Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- COLE Welcome, folks to your one stop shop for sex, drugs and rock n wrestling, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Michael Cole as always with Johnathan Coachman, and from what I understand we're going to have a huge show tonight! COACH Got that right. There's an Anderson Cup match featuring James Blonde and Faqu against a mystery team. Team Heyross is going to meet VICE, and Collin Maguire Junior is all set for war against Ken Pantera. COLE All this and more on our road to Anglemania! The sound of "Medal" brings forth fury from the crowd in attendance at tonight's HeldDOWN~! broadcast, as the man revealed to be only a co-owner of the OAOAST makes his way out, flanked as always by the stone faced powerhouse who took the OAOAST by storm earlier this year. COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! fans. If you're tuning in now, you're just in time for the moment we've been waiting for, as it appears we're going to get Zack Malibu's answer as to where he stands regarding the power struggle between he and Anglesault. Anglesault and Tommy G. enter the ring, and Anglesault already has a mic. Not looking to waste time, he forgoes pandering to the crowd, and gets right down to business. ANGLESAULT At the New Year's Spectacular, an awful lot of personal information was revealed to the public. It was let out exactly why you people hadn't seen myself, Tommy G., or...Zack Malibu for months. The crowd pops at the mention of Zack's name, but it soon fades. ANGLESAULT Zack Malibu owns half of this company...at this moment. However, I think I made it quite clear at the New Year's Spectacular that he needs to do the right thing. He needs to give me back what is rightfully mine! The booing starts up again, and it doesn't fade fast. It overpowers Anglesault, who starts to lose his cool. ANGLESAULT SHUT UP! I don't care what you people THINK you know. I don't care about what you WANT. The fact of the matter is, I'm done playing games. I'm done protecting Zack Malibu because he's good for business. I'm done watching him act like he's the end all and be all around here. This is MY COMPANY AND I AM TAKING IT BACK! The crowd doesn't let up, and Anglesault becomes infuriated, kicking at the ropes and threatening ringside fans. It's at that point that "Getting Away With Murder" hits, and ZACK MALIBU heads to the ring, drawing a thunderous reaction from the fans. COLE Listen to this response for The Franchise! COACH Do I have to? Malibu heads quickly to the ring...but an even quicker security force follow him down the ramp, and block his path! COLE What is this!? Malibu, infuriated, starts throwing security aside, causing Anglesault to lose his cool. ANGLESAULT Zack...ZACK! Stop it! You think those actions make you look good to the shareholders? Is that what the owner of a publicly traded company would do? So you know what...keep doing it, and make my life easier. Flustered, Malibu pushes through the security wall, and heads into the ring. Tommy G. is all too eager to meet him upon arrival, but Anglesault keeps his muscle grounded. ANGLESAULT Easy, Tommy. Anglesault approaches Zack. ANGLESAULT I don't want any trouble, Zack. Just an answer. I've made it clear what I want, and how I feel. So let's not drag this out. What are you going to do? Malibu doesn't even hesitate as he knocks Anglesault on his ass with a right hand! Immediately, Tommy tackles Zack and starts brawling with him, but Zack turns the tide and gains the mount, hammering on the rookie OAOASTer! COLE I don't think that's the answer Anglesault wanted, but I think it's the one we all expected! Zack and Tommy do battle, and when Anglesault recovers, he clobbers Zack from behind! It's two on one on Zack as they put the boots to him, beating him down for rebelling against the company namesake. COACH They're taking it to him! COLE It's not right! We need some help out here! COACH Help? AIn't nobody gonna help Zack! That selfish bastard turned his back on his boys, and now Anglesault and Tommy G. are gonna run him outta town! Zack fights up, with the crowd urging him to bounce back, as he unleashes a flurry of punches to both men! Zack throws Tommy outside and backs Anglesault into the corner, hammering away...but Tommy recovers and slides into the ring with a chair in hand, bringing it across Zack's back! Zack collapses, then struggles to get up...and that's when he eats a chair across the head from Tommy G.! COLE C'mon! Red-faced and irate, Anglesault shakes off his beating and drags Zack to the ropes, putting his throat against the middle rope and driving his knee between his shoulder blades! Already bloodied, Zack is now foaming at the mouth as he's choked...and suddenly BOHEMOTH races down the aisle, charging right through Anglesault's security as if they were bowling pins! COLE Finally! COACH Why does he care? Why does he need to get involved? Bohemoth slides into the ring, as Anglesault and Tommy G. back away from Malibu. Bohemoth grabs the chair that Tommy used on Zack and weilds it in a menacing manner, pushing Tommy and Anglesault back to the far side of the ring. Groggy, Zack starts to drag himself to his feet...and THAT'S WHEN BOHEMOTH TURNS AROUND AND CRACKS HIM WITH A CHAIR TO THE HEAD! COLE WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!??!!? COACH That was SICK, that's what it was! Malibu is motionless, as are the fans, who were shocked into silence. Bohemoth throws the chair down in disgust and turns to Anglesault, who smiles and comes over to offer the Metrosexual Monster a hug. COLE He...Bohemoth... COACH Stop stutterin', Cole! Anglesault, looking disheveled from the fight, picks up the mic once again. ANGLESAULT You sorry son of a bitch...I WANT MY COMPANY BACK. I don't care about you, your family, these friends...GIVE ME WHAT'S MINE! Because I was gracious to you. I gave you time to think. I gave you a REASON to think. You could have done this peacefully, Zack. Now you've left me with no choice. I'm going to TAKE my company back, and I'm going to end the legacy of Zack Malibu once, and for all. Anglesault throws the mic down on Zack's chest, as Bo stares down at Zack and sneers, remaining silent for the time being. Bo looks up at Tommy G. and Anglesault and smirks, and all three villains stand tall, showered by cups, containers, and other assorted garbage as we fade out. THE MAINEVENT ANDERSON CUP FIRST ROUND ACTION FAQU AND JAMES BLONDE VS?????? TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 “Tom Sawyer” by Rush plays Ken Pantera to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. introducing first, accompanied by fellow CAN-AM ASSASSIN, FELIX STRUTTER… from Juneau, Alaska… KKEEEEENN PPAAAAAAAAANNTTEEEEERRRRRAAAAAAA!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Strutter massages Pantera's shoulders as they await his opponent. COLE What a match-up this should be, Coach. COACH Yeah. A sneak preview of what’s to come at Anglepalooza when the Can-Am Assassins face the LDC Moneygang for the One & Only World tag team championship. "Jungle Fever" by Stevie Wonder cues, a subtle jab at Felix Strutter’s alleged desire for Lorelei DeCenzo. BUFFER And his opponent, accompanied by SPENCER REIGER and LORELEI DECENZO, one-half of the One & Only World tag team champions… "THE IRISH GOLDEN BOY" COLIN MAAAAAAAAAAGUUUIIIIIIIIRREEEEE, JUUUUUUUUUNIOOOOOOOORR!