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Chickie Singer's Words of Wisdom!

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Guest chickiesinger

"Willie The Worker makes for good TV?"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

The Willie The Worker story is really breaking news in wrestling! However, the Internet does not know it is a great big work by the WWE. Willie The Worker's Evil Army is set to debut in the WWE very soon on Raw headed by a man in a scream mask. Willie The Worker will be much like the higher power that feuded with Steve Austin and the guy who ran over Steve Austin. This angle is already started on WWE when the Rock gave Christian some important advice last week! Christian will play the part of the masked "Willie The Worker" and will lead Harvard Chris, Scott Steiner and Lance Storm(new tag team for the angle), and many other superstars. When this angle airs you will see many things occur featuring Willie's Army.

 

1. Test will turn on Stacy during a mixed tag team match between Steven Richards and Victoria. Test will latter reveal that he turned on Stacy because she had a big part in Wrestlemania because of sex appeal and not having a ounce of wrestling talent!

 

2. Harvard Chris will beat Bill Goldberg after Willie's Army gets involved in the match. Willie's Army will declare that they have ruined Goldberg's career in the WWE because Goldberg can't get over in the WWE without going 173-0!

 

3. Scott Steiner and Lance Storm will defeat RVD and Kane to become the new WWE champions!

 

4. Molly Holly will defeat HHH for the WWE title after Willie challenges HHH to a mystery oppeneont match. Molly is the big surprise and wins the tittle after Willie's Army gets involved after the ref gets knocked out! Willie's Army declares the WWE merchandise department is ruined because Molly doesn't sell very well and this is one step closer to WWE destruction!

 

I think this angle has the potential to be just as big as the D-X and NWo angles in their hey-day. The WWE creative department has really come up with a good storyline on this one! I guess WWE has finally realized that old gimmicks don't get over as much as new hot gimmicks! You'll proably see Willie's Army debut anywhere from 5 weeks to 12 weeks depending on how much WWE wants to continue to promote the Willie the Worker angle on the Internet!

 

Chris Jericho is booked in the Willie The Worker storyline and will be Willie's biggest rival. Willie will ask Chris to join him because the WWE has also tried to hold Chris down at Wrestlemania by losing to clique members. Chris will turn down his offer on the July pay per view and will set up a Willie The Worker VS Chris Jericho match at Summerslam! Jericho's career is on the line and Willie identity is on the line. Chris Jericho will become the top babyface in the company when he reveals Willie's being Christian! We will have no clue that Willie The Worker is Christian until this time because it will be played by several different wreslters much like the Black Scorpian was in WCW and Willie will use a voice discrambler during interviews. WWE talents RVD, Kane, Maven, and many other WWE superstars will take a lot of heat during the angle because WWE superstars will think their Willie The Worker! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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Guest chickiesinger

"Thursday Night Comedy Wars"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

The big news today in the WWE is that Vince has finally found a way to win the ratings war with Friends and other Thursday night sitcoms that air during Smackdown. Fight comedy with comedy is the new philosophy Vince as adopted backstage, according to Vince’s best friends in WWE. After fighting a losing battle with Friends for five years, Vince plans to make Smackdown more humorous. Vince’s first step was to sign former WWE superstar Jamison. Don’t know who this guy is? Check out the link out at the end of the column and this will help you remember! Vince plans to make Jamison the top manager heel in the company replacing Paul Heyman who has had personal problems with Vince for many months now. Jamison’s gimmick will be he’s a mad scientist with a special laboratory that turns normal people into nerds! It’s expected very soon promo’s will air on Raw and Smackdown featuring Jamison on the Bobby Heenan show, the old Prime Time Wrestling Show, Everybody Loves Raymond and other classic Jamison moments! Than at the end of the promo it will say “Don’t know this nerd? Well you soon will”. Than a evil Jamison laugh will be heard.

 

The Road Warriors will be apart of Jamison’s top heel group. Most wrestling fans will not even recognize the Road Warriors because of their changed appearance. The Warriors are expected to wear taped glasses, large correctional mouth gear, and wear cheap suites with puke on them. It’s pretty ironic because the Warriors used to have a member named Puke! The Warriors and Jamison are scheduled to attack Nathan Jones at the start of this gimmick. Jamison and the Warriors will than kidnap Nathan Jones putting him into the Nerdmobile. The Nerdmobile was purchased by WWE from Universal Studios and was custom made for the WWE. After being kidnapped Nathan Jones will be placed in Jamison’s special laboratory and will be transformed into a giant nerd! I guess the wrestling Internet sites were right a couple of months ago when they said Nathan Jones gimmick would be an evil genius! The same company that made the Elimination Chamber is responsible for making Jamison’s laboratory. The laboratory has a giant glass water tube surrounded by high tech computers that you can put people into, which makes them turn into a nerd. After Jamison turns Jones into a nerd, Jamison Appartenly, declares his wrestling henchman the Fourth Derivatives. Jamison says The Fourth Derivatives will soon be called the Five Derivatives when they make Torrie Wilson their newest member. Jamison says “There’s something about a woman with a cheap pair of glasses, a pocket protector, and correctional mouth gear that really turns me on!” Jamison makes his promise by kidnapping Torrie and putting her into the “Nerd Chamber”. Somehow Torrie Wilson will still manage to look very hot with a puke stained suit, horn rim glasses, and a giant correctional mouth piece! The Undertaker, Michael Cole, Taz, Earl Hebner, Brian Kenrick will also be turned into nerds that follow the orders of Jamison! It soon looks like the entire WWE Smackdown roster will be turned into Jamison clones. Jamison even as a Jamison version of Dawn Marie perform HLA with a Jamison version of Torrie Wilson! Jamison will get very excited when this happens.

