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About this blog

It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it.

Entries in this blog

 

We've got Motherfuckin' Snakes on a Plane

Well, it seems like the "Snakes on a Plane" teaser might be a fake. I hope not.   In more important thoughts, my best guess is that either Czech or Carnival will win the TSM Poster's Tournament. I'm still suprised that I made it to round two. Plus, it's kind of an honor to lose to Niskie, as he's an awesome poster.   I bought Can's Ege Bamyasi, Massive Attacks's Blue Lines, Butthole Surfers's Psychic...Powerless...Another Man's Sac, and Richie Hawtin's Decks, EFX, and 909. I'll get to listening to all of them by the end of the weekend. Also, I listened to Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By from Lovage today. My second listening, and it's alot better than I remembered it was.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Vince lives with me

-Well, in case you didn't see Raw last night (with more Regal goodnes-oh, and Santino is growing on me), Vince has been kicked out by his wife. This just gets better and better.   -This is the worst thread in a while that Vanhalen wasn't involved in. "Let's Boycott TNA!" Yeah, you and Lance "Some people actually think my opinion matters, believe it or not" Storm, and who else? Give me a fucking break.   -The Roast of Flava Flav was on last Sunday. Some thoughts:   --Bridgette Nielson should never do comedy again. --Sorry Jimmy Kimmel, not even a Chris Benoit joke makes up for your shitty performance. --Snoop Dogg and Gregg Geraldo did best. Patton Oswalt gains bonus points for referenceing "The Descent." --Chuck D looked really uncomfortable before the event. No, he didn't attend. --Carrot Top scares me.   It amuses me to see some guys over at the Wrestlecrap forums getting all bent out of shape over Kimmel's Benoit joke, which went "Even Chris Benoit is a better father than Flav." Come on, we live in times where people joke about 9/11, the Holocaust, and Slavery, yet Chris Benoit jokes offend them. Puh-leeze. If we can't joke about Benoit, then the terrorists have won.   -There's new chapters to "Trapped in the Closet" coming soon. Eh, it got boring after he left the girls house.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Vince is my father

I know, it's been a while, but I've been busy.   -Anyways, in case you didn't see Raw, Vince came back, and we have another "so bad it's awesome" storyline: This time: Vince has an illegitimate child.   Hell yeah it's dumb. But it gets your attention. Remember last week, when Kurt Angle's wife left him on TNA? Of course you don't, that was boring. Vince having an illegitimate kid though, awesome. That may be his best talent: no matter how stupid (or even how bad) it is, you pay attention.   -To Hollywood: I'm concerned about the environment too, but come on, you aren't fooling anybody. Seriously, are you fuckers actually worried, or are you just acting like it because Al Gore is worried? Me thinks it's the latter.   -So, Bob Allen says he gave a black guy a blow job because he was scared? Yeah, that big, black cock really must have "intimidated" you into sucking it...   -There's going to be a movie about the Notorious B.I. G., though it won't co-stat Butters. I'm sure it will end with a bang though.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Vengeance Of The Zombies (Day 6)

06.) Vengeance Of The Zombies (1973)

Plot: An Indian Mystic (played by Paul Naschy) uses black magic to bring hot topless chicks back from the dead to get payback on those who wronged him. Naschy also plays the mystic's brother, and Satan himself.

Review: Paul Naschy is the king of Spanish horror-not because of quality, but because he is a Lon Chaney jr./Boris Karloff like figure in how he was known for playing everything from Werewolves, Vampires, Demons-you name it.

The first of four Spanish tales of the undead to be reviewed this month, "Vengeance Of The Zombies" is a rather confusing-though quite campy affair. The movie throws in everything but the kitchen sink-the occult, Satan, topless babes, zombies, psychedelic imagery, and a wholly inappropriate Jazzy Lounge score more suited for Bachelor than a horror movie.

The movie, as you can guess, is hard to take seriously. However, as I also already mentioned, it's also rather confusing, as the kitchen sink approach ends up making you scratch your head at times, causing you to lose interest. Also, while the movie has plenty of camp appeal, it is hurt some by the occasional over reliance of exposition. A little exposition goes a long way, but too much is just annoying.

