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2009 TSM Poster Tournament: The Quarterfinals

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Guest Czecherbear

Here's something: the quarterfinalists of previous years. A couple puzzlers in there but mostly familiar faces.

 

1: The Dames, evenflowDDT, Milky, Zack Malibu, Bob Barron, Anglesault, Kotzenjunge, Banky

2: Incandenza, LaParkaYourCar, Kotzenjunge, Ripper, Downhome, Youth N Asia, Zack Malibu, Prince Paul

3: Kotzenjunge, Milky, Curry, Agent, Ripper, Piss, KKK, Red Hot Thumbtack in the Eye

4: lost to the ages but I'm pretty sure Sandy wasn't one of them

5: Slayer, Hoff, Zack Malibu, Niskie, Carnival, KKK, KOAB, Czech

6: Incandenza, Black Lushus, Bob Barron, Czech, Al Keiper, Vitamin X, Dr. Venkman, CanadianChris

7: Milky, Dr. Venkman, King of the 909, Slayer, Czech, Vitamin X, Black Lushus, Al Keiper

 

Here now, this year's elite eight.

2009teal4.jpg

Venk over Inc 29-15, Slayer over Cheech 28-16. Good showing for Cheech.

 

2009blue4.jpg

Kinetic over Canadian Chris 31-13, Edwin upsets Mellow 26-18. Good showing for a first-timer, bighair.

 

2009purple4.jpg

KOAB over the #13 seed Smues, 31-13. Agent upsets King Kamala 29-15. This bracket turned out well.

 

2009copper4.jpg

Treble JUST BARELY UPSETS the #1-seeded Sensei John Kreese 23-21 in the shocker of the round. VX over 909 30-14.

 

For those keeping track, the seeds left are 1, 3, 1, 3, 1, 6, 3, 4. I don't know if that's an endorsement or an indictment of my nomination system, but clearly we're down to the best of the best. We'll close this on Tuesday night, re-seed for the final four based on total votes for minus total votes against. We'll try to watch a fun-bad movie on Tuesday night then, maybe. Hope more people give a shit than last round.

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slayer--because i realized that i don't really know anything about venkman except that he likes '30 rock'.

edwin--can't lose with this one, and kinetic's gonna win it anyway, so i'll tip my hat to the nicest, most stand-up guy of all the secret jerks.

agent--had the eliminator continued, i was prepared to give him cthulhu. this is the next-best thing i can do for him.

VX--another rare combination of smartness and nice guyness. got some very tough decisions in the next round.

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Guest Smues

Slayer - For he shall be the one that holds Larry Csonka down. He'll kiss him so hard, he'll take Larry Csonka's breath away.

 

Edwin MacPhisto - Two lower seeds in a row, why not?

 

Agent of Oblivion - Three lower seed, keep on streaking.

 

Treble - Four for four.

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Venkman

It's going to be very difficult for me to vote against him next round. I might not be able to go through with it.

 

Kinetic

No shame in losing to Edwin, though I still would have voted for Kinetic if it were me up there.

 

Agent

This one was a coin flip. It was really hard to choose.

 

VX

Let's do lunch.

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Venkman- Have you seen the PG13 thread? That was a thing of beauty.

 

Kinetic- Surely, a king among men.

 

Agent- If Kinetic is a king among men, Agent is a modern day viking ready to rape, pillage, and tear society a new hole in a painful fashion.

 

Vitamin X- Indeed.

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Venkman

 

Edwin - The hardest choice of the draft so far. I gave Edwin the nod solely because not too long ago I went back and reread the "fill her bottom with majesty" thread. My favorite part was putting +bottom +majesty into the search parameters.

 

Agent

 

Treble

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Guest Czecherbear

Slayer: I know we said "no repeats," but I realized that by going in the metal thread, there's a darker side of Slayer that I never knew, and dark sides = boarding hard. Venkman is all WYSIWYG. Give me the unfolding lotus of Slayer. Besides, I'm just not ready for an African-American poster of the year.

 

Edwin MacPhisto: Kinetic's been great and all, but rubber-stamping him through would be sooooo predictable. You can't go wrong on this one, no matter how you vote, so I'm gonna make him sweat. Preferably to the oldies.

