Dr. Tom's Smackdown! Report, Thanksgiving 2K2

[Guest TSMAdmin]

WWE SMACKDOWN! 11/28/02

 

Happy Thanksgiving to those of you reading this in the good ol’ US of A. I hope you ate too much and tied half a load on while watching football, much like I did. To my millions of international readers . . .uh, I hope your Thursday was agreeable, and try not to shake your heads too much at another American holiday that gives us an excuse to eat and drink.

 

Turkey Day Football: The Patriots played poorly enough to lose, but they were only playing the Lions, so they won. And in the late game, Old Man Emmitt showed he can run all over the Redskins at will. Now all the NFL needs to do is stop giving Detroit and Dallas the monopoly on Thanksgiving football.

 

The opening video package showcases Brock Lesnar’s rampage of last week, and all the things that pushed him over the edge. This leads to the question of whether he’ll be suspended this week, after 500 threats about it last week.

 

On tape from Columbia, SC, this is WWE Smackdown for Turkey Day 2K2. Your hosts are Michael Cole and, subbing for the absent Taz(z), Ernest “The Cat” Miller. It only takes him two seconds to get “somebody call my Mama” in there, too.

 

Stephanie McMahon comes to the ring and tells us how difficult the suspension decision has been. She starts telling everyone she’s the boss, so Brock comes out before the roster is emasculated any further. Brock demands to hear the decision face to face, and chases Stephanie from the ring by getting in her face. Steph directs some rent-a-cops to the ring and tells them to evict the indefinitely-suspended Brock, but not before taking a page from her father’s playbook with the “Brock screwed Brock” bit.

 

After the Brock, Brock is escorted into the parking lot. Anyone want to give me odds that he’ll return with a ticket?

 

Tag Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio vs. Matt Hardy v1.0 and Ice Ice Cena (with B-Squared). Fun Turkey Day-themed facts from Mattitude.com: Matt has been to Plymouth Rock, and thinks Thanksgiving is a boring holiday. Matt mocks Rey’s height, and IT’S ON as Rey pounds him down. Matt elbows Rey down and drops the leg, brother, before tagging in Cena. Cena is oblivious to Edge’s tag, and is greeted with a double dropkick. A rolling neckbreaker gets 2, and Edge flapjacks Cena. He deals with Matt, who comes in illegally, but posts himself trying to spear Cena. Cena rolls him up for 2, then puts the boots to him. Matt comes in and wails away in the corner. Edge boots Matt on a charge, but takes a Side Effect, forcing Rey to make the save. Matt applies a chinlock with a head vise, which Edge elbows out of and hits a crossbody for 2. Cena comes in and stomps away on Edge. He slaps on the chinlock, and pounds Edge down when he tries to fight out. Edge missile dropkicks him, leaving both down. Matt comes in, and promptly cuts Edge off from making the tag. That only lasts a moment, though, as Edge faceplants Matt on a Twist of Fate try. He makes the hot tag to Rey, who comes in with Bombs Away, igniting the house afire. Matt takes the wheelbarrow bulldog, and Cena gets dropkicked in the corner. Rey drop toeholds a charging Matt onto Cena’s groin. Edge holds Matt in backbreaker position for Rey’s springboard legdrop, forcing Cena to save at 2. Rey dropkicks Matt into the ropes and goes for the 619, but the erstwhile Bull Buchanan stops him. Edge baseball slides B2, and slugs Matt into position for the 619, which connects this time. It took Rey a while to recover from that one . . . that knee injury is getting more obvious. Edge spears Cenaoff the apron and goes up, leaping down with a plancha onto Cena and B2. Rey tries to ‘rana Matt over, but Matt counters with a powerbomb and grabs the ropes to help with the pin at 6:47. Didn’t I say Cena and Matt would make a good tag team? They put on a good show with Edge and Rey here, though the jury will remain out on “B-squared” for now. 6/10

(Winners: Hardy/Cena, pinfall via CHEATING TO WIN~! at 6:47)

 

Meanwhile, Stephanie talks to herself backstage until Kurt Angle comforts her over being booed. Steph tries to use the “friend” and “Aunt Flo” explanations to tell Angle she’s on the rag, but Kurt is, of course, too comically thick to get it.

 

After the break, Marc Loyd tells us Brock is back in the parking lot. Scott Steiner arrives, and flexes as the “comment” Loyd asked for.