 

The WWE has also signed Kevin Sullivan for this angle. It appears Vince was very impressed with Kevin’s performance with NWATNA Sullivan was recently the ref for the Sandman VS Raven match a while back. Kevin Sullivan will be the man who fights the evil powers of Jamison by using his black magic. Sullivan’s black magic will cure the WWE superstars from Jamison’s evil doings and will save the company from complete nerd destruction. Kevin Sullivan’s gimmick will be that he as a spell that cures people from nerd disease! The Kevin Sullivan you saw on WWE Confidential last night is a different Kevin Sullivan and is no way related to this Kevin Sullivan that I’m referring to! It should be fun to see Sullivan play a babyface role because Sullivan has been a heel almost his entire career. Anyone remember all the evil deeds the Kevin Sullivan lead Dungeon of Doom and Varsity Club did to the top babyfaces?

 

Papa(Godfather) is expected to return and help Kevin Sullivan battle Jamison's heel group! Papa knows some pretty good spells himself! Undertaker was strongly responsible for Godfather's hiring because their pretty good friends in real life.

 

Rasta The Voodo Man has a verbal agreement to come to WWE and join Sullivan's "Spell Masters". Rasta is a very good friend of Booker T and has wrestled for the Texas independents for a very long time now. Rasta was last seen on TV when he wrestled for the Global Wrestling Federation on ESPN.

 

Kevin Nash could be going back to his old Wizard of the OZ gimmick, which he used in WCW during the 90's. This is only if Nash doesn't get over with the crowd. The WWE was a little disappionted with Nash's pop last Monday to say the least and are strongly considering bring back the Oz gimmick. The WWE thinks Nash would fit well in this storyline as a ally to Sullivan.

 

Lastly, Jerry Lawler as got in touch with his old frined the Spellbinder who used to work for the USWA in the mid 90's. Spellbinder told the WWE he is ready to go and have some fun with this very creative storyline.

 

Looks like the WWE did a pretty nice job selecting the "Spell Masters"!!

 

Some in the WWE are questioning Vince’s judgement in this angle. Many claim Vince as recently started taking a liking to the old sitcom Family Matter featuring Steve Urkel, which as caused him to come up with this very silly idea. In a old episode of Family Matter Steve Urkel turned his neighbor Carol into a nerd using one of Urkel’s inventions.

 

Vince strongly believes he can put all the major Thursday night sitcoms out of business with this idea. The main question on everyone’s mind is whether the Thursday night sitcom war will be as exciting as the Monday night wrestling war between WCW and WWE. Will this comedy war be as heated as the Monday night wrestling war? Will Vince try to sign away the sitcom characters from Thursday night television? Will the sitcoms try to sign away WWE Smackdown talent? Vince has a lot of confidence in himself and believes he can put anyone out of business. Vince as been quoted backstage as saying “If I can defeat the Federal Government, I can surely destroy all those stupid sitcoms that are hurting my business!” The Thursday night sitcoms are Vince’s latest target because Vince is sick and tired of losing the ratings war on Thursday night!

 

Vince is actually killing two birds with one stone with this idea. Jamison is a regular on the show “Everybody Loves Raymond”, which airs on Monday nights. In a recent board room discussion, Vince blames “Everybody Loves Raymond” for hurting the Raw ratings. Apparently there is a huge cross over audience between Raw and Everybody Loves Raymond, which was conducted by the WWE’s marketing team. Signing away Jamison will be a huge blow to the show “Everybody Loves Raymond” because Jamison has been a regular cast member from the first season to the present season.

 

Well folks it looks like Jamison will once again grace the cover of WWE magazine again. The only difference this time is Nathan Jones will be standing beside Jamison, while last time it was King Kong Bundy who shared the cover of WWF magazine with Jamison. I think I’ll probably buy a 100 issues of that Jamison magazine! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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"1,000 Years in the Making"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

Pro Wrestling comes to the Meyersdale Community Center for the very first time on April 26 at 7pm! Keystone Championship Wrestling is providing their services for this great fundraiser, which is sure to be a classic. This is a benefit card for Michele Baer who is a 14 year old girl who suffered a stroke recently. Headling in the main event is Mercury Flash who is a native of Meyersdale, Pa. This is the first time any type of wrestling has come to Meyersdale, since the infamous mud wrestling matches held at the Somerset County Fairgrounds. A young female mud wrestler broke her neck and sued the fairgrounds for the injury. Hopefully, no one will break their neck this time around! To learn more about this great wrestling league visit http://www.kcwzone.com

Remember all proceds go to a very worthy cause so tell all your wrestling buddies about this great wrestling event! Meyersdale is located in south western Pa very close to the Mason Dixon line. The wrestlers at Keystone Championship Wrestling have promised a great wrestling event and I'm sure they will deliver. This is a very important event because if this event is sucessfully their are plans to hold future wrestling events in the area for various fundraisers! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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"Anti-Christ Headed to WWE?"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

Shawn Michaels has had a strong influence on Vinnie Mac this week. Vince and Shawn have been engaged in some very deep discussions about religion, God, The Devil, and the end of times. Vince is highly considering doing a wrestling angle that will spread the word of God and teach WWE fans about religion. Steve Borden(Sting) has also had many deep discussions with Vince about the big man upstairs. Sting has been quoted as saying “I will not come to the WWE unless I’m brought into the promotion the right way. The only way Vince can sign me is if he allows me to spread the word of God in a wrestling story line.” When Sting told Vince this a light bulb went off in his head, which is called the mark of the beast angle.

