The Crossface: Wrestlemania Predictions

[Guest TSMAdmin]

Mania Crossface

 

Wrestlemania is less than a week away. Most of the card is written in stone and it looks like a mixed bag. Listen to the Smart Marks dissect wrestling's biggest show of the year. Before we get started, let’s pimp the players…

 

Brandon Truitt- Don't miss Brandon's latest recap of the Mike Awesome Shoot Interview.

 

Dr. Tom- The good doctor took time out of his week to review the latest Hollywood blockbuster, The Hunted!

 

Jared "JHawk" Hawkins- Even if you miss RAW on Monday nights, don't miss out on JHawk's latest RAW Recap.

 

Jeremy Wall- Jeremy was lucky enough to interview a rising star on the indy scene, "Dangerboy" Nathan Brown.

 

O.R. Polk, Jr.- Polk tells it like it is in his DVD review of Thursday: Unrated Director's Cut.

 

Patrick Spoon- Patrick has been out of action lately, but will return wth a vengeance with a DVD review later this week.

 

William Hemlick- William is moderating the discussion.

 

 

 

The Rock vs. Stone Cold

 

William: First off, "Stone Cold vs. The Rock. Can this match even come close to their past encounters?

JHawk: It's hard to say. Neither has wrestled a great deal in the past year or so, and I'm not sure most fans really care one way or the other. But they've never really failed to deliver before, so it could be pretty good.

Brandon: No, because Austin's hurting, is ring rusted, and this is the weakest their 5-year feud has ever been. This won't even be as good as the Wrestlemania 15 match.

Patrick: No, Rock has had only two matches since his return (if you count the Brock match at the Miami house show), one with a cripple, thus giving him one real match since his return. Austin has had two faux matches and is in bad shape, as well as not very motivated, given the recent news about his neck. Also, the crowd heat will never even hope to approach the XVII match or even the XV match. Overall, It will be a pedestrian affair, with Rock keeping it watchable.

Polk: Their past encounters are overrated to begin with. This will be the worst one yet and it has the worst buildup. I don't even know why they're going with this match.

Jeremy: It's not going to be as good as their prior matches simply because Austin isn't as good as he used to be. He's much larger than before he left physically and his neck is in much worse shape than before. Austin just doesn't have "it" anymore, either. Despite Rock kicking ass royally of late on the mic, I haven't seen him do a real good match since his return, although he hasn't had the opportunity yet.

Dr. Tom: Rock will hold up his end, because he always does, even when he misses time. It’s just amazing how he never misses a beat. Austin’s got the neck that’s worse than anyone thought and some ring rust, but we all know he’s bringing his A-game to Mania. It won’t be quite on the level of their past work, but I still expect it to be quite solid.

 

William: In all fairness, Rocky didn't have much time in his match against Brock at Summerslam and they put on an impressive match. Don't you think Rock can pull out another great match?

Patrick: He can, but Brock is a physical stallion compared to Austin's current sloth condition.

Brandon: No, because Brock is mobile and Austin isn't right now. On top of that, Austin will be booked as Superman due to his reputation and it will hurt the match.

Patrick: Another factor will be, as Brandon said, the booking of Austin to not only be Superman, but for Rock to look like a coward. Rock as an aggressive heel is what made him compelling in 1998.

Dr. Tom: He can, but he’ll need help from Austin. Rock’s still going to have to shoulder a heavier load, though.

Polk: I can't really pick a winner but what I see is the Company Man vs. the guy who walked out on us. If Vince stays true to form, we know who's going over.

JHawk: It depends which Austin is showing up. If he comes in on fire, *** or better. More realistically, about ** and he should pray the crowd's hot for it.

Patrick: I give it ***-***1/4 at the most. I don't see anything worse than **.

Brandon: ***1/2 tops, but more likely **1/2 if Rock's got his working boots on. If this ends up being like Austin-Jericho at No Way Out where Austin's Superman stuff hurts the match, it'll be **1.2

Dr. Tom: I think it could be as “bad” as **1/2 or as good as even ****. It’ll probably end up around ***, with ***1/2 not being too surprising.

 

William: Well, most of you expect a pedestrian match and I am inclined to agree with you. I am still looking forward to it just to see if they can shock us. Now, I personally think the Rock is going to win. What are your predictions and why?

Brandon: I'd say Austin because Rock isn't going to be around long after Wrestlemania and you don't job the guy who's supposed to be your top draw to a guy about to walk out the door. It would make more sense, storyline-wise, for Rock to win though.

JHawk: Rocky winning is the only thing that makes sense since they've been building up his 0-2 record against Austin at WrestleMania. But rarely does Vince allow his heel to win a feud at WrestleMania. Austin wins.