In the end, "Vengeance Of The Zombies" offers some sleazy delights, but ends up feeling like too much of a good thing, and ends up wearing out it's welcome. A better place to begin as far as Spanish Zombie movies are concerned would be Tombs Of The Blind Dead.

Rating: 5/10 I may be a big fan of exploitation and sleaze, but even though it had plenty of the right elements, "Vengeance Of The Zombies" left me feeling unfulfilled.

Next Time: The Living Dead at Manchester Morgue

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Unnatural History

-Well, I've got an exam on Wednesday in my Central Asian Arts class (we've gone over China and India already, so this one is Japan), and I've been studying since 1:00 PM today. I've got more to do tomorrow, an bit more on Wednesday, then the final. So I'm pretty much going to be busy for the next 2 days. I'd look up information about Sumo wrestling and Japanese pagodas on Wikipedia, but you really can't trust that place.   -Masters of Horror was a disappointment last Friday night. Fortunately, this Fridays episode, looks great.   -Things have been thankfuly quite down here lately, since it's finals week this week. This is great for me, as I have one more final to get ready for, and there haven't been any major distractions lately.   That's all for now. I know, it's not that much, but other than studying, nothing is really going on for me right now.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Underrated Horror Movies

There's a ton of horror movies out there, and just like albums, there are ones that don't get as much attention as they deserve. Here are some that I think deserve more attention.   Trauma-Underappreciated movie from Dario Argento. Some say this was the start of his directorial downfall, but I'd disagree (I'd say it's "Phantom of the Opera"). Here, his daughter Asia stars as a bulemic girl who is taken into custody by a concerned cop. Oh, and there's a killer who decapitates his victems with a nifty noose device. Also, cool appearences from the likes of James Russo, Brado Dorrif, and Piper Laurie.   Luther The Geek-No, not a nerd, but a circus geek. Here, a serial killer with a thing for biting necks (who also clucks like a chicken, and has a pair of cool metal dentures) is let out of jail-and terrorizes a mother, her daughter, her boyfriend, and a cop. Goofy, but oddly creepy.   Warning Sign-Before there was "28 Days Later", there was this movie about a virus that infects the workers at a secret lab, turning them into maniacs whose skin is peeling off. The movie also stars Sam ("Law and Order") Waterson and Kathleen Quinlan.   Blood Diner-Weird ass tribute to Hershell Gordon Lewis is one of the strangest horror comedies ever made. This movie deals with brothers trying to reawaken an Egyptian goddess by killing women-and that's just the start. From then on, we get zombies, cool visual gags ("battered girlfriend" is a favorite), and other things.   Street Trash-A wall to wall celebration of bad taste, this sucker has liquor that causes people to melt and explode. Oh, and winos, necrophilia, gang rape, fart jokes, and a game of hot potato with a severed penis.   Body Melt-More body exploding goodness. This time, it's a weight loss supplement. It's really confusing, but it's quit unforgettable, disgusting, and funny.   The Stendhal Syndrome-Another underappreciated Film from Dario Argento. His daughter Asia stars again, this time as a police woman/past rape victim who finds herself slowly going insane while tracking down a serial killer. Interesting fact: When Stuart Gordon saw it, he was so disturbed he had to leave the theatre.   I Drink Your Blood-Here's one kkktookmybabyaway might like: A cult of Charles Manson like hippies/devil worshippers get rabies, and cause havoc on a small town. Full of (poorly done) gore, bad acting, and other things that make 70's exploitation so awsome.   Just Before Dawn-From the director of MST3K "favorite" "Squirm" and the cult favorite "Blue Sunshie" comes this cool little slasher, which mixes "Friday the 13th","Deliverance", and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" into a fun little movie.   Junk-Japanese rip-off of Italian zombie movies is still a blast in my eyes. Plus, it's got a hot naked zombie chick, and a zombie that eats it's own flesh.   That's all for now. Next time: Whatever comes to mind.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Underrated Album(s): Alice in Chains-Sap

Usually, when it comes to Alice in Chains' best album, people are usually split between Dirt and Jar of Flies. I know Black Lushus's favorite is Dirt, while I'm more of a fan of the Hard Rock/Acoustic Folk sound of Jar of Flies. However, this isn't about their best album, this is about their most underrated. For that, I choose the EP Sap.

