Raw from JHawk's Beak (May 12) up

[Guest JHawk]

Raw from JHawk's Beak (May 12, 2003)

 

 

Picture two hours and six minutes of nothing but that.

[Guest bob_barron]

Since ST is down- I'll post mine here.

 

RAW Recap for May 12th, 2003

 

The duelling Austin/Bischoff pictures are hilarious.

 

Christian is in the cage complaining about his match v. Goldberg. He has a photo shoot tomorrow so the match shouldn’t take place. The glass breaks and here comes Austin. “Ain’t nothing like the feel of a good ole steel cage.” Goldberg isn’t here yet so the match is later tonight. Christian brings up The Rock beating up as a reason for his bitterness so Austin threatens to leave him out of the battle royal. For some reason- this brings out Rob Van Dam. Rob enters himself into the battle royal. Christian gives him the opportunity to take his place v. Goldberg. Austin tells the crowd to give him a hell yea if they think Goldberg should kick his ass. They give a hell yea. Rob tells the crowd to give him a Rob Van Dam if they think he’ll win the I-C title. Christian tells the crowd to give him a Christian rules if they think he should get the night off. The crowd boos him. Austin tells Christian to leave the ring or else he’ll get a Stunner and be kicked out of the I-C title battle royal. This brings out Kane who enters himself into the battle royal and him and Rob both promise to win the battle royal. Austin interrupts by asking for some beer. Hello- probation officer? This brings out Eric Bischoff. Good lord. Bischoff says there will be NO beer bash tonight. I’m shocked and saddened. Christian seems to have disappeared. RVD and Kane will be defending their titles against a mystery team they’ve never faced before. One of the best- if not THE best in the history of our industry. THE ROAD WARRIORS!!???!!!!!!! ::tries to mark out, fails::

 

Rob Van Dam and Kane v. The Legion of Doom for the World Tag Titles

 

RVD and Animal start. Animal stomps away but misses a blind charge. RVD gets a monkeyflip and a spinkick. Animal gets an armringer and tags Hawk. RVD gets a spinkick for two. Hawk gets a neckbreaker but RVD comes back with another kick. Kane is tagged in and he cleans house. LOD seem to be moving in slow motion here. Kane hits a flying clothesline and goes to chokeslam both. Hawk dropkicks him and Animal clothslines him out. RVD comes in and cleans house on LOD. Rolling Thunder to Hawk but Animal saves. Animal suplexes RVD and they call for the Doomsday Device. RVD ducks and Kane gets a big boot. Chokeslam to Hawk and the ***** finishes it. DUD Yep- they still suck and are B-A-D.

 

Trish is getting madeup when Victoria and Steven Richards show up. There’s a hardcore match apparently.

 

Last week HHH and Nash had a brawl. I’m surprised they’re speaking of it again.

 

HHH and Jericho meet up backstage. They diss the sports teams and HHH mentions that Nash tore his quad in this very building. Jericho brings up that Nash is wrestling the man that tore Triple H’s quad. HHH gets to bury Jericho a bit and the end result is that HHH wants a Quad Tear tonight. Don’t we all HHH. Don’t we all.

 

Goldberg is talking on the phone and he almost gets run over. That’s ashame.

 

Moments ago Goldberg got bleeped.

 

Teddy Long is with Steve Austin who doesn’t like to be called playa. Rodney Mack will be facing TWO white boys in the White Boy Challenge. Teddy Long wants Mack to be in the battle royal. Austin puts Booker T into it instead.

 

Rodney Mack v. Two White Guys

 

Teddy Long is hilarious on commentary. Squash. DUD

 

Bischoff talks to Coach and runs into FREDDIE BLASSIE!!! Blassie won’t be able to promote his book since that’s something Morley did. Rico runs into Bisch and complains about 3MW sucking- took him long enough. Bischoff has an idea to make them better and then tells Blassie to come with him.

 

Austin and Goldberg talk about the car incident. Both guys are all intense and stuff. I’m simply bored.

 

Lillian brings out Classie Freddie Blassie who comes out to the gayest music ever. They plug the book but Blassie’s three minutes are up. Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. Austin comes out to save the old man. Austin unsuspended the Dudleyz- oh God- not this angle again.

 

Rosey is clotheslined out, Rico is Bubbabombed, Rosey is Wassuped. Austin stops Bubba before he tells D-Von to get the table because Freddie Blassie has something to say: D-Von- GET THE TABLE! Austin repeats what Blassie just said and Rico is put through a table. Everyone drinks beer. DVON! WHAT? GET THE PROBATION OFFICER.

 

Christian comes out and announces that he has the chair that Rock beat him with.

 

Christian v. Goldberg in a steel cage match

 

Christian tries to climb but Goldberg takes him down. Cue the squash. Christian gets a ballshot and a clothesline to come back. He KILLS Goldberg with a chairshot and continues beating the crap out of him with the chair. Christian goes to escape but gets pulled back in. Christian hits a neckbreaker but misses a spear. Christian gigs (.2) and gets tossed into the cage. Spear, jackhammer goodnight everyone. Goldberg still sucks. ½*

 

Flair runs into Austin. According to Flair- HHH runs RAW. Flair babbles to Austin when the Hurricane shows up. After Judgement Day, according to Hurricane, he’ll turn into TRIPLE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOTCH!~. Flair yells at Hurricane and this leads to Flair v. Hurricane.

