WWE RAW WORKRATE REPORT 8/5/02

[Guest DVDVR_Phil]

So I don’t know how much longer I will sit through these fucking 2 hour shows just to see a nice Regal armbar, but I soldier on for now. Fuck you sideways Dean Rassmussen.

 

What Worked

 

-That was a nice looking powerbomb on Dreamer, the rest of that match kinda sucked. Nice powerbomb though, I got to get what I can get here. Although I think it was kind of overkill to do two abusive gay relationship angles in one show. What did Gerwitz’s college boyfriend do to him? It is like Russo and incest.

 

-I enjoyed the Regal/Nowitski v. Goldust/Booker T was a fun tag match, the Regal sections with Goldust ruled it and a long feud between those two is about all that can save the bacon of RAW for me. I also enjoyed the Booker potatoe shot, as I am a man that enjoys watching reality TV stars get stiffed. I wish Booker would take a shot at that putz who is always talking about his feeling on Real World Chicago

 

-Victoria looked pretty decent and probably should have been on the Joshi 100. This was better then the Ito v. Hotta streetfight.

 

-Outside of taking a couple of back bumps pre King of the Indies I have never stepped in a wrestling ring, so I have no right judging how Chris Jericho and RVD was. So I didn’t watch it. I am sure it was super.

 

-I have been hating almost all of the 21st century Shawn Michaels mikework, but I did like his abused bottom finally getting the restraining order stuff. Although not nearly as much as the HHH abusive top mike work (of course HHH was Kowalski trained so he has more experience portraying sexual ambiguity). I think this should lead to Michaels leaving HHH, but going to another abusive boyfriend after abusive boyfriend (Taker, Bradshaw, Nash) Before finally finding true man on man love (Justin Credible always works hard when he is around Shawn, X-Pac has history, Stevie Richards could make a good young boy tailored in his image) I find it weird that Heyman is writing the show with the Chuck and Billy stereotype stuff, Feinstein is booking Christopher Street as heels and the gay bashers as faces, Borash is introing Bruce getting suplexed by women, and RAW is actually handling gay love with some subtlety and tact.

 

 

 

What Didn’t Work

 

-I wasn’t really into HHH as Hercule Poriot, although I did like his welcoming of Jericho to RAW. Chris really should get a haircut

 

-Boy I haven’t watched Lance Storm in a while, man does he suck. He punches like he is doing water aerobics in a vat of strawberry jello.

 

-I think there was some other crap on this show too, I dunno. I miss Beniot and Eddie, I miss em bad

 

Phil Schneider

http://www.deathvalleydriver.com

[Guest Brian]

"Boy I haven’t watched Lance Storm in a while, man does he suck. He punches like he is doing water aerobics in a vat of strawberry jello."

 

Best. Quote. EVER!

[Guest RickyChosyu]

Seriously, Storm couldn't look legit with those punches to save his life. I struggle to find the meaning behind "preserving the artform" of wrestling by not hurting anyone while, in the process, routinely exposing the business with sub-Lita levle punches. I mean, Jerry Lawler is RIGHT THERE, and he sure as hell isn't pulling his weight on announcing. Teach the poor sap how to punch, for crying out loud. It boggles my mind that despite having Flair, Anderson, and Lawler, hardly anyone can chop, cut a promo, or punch correctly.

[Guest Brian]

Not to mention Matt Hardy throwing those nice little Funk-esque jabs.

[Guest HungryJack]

Whoa....my question brought results...BRING ON TOMK!

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

YOUNG PHIL SCHNEIDER SED:

So I don’t know how much longer I will sit through these fucking 2 hour shows just to see a nice Regal armbar, but I soldier on for now. Fuck you sideways Dean Rassmussen.

 

DR: You are doing a man's job. You never realize who much Benoit and Guerrerro cut the edge on the Suck until it's too late.

 

PS: -That was a nice looking powerbomb on Dreamer, the rest of that match kinda sucked. Nice powerbomb though, I got to get what I can get here. Although I think it was kind of overkill to do two abusive gay relationship angles in one show. What did Gerwitz’s college boyfriend do to him? It is like Russo and incest.

 

DR: Ah Crash TV... WWE, you stupid motherfuckers...

 

PS: I enjoyed the Regal/Nowitski v. Goldust/Booker T was a fun tag match, the Regal sections with Goldust ruled it and a long feud between those two is about all that can save the bacon of RAW for me. I also enjoyed the Booker potatoe shot, as I am a man that enjoys watching reality TV stars get stiffed. I wish Booker would take a shot at that putz who is always talking about his feeling on Real World Chicago

 

DR: Shit, Regal vs Booker and Regal vs Goldust and Booker vs Goldust in a 98 WCW US Title situation akin to the great Benoit/Booker/Martel battle for the belt would ease the pain of getting stuck with Rush and Triumph when I got the Canadian wrestling equivalent of Neil Young.

 

PS:Boy I haven’t watched Lance Storm in a while, man does he suck. He punches like he is doing water aerobics in a vat of strawberry jello.

 

-I think there was some other crap on this show too, I dunno. I miss Beniot and Eddie, I miss em bad

 

DR: I can't believe I feel sorry for you already. I feel your pain, my brother...

 

DEAN.

[Guest Brian]

We get Dean and Phil. Did we win some kind of contest or something?

[Guest AlwaysPissedOff]

Heh, I dunno, but I'm loving it!