Vince will declare himself the Anti-Christ when Hulk Hogan throws him off the Toronto Sky Dome. Vince will come back the next week and people will be very perplexed on why Vince didn’t die. It’s pretty ironic but Vince is not the first person Hulk as thrown off a huge building! Big Show got thrown off a huge building by Hulk during a WCW Halloween Havoc pay per view. Vince will say he was able to survive the huge fall because he is God. Vince will then do a long interview on why Jesus Christ is a fake and is not a true God. Vince will than require all the WWE superstars to take the 666 symbol on their forehead. HHH, Undertaker, Christian, RVD, Kane and Scott Steiner will be the first wrestlers to take the mark of the beast. Vince says “Any superstar not taking the mark will be subjected to a extreme punishment! Let’s just say I’m going to ruin your career day by day! You’ll wish you never worked for this company before”.

Not taking the mark will be Goldberg, Trish Status, Booker T, Brock Lesnar, Dawn Maire, and many other wrestlers. Here are just a few of the punishments planned for the non-marked wrestlers.

 

1.Goldberg- Will be required to wear a panda bear outfit and call himself “Super Panda Bear” Vince will say “Hey Goldberg! You love animals right? Well your going to become one of your favorite animals about right now.” Vince will than throw Goldberg a giant panda bear outfit.

 

2.Brock Lesnar- Brock will have to have a hair style similar to the Red Rooster and will be called the “New Red Rooster” Vince will say “I ruined Terry Taylor’s career with the Red Roster. Brock Lesnar is shortly going to have his career ended with the Red Roster. Brock be the Red Roster or get the F out.”

 

3. Booker T- Will have to wear a pink bra and pink panties with stalkings like Torrie Wilson does. Booker T’s new name will be Pinkie and will be required to talk in a gay voice. Goldust will get the wrong idea and really start putting the moves on Booker T, which will make for some great backstage skits!

 

4. Trish Status- Will have to call her self the “Canadian Bimbo” and talk like a valley girl. Trish will act like she has a IQ of 60. Trish will pretend she is so stupid that she forgets to put on any clothes during a pay per view match and comes to the ring naked!

 

5. Eddie and Chavo- Will be named the Taco Bell express. Their gimmick will be their Taco Bell workers and hand out tacos to wrestling fans before their match.

 

6. Dawn Maire- Will have to shave her head bald and get her implants taken out. Dawn’s new name will be the “Ultimate She Male”.

 

Putting a stop to the evil deeds of Vince’s heel group called “God’s Enforces” will be the Christian World Order. The group will be made up of Sting, Hulk Hogan, Nikita Koloff(Vince has really loved his work in NWATNA and thinks this would hurt NWA a little bit by signing him), Million Dollar Man, Chris Jericho, and young Ohio Valley prospect Juan Maelza who will play the part of Jesus Christ. Juan Maelza is a middle eastern wrestler that trains at the Ohio Valley wrestling school and is a dead ringer for Jesus. Juan Maelza is said to be a great worker and is said to be the future of the WWE. Juan is a hidden prospect very few in the business know about.

 

One of the matches scheduled for next year’s Wrestlemania 20 is “Jesus Christ” played by Juan VS “Anit-Christ” played by Vince in a “send them to hell match”. The ring will be surrounded by a huge fire pit and the only way you can win is by throwing your opponent in the fire pit.

 

On a related note, Lonestar Chruch of the Brethren has given the WWE permission to use their church for the storyline. If you thought Booker T telling Steve Austin his sins in a church was the last you saw a church on WWE TV than your very wrong! WWE is talking to Cornerstone television about being their #1 sponsor. I never thought we would see the day Cornerstone worked with WWE put it could come sooner than you think.

 

Vince is hoping this storyline will get major press from Fox News and CNN because of the strong religious theme. Sting, Shawn Michaels, Hulk Hogan and Chris Jericho are all happy their going to share their faith of God to a very large WWE audience. All these wrestlers feel this story line might be able to save some of the lost souls who watch WWE television.

 

I just wonder what God thinks about all this stuff the WWE has planned? Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

Sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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"Jim Cornette's Stud Puppies"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

The breaking news today is Jim Cornette will be making his return to RAW very soon to manage a group called the “Stud Puppies”. Sure this story might not be as big as my Anti-Christ coming to WWE story or how Jamison will become the top heel of Smackdown but it’s still pretty darn big of a scoop. Jim Cornette will no longer be working for Ohio Valley Wrestling and Paul Heyman will take over his spot in the company. WWE has promised Heyman to make Ohio Valley much more important of a wrestling company. Ohio Valley plans to run some major pay per views next year and hopes to do house shows across the United States. WWE hopes this will give their young prospects more exposure to the wrestling world and WWE fans will be well aware of their young talents when their called up to WWE.

 

Jim Cornette really misses the spotlight the wrestling business offers. Jim wants one big last run at pro wrestling glory and WWE believes the Stud Puppy angle should do the trick.

 

WWE has singed The Berzerker(John Nord), and Duke “The Dumpster” Drosse for this story line. Brooklyn Brawler and Harvey Wippleman will also be apart of the Stud Puppy group but there was no need to sign them to a deal because their already under contract as front office workers. Harvey Wippleman has been training at the Ultimate Pro Wrestling training camp out in California and is learning to become a great in ring performer. Harvey has even mastered the Shooting Star press, which many WWE superstars have problems executing like Brock Lesnar and Billy Kidman. Harvey now weights 202 pounds and is 3% body fat. HHH as become very good friends with Harvey and has him on a world class weight lifting program.

 

The start of the Stud Puppy story line will feature Jim Cornette trying to get dates with WWE divvies on Raw. Jim will brag how his Mama thinks he’s the boy every girl lusts for . Jim will say my mama says “I make the honeys wet and fill their sexy bodies with testosterone.” Jim will ask Trish Stratus out on a date while giving her flowers and candy wrapped in a heart shaped box. Trish will say “No thank you”. Jim will come back next week on Raw with Bezerker, Duke The Dumpster, Brooklyn Brawler and Harvey Wippleman. Jim will say these men are what woman fantasize about when their husbands are out working. The man all across the world are jealous of the sex appeal of these men and are afraid their girlfriends will dump them for these charming Stud Puppies. However, as the story line progresses the Stud Puppies will be unable to get a date with WWE divvies. Jim will say “these woman don’t know what their missing. If these ladies don’t what to give us a chance than will be just have to show them what kind of lovers we really are.”

