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Patty O'Green

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 11/6/08

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PRESENTED IN HD

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

 

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-

-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-

-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

 

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From our opening spiel/video we’re transported to sofa central which is adorned with festive Thanksgiving decorations such as cornucopias, leaves, little OAOAST bobble head pilgrims and most foolishly off all live turkeys. I’m sure we’ll all live to regret that.

 

COLE

Well, Coach? How do you want to ruin today’s show before the first segment even begins? Would you like to fart the star spangled banner? Or give a detailed account of your colonoscopy? Or wonder aloud how long you could stay in prison without letting another male “brain” you up?

 

COACH

Son, ya jokes is wack, closest thing you ever came to a punchline, was waiting for refreshments at the prom in '79. I’m trynna be chill and cool with you ‘cause you voted for a brother. You got BO into office. So, white man, why not accept this olive branch? Why question me right now? See, the old me would of told your stinkin caucausoid ass to go sit down somewhere because you have no melanin and are barely human. Why do you insist on trying to make me angry? Why do you want me to tell you to crawl back in that shit hole in the Caucus Mountains were you came from and go back to your primitive practice of mating with dogs? It's a new day my white friend...its a new day!

 

CHRISTIAN WRIGHT (O.S.)

Welcome depraved sons and daughters of the devil!

 

“BOOOOOOO!” the audience screams as we cut to the ring to find The Enterprise has gathered in their entirety. The arena is dimly lit with the brightest light shining on one of the most hated stables in the OAOAST. There are only 3 stables, but they’re all equally hated let’s just say that for a PC comment.

 

WRIGHT

Since the year 2006 The Enteprise has taken forth the precious from the vile and is therefore known as nothing less than the mouth of god. We have hoisted you the evil, you the banal, you the corrupt, onto shoulders proud and true, arming ourselves against pagan lifestyles of soul damning, nation destroying filth! Our eyes have long been cast like lures into the sea of reprobate disdain, in earnest of hopes of hooking onto a glimmer of possibility that our mission may yet arise a bounty of success. Needless to say Tuesday was the era of our disappointment.

 

MONEYMAKER

Sima Ahmed a sixty eight year old woman in India described the October 30th bombings of the Guwahati city markets as the very meaning of hell on earth. Miss Ahmed, with all do respect, you have no clue of what the phrase hell on earth truly means. I know hell on earth because I have lived since Tuesday and I know it’s a long, hard road out of it. To no fault of my own, I have to perish in a world where Maya Duncan-Blanchard is the Beverly Vista School Student Body President!

 

“YEAAAAAAA!”

 

MONEYMAKER

That’s right, Maya won. The student body signed their souls to a merciless devil, and as bad as my hell on earth is right now, the hell all you children are headed to is going to be a hundred times more punishing. A number of you, and many of the numbnutted halfwits in the lockeroom, have chastised me for attacking a 13 year old girl. In my defense, I only wanted to help out my godson, JC Pennington. If the boys in the back had any ideas of family beyond figuring out which Nerdly girl they want to impregnate they’d understand me. Also, do you realize that she won’t always be 13? She isn’t Dusty Rhodes, she’s no son of a plumber. She is the daughter of a very influential celebrity, and the granddaughter of a very powerful congressman. What do you think she’s gonna be like when she’s 24? 34? 44? This evil monster at 13 is on record of supporting same sex marriage and the wholesale murder of babies, her basic theology is pure Arminian heresy, consisting of two Satanic lies: 1) God loves everybody; and, 2) Man has a free will. She has shredded every part of the bible which proves her and her sycophants to be murders and blaspheming hypocrites. All the bible alises of for antichrist fit Maya like a glove! Maya Duncan-Blanchard, her mother, and those who will follow her in life are bound for hell for their sins against God!

 

WRIGHT

Cast alive into the lake of fire burning with brimstone! Were the quintessence of my mind not benumbed to the muck and mire of the witless bunkum and twaddle of the OAOAST populace, perhaps I might gather up the requisite awe to stand amazed at the absence of concern towards Maya’s campaign.

 

MONEYMAKER

Who knows with these morons, Christian? Landon Maddix actually summoned the gall to wonder why I’m allowed to attack a 13 year old because there are 80 or so wrestlers needing TV time. Those eighty or so losers can die in a ditch for all I, or the viewing public, care! Landon, when you’re fifty years old and the SWF is drawing crowds of 15 and President Maya Duncan-Blanchard-Effron decides that the thirty-dollar profit you made running a show in a Hobo encampment is too much, and decides to hit you with a 45% tax to give some crackhead with a penis addiction a welfare check, you’ll be sorry you didn’t listen to me! You’ll all be!

 

COACH

Tell em why you mad, son!

 

MONEYMAKER

I can almost forgive the little troglodytes at Beverly Vista, when your parents are either militant shaved headed carpet munchers with enough arm pit hair to make themselves look like cousin it or a limp wristed beef eaters that makes Michael Cole look like the son of Hercules, your judgment might be clouded. But, I can’t nor will I ever forgive the American voting public for the result of our presidential election. Maybe one day I’ll have a good chuckle. I don’t know. Maybe when I’m sitting on cloud nine with Jesus’ arm around me and angels singing of my triumphs and you’re all roasting in an orgy of blood and flames in hell I might bring myself to laugh at a man named Barack Obama becoming president of the nation of the United States! Wednesday morning I woke up to the stench of death and the promise the threat of this nation’s end will be looming over every sunset for the next four years. I woke up to the dawn of Satan’s reign over my country. Obama is a cultural terrorist, his wife is an Anti-american black supremacist, he aligns himself with our enemies. I can not and will not live through this betrayal of my Democracy.

 

“U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!”

 

MONEYMAKER

Chant the name of the country you destroyed. Every vote cast for Barack Obama was like gunshot through old glory. America has died the death of a thousand cuts and you all held the knife. My heart bleeds for what I thought this country was. Honorable, just, proud, and intelligent. I promise you all this, that my blood will chill, my heart will freeze, and you all will feel the fury of my wrath. Know this!

 

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

 

MACKENZIE

Stop and think about what you’re saying for a second. Teddy didn’t buy into the brainwashing of a biased liberal media. He didn’t let himself or impressionable minds around him (turns to Simon) get swindled into voting for a fast talking huckster named Barack Obama. That’s not even a real name. That’s like if I introduced myself as the Undertaker, or Ultimate Warrior. They might as well have named him Hakona matata, or Grape and Jam, or General Electric. I’m beside myself with grief to think that I have to say I live in a country where the president’s name sounds like a lyric from a Lion King song. Saddest of all I blame us females for Obama’s victory. We betrayed the country. The ladies are going to have a heart attack, but perhaps the right to vote should not have been given to us. God gave man dominion over the earth, not women.

 

COACH

Mad respect to The E for showing up tonight. You know other white folk huddled around a fire in their secret white meeting places, trynna figure out how to overturn the emancipation proclamation.

 

MONEYMAKER

I take it you’re all bored from this election talk. You came for the OAOAST and you want me to talk about the OAOAST! I bet you even want to see me throw a fit about the outcome of the tag title match at the Halloween Spectacular. But I won’t do that; I won’t give you that pleasure. The outcome of that match is inconsequential. Reject, ThunderKId congratulations, here’s to a long reign of defending the belt once every two months. Good job, guys. BWHAHAHAH. Normally I’d be upset to not be able to enjoy boasting of unseating the possible tag team of the year, but all is well with me. Sly Sommers is a physical wreck, possibly out the OAOAST-

 

MACKENZIE

Good riddance to that bad apple.

 

MONEYMAKER

Zack Malibu is beltless and has as solid a chance of ever winning a world title again as Josh Matthews! BWAHAHHAAH! Poor, poor, Zack. Its a shame what keeps happening to The Franchise. Try and try as he might every time he makes an attempt to one up me, fate somehow takes my side and he’s humiliated in front of the people that love him most. What a sad man he’s become. He's something off a self-parody. He’s nothing but a caricature of a human being. He's like a satire of a real wrestler, that doesn't realize his entire existence is one big joke. Poor guy, that Zack, poor guy. You almost have to feel bad watching him backstage spouting his longwinded wrestling platitudes that go nowhere and backfire as he comes up short in the ring once again. But I guess its only a matter of time before the people realize what I have known for a long time. Zack is a fraud and a joke and we’re all better off without him!

 

“WE WANT ZACK! WE WANT ZACK! WE WANT ZACK!”

 

WRIGHT

Silence!

 

MONEYMAKER

The Rockers missing out on their record tying tag title reign is unfortunate but a minor issue. My will is preemptory and absolute, and can never be hindered from taking effect. My will is nothing else than God himself willing consequently it is omnipotent and unfrustratable. Except to one thing, the incompetence of my help. If a man is measured by the company he keeps then I suppose I come up pretty damn short! Sometimes my employees have needed a kick in the ass and I’ve been down this road before I know that. But never, ever with who I’m about to go down with it tonight. Ned, Simon, Molly, you are nothing short of disgraces!

 

“BOOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss as Ned is taken aback by those pointed comments. Molly attempts to play peace keeper but Ned is already ready to lay into Moneymaker.

 

NED

What the hell? Where do you get off flapping your gums to us like that?

 

MONEYMAKER

Where do you get off skipping the Halloween Spectacular to be chaperones at a campaign rally for Maya? That’s what I would like to know. I’m curious is all. Just trying to figure out why everyone of us was in Miami, and you were serving punch at a party for the daughter of my worst enemy? That’s all I want to know.

 

NED

First of all, you need to tone your voice down because I don’t like the way you’re talking to me one bit. Maya is Krista’s daughter, but she’s also mine, and as many times as I let that girl down I wasn’t gonna do it again. If you got a problem with that I can think of one or two ways we can settle it.

 

“OOOOOOOOH!”

 

Theodore seems ready to take Ned up on his offer to brawl, but at the very last moment thinks better of it and turns to a frightened Molly.

 

MONEYMAKER

Molly, I don’t have the time nor the patience to hear why you thought you could get away with filming a musical for Maya’s campaign. But, if I didn’t pay you exactly zero dollars and zero cents, you’d be finding somewhere else to get your graduated credits.

 

MOLLY

How rude! I believe we’re both all too aware of the number of times I begged you to perhaps assist me in my music video production class, only for my numerous pleas to fall on death ears. Fortunately, Alix was a willing actress when you were not, and saved me a failing grade. To do something as awful as to blame me for-

 

MONEYMAKER

I said I don’t want to hear it! And you, Simon? Where’s your flimsily whiny excuse?

 

SIMON

A man has needs, Teddy. Carnal needs. Lusting needs. Sexual needs. I’m just a man, Teddy! I can’t help who I am. As a man, when Ned tells me I have the choice between socializing with Maya’s hot single math teacher or watching the dude you pulled from a 7-11 counter and called your spiritual advisor go after Sommers, the choice is easy to make. Sorry, boss.

 

That answer goes over rather poorly with The Messiah and the rest of The Enterprise who turn hateful glares onto Simon.

 

MONEYMAKER

Unacceptable!

 

SLAP!

 

NED

The hell you did, son!

 

The audience becomes abuzz with excitement over a possible throwdown between Ned and his boss. However, The Messiah is unwilling to sully his robes with a brawl and instead steps behind VICE.

 

MONEYMAKER

Bosley, CPA, escort them from my ring!

 

Words are exchanged between Ned and VICE, as Moneymaker shouts for The Blonds to leave and the audience shouts for them to do battle with their friends and cohorts. Cooler heads wind up prevailing, though, and VICE escort a peaceful but surly BHB from the ring, leaving Moneymaker with Mackie and CW.

 

“B-H-B! B-H-B! B-H-B!” the fans chant, marking the first time the fans have ever chanted the name of the hated tag team.

 

WRIGHT

Silence!

