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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

SHOCKING NEWS!!!!

Go away Enigma. Nobody likes you. Nobody cares about whatever useless newsbit you just got from The Observer. Nobody wants to see your long haired mug everytime you post. In fact, nobody likes it when you post. Just stop posting. Nobody will miss you. I doubt that even much of the WWE folder likes you that much. Nobody cares that some arena got torn down, or that Michael Cole turned 40, or whatever. Just stop it. Oh, and how do you know what gay smells like? "I smell a little bit of "the gay" around here is one of the worst things said on this board.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Best and Worst of TSM 2008

Best Poster-Agent of Oblivion. Honerable mention goes to Slayer, Venkman, Czech, Kamala, and Cheech.   Worst Poster-Tie between Marvin and the now banned Deon. Honerable mention goes to Marney, Superjerk, Chazz, Matt Young, Canadian Dragon, Taiga, cabbageboy, DarKnight, JPopStarKatsumi, kanerulesfan, Enigma, and Brody.   Best Thread-I Banned Choken One. Sure, Hawk 34 didn't deserve to be banned, but it lead to an excellent meltdown from Matt Young. Honerable mention goes to the Metal thread, where I was introduced to the likes of Paradise Lost, and talked about metal woth others. Nice to see other fans of Death.   Worst Thread-Campaign 2008. Oh yeah, I started it, but I had no idea it would lead to this: Marney's return (complete with racism and xenophobia), Marvin becoming even more annoying (yes, it was possible), Superjerk's not so well hidden issues with women and "Obama will fix everything" attitude, the liberal echo chamber growing louder, NoCalMike being an idiot-the list goes on. Honerable mention goes to this, where Marney got banned after she practically asked to be, and more happened, and the Guns n' Roses thread, which featured an ever annoying Jaxl and UYI. Hey Jaxl: 1.) Nobody but you and UYI gives a shit about Axl Rose, and 2.) Go back to telling stories about your life.   Not as Bad-EHME and The Truthiness, who don't annoy me that much these days.   Still Sucks-Marvin, who brought his act to new lows this year. Superjerk meanwhile, sucked up to Obama far too much, making me embarressed to like Obama. Chazz contines to be Chazz, Deon was finally banned, thank God, Enigma is still a mouthbreather, and Brody, who other than being a deviant, also pointlessly bumped threads (much like Deon and VanHalen, yet he doesn't get shit over it), posts unfunny pictues, and generally is not a good poster. Why people like him other than his off board antics is beyond me.   Favorite Post I Made (aka self fellatio)-Saying Taiga looks like Penn Jillette as a Post Op Tranny.    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Worst (and most annoying) People of '08

Not posters, people.   Wost Overall: Rod Blagojevich-It's all pretty obvious really. Trying to sell Obama's seat is one thing, and so is corruption, and that hair which makes him look like a giant Lego figurine, but witholding money from a fucking Children's hospital is another.   Rush Limbaugh-From racist comments, "Operation Chaos", and saying "COLIN POWELL ONLY SUPPORTS OBAMA CUZ HEZ BLACK LOL!", Rush contimues to make my blood boil.   Alex Jones and the 9/11 Truth Moviement-Also file under "why won't they go away" These idiots, no matter how many times they are proven wrong, no matter how many times science, common sense, and logic disproves them, continue to cling to straws, It's like arguing with a kid who just sticks their fingers in their ears and says "LA LA LA I'M NOT LISTENING!" Even Bill Clinton called them out.   Ron Paul Fans-The most annoying political supporters don't go to McCain, or to Obama-they go to Ron Paul. Picking up truthers, white supremacists, dumb anarchist kids, dumb teenagers, frat boys, socialists, hippies-they all flocked in. I hate them.   Lifetime Achievement Award-Robert Mugabe-As much as I dislike Bush, he ain't got shit on this motherfucker. Really. He earned it in a way. This is pure evil incarnate people.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Horror Year End Review 2008