Patrick: I want to think Rock will win, but it seems like the booking of Austin has been the same since before he left last year. He has yet to show any weaknesses. Since Rock will job to anything that can lay on top of him, Austin wins to somehow justify a World Title program with someone down the line and not to make him look worthless. Storyline-wise, Rock wins. Realistically, Austin wins.

Dr. Tom: Rock in some kind of screwjob finish. I can’t see him going 0-3 against Austin.

William: I agree with Tom. Most of you aren’t taking into account a screwjob. Rocky will win with a screwjob setting up the Backlash rematch.

Patrick: I'd like to add how worthless Rock will look against Austin, given the continuity they've actually exhibited with saying how Austin always beats Rock at Wrestlemanias, if Rock loses again.

JHawk: Maybe I'm thinking too logically, but why bother with the Mania match to do a rematch at a meaningless show a month later? Granted, there's a precedent for it, but come on.

Jeremy: I have no idea who is going over.

Patrick: I don't see a Backlash rematch, but since the event is slated for only two weeks after Wrestlemania (for whatever scatterbrained reason), maybe Rock can do that event also before he runs off to film something else.

Polk: With all the wrong people going over, it looks like the PPV AFTER Mania will be the one to order.

 

 

Brock Lesnar vs. Kurt Angle

 

William: Ok, next match on the ticket is Brock Angle vs. Kurt Angle. There is no doubt that Brock is winning BUT should this match even be taking place?

Patrick: I say yes, especially considering how it could be Kurt's final match. We act as if the news of his neck injury makes it any more tender than, say, when he was taking release Germans from Benoit in January. Simple knowledge of the injury doesn't make it worse, it only makes us aware. As such, yes, one final match before the surgery is perfectly acceptable, especially if they're going to be careful.

JHawk: For Angle's safety, I'd rather not see it take place. But I really believe Angle's going to bust his ass in order to make this mean something. They'll have to make it pretty tight with few bumps or major highspots for it to work

Brandon: No, because Angle's back is beyond screwed and there is a legitimate chance of definitively ending his career and possibly his life. I know I'd have been upset at Brock winning with a Fingerpoke Of Doom, but I'd have understood once I heard he's already expected to have FOUR discs fused. But two of those discs could be put off for another few years, if he's lucky

Jeremy: I think it should. Angle's an athlete, and if he could go through the Olympics with an injured neck, I am sure he can survive a work with an injured neck.

Brandon: Jeremy, if he wrestles in this match there's a bigger chance that his career is over. If he gets surgery now, there's a much better chance he can get away with only fusing two discs.

Jeremy: Yes, but Angle has gone through much worse with a similar injury

Dr. Tom: I also have to say no. However, you can’t protect someone from themselves, and if Angle is hellbent on doing this match, then WWE really can’t stop him.

Polk: There is so much speculation and rumor swirling about Kurt's condition I don't know what to believe anymore and I'm not sure I care. If he's in legitimate bad shape he shouldn't be in the ring, so I smell work as far as when they describe just how bad he's supposedly hurt.

Patrick: I would think it was a work if they were acknowledging it on TV, but nary a whisper has been made.

Polk: Spoon, there is such a thing as working the "smarts", too though.

Patrick: CJ, when was the last time WWF/E worked the smarks? They refuse to admit the existence of the internet hardly, so why go out of their way to fool us?

Polk: Good point but I still don't think Angle's in as bad a shape as they say. I too expect him to come out and blow the roof offa the place and make fools of all the "smarts" who said he shouldn't even be out there.

 

William: Well, since Kurt will be limited in his actions, what kind of match do you think we are in for... a **** classic or a ho-hum affair?

JHawk: I think they'll make it as close to amateur as possible to protect the neck, and I'll mark it ***-**** because I love that shit, but I'm not sure what it's going to be for everybody else

Patrick: I think Kurt will just blow away all reports of being careful and go nuts in this match. He's got his shot now to show his stuff on the biggest stage in the business, and you know the competitor in him will want to go all out. As such, I see this going around ****, maybe ****1/2 if Brock performs to his potential.

Jeremy: Angle will shock us. He'll probably kill himself out there to produce a ****1/4 match.

Dr. Tom: I think Angle is concerned this might be his last match, and I have the feeling he’s going to want to go out with a bang. ***1/2-****. There’s a chance it could go higher, but I’m going to be realistic.

Brandon: ***1/2 because Brock's unproven in the ring and Angle's hurting. If Brock had been allowed to be something other than the Vanilla Gorilla, I'd say ****+ easy.

JHawk: Remember, Angle was badly hurt with that concussion in 2000, and he worked an indy show with Christopher Daniels because he felt he had to for that crowd. And from what I've heard, that was ****. Anything's possible.

