cmclennan 0 Report post Posted September 3, 2003 As SJL Metal returns from commercial, the camera pans the crowd, settling on Annie, Judge, and Ejiro at the announcer's desk. Annie: Here we are, about to start the third match... Excitement is shooting through my body as we speak. Ejiro: You think the match is going to be THAT good? Annie: No, I was just thinking of Rose and I last night.. Ejiro: Hot! Got any pictures? Annie: Actually, yes. Ejiro: Can I have some? Annie: That depends on what you're willing to trade... I hear your sister's pretty fine... Ejiro:... Judge: Would you two stop? Funyon is in the ring now. Funyon: Introducing first, Weighing in at 180 pounds, Standing 6 feet, 2 inches... Briannnnnnnnnnnnnnn Kingsmennnnnnnnnnnnnn! "The Gauntlet" by the Drop Kick Murphys blasts over the amp, as Brian Kingsmen makes his way to the ring. Funyon: His opponent, weighing in at 205 pounds, standing at 5 feet, 11 inches... Craiiiiiiiiiiiiig McLeeeeeenaaaaaaaaannn! Craig McLennan Comes out to the song "Rose of Pain" by X-Japan. He walks to the ring, hops up onto the apron, then to the top, and backflips into the ring. Annie: Some early acrobatics by McLennan... But he pays for it, and is attacked from behind by Kingsmen as he lands! Kingsmen lands some heavy punches to the face of McLennan, who is backed into the corner. Kingsmen continues to lay into McLennan, but McLennan escapes after landing a stiff forearm to the face of Kingsmen, who backs off, slightly stunned by the sudden impact. Judge: Kingsmen may have significantly fewer teeth after this match is over. Annie: I hear your boyfriend prays for the day you will lose all of yours in a match... Judge:... You know, if you weren't a woman, I would so slap you right now... Annie: You mean, If you didn't know I would kick your ass if you did? Judge:Ye... no, that's not what I said! Ejiro: Settle down, there's a match going on! McLennan connects with another forearm, and then another, then spins around, Nailing Kingsmen in the side of the head with a roaring elbow. Kingsmen goes down immediately. McLennan picks up Kingsmen by the hair, but Kingsmen executes a go-behind into a waistlock. McLennan struggles to escape, and manages to part the hand of Kingsmen. McLennan, holding Kingsmen's arm, takes him down with a drop toe-hold. He Keeps the leg hooked, and pulls Kingsmen's arm back, hooking his other arm under Kingsmen's chin with a torture cobra stretch variation. Kingsmen struggle to get to the ropes, but McLennan doesn't let him move an inch. Annie: McLennan has the Stretch locked on tight! Kingsmen's face is turning an ugly shade of purple. Judge: I hear that's your favourite colour... Annie: You really have to work on your insults, William. McLennan lets go of Kingsmen, But as soon as Kingsmen starts to get up, McLennan nails a heavy boot to the side of Kingsmen, who goes flat on his chest again. McLennan Winds up and catches Kingsmen with another kick, then another, and then another. McLennan grabs Kingsmen's arm, pulls it detween his legs,and sits on Kingsmen's back, pulling up on the arm, trying to hyperextend the shoulder. Annie: McLennan is really going for that arm. Kingsmen might have to tap early on! McLennan Releases the hold, But goes right back to attacking the arm with a cross armbreaker, but before he can lock it on properly, Kingsmen scrambles to the ropes, freeing himself of McLennan's grip. The referee tells McLennan to break the hold, which he does, reluctantly. McLennan backs off, waiting for Kingsmen to reach his feet. Judge: McLennan is stalking Kingsmen... looks like he has something big up his sleeve. Annie: You say sleeve, but you think pants. Judge: Are you quite done, yet? As Kingsmen reaches his feet, McLennan takes a running start at him, going for a running kick to the face, but Kingsmen ducks, and McLennan hits the ropes, and bounces back, off balance. Kingsmen Leaps into the air, hitting a big dropkick to the back of McLennan's head. McLennan Falls to the mat, WHile Kingsmen lies on his side, trying to get his wind back. Annie: Both men are down, here... Judge/Ejiro: ... Annie: What? Judge: No witty remark? Ejiro: No clever burn? Annie:... do You really want me to? Judge: No, no, I'm just surprised, that's all. Annie: ... right. Back to the match... McLennan manages to recover before Kingsmen does, And is right back at him, elbowing him in the face repeatedly. McLennan whips Kingsmen into the ropes, and on the bounceback, nails him with a Roaring elbow, and goes for the cover! 