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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 8/17/87.

Need to do this, and I didn't watch it last night because I was in an awful mood. I probably won't review the Jesse Ventura stuff at all, because nothing catches my eye. ___________________   The first match on the show, is a non-title match, between the Young Stallions and The Hart Foundation (WWF Tag Team Champions) w/Danny Davis and Jimmy Hart. If there's a non-title match, it's usually a clue something's up. Mr. T comes to the ring for some reason, which we'll see at the end of the match. He and Davis stare down, until the match begins. Bret gives Powers a backbreaker, then rams his head into the foot of Neidhart. Danny Davis gives us a promo, inside of a box that pops up on the upper left corner, and Bret gives Powers an elbow from the 2nd rope, during a Neidhart backbreaker. Bret gives Powers a suplex, and tags in Neidhart, who slams Powers, then tags Bret back in. Roma tags in and dropkicks both members of the Hart Foundation, then rams Neidhart into Bret. Unfortunately, Roma charges into the buckle, but gets dropped to the canvas, and rolled up by Bret as Bret's feet are on the ropes, leading to the 3 count at 2:56. HOWEVER, MR. T comes down the aisle, and convenes with the referee, who reverses the decision as a result of Bret's cheating. Hence the non-title stipulation, see. *1/4. Kinda dumb. ___________________   Killer Khan vs. Lanny Poffo is joined in progress, unfortunately. I like Poffo. Khan finishes the match with a kneedrop off the top rope. No mist, this time. ___________________   Heenan and Monsoon trade a few jokes about the uvula...you can look it up if you want.   Special Report with Craig DeGeorge about Bam Bam Bigelow...Jesse Ventura is with Jimmy Hart, and Hart is out of the running for Bigelow. Classy Freddie Blassie pops up on the screen, and basically says, he wouldn't want to manage Bigelow either.   Now, a clip of Don Muraco and Cowboy Bob Orton fighting after a match, they brawl into the crowd and the clip cuts away.   WWF Magazine time, and it's about the One Man Gang. Jack Tunney put him on probation for a year after Gang attacked a whole bunch of jobbers and front suplexed them all, so Slick has a bit to say about that. He really doesn't care. ___________________   The next match is Outlaw Ron Bass w/Miss Betsy vs. Sonny Rogers. Miss Betsy, his whip, is really loud. Bass gives Rogers a back elbow, elbowdrop and hiptoss, then press slams him onto the top rope. Bass chokes him, then gives Rogers a right to the face. A clothesline and facebuster finish for Bass at 1:59. Haven't seen a squash in a while, so it's welcome. 1/2*. ___________________   Gene Okerlund's with Ted DiBiase and Virgil, DiBiase says he's going for the World Title, then gives Okerlund money for a new tie. Heh. ___________________   It's Koko B. Ware vs. Nikolai Volkoff from the Spectrum next. Oh no, I have to listen to Dick Graham. Volkoff's upset at the USA chanting, and Koko avoids a charge to the corner. Volkoff gives Koko a choke toss, but misses another charge, and Koko goes to work on Volkoff's left arm. Koko gives Volkoff an armwringer, and headbutts him. Volkoff dumps Koko though, and gives him a knee to the face to keep him on the outside. Then Volkoff does a cartwheel, which makes no sense, given Koko's earlier arm work. Idiotic. We go to a   commercial break   and come back with Koko coming back into the ring with a sunset flip, for 2. A Volkoff headbutt does nothing, so Koko returns the favor for 2. Volkoff applies a headvice, and then tries a scoop slam, but Koko goes through and winds up behind Volkoff, then rolls up Volkoff for 2. Koko catches Volkoff trying to give him a big boot, and gives Volkoff an atomic drop for 2. Volkoff misses a charge and gets sat on by Koko, and then Koko goes up for a fistdrop that gets 2. Koko rams Volkoff's head into the buckle after a double collision, but misses a charge, and Volkoff gives him a double underhook suplex for 2. He gives Koko a backbreaker, but during the cover, Koko's foot is on the bottom rope. Koko hits Volkoff a few times and goes up top, giving him a missile dropkick for the win at 12:10 (my time, with the Heenan and Monsoon banter included). 3/4*, and the cartwheel was a gigantic WTF moment. ___________________   Sir Oliver Humperdink makes his debut and talks a lot of trash about Bobby Heenan, so Heenan comes out to the stage. And Humperdink pushes him off! Wow. Heenan slipped when hitting the ground, and would have been badly injured had he not regained his balance. Strange debut, to say the least. ___________________   George the Animal Steele is facing Cowboy Bob Orton next, in what will likely be a strange matchup. Lanny Poffo and Don Muraco are on commentary. WHAT? Steele chases Orton out of the ring, and when Orton comes back in, Steele rams Orton's head into the turnbuckle. Orton gives Steele a backbreaker, then goes up top for a pump splash, which gets 2. Steele bites Orton, but gets clotheslined over the top. Steele pulls Orton to the floor, but Orton rams his head into the table that the ringbell sits on. Steele throws a chair into the ring and bites Orton, then grabs another chair, and hits Orton with it. He misses on his next swing, and both men brawl to the back, at 3:02. That said, the decision is that Bob Orton wins by DQ, I guess the referee was too scared to disqualify Steele, though. 1/2*. Steele bites the turnbuckle, when he comes back to the ring. That's no surprise. ___________________   Bobby Heenan's gushing about this guy named Ravishing Rick Rude, well, he's facing Scott Casey. Casey and Brady Boone look so alike that Alfred calls Casey, "Boone," once during the match. Rude goes through the whole routine where he takes his robe off, and this being Philadelphia, the crowd actually likes it. Go figure. Casey gives Rude an armdrag and a hiptoss, so Rude stalls. Rude gets armdragged and slammed again, and gets crossbodied for 2. Rude bails and comes back in, but we go to a   commercial break   and come back with an armwringer applied on Rude. Casey misses a charge to the corner, and Rude gives Casey a suplex, which gets 1. It got one because Rude wasn't done with Casey, see. Rude slams Casey and goes up top, giving him an ugly fistdrop that didn't even hit Casey, for 2. Rude goes to the chinlock, but doesn't hold it for long, and gives Casey a kneelift and double stomp. Rude then poses, and gives Casey a chestbreaker. He poses somemore, and applies a sleeper after another chinlock. Casey reverses it and gives Rude a backdrop, but gets caught with a knee by Rude and given a slingshot suplex by Rude, for the pinfall at 11:44. **. ___________________   The last match, finally, is the Junkyard Dog vs. the One Man Gang w/Slick. I actually like the Gang, so I'll enjoy this. Jake Roberts and Muraco are on commentary. What the fuck. They slug it out, and JYD rams OMG to the buckle. The battle of three letter acronyms!!! JYD clotheslines him and applies a hammerlock, but OMG rams him into the turnbuckle. OMG's punches to the head of JYD do nothing, so JYD gives him an armwringer which takes him to the ground, and gives him a legdrop. OMG beats up JYD in the corner, but JYD comes back with a headbutt. Then JYD GETS ON ALL FOURS, and delivers multiple headbutts to OMG. Slick gets on the apron and gives Gang the cane, but both JYD and OMG fight over it, and in the process, hit the referee with it, disqualifying both men at 6:25. JYD takes control of the cane, and hits OMG with it, knocking him out of the ring. He tries to break the cane, but the referee steals it, and gives it back to Slick. I liked that much more than I probably should have, so *1/4.   That's the end of the show, which like the last match, I liked more than I should have. ___________________   Rating: Decent. Have to repost the different rating scale (Excellent, great, good, decent, poor, bad, absolutely terrible). Yeah, decent. I enjoyed the segments in the middle of the show. Had to get rid of above-average, it didn't make much sense.   Best Segment: Ted DiBiase giving Gene Okerlund money for a new tie. It was har-har-har time.   Worst Segment: Young Stallions vs. the Hart Foundation. While the match was fine, I loathe, LOATHE MR. T's involvement, and non-title matches. Especially when the reason was as obvious as this.   Recapping reactions makes no sense, in this case. ___________________   I'm going to do something and have it up tomorrow, but I'm not sure yet. NWA or ECW, because I want to knock out an easy review. Then the Boston show will be up on Tuesday.
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Review: WWE Unforgiven 2007, from Memphis, Tennessee, 9/16/2007.

Another let's get this out of the way show. I have no idea what to expect. The video to open the show is very cool, and very professional looking. Even better than the ones they used to have during the Attitude Era. ___________________   The first match, is Elijah Burke vs. CM Punk, for Punk's ECW Championship. Yeah, I'm one of those people that doesn't like the use of the ECW name. At all. I don't even know who this Elijah Burke guy is...and I'll be saying that a lot during the show.   Blow-by-blow: Punk pushes Burke, and they both go onto the mat, obviously for some mat wrestling. Burke with the go-behind, but Punk bridges out, and gives Burke a droptoehold. Punk applies a short arm scissor, but Burke gets into the ropes. Buke with an elbow to Punk, but he misses a charge, and gets kicked. Punk hits Burke in the gut, and gives him a russian leg sweep for 2. Punk chops him and kicks him, before giving him a snapmare and kicking him in the back. Punk gives Burke a backbreaker for 2, and on an Irish whip to the corner, Burke blows the reversal, tripping over Punk's feet. Didn't fall down, though. Burke rams Punk's head into the mat, which gets a 2 count. He gives Punk some of his own medicine, with a kick to Punk's back. Burke gives Punk a surfboard, until Punk kicks him. Punk gives Burke a bulldog, and slingshots from the apron back into the ring with a clothesline, for 2. Burke then pulls Punk out to the floor, and rams Punk into the apron. On the inside, a cover gets 2, and Burke goes for a Boston crab, which he gets. Punk's facial expressions are VERY good. Punk reaches the ropes, so Burke decides he needs to give him 2 german suplexes, consecutively. Burke gives Punk an STO, which gets a 2 count. Burke applies this leglock thing, I don't know what it's called. It looks cool, though. Punk rolls through the hold, but gets kicked twice. For some reason Burke grabs Punk's leg, and Punk gives him an enziguri. That made no fuckin' sense, on Burke's part. Burke gives Punk an uppercut for 2, but stalls around, and gets rolled up by Punk for 3 at 11:52.   Match Analysis: It's known I don't like that finish, but it didn't bother me this time. It was solid, and I don't know if this Burke guy is supposed to be a good worker, because it really seemed like Punk was leading him along. It's **, and a good opener. ___________________   Oh noes, partners who don't like each other. It's the WWE Tag Team Champions, Matt Hardy and MVP vs. Deuce and Domino w/Cherry. Cherry = yum, from what I see.   Blow-by-blow: I like MVP's entrance, and I got kinda sad when I found out the "internet" part of Hardy's entrance was gone. Boo. Deuce and Domino have no heat...at all. Their whole thing is so corny, I kinda like it. MVP and Hardy argue, and I guess Hardy decides he's going to start the match, but MVP slaps Hardy on the back, tagging in. Domino and MVP begin the match, as MVP gives Domino an armdrag, and a bodyslam, before tagging in. Hardy gives Deuce an armdrag and a bodyslam, then a swinging neckbreaker. So Hardy's better, he did more. I'm enjoying the interaction between the two champions. MVP tags in and gives Deuce a chop and bulldog, and goes to the 2nd rope, for that Matt Hardy elbowdrop. Hardy's pissed though, and keeps him from doing it. He doesn't care for the imitation. Hardy and Domino tag in, and Domino misses a charge to the buckle. Hardy slams him, then does an awful impression of the BALLIN! elbow, and lastly gives him the REAL VERSION(1UUUUUUH) of that move, for 2. Deuce pulls Hardy's hair, then tags in. Knee to the face for 1, and he gives Hardy a cobra clutch. Hey. Deuce misses a charge to the corner, and gets rolled up by Hardy for 2. Domino comes in and slams Hardy, then gets a legdrop for 2. He rams Hardy into the buckle, then tags in Deuce again. Deuce applies an armbar, and Cherry grabs Hardy's leg during his comeback, keeping him from making the tag. Hardy still gives Deuce the SIDE EFFECT, but Deuce quickly tags in Domino, who keeps Hardy from tagging MVP, by hitting MVP. MVP's pissed off about getting hit, and goes back to the entranceway. Deuce and Domino do this cool double team that would look like the Powerplex if done at the same time, and it gets 2. MVP runs back to the apron, as Deuce applies a front facelock on Hardy. Hardy bulldogs Deuce while clotheslining Domino, and it's hot tag MVP. MVP clotheslines Deuce, then gives him an elbow, backdrop, and two difference facebuster variations. Hardy tags in when MVP does the BALLIN! elbow, and uses MVP as a battering ram, pushing him into Domino. Hardy then gives Deuce the TWIST OF FATE, which finishes the bout after the pinfall, at 9:19.   Match Analysis: I swayed back and forth on what I was going to rate it, and I decided on **. I really, really enjoyed the interaction between MVP and Matt Hardy. Usually I think the "feuding partners" angle sucks, but this time at least, it felt right. ___________________   Rey's on WWE Mobile (what's this?) and has something to say about how he was beaten up by Khali. Yeah, he's an underdog and all that. ___________________   The next match is No Disqualification, but for Carlito only. What the fuck? He's facing Triple H.   Blow-by-blow: HHH starts the match off with a few punches, and a back elbow. Carlito bails, but comes back in quickly, and gets backdropped. Carlito goes out to grab a trash can, but HHH pulls him in before he can grab it. HHH clotheslines Carlito out, and Carlito goes to grab a chair. He swings it, but hits the ringpost on accident. HHH drives Carlito into the barrier, and then into the ring apron. HHH gives Carlito an elbowdrop to the back, and a backbreaker, before applying an abdominal stretch. HHH cheats by using the rope, and then pulls Carlito's hair. HHH gets caught and forced to break the hold, so Carlito runs out and tries to unhook a television monitor. HHH stops him, and tosses him onto, but not through, the ECW announce table. Carlito hits HHH with the ring bell, twice, but no blood. Surprising. Carlito chokes HHH with the cord, and then grabs his apple. He spits in the face of people that aren't cool, but apparently, HHH is cool. Cause he was unable to spit in his face. Carlito then hits HHH with a trash can 5 times, then grabs another can and back suplexes HHH onto it, then gets ANOTHER CAN and puts it in the corner, where nothing happens. HHH clotheslines Carlito, and gives him a high knee, then the knee-to-face facebuster, for 2. Carlito grabs some powder, and throws it at HHH. Don't know what to say about that. Carlito grabs a chair, but can't hit HHH with it, as HHH gives him a spinebuster. HHH grabs the chair, but lowblows Carlito instead. And now it's the PEDIGREE, which gives HHH the pinfall at 10:41. HHH takes FOREVER to get out of the ring, which bothers me. It bothers me when anyone does it during the middle of the card.   Match Analysis: I didn't care for it. It was basically a glorified squash, and not much more. *1/4. To be fair, I don't think Carlito's very good (from what I've seen), and I don't think the match could have been any better. ___________________   Maria's with Batista...not a fan of Batista's promos, especially in this case, as he gives me a creepy feeling that he's undressing Maria with his eyes...yeah, I'd really rather not know about that. ___________________   Anyway, the next match is Beth Phoenix vs. Candice Michelle for the Women's Title. The champion is always billed last, unless it's a special case.   Blow-by-blow: Candice Michelle's music is AWFUL. It makes me want to throw my remote at the TV, or fast forward past it. Candice grabs onto a headlock, but Phoenix just throws her away. She does that alot. He gives Candice a knucklelock, and picks her up, then drops her to the canvas. Candice avoids a charge, and springboards back into the ring with an armdrag on Phoenix. Phoenix gives Candice a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker, and whips her hard into the buckle. Sometimes it's hard to watch women's wrestling, especially in the WWE, because they don't give you that feeling that the moves have a rough impact on their opponent. Phoenix whips her into the buckle, and it's like Candice just smooths her way into being hit. Phoenix rams Candice's head into the mat, which gets 2. We go to the chinlock, and instead, Phoenix applies a surfboard. She gives Candice a back elbow afterward, and an argentine backbreaker. Candice counters it with a neckbreaker, and then a dropkick, but Phoenix rams her into the buckle. Then, Phoenix gives her a press slam. Guess that looked cool. Candice rolls Phoenix up out of nowhere, and gets 3, at 7:05.   Match Analysis: There was nothing that could have made the match worse, so just a DUD. The finish didn't even bother me, I disliked the match that bad. It was a matter of personal preference, not bad wrestling, to a point. Everything was well executed. It just didn't flow, for some reason. ___________________   The Great Khali and his manager, Ranjin Singh, have an interview, and whenever Khali talks, the fans go WHAT? Nice to know that didn't go away. Khali crushes a canteloupe, to signify what he's going to do to Rey Mysterio's head. Note the mask on the canteloupe. And then he crushes a watermelon, to signify what he'll do to Batista. Great promo. I'm being dead serious, that was awesome. ___________________   A video comes first, but it's Batista vs. Rey Mysterio vs. The Great Khali in a triple threat match, for the World Heavyweight Championship. I'll have something to say about this afterward, but it'll wait.   Blow-by-blow: Batista's entrance is fuckin' DUMB. Both his and Rey's take forever too. Bothersome. Batista and Rey beat up Khali, until Khali throws Rey out of the ring. Sorry, I can't take Rey vs. Khali seriously. That wasn't what I was going to say, though. Khali clotheslines Batista, and rams him into the buckle. He kicks Batista, but misses a charge to the corner. Batista gives him a few shouldercharges, and rams Rey into Khali. Hey, you gotta try somethin'. Rey rolls up Batista for 2. Hey, you gotta try somethin'. Rey gives Batista a flying headscissors, and a bulldog for a 2 count. He goes onto the apron and springboards in with a senton, and I've gotta ask. Is he able to do the West Coast Pop anymore? I'd really like an answer, so please, tell me. Khali gives Rey a gigantic boot to the face, and tries to give Batista the HEAD CRUSH. That finisher is so damn funny. I know it's not called the HEAD CRUSH, but I like it that way. Khali clotheslines him, and then he's able to give him the HEAD CRUSH. Rey grabs a chair and hits Khali with it, well, it doesn't do a thing. Khali goes to the outside, and tosses Batista onto a table. Khali is unable to catch up to Rey, but when he does, he chokes him, and clotheslines him. Khali applies a nerve hold, and gives Rey a big boot when he tries to break it. Khali applies the HEAD CRUSH on Rey, but Batista comes flying back in with a shoulderblock. Khali gets tied in the ropes, so Rey and Batista have to fight. Batista tries to powerbomb Rey, but gets given a rana by Rey. 619 time for Batista, and one for Khali too. Rey with a seated senton onto Khali, but Batista catches Rey afterward, and powerbombs him onto Khali. Batista gives Khali a spinebuster, and pins him, to win the World Title, at 8:00.   Match Analysis: I liked this match better than the triple threat I watched yesterday. But that doesn't MAKE the match THAT much better, although it was better. The finishing sequence is what made the match better, no doubt. And it was kept short, and simple. Thankfully. *1/2, and I don't mean that in a bad way, at all.   Now, what I had to say about this was, this is what I hate about the brand split. A PPV, with only 2 non-title matches. Something is not right about that, and it kinda cheapens some of the titles in the first place. Especially when a bunch change. I'm of the opinion that there should be 1 World Title. 1 Tag Team Title. 2 Midcard Titles, being the IC and US Title. Cruiserweight Champion, and Women's Champion. I think that's all there should be. Have the champion go on both shows again. It's more fun that way, and I may even start watching on a weekly basis again. But RIGHT NOW, the sheer amount of titles there are is overkill. Too much to keep track of. The brand split is fine, when you don't have this many titles. ___________________   Now, a flashback to the Hornswoggle stuff. I didn't want to see it then, and I didn't want to see it now. But, the stupidity of the whole thing had me laughing. HARD. HHH and Batista are backstage, and HHH congratulates him, yeah that whole thing. ___________________   Paul London and Brian Kendrick are facing Lance Cade and Trevor Murdoch for the World Tag Team Championships, and I have to say, I don't know what to think of London and Kendrick's getup. Meaning the colors, purple and green. It looks like something Kriss Kross would wear. Wow.   Blow-by-blow: Cade and Kendrick start, and Cade gives him a hiptoss. Kendrick gives Cade a dropkick, and Cade returns with a shoulderblock. Murdoch comes in, and gets rolled up for 2. London tags in after a Kendrick armdrag, and he comes in with an elbow off the top. Kendrick comes in, and does the same, before tagging London in again. London kicks Murdoch's left arm, where they were giving the elbows to. Murdoch misses a charge, and the obviousness of the spot call bothered me a little. He looked at Kendrick and practically told him, come here. Kendrick comes in with a sunset flip for 2, but Murdoch gives him a clothesline. Cade tags in, and is given a flying headscissors by Kendrick. Both London and Kendrick clothesline Cade over the top, and dropkick Murdoch out, and then London and Kendrick suicide dive onto both. Cool. Kendrick goes up top, but misses a crossbody, once they all come back in. Murdoch tosses Kendrick out, and brings him back in the hard way. Cade gets a shoulderblock for 2, and slams Murdoch onto Kendrick, with Murdoch giving Kendrick a legdrop. Cade keeps Kendrick away from tagging London, and puts Kendrick up top, where he powerslams him from the 2nd rope for 2. Murdoch tags in and gets an elbowdrop for 2, then applies a neck vice. Kendrick gets some momentum, and gives him a leg lariat. Cade tags in, and misses a charge to the buckle, but keeps Kendrick from making the tag. Murdoch misses a move from up top, and London finally tags in. He flips into the ring, and has dropkicks for both his opponents. He gives Cade an inverted atomic drop, and a hurricanrana. The crowd has been quiet all match, and I don't know why. London gives a DOUBLE STOMP to a STANDING Murdoch, but misses a charge to the corner. Cade goes up top, but misses a flying elbowdrop. London gets a dropkick for 2, and Kendrick tags in, then comes off the top with a crossbody for 2. Cade and Murdoch do a cool double team, where Cade gives an opponent an inverted atomic drop, and Murdoch gives the same opponent a big boot, but it only gets 2. Murdoch mises a charge to the buckle, but Cade gives Kendrick a sitout-uranage powerbomb, and Cade tosses London out of the ring so he can't make the save during Murdoch's pin, giving Cade and Murdoch the victory and pinfall at 11:49.   Match Analysis: I liked it. But the crowd didn't. They shit all over it. Still, fuck them. They don't matter, when they're as dumb as this. **1/4. ___________________   A Condemned promo and video package for the match takes place, prior to Randy Orton vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship. I thought their match at Summerslam was good, so this should be...right?   Blow-by-blow: Cena's dad is sitting at ringside, remember, Orton kicked him in the face. Anyhow, the crowd is a typical WWE crowd, half heeling on Cena, half not. It looks really bad when they do that. They both slug it out at the opening bell, and Cena gets the best of it, after a clothesline. The crowd is hot, which is no surprise. It was like this last time. Orton bails after being rammed into the turnbuckle and clotheslined. Back in, and Cena tries for the STFU. Can't get it, though, as Orton bails, and gives Cena a European uppercut, on the floor. Orton DDT's Cena from the 2nd rope, back into the ring, but it only get 2. Orton and Cena fight some more, but Cena misses a charge to the buckle, and Orton applies a sleeper. Not this bullshit again. And it goes to a chinlock. So fucking typical. Dueling chants suck, too. I had to say that. Cena breaks the hold and clotheslines Orton, then beats him up in the corner, and pushes the referee twice which leads to a disqualification at 7:21. Fuck that finish. Orton pulls Cena's dad over the barrier, and Cena applies the STFU to Orton, when Orton had attempted to kick Cena's dad again. Cena's dad returns the favor from RAW, and runs backstage. Funny moment: Shot cuts to the crowd, and there's this guy rapping out Cena's music. That's funny shit. Reminds me of something I would have done, back in the day.   Match Analysis: A chinlock in a 7 minute match. The shitty finish. The fake looking brawling. Save that bullshit for RAW. Goodness, I'd feel so RIPPED off had I paid the PPV price for that. Such bullshit. The finish is enough to knock the match down to DUD territory. Terrible. And if you're doing a 7 minute match, for the LOVE OF GOD, don't go to a chinlock. Keep it high intensity, for fuck's sake. ___________________   Jonathan Coachman is with Cena's dad, and he basically tells the guy to stay out of Orton and Cena's business. Then Cena comes in and says, you mess with him, you mess with me. He pushes Coach to the ground, and walks away. ___________________   The main event to end all main events, Mark Henry vs. The Undertaker. Seriously, what the fuck.   Blow-by-blow: The entrance wall falls down, and The Undertaker comes out of it. And now what's left of said wall lights on fire. Haha. The crowd's all standing up, but nobody's making any noise. Once Taker gets in the ring, both men slug it out (harharhar, slugs) and Taker gets the best of it. He gives Henry a headbutt and avalanche, but when he tries another avalanche, Henry picks him up and rams him into the turnbuckle. Didn't matter though, Taker came back with a big boot and headbutt to put Henry down. OLD SCHOOL TIME, but Henry crotches him, then takes about 2 minutes to get up there and give Taker a superplex. Henry gives Taker a clothesline and big boot, but it doesn't do a thing. Taker knocks Henry to the floor, and rams him into one of the announce tables. Henry rams Taker into the apron, and I swear to God, the crowd hasn't made a single sound all match. Henry gives Taker a clothesline for 2, and a big splash for 2. Haha, Taker's on the ground like a sack of potatoes. No movement, no facial expressions, nothing. Another big splash gets 2, but a 3rd misses. Henry gives Taker an STO and a bodyslam, then ANOTHER big splash. He wasts time, and Taker sits up. Thankfully, this is going to be over soon. Taker with two avalanches and OLD SCHOOL, then a CHOKESLAM, which gets 2. Taker goes for the LAST RIDE, but can't get it, so he kicks Henry instead. Henry applies a bearhug and takes Taker over to the corner for the 10 punch, but Taker LAST RIDE's him out of the corner for 3 at 11:26. And the show is over.   Match Analysis: Awful, in very way. I'm convinced that Mark Henry can't be carried to more than a **. Taker did his part to make the match shitty, though. Anyway, there was no crowd heat, and it was an awful decision to put this on last. For that awful decision, combined with the awful match, that's a negative. -*. Really could have done without seeing that. ___________________   Rating: Poor. Better than Armageddon 2003, but not by much. But there were enough average matches to give it a poor rating, and the negative rating keeps it from going to being average.   Best Segment: I enjoyed London/Kendrick vs. Cade/Murdoch the most. I love tag team matches. MVP and Matt Hardy were right after that, on the enjoyment ladder.   Worst Segment: Obviously Undertaker vs. Mark Henry. I don't think the crowd bought into Henry as a threat, thus the lack of crowd reaction.   Loudest Sound: HHH, John Cena (both negatively and positively), Batista, Matt Hardy, and The Great Khali. People really didn't like that ugly bastard.   No Sound: London and Kendrick (but fuck those fans), Deuce and Domino, both women in their match, and Mark Henry. No surprises.   But about the World Heavyweight Title change in the middle of the card, that's exactly why these shows suck. You have a World Title match in the middle, you change the title, get a pop...and then nothing for almost the entirety of the night afterward. Not good. ___________________   Well, that's done. I'll probably watch PTW today, but if I don't, it may be that Jesse Ventura stuff.
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Review: WWE Armageddon 2003 (RAW), from Orlando, Florida, 12/14/2003.