Done after Facelift and before Dirt, Sap is a bit of a stop gap, and a major shift in tone after the sludge of Facelift. It sees the band exploring their acoustic ballad that doesn't suck/folk side that would be improved on Jar of Flies. However, it's still a good EP, save for the last track, the out of place (and annoying) comedy song "Love Song."

Opening track "Brother" features Cantrell on Vocals, with Ann Wilson from Heart offering backing vocals. The song is appropriately melancholy, with acoustic strumming and reflective lyrics taking hold. "Got Me Wrong" was the EP's single, as a video was made, and it was included on the soundtrack to "Clerks." It's a great duet between Layne and Jerry, that sounds almost upbeat, in spite of the cryptic lyrics, though the chorus presents some hope. "Right Turn" is a collaboration between the band and members of Soundgarden and Mudhoney. It's a little more light hearted than the previous songs ("But it's so hard/To penetrate pig thick skin"), and is the shortest song here. "Am I Inside" also features Ann Wilson, and is the eeriest track on the album, with mournful piano and acoustic guitar. There's a slight upbeat tempo change in the chorus, but the tone remains throughout.

As I said before, Jar of Flies improved the folk rock sound captured here. As it stands though, Sap is an unfortunately overlooked album in the band's career, and deserves more attention.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

TV Update-(Some) of us aren't dead yet

Cancelled Do Not Disturb-Yep, looked terrible anyways. No big loss. My Own Worse Enemy-Didn't like it much, though I do feel bad for Chritian Slater. Easy Money-Never saw it. The Ex List-Actually on Hiatus, so who knows. Future looks dim. Never watched it Lipstick Jungle-Poor Brooke Shields. Never Watched tthe show, but poor her. MadTV-THANK YOU GOD!!!!! Mind of Mencia-Again, Thank you God.     Future Uncertain   Life on Mars-Damn, I was really starting to like this show. It's not on the spring schedule. Dirty Sexy Money-Eh. Pushing Daisies-Damnit America, this show is awesome. Why does this have to be tanking. It's one of the best things on TV right now. It's smart, funny, cute, and more imaginative than most of what's on TV. I'm ashamed.     Future Looking Good   Chuck-Obvious, but good to see that. Gary Unmarried-I hang my head in shame. Fringe-Doing good ratings, and not a bad show to boot. Good for them. Knight Rider-America: I love you, but you have terrible taste in TV shows. Kath and Kim-Sucks, but seeing it's on between "My Name is Earl" and "The Office", not too suprising. 90210-Haven't seen it. Life-Not bad. Not a great show, but a good one, so good for them. Terminator: TSCC-Good for them, It's a lot better than I expected it to be, so yeah. Good tos ee James ("The Venture Bros.") Urbaniak getting work. According to Jim-Why? I have yet to meet one person who likes or watches this show.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

TSM Chat, other things

-Well, the TSM chat is alright. Not many people seem to show up. I really love the fact that the Jetson's theme pops up in it. I did chat briefly with Amnesia. To anyone who wants to chat over there, I'm still giving it a shot.   -I hope you folks liked that list of hip hop songs, since it won't continue. Theres more that I do love, but it would be pointless to continue it, as I was starting to get tired of it.   -So, if he doesn't care whether or not Jimmy crack corn, why the hell is he telling us?   -"Captivity" tanked, and I'm glad. I already mentioned that I'm sick of torture flicks, and I've been waiting for more worthwhile looking horror movies. There's a new "Resident Evil" movie coming out, and after the disaster that was the second one, I'm not exactly jumping for joy. Also, I'm not excited over "I Am Legend", since it's basically one of my all time favorite stories becoming a Will Smith vehicle, written by the guy who usually writes writes Will Smith movies.   -I'm growing a goatee and moustache right now. So far, it's turning out alright, though this isn't the first time I've had one. I grew a beard last year, but ended up shaving it as it itched like a mother fucker.   -Finally, the new Interpol album, Our Love To Admire is a good album but I can't help but feel disappointed in it. It just kind of sounds like the band is treading water now.   Next time: More Metal Albums I'm enjoying

