Guest TSMAdmin Posted October 2, 2002 Report Posted October 2, 2002 SmackDown! from JHawk's Beak (8/29/2002) by Jared "JHawk" Hawkins Before we begin with tonight's recap, I would like to thank everybody for their largely positive feedback of my interview with Danny Doring. And to answer all your questions about "Why didn't you ask ?", the answer is, "We were supposed to do a 30-minute interview, but the show ran long and we only ended up having about 12 minutes." Under the circumstances, it came off quite well, I think. Anyway, I avoid SmackDown spoilers like the plague when I have to recap the show, and I know Dr. Tom is secretly hoping that Vince Russo somehow ended up writing this episode after that abomination of a Raw on Monday. Tom, man, I'm sorry. Even on a bad night, the show usually has some redeeming value. Unfortunately, the closest thing was the death of the Hardcore Title, which would be fine if they'd allow things like, oh, I don't know, the World Champion wrestling on the show. Oh yeah, it's showtime. Let the babbling end. Segment 1 The best part about SmackDown...no eerie picture of Stephanie McMahon to scare the crap out of me. Now if we can just get her to shut up. My first SmackDown recap in over three months is on tape (8/27/2002) from the Mohegan Sun Arena in some unnamed city, and he comes Stephanie McBitch (w/fake breasts) to break my eardrums. She welcomes us to the official home of Brock Lesnar, the Undisputed WWE Champion, and unfortunately, Raw has the number one contender, but Steph's a bitch and won't let them have their shot. Four months in a row with SmackDown getting the title shot. And we're having a "single elimination series of matches" (that is soooooo vague) to determine the real number one contender. So there! Single Elimination Series Match #1: Edge can't sell an injured shoulder vs. Latino Heat A SummerSlam rematch, and if Edge wins with a left-shoulder spear, I'll join Anglesault on the Edge Haters Club. Eddy immediately targets the left shoulder, so of course, Edge uses the left arm for his offense. I know the rule is "everything from the left", but please. Eddye back to the arm, and the grey ringposts and aprons are distracting. Just saying. Eddy finally gets in a brain buster for 2, then goes into a Fujiwara armbar. Edge comes back, but it's stopped with a dropkick to the knee. Edge blocks a brain buster and suplexes Eddy over the top rope. Edge with a plancha! Edge tosses Eddy in and heads to the top, but Eddy catches him and takes him down with a superplex for 2. Edge reverses a whip and connects with a flapjack. There's a power bomb, and Jimmy Korderas starts the 10 count. Both men to their feet, and Edge gets the better of a series of punches. Edgeomatic gets 2. Backdrop suplex, and Edge to the top...missile dropkick! Whip into the corner and a spear by Edge. Suplex attempted, but Eddy counters by landing on the apron and draping Edge throat-first on the top rope. Eddy brings a chair into the ring, but Edge intercepts it. Eddy has another chair. Edge goes for a spear...but runs into the second chair as Korderas removes the first one. Eddy to the top, and there's a frog splash and a pin at 7:52. The crowd was more into it than they were at SummerSlam, but it wasn't as good. Good opener though. ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- I'm still not entirely sure if this is going to be a tournament or if it's going to be gauntlet style, and that really should have been made clear before the first match started. Still, this is actually a good idea to make the entire show worthwhile, and that one match is already better than anything we saw at Raw with the possible exception of RVD-Dreamer. And you want to know why Dr. Tom only does Raw on certain weeks. Segment 2 Backstage, Matt Hardy (w/two Ts) assumes he's next to face Eddy Guerrero, but Stephanie announces Rikishi is the next opponent. Matt wants to know where he's entering, and Stephanie says "We'll see." But before we get to that one, we have another match, One fall: John Cena vs. Reverend D-Von Wouldn't it make more sense for the entire card to be part of the elimination series? Didn't Steph give us that impression? Does anybody really want these two anywhere near the title? D-Von tosses his jacket at Cena to start, but he doesn't stay in control very long. He regains the advantage, and this match is so important that we go into Brock Lesnar hype. D-Von with a vertical suplex and an elbowdrop for 2. Mini-comeback by Cena, but D-Von ends that with a powerslam for 2. Cena finally gets an advantage and hits a fisherman neckbreaker for 2. A couple of weak flying forearms earns Cena another 2 count. D-Von with an inverted atomic drop and a flying elbow, and he goes to the top to miss the flying headbutt. Cena with an Oklahoma (which even Tazz says he botches) for 2. D-Von with a low blow, and into the Saving Grace for the pin at 3:54. Not good, and that apparently ends Cena's push. Out comes Batista, and he clotheslines D-Von, then takes him down with a vicious sitout power bomb. Cue Batista's sweet new music! Here's a Rey Mysterio video package. Didn't he already debut? Oh, he's NEXT! ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- I'm confused. Cena can beat Jericho, can almost beat Angle, and he loses to D-Von Dudley, who hadn't won a TV match in months. Does this mean D-Von is better than Jericho in WWE's eyes? Probably not, but it's things like that the WWE tends to ignore when booking matches, and things like that that tend to make fans go "Oh what the hell!" Anyway, we've officially said it's a gauntlet type series, and that apparently Rikishi is worthy of being considered for a title shot. Christ, I can think of about 10 cruiserweights who are better choices to be top contender. Segment 3 One fall: Rey Misterio Jr. vs. Rico (w/The Blatantly Gay Duo) OK, he lost the mask three years ago and there is no "Y" in "Misterio". That just annoys the hell out of me. Isn't putting the mask back on blasphemous in Mexico or something? Billy tries to trip Misterio before we ever get a move off, but Rey backdrops Rico over the top and immediately takes to the air. Referee Mike Sparks immediately ejects Billy and Chuck (which he should have done before the bell since they aren't licensed managers). Back in the ring, and Rico finally gets the advantage with a knee to the back, then turns a slam into an inverted DDT. Nice move. Rico with rolling suplexes into a falcon arrow (I think) for 2. Some Japanese move, anyway. Rico with more martial arts kicks, then he tells the crowd he doesn't suck. Hard powerslam by Rico, but no cover. Instead, he goes for a moonsault, and of course Rey rolls out of the way. Rey gets in a flip floppy bulldog for 2. He get in an anklescissors that sends Rico head-first into the corner, then a springboard moonsault gets 2. Rico regains control with a backbreaker. Rey ducks a spinning leg lariat and dropkicks Rico into the back of the head, and then it's 619, West Coast Pop, academic pin for the win in 5:31. That was a bit of alright, for you British fans out there. I know it's supposed a reference to hot chicks, but still, there's only so many ways to say "good match" Backstage, Hardcore Holly tells Steph he deserves to be in the series, but Dawn Marie's Ass (and the rest of her too) informs Steph that the phone call she was waiting for came in. Chris Benoit gets a video package! If I didn't know any better, I'd think they were trying to push him! ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- Hey, three segments, three matches. This is my kind of show. But who is on the phone with Stephanie McMahon? How does Hardcore Holly believe he should be number one contender? And why does Steph think Rikishi's anywhere near the top contenders' spot? Channel 43 in Cleveland is experiencing "technical difficulties"? Technical difficulties? It's fucking videotape! Replace your tape machine already! Segment 4 We don't miss anything, as we return in time to hype the Hulk Hogan DVD. This past Monday, WWE wrestlers did a SmackDown Your Vote thing in New York. Even Canadian Edge. Kinda ruins the UnAmericans gimmick, doesn't it? Stephanie McMahon is on the phone with somebody who was mistreated on Raw. And Dawn Marie is on her way over with the papers. Matt wants to know where he is in the gauntlet, but he's being blown off, so he hangs up on Steph's phone call. An angry Steph gives Matt a non-title match with Brock as punishment. Marc Loyd is with Rikishi's Way Too Fat Ass (and the rest of him might be there somewhere), and Eddy comes in to laugh at Rikishi's lame promo. At least I'm not the only one. Eddy makes an ass joke (to a canned "ooooo"), and Rikishi wants to know the Spanish for "Back that ass up". It's NEXT! ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- I know I fell asleep during the show Monday night (those HHH interviews get me every time), but the only guy who could possibly jump ship and make sense is RVD, and that makes no sense since he's been treated like the GM's Pet on Raw. Maybe it's Howard Finkel. Or Jimmy Snuka. Other than that, nothing would make sense, and nobody wants to see those anyway. AND IF YOU TAKE ANYBODY ELSE FROM RAW, THEY WON'T HAVE ANYBODY LEFT! Sorry, but somebody's got to put some sense in them. And Matt, do you remember the last time you feuded with Brock Lesnar? You got one disqualification win in a two month feud. Run while you still can! Segment 5 Single Elimination Series Match #2: Latino Heat vs. Rikishi's Ass Covers the Entire Screen, and yet they won't show us Dawn Marie's up close on a non-Divas special Why do I have a bad feeling about this match? Rikishi uses his power to gain the advantage early, and we waste no time with Eddy falling in the corner. After the obligatory shot of Rikishi's ass (why God, why?), Eddy avoids the Stink Face. Eddy then targets Rikishi's legs to gain the advantage. Outside the ring, and Eddy rams the knee into the steel steps. Back in the ring, and Eddy with a leg split. So you know this is ending with a Banzai drop now. Eddy continues to pound away on Rikishi's leg in the corner. Rikishi comes back, but Eddy avoids being sat on and covers for 2. And Eddy into a legscissors. This is two matches tonight with psychology. Both involving Eddy Guerrero. Interesting. Toehold by Eddy, and Rikishi fights back with chops. Eddy back to the leg. So simple, and yet so effective. Rikishi with another comeback, which means more shots of Rikishi's ass. Superkick (while standing on the bad leg) for the pin at 5:01. Oh, you're shitting me. Chris BeNOIT is out after the match, and he goes right after Rikishi's leg. Eddy and Rikishi continue to double team Rikishi. Eddy with the frog splash, and it's Eddy right into the Crippler Crossface. Edge runs out to make the save, and he clears the ring. ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- So much for all that psychology, huh? Hey, guys, you blew it with Edge's shoulder at SummerSlam, and you blew it here, so let me explain it to you. If you work on the body part that long at a time, that body part cannot play a part in the guy winning the match. Look at Muraco-Morales. Muraco worked on the knee, and the knee cost Morales the match and the Intercontinental Title. Compare that to this match. Work on the left knee of Rikishi, for Rikishi to stand on the left knee and hit the superkick. Which was the better finish? Not like I'm buying Rikishi beating Eddy anyway, but at least make it plausible. Segment 6 Stephanie runs into Benoit backstage, and Benoit will get Rikishi in the next match of the series. Benoit better take this damned thing. One fall: Tajiri (w/Cruiserweight Champion Jamie Noble and Nidia--WWE Tough Enough 1 Champion even though nobody cares) vs. Shannon Moore (w/The Hurricane) This is loosely based on Moore pinning Noble in the tag match last week, and no, I don't know why he isn't wrestling Noble instead of Tajiri. Moore gets the advantage with armdrags and snap mares. Spinning heel kick gets 2. Tajir dumps Moore onto the top rope and takes him down with a clothesline. There are those Ultimo Dragon-like kicks, and into a reverse chinlock. Raw's coming back to Montreal, so get your anti-Earl Hebner signs ready. Moore is caught on the top turnbuckle, so Tajiri hits the baseball slide and covers for 2. More kicks, then back to the reverse chinlock. Series of punches and a cover for 2. And into a cobra clutch. Damn, Tajiri's going old school. Tajiri releases it and chokes Moore along the second rope. Delayed cover, and Moore gets a foot in the ropes. Back to the reverse chinlock. Restholds are great in a 20 minute match, but not in a 5 minute TV match. Moore finally fights back, and a counter sequence ends with Moore getting an elbow. Moore to the top, and a somewhat botched flying rana gets 2. By "somewhat botched", I mean I thought Tajiri countered with a power bomb. Moore into the ropes, but Noble trips him. Hurricane goes after Noble and gets a Tajiri baseball slide for his troubles. Tajiri back to Moore, but Moore counters a German suplex with a Victory roll for the pin at 6:34. Slow but good. Benoit vs. Rikishi is NEXT! ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- I swear, sometimes I think they're trying to kill off the cruiserweight division without resorting to some sort of title unification match. They left a very acceptable amount of time for this one, but it simply had too many Tajiri chinlocks to properly be called a "great match". Still, some solid action, and they're trying to give these guys enough time, so no major complaints. Segment 7 Single Elimination Series Match #3: Rikishi's Ass vs. Chris BeNOIT For the love of God, book this match right and tell me Angle gets Benoit in the finals. The fight starts before the bell. Benoit immediately targets the leg, as if it did a damn bit of good for Eddy. Benoit also targets the shoulder to set up the crossface. Rikishi comes back and gets a Samoan drop, and he immediately holds the shoulder. Benoit wastes no time going for the Crippler Crossface, and by all rights this should be the finish. However, Rikishi is apparently tougher than The Rock and reaches the ropes. Benoit goes right back to it, and this time Rikishi does tap out at 2:21. Short and to the point. Now unless John Cena or someone is in the finals, we should have a legit top contender. ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- Just as I said earlier, if they're smart, they go with an Angle-Benoit main event and give us 10 minutes of guys who can work a proper match, with the winner meeting Lesnar at Unforgiven. But knowing WWE's writing team, it will be the latest signee from Raw, which will be, say, Bradshaw. Because hosses=RATINGS. Eh, we'll see what happens from here. Segment 8 Next week, you'll see the new UPN. Rah. Marc Loyd is with My Olympic Hero, and Angle apologizes to the other six dwarves for beating Rey Jr. at SummerSlam. Anyway, the main topic is the elimination series, and Angle says the idea is to save the best for last, and he apparently is facing Benoit for the top contenders spot. Angle brings up their 2001 feud and says he will get that title shot at Lesnar. Funaki is outside Lesnar's locker room, and out comes Your God and Mine Paul E. Heyman. Funaki wants to interview Brock, and Heyman intimidates Funaki into changing his mind. Matt Hardy interrupts, and he says tonight begins the era of "WWE Mattitude". Oh, clever. Heyman: "You learn something new every day. I just learned that Matt Hardy has a death wish." ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- Two matches to go. If Angle-Benoit has enough time, it could be a classic, and the other one...well, let's just say it should be fun to watch Matt Hardy get thrown around the ring for a few minutes. Not much else to say about this segment. Segment 9 Non-Title Match scheduled for one fall: King Brock I (WWE Undisputed Champion--w/Your God and Mine Paul E. Heyman) vs. Matt Hardy (w/two Ts) Either they heavily canned the boos or we can no longer say "Brock's getting face heat." Matt poses on the second turnbuckle, so Brock simply clotheslines him over the top to the floor. About damn time somebody thought of that. There is a faint "Let's go Lesnar" chant as Brock tosses Matt around. The story is simple. Matt gets in bits of offense before Lesnar beats the hell out of him. Rinse lather repeat. Matt ducks a short clothesline and gets a roll up for 2, but Lesnar gets in the belly-to-belly almost immediately. See? Rinse lather repeat. HUGE powerslam by Brock. And he toys with him. I like this match for some reason. Brock clelebrates to a nice pop, but Matt cheap shots Brock and sends him over the top rope. Quickly back in, and Matt's officially in comeback mode until Matt sets up the Twist of Fate. Brock counters it right into the F5, and the crowd will count along with the three count as Brock gets the pin at 3:40. Even Heyman's impressed. Brock hands Heyman the belt and returns to the ring to continue the onslaught. Gee, this isn't reminiscent of Taker-Jeff, is it? And who does he face next? Find out NEXT! Backstage, Dawn Marie shows up with a signed contract, and now Stephanie is turning this into a triple threat top contenders match. So Dawn, call Eric won't you? Oh shit... ---------- COMMERCIAL BREAK ---------- Well, the WWE's use of canned heat backfires, as Brock is "booed" coming to the ring but cheered heavily during the match. Tsk tsk. As far as this triple threat match goes, I'll give a new prediction of The Big Show since that bit just dawned on me (and since he wasn't on Raw), but if it took me an hour to remember that, will casual fans who don't pay as close attention remember it? And if it's RVD, then Raw's lost its last marketable superstar. Either way, I've got a bad feeling about this. One question...wouldn't the newest SmackDown superstar still be in his hotel room and therefore unaware that he has a match? Segment 10 Triple Threat Match to determine the number one contender to the WWE Undisputed Title: Chris BeNOIT vs. My Olympic Hero vs. ??? Stephanie announces our third man............ ............... .................... The Undertaker?!?!?!?!?! What the bloody hell? WHAT THE FUCK SENSE DOES THIS MAKE? OK, Brock cost him the match on Monday. But since Bitchface here says it didn't matter...what the hell is going on? The match begins with Angle and Benoit double teaming Taker. Of course, it's The Undertaker, so he gets to clean house on both nen. Backdrops. Side slams. He attempts a Big Boot, but Angle ducks and Taker lands on it groin first. Benoit and Angle go back to double teaming Taker. Double backdrop suplex. Double clothesline, and Taker goes over the top. And now Angle and Benoit begin going after each other. Angle takes Benoit down with the rolling German suplexes, but Benoit goes behind and does his own set of rolling Germans. And they continure to counter until Angle counters into an ankle lock, but Benoit to the ropes before Angle can properly apply it. Benoit gets in a release German, and Angle is out cold, so of course, Taker just happens to wake up and make the save. Taker again works over both guys, then just Benoit, and a Big Boot gets 2. Taker sets up the Last Ride, but Angle comes from behind and takes out Taker's knee. Angle goes for a chair, and the referee stops him, but Benoit comes in from behind and hits Taker with his own chair. He covers, but Angle pulls out Benoit. Then Angle covers for 2. Taker tosses Angle to the floor, but Benoit with rolling Germans. They're broken with an elbow, and Taker with a choke slam and a slow count of 2 before Angle makes the save with an ankle lock. Taker breaks it, and Benoit into the Crippler Crossface on Taker. Angle comes in and adds in an ankle lock. Taker STILL won't tap, so Angle breaks the crossface up. Benoit counters the Angle Slam into a Crippler Crossface, which Angle counters into an ankle lock. I'll live with Benoit tapping if Taker doesn't win. Benoit gets to the ropes and kicks Angle into a Taker school boy, and Angle just barely kicks out. Angle takes Taker down with an Angle Slam, and Benoit belly-to-belly suplexes Angle over the top. But Benoit walks into the Last Ride for the pin that ruins a perfectly good show at 8:48. Cole says it best: "Two hours ago, The Undertaker didn't even work for SmackDown. Now he's the number one contender to the Undisputed Title." And he lost 24 hours before this to Triple H. Talk about your logic gaps. Cole puts the blame on Angle for releasing the Ankle Lock. Fuck you, Cole, fuck you. ---------- END OF SHOW ---------- OK, now. Let's go back to January. The NFL playoffs. Unless you're a Patriots fan, then you probably think the Raiders got screwed in that playoff game, right? So let's say the Patriots are set to meet the Steelers in the AFC Championship game. But Paul Tagliabue goes, "Well, since Oakland got hosed, we'll throw them in there too with the winner going into the Super Bowl." Ignorant, right? Guess what? Replace The Undertaker with Oakland and Angle and Benoit with Pittsburgh and New England, and you just saw it. This is stupid from several levels. One, why should Taker be involved when the series was underway before he signed his contracts? Two, exactly how was he mistreated on Raw? The answer: Brock Lesnar, now a SmackDown exclusive, cost him the match. So why the hell would he think he won't get screwed on SmackDown, when he got screwed by SmackDown this week already? Three, Michael Cole's an idiot for claiming Angle releasing the ankle lock led to Taker winning. Do you remember King of the Ring 2001, Cole, or do you have so much grease in your hair that it's slipped your mind? That night, Benoit and Jericho both made Steve Austin tap, but since there can only be one winner, not only did the match continue, but Austin, who had already given up the title, ended up winning the title. Maybe Angle simply remembered that. Since the referee made no attempt to even ask Taker if he quit at that point, he obviously remembered to. Ranting about the main event aside, this was a good show that featured some really good wrestling, and those of you who had it preempted (Dr. Tom included) need to see it the second it comes on. Not as good as last week's (how could it be?), but at least 6 or 8 steps up from Raw. Still, I went from being ready to call my cable company for Unforgiven to "they'd better stack the hell out of that undercard" in less than 15 minutes, and did it with so many holes in logic you'd think the writers' heads were filled with swiss cheese, so they are not on my good side even with a good show. Send me feedback dammit!
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