He's a noble man now. Noble men speak with noble words.

COLE
I'm pretty sure you don't become 'noble' overnight. Although, I'm far from surprised at how quick this has all gone to Landon's head.

COACH
[i]King[/i] Landon!

COLE
Sigh.

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