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It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

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How To Vibrate
 

Tarzan the Rapeman

-Well, the Queen visited thw Whitehouse today, and things went well from what I've heard. Right now, I'm pretty pissed off at Bush, but I'll leave that for another post.   -I haven't seen "Spiderman 3", but from what I've heard, I didn't miss much. Shrek the 3rd comes out next week, and to be honest with you, I don't care. I'm just doing what I can to not buy products with Shrek on them. I swear to God, the last one sponsered so many products that I'm suprised Shrek and Donkey didn't start shilling Maxipads.   "Wow Donkey, these new Maxipads work better than the old ones! They're so absorbent!" "Yeah Shrek, I haven't felt this fresh in a long time!"   Anyways, it made about $148 Million in the U.S. over the weekend. At least I have "28 Weeks Later" on Friday.   -Lately, I've been hearing about a bunch of Christians who feel threatened by notable Athiests, thinking that the likes of Richard Dawkins will try to convert their children. You know folks, I'm not an Athiest or Agnostic, but I'm sick of hearing these fundies cry over this shit. Seriously, why should anybody care whether or not somebody believes in God? I don't give a flying fuck if somebody's an Athiest, its not affecting me, and its not affectecting anybody else. Yet Kirk Cameron (remember him?) and his pals are feeling threatened. Get over it, none of these guys want to convert you into Atheism. Just because Christopher Hitchens (who's a Bush supporter from what I've heard) doesn't believe in God and writes a book that tells you why does not mean that he's trying to turn you into an Athiest.   Also, there was a Death Metal band named Athiest who were actually pretty good, and I normally can't stand Death Metal.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

The Countdown Ends

02.) Vanilla Fudge-The Beat Goes On The award winner for the most pretentious album of all time, this is an album made up of covers (Vanilla Fudge were largely a covers band) of the Beatles, Sunny and Cher, Mozart, and others. There aren't any real songs on it, as it's pretty much an album made up largely of various versions of "The Beat Goes On", as we hear world leaders (yeah, the love ins are just dying out here) telling of the bomb dropping, and other such things. Bummer. Oh, and it also has interview excerpts of the band talking about how disheartening and cold the industry is. Well, they agreed to release this (and Having Fun With Elvis on Stage). Oh, and it has and readings from the Bible and JFK and Hitler and bad prog rock noodling and-the list goes on. This is the most over indulgent, self important piece of shit ever recorded. Really, listen to it, then see if you disagree with me. It takes the song "The Beat Goes On", and tries to trace it to the history of Western Civilization.   01.) VA-Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart's Club Band OST This album is proof of everything that is evil about the record industry, and is the worst album of all time. First, the backstory: You Know of the Beatles album. Hell, I'm sure you own it. Well, the man that gave you "Saturday Night Fever" and "Grease" (I always hated those movies) decided that the album would be a great movie. So he cast The Bee-Gees, Peter Frampton, Steve Martin (why Steve), George Burns, Jeff Beck, Aerosmith, and Alice Cooper. That's right, one of the greatest albums ever recorded was turned into a failed marketing attempt. The end result is largely considered to be the worst album ever recorded, and for good reason. It also destroyed the careers of the Bee-Gees, Frampton, Earth Wind and Fire,and almost destroyed Jeff Beck Alice Cooper's. The album got released, and got so many returns and complaints, that the industry actually asked RCA for their certificate back. The rest is history.     And that is the end of it. Hope you liked the countdown. Here's a recap to end it all   50.) The new Insane Clown Posse Album. (include because Carnival hates it so much) 49.) Boston-Corporate America 48.) Coil-Constant shallowness Leads To Evil 47.) Neil Young-Landing on Water 46.) Hammer-The Funky Headhunter 45.) The Rolling Stones-Dirty Work 44.) Pink Floyd-The Final Cut 43.) A Perfect Circle-eMotive 42.) Roger Waters-Radio K.A.O.S. 41.) Current 93-Aryan Aquarians 40.) Rage Against The Machine-Renegades 39.) Yes-Big Generator 38.) Frank Sinatra-Trilogy 37.) Public Enemy-Muse Sick-N-Hour-Mess Age 36.) Stone Roses-Second Coming 35.) Emerson, Lake, and Palmer-Love Beach 34.) Cabaret Voltaire-Groovy, Laid Back, and Nasty 33.) Can-Saw Delight 32.) Burzum-Daudi Baldrs 31.) Ministry-Filth Pig 30.) The Happy Mondays-Yes, Please 29.) Death in June-All Pigs Must Die 28.) Prince-The Rainbow Children 27.) Kiss-Music for the Elder 26.) Foetus Symphony Orchestra-York 25.) Michael Jackson-HIStory 24.) Madonna-American Life 23.) Kevin Federline-Playing With Fire (because no list of worst albums would be complete without it) 22.) Vanilla Ice-Hard to Swallow 21.) Eminem-Encore 20.) Tin Machine-Tin Machine 19.)The Heads-No Talking, Just Head 18.) Slayer-Diabolus in Musica 17.) DJ Shadow-The Outsider 16.) Black Sabbath-Never Say Die! 15.) Black Sabbath-Forbidden 14.) Judas Priest-Turbo 13.) Van Halen-Van Halen III 12.) Depeche Mode-Songs of Faith and Devotion Live 11.) Genesis-Calling All Stations 10.) Butthole Surfers-The Weird Revolution 09.) The Clash-Cut the Crap 08.) Aerosmith-Rock in a Hard Place 07.) Elvis Presley-Having Fun on Stage 06.) Mick Jagger-She's the Boss 05.) Chunky A-Large and In Charge 04.) Metallica-St. Anger 03.) Pink Floyd-A Momentary Lapse in Reason 02.) Vanilla Fudge-The Beat Goes On 01.) VA-Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart's Club Band OST            
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