 

Cornette will get Eric Biscoff to make a match between Duke The Dumpster VS Jeff Hardy in a ladder match. Trish will be on top of a platform 20 feet above the middle of the ring. The only way to win the match will be to get Trish from the platform. Duke will win the match and now Trish must be Duke’s servant for 90 days! Eric Biscoff will make another match. Test VS Harvey Wippleman. If Test beats Harvey than Test gets a Hell In The Cell match with Cornette. If Harvey wins than Stacy Kiebler becomes Harvey’s servant for 90 days. Harvey of course wins the match. Jim Cornette VS Ivory in a bra and panties match will be yet another match made for this story line. The stipulations for the match are if Cornette loses than the Stud Puppies must leave the WWE. If Cornette wins than Ivory must be Cornette’s servant for 90 days. The final match made for this story line will be a mud match between the Brooklyn Brawler VS Terri. The stipulations for the match are Brawler will take a job as the WWE janitor if he loses and if Terri loses she is Brawler’s servant for 90 days. The Bezerker is the only person in the stud puppey group that can actually find a girlfriend without forcing himself onto them. Victoria will leave Steven Richards for the Bezerker. Victoria will have a Viking fetish and fall madly in love with the Bezerker! The Bezerker is scheduled to face Steven Richards in a four corner vilking pole match. A sword, shield, chain and ball, and knights helmet will be placed above the 15 foot poles during the match.

 

The WWE creative team as planned a lot of non-wrestling segments for the Stud Puppy story line, which will air on WWE television soon. Here are just a few of them.

 

1. Victoria and the Bezerker making mad passionate love in a vilking cave.

 

2. Trish Stratus being Duke The Dumpster’s assistant trash lady. Trish will be shown driving a trash truck and picking up trash.

 

3. A mixed doubles match between Harvey Wipplemen and Stacy Kiebler VS Ivory and Jim Cornette. I believe the last time they aired tennis on WWE TV was when coliseum home video did Bobby “The Brian” Heenan tennis tips!

 

4. Terri will have to sing and tell bed time stories to the Brooklyn Brawler’s pet rats in a sewer!

 

5. A mid-evil Trojan wedding between Victoria and the Bezerker. Yes, another wrestling wedding! I wonder if this is the first live mid-evil Trojan wedding that has aired on television?

 

Well it looks like the WWE has once again created another great wrestling story line. It appears the WWE writers are working over time! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

Sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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"Piper's Frat Brothers"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

The big news I found out today sounds like something from the National Enquirer. However, every word of what I’m about to tell you is legitimate inside wrestling news. Pat Patterson is running a foster home in Stanford, CT. What makes this even more unusually is the fact that the kids are wrestling clones. Pat Patterson had a hobby in the WWE during the 1980’s and 1990’s! Pat collected pubic hairs of all the wrestlers off the toilet seats. Finally the WWE as put the pubic hairs to good use. The DNA from the pubic hairs were used to clone the very first humans during the late 1990’s. Vince apparently paid Bill Clinton 1.2 million dollars to illegally clone WWE superstars and to use the federal government research located in Washington, DC. Some of the wrestlers that have been cloned include Andre The Giant, Owen Hart, Abbulah The Butcher, Bruiser Broody, Vince SR., Flying Brian, and Mr. Perfect. A brand new modern day scientific technology technique was used to clone Mr. Perfect so he would grow up extremely fast, since Perfect just died this year and needs to be brought in fairly soon for a big wrestling angle.

 

Vince blames the current WWE superstars for the recent downfall in business. Vince believes not even great story lines can make the WWE superstars as famous as past superstars. Inside source report Uncle Pat is having a jolly gay and happy time running the foster home with the young boys who will soon be in the WWE. However the wrestling clones have gotten into a little trouble so far during their youth. Here are some of the bad things the wrestling clones have done.

 

1. Abbulah The Butcher spent a few days in prison for biting off the heads of some chickens. A local farmer caught the butcher doing this very sick act and called the cops immediately. The butcher is the only one of these wrestlers that is still alive. Vince can’t sign the real Butcher because he’s too much of an outlaw to deal with. I wonder what Butcher thinks about someone cloning him?

 

2. Andre the Giant got suspended for 3 days for drinking a alcoholic beverage during school lunch. Andre

became a alcoholic at the age of 11 .

 

3. Bruiser Broody ran away from home and tried to kill a World Wrestling Council wrestler named

Invader. Invader was to believed to be the person that killed the real Bruiser Broody.

 

Some insiders are saying Pat Patterson has some very cruel and unusually parenting techniques. For instance, Pat makes Abbulah take a razor blade to his forehead so he will look like the real Abbulah The Butcher. Pat also didn’t give baby Flying Brian formula breast milk to drink when he was a baby. Patterson made baby Brian drink coffee and Mountain Dew so Brian will be very hyper-active as a adult. It apparently worked because Flying Brian is said to be one hyper son of a gun!

 

The clones are expected to be brought in as Roddy Piper’s Frat Brothers. It looks like Sean O Haire will soon depart from the managerial services of Piper because O Haire obviously doesn’t fit in with the group. Piper will brag how he and his Frat Brothers are real wrestlers. “The Frat Borthers are real men because they can wrestle through any wrestling injury. Today’s WWE superstars are so sissy that when they break a tow nail they can’t wrestle. My frat brothers paid their dues. They wrestled for 10 years before they got their big break in wrestling. Now days you win Tough Enough and you’re a big time superstar.”

 

Vince as already proposed the following story lines and matches for the Frat Brothers angle.

