Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2010 And fuck the usual opening spiel lets get right down to big bidness! Here I am again, Hey now, hey now, I'm the mother fucker of the year. Here I am again, Hey now, hey now, I'm the mother fucker of the year. Through golden pyro, and with thunderous hometown cheers, Mister Dick strides through the entrance doors with Baron Windels, Malaysia, and Tim Cash at his side. Mister Dick’s body is heavily bandaged, but this doesn’t hold back his joy as he stares at his shimmering gold title. He throws it through the air, and shouts out to the cheering audience. COLE There he is, folks, the man who endured pure hell to become OAOAST world champion. And for his suffering he lives his dream with his first appearance as world champion coming in his hometown of San Antonio. Welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I am Michael Cole sitting beside The Coach Johnathan Coachman and things are already heating up here tonight. Mister Dick and his crew enter the ring to more warm applause from sold out audience. Mister Dick smiles wryly at the chants of his name, and nods his head in appreciation. MISTER DICK Damn it feels good to be a champion! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK And damn it feel good to be back home! “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK Reject, you stupid son of a bitch I gots something to say ya, so listen good, boy, ‘cause I ain’t in no mood to repeat my damn self. COLE What could Mister Dick have on his mind? MISTER DICK Reject, you talked a good word about leaving me layin’ in a pool of my own blood and all that crap, and ya talked a good word about makin me respect ya. And when ya had me handcuffed and ya swung that chair and bashed my brains in, my career flashed before my eyes. When ya struck me with that Eulogy of yers I damn sure thought my title dream was over. But like a stupid son of a bitch, ya stopped the referee’s count and cost yerself the god damn title. Boy, you are as stupid as day old donkey shit! “YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK I ain’t got no respect for you, I ain’t got no respect for your stable, I ain’t got no respect for your church, your family, or yer friends. I think yer a sorry piece of crap, and I hate yer rotten guts. Boy, if you ever try what you tried at Anglemania on me again, I can promise ya that’ll be the last moves you take, ya lousy coward. And, you listen good, son, ‘cause I ain’t done with ya yet. COLE Oh man, he’s roasting Reject. MISTER DICK If ya take a step to Malaysia, Tim Cash, or Baron, yer gonna have me to answer to, boy. And the last time you had me to answer to, I took yer damn title belt. “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK The rest of Deadly Alliance? If you lazy, no good bastards, wanna be led by a real champion, and a real success story…then take yer ass to TNA or WWF ‘cause I ain’t got no time of the day for ya. “MISTER DICK! MISTER DICK! MISTER DICK!” the fans of San Antonio salute their hometown hero. MISTER DICK I gotta show respect to them folks that showed respect to me. Sometimes I ain’t the easiest guy in the world to share a beer with. COACH Oh really? MISTER DICK I might be wound a little tight, and I like to go pickin fights with half the people I see, and I ain’t no easy going laid back hippy type. Sometimes I drink some beer, I get a little angry, and I get a little rowdy. People ain’t to happy with the words comin’ out my mouth. That makes it hard to make friends, but I got two great ones in Tim Cash and Baron Windells. You boys are true gentlemen, and I don’t know what I did to deserve guys like you ridin’ the water with me but I sure am glad you’re here. And Malaysia… MALYASIA MISTER DICK Yer fired. MALAYSIA MISTER DICK Kidding, girl, you know I’m sillier than a prized pig on mary-ja-wana! Girl, I couldn’t have done nothing without ya. That bald headed simple minded bastard, Coach, said if it weren’t for Reject I’d be on some undercard match at Anglemania. He got it almost right, if it weren’t fer you I’d be buried ass deep in the bottom of the card, shinning Leon Rodez boots or brushing Krista’s hair to get a push. This title is as much your’s as it is mine. Mister Dick straps the belt around Malaysia’s waist and then raises her hands to the roaring audience. Baron Windells then takes the microphone. BARON Hey Jock, congrats on winning the strap. Thanks for letting Timmy and I be a part of the magic and the celebration. The world title is something we both dreamed about winning back when we broke into the business. We also said whoever climbed to the top of the ladder first would give the other a title shot. MR. DICK I know where you're going with this BW and I’m mighty sorry about how you were cheated right out of yer money in the bank briefcase. Mighty sorry. So, I’d be more honored than anything to have my first title defense against...Tim Cash! CASH MR. DICK Ah, don't be shy you little devil. If it weren’t fer ya leading the charge my hands would still be in handcuffs and my head would be lying beneath the ring because Reject would have taken it right off. But I didn't forget about ya BW. No, no. Friends take care of friends. Tonight we're gonna give the people what they've begging for... a Lone Star Gunslingers reunion as we go for the gold against COD. Alix, Krista, get yer panties on and get ready fer a fight! COLE Wow! The Lonestar Gunslingers against Chicks Over Dicks for the tag team titles! An all star tag match tonight in San Antonio! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT OAOAST'S SPURS VS LAKERS LONESTAR GUNSLINGERS VS CHICKS OVER DICKS TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2010 Backstage, Tony Brannigan is with the LDC Moneygang. Theodore Moneymaker conspicuous by his absence. BRANNIGAN As you know, new tag team champions were crowned this past Sunday at AngleMania IX. Per stipulation, CMJ and Spencer Reiger must wear dresses for 30 days. But gentlemen, I along with the rest of our viewing audience see you’re dressed to go… not for show. REIGER Tony, you know our word is good as gold. CMJ Solid. REIGER That’s why it pains me to say due to circumstances beyond our control we can’t fulfill our obligations tonight. BRANNIGAN You’ve got to be kidding me! REIGER I wish I was Tony. I wish I was. But unfortunately we became another statistic on our way here. The airline lost our luggage which contained the dresses Lorelei had picked out for us. BRANNIGAN And you couldn’t afford to buy new ones? I find that very hard to believe. REIGER No, we could’ve bought new ones, but our credit cards were in our luggage too. CMJ And we don’t accept charity so asking Teddy for a loan was out of the question. REIGER Yeah, uh… So, sorry I guess. The LDCMG bump into COD as they try to exit. KRISTA Are you guys finished? Because I’m just about to get started. Get started calling bullshit! Luckily we prepared for something like this, so Ally. Alix hands 2 suits bags to the LDCMG, which they open to peak inside. REIGER Oh hell no! KRISTA Before you ask, yes, it does make you look fat. ALIX F-A-T not P-H-A-T. CMJ Ooh, she can spell. ALIX F-U. KRISTA Be nice, baby. They’re just a little moody right now. Maybe you’d like to let loose some steam in a match. REIGER Triple threat match for the tag titles? You’re ON! * phone vibrates * ALIX (opens phone) It’s a text from Melody. * giggles * “LOL” indeed. CMJ KRISTA We never said anything about a title match, only a match. ALIX A match will you can show off your skills while looking like complete tools! KRISTA Now hit the locker room and get dressed. COLE Krista laying down the law. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2010 “The World is Mine” by David Guetta hits but the LDCMG are slow to appear. Pushed out by COD we see CMJ in a school girl’s outfit while Reiger sports a pink Hello Kitty tank top and skirt complete with heels. COLE BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, from OAOVW… TONY DUNCAN and GEORGE ROBINSON! Their opponents represent THE ENTERPRISE… at a total combine weight of 430 pounds… COLIN MAGUIRE, JR., SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Reiger nearly stumbles due to his high heels, which draws a good laugh from Duncan and Robinson but the ire of the LDCMG. They storm the ring and pummel their opponents. * DINGDINGDING * COACH Duncan and Robinson aren’t laughing now. They’re crying. CMJ hammers Robinson in the corner with Irish uppercuts as Reiger chops Duncan. The LDCMG whip their opponents into each other and then CMJ executes an HARVARDPLEX, with Reiger following up with a SLINGSHOT DOUBLE STOMP! Standing dropkick sends Duncan into the arms of CMJ for an IRISH SUPLEX! COLE Vintage CMJ! SPIKE REIGER COUNTER leads to the cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Here are your winners, the team of COLIN MAGUIRE, JR. and SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COD applaud the former champs who leave the ring in a huff. COLE The LDC Moneygang look great. In the ring that is! COACH Everybody knew what you meant, homo… err, home boy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2010 Backstage in Josie’s office, which is neatly organized and pristenly decorated we find… MAGGIE NERDLY with Josie Baker. No picture for Josie. Sorry, Josie. MAGGIE What’s up ya’ll, it’s the It Girl on the Scene, Maggie Nerdly, chillin with Josie Baker. JOSIE Hi, Maggie. MAGGIE Josie, everyone who’s anyone checked out AM last Sunday, and they all saw you screw Morgan out the world title. Here’s your- JOSIE Screw? MAGGIE I dunno what other verb to use. You screwed her big time! JOSIE I may have screwed Morgan, I can admit that. But I did it in the best interest of the OAOAST. MAGGIE That’s wack, people were starting to get behind my sis and you took her legs out from under her. JOSIE The OAOAST Galaxy doesn’t know what it wants. It has to be told what to do sometimes. Cheer Krista, boo Reject, chant PRL’s name, they do it because I tell them to and they’re happy with that. Morgan was just an odd occurrence, her popularity happened by accident. But I’ve corrected it. We can’t have someone like your sister representing this company. Yes she’s cute and tiny but she’s moody, she’s depressed, she cuts herself, she mumbles in her interivews. That’s not the mark of a champion. MAGGIE You think Holly is a good rep for the fed? Sailor Mouth Holly? JOSIE Holly is slightly rough around the edges, sure, and she’s not my first choice to be women’s champion. MAGGIE Then who is? JOSIE You really want to know? MAGGIE I asked, didn’t I? JOSIE Then its you. You’re young, hip, good looking all that. And none of the baggage of your sister. I think you’d make an excellent women’s champion, so you’ve got first crack at Holly at the Motor City Spectacular. MAGGIE JOSIE Enjoy the rest of the night, Maggie. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 4, 2010 * DING * DING * DING * DING * BUFFER This is your HeldDOWN main event! Sanctioned by the OAOAST, it’s for THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP! Are you ready? “YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” BUFFER ¿Todos mi amigos, estás listo? "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world… Ladies and gentlemen… LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET READY TO RRRRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! “Motherfucker of the Year” by Motley Crue hits and Mr. Dick charges onstage like a wild bull, whereas Baron Windels is calm, cool and collected. BUFFER Introducing the challengers, themselves former tag champions who tonight team for the first time in many years. They both hail from SAN ANTONIO, TEXAS, and weigh-in at a combine 503 pounds… “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BBAAAAARRRRROOOOOOOOOONN WINDELS and the newly crowned OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Mr. Dick enters the ring noticeably agitated, perhaps due to the fact Buffer neglected to mention MALAYSIA, but high-fives BW and holds the title high for all to see. COLE Never thought I’d say this, but it’s great to see Malaysia ringside. In case you don’t know why, be sure to catch the encore presentation of AngleMania IX all this weekend. COACH I was there live and I’m still gonna order the encore presentation. It definitely was the world’s largest orgy of fun. In fact, I bet you had an orgy with those oiled up dudes who brought you to the ring, Cole. COLE I was in heaven the whole night. By which I mean the show! “Girlfriend” by Avril Lavigne cues and COD get their big intro I’m too lazy to look up/write. BUFFER And their opponents… from the City of Angels, they are THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA… CCHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSS OOOOVVVEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Alix high-fives every hand in sight, including those of our broadcast team. ALIX (to Coach) I voted for you. Well, actually Krista did. I preferred the hockey mom because she reminded me of Krista, the wrestling mom. Krista wasn’t too thrilled with the comparison. COLE (laughing) The election was two years ago. ALIX I know but I just now remembered. Later gators. COACH I’m more disturbed by the fact Alix thinks all brothers look alike. All 4 participants meet mid-ring for pre-match handshakes, though Krista and Mr. Dick are quick to wipe their hands afterward. COLE Obviously there are still bitter feelings between Mr. Dick and Krista. Who can forget their match last year at AngleMania VIII where Mr. Dick became the first person ever to pin Krista in a singles match? As everyone takes their places, TIM CASH joins the guys at Sofa Central. COLE Tim Cash, welcome! CASH Great to be here guys. Thanks for inviting me. COACH You invited yourself, but whatever. Trying to steal the spotlight are you? CASH No, sir. Just the opposite in fact. That’s why I waited till the end to come out. COACH Of the closet? COLE Coach! * DINGDINGDING * Alix strikes a fencing pose and shouts “en garde” as the bell sounds, to which BW responds with a quick arm drag. COACH If Alix had her phone, she’d get a text from Melody that reads “Fail.” CASH Melody’s too nice to do that. Well, at least to a friend. Alix charges ahead, but BW leapfrogs her and drops down on the rebound. Quick to react, Alix performs a CARTWHEEL and merrily claps her hands, then grabs a side headlock. BW shoves her off and drops down again. This time he’s ready when Alix attempts another cartwheel, surprising her with a monkey flip. Alix returns to a vertical base following a side headlock takedown and LICKS BW’S NIPPLE TO ESCAPE! BARON ALIX COLE Who says you can’t learn anything watching TV? We just learned Baron Windels is ticklish! COACH I got a little stiff in the pants. How bout you Tim? CASH It’s been a very entertaining match so far. COACH Do you even like girls? CASH Oh, sure. I like Krista, Alix, Jade, Maya, Melody… They’re all very nice girls. COACH I think we’ve found you a new partner, Cole. Alix and BW bump fists, then lockup. Hip toss plants Alix flat on her back, but she kicks BW away and dropkicks him! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both pop to their feet and tag out to a huge ovation. COACH Here we go. COLE The crowd already buzzing in anticipation of this showdown. Mr. Dick and Krista come eye to eye, nose to nose. Krista none too shy in expressing her desire to be World Champion once again, prompting MD to knee her in the gut. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE You’d think Tim Duncan just kneed Kobe Bryant in the groin the way this crowd reacted. CASH Timmy’s too good a guy to do that. Although what we just saw was a bit of a cheap shot, in my opinion. COACH Pretty much everything is a cheap shot in your book. Anyway, a lot of times you’ll see a guy lose his edge after becoming a fan favorite, not Mr. Dick. He’s still very physical in the ring. Face-first into the buckle goes… NO! Krista puts on the brakes and it’s MD who eats turnbuckle. Again. And again. And again. But MD reverses a whip and squashes Krista in the far corner. COLE Bite My Giant Dick! Krista stumbles out but manages to duck a STIFF KICK, which she answers with THE HEBREW HAMMER! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! COD tag and deliver a DOUBLE BACKDROP. Alix then channels her inner Scotty 2 Hotty by doing THE WORM. ALIX W… O… R… * awkward pause * “M!” ALIX Oh right. M. Suddenly MD kips up and gives Alix a FACIAL (discus punch)! KRISTA CASH (sighs) I keep telling Jock he’s got to keep the fist open because a closed one is against the rules. MD tags out and motions for BW to cover Alix, but he’s reluctant to do so. COLE Baron Windels still clearly stunned over what just took place. I mean, talk about impact. COACH Yeah, that had to knock the stupid out of her. CASH Well that wasn’t very nice. COACH There’s no time to be nice in the ring against COD. When you got one down you gotta finish them or they‘ll finish you. MD tags himself back in and put the boots to Alix, then rams her into the buckle and follows up with a series of right jabs. Irish whip leads to a MILITARY PRESS SLAM and the cover, but only after MD thrust his pelvis in Krista’s direction. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY KRISTA! COLE A little extra something behind that blow. You know Krista took exception to Dick’s pelvic action. MD holds Alix up for BW following a tag, but rather than punch or kick her BW executes a snap mare. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! BW hooks Alix for a vertical suplex only to be wrapped up in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! NO! BW kicks out, catches Alix in mid-air as she attempts a springboard spear and delivers a FALLAWAY SLAM that sends her outside. Krista goes to her partner’s aid but is cut off by the referee. COACH What did I tell you? You gotta finish the job when you have a member of COD down. Baron Windels almost cost his team tag title gold because he wanted to be a good guy. You’re a bad influence Cash. CASH The only thing bad is your breath. COLE Let’s keep it civil, guys. Out on the arena floor, Malaysia scoops Alix up and DRIVES HER INTO THE RINGPOST! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" CASH COLE Unlike her main squeeze, Malaysia not as popular in San Antonio or other OAOAST arenas for that matter. COACH As they say, old habits die hard. BW watches in disbelief as Malaysia casually rolls Alix back in. All MD can do is shrug his shoulders. But again BW can’t take advantage of the situation, forcing MD to tag himself back in. MD delivers an inverted atomic drop, the prelude to the clothesline from hell… but Alix counters with a CRUCIFIX PIN! COACH Isn’t that blaspheme given COD’s lifestyle?!? The count. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Alix frantically crawls between MD’s legs and tags Krista! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Krista and MD trade blows, with Krista initially getting the better of it until MD fights back to a loud ovation. He whips Krista across but gets taken down by a flying head scissors. Krista holds on to the hold to perform THE PUSH UP FACE CRUSHER! COLE Krista taking it to the World Champion. Krista whips MD into the ropes and leapfrogs him. MD stops and turns right into an inverted atomic drop, then gets nailed with a… NO! MD ducks the super kick and with FULL PENETRATION drives Krista into the mat courtesy of a full nelson slam! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY ALIX! Alix gives MD a piece of her mind and gets drilled by a BW flying lariat! COACH It’s on now, fellas. MD sets Krista for THE COCK BLOCK, but she floats over and hits THE CODEBREAKER! COLE KIDology! The cover but no count as the ref is busy trying to breakup Alix/BW. This allows Malaysia to sneak in and whack Krista with her CAT O’NINE TAILS. NO!! Tim Cash slides in and yanks it away. COACH What does that idiot think he’s doing? COLE Trying to keep the playing field leveled, that’s what. Krista spots Cash with the whip and confronts him. Cash denies any ill intent but Krista doesn’t buy it, especially with Malaysia at his side. Mr. Dick then sees the whip in Krista’s possession and kicks her low! COLE Low blow! MD delivers THE COCK BLOCK and covers Krista in compromising fashion as Malaysia takes Cash out with her. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match… and your NEEWWW One & Only World tag team champions… BARON WINDELS and the reigning OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION… MMMIIIIIIIIIIISSSSTTEEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKK!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" MD tosses a tag belt to BW and poses with his 2 titles. COACH New tag champions, Mikey Cole! COLE The Lone Star Gunslingers ride again. Oh my! FADE TO BLACK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