5-3

05.) Chunky A-Large and In Charge What's the worst hip-hop album ever recorded? Why, it's Large and In charge, which is also the worst comedy album of all time. First, some backstory: Chunky A was actually Arsenio Hall, playing his overweight brother, who decided to cut this album. The result: The so bad it will make you want to kill yourself "Aaaaww!", bad parodies ("She Drives me Crazy" becomes "The Ho is Lazy." Weird Al he isn't), and "Dope: The Big Lie", which is the funniest anti-drug song ever recorded, simply because it is the one song on the album that tries to make a serious statement. Oh, and Ice-T and KRS-One appear on it (I'm suprised KRS is able to live this down) This OOP, and if you ever do find it, don't bother. It's so bad it doesn't even warrent a curiosity buy.   04.) Metallica-St. Anger A five year wait that wasn't worth it, St. Anger was intended to be not only the return of Metallica after Load (which while not perfect, is far from one of the worst albums ever recorded) and Reload (a bad album with a few good moments), but also the return of their older sound. That never happened. What we got instead was bad singing ("KILL! KILL! KILL!"), bad lyrics ("My Lifestyle determines my Deathstyle"), hardly any guitar solos, the song "Invisible Kid", self help lyrics, drums that sound like tin cans, and no idea what made Metallica what they are (or were) in the first place. If you ever wanted to know what a band taking a huge shit on their fans sounds like, here you go.   03.) Pink Floyd-A Momentary Lapse in Reason When Roger Waters left Pink Floyd, fans wondered if the band would ever do another album again. That happened-it just wasn't what most wanted. While it says it's a Pink Floyd album, it's basically a David Gilmour solo album. Sure, it has his trademark guitar work, but it also has bad attempts at Talking Heads like funk, songs that sound too much like Dave wants them to be a part of The Wall ("Sorrow"), really dated pieces of radio friendly bullshit ("Learning to Fly"), bad attempts to capture the past ("Signs of Life"), and meandering songs that go nowhere-which is where the whole album goes. It's the worst Pink Floyd album, and though it sold a whole lot of copies, it's not much an album as much as it is a disaster.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

4
How To Vibrate
 

8-6

08.) Aerosmith-Rock in a Hard Place At this point in their career, Aerosmith were in some serious trouble. We all know about the drugs and whatnot, and Joe Perry and Brad Whitford being kicked out. The result? Fortunately, not something that tries to keep up with the times, but Aerosmith's worst. "Joanie's Butterfly" is a real cringer, with it's bad attempt at psychedellia, while "Jailbait" sounds like a bad leftover song, as does much of the album. At least Joe Perry returned after this one.   07.) Elvis Presley-Having Fun on Stage No it's not music. It's Elvis in his 70's lowpoint, basically talking on stage. That's right, an album of Elvis doing nothing but talking, telling jokes (you haven't lived untill you've heard Elvis try to impersonate a Black Woman), asking for a glass of water, showing us eleven ways to pronounce "Memphis", and generally making an ass of himself. This was released thanks to Col. Tom Parker BTW, and was actually released as a legitimate concert album. Strangest of all: There's 5 fucking volumes of this. No, I'm not kidding you, there is 5 volumes of this. And let me remind you, this wasn't released to piss off the label, like Metal Machine Music-this really was released as a serious, legitimate album.   06.) Mick Jagger-She's the Boss Ok, I can understand Mick wanting to do an album that doesn't sound much like the Stones, but this is unforgiveable. Featuring a who's who of artists (Herbie Hancock, Pete Townsend, and even Jeff Beck) to do a generic. dated, and all around awful album. Actually, now that I think about it, all of Jaggers solo work sucks, but this really bears to be mentioned because it's the first one that came to mind. Oh, and don't get me started on the cover.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

