WWE Heat Recap: October 6th, 2002

[Guest TSMAdmin]

This past week’s RAW will go down in my book as one of the worst episodes of RAW EVER, and that is saying something. Needless to say, I’m not going into this week’s episode of RAW’s B-show with high expectations (well, I never do anyway, but you catch my drift.). Anyways, onto the show.

 

Wow, Heat gets pyro, yet RAW, Smackdown, and Velocity didn’t this week. Odd…

 

Your hosts are Jonathan Coachman and (as announced on RAW) Lita. Lita has a new theme, and it’s nothing special. I think Vince McMahon is out to screw me by assigning Lita the Heat commentating job. I guess he wasn’t watching her GOD AWFUL (and hilariously bad) promos during the Hardy vs. Hardy feud last year. If he was, he’d realize that Andre the Giant (no disrespect to the legendary Giant, but could you ever understand him?) had better mic skills than Lita. All right, so I’m exaggerating, but Lita is still fucking terrible on the mic, and at times, an eyesore. She looks pretty… mannish tonight. Coach tries to lay the mackdown as always, but he just comes off looking like an idiot.

 

Here comes WHACKO Steven Richards to kick things off. He gets little reaction, and a muffled “E-C-DUB!” chant. His opponent is… The Hurricane! Wow, I had a feeling he’d be on Heat within a week of his jumping to the RAW roster. Helms gets a nice pop from the crowd, and we have our first match.

 

Match One: WHACKO Steven Richards vs. The Hurricane (1/2 of the Tag Team Champions)

Before the match starts, they show the end of the HurriKane vs. Christian and Storm match; where everyone’s favorite superhero and everyone’s favorite burn victim (who has made a miraculous recovery) ousted the UnAmericans.

 

Hurricane extends his hand to Richards to shake hands prior to the match, but Richards slaps his hand away. Oooh, Hurricane isn’t happy about that! Richards tries to grapple with Hurricane, but Helms ducks and nails him in the midsection. He whips Richards, but it’s reversed, but ‘cane hits a shoulder block on the way back and taunts. He goes off the ropes, jumps over the sprawled out Richards, who tries for an armdrag on the return, but Hurricane reverses it into a rollup! Nice reversal. Richards kicks out at two, and takes Hurricane down with a scoop slam. He mocks Hurricane by doing the Hurri-taunt, but Hurricane grabs Richards’s arm and takes him down. Irish whip by Hurricane, followed by a hiptoss. Hurricane climbs to the top and hits a FLYING CROSSBODY OF DOOM (a la Randy Orton). Cover! 1…2…kickout by Richards. Hurricane keeps on his opponent with a Hammerlock. Richards tries to fight out, but Hurricane locks him up in a side headlock. Richards gets out of it, and Hurricane tries for a kick to the abdomen, bur Stevie grabs Hurricane’s leg, and hits an overhead Samoan drop. Richards stops away on Hurricane, and stands on his head, using the ropes. He breaks at 4, and stomps a mudhole in the corner, followed by some stiff chops. Richards calls Hurricane a freak, which pisses him off, because FREAKS ARE COOL! Yeah… right. Hurricane hits Richards with some rights and hits a cross body off the ropes. Richards kills Helms’ momentum with a shoulderblock. He stomps away at Hurricane again, and taunts for him to get up. He kicks him in the stomach, and hits a vertical suplex for 2. Richards gets Hurricane back up, and puts him in a neckbreaker lock. Lita tries to sell the pain of this submission, but her voice is just TOO HORRIBLE. Hurricane fights out by gaining his balance, climbing to the second rope and flipping out of the lock. Richards tries for a short arm clothesline, but Hurricane ducks out of the way, and takes Richards down with a neckbreaker. Time for the ref’s 10 count. Hurricane springs up at about 7, which gets the crowd back into this one. Helms knocks Richards down with some clotheslines and a neckbreaker off the top rope for 2! Hurricane has his whips reversed, but he still manages to hit an inverted atomic drop. SHINING WIZARD by the Hurricane! COVER… 1…2…RICHARDS reaches the ropes. Hurricane sizes Richards up and sets him up for the Eye of the Hurricane, but Richards shoves out of it, and gets Hurricane up in the airplane position. He whirls Hurricane around into a Michinoku driver! Holy shit, that’s gotta be it! 1…2…KICKOUT! Wow, I thought we had an upset victory on our hands. Richards loads up his leg, a la Shawn Michaels for the Steven Kick. Hurricane catches Richards' leg, and spins him around. Richards tries to hit a clothesline, but Hurricane ducks and nails the Eye of the Hurricane. Hurricane hasn’t had enough fun yet, so he sets up for a Chokeslam. Richards elbows out, and rolls up the Hurricane. He uses his foot and his hand on the rope…. 1…2…3! Upset victory for Steven Richards! Wow. Could this be the start of a push for Stevie? Decent match.