Since my soccer team, Liverpool FC won yesterday, I was in a good mood. Had they not won, this review wouldn't be up. This is a RAW only show. ___________________   National anthem begins the show, as this event occured on the day that Saddam Hussein was captured...and then, a video package. No surprise, Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler are on commentary.   The first match of the night is Mark Henry w/THEODORE Long vs. Booker T. I guess it's hatin' if you call Long, Teddy. I said I quit watching late in 2003, but I remember a few things. Not like when I'll review Unforgiven 2007, and know nothing. Anyway, Henry beat Booker up for a few weeks prior to the show.   Blow-by-blow: Booker starts the match by clobbering Henry in the corner, but Henry comes back with a clothesline to end that. Henry chokes Booker, then clotheslines him over the top rope. Henry throws Booker into the steel steps, and they get back in the ring. Booker makes sure Henry doesn't stay back in, though, and dives onto him with a plancha. Yo. Booker rams Henry into the barrier and then throws him into the ring, where Booker comes off the top rope with a missile dropkick, which gets a 2 count. Long distracts Booker, and Henry runs into the poor guy, then gives him a backbreaker afterward for a 2 count. Henry applies a bow and arrow lock, before Booker breaks the hold. Henry places Booker's neck on the 2nd rope, and then runs and jumps on it. Goodness, it looked like he could have broken Booker's fuckin' neck. Henry flew through the ropes, landing on his feet. Henry gets a 2 count on the cover, and goes to the chinlock. Booker powers out of that, but gets bearhugged soon after. IMO, this match was going well until the chinlock. I was liking it, anyway. Henry clotheslines Booker, and Booker does a 360 sell. He's doing everything to make this match good, and I applaud him for it. Booker, that is. I haven't seen him do some of this stuff in a long time. Henry misses a legdrop and charge toward Booker, so Booker gives him an axe kick, Ahmed Johnson style. He gives Henry a savate kick, and a flying forearm. The scissor kick gets 2, but Henry stops Booker's rally with a spinebuster for 2. Henry gives Booker an avalanche in the corner, then a clothesline and legdrop for a 2 count. Henry gives Booker an UGLY looking powerbomb for 2, and misses a charge to the corner, where Booker gives him a scissor kick for 3 at 9:19.   Match Analysis: See, I was liking it, until the middle. Not only that, but the finish kinda came a little too fast, and wasn't built to at all. Kinda jumbled, and one of the things that bothers me about current wrestling. You can't rush into a finish, you have to build to it. If all that stuff Henry did after the first scissor kick had been done BEFORE the first scissor kick, and Booker had came back with his typical spots, like the forearm and savate kick, then finished with the scissor kick, the match would have been better. As it was, it felt like it was lacking something, namely an ending. Just my .02. *1/4. ___________________   Eric Bischoff is with Chris Jericho and Christian before their match later tonight against Trish Stratus and Lita, and for some reason Jericho has feelings, although not verbal, that he doesn't want to participate in the match. My initial reaction to learning about that match when I began watching this show...nothing good can come of it. ___________________   It's Mick Foley! I guess he's the co-GM of RAW. Didn't know that. The petition to bring back Stone Cold Steve Austin has 1 million signatures. Now, Austin being forced to "leave" is something I DID know about. Anyhow, Foley brings Stacy Keibler out, she's wearing a cheerleader outfit and does cartwheels around the ring. Foley tries to do a cartwheel, but he can't. I found it a little weird that the two old men on commentary continually made ass jokes, but that's both the WWE and old men for you. Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring, and Orton says that the party is over. Since the party's over, Foley pulls off his suit, to reveal THE REFEREE SHIRT. Hell yeah. Well, it's time for a match.   It's Randy Orton w/Ric Flair vs. Rob Van Dam, for RVD's Intercontinental Championship. Mick Foley's the special guest referee, if you couldn't already tell.   Blow-by-blow: RVD gives Orton a legsweep, so Orton bails out of the ring. He comes back in, and gives RVD a headlock, which RVD reverses into a hammerlock. RVD gives him a snap mare and a headscissor, on the mat, and after a few reversals, the two men square off in the middle of the ring. Crowd cheers, and RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick. Orton misses a charge to the corner, and RVD springboards up to the top and gives him a crossbody, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a European uppercut, and RVD comes back with a karate kick. Orton bails, and RVD follows him to the floor with a tope con hilo. Orton comes back in, and RVD follows with a slingshot legdrop, for a 2 count. Orton misses a charge, and RVD springboards to the top rope, but gets pushed to the floor. I like what I'm seeing. So far. Unfortunately, that became a trend for the rest of the night. Orton dropkicks RVD on the floor, and gets a cover for 2 on the inside. Orton chokes RVD on the 2nd rope, and RVD's sell of the move is so damn ridiculous that I'm not sure how to describe it. Hey, it's better than nothing. In my notes, I called his sell "RETARDED." Orton rams RVD to the buckle, but RVD comes back with a crossbody for 2. Orton goes to the chinlock, and when RVD breaks the hold, Orton misses a charge to the corner, but comes back with a clothesline. A chinlock fits, in this case, as Orton's offense has been head oriented. Orton dropkicks RVD, who's in a seated position, and then reapplies the chinlock. RVD breaks the hold, then gets a roll-up for 2, and a front bodyslam, prior to the split legged moonsault, which gets 2. Orton gives RVD a neckbreaker from a powerbomb position, which gets 2. Sorry, I ain't down with all the newfangled names for those moves. Orton goes back to the chinlock, and this time it goes for a while. A while long enough to take the crowd out of the match, unfortunately. In my opinion. RVD gets up and both men slug it out, and RVD gets a spinning heel kick. RVD does the 10 punch in the corner, and then a monkey flip after a whip to the other side. RVD gives him 3 shouldercharges in the corner, but flips and misses on the fourth. He gives him a springobard kick and a clothesline, and then a northern lights suplex for 2. Orton bails, and RVD suplexes him on the barrier at ringside. He gives him the spinning legdrop off the apron, and on the way back in, Orton finds a way to give him a DDT. It gets a long 2 count, and only 2, as RVD's hand finds the bottom rope. Orton pins him in the center for 2, then misses a kneedrop. RVD gives him a spinning heel kick type cradle for 2, and when both men get up, RVD gives Orton a spinning heel kick and dropkick, before Rolling Thunder. Ric Flair gets a little too close to RVD, so RVD just kicks him out of the way. Orton gets a rollup for 2, and a kick. RVD goes up top, and Flair tries to knock RVD off the top, but Foley decks Flair, knocking him off the ring apron. Good way for a first interaction. Orton crotches RVD on the top with a dropkick, then both men lie on the mat for a while, before both get up and Orton gives RVD the RKO, for the 3 count and the Intercontinental Title, at 17:59.   Match Analysis: Oooh. Oooh. Oooh. I hate that fucking finish. Hate. Hate. Hate. The finish where a guy lies on the mat for a while, then gives another wrestler his finisher out of nowhere sucks. Not my favorite. Had Orton given RVD the RKO right after crotching him, I'd have liked it more. Still though, it was just an average match. Average means **1/2, minus -1/4* for the shitty finish, giving it **1/4. The large majority of the smark community seems to have biases against Orton, and I don't really get it. He's a decent wrestler. I've seen better, and I've seen worse. And average qualifies as good, nowadays. Or at least that's what I think. ___________________   It's time for the Battle of the Sexes: Chris Jericho and Christian vs. Trish Stratus and Lita. The video package before this match honestly made me embarassed to be a wrestling fan. I didn't want to watch this show with everyone around, cause I'm afraid of, well, getting embarassed. But my entire family was here, and I was embarassed. Oh well. Lame as fuck. The CDN Dollar bet was the only part redeemable about the whole thing, cause it's a Canadian Dollar. Jericho and Christian bet a dollar on who would nail their woman first. Jericho's being Trish, and Christian's being Lita. I chuckled, but that's it. FWIW, I cried during the video when Trish acted all sad about the bet, but that was only because I poked myself in the eye.   Blow-by-blow: Jim Ross compares Eric Bischoff to Saddam Hussein. Boo. Since this fits in the match description, I can't believe how awful the booking was to put these 4 in a match. Nothing good can come of this for Christian and Jericho. Trish and Jericho start the match off, and talk with each other in the ring. See what I'm talking about, nothing good can happen. Trish slaps Jericho a whole bunch, until Jericho bends her over his knee and spanks her ass. My dad guffawed at the visual. Trish kicks Jericho, then gives him a flying headscissor, and tries some dropkicks, but they don't do a thing. Christian tags in, and shoves Trish over towards her corner, where she tags Lita. Christian grabs her by the wrist, until Lita gives him a headbutt. Christian chases her around the ring, until she gets back in. Christian misses a charge to the buckle, and Lita gives him a monkeyflip. Jericho hits Lita, and Christian gives her a bodyslam. Jericho comes in with a bodyslam, and steps on Lita's hair. Heh. Jericho tries a powerbomb, but Lita gives him a hurricanrana for 2. Jericho gives her a back elbow, and tags in Christian, who tears off Lita's shirt. Jericho smells the shirt for some reason, and throws it back in the ring. Christian taunts her, until she gives him a lowblow. Trish comes in, and kicks Christian after a missed clothesline, and then, Christian misses a charge and flies out of the ring through the ropes. Trish tries to rana Jericho, but can't, and he throws her to the canvas, where Christian gets a 2 count. Jericho gets a rollup for 2, and Christian gives her a clothesline. However, Lita comes in with a rana off the top, and then she goes out of the ring, where she's thrown into the barrier by Jericho. Jericho and Trish stare at each other for a second, so Christian comes up from behind and rolls up Trish while holding the tights, for the win at 6:37. Boy oh boy. Jericho looks all sad, as Christian celebrates, on the way backstage.   Match Analysis: I could go on and on forever, but this is such shitty booking. It's like telling Jericho and Christian, "to the midcard you go, where forever you shall stay." I could never buy Jericho as a main eventer after this, had I been watching at the time. EVER. Awful. The match was fine, and *1/2 worthy. But the booking was -****. Terrible. I don't understand it at all, especially why the match would even be made in the first place. Shit like this is what made me quit watching the WWE. And now I remember why. The night after Survivor Series 03 was when I'd start watching both RAW and SMACKDOWN! only once or twice a month, IF that. And after the Royal Rumble, I quit watching RAW entirely. I didn't have the time, but when I did, I didn't watch it anyway. This was a good reminder as to why. I'm glad I saw this. ___________________   Before this next match, we see a clip where HBK practically bled buckets for Austin, in order to save Austin's job. Batista interfered and cost Shawn the match, and Austin's job. So, we have this, a very interesting matchup, to say the least.   Yeah, Shawn Michaels vs. Batista w/Ric Flair. Hmmm....this was the match that piqued my interest, when telling my brother to check what the matches were without telling me the results. Yeah, I'm almost 20 and can do it myself, but why should I? I like to be surprised. Also, in case I've never said this, Shawn's my favorite wrestler to watch. I don't care about the backstage stuff, I'm talking about his matches. He can play both babyface and heel the same way. :Cocky heel that you want to see get his ass kicked OR sympathetic babyface that bleeds buckets and sells like a champ," is something that few wrestlers do well enough. Fuck that noise about him not selling when he kips up. There is not a SINGLE babyface in the entire world that doesn't do shit like that. With that said, him being my favorite to watch is what makes this match very interesting, seeing how the match will be against a limited guy like Batista.   Blow-by-blow: Shawn avoids Batista in the corner, and potshots at him with a few left jabs. They stare at each other and punch in the middle of the ring, until Batista kicks Shawn in the groin area. Batista rams Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn comes back with a few kicks to the leg, and chops to the chest. He avoids Batista again, and punches Flair in the face. For that, Batista chases him around the outside of the ring, until Flair stops him and has a meeting with Batista. Flair whispers something in his ear, and Batista slowly gets back in the ring. Batista corners Shawn and beats him up, mixing in a few knees with the left and right handed punches he throws. Batista clotheslines Shawn on a reversal sequence, which gets a 2 count. Batista gives Shawn a suplex for 2, and then whips him hard into the buckle. Batista gives Shawn an elbow to his face, and a knee to the back, then whips him hard, back into the buckle. Batista chokes Shawn, until Shawn begins chopping him. Batista places Shawn on the top rope after regaining control, but Shawn comes off the top with a moonsault block for 2. He barely hit Batista, but that's better than Shawn's knee clocking someone in the face. Nothing to nitpick about. Shawn gives him a flying forearm and kips up once the referee's double count reaches 7, but Batista springs up too, and gives Shawn a clothesline. Batista puts Shawn into the buckle again, and this time, Shawn goes upside down. Batista tosses Shawn out of the ring, and rams him into the steps. He then throws Shawn in, and gets a cover for a 2 count. A Batista backbreaker gets two, and he gives him another, but of the submission variety. Once Batista drops him, it's at this point that I know what I'm going to rate the match, unless there's a screwup. It's rare, but I could already tell. Usually I can't. Batista punches Shawn, and gets a 2 count. Shawn gives Batista a flying forearm, after a little mistake when Batista shot Shawn into the ropes the first time. Uh-oh, a fuckup. Rating drops. What happened was, Shawn got shot into the ropes, and Batista put his head down. Shawn improvised awfully fast, and kicked him in the head. Then, Batista shot Shawn into the ropes (while Shawn has a clear look of disappointment on his face), and they got the flying forearm right. Every single part of the re-do took part in the exact same place that it happened the first time. I don't mind blown spots, even though they affect my rating, unless they get repeated again. Then they DO bother me a little. I digress. Shawn kips up, and Batista grabs onto a choke. He tries a choke powerbomb, but Shawn reverses it into a DDT. Shawn goes up top, and gives him a flying elbowdrop, for 2. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, but Batista blocks SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and gives him a spinebuster. And then, he gives him another. NOT a repeated spot, never blown in the first place. Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Shawn flips through the move on the pick-up, and gives Batista SWEET CHIN MUSIC, giving Shawn the pinfall and victory at 12:22. Batista is awfully pissed about losing, and we'll come back to that.   Match Analysis: Without the match being overly violent or longer, I couldn't have seen it being better. I know how nitpicky this is, but since the blown spot bothered me, I'll knock it down to *3/4. Still, it's solid. Very solid, and better than I had originally thought it would be, when hearing of the matchup. Right guy went over, too. I usually don't make comments like that, but in the case of experienced vs. inexperienced or a title change, I think I will from now on, but only when reviewing an entire show, and not a portion of it. ___________________   Part #2 of the program, as Maven makes his way to the ring. LOL. This is the worst thing about split brand PPV's. It's not worth ordering a show to watch Maven in a match. Sorry. Matt Hardy Version 1.0 comes out too, and they brawl on the outside. They're supposed to have a match, but Batista's in the ring, see. Hardy throws Maven into the ring, where he gets FUUUUCKED up by Batista. 2 Batista Bombs are the main course for Maven, and he's out like a light. That means no match, and everyone boos. What the fuck? They wanted to see this? Hardy covers Maven anyway and counts the pin himself, then grabs the mic and says..."your winner, Matt Hardy V1UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH." I was eagerly awaiting that. I laughed for a while, which is probably embarassing. ___________________   To follow up on that, Flair and Batista are backstage, as Batista is still pissed about losing. Flair calms him down, and tells him, we're gonna get some titles tonight. ORLY? Flair's awesome at these interview segments. Awesome. ___________________   Oh boy, a match that's hell to review. Because of how long it is, and the multiple teams involved. Tag Team Turmoil, for the World Tag Team Championships. Just a gauntlet match, really.   Blow-by-blow: Starting the match, will be La Resistance (Conway and Dupree) vs. The Hurricane and the S.H.I.T., Rosey. Geez, that sucks. Rosey and Conway start the match, and Rosey gives Conway a clothesline. Hurricane tags in, with a legdrop off the top rope, and when Conway bails to the floor, the Hurricane tries to springboard out onto him, and eats shit, as his feet catch the top rope, causing him to tumble out onto the floor. I laughed, and I didn't stop laughing for a minute. No lie. That was one of the funniest botches I've ever seen, and if I could find a video, I'd share. The crowd is SO dead, they don't even chant "you fucked up." Oh dear. Conway gives Hurricane a full nelson, and then a swinging neckbreaker. Dupree tags in, and gives Hurricane a powerslam after Hurricane misses a charge. The powerslam gets a 2 count, and Hurricane comes back with a face buster. Not so hot tag Rosey, who has shoulderblocks and backdrops for everyone. He gives one opponent a samoan drop, and another a catatonic, for 2. He dumps Conway out, and gives Dupree and UGLY spinebuster. Hurricane jumps on Rosey's shoulders, and gives Dupree a big splash, gaining the pinfall at 3:17. 1/2*.   Mark Jindrak and Garrison Cade come through the crowd as their entrance music plays, and Jindrak rolls Hurricane up at 3:34. DUD.   Lance Storm and Val Venis are the next team up, and they both bring some ladies to the ring. Venis shoulderblocks Jindrak, and Jindrak does the same. Venis gives him a hiptoss and both men trade armdrags, before Jindrak slaps Venis across the face. Venis gives him a back elbow, and Storm tags in with an axhandle off the top rope. Storm gives him an armdrag, and Cade comes in, and gives him a headlock takeover. BORING chant begins, and Storm does that little Owen thing, where he plays around on the ropes, and backflips back into the ring. I liked that. Jindrak tags in, and applies a surboard. Venis comes in and kicks Jindrak, then gives him a spinebuster, and Cade a neckbreaker. Venis gives Cade a half nelson slam, and Storm clotheslines Cade out of the ring. Venis gives Jindrak a blue thunder bomb for 2, and when Cade comes back in, he takes out Venis leg and pins him, while Jindrak holds the leg down, for the pinfall at 7:54. *1/2.   Bubba Ray and D-Von Dudley (the champions) are the next ones in, and they toss Jindrak out of the ring. Bubba puts Cade on the top, in tree of woe position, and hits him a few times. D-Von tags in, and both he and his partner give Cade a double clothesline for 2. D-Von gives Jindrak a flying back elbow for 2, and Jindrak comes back with a clothesline for 2. Cade hits D-Von, then tags in. He gives D-Von a snapmare and goes to the chinlock. He goes up top after stopping D-Von's comeback with a back elbow, and misses a flying elbowdrop. Bubba tags in, and clotheslines Cade, and hiptosses Jindrak. He gives Cade a backdrop, and gives both men an avalanche at the same time. He tosses Cade out, and D-Von gives Cade a clothesline. Cade puts Bubba into the stars, and Jindrak and D-Von trade rollups, for 2. D-Von tosses Cade out, and once Jindrak misses a dropkick, it's 3D for him, and the Dudleys get the pin at 12:29. *1/4.   Scott Steiner and Test are the last team. Jesus Christ. Test kicks Bubba, and Scott gives him a belly to belly suplex, then tosses him out. Test rams Bubba into the post twice, and Scott Steiner gives him a STEINERLINE inside, and an elbowdrop for 2. Yeah, the one where he kisses his artificially enhanced bicep. Then he does some pushups, and applies a fujiwara armbar. Test comes in and also applies an armbar, when Scott leaves the ring. Test puts Bubba on the top rope, but Bubba comes off with a senton, after not allowing Test to suplex him off. Here we go to the end, it's long and not very good. D-Von comes in and hits both opponents, and gives Test a flying shoulderblock. He gives both a neckbreaker, and gets a 2 count. By this point, the crowd does not give a shit. Scott gives D-Von a t-bone suplex, and Test gives him a sidewalk slam for 2. Test accidentally gives Steiner a big boot, and D-Von rolls Test up for 2. Test gives D-Von a full nelson slam, and gets 2, with his own feet on the ropes. Test grabs a chair and one of the title belts, then throws the belt near the referee, in order to distract him when he hits D-Von with the chair. The cover only gets 2, and Bubba comes in with a Bubba Bomb. That gives D-Von the 3 count, at 19:27. Why in the world was that the longest match? 1/2*.   Now, Eric Bischoff comes out, and says there's still one last team. It's Ric Flair and Batista! Flair chopblocks Bubba and works on his knee, and applies the figure-four on Bubba, while Batista gives D-Von a Batista Bomb, and that's the end, thankfully, at 21:32. *, and new tag team champions. Goodness. JR nearly gives away the ending to the PPV, but I'll ignore it.   Match Analysis: The overall rating of the match averages to 3/4*. That's pretty much how I thought of the thing as a whole. So bad, the crowd didn't give a shit, neither did I, and a majority of the participants in the original match (prior to Bischoff) don't belong on many PPV's, if any at all. Horrendous. Best part of it was the Storm/Venis portion. That's no surprise. ___________________   Here's an announcement of WWE's trip to Iraq, which took place later that month... ___________________   And we have a thrown together match, Ivory vs. Molly Holly for Molly's Womens Title.   Blow-by-blow: Ivory gives Molly a snapmare, and goes up to the top, with a crossbody that gets 2. She slingshots Molly over the top rope, and goes up to the floor, frontflipping onto Molly from the apron. Molly baseball slides Ivory to the floor when she gets thrown back in, and gives her a northern lights suplex, which gets 2. Armbar from Molly, and King says that Molly may have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Where the fuck did that come from? Not only that, it offends me. I have it, and I'm perfectly fine. Fuck that guy. Rant: I hate the way people stereotype those with IBS, like it makes them have to spastically shit their pants at random periods. That has never happened to me, and the first time I told someone and they laughed and asked me if I shit my pants all the time, in highschool, I knocked them the fuck out. I got suspended, but I didn't care. It makes me angry when people say things like that. Anyway, back to the match. Molly gives Ivory a suplex for 2, and scratches her face. She springboards into Ivory, and gets a two count, then slams Ivory's face into the mat. Molly pulls the buckle pad off, but gets rammed into it by Ivory for 2. Molly reverses an Ivory roll-up for the 3 count, and retains her title at 4:23.   Match Analysis: Crowd hated it. I didn't care much, but it wasn't bad. *. ___________________   Video package prior to.....   Triple H vs. Kane vs. Goldberg, for Goldberg's World Heavyweight Title, in a triple threat match. Guess who's taking the fall? (I usually type what I write in my notes, so yeah. I don't type something from after the fact before the match, very often anyway.)   Blow-by-blow: You have to gimmick this match to make it look good on paper. And I never got the thing with Kane wearing a towel on his head. HHH hits Goldberg from behind, and both he and Kane work Goldberg over in the corner. HHH looks funny with a completely shaved face. HHH whips Goldberg over to Kane, who clotheslines Golberg. HHH rams Goldberg into the buckle, and Goldberg comes back, clotheslining HHH. Kane clotheslines Goldberg, but Goldberg comes back with a flying shoulderblock. Goldberg powerslams Kane, and dumps HHH out of the ring. Goldberg and Kane fight, and Kane rams him into the buckle, then clotheslines Goldberg twice. Kane tries a suplex, but Goldberg breaks it up, then hits HHH with a butterfly suplex. Kane gives Goldberg a sidewalk slam and goes up top, but Goldberg slams him off. He gives HHH a press powerslam, like the one Dr. Death would do sometimes. Goldberg lines Kane up for a spear, but Kane gives him a big boot. Now both Kane and HHH choke Goldberg, until they both give Goldberg a suplex. HHH hangs out in a corner, while Kane gives Goldberg a powerslam. HHH tries to steal the fall, and now Kane's mad. Kane clotheslines HHH oout of the ring, and gives Goldberg a hotshot. JR calls the match "bowling shoe ugly" and I'd tend to agree, although it's been better than I had thought it would be. HHH accidentally hits Kane with a chair, and Goldberg slams HHH. He puts the chair on HHH's leg, to break it I guess, but he's unable to. Kane tosses Goldberg out of the ring, and into the steel steps. Kane tries to chokeslam Goldberg through the Spanish Announce Table, but Goldberg blocks it, and tries to Jackhammer him through it. Hah. He can't either, so eventually, Kane chokeslams Goldberg through the table after HHH hits Goldberg with a chair. Almost forgot, the table didn't break. SO, HHH gets on the barrier outside the ring, and elbowdrops Goldberg through the table. Heh. HHH won't hit Kane with the chair, no sir, but he'll throw him into the steps instead. He tries to PEDIGREE Kane on the floor, but gets backdropped. Goldberg's out of the match for a while, so forget about him. Unfortunately, the match goes to shit when Goldberg's out on the floor. Inside, Kane gives HHH a big boot and sidewalk slam. Kane goes up top, and clotheslines HHH from up there. Kane tries the chokeslam, but HHH pokes him in the eye, and gives Kane a DDT. HHH gets a neckbreaker, then punches Kane, but that doesn't do anything. Kane clotheslines HHH over the top rope, and then they go to the stage, where Kane gives HHH a chokeslam. They had to do SOMETHING to try and save this match. Kane drags HHH to the ring, and Goldberg finally gets up. He runs in the ring and SPEARS Kane, for a 2 count. HHH breaks up the pin, then all three men fight with each other, until Goldberg beats both up. HHH pokes Goldberg in the eye, but it doesn't hurt Goldberg, so he clotheslines both Kane and HHH. He SPEARS Kane, as Randy Orton and Ric Flair come to the ring. They can't do anything to Goldberg, so Goldberg gives HHH a SPEAR. Kane and Goldberg now choke each other, but HHH gives Goldberg a low blow, and Kane gives Goldberg a chokeslam. Batista comes to the ring and pulls Kane off Goldberg on the pin, and HHH steals the fall to win the match, and his 8th major (meaning WWE, Undisputed or World Heavyweight) title, at 19:29. Guess I was wrong about who would take the fall, wasn't I? Evolution celebrate with all their titles, cause they have all RAW's titles, and the show ends.   Match Analysis: Was decent before the table spot. Was DOGSHIT afterwards. That's like almost every match on this show, started off strong, but wound up being junk. Cause it was decent at one point, it's worth a *. That's it. They made Goldberg look like a straight out bitch. Kane's chokeslam doesn't really win important matches, but it put Goldberg down for the equivalent of a 10 count. No wonder his WWE run wasn't so hot, you can't really have him in this long of a match. It's gotta be short and to the point. Still like him, though. But Kane and HHH should never have a match with one another again. No chemistry. ___________________   Rating: Bad. Nothing over **1/4 is a problem. A big problem. Plus the booking of the Battle of the Sexes and main event really bothered me, and the crowd was dead after Jericho and Christian won. One would say, if this show was so shitty, why'd you watch all the way through? Well, I'll explain why, there's two reasons.   1. I enjoy writing these reviews. A lot.   2. There's only been one show I've seen that's been SO SHITTY that I've gotten no enjoyment out of it. It was that Philly show with Hogan/Race, and I turned it off midway through. That was probably the worst wrestling show I've ever watched. I got a lot of enjoyment out of this. V1UUUUUUUUUUUHH, Hurricane's botch, RVD's sell of the choke, HHH elbowdropping Goldberg through the table, Scott Steiner's overall terribleness, Flair winning a title, and seeing a decent IC Title match. So there.   Best Segment: Rob Van Dam vs. Randy Orton for the Intercontinental Championship.   Worst Segment: Tag Team Turmoil. My goodness, that was terrible.   Loudest Sound: RVD, Goldberg, Val Venis(!), Ric Flair and HHH. Very typical, cause Venis brought some women with him to ringside. Obviously, he's going to get a loud pop doing that.   No Sound: La Resistance and the Women's Match. Sorry. ___________________   Don't know what I'm going to write about next, but hopefully it's better than this. It has to be, right? The best thing I can say about this show is that not much was bad enough to be a DUD, and nothing bad enough to be -*'s. Just checked, and this is my longest review. Yay me.
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Review: The History of the WWE Championship, Part 1.

Since nobody was here, I figured I could watch this without someone getting pissed off about me watching something without them. Because the footage is really old, and all. ___________________   Starts off with a video package, of course, and now, to a match.   It's Pedro Morales vs. Ivan Koloff, for Koloff's WWWF Title, and the match took place at MSG on 2/8/1971.   Blow-by-blow: On a look at thehistoryofwwe.com, I see that the match has been clipped. However, I'll make an exception and rate it anyway, because I honestly couldn't tell. When I can't tell if something's clipped, I rate it, and it's probably clipped because the footage is so poor. Wow. If I didn't know better, I'd say that Koloff looked like King Kong Bundy. I'm so used to the, "my nephew Nikita" version that I had forgotten he looked like this before. Anyhow, both wrestlers act like they're going to box when the match starts, until Koloff begs off. Koloff threatens to leave, and Pedro grabs onto a headlock when Koloff comes back in. Pedro gives him a shoulderblock, and Koloff comes back with a backdrop. Pedro slams Ivan twice, and gives him two headlock takeovers. The crowd heat is off the charts. The ring also has 4 ropes, like a boxing ring. Pedro gets kicked, and Ivan grabs onto a chinlock. Koloff breaks it, and begins to choke Pedro with the strap on his attire. The crowd got PISSED off when he did that. Now Koloff wants to shake hands, but instead, we begin a TEST OF STRENGTH. Pedro monkeyflips out of it, but Koloff grabs onto a bearhug. Pedro gets out and slams Ivan, then does it again. Koloff gets 2 as Pedro can't slam him after an Ivan shoulderblock, and then, Koloff misses a splash. He gets a slam, though, but misses his finisher, a kneedrop off the top rope. Pedro goes up, and gets a crossbody for 2. Koloff rams Pedro into the buckle three times, then goes for a suplex, and on the cover, PEDRO MORALES lifts a shoulder at 2, gaining the win and WWWF Title, as Koloff's shoulders stay pinned to the mat. Crowd goes nuts, yadayadayada.   Match Analysis: FWIW, at that point, the title wasn't going to stay on a heel for longer than a few weeks. Heels had to be brought in for the champion to face, business wasn't going to stay the same if a heel champion faced off against babyfaces that came in every few months. Or so that was the conventional wisdom. You decide whether it was right or not. Match was *, and I was glad to see it end. Hate that finish (both men's shoulders on mat, one lifts at 2) with a passion, though. I can understand its use, but when it comes out of nowhere like this? Hell no. ___________________   Bruno Sammartino vs. Killer Kowalski is joined in progress, and it's the same one from the shorties section two months back, which I never got around to watching. Let's put it this way, it's probably a good thing that the match is joined in progress. I fastforwarded, but Bruno bleeds, and the match gets stopped. Now THAT is a copout finish, UNLESS...it sets up a gimmick match at the next show. Which it did, a Texas Death Match. So no worries. ___________________   From Baltimore, Maryland on 4/30/77, it's Superstar Billy Graham vs. Bruno Sammartino, for Bruno's WWWF Title. It's in full.   Blow-by-blow: Superstar pushes Bruno into the buckle on a lockup, and then does the same. Bruno returns the favor, and gives Graham an armdrag. Bruno applies a wristlock, then takes Superstar down to the canvas. Superstar puts his leg on the bottom rope to break the hold, then goes outside the ring to take a breather. Once he comes back in, we have a TEST OF STRENGTH that goes about 3, maybe 4 minutes. Superstar wins, Bruno comes back, Superstar puts Bruno's shoulders down for 2, and Bruno puts Superstar down to end the hold. That covers it. Superstar grabs onto Bruno's wrist, and Bruno reverses the hold, putting Superstar on the canvas. Superstar gets up, and begins to kick and punch Bruno. He chokes Bruno, and whips him hard into the turnbuckle. Bruno knocks Superstar out of the ring, and when Superstar comes back in, he's bleeding. Bruno punches Superstar a few times, but Superstar is able to grab onto a bearhug, after shoving Bruno into the buckle. Bruno also puts Superstar into the buckle after breaking the bearhug, but Superstar applies the bearhug again. Bruno hits Superstar a few times in the corner, and suddenly (somehow applies too), Superstar rolls up Bruno and sticks his feet on the ropes, giving him the leverage to get the 3 count and end Bruno's long title reign, at 13:45.   Match Analysis: It's really quite simple to explain why the title change happened in Baltimore. There was no way Graham would have made it home safely, had the match been at the Garden. No way, no how. The match sucked, IMO. It was centered around three things.     That doesn't quite cut it for me. 1/2*. Maybe that's being nice. I really, really like old wrestling, but so far, I haven't liked what I've seen. Thankfully, that changes. ___________________   Superstar Billy Graham vs. Bob Backlund is JIP, and cut to about a minute. Backlund wins the title with an atomic drop, while Superstar's foot is on the rope. Is that justice? I'd say so. ___________________   And again, another JIP match, Greg Valentine vs. Bob Backlund in a steel cage. I'd like to see this one in full. Anyhow, it's cut to 4 minutes, and ends when Backlund escapes through the door after giving Valentine a piledriver. ___________________   Finally, a match that looks good on paper. Sgt. Slaughter w/The Grand Wizard vs. Bob Backlund, for Backlund's WWF Title, from MSG on 5/23/83. Slaughter whipped Backlund like a government mule with a riding crop, so Backlund has all kinds of welts on his back.   Blow-by-blow: Brawl to start, of course, as these two are supposed to hate each other. Backlund rams Slaughter into the ringpost a whole bunch, and the crowd goes nuts. Gorilla says that Slaughter is on "Queer Street," and this time, I'm not laughing because of the lack of politically correctness. During HBO broadcasts, whenever a boxer gets knocked down, Lennox Lewis says that the guy was put on Queer Street. So there. Slaughter bails, and upon getting back in the ring, is beat up more. Backlund elbows Slaughter in the face twice, and Slaughter bails again. When getting back in the ring, Backlund gives Slaughter a snapmare, then stomps on his face a few times. You know, where the guy spins on his opponent's nose. Really don't like that. Backlund gives Slaughter two flying forearms, but on the third attempt, gets clotheslined. Slaughter drops Backlund on the top rope, and gives him a kneedrop for two. Slaughter rakes Backlund's back, and then his eyes, on the rop rope. Slaughter gets a backbreaker for 2, and then a back elbow for 2. Slaughter gives Backlund a chestbreaker, but the referee is unable to make the count, due to the position of Backlund's feet. Slaughter gives him a double stomp(!), and a knee to Backlund's gut. Backlund tries to clothesline Slaughter, but can't, so instead, we get a double collision. Both men are down and out, until Backlund rises up and gives Slaughter a swinging neckbreaker. Backlund misses a charge to the corner, and gets suplexed for a 2 count. Backlund reverses another suplex attempt by Slaughter, into a suplex of his own, which gets a 2 count. Backlund gives Slaughter an ugly looking piledriver, made that way because Slaughter was overly protective of his neck. But really now, you can't be overprotective of your neck, can you? It's one of those things you have to do. It gets a 2 count, and Backlund tries another swinging neckbreaker, but can't get it as Slaughter grabs the top rope, leading Backlund to hit his head on the canvas. Slaughter shoots Backlund into the ropes, and gives him a dropkick, which gets two. This match is very fun, if slow. Slaughter drops Backlund on the top rope and gets an elbowdrop for 2. However, he misses a charge to the buckle, ramming his own shoulder into the ringpost. Backlund begins to hit Slaughter's arm, then applies the Crossface-Chickenwing. It's locked in, but near the ropes, the Grand Wizard hands Slaughter that riding crop, and Slaughter hits Backlund with it, getting disqualified at 15:55. Backlund gets the riding crop away from Slaughter, and hits Slaughter a few times, before Slaughter runs away.   Match Analysis: Good, solid wrestling. The match featured a lot of good spots, most of which were the "highspots" of that era. Anyway, it's solid, and one of the better early (read: pre-1985) WWF matches I've seen. Yes, I know the WWF was around for long before that, and it really wasn't early. ***1/4. ___________________   Yes! Haven't seen this one in a few years, so I'm glad to review it. It's "The Incredible" Hulk Hogan vs. The Iron Sheik w/Classy Freddie Blassie, for Sheik's WWF Title. Yeah, they called Hogan "the Incredible," and I don't know why. It's from 1/23/1984 at MSG, if you didn't already know. When MSG was doing extremely well, as far as getting asses in the seats.   Blow-by-blow: If you haven't seen any part of this match, you aren't a real wrestling fan. Hogan attacks Sheik, and gives him a back elbow in the corner. He takes Sheik's entrance attire, and clotheslines Sheik with it. Hogan gives Sheik a clothesline and kneedrop, then a choketoss. He spits on Sheik, and the crowd loves it. Hogan gets a big boot for 2, and then a running elbow and elbowdrop for 2. Hogan misses a charge to the corner, and Sheik takes over. The crowd is wild, of course. Not like during the Morales match, though. Sheik chops Hogan, and gives him a backbreaker for 2. Sheik "loads" his boot, and kicks Hogan in the gut. He applies a Boston Crab, but Hogan powers out of it in a hurry. Sheik gets a gutwrench suplex for 2, and applies the CAMEL CLUTCH, BREAK YOUR FUCKING BACK BRIAN BLAIR, IRAN #1, USA, AH PUH. Sorry, I had to get that out of my system. Hogan of course, powers out, and rams Sheik into the buckle. And then he DROPS THE FUCKING LEG, and HULKAMANIA'S RUNNIN' WILD BROTHER, as he wins his first WWF Title, at 5:40. Hurrah.   Match Analysis: Simple, and short. How it should have been, BUT...I didn't like that the match went so quickly to the legdrop after powering out of the Camel Clutch. Would have liked to see a slam or big boot, prior to the finish. For that, *3/4. And I know how picky my criticism is, in this case. ___________________   No rating for this, cause I'm not doing the whole thing. I really enjoyed watching it, even though the matches weren't so great. Nostalgia trips are usually fun. What I review tomorrow depends on what happens today. How I feel, more or less. In all likelihood, it'll be Armageddon 2003. If not, it'll probably be the Jesse Ventura stuff.   The best thing on part 2, IMO, was the title change from the Main Event.   Andre the Giant: "I win the tag team championship, and now I present tag team championship to Ted DiBiase."   Great stuff.
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Review: ECW 1/28/96, from the ECW Arena.

I don't have time to do the NWA or the AWA special show, so, I'll just say what I thought of the former at the end. Haven't even watched the AWA show yet. ___________________   OH YEAH, the SHAH. These are the highlights that typically open the show, so I'll rattle them off. The Shah beat Mr. Hughes...2 Cold Scorpio beat El Puerto Ricano...now a promo about Cactus Jack kissing Vince's ass. Yes, Cactus just said that. Now, highlight of the Headhunters winning a match, then we cut to an actual match. And yeah, I didn't know it was going to be a match, I thought it was going to be another highlight.   It's The Pitbulls vs. The Gangstas, for what it's worth. Anyhow, Stevie Richards is in the ring, apologizing to Francine for kicking her in the face. He acts all nice, gives her some Fluff (yeah, I just typed that), but then screws everything up by asking her if she's pregnant. Funny. She gets all mad, so the Pitbulls attack Stevie and the Blue Meanie. The Eliminators come in, and beat the Pitbulls up. The Gangstas are just standing there, which makes it all the funnier. 911 hits the ring, and chokeslams the Eliminators and Gangstas. They aren't just standing there anymore. 911 does the same to Meanie and Richards, and now, a clip job. That's just great. Tod Gordon orders the match to continue for some unseen reason, and Taz and Bill Alfonso make their first appearance. Taz chokes out 911, and Axl Rotten comes in the ring, then gets Totally Eliminated. 911 chokeslams the Eliminators, and the Pitbulls clothesline New Jack out of the ring. It's almost impossible to keep track. The Bulls superbomb Mustafa Saed, and Fonz breaks up the pin. Gordon tries to attack Fonzie, so Taz enters to pull Gordon away. Stevie superkicks Francine, and the Gangstas win after a chairshot. I don't rate clipjobs, but that was a mess. Maybe even the most overbooking I've ever seen. Probably negative star worthy. ___________________   JT SMITH, ah, the Dudleys are in the ring, ah, as it's supposed to be Buh Buh Ray Dudley and Dances with Dudley vs. JT Smith and Axl Rotten. JT won't let Buh Buh stutter out his name, and JT continually goes into his, ah, thing whenever he takes the mic away. Axl tells JT to shut the hell up, and JT hits Axl with the microphone. Buh Buh does his powerbomb on JT, where he false picks up JT a few times, presumably stuttering. That one got a big laugh out of me. The powerbomb gets three after about 20 seconds of the match. *, cause it was that much better than the last match. Axl and JT fight after the match, but the picture instantly cuts away to highlights of Sabu vs. RVD. This show is FLYING into stuff, making it nearly unwatchable. ___________________   Speaking of flying into stuff, now we have Shane Douglas and Tommy Dreamer vs. Mikey Whipwreck and Cactus Jack, for Mikey and Cactus' ECW Tag Team Titles. Tommy starts the match off with a shoulderblock, and we go into an armbar sequence, which features Mikey kipping up, and getting a flying headscissor and hurricanrana. Mikey gives Tommy an armdrag, but Tommy comes back with a clothesline before Shane tags in. He rams Mikey into the buckle, and dumps him to the outside. For some reason, Dreamer won't let Douglas use a chair against Mikey. Mikey rams Shane into the rail, and hits both Tommy and Shane with a steel chair. Mikey goes up top, and frontflips into the crowd, landing on one of his opponents, presumably Dreamer. Clipjob, and Cactus is in the ring, talking about how they don't need weapons to beat Shane Douglas. Cause he was a failure in the WWF, see. Clip again, and Jack's delivering forearms to Shane, along with the "BANG, BANG." Shane goes up top and gets a shoulderblock, then a dropkick and snap suplex. He dumps Cactus to the outside, and Tommy whips him into the guardrail. Tommy hits Cactus with a NINTENDO, and then on the inside of the ring, hits him with a mannequin dummy, like the ones you see with clothes on them in the store. Tommy baseball slides a chair into Cactus' face, and then, Shane hits Cactus with a chair. Mikey takes the chair away, and dumps Shane to the outside. Jack rams Shane into the ringpost, then gives him a swinging neckbreaker on the concrete floor. Clip again, and fuck, I'm ready to stop. Shane drops Mikey into a chair, and then gives him a delayed vertical suplex. Mikey's busted open, and we have another clip. Fuck this.   Anyway, Jack gives Shane a droptoehold into a steel chair, and that's the end of the match, so Cactus and Mikey retain their titles. Raven gave Tommy a DDT, too. I'm never reviewing a match with an equal amount of obvious clipjobs. I can live with the subtle stuff like at WrestleMania's 5 and 6, but this? Fuck no. I don't rate clipjobs, but this looked like a decent match.   Shane Douglas cuts a promo, talking about Jack being a hypocrite, for using a weapon when he said he wouldn't. We then cut to Sandman and Woman, and they both seem pissed off at each other. ___________________   It's Raven w/Kimona Wanalaya vs. Sandman w/Woman, for Sandman's ECW World Title. Entrances take a while, and for once, I applaud the clipjob here. Sandman's hitting Raven with a Singapore Cane, and then gets a DDT for 2. He canes Raven again, and then hits both Raven and the referee with the cane. Raven gets the cane and gives Sandman some of his own medicine, so Tommy Dreamer runs into the ring. We all know who he fights with, and that's Raven. Cactus Jack runs in, and gives Sandman a double arm DDT. Tommy fights Jack, so Meanie comes out to help Cactus a bit. Shane Douglas comes out, and all 4 brawl to the back. Sandman rams Raven into the buckle, then slams him and gives him a chairshot. He misses a legdrop from up top, so Raven DDT's him onto a chair, and wins the ECW Title. My notes say that there wasn't a clipjob after the first, and I don't know if there was action before the cane shots, so I'll rate it. *. If there was, disregard. Woman's in the ring, and she's happy Sandman lost the ECW Title, so now, he can come with her to WCW. He won't do it, and he wants his beer opened by Woman right now. 2 Cold Scorpio (Sandman's partner) comes to the ring, and tells him to calm down. Sandman tells him to choose what side he's on. At first he says, since he ain't gettin' no ass from Sandman, so...it's obvious what he has to do. But in typical ECW fashion, Scorpio chose to be on Sandman's side. Scorpio carries Woman out of the building, and the show's over. Yeah, that was her last ECW appearance. ___________________   Rating: Bad. The last match saved this from having been one of the worst wrestling programs I've ever watched. Too much, too quick. Hell, it was worse than Russo's booking. Not all ECW shows are like this, but this one in particular was brutal.   Best Segment: Raven vs. Sandman, for Sandman's ECW Title.   Worst Segment: The Pitbulls vs. The Gangstas. To be fair, I could have done without everything.   Loudest Sound: The Nintendo   No Sound: JT Smith. The crowd wasn't liking him at all, or so it seemed. ___________________   Back to the NWA show, it was good, I just didn't have time. Any squash show that features a title change, in this case the Mid-Atlantic Title, from Krusher Khruschev to Sam Houston, is a good show. The crowd loved the ending to that match, which featured the Road Warriors coming to the ring and beating up the rest of the Russian Team, and helping Houston cheat to win, by throwing Houston onto Khruschev, and holding Khruschev's leg for the pinfall. Outside of that, not a whole lot, except for the angles they showed. One was Jimmy Valiant being piledriven on the concrete floor by Tully Blanchard (just like the Four Horsemen said), and the Midnight Express attacking the Rock n Roll Express after their match, by driving Ricky Morton's throat into the tennis racket of Jim Cornette. Fun show, although Pez Whatley's promo kinda bothered me. Way too stereotypical. ALSO, Khruschev injured his knee during the title bout, and wasn't on TV for a while. So it'll be Ivan and his nephew Nikita only, for a little bit. ___________________   Anyhow, I don't know what I'll write about next, but for the History of the WWE Championship DVD, I'm only doing stuff from before the PPV Era. So yeah, anything that was on PPV or NBC is out the window, and won't be reviewed.
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Review: WCW Monday Nitro, 4/21/97, from Saginaw, MI.

And, here we are..... ___________________   JJ Dillon is there..whoop-de-doo.   The first match is for the US Title, and it's Yuji Nagata vs. the champ, Dean Malenko.   Dean grabs onto an armbar, and Nagata reverses. Dean does the same and pins Nagata, and gets a two count. Dean gets a droptoehold, and goes to the chinlock. This early? Dean gives Nagata an armdrag, but a Nagata enziguri misses, and Dean sells it for a while. Dear Lord. Nagata grabs onto a chinlock, but Dean gives him a back suplex. A Dean suplex gets 2, and back to the chinlock. Nagata reverses, and once Dean gets out of it, Dean gets a leg lariat for 2. Dean gives him a dragon screw, then Nagata misses a charge to the corner, but gets a superkick and belly-to-belly suplex for 2. Nagata with another belly-to-belly for 2, and Nagata misses an enziguri, so Dean stomps on his knee and applies the Texas Cloverleaf, for the submission at 6:02. Match was a mess. 1/2*. ___________________   Back from the break, and it's Glacier vs. Ciclope. Glacier's entrance is wild, to say the least. His whole Sub Zero-ish getup is worse. The match starts, as Ciclope misses a charge to the corner. "Glacier sucks" chant gets going, so, Glacier gets rid of those thoughts, by giving Ciclope a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and Cryonic kick, for the victory at 0:32. DUD. OH MY GOD, IT'S THAT ADAM BOMB GUY FROM THE WWF. MORTIS comes out of the ring and gives Glacier a superkick, then Wrath gives him ROCK BOTTOM. Mortis and James Vandenburg steal Glacier's helmet, then Mortis starts trying to rip Glacier's eye out of his head. Seriously now, what the fuck. That was one of the worst segments I've ever watched. ___________________   From last week, which nobody was able to watch, Sting gave Giant and Luger bats to keep the NWO off their backs. Now, Nick Patrick comes to the announce table, and apologizes for his NWO allegiance.   And now, a TV Title match, with Bobby Eaton (how the mighty have fallen) vs. the Ultimate Dragon, the champion, who's accompanied by Sonny Onoo. I feel bad for Eaton, I really do. All he did was job in 97. Dragon's outfit is BRIGHT pink. Eaton gives Dragon a back elbow and a bodyslam, then gievs him 3 kneedrops. Eaton gives Dragon a clothesline, and now, Dragon starts to come back. He kicks Eaton a whole bunch, then gives him a dropkick to put Eaton out of the ring. Sonny Onoo starts kicking Eaton, then gets on the apron and gives Eaton a jumping kick. Dragon gives Eaton a rana off the top, and the Dragon Sleeper finishes at 2:47. 3/4*. Quickly afterward, Lord Steven Regal's in the aisleway, for an interview with Gene Okerlund. Regal talks about getting a TV Title shot at Slamboree, which he won. I like how Regal makes it sound like the TV Title means something. It's a really good interview, too. ___________________   Back from the commercial, it's Meng w/Jimmy Hart vs. Chris Jericho. There's a fight in the crowd, while Jericho gives Meng a dropkick. Meng misses a charge after a chop, and Jericho misses a missile dropkick. Meng gives him a back suplex and starts to choke, but Jericho gets a spinning heel kick. The two wrestlers fuck up Jericho's springboard moonsault block, and then fuck up a reversal sequence, so Jericho just gives him a german suplex for 2. Jericho jumps off the top rope, and Meng catches him, and drapes him over the top rope. Meng applies the TONGAN DEATH GRIP, and that's it for Jericho at 3:20. So much was screwed up, so DUD. ___________________   Back from another commercial, and we have the Public Enemy v. The Steiner Brothers. However, backstage, Konnan and Hugh Morrus attack the Steiners. I don't understand why they've been doing this, but this is WCW. Remember that. The Steiners get the better of the brawl, and make their way to the ring for their match. Rick and Grunge start the match off, as Rick gets a shoulderblock and powerslam, before barking. I used to, and still do love when he does the barking. Brings me back to my mark days, I tell you. Rocco Rock tags in, along with Scott, who rams Rocco into the turnbuckle. Scott misses a charge, but he press slams Rocco onto Grunge. He gives both a STEINERLINE, and after PE regroup, both Grunge and Rick wind up in the ring again. Rick misses a charge, and a "Michigan" chant gets going. You know, cause the Steiners went to Michigan, and that's where they are. The PE's give Rick a double back elbow, and Rocco Rock slams Rick and goes up top, but misses a rolling senton. Morrus and Konnan make their presence known at 3:13, and attack both teams. What the hell? Anyway, DQ, as both the Steiners and Public Enemy fend off the attack of Konnan and Morrus. That's twice those two guys have been made to look like jobbers. Oh, and *. ___________________   Hour #2   Gene's with JJ Dillon, the new chairman of the WCW Executive Commitee. Honestly, I can't stand the authority angles WCW always did. Nothing of note is said, until Eric Bischoff comes out. Apparently, Big Bubba Rogers and VK Wallstreet aren't allowed to be NWO. Bischoff says "bite me" a whole bunch, and that's basically it.   Last week, we see that Reggie White and Mongo came to blows in the ring. Rrrr. ___________________   We saw that, because Mongo's tag team partner, Jeff Jarrett w/Debra, is facing Scotty Riggs. They had a match on WCW Saturday Night or something, whatever. I hate the American Males theme, and it's funny, at least to me, that Riggs went from that, to Raven's Flock. Jarrett kicks Riggs, then gets a swinging neckbreaker and gutwrench suplex. Holy crap, it's the STROKE, SLAPNUTS, but it really doesn't mean anything then, so Jarrett does his little dance. Riggs comes back with an inverted atomic drop, and a back elbow. Debra's on the ring apron, to distract the referee while Jarrett backdrops Riggs over the top rope. That was a DQ in WCW, explaining the distraction. I CAN'T STAND how they have two of the Horsemen working as heels, and the other two working as faces. He rams Riggs into the steel steps, and drops him on the guardrail. Jarrett misses an enziguri, so Riggs backdrops him. Riggs goes up top after a clothesline, and gets a crossbody for 2. A flying forearm gets 2, only because Debra put Jarrett's foot on the bottom rope. Mongo comes to the ring, presumably because he gets mad when Jarrett cheats, but Reggie White comes out of the crowd and steals his briefcase. Riggs goes up top, and messes up a spot that he was supposed to get crotched in, completely missing the rope and landing funny on the canvas, so Jarrett applies the figure-four leglock for the submission at 3:54. *. ___________________   As we learn that Nitro will only be one hour next week, the intros for the Cruiserweight Title match begin. It's the challenger, Rey Mysterio vs. the champion, Syxx w/Kevin Nash. Whenever an NWO guy would wrestle on Nitro, it was like an event. Syxx applies a hammerlock, but Rey reverses it, with a headlock takeover. He gives Syxx a droptoehold, and reapplies the headlock. He then slaps Syxx once the hold is broken, and gives him a headscissor takeover. Syxx gives Rey a flapjack, and some kicks, before giving Rey the BRONCOBUSTER. No wonder people boo this guy, he still does the same shit, even in Mexico. Yeah, I saw him on TV a few weeks ago. Syxx applies an abdominal stretch, and cheats by holding the ropes, until the referee kicks Syxx's hand away. Nash distracts the referee while Syxx tosses Rey over the top rope, and back insie, Syxx misses a charge, and on a flapjack attempt, gets rana'd by Rey. Rey gives him another one, but from the top rope, and after Syxx bails, Rey comes to the floor with a tope con hilo. Love when he does that. On the inside, while Syxx distracts from the apron, Kevin Nash gives Mysterio a big boot, and the JACKKNIFE, to put him down for the count. Syxx applies a crossface-chickenwing, and that's it for Mysterio at 5:54. They did a good job of NOT making Mysterio look like a jobber, thankfully. **. Nash and Syxx beat Mysterio up, as Mysterio's knocked "unconscious." Then they beat up security, and when told to leave, Nash says "bite me." Also, Mysterio does a stretcher job. I enjoyed the match. ___________________   For some reason, we now see a Lex Luger video package. WCW is SO FAR behind on this sort of thing. Looks like something out of the early 90's. ___________________   On The Road in Norfolk, Virginia, the site of next week's Nitro. Don't like these segments very much.   NWO advertisment, with Hollywood Hogan on the set of some shitty movie. All the crew members, including the director, are wearing NWO shirts. Hogan's heel promo style doesn't fail to make me laugh. It's so sarcastic sounding.   The NWO makes their way to the ring, this time it's Buff Bagwell, Scott Norton, Vincent, Fake Sting, Syxx and Kevin Nash. Nash says it's time for Flair and Piper to step aside, and that it's the New Generation's time to shine. I thought they already had their time, and nearly put a company out of business. But what do I know? It's not a bad interview or anything, but it drags. Nash says that WCW used to be guys pushing their sons (SHEWT COMMENT~!), and that Flair and Piper will have to beat respect out of him. Nash talks about how the NWO is regular guys, and that they don't need to ride first class and drive limos. They're NWO 4 LIFE, BRAH. ___________________   The last match on the show, is Psychosis vs. Diamond Dallas Page w/Kimberly. DDP gives Psychosis a kneelift, but Psychosis gets a dropkick. DDP crotches Psychosis on the top rope, then gives him a DIAMOND CUTTER from up there for the win at 0:50. 1/2*. Randy Savage and Elizabeth are in the crowd again, and Savage asks everyone if they can FEEL THE MADNESS, YEAH. He says Kimberly sure felt it, and DDP counters by saying, if Savage wants some, he can come down to the ring and get some. Savage won't, and it's time for a break. ___________________   Roddy Piper, Ric Flair and Kevin Greene make their way to the ring, along with Gene Okerlund, and Flair just has one thing to say. He wants the NWO in the ring, NOW. There they are, with Ted DiBiase in tow this time. They get close to the ring, and point to the entrance way, with all members holding up the Kliq sign. Figures, it's SCOTT HALL! I've been wondering about him for the past few weeks. Back from the dead he is, and the NWO tries to get in the ring. Vincent, Fake Sting and Norton jump in, but Greene clotheslines Norton over the top, and all the others get dumped out. The heavy hitters, Hall, Nash and Syxx jump in the ring, and THEY BRAWL, but we're out of time! ___________________   Rating: Above-average. Not as good as RAW, and I'd be lying if I said so. That said, I enjoy WCW a little more, cause all my favorites from when I was a kid were there. The three things which dragged the show down were Dean's match, Meng's match, and the whole Glacier thing. Awful stuff.   Best Segment: End of show with Scott Hall. Yeah, changing the best match thing to best segment. Syxx vs. Rey was close, but getting the NWO to fight pretty much made this show worth watching.   Worst Segment: The Glacier garbage. Awful. I have a hard time believing I'll see worse for a few weeks.   Loudest Sound: Flair and Piper, NWO, and the Steiner Brothers.   No Sound: Glacier (X-Pac heat puts anyone over here), Ultimate Dragon, and Scotty Riggs. I try not to put jobbers over here, like Bobby Eaton. ___________________   ECW will be next, as I only have time to watch a 1 hour show today. Oh yeah, RAW wins. Better angles, better matchups.
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Review: WWF Monday Night Raw, 4/21/97, from Binghamton, NY.