11-9

11.) Genesis-Calling All Stations You think Genesis with Phil Collins as the focus sucks? Well, they suck harder without him believe it or not. Here, the band tries to combine their pop success with their art-rock genius of the 70's. The end result? An over polished, over indulgent, synth heavy (in the bad sense), and horrible songs like "Congo" and "Small Talk." I remember being a teenager, and one of my mom's friends talking about how bad it is, and the Daily Show making fun of it. That's the only good that came out of it.   10.) Butthole Surfers-The Weird Revolution I love the Butthole Surfers. There 80's albums are the most disturbing Psychedelic Rock albums ever recorded. This 2001 however, almost makes you forget those great moments. Filled with generic Beck soundalikes, bland industrial rock/trip hop mixes, none of the awesome guitar work of Leary, and a song produced by Kid Rock of all people. (So for those who were wondering were Kid Rock was in this countdown, here you go.)   09.) The Clash-Cut the Crap Crap indeed. After Mick Jones left the Clash, Joe Strummer (may he R.I.P.) tried to do an album that sounded like old punk-quick and to the point. The album itself doesn't cut it (pun intened), as it sounds like a bad parody of punk. It also sounds formullaic, boring, and lyrically horrendous. This was the last Clash album also, though Strummer went to do much better things.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

14-12

Judas Priest-Turbo 14.) Judas Priest-Turbo Priest try 80's pop metal. As you'd expect, it goes wrong. "Turbo Lover" is pretty embarrising (and their gayest song ever-yes, even gayer than "Ram it Down"), and the album ends up sounding like Poison recording a Judas Priest tribute album instead of a Judas Priest album. It's also another album trying to keep up with then modern trends (in this case, pop metal) and sounds incredibly dated, from the synth guitar to corny attempts at anthems.   13.) Van Halen-Van Halen III Remember when Gary Cherone from Extreme was the frontman for Van Halen? If you do, then I'm sorry that I had to bring that up. Everything from the generic 90's album cover, poor attempts at political commentary (Yeah Eddie, you stick it to the man!), songs that sound too much like redo's of past Van Halen songs, a bland rhythm section, and worst of all, generic guitar riffs from Eddie-yes, you read that right-is horrible. This was also the last studio album from Van Halen, and not the best way to go.   12.) Depeche Mode-Songs of Faith and Devotion Live In spite what some will tell you, Songs of Faith and Devotion is a pretty good album. It's not their best one, and there are a few clunkers ("Get Right With Me" and "One Caress"), but it's still good. The follow up release six months later, is basically a live version of that album. It's a pretty bad album, with Dave Gahan sounding ragged and uninterested, to the failed attempts at giving the songs some extra muscle, to the bland live instrumentation, the whole album is a clunker. At least they followed it up with Ultra, which is their most underrated album. This is still pretty bad, and the worst album they rever recorded.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

17-15

17.) DJ Shadow-The Outsider I love DJ Shadow. The albums Endtroducing and The Private Press pretty much define instrumentqal Hip-Hop. When I heard he was going to experiment with Hyphy and other styles, I was willing to give him the shadow (no pun intended) of a doubt. The end result is an absolute disaster, and the worst album that was released last year. Complete with bad U2 and Coldplay immitations, now played out attempts at sample-ridden instrumentals, and well, even fucking Q-Tip can't save it.   16.) Black Sabbath-Never Say Die! The last Sabbath studio album with Ozzy, Never Say Die! should have been called Pull The Plug. Full of bloated attempts at Prog-Rock , a generally disjointed feeling, a song ("Breakout") with saxaphone that goes nowhere, and Ozzy and the band sound unentusiastic. In other words, you can tell they don't want to be around one another.   15.) Black Sabbath-Forbidden The last Black Sabbath studio album, this is their worst. It features Ernie C (of Body Count fame), it features a duet with Ice-T (I'm not making this up), bad attempts at Power Metal, one of the worst Metal Ballads ever recorded ("Can't Get Close Enough"), and even sees Tony Iommi recycling a riff from one of his own songs. The album itself should be "Forbidden." LOL GET IT!?!? Ok, i'll shut up now.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

20-18

20.) Tin Machine-Tin Machine It may predate 90's guitar fueled grunge, but still...David Bowie, what were you thinking? Even if it predates it, Tin Machine, Bowies more Hard rock side project, is still half baked, uninspired grunge. The album even has the gall to cover Lennon's "Working Class Hero", and well...damnit Bowie. The project was pretty much hated by everyone, and is best left as a bad memory, though there were two more Tin Machine albums.   19.)The Heads-No Talking, Just Head The Talking Heads without David Byrne=no. Really, just no. Featuring a variety of leads singers (including Debbie Harry, Richard Hell, and others), it doesn't sound like the Talking Heads as much as it does a really bad dream. Featuring an embarrising stab at pseudo NIN Industrial rock ("Damage I've Done"), shitty stabs at punk/new wave ("Punk Lolita") and other sad moments. At least it was the only Heads album.   18.) Slayer-Diabolus in Musica What does Slayer sound like when they experiment with Hardcore? Not very good. To be fair, their experiments in Hardcore had their moments in the past (Divine Intervention isn't as bad as some say it is), but it still sounds bad, as the whole Hardcore thing had lost its usefulness, and it sounds like a band doing a parody of a Slayer album. The album itself is low on new ideas (They are still talking about Religion, Serial Killers, and War), and musically, lets just say songs like "Overt Enemy", "In The Name of God", and "Perversions of Pain" aren't their best moments.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