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

TSM 2007 Year in Review

Best Poster: Czech. He cracks me up, and while we may not always see eye to eye, is the best we have here. Plus he gives me albums sometimes. Honerable mention goes to Slayer, Coat is my Father, and Venkman.   Worst Poster: Douchebag aka Deon. A dumb motherfucker who is worthless in every way imaginable-and in some ways unimaginable. Honerable mention goes to Carlito Brigante, razazteca, Marvinisalunatic, VanHalen, C-Bacon, Jingus (at least in the CE folder), Matt Young, and Cheesalaisgood.   Best Thread: Carlito's gonna be a daddy. A goldmine of comedy-or at least comic potential. Honerable mention goes to Pitctures I like, best album of 2007, and Campaign 2008 begins.   Worst Thread: Deon ruins two lives, which deserves no further explaination. Honerable metion goes to the Chris Benoit Thread, any thread started by C-Bacon, Cheesalaisgood posting a conspiratorial "documentary", the "Boycott TNA" thread, Matt Young's cock (Matt can be a creepy bastard), and the thread where I acted like a bitch when Inc insulted me.   Best Bud: Lushus. You the man!   Best Sig: Czech.   Welcome back: Milky returned, giving us more um, interesting looks at his life and looks at the world.   Farewell: Kotz left, and I miss the guy. Leena left, and I don't miss her-and I still don't care about her. Masked Man of Mystery seems to be gone as well. I miss Special K.   Best New Feature: TSM chat. I enjoy chatting it up every Monday with Invader3K, Lushus, Hawk, and Downhome.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

TSM 2006 Year in Review

Title says it all   Best Poster: Kotz. He's a good poster, a YTMND fan, and an all around cool guy.   Worst Poster: wildpegasus and Cronoyasha are almost tied, but I'll give it to the now banned WP. Honerable mention goes to Oblivious Heel. I know he was a PBP, so who was he?   Best Thread: Pictures I Like. It's the only thread I'm actually worth a damn in.   Best Sig: KOAB's "We Don't Dance, We Step!"   It's not Interesting Anymore: Leena.   Best Blog: kkktookbybabyaway. We may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but damnit, his blog is entertaining.   Best Nice Guy: MaskedManOfMystery. A dork, but harmless, and never does anything to piss me off. In TSM's odd cliqueishness and sometimes too-cool-for-school attitude, his anime nerd stylings and love of wrestling and MMA is something of a breath of fresh air. CronoT, take note: This is how an anime nerd should act.   Represent: 2Gold and NoCalMike, two fellow horror fans.   Thank God They're Banned: wildpegasus, Cronoyasha, Oblvious Heel, JustPassinBy, Hotbutter Spoontoaster   Worst Revelation: Matt Young Likes 'Em Young. Possibly the creepiest thing I've ever read on TSM. Yes, creepier than the thread about wildpegasus's dad and his schlong.   Worst Attitude: JustPassinBy's attitude towards blacks and gays.   The MikeSC Award (Always Thinks He's Right): SuperJerk.   CronoT Award (Bad At Comebacks): EHME.   Underrated Posters: Special Peru, Si82, and Zorin. Zorin's a fellow fan of electronic music and post punk, Si82 keeps the "What are You Listening To" thread alive, and Peru is a fellow David Lynch fan and great poster.   Funniest Post: Czech comes up with "Steve Hitler." I don't remember if it was this year or last year, but it's still great.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Trent Lott's Prostate Exam

-How's it going folks? Not a whole lot going on around here (as usual). Last night though, I couldn't sleep, because there were these obnoxious kids outside at 2:30 in the morning playing with their super soakers and generally making such a racket, I could hear them through my ear plugs. Christ I hate College Freshmen.   -Last night's "South Park" was a major improvement over the previous two episodes. The "Altered States" reference was a great touch (to Family Guy: Quit Refrencing Lucas/Spielberg movies and 80's Pulp Culture, and start referencing obscure cult movies. Then I might watch you again) and the ending made great use of the theme from "The Omen". Also, it pretty much shows viewers once again how dispicable Cartman is.   -Watched "Wolf Creek" and "Event Horizon" last night. Both get 8/10 from me. I'm not getting any more DVD's until "Cemetary Man" hits DVD this June.   -Finally, I'm going to start a countdown to who I think are the most pretentious bands of all time, as well as the most pretentious albums. Anybody have any suggestions?   That's all. The countdown starts tomorrow.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Transformers movie, other things