Best Horror Movie: Let the Right One In. Honerable Mention: Inside, The Lost, The Signal, Stuck, Splinter, Teeth, Eden Lake, The Strangers, Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police, Cloverfield, Dance of the Dead, Doomsday.   Worst Horror Movie: The Happening. Honerable Mention: Prom Night (remake-also, a PG-13 slasher flick? Really?), One Missed Call (remake), Shutter (remake), Rest Stop 2, Otto: Or up With Dead People, Cthulhu, Funny Games, Feast II, Untraceable.   Most Disappointing: Tie between Mother of Tears and Diary of the Dead. Honerable mention goes to The Ruins, Cthulhu, Blindness, Rogue, My Name Is Bruce.   Best Kill: Mom and son kick the bucket (Machine Girl) Honerable mention goes to Head exploding shotgun blast (Frontier(s)), Scissor Stabbing (Inside), accidentally shooting friend in the head (The Strangers), Amish Scythe Suicide (Diary of the Dead)   Most Cringe Worthy Scene: Scissors cock stab (Inside), Tendon removal (Frontier(s)), actually, most of Inside, "Just like Sharon Tate..." (The Lost), Deep fired hand (Machine Girl)   Goriest Movie: Tie between Machine Girl and Tokyo Gore Police.   Best Actor: Mark Senter (The Lost), A.J. Bown (Signal)   Best Actress: Lina Leandersson (Let The Right One In), Beatrice Dalle (Inside)   Best Cast: The Lost. Honerable Mention: Stuck.   Best Villain: Ray Pye (Mark Senter) in The Lost. Honerable mention goes to The Woman (Beatrice Dalle) in Inside, Lewis Denton (A.J. Bowen) in The Signal, The Strangers in The Strangers.   Best Independent Horror Movie: The Lost. Honerable Mention goes to The Signal, Stuck, Splinter, Teeth, Dance of the Dead.   Best Foreign Horror Movie: Let The Right One In. Honerable Mention goes to Eden Lake, Machine Girl, Tokyo Gore Police.   Best Hollywood Horror: The Strangers. Honerable Mention goes to Cloverfield and Doomsday.   Most Pleasant Suprise: Dance of the Dead Guilty Pleasure: Doomsday   Best Quote: "Because you were home." (The Strangers)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

This is why we can't have nice things II

Here at TSM, we don't always get always get along-actually, we usually don't. So here's to my annual "posters who suck" list.

-Deon-He was finally banned, and for good reason. One of the worst posters of all time, he sucks in every way imaginable. His banning was a long time coming, and is something of a blessing really.

-Marvinisalunatic-GLENN BECK! SARAH PALIN! HD TV! 3 DOORS DOWN! He's hated by virtually everyone, yet will never be banned.

-Leena-Was banned (asked to be), and can't quit bitching. Bitch please, you must have a mental disease, assume the position and get back down on your knees.

-SuperJerk-An argumentative, self loathing, unfunny, misogynistic shell of a man who made me embarressed to like Obama. There's being a supporter, and personally going out to consume shit, and Jerk crossed that line many a time. What's there to love? Oh yeah, that's right-nothing.

-Marney-A racist, insane, xenophobic, ultra conservative lesbian with a penchant for making up stories.

-cabbageboy and DarKnight-Mouthbreathing cousins who are terrible in so many ways, and just more proof of how much the WWE folder sucks usually. See also: Enigma, Canadian Dragon, Marvin, Chazz, J-Pop, Grungy Punk, and others.

-Grungy Punk-Speak of the devil, here's a treasure trove. Incredibly annoying and stupid, prone to making dumb comments-I could go on.

-bob barron-To be fair, bob doesn't suck really. Sure, he complains, but he's the Ombudsman, or whatever. Thing is, he's gotten even whinier and bitchier over the last few weeks, and it's getting intolerable.

-Bruiser Brody-I know, it's a PBP. He's not doing anything he hasn't done already. He's gone from amusing to really annoying and contrived though. And shut the fuck up about your Uncle. Oh, and he really, really isn't funny. He's terrible. Should he be banned? No, but he still sucks. Look at Milky: He's a deviant, but you can actually have a regular conversation with him. Brody can't even do that, he just drives the gimmick to the ground.