23-21

23.) Kevin Federline-Playing With Fire I will admit, I've never listened to this album. I'm only including it because no list of worst albums would be complete without this guy.   22.) Vanilla Ice-Hard to Swallow Contrary to popular belief, Limp Bizkit and their peers didn't record the worst Nu-Metal album. No, Vanilla Ice did, in what basically sounds like a parody of an already shitty subgenre. Also contrary to popular belief, his worst song isn't "Hot Sex", "Having a Ronnie", or "I Love You" (though it can be agreed that "Ninja Rap" is the best thing he did). No, it's "The Horny Song", which also actually counts as the worst Nu-Metal song ever recorded-and that's saying something.   21.) Eminem-Encore Ok, so "Mosh" and "Toy Soldiers" are cool songs, but those can't save an album with songs like "Big Weenie", "My First Single", "Just Lose It", "Evil Deeds", "Puke", or worst of all, "Ass Like That", in which Eminem rips on Triumph the Insult Comic Dog. (I know that Triumph appears in the video, but still, the song is a diss on a fucking hand puppet.) Oh, and it features Eminem taking a shit, which is something nobody wanted to hear.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

26-24

26.) Foetus Symphony Orchestra-York I love Jim Thirlwell. My blog is named after one of his songs fer Christsakes! That out of the way, this is the worst album he recorded. Done after he was dumped by Sony, the album is a collaboration with Lydia Lunch that details a tour through the seedier, more unpleasent parts of New York. Sounds good, right? Well it would be if it didn't sound exactly like that, only less exciting and with pretentious, monotonous jazz noodling as music. Fortunately, he's made up for this, but it's still a bad album.   25.) Michael Jackson-HIStory Some will tell you that Invincible is the worst Michael Jackson recorded, but they are mistaken. HIStory is a monumental achievement in ego, from the huge statue he constructed to celebrate the album, to shitty stabs at angry pop music with "They Don't Care About US" ("Scream" is a pretty fucking awesome song though) to the absolutely creepy (This came after the first trial) "Childhood", HIStory is his worse album. Though it should be mentioned again that "Scream" is a pretty badass song.   24.) Madonna-American Life Question: What's the worst album Madonna ever recorded? Answer: American Life. If you want to hear an American billionaire with a fake British accent complain about what she thinks is wrong with America, this is the album for you. Otherwise, you should avoid. Oh, and don't forget the title track, which has Madonna rapping, and nearly destroying Hip Hop.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Slightly Eventful Sunday,29-27

-Well, I went to Big Boy's for Breakfast yesterday (what can I say, their breakfast bar rules, and Bob Evans was crowded) and saw something that I've never seen before, or at least in person: a female Insane Clown Posse fan who wasn't ugly or fat. Well, her face was so-so, but she had a pretty good body, and a nice ass. Who knew such a thing existed.   Afterwards, I stopped at Best Buy to get Venture Bros. Season 2 on DVD (it's great, though the commentary tracks are so-so), then went to Meijer to get some food. I also started reading Jack Ketchum's "The Lost", and it's been great so far. The guy's one of my favorite horror authors, and everyone should read him.   Now, back to the countdown.   29.) Death in June-All Pigs Must Die Hey, it's Death in June, doing the whole neo-folk with fascist overtones thing-again. Only this time it's uninteresting, and shows the eventual musical mediocrity that's unfortunately plagued them since. It also drags on too long, and while he at least tried something a bit different, it's attempts at dirge-like atmosphere and eeriness falls right on it's face.   28.) Prince-The Rainbow Children I love Prinve. Who doesn't love Prince. That out of the way, there's no denying that he's cut some bad albums, and while there has been debate over what his worst album is, I'd say it's this one. Here, Prince lets the world know he's a Jehovas Witness (at least he did go door to door over it), and records an album made up of really bad attempts at sounding like James Brown, Sly Stone, and other such greats. It also has some of the worst lyrics he's ever written.   27.) Kiss-Music for the Elder One of the worst (and most puzzling) concept albums ever recorded (ELP's Tarkus, while a shitty album, gets a pass for having such an odd but awesome concept), Music for the Elder pissed off whatever remaining Kiss fans existed at the time, with it's shitty attempts at Prog Rock, and was the final straw for Ace Frehley, who left the band after the albums release. Who could really blame him?
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