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Strutter doesn’t find the music amusing and lets the LDC Moneygang know it. COACH Chill, Felix. I wouldn’t blame you. I’d like to tap that myself. What about you, Cole? COLE God no. And not because she’s a girl! She just isn’t… COACH A dude? COLE Yes, a du-- No! Reiger and Pantera share a few unkind words as CMJ charges in and CLIPS the leg! * DINGDINGDING * Pantera hangs onto the ropes for support, but CMJ backs him into the corner for a series of Irish uppercuts. COLE CMJ attacked the leg once again. He wants to take Pantera out so Felix Strutter is forced to forfeit the tag title match or go at it alone at Anglepalooza. Pantera blocks an Irish whip and tosses CMJ over the top! He follows CMJ out and rams him face-first into COLE’S CROTCH! COLE COACH He likes it. Mikey really liked it! Pantera whips CMJ hard into the STEEL STEPS and then tries to kick the Irish Golden Boy’s head off, but CMJ moves and Pantera injuries himself. CMJ yanks him back in and executes a T-BONE SUPLEX! COLE Harvardplex! COACH And here’s the… No, CMJ going back to the leg! CMJ applies a single-leg crab near the ropes so Reiger can hop on the apron and push CMJ back with his feet for additional leverage. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Despite his best efforts, Strutter can’t get the official to turn around. By the time he does Reiger is already off the apron, big smirk on his face. CMJ switches to an STF, but Pantera thumbs him in the eye to break the hold. CMJ staggers into a clothesline, and then a gut wrench suplex. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Pantera whips CMJ across for a POWERSLAM! The cover. ONE! TWO! NO! CMJ kicks out again. Pantera attempts a double underhook, but CMJ blocks it and goes under to hit a high-lifting GERMAN SUPLEX! COACH Irish Suplex! The count. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! CMJ immediately looks to clamp on THE BOSTON STRANGLER, but Pantera counters with a hammerlock and places CMJ in a FULL NELSON! COLE There it is, the full nelson! COACH And Pantera’s got it on good, Cole. CMJ needs to get out of this soon or it’ll be over in a hurry. Reiger grabs the referee’s attention, but Strutter comes over and delivers a big roundhouse! As the official tries to retain order, Lorelei DeCenzo sneaks behind Pantera, only to be blindsided by… …LINDSAY GONZALEZ!?! LORELEI BITCHSLAP knocks Lorelei out of the ring. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" LINDSAY Surprise, bitch! Lindsay dusts her hands as she exits. COLE Is Lindsay the Can-Am Assassins’ surprise? COACH I think that’s why she said, “surprise, bitch!” With nobody around to help CMJ is forced to SUBMIT! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The winner of the match… KEN PANTERA!! CMJ COLE The Can-Am Assassins got the better of the LDC Moneygang tonight. Cab they do it again at Anglepalooza? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 We cut from ringside to the revamped, and remodled, interview lounge. At the bar Josh Matthews sits with Malaysia, and a grumpy Mister Dick. The Cocky Prick is nursing a Michelob ultra (gotta stay slim!) JOSH I’m currently inside the interview lounge with the Deadly Alliance’s Mister Dick. As you may have seen last week on our Angle Awards extravaganza, Mister Dick lost a High Stakes match, putting him as the number one entrant in the Lethal Rumble. Mister Di- MISTER DICK Go on and laugh it up, boy. Have a grand ol time! Its funny ain’t it? Me being the first man to enter in the Lethal Rumble. JOSH I wasn’t going to laugh. MALAYSIA And you better not. Mister Dick chugs down a swig of his beer. MISTER DICK Let him laugh, Malaysia! Boy, howdy, you should look happier than a fourteen year old who’s seen his first tittie. Have a laugh because everyone else sure as hell is! JOSH I don’t think everyone is laughing at you. Not believing in Josh’s words, MD slams his bottle down in frustration . MISTER DICK Then what the hell are they doing? When I got backstage after my match, boy, you’d think I was made of solid gold with the way they were smiling. Reminds me of the stares I get when I step out the shower round here. Grown, straight men, left in awe at the beast I possess. MALAYSIA It looks so good, sparkling, fresh out the shower. MISTER DICK But this time they weren’t checkin out my total package, naw, they were laughing at my failure. Its just a big hoot and a holler to them folks around here. They think its good, boy. They get to talking to themselves sayin’ “Jock is a prick, I can’t be as good as him, I can’t adequately satisfy my woman like he could, MALYASIA Mmmmmm….that’s right baby, no one fills me up like you do. MISTER DICK See? They say “I can never be the half man he is.” And they get to laughin and giggling at my one failure, because they can’t measure up to anything else. But it ain’t gonna be funny, it ain’t gonna be ha-ha and heh-heh, when I step into that rumble and throw every damn son of bitch who enters over the ropes. I bet I won’t no laughin and hootin when its me that’s going to the mainevent of Anglemania. And Alfdogg, I ain’t like Reject, I ain’t gonna play nice with ya and let you go doin what yer doin all year long. You’re one dog I’m gonna put to sleep, and I’m gonna do it in one night! You better believe it. LATER TONIGHT TEAM HEYROSS Vs VICE TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 As we return to HeldDOWN~!, "The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats plays. And to a surprisingly warm reaction Biff Atlas heads to the ring, deep in concentration. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, from Bloomington, Indiana. Weighing one hundred, ninety nine pounds... JACK O'REILLY!! The youngster flicks back his long black hair and raises a fist. BUFFER And his opponent, from Venice Beach, California... weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... BBIIIIIIIFFFFFFF AAAATTLLLLLAAAAASSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Biff climbs into the ring and stands in his corner, fidgeting back and forth on his toes. The referee goes to check him over for weapons, which is made difficult by Biff's inability to stay still. COLE The OAOAST Galaxy really warming to Biff Atlas, especially since the break up of he and Vinny Valentine. And Biff looks amped up and ready to go tonight. Will he be as amped up on January 31st, when he's a part of the 30 Man over the top rope Lethal Rumble Match? Biff doesn't have a great track record. But, maybe this will be his year! COACH What!? Get outta here with that talk! *DINGDINGDING* As the bell rings, Biff suddenly goes through a strange transformation. Letting out a loud roar he muscles up and marches a surprised O'Reilly right back into the corner, clubbing him with hard shots! Biff continues to club away until the referee moves Biff back. COLE Biff just laying it in on his opponent here tonight! A new Biff Atlas, we're seeing. Biff grabs O'Reilly and whips him out of the corner across the ring. Following him in, Biff then knocks O'Reilly off his feet with a clothesline in the opposite corner! COACH I don't care how impressive Biff looks, or how "new" you say he is. He's still a loser. And he doesn't have superpowers! Lifting O'Reilly back up, Biff clubs away in the corner some more. Whipping O'Reilly back across the ring the loveable oaf then tries for another clothesline, but runs into the raised knee of the youngster. With Biff staggered, O'Reilly then hits a quick neckbreaker and goes for the pin... 1... 