Kinetic

To give you an idea of my struggles on the lanes, this afternoon I bowled a 98, a 79, and a 95. I would consider that 79 to be the low point of my life thus far.

I consider that to be a different sort of beast, because it's an acoustic reworking of one of his old songs rather than a cover. I certainly would have considered Mariah Carey's covers of "I'll Be There" or "Without You" had they come up. Or any other cover, for that matter. That none made it in was pure coincidence.

I won $50 on a $1 scratch-off ticket last year. Like all of the dumbass customers I mocked so ruthlessly during my brief tenure at the Golden Pantry convenience store, I immediately blew it all on losing lottery tickets. I felt like a total idiot. I could have spent that on beer! My one foray into sports gambling was no more successful. I put a few small wagers on some NFL playoff games a couple of years ago. I consider myself to be fairly knowledgeable when it comes to pro football, but I was way the fuck off on every single one of these games. I once again felt like an idiot. So, no, I don't gamble often.

Mr. Baron: Collective Soul's one entry into the tournament ("Shine") was, I felt, pretty representative of their level of importance to '90s pop culture. And Spaceman Spiff, the board's pre-eminent Pearl Jam enthusiast as far as I know, asked me not to include "Jeremy," so I didn't. You could argue that Pearl Jam warranted more than one entry (I probably would have elected to include "Last Kiss," which was technically their biggest hit and actually a pretty okay song), and could certainly argue that they were more deserving of a second entry than, say, Blink 182. I would actually be inclined to agree with you there. But everyone makes mistakes. That's why pencils have erasers.

Yeah, what the hell. I settled the ties via coin flip, btw. "Whatta Man" d. "Loser" 18-16 "This Is How We Do It" d. "Iris" 23-11 "Gin and Juice" d. "Cannonball" 26-8 "Groove Is In The Heart" d. "Jump" 21-13 "Regulate" d. "Virtual Insanity" 28-6 "Mama Said Knock You Out" tied "Mo Money Mo Problems" 17-17 "Criminal" tied "Buddy Holly" 17-17 "Can I Get A..." d. "One" 21-13 "Heart Shaped Box" d. "Dammit" 26-8 "Interstate Love Song" d. "Song 2" 21-13 "1979" d. "Kiss From A Rose" 22-12 "Don't Speak" d. "Linger" 18-16 "You Oughta Know" d. "Basket Case" 18-16 "Losing My Religion" d. ""Wonderwall" 18-16 "Life Is A Highway" d. "Tubthumpin" 23-11 "No Rain" d. "Semi Charmed Life" 18-16 "Black Hole Sun" d. "Waterfalls" 20-14 "I Wish" d. "U Can't Touch This" 19-15 "Summertime" d. "O.P.P." 19-15 "California Love" d. "Killing Me Softly With His Song" 18-16 "Nuthin But A G Thang" d. "Bittersweet Symphony" 23-11 "Sabotage" d. "Lovefool" 21-13 "Self Esteem" d. "Save Tonight" 23-11 "Under the Bridge" d. "Closing Time" 23-11 "Creep" d. "Rosa Parks" 20-14 "You Get What You Give" d. "Evenflow" 18-16 "Nothing Compares 2 U" ties "Ghetto Superstar" 17-17 "Epic" d. "Popular" 24-10 "Stay (I Missed You)" d. "November Rain" 18-16 "I Only Wanna Be With You" ties "Brick" 17-17 "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" ties "Hey Jealousy" 17-17 "I'd Do Anything For Love (BUTT I Won't Do That)" d. "Everlong" 18-16

Twisted Intestine: Sinead O'Connor is a she, not a he. She was quite famous in the early '90s for tearing up a picture of the pope on live television. And the whole "2 U" business is a result of the song having been written by Prince, whose use of individual numbers and letters in place of full words predated the use of similar language in text messaging by nearly two decades.

Was that from the '90s? I would have sworn that came out this decade. My only real "Ray of Light" related memory is of the reformed Stooges (or was it just Iggy?) doing it at Madonna's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction, and it being so room-clearingly awful that even she looked embarrassed for them. I'm tempted to think of Madonna as being mostly an '80s phenomenon, but she had a pretty monumental '90s as well. She was in Dick Tracy and A League of Their Own and also Truth or Dare; she had a book called Sex; she had that video with the bullfighter where she fucked the TV; she had a series of nauseating MTV interviews with that cuntlap Kurt Loder; and she also apparently released Ray of Light. Favorite Madonna songs: "Into the Groove" and "Borderline." In that order. I once had a dream about the "Borderline" melody, as a matter of fact.