 

 

PS:Boy I haven’t watched Lance Storm in a while, man does he suck. He punches like he is doing water aerobics in a vat of strawberry jello.

 

[Guest razazteca]

I wasn’t really into HHH as Hercule Poriot, although I did like his welcoming of Jericho to RAW. Chris really should get a haircut

all most as good as Leslie Nelson, Naked Gun Triple-uH

 

Lance Storm throws better punches than chair shots

 

Raw had a good Sporty show but the Entertainment was not there, too much HHH marking out to A&E mystery shows.

[Guest Brian]

"Lance Storm throws better punches than chair shots."

 

I don't know.

[Guest RickyChosyu]

Lance Storm throws better punches than chair shots

Eh, I actually feel sympathetic for the guy there. That rep. is basically derived from ONE MATCH in ECW that just happened to be on their first ever Pay Per View that just happened to be in Philly, which of course led to Storm getting laughed out of the building, because hey - it's Philly.

 

He hit some chair shots in WCW against Big Vito that were anything but pussified, which is more than I can say for his punches. Maybe he should go the route of Van Dam and Trish by using *AHEM* fore-arms.

[Guest Bricks]

"Lance Storm throws better punches than chair shots."

 

I don't know.

Well, weak punches beat missing a Con-Chair-To, so I'll sort of agree.

[Guest razazteca]

maybe use chops or elbows or kicks for his strikes?

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

maybe use chops or elbows or kicks for his strikes?

Maybe he should sit down with his actual FRIEND Fit Finlay and have Fit show him how to throw a worked punch. Bad punches are worse for exposing the biz than any evening gown match you will ever see. It's serious shit.

 

DEAN.

[Guest mach7]

maybe use chops or elbows or kicks for his strikes?

Maybe he should sit down with his actual FRIEND Fit Finlay and have Fit show him how to throw a worked punch. Bad punches are worse for exposing the biz than any evening gown match you will ever see. It's serious shit.

 

DEAN.

You say that as if there's anything left to "expose."

[Guest bps "The Truth" 21]

"Eh, I actually feel sympathetic for the guy there. That rep. is basically derived from ONE MATCH in ECW that just happened to be on their first ever Pay Per View that just happened to be in Philly, which of course led to Storm getting laughed out of the building, because hey - it's Philly."

 

 

While this is true...

 

those were some embarrassing chair shots.

 

If you look there is a look of shock on RVD's face before he has to pretend it hurt.

 

You could almost hear him thinking "Oh crap...there all gonna laugh at this"

 

And they did

[Guest Brian]

"You say that as if there's anything left to 'expose'."

 

Either you can still give it some form of realism or you can just make it look outright fake.

[Guest DEAN RASMUSSEN]

"You say that as if there's anything left to 'expose'."

 

Either you can still give it some form of realism or you can just make it look outright fake.

I think it boils down to respecting your craft or not respecting your craft.

 

DEAN.

[Guest Mystery Eskimo]

As a Storm fan, I feel compelled to say this, even though its really lame:

 

From reading his website and answers to questions there, I think Lance has great worries over hurting opponents. Not good I know for modern wrestling, but you have to respect the guy for wanting to take care of other wrestlers. I'm sure its not a lack of ability that stops him throwing decent punches, but a mental thing.

[Guest LesnarLunatic]

Storm could always take on the character trait of not punching. That'd get heat with marks.

[Guest AndrewTS]

Hehhe...I like the no punches idea, and hey...remember when Austin had to wrestle a match without using them? Turned out pretty damn good. I think Storm was unable to really get the gist of being protective without his offense getting too whimpy. Bret Hart, on the other hand, mastered it.

 

Bret never "legit" injured anyone in his entire career. Of course...there was in WCW, but that was an angle, natch. Yet...*insert Goldberg bashing here*.

[Guest DVDVR_Phil]

As a Storm fan, I feel compelled to say this, even though its really lame:

 

From reading his website and answers to questions there, I think Lance has great worries over hurting opponents. Not good I know for modern wrestling, but you have to respect the guy for wanting to take care of other wrestlers. I'm sure its not a lack of ability that stops him throwing decent punches, but a mental thing.

PS: Okay thats great he doesn't want to hurt his opponent, so he punches like a girl. Honestly a stiffish punch or kick isn't going to injure anyone, and a good worked punch doesn't hurt anymore then a bad worked punch. Dick Murdoch was notoriously light as a feather, Terry Funk wold punch you right in the face, either is much better then what ever the fuck Storm is doing. It's wrestling, it is supposed to hurt a bit, you don't want pain play backgammon

 

Phil

[Guest Ram]

There would and have been wrestlers that whine about getting hurt. RVD got heat with some for "being too rough", even though never seriously injured a person in his neo WWE stay. Lance is just being too nice a guy. If he didn't punch at all, and said that "punching is a weak American way of not having to wrestle like a true man". It could work, and a face could get over by punching the shit out of Storm and Storm could get actual wrestling over.

[Guest Ram]

I'm starting to lose grammar points. Fuck insomnia.

[Guest Insane Bump Machine]

If he didn't punch at all, and said that "punching is a weak American way of not having to wrestle like a true man". It could work, and a face could get over by punching the shit out of Storm and Storm could get actual wrestling over.

This idea is really good, you should write Lance a message on his comment board. Just make sure to use an interesting title for the message or he won't read it.