 

MONEYMAKER

This would be the worst week of my life if not for the fact that I finally get to salute a real American hero. You see for far too long have I been alone in fighting the good fight against Krista Isadora Duncan by myself. I have gotten no help or aid from my fellow OAOASTers. I haven’t even gotten a pat on the back in private or an appreciative nod backstage in passing. All I get is thankless hemming and hawing from the same people she thinks aren’t even worth the dirt it takes for her to bury them! Then finally one man swooped in and answered my call for justice. He didn’t best her at Zero Hour, but he along with his kindhearted partner brought down a group of women made fat and content from the lack of challenge to their corrupt reigime. Please join me in welcoming a real American. Mister Dick!

 

The meshing of My Dick and Britney’s Womanizer brings out a chorus of boos from the fans. Standing beneath a resplendent golden shower of pyro is Mister Dick and his leather bound pain fiend Malayasia. The former women’s champion runs her hands along a baby oil soaked body that’s left nearly bare besides an all two small black and gold Mister Dick official towel available at wherever OAOAST stuff is available. Barely able to keep their hands off each other’s “special areas”, the twosome alternate between swapping spit with each other and insults with the audience as they glide down the entrance ramp.

 

COLE

Mister Dick and Malaysia picking up perhaps a surprise win over The Duncan family at Halloween Spectacular.

 

COACH

Ain’t no surprise about that when Jade’s involved. That girl could sink Jordan’s Bulls. It wouldn’t surprise if we find out the Patriots blew this year’s super bowl ‘cause they had Jade on the O line.

 

Malaysia trots up the stairs to a boisterous round of applause and welcomes from the Enterprise’s braintrust. Her hands go into the air in celebration of her victory at the Halloween Spectacular, but the fans have no will to match her joy. Mister Dick’s entrance is far more grand, as he spins across the ring apron until he reaches the center. There he straddles the ring ropes and begins to rub his own personal moneymaker on them before he enters the ring and spins around with arms outstretched.

 

“BOOOOO!”

 

MISTER DICK

Ah cram these 12 inches in it, ya bastards! Ted, you’re all right, man. You’re all right. Up until a couple seconds I thought this joint was just full of some of the stupidest sons of bitches I done ever conversed with! I was gettin’ to thinking I was gonna have to construct me an anti stupid forcefield to block out all the stupid bullshit that comes outta everybody’s mouth ‘round here. Crap like “you can’t beat Krista Isadora Duncan! Ain’t nobody but nobody pullin’ any moves on Krista! What you do as a job, she’s doin as a damn hobby, like a lil kid scribbling some crayloas on a colouring book. You gonna wind up just like the Wrecking Crew when its all over.” With all due respect to dem boys, do I look like a skinny black dude or a fat Brazilian? I’m the hottest hardbody you done ever seen and I don’t go down for no chick, the chicks go down for me and on me! Hell, maybe it ain’t that easy to beat Krista but I tell you what, when she teams up with the fat kid that stinks like one of Barbara Walter’s old lady farts on the set of The View, its easier than hitting the broad side of the barn. The fat kid ain’t worth a god damn! Is she Malaysia?

 

MALAYSIA

She does make the cutest cry when you piledrive her head against the mat. I do like it when she does that.

 

MONEYMAKER

The fat kid obviously being Jade Rodez-Duncan.

 

MISTER DICK

Jade, I ain’t ever gonna call you by your last name again! You ain’t got no last name as far as this here Human Hard On is concerned. You hear me? A Rodez is a number one contender to the OAOAST World Title, a Duncan is a world wide celebrity, you ain’t nothing but number one contender to be prize heffer at a county far, and your fat ass is as wide as the whole wide world! You disgust me, bitch. I just wanna puke my guts out when I have to talk about you. You’re a disappointment to yer mama, yer grand parents, yer sister, and yer uncle! I hope for their sake you die in a car accident, and they getta watch me take number two all over your grave! Yer hoish ass mama is gonna have to watch from the comforts of one of Los Angeles’ best hospitals, though. ‘Cause I ain’t through with her yet! Ain’t no way no how! I done said I’d be the first person to beat Krista 1 on 1 and I done said I would make that bull dagger dyke submit, and I promise ya’ll that I’m gonna be doin just that before the year is out. I’m gonna snap her limbs in two one by one, and I’m gonna plant my dickzillia right in her mouth, have my monstrous balls dangling on her chin, and take the ultimate pleasure from hearin her say I Quit! MFHFFIMFFQUMMITMMFF that’s how its gonna sound with my 12 inches rammed down her throat!

 

WRIGHT

Bravo! Bravo to you both!

 

MONEYMAKER

BWHAHAHAAHA! Mister Dick, you and Malaysia have restored my faith in this country. You have shown me, that hard work, perservence, and moral fiber still exist in this putrid wasteland.

 

COLE

Moral fiber? Didn’t he just threaten to break Krista’s bones and force her to engage his face sitting fetish? That’s just another Tuesday for me, but for everyone else its despicable!

 

MONEYMAKER

Your service to your country may be jeered by those who have no business living in it, but its rewarded by The Enterprise.

 

Just to increase the lunacy a tad, a stagehand brings a gigantic cardboard check that’s highlighted by an American flag design, into the ring. The audience loudly jeers the gesture, obviously feeling that Mister Dick isn’t deserving of a single dime. Mister Dick, of course, feels he’s wholly entitled to his riches and beams with joy that’s greatly increased by Malaysia fondling his nipples from behind. The booing intensifies as a red, white and blue sparklers begin pouring down from scoreboard and a neon lighted version of the American flag shines down the ring.

 

MONEYMAKER

I present you and Malayaisa a check for no less than fifty thousand dollars! You've earned it, my friends, you've earned it.

 

The remaining members of The Enterprise offer gracious applause to a newly rich Human Hard On and is beautiful dominatrix. Yet their congrats are easily overpowered by the hatred of an annoyed audience.

 

MONEYMAKER

And now let us play a song to celebrate the real American, Mister Dick and his real American woman, Malaysia!

 

The fivesome hold their hands to their heart, and withhold proud tears as the following legendary song plays to the audience’s dismay…

 

 

Halfway through the song, unless you listend to all of it and I don’t know why you could ‘cause most of you heard it a million times before, there’s a gigantic commotion from the capacity crowd.

 

COLE

Oh my!

 

The commotion soon sorts itself out into enormous cheers as the camera catches Krista Isadora Duncan swatting down Christian Wright with a lacrosse stick! Just as soon as Wright goes down, does Moneymaker realize something is seriously amiss and with Mackenzie in hand he quickly scurries out the ring. From the safety of the ramp they watch in abject horror as Mister Dick is mortally wounded by vicious shot to his pride and joy!

 

COACH

No!

 

Adding insult to considerably injury, The Cocky Prick is brought down to the canvas by the KIDology (codebreaker)! The audience explodes with an onrush of cheers as Moneymaker throws a fit but makes no movement to challenge Krista. Less, fearful of embarrassment Malaysia, angrily captures Krista unaware with a fistful of her flowing blond locks. With a twisted snarl on her face, her intent is to inflict some of the pain she loves do dear. As she maneuvers Miss California onto her shoulders her wish inches closer to reality. But, Krista is far to skillful for the sadistic femme and shimmies her way out of the hold to strike her with the KIDology! Malayasia flops onto the canvas, with no signs of enjoying this particular brand of pain. The fans, however are ecstatic, and are made even more say when Krista picks up CW merely to nail him with the KIDology!

 

COLE

The Natural, and The Real American Prick, getting exactly what they deserve!

 

Even one of the cameramen filming this affair isn’t safe from the rampge as Krista drops with the KIDology for no other reason then the fact that he has a penis and is there. The second cameraman to try and get a shot of the action meets the same unfortunate fate. With both cameras currently ownerless, Krista is free to chuck them at Moneymaker and Mackenzie! The crowd delights in watching her send her lacrosse stick, Mister Dick’s jumbo sized check, the microphones, and MD’s cowboy hat flying at her archnemsises.

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience chants. Krista realizes she’s suddenly out of things to throw, and urges the audience to send their young to the ring so she’ll have a replishined arsenal of projectiles. While security urges the fans not to do that, Moneymaker and Mackie beat an angry and hasty retreat. They stand at the top of the ramp, launching threats and profanities at their continued tormentor.

 

COACH

I fucks with The Enterprise like that, no question, but ya’ll gotta know better than to mess with a woman’s kids like that. Especially a white woman! Especially a jewish woman! I was explaining to some kid earlier today a ince it's common knowledge that in prison when you go for a shower and drop the soap, you get raped. Why the fuck don't they just add those little hand-pumped soap dispensers in prison? That squirt out the liquid soap? You'd cut down sodomy by like 80%. And this white lady came up and said "how'd you get into my son's bedroom?" Bitch, I broke in how the hell you think I got in there?

 

COLE

If I wanna rape, I’m gonna rape, and none of your fruity soaps is gonna stop me. Folks, HeldDOWN continues with so much more after this. We’ve got tag titles on the line, Zack Malibu is in the house, so stay tuned!

 

COMMERCIAL

Edited by Patty O'Green

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Returning from the break, the camera cuts backstage, and the crowd cheers as Bohemoth is seen going through his bags. He then hears a knock on the door, and turns, then his mood worsens as he sees Alfdogg walk into the room, facing him up.

 

ALF

You almost had me last night.

 

BO

Yeah. And you know, I would have had you, had you not grabbed those tights. You were done.

 

ALF

All's fair in love and war, big man. Remember that.

 

BO

I will.

 

ALF

But seriously, I'm not here to talk about last week, I'm not here to rub it in. I just want you to know something. You've been worthy competition for me and for the World title...and if I had to choose who to lose to last week, you would have been my choice. Because I know you would hold that belt with pride and with respect for your peers...something that PRL has not shown during his reign.

 

*crowd boos*

 

BO

Well, I appreciate that.

 

ALF

I'm man enough to admit a true defeat. And at the Halloween Spectacular, Tha Puerto Rican was the better man. But, you know how PRL talked about us a couple weeks ago. You know how he's talked about me the last several weeks. No respect. But, I'm going off on another tangent, Bo, forgive me. The REAL reason I'm here...is that I'm sure you know, the Deadly Alliance is planning to add a fifth member.

 

Bo nods.

 

ALF

And I know we haven't seen eye to eye lately, far from it...but I happen to see you as a prime candidate for that spot.

 

The crowd boos, as Bo flashes an odd look at Alf.

 

ALF

Now, just listen to me. You know as well as anyone how Zack operates. Look at Leon...he has a World title shot at November Reign. Suppose he defeats Tha Puerto Rican, and becomes the OAOAST World champion. Zack could never contain his jealousy, and that would spell the end for your In-Crowd. You saw me talk to the guy last week. And you know what I've accomplished here in the OAOAST. Now, If Zack would talk down to me in that fashion...just imagine how he'd treat you in the long run. In the Deadly Alliance, we all treat each other as equals, and that's why we're all champions. So, I'm just letting you know, you have the opportunity to abandon ship before it sinks.

 

Bo watches Alf walks off, while letting his words sink into his head.

 

Back into the arena floor brings us to a ring that’s highlighted by dark blue and white lights. Inside this macabre illumination stands The Last Kings of Scotland, wearing leather jackets and blue and white kilts. Scottish Scott holds a microphone while Danny tries his best to look menacing in the background.

 

COLE

The Last Kings Of Scotland set for a handicap match against Tim Cash in a few moments.

 

SCOTT

Tim Cash, yer aff yer heid! Ya had a right stroke of good luck when ya beat us in Pureto Rico, but that’s just ‘cause Spencer went and left us high and dry. Listen to me well and good ya arse bandit, ya ain’t gonna get us twice! Now get yer arse out here ‘cause me ‘n Danny got a stompin’ ta lay on ya!

 

Its Not My Time by rock superstars 3 Door’s Down brings its adult contemporary rock into the sold out arena. With it comes Tim Cash clad in white trunks and blue pads. He doesn’t stop to gloat or showboat on the entrance stage, instead trotting right down the ramp so he can shake hands with the good people of Milwaukee. One fan in particular gets an earnest discussion about the Brewers’ hopes for the 09 baseball season with the avid baseball fan and all around nice guy.