-Canadia Dragon-CM PUNK IS BEING BURIED!!! Shut the fuck up. Punk is lucky he's gotten this far. A lot of guys in the business wish they were going that far.

-Chazz-Oh, go ahead and respond Chazz. What are you going to do? Are you going to come up with terrible comebacks and insults? Call Obama "Osama" (oh, so edgy!)? Call me bitch? PM an insult to me? Bitch about the WWE?

-Jingus-From bitching about misogyny constantly (when he does this, I think of Rob Schneider as The Sensative Naked Man talking), dissing my man Dario Argento (though to be fair, "Mother of Tears was a serious letdown), calling the splatter comedy "Machine Girl" torture porn (Hint: it's a movie with a chick with a machine gun for an arm. You aren't supposed to take this seriously you know) and having something of a victim complex, I only had to save him for last. It makes sense really. He even PM'd me asking me what my problem was, but I deleted it. Here's my problem Jingus: you suck and nobody likes you. Quite being a whiney bitch and
-gary floyd-I hate that faggot.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

2008 Music Year in Review

Best Hip Hop   6.) Why?-Alopecia 5.) Wale-The Mixtape About Nothing 4.) Flying Lotus-Los Angeles 3.) Re-Up Gang-We Got it For Cheap Vol. 3 2.) The Cool Kids-The Bake Sale EP 1.) Q-Tip-The Renaissance   Best Rock   6.) Caina-Temporary Antennae 5.) Celestial Sea-Deep Inside The Cold 4.) Spiritualized-Songs in A & E 3.) Earth-The Bees Made Honey in the Lion's Skull 2.) Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds-Dig Lazerus! Dig! 1.) TV On the Radio-Dear Science   Best Electronic   7.) Hercules and Love Affair-Hercules and Love Affair 6.) Cut Copy-In Ghost Colors 5.) Ad.ver.sary-Bone Music 4.) Flying Lotus-Los Angeles 3.) DJ / Rupture-Uproot 2.) The Bug-London Zoo 1.) Portishead-Third   Best Metal   10.) Metallica-Death Magnetic 9.) Boris-Smile 8.) Scar Symmetry-Holographic Universe 7.) Made Out Of Babies-The Ruiner 6.) Velnias-Soverign Nocturnal 5.) Cynic-Traced in Air 4.) Darkspace-Darkspace III 3.) Gates of Slumber-Conquerer 2.) Nachtmystium-Assassins: Black Meddle Pt. 1 1.) Origin-Antithesis   Compilation of the year   Basic Channel-BCD 2 Overrated   Lil Wayne-The Carter III Krallice-Krallice Underrated   Velnias-Soverign Nocturnal Caina-Temporary Antennae Ad.ver.sary-Bone Music Celestial Sea-Deep Inside The Cold   Worst Album   Cryptopsy-The King Beneath
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

A message to Chazz

Look, just wanted to let you know that you aren't threatening or imposing in any way, shape, or form, that you are terrible at comebacks (seriously, "Your Mom" jokes?) and insults (LOL OBAMA SOUNDS LIKE OSAMA, SO I'LL CALL HIM OSAMA!!! AREN'T I CLEVER), and that you are annoying if anything. So yeah, you should shut the fuck up.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

20 Best Metal albums (2000-2008)

20.) Deathspell Omega-Fas - Ite, Maledicti, in Ignem Aeternum (2007) 19.) Caina-Mourner (2007) 18.) Weakling-Dead as Dreams (2000) 17.) The Angelic Process-Weighing Souls With Sand (2007) 16.) Amesoeurs-Ruines Humaines (2006) / Blut Aus Nord-The Work Which Transforms God (2004) (tie) 15.) Nachtmystium-Assasins: Black Meddle Pt. 1 (2008) 14.) Wolves in the Throne Room-Two Hunters (2007) 13.) Origin-Antithesis (2008) 12.) Agalloch-Ashes Against the Grain (2006) 11.) Mastodon-Blood Mountain (2006) 10.) Katatonia-Last Fair Deal Gone Down (2001) 9.) Drudkh-Autumn Aurora (2004) 8.) Nile-In Their Darkened Shrines (2002) 7.) Artcturus-The Sham Mirrors (2002) 6.) Isis-Oceanic (2002)/Opeth-Blackwater Park (tie) 5.) Sleep-Dopesmoker (2003) 4.) Jesu-Jesu (2005) 3.) Mastodon-Leviathan (2004) 2.) Agalloch-The Mantle (2002) 1.) Electric Wizard-Dopethtone (2000)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Abortion Fest '08 (or, Thanksgiving with relatives)

