Ask The Dictator!

[Guest goodhelmet]

ok, i can't see Kinetic supporting a regime labeled as Republican. in that case, i can't be associated with it either. dictatorship, despotism, aristocracy, encomienda, yes. Republican lanel? no.

[Guest J*ingus]

Hey, whether it be republican, communist, or satan worshipping, I'll join any organization which would make me an all-powerful Baron Of Entertainment.  

 

My sixth decree: Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, and Ric Flair are to be removed from the WW(F)E, and have endless thirty-minute PPV quality matches in my back yard.  All proceeds from videotape sales of said matches will go to myself.  

 

My seventh decree: Tim Burton, Guillermo Del Toro, and Peter Jackson are to immedietly start work on a massive project to turn each and every one of H.P. Lovecraft's stories into films.  

 

My eight decree: Adam Sandler and Tiger Jeet Singh are to be thrown into a den of starving rabid lions.  

 

My ninth decree: Britney Spears and the OlsonTwins shall undergo gynecological examinations to determine whether or not they have participated in sexual intercourse; results will be announced on CNN.  

 

My tenth decree: Kate Winslet, Ayako Hamada, and Poe are all to meet me in the jacuzzi in fifteen minutes.

[Guest]

This new regime should consider David Foster Wallace's Infinite Jest as its guidebook. Do away with the concept of the United States and Canada, instead forming ONAN: the Organization of North American Nations. Turn Canada into a landfill, as I've never really liked Canada, 'cuz they think they're so hot with their Universal Health Care and all.

[Guest]

Look, if I ran as a Democrat, it'd be too expected. Also, you do realize that you guys won't be appointed to your posts until January 21st or 22nd, right? The inauguration will go off without a hitch on the 20th, but America will wake up to see headlines of the Vice President "disappearing" after the inaugural ball, and the mass of Congress being held in custody in their homes and offices. That is the day that the Republican or Democratic(whatever party I end up running with, it really depends on who the dominant party of the time is) Party has been renamed the Alienated Bourgeois Crackers Determined to Undermine the Rationalized Proletariat League. Party leaders will be silenced so no one protests the change in name, and much like Disraeli did, the delay taken while people figure out what our name means will allow the time for the Cabinet to be installed, all under the name and banner of the Abbey party, or ABCDURPL. We will claim to be there for peaceful purposes, but the first person to lose an election under our banner, even as low as the local level, will result in dissolution of the opposition party, but we will keep it alive in name only so as to appear to have competition.

 

Adam Sandler will stay right where he is, but is on a policy of "one strike, you're out" as far as the lion situation goes. If he makes one actively bad movie, to the lions he is thrown.

 

The regime is the State of America, so we've rid ourselves of the United States of America label(but will maintain the States in order to keep order in local areas). Canada would need to be conquered no less than three months after the Abbey party takes control, because we don't want a NATO member nation just sitting there with Europe's support for too long. We've already got enough of a military presence in Nunavut with our massive radar stations and I'd be willing to be we've got a division or two up there when you add it all up. Counting the forces in Alaska, the fight in the north would take only as long as it took for them to reach British Columbia and Alberta, with Alberta taking more attention for us due to their oil reserves. The West of Canada must be won first, at any rate. The Central and East portions would be considerably harder, but I predict a total Canadian capitulation in two and a half months. We would attack in late April.

 

As for health care, we'll institute Universal Health Care for our citizens, because the people of the State of America deserve it. There will have to be certain qualifications met though, which I will get into if a question warrants it.

[Guest]

Hey Kotzenjunge, I asked to be Minister of War, not defense. After the grand army destroys all adversaries, there will be no need for defense. In response to our ideological split... we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

SupaTaft- Minister of WAR!!

[Guest]

Fine fine, Minister of War it is, but not Minister, Generalissimo of War. Your first assignment is to give me an amended plan for the conquest of Canada. I'll get a Minister of Defense for the express purpose of defending us in case those freedom-loving bastards in Europe try to attack us through Mexico or something. Sound good?

[Guest]

Sounds good. It seems to me that our two weakest points as a country are our ass (Mexican border) and our genital area (Florida). Cuba isn't as big of a threat anymore as it was 40 years ago so Mexico is the place to worry about. As Canada is relatively peaceful for the time being, We shall attack Mexico first. The first order of business is to destroy the Mexico/US border by means of about 5 gamma bombs, designed by our own scientists. Everyone living there, I'm sorry but you will have to move.