**1/2

 

Lita on Richards’ win, “That wahn’t rightatall.” EGAAH! Well, she is right. Two weeks into Hurricane's jump to RAW, and he's jobbing to Steven Richards in the Heat opener.

 

D’Lo vs. Raven is the main event this week… AGAIN. Oh well, maybe D’Lo will move onto RAW tomorrow after tonight’s rematch with Raven.

 

The No Mercy commercial rules it.

 

Ultra long MTV commercial break time.

 

Lita’s surgery:

They originally aired this segment a few months ago, possibly on Confidential. Nothing too noteworthy, though Lita looks REALLY horrible in the segment. Oh well, I don’t like her, but I wish her a speedy recovery.

 

Here comes the keeper of the worst titantron today, Spike Dudley. I really can’t stand him anymore for some reason. Maybe it’s his annoying “HEY, I’M REALLY SMALL, SO I’M GONNA DO A BUNCH OF STUPID LOOKING PUSSY MOVES!” offense. It’s either that, or his extremely ugly mug.

 

Wow, he’s got the ol’ Dudley glasses on this week. He takes them off and hands them to a kid, a la my favorite wrestler of all time, Bret Hart. His opponent this week is the human penis, Justin Credible.

 

Match Two: A special ECW B-Team Match: Spike Dudley vs. Justin Credible

Tie-up to start, and Spike backs Justin into the corner. Justin comes out of the corner and takes Spike down with a punch and a kick. Spike whips Credible, who slides across the ring and laughs, having outsmarted Spike. He charges at Spike, but gets hit with a hiptoss and a neckbreaker. Credible rolls out of the ring and tries to get counted out, but Spike brings him back into the ring. Credible whips Spike into the corner, but gets hit with a size 7 boot to the face when he tries to avalanche the little guy. Spike tries for… something off the top, but gets a mean Superkick from good ol’ JC. I gotta admit, that was quite nice. Credible hooks the leg but only gets a two count. He throws Spike into the corner, and stomps a mudhole, followed by a blatant foot choke and a powerbomb for two. Whip by Credible, and he misses a clothesline. Spike comes back and hits a cross body for two. Credible gets up and nails Spike with a clothesline for two, followed by a sleeper hold. Credible sticks his knee in Spike’s back for some extra punishment. Spike elbows out of the hold eventually, and tries for a sunset flip. He isn’t strong enough to pull Credible over, so JC punches him in the face. Credible pledges his allegiance to the clique by giving the crowd a crotch chop, which Spike takes advantage of by rolling Credible up for two. Side headlock by Credible, backed into the ropes. Spike whips Credible off, and both men get knocked down by opposing shoulder blocks. 10 count time. Credible beats Spike to his feet at 5, but Spike gets the advantage with some rights and an inverted atomic drop, followed by a spinning back elbow and a bulldog, which Coach calls a “Modified Dudley Dog.” Spike gets a two count out of that one. Spike hits Credible with a dropkick, followed by ONE OF THE MOST ANNOYING MOVES EVER, where Credible is in the corner, and Spike runs in place on Credible’s chest. Spike hits his chest like a gorilla, or the Ultimate Warrior, which also annoys the hell out of me for some reason. Credible stops this madness by shoving Spike HARD into the corner. Credible tries for the Superkick, but Spike grabs the leg and spins Credible around into the Dudley Dog. Spike wins. Blah match.

*

 

WWE’s poster child for anorexia, Terri Runnels is backstage with Raven for an interview. Raven cuts a promo hyping his match with D’Lo. This was a decent poetic promo by Raven.

 

And now, a word from our sponsors.

 

RAW Recap: Triple H vs. Bubba Ray Dudley

I don’t think anyone on the face of this earth thought Bubba had a chance in hell in this match. I’m guessing they stuck this match in the middle of the card because Bubba and Bubba were main eventing house shows the past couple weeks and people were walking out before the match even started. Ah, poetic justice. As always, for a more in depth look at this snoozefest of a match, check out this week’s RAW from JHawk’s Beak.

 

Jacqueline vs. Molly Holly is next.

 

Lugz Boot of the Week:

The boot of the week this week is Victoria’s chair shot on Trish Stratus on RAW.

 

Stacker 2 Burn of the Night:

Three minutes on Lita and Jeff Hardy. Yeah, whatever.

 

Match Three: Jacqueline vs. The Virgin Molly

I still don’t know why Jacqueline is on TV. Sloppy tie-up to start, Jackie fights out with a drop toehold. Side headlock by Jackie, followed by a shoulderblock by Jackie, and some freaky looking dancing. Jackie hits a nice Northern Lights Suplex, followed by a small package for two. Backslide by Jackie for two. Molly tosses Jackie over the top, but Jackie skins the cat, and slides under Molly’s legs. Double Underhook Suplex by Jackie for two. Molly throws Jackie to the ropes, and through the second rope. Molly pushes Jackie into the barricade, then back into the ring. Jackie hits Molly with some rights, but Molly takes Jackie down with a big right hand of her own. Molly throws Jackie’s face into the mat, followed by a backbreaker for two. Molly whips Jackie into the ropes, but gets hit with an elbow to the face. Molly tries for a Vertical suplex, but Jackie reverses it and shoves Molly into the corner, followed by a rollup for 2. Molly tries for a clothesline, but gets knocked down by a dropkick by Jackie, followed by a shoulderblock for two. Ugly spinning heel kick by Jackie for two. She whips Molly, but gets drop toeholded onto the first rope. Molly sets Jackie up on the top rope, but Jackie hits a Tornado DDT for the win. Jacqueline impressed me this week.