There's a lot of reasons why people don't want to go to meet relatives for Thanksgiving-mine just happens to be politics.   You see, I was raised Catholic (I consider myself a non-religious believer now), and well, my mom's side of the family is very Catholic and very strict about it. That means every issue for them turns into abortion. They obsess over it. That's the main reason they vote Republican-they hate abortion. Everytime you try to point out that they are wrong (no, Sarah Palin was not very bright, there's a reason more young people voted), they tell you "well, Obama's going to abort all the babies." I can understand why someone wouldn't like Obama (I did vote for him, but come on, this is America), but for the main reason being "grrr ABORTION!", that's just close minded. It was like talking to those people at Pro-Life rallies that hold pictures of aborted fetuses and shove them in your face, screaming "YOU SEE! YOU SEE!" Yes, I see, and that's a disgusting picture. Get that shit out of my face.   So yeah, Thanksgiving was fun when people weren't talking politics. Too bad about 65% of it was just that. I actually went into it thinking "I am not going to talk politics." That's wishful thinking. I hope your Thanksgiving was better.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

A Letter to Leena

Dear Leena,   I doubt you are reading this-actually, since you seem to have OCD when it comes to TSM, you probably are, so here goes: People don't like you not because you just happen to be a woman. People don't like you because you're you. You are completely unlikable, do nothing but act superior to others, have mood swings, and behave like a total bitch. Maybe if you didn't obsess over this place (seriously, there's other message boards better and worse than this one), and got an attitude adjustment, then you wouldn't be a punchline. And who obsesses over a fucking message board anyway? How much free time do you have in your hands? We aren't forums.somethingawful.com ya know. My guess: a lot. Really, we aren't worthy of so much attenton. Maybe you just do this because it gets you the attention you cannot obtain in the real world (you know, that amazing place outside of the internet-yes, it really exists!) So in short: get a life, and drop the martyr complex.   Love, gary floyd   P.S. Paul fucking sucks.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

1
How To Vibrate
 

Let's talk music, or whatever

Let's talk about some of the music coming out (or has already come out)   Kanye West-Heartbreak and 808's-If it weren't for Cryptopsy's The King Beneath, this would be the worst album of the year. It has a neat idea (old 808 drum machine beats and electro/synth pop production), but it's terrible overall. Also, I fucking hate Auto-Tune/The Vocalizer.   Metallica-Death Magnetic-Wow, they still got it. While hardly their best work, it's a step in the right direction, and almost forgives the sins of Re-Load and St. Anger. There's a few weak tracks ("Unforgiven III", "The Judas Kiss"), but not bad overall.   Darkspace-Darkspace III-Ambient Black Metal done right. A good, cold winter night outside album, with a good use of keyboards (holy shit, they actually know how to use a synth!), and some effective atmosphere. It may be a bit too long (79 minutes and 14 seconds), but if you have patience for this sort of thing, it's good. Also, if you want an equally good, but shorter, go with Coldworld's Melancolie².   Q Tip-The Renaissance-Yeah, this is the best hip hop album of the year bar none. Nobody's paying attention to it, which is a shame. "Johnny is Dead" is a great song BTW.   The Killers-Day and Age-Not as fun as Hot Fuss, but better than Sam's Town, it at least sees them remembering "hey, we're a dance band that's supposed to be disposable fun." The single suck, and Brandon Flowers still can't write lyrics for shit, but oh well. Hardly an album of the year, but not terrible either. File it under the same category as Hot Fuss-a guilty pleasure-and you got something.   Re Up Gang-Clipse Presents the Re Up Gang and We Got it For Cheap Vol. 3-The official first Re Up Gang album is pretty unspectacular, though the We Got it For Cheap Vol. 3 mixtape, while not as awesome as the last one, is awesome none the less, and a fave on my IPod.   Ad.ver.sary-Bone Music-Definately one of the most slept on albums of the year, this is the best industrial album of the year.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

ROLLING STONE GAVE CHINESE DEMOCRACY 4 OUT OF 5 STARS!!!!