Jeremy: I don't think they're fooling the smarts on purpose. I think it's just one of those things where they used the bit quote in that Slam! article where Angle noted that he "could die". And it's just got people's feathers ruffled up.

Patrick: Oh, he's not about to die and wheeling about like Stephen Hawking as some believe for whatever reason, I just believe that this could he his final match based on his own decision, not his health. His career will be ended by the second surgery without question, so anything during the interim after the first surgery is all his.

JHawk: He could die, Patrick. People die from broken necks all the time. He's not likely to die or get permanently paralyzed with the shape he is, but he's more susceptible to it because he's had the broken neck once before.

Patrick: Just about anyone out there with a suplex in their moveset is tempting death. The only dude in the company who has no risk of dying is probably Big Show or maybe A-Train.

Jeremy: The way I see it, if Kurt wants to do it… let him do it.

Polk: I don't think the decision to be up to solely Kurt. Sometimes people need to be protected from their own pigheadedness.

 

 

Booker T vs. Triple H

 

William: The other title match-up taking place is Booker T vs. HHH. Since HHH is also hurt, I have a gut feeling Booker is winning this match. Most don't agree. What do you guys feel?

Patrick: BOOKER. MUST. WIN. Not because I'm a big mark for him (doing the Spinaroonie pose when I'm at raves even), but because another Triple H win would render his character completely dead in the eyes of the marks because he never loses, and thus has ZERO intrigue to him. He'll cease to draw whatever little he already does. It won't be "please someone give the heel his comeuppance" heat from the crowds, it'll be "give us a change" heat.

Brandon: I feel that Booker is in a placeholder feud until Kevin Nash comes back... and promptly gets hurt walking down the aisle.

Polk: Well, considering the news that came out concerning Booker T's RAW match versus the Rock, it seems that HHH is going over. Maybe next month for Booker.

Brandon: That was discounted by stories of Hurricane knowing he was facing Rock a week ahead of time, Polk, and the Shawn Michaels business pissed people off.

JHawk: After hearing the reaction for Booker on Raw, the stupidest thing they could possibly do is let Triple H win again. Booker HAS to win or they'll alienate more than 80% of their audience. But I have no faith in anything WWE does these days ever since HHH buried RVD.

Dr. Tom: I think Booker is actually winning, but for a cynical reason. HHH doesn’t really want to elevate him, but he does want to win the belt back at the first Raw-only PPV (nee King Of The Ring), and I think that’s what’ll happen.

JHawk: I'd argue that it's already "give us a change" heat

Patrick: True, but WWE won't acknowledge it until post-Wrestlemania ratings come in and show that a Triple H victory killed not only the crowd at SafeCo Field, but at home as well.

JHawk: I still want to know what kind of business deliberately advertises one thing when they know they won't deliver

Jeremy: JHawk, the WWE of course.

 

William: For Booker's sake, I am hoping this match is above average. Can he carry The Game to a good match?

Brandon: **1/2 if he's lucky... Booker's no Angle, Jericho, Benoit, or even an RVD.

Patrick: Yeah, seriously. WWE knows they're THE fix for free wrestling anymore, so they can do whatever they want. I'm going to be generous and say ***. Booker will be very motivated by the large stage and attention he's finally getting. Also, Triple H knows that any attempts to make his opponent look bad will be very transparent for the same reasons that Booker would be motivated.

Brandon: He's entertaining but hasn't had a great match since coming over from WCW, except possibly a tag match against Jericho and Christian.

JHawk: I'd agree with Brandon on that one. **1/2, but only if Hunter had his working boots on too

Dr. Tom: I think **1/2, with an outside chance at something around ***. But really, a little bit above average is about the best we can expect from HHH these days, which is a shame.

Jeremy: **1/2. Hunter will need his working leg braces on, heh. Hunter's wheels are done. It's not going to be anything special.

Polk: Brandon, I agree that Booker's no Angle, but I think he's as entertaining and at least on par with Jericho and RVD, even if they employ different styles. And he's proven he can rock with Benoit.

Jeremy: I like Booker. He just can't carry Triple H, it's really that simple

Brandon: Booker can bring it if his opponent is good, but Trips hasn't been good since the injury. I should be more specific, the FIRST quad tear. He's been injured for nearly 2 years now.

 

Editor's note: This conversation took place prior to the RAW tag match where HHH was pinned by Booker T. After Monday night, I am sure anyone who chose Booker T to win is having second thoughts.)

 

 

Vince McMahon vs. Hollywood Hogan

 

William: Ok, another "main event" to look forward to is Hulk Hogan vs. Vince McMahon. This seems like a no-brainer that Hogan would win but I wouldn't put it past Vince to get the 3-count on Hogan. Who's winning this geriatric thriller?