*1/2

 

They shill D’Lo vs. Raven as the main event again. Next up are clips of Kane vs. Chris Jericho.

 

Before the commercials, they shill for SPIN THE WHEEL, MAKE THE DEAL… I mean, RAW Roulette.

 

Commercial Break.

 

RAW Recap: Kane vs. Chris Jericho

This was a dead end match for me. I didn’t want Jericho to lose to Kane, but at the same time I didn’t want him to beat Kane, because he’d inevitably lose the belt to HHH at No Mercy, AGAIN. It’s a fucking crying shame that one of the greatest titles in WRESTLING history is being shoved aside in favor of an egomaniac’s trophy title. I guess this really does tell us what McMahon thinks about the midcard.

 

They hype D’Lo vs. Raven again.

 

Time for another commercial break.

 

Randy Orton Tribute Video:

Rocky Maivia 2K2’s (Hey, D’Lo even called him a ‘Blue Chipper’) tribute video is aired. I, like many of you, think that they may try and shove Orton down our throats to the point where we all hate him (and they’re doing a good job at that, so far) so much that he is transformed into a monster heel, much like Rocky Maivia. While that sounds like a good idea, I don’t know if I can withstand months upon months of Orton being shoved down our throats. I mean, I was ready to throw a brick at my TV when he beat both Christian and Lance Storm in back to back matches. Ah, well, I guess their plan is working, if it pissed me off that badly…

 

Hailing from the Bowery, here comes Raven. He’s pretty over as a heel. D’Lo comes out to his usual monster pop, yet he’s STILL on Heat. Oh well, I have high hopes that he’ll be on tomorrow’s RAW in Vegas.

 

D’Lo grabs the mic and sends a shout out to “all his dawgs in the D’Lo nation.” That gets him a nice pop, and D’Lo proceeds to cut apart Raven, saying he’ll be the brand new Raven exhibit in the Sky High hall of fame. Raven and D’Lo had a pretty decent match at the end of August on Heat, so I have somewhat high expectations for this one.

 

Main Event: Raven vs. D’Lo Brown

They tie-up to start, and Raven stomps a mudhole in D’Lo in the corner. Raven taunts the crowd, so D’Lo sneaks up behind him and tosses Raven into the corner. D’Lo goes to work with some punishing rights and lefts, followed by an Irish Whip, and a spinning flying forearm. D’Lo tries to charge at Raven, but Raven jumps over D’Lo and D’Lo’s shoulder is introduced to the steel ring post. D’Lo falls to the outside, and Raven hits a side Russian Legsweep onto the barricade. Back in the ring, Raven tries for the Raven Effect, but D’Lo fights out by running Raven into the corner. Raven elbows D’Lo, and hits his knee to the shoulder move off the top rope for two. Raven charges at D’Lo, but gets drop toeholded onto the second turnbuckle. D’Lo knocks Raven down with some rights and lefts, and a clothesline. D’Lo hits the body slam, and the SHAKY SHAKY LEG DROP. Oh my god, Lita said “SHAKY SHAKY LEGDROP” in the ultra high voice! MY FUCKING EARS!!!! D’Lo gets a two count. D’Lo tries for the 10 punches of doom in the corner, but Raven slides down and powerbombs D’Lo. Raven puts his feet on the ropes for extra leverage, but D’Lo still kicks out at 2. D’Lo gets up, and Raven walks right into the Side Effect, but D’Lo only gets a two count. D’Lo whips Raven into the corner, but gets a boot the face, and a low blow. EVIL referee Nick Patrick never saw the low blow, so Raven takes advantage by hitting the RAVEN EFFECT for the upset victory. A little short, but not bad. *Sigh* I guess this isn’t the last we’ve seen of this feud. Not that the feud has been bad or anything, but that means D’Lo will be staying on Heat.

*1/2

 

Coach begs Lita to come back next week, and Lita says she’ll think about it. Please god, PLEASE, don’t have her come back next week!

 

Bottom Line:

Typical Heat… nothing too special, but nothing too bad either. Mediocre main, decent women’s match, and an upset victory by Steven Richards. Lita wasn’t an idiot on the mic, but she just sounds WAY TOO HORRIBLE to be a commentator. Hopefully, she won’t be back next week.

 

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As always, you can reach me here.

 

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