IT WILL OBVIOUSLY BE GREAT!!!!!!   Yeah, well they also gave St Anger 4 stars, as well as 50 Cent's The Massacre, Emiem's Encore, and several other shitty albums. 4 stars from Rolling Stone don't mean shit. Oh, and they gave Mick Jagger's Goddess on the Doorway 5 stars-no solo Mick Jagger solo album is good ,you out of touch cocksuckers.   Also, quit fooling yourselves: this is not Guns N' Roses. Yeah, it's called Guns N' Roses, but it's not, ok people. It's just Axl Rose (and his enormous ego's) solo project. Nothing more, nothing less. Oh, and it's pretty unlikely it will live up to all the hype.   Don't agree? Tough shit. Quit sucking the guy's cock and face the facts. Unless you forgot The Spagghetti Incident.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

5
How To Vibrate
 

TV Update-(Some) of us aren't dead yet

Cancelled Do Not Disturb-Yep, looked terrible anyways. No big loss. My Own Worse Enemy-Didn't like it much, though I do feel bad for Chritian Slater. Easy Money-Never saw it. The Ex List-Actually on Hiatus, so who knows. Future looks dim. Never watched it Lipstick Jungle-Poor Brooke Shields. Never Watched tthe show, but poor her. MadTV-THANK YOU GOD!!!!! Mind of Mencia-Again, Thank you God.     Future Uncertain   Life on Mars-Damn, I was really starting to like this show. It's not on the spring schedule. Dirty Sexy Money-Eh. Pushing Daisies-Damnit America, this show is awesome. Why does this have to be tanking. It's one of the best things on TV right now. It's smart, funny, cute, and more imaginative than most of what's on TV. I'm ashamed.     Future Looking Good   Chuck-Obvious, but good to see that. Gary Unmarried-I hang my head in shame. Fringe-Doing good ratings, and not a bad show to boot. Good for them. Knight Rider-America: I love you, but you have terrible taste in TV shows. Kath and Kim-Sucks, but seeing it's on between "My Name is Earl" and "The Office", not too suprising. 90210-Haven't seen it. Life-Not bad. Not a great show, but a good one, so good for them. Terminator: TSCC-Good for them, It's a lot better than I expected it to be, so yeah. Good tos ee James ("The Venture Bros.") Urbaniak getting work. According to Jim-Why? I have yet to meet one person who likes or watches this show.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

"American Dad" is funnier than "Family Guy"

When I was watching "American Dad" last inght, I remembered something: this is a show that is better than "Family Guy" in so many ways.   First, let's get this out of the way: I used to really like "Family Guy." I really did. Then it got renewed. I still liked it, but couldn't deny it was lacking. Then I saw the Superbowl episode, and I started to realize maybe it wasn't that good. Then I saw older episodes on Adult Swim, and came to the conclusion that it had always been hit and miss in the past, and now sucked. Now it just get's worse. I tried to watch it last night, and let's just say "South Park" was right.   However, Seth Macfarlene has another show that airs after "Family Guy." It's called "American Dad." At first, I didn't like it. Then I started to warm up to it. Now I've realized that it's not only better than "Family Guy", but is everything that "Family Guy" should be. It's funnier, uses pop culture references in away that's not annoying (no annoying cut away gags or too many jokes that overstay their welcome-plus come on, a tribute to "The Warriors" and using Joy Division's song "Love Will Tear Us Apart"? That's gold), is more plot driven (and interesting), has less annoying characters, has social and political satire that doesn't annoy me-it's just the better of the two.   Basically, while "Family Guy" get's more annoying and lazy, "American Dad" gets better. Last night may have been my favorite episode yet too. Shame "Family Guy" is more popular, but at least I get a funnier show out of "American Dad." Just saying...    
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Some things to note