Jeremy: Hogan. It's the only reason they're doing the match, so Hogan get have a WrestleMania win.

JHawk: Hogan pretty much has to win, but he'll retire anyway to make the pre-match stipulation worthless.

Jeremy: If they wanted to put someone over Hogan, they would've matched him against a "younger" opponent, so that person could benefit from the win.

Polk: Hogan. I haven't seen Vince go over at a big event yet. Austin at St. Valentine's Day Massacre, Flair at the Rumble, Shane, no one.

Brandon: I disagree guys. Vince will win, because HE thinks he's the true legend of the WWE.

Polk: Vince always jobs but he can't lose his heat because he's Vince McMahon, Dammit.

Brandon: Vince booked himself to win the WWE title before so nothing is below him.

Dr. Tom: Hogan wins. Vince may have put the belt on himself before, but I don’t recall him keeping it very long. I know he loves the spotlight, but Hogan will go over to squeeze some more nostalgia pops out of his tired act before he goes away for good.

Patrick: I was saying Vince until the news of Hogan's new contract, and they'd put a younger person over Hogan to help establish them like Brock, not a non-wrestler like Vince.

Jeremy: He booked himself to win the title as part of an angle. It was nothing like a Vince Russo ego trip. Or a Verne Gagne ego trip, or a Mitsuharu Misawa egotrip, but those can be justified as well. I still don't get Russo getting that belt though. Man must love himself

Polk: Exactly. It wasn't like he was wrestling as the champion for months at a time.

JHawk: Well, Gagne could have at least jobbed it off when he retired, but I think I'm supposed to stay on topic here.

Dr. Tom: Unlike Gagne, though, Vince won’t put the belt on himself in his dotage and then push his son down our throats. Besides, Shane-O-Mac >>>> Greg Fucking Gagne.

Brandon: At that time, it was unheard of because the WWE title was still highly respected but that six-month period nearly killed it until Steph and Foley got Trips over big. Between heatless Trips reigns and The Big Show, it was horrible.

Jeremy: I disagree. Belts are props.

Polk: That was one misstep and it still wasn't as bad as the stuff WCW did. At least it made sense in the angle. I don't think it tarnished it as much as an Arquette reign. I think the split has done more damage than Vince winning it.

Patrick: Yeah, that latter half of 1999 was really awkward all the way through.

Brandon: Belts ARE props but they need to be treated as something special or the fans don't care.

Jeremy: Brandon, I agree with that, but the only reason they exist are to put someone over who needs to be put over the real championship title belongs to the person who can draw the highest. That person (whoever he may be) doesn't need a title.

Brandon: Then why do guys who are so over like Rock and Austin get SIX reigns?

JHawk: Because the days of having one or two long reigns are over, and now the number is more important than the length. Some people who didn't watch WCW probably think Arquette was a bad champion because he only had one reign.

Polk: I don't know why people STILL bitch about the ONE time Vince put the belt on a non-wrestler when it was actually a good angle and it made sense. It wasn't some B-level celebrity.

 

William: Well, thankfully none of these guys are wearing a title belt at the moment. Now, Vince has provided us with Sports Entertainment moments in the ring. Can Vince carry Hogan to a memorable bout?

Dr. Tom: Carry him? To a good match, no. But it’ll be one to remember simply because of the participants and the history between them.

Polk: I think it'll be just a shade worse than Flair vs. Vince at the Royal Rumble.

Jeremy: It'll be bad in terms of star rating bad (like maybe 1/4* or 1/2*), but it will be something we can talk about years from now.

Patrick: I think that Vince's love of abusing himself when he gets in the ring will get this match over with the crowd, because if it looked like two old men bumping into each other for fifteen minutes, the crowd would fart on it. Bad star rating, good memory value.

Jeremy: In the future, WWE will make-believe it was a classic. Just like Inoki did with Muhammid Ali vs. Inoki, recreating a bad match into a great one.

Brandon: This will be the first negative star match at -* because Hogan's 45+ and immobile and Vince is nearly 60.

JHawk: I think it will be memorable. Being a good match doesn't mean anything as far as memorable WrestleMania matches go. Andre-Studd sucked. Hogan-Rock wasn't exactly a classic. Hogan-Andre at WrestleMania III wasn't drawing ***** ratings. But they're memorable nonetheless.

Brandon: This may get a Rock-Hogan vibe to it though. Hogan is over no matter how much we may try to deny it and people don't like Vince although it won't get quite the reaction from last year.

Jeremy: I think the crowd reaction will be the whole match.

Polk: I don't think it will get the Rock/Hogan treatment from the crowd simply because Vince doesn't draw the same type of heat as Rocky.