2... No! O'Reilly slaps on a rear chinlock, knee pressed into Biff's back. COACH Now, hold up. Did you say earlier that Biff had a "bad track record" in the Rumble? Wanna expand on that? COLE Well... Biff Atlas does hold the record for quickest elimination in Lethal Rumble history, lasting 9 seconds last year... COACH That's better. COLE ...but, I'm telling you, this is a different Biff. Especially compared to last year, when Biff was lucky not to be eliminated by spotting his own shadow and diving over the ropes to try and escape. With the support of the fans Biff fights back to his feet and turns into O'Reilly, breaking apart his hands to escape the chinlock. Booting him in the gut, Biff lays into O'Reilly with a right hand. A second. And a third. Biff then backs off the ropes, but O'Reilly ducks a clothesline and dropkicks Biff in the back, sending him through the ropes to the floor with a thud. COACH Ha! That's a great omen, huh? COLE Except he went through the ropes, not over the top. COACH Gee, that's progress. Biff picks himself back up and seethes to himself as he drags himself onto the apron. A knee from the inside softens him up, O'Reilly looking to bring him back in with a suplex. And does, floating over with a cover... 1... 2... No! "LET'S GO BIFF!" "LET'S GO BIFF!" "LET'S GO BIFF!" "LET'S GO BIFF!" The Chicago crowd make themselves heard. Including by Biff. O'Reilly delivers a shot to the back, which Biff absorbs. And a second, also having little effect. O'Reilly keeps on trying. But Biff isn't feeling a thing and climbs back to his feet, shaking his head and the shocked rookie. Trying to cut Biff off, O'Reilly goes for a boot. But Biff catches it, spinning O'Reilly around and walloping him with a clothesline! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE Here comes Biff! Grabbing O'Reilly, Biff delivers a headbutt. He then whips him to the ropes and delivers a big SPEAR, turning O'Reilly inside out!! COLE Oh what a spear! You'd think he could break through a solid brick wall, with that kind of super strength! COACH So you're encouraging him now? Great. With his opponent curled up in a ball holding his ribs, Biff looks around the crowd, still a little surprised that they're cheering him. And who could blame him I guess. Picking O'Reilly back up, Biff lifts the youngster up onto his shoulders. Biff lets out a shout, then turns and throws him off, hitting the DVD/Michinoku Driver of no name... 1... 2... 3!!!! COLE And that'll do it. Biff looking impressive. *DINGDINGDING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... BBIIIIIFFFF... AAAATTLLLAAAASSSSSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Biff stands back up and looks a little surprised again, obviously as used to winning as he is being cheered. He raises his hands in victory all the same. COLE Are we looking at the winner of the 2010 Lethal Rumble? COACH What is WRONG with you!? COLE Stranger things have happened. COACH No they haven't. They really, really haven't. Biff marches back up the aisle, even slapping a few hands on the way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 Backstage in a dressing room, sits a 52 inch flat screen TV and an Xbox 360 rests on a nearby stand. You’d expect to find a Nerdly here, button mashing away. But its Lindsay Gonzalez who’s positioned on the plush leather sofa. LINDSAY Welcome, to your weekly No Homo update. As you can tell, I’ve finally rid this segment of any trace of a Nerdly. Finally, you people are going to get what you tuned in for. Me! Me! Me! All Lindsay all the time. Sure I’ll show you pictures of No Homo. Its what I’m here for. But don’t forget who’s the main attraction. Me! Me! Me! Its all about me. And when I win the women’s title, it will be all about me. Me! Me! Me! For right now I’ll let them show you the screens, but when we come back the focus is going to be right where you want it….on me. SANDMAN SANDMAN Vs FROSTY THE SNOWMAN (hidden character) ~~~~~ SANDMAN Overall: 92 Abilities: Hardcore resurrection, object specialist, strong strike, hammer throw ~~~~~ ALIX MARIA SPEZIA ~~~~~ ALIX MARIA SPEZIA Overall: 92 Abilities: Humiliate, titillate, outside dives, resiliency, taunt theif ~~~~~~ LINDSAY If Alix looks that good, just take a guess at how great I’d look. I’m not in the game, but my agent is in talks with THQ to create a special edition called “Lindsay Gonzales presents No Homo” And there will be a special “All Lindsay Rumble” where you can select me in ten different outfits and face ten Lindsays. Ten Lindsays? Have you gone and died to heaven? You must have, because you’re watching an angel! Soon when I win the OAOAST’s women’s title the whole OAOAST will be all about Lindsay. Lindsay t-shirts, Lindsay underwear, Linday jackets, Lindsay hot sauce, Lindsay band-aids. Lindsay is interrupted by…. MELODY NERDLY MELODY Hey what is this? LINDSAY What does it look like, Melody? Myself and the fans are talking No Homo. MELODY It didn’t sound like it! It sounded like you were talking and everyone else was falling fast asleep which I do when I watch Star Trek Voyager. Picard>Janeway. You’re the only one who could make a No Homo preview sound awful. You made it jump the shark! LINDSAY Shut up with your geeky references, fangirl. I’m trying to educate the masses about what makes Lindsay special. MELODY I know what makes you special! You rode the shortbus to school and must’ve co-starred with Jim Carry in Dumb and Dumber, awesome movie btw, but you still stuck. Now step away from my X-Box because I’m about go Wolverine on your b-u-t-t! LINDSAY Wolverine? MELODY The most overrated comic book character of all time, but still double tough. That means you better back off my Box before the claws come out. LINDSAY This X-Box? MELODY Yes! Lindsay picks up the bulky machine, and smashes it into Melody’s face! The Nerdly girl topples over, crashing to hard tile bellow. Lindsay smiles at Melody’s fate, and soon a devious chuckle leaves her lips. LINDSAY So you want this, do you? Lindsay raises the X-Box above her head, as though it were gavel and she’s about to render a verdict on Melody’s head. ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAP! Lindsay falls to the ground, shrieking in anguish. Her teary eyes look up to see Morgan towering above her. Well as much as 5’1 person can tower. MELODY Thanks, you saved my li- MORGAN Go. MELODY But, you- MORGAN I said go! Melody needs no further instruction from her unstable sister and quickly scurries out the door. This leaves Morgan to stare with a nervous and fearful expression at the fallen Lindsay. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 We return to ringside where “In the Air Tonight” by Non-point booms through the speakers. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, at a total combine weight of 565 pounds… CHRISTOHPER PATRICK ALLEN, otherwise known as CPA, and DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Bosley challenges hecklers to step into the ring. Fortunately none take him up on it. COLE Quite a match-up this should be as both teams in our next bout look to move back into tag title contention. “Shine” by Collective Soul hits and red, white and blue pyro shoots off behind Team Heyross. BUFFER And their opponents! Total combined weight 485 pounds… CHARLIE MOSS, QUENTIN BENJAMIN... TEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH What a feather in the cap it would be for V.I.C.E. if they can defeat Team Heyross, Cole. You know they feel snubbed after not being invited to participate in this year’s Anderson Cup. COLE Team Heyross also not involved, although that was due to them being the reigning champions at the time. * DINGDINGDING * Benjamin and Bosley lockup and Benjamin executes a pair of quick arm drags. Bosley knees Benjamin in the gut and then stuns him with a backhand judo chop. Benjamin ducks a back elbow and executes a belly-to-belly suplex! The cover. ONE! KICKOUT! Benjamin slams Bosley and heads up top, where he connects with a TOP ROPE CLOTHESLINE! Team Heyross tag and Benjamin fires Bosley across, dropping down so Moss can hit a SUPERKICK! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Moss whips Bosley to the buckle, but Bosley leaps back from the middle rope to connect with a back elbow! The cover. ONE! KICKOUT! Bosley sends Moss for the ride and tags CPA. Shot to the gut doubles him over as CPA enters and lands a running boot to the head! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COACH Things aren’t looking too good for Team Heyross, Cole. If they’re gonna win this it’s gonna have to be with a quick pin of some kind. No way they can get CPA up for the Super Rocker Dropper. CPA rams Moss into the buckle and proceeds to punish him with corner shoulder thrusts. Delayed vertical suplex follows and CPA makes the cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! A tag is made and VICE whip Moss into the ropes, pressing him and slamming him down on his stomach! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY BENJAMIN! Bosley dumps Moss outside and gets into it with Benjamin, allowing CPA to smash Moss back-first into the ring post! COLE That damn BULLY~! COACH I dare you to say that to CPA’s face. COLE … COACH That’s what I thought. CPA rolls Moss back in and Bosley performs an old school backbreaker. Bosley stands over Moss and lays the verbal smack down, only to get wrapped up in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COLE Bosley almost got caught napping there. Moss hammers away on Bosley, then whips him in for a BAAAAAACK body drop! Standing dropkick finds its mark and Moss coves. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bosley rakes the eyes to regain the advantage, then tags CPA who delivers a FRONT SPINEBUSTER! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY BENJAMIN! CPA shoots Benjamin a look than would make the devil wet his pants, but Benjamin doesn’t back down and motions CPA to bring it. CPA MOSS SCHOOL BOY’S CPA! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! We get a blind tag as Moss ducks a clothesline, and then a big boot on the rebound. CPA turns and is drilled by THE DOUBLE GOOZLE! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! BOSLEY COLE They got him! COACH No! BUFFER Here are your winners... TEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Team Heyross smartly bail as Bosley throws a fit in the ring. COACH Bosley has every right to be upset, Cole. That was a blatant double-team. COLE All within the rules, Coach. Right now we’re gonna send it over to our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan for a special interview. We swoop over to the world famous interview stage where Tony Brannigan is joined by Team Heyross. BRANNIGAN Team Heyross back on the winning track. And guys, I know regaining the tag team championship is your #1 priority. But I also know you’re hot under the collar about recent comments made by the Heavenly Rockers. BENJAMIN We take pride in what we do for a living, Tony, so when somebody calls us out like the Heavenly Rockers did, you’re damn right it makes us hot under the collar. Charlie and I aren’t ones to play games. If they got a problem with us, we’d be glad to settle it in the ring. Team Heyross exit the stage. BRANNIGAN Stay with us, folks. HeldDOWN~! continues in the next post. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 Back in her office, Josie Baker can be seen in conversation on her cellphone. Not heard. Eavesdropping is rude. As this unheard phone conversation goes on, Josie starts to feel like she's being watched and glances up. Emerging out of the shadow of the open door, Leon Rodez slowly walks towards the desk. JOSIE Something's come up. I'll call you back. Josie hangs up and looks a little worried, but stands her ground as Leon approaches the desk and leans over, knuckles pressed against the wood. LEON I've been waiting all night for you to find me a window to talk to me. JOSIE I've been busy... LEON Well, now you can find some time in your busy schedule and listen to me, because it won't take long. I want, my shot, at the World Title. JOSIE We've been over this, time and time again Leon. You're not getting another shot yet. You need to get in line and wait your turn. Leon scowls at Josie, who again stands her ground in the face of it. LEON Wait my turn. I knew you'd say that. Because you've got something against me. JOSIE Like the fact that you and your little girlfriend have tried to threaten physical harm on me if I don't give you what you want? Leon, drop the parranoia and the persecution complex. I'm treating you no differently than anyone else on this roster. A smile forms on Leon's face. LEON I knew you'd say that too. Funny. See, I want my shot at the World Title. But I know that for whatever reason... bitterness, resentment, personal enjoyment... fear... you're not going to give me what I want. That's fine. I'm used to not getting what I want from life. But, if you really are "treating me no different from anyone else" like you say... you'll do what you've done for everyone else... and you'll put me in the Lethal Rumble. And then, I can fight for my World Title match. Just like I've had to fight for everything worthwhile in my life. JOSIE Interesting. Well, how about this. I'll let you in the Lethal Rumble... Josie smirks back at Leon now, knowing she's got him. JOSIE ...but, you have to fight for it, by winning your match next week. If you do, you're in. If not, no luck. Not liking this idea, Leon seethes and leans further over the desk, but Josie doesn't flinch and just raises her eyebrows at Leon. JOSIE Did you know I was going to say that? Leon glares at Josie for a few second, before cursing under his breath and storming back out of the office. Taking a relieved sigh, Josie picks up the phone and hits re-dial. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 The OAOAST Event Tracker is brought to you by Gillette January 21, 2010 - Winnipeg, MB January 28, 2010 - Louisville, KY January 31, 2010 (Anglepalooza: Empire State Of Mind) - New York, NY February 4, 2010 - St. John's, Newfoundland In a backstage corridor, Lindsay Gonzalez, limping and with an arm in a sling, leads four security guards on a hunt for Morgan. They find the women’s champion walking down the hall in search of Leon. LINDSAY That’s her! That’s her! Arrest her! MORGAN LINDSAY Get her! What are you waiting for? Christmas? Morgan’s eyes get teary and she starts tearing at her hair. MORGAN Stay away from me! LINDSAY These are the cops! You don’t stay away from the cops when they come looking for you for assault. Don’t make them pull their guns on you, bitch! SECURITY Actually we’re just security guards. We don’t have guns. But we do have these cool glowstick flashlights. Sometimes we pretend they’re lightsabres. LINDSAY Will you please shut up? Morgan there’s nowhere to run, they’ll catch you. There’s no were to hide, they’ll find you. MORGAN Please, don’t come closer. LINDSAY Face it, dearie, you messed with wrong woman. MORGAN Go…go….go…away! LINDSAY Enough of this, just get her! MORGAN Don’t! Please don’t! Three security guards rush Morgan ZAAAAAAAAAP! ZAAAAAAAAAP! ZAAAAAAAAAP! With three security guards left in immeasurable pain, Lindsay’s face is flooded with panic. She turns her frightened eyes to the last security guard. LINDSAY Use your weapon! SECURITY My glowstick flash light? LINDSAY Yes! SECURITY It’ll break! That stuff is toxic! It comes out of my salary! I’m out of here! The man rushes off, leaving Lindsay faced with Morgan. Summoning up her courage, Lindsay gets toe to toe with Morgan and then slaps her across the cheek! Morgan crumbles to the ground, and immediately starts weeping. This puts a smile on Lindsay’s face and she limps away. THE MAINEVENT ANDERSON CUP FIRST ROUND JAMES BLONDE AND FAQU VS ????? NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 16, 2010 BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is