1... 2... No! Kingsmen barely manages to get a shoulder up, and McLennan slaps the mat in frustration. He roughly grabs Kingsmen, and proceeds to beat the Hell out of him, Striking him directly in the jaw with an elbow, Then a knee squarely placed in the midsection, which sends Kingsmen to his knees. McLennan kicks Kingsmen in the side of the head, making an audible slapping noise on impact. Several fans cringe in the front row. Kingsmen, on his knees, receives serval brutal Knees to the back of his head, before McLennan finally finishes with a barrage of clubbing blows to the back of the head and neck, and a nasty kick to the ribs. Judge: McLennan Unloading on Kingsmen! Annie: You see, you walk right into them, Judge. Ejiro: *snicker* Judge: Shut up, Fasaki. McLennan going for the cover... 1... 2... No! Annie: McLennan is getting Frustrated here... it could cost him. McLennan hooks up Kingsmen for an inverted suplex, And lifts him sky high. But instead of simply dropping back, McLennan sits out, and Kingsmen comes down, smashing his chin on McLennan's Shoulder. Ejiro: That was... innovative. McLennan rolls over to Kingsmen, and lays across him, hooking a leg. 1... 2... 3!!! The ring bell sounds three times, As McLennan raises his arm in triumph, and, standing up, looks down at his fallen opponent, who is just now beginning to show the after effects of the beating given to him: A Swollen Nose, red marks around his neack and chest, and a black eye. McLennan leaves the ring, leaving Funyon to announce the results to both the blind and those who took a pee-break during the match. Funyon: Ladies and Gentleman, Here is your winner via pinfall, in 11 minutes, 24 seconds... Craiiiiiiiiig McLeeeeeenaaaaaan! Annie: Well, that was... Neat. Judge: Yes. Neat. Ejiro: Quite. Annie: I'm a lesbian! Judge: RIght. Now for a commercial break... Ejiro: SO, ANnie, about those Pictures... *commercial break~!* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Suicide King Report post Posted September 4, 2003 Boy oh boy... where to start. Trust me to answer a mission of mercy. Well, let's start with your opponent, who doesn't get in enough offense, or any really. Some punches and a dropkick do not a showing make. Remember, you always want your opponent to look as good as you do, you just happen to win. You go to a powerful submission spot way too early, as a cobra stretch would seem to require more set up. It's not terribly easy to lock a guy in one, and I think it would take more than a forearm, an elbow, and a drop toe hold anway. And then once you lock it in, you just let it go for no apparent reason. You could have thrown some description in there, maybe how frustration from not getting the tap mounted, or how you broke it to give the ref a piece of your mind, or any number of other things. Transitions require information, and the devil is in the details. Good commentary overall, but you need to work on using it to add to the flow of the match rather than just copping out and using it to break up your sequences. And you need detail. Much, much more detail. What is the ref doing, how does the crowd sound, when do they sound, etc. How are people breathing? facial expressions? Sounds, grunts, screams? the little things they do to make ordinary moves better, like taking an arm wringer right into an overhand wrist lock to compound their suffering? write to an opponent's strengths so yours show more clearly. if you're scientific, use counter sequences of basic grapples. fast guys avoid grapples and try to strike at you. hosses just grab you and hit you really really hard. Use the psychology to write the match for you. Does it need to be longer? Not necessarily. But in that length you need to have either less happen with more detail and justification, or make it longer and still have more detail and justification. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