 

 

Chris Jericho vs. Shawn Michaels

 

William: Well, the match I am looking forward to the most is HBK vs. Chris Jericho. HBK has a reputation for refusing to lie down. Does he put Jericho over?

Jeremy: Yes ...it's why Shawn is in the match.

JHawk: Shawn putting Jericho over is necessary to make the feud work, and I think even Shawn realizes that he's nearing the end of his usefulness. He'll do the job and retire.

Dr. Tom: Yes. I don’t expect him to go down easy, and the victory might not be clean, but I fully expect Jericho to get the duke.

Brandon: Not unless Taker decides to start making threats again. HBK hates putting people over even if he's nearly crippled.

Jeremy: No way, Shawn will be more than willing to lay down for Jericho.

William: I agree with Brandon. HBK is bed buddies with Vince McMahon and his future son-in-law.

Patrick: With split Pay-Per-Views in the future, they need to make Jericho a viable competitor now so he'll have value when they split.

Polk: But who is Taker to step in and say something this time considering his situation with Nathan Jones?

Brandon: It's "Do as I say, not as I do" OR... the motto of the WWE these days.

Jeremy: See, he's claiming he's "changed". Of course he's going to what he has to to prove it. WWE's current day motto: We are NOT WCW. Please don't confuse us!

Patrick: Michaels seems content since his return to only look overpowering and always get his heat back in interview segments and such, not in the ring.

Polk: I won't hold my breath waiting for HBK to put Y2J over, but if he does, I REALLY wanna see what they do with Jericho from there. The way to go would've been RVD if you ask me.

Jeremy: I've seen a million Jericho/RVD matches. I'd like to see Jericho feud with Booker over the Raw title.

Brandon: We never DID get the Booker-Jericho program we wanted... so this would be a good first defense for Booker.

 

William: Personally, I think this is the match of the night and Jericho is good enough to make this a **** bout. Do you agree?

JHawk: I got flamed for it last time, but yes. Jericho has been motivated for a change, and even when Shawn was nothing he gave it his all at WrestleMania. Match of the night might be a stretch, but it's possible.

Jeremy: Yes, definitely. Shawn is also in fine condition to keep up and possibly surpass Jericho, as well.

Dr. Tom: *****? No. But I think it could definitely be **** and maybe creep a little north of that. I certainly expect it to be very good, but not a timeless bout.

Patrick: Yes, this could hit ****1/2 for sure, no doubt in my mind. Michaels will want a retirement match to look like a million bucks, and Jericho will gladly comply.

Jeremy: I doubt Shawn's retiring.

Patrick: But it's advertised as such, it's the selling point.

Brandon: ****? No, HBK burned up most of what he had left in the tank at Summerslam and finished it off at Armageddon. This will probably be *** unless Jericho can get HBK to bump like he did at Summerslam.

Patrick: Hogan also at least gets a reaction at the arenas. Michaels gets anemic pops at best.

William: But Brandon, Jericho is the best wrestler, in terms of workrate going right now. He carried Jeff Hardy to a good match!

Brandon: Jeff is cooperative even if he's probably strung out... HBK may not be easy to work with if he thinks he's going to look bad... like jobbing to Jericho in the end.

Polk: Okay, I just think that Jericho had his day in the sun briefly and was even World Champion. I think RVD needs the match with HBK more than Jericho at this point.

JHawk: I'd agree with that, but I think we've established that WWE has nothing for RVD other than putting him out there to pop a dead crowd at this point.

Dr. Tom: That, and putting him in the “most unusual tag team,” since both guys are still suffering from being buried by HHH.

Jeremy: I think Jericho's workrate is overrated. He needs to be matched up against the right opponent for things to click. I don't like RVD as much now that he's wrestling more WWE-style. It's made him dull.

 

 

Chris Benoit & Rhyno vs. Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle

 

William: The next match is Benoit/Rhyno vs. Los Guerreros vs. Team Angle. I personally think that Team Angle wins this thing with heel shenanigans. What do you guys think?

Jeremy: Benoit/Rhyno winning clean for the title is the best way to go. Haas and Benjamin are greener than they look so their title reigns shouldn't be lengthy.

Brandon: I think they want to put Los Guerreros over as the top face tag team and then turn Rhyno and Benoit into singles stars again. Considering how they're hurting for guys on top, they need both Benoit and Rhyno elsewhere.

JHawk: I think Los Guerreros take it. I don't see Benoit and Rhyno as a permanent team, but I don't think they'll do much with Team Angle without Kurt Angle as a mouthpiece either.

Dr. Tom: I could live with either of these teams winning, since I like everyone involved in the match. I get the feeling Team Angle hangs onto the belts a little while longer. Maybe there’s somebody in Titan who wants to see what they can do without Angle as their team captain, mascot, and mouthpiece.