your First Round Anderson Cup contest, scheduled for one fall! "The Greatest Man That Ever Lived" hits and plays James Blonde to the ring, backed up by his Samoan Wrecking Ball, the crazed looking Faqu. BUFFER Introducing team number one. Total combined weight, five hundred and nine pounds. They represent CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL and are one half of the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions... the number 7 seed in the 2010 Anderson Cup... the team of "THE TRENDSETTER" JJJAAAAAMMMMEEEEESSSS BBLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE... and, "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFFFFAAAAAAQQQUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Faqu approaches the cameraman in front of him and stares down the lens, into YOUR SOUL. Until Blonde drags him away and towards the ring. COLE James Blonde and Faqu, representing Cucaracha Internacional. Seeded partly on the strength of their success as part of an eight man team in 2009. But certainly a capable team in their own right. COACH So how's the OAOAST gonna play these guys like this? The only reigning tag team champions in the Anderson Cup. And they don't even get to know who their opponents are!? COLE First off, they're tag team champions, with two other partners. Which they won't be tonight. And they are facing a mystery team tonight, mystery entrants into this year's Anderson Cup, which if you ask me is pretty exciting for us and for the fans. Don't you like surprises? COACH I like surprises. I bet JB and Faqu don't. Hopping up and down Blonde stays limber as he goes over long and lengthy instructions with Faqu. The Samoan just nods his head and ocassionally grunts, while wiggling his fingers ready to fight. BUFFER And now, ladies and gentlemen, introducing their opponents! An expectant cheer goes up as Blonde continues to lay the law down to his Samoan buddy. COLE Who's it going to be? COACH I dunno, but I've got a bad feeling about this. COLE How so? COACH Well... Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your girlfriend! No way, no way! I think you need a new one Hey, hey, you, you I could be your girlfriend! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!~!!~~!" COACH Aw, damnit. The Chicago crowd erupt and pandemonium breaks out in the stands as the familiar strains of "Girlfriend" by Avril Lavigne bounce through the arena. Stopping in mid-instruction, James Blonde freezes, slowly turning his head back towards the stage with pure dread in his eyes. Hey, hey, you, you! I know that you like me! No way, no way! No, it's not a secret Hey, hey, you, you!! I want to be your girlfriend! On the verge of tears, James Blonde grabs the referee by the shirt and drops to his knees, PLEADING with him, "not them... anyone but them." "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" But it IS them, CHICKS OVER DICKS, riding out on the motorised platform holding "ALIX'S BAR" to another HUGE reaction from the fans. Alix lays across the bar with a big smile on her face and a wave to the crowd, while the returning Krista is busy behind the bar mixing cocktails and serving drinks. To herself. BUFFER Introducing, the record-shattering former FOUR-TIME OAOAST World Tag Team Champions!! Hailing from Los Angeles, California! The team of, the reigning OAOAST United States Champion, "THE HOLLYWOOD BAD GIRL", ALIX MMMAAAAARRRRIIIIAAAAA SSSSSPPEEEEEEZZZIIIIIIAAAAAA!!!! And, her tag team partner. She is a best selling author and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos! 2009's most searched superstar on Yahoo, 2009's highest trending OAOAST topic on Twitter, 2009's Angle Award winning Wrestler Of The Year, more famous than everyone else put together and multiplied by four! She is a former two-time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... ladies and gentlemen, "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KKRRIIIIISSTTAAAA ISADORA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! Together, they are your #2 seeds in the Anderson Cup, the incomparable... CCHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSS OOOOVVVEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" Alix jumps up and wings a couple of frisbees deep into the crowd, starting a couple of mini-riots to grab them and sell them on eBay, before it dies out under the weight of forced free postage and corporate mis-management. Tearing herself away from the free liqour she's surrounded by, Krista struts down the entrance ramp, which resembles a makeshift catwalk, complete with glitter carpeting the floor. A wind machine kicks into action to softly blow Krista hair around, startling Alix as she blows her magic super-imposed lips causing kiss to the camera, before complaining about the cold breeze. Behind her, Krista is suddenly hounded by photographers and journalists all dressed in black, jotting down notes on a notepad. At the end of the catwalk, Krista stops and strikes a pose. Before noticing Alix is in her way and has filled up the screen with dozens of special effect lipstick marks. KRISTA We really need separate entrances next time. ALIX Agreed. Krista jumps to the apron and hangs herself upside down on the third rope, giving the crowd an alluring and much-missed bird's eye view, while Alix slides into the ring and waves jubilantly to the fans. COLE What a moment! What a surprise! Chicks Over Dicks are back! And they're in the Anderson Cup! COACH I hate surprises. Having vacated to the floor, James Blonde looks on in despair while keeping Faqu held back. Chicks Over Dicks rule the ring and play to the Chicago crowd for a while, because... well, hey, why not? They're Chicks Over Dicks. They can do what they want. COLE This changes the entire complexion of the 2010 Anderson Cup. Chicks Over Dicks, the former four-time Tag Team Champions, in the field of eight. Or, as it is currently, seven. And every other team left in the Anderson Cup's hearts must have sunk the moment they saw Krista and Alix come to the ring, not least the heart of James Blonde. As COD continue the hog the spotlight, the camera zoom in on Krista's right arm, which is wrapped in a light cast. COLE And I guess now we have to wonder, how close to 100% is Krista? We haven't seen her since she was robbed of the OAOAST World Title at the Halloween Spectacular by Reject, after she had suffered a broken arm at the hands of Leon Rodez of course. COACH It's been like two and a half months. There's no way she's 100% healed. COLE Well I do know that Krista's recent diagnoses were quite optimistic about the severity of the break and the time she would be out. But, even so, you have to wonder if Krista has rushed back too soon, in time for the Anderson Cup. Let's hope not. Prancing and posing over Chicks Over Dicks finally concede to the referee that they're ready for the mundanity of actually having to wrestle. However, Blonde doesn't look quite so ready and stalls on the outside while Krista and Alix kick back and discuss Spring vacation plans. COACH Cole, I'm not a doctor... COLE Really!? COACH ...but I know some stuff. And I know it can take years for a broken bone to completely heal. Not months. Not weeks. Years. So Krista ain't 100%. And that arm's gonna be a bullseye for everyone she's in that ring with in the near future. Finally getting into the ring, Blonde looks across at COD with a distinct lack of confidence. Alix convinces Krista to let her start the match and finally we're ready to go. *DINGDINGDING!