Not in a good mood tonight, so time to pound this review out. ___________________   Pictures from Revenge of the Taker, which was the previous night, and after the usual pyro which opens the show, Steve Austin makes his way to the ring for an interview with Vince McMahon. He says he whipped Bret Hart's ass last night, and he wants Bret in the ring, now. He gives him a minute, Bret doesn't come to the ring, so Austin's gonna comes look for him. Bret comes on the TitanTron, and says that the Hart family is too good for the American public. That causes Austin to get on his highhorse and run backstage. Really good segment, IMO. The only problem is, Austin isn't getting the crowd behind him. Dunno why, really. Is Bret that hard to boo? ___________________   Anyway, our first match of the night is The Sultan w/The Iron Sheik vs. Ahmed Johnson.   Sultan starts the fight with some blows to the head and back of Johnson, but Johnson comes back with an axe kick and scissor kick. The Sultan gets a superkick, and a piledriver for 2, after beating up Ahmed in the corner. Sultan goes to the chinlock, and then, Ahmed comes back with a front suplex for 2. Ahmed gets a spinebuster and goes for the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE, but the Nation of Fucking Domination decides to let their presence be known, at the top of the aisleway. They make their way down after the Sultan rams Ahmed into the ringpost, and the Nation makes their way to the ring. Ahmed grabs his 2x4 from under the ring, and hits the Sultan with it, getting disqualified at 4:43. Well, the Nation won't be making their way any closer, they're a little scared. He hits the Sultan with the 2x4 again, and chokes him with it, and well, commercial break. Way too heelish from Ahmed, IMO. *1/4. ___________________   The cameras have found Austin, as he's beating the shit (well, if that applies) out of Bret's lockerroom door, until Bret Hart finally says, send him to the ring. So, we're going to get a match out of this.   Ken Shamrock will be taking on Vader at A Cold Day in Hell, as they reference Vader being held hostage in Kuwait. Remember, he tried to beat up that guy who asked him if wrestling was fake. Anyhow, Ken Shamrock talks about how much he hates bullies, personally, I don't give a fuck what he thinks, and it's funny to hear that talk coming from an Ultimate Fighter, but as it went on, he challenged Mike Tyson to a fight. OK. He stuttered throughout his promo, which basically solidified the fact that you can't let the guy talk on live television. Taped promos are his friend. ___________________   Austin's at the ring again, and acts like he's going to fight Vince, of course he's not going to, though. Bret won't get in the ring, and we soon find out why, as the British Bulldog and Owen Hart attack Austin. Shawn Michaels comes out to attack all three members of the Hart Foundation, but the only one he can't hit with his chair is Bret Hart. Oh well. He chases Bulldog and Owen to the back, and now, the match starts. Bret gives Austin a piledriver, and grabs a chair. He tries to "Pillmanize" Austin's ankle, but he misses his jump off the top rope. Austin hits Bret in the leg with the chair, hard to boot, now Austin's tearing Bret's knee up with the chair. He laughs at Bret, as Bret's hurting pretty bad, now Austin's hitting him all over the place. Austin applies the SHARPSHOOTER, and all the road agents/officials/referees are trying to get Austin to break the hold. He doesn't do it for a while, and he finally does, as we go to a commercial break. Honestly, can't rate the match, that's what it was, remember, and I didn't time it either. Didn't know where to start. Hot, hot sequence that makes me feel like Nitro couldn't attempt to be the better show this week.   Back from the break, Davey, Bret and Owen are in the ring, as Bret's being loaded onto the stretcher. Backstage, Gorilla Monsoon tells Austin he needs to get his ass out of the building. Yeah, he really said that.   It's hour #2, and the WWF decided to follow that great segment with...Salvatore Sincere vs. Tiger Ali Singh. You have got to be kidding me.   Sincere gives Singh a chop, and Singh comes back with an avalanche and belly-to-belly suplex. Tiger gets a bulldog, then Sincere gets some offense, after countering a suplex with a northern lights suplex for 2. Sincere gives Singh a falldown slam, and then an elbowdrop off the top, in Vader Bomb-ish fashion, for 2. Tiger comes back with a sunset flip for 2, and Sincere gives Singh a clothesline for 2. No flow at all, here. Sincere gets a jawbreaker for 2, and Tiger gets a backslide for 2. The crowd really doesn't like this match. Well, finally, Tiger gives Sincere a spinning heel kick, which gets him the win at 4:41. Boy. DUD. Like I've said before, Singh is my least favorite wrestler of all time. ___________________   Ok, we all know what happens here. Bret Hart's being loaded into an ambulance, and once the EMT tells his driver to go, Austin comes out from the drivers seat, and says "we're going straight to hell." Best line EVER. Bret gets the shit beaten out of him by Austin, until Owen Hart saves him, and gets in a couple shots of his own. After the commercial break, Owen and Davey are trying real hard to find Austin. As we segue to... ___________________   This is the feud that ignited the WWF. Fuck that Hart/Austin stuff. Who are those guys? This is Jesse Jammes vs. Rockabilly. Yeah, you heard me.   Rockabilly hits Jammes a whole bunch, but misses a big boot, so Jammes gives him a hiptoss for 2. He gives Rockabilly an armdrag, but only gets 1 on a sunset flip. I forgot, Honky Tonk Man's at ringside, as Rockabilly's manager. But I'm sure everyone knows who the manager of the Federation's biggest star is. Rockabilly rakes Jammes eyes, and then does Honky's little dance. Dear Lord. Rockabilly gives Jammes a suplex, as JR and the King go into this little bit about Honky, and JR asks, "what is he, your cousin?" The King goes, "maybe." Funny stuff. The only thing good about this match, in face. Rockabilly chokes Jammes for the LONGEST TIME, and then applies a chinlock. Jammes starsts his comeback, with a crossbody for 2. He rams Rockabilly into the buckle, then clotheslines him. Rockabilly gives Jammes a hotshot, and then gives him the SHAKE, RATTLE and ROLL for 3 at 8:47. I'll say this. I really, really had to think about giving this negative stars. Brutal stuff. But, the line on commentary caused me to be nice, and give it a DUD. Had I went negative, I had -*1/2 in mind. Honky busts his guitar over Jammes head after the match, in an attempt to get Rockabilly some heat. TRUST ME, nothing is going to get either of these two a bit of crowd reaction. They've been dead since the ambulance thing, and that's unfortunate. In fact, they've been dead ever since Austin started his push a few weeks ago. WHY? ___________________   Austin's arguing with Shawn Michaels now, mainly because Austin doesn't want his help. Good argument, but I didn't get much out of it.   Mankind is on the TitanTron, talking about Paul Bearer's burning flesh and the like. He's the best thing on either RAW or Nitro, honestly. And, as we move on, obviously, since Mankind was on the Tron, we must have...   The Undertaker vs. Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/Chyna, in a non-title matchup.   Taker attacks HHH in the aisle, and Chyna doesn't want any part of the fight, as she backs away. Inside the ring they go, and Taker rams Helmsley into the turnbuckle. Taker gives Helmsley a choke toss, then a big boot and clothesline, which gets a 2 count. A Taker legdrop gets one, and now, it's time for OLD SCHOOL. Cover gets 2, and then Taker goes to the chinlock. He throws Helmsley out afterward, and rams him into the steel steps. Helmsley comes back inside the ring, and gives Taker a few punches to the face. Helmsley pushes the referee away, but no ref bump here. Remember, Taker has a "bruise" or whatever you want to call it from Mankind burning his face, so Helmsley continually rakes his hands across it. HHH gets a kneedrop for 2, then puts his head down in an attempt to backdrop Taker, but Taker jumps up and legdrops him, Fameasser style. Taker whips Helmsley into the buckle, and Helmsley goes upside down, like usual for him at that point in time. Taker goes to the chinlock, but he gets dumped to the outside, and Helmsley rams him into the stairs. Helmsley courtseys inside the ring, then gets on the apron and jumps down, delivering an axhandle to Taker. Helmsley applies the chinlock, and uses the 2nd rope for leverage. As we pan out, Dustin Rhodes and Terri are in the crowd, and yes, that's exactly how they were referred to. Surprising, at least to me.   commercial break   And we're back, as Taker gives Helmsley another choke toss. A right puts Helmsley out, and Mankind is making his way to the ring. With a FUCKING BLOWTORCH. Taker chokeslams Helmsley, and Mankind jumps in the ring, and hits Taker with the bottle that's connected to the blowtorch. Obviously, HHH is DQ'd at 12:12. *3/4. Mankind tries to ignite the torch, but it won't ignite. It finally does, as Taker begins to choke Mankind. Quite simply, those two just brawl to the back. But the cool thing is, Dustin and Terri come out of the crowd and beat up HHH and Chyna. Terri chokes Chyna with her purse and all, but we go to a commercial break once all four are separated. ___________________   Austin's with Vince again, in the ring, and he heels on the crowd a little bit. Why, exactly? He says he'll whip Vince's ass if he doesn't leave him alone, and says Taker's going to have the Coldest Day in Hell. I like how he just says, I don't give a crap what day or where it is. Don't get the heeling, though. Owen and Bulldog run out and attack Austin, Vince tries to stop them, but Owen keeps him from doing so. HBK's back to the ring, and he chases Owen and Bulldog to the back. We have a bit of a delay, and all of a sudden, BRIAN FUCKING PILLMAN comes out of the crowd, and beats up Austin with a chair. But again, HBK saves Austin, and the show's over. Why is he doing this, exactly? Guess we'll see soon. ___________________   Rating: Great. The angles on this show, are quite simply, awesome. The dead period in the middle doesn't bother me all that much, because we got to see a Hart/Austin match off PPV.   Best Match: Steve Austin vs. Bret Hart. DUH.   Worst Match: Jesse Jammes vs. Rockabilly. Unfortunately, I have a feeling we'll be seeing those two a lot in this slot.   Loudest Sound: Mankind, The Undertaker, HBK, Bret Hart, and the surprise return of Brian Pillman. Caught everyone off guard, including me.   No Sound: Jesse Jammes, Sal Sincere, Tiger Ali Singh, and the Sultan. Rockabilly got a bit of heat when Honky hit Jammes with the guitar, so, off the list he goes. ___________________   Nitro's next, but since it's Thanksgiving, I'm not going to do much typing today.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1994, from San Antonio, TX, 11/23/1994.

Like I said....but this one was a hard one to finish. Very long. ___________________   The beginning of the show starts with the Survivor Series teams gameplanning (that a word?) for their respective teams...Gorilla Monsoon and Vince McMahon are on commentary. That won't be good.   The first match is the Teamsters: (WWF Tag Team Champion) Diesel, (WWF Tag Team Champion) Shawn Michaels, "Double J" Jeff Jarrett, Jim the Anvil Neidhart, and "The King of Harts" Owen Hart vs. Da Bad Guys: (WWF Intercontinental Champion) Razor Ramon, The 1-2-3 Kid, the British Bulldog, Fatu, and Sionne (The Barbarian)w/Captain Lou Albano and Afa.   Blow-by-blow: For some reason, the Headshrinkers are wearing boots. This will come into play later. Seemingly, fireworks just came out of HBK's shoulderpads. WHOA, DUDE. Both teams won't leave the ring for quite a while, but Kid and Owen start the match. Fatu's having problems with his boots, as Neidhart comes in instead. He gives Kid a shoulderblock, but Kid comes back with a dropkick. Neidhart gives him another shoulderblock, and tags in Jarrett. Jarrett avoids a charge to the corner, and Kid gives him a spin kick. Jarrett misses a sunset flip, and Kid covers him for 2, and then tags in Sionne. I don't know why Samu ever left, so... Anyhow, Sionne gives Jarrett a press slam, and charges into the corner, but Jarrett gets his feet up. He goes up top for a clothesline, and gets in, but only getss a 2 count. Owen tags in, as does Bulldog, and they both trade the armwringer sequence that Owen likes to do, with the kip-up and all. Bulldog slingshots Owen into his teams corner, and they all take their turn at beating up Owen. The crowd liked that. Bulldog gives him a press slam, but gets enziguri'd by Owen afterward. Owen and Neidhart gives Bulldog a clothesline, as Anvil tags in, and Anvil pulls on Bulldog's hair for a bit. Bulldog clotheslines both Owen and Neidhart, then gives Neidhart a delayed vertical suplex. Fatu tags in, and gets a headbutt off the top rope, but the boot bothers him, keeping him from making the pin. Because Fatu's wild, see. Anyway, Fatu gets a powerslam, then tags in Razor Ramon. Jarrett gives Razor an armdrag, then struts, and then takes him down, and gives him some paintbrush type slaps on the head. Razor comes back with a clothesline, and then gives Jarrett another, putting him over the top and to the floor. Razor gives him a fallaway slam on the inside, then tags in Kid, and fallaway slams him onto Jarrett for 2. Jarrett applies an abdominal stretch, but Kid reverses, and Jarrett reverses that, tossing Kid out to the floor. Jarrett tries to suplex Kid in, but can't, so Kid takes his legs out, and tags in Fatu. Owen tags in and gives Fatu a spinning leg lariat for 2, then rams Fatu into the buckle. Cause he's Samoan, that does nothing. Owen gives him a DDT, which doesn't do anything either, so Fatu gives him a superkick. Diesel comes in off the tag and turns Fatu inside out with a clothesline, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for the 3 count at 13:31.   That was fast. Kid gives him a sunset flip off the top, but can't get Diesel to the canvas, so Diesel picks him up by the neck, throws him, then gives him the JACKKNIFE for 2 at 14:12.   Sionne comes in, and gets a JACKKNIFE from Diesel at 14:44. Yeesh.   Bulldog comes in, and Diesel gives him a big boot to put him outside, then Owen, Jarrett and Neidhart keep him from getting back to the ring, counting Bulldog out at 15:02.   Razor rolls up Diesel, but only gets 2. He's the only one left, you know? Razor gives Diesel a bulldog off the top after a missed charge, but HBK breaks the cover up. Diesel gives Razor Snake Eyes, as the crowd's been going nuts pretty much for the duration of the match. Diesel tries to do it again, but can't, so Razor slams him and calls for the RAZOR'S EDGE. Diesel counters with a backdrop, and gets the big boot. Diesel gives Razor the JACKKNIFE, then HBK tells Diesel to hold up Razor for SWEET CHIN MUSIC. HBK hasn't tagged in yet, if you couldn't tell. HBK gives SCM to Diesel on accident, so Diesel's pissed at HBK. He chases HBK to the back, and hits all of his teammates on the way there. All the Teamsters get counted out at 21:46...as we go to Todd Pettingill in the match. He's with a frantic HBK, who's trying to leave the arena. Well, he gets in his car and leaves, but not before throwing his tag team belt on the ground. Guess the title is vacated.   Survivor: Razor Ramon.   Match Analysis: Good booking. Can't think of much else to say, it was a good way to establish Diesel as being unstoppable, justifying him getting a title shot and winning. I liked it, but there was a lot going on. Almost too much, really. ***1/4. ___________________   Great, just what I was looking forward to. It's the Royal Family: Jerry the King Lawler, Queazy, Sleazy and Cheezy vs. Clowns R Us: Doink, Dink, Wink and Pink. Save us all.   Blow-by-blow: Doink starts the match with an enziguri, and Lawler tries to do the same, but can't. All the Doinks run over Lawler as Lawler's on the canvas, and Lawler's team does the same. Please stop. Lawler puts Doink down, and Lawler's midgets try to run over Doink, but trip and fall. Doink slams Lawler three times, and all Doink's midgets pin Lawler, but they're not legal in the match, so no count. Lawler slams Doink, and his midgets do the same, but he tosses them away. This shit is not funny at all. Dink runs in and puts a Burger King crown on Lawler, so Sleazy comes in, and we have a chickenfight. Anyway, Sleazy tries to put Lawler on his shoulders, but falls, putting Lawler flat on his face. Dink headbutts Cheezy, and the midgets do a criss-cross sequence. Doink's team runs Lawler's over...then Lawler grabs a foreign object out of his trunks, and hits Doink with it. All Lawler's team chokes Doink, but Doink rams Lawler into them. Doink gets a hiptoss, then Doink's team chases Lawler's around the ring apron, but Doink goes for a springboard crossbody, which gets reversed by Lawler after grabbing the tights, for Doink's elimination at 10:32.   Queazy and Dink tag in, and they both trade biting each other on the ass. Then Dink bites Lawler on the ass, as Wink and Cheezy tag in. Wink grabs Cheezy's beard and tags in Dink, who comes in with an axhandle off the top, and a monkeyflip, but Queazy covers Wink with his feet on the ropes at 13:06. Came out of nowhere.   Nothing happens for a minute, pretty much, until Lawler slams Cheezy on Wink for a 3 count at 14:27.   Dink gets a suplex as he comes in, and gives Cheezy and Queazy a double noggin-knocker. Dink goes up top for a CROSSBODY, but Lawler breaks the cover, and Queazy distracts the referee, so Sleazy can reverse the pinfall for the win at 16:03.   Survivors: The entire team of the Royal Family.   After the match, all Lawler's midgets chase Lawler outside of the ring, after Lawler said he hated short people, and then Doink's midgets came out from under the ring, cornered Lawler, and chased him down the aisle, at which point he turned around and Doink threw a pumpkin pie in his face. Wow.   Match Analysis: I think this may have been the worst comedy match I've ever watched. Why'd the scene after the match have to be so long? I've seen worse matches, all of them being ones that were supposed to be serious. But no comedy match this bad, ever. Wish I'd have been spared. -*****. ___________________   This next match is for the World Wrestling Federation Title, and basically, the only reason I wanted to watch this show in the first place. It's a submission match, and the wrestlers second has to throw the towel in, in order for them to lose. Simple, right? The challenger is Bob Backlund w/Owen Hart, and the champion is Bret Hart w/the British Bulldog. Backlund's crossface-chickenwing was portrayed as a death move on TV leading up to this match. Not only that, but in the age of entrance music being a big thing...Backlund doesn't have any.   Blow-by-blow: Bret Hart's family is there, of course, but in a moment that's a little strange...Helen and Stu are down at ringside, while the rest of Bret's family is upstairs, in a premium seating area, or so it would seem. Hart slams Backlund at the beginning, and gives Backlund a hiptoss. He armdrags Backlund out to the floor, and on the inside, headbutts him. Backlund bails again, but Bulldog puts him back into the ring. Hart slams Backlund and gives him a bulldog, and holds onto the headlock. While doing so, Backlund gives him a back suplex, but Hart comes back with a European uppercut, and goes to the chinlock. Backlund gives him a shoulderblock, but Hart goes back to the headlock. Backlund whips him into the ropes, and gives him a droptoehold. To note, this match is moving quite slowly. Not in a bad way, though. Backlund tries the chickenwing, but can't get the hold applied. The wrestlers do a reversal sequence that eventually winds up in a headlock applied by Bret, then Hart gives Backlund a belly-to-belly suplex. Bret tries for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund kicks away from it. Bret applies an abdominal stretch, but Backlund hiptosses out of it. Backlund tries to slam Bret, but Bret lands on top. No cover, though, remember, it's a submission match. Bret gives Backlund a slam of his own, but misses an elbowdrop off the 2nd rope. Backlund works on the arm, and puts Hart into the buckle, He tries for the chickenwing again, but can't get it, so he kicks Bret's arm instead. Backlund applies a fujiwara armbar, then gives Bret a head stomp. I really like when wrestlers kick their opponent in the head. Don't know why. Bret kips up, but Backlund gives Bret a forearm which knocks Bret out of the ring. Owen gets Bret's attention once Bret gets back in the ring, so Backlund can regain control. Backlund elbows Bret in the face, then applies an armbar again. Bret slams him, but it doesn't force Backlund to release the hold. Hart gives him a swinging neckbreaker, but Backlund just WON'T release the arm of Bret. Bret gives him an inverted atomic drop, which finally gets Backlund to release the hold. Now Bret tries the figure-four leglock, and gets the hold locked in. Backlund asks for the towel to be thrown in, but there's no way Owen'll do it. Backlund reverses the hold, but Bret re-reverses it. Backlund finally gets to the ropes, and Hart starts to work on the knee. He wrenches it, kneedrops it, and elbows it, then repeats the same sequence again. Bret goes for the SHARPSHOOTER, but Backlund gets to the ropes before the hold is applied. Backlund punches Bret a few times, then goes for a PILEDRIVER, which he gets. Now Backlund goes for his finisher AGAIN, but can't get it. So he headbutts Bret, and gives Bret a swinging neckbreaker. There's a uniqueness to the match, and it's the style of Backlund. Sort of a realness, funny as that is. He puts Bret into the buckle twice, but Backlund misses a charge. He tries another PILEDRIVER, but Bret counters it with a backdrop. Backlund goes for the sleeper, but Bret runs towards the buckle and ducks, leading Backlund to hit his head on the buckle and break the hold. A Backlund shoulderblock brings a collision, and Hart gets up first with a legdrop. Bret gets a PILEDRIVER, then another bulldog and a russian leg sweep to boot. Bret gets a backbreaker and elbow off the 2nd rope, and now it's time for the SHARPSHOOTER. Owen distracts Bulldog, getting him to chase Owen, and Owen takes the chase into the ring, where the referee tries to usher Bulldog out, and Owen gives Bret a bulldog, forcing Bret to break the hold. Whew. Bulldog starts chasing Owen again, but Owen ducks and Bulldog goes head first into the steel stairs, "knocking" Bulldog out cold. Backlund locks on the crossface-chickenwing, as Owen begins to show concern for Davey. "This wasn't what I wanted," and all that. Owen's "crying," and he tells Bret he's sorry. Bret tries to power out of the hold, but he can't. This whole sequence continues for 8 MINUTES, as Owen tells his mother this wasn't what he wanted. He keeps begging Helen to throw in the towel, and once the barricade is removed so Helen and Stu can come ringside, Helen grabs the towel. She tries to throw it, but Stu prevents her from doing so. Bret hasn't moved for a while, to sell the hold, of course. It looks like a deadly move. About a minute later, Helen snatches the towel out of Stu's hand and throws it in, and the referee rings the bell at 35:17, which gives Backlund his SECOND WWF TITLE. Backlund immediately releases the hold, to boos from the crowd, as Owen runs backstage with Bret's towel, in celebration. Faker. Help comes ringside, to bring Bret backstage. Of course, that was a route they had to take, because they wanted to put the title on Diesel, and all that.   Match Analysis: EXTREMELY LONG for a WWF match, and most surprisingly, not the type of match they'd had since Backlund was the champion. Featured a ton of mat wrestling, which is certainly an acquired taste. If you don't like it, you won't like the match. But I enjoyed the mat wrestling, SO....***3/4. A bit of overkill as far as how long the hold was applied, but certainly necessary. Vince bemoans the state of the New Generation...well, he ain't kidding. Unfortunately, it could and DID get a whole lot worse. ___________________   Bam Bam Bigelow, Tatanka, King Kong Bundy, Jimmy Del Ray and Tom Prichard w/ Ted DiBiase and Jim Cornette vs. Lex Luger, Bart Gunn, Billy Gunn, Adam Bomb, and Mabel w/Mo is the 5th match of the night, and one that interests me, in a weird way. Funny lineup.   Blow-by-blow: Lex and Tatanka start, and Tatanka's chops and right hands don't do a thing to the Lex Express. Tatanka suplexes Lex, but of course, Lex no-sells it. Luger gives him a face smash and two clotheslines, then clotheslines Tatanka out to the floor. Luger press slams Tatanka onto Bigelow, so both Mabel and Bundy tag in. That's a lot of obesity right there. Bundy decides to get out, and Prichard takes his place. Mabel slams Prichard, but misses an elbowdrop. Mabel takes a kneedrop from Prichard, but gets a backdrop, and then, he goes UP TO THE 2ND ROPE, giving Prichard a crossbody off, for the elimination at 3:58.   Del Ray tries to dropkick Mabel, but can't do it, so Mabel gives him that Bossman slam thing. Bundy comes in, and both men's shoulderblocks don't do a thing, until Mabel tries for a 2nd time and finally, Bundy goes down. Bam Bam tags in, and Mabel gives hima spinning heel kick and goes UP to the TOP, but Bigelow slams him down. Bigelow tries for a sunset flip from the top, but Mabel sits on him. Mabel clotheslines him over the top and to the floor, but Mabel hits his head on the concrete, and gets counted out, at about 7:27.   Billy comes in, and bridges out of a pinfall into a backslide for 2. It really had no place in the match whatsoever, he just did it. Bomb comes in, and gets a droptoehold, but tries for a crossbody and misses, falling to the outside. He gets a slingshot clothesline back in, and 2 clotheslines, before Bundy stops his little rally with a clothesline to the back of Bomb's head. Bigelow gives Bomb a bulldog, and then a moonsault to put Bomb out at 9:09. Guess it's a good thing I changed my username.   Lex comes in with a quick roll-up for 2, in an attempt to catch Bigelow off guard, and Del Ray tags back in. He gets a superkick, but on the Irish whip Lex avoids a clothesline, and then gets the RUNNING FOREARM for the pinfall at 10:55. Hate his finisher with a passion, I do.   Bart tags in and slams Tatanka, which gets a 2 count. Billy comes in, and gets a legdrop for 2. The Gunns get a double russian leg sweep for 2, and Billy stays in, and gets a slam. They work over Tatanka for a while, namely getting a monkey flip for 2. Bart gives him a sidewalk slam, but after Tatanka reverses an Irish whip, Tatanka gives Bart the END OF THE BAH GAWD TRAIL for 2 at 14:28. End of the Trail = samoan drop.   Lex comes in with an axhandle off the top rope, and Billy comes in with a hiptoss for 2. An elbowdrop gets 2, and then Lex gets a slam. Tatanka gives Billy a powerslam, then tags Bundy, who misses an elbowdrop, but gets a AVALANCHE in the corner for 3 at 17:14. It's Luger vs Bundy, Bigelow and Tatanka.   Tatanka tries to sneak in and beat Luger up, and Bigelow comes in, but misses a charge. Lex clotheslines Bigelow and Tatanka. Close 2 count on the cover against Tatanka, and then Luger gives him a sunset flip, but Tatanka tagged Bigelow so there wasn't a cover. Bigelow gives Luger a suplex for 2, and then Bundy comes in and gets a kneedrop for 2. DiBiase taunts Luger, as Bigelow comes in, and gets a falling headbutt for 2. Bundy puts Luger to the buckle, and gets an elbowdrop for 2. Tatanka tags in and gets a powerslam for 2, and I swear, Vince McMahon is the worst commentator ever. On every 2 count during this match, the "ohhegothimnohedidnt" was running strong. Tatanka gives Lex three elbowdrops, but Lex cradles him out of nowhere, putting Tatanka out at 23:14.   Almost immediately, Bundy comes in and gives Luger a big splash, at 23:22, gaining the win for his team. Luger gets attacked after the match, and given the END OF THE TRAIL. Bigelow and Bundy both do a few damaging attacks, so all of Luger's team runs out to make the save, and they clean house. Well, Mabel took a while getting there, so he clotheslined the Heavenly Bodies in the aisleway.   Survivors: King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow.   Match Analysis: Good booking that established Mabel as a threat, and entertaining too, but this match pretty much solidified the fact that Luger was going to also-ran territory. Anyhow, weird placement, as if they were trying to build up the crowd, and although the main event had heat, I'm not so sure it was because of this. They would have been better served to put this as the opener, but who am I to say so? I just don't see the need to put a match with many lower carders this late in the show. My .02. Anyhow, it's **. ___________________   Todd Pettingill's with Bob Backlund, who says he beat Bret to save our society, and that he really doesn't care about the "New Generation." Not a bad promo, but why should I care?   Anyhow, the main event is a casket match, and of course, it's Yokozuna w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette vs. The Undertaker w/Paul Bearer. Oh yeah, CHUCK FUCKING NORRIS is on the outside, keeping Yoko from having help in beating Taker like last time, at Royal Rumble 1994.   Blow-by-blow: During Undertaker's entrance, the video wall separates, for him to walk out of. Yeah, that was strange. Once Taker gets in the ring, he points to the casket and tells Yoko that he's goin' in. Yokozuna gives Taker an avalanche in the corner, but it doesn't do a thing. Yoko gets rammed into the casket, and then, Taker rams him into the steel steps. Back in the ring, Taker delivers OLD SCHOOL, but Yoko comes back with a samoan drop. Taker no-sells it, but gets clotheslined. Another no-sell follows, so Yokozuna gives him ROCK BOTTOM, ROCK BOTTOM....and a legdrop. Yoko drags him to the casket, and puts Taker inside, but Taker pulls Yoko in too, and they fight. Fuji grabs Taker, so Taker chases him, and hits Cornette on his way. Inside again, Yoko slams Taker, then knocks him out of the ring and rams him into the steps. Yoko chokes Taker, and now the match begins to slow down a bit. This goes for a while, until Taker gives him a clothesline, and then goes up top and does the same. To the casket we go, as King Kong Bundy and Bam Bam Bigelow grace us with their presence. Needless to say, they're scared of Chuck Norris. Who isn't? IRS comes into the ring, and Norris isn't noticing, and IRS applies a sleeper on the Undertaker. He puts Taker in the casket and disapperars, but Yoko can't shut the lid, because Taker got up. Taker chokes him, and Jeff Jarrett makes his way to the ring, but he gets KARAAAAAATTTTTE kicked by Norris and knocked out. Taker gives Yoko a flying clothesline and running DDT, then a big boot which puts Yokozuna in the casket. Taker grabs Fuji's Japanese flag, breaks it and throws it inside, then shuts the lid for the win at 15:25.   Match Analysis: That was a million times better than I thought it would be. So much so, that I won't go into negatives. It was the right way to end the Taker/Yoko thing, with the outside interference not getting the job done, and the seeming nature of a squash throughout the match. Honestly, it felt like that the whole way, IMO. Better than it had any right to be, but still 1/2*. It wasn't good.   Show's over! ___________________   Rating: Decent. I'm being kind, but Backlund/Hart is certainly worth a look. Considering that, you kinda have to watch it. I'm generous to this show because I started watching wrestling in 1994, and it is one of my favorite time periods. Not because it was good, but because I liked it when I was a kid.   Best Match: Bob Backlund vs. Bret Hart for the WWF Title. Self explanatory.   Worst Match: Lawler's team vs. Doink's team. I never want to watch that again.   Loudest Sound: The Undertaker, Razor Ramon, Diesel and Owen Hart.   No Sound: The Heavenly Bodies, Smoking Gunns, Tatanka, and Adam Bomb. That's half the people in a match, and really no embellishment. ___________________   Not reviewing the roundtable, but I watched it last night. Really, really fun watch. This channel is great, and really, the main reason I watch wrestling. If it wasn't around, I probably wouldn't watch, because such a large library wouldn't be easy to access.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 8/10/87.

I said I had to get this out of the way, so for once, I'll keep my promise and do so. ___________________   We start the show, with Randy Savage w/Elizabeth vs. Brady Boone. Savage gives Boone an armdrag, but misses a charge into the corner, as Boone backflips away. Boone gives Savage a dropkick, but Savage comes back with a shoulderblock, so Boone counter with a rana, forcing Savage to bail out of the ring. On the inside, Boone gets a shoulderblock, and tries another rana, but Savage gives him a powerbomb. He gives Boone a snapmare and a kneedrop, then dumps Boone to the outside. Savage follows, and rams him into the ring apron before throwing him back in the ring. Boone gives him a kneelift on the inside, but misses a moonsault block. Savage gives him a clothesline, and drops Boone along the top rope, before tossing him out of the ring. Bombs away from the top turnbuckle (you know, axhandle to the outside), and inside the ring, bodyslam, SAVAGE ELBOW for 3 at 4:19. As good as a squash can be, IMO. **. ___________________   Just what I wanted, a Hillbilly Jim match. He's facing "The Natural" Butch Reed. Jim tries to shake hands, but Reed won't do it. Reed tries a shoulderblock, but it doesn't move Jim. Jim gives him a headbutt, but Reed misses a kneedrop after putting Jim down. Hillbilly grabs his legs, and kneedrops Reed in the nuts. Jim says to the crowd that Reed is "unnatural," and we go to a   commercial break.   Back from the break with a Test of Strength, and Hillbilly wins it, then stomps on the hand of Reed. Reed gives Jim a back elbow, then dumps Jim to the outside. Reed slams him on the inside for 2, and chokes him. Jim gets a big boot, and then both wrestlers miss elbowdrops. Reed gives him a high knee, and a clothesline from off the 2nd rope for 3, at 10:58. Not entertaining, but by Jim's standards, not bad either. That's a bad thing. 1/4*. ___________________   Now, the usual mid-part of the show, with the interviews, vignettes and such.   Gene Okerlund's with Jake Roberts to discuss the Honky Tonk Man, and once that's over, since Okerlund referenced Heenan's fake injury, Heenan feels the need to call him a Hitler lookalike. Heh.   The Million Dollar Man makes Rob Van Dam an eager young man kiss his foot for 100 dollars.   And now, a Special Report on Superstar Billy Graham, after which Graham cuts a promo, unfortunately, I couldn't really understand it. Nothing like the promos from earlier in his career, which I enjoyed. ___________________   Lastly, Craig DeGeorge has an interview with Rick Martel, who bemoans his state of affairs in the WWF, now that Tom Zenk has left. Martel's ready to go at it alone. ___________________   For the WWF Women's Tag Team Titles, it's the challengers, the Jumping Bomb Angels vs. Leilani Kai and Judy Martin, the champions. Martin gets dropkicked, and she's given a double clothesline at the beginning of the match. Tateno gets a flying forearm, and Yamazaki tags in, slingshotting herself into the ring with a dropkick. She gets a gutwrench suplex, but Kai rams Tateno into the corner once both tag in. Tateno bridges out of a cradle, but gets slammed by Martin. Martin misses an elbowdrop, and Yamazaki gets an armdrag from the top rope. Kai tries a big boot, but gets caught, and both the Jumping Bomb Angels apply figure-four leglocks to their opponents. Tateno gets a legdrop, and Yamazaki applies a figure four. Yamazaki gives Kai a bow and arrow surfboard type thing, before Martin breaks it up. Tateno gets a bodyscissor, as we go to the   commercial break.   Kai slams Tateno, but Tateno bridges out of the pin. Martin gives her a big boot, then drops her from a fireman's carry position onto the knee of Kai. Kai chokes Tateno, but Tateno rolls her up for 2. Martin comes in and chokes Tateno, then tags Kai, who accidentally gives Martin a double axhandle off the top. Yamazaki tags in and gets a crossbody, and then whips Kai into Martin. Yamazaki gets a bodyslam, and Tateno gets a flying kneedrop off the top rope. Yamazaki gets a crossbody from the top, but Martin picks Yamazaki up and powerbombs her. Kai pins Yamazaki after the powerbomb and gets the win, at 11:22. ***. Good stuff. ___________________   Now, Hercules faces Billy Jack Haynes from Madison Square Garden, and I hate to say it, but I don't review matches that are joined in progress. It ended in a 30 minute draw, and was ***. Whoever gave these two 30 minutes was nuts, but it worked out better than I could have imagined. ___________________   The last match on the show, is a WWF Tag Team Championship match, and it's the British Bulldogs w/Matilda vs. the champions, The Hart Foundation w/Jimmy Hart. Bret starts the match with Davey, but quickly as I write that down, Neidhart tags in. The Anvil chokes him, and Hart does the same, with the tag rope. Neidhart shoulderblocks Bret on accident, so Dynamite comes in with a snap suplex for 2. Davey comes in quickly and applies a chinlock, but the ropes are reached by Bret. Davey gets a crucifix for 2, then Dynamite comes in and gets a slam for 2. Really liking the tempo thus far. Davey comes in, and the Bulldogs give Bret a double headbutt. A Davey fisherman suplex(!) gets 2, and now, both wrestlers switch out. Neidhart and Dynamite are in the ring, as we go to a   commercial break.   Neidhart's choking Dynamite with his boot, and on the outside, he rams Dynamite into the guardrail. Bret walks by and calls a fan a "little jerk," and on the inside, Neidhart gives Dynamite a backbreaker, followed by a Bret elbowdrop from the 2nd rope for 2. Bret gives him a few European uppercuts and tries a bodyslam, but Dynamite falls on top for 2. Bret applies a front facelock on Dynamite to keep Davey from tagging in, so of course, we get the 'distract the ref, then tag, but the ref didn't see' spot, but Bret gets rammed into the turnbuckle afterward, at 100 MPH. Like always, right. Davey finally gets in, with a clothesline and monkeyflip. A kneedrop from the 2nd rope gets 2, and a suplex gets 2. The count is so fucking slow, I just now noticed and it's starting to hurt my enjoyment of the match. Davey gets the RUNNING POWERSLAM for 2, but Bret's foot is on the ropes. Bret has to apply something to get Davey settled down, and it's the sleeper. Dynamite headbutts Bret, as the Anvil's still out on the floor. Davey press slams Bret, but drops him on the top rope, crotching Bret. Ouch. Davey tries to bodyslam Bret, but gets tripped up, and covered by Bret for the win, at 11:00. My time went through the sequence where Monsoon and Heenan talked in the studio, so the time isn't exact. That's the case for every match on PTW that goes to a break. The Harts retain their titles, but at the end of the match, Matilda (a bulldog, if you didn't know) chases Jimmy Hart, as poor Jimmy gets his clothes ripped off, and Jimmy gets press slammed out of the ring onto Neidhart. ***1/4, yeah, ref's count was bad. Otherwise, this was worth tracking down. Loved it. ___________________   To end the show, we have a comedy bit where Heenan pays Monsoon $100 to announce him as a host on the show, but Monsoon pockets the money, and says he won't do it. Cheater.   Anyhow, show's over. ___________________   Rating: Great. Has to be, a TV show like that. Expectations were met, here. Loved everything except the Reed/Hillbilly match.   Best Match: The British Bulldogs vs. The Hart Foundation for the WWF Tag Team Titles. Self explanatory, but Herc/Billy Jack was fun too.   Worst Match: Butch Reed vs. Hillbilly Jim. Obviously.   Loudest sound doesn't matter, everything's from a different venue. ___________________   I'm afraid that Survivor Series 1994 might get taken down and replaced with what's supposed to be shown, so I'll watch it today and have the review up sometime tomorrow. I know it has some shitty matches, but I really wanted to see the show. Mainly for Bret/Backlund. Until then...
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1995, from Landover, MD, 11/19/1995.