-Happy 4th of...oh damnit, I'm late again. I was good though. I visited my family, saw fireworks, had ribs (wish I brought some home with me...) and that's about it.   Anyways, the "Transformers" movie was pretty good. Sure, it has it's flaws (the mom is really annoying, the use of Linkin Park music), but it's still a lot of fun. Great action, good acting, most of the jokes are hits, great special effects-it's all you want out of a blockbuster. Just turn your mind off, and don't go into it thinking "Oh, it's not the same as G1!"   -I saw a poster for the "Alvin and the Chipmunks" movie, and well, to David Cross: You are a funny man, but with this,"Scary Movie 2", and "Freakshow" (which you served as producer), I'm starting to think you need a new agent, or at least to think about the movie choices you make.   -Also, "Ratatoullie" is awesome. Next to "Grindhouse", it may be my favorite movie of the year so far.   -Borders is better than Barnes & Noble. How do I know this? Well, I go to a lot of bookstores (I read a lot) so I would know by experience.    

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Tokyo Gore Police and more

-First, Brody is now off ignore simply for this thread, which is the most incredible one in a long time. Love or hate the guy, he deserves love for this.   -Second of all, I got advanced tickets for the film version of "Watchmen." So far, it's at 69% on rotten tomatoes (I'm not happy about this) but advanced reviews from fans of the graphic novel have been mostly positive, so I'm crossing my fingers.   -Finally, I mentioned it in the Comments that don't Warrent a Thread" thread in Movie and TV, but holy shit Tokyo Gore Police is fucking insane. If you ever wanted to see:   A man with a mutant cannon cock Fake commericals for a Wii that allows family members to kill people who have harmed members of said family, and the "Wrist Cutter G" Women with stitches where their nipples should be A woman who has half her mouth transform into a gaping gator maw. More blood and gore than a night with Macy Grey Than this is the movie for you. Granted, the twist/social commentary that comes in at the 1 hour 17 minute mark bogs it down a little, but is made up for with more sheer insanity. I give it 8.5/10. Love it or hate it, it's most likely unlike anything you've seen before.   

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Tobe Hooper's Mortuary: a review.

It's hard to believe that the man who directed films such as Polergeist has had such a hit and miss career. For every Texas Chainsaw Massacre, there is a Mangler. For every Funhouse, there's a Crocodile. His latest movie, Mortuary (which just aired on Sci Fi, and hits DVD on April 18th.) isn't exactly a miss, but it's not a hit either.   The movie tells the tale of the Boyle family (which includes Denise Crosby from Pet Cemetary and Dan Byrd from the recent remake of The Hills Have Eyes), who move into an house in Arkham, Mass. Yes, this movie is heavily influenced by HP Lovecraft. That out of the way, the home is also a Mortuary, and of course, since it's a Mortuary in Arkham, only bad can come outt of it.   Anyways, the son get's a job at a diner, and makes some friends (including Alexandra Adi from Slap Her, She's French and Tequila Body Shots, and Rocky Marquette from Shallow Ground). They tell him about the legend of Bobby Fowler, a strange boy who murdered his parents at age eight and is rumored to live in the cemetary, which conveniently, is in the back yard of our Teenage hero's house.   Needless to say, it turns out that Bobby Fowler is real (and a bizzare, uneven mix of HP Lovecraft, the monster from Stuart Gordon's Castle Freak (which was inspired by a Lovecraft story) and Lucio Fulci's House By The Cemetary). Oh, and there's a strange fungus that possesses people, and brings the dead back to life. As well as a Lovecraftian creature who controls the fungus/slime. Oh, and the zombies can only be killed by salt. So, does it work?   Well, yes and no. On the plus side, Crosby, Byrd, and Marquette do good jobs at their roles. The make up effects are well done, and the Lovecraftian overtones and references don't hurt a bit at all. However, there are problems. The first being the rather lame CGI effects. Another problem is that the other performances are uneven. The biggest problem however, is the general tone. At one minute, it seems like the movie wants to be a creepy gothic horror story and tribute to Lovecraft, then in the next minute, it wants to be a tongue in cheek romp. The two style generally don't work, and the attempts at humor are pretty lousy. Plus, don't expect a gorefest, Sure, there's a torn out heat, black fungus vomit, and some blood, but no major gore. Then again, several of Hooper's films aren't that gory (or even gory at all) to begin with.   All in all, the best way to describe Mortuary would have to be uneven. I'll give it 5/10, since it's definately different, and it's never boring. However, it's not really good either, though it's not Hooper's worst movie.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