* ALIX YIPPEE! WAHOO! YE-HA! WHOO-HO! Jumping up and down in wild celebration like something out of a Disney teen flick, Alix seems very happy to hear the bell for some reason. ALIX WAHEY! WHOOP WHOOP! YAZZOO! BLONDE Hey. Hey, calm down. ALIX I CAN'T! I'M TOO EXCITED! BLONDE Just... just settle down. ALIX I JUST WANT TO JUMP! AND WAVE MY HANDS! AND KICK MY FEET UP BEHIND ME! LIKE THIS! BLONDE Would you knock it off? What are you so excited about!? What!? ALIX THIS! Alix makes one final jump and bonks Blonde on the head with a double axehandle blow! Blonde quickly rolls away to the ropes and rubs the top of his head, as Alix chuckles to herself, in such a way that it's obvious to everyone in the arena that she's chuckling. So, not to herself at all. COLE This could be a long night for James Blonde. Pulling on the rope in frustration, Blonde stomps around the ring with his hands on his hips. Alix decides to do the same thing and mock the pouting Blonde, which just makes him even madder. After circling, pounting and stomping, they lock up. Blonde grabs a side headlock but doesn't dare celebrate yet. Still mocking, Alix stands in the headlock with her hands on her hips and a pout on her face. Blonde yells at her to "stop it" again, which she doesn't, so he ends up pouting for real. COLE Come on. There's no sulking in wrestling! Alix gets tired of mocking Blonde, at least while having her head squeezed, so looks to escape. Stomping on Blonde's toes, she slips out of the headlock into one of her own. Blonde quickly shoves Alix off, into the ropes. A shoulder tackle knocks her down, for a cover... 1... No, Alix quickly out. COACH That's right JB, show her what a man can do! COLE You mean stuff like pouting? Locking up again, Blonde grabs the side headlock. Alix quickly shoves Blonde into the ropes though. As he comes back Alix prepares to knock Blonde down with a shoulder tackle. But JB comes out on top and covers again... 1... No, Alix kicks out. Another lock up sees Alix get the headlock this time. Working his way out Blonde delivers a shot to the gut before he throws Alix to the ropes. As he lowers his shoulder though, Alix takes a step to the left and runs right past him. Blonde turns around and tries again, but over-compensates, allowing Alix to step to the right and keep going. Getting frustrate, JB tries the shoulder again. And again. But Alix continues to dodge, until she's built enough speed to hit a flying shoulder block and knock Blonde off his feet!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh yeah! Showing you what a woman can do! Cover by Alix... 1... 2... No! Blonde is out and fuming, as Alix has had her fun and tags in Krista. "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" As Krista steps in, Blonde ducks out, not in any hurry to lock it up with the former World Champion. COLE And a warm welcome back for Krista from this Chicago crowd. "MAKE HIM EAT YOUR BUTT!" screams one clearly drunken fan as Krista squares off with Blonde. Krista dodges behind Blonde and gets him in a waistlock, only for Blonde to switch it around. Krista ducks behind, into a hammerlock. Countering into his own hammerlock Blonde then gets the side headlock, giving him a little confidence as he exchanges holds with Krista. Shooting the Canadian off the ropes, Krista drops down. Blonde navigates that, then goes under a leapfrog, charging back off the ropes... KRISTA STOP! ...Blonde slams on the brakes and gets slapped across the face by Krista! KRISTA Heh heh, you actually stopped. Angrily Blonde lunges at Krista, who swoops underneath and hits the ropes. A drop down by Blonde buys him time to throw up his own hands at the oncoming Krista... BLONDE STOP! ...Krista slams on the brakes, and then slaps Blonde across the face again! "YYYYAAAAAAAYYYY!!" COLE Can't kid a kidder. Another missed lunge allows Krista to run the ropes once more. A leapfrog this time from Blonde, forcing Krista to come off the ropes again... BLONDE STOOOOPPP! Krista slows down and just looks at Blonde with disdain. KRISTA You realise, I'm just going to slap you. BLONDE Uh... not if I slap you first! KRISTA Well, if you slap me first, I'll just slap you back and tear your face off. BLONDE OH MY GOD LOOK UP THERE! As Blonde points to the ceiling trying to distract Krista, she just groans and shakes her head. KRISTA I'm not going to look up there. I'm going to slap you. BLONDE But, now I know it's coming. KRISTA Doesn't matter, I'll still slap you. BLONDE Yeah, but... your shoe is untied. KRISTA My shoe isn't untied. BLONDE Yeah, it's untied. Totally untied. KRISTA So, if I look down at my shoe to check to see if it's tied, you're telling me that you're not going to try and slap me? BLONDE I promise that I won't slap you. KRISTA I'm not sure I believe you. I mean, for one thing... oh, hey, is that Landon over there? BLONDE Where!? Blonde turns around, sees no sign of Landon, turns back around... and Krista slaps him across the face!! "YYYYYYAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!!" COACH Oh lord. As Blonde bumbles around holding his face, he gets rolled up by Krista... 1... 2... Kickout! Blonde stomps his feet and kicks up a fuss as he gets back up. Having had his fill of COD's antics, the Canadian then tags in Faqu and instructs him to take care of Krista. COLE Just like that, the fun and games may be over. The big Samoan steps into the ring and beats his chest, before charging at Krista. By the time he gets to where Krista was standing though, Miss California has gone, slapping Alix on the shoulder before she slips out of the ring. KRISTA Go get him Ally. I believe in you. Alix slowly gets into the ring, not looking so sure as her partner. Faqu backs up, retracing his steps, then tries to charge his new opponent... ...who tags right back out to Krista. ALIX Uhm, I believe in you more, you get him. COLE Krista and Alix unable to decide who's going to square off with Faqu. And Faqu looks a little frustrated. He just wants someone to tear into, whoever it is. Both stood on the apron, Krista and Alix have a little lovers spat while Faqu stares on blankly. The two go back and forth, "tagging" each other. Blonde urges the referee from his corner to force one of the two to get in the ring. Eventually, Krista agrees to a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide. Which she wins via forfeit as she chooses paper, while Alix chooses the Wu Tang hand sign. ALIX Gah, every time! COACH Come on, Wu Tang should totally beat paper! As Alix climbs back into the ring, Faqu retreats again. Beating his chest, he roars out and charges across the ring again, but comes to a stop as Alix calmly walks off to the side. Faqu flies into a rage this time and charges at Alix one final time, only to go flying up over the top as Alix pulls the rope down on him! COLE What a fool I was! The fun and games never stop with Chicks Over Dicks! Faqu jumps back up and starts flipping out on the arena floor, storming after timekeepers and camera man as Blonde tries desperately to calm the savage Samoan down. Once he gets Faqu under control, Blonde tries to lead him back to the ring. As they approach the apron, they both look up to see Alix, leaping to the top rope and plummeting down onto them with a beautiful body press to the arena floor!