 

Ric Flair v. Hurricane

 

They fight in the back and fight by the announce table. Hurricane is pushed onto Lawler. In the ring Flair stomps away. Hurricane pulls down Flair’s pants and we get OLD MAN ASS OF WRINKY DOOM! Hurricane hits a crossbody for two. Flair rips his pants and gets tossed off the top. Flair blocks the chokeslam with a lowblow and he struts around in his underwear. This is hilarious. Hurricane hits the chokeslam and does some strutting of his own. Shining Wizard gets two as Flair makes the ropes. Flair hits a chopblock and kicks his ass. Figure four- goodbye. I liked the psychology of the match and Flair wrestling in his underwear was hilarious. I just don’t see the point of jobbing Hurricane to Flair. ** Flair keeps it on a little longer and HHH comes out to congratulate him and then Pedigrees Hurricane.

 

Scott Steiner, Test and Goldust (w/Stacy Kiebler) v. La Resistance and Chris Nowinski

 

Goldust is back! Woo-hoo. Sylvain Grenier cuts an antiwar promo and a big brawl breaks out. Test beats up Rene Dupree inside the ring and cleans house on the other teammates. Tag Goldust. Goldust gets his eyes raked and Harvard comes in. Goldust gets his sliding punch and an inverted atomic drop for two. Harvard tags out to Grenier and Steiner is tagged in. Steiner is tagged in and kicks some ass. Tag Test. Harvard drops Test on the top rope and Test becomes the designated face-in-peril for the match. Harvard misses an elbow and hot tag Steiner. Steiner cleans house on the heels. He goes for the reverse DDT on Dupree and soon all hell breaks loose. Harvard is left alone with Steiner. Reverse DDT- goodbye. This was decent tag team formula and it was great to see Goldie back. *1/2

 

The battle royal has- Christian, Goldust, Test, Jericho, HBK, Booker T, Lance Storm, RVD and Kane.

 

Jericho is with Terri and talks smack about Nash.

 

Trish Stratus v. Victoria (w/Steven Richards) in a hardcore match

 

Tommy Dreamer comes out before the match starts presumably to be in Trish’s corner. Trish and Victoria slug it out but Victoria brings her down by the hair. Trish gets a flying headscissor and brings her down by the hair. Trish blocks an Electric Chair with a rollup for two. Victoria clotheslines her but Trish kicks a trashcan lid in her face. Trish hits her with a lid again but gets drop toehold on the chair. Victoria gets rammed into the lid. Sideslam gets two. Trish ducks a trashcan lid shot by bending like in the Matrix and gives her the Chick Kick…for two. Victoria blocks a victory roll by chucking her to the ground. Victoria whips her with a leather strap. Victoria gets a surfboard while choking her. Victoria continues choking her. Trish kicks out and goes for the handstand rana but Victoria catches her and headbutts her. Trish is still able to bring her down. Richards takes out Dreamer but his interference backfires and he gets NAILED with a kendo stick. Trish kicks her twice and nails her with a kendo stick twice and hits her with the bulldog. This match was AWESOME. Both girls beat the hell out of each other, it had a terrific finish and it was cool to see Trish FINALLY beat Victoria. This was the best woman’s match I’ve seen. ***1/2

 

Chris Jericho v. Kevin Nash

 

Nash shoves Jericho down but Jericho brings the chops. Nash blocks a rollup but gets a right hand. Nash knees Jericho in the corner and tosses him. Nash with a backdrop and Jericho spits on him. Jericho goes for his leg but gets clubbered. Nash elbows him and knees him out of the ring. Jericho drops him on the top rope but continues getting squashed. Jericho starts working on his leg but gets kicked into the corner. Jericho pulls him out of the ring and rams his leg into the post. Jericho keeps kicking him in the leg and does the Juke and Jive. Nash comes back with a side slam and both are out. Jericho with a sleeper but Nash rams him back into the corner. Jericho kicks the leg but gets side slammed again. Nash misses the big boot and Jericho kicks him in the leg some more. Jericho bulldogs him and hits the lionsault…for two. Jericho argues with Hebner and walks into a big boot. Triple H and Flair run in for the DQ. DUD Nash is worse then Scott Steiner. Sunday’s match is going to be very interesting. 3-1 beatdown results and HBK runs in for the save. Jericho dumps him but Nash is back up and cleans house. Flair is Sweet Chin Musiced and Jericho gets jackknifed. Nash covers him and HBK counts the three. HHH meets a big boot and THE STRAPS COME DOWN! HHH gets Jacknifed and HBK counts the three again.

 

The Bottom Line- A pretty decent show this week. There was almost no wrestling in hour 1 but hour 2 had a fun Flair v. Hurricane match, a decent 6 man and an AWESOME ladies match made this show worth watching. The only problem is that the show did nothing to make me want to see Judgement Day which will hurt them badly.