 

COACH

Look at that dude Cash is talking to. Those the kinds of herbs we let in our show? This premature baby lookin dude looks all types of fresh off the boat....the sandals, the white barbershop haircut, the peach fuzz, the gas station sun glasses, the $3.99 shady wear/makavelli/pure playaz/late 90's styled urban clothing, the bootleg football jersey, etc... these are pretty positive matches for a english as a 2nd lanaguage ass dude. He probably was born in some country where the US goverment sprayed agent orange and other types of wild poisons in the crops. I wouldn’t be suprised if dude got 12 testicles.

 

COLE

And now is as good a time as any to remind you that front row seats are available for our none televised events in Moline and Des Moines! Avoid humiliation on a national scale, see the OAOAST untelevised!

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen the following handicap match is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty minutes! Now making his way to the ring from Peroia, Illinois, he weighed in at two hundred twenty five pounds, he is wrestling’s last real good guy….TIM CAAAASSSHHHH!!!

 

COLE

I think we have to give Tim Cash a lot of respect for participating in this handicap match, not many people would take a match facing two top prospects.

 

COACH

Not many people are damn morons either. You are. Tim Cash is, obviously. I’m not.

 

As is customary for the former EMT, Timmy C offers a handshake to his foes. Oddly enough, Danny Boy accepts the kind gesture. But its nothing but a ruse, as Scott comes from behind to hammer him in the back. His fist come down hard and heavy until he has Cash sufficiently weakened enough to try for an irish whip. However, the Peoria native reverses the hold and sends DB charging to the ropes. Danny gathers up his strength to leap forward with a lariat but Cash meets that gesture by merely back dropping him over to the canvas. Right as the native of Scotland lands, Cash offers him a helping hand back to his feet. Such an unusual gesture if first met with confusion, and then outrage as Danny swats away the hand of his foe. He quickly rolls to his feet, and attacks Cash with an elbow. But The Ultimate Good Guy swats it away, and helpfully informs him to try a forearm next time. The advice enrages Danny, but there’s little he can do it about as Cash knocks him to the canvas with a dropkick!

 

COLE

Just a short while ago it may have been Tim Cash on the losing side of a handicap match, but with his strict adherence to his moral code he’s doing well so far.

 

COACH

He’s doing well against rooks still learning the ropes. Let’s see homeboy do work against a team of Alfdogg and Sandman. Then I’ll be impressed.

 

Back into the picture comes Scottish Scott, charging at full speed towards his rival. But Cash greets his encounter by grabbing onto his leg, lifting him into the air and dropping him neck first onto the ropes! The landing on the ring cables was completely on accident, however, as evidenced by Cash calling for his own DQ.

 

COACH

Disgustin’ I ain’t never seen nobody ask to lose.

 

COLE

You could argue Biff Atlas’ asks to lose everyday just by waking up in the morning. By the way Biff will be joining Vinny and Ken Pantera in losing to Los Diablos and Jumbo later on this evening.

 

Cash continues his argument with the referee over his perceived illegal tactics to his detriment; a recovered Scott stuns him with an overhand smash to the back of his head. With Cash momentarily stunned by the move, Scott is able to bring him down to the canvas with a side Russian leg sweep. He then rolls back to his feet and plants Cash with another leg sweep. Finally he hooks the leg for a pinfall that’s counted by good ol Clem Buzzlefoxer…

 

ONE!

 

Cash kicks out we’ll before Clem’s poor arthritic hands could count two. Rather than get to his feet and fight, Cash decides to offer encouragement to Scott over almost getting a two. SS continues to be annoyed by the goody-goody act and he batters his opponent with stomps. Soon his partner joins him, and together they make mincemeat out of Cash’s back.

 

“LET’S GO CASH! LET’S GO CASH!” chant a few of the children in the audience, who love Timmy’s good guy act. Sadly the cheers of the youth do little for Cash, as the Kings take turns pulverizing his arm with well placed knee drops. After he and Scott hit no less than eight knees onto Cash’s limb, Danny decides to break what ligaments remain with a lethal arm bar. Showing no signs of sportsmanship that his foe holds dear, Scott gets in his face and taunts him without mercy. He draws boos from several fans when his hand comes across Cash’s face in slap!

 

COLE

No need for that! Not to such a classy guy at least.

 

COACH

Nigga this ain’t equestiarian dressage! If it was there’d be horses and hot hoes in tight white pants with funny hats and riding crops.

 

The armbar isn’t able to keep Cash held for long, and with considerable power he rips his way out the submission. Danny Boy is the first to fall victim to Cash’s might as the face to end all faces scrambles his brain with a Backbrain Wheelkick!

 

COLE

Did you hear the sound behind that kick?

 

COACH

Ain’t nothing classy ‘bout mild concussions, Tim.

 

As Cash gathers himself off the mats, Scott builds up a head of steam on the ropes. Unfortunately his run carries him right into spinning lariat from the good guy! Scott flips and twirls before coming down directly on his face! Though he’s clearly our, his partner isn’t and stumbles upright. But, there’s no offense mounted by him as Cash throws him to the ground with a powerful spinebuster. The ring is still shaking from the impact as Cash hooks onto Scott’s leg and flips him over for the…

 

COLE

Midwest Sling!

 

A quick tap out brings the ringing of the bell and 3 Doors Down’s smash hit back into the arena. Clem would love to raise Timmy’s hand, but Cash is more concerned with checking on the welfare of his beaten opponents than celebrating his victory.

 

COLE

A decisive victory here on HeldDOWN for The Ultimate Good Guy Tim Cash, and he did it with class. Not bad, Timmy, not bad.

 

COACH

Yes bad. Yes damn bad. How you gonna take seriously a dude who’s more sad over his opponent getting hurt than happy he won a match? You have to hurt someone to win a match. What are you gonna do pairs figure skate them into submission? Get me something to wash out the memory of this bum.

 

COLE

A guy like Tim Cash would be a great candidate for the Deadly Alliance!

 

COACH

:throwup:

 

LATERZ ON TONIGHTZ

ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM TITLEZ

LEON RODEZ AND PRL VZ REJECT AND THUNDERKIDZ

MAIN EVENTZ 2NIGHTZ

 

COMMERCIAL

Edited by Patty O'Green

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Ned Blanchard is seen walking down the hallway backstage, then turns into a dressing room, where he sees Thunderkid, Reject, and Melissa Nerdly waiting on him.

 

NED

What are you doing in here?

 

TK

Waiting for you, Ned.

 

REJECT

That's right. We've wanted to talk to you for a while, but weren't sure how to reach out to you.

 

NED

Well, here I am. What do you want?

 

REJECT

We wanted to talk to you about your standing in the Enterprise. There seems to be a lot of conflict between you and the Money Man lately.

 

NED

Yeah, he says I don't put up results. What the hell is that? I'm a FOUR-TIME World tag team champion.

 

TK

And that's exactly what we want to talk about Ned. You've got a lot of talent, no matter what that tool Moneymaker says.

 

REJECT

That's right. You don't need the Enterprise. You need people who will appreciate your talent. People like...us.

 

NED

What are you talking about?

 

REJECT

Well, as you know, we're adding a fifth member to the Deadly Alliance, and we feel that spot would be a big boost for both us and you.

 

NED

Well...I don't know, that's a very tempting offer. But what about Simon?

 

TK

Forget Simon. It's you we're interested in. We really admire how you don't just kowtow to Moneymaker's demands because of his money. You keep on doing your own thing, how you want to do it. And that's what the Deadly Alliance is all about, doing things OUR way.

 

*pause*

 

REJECT

Anyway, just something to think about.

 

TK, Reject and Melissa walk off, leaving Ned to think things over.

 

-The screen fades in to a hallw-

 

"SOPHIE! GET IN HERE!!"

 

-From out of frame comes...

 

BRICK-Nora-Z-image4_t_w220_h260.jpg

SOPHIE GREY!! Sophie dashes down the hallway, muttering to herself in French.

 

SOPHIE

Toujours m'a me dépêchant partout. ..one lieu à un autre, aucun repos. ..I jure...

 

-Sophie pushes open a door leading to a rather dark room. Sophie looks to her left, leading the camera to pan with her. Nothing. She then looks to the right, making the camera pan. Sophie suddenly strides that direction, walking straight towards...

 

244.sossamon.shannyn.100506.jpg

JOSIE BAKER!~!~ Sophie slows her pace as she notices Josie leaning back, smoking a cigarette.

 

SOPHIE

...Josie?

 

-Josie smiles slightly through her cigarette.

 

JOSIE

Hey, darlin'...take a seat.

 

-Sophie sits in a chair directly across from Josie. Sophie looks physically distrubed as Josie takes another drag off her cigarette. Josie slowly blows the smoke out of her nose as she stares off into space. An awkward silence fills the air.

 

JOSIE

...So...Colin is back.

 

SOPHIE

I saw.

 

JOSIE

Aw...You're speaking English?

 

SOPHIE

I am practice.

 

JOSIE

That's great.

 

-Another awkward silence fills the air. Josie clears her throat as Sophie motions for the door.

 

SOPHIE

Should I leave?

 

JOSIE

...Do you have any idea, Sophie...the toll that a knee to the temple...followed almost IMMEDIATELY by a neckbreaker...can have on a person? Jereme has been hospitalized...with no signs of recovering anytime in the foreseeable future...Austin is MIA...and now Colin Maguire, Jr. has returned, laid out my champion and a legend, AND stolen the Intercontinental Championship belt.

 

SOPHIE

The situation is bad at best, ma'am.

 

JOSIE (scoffs)

Bad at best...This corporation is starting to get to me, Soph...So many people that I need to keep tabs on...

 

-Josie take another large drag off of her cigarette. She holds the smoke in her lungs for an extra amount of time before slowly exhaling it.

 

JOSIE

Are you an angry woman, Sophie?

 

SOPHIE

About what?

 

JOSIE

Are you envious? Do you get envious?

 

SOPHIE

I don't think so. No.

 

JOSIE

I have a competition in me. I want no one else to succeed. I hate most people.

 

SOPHIE

That part of me is gone... le fonctionnement et ne réussissant pas- tous mes échecs me sont parti... I just don't... care.

 

JOSIE

Well, if it's in me, it's in you. There are times when I look at people and I see nothing worth liking. I want to earn enough money that I can get away from everyone.

 

SOPHIE

What will you do about our boy?

 

JOSIE

I don't know. Maybe it will change. Does your movement come back to you? I don't know.

 

SOPHIE

Where is Colin?

 

JOSIE

I don't want to talk about those things. I see the worst in people, Sophie. I don't need to look past seeing them to get all I need. I've built my hatreds up over the years, little by little, Sophie... to have you here gives me a second breath.

 

-Josie takes a deep breath as she stares off into space. Sophie looks frightened out of her skin as Josie smiles wide suddenly.

 

JOSIE

I can't keep doing this on my own...with these...people.

 

-Josie suddenly begins laughing as Sophie stares at her boss. The screen fades to black.

 

COMMERCIAL

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OAOAST

SAY WHAAAAAAT?

Zack Malibu has mainevented more Anglemania's than Hulk Hogan, Courtney Cox and Derek Jeter COMBINED!!

 

Rock Your Baby hits, and a purple light fills the entryway as light, haze-like smoke fills the arena. A big, multicolored disco ball lowers from the ceiling, sending the colors through the smoke and all over the arena, as Vinny Valentine bursts through the curtains, followed by Tony Tourettes, Biff Atlas, and Ken Pantera.

 

COLE

Ready for a six-man tag match here on HeldDOWN~! Let's go to Michael Buffer!

 

BUFFER

The following is a six-man tag team match, scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring, accompanied by Tony Tourettes, at a combined weight of 714 pounds...introducing first, VINNY VALENTINE and BIFF ATLAS...PANIC AT THE DISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

Vinny climbs onto the apron and dances, as the crowd boos.