Patrick: I don't know what to think about this match, since Team Angle's viability kind of goes out the window with Angle's departure. I say Benoit/Rhyno since Benoit won't be needed immediately to go against Brock with the sudden elevation of CENA~! I think they've demonstrated that Los Guererros are over without the titles, so there's no need to give them back to them.

Polk: I'm saying Benoit/Rhyno for now, but they lose them on TV to Los Guerreros shortly thereafter to enable a singles push for Benoit.

Jeremy: I'm interested in seeing what they decide to do with Haas/Benjamin after Angle's on the shelf. I would imagine either Rhyno or Benoit is going heel.

Dr. Tom: Ditto, Jeremy. I was surprised Rhyno came back as a face, really.

 

William: Well, we all have different opinions on who will win. I think that makes this an intriguing match. Do you think it will translate into great wrestling?

Jeremy: Benoit? Guerrero? Give me a break. ****!

Brandon: Benoit, Rhyno, and Los Guerreros can all bring it. The question is whether Team Angle can keep up with them. **** easy. I'm sure.

Patrick: I think they learned from the mistakes of the Survivor Series match that ended up being surprisingly underwhelming. An easy **** affair.

JHawk: This is what I see as the match of the night. **** easy, probably ****1/2. My question is whether the crowd will pop for it if it comes after one of the "main events".

Dr. Tom: All these guys can go, and even though Team Angle’s fairly green, I don’t doubt they can bring it in the ring, especially with Benoit and Eddy around. ****, probably ****1/4 or ****1/2.

William: So do you guys think this will surpass Jericho-HBK as Match of the Night?

or even Brock vs. Hurt Kurt?

Jeremy: Umm... no, just because HBK/Y2J is more of a spectacle

Dr. Tom: I think it will, if only because of the inevitable Pier Sixes that will break out, and the teased finishers. This match will have a LOT of heat in its latter half.

Brandon: Definitely. These days, I don't think HBK can compare to any of the talent in this match.

Jeremy: Michaels' has really only had two main event style matches...

: both against Triple H, so the way I see it, we don't know what he's capable of yet against a quality opponent.

Brandon: RVD is a quality-enough opponent and that match was the shits.

Jeremy: RVD match wasn't booked to be a great one. It was booked to be a five-minute TV match.

JHawk: With Angle's injury, yes, I think it will be better than Brock-Kurt.

Dr. Tom: If Angle weren’t injured, his match would be better, hands down. But with his neck the way it is, I think this eclipses Kurt/Brock, definitely.

Brandon: That was when the Smackdown Six could be sleepwalking and put on a ****+ match on the other show... HBK either didn't want to have a great match or couldn't bring it against someone like RVD.

Patrick: I disagree, Tom. I think, in the end, Lesnar/Angle will be the match by which this Wrestlemania will be remembered.

Jeremy: McMahon/Hogan will be remembered the most simply because that is the way WWE will want it to be.

Brandon: This is the guy who used to carry SID just to prove he could for God's sake.

Jeremy: I mean, New Japan did it with Inoki vs. Ali. It was a horrible match, and just about ruined their business, but this past January, New Japan ranked it the greatest match ever.

Patrick: Oh, fuck what WWE wants us to think. They've made the Triangle Ladder Match nonexistent because TLC rolls off the tongue better, but I remember Wrestlemania XVI for that match, not the four-way for the title.

 

 

Undertaker & Nathan Jones vs. The Big Show & A-Train

 

William: Ok, now we'll move on to a match NOBODY is looking forward to... Prince Albert and The Giant vs. Mean Mark and Thunder from Down Under. Is this match just an excuse to continue Taker's Wrestlemania streak?

Brandon: Yes, because Taker got nervous that he would be jobbing to the Green Machine, Jones, if he had a singles match.

JHawk: Possibly, but I think it could be the excuse to end the streak without killing Taker's heat. What if Nathan Jones snaps and gets disqualified? Now Taker's pissed at Jones. Instant feud. Granted, those matches would suck too, but that's kind of how I see this breaking down.

Patrick: No, it's a match that will make me, and the baby Jesus, cry long and hard.

Jeremy: We all know the three ‘veterans’ are horrible and Nathan Jones is a bum. That pretty much gives my opinion on the match.

Brandon: The operative word being "green", Jeremy.

Jeremy: The operative word being awful

Patrick: The operative word(s) being "CRIKEY! LOOK AT THE CRAPPINESS OF THAT MATCH!"

Dr. Tom: I think Taker’s winning streak means a lot more if he wins a singles match. Sure, I think this match will keep his streak going, but just the fact that it’s a tag match dilutes him adding to his record.