To The WWE Folder

CM Punk jobbing to Jericho and not being in the Main Event on PPV is nothing to complain about. Face it, Punk's not ready for that kind of push yet. Please get that sand out of your vaginas and stop whining.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Thoughts on the "Watchmen" movie

Read my review.   So yeah, it's not perfect, but it's the most faithful adaptation we could have gotten (it's one of the more faithful adaptations in recent memory, I must say) and is a pretty good time all around. Now, some added thoughts (Warning: Spoilers ahead)   -On the lack of Squid in the finale: On one hand, it is a bit annoying that we don't get a Squid, and instead end up with Dr. Manhatten being framed. That out of the way, let's face the facts: the Squid most likely wouldn't have worked in the movie. What worked in the graphic novel would have failed here. I know, I know, "then why did they make a movie?" Well,   -It was going to be made anyway-Love it or hate it, somebody was going to do it. It took at least 20 something years, three different directors (Terry Gillia,, Darren Arronofsky, and Paul Greengrass) different screenplays for this to happen.   -There's no way it was going to be as good as the graphic novel-If you thought so, then congratulations: you are an idiot. Few adaptations are as good as the original. Even if you didn't like it, you still have the source material. Nobody's taking that away.   -There's no way it was going to be 100% faithful-Few adaptations are also 100% faithful. I love "Moby Dick", but I don't want a 100% faithful adaptation of it. Why? Because 50-60 something percent of it would be about marine biology and the biology of whales. Unless I want to watch the National Geographic Channel, The Discovery Channel, or PBS I don't want to listen to that. Want something that's more successful and better? read the graphic novel.   -SuperJerk and cabbageboy are the worst posters in the "Watchmen" movie thread-cabbageboy is being...well, he's being cabbageboy, while Jerk is showing 1.) A failure to understand how irony works that borders on CronoT levels of stupidity, and 2.) A stubborn, argumentative attitude (nothing new for him really.) Look Jerk: I liked it too. That out of the way, I'm not going to argue with those who didn't. It's a divisive movie, and guess what? People are allowed to have opinions that don't agree with your own.   -Love it or hate it, you gotta give the director credit for one thing-No, not for faithfulness or "getting it" or whatnot, I'm saying Zack Snyder deserves respect for one thing: he did what many said was impossible. He brought the unfilmable graphic novel to the big screen. Whether or not it was a success is totally up to you. He tried to be as faithful as he could. He bit the bullet. Hell, he filmed 40-50 minutes of footage that didn't make it into the theatrical cut, and will be featured in a (hopefully awesome) director's cut. Love it or hate it, you gotta admit that it takes guts to try to bring this to the screen without losing much of it's meaning, and in my opinion, he did it. And if you don't think he did, then at least admit it took guts to turn "Watchmen" into a movie, bad idea or not.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Thoughts on "Mirrors" and "Clone Wars"

Clone Wars is bad, but not "I wanna kill myself bad" that some are making it out to be, though I didn't go in with high expectations-it's at least better than Phantom Menace. I actually wasn't annoyed by Ahoska, though The baby Hutt and the gay Hutt I call "Capote the Hutt" are a different story all together. Just remember that this is a minor movie made for kids-nothing more nothing less-and if you don't go into it with high expectations, then you'll be alright.   Mirrors is a wasted movie. There's 3 kills total (not bad ones either-the "jaw ripping" scene is worthy of Fulci), and it all feels like a Fulci movie-that is, one he did in his decline. It's also too long (nearly 2 hours) and poorly acted (especially Kiefer Sutherland). That out of the way, it's a rare example if a remake that's better than the original (the original is really boring), and isn't too bad-just boring.   Both get 4/10.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