Canada shall be easy to conquer as they have no defenses. We will personally walk up to parliment, and demend that Canada be surrendered to its rightful owner, America. The passive Canadians will surrender their country and the problem will be solved. Those who have once held or are currently holding the title of Mountie will have to be destroyed for they are the only ones capable of being any threat. Deepest sympathies for anyone named Mountie on this board.

Phase one, completed. Any other countries being a problem?

[Guest]

Cuba will be absorbed into the State of America for the express purpose of being a military and research island on January 25th. They won't mind, they need the money, but are unaware that the people on the island will be used as scientific test subjects if need be.

[Guest]

You handle the science/magic stuff and leave the ass kickings to me.

[Guest goodhelmet]

Actually you should make Cuba a prison for political dissidents. Import the loins and tigers and bears from the zoos onto the island and decide whether the political prisoners have the abiulity to fend off the wild beasts.

 

I will be willing to be your chief advisor if you drop the republican label. Run as a military leader, or as the Spanish would say, a caudillo. Someone who will bring stability and unity to the empire. After you are elected after promising everyone free pizza then we can implement the 'regime'

[Guest]

My first decree:  Buffybeast, Papacita, Dreamer 420, Perfect-Plex, and Frankie Williams will recieve a knock on their doors by my Stormtroopers.  The Troopers will place them under arrest for disgusting acts.

[Guest]

Okay, I'll approve the actions Chancellor, but I must know what the offenses of Dreamer420 and Perfect-Plex before I do so. I don't mind Papacita's, but the public wants them to end, so go with it.

 

Goodhelmet, you're right. I shall run as a Democrat, because military leader promising stability doesn't work, since we aren't an empire or anything... yet. My campaign promises include not only free pizza, but free beer Fridays. Cuba is actually going to be an all-purpose island until Canada is taken over, after which dissidents will be sent to the Yukon. Then it will be a military and scientific research island, but Guantanomo Bay will still be a place for prisoners also. We may just start driving people out into the Mexican desert and leave them there if they annoy us.

 

Anyone got any ideas for an anthem? To be honest, I think we should maintain all the American symbols.

[Guest]

Okay, I'll approve the actions Chancellor, but I must know what the offenses of Dreamer420 and Perfect-Plex before I do so. I don't mind Papacita's, but the public wants them to end, so go with it.

 

Anyone got any ideas for an anthem? To be honest, I think we should maintain all the American symbols.

Dreamer 420:  Posting Lita without makeup pics.

Perfect-Plex:  Getting Frankie Williams to continue.

 

Keep all of America's symbols.  On that note:

 

 

If tomorrow all the things were gone,

I’d worked for all my life.

And I had to start again,

with just my children and my wife.

 

I’d thank my lucky stars,

to be livin here today.

‘Cause the flag still stands for freedom,

and they can’t take that away.

 

And I’m proud to be an American,

where at least I know I’m free.

And I wont forget the men who died,

who gave that right to me.

 

And I gladly stand up,

next to you and defend her still today.

‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,

God bless the USA.

 

From the lakes of Minnesota,

to the hills of Tennessee.

Across the plains of Texas,

From sea to shining sea.

 

From Detroit down to Huston,

and New York to L.A.

Well there's pride in every American heart,

and its time we stand and say.

 

That I’m proud to be an American,

where at least I know I’m free.

And I wont forget the men who died,

who gave that right to me.

 

And I gladly stand up,

next to you and defend her still today.

‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,

God bless the USA.

 

And I’m proud to be and American,

where at least I know I’m free.

And I wont forget the men who died,

who gave that right to me.

 

And I gladly stand up,

next to you and defend her still today.

‘Cause there ain’t no doubt I love this land,

God bless the USA.

 

Sorry, I just love that song for some reason.

[Guest]

Whoa. That was something indeed. A fine anthem, even if we'll have to shorten it for sporting events and other public gatherings. What is that called anyway?

[Guest goodhelmet]

It's called God Bless the U.S.A. by Lee Greenwood and it's a horrible idea for an anthem.

 

I still insist you make cuba a prison complete with vicious beasts and no women.

 

And I didn't say run as a Democrat. I said to run as a military leader intent on maintaining order in a lawless society, or a caudillo.

 

But don't label it an empire, you'd get three votes.