 

1. Blue Blazer VS Rey JR(Mask VS Mask) Rey will unmask the Blazer and it will be revealed to be Owen Hart. Owen Hart will have a mental break down after being unmasked.

 

2. Andre The Giant VS Steve Austin (Beer Belly Challenge) Steve Austin will die from alcohol poisoning after drinking way too much. Andre will declare himself the world drinking champion. Sandman will challenge Andre also to a drinking contest. Sandman to will also die from alcohol poisoning during the contest.

 

3. Mr. Perfect VS Kurt Angle(Amateur Wrestling Match) The match will be held in Mount Lebanon high school gym, which is Kurt Angle’s old high school.

 

4. Loose Canyon Flying Brian VS Brock Lesnar (Hand gun on a pole match) The gun will be a gimmick gun. The bullet will just be a paint ball that squeezes out red paint so it looks like blood. Lesnar will sell the gun shoot injury for a few weeks and will take some time off WWE TV.

 

5. (Make the pretty boy ugly match) Bruiser Broody VS Edge This will be a ladder match in which a large switchblade will be held 15 feet above the ring. Bruiser will crave up Edge’s forehead like a road map. Edge will attempt to get dates with woman wrestlers such as Luna Vachon, Aka Kong, and Bull Nanko. However, all these ladies will turn him down on a date. Edge will finally get romantically involved with Nicole Bass. Edge will chance his name calling himself the “Freak”.

 

6. Vince SR will return restoring order to the WWE. Vince SR will say “Son I’m disgusted what you did to pro wrestling. Wrestling is supposed to be built around territories and you destroyed all that. You’ve turned wrestling into one big circus with genetic experiments.” Vince SR will than fire his own son and all the Frat Brothers.

 

One has to wonder if anyone else has been cloned before? How many more people will be cloned? I guess time will only tell! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

Sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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"Chief Morley is Captian Purity"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

Sean Morley one of WWE’s veteran superstars is headed for a major gimmick change soon. It appears the writing staff is running out of ideas for Chief Morley’s character so a gimmick change is desperately needed. Sean will soon go under the name Captain Purity. Sean will become Captain Purity when the General Manager of Raw Eric Biscoff fires Sean Morley. Sean Morley will be fired after making a big speech about having several Sexually Transmitted Diseases. The sexually transmitted diseases were caused by Sean’s adult film career before coming to the WWE. Sean will say, “I made a huge mistake sleeping with thousands of beautifully ladies from the adult film industry. Now I’m paying the prize. My big valboski is covered from top to bottom with sickly imperfections. I really did make lots of mistakes but I hope to continue my WWE career as a wrestler and try to spread the truth about sex. “ Eric will say there is no way he can let Sean wrestle because it puts all the other WWE superstars at too high of a risk. Eric will say “Having a WWE superstar with STD’s competing in a WWE ring creates way too many dangers for the company. It’s nothing personal Sean but I must fire you immediately!”

 

Sean will return the following week in a red mask and jump suit under the name Captain Purity. The wrestling outfit will have such phrases as “SEX Kills” and “FEAR STD’S”. Captain Purity will be managed by Lillian Garcia who will change her name to the “Virgin Bunny”. Lillian has been working a few days a week with David “Fit” Finley on wrestling moves so she can be a successfully valet that can take impressive bumps and wrestle occasionally. The WWE has even been advertising in the papers and on the Internet for a ring announcer to replace Lillian. Eric will know it is Sean under the mask but will have no proof what so ever. Eric will give a one hundred thousand-dollar award to any WWE superstar that can either unmask Captain Purity or get a blood sample from Captain Purity showing he has a STD.

 

Here are some of the things WWE is considering doing in the angle.

 

1. Have Captain Purity form a superhero baby face group with Hurricane, Super Nova, and Lillian Garcia. The group will be called “Keep it in your Pants”.

 

2. Lance Storm will get a sample of Captain Purity’s blood but “Keep it in your Pants” will steal the blood sample in Eric Bischoff’s briefcase.

 

3. Keep it in your Pants will make Jerry The King Lawler go to a virgin seminar, which will cause the

King to never have sex again. The King will never refer to the “Puppies” again during a woman’s wrestling match and never make sexual comments during the matches.

 

4. Rico will lose a match to Captain Purity. The stipulations in the match will be if Rico wins Captain

must unmask. If Rico wins he must never have sex again. Rico will really play up the fact that he likes sex by saying his favorite hobby is sleeping with cheap Las Vegas showgirls. Rico will carry a rubber woman to the ring the following week after losing his match to Captain Purtiy so he can satisfy his sex drive.

 

5. Keep it in your Paints will steal all of Test’s Playboy magazines out of his duffel bag. Keep it in your pants will throw the magazines in the dumpster. Nilokli Volkoff will be shown eating a Big Mac out of the dumpster and will take the Playboy magazines for himself

 

6. During Girls Gone Wild 2, Keep it in your Pants will take the Coach out of the hot tub with the topless teenage girls. Keep it in your Paints will say, “It looked like you were about to get a STD.

We came to save your day.”

 

7. Keep it in your Pants will co-star in the movie Orgazmo 2. The movie will be about Orgazmo and Keep it in your Pants attempting to free the world of sex.

 

The main reason why WWE is doing the angle is because AIDS awareness month is giving the WWE 3 million dollars to do the angle. The entire story line was written by “Fight AIDS”, which is a nonprofit organization run out of Washington, DC. Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

Sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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"Mr Bean and Pee Wee Herman in WWE= Big Money!!!!!!"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

Kurt Angle's dream is to star in comedy motion pictures some day. Kurt Angle would love to showcase his great acting talents to the world. You can help Kurt acheive his dreams by using a few minutes of your time. Contact WWE at

 

WWE Corporate Headquarters

1241 East Main Street

Stamford, CT 06902

(203) 352-8600

 

Here is a proposed storyline that will make Kurt's boyhood dreams come true. Angle stars in the new motion picture entitled "Bean 2 The World Champion of Wrestling). The plot is Mr. Bean tricks the WWE into thinking he's a famous pro wrestler from Europe. Bean is sucessfully in landing the gig with WWE and upsets Kurt Angle in a stuff him in a giant turkey match. Bean goes on to become one of the greatest WWE champion's of all time by winning by a fluke everytime. Co starring in the movie will be everyone's favorite actor Pee Wee Herman.