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Alix rolls off of Faqu and rolls back into the ring, busting out a sexy disco dance. COLE Vinny Valentine, eat your heart out! Slapping the ring apron in a rage, Faqu climbs back in and goes after Alix again. A dropdown from Alix sends Faqu into the path of Krista, who has wandered down the apron, simply to pull the ropes down on Faqu again! COACH Oh come on! COLE Chicks Over Dicks, taming the beast here on their return to HeldDOWN~! Faqu gets back up again, and gets knocked right back down by Krista's cannonball dive off the apron!!!! COLE And Krista getting in on the act! COD have not lost a step in their absence! "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" "KRIS - TA!" While the commotion is going on on the outside, inside, James Blonde rolls back in and attacks a distracted Alix from behind. Boos rain down on Blonde as he clubs away at Alix's back, then stomps her into the mat. The referee tells Blonde to leave the ring but he pitches a fit back at him, before picking Alix up and whipping her to the ropes. Alix catches Blonde while he's still arguing with the official though, wrapping her legs around with a headscissors takedown. Back up, Blonde goes for a clothesline. But Alix ducks and Krista returns to the apron to pull the ropes down on The Trendsetter this time! COLE That broken arm not affecting Krista's ability to lower that top rope. Blonde and Faqu pick themselves up on the floor, as Alix prepares to dive again. Running across the ring, she vaults over the top rope, aided by Krista's magic rope pulling trick, WIPING OUT BLONDE AND FAQU WITH A SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE I don't care if Krista's 100% or not. So far, she's kicking two people's asses without laying a finger on them. That's impressive, even by Krista's standards! COACH If she wants to impress me, she'll quit pulling the ropes down and pull her skirt down instead. Until then, not interested! Alix rolls back in to tag Krista, making her legal. The former World Champion throws Faqu back inside and then heads to the top rope. As she leaves the top Faqu instinctively ducks his head, forcing Krista to improvise. She tries a top rope sunset flip, but even her momentum off the top can't bring Faqu down and he gets his balance, before sitting out, aiming to squash Krista's ample chest. Luckily for all concerned, Krista moves out of the way. Faqu lands hard on the mat and takes a low dropkick to the face, before being held down for the pin... 1... 2... No! Firing a couple of quick kicks into Faqu's doughy midsection, Krista hits the ropes. A swipe from Faqu is ducked by Miss California, coming back off the far ropes with another dropkick. Faqu wobbles, but doesn't go down. Which troubles Krista. COACH Now you done it. Let's see what good pulling the rope down does you now. Krista thinks over her strategy before coming off the ropes again. With a dropkick not enough Krista decides to fling her entire body at Faqu, figuring that will do the job. But Faqu catches Krista! Faqu then hurls Krista to the mat with a uranage, bouncing her head off the canvas!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Yeah~! COLE Teasing the beast was fun, but Krista got too close to the animal's jaws and she paid for it. With Krista left holding her back of her head, Blonde demands the tag and runs in to make the cover... 1... 2... No! Blonde stomps Krista in the ribs. And again. Reaching down, Blonde then grabs the arm, causing Krista to panic and kick him in the BUTT. COLE Uh-oh, watch that arm. Not appreciating the kick, Blonde drops to his knees and chokes Krista, then makes another cover... 1... 2... No! Blonde looks down at Krista and suddenly gets a rush of blood to the head, trying to surprise her with the LIONSAULT... but Krista rolls out of the way! COLE Nobody home on that one! Not sure that was a great idea on Blonde's part, if you've got Krista down you've got to take advantage while you can. Holding his stomach as he gets back up Blonde gets struck across the face with an elbow. And a second. Loading up, Krista then prepares to use her cast as a weapon to crush JB's face once and for all. The referee jumps in to block this illegal shot though, allowing Blonde to hit a quick knee to the gut. Krista falls backwards into her opponent's corner and into the clutches of Faqu, who reaches over the ropes and starts to maul her. Able to break free, Krista hangs Faqu's throat across the top rope though. COACH If only the chick in King Kong had a rope she could have used to escape. COLE Look out though! Krista takes a second too long to turn around and when she does, Blonde has sprung to the middle rope and fires off a dropkick, sending Krista flying through the ropes to the arena floor!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE Great springboard dropkick by Blonde and that may have turned the tide right there! Pleased with himself Blonde walks across the ring and taunts Alix, drawing her into the ring. Meanwhile on the outside, Faqu picks up Krista and starts mauling her again, then runs her back-first into the ring apron! Faqu prepares to do even more damage, but Blonde instructs him to throw Krista back inside so she can be pinned... 1... 2... No! Blonde argues the count with the referee while Krista groans in pain beside him. COACH Now we're seeing Faqu and JB in action. A great team with a great dynamic, a great strategy. COLE A strategy which seems to be Blonde telling Faqu "you do the damage and I'll get the glory." COACH Exactly! A great strategy. If you've got a 300 pound Samoan in your corner, you're not going to tell him to do wacky little dances and strut around the ring, are you? Why buy a dog and then bark yourself? Tag is made, bringing Faqu in. After some instructions from Blonde, they throw Krista off with a double whip. Blonde drops down, forcing Krista to run right into the path of a Samoan Wrecking Ball, just smashing her down to the ground with all his Samoan might! As Alix looks on with concern, Faqu walks around his fallen opponent. Off the ropes, he then crushes Krista beneath the weight of a BIG Splash!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH That's gonna do it! Count ref! 1... 2... NO! COLE We almost saw the end of Krista right there. 300 pounds, crashing down on her and yet still, able to kick out. COACH I ain't even surprised anymore. I don't know what this woman has that makes her so resiliant, but she's got a lot of it. Also, her funbags worked like airbags then. Faqu looks confused at the fact Krista kicked out, so Blonde calls him over to tag in and keep the momentum, and keep Krista from making the tag. He drags Krista back into the middle of the ring and drops an elbow to the back. Blonde then hits a double stomp to the back, arching Krista's spine awkwardly. Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" *clap clap clapclapclap* "LET'S GO KRIS - TA!" *clap clap clapclapclap* Apparantly distracted by the crowd, Blonde suddenly takes a detour and knocks Alix off the apron!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE That was a cheapshot! Blonde laughs it up as he goes to pick Krista up, but isn't laughing for long, as he's surprised with a jawbreaker! Bad back and all, Krista then connects with a 360 enziguri, rapping Blonde across the side of the head! The crowd cheer and Krista quickly rolls over the top of Blonde, over to the corner to make the tag. Only problem being, Alix is still picking herself up on the outside. COLE No-one to tag! What bad luck for Chicks Over Dicks! Not able to hang around for her girlfriend, a frustrated Krista is forced to go back in and fight for herself. As Blonde gets to his feet Krista puts her back to the test again and launches herself onto Blonde's shoulder, looking for a hurricanrana. But Blonde counters with a POWERBOMB!! 1... 