 

BUFFER

Their tag team partner...KENNNNNNN PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

RRRR

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

 

COLE

And there is Ken Pantera, who made his official OAOAST return to competition at Busch Gardens last week, this his first match in an OAOAST wrestling ring in nearly two years!

 

COACH

Well, he looks good to me, Cole, this man obviously very powerful, probably the strongest man in all of wrestling!

 

COLE

And Pantera returning to the OAOAST as the "bouncer" for Panic at the Disco!

 

hits, and Deuce Deuce Bigelow walks through the curtains, followed by Los Diablos de Fuego.

 

COLE

And here come their opponents!

 

BUFFER

Their opponents...at a total combined weight of 737 pounds...introducing first, MARIACHI and MORACCA...LOS DIABLOS DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

EEGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

 

And their partner...DEUCE DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCE BIGELOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

 

Deuce slaps hands with the fans ringside, as Moracca hands off his sombrero and Mariachi does his thing in the ring. Deuce and Moracca climb inside, and everyone goes over strategy, then leave Mariachi and Vinny inside as the referee calls for the bell.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

Mariachi and Vinny start to circle the ring, before Mariachi stops, and holds his hands out, then goes into a dance routine. He then points to Vinny, asking him to top his move. Vinny simply laughs, then turns and goes into his own routine, while Mariachi sneaks behind the back and tags in Deuce.

 

COLE

Uh-oh! Vinny walked right into that trap!

 

Deuce stands behind Vinny for a second, then spins him around and floors him with a clothesline! He then whips Vinny into the ropes, and catches him with a samoan drop! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Deuce picks up Vinny, then scoops him up and hangs him in a tree of woe, and tags in Moracca. Moracca lays in some kicks, then Deuce jumps down and grabs Vinny's arms from the outside, as Moracca calls out to the crowd, then delivers a STINKFACE~!

 

COACH

Oh no!

 

Moracca then tags in Mariachi, who grabs Vinny down, then climbs onto his back and starts to ride him!

 

COLE

And the crowd is loving this action from the Diablos!

 

Mariachi then hits Vinny with a dropkick! He then backs into the ropes, where Biff attempts to grab him, and gets met with a right hand for his troubles!

 

COLE

And Biff gets some, as well!

 

However, this gives Vinny time to drill Mariachi as he turns around with a back elbow!

 

COACH

Yeah!

 

COLE

And a big elbow from Vinny!

 

Vinny then tags in Biff, and the two make a wish on Mariachi! Biff then picks up Mariachi, and executes a SIDE BELLY-TO-BELLY, then covers...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Biff then sets up the OHSAA APPROVED POWERBOMB~!, but Mariachi counters into a hurricanrana, then tags in Deuce!

 

COLE

And the big man back in there!

 

Deuce grabs Biff, and whips him into the ropes. Biff ducks a clothesline, but gets hit with a SPINNING WHEEL KICK~!

 

COLE

And a spinning wheel kick from the near 400-pounder!

 

Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

Deuce gets to his feet, and falls forward with a headbutt! He then runs into the ropes, where Pantera drives a knee into his back!

 

COLE

And Ken Pantera from the outside!

 

Biff follows up with a SPEAR~! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Biff tags in Vinny, who joins with Biff for a double team Irish whip, and a double clothesline! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Vinny then tags in Pantera.

 

COLE

And here comes Ken Pantera for the first time!

 

Pantera drives in forearms to the back of Deuce, then picks him up, and lifts him for a GORILLA PRESS SLAM~!

 

COLE

You gotta be kidding me!

 

COACH

Look at the strength, Cole!

 

The crowd stands in awe as Pantera goes to a full extension of the arms, then tosses Deuce down to the mat!

 

COACH

Wow!

 

COLE

Amazing strength by the former Olympic powerlifter!

 

PATD applauds on the apron, as Pantera flexes his right bicep, then makes his way over and tags Vinny back in. Vinny backs into the ropes, and drops a knee to the sternum, then gets up and does some dancing, as the crowd boos. Vinny then covers...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Vinny tags Pantera back in, and Pantera picks up Deuce and whips him into a corner. He charges with a shoulder, but Deuce hops over, then rolls down with a sunset flip!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Pantera gets to his feet, then floors Deuce with a clothesline! He then tags Vinny, who comes in and sits on the back of Deuce, grabbing his face with his hands! Deuce eventually fights to his feet with Vinny on his back, but Vinny slides off and shoves him into the corner, then tags in Biff. Biff steps to the bottom rope.

 

COACH

Uh oh, here comes that bottom rope big splash!

 

Biff jumps all the way off the bottom rope down onto Deuce, but Deuce gets the knees up!

 

COLE

But Deuce gets the knees up!

 

COACH

But Deuce gets the knees up!

 

Deuce crawls over to his corner, and tags in Moracca!

 

COLE

And a tag is made!

 

Moracca whips Biff into the ropes, and catches him with a big backdrop! As Biff tries to get to his feet, Moracca catches him with a FAME-ASSER~! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shoulder up!

 

Moracca then tags Mariachi, who springs to the top rope, and catches Biff with a SEATED SENTON, into a compromising pin...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Vinny saves!

 

Moracca goes after Vinny, while Pantera and Deuce go at it in another corner.

 

COLE

And all six men in the ring!

 

Deuce gets the better of Pantera, while the Diablos whip PATD into each other! Pantera then backdrops Deuce to the floor, while Moracca sets up Vinny for the GO 2 CHEEK~!!!!!11111

 

COLE

Here it comes, the Go 2 Cheek!

 

However, Pantera lifts Moracca in an electric chair, while Vinny is still on his shoulders, then drops him face-first to the mat!

 

COLE

What a move by Ken Pantera, with also all of Vinny's weight crashing into Moracca there!

 

Pantera then hooks the FULL NELSON~!!!, pulling Moracca up off the mat, and swinging him around, causing Moracca to quickly tap out!

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COLE

And Ken Pantera, along with Panic at the Disco, picking up a big win!

 

BUFFER

The winners of the match...the team of PANIC AT THE DISCO and KENNNNNNN PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

RRRR

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

 

Pantera tosses Moracca down to the mat and flexes his muscles, as PATD and Tony celebrate with him.

 

COLE

And a rare victory on HeldDOWN~! for Panic at the Disco, thanks to their bouncer, Ken Pantera!

 

COACH

Yeah, Sandman better watch out, his win streak could be in jeopardy!

 

COLE

:rolleyes:

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We head to the back once again, this time to find Zack Malibu flying solo, set to speak with longtime running buddy Josh Matthews.

 

JOSH

Zack, I hate to be the guy who always has to bring these things up, but you must not be in high spirits after what's gone down this past week.

 

ZACK

You know what, Josh? You're absolutely right. I'm not in high spirits. I've got one of my best friends, a man that I personally trained for a career here in the OAOAST, at home rehabbing a knee that was damaged thanks to Alfdogg at the Halloween Spectacular. I've got Alfdogg trying to lure Bohemoth away from The In Crowd, looking to strengthen his ranks at the expense of mine. I've got Moneymaker crying foul at every turn, yet every time I want to get the guy in the ring, he seems to have more important things to do. Personally Josh, I'm at the end of my rope and...

 

Just then, ALISON comes into the scene, causing Zack to stop talking and allow the scowl on his face to express his feelings.

 

ALISON

Feeling a bit down lately, Zackary? Did you really not see this all coming? Listen to you, whining like a twelve year old girl who hasn't gotten to see High School Musical 3 yet. It's karma, Zack. For everything you've ever done to anyone in this company, out of this company, to your friends, your family...to ME. It's finally come full circle, and I am SO happy that I get to be around for your breakdown!

 

ZACK

Alison, honestly, I STILL don't get why you're around. You show up out of nowhere, trying to spin something that happened five years ago around, when we have proof of the opposite. You show up here at these shows and spew some venom, talk about how you'll be avenged and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but honestly, what do you offer to anyone? What does The Enterprise even gain from having you around?

 

Alison, looking rather unhappy about Zack putting her in her place, retaliates. She slaps Zack IN ANGER~!, leaving a red handprint on the left cheek of the preppy superstar!

 

ALISON

My purpose...my ONLY PURPOSE for coming back was to see you pay for your sins, Zack. I want to be there when you can't take it. When your broken, beaten, emotionally and physically. I want you to feel what you made ME feel five years ago. You made me feel completely worthless, and I fully support Theodore Moneymaker's agenda to do the same to you. This company, those sheep that you call your fans, none of them NEED you, Zack. That's what I'm here to make them all realize. I thought I needed you at one point, but then I realized that I wasn't going to cry over my loss. That I could prove to myself that I didn't need you to make myself happy. I've grown into a stronger, more confident woman. I can handle my own battles. If you've noticed, my brother goes about his own business and I go about mine...no more overprotective psycho. I'm leading my own life now. I'm doing what I want, and it seems I've inherited some of the family bloodlust. I want to see you suffer, Zack. I want to hear your bones snap, and I want to see you bleed, and I want it to happen in front of the world but ESPECIALLY in front of that bitch and bastard baby sitting in your...

 

At the mere mention of his family, Zack flinches, but knows better than to hit Alison.

 

ALISON

Ooooh, temper temper, Zackary. Am I striking a nerve? Huh? What are you going to do, hit me? Huh? Hit me, Zack. HIT ME!

 

Alison, getting more courageous by the second, slaps Zack hard a second time, but Malibu refuses to stoop to her level.

 

ALISON

Come on, you selfish, stupid bastard! Are you afraid to hit me? The role model to millions is being humbled by a girl on national television, and you can't even say anything about it? That's priceless! That's...

 

All of a sudden, Alison gets grabbed by the hair by none other than KRISTA~! Alison shrieks as Krista drags her away from Zack, and the cameras watch as Krista takes her and hurls her onto the catering table, covering Alison in all sorts of delicassies! Alison rolls off the table and onto the floor, covered in various edible substances, while Krista stands proudly.

 

ZACK

You didn't have to do that.

 

KRISTA

Please, it was my pleasure. I don't think you should complain.

 

ZACK

Well, then let's just say I owe you one, kid.

 

KRISTA

Happy to help.

 

Krista strolls off, leaving Zack and Josh to shrug it off and walk away, leaving Alison embarrassed here on HeldDOWN~!

 

COLE

The night keeps on getting worse and worse for The Enterprise! Fans we'll be back with more HeldDOWN~!

 

TONIGHT

TEENAGE GIRLS ARE IN HEAVEN AND SO AM I!

SPENCER REIGER Vs SHAYNE BRAVE

TONIGHT!

 

COMMERCIAL

 

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We return to the Thanksgiving decorated sofa central to see that the live turkeys have not eaten our announcers. Too bad.

 

COLE

Life as an OAOAST Women's Champion isn't all about live events and title defences. Especially not the last one. And especially if you're the daughter of a mainstream superstar! Early last month the OAOAST Women's Champion Jade Rodez-Duncan was lucky enough to step out with her own stardom and tread the red carpet at the premiere of Disney's High School Musical 3 with little sister Maya. Unfortunately, restraining orders prohibited me from being there too. But now that that court case has been settled we can now bring you Molly Nerdly's exclusive red carpet footage, let's take a look.

 

 

Uptempo music plays over the various pans of the exciting, young crowd and shots of the movie's stars arriving.

 

MOLLY (V.O, w/Best Auditioning for E! Job Voice)

The glitz and glamour of a movie premiere. An electric cornicopia of excitable energy. But on this occassion, there is a certain childhood innocence to Tinseltown. Even the hardest heart inside the oldest cynic can't help but be swept up in this atmosphere... shame Krista refused to attend really.

 

More shots of the movie franchise's stars.

 

MOLLY (V.O)

Everybody who's anybody who's in High School Musical 3 is here. Ashley Tisdale. Vanessa Hudgens. And one guy who looks suspiciously like Spencer Reiger.