 

This storyline than will take place for real on WWE Smackdown much like the Ready To Rumble movie. Bean will challenge Kurt to match for the title and win the title after Pee Wee Herman(Bean's wrestling manager) pulls a fast one on Kurt Angle by making Cowboy Curtis the special ref(Pee Wee's best friend). Mr. Bean will start making his belly button talk to Kurt to distract Angle during their match. Beanie Bello will say "I love to pick my bello and make lint. I use the lint to make a lint Olympic Medal and pretend I'm a champion." This will have Angle laughing hard and while Angle is laughing Pee Wee will hit Angle with a porno painting from his playhouse. Cowboy Curtis will use his magic bullrope to hog tie Kurt and Bean will pin Angle to become the new champion. Angle is so bad he challenges Pee Wee Herman to match next week not caring what the stipulations are. Pee Wee said the only way he will wrestle Angle is if they wrestle in Pee Wee's Playhouse. Angle agrees to the stips.

 

Next week on Smackdown Angle gains the upper hand in his match with Pee Wee. However, their soon changes as Randy The Evil puppet sprays candy sauce into the eyes of Kurt Angle. Pee Wee than pushes Angle into Chairie(The talking chair). Chaire uses his massive pillow arms to put Angle in a full nelson. While Chaire as Angle in the nelson Pee Wee hits Angle over the head with his large collection of porno movies. While Angle is down, Globie (the talking globe) bites Angle's fingers, which already suffered some major nerve damage when Kurt was mowing his parents lawn and almost losted one of his fingers! Pee Wee than makes his wish for the day to his magic geniue and Pee Wee's wish is to knock Angle out cold. The geniue does has Pee Wee wishes. Pee pins Angle as a confused Charles Robinson makes the 3 count.

 

Angle finnaly wins the world title back from Mr. Bean in a stuff him in a giant turkey match. The stips for the match were if Bean lost he and Pee Wee Herman would leave pro wrestling forever. If Angle losted he would have to be Bean and Herman's Co-star for the next 10 years!

 

I would love to see this storyline on Smackdown. Contact the WWE with this great storyline and if enough people tell the WWE about Vince will make it all come true!!!!!! Kurt Angle was really disappointed when the WWE failed to sign Dustin Diamond from "Saved By the Bell". Angle was really looking forward to working a program with Dustin. This is Angle's second catch to work against famous comedy acts. You can really tell Angle enjoys the comedy side of wrestling, due to the way his character acts! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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Guest chickiesinger

"WWE Locker Room pranks revealed!"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

I recently got my hands on a WWE superstar's daily journal. Contained in the journal is many of the pranks that have been played on the WWE superstars. I think this will be very helpfully for many of the posters that flame me and make hatefully comments towards me! I believe what I'm about to share with you will show you that many of you really need to take a chill pill. A WWE superstar's life is filled with pratical jokes and your required to have a great sense of humor. Many of you claim your going to become a WWE superstar but before you can do this you need to be a little more laid back. I hope my words of widsom will help some you learn how you will be required to act in WWE if you ever get the chance to do so someday!!! Here are some of the pratical jokes I remembered in the journal. Enjoy

 

1. Chris Jericho recently had a lot of talent worried they would be jobbing to wrestlers from the past with really bad gimmicks. Jericho had 3 Minute Warning convinced they would have to job the Killer Bees. Jericho had Spiked Dudley convinced he would be required to job to Bastin Booger. Jericho had Hurricane convinced he would job to Max Moon. Jericho told the talent that he got his hands on the WWE booking sheets and read them. The gimmick was GM Eric Bishcoff was going to do a angle where he would have many of the WWE superstars grappling past wrestlers from the WWE. This was Eric's way of turning the WWE upside down like Vince told him to a couple of months ago. Jericho appertanly told the story so well the talent was convinced. However, the talent was very happy when they found out Jericho was just pulling their leg!

 

2. Nidia put Hornioiagra in Dawn Maria's mixed drink backstage. Hornioiagra is so powerfully it makes you 5 times more horny than a serving of Viagra. This appently made Dawn masterbate in front of WWE employees. Dawn is very embarssed about this and still is getting ribbed about it backstage!

 

3. Goldust used his speech disorder gimmick to play a pratical joke on Linda and Vinnie-Mac. Goldust started saying bad things about Vince using his sturtering voice such as Vince had sex with a 2 dollar hooker, Vince lost 5 thousands dollars betting at the pool table, and Vince was smoking dope. Linda and Vince apparently found this funny as hell. Goldust was said to be hilarious when he did this.

 

4. Jamie Noble put itching powder in Brian Kedrick's ring trunks, which caused him to itch his BUTT and balls during their recent house show match. Brian was said to be scratching his balls and dancing around the ring like Michael Jackson. The crowd thought this was just a gimmick put Brian was really having itching problems. Brian had to go to the doctor's office with 5 degree rasse burn!

 

5. Hurricane won a bet against the entire locker room when he scored a date with WWE announcer Terri. Hurricane won a lot of money in his bet. The WWE Raw locker room didn't believe Hurricane would be able to get the day because Hurricane as been rejected 34 straight times for a date. Hurricane appartenly bought male phermones from a adult video store to attract Terri. Hurricane sorta mentioned his luck with Terri on a recent WWE Confidential. Anyone remember the sex segment when Hurricane said "I'm just glad to be having sex!".