I lied. No ECW just yet, I felt like getting this one out of the way. Let me say, it was a great decision to watch this. ___________________   Vince, MR. PERFECT, and Jim Ross are on commentary, and in case you missed it, Perfect was introduced before the show. This is Survivor Series 1995, also known as "shitty gimmicks galore."   The first match of the night is Marty Jannetty, Hakushi, Barry Horowitz and Bob Holly (The Underdogs) vs. Tom Prichard, Skip, Rad Radford (Louie Spicolli), and the 1-2-3 Kid w/Ted DiBiase and Sunny.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, during Kid's entrance, he gives the Kliq sign. The things I notice now...anyhow, Razor Ramon tries to attack the Kid, and we see why, as during a Razor v. Sid match on RAW, Kid was the special referee, and fast counted Razor. Prichard and Jannetty get the action going, and Jannetty just runs over to the heels corner and hits everyone. Prichard hits the Kid on accident, and gets backdroped by Jannetty. Radford and Holly tag in, at which point Holly shoulderblocks Radford, then gives Radford a hurricanrana. Well, that's a move I've never seen Holly do. Radford tries to do the same, but gets powerbombed by Holly. Holly slams Radford and legdrops him after an armdrag, then tags in Hakushi. Hakushi gets spinebustered though, and Radford tags in the Kid. Kid gets a splash off the top rope for 2, and does a spinning kick, much in the fashion that he's always done. Skip tags in and tries to give Hakushi a back suplex from the top rope, but Hakushi reverses it into a crossbody. He tags in Holly, who gets a backdrop, but Prichard tags in as well. Prichard gives Holly a gutwrench powerbomb for 2, then slams him afterward. Prichard goes up to the top, but misses his moonsault. Holly comes off the top after tagging in, and gives Prichard a crossbody, which eliminates Prichard at 5:39.   Skip comes in quickly, and rolls up Holly at 5:45, eliminating him. That was fast.   Hakushi comes in with a few rolling kicks(!), but misses a pump splash out of the corner. Skip gives Hakushi a frankensteiner off the TOP ROPE, but he's hurt, so both men are down. These guys are doing some crazy shit tonight. Kid comes in, but is given a springboard elbow, just like the Great Muta's. Hakushi goes up top, and gets a flying shoulderblock for 2. Hakushi slams the Kid, but misses his slingshot flying headbutt. Radford tags in, and Kid kicks Hakushi in the back of the head, which leads to a Radford pinfall at 8:32.   Barry Horowitz comes into the ring for the first time during the match, and the crowd goes nuts. I guess I never really realized how over he was. Kid comes back in again, and he and Radford gives Barry a double back elbow. Kid suplexes Horowitz, and kicks him a few times. Radford comes in and gets a gutwrench suplex for 2, but once Horowitz gets up, Horowitz gives Radford a jawbreaker. A Radford clothesline gets 2, but he doesn't let the referee finish the count, picking Horowitz up at 2. Radford headbutts Horowitz in the nuts, then does the Mr. Perfect-ish neck snap. Funny that Perfect is at ringside, isn't it. Radford gets a northern lights suplex for 2, then starts doing some pushups. Too bad for him, Horowitz rolls him up out of nowhere, and eliminates Radford at 11:47. Heh.   Skip comes in, and Horowitz gives him a hiptoss. Kid tags in, and gives Horowitz a legdrop, leading to the pin at 12:47. Marty, Skip and Kid are the only ones left.   Marty tries a german suplex after Skip misses a charge towards the corner, but he can't get it. Marty rolls through a powerbomb attempt and gets 2, then gives Skip a ROCKER DROPPER. Marty goes up top, but Sunny shakes the ropes, leading to Jannetty being crotched on the top rope. In a strange finish, Marty SUPERBOMBS Skip, leading to Skip being pinned at 15:24. Two things. One, I would never let Marty freakin' Jannetty give me that move. Ever. Two, this move, in the WWF? Goodness.   Kid gives Marty a legdrop from the top rope for 2 as he comes in, and a running dropkick. Kid slams Marty, then goes up top, but misses a rolling senton. Marty gets a dropkick for 2, as Psycho Sid makes his way to the ring. Well, we know who's gonna win the match, if there was any doubt to begin with. Marty gives Kid a facesmash, and a ROCKER DROPPER for 2. Kid grabs the ropes on the pinfall, as DiBiase gets on the ring apron. Sid comes up from behind, now that the referee is distracted, and drops Marty along the top rope, which leads to the pinfall and the win for the 1-2-3 Kid, at 19:07. Finish was crap.   Survivor: The 1-2-3 Kid.   Match Analysis: Yeah, the finish was junk, but the rest of the match was awesome. I've watched a lot of the Survivor Series', and this is likely my favorite elimination match of the bunch. ****1/4, the crap finish to the match deducts a 1/4. But it was still awesome, and well worth watching. Not surprising, given the workers involved. Not a single bad one in the match.   Razor's reaction to Kid winning the match is shown, he pretty much wrecks all the shit in the lockerroom, as for some reason he was with the Undertaker's team. Henry Godwinn's his boy, yo. ___________________   Todd Pettingill's with Owen Hart, Yokozuna and Dean Douglas, who along with Razor Ramon will be part of the Wildcard match later on.   Michael Hayes promotes the Survivor Series 1995 t-shirt, and honestly, this embarasses the shit out of me. They've got him running around under the Dok Hendrix name, promoting their bullshit. Makes me feel weird.   Bertha Faye, Aja Kong, Lioness Asuka, and Tomoko Watanabe w/Harvey Wippleman vs. (WWF Women's Champion) Alundra Blayze, Kyoko Inoue, Sakie Hasegawa, and Chaparita Asari was the next match, and honestly, I can't review it. I have a really hard time reviewing multi-man matches with people that aren't established by the announce team, if you haven't noticed. They need to help a brotha out. That's what they're for, right? Otherwise they're useless. Singles matches are no problem, I can catch on quickly, but a 6 or 8 man tag? No can do. Anyway, the match finished at 10:01, with AJA KONG as the sole survivor, after pinning Blayze with a Shonie Carter-esque spinning backfist. She was made to be the "monster" of the match, and with good reason. Her offense was rough. One of the women hit a SKY TWISTER PRESS, which is just awesome. Match was **, I felt like one or two finishes were screwed up, and the crowd wasn't ready for it.   Survivor: Aja Kong. ___________________   Todd Pettingill is with the Bill Clinton impersonator, and when Bam Bam Bigelow's pyro goes off, his "secret service" agents dive on top of him, making him take over. Fucking lame.   Finally, we get a regular match, Goldust vs. Bam Bam Bigelow.   Blow-by-blow: Goldust's entrance takes way too fucking long. WAY. Goldust starts the match with a few right hands and a thrust to the throat of Bigelow, then chokes Bam Bam in the corner. Goldust bails out of the ring after a Bigelow Irish whip, and slaps Bigelow when he comes back in. Bigelow gives him a dropkick, and on the outside, Goldust misses a clothesline, ramming himself into the ringpost. Inside, and just as they get in, Goldust clotheslines Bigelow over the top rope. What's the point of that? Inside, Goldust gets headbutted, then comes back with a kneelift. Goldust goes to a front facelock, and then tosses Bigelow over the top rope. He rams Bigelow into the steps and brings him back in, but Bigelow gives him a back suplex. He goes for a falling headbutt, but misses it. Goldust practically humps the guy on a cover, that only gets a 2 count. Goldust goes to the chinlock, but changes strategy and gives Bigelow a head vice instead. Bam Bam puts him on his shoulders and drops him, but Goldust comes back with a clothesline. He's not selling anything. A kneedrop gets 2, and we go back to the chinlock, at which point Bigelow goes Gene Okerlund, meaning "FUCK IT," and gives Goldust another back suplex. A clothesline gets 2, and on an Irish whip to the turnbuckle, Goldie fucks it up and falls down once hitting the buckle. He gets back up and walks over to the buckle (which is so business exposing it's ludicrous), and then Bigelow misses a charge, so Goldust gives Bigelow a bulldog which gets the 3 count at 8:19.   Match Analysis: This was all over the place. Junk that had no flow, and I probably wouldn't watch it again. DUD. Really disappointing, but expected, given that this was Bigelow's last match with the company. ___________________   "Clinton" tells Bob Backlund he should run for President, and Backlund can't even make it through his lines without stuttering. That's supposed to be the first sign you shouldn't be doing that segment. As we move to what could be even worse... ___________________   We have the Darkside: The Undertaker, Savio Vega, Henry Godwinn and FATU w/Paul Bearer and a bucket of slop vs. The Royals: Jerry "the King" Lawler, Hunter Hearst Helmsley, Issac Yankem D.D.S., and King Mabel w/Sir Mo. IMO, this is the worst collection of gimmicks in any Survivor Series match, outside of the midget match the year before. Prior to the match, we take a look back at King of the Ring 1995 (:shudder:), when Mabel won the King of the Ring after interference from Kama, against Taker. After that, we go to a RAW which took place a month ago, when Mabel broke Taker's face. Taker has this Phantom of the Opera thing goin', and I sorta like it. Fits with the ridiculousness of a lot of things on this show.   Blow-by-blow: FATU and Helmsley start the match, and Helmsley does that gay courtsey of his. Since Fatu's makin' a difference, he does the same thing, but only to make fun of Helmsley's. For the children. Fatu gives Helmsley a backdrop, but after a few Helmsley right hands, he tries the PEDIGREE. Doesn't do it though, as he looks over and sees Taker starting him down. After all, Helmsley was standing right next to him. Godwinn and Lawler tag in, but Lawler doesn't want to fight. He tags in his lackey, Yankem, and Godwinn hiptosses the guy. Godwinn bodyslams him and gives him an elbowdrop, but after ramming him into the buckle, Yankem comes back with a back suplex. Helmsley tags in, and chokes Godwinn, as the commentators note Helmsley's undefeated streak in singles competition thus far in the World Wrestling Federation. Helmsley gets a high knee for 2, but gets press slammed as Godwinn gets in some offense. He squeals like a pig, then tags in Vega, while Helmsley tags in Lawler. Vega does this gay dance after a hiptoss, then Lawler does one which is equally as dumb. Vega gives him a dropkick, then tags in Fatu. He rams Lawler's head into the turnbuckle 10 times, but gets kneed by Yankem. Lawler gives Fatu a fistdrop, then tags in Yankem, who slams Fatu and legdrops him. MABEL finally comes in, but misses an avalanche. Vega comes in, but gets slammed by Mabel in Bossman Slam fashion. Mabel gives him a belly-to-belly throw, as in, he threw Vega the whole way across the ring like that. Yankem tags in with a dropkick, and applies a nerve hold. Like I said in the Survivor Series 90 review, that shit DOES NOT BELONG in these matches. Mabel and Yankem choke Vega, and Helmsley comes in with a kneedrop for 2. Mabel clotheslines Vega while Mabel's standing on the apron, and tags Lawler in. He piledrives Vega, but only gets a 2 count. That was a bit of a surprise. Helmsley comes in, and HITS ROCK BOTTOM, courtesy of Savio Vega. I never thought I'd see Vega do that move. Lawler tags in and piledrives Vega again, but Vega no-sells it, and FINALLY, the Undertaker will enter the ring. That no-sell was fucking dumb. He chokes Lawler, and Lawler attempts to make a tag, but there isn't a single guy willing to get in. A TOMBSTONE PILEDRIVER from Taker finishes the King at 12:18. Kinda figured he'd be the first to go.   Yankem comes in and does nothing, before Taker gives him a flying clothesline. TOMBSTONE, see you later at 12:50.   Helmsley acts like he's going to leave, but Godwinn grabs the slop bucket, forcing Helmsley to make a tough decision. Since Helmsley's a blueblood, he'll take the asskickin'. He gets chokeslammed in, and pinned by Taker at 13:35.   Mabel's the only heel left, and he gives Taker a belly-to-belly, along with a legdrop. Mabel dances, but Taker sits up. I forgot to mention two things. One, Mabel was carried to the ring, and was nearly dropped. If you look at the carrier on the right side of the screen, he's having such a hard time that he looks as if he's shitting his pants. Two, Mabel's sporting an UGLY mohawk. Well, the guy's ugly, so it's no surprise his mohawk is the same. Mo attacks Taker as the referee is distracted, and Mabel just leaves, at 14:24. Taker chokeslams him, but Mo no-sells it and leaves. Bet that pissed someone off.   Survivors: Savio Vega, The Undertaker, Fatu and Henry Godwinn. You mean to tell me one of those couldn't do a job?   Match Analysis: Booking was funny, but it fit. Taker should have been the one to take care of the heels, I'm not complaining. It's a little thing, but the nervehold bugged me, even though the match was shitty. 3/4*, and I'm probably being kind. These matches have action, but it isn't always good action. This show has way too many dead people on it, but none of them played any part in this match. Weird. Anyway, onto part 2, which definitely will be on this review. Just wanted to show where part 1 ends, is all. ___________________   Finally, the Wildcard match. This is an idea which definitely needs to be repeated. But first...   Bret Hart with a promo about his match later vs. Diesel...   Diesel returns the favor with one of his own...   Lastly, we have a promo with Shawn Michaels' team, and Cornette seems to be playing both sides. He was in the interviews with each team. ___________________   Speaking of the Wildcard match, it's Shawn Michaels, the British Bulldog, Psycho Sid, and Ahmed Johnson w/Jim Cornette and Ted DiBiase vs. Yokozuna, Owen Hart, Dean Douglas and (WWF Intercontinental Champion) Razor Ramon w/Mr. Fuji and Jim Cornette. Like I said, Corny's playing both sides. Not only that, but Yoko is the fattest I've ever seen him. Note that I've hardly watched anything WWF from 1996, and what I have watched didn't have Yoko involved.   Blow-by-blow: HBK and Owen start the match, with HBK getting a shoulderblock. Owen gives him a hiptoss and tries to throw HBK out, but HBK skins the cat and gives Owen a headscissor out. Cornette swings his tennis racket at HBK, but HBK grabs it and hits Corny on the ass with it. Owen gives him a belly-to-belly suplex on the inside, then tags in Douglas. He gives HBK a delayed suplex, but Shawn puts Dean hard into the buckle, and gives Dean a flying forearm. An axhandle from the top rope gets 2, but after a missed charge to the buckle, he gets slammed by Douglas, who goes up for a pump splash, and misses. HBK gets a moonsault block for 2, then tags in Ahmed. Ahmed tries to slam Yokozuna, but can't do it. He gets scratched on the back, then Yoko tags in Douglas again. To the chinlock we go, but Dean breaks the hold and tags in Owen instead. Owen chokes Ahmed, and Ramon goes to work on him, then Dean tags in. Ahmed gets a powerslam, then slams HBK onto Douglas, which gets 2. Douglas avoids SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and on the outside, Douglas and Razor get into an argument. Douglas gets in the ring as Ramon is on the apron, and Ramon belts him, leading to Shawn rolling Douglas up at 7:29, so Douglas is gone.   Bulldog and Owen are in, and they fight, despite being managed by Cornette. Bulldog gives Owen a monkeyflip, and then Owen gives Bulldog a spinning leg lariat. Yoko's laughing on the ring apron for some reason, as HBK tags back in, along with Razor. They play up the "we don't fight unless there's ladders involved" thing, and Razor clotheslines him, prior to HBK doing the flying forearm and kipping up. Razor gives HBK the RAZOR'S EDGE, seemingly out of nowhere, but Ahmed breaks up the pin attempt. Razor gives Shawn a kneelift, and after an Irish whip, both wrestlers collide in the center of the ring. Sid finally comes in, and beats Razor up a little bit, but Yoko comes in to help Razor out. Razor and Sid clothesline each other, but Sid goes up to the top rope after, and gets slammed off by Razor, which gets a 2 count. Kick, punch sequence follows, and Sid gives Razor a 1 handed chokeslam, and calls for the powerbomb. He tags Shawn instead, who gives Sid a SWEET CHIN MUSIC on accident. Razor gets two, because Bulldog overjumps his cue and runs in on Razor too quickly. Razor then pins Sid again, and gets 3, at 16:19. Should have done another move to Sid after the pin breakup, as it was, it looked like shit and was business exposing.   Bulldog runs in now, and beats up Razor, which distracts the referee from seeing Sid POWERBOMB HBK. Owen comes in and gives Bulldog a backbreaker and backdrop, then tags Yokozuna. He puts Shawn into the corner, where Shawn does that flip of his. Yoko gives Shawn a nerve hold, and considering that it's Yoko, I'll deal with it. Owen comes in and along with Yoko, both headbutt Shawn, then Owen gives him a suplex. Up top, but Owen misses a diving headbutt. Ahmed gets the hot tag, and he's a house of fire. Quickly as he gets in, he gives Owen the PEARL RIVER PLUNGE, which eliminates Owen at 21:47.   Razor comes in with a bulldog, and the spot gets screwed up a little, as Razor had to chase him down, like Ahmed wasn't paying attention. Ahmed gets a spinebuster after catching Razor unawares, then taunts him on the 2nd turnbuckle. Well, Razor gets up quickly, and gives Ahmed a RAZOR'S EDGE off the 2nd turnbuckle. Bulldog attacks Razor though, so no cover is registered. Ahmed tagged Bulldog while up in the RAZOR'S EDGE, so Bulldog's able to stay in. Sid and the 1-2-3 Kid make their way back to the ring, in case you didn't know, Sid is pretty much Ted DiBiase's bodyguard. Razor gives Bulldog a fall-away slam, but Kid trips Razor, and Bulldog powerslams Razor, eliminating him at 24:07.   Yoko's the only one left, and he pokes HBK in the eye. He slams and legdrops Yoko, so Yoko goes for the BANZAI!!! He misses, and Ahmed comes in, who slams Yokozuna. Bulldog breaks the pin up, because Yoko's his buddy, so Ahmed and HBK clothesline Bulldog out of the ring. HBK gives Yoko the SWEET CHIN MUSIC, and Ahmed finishes the bout with a big splash on Yoko for 3 at 27:23. The crowd goes banana, as Ahmed and HBK celebrate. Bulldog's celebrating too, and it looked so awkward. Funny, at that.   Survivors: Ahmed Johnson, Shawn Michaels, and the British Bulldog   Match Analysis: Weird, but unique. Most of all, fun. I liked that everyone jobbed, and we didn't get any bullshit DQ or countout finishes. ***1/2, and the concept should definitely be revisited. Funny to see faces face faces and heels face heels. I liked what the WWF was doing with Sid right here, although I don't know particularly where it led. Didn't Sid break his leg during a softball game, so the whole thing was dropped? The angle with Shawn passing out happened the next night, btw. ___________________   Pettingill's with "Clinton" AGAIN, and this time, Sunny's sitting on his lap. I guess it was a little funny.   Pictures from KotR 94, and Rumble 1995, the only times Bret has been given the powerbomb by Diesel. ___________________   Now, the main event, for the WWF Championship. The challenger is none other than Bret "the Hitman" Hart vs. the Champion, Diesel. He's Diesel powered, you know.   Blow-by-blow: Both Diesel and Bret untie a turnbuckle pad at the beginning of the match, Diesel was seemingly doing it to psych Bret out, but now that Bret did it too, not psyched out, I guess. Bret puts Diesel into the buckle, but Diesel comes back with a few knees and right hands. Bret goes to the outside, making Diesel chase him, and Diesel complies. He drops Bret on the guardrail, then rams him into the apron. Diesel chokes Bret with his boot, then gets back in the ring. Bret starts kicking Diesel in the knee, but Diesel hits him a few times, getting him to stop. He tosses Bret out of the ring, and whips him into the steps, then rams him into the post. Diesel gets a chair, and hits Bret with it. It has a padded cushion on it, so it's not too violent looking. Rather lame, at that. On the inside, Diesel clotheslines Bret and calls for the jackknife, but he can't get it, cause Bret holds onto his leg. Bret bites him, and rakes the nose of Diesel, while being on Diesel's back. He attacks Diesel's knee, and elbows it a few times. He jumps on it, while it's draped on the bottom rope, and applies the figure-four leglock. Diesel reaches the ropes, but now Bret tries to go for the SHARPSHOOTER. Diesel kicks Bret in the face, so that's the end of that, also, Bret's head hit the exposed turnbuckle as he fell back. Bret rams Diesel's knee into the post after avoiding a charge from Diesel, and Bret applies a leg grapevine, in which he uses a television cord to tie Diesel's leg around the ringpost. Smooth move. Bret clotheslines Diesel from the top rope, cause Diesel can't avoid it. Bret goes to get a chair, but Diesel gives him a big boot. Diesel can't reach the chair, though, so Bret gets to take a few shots at him, to the back and to the knee. Bret gives him an elbowdrop and backbreaker, then goes up top with the chair. He gets crotched though, and slammed off by Diesel. Diesel unties himself, then chokes Bret with the cord. Diesel gives Bret a sidewalk slam, then whips Bret into the exposed buckle, while Bret runs 100 mph into the post. Diesel's selling the leg well, by limping of course, and he jumps on Bret with Bret draped over the 2nd rope. Diesel limps to the corner and gives Bret SNAKE EYES, then tries it again at the exposed buckle, but Bret rams Diesel into the buckle instead. Bret gets a clothesline for 2, and a bulldog from the top rope for 2. A russian legsweep gets 2, and then, he clotheslines Diesel over the top rope. Bret misses a plancha, and when Bret tries to get into the ring from the ring apron, Diesel pushes him off of it and through the Spanish announce table. Back in, and Diesel goes for the jackknife...but he can't pick Bret up. Obviously, Bret feels like a sack of shit. Well, Bret's FAKING INJURY, and rolls Diesel up for the win and his THIRD WWF TITLE, at 24:32.   Diesel's really pissed off about that, so he jackknifes Bret after the match. He hits all the officials that run in, and jackknifes Bret a second time. He tosses the belt to Bret, and yells, "I'M BACK!" Sure you are.   Match Analysis: I really liked the psychology of the match and Diesel's selling, but it started out awfully slow. Is it as good as Flair/Vader? No, I don't think that it is. I liked Diesel's match with Shawn at a later IYH more than this, so this isn't his best, IMO. Well, Flair vs. Vader is my standard for ****1/2 matches, so everything has to be as good or better than that to get a rating above, so I'll go a rung lower and give it ****1/4. I have the Bret DVD, but for some reason, I've never watched it. Dunno why, really.   Show's over. ___________________   Rating: Excellent. I might catch flack for this, but this is one of the best WWF PPV's, from top to bottom. Lot of action, although there were a lot of shitty gimmicks too. I know how shitty the "New Generation" was, but with in-ring quality like this, a majority of the shows are at least worth a look see. By majority, I don't mean a show like King of the Ring '95.   Best Match: Bret Hart vs. Diesel.   Worst Match: Bam Bam Bigelow vs. Goldust. Sucked the meat missile, I'm afraid.   Loudest Sound: HBK, Razor Ramon, the 1-2-3 Kid and the Undertaker.   No Sound: Almost the entirety of the women in their match, and Bob Holly. Poor Bob. ___________________   Anyway, PTW has to come soon. Don't know when, but soon.
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Review: Shorties Section from the update of 11/14.

Shorties section, and the lineup looks different, to say the least. But FIRST, that Piper vs. Hogan match needs to be reviewed. So, here. ___________________   From The War to Settle the Score on February 18th from Madison Square Garden, which aired on MTV, it's Roddy Piper w/Bob Orton against Hulk Hogan w/Cyndi Lauper & Captain Lou Albano, for Hogan's WWF Title. Gorilla Monsoon and Gene Okerlund are on commentary.   Blow-by-blow: Bagpipes play as Piper makes his way to the ring, and BOB COSTAS (you wouldn't see this now) introduces both Piper and Hogan. Piper breaks a guitar before the match, to let everyone know what he thinks of rock and roll music. Piper then does the Snuka "I love you" thing, obviously making fun of the Superfly. Hogan's well known "Real American" music is dubbed in. I'm sure of it. Hogan shakes Mr. T's hand before the bout, and we'll see why in a little bit. Piper tears his shirt off and throws it into the crowd, and once someone grabs the shirt, a couple people fight over it. Real mature. Both wrestlers brawl at the beginning of the match, and Hogan gives Piper a back elbow after getting the better of the fight. Hogan slams Piper twice, and then elbowdrops him. Hogan bites Piper, as I notice that Hogan has a lot more hair than I'm used to seeing him have. Piper clotheslines Hogan, and gets a 2 count. Piper double thrusts Hogan in the throat, and applies the sleeper. Hogan breaks the hold, after powering out and lowering his head while running into the buckle, putting Piper's head into the buckle. Orton gets up on the ring apron and chokes Hogan as the referee is distracted, but Hogan rams Orton's broken arm into the ringpost. Paul Orndorff makes his way to ringside, as Hogan gives Piper an atomic drop. Ref bump time as Piper pushes Hogan, so Orndorff comes in and stomps on Hogan, after which he gives Hogan a kneedrop from the top rope. Lauper gets up on the apron, so Orndorff and Piper stalk her, apparently acting like they're going to beat her up. Mr. T helps Lauper down, and gets in the ring. Crowd went nuts for that. Piper and Orndorff attack Mr. T, until Hogan finally gets up, and Hogan pulls the heels off T. And now, we see T and Hogan staredown Piper and Orndorff, giving away what the WrestleMania main event will be. The police come in the ring before the 4 can throwdown, at around 7:12. Hogan wants Piper and Orndorff now, but they don't oblige, walking to the back instead. Hogan wins the bout by DQ, but who cares about that. It's all about Mr. T getting involved, now. T, Hogan and Lauper celebrate, and that's it.   Match Analysis: *1/4, but how the match was wasn't really the point. It was just a vehicle to get Mr. T and Hogan vs. Piper and Orndorff set up. Anyway, I hadn't seen this before, and it was a fun watch. ___________________   From WrestleMania 2 in Chicago, we have a battle royal, and the participants are Bret Hart, Jim Neidhart, Ted Arcidi, King Tonga, Hillbilly Jim, Big John Studd, Tony Atlas, B. Brian Blair, Jim Brunzell, Danny Spivey, Pedro Morales, BRUNO Sammartino, the Iron Sheik, Jimbo Covert, Bill Fralic, Russ Francis, Ernie Holmes, Harvey Martin, THE FRIDGE, and Andre the Giant.   This one really is impossible to review, unlike the one at the MSG show I reviewed a couple weeks ago. The total combined weight of the wrestlers involved...5,612 pounds. Yo. Order of elimination goes like this...Tonga, Covert, Holmes, Brunzell, Atlas, Morales, Martin, Arcidi (at this point, I notice that Fridge is wearing a thong. Gross.), Spivey, Blair and Hillbilly, Fralic, Sheik, Bruno, and then, it gets easier to review. Studd dumps Fridge, but Fridge pulls Studd out after a handshake. Bret, Francis, Neidhart and Andre are left, and a double dropkick by the Hart Foundation ties Andre up in the ropes, and then, Francis gets eliminated. Andre gives Bret a big boot, then rams the Harts heads into each other. Neidhart gets dumped, and then Andre press slams Bret to the floor, where he lands on Neidhart. Andre wins the battle royal, which was a given. 8/10, the uniqueness of having football players involved made it worth watching. ___________________   I've already said I'm a big WCW 1992-93 fan. Well, I am awaiting the next two matches. This match is from Superbrawl II in Milwaukee, it's CACTUS JACK vs. Ron Simmons. Huge Foley fan here, I don't care if people don't like him being on WWE programming now or in other recent times. I also don't know why people get all mad about things like that, but anyway. Jesse Ventura's commentary is intact.   Blow-by-blow: Simmons is supposed to be a babyface, well, he gets booed. They really love Cactus Jack, just hate Simmons, or weren't inclined to cheer for a black guy. Just sayin'. Cactus starts the match with an eye rake, but Simmons misses a charge into the corner. Cactus attempts to do the Cactus Clothesline, but does the spot where he hangs himself by his neck in the ropes. Impressive visual. Jesse whines about Simmons not helping Cactus out of his predicament, even though Simmons was doing exactly what Jesse wanted. Cactus tries to run into the crowd, and Simmons catches up to him and rams him into the guardrail. Simmons smashes Cactus' face into the canvas, and slams him on the inside. A Simmons legdrop gets 2, Cactus gives him an elbow afterward, and a clothesline. We see that the Junkyard Dog is in the crowd, as Cactus gives Simmons a double arm DDT. A Cactus legdrop gets 2, and he dumps Simmons. He slams Simmons on the outside, and goes up to the 2nd rope. YES! CACTUS ELBOW, no wonder this guy's body was so screwed up. Cactus chokes Simmons along the top rope, then Simmons misses a dropkick. Cactus goes to the chinlock, but gets belly-to-belly'd as Simmons begins his comeback. Simmons tries to dive onto Cactus, but flies onto the entrance ramp that WCW always had attached to the ring in those days. Cactus comes out after Simmons, but gets spinebustered by Simmons, on the ramp. Yeesh. Back in the ring, Cactus gives Simmons a bulldog, and goes up to the 2nd rope. Simmons catches him coming off the turnbuckle and powerslams him for the win, at 6:30.   After the match, ABDULLAH THE BUTCHER comes down the ramp, and into the ring. Things like this ARE why I liked WCW during that time period. It was ridiculous. Abby acts like he's going to hit Cactus with his staff, but instead, he hits Simmons with it. See, Simmons and Abby had teamed up a few times, after Cactus and Abby had a dispute about Abby being "electrocuted" at Halloween Havoc 1991. But now, Abby shows his true colors. Junkyard Dog decides to make his way to the ring, beating up security on the way. He saves Simmons from the beating, and gives Abby and Cactus a piece of their own medicine. JR says, "this is like fightin' in the hood." I really laughed at that one, but this time, didn't feel guilty about it.   Match Analysis: The angle after the match was awesome, so although the match wasn't spectacular, I'm glad WWE 24/7 stuck around to show us the angle. The match was **, and most of that is for Cactus' wild bumps. WCW was so over the top then that it was a joy to watch, and moreover, their tag team division was probably the best (workrate wise) there's ever been. ___________________   From Clash of the Champions XIX, as part of the Quarterfinals for the NWA Tag Team Championship, it's Terry Gordy and Dr. Death Steve Williams vs. Rick and Scott Steiner. The tournament finished up at Great American Bash '92, for those who are interested. By that I mean, the tournament took up the entire PPV, outside of a Sting/Vader match Awful, awful idea. The tournament had "representatives" from different countries. You know, to reinforce the concept of the NWA being a world organization, and all.   Blow-by-blow: Gordy and Rick start, and they trade amateur wrestling moves for about 6 or 7 minutes. If you don't like amateur wrestling, you won't like the match. Gordy tries a half crab during that sequence, and Rick gets to the ropes. Scott comes in and tries a belly-to-belly, but can't get it, as Gordy backdrops him instead. Scott tries to bridge out of the pinning attempt, but Gordy's so damn big that he just can't do it. Scott gives Gordy a t-bone suplex instead, and now, Dr. Death tags in. Williams takes Scott down, but they wind up in the ropes. Rick tags in and gives Williams a belly-to-belly, then takes him down. Williams slaps Rick across the face once he comes in, and gives him a huge lariat, which Rick sells with a backflip. Yeah, Rick Steiner just backflipped off a clothesline. I was surprised. Gordy comes in, and clotheslines Rick again for a 2 count. Rick gives Gordy a belly-to-belly on a counter move, then Scott tags in. Scott gives Gordy a backdrop and STEINERLINE, then does that front underhook suplex of his. It's not a powerbomb, he just drops the guy to the side. So, suplex. Scott misses a dropkick, so Gordy applies an STF. Terry lets go of the hold and tags in Williams, who sticks out his knee for Gordy to drop Scott Steiner on. Williams gives him a backbreaker for two, and takes out the leg of Scott. The left knee is the body part which is in pain in this match. Gordy tags in and gets a powerslam, before applying a leg grapevine. He breaks the hold and tags Williams in, who along with Gordy, gets in a 3 point stance and delivers a shoulderblock to Scott. Scott dropkicks Williams as his leg was being held, and tags in Rick. The referee doesn't see it, though. Rick lines Williams out, then brawls with Gordy. Afterward, he powerslams Williams, but the referee never saw the tag. Outside the ring, Scott Steiner gets chopblocked on his bad knee, and Rick's still brawling with Gordy. Williams gives Scott a press slam which turns into a powerslam for 2, and then Scott gets his leg taken out by Gordy as the referees back is turned, leading to the pinfall for Gordy and Williams at 15:13.   Match Analysis: Hate, hate, hate that finish. Always hated it. It came out of nowhere, just when the match was starting to get good. Hopefully the Beach Blast '92 match is better, and hopefully we get to see it soon. **3/4. IMO, that's pretty much the definition of a match that gets a 3/4. Something about the match has to be off (in this case, the finish) OR it has to be lacking that extra something to give it a boost. I think I've explained myself. ___________________   From Great American Bash 1997, it's Kevin Greene vs. Mongo McMichael w/Debra.   Blow-by-blow: JR said the match was bowling shoe ugly, well, we'll see. Greene sprints into the ring, and gives Mongo a forearm and clothesline. Mongo bails, and trips Greene, then smashes Greene's knee into the ring apron. He rubs Greene's face into the mat, and taunts Greene's mother, who's in the crowd. Mongo brings Greene over to his mother, who hits Mongo with her purse. I laughed. The crowd chants "MONGO," cause they're in Illinois and all. Mongo's a former Chicago Bear, see. Mongo kicks Greene in the ribs, and gives him a neckbreaker for 2. Greene gets a Thesz Press, but when he charges into Mongo again, Mongo gives him a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Greene gives him a 10 punch in the corner after a few rights, but is given an inverted atomic drop by Mongo. Mongo gets a dropkick for 2, and whips Greene hard into the buckle. He twists Greene's ankle, as Dusty slips in a Benoit reference during the match. Greene comes back with a dropkick, and goes to the top for a clothesline that gets 2, only 2 because Mongo's foot was on the bottom rope. Greene clotheslines him over the top rope, and gives him a bodyslam. Debra tries to show some skin in order to distract Greene, but that doesn't do anything. On the inside, Greene misses a charge towards the corner, so Mongo starts choking him. Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring, and hits Mongo with the briefcase on accident. OOPS. Greene pins Mongo at 9:22, and gets the win.   Match Analysis: This is pretty much what led to Jarrett being kicked out of the Horsemen, in case you were wondering. JR's on crack. The match wasn't bad, it was probably the best singles match I've seen with Mongo involved. I'm dead serious. *3/4. ___________________   From Wrestlemania X7, the last match in the shorties section this month is The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin, for The Rock's WWF Title. The match is no disqualification.   Blow-by-blow: Austin's music is changed back from the Disturbed version, to the version we all know well. Bothers me a little. The Rock gets booed, as we know. I think all of us have seen this match. Austin misses a belt shot at the start of the match, and Thesz Presses the Rock. Austin with an elbowdrop, but as he runs the ropes again, Rock gives him a swinging neckbreaker. Both try for the Stunner, until Austin tosses the Rock out of the ring. And Rocky hit the floor HARD. They brawl into the crowd, and trade punches, before they come back to the ring. Austin's face gets rammed into the announce table, but he comes back with a clothesline. The crowd is so rabid for this match, words can't really describe it. Austin scrapes the face of Rocky with his knee brace, and on the inside, as Rocky's draped along the 2nd rope, Austin jumps on him and gets a 2 count. An Austin superplex gets two, and guys...we aren't even 5:00 into the bout yet. Austin takes the buckle pad off, but Rocky gives him a flying forearm. A belly-to-belly throw by the Rock gets 2, and then he clotheslines Austin over the top rope. He scares the referee away after ramming Austin into the table, but gets hit by the ring bell and blades. There's hardly any blood. The Rock climbs on the table, as if trying to get away, but falls through it. Back in, Austin tries to ram Rocky into the exposed turnbuckle, but he's unable to, so Austin gets a swinging neckbreaker for 2. Austin STOMPS A MUDHOLE WALKIN IT DRY on the Rock, but gets clotheslined after arguing with the ref for a bit. Finally, the ROCK rams Austin into the exposed turnbuckle, and returns the favor from earlier, hitting Austin with the ringbell. Now Austin's bleeding, as Rocky's cover gets a 2 count. Rocky beats Austin up, all the way around the ring. He elbows Austin twice, as Austin's on the apron. Austin fights back BAH GAWD, and slams Rocky on the barrier outside the ring. He slingshots Rocky into the post, and hits him with a television monitor. Now Rocky's bleeding, but I've got the feeling it was fake blood. He and Hebner were awfully close to each other after Rocky got hit with the monitor, and for a long time too. Plus, why would he blade twice when he has to shoot a movie? He wouldn't. On the inside, Rocky applies the SHARPSHOOTER. Well, they're going for WrestleMania 13 here. The visuals work. After, they do the same with Rocky caught in the SHARPSHOOTER, thanks to Austin. Funny little spot. Rocky gets out of the move, but Austin applies the SHARPSHOOTER again. Rocky gets to the ropes, but there's no DQ. So, Austin flips the bird at Hebner. Austin breaks the hold, and goes for the MILLION DOLLAR DREAM. Rocky does the spot where he kicks off the turnbuckle to put Austin in a pinning predicament, but only gets two. They're going for really obscure shit here, that the casual fan just isn't going to notice. I like that. Rocky gets the STONE COLD STUNNER for a 2 count, so Vince McMahon decides to grace us with his presence at ringside. An Austin spinebuster gets 2, so Rocky returns the favor with a spinebuster of his own, which leads to...THE PEOPLE'S ELBOWii! It only gets a 2 count though, because that dastardly Mr. McMahon pulled the Rock off during the count. Rock chases Vince, but as he gets back into the ring, he hits ROCK BOTTOM, thanks to Austin. Austin's cover only gets 2, so he tries the STUNNER. Can't get that, as Rocky pushes him into Hebner. Ref bump time. Austin gives Rock a lowblow, then holds the Rock for Vince to hit him with a chair, which he does. The first time I saw this match, live, I thought for sure that Vince would hit Austin. The ref's out for the count, but when he wakes up, Austin's cover gets 2. Rock gets a ROCK BOTTOM, but Vince distracts the official. Rocky punches Vince, but gets STUNNED as he turns around. His sell of the move is so ridiculous, but I like it. It gets a 2 COUNT, the crowd really thought the match was over. Austin gets handed a chair by Vince, but the single chairshot gets 2. He's thinking, "what does it take?" Finally, Austin says "fuck it," hits Rocky 16 TIMES with the chair, and pins him for the win at 28:07. The program shows Vince and Austin shaking hands, but not the beer drinking that comes afterward.   Match Analysis: It's the best WWF Title match ever. Do I need to say more? *****, and I liked the ending, contrary to what most people think. All the spots were well done, and fake blood doesn't bother me. After all, it's a fake sport. ___________________   For the shorties and Piper section over the whole month...   Rating: Great. Selection MAYBE could have been better, so no full rating. I would've liked to see something different than the William Perry thing. There was a lot to choose from.   Best Match: The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin. Duh.   Worst Match: Mr. T vs. Roddy Piper in a boxing match. This match was dogshit, so, when WrestleMania 2 gets reviewed, I'll review it.   Can't do loudest sound on this...kinda irrelevant. ___________________   Well, ECW will be up next. I want to do Survivor Series '95, but I have to wait.
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Review: Saturday Night's Main Event #18, 11/26/88, from Sacramento, California.