Thought's on Cryptopsy's new album "The King Beneath"

What? Seriously, what the fuck? To say this sucks is an understatement. This is an abortion. In the pantheon of bad Metal albums, it's up there with Metallica's St. Anger, Slayer's Diablos in Musica, Pantera's pre Cowboys From Hell material, and Celtic Frosts Cold Lake. Seriously, fuck this shit. Worst album of the year.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

This Post Brought to you by The Oozinator

-Well, I'm pretty busy as of late, which isn't the best way to start out the first entry of May '06. Oh well.   -Has anybody seen the new commercial for the new Super Soaker called "The Oozinator"? If so, I just have to tell you: It scares the shit out of me. The commercial looks like it was made by pedophiles.   -I saw Steve Colbert's ripping on the president on the net last night, and I liked what I saw. The silence in the room (filled with other Republicans) makes it a bit uncomfortable though.   -Last Saturday's "Best Of" SNL episode (Best of TV Funhouse) was awesome. I always loved the TV Funhouse skits, and they had some of my favorites, including the X-Presidents, Fun With Real Audio (The Newscaster one and the MCain one were awesome, as was the Clinton Testimony one), Shazaang!, Cartoons in Black History (My favorite being the all African singing one), "Trapped In The Disney Vault", "Christmas Time For the Jews" The tribute to Charles Schultz...they had almost everything. The only problems were the cutting some of them got, and the Ace and Gary bits were annoying. Oh, and for thouse of you who wish they had the Ray Lewis one, Here's "Ray of Light".   -Now, here's a website for ya: http://www.bangme.net/ . There's some real "winners" here, just to let you know.  

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

This is why we can't have nice things II

Here at TSM, we don't always get always get along-actually, we usually don't. So here's to my annual "posters who suck" list.

-Deon-He was finally banned, and for good reason. One of the worst posters of all time, he sucks in every way imaginable. His banning was a long time coming, and is something of a blessing really.

-Marvinisalunatic-GLENN BECK! SARAH PALIN! HD TV! 3 DOORS DOWN! He's hated by virtually everyone, yet will never be banned.

-Leena-Was banned (asked to be), and can't quit bitching. Bitch please, you must have a mental disease, assume the position and get back down on your knees.

-SuperJerk-An argumentative, self loathing, unfunny, misogynistic shell of a man who made me embarressed to like Obama. There's being a supporter, and personally going out to consume shit, and Jerk crossed that line many a time. What's there to love? Oh yeah, that's right-nothing.

-Marney-A racist, insane, xenophobic, ultra conservative lesbian with a penchant for making up stories.

-cabbageboy and DarKnight-Mouthbreathing cousins who are terrible in so many ways, and just more proof of how much the WWE folder sucks usually. See also: Enigma, Canadian Dragon, Marvin, Chazz, J-Pop, Grungy Punk, and others.

-Grungy Punk-Speak of the devil, here's a treasure trove. Incredibly annoying and stupid, prone to making dumb comments-I could go on.

-bob barron-To be fair, bob doesn't suck really. Sure, he complains, but he's the Ombudsman, or whatever. Thing is, he's gotten even whinier and bitchier over the last few weeks, and it's getting intolerable.

-Bruiser Brody-I know, it's a PBP. He's not doing anything he hasn't done already. He's gone from amusing to really annoying and contrived though. And shut the fuck up about your Uncle. Oh, and he really, really isn't funny. He's terrible. Should he be banned? No, but he still sucks. Look at Milky: He's a deviant, but you can actually have a regular conversation with him. Brody can't even do that, he just drives the gimmick to the ground.

-Canadia Dragon-CM PUNK IS BEING BURIED!!! Shut the fuck up. Punk is lucky he's gotten this far. A lot of guys in the business wish they were going that far.

-Chazz-Oh, go ahead and respond Chazz. What are you going to do? Are you going to come up with terrible comebacks and insults? Call Obama "Osama" (oh, so edgy!)? Call me bitch? PM an insult to me? Bitch about the WWE?