Polk: Taker officially makes me sick again. I just hope the A-Train/Show vs. Taker/Jones match is thrown out there early.

Brandon: God forbid that happens... if Taker has a match in the first half of the show he'll pout for another 6 months.

 

William: So is it officially the worst match of the night?

Patrick: Man, if they had Jones doing a Crocodile Hunter thing with Big Show like Goldust did, I'd never come down off the markout.

Patrick: Yes, without question, this will be awful.

JHawk: If this doesn't end up as worst of the night, then either Hogan-Vince sucked that much or all hail the motivated Paul Wight.

Dr. Tom: It’ll be better than Hogan/Vince when it comes to the action in the ring, but I think it’ll basically be very forgettable.

Jeremy: Vince/Hogan will be worse for workrate than the Taker match. I'm not endorsing the Taker match by any means, though.

Polk: Hans: I don't know. I think Vince at least will try harder than anyone in the Taker match, although I'm not sure what he'll actually produce.

Jeremy: I see your point, Polk. It's just, Vince isn't a wrestler and Hogan's knees and back are shot.

 

 

Trish Stratus vs. Victoria vs. Jazz

 

William: I ask this question every month... does anyone really care about the women's match? This month it is Trish vs. Jazz vs. Victoria.

Brandon: I could care if it was Victoria vs. Trish and it hadn't been done 100 times. Jazz is heatless even though she can work.

Polk: I don't know if I really care about the match, but Victoria has the coolest finisher and entrance music on the entire RAW roster. She will job to HHH sooner or later and get repackaged.

William: Personally, even though they usually suck, I look forward to the women's match. Ever since the Jackie Gayda abortion, I can't turn away from them. I keep looking for the BIG blown spot. It could be a drinking game.

Patrick: YES!!!! I do, dammit! Jazz takes it, Victoria goes nutsobonkerscuckoo. I say it'll be a good match too, but the consensus on women's matches is that they'll suck before they happen, sadly.

JHawk: I don't know if the match will be any good or not, but the storyline kicks ass, so I'm looking forward to it.

Dr. Tom: Considering all these girls can get it done in the ring, I think this could be decent, certainly better than people are expecting. This isn’t some pointless T&A match.

Polk: Yeah, the women's match looks like an example of the creative not really knowing what to do, so they just threw everyone in the match together.

Brandon: If you want to have a REAL drinking game, take a drink whenever Triple H's name is mentioned while he's not on-screen.

Polk: I think Angle will be mentioned more than HHH during Mania, I bet.

Jeremy: You could do the same for Russo on NWA-TNA but you'd die of alcohol poisoning. As for the match, I would imagine Trish is going over since it's the best booking decision.

Patrick: I'm just overjoyed that entrances will be long, so I'll get to hear TATU~ for a solid two minutes before the match.

 

 

Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio

 

William: Ok, I completely forgot about this match but it could also be a **** affair... Matt Hardy vs. Rey Mysterio. Could this one possibly steal the show?

Patrick: It could, if they let them act like cruisers can. Mysterio should bust out some crazy shit for the big show, I think.

Brandon: This could if it was given enough time... however, it won't so that we can have the Cena vs. Fred Durst rapoff.

JHawk: Oh dear God, don't get me started on that rap-off crap! But this should be *** easy if given enough time.

Polk: Yeah, I'm like JR where it concerns cruisers, I talk a big game but I don't really care to back them.

Jeremy: Mysterio/Hardy will be good, and it could be great if they decide to give it the time.

Dr. Tom: I don’t think it will steal the show, simply because it won’t be given a chance. It’s no fault of the workers, but they’ll get a few minutes less than what they really need, and probably get a crappy spot on the card, too.

Patrick: Yes, they are having a rap-off. If they have it right after the abhorrent tag match, the crowd could be terminally dead for the rest of the night.

Jeremy: Mysterio wins because that's what they've been building to.

Brandon: Rey will win the match in order to pigeonhole him as a small guy instead of a great wrestler. And to screw over Matt Hardy at the same time… two birds with one stone.

 

Jeremy: And then Mysterio feuds with Kidman. And then they bring in Ultimo Dragon and throw him and Tajiri into the mix.

JHawk: Rey will probably win, but I think Matt Hardy is over enough to get a Jamie Noble-type reign except with crowd heat.

Dr. Tom: I think Rey wins and Matt stops moonlighting in the cruiserweight division. No one really benefits from him being there, and they can put him to better use somewhere else on the card.

Jeremy: Brandon, how does Mysterio winning the Cruiser belt pigeonhole him?

Brandon: Who has held a small wrestlers' belt like the Light Heavyweight belt and taken seriously later in the WWF? X-Pac's success was all before he finally agreed to lower himself to holding that belt. Malenko, Scotty II Hotty, Jerry Lynn, etc. were never taken seriously.