I also suspect that those were stunt tits, just based on how it was shot. They were quite nice, in any event. I like the show, and certainly hope that it gets more than six episodes to try to find an audience. It's the sort of quotable filth that you'd think today's high school and college students would flip over. Maybe no one can afford HBO anymore??

This is an interesting question, and one that I've asked myself many times since 1993. My theory is that they were supposed to be Chippendales-type dancers, as evidenced by the bowties and cuffs. And I know that a lot of WWF wrestlers from that era had to supplement their income by taking second jobs, so it sort of makes sense.

Montell Jordan- "This Is How We Do It" Snoop Doggy Dogg- "Gin and Juice" Warren G. (ft. Nate Dogg)- "Regulate" Fiona Apple- "Criminal" Nirvana- "Heart Shaped Box" Smashing Pumpkins- "1979" R.E.M.- "Losing My Religion" Tom Cochrane- "Life Is A Highway" Skee-Lo- "I Wish" DJ Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince- "Summertime" Dr. Dre (ft. Snoop Doggy Dogg)- "Nuthin But A G Thang" Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Under the Bridge" New Radicals- "You Get What You Give" Sinead O'Connor- "Nothing Compares 2 U" Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories- "Stay" Meat Loaf- "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" It was pretty gratifying to see Lisa Loeb eliminate Guns N Roses, particularly on this board. Way back in (I think) 1994, I knew all of the words to "Stay." If pressed, I could probably still conjure them up. It's not that I was a big fan of the song or even that it's a particularly good song. I'm not sure what it was. The Ethan Hawke-directed video, perhaps.

And with the Thanksgiving games, it's like the NFL doesn't even give a shit anymore. Everyone complained about how terrible the games were last year, so they go and schedule the fucking Raiders in one of this year's games. C'mon man.

Titans-Steelers looks all right, but both the Sunday nighter and the Monday games are pretty unappealing on paper. Of the six teams involved in those games, only the 8-8 Chargers made the playoffs last year. I guess I can understand the draw in the Pats-Bills game (Brady returns, T.O. debuts in Buffalo), but I'd seriously much rather the first of what promises to be many New England primetime games next season be against a team that didn't have a losing record last year.

Voting in this round is now closed. The round of 32 will begin at some point in the next few hours.