Finally, more new stuff. I needed to finish watching something before the Laker game started, so Saturday Night's Main Event is on the menu. I've never watched one of these, only clips from various ones. That's not a joke. Date in the title is the date that the show aired. ___________________   The opening to the show is fuckin' bizarre. It's a bunch of mini-promos, with the Ultimate Warrior (this one was the best), Andre the Giant and Bobby Heenan, Randy Savage (Elizabeth...my goodness), Ted DiBiase (who says Hercules is bought and paid for), and Hulk Hogan. Why can't we see stuff like this now?   Vince McMahon and Jesse Ventura are on commentary, and since they're in California, Jesse gets top billing. Therefore, he needs to be the one to talk first whenever a match is being introduced. Or so he says. ___________________   Gene Okerlund is with Super Ninja and Mr. Fuji, at which point Fuji mumbles about things I can't understand. Only thing I got out of that was that Super Ninja trained on 7 continents, in 7 special arts. Well. After that, Gene's with the Ultimate Warrior. I understood even less than I did during the previous interview. Now that's hard to believe.   Super Ninja is facing the ULTIMATE WARRIOR for the Intercontinental Title, and I don't think I need to explain who's the champ and challenger, do I? Ninja's sole offense in the bout is a chop, karate kick, and big boot. All three do nothing. Now, we go to school. Warrior gives Ninja a big boot which puts Ninja out of the ring, and Warrior follows him, then press slams him back into the ring. Warrior gives Ninja a back elbow, and signals that the end is near. Clothesline, press slam, big splash, and Warrior retains his title at 2:10. 1/4*. A squash if there ever was one. ___________________   Now, we flashback to Hercules being bought as a slave by Ted DiBiase. Yeah, I said it, a slave. MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This took place on the Superstars episode of 10/1/88. In case you were interested.   Jesse Ventura conducts an interview with DiBiase and Virgil, and Jesse's so obviously scripted or reading from a teleprompter that it's ridiculous. Did he make himself sound that way on purpose or what, because it was so overly done that that's how I interpreted it. DiBiase will take possession of Hercules if Virgil wins tonight, but when asked why he won't do the dirty work himself, Ted says he won't interact with his slaves.   Gene Okerlund's with Hercules, he doesn't say much of note.   And now, we have Virgil w/Ted DiBiase vs. Hercules, if Hercules loses, DiBiase will take possession of him.   Before the match, Jesse asks Vince if he thinks Hercules looks a little like Kunta Kinte. Might make me a bad person, but I laughed. Only because I was caught unawares, and I wasn't thinking about how un-politically incorrect wrestling was at the time. Both DiBiase and Virgil attack Hercules at the start of the match, but Hercules beats the both of them up. Herc backdrops Virgil, and clotheslines him over the top rope. Hercules chases DiBiase around the ring, and back inside, backdrops Virgil again. He gives Virgil a back elbow and then an elbowdrop, then punches him. DiBiase distracts Hercules in order to get him to stop, but afterward, Hercules gives Virgil a kneelift. He clotheslines Virgil twice, then powerslams him for the win at 3:23. After the match, Hercules throws Virgil out of the ring, onto DiBiase. 1/2*, mostly for the excess stuff going on. ___________________   Flashback to Jake Roberts scaring Andre with his snake, Damien. Yeah, this is when we found out that Andre was afraid of snakes. He "passed out" with the snake coiled around him. I always found this funny, albeit sad, seeing the role that Andre was reduced to. I'll touch on that a little more after the next match.   Andre the Giant is with Mean Gene, obviously Gene asks him about snakes, but Andre doesn't want to hear it. Savage and Elizabeth are with Gene afterward, and Macho says that since Hogan beat Andre, he can do it too.   The "main event" of the show is Andre the Giant w/Bobby Heenan vs. Macho Man Randy Savage w/Elizabeth, for Savage's WWF Title.   Andre chokes Savage, then headbutts him. Honestly, I described the entire match, right there. SO, I'll keep the review of the match brief, instead of repeating the same thing over and over again. Andre squashes Savage in the corner, and applies a front facelock, after a Savage knee to the back of Andre. Andre chokes Savage with the strap of his tights, which he hides from the referee. This is the only time during the match in which Andre is near the center of the ring. He keeps doing it, and while doing so, he headbutts Savage in the back. Savage gives him a jawbreaker, and Andre applies a nerve hold. The dubbed sound of the crowd makes this match better than it would have been otherwise. Yes, I said dubbed. If you think otherwise, you're wrong. Macho gives Andre a running elbow to the head and an axhandle from the 2nd rope, which puts Andre down for the first time in the bout. Jake Roberts makes his first appearance of the night, with Damien. Damien hides the snake under the ring, and Andre finally notices him. He knows the snake has been put somewhere, but doesn't know where that is. The official says Jake needs to leave ringside, and he does, after whispering something to Savage.   commercial break   and we're back, as Heenan's being told by Andre to find the snake. Andre chops Savage, and Heenan still can't find the snake. Macho gives Andre a running axhandle, then gets sat on by Andre. This is really sad. Heenan gets close to where the snake is, so now Macho starts chasing him. Now we know what Jake said to Savage before the commercial break. Andre brings Macho in the hard way, and Heenan's finally found the snake. Jake comes back to ringside and he's got the snake, at which point I notice that Andre's bleeding, and the bell rings at 8:41, as both wrestlers are disqualified. Macho beats up Heenan, and knocks Andre into the ropes, where Andre is tied up. Jake brings Damien out of the bag, but Andre gets untied by Heenan and the referee, so he leaves. Macho and Elizabeth celebrate, but for no reason at all. 1/4*, just for the extra stuff, again. It's so hard to watch Andre when Andre has to be next to the ropes at all times. There was only one point in the match that he wasn't. Just sad, is all. The match was ok in theory, all of Savage's offense was realistic in that he had to move quickly around Andre and sneak in little shots when he could. Anyhow, there's more to come. ___________________   Hacksaw Jim Duggan has an interview with Gene Okerlund, before his match against Boris Zhukov. The winner gets their flag raised, obviously, everyone knows which flags would get raised in the event. They stare at each other, then Duggan gives Zhukov an atomic drop. Zhukov gives him some back scratch fever, then Duggan misses an elbow drop. Duggan gives Zhukov a clothesline, then bodyslams him. 3 point stance time, clothesline out of that, and Duggan wins at 2:25. DUD. The American Flag gets raised, as the stipulation stated, and the American national anthem follows. ___________________   Flashback to the Big Bossman attacking Hulk Hogan on the Brother Love Show, and Bossman handcuffed Hogan to the guardrail and beat him with his nightstick.   Now, we have the Brother Love Show, with Slick and Hulk Hogan as the guests. They talk about what happened "last night", which was their way of saying, we can't tell you (meaning the live audience) about Survivor Series, so we'll say last night instead. No harm, no foul. Hogan beats both Slick and Love up at the end of the show, after Love had cut him off throughout the interview. Hogan handcuffs Love to the top rope, and clotheslines him out of the ring. I bet that hurt. He's hanging by his hand. Hogan poses, and that's the end of that. Meh. ___________________   Jesse's at the interview area again, and this time it's the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers, along with Jimmy Hart. They have an announcement...they've moved to the USA!!! Memphis, Tennessee, at that.   The last match of the night is the Young Stallions vs. the Fabulous Rougeau Brothers w/Jimmy Hart.   Powers and Jacques start the match, and Jacques shoulderblocks Powers, then dropkicks him after countering his backdrop. Powers goes up for a 10 punch in the corner, but Hart hits him in the leg with his megaphone. Raymond comes in with a savate kick, and gives Powers a backbreaker onto the knee of Jacques. Jacques misses a springboard crossbody, and Roma finally tags in. He powerslams Jacques, and gives him a flying fistdrop from up top. Now Roma goes up, and gets a missile dropkick. Too bad for him though, the Rougeaus regain control, and hit Roma with that double team finish of their's at 3:05, for the win. I don't know the name of the finisher. *1/2. ___________________   Jesse's with Andre and Heenan, and Andre says Jake needs to fight like a man. I get a lot of enjoyment out of Andre's interviews, I don't really know why, though.   Mean Gene's with Jake, and then with Hogan afterward. The Hogan/Bossman thing got finished at the 2nd Main Event, for the most part anyway, but they had a good cage match at MSG afterward that's worth checking out.   Show's over. ___________________   Rating: Decent. The show seems too manufactured for my taste, but I don't know whether or not all the SNME's are like this. It seemed like every little thing was scripted to a T. The commentary too. There weren't any matches worth going out of your way for, but the show was nice at giving a look at what they were building to before the WrestleMania programs. For that, a decent rating applies. It was a fun show that I'll watch again. If you're one of those people that only cares about workrate, this isn't for you.   Best Match: Fabulous Rougeaus vs. Young Stallions.   Worst Match: Hacksaw Jim Duggan vs. Boris Zhukov. It was the only one I got no enjoyment out of. ___________________   Well, I'm not going to review 2 of the 3 Piper matches, and I'll explain why. If I review the boxing match, I've reviewed a large portion of Wrestlemania 2 already, cause I'm reviewing the shorties section next.. I don't want to review so much of one show without doing the whole thing. As far as the dog-collar match goes, I'm saving that until Starrcade 83 gets posted. Sorry. That's a decision I made a while ago. I'll review the match from the War to Settle the Score, with the shorties matches that I'll have up tomorrow. When the History of the WWE Championship DVD gets posted, it's going to be the same. I'll only review matches from non-PPV shows then. I just don't want to review matches that were the sole reason to watch a show. Matches from WM X7 are much different. Austin/Rock, I'll have that up with the rest.
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Review: WWF Monday Night Raw, 4/7/97, from Muncie, Indiana.

Let's see if RAW will be as good as Nitro. ___________________   A recap of Mankind's actions last week is aired first, and then, the intro to the show. Remember, Mankind lit a fireball in Undertaker's face.   Commentators this week are Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, and the Honky Tonk Man. Half the roster is overseas. The other half is what you'll see tonight.   The first match is a non-title tag team match (why non-title?), with Owen Hart and the British Bulldog facing the Godwinns.   Before the match, Owen says that he's thankful for Bret Hart, and when Shawn Michaels has his interview later, he better not have anything bad to say about his brother. Henry starts the match off with a press slam that gets 2, OHHEGOTHIMNOHEDIDN'T. Henry slams Phineas onto Owen, and after the Hart Foundation members retreat, Owen gets an armwringer and tags Bulldog in. Phineas gives Bulldog a hiptoss, and sorta freaks out, making the Harts retreat. I have no idea what that was about, but at the same time, the picture went into splitscreen mode, with Shawn Michaels on the other side. Of course, he didn't have much to say. Owen gives Phineas a spinning heel kick as he gets back into the ring, then Phineas gets a backslide for 2. It's hard to describe the action, just picture it in slow motion. An Owen enziguri gets 2, and we go to a   commercial break.   Back from the break, Henry gets tagged in, and slams both men. Split screen with LOD, as Henry gives Bulldog a slop drop, but the referee's not paying attention. Owen comes off the top rope with a double axhandle onto Henry, and puts Bulldog on top of Henry for the cover and victory, at 7:11. 1/4*, junk. LOD make their way to the ring, and the Godwinns slop them on accident. Is that how the Godwinns turn heel? ___________________   Owen and Bulldog are in the promo area, and they enlighten us with reasons why America is a joke, namely referring to the Godwinns slopping LOD. Steve Austin happens to wander by, and he looks pissed off. Anyway, it's his match coming up right now, Steve Austin vs. Billy Gunn.   Austin beats up Gunn, then backdrops him, as the match starts. He dumps Gunn to the outside, and chokes him on the top rope on Gunn's way back in. He rams Billy's arm into the ringpost, and applies an armbar, before Billy gives him a neckbreaker. Austin stomps a mudhole in Gunn, and kicks him in the nuts. Stone Cold gives the referee two middle fingers (crowd liked that), and goes up to the top rope. Billy shakes the ropes so Austin gets crotched, and gives Austin a middle finger, which is blurred out by the censors, just like the last one. Gay. Gunn misses a clothesline and that's it, kick, STUNNER at 6:08. Not very good, and distinctly different from Austin's matches after the neck injury at Summerslam 1997. 1/2*, Honky Tonk Man comes into the ring and tells Gunn that he believes in him, and will fix him up. However, Billy Gunn punches his lights out. Gunn wants no part of that. ___________________   Shawn Michaels interview was filled with a lot of shootish comments, but nothing we don't know now. It was probably groundbreaking at the time, but in hindsight, it came off as boring. Shawn talks about sucking up your problems backstage in order to give the fans a show, which is such hypocritical bullshit for a guy that's gotten out of jobbing titles at the rate he has. He says Bret's reason for his return was horseshit, and Bret played the WWF and a "rival organization" in order to get paid as much as possible. There's truth in that. Shawn says the WWF did the best business with him as champ that they did in 6 years previous. LOL. I like Shawn as a wrestler, but he has no business making comments like this. Anyway, the interview got boring, just like Bret's interview a week or two ago. Owen and Bulldog make their way to the ring, but Shawn grabs a chair, so we don't get to see a fight. Pretty much a pointless segment, I suppose. ___________________   Warzone time.   The Headbangers have a match against Barry Horowitz and Freddie Joe Floyd.   Horowitz has a Star of David on his trunks. Does it make me a bad person to have laughed at that? This match goes about 4:14, and the Headbangers win it after a Mosh powerbomb leads to a Thrasher legdrop off the top rope. It was a DUD, so I just made it easier on myself. ___________________   Ken Shamrock vs. Vernon White in an exhibition fight, and I won't give a full review, because worked "shoot" fights, especially this one, aren't very good. Vince McMahon plugs UFC's next PPV before the fight, which is something I guarantee you wouldn't see now. Shamrock wins via ground and pound at 1:57, after White kicked him in the gut. Vince McMahon says, this fight was supposed to be an exhibition, but White took it further than that. I don't know how, or if the blood was real at all, but there was blood everywhere after the ground-n-pound by Shamrock. Vader comes to the ring, does his WHO'S DA MAN thing, and confronts Shamrock. The usual officials come to the ring in order to prevent a scrum, and there's Pat Patterson, with a cigarette in his ear. Hello Pat! ___________________   To follow up on Vader's appearance, he came to the ring, along with Paul Bearer, because Vader's facing Frank Stilleto. Vader does what he usually does to jobbers, and that's beat the shit out of them. He gives Stilleto a release german suplex, then pounds on his face. Splitscreen to Mankind, and he says he'll be at the ring soon. Vader gives Stilleto two VADER BOMBS, and a powerbomb, which leads to a Vader pinfall victory at 2:15. *. ___________________   Gorilla explains the situation for what was supposed to be a Sid v. Mankind match later, and it's that Sid just isn't there. He bailed out on the company, really. Stone Cold comes into the picture after Gorilla says that Austin will have to face Mankind. It's surreal to see Austin cussing up a storm at Gorilla, what with Gorilla being the obvious link to old time wrestling on the show, and all. Austin says he'll face Mankind if he gets to face Bret Hart at Revenge of the Taker. Gorilla gives in, and says Austin can have what he wants. ___________________   Mankind comes to the ring, and explains why he burned Undertaker. He wanted Taker to know what it was like to burn, cause Mankind already knows what it's like. He somewhat references the Deathmatch Tournament in Japan, but not by name, and how he had to fly home with the smell of burnt flesh bothering everyone around him. He gets in a subtle dig at the salary of Marc Mero, by saying he's sick of getting paid less than pretty boys who open the show. Heh. Mankind says it COULD be his last match, but if it is, it'll be Taker's too. He made himself a reservation for a bed at the hospital in Rochester, but he did the same for Taker. Taker's music sounds, and his voice echoes through the arena. Hell hath no fury like the Undertakers, Mankind will know what it's like to burn for eternal damnation, blah blah blah. Pretty good segment. ___________________   Now, Mankind w/Paul Bearer stays in the ring, waiting for Steve Austin to arrive so they can have their match.   Blow-by-blow: Austin comes to the ring, but the crowd gives him very little pop. What's up with that? Austin and Mankind brawl on the outside, and Austin suplexes Mankind on the entrance ramp. Mankind gets a clothesline, and then is tossed into the stairs by Austin. Mankind chokes him, and then legdrops Austin on the ring apron. We go splitscreen with Owen Hart, and he calls Sid a "gutless coward." Good job of explaining the situation, Owen. Mankind whips Austin into the guardrail, and grabs a steel chair. He's unable to hit Austin with it, and Austin drops him onto the guardrail. Austin comes off the ring apron with a double axhandle, which, like I said, is far different than the type of things he'd be doing in the ring a year later. The style he's wrestling here doesn't fit the character. He clotheslines Mankind, but gets put into the bell table afterward. Finally the combatants come inside the ring, and Austin tackles Mankind, then punches him. He kicks Mick in the gut, and gets a back elbow for two. Austin goes to the chinlock, and Bulldog and Owen make an appearance in the crowd. Austin breaks the hold, and tells them to come on down.   commercial break   As we come back, we get a vignette for the upcoming PPV. Not a big deal. Mankind can't suplex Austin in, so he chokes Austin on the top rope. During the break, Mankind hit Austin with a chair. Mankind goes to the chinlock, and during the hold, you can see Austin holding his hands up so he can call a spot. If I wasn't smartened up, I never would've noticed. Austin breaks the hold, but misses an elbowdrop. Mankind gives him another legdrop on the apron, and Mankind peels back the padding on the floor. Mankind gives Austin a Cactus style elbow off the apron, and an eye rake afterward. Mankind attempts to piledrive Austin on the ramp, but gets pushed off the ramp, HARD, into the guardrail. No wonder this guy has brain damage. The two wrestlers get in the ring again, and Owen and Bulldog have decided to make their way down from the crowd. The Legion of Doom join them at ringside, and chase the Hart Foundation members. Austin gives Mankind a clothesline while this is happening, then stomps a mudhole in Mankind. Vader comes out to help Mankind, but hits him instead. The bell sounds at 11:10, denoting a no-contest. Vader and Mankind fight, but Uncle Paul gets them to stop. **1/2. That's the end of the show. ___________________   Rating: Poor. If not for the Austin/Mankind match, the show would have been completely forgettable.   Best Match: Obviously, Austin vs. Mankind.   Worst Match: Owen Hart and the British Bulldog vs. The Godwinns.   Loudest Sound: Shawn Michaels, then Vader and Shamrock's confrontation.   No Sound: The Headbangers and Billy Gunn. Jobbers don't really count. ___________________   Nitro wins this battle. Better matches, and it was more consistent throughout the course of the show. It was to be expected though, with half the roster being overseas, the show was bound to suck.
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Review: WCW Monday Nitro, 4/7/97, from Huntsville, Alabama.

It's the greatest night in the history of our sport! ___________________   First up, as usual, WCW shows the ending of the PPV which took place on the day before Nitro, when it applies. At Spring Stampede, Randy Savage wanted to slap Kimberly, but wound up doing that to Eric Bischoff instead. After a bit of still photos from the DDP/Savage match the night before, we begin the action with   Alex Wright and Psychosis vs. Hugh Morrus and Konnan.   Alex avoids Morrus' wild punches, and Morrus does the same when Wright attempts a springboard moonsault. A leg lariat by Wright gets a 1 count, and Psychosis tags in. Konnan tags in, and gives Psychosis a running clothesline. Psychosis gets a superkick and flying headscissor, then a spinning heel kick from the top rope. He goes up again, and corkscrew moonsaults onto Morrus, who's out on the floor. We go to a split screen view, and DDP has arrived at the arena. Konnan gets a powerbomb for 2 on Psychosis, and Morrus comes in and powerslams Psychosis. He goes up to the 2nd rope and misses an elbowdrop, finally, Alex Wright tags in. A missile dropkick by Wright follows, and a dropkick comes after that. He armdrags Morrus, and goes up top for a crossbody, which gets 2. Morrus gives him a swinging neckbreaker out of nowhere, and goes up for No Laughing Matter, which gets his team the victory at 5:04. **, decent opener. ___________________   Right out of the commercial break, we have Lord Steven Regal vs. Rey Mysterio Jr. Sounds good.   The bell rings almost immediately, so Regal gives Mysterio a stiff European uppercut. He waves to the crowd, then gives Mysterio a flapjack. Regal's arrogance is amusing, to say the least. He drops Mysterio on the guardrail from a fireman's carry position, and we go to a FULLSCREEN shot of Hogan arriving. He's so special, he can't just have half the screen. He has to be on the whole thing. Back to the match, and Regal's choking Rey with his boot. Regal goes for an underhook powerbomb, but Rey armdrags him in the middle of the move. A springboard dropkick by Rey puts Regal out of the ring, and as Regal comes into back into the ring off the top rope, Mysterio gives him a flying headscissor. Neat. Rey's springboard hurricanrana gets a 2 count, and Regal gives him a reverse suplex. Now there's a move I haven't seen in a long time. The Regal Stretch is applied, and once Rey reaches the ropes, Regal won't break the hold. Needless to say, Regal gets DQ'd, at 4:33. Prince Iaukea runs to the ring and tries to attack Regal, and HE gets put in the Regal Stretch. Regal keeps the hold applied for a long time, until a couple referees make him break it. **.   The rest of the NWO arrives, namely Savage, Kevin Nash, Fake Sting, Syxx, Elizabeth and Buff Bagwell. Teasing tension, I see. ___________________   After a break, we're treated to the presence of Dennis Rodman, at the premiere of the movie, Double Team. Rodman looks really gay right here.   Chris Benoit v. Ice Train. I'll say this, once Benoit's career gets out of the point where he's squashing people on Nitro, and to the point where he's facing important wrestlers, his matches should be shown. But stuff like this, I don't care.   Now, we have Kevin Sullivan w/Jacqueline and Jimmy Hart facing Hector Guerrero. Sullivan beats the shit out of Hector over the whole match, and Jacqueline does too. Sullivan stomps on Hector, which finishes the match at 2:48. 1/2* for Jacqueline's involvement. ___________________   The NWO makes their way down to the ring, but they're separated in two groups. Fake Sting is the only one that switched groups from before, it's Hogan, DiBiase, fake Sting, Bischoff and Vincent, and the rest are the ones that arrived with Savage and Nash. Mostly the B-teamers. Billionaire Ted has the mic, and says if you're in the NWO, you're in 4 LIFE. There shouldn't be any problems, he says. To save space, Hogan wonders where Scott Hall is, Nash says Hall is NWO 4 LIFE; Savage and Bischoff bury the hatchet, in regards to their problems at Spring Stampede, and that's the end of the segment. Ghey. ___________________   It's HOUR #2~!!!~!~!~!~!~!~! That means Mike Tenay and Bobby Heenan replace Larry Zbyszko at the commentary table, see.   Mean Gene invites Ric Flair out to join him, both Flair and Roddy Piper are ready to fight the NWO, and they'll do it at Slamboree, with Kevin Greene as their partner. WCW PPV's were so weaksauce. Hogan didn't have a PPV match from Uncensored to Bash at the Beach. That's 3 PPV's without the champion wrestling, and since the title wasn't defended from Superbrawl to Road Wild, 5 PPV's without a title defense. Lame. ___________________   In a US Title match, the challenger, Chris Jericho will take on the champion, Dean Malenko. A precursor to what would become just a year later, for sure.   The opening sequence is sweet, not too sweet, just sweet. Dean tries a hiptoss but can't get it, but his rollup gets 2. Jericho gets an enziguri and spinning heel kick, which puts Dean on the ring apron. Jericho springboards out with a crossbody, and on the inside, gives Dean a missile dropkick. Jericho backslides Malenko for 2, but afterward, Malenko gives him a powerbomb. That's what I'm TALKIN' ABOUT. He goes for the Texas Cloverleaf, but Jericho grabs the bottom rope. Jericho misses a charge to the corner, but gets a superplex. Dean rams Jericho's head into the ringpost, and then kicks him in the face, as Jericho sells a "broken nose." Dean pins him and retains his title, at 3:00. Strange finish, but these two did really well with the time they were given. *3/4. ___________________   The Public Enemy vs. High Voltage is next, and this match is a revenge match, as a result of what happened two weeks ago. If you want to see, look HERE.   Both teams brawl, and the Public Enemy get the best of it after a double backdrop and double suplex. Rage pulls down the top rope, which puts Rocco Rock out of the ring, but Rocco comes back in quickly, and gets shoulderblocked for a 2 count. Kaos tags in, and Rocco gives him a swinging neckbreaker. Not-so-hot tag Grunge, so Grunge clotheslines everyone, then slams Rage. It's TABLE TIME, but Grunge misses a splash of Kaos, as Kaos gets out of the way. Grunge pretty much flew through that table. Rage gives Rocco a northern lights suplex, which finishes the bout at 3:06! Wow. High Voltage beat them twice. That's a surprise. *, after the bout, the Public Enemy say that they want to face High Voltage in a Philadelphia Streetfight next week. Unfortunately, we won't see it, as Nitro and RAW are going to be skipped. The Public Enemy are "going to take it to...the EXTREME." If I were Paul Heyman, I would have used that as an opportunity to get some cash out of Ted Turner.   After the commercial break, we see that Prince Iaukea's ribs are hurt. He still has to defend the Television Title! ___________________   Harlem Heat w/Sister Sherri are supposed to face Jeff Jarrett and Mongo McMichael w/Debra, but Mongo isn't there. HANDICAP MATCH.   Booker gives Jarrett a shoulderblock, and Jarrett comes back with an armdrag and hiptoss. Stevie Ray comes in to stop that, and chokes Jarrett. He gives Jarrett a falldown slam, and once Jarrett gets up, he dropkicks both men, then does that gay dance of his. Booker gives Jarrett a Harlem Sidekick, and since it occured to me at that point of the match...was there anyone on this planet that thought Jarrett and Booker would become WCW Champions? By that, I mean, in 1997, could anyone believe that would occur? I know, since it was WCW post-1998 it doesn't really count, but still. Stevie comes in with a legdrop, and gets a 2 count. A Booker forearm gets 2, and a scoop slam follows. Booker gives Jarrett a scissor kick, but no SPINAROONIE! and tags Stevie in. Stevie gives Jarrett an axe kick, but only gets 2. A Jarrett small package gets 2, and Harlem Heat give him a double suplex for his trouble. Sherri punches Jarrett a few times, then Booker crotches himself on the top rope after a Harlem Sidekick attempt. Stevie comes in and suplexes Jarrett, then Mongo grants us with his presence. What a swell fellow. He tags in and chopblocks Harlem Heat. Mongo shows us how great of a man he is, by tagging Jarrett into the match as Jarrett's out of gas. Booker gives Jarrett a Harlem Sidekick, and gets the 3 count, at 9:02. 3/4*, wasn't very good.   Gene Okerlund interviews Mongo, at which point Mongo rambles about a whole lot of nothing, pretty much stating that he's out for himself. Like I said, he's a great guy. ___________________   On The Road with Lee Marshall. Gay.   Anyway, here's the TV Title match, The Ultimate (they were still calling him this) Dragon w/Sonny Onoo vs. the champ, Prince Iaukea.   Iaukea gets a small package for 2, as that's pretty much all he can do. Remember, his ribs. A backslide gets two, then Dragon kicks him in the ribs a whole bunch. He slams Iaukea and goes up top, but eats the bare foot of Iaukea. Prince chops him, and Dragon gives him a few more kicks. Sensing victory, Dragon pins Iaukea at 2:03, and we have a new Television Champion. Congrats on your first TV Title, Ultimate Dragon. I'm not a fan of him, btw. 1/2*. ___________________   See, the Giant and Scott Steiner were supposed to have a match, but that evil Mexican, Konnan and the crazy guy, Hugh Morrus attacked Steiner in the aisleway. Morrus hit Giant with a chair, but it didn't do anything. No match. ___________________   DDP comes out for a promo, says he's an anomaly, and explains the meaning of the word.     Yeah, pretty much. He wants Savage, and Savage hobbles down toward the ring. Hollywood Hogan stops him though, and says he, and the NWO will take care of Page. "Don't lose your shades, we'll handle it." Savage can sit back and watch.   IT'S STING!   He comes out of the rafters with two baseball bats, and tosses one to DDP. He climbs in the ring with Page, and honestly, I would have finished the Savage/Page thing at Spring Stampede, and had Page attack Sting here, giving Sting even more reason to stay a loner. I wouldn't have had DDP join the NWO, though, I would have had him program with The Giant for a while, and once Sting beat Hogan, would have had Sting get his revenge on DDP. That's just fantasy booking. What really happens is, the announcers proclaim that DDP has a friend, and that's the end of the show. ___________________   Rating: Good. There were good matches, albeit short, throughout, and Sting made an appearance. Not only that, but Hogan made his first appearance after a couple week absence. That, and a title change, are grounds for a good rating. After all, it's a TV show, so they should be held to different standards than a PPV or MSG show.   Best Match: Alex Wright and Psychosis vs. Konnan and Hugh Morrus. Although Rey vs Regal was enjoyable, this had a clean finish. Thus, better.   Worst Match: Harlem Heat vs. Jeff Jarrett (mostly) and Mongo McMichael.   Loudest Sound: NWO and Sting. Duh. Outside of that, Ric Flair and The Giant. No surprises here, the crowd pretty much cheers everyone in WCW. Rarely do people get booed.   No Sound: Prince Iaukea and High Voltage. Again, no surprises. ___________________   RAW's next.
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Review: WWF from Madison Square Garden, 12/28/90.

I looked on thehistoryofwwe.com, and saw that this card looked pretty good. So, here.   Gorilla Monsoon and Lord Alfred Hayes are on commentary. ___________________   The first match is Koko B. Ware vs. Black Bart...for whatever reason, I haven't seen Bart in the WWF before. Frankie, Koko's parrot, comes along with him.   Blow-by-blow: We start things up with a lock-up, and Bart attempts to knock Koko's head off with a punch, but misses. Koko takes Bart over with an armwringer, but Bart reaches the ropes. Koko applies a hammerlock, but again, Bart gets the ropes. Koko gives Bart two hiptosses and a dropkick, so Bart bails out of the ring. Bart wants a TEST OF STRENGTH, Koko complies, and in doing so, after winning the test of strength, steps on Bart's hand. Koko dropkicks him, but after a few right hands, Bart chokes Koko with his boot. Bart tosses Koko onto the top prope for 2, and applies the CHINLOCK. Bart gives Koko a knee to the gut for 2, and reapplies the CHINLOCK. Koko punches Bart in the head, and both men go down. Bart with a bodyslam, but he misses an elbowdrop. Koko can't slam him, and Bart falls on top for a 2 count. Bart misses a charge into the corner, and they begin the ending sequence. Koko gets a roll-up for a 2 count, and a suplex for 2. Then, Koko gets a small package for 2, but afterwards, Bart chokes him. He scratches Koko on the back, and Koko delivers a running headbutt to Bart. Koko with a missile dropkick and he gets a BRAINBUSTER for 3, at 10:08.   Match Analysis: I always thought the Ghostbuster was like an X-Factor, but a BRAINBUSTER? Wish I had known that before. Anyway, the match was **. Solid opener, probably as good as it could have been. ___________________   Next up, we have The Warlord vs. Jimmy "SUPERFLY" Snuka. I don't care for Jimmy's music. To make a simple observation, Snuka's fall from 1983 to 1990 was a hard one. From steel cages with Don Muraco to opening with the Warlord. Damn, he was 47 at this point. That's hard to believe, even though it's the truth. Explains a lot...   Blow-by-blow: Warlord attacks Snuka from behind, then chokes him, as the bell rings. Snuka's offense consists of chops and headbutts, just so you know what you're in for. That's what he does, and he also tries a crossbody here. He can't get that, as he's caught and slammed to the canvas by the Warlord. Warlord misses an elbowdrop, so Snuka headbutts him. Snuka brings the action toward the corner, and chops Warlord in the neck a few times. Unfortunately for Snuka, Warlord gives him an inverted atomic drop. THE SUPERFLY gets clotheslined, and choked by the Warlord. Warlord follows that with a boot to the head of Snuka that knocks Snuka out of the ring; Warlord joins Snuka on the outside and slams Snuka into the ringpost. Warlord suplexes Snuka back into the ring, and gives him an elbowdrop, which gets a 2 count. Warlord gives Snuka a bearhug, a move that will certainly affect my enjoyment of this match. It was going swell, until that. Anyhow, Snuka headbutts Warlord in order to break the hold, and gives him a headbutt off the top rope for 2. Standing headbutt, not diving. Snuka with more chops and headbutts, but Warlord catches him off an irish whip and hotshots him. Warlord chokes Snuka along the top rope at 8:29, and gets disqualified because he won't break the hold. That's one of the lamest finishes, ever. Anyway, Snuka chops Warlord out of the ring after the match. The end.   Match Analysis: That was probably one of the best one-on-one matches the Warlord has ever had. No, I'm not kidding, as it's surely the best one I'VE seen. *1/4.   After all that, the Gobbledygooker comes out and struts around ringside, after which he does a dosey-do with Howard Finkel. Ugh. ___________________   Here's what I was watching the show for, The Rockers vs. Power and Glory.   Blow-by-blow: Hercules is swinging the CHAIN in the ring, but one of the Rockers distracts him by attacking Roma, and it's on like Donkey Kong. The Rockers get the best of the brawl after a double superkick, and after Roma and Hercules huddle up, Roma starts the match with Jannetty. Roma rams Marty's head into the buckle, then Irish whips Marty into the ropes, at which point Marty tries a sunset flip. Roma tries to punch Marty, but misses, so his hand hits the canvas. Marty works his way around Roma, and tags Shawn. Shawn gives Roma an inverted atomic drop, then goes toward the turnbuckle for the 10 punch. Hercules tries to sneak up behind Shawn, but Shawn leaps off Roma and gives Hercules a crossbody. That was cool. Marty slingshots Shawn into both heels, and after they double superkick both heels, Power and Glory bail to the outside. The Rockers get booed a little, this being Madison Square Garden and all. Hercules comes in quickly with a clothesline, and kicks Shawn in the head. Power and Glory double team Shawn with the ref distracted, and afterwards while Shawn is running the ropes, Roma trips him. The heels double team Shawn again, then Hercules gives Shawn an elbow to the head. Roma beats up Shawn with the referee distracted, then Hercules misses a charge toward the corner. Marty tags in, and comes off the top rope with a double axhandle. Shawn tags in and does the same, and Hercules receives a double back elbow from the Rockers. Marty rams Herc's face into the canvas, then takes him over with an armdrag. Marty applies a short-arm scissor, as the Rockers begin to work over the arms of both their opponents. They armdrag Roma and Hercules a whole bunch, and after the last armdrag of that sequence, Shawn tags in as Marty gives Roma a droptoehold, and Shawn gives him an elbowdrop for 2. Shawn with another armdrag as he tags in Marty, and they both work over Roma's arm, then chop him. Marty with the last armdrag of the match, and as Marty runs the ropes a bit after, Hercules clobbers him in the back of his head. Hercules tags in and rams Marty's head into the turnbuckle, then gives Roma a turn at doing the same. He can't though, and Marty clotheslines him while coming out of the corner. Shawn tags in, and gives Roma a back elbow. While running the ropes, Hercules pulls down the top rope, which sends Shawn to the outside. I've noticed that Power and Glory are both fond of those sorts of spots. Roma rams Shawn's back into the apron after Hercules distracts the referee, and for whatever reason, the crowd isn't particularly fond of this match. I don't know why, it's really good. Roma gives Shawn a bodyslam outside the ring, then on the inside, Hercules whips Shawn into the buckle, and Shawn goes upside down. Hercules poses, and then gives Shawn a bearhug. Shawn won't quit, but Herc brings him toward his corner. Guess he wants to beat him into submission, harharhar. Hercules sets Shawn on the top rope for either a superplex or POWERPLEX, but as he goes up, the 2nd rope breaks. Dunno whether that was intentional or not. It's BIZAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRE. Hot tag Marty, and Marty gives Roma a back elbow and kneelift. Roma misses a charge toward Marty, and a Marty clothesline gets 2. Hercules tosses Shawn out, and Marty gives Hercules a small package. Roma turns it over to put Herc on top, and then Shawn does the same to put Marty on top. The Rockers get a 2 count, then double slam Hercules. The Rockers get a ROCKET LAUNCHER, but during the count, the bell rings, at 21:16. It's a timelimit draw. Boo. Both teams fight after the bell, but Power and Glory retreat. They throw a few chairs into the ring, but the Rockers avoid them, then sit down in them   Match Analysis: Very, very good. Not as good as Rockers/Orient Express from Rumble '91, but still good. ***1/4, and I added a 1/4 because the rope fell off. Just because I can, and it was definitely good enough to warrant it. The fans should have been ashamed, there was little pop for a very good match. ___________________   Here's a pissbreak match, Greg Valentine w/Jimmy Hart vs. Saba Simba. HEY, THAT'S TONY ATLAS!   Blow-by-blow: What fool wouldn't know it was Tony in the first place? I think the internet rumor about that being the reason Saba Simba didn't last long is bunk. Atlas is one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen. Anyway, Simba pushes Valentine to the canvas, and armdrags him. Valentine chops Simba, but misses an elbowdrop. Simba chops back, and gives Valentine an UGLY heel kick. It was like Booker T's scissor kick, but Atlas just tapped Valentine with his heel and didn't go to the canvas. Awful. Valentine bails to the outside, and back inside, applies a chinlock. Simba gives Valentine a shoulderblock, but afterwards, is dumped to the outside. Simba comes back in the ring quickly, and clotheslines Valentine. The Hammer regains control, and works on Simba's leg. He tries to slam Simba, but can't. Simba is already blown up, 5 minutes in, if that at all. Just terrible. Valentine goes to a sloppy bow-and-arrow, which confirms my suspicion. Simba is just lying there. Valentine goes for the figure-four, but Simba kicks him away. Out of respect for Atlas, I call him Simba. It's easier to type than Atlas, for some reason. Valentine gives Simba an elbow, and a fistdrop for 2. Simba chops Valentine, then rams his head into 3 turnbuckles. Valentine gets headbutted, and after the two combatants lock up, Valentine pushes the referee for some reason. So, Simba wins by DQ, at 8:28. Valentine holds Simba in place for Jimmy Hart to hit Simba with the guitar, but instead, he hits Valentine on accident. I think Valentine was bleeding before the guitar shot, but anyhow...Valentine's pissed off. Hart begs Greg not to hit him, then runs away. This was probably the loudest part of the entire show.   Match Analysis: Awful. -1/2*. I almost started crying. Like I said, Atlas is one of the worst wrestlers I've ever seen. Valentine could have had a better match with El Gigante. ___________________   It's Hulk Hogan and Tugboat against Earthquake and Dino Bravo w/Jimmy Hart. I don't know why they had to bring Tugboat and Bravo into the mix during the Hogan/Quake program, but anyway. I hated Bravo, and still can't stand watching him.   Blow-by-blow: Hogan and Bravo start the match, and they both push each other into the corner. Hogan gets a backdrop and atomic drop, then both Hogan and Tugboat beat Bravo up. Tugboat tags in, and the babyfaces give Bravo a double back elbow. Hogan tags in, with a double axhandle off the top rope. He gives Bravo a rake to the eyes, and rams him into the buckle, tagging Tugboat in. Double big boot is on the menu for Bravo, which puts Bravo outside, but Bravo comes back in with a boot of his own. After an inverted atomic drop, Earthquake tags in. Earthquake misses an elbowdrop, so Hogan tags back in. Right hands for Quake follow, and Bravo gets slammed. Then Quake gets slammed, and clotheslined. HULKAMANIA'S RUNNIN' WILD BROTHER. Tugboat tags in, and avalanches Quake. A clothesline follows, but as 'Boat is about to do another, Bravo hits him with Hart's megaphone. Earthquake tags Bravo, and Bravo's pin gets a 2 count. Bravo spits on Hogan, then tags in Quake. Bravo and Quake clothesline Tugboat after Earthquake tags in, and a big splash by Quake gets 2, only cause Hogan broke up the pin. Quake goes to the chinlock, but that doesn't last long, thankfully. Earthquake takes Tugboat down, and tags in Bravo. Fake hot tag follows (you know, where the ref is distracted and doesn't see the tag), so Quake and Bravo give Tugboat a double slam. It's time for the ASS SPLASH, but Hogan gives Quake a clothesline as Quake was running the ropes. Tag Hogan, and Bravo follows, as Hogan goes into his routine, after the big boot, he rolls Bravo up for the 3 count at 9:19. Strange finish, isn't it. Tugboat and Hogan pose for a while, and then, out of nowhere, Earthquake comes back to the ring, and hits Hogan with a chair; at the same time, Jimmy Hart throws chalk into the eyes of Tugboat. Quake gives Hogan an ASS SPLASH, and Hogan's down for the count. He won't do a stretcher job, though, so Tugboat helps him to the back. Hogan's a man's man.   Match Analysis: Short and inoffensive, *. That was as good as we could have hoped for. ___________________   Ted DiBiase had knee surgery, so Virgil will take his place in this bout against the Texas Tornado.   Blow-by-blow: Kerry's so strung out it's ridiculous. He never met a drug he didn't like. Virgil sends Kerry outside after a few clubbing blows to the back, and then rams him into the stairs. Tornado blocks a right hand, and hiptosses Virgil out. Into the stairs Virgil goes, and Virgil doesn't come into the ring for about 2 minutes. Goodness. Tornado makes him come in, and then tosses him into the buckle, where he misses a charge. Virgil applies an armbar, and rakes Kerry in the eyes. Kerry gets two clotheslines and a backdrop, so Virgil begs for forgiveness. Kerry gets a suplex and another backdrop, which leads to a Boston Crab. The CLAW follows, but Virgil makes the ropes. Kerry finishes the match with the DISCUSCUSCUSCUS punch at 7:55. After the match, Virgil offers to shake Kerry's hand, and Kerry shakes it.   Match Analysis: Not good at all. -1/2*. I'll never watch that match again, under any circumstances. Same level of suck as the Valentine/Simba match, hence the rating.   Jimmy Hart comes to the ring, and says Honky Tonk Man challenges Valentine to a match at the next MSG show. Well, Honky left the company, so it never happened. ___________________   In a seemingly impromptu partnership, Dusty Rhodes and Jim Duggan face Sgt. Slaughter and General Adnan.   Blow-by-blow: Dusty's in the worst shape of his entire wrestling career, up to that point anyway. He really let himself go. Slaughter tries to grab Duggan's 2x4, but isn't able to. Dusty elbows Slaughter, and tags in Duggan. HOOOOOOOO, then he whips Slaughter into the corner, where Slaughter does that thing where he rams himself into the steel ringpost, catapulting himself to the floor. Adnan and Slaughter huddle up, and on the inside, Slaughter gets headbutted by Duggan. Guess their strategy didn't work. Duggan rams Slaughter's head into the turnbuckle, and Dusty tags in, and gets FUNKY LIKE A MONKEY JACK. Double punch on Slaughter, and Duggan comes back in. Duggan gives Slaughter a shoulderblock, and Adnan attempts to trip Duggan on an Irish whip. He doesn't, but Slaughter clotheslines Duggan over the top rope anyway. Adnan rams Duggan into the steel post, and Slaughter rams Duggan into the steps. Poor guy. Adnan tags in on the inside, and applies a HEAD VICE. That's no CRANIUM CRUSH. He rams Hacksaw into the buckle, and tags in Slaughter. Slaughter gets a backbreaker for 2, and a kneedrop for 2. He goes up top, but misses with a kneedrop. Dusty Rhodes tags in, and he has elbows for Slaughter. The babyfaces take turns beating up Slaughter, but Dusty misses a charge toward the turnbuckle. Slaughter elbows him, and applies the CAMEL CLUTCH. Duggan breaks it up, so Adnan sneaks around the outside of the ring and nails Duggan with the Iraqi flag. Duggan chases Adnan to the back, meanwhile, Slaughter applies the CAMEL CLUTCH, and it's over at 9:10. Slaughter keeps the hold applied after the bell, until Duggan chases him away. Poor Dusty.   Match Analysis: Nothing special. Is it wrong of me to say that I sorta enjoyed Slaughter in the "traitor heel" role? It probably is, but I don't care. I liked seeing Hogan beat him up, too. 1/2* ___________________   Now, we have a dream match of mine. Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Mr. Perfect for Perfect's Intercontinental Title. YES!!!   Blow-by-blow: Piper tosses his kilt at Perfect, then does the same with his shirt. The wrestlers go nose-to-nose with one another, until Roddy spits at Perfect. HERE WE GO, as Bobby Heenan would say. Perfect goes behind Piper, and Piper kicks him in the nuts. I love Piper in this cheating role, only he and a select few others, namely Eddie Guerrero, could pull it off. But when Eddie did it, it was comedy a lot of the time. When Piper does it, it's serious. Both men chop each other, and Piper chops Perfect out onto the announce table. The announce tables were situated up against the ring then, and they didn't break. Piper pulls Perfect in by the hair, and beels him. A slap to the face follows, and Perfect tries to go low. DOWN LOW. Piper blocks it, and throws Perfect out of the ring. Perfect oversells everything, but not to the point of ridiculousness. Piper puts Perfect into the guardrail, and hits him with a chair. I don't think that was in the plans, no sir. Perfect's ring attire is torn, and Piper tosses him into the ring by the remnants of it. Piper pokes Perfect in the eye, and hits him with a right hand for 2. A double clothesline follows, and both men are out. Perfect pulls off the turnbuckle pad once he gets up, and rams Piper into the exposed buckle. He's still woozy, so Perfect only gets a 2 count once he wakes up. Perfect goes for a FIELD GOAL, and it's good, twice. He laid into Piper with those kicks. Perfect gives Piper a standing dropkick, so they brawl on the outside. Gorilla's been surprisingly unbiased tonight, and it stays the same, even though Perfect hits Piper with a chair. Eye for an eye, one for one. Perfect goes for the sleeper, and gets a few 2 counts out of it. Once Piper powers out, he chin checks Perfect. Meaning that he grabbed Perfect by the head, and rammed the chin of Perfect into the top of his head. Perfect goes for a suplex after regaining control, but Piper falls on top of Perfect for a 2 count. Perfect gets a small package for 2, then both wrestlers trade kneelifts. Perfect goes for the PERFECTPLEX after a clothesline, and Roddy kicks out at 2. You just knew he wasn't jobbing. Piper gets a roll-up for 2, and Perfect backdrops Piper to the outside. Perfect follows, then tosses Piper back in. He wastes a bit of time, then goes to the top rope, WITHOUT entering the ring first. Piper shakes the ropes, and Perfect falls to the outside. Now, the bell rings. Mr. Perfect has been counted out at 12:38. Both men fight for control of the title, and Roddy is the one to get it. He swings the title at Perfect and misses, but he finally knocks Perfect out with the title. Piper then lies the title on the stomach of Perfect, as if to say, you can have it. For now.   Match Analysis: I wasn't disappointed. That match was FUN. **3/4. Definitely worth watching the show for. Piper's matches are fun when he has a foil that can make things believable. You stick him in there with a stiff, and it ain't gonna work. With Bad News Brown, although Bad News wasn't a stiff, it forced Piper to resort to "bad ass brawling tactics." He couldn't do his usual cheating thing, cause it wouldn't fit in with the way the match was supposed to go. That's why that feud didn't provide much in the way of great matches, whereas his matches with Bret and Perfect were very solid. They programmed around the circuit, and I bet a majority of the matches were fun. I bet the Flair vs. Piper blowoff at MSG a year later was fun too.   Anyway, that's the end of the show. Gorilla says the Ultimate Warrior and Randy Savage will fight each other in a cage on the 21st of January. I'd like to see that. ___________________   Rating: Above-average. (Excellent, great, good, above-average, decent, poor, bad, absolutely terrible) is the scale, and I needed to post it again so I don't have to look for it whenever I post a show. There was some awful stuff on this show, but the good outweighed it.   Best Match: Power and Glory vs. The Rockers   Worst Match: Greg Valentine vs. Saba Simba   Loudest Sound: When Valentine was going to turn on Jimmy Hart, and the heat during the Piper/Perfect match.   No Sound: Virgil and Saba Simba. The crowd just didn't care. ___________________   Nitro will be up next, then RAW.
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Review: NWA 1/4/86.