I'm back, 32-30

-Well, kkktookmybabyaway told me to update my blog, so I am. He also says that C-Bacon is somehow responsible for helping me get it back online. For that I say: I know I rip on you alot, but thanks. I won't apolagize to you, but thanks a lot. For that, I'll leave you alone and put you off ignore...for a while.   Also, I turned 24 last week, I've got a lot of homework, and that's about it. Anyways, back to the countdown to the worst albums of all time.   32.) Burzum-Daudi Baldrs I always hated this band. I got in an arguement with Tack over them. I downloaded this once, and it sucked (as expected). The story behind this album: Varg Vikernes, apart from having a one man metal project named Burzum, was also a (brief) member of legendary Black Metal band Mayhem. At some point, he killed one of the band members, and was arrested by the police. When they searched his house, they found several explosives, as well as the fact that he's a Neo-Nazi and a church burner. While in jail, he couldn't afford guitars, bass, or drums anymore, and also decided to give up the instruments because they are "Black." He changed his style of music to make music that is more in tune with being Aryan-making shitty music on a casio keyboard (again all he could afford) made in Japan that sounds like a teenager trying to make symphonic music on a casio keyboard. Oh, and he didn't record this as a joke. That's right, he was seriously trying to make an artistic statement by recording with a cheap casio keyboard. That's all you need to know.   31.) Ministry-Filth Pig After Psalm 69, you'd think that the follow up would be incredible. Think again. This sounds like a Al Jourgenson and co. decided to record a Black Sabbath tribute with samples and drum machines. It's a lazy affair, devoid of any memorable moments (save for "Reload" and "The Fall"), and a horrible cover of Bob Dylan's "Lay Lady, Lay." This album was also recorded while Al was deep into heroin addiction, so if any album should be proof enough that heroin is bad, this is one of them.   30.) The Happy Mondays-Yes, Please Another band that I never liked, the Happy Mondays were a dance-rock band from the 80's-90's who were fueled on E and just dull. Their last album though, is just shitty. There's no interesting moments (unlike on say, Thrills, Pills, and Bellyaches, which at least had it's moments in songs like "Kinky Afro" and "Step On"), the lyrics are incredibly cringe inducing, and sounds too much like it's trying to keep up with then current trends (again with trying to stay with the times). The band got back together recently, and has a new album on the way, but I doubt it will be as bad as this one.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

3
How To Vibrate
 

35-33

35.) Emerson, Lake, and Palmer-Love Beach Ok, so I never liked ELP, but that doesn't save this album. Granted, it was only recorded it because they owed it to their label, but that's no excuse. One of the worst Prog-Rock albums ever recorded, this is a lazy affair, without a single memorable moment. Even their most hardcore fans will tell you it sucks. Also has what may be one of the worst album covers ever.   34.) Cabaret Voltaire-Groovy, Laid Back, and Nasty Cabaret Voltaire are one of my favorite groups of all time. A band who's influence on electronic music is nearly unequaled, and can still be heard today. When they decided to do a house album back in 1988, it was a musical disaster. It's another album that tries to keep up with the times, which sucks considering that this is a group known for setting standards instead of following them. Also, Stephen Mallinder's voice is more pop oriented, and lacks any of the conviction of their previous work, which hurts not only their credibility, but also their creativity, thus making a flat out bad album. Cool album title though.   33.) Can-Saw Delight First bad sign: the album title itself is a bad pun. Another bad sign: This is a flat out dull album, without a single interesting moment, and sounds too much like a collaberation between Santana and a bloated Prog-Rock band instead of the freeform ethno-fusion jams that Can are known for, as well as some uninspired drumming from Jaki Liebezeit (who may be my favorite drummer of all time) and weak electronic wankery that sounds more like ELP than Can.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

38-36

38.) Frank Sinatra-Trilogy It sucks to have to put old Blue eyes here, but this album is worth mentioning on this list. This is an album that sees Frank delving into levels of bad usually reserved for Shatner. The covers (again with the covers) are pretty bad, but part three of this album is the stuff of bad music legend. Here, Blue Eyes tells us about peace and outer space, singing about time on Mars to saying, and I am not making this up, "Uranus is Heaven." Let's pretend the man never recorded this one   37.) Public Enemy-Muse Sick-N-Hour-Mess Age Sorry Chuck, but not even an awesome album cover can justify this one. Really, after Apocalypse 91, it's all dowhill from there for Public Enemy (actually that's not true-He Got Game is underrated). Here, they tell you the same thing you've heard before, and do it all in a way that's boring instead of though provoking, while the production-always a plus in PE albums-is definately lacking. If anything, they sound more like a parody instead of the real thing. That out of the way, I will give them props for not trying to change with the times.   36.) Stone Roses-Second Coming The Stone Rose's debut album is a classic example of many of the good things about Brit-Pop, and is one of the best albums of the genre. The follow up-not so much. Here, Ian Brown tries growling a bit, which is a real head scratcher. The biggest crime though, is the guitar work by John Squire, which sounds too much like a bad attempt at trying to be Led Zeppelin. After this, the band broke up, and Brown went on to a forgettable solo career.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