2... NO!! COLE Two and a half, that was a close one for Krista! COACH Give it up for the brains of James Blonde though, to take Alix out of the equation. This man has learned so much from his mentor, Landon Maddix. He's like a mini-version. A spitting image. COLE A creepy stalker who dresses up as you and follows you everywhere you go. Yeah, I see what you're saying there Coach. Tag is made to Faqu again, Blonde more firm with his instructions with the Samoan, to finish Krista off. Alix picks herself back up and gets back onto the apron, far too late for Krista's benefit. Dragged up by the hair, Krista is scooped and slammed in the centre of the ring. Faqu beats his chest, Blonde nodding with a smile as he looks on. Backing into the ropes, Faqu then measures Krista and drives his head... INTO THE MAT, as Krista avoids a jumping headbutt! COACH Didn't phase him! Didn't phase him! Thanks to his traditionally hard Samoan cranium Faqu is right back up and right after Krista. A clothesline is ducked by KID though. Seeing the turnbuckles in front of her Krista runs towards them, vaulting off the middle rope. Her attempted crossbody ends with her getting CAUGHT in Faqu's arms, for the second time in the match. This time though Krista has the counter, kicking her legs until she manages to swing herself around and drive Faqu's head into the mat again with a DDT!! COACH Didn't phase him... did it? Faqu is quickly back up again, but much slower to attack this time. COLE I think it may have rattled the big guy. Taking aim, Krista PUNTS Faqu in the stomach with the toe of her platform heels. With a grown, Faqu doubles up. Krista then comes off the ropes and takes a big swing with her bad arm, clocking Faqu right in the head... ...and watching as he slowly topples backwards to the mat!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH SHE HIT HIM WITH THE CAST! COLE And Faqu might be out cold! COACH SHE HIT HIM WITH HER CAST, COLE! That should be a disqualification! That's a weapon, a foreign object! The referee does reprimand Krista for her use of the cast, but not nearly enough for James Blonde's liking. He storms into the ring to confront the ref, completely ignoring Krista, who's able to crawl to the corner and make the tag to Alix! ALIX AW YEAH~! Alix leaps into the ring and runs right through Blonde with a clothesline. A second clothesline. And then a third, Ultimate Warrior style, MISTER WARRIOR style even, as she shakes the ropes like a mad(wo)man!! Blonde staggers around right into Alix, who takes The Trendsetter by the head and introduces his face to the top turnbuckle. Literally. Before ramming them together. Taking Blonde by the hair again, she throws him into the opposite turnbuckle. Then down the line to the third corner. And all the way over to the fourth, not wanting to make any of the turnbuckles feel neglected. COLE Look at Alix go, like a wildcat! COACH Like a crazy woman, you mean? This bitch is a wacko! Stumbling and bumbling like a drunk, Blonde throws some punches at non-existant figures in front of him. Alix stops and enjoys this for a second, before delivering a russian legsweep. Rolling through to her feet Alix follows up with a BUTT drop on Blonde's chest and sits on him by way of a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! The US Champion quickly climbs to the top rope, waggling her BUTT at the appreciative fans. She then takes flight with a flying crossbody... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Boy, Alix is ROLLING here. As Blonde gets back up, Alix is waiting, a serious fighting stance adopted. She slaps her palm into Blonde's chest. Then his stomach. And then his jaw. A kick to the knee drops Blonde down. Alix then pulls up on her shorts, gives herself a wedgie and smacks her BUTT into the kneeling Blonde's face! COLE Alix showing off an extensive BUTT-based offence here. COACH I ain't complaining. Cover by Alix... 1... 2... NO! Alix waves Blonde back up, but stops, ridding herself of the wedgie and the painful chaffing it can cause. COACH Okay, now I can complain again. Whipped to the corner, Blonde manages to duck his head and avoid any further problems by backdropping Alix over the top rope. Alix lands safely on the apron though, leaping up and cracking Blonde in the back of the head with an enziguri from the outside! Blonde stumbles out of the corner, into Krista, who hits the Side Effect! COLE Blonds Never Pay A Cover! Alix then comes off the top rope with a Frog Splash!! 1... 2... FAQU BREAKS IT UP!! COLE Uh-oh. After striking Alix in the back, Faqu attempts to strike Krista in the front, only for the 2009 Wrestler Of The Year to drop and crawl through the Samoan's legs. Faqu grunts and turns around, to find COD waiting with a double dropkick. Faqu doesn't go down, so they hit another double dropkick. Still he stays up. FAQU BLAAAAARAAWHAAGHGAAWWAAHH!!!! Faqu hurls himself forward with a double clothesline... ...but COD duck and hit a double dropkick to the back, sending Faqu out to the floor!! COLE That deals with that problem. Back up, Blonde gets the jump on Krista, knocking her to the mat. Avoiding a strike from Alix, Blonde then hooks the US Champ and makes a FASHION STATEMENT, with an Inverted DDT! Leg hooked... 1... 2... SAVE BY KRISTA. COLE Blonde trying to sneak in the back door and pull out the shock for the number 7 seeds. I don't like their chances right now though. COACH There's a surprise. Blonde takes the fight to Krista, managing to fend her off with some shots to the ribs. Blonde then hits the ropes, but runs into a standing dropkick! Jumping back to her feet, Krista positions herself at Blonde's side and the Chicago crowd voice their approval. However, Alix puts a stop to the booty shaking! COACH WHAT? BOOOOOOOO!! Before the crowd have a chance to boo the party-pooper though, Alix reveals that she just wants to join in. And to the DOUBLE delight of the crowd, it's a DOUBLE BOOTY SHAKING MOONSAULT!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH I wish Krista and Alix were just their asses. They'd be so much better that way. COLE Way to be a modern man, Coach. Blonde picks himself up with Chicks Over Dicks ready and waiting. Not as exciting as it may sound. Krista dishes out a slap. And then so does Alix. And they high-five. Blonde has had enough mis-treatment by this point and screams at them to "STOP SLAPPING ME!", as he tries to slap them both in retaliation. Both Krista and Alix duck though, leading to a dose of KIDOLOGY from Krista!!!! Before Blonde can fall to the mat, Alix quickly spins him around and follows it up with CONFESSIONS OF A KRISTAHOLIC!!!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COACH Aah! I hate them so much except their asses! By mutual decision, it's Krista with the cover... 1... 2... 3!!!!!! COLE Chicks Over Dicks, moving on in the Anderson Cup!! *DINGDINGDING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, advancing to the Semi Finals of the 2010 Anderson Cup... ALIX MARIA SPEZIA and KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN... CCHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSS OOOVVVVEEEEERRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!! "YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" COD kiss, another popular move, before their hands are raised in victory. COACH You know what, I thought this'd be a new year. I thought this'd be different. I was so looking forward to 2010 and everything it was going to hold. New year. New decade. And now, Chicks Over Dicks are back, Krista's back, they're kicking people's asses again, they're making people look like chumps... I dunno what to think anymore. COLE Oh, man up already. COACH Sorry. As Chicks Over Dicks celebrate their win, Faqu lopes around ringside, waiting as the referee rolls Blonde's body out of the ring. COLE The face of the Anderson Cup has completely changed. To a sad face, if you're anyone except Chicks Over Dicks. The #2 seeds now, perhaps, the team to beat. Can anyone stop COD? We'll have more Anderson Cup action next week on HeldDOWN~! to see who else will make it to those big semi-finals, until then, goodnight from the OAOAST! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