 

Remove all of America's symbols since they are rejected worldwide as symbols of oppression and capitalism. Do not implement any Communist symbols since they represent a failed system. Instead make your symbols obscure abstract ideals open to interpretation on their significance. For example, since we are the Abbey party, a symbol could be a street such as the following poorly designed symbol.

_

 

Also, I just found a perfect anthem which would evoke energy and fear for our society....

 

Killing In The Name

Killing in the name of!

Some of those that were forces are the same that burn crosses

Some of those that were forces are the same that burn crosses

Some of those that were forces are the same that burn crosses

Some of those that were forces are the same that burn crosses

Huh!

 

Killing in the name of!

Killing in the name of

 

And now you do what they told ya (11 times)

But now you do what they told ya

Well now you do what they told ya

 

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

 

Some of those that were forces are the same that bore crosses

Some of those that were forces are the same that bore crosses

Some of those that were forces are the same that bore crosses

Some of those that were forces are the same that bore crosses

Uggh!

 

Killing in the name of!

Killing in the name of

 

And now you do what they told ya (4 times)

And now you do what they told ya, now you're under control (7 times)

And now you do what they told ya!

 

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Those who died are justified, for wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

You justify those that died by wearing the badge, they're the chosen whites

Come on!

 

(Guitar solo: 'Yeah! Come on!')

 

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me (8 times building to a shout)

Fuck you, I won't do what you tell me! (8 times screamed/shouted)

Motherfucker!

Uggh!

[Guest]

I'd need money to finance my campaign, thus the need to run with a major party.

 

We'll sort out the symbols later. I know this much: We're keeping the eagle as the symbol of power. Changing all of ours quickly would stir suspicion in the outside world. I already have a symbol for the party that I'm going to post here with the next post. Stay tuned.

 

And that anthem... no. Too much repitition, and it has to be something that doesn't inspire fear, it has to be something that invokes pride, makes the chest swell up and the eyes water. Besides, it sounds awful anyway.

 

And MarioLogan, you may not arrest Dreamer420 for his "offense." Just give him a stern-ass warning, because no one looks good without makeup. If your men are still thirsty for blood and action, go beat up graph9 or whatever his name is, the guy who keeps posting Shania Twain pictures. Not because she's ugly(Heavens no), but it's growing more annoying with each post.

[Guest goodhelmet]

To turn down the anthem of power that is Killing In the Name Of, I am stepping down as Chancellor of your conservative regime with no balls. I will form my revolutionary band of guerillas and freedom fighters taking the grasp of power from your hillbilly, backwood Lee Greenwood ways. And while destroying the fragile powerstructure you have built on quicksand, I will play the anthem of the Red Fire Revolution while your ears bleed....

 

 

Bullet In The Head

 

 

This time the bullet cold rocked ya

A yellow ribbon instead of a swastika

Nothin' proper about ya propaganda

Fools follow rules when the set commands ya

Said it was blue

When ya blood was read

That's how ya got a bullet blasted through ya head

 

 

Blasted through ya head

Blasted through ya head

 

 

I give a shout out to the living dead

Who stood and watched as the feds cold centralised

So serene on the screen

You was mesmerised

Cellular phones soundin' a death tone

Corporations cold

Turn ya to stone before ya realise

 

 

They load the clip in omnicolour

Said they pack the 9, they fire it at prime time

The sleeping gas, every home was like Alcatraz

And mutha fuckas lost their minds

 

 

Just victims of the in-house drive-by

They say jump, you say how high

Yeah

Just victims of the in-house drive-by

They say jump, you say how high

Run it!

 

 

(Guitar solo)

 

 

Just victims of the in-house drive-by

They say jump, you say how high

Just victims of the in-house drive-by

They say jump, you say how high

 

 

Check-a, check-a, check it out

They load the clip in omnicolour

Said they pack the 9, they fire it at prime time

The sleeping gas, every home was like Alcatraz

And mutha fuckas lost their minds

 

 

No escape from the mass mind rape

Play it again jack and then rewind the tape

And then play it again and again and again

Until ya mind is locked in

Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya

Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya

They say jump and ya say how high

Ya brain-dead

Ya gotta fuckin' bullet in ya head

 

 

Just victims of the in-house drive-by

They say jump, you say how high

Yeah

Just victims of the in-house drive-by

They say jump, you say how high

 

 

Uggh! Yeah! Yea!