Ok, here's some things to note at the moment, including a little something to those who bitched about me being glad Obama won   -First things first: I hate dumb "Bush=Hitler" and Bush looks like a chimp shit as much as the next guy. Come on, I don't like the guy, but that shit's not only childish, but also retarded. That's why I also don't want to hear shit like "Obamessiah" and "Obama, lol don't you mean Osama" shit either. It's stupid not matter how you lean politically, and if you talk like that, then grow up.   -It's pretty cold at the moment, and even snowed briefly today. So yeah, it feels like fall. Funny that it was like 65 last week. Guess that means it's time for my fall/summer listening/ some black metal (well, black metal that doesn't suck), dark folk music, Alice in Chain's acoustic material, a little Trip Hop (Terranova's "Close the Door" and Hooverphonic's "A New Sterophonic Sound Spectacular" work well), a little Doom Metal (Electric Wizard and Burning Witch), a little ambient, Depeche Mode (that works every season though), and some Shoegazer (ditto.) So, what's the weather like for you guys, and what do you listen to this time of year?   -KANERULESFAN is an awesome gimmick. Seriously, this guy is hilarious, and the best gimmick in a long time.   -And finally, I treat a bitch like 7 Up, never have never will.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Obama is President

Yep, he's president. Deal with it. I don't want to hear any dumb "Osama" jokes kkktookmybabyaway, or any others. I do want to know how The Pit is taking it though, so let me know that.   This is pretty big news. If you don't realize this, then you are an idiot. If you don't like it, then tough shit. I'm happy at the moment. I will say though: McCain went out with grace, and Palin (Leena looks up to her BTW-bitch please) looked pissed. Free Republic is having a meltdown. I'm amazed Marvin hasn't killed himself or that Marney isn't plotting assasination (yet.) The Campaign 08 thread is where it belongs. Cynthia McKinney is still a joke, anyone who really thinks Bob Barr had changed is a sucker, Nader-it's like beating a dead horse. Czech, after months of bitching about Obama, voted for Obama. Marney probably muttered "fucking niggers." I almost feel bad for McCain. MikeSC is probably more paranoid than usual. Al Franken didn't win after all (I guess voters remembered "Stuart Saves His Family"), and I'm eally busy at the moment. And happy.   So congrats Obama.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

8
How To Vibrate
 

Gary Floyd rates the new Fall TV Line Up

Yeah, you know how we do this   Valentine (CW)-Haven't seen it. A lot of the new shows seem aimed at women.   Star Wars: The Clone Wars (Cartoon Network)-While I'm not a "Star Wars" fan, it's better than expected. B-   Pushing Daisies(ABC)-It's back, and I still love it. Funny, odd, and kinda cute. A   True Blood(HBO)-Finally, a TV show about Vampires that gets it right. Good acting, interesting characters, and vampires who don't hate themselves. B+   The Shield: The Final Season(FX)-Back, and still one of the best shows around. Shame it's the last season though. A+   Sons of Anarchy (FX)-Pretty good show. Ron Perlman pretty much steals the show. B+   Superjail (Adult Swim)-I love this. Frequently gory and hilarious, with an animation style that reminds me of the shows that were on MTV's "Liquid Television" and "Cartoon Sushi" B+   Gary Unmarried-No. Just no. F It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia (FX)-Still pretty funny, and I love it. B+   Do Not Disturb (ABC)-Again, no. F   Fringe (Fox)-Not bad, but not really exciting me that much so far. B   Knight Rider (NBC)-Worst show of the season? Without a doubt. F Dexter Season Three (Showtime)-I love this show. Just really well written and acted, and with very few flaws. A   Chuck Season Two (NBC)-I'm really liking it so far-it's even better than the first season. B+
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
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