 

We then see shots of some of the invited celebrity guests, eventually including the Duncan children. Looking a little shell shocked Jade very carefully walks the carpet in a more glamourous than we're used to associating her with purple dress, no doubt filled with fears of an embarrasing trip on an upturned piece of red felt. She squints as the flashbulbs go off all around her, blinding her with bright unexpected lights. Maya on the other hand seems much more comfortable with the screaming crowds and waves out a few times.

 

Another shot sees the Duncan girls being interviewed by various, non-Molly Nerdly reporters. Jade doesn't seem too thrilled with all the on-camera appearances though, repeatedly worrying about her posture and state of her dress, no doubt the result of a long red carpet ettiquette talk from mother.

 

MOLLY (V.O)

Amongst these famous faces are two of Hollywood's most famous beacons of childhood innocence. Jade Rodez-Duncan and suspected child genius Maya Blanchard Duncan were among the lucky people related to celebrities who had children to give their tickets too. And after the movie, we caught up with them for a special chat.

 

Cut to later after the movie, where the crowds are slightly calmer and smaller now, allowing Jade to relax just a little more than before. Maya looks completely excited with her night, while Jade seems eager to keep her on a tight leash having been left in charge of her, preventing her from running off and apprehending another celebrity by grabbing her wrist, then forcing a smile for the camera again.

 

MOLLY

So how have you enjoyed the day girls?

 

JADE

Oh, you know, it's been really fun actually. I wasn't expecting so many people! Heh! It's my first movie premiere you see and there's lots of screaming and lots of lights, but I enjoyed it once I managed to get my bearings back. And I got to meet some nice people that Maya introduced to me as well. I never imagined myself being invited to something like this. It's been fun. Good fun.

 

MOLLY

And where is Krista tonight if you don't mind me asking?

 

JADE

Oh, she... uh... was busy. With other projects?

 

MAYA

Plus she refused to come since she thinks any movie aimed at the child market must automatically insult her intelligence. Not to mention her dislike for all things of a happy exuberance, especially when it's in song and dance form. So she gave Jade her ticket. Hi Mommy! Miss you!

 

MOLLY

Aw.

 

MAYA

Hey Molly, look, I got Zac Efron's autograph!

 

Maya produces the piece of paper and as Molly goes to have a look, she pulls it away.

 

MAYA

Hey grabby! Look with your eyes, unless you're willing to meet my asking price. Ya know, once it's been copied it a few hundred times. Alix has already got them listed on eBay, so it's a good job I came through. Unlike SOME people. I told Jade to ask for his telephone number, but she was too chicken.

 

JADE

I told you, he's got a girlfriend Maya. It would have looked bad.

 

MAYA

Well I couldn't very well have asked him, could I?

 

Realising the sibling arguement is good material, Molly double-checks she's got the right shot before appearing back from behind the camera with her own forced smile.

 

MOLLY

So now you've mingled with the stars and you've seen the movie, how about you give us an appraisal of the movie? What did you think of High School Musical 3?

 

MAYA

Sometimes a shamelessly immature and proudly irreverent bubblegum pop movie is all you want out of your life. High School Musical fits that role and then some! From the very first leering closeup of Zac Effron shaking off sweat on the basketball court before bursting into a song, its clear that this film like its predecessors is one gigantic sappy marshmallow, and its absolutely delicious. Efron’s co-star Vanessa Hudgens has charm, style and voice, and gives female prodigy Ashley Tisdale a run for her money as most talented songsmith on an already exceptional cast. High School Musical is a chance to salute the masters of song and mirth one last time. Take it. Though candy coated on the outside, High School Musical is after something you don’t often find in multiplexes overran with Chihuahuas and superhero flicks. An insight into the human condition. The film is a synecdoche, a figure of speech that indicates a part standing for the whole. In this case the part of a high school graduation and the uncertainties that go with it stand for the whole of the uncertainty that hounds human life from its very conception. Our lives are not stagnant, they are organic and pliable lifeforms and though we make plans we never truly know where the next moment in time will take us. All we can do is be like Troy and Gabriella, love the ones we’re with and remember them fondly when they’re gone. In that way High School Musical 3 is a lesson worth learning for students of all ages.

 

JADE

I like the dancing.

 

MOLLY

That's great, thanks girls!

 

 

-BACK TO THE ARENA-

 

 

COACH

Okay, Jade just flat out fails at life. I ain't even gonna be subtle about it.

 

COLE

Well she's not got much of a future as a movie critic. But she was hardly failing, or hanging onto Krista's coat-tails which I see you've already written down ready to use in a second, if you ask me. Jade enjoying some of the perks of being OAOAST Women's Champion. Those perks might not last much longer though, as we found out during the week due to her victory at The Halloween Spectacular, Malaysia Nerdly has put herself in line for another Women's Title shot. She will get that shot at November Reign. And, get this, by challenger's request it'll be no disqualifications, no count-outs, a California Street Fight! Jade could be in some big trouble come November Reign!

 

COACH

Man, even I might not want to watch that massacre. Or, then again, maybe I might! But I might feel guilty about it afterwards. A little.

 

NOVEMBER REIGN

WOMEN'S TITLE

CALIFORNIA STREET FIGHT

JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN VS MALAYSIA

OAOAST WORLD TITLE

LEON RODEZ VS PRL

NOVEMBER 30TH

 

JUST ANNOUNCED!

NEXT WEEK ON HeldDOWN~!

SUBMISSION MATCH

KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK

NEXT WEEK~!

CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE!

 

COMMERCIAL

Edited by Patty O'Green

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"The World Is Mine" greets us back to HeldDOWN~! A wealth of flickering and flashing spotlights that alternate between entirely red and entirely white blast their way across the entrance stage. The lights on the floor then turn blue cutting through a thin haze that fills the stage. Stepping into this tranquil mist, Spencer does an arrogant twirl before doing a quick Timberlake style dance. He saunters down the ramp, cloaked by a bright white spot light to contrast the flashing blue and red "SR" shaped illuminations on the entrance ramp.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, from Manhattan, New York. Weighing in at two hundred and ten pounds... "THE ONE MAN TRIPLE THREAT"... SSSSSPPEEEEENNCCCCCEEEEEEERRRRR... RRRREEEEEEEIIIIIGGEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

 

At the bottom of the ramp he picks out a young fan who's clearly pro-D*LUX judging by the Shayne and Tyler action figures in her hands. Already she's giving Spencer the thumbs down but against form, he presents a peace offering. Reiger unfolds a glossy D*LUX poster. Not just any poster, but a signed one! The young girl can't believe her luck... and soon learns the lesson that if it seems too good to be true, it probably is, as Spencer TEARS THE POSTER UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER EYES!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

COACH

Oh my word that's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life!

 

The poor girl is comforted by her father, as Spencer yells "AND SANTA'S FAKE TOO!" as he climbs into the ring. There he goes to the top rope and rips open his Ed Hardy hoody to show off his body as the lights rapidly and endlessly switch from red to blue to yellow to white.

 

COLE

What a jerk this kid is.

 

COACH

I dunno, I like him.

 

COLE

You would.

 

As Reiger continues to rile the crowd, "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits. Out from the back bounds Shayne Brave, with a less bounding Tyler backing him up. The green denim clad boybander slaps hands a-plenty on his way to the ring, with Tyler joining in just a little even if he's in the role of back-up tonight.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent. Accompanied to the ring by TYLER BRYANT! Hailing from Detroit, Michigan... he weighs one hundred, eighty three pounds... one half of D*LUX, he is "SHOWTIME"... SSSSSSHHHHHHAAAAAAYYYYNNEEEEE... BBRRRRRAAAAAAAVVVVVEEEEEEEE!!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

D*LUX apparantly had monitors within eyeshot while they were wating backstage, as they find the wronged fan from earlier and give her hugs. Which cheers her up just a bit.

 

COLE

Aw. Isn't that nice to see?

 

COACH

Where I came from there's laws against that kinda thing.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

The bell sounds and Shayne quickly gets the crowd clapping. Spencer shows what he thinks of that, with some mocking clapping of his own before giving the fans the 'up yours'.

 

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

 

Spencer gives up at this point and locks up with Shayne. Side headlock applied and Shayne in control to the delight of the crowd. The taller Reiger picks Shayne up and looks for a back suplex, but a few wrenches on the head see Shayne safely back down onto his feet, executing a headlock takeover. Spencer applies a headscissors to escape, but Shayne just as quickly floats over to his feet.

 

COLE

Two fine young athletes here, personalities aside.

 

Looking unimpressed, Spencer picks himself up and they lock-up again. This time Spencer trips Shayne up and transfers into a wristlock, nodding confidently. But Shayne kips up and armdrags Reiger over! Shayne executes a second armdrag. And a third. And that's quite enough for Reiger who bails to the outside. Calling for a timeout, he heads back over to torment the girl D*LUX fan again! But Tyler steps in to protect the little girl's honour. Spencer mocks him for that, before turning around to find Shayne defending honour also, with some right hands!

 

COLE

This Reiger has a real attitude problem. This guy's gotten a little preferential treatment and special attention because he's talented. And now, he clearly thinks his stuff don't stink and he's the best thing since sliced bread.

 

COACH

It's called confidence. If you were talented, you'd understand.

 

Reiger rolls back into the ring to escape the right hands, Shayne looking to follow. Spencer catches him in between the ropes with a knee though. Pulling Shayne back inside, Reiger executes a scoop slam, then drops down and applies a blatant choke in front of the referee (who isn't Charles Robinson!)

 

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!"

"FOUR!"

 

Reiger breaks the choke, telling referee Jack Doane to 'talk to the hand'. He then closes the hand up and drops a fist, making a cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No.

 

Spencer pulls Shayne back up, delivering a right hand. And another. With Shayne backed in a corner, Reiger drives a knee before sending him across the ring. After giving an 'up yours' to Tyler, The Prodigy charges but Shayne gets a knee up! Then a boot to the midsection. Popping onto the middle rope, Shayne then drives both boots into the spine of Spencer, causing him to faceplant into the mat!

 

"YYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

That's the Showtime Stomp!

 

As Shayne whips the D*LUX fans up, his attentions are taken by LOS CONQUISTADORS, who have appeared on the entrance stage, clouded in smoke! The smoke would be slightly more intimidating if we didn't see a stagehand running off with a bucket of water in hand, having just set off some dry ice though.

 

COLE

Now, what are those goofs doing out here?

 

COACH

I wouldn't call them goofs if I were you. Not unless you want your eyeballs to melt and bleed into your socks, leaving you only able to see out of your big toes. And then die.

 

Shayne points to the 'voodoo warriors', before he lands a dropkick on Reiger and covers...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No.

 

Back up, Shayne sends Reiger into a corner. He then charges... but missed a corner attack and ends up clattering into the turnbuckles, as Los Conquistadors wave their hands around mysteriously.

 

COLE

Don't even start. They had nothing to do with it.

 

COACH

Interesting that your first thought was to deny it though, isn't it?

 

Reiger has left the ring and stands on the apron working out the kinks in his back. Before the referee's count can get too high, he then runs down the apron and delivers an enziguri to the back of Shayne's head from the outside!

 

COLE

Ooh, nice move from the rookie there.

 

Spencer quickly follows up with a pin attempt...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Setting Shayne back down, Reiger measures him... and measures him some more... before dropping a well-measured knee on him. On the ramp, Los Conquistadors begin to chant low under their breaths, which seems to confuse even Reiger.

 

COLE

You know, they could well be putting a spell on Reiger for walking out on them during that 10 Man Tag the other weeks.

 

COACH

I thought you said you didn't believe in that stuff.

 

COLE

I did... I mean, I don't... this is what I get for humouring you.

 

Reiger continues to look confused as he pulls Shayne up and underhooks an arm. He takes too long underhooking the second though, allowing Shayne to backdrop his way free! Reiger gets back up and aims with a right, but Shayne blocks and lands one of his own. Right blocked, right from Shayne. And again, Shayne finally getting the upperhand and hitting the ropes. Reiger cuts him off with a boot to the gut on the rebound though before spitting in Tyler's direction.