 

 

Ya standin' in line

Believin' the lies

Ya bowin' down to the flag

Ya gotta bullet in ya head

 

 

Ya standin' in line

Believin' the lies

Ya bowin' down to the flag

Ya gotta bullet in ya head

 

 

A bullet in ya head (8 times, building to a shout)

A bullet in ya head (7 times, shouted/screamed)

Ya gotta bullet in ya fuckin' head!

Yeah!

Yeah! (Sustained to end of drum roll)

[Guest]

Look, it's not that we don't have any balls, we just need something that sounds like a real Fascist anthem. I'm feeling the idea of someone making up words set to the Imperial March from Star Wars. Imposing, but not really really bad like a metal anthem would be. Oh, and HELLO? Fascism is Right-Wing and conservative! Technically anyway. I mean, at least have the name of the country in the title or some allusions to its colors or symbols or geography, SOMETHING! You may step down if you wish, I just wanted a sensible anthem.

 

We may just end up keeping the one we have now, especially the final line, which would be ironic in our State of America.

[Guest Spaceman Spiff]

I think I have a solution to your religion problem: give every citizen their own TV channel in which they get to program however they wish.  It would only be broadcast into your own home, and you would have access to any & all TV programs ever aired on any station from any country.  Voila!  TV is the opiate of the masses.

[Guest]

Ah, but then the zealots of the country would program their televisions for religious programming and feel it nessecary to tell the rest of us about it. Also, foreign channels would be nixed. The State of America is the only state that matters.

 

I just remembered I need to draw that logo on my computer. It's coming!

[Guest]

Look, it's not that we don't have any balls, we just need something that sounds like a real Fascist anthem. I'm feeling the idea of someone making up words set to the Imperial March from Star Wars. Imposing, but not really really bad like a metal anthem would be. Oh, and HELLO? Fascism is Right-Wing and conservative! Technically anyway. I mean, at least have the name of the country in the title or some allusions to its colors or symbols or geography, SOMETHING! You may step down if you wish, I just wanted a sensible anthem.

 

We may just end up keeping the one we have now, especially the final line, which would be ironic in our State of America.

I think the "Imperial March" fits better as an anthem.

[Guest goodhelmet]

dude, if you've ever heard the song, you would know that lee greenwood has NO BALLS! the goal of the fascist state is to strike fear into the people and since they are all simpletons, they don't need too many words. plus, not all fascist regimes are right-wing and conservative. Plus, I was just looking for an excuse to revolt, overcome and to drag your head through the streets by horse-drawn chariots.

[Guest]

Imperial March it is! It's up to our Baron of Entertainment Jingus to snag the rights for it(just so we look nice obviously, we're going to get them either way).

 

Oh, and we will strike fear and such, we just can't do it right off the bat because we have to endear ourselves to the people first so we can then use their trust against them. Oh, and it's kinda hard to revolt against a regime that has yet to be established, but when you do revolt, it'd be way cooler if it was done from within the regime. In other words, why not come back to the regime, Chancellor Goodhelmet? We'll give you a nice new building all to yourself built by the slave labor of former card-carrying Republicans and Promise Keepers. The bodies of Klansmen will be forcibly interred in the foundations.

[Guest goodhelmet]

ok, i'm back but rage against the machine will be played on loud speakers every night at 9:00 central time.

[Guest]

No problem. Now to just figure out a way to make this logo smaller...

[Guest]

Imperial March it is! It's up to our Baron of Entertainment Jingus to snag the rights for it(just so we look nice obviously, we're going to get them either way).

I have the .mp3 file for it.

[Guest]

As do I, it really is a superb piece... dammit! Stop distracting me! Go... um... have whoever wrote the Mae Young angle shot or something.

[Guest]

As do I, it really is a superb piece... dammit! Stop distracting me! Go... um... have whoever wrote the Mae Young angle shot or something.

::Sends in his Dungeon of Doom to look for Vince Russo's residence::

[Guest]

Here it is, I know it looks Nazi-ish, but that color scheme frightens people and makes them timid. I've actually had this logo in my head for years, first doodling it in 9th Grade.

 

 

If anyone has a better one, I'm open to suggestions.

[Guest J*ingus]

I guess that's supposed to be a spider?  Works for me.  

 

As for Imperial March, I'll get the rights.  But first I need Supataft to loan me an elite squad of special forces ninjas.  After I get them, it should take about five minutes.  And Supataft, I need to speak with you about some covert ops in Japan, we're trying to snag Kenta Kobashi, Takeshi Kitano, and whoever was the team leader on the Metal Gear Solid games.