It's really easy to review the squash matches like I did yesterday, so here. This'll only apply to squash matches on the PTW and NWA shows. ___________________   Ok, the show starts with Ole Anderson's leg being broken by Dusty Rhodes and the Road Warriors. It's awfully similar to Dusty's leg being broken after Flair's cage match with Nikita. That's the point, of course.   Tully Blanchard and JJ Dillon cut a promo after we're told that Dusty won the National Title, and JJ tells Tony and David not to mention Baby Doll around them again. They say we'll see later. ___________________   It's the NWA Tag Team Champs, the Rock & Roll Express v. Thunderfoot and Jim Jeffers, and the R&R's finish the bout at 4:34 with a double dropkick. *1/2. ___________________   Back to Tully again, and he's really pissed off about Baby Doll. He says she cheated on him...well, after the break, we learn that the Horsemen want to destroy Jimmy Valiant. Why him? They show a clip from the syndicated show, World Wide Wrestling, and Tully straight out slaps Baby Doll across the face. David Crockett nearly jumps onto Tully and beats the shit out of him, but JJ Dillon holds him back. Dusty comes out and punches Tully, and says Baby Doll belongs to him now.   Now that is how you ditch a manager. ___________________   Back to the ring, and it's Harley Race vs. Tony Zane. I have no idea why Harley was at a JCP taping, but anyways...he pins Zane with a diving headbutt off the 2nd rope, at 3:26. *.   Promo time afterward, and it's Ivan Koloff with the 6-man tag title trophy. Yeah, a trophy. He and his nephew Nikita are going to beat Road Warrior. ___________________   Here's another surprise, because for some reason I forgot that Ron Bass was working for Jim Crockett, as Ron is up against Bill Tabb. Bass pins him with the CLAW at 2:27. DUD. Yeah, that wasn't very good. The difference between Bass here and when he went up north is astounding. He either hit the gym, or was on the juice a few years later. ___________________   Dusty brings Baby Doll with him to the promo area; Dusty says that Arn Anderson will be the next one to be put in the hospital. And now, we see the full video of Dusty breaking Ole's leg. Continuity? Revenge? That's what it was. ___________________   Ron Garvin faces off against Mac Jeffers in the 4th match, and Garvin just beats the shit out of Jeffers. Shit, you'd think Jeffers tried to steal something in the locker room. A FIST OF STONE finishes the bout at 4:01, for Garvin. *.   Harley Race has some words for us all, and he plugs his match in St. Louis which will take place in a steel cage, against Ric Flair. Makes sense. Him wanting to fight Magnum TA really doesn't, though. ___________________   The Road Warriors beat three jobbers in about 30 seconds. Nothing to see here, but it was pretty funny. It went so fast that I forgot to time it, and once I started, it was over. DUD. Handicap matches don't mean shit to the Road Warriors.   They want the 6 man tag team titles, but first, they have to find a partner. They don't have one yet. ___________________   The Ragin' Bull Manny Fernandez faces Larry Clark...yeah, that was probably the worst match on the show. Fernandez pinned Clark after a flying forearm at 4:26. DUD.   Ric Flair has something to say about Baby Doll, namely that she had the opportunity to ride SPACE MOUNTAIN WHOOOO, but Flair wanted no part of that. What a guy. ___________________   Arn Anderson beats Kent Glover with the gourdbuster at 2:47. *   Flair makes his way back to the promo area, and Arn joines him this time. We finally learn that the angle where Dusty broke Ole's leg occured at the Omni. Well gee, thanks. For some reason, Arn calls himself in-bred.   ...   Baby Doll comes out and says Arn's next, and in response, Flair lays down on the floor and says Baby Doll will be like that when she gets off Space Mountain. That made the entire show, right there. Funnier than hell. Words don't do it justice, you have to see it. Unfortunately, I can't find a youtube video. So for those that can't see it, you're out of luck. Sorry. ___________________   Jimmy Valiant (whose gimmick I love, although his hair looks fake) faces off against an unnamed jobber, and pins him with an elbow drop at 1:11. This show is really being oversaturated by appearances of the Horsemen, as Tully came out during the match to the commentary area (same as promo area) and told Tony and David that Valiant was next. YEAH, WE KNOW THAT.   Jim Cornette has an interview in which he brags about winning the PWI Manager of the Year Award. I could listen to him ramble all day. We then see a video clip of the Midnight Express attacking the Rock & Roll's. They just wanted to make the R&R's unhappy.   And, to follow up on that, we have our first non-squash match, Lover Boy Dennis Condrey vs. Rocky King. I say King's not a jobber because he beat one on the last aired show. I mean, King's a jabroni, but for purposes of matches in the next few weeks, he isn't. You can tell its been a long time between TV tapings, because King has an afro going.   Condrey takes King down to the canvas, then dumps him out to the floor. As usual, Cornette goes to the commentary area and rambles for about 10 seconds, at random intervals. Condrey gives King a snapmare and applies a chinlock, which is fairly inexcusable. It's a 5 minute match, COME ON. Moving on, King gets up and is taken down again, and covered for a 2 count. Condrey elbows King on the top of the head, and dumps him to the outside. Condrey whips King off the ropes, and King blows whatever they were trying to do, so Condrey reapplies the chinlock. So that's why Condrey applied the chinlock in the first place. Rocky King sucks. Badly. Condrey gets a small package for two, and dumps King again. Condrey gives King a baseball slide, and an abdominal stretch once King gets inside the ring. Rocky starts a faux-comeback with a scoop slam and two dropkicks, but Condrey gives him a FUCKING BRAINBUSTER for 3 at 5:04. The brainbuster forced me to let out an audible "oh shit," and my mother told me not to cuss like that around the kids. I usually don't, and she hears me every single time, no matter where she is. Yeah, I still live at home. For now, anyway. *1/4.   Dusty and Baby Doll are back, and Baby Doll says, "why would I ride Space Mountain when I can have the whole park." You ain't kiddin', either. ___________________   In the "main event" of the show, we have the US Champ, Magnum TA, facing The Barbarian w/Paul Jones. I don't know if it's a title match, it was never specified.   Barbarian looks too much like the Road Warriors, namely Animal. Hopefully this is changed up. Harley Race is out to watch the match, which is little surprise. I don't know where JCP went with the Harley/Magnum thing, if they went anywhere at all. Barbarian applies a wristlock, and Magnum reverses to a hammerlock. Magnum kicks Barbarian over the top rope, and Harley wants the referee to disqualify Magnum. You know, because of the NWA's rule about disqualifying wrestlers who throw their opponents over the top rope. Back inside, Magnum gives Barbarian a backdrop and an armdrag. He applies an armbar, but Barbarian finds his way out. Barbarian misses a clothesline, so Magnum goes back to the hammerlock. For what looked to be no reason, Magnum started chasing Paul Jones around the ring, then through it, until Jones wound up in the spot he was in, before the chasing. Barbarian misses a charge into the corner, and Magnum reapplies the armbar. Jones says it's a moral victory that Barbarian has lasted so long with Magnum, and we go to a   commercial break   We come back from the break, and Barbarian has a chinlock applied. He gets a legdrop and a Hotshot, then picks Magnum up in a choke and drops him to the canvas. Barbarian gets a backbreaker for 2, and a thrust kick. A big boot gets 2, but Magnum avoids a kneedrop. Magnum gets a dropkick for two, and the momentum from the atomic drop he gave Barbarian leads to Barbarian running over the referee. Here comes the typical JCP screwy finish. Magnum gets the BELLY-TO-BELLY suplex, but there's no referee. Paul Jones hits Magnum with his cane, and Barbarian gives him a diving headbutt. Well, since there's no referee, Harley says that someone has to make the count. Might as well be him, right? He counts the pinfall at 8:37, to give Barbarian the 'win'. Obviously it's a no-contest. Magnum tries to fight Harley, Jones and Barbarian off, but he can't. Harley and Barbarian both give Magnum headbutts off the top rope, so the Rock & Roll Express have to come out along with Jimmy Valiant to save Magnum. Poor guy. **.   Harley comes back to say something, and says that there just had to be a referee. He didn't do anything to Magnum until the match was over, which is true.   The Road Warriors then give Tony a shirt. It said Weasel Slappers, but the spelling on the shirt was wrong.   Jimmy Valiant has an interview of his own, in which you can clearly see that the hair on top of his head is a hairpiece. If it's not, I'd be awfully surprised. ___________________   Sam Houston and Nelson Royal square off against Pablo Crenshaw and __________, didn't get the name, cause I wrote down Nelson Royal twice. Anyway, Sam Houston wins the match with the bulldog at 1:57. 1/2*. ___________________   Magnum cuts a promo, and he says, if Harley wants it, he can come get it. He ain't what he once was, no sir. ___________________     Rating: Good. The angles and recaps of what happened at the Omni were awesome.   Best Match: Magnum TA vs. The Barbarian   Worst Match: Ragin' Bull vs. Larry Clark   Loudest Sound: Whenever Flair made an appearance, and the R&R's.   No Sound: Every jobber, and Sam Houston. If I haven't made it clear, I don't like Sam Houston. ___________________   I don't know what I'll post next.
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Review: WWF Prime Time Wrestling, 8/3/87.

This show sucked. SUCKED. ___________________   Ravishing Rick Rude vs. Jerry Allen. No Heenan at ringside for the match, and Rude went through that whole routine of taking his robe off. It was very, hell, I forgot the word. Un-refined. Anyway, since the show was so bad, I'm not wasting my time typing out entire match reviews. At 7:12, Rude gave Allen a backbreaker, and Allen quit. 1/2*. ___________________   Next up was a clip of Sherri Martel winning the Women's Title from Moolah. Never seen that before.   Following that, Ted DiBiase bought himself the most expensive suite in his hotel. It was the honeymoon suite, and it was already booked. SO, Virgil made the newlyweds leave. The Million Dollar man goes into his thing about how everyone's got a price..MWHAHAHAHAHA. He didn't laugh, but it's necessary.   Last and definitely least, Ron Bass cuts a rambling promo about how Miss Betsy, his bullwhip, does justice. I like his Florida work, but up north...no. ___________________   Outback Jack goes up against Johnny K-9, and it ends with an Outback bulldog at 3:13. DUD. ___________________   Finally something else I can watch. It's Jake Roberts in the SNAKE PIT with Macho Man Randy Savage and Miss Elizabeth. Savage says that nothing can stop him, and he'll somehow get the Intercontinental Title back. Which is funny, cause he's still a heel. But don't mind that. He'd turn soon after. ___________________   Johnny V faces Brutus Beefcake at Boston Garden, and Beefcake applies the sleeper, causing Johnny V to pass out and lose at 3:26. Beefcake cuts Johnny V's hair, and spraypaints an orange V across the chest of Johnny, and spraypaints Johnny's hair. 1/4*. Very, very forgettable. ___________________   Dino Bravo faces Brady Boon, and I'll be honest. This is around the point where I said fuck it, in regards to typing a full review. The Santana/Volkoff match confirmed it. Boon looks a LOT like Billy Jack Haynes. Bravo finishes him with the side suplex at 10:46. WAY TOO LONG. 1/2*. ___________________   The HART FOUNDATION grant Gene Okerlund with their presence...too bad they didn't say anything worth writing down.   Now, the neckbrace thing with Bobby Heenan was summarized. Cause, you know, he wasn't wearing it this time. Gorilla Monsoon gave him a gold-painted brick...now that was funny. ___________________   Nikolai Volkoff faces Tito Santana. THANK GOODNESS this was Joined in Progress. I couldn't imagine it otherwise. Volkoff applied a bearhug for about 4 minutes...this was not something I'd like to relive. DUD. Match went around 8 minutes, I didn't time it. I knew I was going to type a short review after watching this DOG. ___________________   Speaking of DOGS, we have the Junkyard Dog and Rick Martel teaming up to take on the WWF Tag Team Champions, The Hart Foundation. That's Bret Hart and Jim Neidhart, duh.   Anyway, this match was miles ahead of the others. However, that doesn't make it any good. The Harts give JYD a HART ATTACK, but the HART FOUNDATION is disqualified because they were both in the ring for too long. LAME. *. Went 12:23, which was way too long. JYD was so deteriorated that it was a sad sight. ___________________   Rating: Poor   Best Match: Hart Foundation vs. JYD and Rick Martel   Worst Match: Tito Santana vs. Nikolai Volkoff. If I wasn't expecting the match to be that bad, I'd have given it a negative rating.   Loudest Sound: JYD, Rick Martel and Rick Rude. Pretty good pop for his entrance.   No Sound: Everyone else, except the Hart Foundation and Tito Santana. ___________________     The line-up for the next few shows looks good, so I'll give them full reviews. Honestly, it wasn't worth my time to type all that garbage up. It's different for PPV's and some house shows, but not this. This was just BORING.   NWA is next. When I review the Greatest Wrestling Families thing coming up on this update, the review is going to be my own thoughts on each family, NOT on what the DVD program is about. Basically an opinion piece, I guess.
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Review: ECW 1/21/96, from the ECW Arena.

ECW looked easy, and it was. So here.   ___________________   An Axl Rotten video package opens the show, and you know why? It's cause he's facing Rob Van Dam in the first match. In Rob Van Dam's FIRST ECW match, as well.   Van Dam and Rotten both do some faux karate kicks, and Rotten starts the action with an eye rake. Van Dam does a japanese armdrag, then gets a springboard crossbody for a 2 count. RVD does these funny looking karate punches on Rotten, and puts Rotten into the corner, where he does that 'ram into a guy twice with the shoulder, then flip and do it again' thing. Rotten rakes RVD in the eyes, inevitably causing Van Dam to miss a spinning kick (of course that wasn't the reason). Rotten does a t-bone suplex, which certainly was a surprise to me, and clotheslines RVD, so RVD does a 360 sell of the move. Nice. Axl slams Rob and goes up top, but misses an elbowdrop. This match ain't as bad as I thought it'd be. Rob gets a legsweep, and a big splash from up top for 2. Axl winds up on the outside, and Rob comes out with a somersault plancha. Rotten comes in, and gets kicked by Van Dam as Van Dam came off the top rope. A standing moonsault gets 2, and Axl misses a charge in the corner after some left hands. Rob finishes Axl with a spinning slam and split-legged moonsault. *3/4. That's probably one of the best Axl matches I've seen. No joke. Remember, Jim Cornette hates Ian Rotten, not Axl. I don't disagree with him. Ian and his promotion, IWA-Mid South, are a large part of what is wrong about independent wrestling. I'm obviously referring to their violent nature. ___________________   A video package runs which highlights events from the past few weeks of ECW television. Those highlights are...the return of the FRANCHISE, Francine being totally eliminated, Cactus Jack helping Mikey Whipwreck win both the TV Title and Tag Team Titles from 2 Cold Scorpio, the subsequent reaction from Raven when Cactus tried to bring Mikey to give the titles to Raven, in which Raven and Cactus had a bit of an altercation. Last but not least, we have the clip that denotes a possible Taz/911 feud (which never happened, because 911 left ECW), and Beulah's announcement that she's pregnant. The video package was pretty long, and the audio was terrible. Bad song selection. ___________________   Taz is facing Hack Myers, and I'd be making a big mistake if I didn't mention Myers' nickname. It's "the Shah." Now, you ask, why is it the Shah? Well....after every move, punch or kick that he does, both he and the crowd yell out, SHAH. It's actually funny. When I saw the nickname and heard the 'shahing' for the first time, I thought it was a little dumb. But it grew on me, and it's pretty damn funny.   Bill Alfonso accompanies Taz to the ring, and he's wearing a Cowboys jersey. In Philadelphia. That's a big no-no. The heat deflects to Taz as it's supposed to, and the crowd starts a "fuck you Taz" chant. Hack starts with a "shah", no, excuse me, armwringer, but it doesn't do much, as shown when Taz hiptosses him. Taz applies an armbar, but Hack makes it to the ropes. Taz gives Hack a droptoehold and applies a rear naked choke, but again, Hack reaches the ropes. Hack starts a comeback, which consists of punches, until Taz gets a halfnelson Tazplex. A release german suplex puts Hack on his head, and the Tazmission finishes. Well, that didn't last long. *. Taz tells everyone to fuck off. Nothing about 911, just a bit about Sabu, and the statement made in the last sentence. ___________________   Next is a bit of footage from House Party 96, unfortunately, it's a hack job. I've heard good things about this match between Sabu and Stevie Richards, though, so try to find it. Sabu does a sunsetflip powerbomb from the ring to the floor on Richards, and it's worth noting that the floor isn't padded. Of course, this IS EXTREME. The thud of Richards head on the concrete was sick. Sabu wins it with the atomic Arabian facebuster, btw. ___________________   Now, we go to the end of the show, even though Styles and Tazz said we'd see footage of Sandman vs. Konnan. Guess not, and it's probably for the better. Strange as I am, I wanted to see it. The promo reel goes in this order. Tommy Dreamer and Beulah, Raven, Richards and the Blue Meanie, Fonzie and Taz, the Pitbulls, the Eliminators, and the Franchise tells Tommy Dreamer that he'll team up with Tommy against Whipwreck and Cactus. The FRANCHISE wants Cactus. He doesn't care about Mikey. ___________________   End show.   Not as good as last week, I suppose that's the only way to give these an overall rating. They're short, so if you read this before watching and don't like the sound of what's there, don't watch it. Or watch it, and be bored. Whatever. Notable for the debut of RVD, and not much else. It took me about 20-30 minutes to type this, so hey. Easy review, that's why I got it over with. Prime Time Wrestling has to be next, otherwise it WILL go off. And I haven't watched it yet.
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Review: WWF Survivor Series 1990, from Hartford, CT, 11/22/1990.

My brother didn't come home, but fuck it, I'm watching this anyway. ___________________   The intro to the show is great, as were most of the intros that Vince did the voiceovers on. His announcments of each participant and the team name are great.   Gorilla Monsoon and Roddy Piper are on commentary, and Piper goes into a rant about how the Iraqis are going to pay. Remember, at the end, there's a match of Ultimate Survival. Of course, it involves all the Survivors. ___________________   The first match on this show is The Warriors (WWF Champ, the Ultimate Warrior, Intercontinental Champ Kerry Von Erich, and the Legion of Doom, Animal, and Hawk) vs. The Perfect Team (Mr. Perfect, Demolition Ax, Demolition Smash, and Demolition Crush), who are accompanied by Bobby Heenan and Mr. Fuji. Warrior's wearing a white title belt, which matches his attire later. He didn't wear different color belts because the WWF was afraid "he'd lose them." He wore them to match his attire. The babyfaces cut a promo before the match, and what is it with Warrior and sacrifices? You'd think the guy was a cannibal or something. His expressions during the promo are awful. Awfully funny, harharhar. The first man listed in each runthrough of the participants on each team is the "team captain."   Blow-by-blow: The heels all enter to Mr. Perfect's music, while the faces enter to their own individual music. Where's the equality? Animal and Smash starts, and Animal rams Smash into Hawk. All the faces take their turn beating up Smash, and Smash takes control somehow. Smash prevents a backdrop by Animal, and suplexes him. Perfect comes in and chops Animal, then Smash comes in and gets powerslammed by Animal. Perfect gets beaten up by everyone now, and Tornado and Ax come in. Tornado applies THE CLAW, but Smash breaks the hold up. Warrior tags in and shoulderblocks Ax, then flying shoulderblocks Ax and big splashes him for the pin at 3:22.   The Warrior dumps everyone out of the ring as the heels go on the attack, but Crush comes back in quickly with a clothesline. Smash is in with a backbreaker, and then he tags Crush in, who gives Warrior a flying kneedrop off the top rope. It only gets a 2 count, and Crush misses a charge into the corner. Hawk comes in along with Perfect, and Perfect gets choked. Hawk whips Perfect into the corner but Perfect trips over his own feet and blows the spot, so they repeat on the other side, which leads to Hawk missing a charge and ramming his shoulder into the ringpost. Crush comes in and works Hawk over, with the notable part of his offense being a backbreaker. See, Crush always sucked. Hawk comes back with a shoulderblock and flying clothesline from the top rope, but Smash breaks up the cover. Now LOD and Demolition brawl, and both teams are disqualified at 7:36.   Tornado and Warrior are left against Perfect, and Perfect begs for Warrior to tag out. Warrior does, and Perfect gets discus punched by Tornado. Supposedly he has a powerful right hand, at least that's what I heard. I don't know why Vince gave this guy a chance, he's not special in the ring, he can't talk, and he's a walking pharmacy. But he looks good. Well, I just answered my own question, didn't I? Warrior rams the heads of Heenan and Perfect together outside the ring, then tosses Heenan into the crowd. No wonder Heenan doesn't like him. On the inside, Perfect gives Tornado a kneelift. Perfect thumbs Kerry in the eye, and rams him into the exposed turnbuckle, which leads to a Perfectplex that eliminates Tornado at 11:00.   Perfect then gives one to Warrior, but Warrior kicks out of it. A Perfect dropkick gets a 2 count, and a clothesline does the same. Piper's not very good on commentary, he mostly rambles, but he says that there's a "lot of heat" here. He tries to cover it up a few seconds later by saying that the temperature in the building has risen, but we all know now that he screwed up. He screws up and says things he shouldn't a LOT throughout the show. Warrior starts his comeback, we all know the drill. Clothesline, clothesline, clothesline with Perfect's 360 sell, a flying shouldertackle and a big splash that gets the pinfall at 14:20.   Survivor: The Ultimate Warrior.   Match Analysis: It goes without saying that these matches are quickly paced. They have to be, cause there's no excuse for restholds in an 8 man elimination tag. Still wasn't very good, though. *3/4. ___________________   The next match is the Million Dollar Team (Ted DiBiase, Greg Valentine, Honky Tonk Man and a Mystery Partner) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Virgil vs. The Dream Team (Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware, and the Tag Team champs, Bret Hart, and Jim Neidhart). Ted DiBiase introduces the mystery partner and it's.....THE UNDERTAKER. His music had no gong to open it up. Brother Love is his manager, and I don't really care for that. He should have went solo. He doesn't walk slow enough to the ring yet, either. Bret lost this brother Dean before this event, so Piper says that Bret wanted to dedicate the match to him. Heel promo is first, and then...   Blow-by-blow: Taker starts things off with Bret (heh), and Taker gives him a quick chokeslam as Bret is running. I don't think anyone really knew how to take that move yet. The Anvil comes in, but his shoulderblock doesn't do a thing to Taker. Taker slams him, and Koko comes in. Almost immediately, Koko gets TOMBSTONED at 1:43. Taker disposes of him like a child's diaper, meaning that he tosses him out of the ring.   Bret comes in along with DiBiase and after a DiBiase chop, Neidhart and Valentine tag in. Valentine gives the Anvil a high knee, then tags in Honky. Honky does nothing at all, and gets powerslammed by Neidhart for the pinfall at 4:22.   DiBiase comes in and is clotheslined by Neidhart, and finally, Dusty tags in. Elbows for DiBiase, and a dropkick(?). It didn't look too bad, surprisingly. He tags Neidhart in, and they both elbow DiBiase for a 2 count. A Neidhart suplex gets two, and then, Virgil trips him and Neidhart gets clotheslined by DiBiase at 5:55 for the pinfall.   Bret enters the ring with a few right hands, then Dusty comes in. Dusty does that 'juke and jive' punch thing, then Taker comes back in after a DiBiase clothesline. Taker gives Dusty a flying kick, and tags in Valentine. Bret tags in too, and as Taker's still in the ring after the tag, he chokes Bret. DiBiase comes in after a few Valentine kicks and is given an inverted atomic drop by Bret. DiBiase gives Bret a few elbows, and tags in Taker. Taker goes up to the top rope and gives Dusty a BIG double axehandle, leading to Dusty's elimination after the pin at 8:31.   It's 3 on 1 now, with Bret facing DiBiase, Valentine and Taker, as Brother Love's stomping A MUDHOLE, BAH GAWD in Dusty, on the outside. Dusty was dispatched in the same fashion as Koko, and I forgot to mention something. Dusty wasn't wearing polkadots, and he didn't look too pleased to even be involved with the event. Suck it up, bitch. Anyway, Dusty recovers from the beating and begins to put a whoop on Brother Love's ass, so Taker leaves the ring and brawls with Dusty to the back, being eliminated by countout, at 9:24. By brawl, I mean, he basically beat Dusty up.   Back inside, Valentine goes for the figure-four, but he gets rolled up and eliminated by Bret Hart at 10:00. That was quick.   The crowd's going batshit for Bret. Bret atomic drops DiBiase out of the ring, and planchas onto him. He punches DiBiase on the outside, and rams him into the ringpost. Back in the ring, he gives Ted some stiff European uppercuts. DiBiase rams Bret into the turnbuckle at about 100 mph, but it only gets 2. A Bret backslide gets 2, and on a whip, Bret trips over DiBiase. Bret plays possum, which makes me wrong about the WM 8 match being the first time.   I WAS WRONG.   There. I can admit it. He rolls DiBiase up for 2, and the entire crowd thought the match was over. They were into this sequence. Ted gets kneed on accident by Virgil, and Bret rolls him up again, but only gets 2. The fans bought it, again. Bret with a backbreaker and elbow from the 2nd rope for 2, but unfortunately, DiBiase reverses a crossbody for the 3 count at 13:59.   Survivor: The Million Dollar Man, Ted DiBiase.   Match Analysis: IMO, this probably was when the WWF realized they had something in Bret as a potential singles wrestler. Well, not when they realized, but when they saw that the fans were behind such an idea as well. Match is **1/4, but the Bret/DiBiase portion was awesome, as was the debut of Taker. ___________________   There's a promo for "The Main Event," which took place on the night after Survivor Series, although it was taped about a month before. The hyped match was the Ultimate Warrior vs. Ted DiBiase. ___________________   The third match on this Thanksgiving Night was The Vipers (Jake "the Snake" Roberts, Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka, Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty) vs. The Visionaries (Rick "the Model" Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma), who were accompanied by Arrogance and Slick. Jake's got the "I'm blind in one eye" thing goin', and the Rockers just kick ass. Snuka's on more juice than anyone else on this show, or so it would seem. The guy is huge. The babyfaces cut a promo in the shower area, cause remember, that's Jake's thing, to keep the snake cool. When Power and Glory walk to the ring, presumably because of the strange nature of the entranceway, they look like badasses. Watch it, and you'll see. I thought they were cool when I rented tapes as a kid. I'm ashamed of that one.   Blow-by-blow: Piper calls Warlord a "walrus." Guess he doesn't like him. Warlord and Marty start, and Marty uses his speed to outsmart the Warlord. Marty tries three dropkicks, but they don't do anything to the big man. Marty sunset flips Warlord but can't bring him over, so Shawn runs in and dropkicks Warlord, but unfortunately, the move only gets a two count. Shawn tags in and gets a hiptoss after a cool looking reversal, and he follows with a dropkick and monkey flip. Martel tags in, and so does Jake, but Martel bails out in a HURRY. Roma comes in, and Jake grabs onto an armbar. Snuka tags in, and Roma punches him. But islanders have hard heads, so it doesn't affect the SUPERFLY. As deteriorated as he was here, I love him. Hercules comes in and shoulderblocks Snuka, but Snuka comes back with that chop that his opponent runs into, and the crowd loves it. Warlord tags in and slams Snuka, but Snuka comes back with a dropkick. Marty comes in, and gets bearhugged. You guys have no idea how hard it is to keep track of who's who in these matches, considering that guys have so many matching initials. Fact is, if I focused on typing, and typing alone while I was doing this, it'd only take me about 2 hours. Instead, it takes much longer. Like tonight, I was watching the Kings and Lakers game while typing this. Anyway, Marty mongolian chops the Warlord, but goes up for a crossbody and gets powerslammed by the Warlord for the 3 count at 5:18.   Shawn gives Warlord a frankensteiner (I feel like calling it that for now), and Jake tags in. A Jake clothesline does nothing, and a high knee does nothing. A second clothesline puts the Warlord down, and Shawn tags in and covers him for a 2 count. Warlord gets a huge backdrop on Shawn, and he tags in Hercules. Shawn does a 360 sell off a Herc clothesline, and Martel tags in. Martel gets a kneedrop and backbreaker which each get a two count, and Roma comes in. Roma whips Shawn into the buckle and Shawn goes upside down, and after that, Roma misses a charge into the corner. Snuka comes back in, and gets a flying forearm for a 2 count. Too bad for him though, he tries a crossbody and it gets reversed at 9:43 by Martel, as Martel was holding Snuka's tights. Sneaky little fellow.   Jake comes in and Martel runs away again, so Hercules comes in. Jake gets a kneelift, but he can't get the DDT. I don't know what it is, but Jake is off tonight. Well, I do know what it is, and so does everyone else. He was on a lot of shit. The Visionaries huddle up, and Martel clotheslines Jake from the ring apron, while Jake was unawares. Piper calls Martel a "cheap ass," and then immediately apologizes. Piper on live TV. Gotta love it. Roma slams Jake, but misses a fistdrop from the top rope. Shawn comes in with a back elbow and suplex, and an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope gets 2. It's decidedly uglier than the one he used later in his career. Shawn then gets an atomic drop and dropkick, until Hercules attacks him. Herc gets a press slam, and it's POWERPLEX TIME. Power and Glory hit that, and Shawn's gone at 15:18. In case you don't know, it's a Hercules superplex, and a Roma big splash. FWIW.   It's 4 on 1 now with Jake being the only good guy left, and he fights with Warlord. Well, Warlord gets a bearhug and after a while, Jake gets a DDT OUT OF NOWHERE on Warlord. The referee wasn't paying attention, so no count. Martel tries to spray Roberts with Arrogance, but he misses and Jake grabs Damien, his snake. He chases Martel to the back at 18:05, and Jake is counted out. HOWEVER, Rick Martel isn't counted out, because he wasn't the legal man. Therefore...   Survivors: Rick Martel, The Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma. That's the first time an entire team has survived, kids.   Match Analysis: Ran too long. Shawn can do no wrong though, he was excellent. The Warlord was in this match for WAY too long. *1/2. ___________________   A promo for Royal Rumble 1991 pops onto the screen, as we lead into...The Natural Disasters (Earthquake, Haku, Barbarian and Dino Bravo) accompanied by Jimmy Hart and Bobby Heenan vs. The Hulkamaniacs (Hulk Hogan, Big Bossman, Jim Duggan, and Tugboat). Tugboat's music is terrible. The babyfaces cut a promo first, and Tugboat's been spending too much time around Hulk. Mainly because he says "brother" after every sentence.   Blow-by-blow: It looks like Hogan got a haircut the day of the match...anyhow, a Hogan chant picks up almost immediately. Duggan and Haku start, and after Haku misses a springboard crossbody, Duggan clotheslines him a whole bunch and yells, HOOOOOOOOOOO. Duggan gets an UGLY backelbow and clothesline, and Bravo tags in. Bravo gets an inverted atomic drop, and Haku and Bossman enter. Bossman quickly gets the Bossman Slam, and that eliminates Haku at 3:15.   Heenan gets rammed into the turnbuckle by Bossman, but Barbarian regains control. He gets a suplex and slam, but he misses an elbowdrop from the 2nd rope. Duggan comes in and gets a backdrop, then Earthquake comes in. Earthquake rams Duggan into the buckle, and Duggan can't slam him. Duggan does 2 shoulderblocks, but on the third attempt, Jimmy Hart pulls down the top rope so Duggan flies out of the ring. Duggan chases Hart with the 2x4, and hits Earthquake with it at 6:04, so he's disqualified. Duggan is poof, gone.   Hogan's in and body slams for all, the 10 punch in the corner starts, but Earthquake powerslams him out. Bravo tags in and gets an elbow drop, but surprisingly, he gets rolled up in a small package at 7:59. He's gone.   I just noticed that the "mystery egg" hasn't been discussed at all. Thankfully. Piper says that "Hogan should get the hell out of the ring." Bossman attempts a crossbody, but doesn't bring Earthquake to the canvas. Hogan pushes Bossman on top of Quake, but the cover only gets 2. Earthquake gets 2 elbowdrops on Bossman, and that's enough to get the pinfall at 9:08.   Hogan gives Quake a big boot, and I've noticed that Tugboat hasn't even been in the ring. Hogan can't slam Quake, and Quake falls on him for a 2 count. Ok, by this point, it's safe to say that they need to take the match home. Quake misses a big splash and finally, Tugboat comes in. Tugboat and Earthquake take their brawl to the outside, and they both get counted out at 11:32.   Hogan and Barbarian are left, and Barbarian lands the ugliest piledriver ever. Gorilla and Piper both acknowledge that Hogan's head was never close to the canvas and landed on Barbarian's legs instead. Hogan should never have sold that. Barbarian gets a big boot, and a top rope clothesline for 2. NOW COMES THE HULK-UP. Three punches, big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, and that's the end of the match at 14:49. Hogan grabs a fan's banner to celebrate, and he wipes his sweat on it before giving it back. What a guy. He poses for 3 minutes, and this part ends, and part two now begins.   Survivor: Hulk Hogan   Match Analysis: Junk. Shit. Crap. 1/2*. This match was everything I hate about wrestling. ___________________   The MACHO KING RANDY SAVAGE has an interview with Gene Okerlund in which he basically foreshadows his retirement. He says if he wins the title, he'll retire. Forever. He calls the Ultimate Warrior the Ultimate Chicken/turkey/loser. Savage is dressed like the guy from Mary Poppins, so it's hard to take him seriously. ___________________   The next match is The Alliance (Nikolai Volkoff, Tito Santana, Butch, and Luke) vs. The Mercenaries (Sgt. Slaughter, Boris Zhukov, Sato, and Tanaka), accompanied by Mr. Fuji and General Adnan. Slaughter cuts a promo before the match, says Okerlund needs to stand at attention, and wonders what American soldiers had in their K-Ration on Thanksgiving. Piper gets all worked up about it, and I laughed. All the Mercenaries are wearing camo face paint.   Blow-by-blow: Zhukov and Butch start, the Bushwhackers give Zhukov a double clothesline, and Tito tags in and gives Zhukov the flying forearm, and gets the pinfall at 0:48. Lol.   Tito kicks Sato, and Butch tags in. The Bushwhackers almost immediately give Sato the battering ram, eliminating Sato at 1:47.   Tanaka misses a big splash, and gets eliminated by the flying forearm of Santana at 2:10.   Volkoff comes in and gets elbowdropped by Slaughter four times, cause remember, Slaughter's the only Mercenary left. He rams Volkoff into the turnbuckle while Adnan screams at him in whatever language he uses, and Slaughter gets a dropkick. Oddly enough, while 3 elbowdrops can't finish Volkoff, only one does a bit later, and Volkoff's gone at 5:24.   Butch comes in and both the Bushwhackers slam Slaughter, after Luke tags in. A double clothesline gets two, and then Luke goes up, but eats knees on a splash attempt. Slaughter gives Luke a chestbreaker, and Luke's gone at 6:30.   Butch comes in and gets clotheslined by Slaughter at 6:54. Quick eliminations here...   Tito and Slaughter are left, and Tito gives Slaughter a dropkick. He can't monkey flip Slaughter though, so Slaughter gets a neckbreaker for 2. A Slaughter backbreaker gets 2, and Sarge follows it up with a suplex. Slaughter rams Tito into the ref, and Adnan comes in with the Iraqi flag. He rams it into the stomach of Santana after Tito's flying forearm on Slaughter, and then, Slaughter applies the camel clutch. The referee wakes up, though, and disqualifies Slaughter at 10:47 for use of the flag. The referee was down, but he was watching the action, see.   Survivor: Tito Santana   Match Analysis: 1/4*. At least it ended quickly. ___________________   Sean Mooney is with the Visionaries and Ted DiBiase for their promo before the Ultimate Survival match, but first, we have to reveal what's inside the mystery egg. For some reason, DiBiase had blood in his mouth. ___________________   Anyway, yeah, inside the mystery egg, it's the Gobbledygooker. The Gooker's one of the dumbest things ever to happen in wrestling, and the only thing that is definitely worse, IMO, was the WCW "shoot" angles in 2000. I wonder, though, was Gooker supposed to work matches? That would have been ridiculous. Whoever thought of this should have been shot. Or fired. The crowd shit all over it, though. ___________________ The last match tonight, is the match OF ULTIMATE SURVIVAL. On one team, it's Tito Santana, the Ultimate Warrior, and Hulk Hogan. On the other team, it's Ted DiBiase, Rick Martel, the Warlord, Hercules, and Paul Roma w/Virgil and Slick. Warrior changed his attire and facepaint, and there aren't any team captains in this match. Hogan entered before the other two babyfaces. I don't think he was too happy about it, or so it looked. Warrior got NO pop.   Blow-by-blow: Almost immediately, a Santana flying forearm pins the Warlord. 0:28 was the time.   DiBiase comes in and gets a suplex. Tito gets a clothesline and backdrop but misses the flying forearm, and DiBiase hotshots him along the top rope for the pinfall at 1:51.   DiBiase gets a big boot on Hogan, then tags in Hercules. Herc rams Hogan's head into the buckle, and DiBiase comes back in with a few fistdrops. Tag Hercules, and Power and Glory go for the POWERPLEX, but it only gets a 2 count. Hogan gives Roma a lariat, and he's gone at 5:37. Seriously, that was a stiff clothesline. He treated Roma like a jobber...oh wait. He is one. LAWL.   Warrior finally tags in, and kicks Martel. Warrior with a backdrop and he goes to punch both heels that were standing in the corner. The ADRENALINE'S MOVIN' NOW, and Warrior slams Martel twice. He rams Martel's face into the mat, and tags in Hogan. Hogan clotheslines Martel over the top and out, but Martel's leaving. NOW THEY'LL HAVE TO IMPROVISE A NEW FINISH. Sorry, since I mentioned WCW 2000, I couldn't help it. Time of Martel being counted out was 7:17, btw.   DiBiase and Hercules are the only ones left of the heels, and Hogan slams DiBiase into the mat. Big boot, DROP THE FUCKING LEG, pin at 8:37.   Hercules is the only one left, Warrior clotheslines him, clothesline, clothesline, flying shouldertackle, big splash and the pinfall at 9:07. Warrior and Hogan toss Slick out of the ring, and that's it.   The Ultimate Survivors: The Ultimate Warrior and Hulk Hogan.   A promo for the Royal Rumble wraps things up. All done.   Match Analysis: DUD. I'm glad they didn't do the Ultimate Survival thing again. The crowd couldn't have cared less. ___________________   Rating: Poor. Good for nostalgia, but in reality, it wasn't any good. I hate how the WWF didn't even use the early versions of this show to further angles. Outside of the one exception, the double turn with Demolition and the Powers of Pain. There have been much better shows. If not for the nostalgia, it would have been awful.   Best Match: The Million Dollar Team vs. The Dream Team. That's not saying a whole lot.   Worst Match: The match of ULTIMATE SURVIVAL.   Loudest Sound: Bret Hart during his comeback, and Demolition. Ax's last appearance in the WWF was a quick one.   No sound: Everyone in the Alliance vs. Mercenaries match (except for Slaughter), and Warrior later in the show.   I must say, I love the finishes at the Survivor Series. Guys getting pinned by elbowdrops? I know it's tough to book these matches, but they could do something better, couldn't they? ___________________   I don't know what I'm reviewing next, but it'll be up on Monday. Probably Prime Time Wrestling, cause I don't want it to disappear before I can write about it.
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Review: Shorties Section from the update of 11/1.