 

COLE

Oh that's classy.

 

The ever-confident Spencer eventually looks for an irish whip. But Shayne manages to reverse and catches Reiger coming back with a Leg Lariat!!

 

COLE

Oh, that might shut Reiger's mouth for a little bit.

 

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

"LET'S GO SHAYNE!"

 

Tyler gets the crowd rocking behind his partner as he fights to his feet. Instantly Shayne heads for the turnbuckles, specifically the top one. Reiger picks himself up and dusts himself off, both complete wastes of time as Shayne soars off the top with Flying Clothesline to put him back down! Cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

NO!

 

COLE

Kickout by Reiger. Like the kid or not, he's been making waves and what a coo it would be if he could pick up another victory over an established OAOAST superstar in Shayne Brave!

 

COACH

The world is gonna sit up and take notice of Spencer Reiger Mikey. They ain't gonna have a choice!

 

Shayne turns and points out Los Conquistadors as their chanting continues, then turns his attentions back to The One Man Triple Threat. Backing in, Shayne applies a 3/4 facelock, looking for the Shaynedrop... but Reiger catches hold of him. Picking Shayne's legs up off the mat, Spencer launches his opponent away across the ring.

 

COLE

Nice counter there by Reiger.

 

Coming down hard, Shayne lets out a squeal of pain. And he stays down.

 

COACH

Well Reiger had that move scouted, the kid's got brains. Maybe he's more than a triple threat, maybe he's a One Man Fatal Four Way... or something.

 

Spencer goes to follow up on Shayne, but with the boybander lying on the mat and writhing in pain referee Jack Doane backs New York's Finest up while he checks on his condition. Clear concern shows on Tyler's face as he rounds the ring besides Shayne who clutches his arm, kicking his feet. Suddenly the fans begin to quieten, as even Reiger looks on.

 

COLE

I think Shayne's hurt here.

 

COACH

Well he might have landed awkwardly when Spencer threw him, but... yeah, this don't look good.

 

With the referee checking on Shayne, Reiger moves forward again but Doane backs him up and gives him a talking too. Meanwhile Shayne, with pain etched on his face, starts to try and sit up. That's enough to get the action going again... for about five seconds, before Reiger comes off the ropes and slams his knee into Shayne's face!

 

COLE

Blood Is The New Black for Spencer Reiger.

 

Quickly, Reiger covers Shayne up...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

3!!

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

Some scattered boos go up, as Spencer rolls off of Shayne who goes back to favouring his arm. Tyler immediately slides in to check on his partner as Reiger celebrates, albeit noticeably muted before he leaves the ring.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... SSPPEEENNCCCEEEEERRR... RRREEEEEIIIIIGGEEERRRR!!

 

COLE

A win for Spencer Reiger, but... this doesn't look good for Shayne Brave I'm afraid.

 

Tyler tries to calm Shayne down as we EMTs hitting the ring.

 

COLE

This is not what anyone wants to see.

 

COACH

No. I mean, I'm no big D*LUX fan but you hate to see anyone get hurt out here and unfortunately it looks like what's happened.

 

COLE

Okay, well we can only hope this isn't as serious as it looks right now. We'll be right back.

 

As Shayne is attended to, we cut to a commercial break.

 

LATERZ ON TONIGHTZ

ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM TITLEZ

LEON RODEZ AND PRL VZ REJECT AND THUNDERKIDZ

MAIN EVENTZ 2NIGHTZ

 

COMMERCIAL

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BEFORE THE BREAK

Spencer goes to follow up on Shayne, but with the boybander lying on the mat and writhing in pain referee Jack Doane backs New York's Finest up while he checks on his condition. Clear concern shows on Tyler's face as he rounds the ring besides Shayne who clutches his arm, kicking his feet. Suddenly the fans begin to quieten, as even Reiger looks on.

 

COLE

I think Shayne's hurt here.

 

COACH

Well he might have landed awkwardly when Spencer threw him, but... yeah, this don't look good.

 

With the referee checking on Shayne, Reiger moves forward again but Doane backs him up and gives him a talking too. Meanwhile Shayne, with pain etched on his face, starts to try and sit up. That's enough to get the action going again... for about five seconds, before Reiger comes off the ropes and slams his knee into Shayne's face!

 

COLE

Blood Is The New Black for Spencer Reiger.

 

Quickly, Reiger covers Shayne up...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

3!!

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

Some scattered boos go up, as Spencer rolls off of Shayne who goes back to favouring his arm. Tyler immediately slides in to check on his partner as Reiger celebrates, albeit noticeably muted before he leaves the ring.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... SSPPEEENNCCCEEEEERRR... RRREEEEEIIIIIGGEEERRRR!!

 

COLE

A win for Spencer Reiger, but... this doesn't look good for Shayne Brave I'm afraid.

 

Tyler tries to calm Shayne down as we EMTs hitting the ring.

 

COLE

This is not what anyone wants to see.

 

COLE

Folks, we know that Shayne has been taken to a local hospital, and we hope for the best. We'll keep you updated on his condition if we hear anything and please go to OAOAST.com to get updated throughout the week.

 

We're taken backstage where everyone's favorite Zack Effron look-a-like Spencer Reiger is on a one man victory parade through the hallways. His joy is tempered somewhat when he bumps into a stern faced Tim Cash.

 

SPENCER

Aww jesus, you again. I don't know you, bro, we're not friends, quit being all in my face like that.

 

CASH

Just hear me out.

 

SPENCER

I don't wanna hear you out. I've been hearing you out since I got here, and I'm sick of hearing you out. Lemme alone, go bug someone else. Why are you trynna piss on my great parade?

 

CASH

I'm just trying to instill some respect into you, Spencer. I see that you're happy that you won and you have the right to some joy. But, your opponent may have hurt himself pretty seriously out there. If we're lucky its just a sprain or a bruise but if we're unlucky...

 

SPENCER

Then what? What am I supposed to do about it? Get a doctor's degree in five minutes so I can perform emergency surgery? You're off your rocker, old man.

 

CASH

I didn't say that. But he's on his way to the hospital, and I think the least you could do is go over and sit with him.

 

SPENCER

Ahhh gimmie a break, man. Yeah, I'm really gonna sit in an emergency room for three hours with some kid I hardly even know. Sure. Miss me with that, Timmy. Hey, it sucks that the kid got hurt, but its not...my...problem.

 

Spencer scowls at the lecturing Cash and trots off to continue his celebration.

 

Elsewhere Backstage in the In Crowd locker room we find Leon Rodez getting ready for his main-event match later tonight. Leon pulls his elbowpad up with a snap, before slicking his hair into place in the mirror, in which we see both Zack Malibu sat across the room on his Blackberry. Which may account for some of the many styling products lined beside the mirror.

 

ZACK

I'm sure Melissa'll approve.

 

LEON

Har har.

 

With his hair styled to military precision, Leon grabs his robe off the hanger and starts to pull it on.

 

LEON

We'll see how much she approves of me kicking Reject's BUTT tonight, how about that? I mean, I'd hate to think that if Reject lost his belt tonight she'd ditch him and find another meal-ticket to mooch off of. How tragic that would be. Still, you sleep with dogs, you gotta expect to wake up with fleas, know what I'm saying?

 

ZACK

Says a man speaking from experience.

 

LEON

Hey, I never slept with Melissa!

 

Leon sorts his robe out, smoothing out any creases.

 

LEON

I mean, I don't think I did, it gets confusing sometimes.

 

ZACK

You're telling me.

 

LEON

Hey, have you ever noticed how all the Nerdly's names begin with an 'M'. How weird is tha...

 

Trailing off, Leon turns away from his reflection to see Bohemoth entering the locker room. Clearly having come straight from a workout session elsewhere in the arena, Bohemoth sets his bags down and wipes the sweat from his brow.

 

BOHEMOTH

What's happenin' guys?

 

ZACK

Johnny Bravo here's getting ready for his Tag Title match.

 

BOHEMOTH

With PR? Heh... good luck with that.

 

Leon raises an eyebrow. Not in the way a certain person would, but still.

 

LEON

Good luck? That's not a piece of cautionary advice by any chance is it? Look, I've dealt with PRL before bigman. I know what he's like. Or, was like. Whatever. But that's all water under the bridge. He seems like he's turned a corner since dumping The Lightning Crew, I'm happy enough to take the guy at face value for the night.

 

ZACK

Yeah, but, this is Tha Puerto Rican we're talking about.

 

BOHEMOTH

Exactly.

 

LEON

Would you guys lighten up? Jeez. If this is what being in the World Title scene does to you, turns you all bitter and jaded, maybe I oughta rethink this number one contendership thing. Just because we're opponents at November Reign, doesn't mean we can't go out there tonight and take the World Tag Team Titles off of Thunderkid and Reject and enjoy it, does it?

 

Bohemoth and Zack glance at each other with very dubious expressions on their faces.

 

LEON

Look, all I know is, last month I was getting kicked in the nuts by some Nerdly girl and was constantly arguing with my girlfriend Nerdly girl about being friends with another Nerdly girl. Life stunk. Then, I took in some 'home movies' with a fan of mine... who also happened to be a Nerdly girl. Now, I've got a shot at gold tonight and a shot at the World Title at November Reign. So it could be worse.

 

A smile forms on Leon's face.

 

LEON

Yep, everything's finally going my way. And I owe it all to casual sex!

 

Leon breezes past Zack and Bo and out of the room, leaving at them to look at each other again.

 

BOHEMOTH

That's your kid's godparent.

 

ZACK

(sadly)

I know.

 

VOTE OR PERISH IN HELL!

THE OAOAST ANGLE AWARDS

COMING THIS DECEMBER!

 

COMMERCIAL

Edited by Patty O'Green

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Backstage, Todd Cortez is walking the halls, when he's approached by Sandman9000.

 

SANDMAN

Cortez?

 

CORTEZ

Yep.

 

SANDMAN

We haven't met. I'm Sandman9000, Heartland champion.

 

Sandman extends a hand to Cortez, who shakes it after a couple seconds of reservation.

 

SANDMAN

I've seen your stuff...you're one tough guy. Tough enough to fill the role that I'm here to talk to you about.

 

CORTEZ

And what's that?

 

SANDMAN

Well, the Deadly Alliance has started recruiting guys to fill the fifth spot that we've opened up. And I can't think of anyone more qualified for that spot than you.

 

CORTEZ

Well, that's very flattering.

 

SANDMAN

Like I said, I've kept tabs on you. I know you don't want anything to do with Cucaracha Internacional. And those guys really don't like you, either. So what's the holdup, ditch those guys!

 

CORTEZ

Well, that all sounds good, but I'm under contract...

 

SANDMAN

Screw the contract! What are those guys going to do about it? Those guys are a bunch of pussies. If they give any of us any shit, we'll leave them laying worse than the Phillies left the Brewers.

 

*crowd boos*

 

CORTEZ

Damn, that's rough!

 

SANDMAN

So just think it over, huh?

 

Sandman walks off, as Cortez pauses, then continues his walk.

 

COMING UP NEXT

ONE AND ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES

LEON RODEZ AND PRL VS THUNDERKID AND REJECT

NEXT!

 

JUST ANNOUNCED!

NEXT WEEK ON HeldDOWN~!

SUBMISSION MATCH

KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS MISTER DICK

NEXT WEEK~!

CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE WITHOUT NOTICE!

 

COMMERCIAL

Edited by Patty O'Green

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BUFFER

The following contest is your HeldDOWN~! main-event of the evening! Set for one fall, it is for the OAOAST One And Only WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIPS!!

 

The crowd cheer for the rare televised title defence and the fact they fluked out by it happening in their city. The cheers then intensify seconds later as "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company hits. Sliding through the entrance way, Leon Rodez soaks up the adulation of the crowd before pointing his way on to the ring.

 

BUFFER

Introducing the challengers! First, from Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing in at two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE NEW-AGE LOVE MACHINE"... "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, the new number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship, "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!!