Jeremy: Mysterio's a cruiser. It's the cruiser belt. It probably won't affect Mysterio's push with the big wrestlers either way.

Brandon: Don't say I didn't warn you when Steiner squashes Rey, Matt, Dragon, and Tajiri in 3 months in one run-in.

Polk: I think it depends on how over and charismatic the wrestler is. X-Pac sucked. Rey would only elevate that title.

JHawk: It's not so much that the fans don't take them seriously, but Vince McMahon has rarely treated anyone under 245 pounds seriously.

Patrick: Mysterio is too over to be taken down any by holding it. The examples you gave were either people the crowd hated with a passion or not very interesting in the first place.

Jeremy: Steiner's not squashing anybody

Brandon: Well, Nathan Jones then.

Polk: As good as the Malenko/Hotty matches were, neither of them were really all that good outside of the ring and that's what counts nowadays.

Jeremy: Mysterio would get squashed either way in that case… with or without the title. It doesn't make a difference to Rey, it makes a difference to the value of the title in terms of making it look second-rate to the heavyweight division, but squashing Rey is squashing Rey, with or without a belt.

 

 

RVD & Kane vs. Chief Morley & Lance Storm

 

William: OK, the last match signed to the card was this match for the RAW tag belts. I am not excited about either team. How do you guys see this match playing out?

Dr. Tom: The Raw tag team division continues to be lackluster. Instead of just vacating the titles and having something potentially exciting, like a four-team elimination match, they just stuck the belts on two guys no one cares about.

William: I disagree Tom. I am glad they didn’t muddle up the card with a convoluted four-way.

Dr. Tom: Honestly, what reason has WWE given us to care about two singles wrestlers who had to become a tag team after getting their heat killed by HHH. As for the match itself, I think RVD and Kane will win simply to move the belts onto someone less stale. I also wouldn't be surprised to see the Dudleys get involved in the match, after Storm and Morley's botched interference Monday night.

Jeremy: RVD/Kane will win the titles, and I'm sure the Dudleyz will get involved in some form or another.

JHawk: RVD and Kane should take this one. They're the only team that's somewhat over, plus I think WWE even knows that fans didn't take to an extended title reign the last time one was simply awarded.

Brandon: It'll be a half-assed match won by the team of RVD and Kane because they have nothing left to do and, besides that, the guy who had to forfeit the belt was the one who was supposed to benefit from the title reign.

 

William: Kane and RVD haven’t impressed me that much since becoming a tag team. I don’t think Morley and Strom will be much better than Storm and Regal. With that said, what kind of match can the fans expect?

Brandon: This'll be **1/2 tops IF we see a lot of Storm-RVD. I'd say *1/2 because Kane and Morley will be in the match longer than they should be.

JHawk: The key will be the face-in-peril sequence. IF RVD's playing Ricky Morton, then he'll be able to do some sick looking bumps and make Morley and Storm look like gold. Give Kane a minimal amount of ring-time and I wouldn't be surprised to see it hit ***, although ** is probably closer to the reality.

Dr. Tom: No one in the match sucks, so it won't be too bad, but I'm not looking for a worldbeater here. It'll probably be around **3/4 - ***1/2.

Jeremy: **1/2 at the most . This match will be kind of blah.

JHAwk: Anybody else remember when title matches at WrestleMania got like two months of buildup? Apparently WWE doesn't. Normally the title matches are built up big and the undercard might be lagging.

 

Final Thoughts

 

William: Ok, on paper, this Mania could possibly have at least four **** matches so I know where I'll be on Sunday. Would you recommend buying this show?

Patrick: If I had never discovered the glory of the Sports Bar and DVDs, I would SO order this show.

JHawk: I'll be ordering it and having people over bringing food. it winds up averaging like three dollars per person and the host keeps the extra food. Plus the last one I didn't order was XI and there's enough potential good to keep that streak alive.

Dr. Tom: Probably, if I can muster up enough people to come over and watch it. We usually have a respectable crowd for Mania, so we’ll see what happens.

Brandon: No, because apathy for the product is killing my desire to pay $40 when I can get it on DVD a few weeks later.

Polk: I'm usually torn on WWE PPV's until literally minutes before the show. It all comes down to how well they produce the package hyping the show on Sunday Night Heat.

Jeremy: It's WrestleMania, and the possible **** you mentioned. That makes this an obvious winner.

Polk: I didn't order last year's Wrestlemania, but I think I'll go with this one.

William: Join the Smart Marks after the show for the Smart Marks’ Wrestlemania reactions. Also, don't forget to read Dames' Diatribe. Until then, the Crossface... is ...now...over!