 

Chuck Palumbo vs. Tajiri. Tajiri gets taken down, then gets a headscissors. Chuck armdrags Tajiri and gets kicked in the noggin for his troubles. They trade punches and kicks until Tajiri dropkicks Chuck in the midsection. Tajiri applies a chinlock, which Chuck elbows out of before snapmaring him over. Tajiri comes back with a kick, but Chuck is ready for the handspring elbow and turns it into a slam. He busts out the MIGHTY discus punch, but Tajiri hooks in the Tarantula. Chuck sweeps his leg out on a kick and slaps on a Padlock (like a Boston Crab, except he faces toward his opponent instead of away from him), but Tajiri gets to the ropes. Chuck tries an overhead suplex, but Tajiri zaps him with the GREEN MIST~! and nails him with the Buzzsaw kick for the win at 3:09. This wasn’t terrible or anything, but other than the return of the Mist, it wasn’t memorable at all. 2/10

(Winner: Tajiri, pinfall via Buzzsaw Kick at 3:09)

 

Meanwhile, Steph primps for Steiner’s arrival, but is suprised when The Fabulous Moolah walks into her office. Steph rags on Columbia some more (which is Moolah’s hometown), then allows Moolah to plug her book in exchange for a match, which she accepts. Lots of canned heat for this one.

 

After the break, Loyd talks to someone who denies selling a scalped ticket to Brock. What an exciting use of airtime.

 

Meanwhile, Paul E. Dangerously and The Big Slow run into Matt Hardy, who takes credit for getting Brock suspended.

 

Meanwhile still, Torrie Wilson shows off her Indian outfit to Billy Kidman. Lucky man, awkward segment.

 

The Cat dances in the ring to kick off the Pilgrim Fashion Show. There’s a table of food in the ring, which I’m sure will last a long time. Torrie comes out as “Pocahotness,”, then Dawn Marie joins us in Pilgrim colors. Mr. Charisma comes out in a turkey suit, and Cat appropriately calls him “Smackdown’s biggest turkey.” He tries to recite something, but I didn’t drink enough this evening to make it thru that. Cat wisely boots him off the stick and starts the “fashion show.” It lasts until Dawn flaunts the engagement ring, triggering the annual food fight. Dawn ends up with a pumpkin on her head, in case you wonder about things like that.

 

Tag Title Match: Kurt Angle and Chris Benoit vs. Los Guerreros. Benoit armdrags Chavo, who begs off after a second takedown. Benoit shoulderblocks Chavo, then does a Tilt-A-Whirl backbreaker to both Guerreros. That’s considerate of him to make sure neither feels left out. Angle tags himself in and takes Eddy down amateur-style. Eddy turns it into a hammerlock, then a headlock. Angle powerslams him, then does the same to Chavo. Benoit and Angle: equal opportunity pain inflictors. Angle Germans Eddy, then Benoit tags in to German Chavo, whowas in illegally. Since they can’t one-up each other, they do stereo Germans. The Guerroers try to high-tail it out of there while Angle and Benoit bicker, but the ref decrees that the match cannot end on a countout. Smackdown: home of referee empowerment. After the commercial break, Eddy locks in a seated abdominal stretch on Benoit. Benoit manages to hiptoss out, and brings the choppage. Eddy yanks him down by the hair and tags in Chavo for a double dropkick, which gets 2. Benoit avoids Chavo’s dropkick in the corner, letting Eddy take it instead. Benoit puts Chavo in the Crossface, but Eddy saves. He stays in sans tag and slaps on the chinlock. Benoit escapes with a HIGH back suplex. Chavo clotheslines him down from the apron, though, and tags in for a double-team suplex. Benoit slugs away on both briefly before Chavo pounds him down. Chavo slams Benoit, and Eddy slingshots in as only he can. Benoit faceplants Eddy, then suplexes Chavo onto him. Angle gets the hot tag, and goes into house afire mode with clotheslines. German for Chavo, overhead suplex for Eddy, and Chavo saves the pin. Benoit gets the blind tag and Germans Chavo. Eddy stops the trio, but ends up taking a German of his own. Benoit goes up and hits the Kamikaze Headbutt, but only for 2. Chavo forearms Benoit down, then gets tossed by Angle. Angle hits the 1000th German suplex of the match, this time to Eddy, but the savvy Eddy lowblows Angle and DDTs him. He goes up, but Angle avoids the Frog Splash. Olympic Slams all around, then Benoit puts Eddy in the Crossface. Angle shoves him off and slaps on the Anglelock. They start shoving and bickering again, allowing Chavo to clothesline Angle down. Benoit suplexes Chavo and puts Eddy in the Crossface again. Angle adds the Anglelock, then bumps the ref when he tries to pull him off. Chavo dropkicks Benoit to break up the Crossface and tosses Angle out. He does a frog splash of his own, which Eddy uses to get a very close 2. Eddy goes up, but Angle brings him down with the pop-up overhead superplex. The ref busies himself with Angle, allowing Chavo to wallop Benoit with a title belt. He takes Anle out to the floor, and Eddy picks up the pin at 16:35. The usual very good stuff from these four, of course, even if it's nothing new. 8/10