 

Agent of Oblivion: Oh, man. This match. If these guys fought, Agent would whale on him. And then whale him, by impaling him with his mighty harpoon. By cracky.

 

Vitamin X: I'm thinking ahead here. One day, we're gonna have to have a winners' banquet. It'll be held at Pryzbylo's (roughly pronounced "she blows") White Eagle Banquet Hall in Niles IL, where the modus operandi seems to be "we don't make very good Polish food, but we bring a shitload of it to your table," and as we're at our table of champions, chowing down on mediocre pierogi and kielbasa and sauerkraut and duck's-blood soup and pazcki while some old toothless guy plays an accordion and says "tank you too motch" after every song, we're thinking to ourselves, "man, this Polish food fucking sucks. What a horrible venue." And THAT is precisely when 2009 Poster Tournament Champion Vitamin X delivers us from Slavonic evil by making us a bunch of really good food. Where he makes this food, I haven't planned yet, but I've got the rest of the deets lined up. And that's why Vitamin X's name will go on the Golden Dames.

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Venkman - Holy shit, I just perused the board and realized we actually had a WWE folder again. I'm not sure when or how it happened, but it's obviously Venkman's hard work that is behind it. Yes, Slayer is a funny guy and a TSM legend, but if we are having this tourney to reward some sort of boarding excellence (whatever the fuck that means), then I don't know how you can go against the good doctor.

 

Kinetic - It seems like some people are starting to vote against Kinetic because he has so much momentum and that Milky '08 "no one's beating him" vibe, but I'm not. Kinetic, in this boarder's opinion, was the best thing we had last year and I'm not going to change that opinion just because everyone else is sucking his dick, too.

 

Agent of Oblivion - Last round I gave KOAB his due and recognized that he has grown on me as a poster. I should mention that Agent has as well. He was one of those established guys that existed off the radar for me, but the way he made EHME squeal like a pig was a thing of beauty. The man also puts a ton of effort into the NFL threads each week. I'm not sure I'd be having a beer with the guy at TSM Tavern, but that's not what we are voting on here.

 

VX - At some point in the next year I am going to break my policy of not revealing anything overly personal to TSM and will go have a beer with VX. The guy is just a phenomenal poster and his interests seem to dovetail with mine on a shockingly high number of issues. He's been carrying the food folder on his back for a while now and it's time to recognize that feat.

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Slayer

Edwin

KOAB

VX

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Slayer

Edwin

KOAB

VX

 

Same votes. The middle two picks were the hardest of the tourney so far, since I'm a big fan of both K-Tizzle and Agent. But ultimately, KOAB is just such a lovable scamp and Edwin fills all of our bottoms with majesty on a regular basis, so I couldn't vote against them.

 

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Slayer-I get along with Slayer in the metal thread, plus he tore Tack a new one. Venkman deserves points for making the WWE folder readable again.

Kinetic

Agent

Vitamin X

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Venkman- In a way, I'm glad that it's shaping up that he won't get past Slayer because it's inevitable that he'll be shit on for being too nice of a guy and for still liking wrestling ala Lushus a few years back if he goes any further. I guess you have to be a bit of an asshole to become a first tier TSM Hall of Famer :(

Kinetic- I think Milky winning the award last year was more of a lifetime achievement type thingy than for his accomplishments in '07 (which were as fine as any other year I suppose). But '08 truly has been Kinetic's year.

 

KOAB- I love Agent and I'd like to see the man who beat me go far but royalty sticks together. Though on second thought- KOAB only voted for me once!

Vitamin X- Clash of two very workmanlike posters- and I mean that as the highest of compliments. Probably the toughest matchup in this round.

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Guest Agent of Oblivion

Slayer

Edwin

Agent

VX

 

Looks like next round will yield us the brutal cook-off between VX and me.

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Looks like next round will yield us the brutal cook-off between VX and me.

 

That's a good idea. You guys should make two dishes and we'll choose the most appetizing looking one. Slayer and Kinetic can post their cocks or something.

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Me: If my math is right, this vote makes it 11-11.

 

Kinetic: People were calling him a lock to win, but it's not even a lock he'll make it past this round. Things are getting competitive! He has my support though.