 

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Leon enters the ring with a big smile on his face, passing out his expensive ring robe before climbing the turnbuckles to salute the crowd.

 

COLE

The rejuvinated Leon Rodez in fine form, here tonight in Milwaukee! But he will have revenge on his mind I'm sure the moment he locks eyes with Reject.

 

 

"THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..."

 

*DUN DUN*

 

"...IS..."

 

*DUN*

 

"...HERE!"

 

Suddenly, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role 2000" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapse before Tha Puerto Rican appears to a rousing cheer!

 

BUFFER

And the partner! Hailing from San Juan, Puerto Rico... weighing in at two hundred and twenty pounds. He is the reigning One and Only AngleSault Thread WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION... ladies and gentlemen, this is THHHAAAAAA PPPPPPPUUUUUUUUEEEEEEERRRRRRTTOOOOOOOO... RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!!

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Tha Puerto Rican climbs to the ring apron and pauses for a second looking at Leon, before spinning himself into the ring. Leon steps back into a corner as Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. PRL then heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his title belt. He then heads to another second turnbuckle and raises the belt again.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican with the chance to bag double gold here tonight and become the first man to hold both the World Heavyweight and World Tag Team Championships at the same time.

 

PR hits a third second turnbuckle, and raises his right arm in the air and "smells the electricity" a'la The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, recieving boos. Tha Puerto Rican gets off the ropes, removes his sunglasses and earring while the lights go back on in the arena.

 

COLE

We are taking our final commercial break. When we come back, the World Tag Team Championships are on the line! Don't even think about changing that channel unless you plan on changing it back again!

 

 

*COMMERCIAL BREAK!*

 

 

As we return to HD, we see the challengers stood in the ring, both waiting for their opponents but standing a distance apart.

 

COLE

And welcome back to HeldDOWN, where we are moments away from our main-event. And it's my pleasure to be joined at this time by Wrestling Hall Of Famer Jesse Ventura to help call this match, it should be most intriguing Jess.

 

VENTURA

No doubt, it's gonna be interesting to see how PRL and Leon Rodez manage to co-exist considering what lies ahead in their future. And what effect is The Halloween Spectacular going to have on all four of these guys after the gruelling matches they took part in less than a week ago?

 

"The Wall" by Kansas hits, and the lights go out. After a few seconds, amidst a cloud of yellow smoke the figures of the World Tag Team Champions appear. Plus, one other shapelier figure. Thunderkid marches ahead, with Reject a couple of steps behind, one arm wrapped around Melissa Nerdly. Both have smug grins on their faces as they see Leon watching them from the ring.

 

BUFFER

And the opponents. Making their way down the aisle, at a combined weight of four hundred and eighty pounds... representing The Deadly Alliance! They are the reigning and defending OAOAST Tag Team Thampions of the WORLD... the team of TTHHHHHUUUUUNNDDEEERRRRKKIIIIDD and RRRRREEEEEEEEEEJJEEEEEEEECCTT!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

TK and Reject climb into the ring in parallel corners, TK jumping onto the buckles, while Reject turns and poses in the near corner, Melissa stood at the ropes displaying her man like a Price Is Right item. TK and Reject then meet at mid-ring and hand their belts off to the referees.

 

VENTURA

Now I've got nothing against OAOAST President Josie Baker and no denial that this should be one hell of a HeldDOWN~! main-event. But I can't imagine this match has gone down well in the Deadly Alliance camp, when you consider Reject and Thunderkid are under a week removed from surviving that Fatal Four Way title match with the belts. I can guarantee they weren't expecting when they arrived at the arena tonight to be defending their gold again so soon... and against the World Champion and number one contender no less!

 

COLE

That's what being Champions is, or should be, all about Jesse. Being able to defend against top competitors.

 

VENTURA

I understand that Michael, but Reject and Thunderkid will have faced The Heavenly Rockers, Blonde and Faqu, Zack Malibu, Leon Rodez and Tha Puerto Rican in under a week! That's a hell of a schedule whatever way you look at it. If they retain their titles tonight I don't think anybody can deny them the best team in the wrestling world today.

 

The belts are displayed to the audience by referee Charles Robinson as the teams take their corners. Reject holds the ropes for Melissa to leave, but not before she blows Leon a mocking kiss. The Silky Smooth One adeptly catches it and offers it to PRL, who turns it down with disgust, to Melissa's annoyance.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

With the bell gone Reject is ready to go. On the challengers side there's a bit more of a conversation, before PRL finally steps aside and lets Leon get what he wants, or more specifically who he wants.

 

COLE

Alright, here we go! I can tell you, Leon has been waiting for this ever since he got screwed inside the Steel Ca...

 

Right on cue and before anyone comes into contact, Reject tags Thunderkid and steps out to the apron.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COLE

Oh, come on!

 

VENTURA

Easy Michael, they've probably got a strategy.

 

COLE

Yeah, a strategy to save Reject's BUTT from what he's got coming to him!

 

Hands on hips, Leon can't help but smile a pained smile at falling for it. Thunderkid gets his attention with a shove to the chest and tells him to concentrate on him, not his partner. Which Leon does by delivering a surprise Rolling Sole BUTT to the midsection! Leon begins to unload with forearms and backs TK into the ropes, looking for an irish whip. Reversal by TK though and Rodez goes for the ride. On the rebound, Leon baseball slides through the legs as Thunderkid sets himself, tripping the feet and faceplanting TK! Leon hits the ropes at the side, going up and over TK's roadblock. The 250 pounder quickly jumps to his feet and shows his agility with a leapfrog!

 

VENTURA

Wow! That's no easy feat!

 

As Rodez rebounds again Thunderkid sticks out an arm and looks for a hiptoss... but Leon turns into it and counters with a monkey flip!

 

COLE

Neither is that!

 

As TK pulls himself up, Leon wrings the arm and makes a tag to a cheer from the crowd. Tha Puerto Rican scales the turnbuckles with Thunderkid held at bay and drops The People's Axe down across the outstretched arm, then takes over with an armbar.

 

"P - R!"

"P - R!"

"P - R!"

"P - R!"

 

PRL finds a moment to soak the chant in before Thunderkid's power advantage kicks in. Backing PRL up against the ropes TK forces the clean break, then reneges on it by delivering a bodyshot. And another one. Tag made and boos for Reject as he steps in, while TK executes an irish whip. PRL hangs onto the ropes on the other side and stops himself though, forcing a charge from TK and a backdrop over the top! In charges Reject, but PRL ducks a clothesline. Leapfrog by PRL, then a reverse leapfrog, before catching Reject with an armdrag and hanging onto the arm. Tha Puerto Rican applies an armbar and glances to his corner, where Leon has his hand outstretched.

 

COLE

Reject might have bought himself a stay of execution, but not a long one.

 

Pulling Reject up, PRL makes the tag...

 

 

...but before Leon can get in, Reject manages to deliver a knee to escape the armbar and scramble to the outside!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Melissa rounds the ring to check on Reject, comforting him as he complains of a sore arm. Her concern is soon for herself though and she runs for cover, as Leon leaves the ring and POSTS REJECT!!

 

VENTURA

OH!

 

COLE

Reject is a head in the poles!

 

VENTURA

Election's over dummy, whatever humour that joke might have once had is long gone.

 

Staggering around ringside, Reject rolls into the ring trying to get away. Leon is on his tail though and slides in as well. To his feet, Reject wheels around with a big right hand but Rodez blocks it and lands with a jab!

 

Block, and a jab!

 

 

Block, jab!

 

 

 

A jab!

 

 

Rodez turns, blowing the kiss... spotting Thunderkid charging towards him and sidestepping. The World Tag Team Champions collide heads and both roll out of the ring to collect their bearings. That draws in PRL, as Leon launches himself over the top with a PESCADO on Reject! PRL meanwhile delivers a Baseball Slide to Thunderkid, reaching up from the apron and skinning the cat back inside ALL FIRED UP~!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

And it's the challengers who are bossing this match so far!

 

VENTURA

It's still early days, but they're looking pretty good at the moment I'll give them that.

 

PRL heads back to his corner as Leon brings Reject back inside. Irish whip sends Reject for the ride, hit with a beautiful standing dropkick! Cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Leon measures Reject...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...and chops him back into a neutral corner!

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

A second chop lands.

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

And a third. Reject then gets sent corner to corner, Leon setting up for the Superman Spear. Out of the corner dodges Reject, but early enough for Leon to bail out of the dive. Head still down he goes upside down in the corner, landing on his feet on the ring apron. Running down the apron Leon then comes off the opposite buckles with a Steamboat-esque Crossbody!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

No!

 

As Reject scrambles up, Leon grabs him in a side headlock. Reject quickly shoots Leon off into the ropes and grabs a hold of Robinson's shirt, distracting him while Melissa reaches into the ring and trips the ankle!

 

COLE

Come on, this conniving woman's got no business out here!

 

Rodez turns around to confront Melissa and Reject charges... but Leon doesn't fall for it and catches Reject with a drop toehold across the middle rope! The crowd rise up as Leon does THE JIG~! and the referee keeps his eyes firmly on Melissa, leaving her unable to help Reject escape from Leon's path, as he drives his bodyweight into the spine!

 

COLE

Call That Bitch Bojangles!

 

With a smirk Leon returns Melissa's blown kiss from earlier, then rolls Reject up...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

No!

 

VENTURA

The Champions have gotta get it together here. Rodez and PRL might not be a tag team, but they're two of the top stars in the OAOAST.

 

COLE

And very capable of taking these Tag Team Titles here tonight! Which for PRL would be his first OAOAST Tag Team Title.

 

VENTURA

And you know why that is, don't you?

 

COLE

No, why?

 

VENTURA

Because the guy can't be trusted!

 

COLE

Oh I don't know about that. Maybe once upon a time.

 

Leon drags Reject to the corner and makes the tag to Tha Puerto Rican. PRL comes in with a boot to the midsection, then lands with a punch. Despite being staggered, Reject manages to come back with a knee to the gut though. He then grabs PRL and shoots him off the ropes. Reject misses with a clothesline though, then gets knocked down with a Flying Forearm! PRL kips up, then knocks Thunderkid off the apron with a punch.

 

COLE

Shot to Thunderkid, no love lost there either between he and PRL.

 

With Reject closing in, PRL quickly turns around and executes a Russian Legsweep. Cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

PRL starts delivering some more punches as both men regain their feet, then lands with a boot and looks for an irish whip. Reject reverses though and directs PRL towards Thunderkid who has just climbed to the apron. The illegal man lands a knee to the back, but PRL turns around and knocks him off the apron again anyway. Tha Puerto Rican then moves away from the ropes... and Reject NAILS him with a running forearm across the top of the head!

 

VENTURA

Big shot by Reject, a Luger-esque forearm. And loaded arm or not that's gonna scramble your brains.

 

COLE

And the distraction by Thunderkid giving the World Tag Team Champions the opening.

 

Returning to the apron TK tags in. Picking PRL up off the mat, he delivers a short-arm clothesline and goes for a pinfall...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

No!

 

Thunderkid hangs PRL up on the ropes and starts to go to work with some heavy right hands. Shots to the head and the body weaken PRL until the referee steps in to pull TK away. That sparks an arguement, allowing Reject to walk over and starts choking PR across the top rope!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

VENTURA

And now the Tag Team Champs are still to get into their stride.

 

COLE

By cheating.

 

VENTURA

They haven't been caught yet, have they?

 

They haven't, as Reject is back to his corner looking all innocent by the time the referee turns around. That leaves PRL at TK's mercy, shot off and DRILLED with a Bicycle Kick!!

 

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

VENTURA

Man, he just levelled him with that boot!

 

Thunderkid hooks the leg...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Despite getting out PRL still looks dazed and TK traps him in a rear chinlock. Slapping the turnbuckle Leon starts to get the crowd rallying behind the World Champion, which gives him the energy to climb back to his feet. He delivers an elbow to the gut. A second. And a third. Tha Puerto Rican then goes to hit the ropes, just as Reject makes a blind tag. And as PRL charges back, Reject cuts him down with a lunging clothesline before making an eager pin...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

REJECT

COME ON!