I'm really amped for this set of matches. I've never seen Vader/Flair.   Again, in chronological order... ___________________   From March 1st, 1976, it's "The Big Cat" Ernie Ladd vs. Bruno Sammartino, for the WWWF Championship. Of course, Bruno's the champ. On this same show, Ric Flair made his MSG debut.   Blow-by-blow: Ladd played at Grambling, and for the Chargers in the AFL, so it fits with the football theme 24/7 has goin' on. Ladd's gigantic. One of the biggest wrestlers I've ever seen. Bruno armdrags Ladd twice, but during the armbar that occurs after each armdrag, Ladd winds up in the ropes. Ladd grabs onto a bearhug and gets a few 2 counts as Bruno's down on the mat, while cheating by putting his feet on the ropes. The official sees the cheating each time, so Ladd breaks the hold, then hipblocks Bruno. Ladd chokes Bruno while shielding the actual choke from the ref, and once the official finally catches him, he hits Bruno in the throat 3 times. Bruno comes back and knocks Ladd over the top rope with a few punches, and Bruno chokes Ladd with his boot. Wait a sec. Isn't Ladd the heel? Strange to see a babyface resort to those tactics in that era... Bruno with a backdrop (Ladd looks funny doing the front flip over. His legs are HIGH in the air. Think Andre.), and Bruno rams Ladd's face into the mat. Ladd grabs a foreign object out of his trunks, and continually hits Bruno with it. Ladd football tackles Bruno twice, then gives him two legdrops. Ladd slams Bruno and heads up to the top rope. He misses a big splash, and gets pinned at 10:19. Apparently the match is clipped, because the announcer said 11:25. I don't believe it, though.   Match Analysis: The rating scale is different for matches that take place pre-1980. For me, anyway. Of course, most would say this match was a DUD. No. *3/4. The ending docks 1/4. Wrestling was different then, so my ratings should be too. The ending came out of nowhere, and I really didn't like it. Prior to that, it was solid. ___________________   I'm not reviewing the Pillman match. Let me explain why.   1. I don't like Stampede Wrestling. The camera makes me nauseous. I don't know why. To some of you, that probably makes me a bad person.   2. It's a 6 man tag, in a promotion in which I don't know the participants. Automatic grounds for a non-review. Sorry. I might come back and do the review in the next week or two, but I doubt it. ___________________   The next match is from Wrestlemania XI, and it's Lawrence Taylor vs. Bam Bam Bigelow. Yes, I'm saving Vader/Flair for last, and this is exactly how I watched them. Taylor brought a bunch of linebackers with him, and Bigelow brought the Million Dollar Corporation. Pat Patterson's the special referee, and Jim Ross enlightens us with the fact that Patterson trained LT. No, not on the actual match broadcast. He would've been taken out back and shot had he said that. I'm one to assume that the reason Patterson is the ref IS because he trained LT. That's why there are special referees in a lot of these celebrity matches, see. That's a guess.   Blow-by-blow: Bam Bam shoves LT, and LT slaps him. LT gives a flying fist to the face of Bam Bam, and he clotheslines Bam Bam over the top rope. Bam Bam misses a charge, and LT gets a bulldog for 2. You know they've shown too many highlight clips of this match when I can remember every spot and I've only seen the match once before this. And I mean, I can remember every spot, exactly as it takes place. Ring position and all. Bam Bam comes back in, and gets hiptossed right back out. The linebackers and the Corporation mix things up, although they don't fight, and Bam Bam takes control. Bam Bam headbutts LT and bodyslams him, then LT gets raked in the eyes. LT is really good at acting like it's a real match. It's sorta business exposing, but he fights with Bigelow for every single move. Even on punches. Bam Bam goes for a Boston crab and gets it, but his weight makes it so that he has to go to a half crab. He can't stay in a squat position for a long period of time, obviously. Bam Bam pulls LT away from the ropes, and applies a variation of the indian deathlock. LT makes the ropes and Bam Bam applies a headlock, but LT back suplexes him out of it. That's an awfully dangerous move for someone with little-to-no wrestling experience to be trying. Bam Bam headbutts Taylor twice, then gives him a legdrop and his (strange looking) moonsault for a one count, only a one count because Bam Bam sold the knee and couldn't cover LT. LT with a gutwrench suplex that looked blown, like he was going to powerbomb or piledrive Bam Bam. Bam Bam with an enziguri and a headbutt, and he goes up top for a DIVING headbutt that gets a 2 count. LT with some shoulder charges in the buckle, then he goes up to the 2nd rope and hits Bigelow with a flying punch for the 3 count at 11:43. DiBiase's embarassed, cause Bigelow got beat by a football player.   Match Analysis: I don't know why Bigelow agreed to do the job. Personally, I would have had it written into my contract that I'd have a run as champion, honestly. If such a thing could occur, but Vince would probably have changed the name of the title. Bigelow should be embarassed, and the WWF should have been too. The pop for LT's win was embarassing. Non-existant, at that. **. ___________________   From Nitro, on the night of July 6th, 1998, we have one of the dumbest business decisions in the history of this country...yes, I said this country, not just the wrestling business; it's Goldberg vs the champ, HOLLYWOOD HOGAN BROTHER, for the WCW Heavyweight Championship. Goldberg beat Scott Hall earlier in the night, so he's "107-0." Apparently JR officiated one of Goldberg's high school football games. That's neat.   Blow-by-blow: So, during Hogan's entrance, he says "he's going to kick GOLDBERG'S......(long pause) BUTT." Watch the clip, and you'll laugh. Hogan also looks like he's wearing a sock on his head. Goldberg starts off with a headlock and shoulderblock, then Hogan grabs onto Goldberg with a front facelock. The TEST OF STRENGTH follows, and Goldberg wins. Hogan gets to the ropes and begins to SCRATCH THE BACK of Goldberg, then he breaks out his weightlifting belt and hits Goldberg with it twice. Goldberg steals the belt, then throws it out of the ring. Goldberg doesn't need that shit. Goldberg applies a full nelson, but Hogan lifts his leg back in order to kick Goldberg in the nuts. Hogan with a clothesline and chokehold, then a scoop slam. He misses an elbowdrop, and gets clotheslined. Hogan bails, and puts his belt back on. Hogan comes back in and dumps Goldberg to the floor, then tosses him into the guardrail. Hogan hits him with a chair three times (this is the kinda shit WCW did that makes no sense. They let this go at random, then disqualify someone for the same thing 20 minutes later.), and on the inside, Hogan slams Goldberg and DROPS THE FUCKING LEG twice. For some reason that again, makes no sense, Curt Hennig's on his way to the ring, when Hogan seemingly has the match in hand. Why? Anyway, Karl Malone and DDP follow, and Malone gives Hennig a good looking DIAMOND CUTTER at ringside. Goldberg kicks out of the cover by Hogan, SPEARS HIM, and looks mean for a little bit. Then, Goldberg JACKHAMMERS him for the pin at 8:12. The commentary in this match was really, REALLY good.   Match Analysis: Let's get the rating out of the way. *. Dumbest thing ever. Ever. Even more dumb is that these two NEVER headlined a PPV against one another. The most surprising thing...Hogan never got his job back, and he did this one CLEAN. If I'm wrong about him not getting his job back, correct me. I'm pretty sure that I'm right, though. When this Nitro gets posted, I'll ramble about this for a long time. Not now. ___________________   The last match I watched yesterday was from Starrcade '93, and it was Ric Flair vs. Big Van Vader, the WCW World Champion. Not the WCW International World Champion. I can't explain, because I have to keep people interested for when entire shows are posted, and not individual matches. That way, I'll be able to save my thoughts about the whole thing, and summarize it. It's a title match, and that DOES need to be noted, cause this was WCW. You never know unless you're told, and even then, you still don't know. Harley Race comes along with Vader, btw. If Flair does not win this match, he must retire.   A little note before the match, the commentary is awesome. AWESOME. Jesse Ventura's commentary is included, so that's a plus. WCW in 1992 and 1993 is also great. Pre-WWF 2000, find me a better workrate period in this country. Can you? I don't care what the haters say.   Blow-by-blow: Vader poses before the match, and the Flair chants start early. They lock-up twice, and each time, Vader tosses Flair across the ring. Flair bails and Vader chases, but that's what Flair wants. So Vader quits running, and calmly enters the ring. Vader headbutts him, and applies a knucklelock. Vader then slaps Flair and clotheslines him, and says, "FLAIR AIN'T MAN ENOUGH FOR THIS." I love Vader's running commentary of his own matches (all quotes from him will be capitalized, along with the usual stuff). There isn't enough of that going on in wrestling today. The fans are dead-ass quiet during Vader's offense. Not because he isn't over. But because they're scared shitless of him. Flair chops Vader, and Vader pushes him out of the way. Flair tries to run away, but Vader catches him and press slams him into the guardrail. The ring seems sorta large for WCW, I have to say. "WHO'S DA MAN," but Flair comes back and runs Vader into the ringpost on the outside. Harley Race gives Flair a big left hand, and Vader standing suplexes Flair into the ring, and then as Flair tries to bail, he does it again. Standing suplexes are when the suplex'er' doesn't go down to the canvas. Vader headbutts Flair, then beats him up with left and right hands. Vader whips Flair into the buckle and we have a Flair Flip, as he tumbles to the concrete floor after nearly colliding with a cameraman. Vader with a stiff LARIAT (yeah, "lariat" when it's stiff, clothesline when its not. duh), but Flair begins to chop him. Vader sells nothing, with a grin on his face. Gotta love him. Vader gives Flair a rough looking fall-down slam, and a clothesline from the 2nd rope. Vader then taunts the crowd, but I can't tell exactly what he said. He takes Flair down, then goes up to the 2nd rope and misses a big splash. Flair gives Vader three overhand flying chops, the 2nd of which didn't even touch Vader. At least he didn't sell it. The third one puts Vader down, and then Flair gives Vader a kneedrop. I'm loving this match. Vader comes back with a clothesline and superplex, after which, he screams, "WHO'S DA MAN." Flair's mouth is bloody, and I don't believe it to be of the blood capsule variety given the nature of Vader's work, so there. Vader misses a splash, unfortunately for Flair, he tries to run into Vader and Vader trucks him. Ouch. Harley stomps on the face of Flair outside the ring, then steps on Flair's throat. See, Harley and Flair had a cage match at Starrcade 1983, which was the first Starrcade. That was 10 years before this, and Flair took the title from Harley for the last time. Meaning that Race never got it back, obviously. So, the random attacks make sense. For a lot of reasons, that among them. Just a small part of a great story being told. In the ring, Vader misses an avalanche after a few chops from Flair. Flair chops him more, but this time, he gets avalanched. Harley tells Flair that "he should quit," and Vader grabs onto that knucklelock again. Flair puts Vader down again with left hands, right hands and some chops, and somewhere in this sequence, Vader's mask comes off. It looks like Vader's having that problem with his eye again. It's not coming out like during that Hansen match, but it's really swollen. After a bit, he starts bleeding from above the eye, probably because Flair potatoed him. Well, Vader did it to Flair, so...Flair rams Vader's left leg into the ringpost, and grabs a chair. Harley's distracting the ref because he has a look on this face that leads the referee to believe Harley's going to punch Flair, and Flair hits Vader with the chair on Vader's left leg, and then onto the head. Back inside, Flair bites Vader, jumps on Vader's left leg, and attempts to apply the FIGURE-FOUR. Vader kicks Flair away from him, though, and tries to go up for the VADER BOMB. Unfortunately for him, he misses. Flair locks on the FIGURE-FOUR, and Harley jumps onto the ring apron. See, kids, this is what a manager is supposed to be. He doesn't steal the heat, he makes people hate VADER more. Not so much himself. Vader reaches the ropes and gives Flair a big boot and elbow to the gut, as he goes up for the MOONSAULT. Holy freaking fuck, he misses and Flair tries to cover him, so Harley goes up top and misses a diving headbutt. OLD MEN ARE FLYING!!!! The referee shoves Race out of the ring, and the crowd goes nuts. Anyway, Flair gets a flying forearm and Vader trucks Flair again, but this time, Vader comes up a little woozy, presumably from Race's headbutt, trips over Flair, and gets rolled up by Flair for what is announced as #11, at 21:09.   He still held the belt when the NWA left WCW, but the NWA stripped him. That's how he lost world titleholder status during that time.. Counting WWF Titles, this was number 14. By my count, others vary. Here are his title wins up to that point, over Dusty, Race, Race again, Kerry, Dusty, Garvin, Steamboat, Sting, WCW proclaimed him champ (+1), Fujinami, Royal Rumble, Savage, Windham, Vader. That's just my opinion. Others definitely vary. His loss to the Midnight Rider in Florida really doesn't count. Anyway...   Match Analysis: Perfect ending to a great match. It wouldn't have made sense to have Vader quit, so that finish is out. Flair can't retire, so that's out. Harley can't directly cost Vader the match, but he has to play a part, given the history he has with Flair. Vader can't get pinned on anything that doesn't look flukish, given his monster heel status. So, Flair trips him and pins him. Simple, right? Of course it is. ****1/2. Hard to give it full marks because it started sorta slow, but it REALLY picked up. Everything after the first, "WHO'S DA MAN" routine was GOLD. Schiavone's over dramatic commentary is too much. "HE PICKED HIM UP" or "HE'S GOT IT LOCKED IN" are staples of my childhood. It doesn't disappoint here. Tony sounds like he's truly afraid that Flair's going to die in there. For all those that say Flair always does the same match, have them watch this. And when it's over, tell them kindly..."no." ___________________   Rating will come when I review the next 5 matches that'll be posted in 2 weeks. The quality is abundant in this month's selection. IF my brother's here today, Survivor Series '90 will be next. If not, the NWA show will be. I can watch that with my mentally challenged cousin and he'll mark out for the duration.
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Review: Roddy Piper Content Block

Yeah, I don't know what to call this. Hence the shitty title.       FINALLY, NEW CONTENT! ___________________   Just a synopsis of the 40-or so minute piece they posted...   Highlights from Piper's Pit.   Roddy Piper v. Jack Brisco for the Mid-Atlantic Title. Piper wins after hitting Brisco with a roll of pennies. Piper wanted 10,000 dollars to face Brisco in the first place, and Wahoo McDaniel and Ricky Steamboat each had to put up 2,000 dollars in order for it to be paid. David Crockett looks strange without graying hair and a beard. Very strange.   Now, the Frank Williams Piper's Pit. I think everyone's seen it a million times.   Then, the Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff vs. Hulk Hogan and Mr. T match from Wrestlemania I is shown in its entirety, but I'm not reviewing it. When they post WM I or post this in the shorties section, I'll review it. But not now, because I don't particularly review things in the HOF or DVD documentaries they show. I either summarize, or give my opinions of what's on screen. And I like Piper a LOT, I don't need to bore everyone with that. The ring's real bouncy, which is odd for WWF action. I'm not used to that when watching the WWF.   His Hall of Fame induction finishes, and now, to the matches that have been posted. ___________________   In chronological order...   First, we have Roddy Piper vs. Jake Roberts from Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling, and the match aired on 6/23/1982. Bob Caudle and Ricky Steamboat are on commentary. Not that I can't believe it, because I can, but it's so ODD to see these two facing off on a syndicated program in the 80's. Unreal.   Blow-by-blow: Roddy's wearing plaid, and it looks like Jake borrowed from Piper's future wardrobe. Meaning that Jake's wearing blue, like Piper did later on in his career. Jake starts off with an armdrag, and both guys trade hipblocks. Piper with some HARD chops to the chest of Jake, and he applies a front facelock. Both men trade chops before Piper rakes Jake in the eyes, and Jake comes to his feet with blood on his face. Piper with a back suplex, and somehow Jake's knee winds up on top of Piper for a 2 count. Jake with a sunset flip for 2, and Piper gets a kneelift for two. Piper reverses a Jake bodyslam attempt so Piper can apply the sleeper hold, but Jake makes it to the ropes. Piper misses a kneedrop and Jake gets a backdrop. Jake gets a kneelift of his own for two, and as Jake goes to run the ropes, Sgt. SLAUGHTER trips Jake up, so Jake wins by DQ at 6:54. Piper hits Jake from behind, and Steamboat comes in to stop the attack. Of course, Piper leaves.   Match Analysis: Bizarre. I bet that if you asked someone in 1982 which one of the guys involved in this match would be the WWF Champion later on down the line, not many would say that Sgt. Slaughter would be the guy. Strange to see a match from that era without someone involved being dead. Speaking of that, none of these three matches have a dead person as one of the participants. Not something one would expect to see, now. *3/4. ___________________   The next match took place on 7/13/1985 at Madison Square Garden, and it's Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. "Mr. Wonderful" Paul Orndorff.   Blow-by-blow: Orndorff and Piper trade right hands as the bell rings, and both men go out to the floor. Orndorff rams Piper into the guardrail, and on the inside, leaps off the top rope with a standing elbow to the head of Piper. Piper slaps Orndorff as Orndorff has him in an armwringer, and Piper gains control by ramming Orndorff's head into the turnbuckle. Orndorff locks the arm of Piper around Orndorff's leg and wrenches it, but Piper gets a high knee and clothesline. Unfortunately, the camera gives us a not-so-nice look at Orndorff's ass, to the point where his ass takes up the whole screen. Couldn't the production truck move off that? Anyway, an Orndorff backslide gets two, and after the count, Piper dumps him to the outside. Piper rams Orndorff into the post, and brings him back in. He gives Orndorff a front facelock and then a headlock takeover, but Orndorff bridges out into a backslide. No count though, Piper's feet are in the ropes. They trade blows, and Orndorff crossbody's Piper out to the floor. I know Piper likes that spot a lot, I've seen him do it before. In the next match, for one. Orndorff rams Piper's head into the apron, then drapes him along the top rope as he slams Piper's head into the mat while pulling him back in. Piper sells it hilariously, as his body goes into shakes and tremors. Bob Orton hits the ring, and pushes Orndorff off the top rope. For some reason, the ref doesn't disqualify Piper. Orton hits Orndorff with the cast, and now the bell rings at 8:44. Orndorff is busted open, and Orton and Piper give him a double suplex. The BRITISH BULLDOGS (yeah, that was a WTF moment. I didn't expect THEM to hit the ring.) come out to save Orndorff, and eventually they get the better of Orton and Piper to the point where the two heels are forced to leave. Orndorff wins, but he doesn't look satisfied.   Match Analysis: Good for Piper in the WWF. His matches in the WWF, for the most part, aren't that entertaining. That's not why I like him to begin with, though. **. ___________________   The last match posted in this update is for the Intercontinental Championship. It's the challenger, Bret Hart vs. the champion, Rowdy Roddy Piper. From Wrestlemania VIII, of course. Heenan's commentary is great. On a re-review of a particular match, when they post it again, so to say, I'll cover the commentary much more. So, yeah, the review of this show will be different for this particular match.   Blow-by-blow: Thankfully, they show the pre-match promo. I'll review that when the whole event is posted. Bret's in his all pink attire, and I don't know who the referee is. Both men trade armdrags before Piper takes Bret down to the canvas. Piper has his arms locked around Bret, and Bret runs and ducks down so that Piper goes out under the top rope. Clever. Piper spits at Bret to establish that he'll be playing the heel tonight, then we have a test of strength. Piper chops Bret after they exchange armwringers, and he rams Bret into the turnbuckle. Piper chops him more, and Bret gets a running dropkick. Bret plays possum on the canvas, holding his shoulder, then rolls Piper up for a 2 count. I think that's the first time he did that in the WWF, I'm not sure though. Piper slaps him, and now IT'S ON. Bret crossbody's Piper to the floor (see what I said about Piper liking that spot) even though it took a while for both men to get to the floor, and Piper holds the ring ropes open so that Bret can come back in. What a guy. Piper makes the referee check Bret for weapons, and Piper slugs Bret in the face with his left hand as Bret's head is down, so obviously, Bret couldn't see him. Wink, wink. Bret blades off the punch (blading was a no-no at the time) and Piper rams his head into the buckle. Piper with a bulldog that gets two and a dropkick for 2, but Bret comes back with a sunset flip for 2. Piper with some lefts and rights for 2, then a Bret flying forearm puts Piper out of the ring. Piper comes back in and both men clothesline each other. Piper goes up to the top as Bret is playing possum AGAIN, and he drapes Piper's feet on the ropes, then rams his face into the canvas. Here comes the usual, Bret with a inverted atomic drop, suplex, russian leg sweep and backbreaker, but Piper blocks the SHARPSHOOTER. Bret goes up to the 2nd rope for his elbowdrop, but he eats Piper's boot on the way down. The two combatants trade punches from their knees (I was going to say "trade blows from their knees," but for some reason, I didn't. Hopefully you can make sense of it.) and Piper rams Bret into the referee. Piper clotheslines Bret out, then rams him into the steel steps. Piper grabs the ringbell, but thinks better of using it. Cause he's a good guy at heart, 'ya know? He tosses the bell out and puts Bret in a sleeper hold, but Bret kicks the turnbuckle pad in the corner, and the momentum puts Bret on top of Piper for the 3 count, and the win, at 13:50. I can't describe the finish any better than that, sorry. It was like Bret-Austin at Survivor Series 1996.   Match Analysis: I won't say too much, but this match is WAY underrated. I don't see what keeps this from being a great match, considering that most people don't put it in that category. It told a great story, and moreover, helped launch Bret on his push that culminated in him winning the WWF title later in the year. Would it have been the same had Bret beaten the Mountie (or insert mid-card heel here) at WM 8 to get the title back? No, of course it wouldn't have. ****1/4. One of my favorite matches. ___________________   Same as the Undertaker DVD. When the rest is posted later this month, a full rating will follow. I'll say this much though, what they've posted is definitely watchable. I didn't particularly enjoy the Wild Samoans stuff from last month.
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Undertaker DVD, Part 6.

Ok, I've had enough days of not doing any of these... ___________________   This match is from No Mercy 2002, and it's a Hell in a Cell match, featuring the WWE Champion Brock Lesnar w/Paul Heyman vs. The Undertaker. Remember, Taker has a broken hand.   Blow-by-blow: Taker swings his hand that's in a cast at Brock and Brock dodges him, then takes him down. Taker elbows Brock a few times, but a Brock powerslam gets 2. Brock charges into Taker, and Taker hits Brock in the gut with his cast. Brock bails out of the ring and Taker chases him, and Taker hits Brock in the head with the cast a few times, making Brock bleed. Quite a bit of blood, too. Taker rams Brock into the steps, then the Cell, and grates his face along the Cell. A cover on the outside gets a 2 count, and Taker torpedo tosses Brock into the Cell afterward. Taker does that legdrop where he sets the other wrestler up on the apron and runs down the apron to legdrop him, then goes up top. He clearly had 2nd thoughts about whatever he was going to do, as he comes down with a "something." I really don't know what it was. Taker kicks the Cell into Paul Heyman, and Heyman blades. Again, a lot of blood. Brock accidentally runs into Heyman, but Brock recovers and spinebusters Taker into the Cell, hard. Heyman hands Brock a belt, and Brock ties Taker up, against the Cell. Brock hits Taker in the back with a chair, and then hits the "broken" hand, repeatedly. The belt breaks, and Brock bites Taker on the hand. Back inside the ring, Brock rips the cast off. Brock does this thing where he swings on one of the Cell support beams like Tarzan and kicks Taker a few times. Taker hits Brock low, down low, then pushes him down into the ring. Taker with an elbowdrop into the ring off the top for a 2 count, and Taker kicks Brock into the Cell. Heyman screams out, "we're losing Brock" and he screams pretty much for the rest of the bout. It's funny. Taker dives out under the top rope onto Brock, and Brock gets up first, tossing Taker into the Cell. Brock throws the steel steps into Taker, and now Taker's bleeding. That's a LOT OF BLOOD, much more than that of the other two who are already bleeding. Brock throws the steps into Taker again, and we go back in the ring. A Brock spinebuster gets a 2 count, and Brock doesn't know what he needs to do in order to win. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Brock armdrags him off the top rope. Brock goes for the F5, but Taker counters with a chokeslam for 2. Taker with an avalanche, and he goes for another, but Brock counters with a boot to the face. Brock gets backdropped on a BROCK LAST RIDE attempt, and a Taker running DDT gets 2. The LAST RIDE is countered again as Brock rams Taker into the buckle, and as Brock climbs the corner to punch Taker, Taker FINALLY gets the LAST RIDE. However, Brock grabs the ropes on the cover, so the next logical step is to TOMBSTONE him. Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE but Brock reverses it so that he's in TOMBSTONE position, and then Brock launches Taker into position for the F5, and gets the 3 count to retain his title at 27:15. Brock climbing up the Cell to celebrate is left out of the DVD program, so we'll stop there.   Match Analysis: In good conscience, no, this was not better than Taker's match with HHH at WM 17. But since I felt this match was ***1/4, I need to change the rating of the WM 17 match to ***1/2. It would only be fair. Not only that, this was the last great Hell in a Cell matches before they went to shit for a while. I don't remember whether or not the other ones after the 50 minute classic (sic) was better than this. Good for what it was, a brawl with a lot of blood. ___________________   The next match is from the first Smackdown only PPV, Vengeance 2003, and it's The Undertaker vs. John Cena.   Blow-by-blow: IMO, Cena is far better in this role. As a cocky heel that doesn't give a shit what other people think, that's what Cena does best. His rap is corny, but good. Cena slaps Taker at the start, and gets tossed into the corner. Taker dumps Cena and tosses him into the table where the ring bell is situated. Cena grabs a waterbottle and takes a swig, then spits it into Taker's face. Taker tosses Cena into the guardrail, then back into the ring. Taker gets that apron legdrop, and a cover on the inside gets 1. Taker goes up for OLD SCHOOL, gets it, and a chokeslam, and Taker pulls Cena's head up at 2. Way to make the guy look like a jobber. Taker goes for the LAST RIDE, but Cena jumps over him and DDT's him. Cena goes to unwrap the turnbuckle, but he stops midway through doing so. He kicks Taker and chokes him, then after a Taker clothesline, Cena finishes taking off the turnbuckle pad. Taker misses a charge toward the exposed turnbuckle pad, and Cena knocks him out of the ring with a flying shoulderblock. Taker has some "internal bleeding" going on, but a Taker clothesline gets a 2 count after he misses a big boot. Taker with a dragon sleeper, but Cena gets a spinebuster for 2. Taker with a clothesline after both men trade right hands, and Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE. Cena counters and goes for the F-U, and that's also countered. Taker with a legdrop for two, but Cena hits Taker with his chain. Cena gets the F-U for a 2 count, and for the third straight match on this DVD, Cena goes into the corner to punch Taker, and Taker LAST RIDES him out of there, winning the match. Third straight time that spot has been used...   Match Analysis: I believe the word to use is overrated. I've seen in the past that this match drew pretty good star ratings, but it was a glorified Taker squash. He did nothing to make Cena look strong, Cena was only made to look weak. **1/2. I ain't feelin' it. ___________________   Now, we have a BURIED ALIVE match, it's from Survivor Series 2003, and it's the Undertaker vs. Mr. McMahon.   Blow-by-blow: Vince prays to a "higher power" before the match, which I find incredibly funny for multiple reasons. Well, that didn't take long. Vince blades on Taker's first punch. Vince is GUSHING blood all over the place, and Taker rams Vince's grapefruits into the steel ring post. Heh. Then he does the same on the other side of the ring, and rams Vince into the announce table. Apparently, Vince threatened to have Taker's wife raped during the buildup for this match. Wow. Taker chokes Vince with a television cable and hits him with a TV monitor. Taker goes up to the stage where the grave is, and grabs a shovel. He hits Vince with it and I have to say, this might be the most blood I've ever seen in a match. It's all over the place. Taker grabs the steps and rams them into Vince's left leg, and we go TOWARD THE GRAVE. Vince gets his only offense of the match with a headbutt to the nuts of Taker and he then hits Taker with a shovel. Taker pulls Vince into the grave, and opens the forklift door in order to bury him. Taker, bury? harharhar. Kane comes out of the forklift and puts Taker into the grave, and Vince climbs into the forklift and dumps dirt into the grave for the win, at 11:58.   Match Analysis: Wow. Only thing keeping it from -*'s is the blood. DUD for the blood. Dumb. ___________________   The last match on this DVD set is the return of the Deadman w/Paul Bearer in tow, at WM XX. He's facing Kane.   Blow-by-blow: Taker's entrance was awesome, what with Bearer coming out and the Druids. Kane keeps saying "you're not real" throughout the bout. OK. Kane bails early and Taker whips Kane into the apron of the ring. Taker does that legdrop on the apron, and back inside, avalanches Kane while Kane's in the turnbuckle. Bearer screams, "HOW DO YOU LIKE IT," and Taker goes for the LAST RIDE. Unfortunately, they blow a spot where Kane is supposed to counter and drop Taker along the top rope. As I was saying, Taker does not get dropped along the top rope, he just falls down in a heap. Kane with a big boot and right hands as the MSG crowd thankfully does not chant "you fucked up." Kane gets a sideslam and goes up for a flying clothesline that gets a 2 count. Kane misses a charge at Taker, and Taker gets a running big boot and legdrop. He goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but Kane catches him in a choke. Taker returns the favor, and Taker's the one to try the CHOKESLAM first. However, KANE gets the CHOKESLAM and taunts the crowd for a bit. Taker sits up, and no-sells a Kane big boot, then hits a flying clothesline on Kane. Taker gets the CHOKESLAM, and then the TOMBSTONE for the finish at 6:56.   Match Analysis: 1/2*. Not good, but I don't think it was supposed to be anything other than a quick vehicle to re-establish Taker. I don't think he needed it, though.   That's the end of the DVD! ___________________   Now, ratings for the entire DVD.   Rating: Good. Unfortunately, a large majority of the matches are those that most people have probably seen. No hidden gems here, except for maybe the Bret v. Taker match from One Night Only. That match, and a match vs. Kurt Angle from Smackdown in 2003 were cut from the 24/7 airing of the DVD.   Best Match: Shawn vs. Taker from Badd Blood 1997.   Worst Match: Yokozuna vs. Undertaker from Royal Rumble 1994, and Taker v. Hogan from Survivor Series 1991 gets a dishonorable mention. ___________________     The review of the show from the Spectrum in Philadelphia will be posted either tomorrow or Tuesday. I haven't made up my mind yet.
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Review: Undertaker DVD, Part 5.

Time for something easy to review.... ___________________   The first match in this part of the DVD is from Fully Loaded 1999. It's for the World Wrestling Federation Championship, and the challenger is, of course, the Undertaker. The Champion is Stone Cold Steve Austin, and the match is a First Blood, End of an Era match. If Austin loses, he can't challenge for the WWF Title again. If the Undertaker loses, Vince McMahon will have to leave the WWF "forever."   Blow-by-blow: First, this mix of the Undertaker's music kicks ass. Austin made Taker bleed earlier in the night, and Taker tells the referee not to worry about that cut. Second, Vince McMahon is a guest commentator for the bout. Austin comes out and Taker meets him in the aisle. They brawl, and Austin swings the Smokin' Skull belt at Taker, but misses. They're by the guardrails in the aisle, and Austin is covering up to protect himself from the rights and lefts that Taker is throwing. Taker knocks Austin into the crowd after a right hand, and throws the steel stairs at him. But they miss, and Austin tries to hit Taker with the steps. Taker kicks him in the gut, throws him over the rail, and rams him into the announce table. Finally they get in the ring, and Taker chokes Austin with his boot. Taker tries to rip the stitches out of Austin's head from attacks on RAW in the previous weeks, then chokes Austin, but Austin chopblocks him after a missed big boot. Austin goes for the left leg, and tells someone out there, "you got this shit." Austin kicks him in the nuts, and for some reason, the crowd's kinda dead. I've never seen this show, so I don't know why. Austin rams the left leg of Taker into the post, and on the outside afterwards, Taker knocks Austin into the crowd. They trade rights, and Taker knocks Austin back to ringside. For some reason I like this match, even though the crowd may not. Taker grabs a chair, and swings it twice, both times missing. He attempts to swing it a third time, and Austin drop-toeholds him into what's left of the steel steps. Austin chokes Taker with a television cable, during the process, he takes a mini-electrical fan and rams it into Taker's face. Taker pushes the ref back in the ring, then trips over the ref and winds up tied in the ropes. Shane McMahon runs in with a chair, and he takes a hard chairshot from Austin to put him on the outside. Austin is gonna hit Taker with the chair, but Taker gives him a big boot. Taker kicks Austin in the groin, and takes off the turnbuckle pad. Steve with a low blow, and a STONE COLD STUNNER. Vince McMahon hobbles to the ring and tries to hit Austin with a crutch because he's hurt, so he can't walk, see. Austin has a chair after he hits Vince, but Taker hits Austin in the back with it. X-PAC (WTF?) comes down to the ring and spinning heelkicks the chair into the face of Taker, and Austin grabs a television camera. Oh yeah, now I remember why X-Pac came down to the ring. He was partners with Kane, and Kane had a match with the Big Show. Who was the Undertakers partner. Anyhow, Austin hits Taker with the camera, and WE HAVE BLOOD. BAH GAWD, BAH GAWD. The ref's down, so the match isn't stopped immediately. Taker goes for the TOMBSTONE, and Earl Hebner sees that Taker's bleeding. We all go "RING THE FUCKING BELL," and the match is over at 15:38. Austin gives Vince a STUNNER, and Triple H comes out. THE ROCK comes out to attack HHH, and we brawl. Taker hits Austin with the chair, and Austin's bloody. Austin hits Taker with the crutch of McMahon's, and Shane gets punched by Taker. Finally, the brawl breaks up. Austin offers to give Vince a goodbye handshake, well, he does that, then gives him a Stunner.   Match Analysis: Wow. People complain about Russo's use of run-ins in TNA, but what I saw there, now THAT was overbooking. It was fun though, and well within the context of the match and other angles that were going on at the time. **1/4, although that may be overrating the match, I liked it. ___________________   This match is from Wrestlemania 17, and it's The Undertaker vs. Triple H. Remember, this all started because HHH said he's beaten everyone, Taker came out and said no, then HHH destroyed his bike. Yada, yada, yada.   Blow-by-blow: The dubbed music of the Undertaker actually sounds pretty good. Like that could be his real music, or something. Unusual to find good dubbed music on this channel... They brawl on the outside, which is when I start the timer, when the action starts. Taker gets the best of it, and punches HHH who flies through the makeshift Spanish Announce Table. Just a regular table, in Dudley Boyz fashion. HHH with a high knee in the ring, and Taker no-sells it. He backdrops HHH, and clotheslines him. An Undertaker powerslam gets two, but he misses his elbow drop. Taker does a flying clothesline and goes up for OLD SCHOOL, but HHH armdrags him off the top. HHH with a neckbreaker that gets two, and two elbows to the head of Taker. HHH gets another neckbreaker, this time of the swinging variety, for a 2 count. HHH goes outside and grabs the SLEDGEHAMMER, as he gets this sick and twisted look on his face. That's good acting. The referee steals the SLEDGEHAMMER, and Taker slingshots HHH into the referee after a Pedigree attempt is reversed. Taker chokeslams HHH for a 2 count, and because it was ONLY a two count, Taker stomps on the ref and gives him an elbowdrop. He tosses HHH over the top rope and over to the floor, and HHH rams Taker's head into the steps. Taker backdrops HHH into the crowd, and they brawl up to the technical, usually off camera area. HHH hits Taker in the back and the head with a chair, and then wallops him all over the body with it. Taker chokeslams HHH "down to the floor," and I'll be honest, when I saw WM 17 on PPV, I thought HHH was dead. But, as we see on the replay, it was a well-cushioned fall. Taker jumps off the stage thing and elbowdrops HHH, and EMT's have brought out a stretcher to wheel HHH back with. Taker shoves them sumbitches out of the way, and the two men make their way back to the ring. Taker has the SLEDGEHAMMER now, and HHH gives him a nut-shot. HHH has the SLEDGEHAMMER, but Taker with a big boot. HHH goes for the TOMBSTONE but Taker reverses, and there's no referee to make the count. Taker "revives" the official, and picks HHH up for the LAST RIDE. HHH hits him with the SLEDGEHAMMER in mid-flight, and the cover gets 2. Taker's busted wide open, and HHH goes up for the 10 punch in the corner. Unfortunately for him, Taker gets the LAST RIDE (which I think looks visually better than almost all other powerbomb variations) for the 3 count at 18:58.   Match Analysis: Fun, and the overly gimmicked chokeslam at the technical area really didn't bother me. A good, dramatic match which made me think HHH would be the one to beat Taker at Mania the first time I watched it. Cool finish too. ***1/4. ___________________   From Judgment Day 2002, this match is for the Undisputed Championship, and it's the challenger, The Undertaker vs. the Champion, Hulk Hogan.   Blow-by-blow: Hogan's ring entrance took a while, and it could give someone a seizure. The lights in front of the stage setup hurt my eyes. Taker's wearing Hogan's weightlifting belt to the ring, and once Hogan gets in, Taker smacks him with it a few times. Hogan finds a way to get the belt away, then hits Taker with it three times. Hogan clotheslines Taker as JR says, "this won't be a classic." No shit, huh. Hogan backdrops Taker and dumps him, and then he goes into HULKAMANIA BROTHER and tears his shirt off. Hogan with an eye rake, but Taker gives him a headbutt on the outside. Still on the outside, Hogan whips Taker into the steps. Hogan with some chops, but Taker gets an armbar and goes up for OLD SCHOOL. Hogan crotches him and gets a superplex (WTF?) for 2. It looked kinda funny. Taker with a chopblock, and he rams Hogan's knee into the ringpost. He wrenches the leg, but Hogan continually kicks Taker in the head to get out of it. They trade right hands, then Hogan misses the BIG BOOT AND LEGDROP, and Taker grabs Hogan's leg in a half crab. Hogan gets to the ropes and both men trade right hands. Hogan misses a clothesline, and Taker gives him the ugliest chokeslam I've ever seen. Hogan kicks out at two, and Hulks up. We all know the routine, 3 right hands, a big boot, and HE DROPS THE FUCKIN' LEG, but only gets two. A Taker running DDT gets a 2 count and Vince McMahon makes his way to the ring. Taker goes and grabs a chair, but Hogan kicks it into his face. He gives Taker the LEGDROP, but the ref isn't counting thanks to Vince. Hogan punches Vince and legdrops him, but Taker hits him with the chair and chokeslams him at 12:23 to become the new Undisputed Champion. Undertaker tells Hebner to put the belt around his waist, and he goes and grabs the chair "for his motorcycle." He "Team 3D's" him, you know, cause of what they did to Shark Boy, and that's it.   Match Analysis: Not a DUD, cause I was entertained. And I thought it was better than their match at Survivor Series 1991 so...I have to give it 3/4*. It was kept short, and to the point. That was for the better. If both men had more time for this match, it would have been terrible. With a capital T. ___________________   An overall rating of the DVD will be coming soon, when I post Part 6. Since there's not much content that I haven't reviewed on 24/7 right now, I'll take my time.
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Review: WWF Badd Blood, from St. Louis, Missouri, 10/5/97.