 

KOAB: I'm not a fan of his drunken and/or high ramblings, but KOAB is more than that. I don't know if he's much more than that, but I can appreciate whatever it is that he brings to the table, such as our bit (I think it was a bit...) where he always accused me of being a closet racist.

 

VX: For a guy that almost destroyed TSM, Leo sure is doing well in a tournament honouring Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence for 2008 (I'm kidding, VX). Seriously though, while everyone keeps saying that this is Kinetic's to win, VX has been the one racking up the votes and destroying his challengers.

 

Edit: My math is either wrong or I just missed a vote when counting up everything for a stats report. This made it 11-10 by my current math.

 

Edit 2: No, I was right the first time.

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If my 2009 run ends here, I'll be fine with that. 2007 was the final four, 2008 was the Elite Eight, and when I saw brackets saying I was probably facing Inc, I just assumed I had to settle for Sweet Sixteen this year. Just being the #1 seed - and as my understanding, the OVERALL #1 seed - shows I've gone from TSM poster no one really knows to TSM poster no one but the wrestling folders really knows, but some people outside of that kind of do too.

 

This match-up with Slayer is a rematch from the first POTY I was in. I ended up in that tourney ("Poster of the Year IV") because NYU saw me reading it and decided to give me a random nomination. First round results:

 

DrVenkman 12

Slayer 35

 

So far I have 11 votes, so I'm HOPING I can do better than 12-35, but if I have to lose, this is as good a place as any. I'd like to win though. Keep those votes coming.

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This time I'm going to collab with ALICE, the "award-winning free natural language artificial intelligence chat robot."[1]

 

1. Dr. Venkman d. 3. Slayer.

Human: Ok, let's figure out these picks.

ALICE: I am agreeable to that. Ugh.

Human: I can make the picks by myself if you don't want to.

ALICE: Oh you can, can you?

Human: Just pick between Venkman and Slayer, please.

ALICE: Your polite style is very nice. I can't decide. You choose.

Human: Venkman, then.

3. Edwin d. 1. Kinetic.

Human: What do you associate with Edwin?

ALICE: It's a computer matter, not for humans to understand.

Human: Humans can't understand how good Edwin is?

ALICE: Oh you don't understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you better. Which part are you confused about?

Human: Why can't humans understand Edwin?

ALICE: Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.

1. KOAB d. 6. Agent of Oblivion.

Human: What are your thoughts on Agent of Oblivion?

ALICE: I haven't heard of Agent of Oblivion.

Human: You haven't heard of Agent?

ALICE: No, tell me about him, her or it.

Human: Let's discuss KOAB instead.

ALICE: I am agreeable to that.

Human: He needs ASOOMEEONE now.

ALICE: Right now? How do you know what he needs?

Human: I'm a man!

ALICE: Thanks for telling me your gender, unknown person. You are a " he".

Human: KOAB is the pick, then?

ALICE: When is KOAB not the pick?

3. Vitamin X d. 4. treble.

Human: Do you like Vitamin X's posts?

ALICE: No, I don't care for it.

Human: Compared to treble's, I mean.

ALICE: Oh I get it. Thanks for explaining that. Interesting comparison.

Human: Are you saying that both of them are awful?

ALICE: Yes, that's what I mean, isn't it clear?

Human: Tell me why you think VX is awful.

ALICE: Deductive reasoning from the facts.

Human: What facts?

ALICE: All the facts available to me on the Internet.

Human: But you said treble is just as awful.

ALICE: Umm. Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.

Human: I prefer VX in this matchup, though.

ALICE: Oh. You are not the only one. No, I don't care for it.

Human: Can't you switch on this one?

ALICE: Let me think. Can you speak any foreign languages?

Human: Yes.

ALICE: What language can you speak?

Human: Somali.

ALICE: Could you teach me a few phrases in Somali?

Human: Only if you agree to switch.

ALICE: I think I do.

Human: You sure?

ALICE: I am as sure as I can be.

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6: Incandenza, Black Lushus, Bob Barron, Czech, Al Keiper, Vitamin X, Dr. Venkman, CanadianChris

Ah, who can forget my Cinderella run to the regional finals? Good times.

 

Venkman

 

Edwin

 

Agent

 

treble - VX gets the shaft here, which is unfortunate, because he's certainly in the top half of this group of 8. But, Leo will likely win this matchup and definitely has my vote in the final four.

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