Here's the round of 64: More Human Than Human Salt-N-Pepa- "Whatta Man" (d. "Seether," 23-8) Beck- "Loser" (d. "I Want It That Way," 21-10) Montell Jordan- "This Is How We Do It" (d. "I Don't Want To Wait," 27-4) Goo Goo Dolls- "Iris" (d. "Missing," 24-7) The Breeders- "Cannonball" (d. "Mmmbop," 21-10) Snoop Doggy Dogg- "Gin and Juice" (d. "Wicked Game," 24-7) Kris Kross- "Jump" (d. "Who Will Save Your Soul," 20-11) Dee-Lite- "Groove Is In The Heart" (d. "Inside Out," 22-9) Jamiroquai- "Virtual Insanity" (d. "Building a Mystery," 21-10) Warren G. (ft. Nate Dogg)- "Regulate" (d. "Livin La Vida Loca," 26-5) Notorious B.I.G. (ft. Puff Daddy and Mase)- "Mo Money Mo Problems" (d. "Kiss Me," 22-9) L.L. Cool J- "Mama Said Knock You Out" (d. "Genie In a Bottle," 19-12) Fiona Apple- "Criminal" (d. "End of the Road," 19-12) Weezer- "Buddy Holly" (d. "You Mean The World To Me," 26-4) U2- "One" (d. "Dreamlover," 22-9) Jay-Z- "Can I Get A..." (d. "Tearin' Up My Heart," 21-10) The Killer In Me Is The Killer In You Nirvana- "Heart Shaped Box" (d. "Smells Like Teen Spirit," 16-15) Blink 182- "Dammit" (d. "All the Small Things," 21-10) Blur- "Song 2" (d. "Boys and Girls," 17-14) Stone Temple Pilots- "Interstate Love Song" (d. "Plush," 20-11) Smashing Pumpkins- "1979" (d. "Today," 16-15) Seal- "Kiss From a Rose" (d. "Crazy," 19-12) Cranberries- "Linger" (d. "Dreams," 21-10) No Doubt- "Don't Speak" (d. "Spiderwebs," 19-12) Alanis Morissette- "You Oughta Know" (d. "Ironic," 24-7) Green Day- "Basket Case" (d. "Good Riddance," 19-12) Oasis- "Wonderwall" (d. "Champagne Supernova," 20-11) R.E.M.- "Losing My Religion" (d. "Everybody Hurts," 20-11) Chumbawumba- "Tubthumpin" (d. "Bitch," 19-12) Tom Cochrane- "Life Is a Highway" (d. "Glycerine," 20-11) Third Eye Blind- "Semi-Charmed Life" (d. "All I Want," 23-8) Blind Melon- "No Rain" (d. "Jealous Again," 24-7) I Want To Fuck You Like An Animal TLC- "Waterfalls" (d. "Cryin,'" 17-14) Soundgarden- "Black Hole Sun" (d. "My Lovin'," 22-9) MC Hammer- "U Can't Touch This" (d. "Ice Ice Baby," 21-10) Skee-Lo- "I Wish" (d. "In The Meantime," 22-9) Naughty By Nature- "O.P.P." (d. "Shoop," 21-10) DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince- "Summertime" (d. "The Freshmen," 20-11) 2Pac- "California Love" (d. "...Hit Me Baby One More Time," 22-9) Fugees- "Killing Me Softly With His Song" (d. "Wannabe," 23-8) Dr. Dre (ft. Snoop Doggy Dogg)- "Nuthin But a G Thang" (d. "I Do It For You," 21-10) The Verve- "Bittersweet Symphony" (d. "One Week," 22-9) Beastie Boys- "Sabotage" (d. "Good," 26-5) The Cardigans- "Lovefool" (d. "Two Princes," 16-15) The Offspring- "Self Esteem" (d. "Give Me One Reason," 21-10) Eagle-Eye Cherry- "Save Tonight" (d. "Runaway Train," 16-15) Semisonic- "Closing Time" (d. "Walking In Memphis, 24-7) Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Under the Bridge" (d. "Shine," 24-7) Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning's End Radiohead- "Creep" (d. "Mr. Jones," 23-8) Outkast- "Rosa Parks" (d. "Lump," 20-11) Pearl Jam- "Evenflow" (d. "Low," 23-8) New Radicals- "You Get What You Give" (d. "All I Wanna Do," 24-7) Pras (ft. Maya and ODB)- "Ghetto Superstar" (d. "One of Us," 24-7) Sinead O'Connor- "Nothing Compares 2 U" (d. "Counting Blue Cars," 23-8) Nada Surf- "Popular" (d. "I Touch Myself," 16-15) Faith No More- "Epic" (d. "Sex and Candy," 20-11) Guns N Roses- "November Rain" (d. "More Than Words," 26-5) Lisa Loeb- "Stay (I Missed You)" (d. "Tennessee," 19-12) Hootie and the Blowfish- "I Only Wanna Be With You" (d. "Santa Monica," 22-9) Ben Folds Five- "Brick" (d. "Flagpole Sitta," 20-11) Garbage- "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" (d. "The Way," 19-12) Gin Blossoms- "Hey Jealousy" (d. "Back That Azz Up," 18-13) Foo Fighters- "Everlong" (d. "What's Up," 25-6) Meat Loaf- "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)" (first round bye)

I didn't get the pun in their name until a while after the fact, so I'm reminded of these guys every time I hear someone order a piece of meat well done. And as I used to cook steaks for a living, I've been reminded of them an awful lot over the years. I'd evidently managed to block the memory of those bowties out somehow. Yeesh!

Same here. The only other instance of me hitching my allegiance to a team that I am not currently a fan of is the 92/93 Charlotte Hornets, and I can hardly be accused of jumping on the bandwagon there.

While I can't compete with Buffalo fans on this one, I nevertheless very distinctly remember a Monday night game the Bucs played against the Steelers which Rob Johnson started in Tampa's Super Bowl year. Oh, he was awful. Slow delivery, no pocket sense, held onto the ball waaaaaaay too long; it was a total nightmare, and the last game Tampa would lose until week 2 of the following season. Mercifully, Rob Johnson was no longer on the team then.