41-39

41.) Current 93-Aryan Aquarians Some artists release albums so bad even they don't want anybody to hear it. David Tibet, who I think is awesome, has every right to be embarresed by this album. A dreadful attempt at synth-pop, the album is bad in every way imaginable. It's almost as if he and hid friends recorded this as a joke. If that's the case, then it's not a funny one.   40.) Rage Against The Machine-Renegades Yet another shitty covers album. Hearing Devo's Beautiful World and Bob Dylan's Maggie Farm get butchered is one thing. The real crime though, is hearing such Hip-Hop classics such as Afrika Bambaata's Renegades of Funk, Erik B. and Rakim's Microphone Fiend, Cypress Hill's How I Could Just Kill A Man, and Volume Ten's Pistol Grip Pump get ruined. These travesty's thus make it slightly worse tham A Perfect Circles also shitty eMotive.   39.) Yes-Big Generator There is nothing worse than a good band with a hit doing a failed attempt to capitalize on that hit. That's all Big Generator is. he band does see them try to go back to their old style, and it was a big hit, ot also sounds too much like they are conflicted with making another hit and returning back to their roots. The result is this album, which never finds it's voice, and ends up sounding like a lost cause. Cool album cover though...
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

44-42

44.) Pink Floyd-The Final Cut Technically, it's not really a Pink Floyd album when you think about it. It's really more of a Roger Waters solo album. It still sucks though. I can understand Water's anger and sadness in the album (He did lose his father to WW II) but politically, it's incredibly preachy. Musically, it's adventerous, but doesn't work out in the end, and it covers material he covered in th past-and did a better job of covering.   43.) A Perfect Circle-eMotive How do you fail to make a political message? Do what APC did, and do a series of dreadful cover songs. Turning What's Goin' On? into a shitty industrial rock song, ruining Black Flag's Gimme Gimmie Gimmie, turning Lennon's Imagine into a dreadful Goth Rock cover that would embaress even Marylin Manson (who's done his share of shitty covers)-the list just goes on. Look, I hate Bush too, but this may be the worst anti-Bush album ever recorded, and that says something. Especially when that album ends up being worse than Limp Bizkit's attempt at Bush bashing. Seriously, fuck you Maynard.   42.) Roger Waters-Radio K.A.O.S. I don't know what's sadder-that Roger Waters left Pink Floyd, or that David Gilmour has done better solo albums than Waters. This 1987 shitastrophe is a concept album about a wheelchair-bound boy who tries to stop Nuclear War through his handy-dandy HAM radio. At this point, Waters hatred of war has reached levels of self-parody, and the whole album itself is so bad its hilarious-thanks especially in part to the involvement of the Radio DJ. A better title could have been "Hey, Roger Waters is trying to make a statement-again. What else could I listen to..."
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

47-45, Karl Rove get's Ill

-Before we get back to the countdown, Here's Karl Rove setting white people back. Word. I never thought I'd say it, but poor Karl Rove...   Now, thw countdown countinues   47.) Neil Young-Landing on Water I love Neil Young. Hell, who doesn't? That out of the way, nobody loves this album. Here, Neil tries to mix the style of his band Crazy Horse with modern music styles-and it all falls apart. The album is incredibly dated, and I'm sorry Neil, but loud 80's Drums don't fit you. The whole album is hard to listen to (yes, even harder than Eveybody's Rockin', though that ones forgivable for the fact that Young was intentionally trying to piss off Geffen.)   46.) Hammer-The Funky Headhunter Let's face it, while it's hard to take him seriously, you can't deny that guys like MC Hammer helped Hip-Hop crossover to the pop mainstream. When he tried to reinvent himself as a Gangsta rapper, you can guess how well that turned out. Sure, "Pumps and a Bump" may be one of the great idiotic Rap tunes, but the whole album is laughably bad because he actually tries to pull this off without a single hint of irony. Think about this: the guy who had a Saturday Morning cartoon tried to come off as a hardcore rapper. Cool album title though...   45.) The Rolling Stones-Dirty Work Just like Neil Young a year earlier, The Rolling Stones try to fit in with the times-and fail. The Rolling Stones with synthesized production? No. Also, the band sounds bored, especially Jagger, who sounds like he doesn't know why he's doing this. Even Tom Waits, or as Incandenza likes to call him, God, can't save the album with his appearence. Oh, and the album cover is one of the worst album covers ever made.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
How To Vibrate
 

Start of 50 Worst Albums (50-48)

I said I was going to start a countdown of the 50 Worst Albums of all time, so well, lets start   50.) The new Insane Clown Posse Album. I never liked Insane Clown Posse. I always found them a lame gimmick, and their music never did anything for me. The reason I included this one is because of the comments from Carnival, whi is a fan of there's who I think is a pretty cool guy, and is one of my favorite posters. He says that the new album is "The worst thing he's ever heard" and that "If it was a tumor, it wouldn't grow on him." Wow. Anyways, I'd like to thank him for these comments. I'm not sure if they are the exact words (I deleted them on accident-really sorry, though it is amazingly appreciated. You don't need to send them back though, since your words are appreciated) but still...   49.) Boston-Corporate America Brad Delp commited suicide recently, and he'll definately be missed. The first Boston album is a classic, and still warrents a listen. Hell, everyone but the biggest indie-rock snob likes that album. Their last album though, is a real suckfactory. Everything in it sounds recycled, and the arena rock riffs sound tired instead of fun, and Delp sounds bored. Also, what the hell is with the song "With You", which doesn't even have Delp? Bullshit. Lamest of all, is one of the best selling arena rock gods of all time bemoaning corporate America. Yes, the same corporate America that helped them turn them into best selling sensations. Oh, and it promotes vegetarianism, rips on modern living, and attacks SUV's and DVD's. I rest my case. Cool album cover though.   48.) Coil-Constant shallowness Leads To Evil I love Coil. Love's Secret Domain, Horse Rotorvator, and the Musick to Play in the Dark albums are classics in electronic music. This 2000 album though, sees them taking on noise, While I like noise, and I like what they were aiming for here (a tribute to everything from La Monte Young to Krautrock to early Butthole Surfers), the end result falls on it's face. It all sounds dull and pretentious, and actually forgets what made the artists that influenced the album so great in the first place. Saddest of all is frontman John Balance, who's just treading the same water he has in the past. In the end, what we get is the worst album in their discography, and one of the worst electronic albums of the new millenium, or at least so far.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
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This Is How We Do It