 

I hope this information is helpfully in helping some of the board posters to have a better sense of humor! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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Guest chickiesinger

"Breaking News! WWE Cartoon to air in the Fall!!"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

I recently got my weekly newsletter from the cartoon network in the mail today. The biggest story in the newsletter is the cartoon network will be airing a WWE cartoon starting in the Fall! The cartoon is scheduled to air on Saturday mornings. The cartoon will teach ethics to kids by using it's children friendly plots. Here are some of the episodes set to air.

 

1. "Good VS Evil" Shawn Michael's church is taken over by the owner of the WWE Vince. Vince turns the church into a house of Satan by preaching about how it's ok to drink, have sex, smoke, lie, cheat, and steal. Shawn must put his career up against Vince. Vince will give back ownership of Shawn's church if Shawn can beat him in a match!

 

2. "What's up with that" The Kingpin takes over as mayor of New York city making smoking and drinking legal for children. The Hurricane must stop the Kingpin before this monsterous act destroys the city. Spiderman, Daredevil, and Superman guest star in this episode to give the Hurricane a helping hand in his battle with the Kingpin!

 

3. "Divia" Victoria and Steven Richards put rat poison in Trish Startus's chief salad before a WWE Divia contest. After Trish is in the hostipal Richards and Victoria switch the medical records so Trish gets a huge nose job. Trish wins the WWE Divia contest even with a nose larger than HHH by using her great personality and good manors!

 

4. "Drugs Aren't Cool" RVD helps run a wrestling school. RVD later finds out HHH is supplying his students with steriods. RVD preaches against HHH's actions to his students. However, HHH makes RVD's wrestling students not believe him when HHH sends a hidden cameraman to spy on RVD. The hidden cameraman tapes video of RVD smoking pot and shows it to RVD's students. RVD must give up pot smoking to set a good example to his students and gain his creditabity back.

 

5. "Sister in Need" Booker T volunteers at a big sister program. Booker T's sister in the program is confronted by the Godfather who gets her involved in a porno ring. Booker T clashes in the ring with the Godfather to save his young sister from the Godfather's evil ways!

 

Man this sounds like a awesome cartoon. The episodes sound a lot better than Hulk Hogan's Rock N Roll wrestling that aired in the mid 1980's! I can't wait for this cartoon to air. Does anyone else look forward to this great WWE cartoon in the Fall? I think Vince is finally doing the right thing by airing a ethical WWE program for children. Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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Guest chickiesinger

“Vince highly considering Japanese swordfish scaffold swimming pool match!!!”

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

Vince is highly considering doing a Japanese swordfish scaffold swimming pool match, after recently watching a FMW wrestling tape. The tape was given to Vince by Smackdown’s #1 announcer during the Christmas gift exchange party last December. FMW was famous for doing a scaffold match with a swimming pool below the ring with electric ells. Vince was very impressed with the match. Shane-O-Mac recently got Vince the swordfish as a present. Vince is very proud of his swordfish and wants to showcase them very badly on WWE. Vince is having the swordfish trained by a animal trainer so the fish will be more friendly towards humans. The owner of the WWE will likely have this match during one of the less popular WWE’s pay per view events such as Bad Blood, Unforgiven, and ect. Related in a side note is Vince got Smackdown’s 1# announcer the Big Johnson’s penis enlargement program for 1 full year! Apparently some wrestler have seen Smackdown’s 1# announcer naked and many wrestlers feel he needs a few extra inches to please all of the Funkia marks in the bedroom.

 

Here is a list of some of the gift exchanges that occurred during the party!

 

Sean O Haire got a picture painted by Jerry Lawler. The picture as the Devil and Sean shaking hands on it!

Sean got Jerry a USWA title belt custom made from actionfigures.com

 

Dawn Marie gave Terri WWE shaped birth control pills. Terri gave Dawn a vibrator with Hulk Hogan’s head on top of it!

 

Molly Holly gave Jeff Hardy a book called “Living a virgin lifesyle”. Jeff gave Molly a “Molly Holly Tribute CD”, where all the songs are sung by Jeff Hardy to Molly Holly!

 

Shane Helms gave Harvard Chris a book entitled “Sociology and Philosophy of Pro wrestling”. Harvard Chris gave Shane a Bill Bixby duffle bag from the Incredible Hulk TV show.

 

Ric Flair gave Eric Bischoff a karate kid action figure. Eric gave Flair a bottle of Swedish wine.

 

Kurt Angle gave Brock Lesnar a custom made gold wrestling medal. Brock gave Angle a heating pad for injuries.

 

Matt Hardy gave Trish Status a tickle me Matt Hardy doll. Trish gave Matt a French kiss! Matt Hardy that lucky dog! I wonder what Amy thinks? I guess those types of things happen at WWE Christmas parties!

 

Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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Guest chickiesinger

"The Blackballers!"

 

Dear Wrestling Fans,

 

WWE often has problems trying to get heels over properly. Take for instance A-Train who as a difficult time gaining heel heat. The problem is the WWE is very uncreative in their booking. WWE is afraid to take risk in their booking. It’s always the monster heel destroying the top baby face or the heels trying to play to the crowd too much like the New World Order. Here is a bullet proof plan to get Paul Roma, Jim Powers, Marty Janetty, and Leaping Lanny over as the greatest heels in WWE history. Take notes because this is how you get someone over as a cocky heel in the wrestling business. This lesson will be taught at any pro wrestling university that offers a 400 level “How to get a heel over” class!