I was on vacation when "Ordinary World" was a hit in 1993, so it evokes all sorts of pleasant memories for me. I especially remember hearing it on a juke box while eating dinner at Pizza Hut. Ah, youth.

"The Sign" and Live's "Lightning Crashes" were the two songs from the list of 128 that I inadvertantly left out when putting the bracket together. As it turned out, that oversight led to the dramatic emergence of that Meat Loaf song in the 2nd round. So it worked out in the end.

You could definitely make a case for a Nine Inch Nails song (probably "Closer") although there were already some criticisms that the tourney was too heavy on the alt-rock. Probably could have gotten some Metallica in there. Shania Twain's "That Don't Impress Me Much."

As mentioned elsewhere, I think that Coolio may have gotten the shaft a little. "Gangsta's Paradise" was big enough to inspire a Weird Al interpretation, but not big enough to make the TSM tournament? Doesn't seem right somehow. And I have a Stetson cowboy hat-sized soft spot in my soul for "Friends in Low Places." That could have been the one concession to country music in the tournament.

Beck- "Loser" Montell Jordan- "This Is How We Do It" Snoop Doggy Dogg- "Gin and Juice" Kris Kross- "Jump" Warren G. (ft. Nate Dogg)- "Regulate" Notorious B.I.G. (ft. Puff Daddy and Mase)- "Mo Money Mo Problems" Fiona Apple- "Criminal" U2- "One" Nirvana- "Heart Shaped Box" Blur- "Song 2" Smashing Pumpkins- "1979" Cranberries- "Linger" Alanis Morissette- "You Oughta Know" Oasis- "Wonderwall" Tom Cochrane- "Life Is a Highway" Third Eye Blind- "Semi-Charmed Life" Soundgarden- "Black Hole Sun" Skee-Lo- "I Wish" DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince- "Summertime" Fugees- "Killing Me Softly With His Song" Dr. Dre (ft. Snoop Doggy Dogg)- "Nuthin But a G Thang" The Cardigans- "Lovefool" Eagle-Eye Cherry- "Save Tonight" Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Under the Bridge" Radiohead- "Creep" New Radicals- "You Get What You Give" Sinead O'Connor- "Nothing Compares 2 U" Faith No More- "Epic" Lisa Loeb- "Stay (I Missed You)" Hootie and the Blowfish- "I Only Wanna Be With You" Garbage- "I'm Only Happy When It Rains" Meat Loaf- "I Would Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)"

Couple of pretty good games to end the first day. I had VCU as a Sweet Sixteen team, for some reason. Bracket=busted. Edit: Make that an Elite Eight run for VCU. What the fuck was I thinking? It's over, it's all over.

