BREAKING NEWS (from Raw Magazine)

[Guest art_vandelay]

Excerpt from the Dec '02 edition of Raw Magazine:

 

Kevin Nash had been in Birmingham, Alabama, rehabbing his torn quadriceps muscle for only one week when the rumors started flying. The internet was soon brimming with in-depth articles describing his thought process, while industry newsletters dedicated thousands of words explaining every detail of his actions.

 

Reports began to surface about patients who had been unable to see their doctors during the morning hours and others who had their appointments rescheduled for days later. Some industry insiders postulated that Nash's quadriceps was in perfect condition, and that he was in Birmingham for an entirely different reason. Other "reporters" wouldn't go quite that far, but stated that their investigations proved that Nash was doing something evil.

 

After all, in the months before he arrived in Birmingham, the average recovery time for patients who had undergone arthroscopic knee surgery was 21 days. After Nash arrived, it became 22 days. Recovery time for torn hamstrings had gone from 62 days to 64, and although the recovery time for sprained ankles had decreased from 18 to 17 days, patients were now doing and extra 5 minutes of rehab a day. Meanwhile, Kevin Nash was recuperating from his torn quadriceps well ahead of schedule. Anonymous sources claimed that morale at the rehab center was down and insurance payments were down 0.5% in inflation-adjusted 1970's dollars.

 

There could only be one answer, and the internet and newsletters had it: Kevin Nash was holding back people in rehab, and the entire medical profession was suffering.

 

Drastic measures needed to be taken. For the good of medicine and the well-being of thousands of rehab patients, Nash would have to reform his ways. He could no longer insist on scheduling appointments for the morning. If he could lift more weights than a fellow patient who was working out next to him, he'd have to lift less in order to make the other patient look stronger. Despite the fact that he had already undergone 21 major surgeries and competed as a world-class athlete for more than 20 years, he should no longer be allowed to discuss rehabbing injuries with doctors or other patients. For the good of the American public, Kevin Nash should remain injured and not heal until every other patient in Birmingham, Alabama had completely recovered. The survival of the entire public healthcare system depended upon him doing what was "right for the business."

 

While I don't think the exceprt is that funny (c'mon, it's easy to make fun of smarks/wrestling reporters), it is quite amusing to see in a WWE publication.

[Guest Mulatto Heat]

"world-class athlete"

 

 

Honestly, I don't know what this is getting at - I certainly haven't read anything remotely close to that. Hey, how about improving your own company and trying to get fan interest instead of yammering at the net crowd?

[Guest Paranoid]

My friend e-mailed me this yesterday and I posted it in video games. In light of the recent article I though it would be appropiate to post it here also.

 

CREDIT TO JASON RIVERA.COM

[Guest The Superstar]

yeah, that article was pretty surreal to read in a magazine. But the RAW Interview with Eddy was quite excellent.

[Guest art_vandelay]

Yeah, are they trying to piss us off? Well we'll show them! Where's the guy that made those Nash Desire parodies?

[Guest The Mighty Damaramu]

Umm.......Pro-Drinker is to hard. Everytime I start to drink more than Nash the game shuts off and a message saying I need to return to the Power Plant shows up.

[Guest snowfan]

My friend e-mailed me this yesterday and I posted it in video games. In light of the recent article I though it would be appropiate to post it here also.

 

CREDIT TO JASON RIVERA.COM

awsome pic...

[Guest TheArchiteck]

Umm.......Pro-Drinker is to hard. Everytime I start to drink more than Nash the game shuts off and a message saying I need to return to the Power Plant shows up.

Just keep at it man....wait till you get to the part when Scott Hall and Jake Roberts chanlleges you in a handicap shots match....now THATs impossible to win at.

[Guest Paranoid]

I can't seem to get the driving home stage complete without getting pulled over!

[Guest evenflowDDT]

I can't seem to get the driving home stage complete without getting pulled over!

I did, but I admit I also had to look on gamefaqs for the "no trees" code. It was cool though, I got enough points that I could go to the drinkin' store and pick up a new car that had Katie Fick in it!

[Guest Jobber of the Week]

I picked up the game on the shelf, but as I scrambled to the checkstand I tore my quad. Then SmarkZone made racial remarks about the guy I didn't trip over, and I made a music video of the scene to Chariots of Fire.

 

 

It all seems so familiar....