PROMO: Untitled

[Guest damnimstupid]

Brian Kingsmen sits in a room alone with the camera as his only companion. He flips on the switch and the camera automatically turns on. With nothing left to do, he stares into the lens and begins to speak:

 

"Have you ever been done wrong before? You know what's the worst thing about something like that? When the person that did you wrong pretends that you don't exist after that. What makes that situation even worse? When that person is the girl you were in love with. What makes that situation even worse (and I know you're thinking, how can it get any worse)? When the girl acts as if she was the victim when she was the one who did you wrong.

 

So now you're probably saying, Brian, what is the point of all this? This has been the reason for everything. I've lived through pain and misery the last 6 months until I finally joined up to the league. The reason for me being here isn't because I like the career, it's because I live the life of pain. If there's something I discovered is that you're always alone, despite what people say. You will ALWAYS be alone. Nobody can solve your problems except you. Nobody can help you but you.

 

This isn't a sport to me. This is survival. Only the ruthless survive in this world. The ones who play to the crowds, they will lose eventually. I'm talking to you Landon. I don't know you and you don't know me. We haven't talked at all and we've only seen each other through the TV. But Landon, in the end, you lose. You might walk out of Wrath still the SJL Television Champion, but in the end, you will lose. The fans will turn their backs on you when you've become too old. They will cheer on the newer prospects and they will hate you. They will hate you for stealing their hero's spotlight. So what's the point?

 

Brian Kingsmen does not like to think of this as a sport anymore. This is a life to me. This is the only life I've got left. When will you realize that the fans can't stop me from nailing a clothesline? When will you realize that the fans can only make sound, and sound does not leave bruises on faces that easily. When will you realize that you will be forgotten, like the dust in the wind, just forgotten. I am Brian Kingsmen, remember my name. And remember this, only when blood has been spilled does the real fight begin. And believe me, blood will be spilled, whether it is mine or yours, it WILL be spilled."

 

ZAP!

 

[End transmission]

[Above Average 0]

I enjoyed reading this a lot. I'd like to see a little cleaning up and description of your characters actions, while cutting this promo, but the premise is great. This is a fight/this is survival of the fittest, is a good starting point for any character, the hard part is adding the layers.

 

I wonder if this was intended to be a monologue, with just straight talking to a camera, to put focus on the words said. If so that negates my earilier assessment, but I still enjoyes it a lot.

[Guest Goodear]

To go along with what Mak said, a lot of times you can get a better reaction to promos by telling the reader what exactly they would be looking at while you'd be 'on camera'. It really draws the people in that way, for instance once I was doing a 'my character is a sick bastard but not in a howling at the moon way' and I used him making a sandwhich to get it over. So while you're talking about the fans not mattering and such, showing a soundless clip of some of your matches or something along those line would get it even more over.

 

But still, the words are very good the whole 'visual effects' thing is something every writer here had to work on.