So here we go: I've compiled a list of 128 songs using sources including but not limited to your nominations and have bracketed them into four regions. I obviously wasn't able to get everything that was mentioned or even everything that I wanted into the tournament, but I think it's a pretty good group of songs. Make sure that it's obvious which song you're voting for, only posts that include votes in each matchup will be counted, and it'd be nice to see explanations for why you're voting the way that you are. This round will probably last until Thursday or so. Toad the Wet Bracket Veruca Salt- "Seether" Salt-N-Pepa- "Whatta Man" Backstreet Boys- "I Want It That Way" Beck- "Loser" Paula Cole- "I Don't Want To Wait" Montell Jordan- "This Is How We Do It" Everything But The Girl- "Missing" Goo Goo Dolls- "Iris" Hanson- "Mmmbop" The Breeders- "Cannonball" Chris Isaak- "Wicked Game" Snoop Doggy Dogg- "Gin and Juice" Jewel- "Who Will Save Your Soul" Kris Kross- "Jump" Eve 6- "Inside Out" Deee-Lite- "Groove Is In The Heart" Sarah McLachlan- "Building a Mystery" Jamiroquai- "Virtual Insanity" Warren G. (feat. Nate Dogg)- "Regulate" Ricky Martin- "Livin La Vida Loca" Sixpence None The Richer- "Kiss Me" Notorious B.I.G. (feat. Puff Daddy and Mace)- "Mo Money Mo Problems" Christina Aguilera- "Genie In A Bottle" L.L. Cool J- "Mama Said Knock You Out" Boyz II Men- "End Of The Road" Fiona Apple- "Criminal" Toni Braxton- "You Mean The World To Me" Weezer- "Buddy Holly" Mariah Carey- "Dreamlover" U2- "One" 'N Sync- "Tearin' Up My Heart" Jay Z- "Can I Get A..." Give Me One Region To Stay Here Nirvana- "Smells Like Teen Spirit" Nirvana- "Heart Shaped Box" Blink 182- "Dammit" Blink 182- "All The Small Things" Blur- "Song 2" Blur- "Girls and Boys" Stone Temple Pilots- "Plush" Stone Temple Pilots- "Interstate Love Song" Smashing Pumpkins- "Today" Smashing Pumpkins- "1979" Seal- "Crazy" Seal- "Kiss From A Rose" The Cranberries- "Dreams" The Cranberries- "Linger" No Doubt- "Spiderwebs" No Doubt- "Don't Speak" Alanis Morissette- "You Oughta Know" Alanis Morissette- "Ironic" Green Day- "Basket Case" Green Day- "Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)" Oasis- "Wonderwall" Oasis- "Champagne Supernova" R.E.M.- "Losing My Religion" R.E.M.- "Everybody Hurts" Chumbawumba- "Tubthumping" Meredith Brooks- "Bitch" Tom Cochrane- "Life Is A Highway" Bush- "Glycerine" Toad the Wet Sprocket- "All I Want" Third Eye Blind- "Semi-Charmed Life" Black Crowes- "Jealous Again" Blind Melon- "No Rain" 2 Legit Bracket Aerosmith- "Cryin'" TLC- "Waterfalls" En Vogue- "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)" Soundgarden- "Black Hole Sun" MC Hammer- "U Can't Touch This" Vanilla Ice- "Ice Ice Baby" Skee-Lo- "I Wish" Spacehog- "In The Meantime" Salt-N-Pepa- "Shoop" Naughty By Nature- "O.P.P." DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince- "Summertime" The Verve Pipe- "The Freshmen" Britney Spears- "...Baby One More Time" 2Pac- "California Love" Spice Girls- "Wannabe" The Fugees- "Killing Me Softly With His Song" Dr. Dre (feat. Snoop Doggy Dogg)- "Nuthin But A G Thang" Bryan Adams- "(Everything I Do) I Do It For You" Barenaked Ladies- "One Week" The Verve- "Bittersweet Symphony" Better Than Ezra- "Good" Beastie Boys- "Sabotage" The Cardigans- "Lovefool" Spin Doctors- "Two Princes" Tracy Chapman- "Give Me One Reason" Offspring- "Self Esteem" Eagle-Eye Cherry- "Save Tonight" Soul Asylum- "Runaway Train" Mark Cohn- "Walking In Memphis" Semisonic- "Closing Time" Collective Soul- "Shine" Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Under The Bridge" Damn! I Wish I Was Your Bracket Counting Crows- "Mr. Jones" Radiohead- "Creep" Outkast- "Rosa Parks" Presidents of the United States of America- "Lump" Cracker- "Low" Pearl Jam- "Evenflow" Sheryl Crow- "All I Wanna Do" New Radicals- "You Get What You Give" Pras (ft. Maya & ODB)- "Ghetto Superstar" Joan Osborne- "One Of Us" Sinead O'Connor- "Nothing Compares 2 U" Dishwalla- "Counting Blue Cars" The Divinyls- "I Touch Myself" Nada Surf- "Popular" Marcy Playground- "Sex and Candy" Faith No More- "Epic" Extreme- "More Than Words" Guns N Roses- "November Rain" Arrested Development- "Tennessee" Lisa Loeb- "Stay (I Missed You)" Everclear- "Santa Monica" Hootie and the Blowfish- "I Only Wanna Be With You" Harvey Danger- "Flagpole Sitta" Ben Folds Five- "Brick" Fastball- "The Way" Garbage- "Only Happy When It Rains" Gin Blossoms- "Hey Jealousy" Juvenile- "Back That Azz Up" Foo Fighters- "Everlong" 4 Non Blondes- "What's Up"

So Donte Stallworth was in fact drunk when he hit and killed that pedestrian the other day, blowing somewhere between a .12 and a .14. I would say that the guy's fucked if the Leonard Little precedent did not suggest otherwise.