-Jingus-From bitching about misogyny constantly (when he does this, I think of Rob Schneider as The Sensative Naked Man talking), dissing my man Dario Argento (though to be fair, "Mother of Tears was a serious letdown), calling the splatter comedy "Machine Girl" torture porn (Hint: it's a movie with a chick with a machine gun for an arm. You aren't supposed to take this seriously you know) and having something of a victim complex, I only had to save him for last. It makes sense really. He even PM'd me asking me what my problem was, but I deleted it. Here's my problem Jingus: you suck and nobody likes you. Quite being a whiney bitch and
-gary floyd-I hate that faggot.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

This is why we can't have nice things

I don't get along with everybody. Granted, not everybody here gets along. But that's how it is. Fortunately, there is always the ignore feature. Here's the list of people I don't care for.

Douchebag: Horrible in every way imaginable. An idiot who missed the point of the movie "Shoot 'Em Up" (it was supposed to be stupid, you simpleton), bragged about potentially ruining somebody's life (in what may be one of the worst moments in TSM history), makes horrible attempts at humor, and yet isn't called out for being an idiot in the WWE folder (which already has it's share of simpletons.)

Carlito Brigante: In spite of what some may say, he isn't the worst poster on TSM at the moment (Douchebag is), but he is the stupidest. He thinks I take the folder too seriously, threatened to beat people up in the MMA folder (he says it was a joke, and if it was, it was a stupid joke), once called Black Lushus an "Uncle Tom", claims I'm "all on his jock" (when you act like an idiot, you are going to be treated like one or called out), and now apparently impregnated a girl, but is too dumb to get a test to see if it really is his.

razazteca: Speaking of horrible attempts at humor, here's the king. He's made at least 30,000 posts, and hardly any of them are any good. Even some at the WWE folder don't like him.

VanHalen: He should be called VanCherone, because that was the worst part of Van Halen's career. From taking other peoples avatars, to being an annoying prick, to his pointless threads, he's a waste of space.

Marvinisalunatic: A man who orgasmically goes on about HD TV, constantly goes "Jericho looks gay in that LOL!!!", makes bad posts in the Sports folder, "WWE", and looks like a mishappen mutant from "The Hills Have Eyes"

C-Bacon: Is essentially a socialist weasel who approves Anarcho-Socialism, has no idea how kids should be taken care of, thinks everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) about America is the result of imperialism, tends to invoke fascism, sucks Chomsky's cock, thinks kids should be allowed to do whatever they want, and is generally clueless. Thank God i have him on ignore.

gary floyd: I hate that faggot.

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

 

This Is How We Do It

This is How We Do It
La ra ra ra ra ra...

This is how we do it.
Its friday night, and I feel all right
The party is here on the west side
So I reach for my 40 and I turn it up
Designated driver take the keys to my truck
Hit the shore cause Im faded
Honeys in the street say, monty, yo we made it!
It feels so good in my hood tonight
The summertime skirts and the guys in kani
All the gang bangers forgot about the drive-by
You gotta get your groove on, before you go get paid
So tip up your cup and throw your hands up
And let me hear the party say

1- Im kinda buzzed and its all because
(this is how we do it)
South central does it like nobody does
(this is how we do it)
To all my neighbors you got much flavor
(this is how we do it)
Lets flip the track, bring the old school back
(this is how we do it)

This is how we do it, all hands are in the air
And wave them from here to there
If youre an o.g. mack or a wanna-be player
You see the hoods been good to me
Ever since I was a lower-case g
But now Im a big g. the girls see I got the money
A hundred-dollar bills yall

If you were from where Im from then you would know
That I gotta get mine in a big black truck
You can get yours in a 64

Whatever it is, the partys underway
So tip up your cup and throw your hands up
And let me hear the party say
(repeat 1...)

Im kinda buzzed and its all because
(this is how we do it)
South central does it like nobody does
(this is how we do it)
Ynv, scc, all my homies
(this is how we do it)
Ill never come wack on an old school track

Rap:

Check it out!
Once upon a time in 94
Montell made no money and life sure was slow
All they said was 68 he stood
And people thought the music that he made was good
There lived a d.j. and paul was his name
He came up to monty, this is what he said
You and og are gonna make some cash
Sell a million records and well make in a dash

(repeat 1, ad lib to fade...)

Gary Floyd

Gary Floyd

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