A sure-fire way to get Benoit over!

[Guest RazorxEDGE]

HHH and Benoit bump into each other backstage. HHH sees an opportunity to do his absolute *favorite* thing in the world: exploit a vanilla midget's lack of height to make his roided 6'4" ass look like a giant. So HHH looms over Benoit and looks down at him with that cocky shit-eating grin that he usually reserves for Jericho. Then he does his *second* favorite thing in the world: verbally bury a midget while barely disguising it as a work. So HHH is about halfway through his little masturbatory speech when Benoit just rears back and headbutts that motherfucker right in his big fucking nose. Then he slaps on the Crippler Crossface and positions his hands so that he is pulling back on Hunter Heart Hoser's already-broken nose, and screams, "Squeal, bitch! SQUEEEAL!!!"

 

Then J.R. can scream:

 

"BAH GAWD!!! THE RABID WOLVERINE HAS THE CRIPPLER CROSSFACE ON THAT DISINGENUOUS SON OF A BITCH!!! THE GAME'S BLEEDIN' LIKE A STUCK HOG!!! BENOIT'S LIKE A RAVAGED, RABID PACK O' DOGS!!! HHH IS SQUEALING LIKE A SCALDED HOG!!! WITH GAWD AS MY BAH GAWD WITNESS, HHH'S NOSE IS BROKEN IN HALF!!! LOOK AT THE BLOOD...IT ALMOST LOOKS LIKE MY BARBEQUE SAUCE!!! CHRIS BENOIT IS A STUD!!! HE'S A HOSS!!! HE'S A -- BAH GAWD!!! -- STALLION!!! HHH, YA SON OF A BITCH!!! YA SON OF A BITCH, AUSTIN CAME TO MY HOUSE AND HAD SECONDS ON THE BARBEQUE CHICKEN, YA BASTARD!!! WHEN DID YOU EVER COME TO GOOD OL' J.R.'S FOR AN OKLAHOMA COOK-OUT?!! NEVER!!! AND THAT'S A LONG TIME...NEVER!!! BOOMER SOONER!!! BREAK HIS NOSE, BAH GAWD, BECAUSE MY MOMMA'S WATCHIN'!!! AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, HHH, YA BASTARD!!! I'M A HAPPILY MARRIED MAN -- BUT BAH GAWD!!! -- THIS GIVES ME THE URGE TO SMOTHER CHRIS BENOIT IN SOME OF J.R.'S HOT & SPICY BARBEQUE SAUCE AND...BAH GAWD!!! I HAVEN'T FELT THIS WAY ABOUT ANOTHER MAN SINCE AUSTIN WALKED OUT ON ME...ER, THE WWE!!! AND THAT REMINDS ME...AUSTIN, YA BASTARD!!! YA SON OF A BITCH!!! IT'S A GOOD THING THAT YOU PACKED YOUR BAGS AND WENT HOME, BECAUSE THE RABID WOLVERINE IS A BOOMIN' SOONIN' SON OF A GUN, BAH GAWD!!!"

 

The next week, J.R. should become Benoit's manager. Together, they can annihilate the entire WWE roster with a series of BBQ Baths ™. The lights can go out, and an eerie voice whispering a bunch of gibberish --

 

"BAHGAWDBOOMERSOONERSTUDSTALLIONHOSS

BARBEQUESAUCEHAPPILYMARRIEDSONOFABITCH

BASTARDBROKENINHALF25YEARSFOOTBALLAUSTIN

ISASEXYBITCHTEXASOKLAHOMAREDNECKALBERT

OLEIGHTANDTHREEEIGHTSMCMAHONISTHEDEVILYA

FIREDMETWICEYABASTARD"

 

-- and then when the lights come back on, J.R. will be in the ring, dousing the chosen victim with J.R.'s Hot & Spicy BBQ sauce. Once the victim is completely blinded by J.R.'s sauce, Chris Benoit can hit the ring and slap on the Crippler Crossface until he or she slips into unconciousness. Then -- with the victim already glazed with a layer of J.R.'s delicious sauce -- they can drag the victim to the back, fire up a grill, throw the victim onto the grill, and have an Oklahoma barbeque.

 

The angle will end when Benoit and J.R. have killed and eaten everybody on the WWE roster. They can even throw in a twist by having Benoit trick WWE superstars into eating other WWE superstars, much like the Bossman did with Al Snow's dog Pepper. The angle will end at WrestleMania X9, where Benoit beats HHH and Brock for the World and WWE titles in a triple-threat BBQ Sauce/Inferno Match. J.R. will stand on the outside trying to spray the wrestlers with his BBQ sauce, and whoever meets the flames first will become Benoit's dinner.

[Guest bps "The Truth" 21]

But...if Benoit is a fireman...he'll scoop all of Angle's 9-11 heat.

[Guest RazorxEDGE]

He doesn't put them out...he sets them.

[Guest RicFlairGlory]

Okay, I'm not reading that shit until you make it fit my screen. 150 characters in a line is fucking wrong, even if it is a JR spasm

[Guest RazorxEDGE]

Fixed it.

[Guest RicFlairGlory]

It was the JR Hoss Spasm, there were no breaks inbetween the characters, so it extended past the edge of the page (and I have 1024X860 resolution, so its not just a matter of widening the screen)

 

Its fixed now, so as we like to say in the Lake, "Fuckin Pissa"

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Is this the same guy who was going on about "America loves it's hosses" the other night?

[Guest RicFlairGlory]

Who? RazorEdge? with over 2000 Posts?

 

I doubt it...

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

Uh.. But he has 55 posts. O_o;

[Guest AlwaysPissedOff]

Ugh... SERIOUS wrestling discussion goes in here. Post all your masturbatory crap in NHB.

[Guest Strike Force!]

IF this was a general wrestling topic, I'd say the sure fire way to get Benoit over is to turn him into the tough, all business, no nonsense, doesn't back down form anyone babyface.

 

But since this is a No Holds Barred topic, I' d say the sure fire way to get Benoit over is....err, wait a second, according to the smarks, Benoit is ALREADY over. what gives?

[Guest Mattdotcom]

No Soylent Green jokes?

 

 

 

 

This thread displeases me.

[Guest OlympicHeroY2J]

RazorxEDGE, maybe I have no taste like *cough* everyone else here, but I thought that was pretty funny.( But totally unrealistic. Nothing will ever get Benoit over. He's a decent wrestler but he will just never get the fans to really CARE about him, like they do or did with Austin, Rock, Hogan, RVD, Edge or to want to see him get beat up, like they do with HHH, Angle, Jericho ( yes, Jericho), and Eddie Guerrero. But hell, any chance to see JR go overboard with his hoss references is fine by me.

 

Line that had me laughing:

HHH, YA SON OF A BITCH!!! YA SON OF A BITCH, AUSTIN CAME TO MY HOUSE AND HAD SECONDS ON THE BARBEQUE CHICKEN, YA BASTARD!!! WHEN DID YOU EVER COME TO GOOD OL' J.R.'S FOR AN OKLAHOMA COOK-OUT?!! NEVER!!! AND THAT'S A LONG TIME...NEVER!!! BOOMER SOONER!!! BREAK HIS NOSE, BAH GAWD

 

....I don't know why

[Guest alfdogg]

But...if Benoit is a fireman...he'll scoop all of Angle's 9-11 heat.

That joke was SO eight months ago.