(Winners: Los Guerreros, pinfall via Greco-Roman belt to the melon at 16:35)

 

Meanwhile, Jamie Noble and Nidia introduce themselves to Steiner, who grabs Nidia’s ass in greeting. He *grabbed* a whole handful, too. They obviously have some strange customs on planet Steroid. Noble, of course, vows to do something about it.

 

After the break, Noble is in the ring and calls out Steiner. Steiner obliges. Noble tries to do a Steiner-like posedown, so Steiner kills him for a while before groping Nidia again. The typical Steiner promo follows.

 

After another break, Paul pays Stephanie a visit and tells her that Slow had decided to waive the no-rematch clause. Steph tells him that Slow will defend against someone of championship calibre, which means Moolah. Ugh.

 

Cruiserweight Title: Billy Kidman vs. Crash Not-Holly. Kidman armdrags Crash, then headscissors him over. Crash goes to the apron, and pulls Kidman out. He slams him ont the barricade, then puts him back in for 2. Crash slams Kidman, but Kidman answers with the Death Valley neckbreaker. They fight over the top rope, and Kidman wins, coming down with a crossbody. Crash rolls thru it, though, and gets 2. Kidman flips thru a suplex but takes an inverted atompic drop. He manages to dropkick Crash, but takes a faceplant when he tries a headscissors. Crash gets the tornado bulldog for 2 and tries a powerbomb, which Kidman reverses to one of his own. He finishes with the Shooting Star Press at 3:40. Total spotfest, but at least it was fun. 4/10

(Winner: Billy Kidman, pinfall via Shooting Star Press at 3:40)

 

Main Event That Won’t Happen: The Fabulous Moolah vs. The Big Slow (with Paul E. Dangerously). Paul gets on the stick and tells Moolah not to be afraid of Slow, and that he’s always been a fan. Then again, maybe Slow looks at Moolah like she’s Brock, which cues the goozle. Before Slow can chokselam Moolah, though, Brock runs thru the crowd and they throw it down. Again, Brock gets Slow up for the F5, and this time, he drives him right thru the announce table with it. Brock runs after Paul, but the rent-a-cops stop him. Slow lies amidst the ruins of the table as we fade to black.

 

The breakdown:

 

The Good: The tag title match was first-rate, of course. They’ll have to shake up the mix when Angle and Rey go under the knife, but this roster has the talent to recover. The other tag match was also quite good, as the team of Hardy and Cena showed they can be pretty effective. The cruisers gave us a spotfest that was fun to watch, and the “Pilgrim Fashion Show” was entertaining despite being predictable.

 

The Bad: I don’t mind them bringing Moolah out in her hometown and letting her plug her book: she’s put in the time and she deserves something for it. But putting her in what’s supposed to be the main event is just stupid. There were a million ways to get her out there, but playing granny-in-peril for The Big Slow wasn’t a good one. Also, the I’m-suspended-but-I-bought-a-ticket angle is beyond played out.

 

The Ugly: Four actual matches? Ugh.

 

Overall: I guess it’s appropriate that Smackdown waited until Thanksgiving to give us a turkey. It’s not that this was an actively bad show, but they’ve been turning out such consistently entertaining TV of late, and this was a clear notch below. I’ll still take this show over Raw all the time, but I’ve come to expect more in the past couple months. 5/10

 

Dr. Tom

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