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Ask The Dictator!

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Hey, the Nazis had trials too. They're called Show Trials. Think of them like wrestling matches where the winner is predetermined, but the accused ALWAYS does the job.

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Guest cobainwasmurdered
Okay then, dreamer420 dies in cobainwasmurdered's stead. I have no problem with that as long as my plans come to fruition in some manner. It's all in the name of the State, anyways, and dreamer420 did make some heinous remarks about us in the early-goings.

 

Oh, and cobainwasmurdered, if you have read this, don't take offense. It was merely suggested that I have you killed and I thought it would be funny to have you framed like this. It's a proverbial "my bad."

I'm busy laughing at it so it's okay.

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NOTE: I have fixed my "we have trials?" post to include my new pet project.

 

It has come to the attention of the Secretary of Justice (I got it right this time) that there are several aleged defectors within the Party. Among these rumored turncoats are MarioLogan, Kinetic, and Goodhelmet, if Goodhelmet is indeed still part of the Party. I would suggest that these men make statements regarding their status within the party. If a statement is not promptly made, the Nessun Duma will descend upon you like a plague. Justice is swift, gentlemen....enemies of the State will be brought to Justice, though any means neccesary.

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Calm down, Secretary of Justice. They are not defectors. Hitler never called Himmler a defector simply because he couldn't get him one the phone once or twice. Goodhelmet hasn't been around period(have you seen any recent activity of his?), MarioLogan has the right to defend his other interests, and Kinetic is NEVER to be mistrusted. Someone so close to me in regards to personality is to be trusted, and besides, you can't go on a witchhunt and accuse people higher-ranking than you.

 

The only part of their recent disappearance that bothers me is that it means less wedding gifts. Erica ain't gonna be happy.

 

A lack of activity is not a cause for concern. There are just slow days sometimes. Calm down. If you want to use your shiny new police force, go harass some visor-wearing punks, or, if we're out of those, go rough up N*Sync, because although I encourage people to EMBRACE THE POP~!, I still can't stand that they have girls throwing themselves out of each others way in order to get closer. Being a happily married man now, it doesn't bother me as much as it used to(since my First Lady has great zeal and stamina), but it's still annoying that others are deprived as a result.

 

Bottom Line: I am the one who starts purges here, not you, and the purging season has yet to begin, nor does it have any reasons to begin soon. This is a serious step backward if you were trying to suck up. I'm keeping my eye on you, you're a tad ambitious.

 

EDIT: I just read the pet project, and no. As much a proponent of racial profiling to counter terrorism that I am, don't ARREST them. Besides, to leech anything from 9/11 is downright deplorable. We said that we needed some common scapegoat, but NOT one that is related to race or religion.

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Guest areacode212
Oh, and as is custom for assuming a new office, we need a statement from the Baronese of Labor in regards to general platforms and goals of the Baronese.

Ah, I'll do that later. Why not now? Because I'm busy working! See, I'm leading by example already.

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The only part of their recent disappearance that bothers me is that it means less wedding gifts. Erica ain't gonna be happy.

Bottom Line: I am the one who starts purges here, not you, and the purging season has yet to begin, nor does it have any reasons to begin soon. This is a serious step backward if you were trying to suck up. I'm keeping my eye on you, you're a tad ambitious.

The Commandant of the Nessun Duma is pleased to learn of the marriage of the Maximum Proconsul.  As a gift for this glorious news, the Nessun Duma is briefly skirting the chain of command and stands poised to strike at the list of unfavorables that shall be received directly from the Maximum Proconsul and his wife.  We shall blast said unfavorables out of their sleepy beds with a firehose at an obscene hour of the night, after which unfavorables will be subject to 72 straight hours of brutal interrogation, humiliation, and dangerous mind-altering narcotics.  Said unfavorables will then be encouraged to swim through shark infested waters toward Cuba (encouraged by lobbing hand grenades into the water and slinging chum into the sea to excite the sharks).

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To our glorious leader and his lovely bride I offer this as a present on the day of your wedding. Rip Taylor!! Yes the comic madman famous for throwing confettii everywhere.

As to my recent absence, I have been hard at work and am happy to report that the Grand Army has finished the necessary conquering of Canada and Mexico. These bountiful lands are at your disposal my leige. What nations are next to oppose us? My army itches for a challenge.

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Guest goodhelmet

"To our glorious leader and his lovely bride I offer this as a present on the day of your wedding. Rip Taylor!! Yes the comic madman famous for throwing confettii everywhere."

 

LMFAO

If you grab Nipsy Russell next then I believe Supataft should be Procunsel and Kotzenjunge should be demoted to the fry guy at the State's McDonalds.

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Baron of Entertainment already had Nipsy Russell make a guest appearance at the wedding reception at my own behest.

 

Thanks for the er, person, SupaTaft! You conquer whoever you want, you can do whatever you want in the range of the Ministry of War, your own pet project like the others.

 

Commandant Intimacy Goblin has already done his pet project, in the form of his wonderful gift.

 

Good job leading by example, Baron of Labor. I'm still waiting for a gift from my favorite Chancellor to the Proconsul! Since you don't really have a Ministry, you can just go ahead and do anything in the range of any Ministry as your pet project. I said I was in a great mood!

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Guest goodhelmet

I present to you the head of Julia Roberts surrounded by cockroaches!!!!

 

With her head on a stick, you can rest at night knowing she will never make another living soul sit through one of her wretched movies.

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Eep. Thanks. We'll keep your gift in a very special place... in the compost heap on the north lawn. Her head will make good fertilizer. Now, go ahead with your pet project, assuming that your pet project isn't overthrowing me. Your talk of keeping your enemies closer worries me. How's about this: When we overtake Europe... it's yours! No questions asked!