I'm eagerly awaiting this one, and the reasons are obvious. The midget match is cut out, and that's good. I don't want to watch that trash. The prematch section is gone forever. It'll be integrated into the regular review of the match. ___________________   From the Kiel Center in St. Louis, this is Badd Blood 1997. And the hosts are Vince, JR, and the King. No, not me. ___________________   We start this pay-per-view with a handicap match. It's The Nation of Domination which consists of Kama Mustafa, Rocky Miavia and D'Lo Brown vs. The Legion of Doom, Animal and Hawk.   Blow-by-blow: We learn before the match that Ken Shamrock was supposed to be on the good guy side, but he had some "internal injuries" occur during a bout with Faarooq. That's a good thing, IMO. Hawk and D'Lo start, and D'Lo does a shoulderblock that inflicts no damage to Hawk. Hawk with a hipblock and dropkick, and then a big boot and clothesline leads Rocky to decide that he wants a piece of Hawk. However, the crowd begins to chant "Rocky Sucks," so he bails out of the ring and covers his ears. Rocky puts Animal into the buckle, and Animal comes out with a flying shoulderblock. Hawk tags in, and hits Rocky with a double axhandle from the 2nd rope. Kama comes in, and misses a charge to the buckle. Hawk with an enziguri, and Animal comes in with a powerslam. Rocky with a DDT as he interferes, and Kama with a karate kick to Animal. Animal gets tosses out, and the rest of NOD attack. D'Lo tags in, and prevents Animal from getting to his corner. D'Lo with a snapmare and two legdrops that get a 2 count, after that, he tags Rocky in. Rocky applies a chinlock, and you can just tell that the guy is a natural heel. Big things to come for him....and Rocky stomps a mudhole in Animal. Rocky punches him in the nuts with the referee distracted, and that gets a 2 count. Kama tags in and misses a charge, and Hawk gets a false hot tag. He can't come in, and on his way out of the ring, D'Lo comes in with the Lo'Down. Rocky covers and gets two. Animal with a clothesline now, and there's the tag to Hawk. Hawk with a powerslam to Rocky and a neckbreaker to D'Lo, and they dump Kama out of the ring. Animal and Hawk both with clotheslines, and they lift Rocky up for the Doomsday Device. Faarooq comes out as a distraction, and Rocky gives Hawk the ROCK BOTTOM for the pinfall at 12:19.   Match Analysis: I didn't think it was very good, and for two reasons. First, the heels were really green, or in the case of Kama, just not very good. Secondly, LOD were so far deteriorated that it was hard for them to have a decent match with anyone. *1/2. ___________________   The next match is for the World Wrestling Federation Tag Team Titles. The challengers, accompanied by Uncle Cletus, are the Godwinns. The champions are the Headbangers, Mosh and Thrasher.   Blow-by-blow: Sunny's the guest ring announcer, and the tag titles are FAR from what they would become less than a year later. Some of you may know Uncle Cletus as Dirty White Boy from SMW, or T.L. Hopper. The Godwinns get beat up by the Headbangers, so they leave the ring, and once they come back in, it happens again. Mosh rana's Phineas out to the floor, and Thrasher comes off the apron with one of the ugliest rana's you'll ever see on Henry. Mosh with a springboard body press to the outside, and the Headbangers do a tag team maneuver that nearly breaks the neck of Phineas. The cover gets two, and Thrasher and Henry tag in. A Thrasher rollup gets a 1 count, and he follows that with a dropkick. Henry bails, so both teams switch, as the Headbangers double team Phineas with that hop over the other move that the World's Greatest Tag Team does or used to do, I don't know if they're still a team. This match is really poor, so I'll get to the end. Mosh finally gets the hot tag and gives Phineas a BUTT-bump. The Headbangers then hit Cletus, and slam Phineas. However, Mosh comes off the top in a Bombs Away attempt, and gets powerbombed by Phineas. It gets a 3 count at 12:17. Cletus kept Thrasher from breaking up the pinfall, so the win wasn't clean. After the match, the Godwinns beat up the Headbangers. Tim White says that if they don't leave, they'll lose their newly won titles. So they leave.   Match Analysis: Unbelievably poor match. The crowd was dead, and the less said, the better. 1/2*. ___________________   Now we have a video package that shows how out of control Stone Cold Steve Austin is, and afterward, Owen says he's going to be getting the Intercontinental Title back tonight. ___________________   A legends ceremony follows, and the men brought out are Gene Kiniski, Jack Brisco, Dory Funk Jr., Harley Race, Terry Funk, Sam Muchnick, and Lou Thesz. Pretty good lineup of guys, if I say so myself. ___________________   Michael Hayes (fuck that Dok Hendrix crap) is with the Nation of Domination, and Faarooq says Owen is going to get his ass kicked. Strong words. Better be able to back them up. Vince has a few words to say about Brian Pillman's death, and he doesn't say much. Seems like he knew the cause wouldn't be so good for Brian's family to know. ___________________   And now, we have the final match of the Intercontinental Championship tournament. It's Faarooq vs. Owen Hart.   Blow-by-blow: Owen's wearing an Owen 3:16 shirt, and Stone Cold Steve Austin is supposed to present the Intercontinental Title to the winner of this match. Austin takes the broadcast headset away from Vince and says that the Owen 3:16 shirt is nothing but cheap heat. He said it like he really meant it, in shoot fashion. Who knows if it was. Faarooq with a shoulderblock and Owen follows it with a headlock, and then a leg lariat after being thrown into the ropes. Owen works on the left leg with assorted offense, namely a leg grapevine and kneedrop to the leg, as Austin makes his way to each commentary table and has some words for the respective announcers. The WWF built him up PERFECTLY. A Faarooq backbreaker gets two and Faarooq attempts a bodyslam, but Owen falls on him for 2. Faarooq with a falldown slam, but he misses a legdrop from the 2nd rope. Owen tries the SHARPSHOOTER but he can't get it, and Faarooq gets a powerslam for 2. Jim Neidhart comes out to support Owen, but Faarooq hits a spinebuster. Fortunately, that only gets a two count. And again, fortunately for Owen, Austin hits Faarooq with the Intercontinental Belt, and Owen pins Faarooq for the win at 7:15. Austin tosses the title to Owen and leaves.   Match Analysis: Austin was hilarious, but his presence at ringside took away from the match. The match already had enough going against it, both men were heels. *. In a different situation, I think these two could have put together a decent match. ___________________   The next match is filler because of Pillman's death, but it's Los Boricuas vs. Disciples of Apocalypse. In truth, it's kinda hard to pay attention. Mostly because the Boricuas chinlock Chainz to death. There should never be a chinlock in an 8 man tag match. WHY THE FUCK are you resting? Just tag out or work the guy over with some moves. Anyway, Crush finishes with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker at 9:10. That's the first babyface victory of the night. The crowd likes them, even if they weren't supposed to be babyfaces. Who knows. The whole GANG WARZ thing was fuckin' stupid to begin with. DUD. ___________________   This match is a FLAG MATCH, and it's The Patriot and Vader representing the United States vs. The British Bulldog and the WWF Champion Bret Hart, representing Canada. In this flag match, due to the injuries of all participants, the Flag Match can be won by pinfall or submission.   Blow-by-blow: Before the match, Vader calls the "Best there is, best there was and the best there ever will be" slogan BULLSHIT, Vince apologizes soon after, and now we have our match. The Patriot hits Bret with the American flag that he brought to the ring, and Vader hits Bret with the Canadian flag that Bret brought to the ring. Now the Hart Foundation returns the favor, and the American flag breaks as the Patriot is being hit with it. The babyfaces get in the ring as the heels regroup, and why aren't they going for the flag? Davey and the Patriot start, as the Patriot gets a suplex, hiptoss and an ugly backdrop. Vader comes in with a shoulderblock, and Bret tags in as well. A short-arm clothesline from Vader follows, and Bulldog clotheslines Vader from the ring apron. Bret with a russian leg sweep on Vader and he goes for the flag, but Vader hits him low. Down low. Vader sits on Bret after Bret tries a sunset flip, and that gets two. Bulldog and Patriot come in, and a Patriot dropkick gets 2. Patriot slams Davey and tries for the flag, but he can't get there. Following that, Bret applies the ringpost figure-4 on The Patriot. And it's perfectly legal too. Bret then slams Patriot, and headbutts him in the nuts. Bret gets the SHARPSHOOTER on Patriot, but Patriot reverses it. A Bulldog clothesline from behind ends that, but all men are in one corner and Patriot tries to climb over all them in order to get the flag. But he can't. Vader runs into an opponent for a 2 count, and then gets a back suplex on Davey. Vader with a splash for two, and Davey goes to the chinlock. Bret comes in with a back suplex and THE SHARPSHOOTER, but Patriot breaks it up. Vader goes for the SHARPSHOOTER but he can't get it, so he tags the Patriot in. The Patriot applies the figure-four, but Bret gets in a position to tag the Bulldog. Bulldog with a delayed vertical suplex for 2, and the Patriot gets a poweslam for two. Bret kicks Patriot in the back and gets a suplex, and then he goes for the flag. Vader stops him and tags in, slams Bret, and goes for a MOONSAULT. He misses the moonsault but lands on his feet, and Vader dumps Bret to the floor. Bret hits both the Patriot and Vader with the ring bell, and we go back in. Bret with an elbow from the 2nd rope and legdrop, and then a DDT for 2. Vader clotheslines both heels and Patriot comes in. He gets the UNCLE SLAM for a 2 count and a fan comes in the ring. Nobody goes Eddie Guerrero and punches him though, so Vader goes up for the VADER BOMB, and gets it. However, a bit of a scrum ensues, and Bret reverses a Patriot rollup for the pinfall at 21:16.   Match Analysis: It was kinda slow, and the Patriot just isn't very good. As with all the other matches so far, no heat. Kinda sad to say that when you have a 21,000+ crowd. Rating is **, and I'm being kind. ___________________   Michael Hayes is with HBK, and he says that nobody, NOBODY can beat the SHOWSTOPPA. ___________________   And now, we have the MAIN EVENT. It's the first EVER Hell in a Cell match, and it's for the #1 contenders spot and a WWF Title match at Survivor Series. And we all know what happened there. It's the European Champion, The Heartbreak Kid Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker. The match is not for the European Championship...   Blow-by-blow: The Cell is on its way down, and HHH, Rick Rude and Chyna make their way out of the ring. They aren't allowed in, see. Commissioner Slaughter checks under the ring, and it's all good. Taker enters and Shawn plays the 'scared as shit' role real well, as he runs away. Shawn gets to the ring, and Taker whips him hard into the buckle, and Shawn goes upside down. Shawn gets clotheslined for two, and Taker goes OLD SCHOOL. Taker with a slam and legdrop for 2, and a HUGE backdrop has Shawn's feet touching the roof of the Cell. Taker just THROWS Shawn out of the ring and to the floor, and the bump looked like it hurt. Shawn tries to climb the wall on the inside to get away from Taker, and gets pulled down to the ground by Taker. Taker tosses Shawn into the cage and clotheslines him....and then he does it again. Taker picks up HBK in powerbomb position, but Shawn traps him against the Cell and punches him. Taker follows with some rights and lefts to the body of Shawn, and he picks him up and rams him from Cell to post, Cell to post. Shawn tosses Taker into the Cell, but Taker no-sells it and clotheslines Shawn. Into the stairs Shawn goes, and Taker chokes him. Taker misses a charge toward the Cell though, and Shawn gets a bit of control. Shawn with a TOPE through the ropes, and he follows that up by climbing the inside wall of the Cell and giving Taker an elbow drop. Shawn with a flying clothesline off the ring apron, and he grabs the steel stairs and rams them into the back of Taker. Then, Shawn PILEDRIVES Taker on the steps, and Shawn jumps from the top rope onto Taker with a double axhandle. Shawn grabs a chair from under the ring (remember, that started their feud) and hits Taker twice in the back with it. The cover gets a 2 count, and Taker fights back with a backdrop that puts Shawn on the floor. Shawn punches Flash Funk a cameraman, and the announcers apologize to the family of the cameraman. Uh-huh. Shawn does his flying forearm and kip-up that he always does, and now there's help for the cameraman. So the Cell door opens. Shawn TUNES UP THE BAND, and Taker no-sells Sweet Chin Music. Shawn sees the door open, and he's gone. Shawn gets slingshot into the cage and blades, and Shawn gets his face rammed into the cage a couple of times. Shawn climbs up the Cell, and the crowd goes nuts. Taker backdrops him up there after a Shawn piledriver attempt, and Taker press slams him. Shawn climbs part way down, and Taker steps on his hand until he falls off, and through the Spanish Announce Table. Wow. Pre-KotR 98, that IS THE big WWF bump. Taker biel's Shawn onto the French table, and press slams him off it to the floor. HBK is bleeding everywhere, as Taker drags him back into the Cell, and into the ring. Taker chokeslams Shawn from the TOP ROPE into the ring, and gets a chair of his own. He hits Shawn in the head with it, and signals for the TOMBSTONE. But the lights go out. AND THAT'S GOTTA BE KANE. HE RIPS THE DOOR OFF THE HINGES, THROWS HEBNER INTO THE CELL WALL, his pyro goes off, he STARES DOWN UT, and TOMBSTONES HIM. Shawn drags his dead carcass over to Taker, and Hebner counts what has to be the slowest 3 count of all time at 29:54, so Shawn gets the Title Match at Survivor Series. Literally, Shawn came out of a pool of his own blood. DX comes to the ring and carries Shawn out of the ring, and backstage. Shawn didn't move the whole time, so I meant it when I said carried.   That's the end of the show!   Match Analysis: This is my favorite match. Shawn bumped like a madman for Taker, so it's no wonder he had all that back trouble a little bit down the road. The ending is flawed because of Kane having music, which he shouldn't have. It didn't make sense for Kane to have music or pyro. I don't care, though. It's a ***** match. At this point, it's near impossible for Shawn to have a bad match. Show me a bad Shawn PPV match from the end of 1992 to the end of his run in 1998. I doubt you can. I don't think he's the best worker of all time although he's definitely top 5, but I'm able to look past all the wrong things he did in the past. Politicking and stuff, mostly. All people wanting to wrestle should watch this match and take notes. And when I said that the ONO match was Taker's best, I meant it was his best straight wrestling match. This is obviously his best match. ___________________   This show was a DOG. D-O-G. Terrible until the main event, and all the heels won, except for one tweener group. If not for the main event, it's one of the worst WWF PPV's of all time. IMO.   Rating: Decent. Only because of Hell in a Cel.l   Best Match: Hell in a Cell, Shawn Michaels vs. The Undertaker.   Worst Match: Disciples of Apocalypse vs. Los Boricuas.   Loudest Sound: Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, and Rocky Miavia. Rocky was hated...   No sound: Headbangers and the Godwinns. ___________________   That's it, I might do a review tomorrow, and if I do, it'll be posted at night. I get a content update tonight, but the Kings are playing, so I'm not watching anything. Until then...
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Review: NWA Halloween Havoc 1989, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 10/28/89.

I've seen a lot of people bitching about the way this show is edited, and I'd like to say that I find all those people to be complaining about a whole lot of nothing. It's not important. As long as a show has all the matches and all the commentary, I'm fine with it. The rest is unnecessary, as although I'd like to see it, I'll live with it, and like it anyway.   ___________________   Now, for the review.   Jim Ross and Bob Caudle are the hosts from the Civic Center in Philadelphia, and they're pretty good ones too. As there aren't any entrances, the usual prematch part will be left off my review. ___________________   We start things off in the ring with Gary Michael Cappetta, and the first match is The Z Man vs. Captain Mike Rotunda. Rotunda is of course, the future Irwin R. Schyster.   Blow-by-blow: The two men lockup, and Rotunda gets an amateur style takedown of Zenk from behind. Zenk rebounds with a headlock and two shoulderblocks, afterwards, Rotunda bails to the outside. Back in, and Rotunda gets a hipblock. He then misses an elbow drop, and Zenk follows with a dropkick, so Rotunda bails again. Rotunda with a knee and a thumb to the eye, then he tosses Zenk out of the ring. JR says the ladies came up with the Z Man name. O RLY? Zenk comes in with a sunset flip for 2, and grabs onto Rotunda's arm with a hammerlock. The ropes lead to a break of the hold, and Zenk with a headlock takeover next. Rotunda with a headscissor on the mat, and he cheats using the ropes. He gets caught when he tries again, so the hold is broken. Rotunda throws Zenk out under the top rope, and slams Zenk's head into the apron. Rotunda with a kick to the back of the head of Zenk, and a suplex in for a 2 count. Rotunda with an abdominal stretch as he holds the ropes, but the referee catches him, so he goes to a chinlock. Zenk attempts a comeback, but Rotunda finishes that with a good clothesline. Rotunda misses a dropkick and Zenk gets a back elbow, but Rotunda gives him a rake to the eyes in an attempt to slow Zenk down. Rotunda attempts a springboard crossbody block, but The Z Man rolls through it for the pinfall at 13:22.   Match Analysis: It was a solid match, and although I don't believe that the crowd cared for either man, they seemed to be into it. It was missing something though, so my rating is *3/4. It was slow, I didn't mind that. But the finish kinda came out of nowhere. ___________________   Chris Cruise is with our Guest Referee for the main event, Bruno Sammartino. He talks about the Thunderdome match, and how he won't take any crap. The usual. ___________________   The next contest is a 6-Man Tag Team attraction. We have the Samoan Swat Team & The Samoan Savage w/Sir Oliver Humperdink vs. The Midnight Express (Stan Lane and Bobby Eaton version) and "Dr. Death" Steve Williams w/Jim Cornette. Yes, it's weird seeing Cornette in the same corner as Steve Williams. Anyhow...   Blow-by-blow: Lane starts off with a backdrop on the Savage, and then he clotheslines the Savage over the top rope. I'll enlighten the reader of this with some information in case they didn't know, the Samoan Savage is Tama of the Islanders. Moving on from that, the Midnight Express hit one of those fat asses with a double backelbow, and now Samu comes in after a Savage eye gouge. He misses an elbow drop on Eaton, and chops him a few times. Samu then misses an avalanche, and Steve Williams is on his way in. The crowd loves him, too. Williams with right hands and clotheslines for everyone, and all the Samoans bail out. Fatu is the Samoan that decides to get in the ring with Williams and Williams clotheslines him, and football tackles all the Samoans. Bobby Eaton comes in, and applies an armbar on Fatu, then Stan Lane comes in. Fatu with a clothesline on Lane after Lane's failed hiptoss attempt, and Samu comes in with a dropkick. Dr. Death soon follows, and Samu eats a clothesline. Williams with a legdrop, and Eaton comes in with a big flying clothesline. That gets 2. Samu attempts a monkeyflip, but Eaton elbows him. Both Lane and Fatu are tagged in, and Fatu gets a falldown slam. He misses an elbowdrop, though, and Bobby Eaton tags in, along with the Samoan Savage. Eaton gets crotched into the ringpost after an attempt at a bulldog, and then Samu and Fatu crotch him on the guardrail outside. Fatu beels Eaton HARD on the concrete, and after Eaton recovers, he sunset flips the Savage inside for a 2 count. Savage with a chop, and Fatu comes in. The SST's come in and clothesline Eaton, as he's the heat magnet du-jour. A Fatu headbutt gets two, and he goes to the nervehold. Fatu with a clothesline and then Samu comes in with a legdrop and headbutt for 2. Fatu in with a headbutt and the SST's kick Eaton in the nuts with the referee distracted, and then the Savage tags back in. A sideslam gets two, and then the Savage goes up to the top. He misses a pump splash, and the hot tag goes to Steve Williams. And the crowd just LOVES it, as Williams is a HOUSE OF DEATH. That was terrible, sorry. Williams with a double axhandle off the top, a LARIAT, and a press slam. A scoop slam and powerslam get a 2 count, and Lane comes in with a swinging neckbreaker on the Savage, and an enziguri. Cornette hits Humperdink with his tennis racked, but Lane and Cornette collide with each other, and the Samoan Savage gets the pin for his team at 18:16.   Match Analysis: See, at first, I thought this was a **1/2 match. But after thinking about it, it was a little better than that. The crowd heat is a large part of the *** rating. They were wild for Williams, and Eaton's heat sequence was really good. Really, really good. ___________________   Gordon Solie is with Terry Funk and Gary Hart backstage, and Hart says the J-Tex Corporation NEVER quits, and that Flair is going to fry when they get inside the Thunderdome tonight. ___________________   The next contest is "Wildfire" Tommy "4 Days" Rich vs. The Cuban Assassin. Wildfire is a really shitty nickname. FIDEL SIERRA!!!   Blow-by-blow: The Assassin attacks, and throws Rich into the turnbuckle. Rich slams the Assassin twice and the Cuban bails. The crowd just shits all over Rich for the duration of this match, and the match is so bad that I'm having a hard time re-writing everything again. Cuban Assassin gets a springboard crossbody for a 2 count, and Rich follows that with an "ugly as fuck" sunset flip for a 2 count of his own. Yes, the quoted is what I said aloud while watching that move take place. The crowd starts a "BORING" chant, but it doesn't get too loud. I'm thinking please take the match home while watching Rich do nothing but armdrags and punches, but I don't get what I want. Rich backdrops Assassin after the Cuban attempts a piledriver, but Assassin suplexes him. After Rich crotches the Assassin, Rich does an ugly back elbow. The Cuban tries another springboard crossbody, but this time he misses, and Rich does a Lou Thesz Press for the pinfall at 8:25.   Match Analysis: Just fastforward. It's not -*'s because I usually get enjoyment out of negative starred matches. In this case, it was completely unenjoyable. And that's my criteria for a DUD. ___________________   Gordon Solie's with the Fabolous Freebirds, unfortunately they have nothing to say, but lo and behold, they're a part of the next match. See, they're the NWA Tag Team Champions, and they're taking on the Dynamic Dudes, who're managed by Jim Cornette. The Dynamic Dudes are a mullet-clad Shane Douglas and Johnny Ace, and the Freebirds are Michael fuckin' Hayes and Jimmy Garvin, for those that don't know.   Blow-by-blow: Hayes struts at the beginning and the crowd just eats it up. The Philadelphia crowd is in love, LOVE, with The Freebirds. Hayes armdrags Douglas, and then headlocks him. Hayes with a sunset flip that Douglas reverses for a 1 count, and Hayes chops Shane. We soon see how GREEN Douglas is, as he absolutely blows a spot where Hayes comes off the ropes. It was REALLY bad. Douglas headlocks Hayes and gives him a swinging neckbreaker, and then both Garvin and Ace come in. Ace with a dropkick and armdrag, as Douglas comes back in with an armbar. Shane with a backdrop, and Hayes comes in. Shane with a wristlock reversal, and Ace comes off the top rope with an axhandle as he's tagged in. Ace with a powerslam, and the Dudes clear the ring with a double dropkick. The fans just boo the SHIT out of them, and as the Birds get settled down, Douglas reapplies the armbar. Ace with a face smash for a 2 count, and then a headlock on Garvin. Ace with a backdrop and he headscissors Hayes over as he takes Garvin over with a headlock. Ace with a headlock and then a shoulderblock on Garvin, and a roll-up of Garvin gets a 2 count. The Dudes playing to the crowd like babyfaces is beyond annoying. Not a soul is cheering for them, they're being booed. Loudly. Hayes clocks Ace in the head from the apron, and Garvin gives him a back suplex. Garvin kicks Ace in the back, and Hayes comes in with some right hands. Garvin does the same when he comes in, and backdrops Ace. Hayes back in as the crowd chants "DDT, DDT, DDT," although Hayes can't apply it. Douglas comes back in and backdrops the Freebirds, then dropkicks them a whole bunch and rams their heads into one another. A double high-knee follows by the Dudes, but Garvin reverses a double back suplex as he winds up on top for the full 3 count, at 11:27. The Freebirds retain their belts, and Philadelphia rejoices.   Match Analysis: The Freebirds really know how to work the crowd, and the heat on the Dudes was just hilarious. Really funny match, and although I'm probably overrating it, I'll give it **. It's a must-see match, if you're able to. Douglas was green as grass, but Hayes was awesome at actually being able to play to the crowd and get a pop. He didn't have to go for heel heat, and the fans just loved it. Douglas would see better days in Philly. ___________________   Rick and Scott Steiner cut a promo with Chris Cruise, and oh boy, Rick Steiner is fuckin' terrible. That's almost as bad as the Ken Patera promo I heard the other day. I'll link that at the end of this. After that, we obviously have their match. It's the Steiner Brothers vs. Doom w/Woman. Doom is masked, here, and if you don't know any better, you can't tell who's who. But I know better.   Blow-by-blow: A brawl starts things off, and the Steiners give each member of Doom a german suplex to clear the ring. Butch Reed is the skinnier one, Ron Simmons is more compact. That's how I can tell Doom apart. Rick's hair is wild here, it's a good thing he cut it. STEINERLINE's for both members of Doom as they get back in, and they'll regroup again. Ron Simmons and Scott Steiner will start, and a Steinerline gets 2. Rick has Steinerlines for both members of Doom, and he barks. That gimmick was over, even then. Rick and Butch Reed are in now, and a big right hand by Rick gets a 2 count. Butch with an inverted atomic drop and I've gotta say, if you don't already know who these two are, good luck watching. The announcers did nothing to establish them from one another, and neither did the wrestlers. One could have worn different color boots, or something. Simmons in with a headbutt, but Rick reverses his suplex attempt. Scott's in, with a Steinerline off the 2nd rope for two. Scott with an armbar, and Rick comes in with a chinlock, but Simmons counters with an ace crusher variant. A legdrop by Simmons follows, and he tags Butch. A big clothesline by Butch turns Rick inside out, and Reed drops Rick along the top rope for 2. Scott finds his way into the match (no, I don't know how), and gives Reed a front suplex for 2. Simmons is in, and Scott gives him a release german suplex. An elbowdrop by Scott gets 2, and a snapmare and chinlock follows. Doom takes control though, as Reed uses a double axhandle off the 2nd rope in order to do that. Simmons beats up Scott on the outside and slams him twice into the guardrail, and then Butch Reed gives Scott an eye gouge. Clever. A double back elbow by Doom gets two, and they practically choke Scott to death for 2 minutes. As the referee is distracted, Reed throws Scott Steiner over the top rope. The ref was distracted cause that's illegal, see. A Reed swinging neckbreaker gets two, and he follows that with a powerslam. Both members of Doom slam Scott for free, and we have a false hot tag, as Scott tags Rick with the ref distracted again. Does.Not.Count. A spike piledriver by Doom gets 2, and they go to the chinlock. Scott kicks Simmons on the irish whip, though, and Rick FINALLY gets the tag. Rick with a backdrop to Butch, STEINERLINE'S for everyone, and Scott does a FRANKENSTEINER. Rick with a powerslam and belly-to-belly as Woman gets on the apron, and she slips a foreign object into the mask of Butch Reed. Reed headbutts Rick Steiner and DOOM wins the match at 15:24.   Match Analysis: That was a fun power match. Man, Scott could go. Why the fuck did this guy have to ruin his body? The shit he was doing in there was great. ***. Doom is good too. I always thought Butch Reed was an underrated worker, and Simmons pulled his weight in this match. ___________________   Solie's with Lex Luger before his match...the promo is surprisingly good, and HE'S THE CHAMPION OF THE 90'S. LAWL.   Yeah, this match is for the United States Title, and the challenger is Flyin' Brian Pillman. The CHAMPION is The Total Package, Lex Luger. Both guys are disgustingly juiced. I think Pillman looks more gross, honestly.   Blow-by-blow: We go to THE LOCKUP, and Luger with a knee to the body of Pillman. Clubbing right hands follow, as Luger whips Pillman into the buckle. Luger slams Pillman and slaps him across the face, and then tosses Pillman out of the ring. Pillman comes back in really quick though, and football tackles Luger. He then chops Luger, backdrops, dropkicks and baseball slides into Luger. As we are now on the outside, Pillman chops Luger some more. Pillman chases Luger around the ring, but since Luger got in first, he's in control. He pummels Pillman with some right hands, but Pillman gets a springboard crossbody for a 2 count. Pillman goes to the armbar after an armdrag, and Luger whips him into the ropes where Pillman counters a Luger hipblock (impressively so, the counter) and dropkicks Luger. Back to the armdrag, but Luger regains his composure, and shoulderblocks the challenger twice. Pillman with a crucifix after another armdrag, but the crucifix only gets 2. I don't know why Pillman keeps armdragging Luger, but he does it again, and we're done with that for the rest of the match. Luger misses a charge into a corner, and Pillman goes up to the top and misses a splash. Lex follows with a HUGE flapjack, and then he drops Pillman along the top rope. Luger with a clothesline and big boot, and then he clotheslines Pillman twice, with the last one being to the back of the head. A Luger delayed vertical suplex gets two. Two elbowdrops from Luger follow, and Luger dumps Pillman to the outside. Pillman comes back in with a sunset flip for 2, and unfortunately for him, Luger gives him a inverted atomic drop. He sets Pillman up on the top rope, but Pillman pushes him up. Luger tells Pillman to come down and he does, with a sunset flip Yes, obvious spot call...and Pillman gives Luger a nice flying back elbow. He backdrops Luger and slingshots in with a clothesline. I believe the youngin's call that "Air Pillman." Luger's in the ropes though, so no pinfall. Pillman with a neckbreaker and he goes up, but he misses a missile dropkick. Luger HOTSHOTS him along the top rope, and Luger retains his title at 16:48. Yes, there wasn't a TORTURE RACK in this match.   Match Analysis: Well, you learn something new every day. One, Luger can call a match in the ring. Two, that Luger can call a GOOD match in the ring. Three, that Luger can have good matches with guys not named Ric Flair. The match got better as it went, and I've seen another reviewer give this quite a high rating. I can't go that high though, but I'll go close and give it ***3/4.   ___________________   Chris Cruise is with the Road Warriors and Paul Ellering, Hawk made sense for the duration of the interview and didn't talk about breaking limbs, or other such nonsense. Good stuff. ___________________   This contest features The Road Warriors w/Paul Ellering vs. The Skyscrapers, who are accompanied by Teddy Long. Long's carrying a big key, and a skullet of hair. Imagine that. He looks funny. The reason behind the Skyscraper name is obvious. Both Sid and Spivey are huge.   Blow-by-blow: Animal and Danny Spivey start, and Danny lets off a couple left hands. Animal with a clothesline, and Spivey bails. Hawk tags in, gives Spivey a double axhandle off the top rope, and a shoulderblock does nothing. But a flying shoulderblock does, and that forces Sid Vicious to tag in. Sid does what he wants, so after a Hawk clothesline, Sid does, well, nothing. Animal comes in and the Road Warriors deliver a double back elbow, but once Hawk leaves, Animal's shoulderblock to Sid does absolutely nothing. Nothing, I say. Sid misses a clothesline, and Animal's flying shoulderblock puts Sid down. Notice the pattern? Hawk comes in, and we have a TEST OF STRENGTH. Sid wins it, but Hawk monkeyflips him. A clothesline follows as Animal and Spivey comes in, and Animal clotheslines him, and both men tag out again. Hawk and Sid are in. Sid with a headlock takeover and a KIP-UP (!) as he clotheslines Hawk. Sid picks up Hawk in Razor's Edge position, and spins around the ring with him, soon to throw him to the canvas. Whoa. That was an impressive visual. Spivey with a sideslam for 2, and Hawk clotheslines Danny after Spivey misses a clothesline. Spivey baseball slides Hawk out of the ring, and Sid drops him along the guardrail. A Spivey delayed vertcial suplex gets a 2 count, and Sid comes in. Spivey with a clothesline in the corner before he leaves the ring, and Sid follows by choking Hawk. Hawk with a chop in an attempt to fend Sid off, but Sid comes back with a clothesline, ending those hopes. Spivey tags in and tries to suplex Hawk, but Hawk counters the move with a suplex of his own. Sid comes in and applies a front facelock, and Long distracts the referee as we have a false hot tag. Animal must go back to his corner, and Spivey gives Hawk an avalanche in the meanwhile. Hawk finally does what is necessary to get back to Animal, as he clotheslines Spivey, so Animal tags in. Yay! A dropkick by Animal and flying shoulderblock put Spivey down for a while. When Sid comes in, a pier-6 breaks out. Animal with a powerslam, and for some reason, Paul Ellering's on the apron, presumably because the ref isn't counting the fall. Teddy Long hits Ellering with the big key, and tosses the key to Spivey. I'm assuming that the key is supposed to be the key to controlling these two behemoths. But I don't know. Spivey hits both Animal and Hawk with the key, so the Road Warriors win by disqualification at 11:37. Hawk steals the key after a flying clothesline, and hits both Skyscrapers with it.   Match Analysis: There were good reasons to not have this match end cleanly. Therefore, no deduction for it. Also, this is the "good Sid." The one that's not screwing up moves, being generally disagreeable, and the one that's fun to watch. I can watch the Sid from this match all day. It's fun. **1/2. ___________________   Sting, Ole Anderson and Ric Flair are with Chris Cruise, and that means it's time for the main event. They say that under NO circumstances will Ole throw the towel in tonight, and that J-Tex Corporation is done, starting now. ___________________   The MAIN EVENT OF THE EVENING is a THUNDERDOME Cage Match, and the participants are...from J-Tex Corporation, The Television Champion, The GREAT MUTA, and TERRY FUNK (the first time I wrote that, I wrote it as Terry Fuck. On accident.). Their "third" is Gary Hart. I'll explain in a bit.   And on the other team, it's STING, and THE NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION, THE NATURE BOY, RIC FLAIR. Their "third" is Ole Anderson. For those that aren't accustomed to this, the caps are deliberate, and not intended to be funny in the least. It's a main event of a PPV, it's cap worthy.   The guest referee of this match is none other than BRUNO SAMMARTINO. To win this match, the opponents third must throw in the towel. Simple as that. And the cage is ELECTRIFIED!   Blow-by-blow: The Thunderdome is like a taller Hell in a Cell, but without a full roof. And some genius decided to decorate it with leaves, Tarzan-ish ropes, and vines. Only in that company, I swear. Obviously enough, the leaves catch on fire. Muta puts them out with his mist. Haha. His face is painted red, too. Flair and Funk start, and Terry shoulderblocks Flair. Flair with chops and Funk with a bodyslam afterward. Flair returns the favor with 2 slams of his own, and some chops. I don't understand why you have to tag your partner in, but whatever. Sting comes in and dumps Terry to the floor, and then slams Terry hard into the cage. Flair tags in, and he and his partner Sting deliver a double back elbow into Funk. A kneedrop from Flair follows, and the GREAT MUTA comes in. Flair chops both he and Funk, and Sting comes in with a dropkick. Funk pushes Bruno, and Bruno ignores it for now. Sting attacks Muta, and Sting press slams him too. Sting with a suplex, and Flair comes in. Flair with an inverted atomic drop and a kneedrop, and then he tags in Sting again. Sting dumps Muta and rams him into the cage, but once they're back in the ring, Muta begins to take over. An elbowdrop and legdrop follows, as Muta really knows how to work the crowd. He really does. Flair chokes Muta as Funk is choking Sting, and Funk rams Flair into the cage. Muta suplexes Sting, and we're done with tagging in. Flair with an atomic drop and Sting with a clothesline, as Sting attempts to apply the SCORPION. That's what the Scorpion Deathlock was called then. Muta kicks Sting hard in the back, and then Funk chases Sting around the ring on the outside. This match is a mess, but in a fun way. Muta chokes Flair, and once Funk chases Sting into the ring, Funk is attacked by Flair. Now they climb up the fence for no apparent reason, seemingly because the top of the cage is electrified, but even still, it makes no sense whatsoever. Sting suplexes Muta, and now Muta climbs the cage. He gets shocked (I don't know if it was real or not. I just don't.), and Muta comes down from the cage. While Funk and Flair are up there, Flair swings off a rope that's hanging down from the cage and into Terry Funk. I laughed. He's flying into Funk at a really slow speed. Sting has Muta held up in press slam position, but he just drops him instead of throwing him into the cage. Terry's on the cage and Muta's under the ring, as this match is starting to turn into a giant clusterfuck. Muta comes out from under the ring and rams Flair into the cage, and Terry and Sting climb up the cage. Flair with a back suplex and figure-four, but he releases it. At the same time, Sting grabs onto the rope and "Tarzans" into Funk. I asked my brother what to call that, and he said Tarzan. So I did. Muta kicks Flair in the back of the head, and applies the INVERTED STF. If nothing else, it's a cool visual. Why someone hasn't blatantly ripped this move off, I don't know. As the camera pans over, we notice that Funk tied Sting up. Ole unties Sting while Funk and Muta beat Flair up, and during the process, J-Tex gives him a spike piledriver. Ouch. Now Sting is untied, and he FLIES from the cage onto Funk in the ring with a body press. He jumped halfway across the cage, BAH GAWD. Ross then says that Muta's going to become "fried wonton," as Muta climbs up the cage. LOL. The un-PCness of announcers back then astounds me. Flair with a shinbreaker on Funk, as Muta is at the top of the cage. Flair with a kneedrop to Funk, and Muta decides to come down. Muta with a spinning heel kick on Sting and a backbreaker as he goes up top for his moonsault, but he gets crotched on the top rope. Flair applies the figure-four as Sting repeatedly splashes off the top rope into Funk, and Hart says he ain't throwin in the towel. Muta hits Bruno Sammartino, and Bruno knocks him out. Gary Hart gets on the apron in an attempt to break up the figure-four, and Ole Anderson hits him, so Gary Hart's towel flies onto the shoulder of Bruno. Bruno sees that, and says the match is over. Flair and Sting win the bout at 21:53.   And that's also the end of the show!   Match Analysis: Too weird. The whole cage should have been electrified, not just the top. What sense does it make to climb up there knowing you will get shocked? Aside from that, it's a perfectly fine match. Not great, but passable. **. Don't forget, Muta is still "undefeated" at this point, so they made sure that he wasn't the one to look weak. But Terry sure did. ___________________       I realized that my overall ratings are flawed, so we'll add the "excellent" category. Not that this show is excellent, but I need another category to define how good a show is. There are some really good tag teams on this show. The Skyscrapers, Steiners, Doom, Road Warriors, Samoan Swat Team, The Midnight Express...   Rating: Good. Lots of decently rated matches, and a few good ones in particular. Only one terrible match, and that's good.   Best Match: Lex Luger v. Brian Pillman   Worst Match: Tommy Rich vs. The Cuban Assassin   Loudest Sound (two guys that got the biggest pop/heat): Michael Hayes and Steve Williams   No sound: Tommy Rich and Tom Zenk. ___________________   Badd Blood will be done tomorrow, until then...   OH, I almost forgot. The Ken Patera promo   http://youtube.com/watch?v=hELEcT2aZKU
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