 

Reject leads PRL back up, delivering a right hand. And a second. PRL is on wobbly legs, as Reject then delivers a spinning heel kick to the face! Down goes the World Champ, while Reject turns around and nails Leon, drawing him into the ring.

 

COLE

Come on, cheapshot by Reject!

 

VENTURA

Hey, turn about's fair play, PRL did it to Thunderkid first.

 

As Leon tries to alert the referee to what's going on behind him, the Champions get on with it. Thunderkid steps in and elevates PRL into the hangman's hold, leaving him wide open for Reject's roundhouse kick!

 

COLE

And that move has broken ribs ladies and gentlemen, the Champions could be about to retain their title again here.

 

Reject makes the cover, slapping his hand on the mat as the referee is slow to react...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

NO!

 

"P - R - L!"

"P - R - L!"

"P - R - L!"

"P - R - L!"

 

Reject and Thunderkid make another exchange, TK clubbing away on PRL as he steps in. The World Champion tries to draw off of the crowd's support but Thunderkid is just too strong and scoops PRL into his arms for the Fallaway Slam! TK crawls over and hooks the leg...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

NO!

 

COLE

Another kickout from PRL, the gutsy World Heavyweight Champion will not give in without a fight.

 

VENTURA

And you notice, Leon's in no hurry to jump in and help out his November Reign opponent. Coincidence?

 

COLE

He was just trying to jump in a minute ago!

 

VENTURA

And all he did was distract the referee while PRL got kicked in the ribs. Coincidence?

 

COLE

You're getting as bad as Coach.

 

Picking PRL up, Thunderkid delivers a big European uppercut. PRL falls down against the ropes breathing heavily, not realising how close he is to the corner. He does eventually spot Leon's hand hovering his way and makes a move... but TK is alert and drags him away by the ankle before the tag can be made, then drops an elbow to the back. Thunderkid then sits down across the back and locks PRL in a Camel Clutch.

 

COLE

Good job Thunderkid was paying attention, or we mi...

 

*SLAP!*

 

COLE

OW! What was that for?

 

VENTURA

You said I was as bad as Coach. And I don't like being insulted.

 

As TK pulls back on the head of the World Champion, the camera's cut to Melissa Nerdly who is approaching the challengers' corner. With her best look of innocence she crawls her fingers across the apron and starts to try and FLIRT with Leon! Referee Robinson quickly orders her back to the Champions corner...

 

 

...but not before the Tag Champs have taken advantage of the distraction and pulled a switch, Reject now applying the Camel Clutch!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Robinson looks surprised to see Reject in and asks if there was a tag, foolish enough to believe Reject when he says there was. In the midst of all this, PRL starts to try and fight back up, again with the crowd on his side. He manages to force his way back onto his hands and knees, so Reject jumps up and drops his weight down across the small of the back. The R-Man grins as he re-applies the hold but PRL starts to fight up again. So Reject drops the weight down again, pointing to his head before locking the clutch again.

 

VENTURA

Am I the only one with a bad feeling about this?

 

Still PRL is fighting though, so Reject lets him go again. He leaps up, spreads the legs... AND LANDS ON PRL'S KNEES!!!!!

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

VENTURA

Yeah, thought so.

 

Melissa covers he mouth in shock as Reject covers something else up entirely. He manages to get the tag to TK though, who's able to cut PRL off from the tag on his end! Leon is JUST out of reach before PRL is dragged away, TK giving Leon a shot to take him out of the equation. Thunderkid then catches PRL coming in, pressing him over his head. The powerhouse walks around the ring picking his spot to slam Tha Puerto Rican...

 

 

 

...but takes too long, allowing PRL to squirm a way out, landing on Thunderkid's shoulders and pulling him down with a Hurricanrana!!! The crowd pop... and then erupt, as PRL rolls and gets the tag to Rodez!!

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

There's the tag, in comes the number one contender!

 

As TK picks himself up on the ropes, he finds himself leant over the middle rope and drilled with CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES~! Holding his back he climbs off the ropes and turns around into Leon's path, The Silky Smooth One tucking and rolling with the clothesline, then going for the cover...

 

COLE

Shack Attack, could be all!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

NO!

 

Thunderkid pulls himself back up, but walks right into a jab!

 

A jab!

 

 

A jab!

 

 

 

A jab!

 

 

Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels...

 

 

 

*SMACK!*

 

 

...and nailing Thunderkid in the back of the head with the enziguri!

 

COLE

MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!

 

VENTURA

Rodez is on fire here!

 

Leon drops down looking to make the cover again, but out of the corner of his eyes he spots Reject staggering his way and jumps back up, going to work on him with right hands! He backs Reject up into a corner and scales the turnbuckle, pointing to Melissa before unloading some more...

 

 

"ONE!"

 

"TWO!"

 

"THREE!"

 

"FOUR!"

 

"FIVE!"

 

"SIX!"

 

"SEVEN!"

 

"EIGHT!"

 

"NINE!"

 

"TEN!"

 

Jumping off the turnbuckles Leon sees Melissa giving him a scathing look and aims some PELVIC THRUSTS in her direction!!

 

COLE

OH MY!

 

VENTURA

Think he forgot which sister's which again?

 

A thoroughly appaled Melissa turns away, which at least means she misses the DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER~! that the Champions are on the recieving end of. Recovered, PRL then re-enters the ring and delivers a clothesline that knocks Reject up and over the top, to the outside.

 

COLE

There goes Reject, Thunderkid is in big trouble!

 

Realising this, TK lunges with a desperation clothesline, but Leon ducks...

 

 

 

*SMACK!*

 

 

...AND PRL CONNECTS WITH A SUPERKICK!!

 

COLE

BAM!

 

PRL then steps out of the corner, as Leon hooks up Thunderkid. Scaling the turnbuckles, The Silky Smooth One pushes off the top... and DRIVES TK into the mat with the Shiranui, hooking the leg as PRL stands guard...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

3

 

 

- NO!!

 

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-BOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Leon questions the count, then holds his head in his hands as Robinson says it was only two!

 

COLE

NO, ONLY TWO, ONLY TWO!! Oh my, I thought it was over! And I don't think I'm the only one in this arena!

 

VENTURA

We were less than half a count away from crowning new World Tag Team Champions!

 

With no pinfall to celebrate PRL hits the ropes and leaves the ring. And how, aiming at Reject with a TOPE SUICIDA...

 

 

 

...but MISSING, as Reject barely dodges out of the way, with a certain Nerdly's help!!!!

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!"

 

VENTURA

PRL, crashing and burning!

 

COLE

Thanks to Melissa, that girl is an absolute pest!

 

In the ring, Leon sends Thunderkid into a corner and follows up delivering the Superman Spear! As TK staggers out of the corner, Leon then trips the legs and looks to apply the Liontamer! TK refuses to be turned left, so Leon goes right... but TK again refuses to let himself be turned. And eventually he's able to use his leg strength to push Rodez off... RIGHT BACK INTO CHARLES ROBINSON!!

 

VENTURA

There goes the ref!

 

Leon turns around in surprise, allowing Thunderkid to bowl him over with a big forearm shot.

 

COLE

Well the referee is down here, which doesn't bode well for anybody if you ask me. Anything goes at this point.

 

Waiting for Rodez to get back up Thunderkid crouches down in a corner. Amid shouts of warning from the crowd Leon picks himself up and turns around, to see TK charging in towards him with a Bicycle Ki... DUCKED! Rodez avoids the pumping legs and catches Thunderkid with a jumping back heel kick! Down goes TK and Leon dives on top for the cover, only to realise that there's nobody to count. There's just Reject, who stomps him in the back of the head.

 

COLE

Hey, what is this now!?

 

What Michael Cole has noticed is Melissa Nerdly, commandering a STEEL CHAIR from the timekeeper's table. And as Reject mounts Leon to dish out some right hands, Melissa gets The R-Man's attention and slides the chair in to him!

 

COLE

Steel chair and no referee around to see it, don't tell me Reject's going to screw Rodez out of another victory, not like this!

 

VENTURA

You mean like how Leon continues to screw around with Melissa's sisters? He's got it coming if you ask me.

 

COLE

I'm pretty sure I didn't.

 

Smile on his face, Reject retrieves the chair and taunts the crowd about what he's going to do. He tests the chair on the turnbuckle a couple of times, before turning suddenly and charging at Leon...

 

 

 

 

...who DUCKS the chairshot and delivers a dropkick to the chest! Down goes Reject and up goes the chair, landing near Leon's feet. The Silky Smooth One looks down and with the Milwaukee crowd encouraging him, he slowly picks the chair up and lines up Reject!

 

COLE

Oh wait a minute here, Leon has the chair! And it could be payback for The R-Man!

 

VENTURA

Oh so when Leon has a weapon it's 'payback' and okay, I get it.

 

COLE

After everything Reject and Melissa put Leon and the women of the OAOAST through in the past couple of months? You're damn right it is!

 

Leon seems to be weighing it up in his head as he clutches the chair, Melissa running around ringside to plead with him not to do what he's thinking of doing. But spotting Melissa simply makes his mind up for him. And he weilds the chair, waiting for Reject to get back up. The R-Man has no idea what's waiting for him as he gets to his feet, taking a moment to steady himself before he turns around, Leon winding up...

 

 

 

 

 

 

...NO! THUNDERKID GRABS THE CHAIR!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

As Reject hits the mat in self defence, Thunderkid and Leon engage in a tug of war over the chair. They go back and forth trying to gain possession...

 

 

 

...until finally, TK lets go, causing Leon to wheel around...

 

 

 

 

 

*CRACK!*

 

 

 

...AND SMASH THE CHAIR OVER THE HEAD OF THA PUERTO RICAN!!!!!!!!!

 

COLE

OH!! WHERE DID PRL COME FROM!?

 

VENTURA

Did he mean that?

 

COLE

WHAT DO YOU MEAN DID HE MEAN IT!?

 

VENTURA

I mean just that and quit shouting at me, would ya!?

 

Leon looks shocked, instinctively dropping the chair. With his back turned he then gets blindsighted by Thunderkid, who pitches him over the top rope. Thunderkid follows him outside, while in the ring Reject looks up and wonders how he avoided get hit in his prone position. No time to worry about that though, as he sees PRL struggling to get to his feet. Reject slides himself into position and stalks PRL, who eventually reaches his feet...

 

 

 

 

...and gets spun around into the EULOGY~!!!!!!

 

COLE

And don't tell me the Tag Team Champions are gonna steal this one!

 

Reject makes the cover and Charles Robinson has enough wits about him again to make the count...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

Reject rolls out of the ring and right into the arms of Melissa Nerdly, raising an arm overhead in victory, no matter how it came about.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... and STILL OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS... RRREEEEEEJJEEEECCTT AND TTHHUUUUUUUNNDDEEEERRRKKIIIIIIIDD!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

Handed their belts, Reject and Thunderkid raise the titles over their heads before Reject gets another prize, a big smooch from Melissa! Leon looks up from ringside and hangs his head disappointed with what just went down, which is probably nothing compared to how PRL would be feeling, if he weren't laid out.

 

COLE

By hook or by crook, mainly crook, Reject and Thunderkid are still the World Tag Team Champions! It took an errant chair to the head and a Eulogy for Reject to pin the World Heavyweight Champion, but I'm sure that doesn't matter to them one little bit!

 

VENTURA

Errant chairshot?

 

COLE

Oh please Jesse, Leon Rodez isn't like that.

 

VENTURA

He was happy enough to try and nail Reject, wasn't he? And you know, Alf has been talking about this fifth Deadly Alliance member...

 

COLE

You have GOT to be kidding me on that one!

 

Leon picks himself up on the outside, watching Reject and TK's celebrations, before turning to the ring. PRL is still laid out and Leon holds his hands on his hips, as the closing credits pop up and we

 

 

 

-FADE OUT-

 

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