This is How We Do It
La ra ra ra ra ra...

This is how we do it.
Its friday night, and I feel all right
The party is here on the west side
So I reach for my 40 and I turn it up
Designated driver take the keys to my truck
Hit the shore cause Im faded
Honeys in the street say, monty, yo we made it!
It feels so good in my hood tonight
The summertime skirts and the guys in kani
All the gang bangers forgot about the drive-by
You gotta get your groove on, before you go get paid
So tip up your cup and throw your hands up
And let me hear the party say

1- Im kinda buzzed and its all because
(this is how we do it)
South central does it like nobody does
(this is how we do it)
To all my neighbors you got much flavor
(this is how we do it)
Lets flip the track, bring the old school back
(this is how we do it)

This is how we do it, all hands are in the air
And wave them from here to there
If youre an o.g. mack or a wanna-be player
You see the hoods been good to me
Ever since I was a lower-case g
But now Im a big g. the girls see I got the money
A hundred-dollar bills yall

If you were from where Im from then you would know
That I gotta get mine in a big black truck
You can get yours in a 64

Whatever it is, the partys underway
So tip up your cup and throw your hands up
And let me hear the party say
(repeat 1...)

Im kinda buzzed and its all because
(this is how we do it)
South central does it like nobody does
(this is how we do it)
Ynv, scc, all my homies
(this is how we do it)
Ill never come wack on an old school track

Rap:

Check it out!
Once upon a time in 94
Montell made no money and life sure was slow
All they said was 68 he stood
And people thought the music that he made was good
There lived a d.j. and paul was his name
He came up to monty, this is what he said
You and og are gonna make some cash
Sell a million records and well make in a dash

(repeat 1, ad lib to fade...)
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

10
How To Vibrate
 

Spring Break So Far

-Well, spring break is going on right now. So far, things have been just ok, and some of it has sucked.   For one thing, my aunt Mary recently has an aneurysm. Fortunately, she's doing betther, but it still scares me. I always got along with her, and though I'm usually not one to pick favorites, shes definately up there.   Also, today was a boring day. How boring? Well, I actually started to watch The Tyra Banks show for some reason. She was talking to a lesbian couple who won't be accepted by one of the girls mother. I was actually rooting for the couple, until I realized that I was watching the fucking Tyra Banks show, and I stopped and started reading horror instead to make sure that I wan't transforming into some kind of pussy. I do hope the mom accepts her daughter though.   -I saw 300 yesterday, and loved it. Granted, it may be the most homoerotic movie of the year (even Brokeback Mountain didn't have this much gay imagery), but it's still great. The trailers were ok. The Spiderman 3 was great (Fuck yeah Venom), but The Reaping (the new Dark Castle movie starring Hillary Swank) looks like shit. That reminds me, one of the Biblical Plagues is frogs, yet how is that bad? How are frogs deadly? Ok, so some are poisonous, but still, their frogs. Maybe God was on an off day when it comes to that plague.   -Oh yeah, I went to a mall last Saturday. It sucked, because nothing was there. The only place that sold DVD's and music and books has been replaced by a Christian bookstore. I did go to Best Buy however, and got Al Green's Call Me, which is one of the best soul albums ever recorded. Seriously, if you don't already own it, buy it. You won't regret it.   -Finally, I'm going to start a list of the 50 worst albums ever recorded. I'm going to ask for help from others, so suggestions from posters would be great.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
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The Piper at the Gates of Dawn

-Well, I beat razazteca in round 1 of the TSM poster tournament. It feels good to win, though raz isn't really competition. Also, Slayer beat Matt "creepy bastard" Young, Leena (who actually voted for raz) beat snuffbox, and Lushus beat Edwin.   -C-Bacon has returned, and me, Invader3k, and Bobby Peru have ripped on him. Personally, I'm just starting to lose interest in him, as he's pretty much a one-trick pony.   -300 looks good, in spite of the drubbing some critics are giving it. I'll check it out.   -Married to the Sea is an online comic i reccomend. Funny stuff that will hopefully get a laugh out of you. It's no Perry Bible Fellowship, but it's pretty damn good.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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gary floyd vs. Anarchist Punk Cocksuckers