 

How are things as King of California, anyways?

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Guest goodhelmet

not to create dissention but since kinetic is leaving texas and i live in the heart of texas (san antonio), i think my services would be better served as the king of texas. give him california.

 

as for europe, i will gladly accept europe as a gift.

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No problem. He'll probably like California more anyway. Rule Texas with vengeance and always be ready to take their guns for our expanding army.

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i have already convinced lone wolf mcquade and the texas rangers to enforce martial law. i have seized the majority of profitable oil fields and made sure the bush family was exiled to ecuador to be with the "little brown ones".  The Dallas Cowboys have all been executed and Jerry Jones is now homeless. Texas is under our control.

 

As for Europe, I am having trouble ruling Italy since they object to my preference of American pizza. I may need reinforcements.

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Talk to Generalissimo SupaTaft for reinforcements, but the State of America will gladly give aid to Goodhelmet's new European order, since he is a Friend of the State.

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Guest goodhelmet

Speaking of the word "Generalissimo", i mispelled that word in my city finals 4th grade spelling bee. it conjures up bad memories of dejection and failure that i prefer to leave in the darkest depths of my psyche. can you replace it with something a litlle less frightening like "admiral" or "chief"?

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Well, his original title was Minister, we could just reinstate that.

 

Good thing he didn't have his sub-name changed to that G-word.

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Guest evenflowDDT

Great Kotzenjunge, although I am one to EMBRACE THE POP~!, I can argue that I wouldn't make as good a Music Councillor as Kinetic, though I will do my best to serve this position in whatever way is required of me.  As such, I will do my best to catch up on this thread (after lunch and a column for TheSmartMarks), and serve as required.

 

Also, seeing as how I've lived in California all my life... well, if you ever need a Prince of California or if Kinetic is a turncoat, let me know.

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Kinetic is kinda busy being Assistant Proconsul and King of California to be Councillor of Music. Besides, he's absentia from this thread a lot.

 

Don't worry, Baron of Entertainment Jingus can help you if you wish. We're all here to help each other in the State of America. I look forward to your column, and I'm glad that the term EMBRACE THE POP~! has found use with someone else.

 

You will be expected to make a statement on your basic platform and policies, as well as get me a wedding gift! This gift allows you one pet project, something you've always wanted to do, within the range of your Ministry's capabilities.

 

Welcome to the Cabinet!

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First Ten People to be Arrested and Executed by the Department of Justice:

 

Dorothy Meek(my Academic Team coach)

Lindsey Jones(bitch I know from School of the Arts, thinks she's better than me! Ha!)

Michael Cole(no explanation nessecary)

Jonathan Hess(Captain of Irmo Academic Team, elmiminated us at Nationals)

Nancy Gregory(Principal of High School)

Um... bitch teacher who gave me my sole write-up in High School

Mrs. Constantine(woman who caused me to run into the back of her car by going from 40 to 0 in one second)

Tim Constantine(her drunk husband)

Darren Ecko(total dumbass who ran the TWF E-Fed)

Ruby Deas(ex-marine wench who is one of my supervisors at Harris Teeter)

 

And SupaTaft, get that sub-name changed to Minister of War!

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Master Kotzenjunge, I would like to accept new responsibilities in the party.  Please extend onto me the right to rule new york with an iron fist.  I would like to also be know as, "Master of New York" .  Thanks

 

--Rob

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I am already King of New York, and acceptance means an offering first.

 

Maximum Proconsul = King of New York

Assistant Proconsul = King of California

Chancellor to the Proconsul = King of Texas and Undisputed Master of Europe

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"Master Kotzenjunge, I would like to accept new responsibilities in the party.  Please extend onto me the right to rule new york with an iron fist.  I would like to also be know as, "Master of New York" .  Thanks."

 

First off, we don't use "Master" around here. Gives images of slavery and such. Accepting new responsibilities means that we have offered you new responsibilities. Had we offered, you would have known. The "thanks" at the end also assumes you'll get your way. It was decided at a point in the "Ask Kinetic" thread who would be king of the three large states that would be directly run by the State. Texas, California, and New York are all populated enough to warrant State control over them, since we do not trust Minimum Proconsuls to run those places effectively. It was decided also that the top three ranking Cabinet members would be Kings of these states.

 

In short, the office is already taken.

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Guest evenflowDDT

Great Kotzenjunge, I offer my deepest apologies for not having completed my DVD review column for now, though I shall have it up by later tonight, after returning from "hanging out" with some colleagues (unfortunately, they're proletariats... ick! but they are fine cooks :P).

 

For now, as a wedding present I offer a waffle cooker, because it is the law of wedding presents that someone must always offer a waffle cooker, knowing full well that it will probably never be used.

 

Mission statement and pet project to be decided at a later time... my apologies for not having it done at the present, sir.

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Damn son, we don't ask for such cordiality here, but thanks for the effort.

 

Thanks for the waffle cooker! We'll get a lot of use out of it, since one of my favorite dinner meals happens to be waffles, and the First Lady won't have any problem making them(of course, if she does, that's fine too, her signature tells the story).

 

Don't worry about not having stuff up, it isn't urgent. No deadline or anything, just sometime within reason.

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The government already owns 70% of Nevada outright currently, so by the time of the revolution, it will be completely owned by the government except for Carson City.

 

Um, you can be Potentate of Wyoming. Suits the cowboy avatar nicely.

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ok "Lord of Wyoming" it is, we kill fags :) .  Anyways what cowboy avatar?  I have options selected to not see avatars or pictures or any other bullshit.

 

--Rob

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