 

Crank It Up hits at the beginning of Raw when all of a sudden Paul Roma and Marty Janetty come running down to the ring. Paul and Marty grab the microphone while Jerry Lawler asks Jim Ross “As Hell frozen over?”. Jim Ross responds by saying “I think it just as!!”. Paul starts off by saying “You probably have been dying to know where me and Marty have been the last few years. Collecting employment checks because of all you retarded fans. You allowed wrestling to blackball us. I was blackballed because I did a stupid dance while wrestling Alex Wright at a WCW pay per view. Marty was blackballed because Shawn Michaels got Marty addicted to recreational drugs!” Marty than gets on the microphone “Shawn it’s your fault that I got hooked to drugs. I went into deep depression when you turned on me and destroyed the greatest tag team in WWF history. Sure you never forced drugs on me but I had nothing else to turn to because I was completely heart broken.” Paul than grabs the mic by saying “If you fans where true wrestling fans you would have started a world wide boycott to not buy WWE products and services. You proved your not true wrestling fans by not even writing a simple letter to WWE headquarters that you wanted me and Marty back. Well let’s just say there’s serious hell to pay!”

 

Latter on Raw Paul Roma and Marty Janetty make short work of the Hurricane and Spike Dudley. After the match, Paul and Marty do the Alex Wright dance and trade low high fives while doing the Alex Wri0ght dance a second time. Paul will say “Me and Marty are going to do the dance ever change we get because this will remind me of the reason why I got blackballed in the first place.” During the main event on Raw featuring Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash VS HHH and Ric Flair there is interference by Roma and Janetty. Roma and Janetty get the upper hand on Shawn and Kevin. However, Nash and Michaels start winning the fight in a matter of a few brief moments. Then all of a sudden “Jumping” Jim Powers comes out of nowhere knocking both Kevin and Shawn out with a 50 pound dumb bell. Kevin and Shawn are a bloody mesh. Marty pulls out a plastic bag with Heroin in it. Jim Ross says “Marty should be arrested for having illegal substances.” Jerry Lawler will reply “JR how do you know it’s a illegal substance. For all you know it’s just probably just smashed up smarties.” JR will reply “Yeah right!”. Marty makes Shawn swallow the Heroin and a great amount of it. Marty yells into the camera saying “Shawn your coming to know what it’s like to be a drug addict.” Paul, Jim and Marty than make Shawn and Kevin do the Alex Wright dance by moving their arms and legs like a string puppet.

 

The next week Paul, Jim, and Marty come down to the ring for the start of Raw. Jim Powers grabs the mic and says “We are all going to do a reenactment on why Shawn and Kevin were given such opportunities in WWE. Kevin and Shawn are very proud members of Vince’s kiss my ass club!” Jim than puts on a Vince mask and pulls down his pants. Jim is only wearing a G-String. Paul puts on a Kevin Nash mask and Marty puts on a Shawn Michaels mask. Marty and Paul than kiss Jim’s large BUTT while wearing the masks. Jim Powers than removes his Vince mask and says “Jim Powers is not a fag like Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash. Jim Powers would never join Vince’s kiss my ass club. This is the true reason why Jim Powers was blackballed from the WWF!” The main event on RAW is Jim Powers and Paul Roma VS Kevin Nash and Shawn Michaels. Micheals and Nash are destroying Roma and Powers when Marty gets the Blackballers DQ’ed. Nash and Michales will be destroying the blackballers when “Leaping” Lanny comes out of no where knocking Nash and Michaels out with his flying frisbees with poems on them. Once again all the blackballers throw Heroin down the mouth of Shawn while making Kevin Nash do the Alex Wright dance.

 

The following week the Blackballers will open the show once again. The Blackballers will come down to the ring wearing suits and ties while carrying business briefcases. The Blackballers will open up the briefcases to reveal graph charts showing how business went down in the WWE when Shawn Michael and Kevin Nash were WWF singles champions. Than the Blackballers explain in great how business in the WWE would have been 3 times higher if Jim Powers, Marty Jannetty, Paul Roma, or Leaping Lanny were wearing the gold while showing a new graph showing the increase in business. Nash and Michaels than run down to the ring destroying the Blackballers by smashing their graphs over their heads. Matches will be made between Marty Janetty VS Shawn Michales and Kevin Nash VS Jim Powers on Raw. Jim Powers will defeat Nash after Moondog Spot makes a surprise appearance by hitting Nash over the head with his doggie bone. Marty will defeat Shawn after Max Moon(Konan) makes a surprise appearance spraying Shawn in the eyes with his jet pack.

 

The next week Max Moon explains he was blackballed from WWF because he spoke the truth to Vince’s face. Moondog Spot explains he was blackballed because his breath smelled like dog food. Nash and Michaels inrupt the Blackballers interview by challenging them to a triple steel cage match(Thunder Cage Match) at Judgement Day. The match is Paul Roma, Marty Janetty, Moondog Spot, Jim Powers, Max Moon, and Leaping Lanny VS Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash. If the Blackballers lose the match than the Blackballers must quit wrestling and leave the WWE. If Nash and Michaels lose than they must leave WWE. The Blackballers accept the challenge and lose the match at Judgement Day. That ends the saga of the Blackballers.

 

I believe if Vince does this angle he will gain support of many old school wrestling fans who loved Max Moon, Moondog Spot, Young Stallions, and all the other great stars of the WWF’s past. Vince doesn’t want to take the gamble and it’s sad we will never get to see this angle unfold on WWE television. Vince, I’m getting on my hands and knees begging you to do the angle! Wrestling fans show your support for this angle by telling Vince how you feel about this creative story line! This might be the only thing that can save WWE! Peace out and have a nice day :)

 

Sincerely,

 

Chickie Singer

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Guest TheZsaszHorsemen

What the fuck is the point of this?

 

Why hasn't this been stopped? Can I just go into this folder and "Goo Goo Ga Ga Ga" and no one will care? I don't want to offend anyone but the mods who let this go this long are morons, and chickie singer still isn't funny.

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