-Well, there were riots in Copenhagen over the past few days. Apparently, it's because a group of squatters failed to move out of the shitty place they were living in (even though they had been officialy evicted), and instead of moving to another abandoned building like they were told to (they had TWO FUCKING WEEKS to do this) they threw a temper tantrum and had a big riot, and invited all their asshole "Anarchist" friends from other parts of Europe to burn cars, destroy building, throw shit at police, and basically endanger the lives of others because they didn't get what they want.   And people wonder why I can't take certain protestors seriously.   Really, when I think about it, I hate "Anarchist Punks" more than than hippies, and that's saying something. These worthless fucks think that they don't have to work or go to college or in any way do something for society like everybody else does, and that they are entitled to act like assholes and endanger the lives of innocent civilians if they don't get what they want. Never mind that Copenhagen is a Democratically ruled society, and most of the Country looks down on these worthless shitlickers, but no, they feel the need to act like worthless jack-off's because they were evicted, and let me repeat this, had two weeks to move out.   So, instead of doing the civilised thing and actually moving out, they instead cause shit like this. Yes, because they had to move out (and didn't want to), they caused a massive riot. Do any of these people actually care about the innocent people who could be (or may have already been) killed? Of course not. Hell, most of the people involved in rioting didn't care about whatever cause, they just wanted to destroy things.   What's more disturbing (but not suprising) is the fact that some assholes will of course try to rationalize and defend this, but there's nothing to defend here. This isn't the L.A. Riots, where I don't agree with rioting, but I can understand why it happened. No, this is the WTO protests from a while back, where most of the rioters had no idea what they were protesting, they just wanted to wreck shit. This is like seeing the kid screaming in anger about world trade while wearing fucking Nike Tennis Shoes.   So how can I sum all of this up? Simple: Fuck "Anarchists", and their supporters. They are worse than hippies. As annoying as the hippy is, at least there's a 99% chance he won't set your house on fire for petty reasons.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

2
How To Vibrate
 

They asked for it...

-The Oscars were on last night. I really wish that Pan's Labyrinth (which got 6 nominations) and Children of Men (got 2) got more love last night, as they are awesome movies. That out of the way, it's great to see Scorcese finally win one, and Forest Whitaker win for best actor. Also, it's great to see Ennio Morricone get an award, but Lifetime Achivement? Come on, he deserved an award years ago...   Oh, and I think Al Gore got too much love last night. I'm no conservative, but I halfway expected someone to start blowing him on stage. "Oh Al, you made us all aware of Global Warming!" Yeah, and scientists didn't say anything before the movie came out. It's sad that it takes Al Gore of all people to make more people care about the environment.   Ellen was ok. Not as bad as some say, but not that good either.   -Well, I've been busy for the last few weeks, what with essays and finals and such. One of the essays is an psychoanalytical look at the splatterpunk and hardcore horror genres in literature.   -"The Abandoned" isa pretty damn good horror movie. It's not perfect (it sags a bit in the middle) but its still a good, atmospheric horror movie. It's refreshing to see a horror movie rely more on atmosphere than pointless torture, at least these days.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

0
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Quilombo!

-In good new, it quit snowing over here, and it's warming up some. It's supposed to be somewhere in the 50's later on this week, which puts a smile on my face.   -Ghostrider is the top movie in the box office. I remember seeing the trailer for it when I saw Borat, and for the first time in my life, I found myself hoping a Tyler Perry movie would do better.   Oh well, at least The Abandoned is in theatres Friday.   -Here's Libertarian Stan Jones being a paranoid doof. Read the Youtube comments, because they are a riot. Oh, and LOL Communism.   -It seems like Mick Romney, who's a Republican presidential candidate, is getting heckled because he's Mormon. Look folks, if you are going to heckle someone, make it be because of their Political background instead of their religious one. I'm no Bible Thumper myself, but I have no problem with someone if they have any sort of religion (except Scientology), and when you do shit like this, you just look like a jackass.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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I Hate Snowdays

-I don't have class today, because the University is closed due to the shitty weather. This actually pisses me off some. Unlike others, I want to get some homework done, and I hate being stuck in my room all day, which has been the way for about 2 days. I did help a chick get her car out of the snow, but other than that, I haven't done anything lately, and the boredom is starting to get to me.   -A thread in the Music Folder deals with the hilarious results of rapper Cam'ron making an ass of himself. Really, go there, and watch the video, it's awesome. Just watch the video though, because Carlito Brigante ruined the thread, as he's known for ruining any thread related to Hip Hop.   -In movie stuff, check out "The Abandonded" next week. It was the best recieved movie over at Horrofest last November, and has gotten some pretty damn good word of mouth.   -The guys with the snow shovel are out ther right now. That's the seventh time I've seen them in the past two days. Yes, I am really bored.   -Finally, Happy Valentines Day.
Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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